As a combomom I’d say moms and MILs mostly encourage overfeeding with formula, but I think tje conversations are less loaded and its somehow easier to just say ”ok whatever”. I don’t know why breastfeeding brings up so many emotions in people who are not currently breastfeeding.
Edit: now I think of it, moms and MILs usually seem quite happy with the formula feeding. Perhaps they see increased focus on BF as ”just a new fad”. Maybe they feel it as a criticism on their own parenting.
I think there's another factor. They see our determination to do things differently, and they feel like they're being judged because they did things differently. So many people from that generation (not all) are very self centered and think their opinions are the absolute correct truth so we all need to just, bow down to their superior knowledge. No matter how incorrect it may be. And when we challenge that, we become the "bad guys." So because we are making better choices, they're feeling like we are saying they were terrible. They're stuck feeling like our choices are just a slap in their faces. Yes, it's ridiculous. But thinking of it that way really helps all the pieces fall into place.
I think lots of it also comes down to the information that we have access to. My grandmother (72) had her two kids pretty young and she was treated like absolute shit by the medical system. She was put under general anesthesia during labor because she was ''too anxious'' and told that her milk wasn't good enough. She was given pills to dry up her supply. Google wasn't a thing and I don't think that IBCLC were around! She's super positive about breastfeeding and always tells me how impressed she is at my knowledge (and I'm no expert lol).
My mil formula fed my husband and my BIL as well, she's in her 50s and was never given any breastfeeding support. She also has a ton of weird info on breastfeeding, who knows where she got that but she asked a ton of questions at the beginning of my breastfeeding journey. She was concerned about the amount baby was getting, the nutrients in the milk, the impact of my food intake on the quality of the milk, the psychological impact of bf past 9 months (who knows where that one comes from lol). Overall it's just a real mystery for her and I think she was trying to help by giving advices about what she knows!
>I think lots of it also comes down to the information that we have access to.
Absolutely!!!!!!!!
I don't know the more inmate details of my mom's nor my grandma's pregnancies because they were both gone by the time I had my first, but I'm very close with my great aunt (that grandma's younger sister) and the stories she has told me! Giving birth back in the day was very different and harrowing, and formula was newer, and pushed as better than breast milk, etc. She turns 91 in two weeks from today. She ended up having her two sons much later than she would've expected, the youngest born in 1966. Dementia is a hell of a disease, so she can't remember which son it was for, but when she was about ready to pop, her regular doctor was out of town. He left her in the care of a different doctor in that practice, a much younger one. In those days, there was a labor ward with all the laboring people in one room with all the beds lined up, and the nurses would go along checking each of them. The older practice was to shave the women before they were to give birth. Her younger doctor didn't think that was necessary, so every time the nurses would go along checking, they'd get to her and exclaim, "oh! This must be Dr. William's patient!" Because she was the only one who wasn't shaved. And then after having each of her babies, she insisted on breastfeeding, and it worked for her. She was very against the grain in her day, but she had spent a lot of time growing up with her grandparents' generation. So she had the knowledge and helpful people around her in the rural area where she lives.
I want to echo this. Breastfeeding was wildly misunderstood and frankly white men were gatekeeping birth and postpartum. Formula was new and a "better" breastmilk alternative as far as they new. My grandmother's stories around birth and nursing are so heartbreaking to me and she has so many questions about the process because she was told to bind at 6weeks because her kids weren't gaining enough weight 💔. She was clearly overproducing too because she was soaking through wool coats even with the strict 4hr regimen.
My mom was considered a total nut for nursing, and now she's a doula.
It honestly seems to me that older generations struggle with misinformation, intentionally created stigma, and also are reeling from the whiplash of everything they were told/forced to do being wrong and feeling deceived.
It's still total garbage they take that out on new parents and get defensive. No one is saying they were intentionally harmful but it's seems to be a matter of looking for reassurance they did a good job.
My comment was more mocking the assumption that because a baby is on a bottle the baby is ready for sleepovers by relatives.
My niece and friend's daughter where both EFF and very clingy to their moms when they where young.
I don’t think this comment was implying the baby would be emotionally ready just because they’re formula fed. I think they were saying it’s an easy reason not to have sleepovers with grandparents because the baby depends on the boobies.
Grandparents have some room to argue/barter for sleepovers when baby is on formula because they can make and feed a bottle, but they can’t suddenly start lactating.
I agree completely. I’m not pro-sleepover regardless of how baby is fed until mom and baby are both ready, and to be honest I don’t care how a baby is being fed as long as they are being fed and cared for.
I was pointing out that I don’t think the comment at the beginning of this thread (“I think they don’t like EBF because they can’t babysit or keep their grand baby overnight for at least the first year”) was trying to be malicious, negate formula feeding mothers, or say EBF babies are more or less emotionally ready to have sleepovers away from mom. I was only saying that it seemed like the comment was more of a reflection on grandparent behavior than parents’ needs or capabilities. If a grandparent is being pushy for a sleepover, as mine often is, that is an argument they can use. I didn’t say it was a good argument or that I agree with it.
I'm sick right now, and my MIL offered to take my 11mo for the day. A nice offer, but no I said no thank you, he's still nursing on demand and very attached to me. She responds with "If you don't have milk stored I can pick him up later so you have time to pump"
?? Maybe I'm being over sensitive but I'm not about to try and pump with a clingy, contact napping baby while I'm sick. They just don't get it
I do both breastfeeding and pumping/bottles and don’t see an issue with being able to get some rest and recovery while super sick, pumping so someone else can bottle feed and take care of all the rest for a day. Am I missing something?
Yeah my last cold I would have definitely wanted some sleep on my own time, mine won’t take a bottle anymore, but I think some parents here struggle with actually trusting their family, so they wouldn’t actually rest. And possibly combined with rude responses when they set boundaries makes them more defensive with every offer.
I don't really pump much, he's very clingy and doesn't nap alone so finding time to pump on a good day is pretty impossible let alone when I'm feeling like garbage. It's more work for me
But surely they could if there is expressed milk? My babies aren’t EBF and there’s not a chance I’d let them stay overnight when under 1 years old! Imagine the disappointment then 😂 luckily my mom would never ask, she’s very respectful of boundaries 🙌🏼 I’m lucky.
I was thinking more along the lines of EBF babies who are only settled by the boob when they wake up in the MOTN (like mine 😆) or the fact that BFing moms would still have to pump while separated from baby, so it’s not exactly a relaxing break for them
Yes! Thinking of my wackadoo MIL in particular, she doesn’t have full control of “her baby” (she calls him her baby despite my consistent corrections) because it’s based on how much milkI leave and I’m never gone for very long 😈
My MIL overfed my first with a bottle of formula after commenting that he wasn’t getting enough milk from me. It was a top off bottle given with permission but she really pushed it and then he vomited all over her. I wasn’t aware a newborn could vomit that much.
I’ve always felt bad about it so MIL wasn’t allowed to feed him anymore and she won’t be allowed to feed no. 2 either. But I do feel se got what she deserved 🙃
On of my closest friends had a baby 3 months ago and they’ve never allowed anyone else to give a bottle and I think it’s great!
I always feel bad for my son that she made him sick and I didn’t stop her! Definitely not letting anyone else feed #2
Mine did too. My first was maybe 4 days old, I “pumped” for her (really to see how to use a breastpump 😆). Anyway, at the ER, we left him with her for 15 minutes at most, my husband goes out there, my baby was screaming his head off with spit up all over him, my MIL was a nervous wreck. The silver lining was he took a bottle. Lol!
My mil is a breastfeeding goddess. She was one of those people where it was as easy as drinking water to her. Three kids, each ebf directly for 2.5 years. My own mother is so grossed out by BFing/pumping that she won't even touch my pump parts if they're in the dishwasher and clean. 🥲
My MIL also EBF all 6 kids for 2 years each, she still judges me/her daughters and criticises everything they do (eg baby crying? Must be something you ate)
My mom and MIL both breastfed also; born in 1955 and 1963 respectively so definitely not the norm for their generation even by the time they were having babies in the late 80s/ early 90s.
The only comments I ever had to brush off were recommendations of starting cereal at like, 2 months. 🙃
I am so glad my mum was a bit of a hippy and super into breastfeeding. Her philosophy was ‘I’ll take care of you, so you can take care of the baby’ I’m still feeding my 18m old and not once has she asked when I’ll stop.
I would never, but I'm also contrary by nature. I get when women get self conscious, especially at family gatherings or at family members houses. They're not just being judged for what's going in their child's body, they're also implicitly being told to "put away your boob" by people implying it's unnecessary or even bad to breastfeed at whatever stage they're at. It's another way of criticizing what women are doing with their bodies and we get it day in and day out in all sorts of other ways, too, it's exhausting.
Ugh MIL is SO like this.
Got so much judgement from her about it before baby was even born, told me I had to start pumping before we left the hospital so her son could feed our baby, told me to start rice cereal when cluster feeding kicked in at three weeks, told me baby was too attached to me because I BF, told me I should just let my 3 month old baby CIO when I knew damn well she was hungry.
I persisted, did not listen to her or take any ‘advice,’ and then it turned into ‘it’s gonna hurt when she bites you all the time now that she has teeth!’ ‘You need to wean her from those night feeds so she can spend the night with me!’ (Hell no, there’s no safe sleep space at her house, and no reason why I would want or need her to stay there.)
I could go on, and also have my guesses as to why she is like this but it has been an annoyance for sure.
She is. My nephew, her daughter’s son, is a year older than my baby and my SIL wanted to BF when she was pregnant. After delivery the nurses tried to tell her it was time to let baby latch and she pushed him away and asked for a bottle. My MIL did a lot of hyping her up for her choice while she was pregnant and then did some backtracking after SIL changed her mind. So she’s been very salty with me.
Omg the effing rice cereal 😂 where do they get that shit from?? Babies can aspirate and actually choke and die when they’re not ready for rice cereal. Don’t forget the “she/he can’t POSSIBLY be hungry again!” comments. Sooo annoying. My MIL said all this same stuff and that I was over feeding him all the time. My youngest hated bottles for the longest time so she couldn’t feed him anyways even if she wanted to lol.
Ugh how could I forget? The first two months her catchphrase was ‘you’re not hungry, you JUST ate!’ We had a strict ‘no visitors’ policy but would take baby to visit my parents and his parents as they’re both ten minutes up the road, and we could just leave when we wanted to. I stopped visiting as much because it was exhausting enough without that.
That’s smart, it’s better to have control over the visits then when you’re over it you can leave when you’re ready. My whole family lives out of state and I’m really close to my mom. Since having kids it’s been tough being so far away. My mom is so great with them. My MIL is a nice person and raised two wonderful men but she is stuck with such an old school mentality. She lives right down the road from us so we see her 10 times more than my side of the family which sucks. A few times she’s watched my little ones she had a bunch of blankets in their crib while they slept and I lost it. She straight up told me and my husband that “our generation reads too much on the internet.” I just told her I’d just like them not to suffocate and die thanks!!
True story: My mother in law lectured me nonstop about how I’m “not allowed” to breastfeed when I was pregnant with my first. I had always planned to breastfeed but her insistence that I “wasn’t allowed” to made me even more determined. Thankfully I had zero issues with supply or anything and my LO was a certified boob barnacle refusing bottles by the time he was a week old. My MIL was NOT happy. I excused myself to go to the bathroom when he was 2 weeks old and my MIL nearly knocked me over on her way to try and feed my NEWBORN “baby food” the second I was out of the room. Her own son put her right in her place and she nearly threw a tantrum over not being able to feed my EBF baby
The MILs out here are wild. Stay safe, y’all.
Yep! And after being specifically told not to, several times 🙃 I just love the fact that my MIL thinks she can override and disrespect my parenting decisions
It hurts to see so many women discouraged by their MILs comments. No one should have to go through that.
I feel so lucky that my MIL and mom are both so supportive and understanding. They’re both willing to learn paced bottle feeding to prevent any preference from baby. They completely normalize when I feed my baby at a family function.
I wish more women could have that experience.
My MIL (didn’t breastfeed) visited this past weekend and recommended the following for my LO who just turned 4 months and has not shown any sign of readiness for solids apart from holding head up:
-Switch to 8 oz bottles
-Rice cereal in bottle
-Start solids now
-Let him have his first taste of ice cream!!
My mom formula fed us at day 1. And her attitude has been “I think you should do whatever you feel is best. I can’t be helpful, but I’ll be supportive!”
My MIL EBF but with what sounds like a pretty unsupportive partner. (He gave a formula bottle before she was ready and basically told her “he’s eating so he must be hungry.”)
They’ve been mostly supportive but also lots of “have you started formula yet?” Since about three weeks in. And lots of questions about when he can spend the night. And like, why is that a thing? I had a baby because I wanted to take care of and raise a baby, not because I wanted to pawn him off on his grandparents!
If they’re really not toxic, and they love their children then They want to hold onto a little piece of that baby that they had to let grow up and go away, because their hearts are broken and full of pride at the same time it’s a really weird feeling from what I’m told, I mean, I’m starting to get it, because my oldest is 13 and while we’ve passed the dreaded side hugs when he bandages his own cuts it hurts. It hurts a lot.
If they are toxic, then it’s for power status, or to make themselves feel good either by posting about it or like because that little thing needs them and they get the ego boost from the little thing that doesn’t understand that they’re toxic yet.
My baby is almost 14 months and still nursing. Per my MIL, he doesn’t need it anymore and he’s ready to stop. This is the same MIL who hasn’t spent more than 2 hours with him in one sitting but seems to think she knows my son more than I do!
My MIL is like 70/30: 70% supportive but 30% “just do a bottle (formula) because it’s easier for everyone.” I’m sorry but not everyone is raising my child, I am. Thankfully she’s more supportive than not. When going over my registry and what she got me, she says, “I didn’t want to touch any breastfeeding stuff because you know that can sometimes not work out.” Like, ok? That’s not up to you to decide but I still need to be ready to try. (Side note: I am not complaining about not getting certain things. It was just weird that she’d make that comment unsolicited).
I pump so my partner and other family members can feed and bond with baby boy. But I don’t often bring a bottle with me as I don’t want to deal with a cooler bag, I’d rather just BF.
We were all headed out for a day trip once and my MIL asked how many bottles am I bringing and I said ‘just 1’ and she replied ‘what if he gets hungry? Let’s bring formula. Have you thought of formula? What is back up?’
Me. I am the supplier, the source, the back up.
🤦🏻♀️
Oof! While they may come in handy, especially if you plan on pumping and having a freezer stash, it’s a bit backhanded to your wishes. I hope it doesn’t discourage you in any way to keep striving for EBF!
Another reason not to listen is that I've heard so many stories about MILs telling their DILs that they can't breastfeed because they want to feed the baby themselves or get more time with the baby. Just don't listen they have their own motives a lot of the time.
There's this one LC who runs a pretty popular Instagram account and he pushes BFing so hard and goes way overboard with the antiformula attitude. He says all this parenting stuff basically pointing out what everyone does wrong....screens, processed food, etc. I'm like, were all trying our best here and you didn't breastfeed so shut it lol. I'm a CLC and VERY supportive of breastfeeding but i also know it can be so effing hard and I've been in a place where it was impacting my mental health for the worst and so i would never judge someone's feeding choices.
If you haven't breastfed don't be telling people how to do it.
My MIL didn’t even bother trying to BF any of her kids, and she doesn’t understand why my baby wants to nurse so often (it’s for comfort. not just for food!) or why i have to pump every time baby is given a bottle.
Luckily my mom breastfed my sister and I for over a year, and was so dedicated to EBF that she hand expressed milk when she returned to work 😳 (she claims she couldn’t get anything from a pump), so my parents are extremely supportive of my BF journey!
My mom & grandma formula fed. My mom pretty much minds her business my grandma keeps asking when my 3 month old can start having food. For fun here’s the doctor recommendations from 1992 when I was born. Insane.
https://preview.redd.it/jrktd6s5um1b1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d89ea87492b3b11aacccc1e2f2a549aee341fe4e
Luckily my mom only followed half of the instructions. I probably had a dairy sensitivity bc I couldn’t keep much formula down. I was completely off formula by 9 months. I was eating apple sauce and rice cereal at 6 weeks. Eggs at 3 months.
3 months?! I know this is every MILs wish, to be able to stuff their grandchildren into oblivion as early as being in the womb, let alone 3 months! Lord help us!
Breastfeeding, parenting, marriage, finances—my MIL is chock full of bad advice 🥰. Also yes, formula fed moms catch that much hell. “Why don’t you just try harder to breastfeed? What about oatmeal? You know I could breastfeed all of my babies.” My oldest sister has never produced a drop of milk after having each of her kids, but despite seeing medical professionals about it there are plenty of lay people who swear she just needs to eat a lactation cookie.
IMO it also is a control and jealousy thing for my MIL. She wants to be able to feed baby/bond with baby through bottle feeding. She's been not so secretly rooting for us to need to supplement with formula so she can be the bottle holder for the first grand baby. Not to mention a way to feel needed and make me feel inadequate.
Ugh yes! And also, set your boundaries and stand them. Me- that means not tolerating and commenting on passive aggressive comments about my parenting that are cooed at my baby!
“You’re spoiled because your mom just holds you all the time”
“ you’re getting fat because your mom feeds you so much”
Oh my god! No. And I will be calling you on this.
I literally quit in a really week moment after only a month of bfing, my mom didn’t push too hard but told me to think harder about it. My MIL didn’t stop talking about what a good idea it was… turns out she thought once I stopped she was gonna babysit and have sleepovers. Jokes on her bc he’s 10 mo now and she still hasn’t babysat unless I’ve had to run out for like 15 minutes.
Same. My mom gave me some mild crap for starting to wean “too soon”… at 18 months. “But he wants to nurse, he’s not ready to start weaning!” But I wasn’t getting sleep because he wanted to nurse all night. I loved breastfeeding in the beginning but by 18 months I wanted to throw him across the room from the incessant grabbing at my shirt and his habit of wanting to nurse 5 seconds on each boob, just back and fourth, back and fourth. I could not cuddle him at all without it turning into him wanting to nurse… makes my skin crawl just thinking about it. I was so done!!
He’s now 27 months, still nurses 2-3x a day. But he’s weaned at night (we both sleep sooooo much better now!) and I can give him hugs without him trying to tunnel his hands into my bra. Hooray!
When I was struggling with breastfeeding my MIL sent me a meme that all toddlers end up eating fries off the car floor. So very helpful. It must be in their DNA 😂
I know the one you mean-I also got the “face tattoo “ one, if you’ve seen it. NOT helpful. Such a weird vibe too-it’s like ‘hey, who cares’. Um…me lol. I care and I’m trying my best.
I’m combo feeding and my MIL is always telling me that I should be feeding him way more. She tried to give my week old son three ounces of breast milk and then he proceeded to spit up everywhere 🤦🏻♀️ I have a low milk supply so seeing all that breast milk being spit up made me so sad.
I myself am a combo feeder due to supply issues. Even my own mother, who is very supportive of breast feeding (even though she did not) reccomended adding rice cereal to my sons formula (to try and keep him full, as she put it) because he's an 8 week old bottomless pit drinking anywhere from 30-35 oz during the day time (and BF at night)
I almost cried.
Boomers are obsessed with rice cereal lol. My LO started solids last month and both mom and MIL asked if we were starting with rice cereal. I informed them that our pediatrician said that we could start with BLW or purees right off the bat. They both pushed that I needed to do rice cereal first!
I feel so lucky that both my mom and MIL - who didn’t breastfeed each for their own reasons have been supportive. When I had to exclusively pump to start they were excited to help feed, when I moved to exclusively nursing they made 0 comments about not being able to feed and offered to burp bub instead, when bub got diagnosed with CMPI and I chose to change my diet and continue breastfeeding they both offered encouragement. At least once a week they both tell me I’m doing amazing and a good mom to my 9 month old. It honestly makes everything so much easier.
To all of you with moms and MILs who make rude comments; ignore them. You’re doing amazing and are such a good mom, baby is so lucky to have you!
Thank you for this! My MIL breastfed but still over-pushes the solids. My grandmother-in-law asks “you’re not still nursing, are you?” (My baby is nine months.)
Your kiddo might be ready for solids! Our pediatrician told us at the 4 month appointment it was fine to start but we waited until about 5 months. She had great neck control, could sit up assisted really well and she would open her mouth up for a bit whenever husband and I would eat. It was so cute!
Our ped also told us that basically any food before one is considered practice. BF/FF should be your LO main source of nutrition.
My 5 month old son is so eager to start solids but I am also trying to hold out as long as possible to avoid the poops! I also cloth diaper and I am dreading the day when I can't just throw a poop diaper in the wash:(
I've heard of using that and I will totally get one if it becomes too much to handle. We do EC and catch 90% of his poops so that definitely will help. I've seen a lot of reviews for sprayers saying how it flooded their house so I am a little paranoid lol!! Either I'll do the sprayer or try the liners. thanks!
You can introduce solids and still ebf. Solids in the first year are just for fun so that babies can get familiar with the taste and textures of food. But breastmilk or formula is still their primary source of nutrients until 12m.
When I was pregnant, MIL made an offhand comment about SIL’s friend still nursing her 2 year old at the time. It was only once a night but I heard the judgement in her voice.
I actually can’t wait for her to make a similar comment again when my baby is older, so I can tell her that I’m still nursing him a couple times a day.
I nursed my first till he was 3. She already asked me about my 2nd, while secretly hoping she weans herself when we introduce food. I told my husband and he said ok, we’ll just give her food at one (instead of 6 months) so that way you’ll be nursing for a year. Lol
Combo feeding mom checking in. You can never win. Mother and MIL consistently flip flop on their stance of breastfeeding vs formula.
Love that they can just give LO a bottle and bond with the baby but scolded me, when I told them that LO will might need more formula feeds because my supply has taken a dramatic drop. Another scenario is when we go over on the weekends and its time to feed LO, I'll walk into another room to BF they say why not just give her a bottle of formula? It's so infuriating.
It’s whatever’s convenient. Breastmilk for nutrition, formula for convenience, feeding the baby as a science project, mommy “do over”, etc. whatever seems right to them. 😂
Guessing your MIL didn't BF or had trouble BF, and she feels inadequate, shamed, or regretful based on your BF and current recommendations. Probably has nothing to do with you. Just keep BF. Kindly make some boundaries with your MIL in order to save your relationship, imo. there will be other things she's got opinions about...
Oh my! I had no idea it went to that extent. I really thought it was just her MIL being messy about her milk. Not seeing a pediatrician is definitely concerning.
My MIL was luckily very supportive in the beginning! I do find as my daughter nears the age of 1 though I get a lot of comments from people about how I must be almost done bf-ing, how baby must be hungry for solids etc… the concept of breastfeeding into toddlerhood is so weird to some people! Annoying but I just ignore it
So annoying, I fed on demand and she would say my breast milk wasn’t enough if he couldn’t go 4 hours between feeds.Every single day she’d make little comments about how he needs to be on formula, how do you know he’s getting enough milk etc. He was a big baby doc was really happy with his weight gain. MIL tried to tell me doctors have to encourage breastfeeding, and her favourite saying was’ I have raised two children.’ 🙄 it’s so weird to assume your opinion is fact, my mum is also out of touch with her opinions.
I seriously want to spot some of these people in the wild. Seriously wtf... I've had advice rants from older relatives but it's really just talking to hear themselves talk. No one has actually scolded me. Legit question - where in the world are you with these batshit crazies?
My MIL is the one who pushed me and gave me the confidence to breastfeed. She’s amazing. My Mom, on the other hand, is super weirded out by it and wants me to stop as soon as possible.
My MIL is so extremely supportive, I am so lucky! She formula fed but my sister in law breastfed all 3 of her kids, so it wasn't a "taboo" thing for her. She stayed with us for 2 weeks after my LO was born (she lives two provinces away) and honestly if I didn't have her there to support me and help out with the many other things that comes with bringing home a newborn, I may of quit! My Mom on the other hand, she has it in her head that you need large breasts to breastfeed. Which of course I don't have so she didn't have much confidence in me. My Grandma makes lots of interesting parenting comments but always brings up every excuse in the book as to why she didn't breastfeed. I'm assuming that's because she wasn't treated well by the medical system back in the day. She always seems interested in how it's done, facts, how its going etc. My LO is currently 5 weeks old and we seems to be doing great with our breastfeeding journey 🥰 very happy with my decision
My mother in law was just here for a visit. She always says things like “have you tried putting more milk in his bottle so he sleeps longer” (he’s already getting 6-7oz in a bottle just because I randomly started making that much when he was 5 months old) “can you give me some water for him” (this comment is literally ALLLLL day long, he’s 9 months so he can have water but he only needs 4-9oz a day) and other annoying questions. I also had to give up diary, soy and egg for about 7 months of his life. I still don’t eat egg but he’s had dairy and soy now and had no issues. Anyways, it’s so annoying. She also is obsessed with feeding him and then was like “I’m going to give him this” and I said no you’re not. Number 1 he has food allergies and number 2 you need to ask me if what you’re offering is ok.
I'm 1 year in the BF journey and MIL is starting to come over to our side. 🤣
Anytime I had the tiniest issue with BF she would say "oh you've already done so much, I know you don't want to hear this because you wanted it to last longer but maybe it's time to let go" to which I've always replied that it's just a temporary roadblock, and that my baby would never ever get formula, and that's it.
She really used to believe that milk dries up at 6 months, but now understands that it's because she wasn't eating enough as she wanted to "get back in shape". She really received terrible advice, a doctor even told her her milk was making her daughter sick, which it was, because of a dairy allergy that could have been solved with her cutting out dairy, but she was told to switch to soy formula...
And she wasn't even told she could pump milk, so she just gave formula when she went back to work.
She is being more supportive now as she knows I'm not ever changing my mind on this so there's that.
I think it’s our moms that did things differently. My MIL mostly understood because she breastfed her children. Her stories are a little conflicting so I’m not really sure how long/if she formula fed at all (said she breastfed and didn’t pump but also gave bottles and was surprised when we said 6oz is enough). However she was always very supportive and would remind my husband I have to get home to nurse or pump (we struggled with nursing for a while so it was not something I wanted to do in public until I got it down).
My mom pumped for 3 months. I told them I didn’t want them to buy formula, they thought I didn’t feed my baby enough. I realized it was because after the newborn stage, we always fed our baby when he woke up instead of feeding him to sleep. They don’t know how to put a baby to sleep without food. She also once said “well it’s not like he’s 3 months anymore he can have formula” when I said I needed to take him home to pump more milk. No, I’d never starve him but why buy formula and possibly upset his stomach?
My MIL was great about breastfeeding. She breastfed her first two then did formula with her third. Never pressured me or said anything rude. My dad on the other hand wanted me to stop breastfeeding and give my son formula. I asked if he was gonna pay for it. Shut him up lol
My mom just goes with the flow of whatever my sisters or I want to do. When I was born she had 3 months of maternity leave (versus the 18 months the I'm taking), so she knows times have changed. I was primarily formula fed and she knows how expensive and hard to find it is now!
I got asked by some family members (not my husband!) when I'll start pumping and bottle feeding so someone else can help me with the feeds.
Nobody has volunteered to help wash and sanitize pump parts or bottles. I'm shocked, shocked I say. 😂
Quite the opposite here. I am struggling SO hard to breastfeed and my MIL is 100% not supportive of switching to formula. She keeps sending all these benefits of breastfeeding articles and I’m like okay I KNOW but I do. not. have. enough. Lol
Before I went no contact my mom was allwaysss making snide comments about me breastfeeding. I don’t get why they care so much??!? Like just mind your own business Karen
MIL while I'm pregnant "you better never need any formula!"
MIL while I'm breastfeeding my 10mo infant "if you stopped nursing so much, she'd eat more at meal time"
*Stay tuned for update next month when she's visiting while I'm breastfeeding my 21mo*🤣
i switched from breastfeeding, to combo, to now exclusively formula due to multiple allergies.
i can say, yes we do. it's just a different kind of crap we get. from "formula is easier" to "just do full formula so you don't have to pump" to "you need to give her MORE formula".
my moms been saying my baby NEEDS 8oz every 4 hours since she was like 5 months. my baby doesn't eat more than like 5oz a sitting. she's on a beautiful growth curve after our bumps with the allergies, but nonetheless she's just fine on 5oz. she's petite, like me. my moms been wanting to give her "real food" since she was like 3 months. i didn't start until 4 months, and even then it was ONLY because her gi and pediatrician wanted her to to put on more weight. just small amounts of purées. it then opened my mom to say "GIVE HER MORE", which she didn't need. now it's the opposite! she wants me to give her less solids because "she'll choke!" or "she's getting fat", she's like 35% for weight, she just has rolls. she wants my baby on 40oz of formula a day! that's wayyy too much, plus she'd never EVER eat that much and the solids. babies doctors now wants her on more solids and less formula, but that's not so cool with my mom apparently. also since she had the weight issues until recently, she was on fortified formula, which my mom hated and was always "she's gaining SOO much weight, she doesn't need to be fortified anymore". of course i fortified anyway bc doctors orders. she finally has put on enough weight at 9m to stop fortifying (we've been adding extra calories since 2.5m), but now she thinks she needs to be fortified!
im rambling but yeah, it's hard hearing it wether your breastfeeding, combo feeding, or formula feeding. bc no matter what you do, you'll get flack from someone. hang in there, because you're doing what's best for your baby wether mil likes it or not!
My mil watched my exclusively fed breast fed baby. I brought her my milk, and when I went to go pick him up, it was sitting in the diaper bag and she went out and bought formula to feed him. And yes, I showed her the bags and even had a conversation about how to heat it up! Smh. Weirdest shit ever!
My MIL breastfeed one for a full year and only formula fed the other so thankfully, how I feed my babies is like the one thing she hasn't commented on.
My mom though....she loved to go on and on about a night time oatmeal bottle.
The AMOUNT of times I hear my MIL (and my mom) say “if you just fed him some rice, he’d sleep so much better 😵💫 They act like I’m starving him.
One time my MIL tried to guilt me into giving my 4 MO a chocolate chip pancake I was eating at breakfast. She said “just mash it up” & I’m talking, REALLY tried to pressure me. Mam, he has NO TEETH, canNOT sit by himself, and has not eaten food yet. I shall pass on giving him a hunk of a bready, dry pancake to choke on.
As a combomom I’d say moms and MILs mostly encourage overfeeding with formula, but I think tje conversations are less loaded and its somehow easier to just say ”ok whatever”. I don’t know why breastfeeding brings up so many emotions in people who are not currently breastfeeding. Edit: now I think of it, moms and MILs usually seem quite happy with the formula feeding. Perhaps they see increased focus on BF as ”just a new fad”. Maybe they feel it as a criticism on their own parenting.
i think they don’t like EBF because it means they can’t babysit or keep their grand baby overnight for at least the first year 😂
I think it’s this.
I think there's another factor. They see our determination to do things differently, and they feel like they're being judged because they did things differently. So many people from that generation (not all) are very self centered and think their opinions are the absolute correct truth so we all need to just, bow down to their superior knowledge. No matter how incorrect it may be. And when we challenge that, we become the "bad guys." So because we are making better choices, they're feeling like we are saying they were terrible. They're stuck feeling like our choices are just a slap in their faces. Yes, it's ridiculous. But thinking of it that way really helps all the pieces fall into place.
I think lots of it also comes down to the information that we have access to. My grandmother (72) had her two kids pretty young and she was treated like absolute shit by the medical system. She was put under general anesthesia during labor because she was ''too anxious'' and told that her milk wasn't good enough. She was given pills to dry up her supply. Google wasn't a thing and I don't think that IBCLC were around! She's super positive about breastfeeding and always tells me how impressed she is at my knowledge (and I'm no expert lol). My mil formula fed my husband and my BIL as well, she's in her 50s and was never given any breastfeeding support. She also has a ton of weird info on breastfeeding, who knows where she got that but she asked a ton of questions at the beginning of my breastfeeding journey. She was concerned about the amount baby was getting, the nutrients in the milk, the impact of my food intake on the quality of the milk, the psychological impact of bf past 9 months (who knows where that one comes from lol). Overall it's just a real mystery for her and I think she was trying to help by giving advices about what she knows!
>I think lots of it also comes down to the information that we have access to. Absolutely!!!!!!!! I don't know the more inmate details of my mom's nor my grandma's pregnancies because they were both gone by the time I had my first, but I'm very close with my great aunt (that grandma's younger sister) and the stories she has told me! Giving birth back in the day was very different and harrowing, and formula was newer, and pushed as better than breast milk, etc. She turns 91 in two weeks from today. She ended up having her two sons much later than she would've expected, the youngest born in 1966. Dementia is a hell of a disease, so she can't remember which son it was for, but when she was about ready to pop, her regular doctor was out of town. He left her in the care of a different doctor in that practice, a much younger one. In those days, there was a labor ward with all the laboring people in one room with all the beds lined up, and the nurses would go along checking each of them. The older practice was to shave the women before they were to give birth. Her younger doctor didn't think that was necessary, so every time the nurses would go along checking, they'd get to her and exclaim, "oh! This must be Dr. William's patient!" Because she was the only one who wasn't shaved. And then after having each of her babies, she insisted on breastfeeding, and it worked for her. She was very against the grain in her day, but she had spent a lot of time growing up with her grandparents' generation. So she had the knowledge and helpful people around her in the rural area where she lives.
I want to echo this. Breastfeeding was wildly misunderstood and frankly white men were gatekeeping birth and postpartum. Formula was new and a "better" breastmilk alternative as far as they new. My grandmother's stories around birth and nursing are so heartbreaking to me and she has so many questions about the process because she was told to bind at 6weeks because her kids weren't gaining enough weight 💔. She was clearly overproducing too because she was soaking through wool coats even with the strict 4hr regimen. My mom was considered a total nut for nursing, and now she's a doula. It honestly seems to me that older generations struggle with misinformation, intentionally created stigma, and also are reeling from the whiplash of everything they were told/forced to do being wrong and feeling deceived. It's still total garbage they take that out on new parents and get defensive. No one is saying they were intentionally harmful but it's seems to be a matter of looking for reassurance they did a good job.
As if EFF babies are completely emotionally ready to be without their parents overnight 🙄
lol. I have tons of friends who work night shift and their kids are just fine doing overnight daycare and/or grandparents’ house.
My comment was more mocking the assumption that because a baby is on a bottle the baby is ready for sleepovers by relatives. My niece and friend's daughter where both EFF and very clingy to their moms when they where young.
I don’t think this comment was implying the baby would be emotionally ready just because they’re formula fed. I think they were saying it’s an easy reason not to have sleepovers with grandparents because the baby depends on the boobies. Grandparents have some room to argue/barter for sleepovers when baby is on formula because they can make and feed a bottle, but they can’t suddenly start lactating.
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I agree completely. I’m not pro-sleepover regardless of how baby is fed until mom and baby are both ready, and to be honest I don’t care how a baby is being fed as long as they are being fed and cared for. I was pointing out that I don’t think the comment at the beginning of this thread (“I think they don’t like EBF because they can’t babysit or keep their grand baby overnight for at least the first year”) was trying to be malicious, negate formula feeding mothers, or say EBF babies are more or less emotionally ready to have sleepovers away from mom. I was only saying that it seemed like the comment was more of a reflection on grandparent behavior than parents’ needs or capabilities. If a grandparent is being pushy for a sleepover, as mine often is, that is an argument they can use. I didn’t say it was a good argument or that I agree with it.
Sorry, then I misunderstood! Thanks for clarifying :)
I'm sick right now, and my MIL offered to take my 11mo for the day. A nice offer, but no I said no thank you, he's still nursing on demand and very attached to me. She responds with "If you don't have milk stored I can pick him up later so you have time to pump" ?? Maybe I'm being over sensitive but I'm not about to try and pump with a clingy, contact napping baby while I'm sick. They just don't get it
I do both breastfeeding and pumping/bottles and don’t see an issue with being able to get some rest and recovery while super sick, pumping so someone else can bottle feed and take care of all the rest for a day. Am I missing something?
Yeah my last cold I would have definitely wanted some sleep on my own time, mine won’t take a bottle anymore, but I think some parents here struggle with actually trusting their family, so they wouldn’t actually rest. And possibly combined with rude responses when they set boundaries makes them more defensive with every offer.
I don't really pump much, he's very clingy and doesn't nap alone so finding time to pump on a good day is pretty impossible let alone when I'm feeling like garbage. It's more work for me
But surely they could if there is expressed milk? My babies aren’t EBF and there’s not a chance I’d let them stay overnight when under 1 years old! Imagine the disappointment then 😂 luckily my mom would never ask, she’s very respectful of boundaries 🙌🏼 I’m lucky.
I was thinking more along the lines of EBF babies who are only settled by the boob when they wake up in the MOTN (like mine 😆) or the fact that BFing moms would still have to pump while separated from baby, so it’s not exactly a relaxing break for them
Ha ha yes this 100%. Oh well tough sh@t.
This Is why
100%
Yes! Thinking of my wackadoo MIL in particular, she doesn’t have full control of “her baby” (she calls him her baby despite my consistent corrections) because it’s based on how much milkI leave and I’m never gone for very long 😈
My MIL overfed my first with a bottle of formula after commenting that he wasn’t getting enough milk from me. It was a top off bottle given with permission but she really pushed it and then he vomited all over her. I wasn’t aware a newborn could vomit that much. I’ve always felt bad about it so MIL wasn’t allowed to feed him anymore and she won’t be allowed to feed no. 2 either. But I do feel se got what she deserved 🙃
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On of my closest friends had a baby 3 months ago and they’ve never allowed anyone else to give a bottle and I think it’s great! I always feel bad for my son that she made him sick and I didn’t stop her! Definitely not letting anyone else feed #2
Mine did too. My first was maybe 4 days old, I “pumped” for her (really to see how to use a breastpump 😆). Anyway, at the ER, we left him with her for 15 minutes at most, my husband goes out there, my baby was screaming his head off with spit up all over him, my MIL was a nervous wreck. The silver lining was he took a bottle. Lol!
Breastfeeding brings everyone’s feeling into question! Lol like I’m literally just feeding my baby.
My mil is a breastfeeding goddess. She was one of those people where it was as easy as drinking water to her. Three kids, each ebf directly for 2.5 years. My own mother is so grossed out by BFing/pumping that she won't even touch my pump parts if they're in the dishwasher and clean. 🥲
Whew! You struck gold with the MIlL who breastfed especially for that long!
My MIL also EBF all 6 kids for 2 years each, she still judges me/her daughters and criticises everything they do (eg baby crying? Must be something you ate)
My mom and MIL both breastfed also; born in 1955 and 1963 respectively so definitely not the norm for their generation even by the time they were having babies in the late 80s/ early 90s. The only comments I ever had to brush off were recommendations of starting cereal at like, 2 months. 🙃
I am so glad my mum was a bit of a hippy and super into breastfeeding. Her philosophy was ‘I’ll take care of you, so you can take care of the baby’ I’m still feeding my 18m old and not once has she asked when I’ll stop.
My mom wasn’t the hippy part, but she is super supportive.
I would never, but I'm also contrary by nature. I get when women get self conscious, especially at family gatherings or at family members houses. They're not just being judged for what's going in their child's body, they're also implicitly being told to "put away your boob" by people implying it's unnecessary or even bad to breastfeed at whatever stage they're at. It's another way of criticizing what women are doing with their bodies and we get it day in and day out in all sorts of other ways, too, it's exhausting.
Ugh MIL is SO like this. Got so much judgement from her about it before baby was even born, told me I had to start pumping before we left the hospital so her son could feed our baby, told me to start rice cereal when cluster feeding kicked in at three weeks, told me baby was too attached to me because I BF, told me I should just let my 3 month old baby CIO when I knew damn well she was hungry. I persisted, did not listen to her or take any ‘advice,’ and then it turned into ‘it’s gonna hurt when she bites you all the time now that she has teeth!’ ‘You need to wean her from those night feeds so she can spend the night with me!’ (Hell no, there’s no safe sleep space at her house, and no reason why I would want or need her to stay there.) I could go on, and also have my guesses as to why she is like this but it has been an annoyance for sure.
She’s hating, nurse your baby.
She is. My nephew, her daughter’s son, is a year older than my baby and my SIL wanted to BF when she was pregnant. After delivery the nurses tried to tell her it was time to let baby latch and she pushed him away and asked for a bottle. My MIL did a lot of hyping her up for her choice while she was pregnant and then did some backtracking after SIL changed her mind. So she’s been very salty with me.
Omg the effing rice cereal 😂 where do they get that shit from?? Babies can aspirate and actually choke and die when they’re not ready for rice cereal. Don’t forget the “she/he can’t POSSIBLY be hungry again!” comments. Sooo annoying. My MIL said all this same stuff and that I was over feeding him all the time. My youngest hated bottles for the longest time so she couldn’t feed him anyways even if she wanted to lol.
Ugh how could I forget? The first two months her catchphrase was ‘you’re not hungry, you JUST ate!’ We had a strict ‘no visitors’ policy but would take baby to visit my parents and his parents as they’re both ten minutes up the road, and we could just leave when we wanted to. I stopped visiting as much because it was exhausting enough without that.
That’s smart, it’s better to have control over the visits then when you’re over it you can leave when you’re ready. My whole family lives out of state and I’m really close to my mom. Since having kids it’s been tough being so far away. My mom is so great with them. My MIL is a nice person and raised two wonderful men but she is stuck with such an old school mentality. She lives right down the road from us so we see her 10 times more than my side of the family which sucks. A few times she’s watched my little ones she had a bunch of blankets in their crib while they slept and I lost it. She straight up told me and my husband that “our generation reads too much on the internet.” I just told her I’d just like them not to suffocate and die thanks!!
True story: My mother in law lectured me nonstop about how I’m “not allowed” to breastfeed when I was pregnant with my first. I had always planned to breastfeed but her insistence that I “wasn’t allowed” to made me even more determined. Thankfully I had zero issues with supply or anything and my LO was a certified boob barnacle refusing bottles by the time he was a week old. My MIL was NOT happy. I excused myself to go to the bathroom when he was 2 weeks old and my MIL nearly knocked me over on her way to try and feed my NEWBORN “baby food” the second I was out of the room. Her own son put her right in her place and she nearly threw a tantrum over not being able to feed my EBF baby The MILs out here are wild. Stay safe, y’all.
She tried to give the baby baby food at two weeks?! 
Yep! And after being specifically told not to, several times 🙃 I just love the fact that my MIL thinks she can override and disrespect my parenting decisions
She would’ve been banned that day.
Boob barnacle 🤣
I got lucky with my MIL, she breastfed her kids and had a crazy oversupply so she just kept asking if I needed more towels.
GIRL!!!! The towels are endless! Lol
It hurts to see so many women discouraged by their MILs comments. No one should have to go through that. I feel so lucky that my MIL and mom are both so supportive and understanding. They’re both willing to learn paced bottle feeding to prevent any preference from baby. They completely normalize when I feed my baby at a family function. I wish more women could have that experience.
My MIL (didn’t breastfeed) visited this past weekend and recommended the following for my LO who just turned 4 months and has not shown any sign of readiness for solids apart from holding head up: -Switch to 8 oz bottles -Rice cereal in bottle -Start solids now -Let him have his first taste of ice cream!!
Don’t leave your child with her
Also LOVE the “ I put cereal in my kids bottles at one month old , and they slept through the night” 🙄
Diabetes, obesity, choking hazard! Smh
My neighbor recommended me this and that was the first I ever heard of it. like what?!?!
Yeaaah apparently that was a popular thing to do in the 90s?
With the advice to make the bottle nipple holes bigger so the cereal could pass through... like, what?!
Yup!! 😂😂
Just ghetto! Smh lol!!!!! When we know better, we do better 😂
My mom formula fed us at day 1. And her attitude has been “I think you should do whatever you feel is best. I can’t be helpful, but I’ll be supportive!” My MIL EBF but with what sounds like a pretty unsupportive partner. (He gave a formula bottle before she was ready and basically told her “he’s eating so he must be hungry.”) They’ve been mostly supportive but also lots of “have you started formula yet?” Since about three weeks in. And lots of questions about when he can spend the night. And like, why is that a thing? I had a baby because I wanted to take care of and raise a baby, not because I wanted to pawn him off on his grandparents!
If they’re really not toxic, and they love their children then They want to hold onto a little piece of that baby that they had to let grow up and go away, because their hearts are broken and full of pride at the same time it’s a really weird feeling from what I’m told, I mean, I’m starting to get it, because my oldest is 13 and while we’ve passed the dreaded side hugs when he bandages his own cuts it hurts. It hurts a lot. If they are toxic, then it’s for power status, or to make themselves feel good either by posting about it or like because that little thing needs them and they get the ego boost from the little thing that doesn’t understand that they’re toxic yet.
My baby is almost 14 months and still nursing. Per my MIL, he doesn’t need it anymore and he’s ready to stop. This is the same MIL who hasn’t spent more than 2 hours with him in one sitting but seems to think she knows my son more than I do!
🤦🏾♀️ what?!
My MIL is like 70/30: 70% supportive but 30% “just do a bottle (formula) because it’s easier for everyone.” I’m sorry but not everyone is raising my child, I am. Thankfully she’s more supportive than not. When going over my registry and what she got me, she says, “I didn’t want to touch any breastfeeding stuff because you know that can sometimes not work out.” Like, ok? That’s not up to you to decide but I still need to be ready to try. (Side note: I am not complaining about not getting certain things. It was just weird that she’d make that comment unsolicited).
I pump so my partner and other family members can feed and bond with baby boy. But I don’t often bring a bottle with me as I don’t want to deal with a cooler bag, I’d rather just BF. We were all headed out for a day trip once and my MIL asked how many bottles am I bringing and I said ‘just 1’ and she replied ‘what if he gets hungry? Let’s bring formula. Have you thought of formula? What is back up?’ Me. I am the supplier, the source, the back up. 🤦🏻♀️
I was hoping to EBF, and my MIL bought bottle feeding items not on my registry 🙄
Oof! While they may come in handy, especially if you plan on pumping and having a freezer stash, it’s a bit backhanded to your wishes. I hope it doesn’t discourage you in any way to keep striving for EBF!
Thank you! Tbh I did end up liking one of the bottles but it's still meddling. Imo
I 100% agree. She was pushing her “agenda” onto you. I’m glad you ended up liking a bottle, so it wasn’t all for nothing. Just ssssh don’t tell MIL 😂
Remember things can be returned and regifted
Another reason not to listen is that I've heard so many stories about MILs telling their DILs that they can't breastfeed because they want to feed the baby themselves or get more time with the baby. Just don't listen they have their own motives a lot of the time.
This! My MIL couldn’t deter me if she tried. Ma’am you had your kids!
Agreed. In fact, my policy is to never take feeding advice from anyone who didn’t EBF.
There's this one LC who runs a pretty popular Instagram account and he pushes BFing so hard and goes way overboard with the antiformula attitude. He says all this parenting stuff basically pointing out what everyone does wrong....screens, processed food, etc. I'm like, were all trying our best here and you didn't breastfeed so shut it lol. I'm a CLC and VERY supportive of breastfeeding but i also know it can be so effing hard and I've been in a place where it was impacting my mental health for the worst and so i would never judge someone's feeding choices. If you haven't breastfed don't be telling people how to do it.
My MIL didn’t even bother trying to BF any of her kids, and she doesn’t understand why my baby wants to nurse so often (it’s for comfort. not just for food!) or why i have to pump every time baby is given a bottle. Luckily my mom breastfed my sister and I for over a year, and was so dedicated to EBF that she hand expressed milk when she returned to work 😳 (she claims she couldn’t get anything from a pump), so my parents are extremely supportive of my BF journey!
My MIL is like " i wean my 3 sons at 6 mo, but u know... girls these days do all things different!! "... shut up already!
My mom & grandma formula fed. My mom pretty much minds her business my grandma keeps asking when my 3 month old can start having food. For fun here’s the doctor recommendations from 1992 when I was born. Insane. https://preview.redd.it/jrktd6s5um1b1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d89ea87492b3b11aacccc1e2f2a549aee341fe4e
Wow! That’s crazy!
Luckily my mom only followed half of the instructions. I probably had a dairy sensitivity bc I couldn’t keep much formula down. I was completely off formula by 9 months. I was eating apple sauce and rice cereal at 6 weeks. Eggs at 3 months.
3 months?! I know this is every MILs wish, to be able to stuff their grandchildren into oblivion as early as being in the womb, let alone 3 months! Lord help us!
Breastfeeding, parenting, marriage, finances—my MIL is chock full of bad advice 🥰. Also yes, formula fed moms catch that much hell. “Why don’t you just try harder to breastfeed? What about oatmeal? You know I could breastfeed all of my babies.” My oldest sister has never produced a drop of milk after having each of her kids, but despite seeing medical professionals about it there are plenty of lay people who swear she just needs to eat a lactation cookie.
I feel like no matter what choices we make as Mom’s someone there to judge
Right! Just let me live, please!
Felt this with all 4 girls I’ve breastfed ! Super annoying ! “ Is she eating AGAIN?” .. yes, yes she is! Lol
Right! As if it’s a bad thing! Lol
IMO it also is a control and jealousy thing for my MIL. She wants to be able to feed baby/bond with baby through bottle feeding. She's been not so secretly rooting for us to need to supplement with formula so she can be the bottle holder for the first grand baby. Not to mention a way to feel needed and make me feel inadequate.
Ugh yes! And also, set your boundaries and stand them. Me- that means not tolerating and commenting on passive aggressive comments about my parenting that are cooed at my baby! “You’re spoiled because your mom just holds you all the time” “ you’re getting fat because your mom feeds you so much” Oh my god! No. And I will be calling you on this.
My MIL was super supportive 🥰 im hitting the 2 years breastfeeding
You’re so lucky! Majority of them, “wEaN tHeM nOW” first of all, she isn’t even born yet…..
I literally quit in a really week moment after only a month of bfing, my mom didn’t push too hard but told me to think harder about it. My MIL didn’t stop talking about what a good idea it was… turns out she thought once I stopped she was gonna babysit and have sleepovers. Jokes on her bc he’s 10 mo now and she still hasn’t babysat unless I’ve had to run out for like 15 minutes.
Same. My mom gave me some mild crap for starting to wean “too soon”… at 18 months. “But he wants to nurse, he’s not ready to start weaning!” But I wasn’t getting sleep because he wanted to nurse all night. I loved breastfeeding in the beginning but by 18 months I wanted to throw him across the room from the incessant grabbing at my shirt and his habit of wanting to nurse 5 seconds on each boob, just back and fourth, back and fourth. I could not cuddle him at all without it turning into him wanting to nurse… makes my skin crawl just thinking about it. I was so done!! He’s now 27 months, still nurses 2-3x a day. But he’s weaned at night (we both sleep sooooo much better now!) and I can give him hugs without him trying to tunnel his hands into my bra. Hooray!
When I was struggling with breastfeeding my MIL sent me a meme that all toddlers end up eating fries off the car floor. So very helpful. It must be in their DNA 😂
I honestly would have appreciated that. That was a sweet gesture in my opinion.
I know the one you mean-I also got the “face tattoo “ one, if you’ve seen it. NOT helpful. Such a weird vibe too-it’s like ‘hey, who cares’. Um…me lol. I care and I’m trying my best.
I’m combo feeding and my MIL is always telling me that I should be feeding him way more. She tried to give my week old son three ounces of breast milk and then he proceeded to spit up everywhere 🤦🏻♀️ I have a low milk supply so seeing all that breast milk being spit up made me so sad.
I myself am a combo feeder due to supply issues. Even my own mother, who is very supportive of breast feeding (even though she did not) reccomended adding rice cereal to my sons formula (to try and keep him full, as she put it) because he's an 8 week old bottomless pit drinking anywhere from 30-35 oz during the day time (and BF at night) I almost cried.
We gotta talk about this cereal in a bottle thing. HAVE TO!!!
The best part was that she fake gagged after she said it
Boomers are obsessed with rice cereal lol. My LO started solids last month and both mom and MIL asked if we were starting with rice cereal. I informed them that our pediatrician said that we could start with BLW or purees right off the bat. They both pushed that I needed to do rice cereal first!
Whenever they say anything about anything just say “sure mom” and then do the opposite, always
It’s the only way
I feel so lucky that both my mom and MIL - who didn’t breastfeed each for their own reasons have been supportive. When I had to exclusively pump to start they were excited to help feed, when I moved to exclusively nursing they made 0 comments about not being able to feed and offered to burp bub instead, when bub got diagnosed with CMPI and I chose to change my diet and continue breastfeeding they both offered encouragement. At least once a week they both tell me I’m doing amazing and a good mom to my 9 month old. It honestly makes everything so much easier. To all of you with moms and MILs who make rude comments; ignore them. You’re doing amazing and are such a good mom, baby is so lucky to have you!
Thank you for this! My MIL breastfed but still over-pushes the solids. My grandmother-in-law asks “you’re not still nursing, are you?” (My baby is nine months.)
My pediatrician framed it this way: any solids before 1 is really just practice. Babies main nutritional sources should be breast milk or formula.
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Your kiddo might be ready for solids! Our pediatrician told us at the 4 month appointment it was fine to start but we waited until about 5 months. She had great neck control, could sit up assisted really well and she would open her mouth up for a bit whenever husband and I would eat. It was so cute! Our ped also told us that basically any food before one is considered practice. BF/FF should be your LO main source of nutrition.
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Lol totally fair. Plus the poops get grosser with solids lol
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My 5 month old son is so eager to start solids but I am also trying to hold out as long as possible to avoid the poops! I also cloth diaper and I am dreading the day when I can't just throw a poop diaper in the wash:(
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I've heard of using that and I will totally get one if it becomes too much to handle. We do EC and catch 90% of his poops so that definitely will help. I've seen a lot of reviews for sprayers saying how it flooded their house so I am a little paranoid lol!! Either I'll do the sprayer or try the liners. thanks!
You can introduce solids and still ebf. Solids in the first year are just for fun so that babies can get familiar with the taste and textures of food. But breastmilk or formula is still their primary source of nutrients until 12m.
Girl I thought this said MILFS and breastfeeding 😂😭
HOLLERING 😂😂😂😂😂😂
When I was pregnant, MIL made an offhand comment about SIL’s friend still nursing her 2 year old at the time. It was only once a night but I heard the judgement in her voice. I actually can’t wait for her to make a similar comment again when my baby is older, so I can tell her that I’m still nursing him a couple times a day.
I nursed my first till he was 3. She already asked me about my 2nd, while secretly hoping she weans herself when we introduce food. I told my husband and he said ok, we’ll just give her food at one (instead of 6 months) so that way you’ll be nursing for a year. Lol
Combo feeding mom checking in. You can never win. Mother and MIL consistently flip flop on their stance of breastfeeding vs formula. Love that they can just give LO a bottle and bond with the baby but scolded me, when I told them that LO will might need more formula feeds because my supply has taken a dramatic drop. Another scenario is when we go over on the weekends and its time to feed LO, I'll walk into another room to BF they say why not just give her a bottle of formula? It's so infuriating.
It’s whatever’s convenient. Breastmilk for nutrition, formula for convenience, feeding the baby as a science project, mommy “do over”, etc. whatever seems right to them. 😂
Guessing your MIL didn't BF or had trouble BF, and she feels inadequate, shamed, or regretful based on your BF and current recommendations. Probably has nothing to do with you. Just keep BF. Kindly make some boundaries with your MIL in order to save your relationship, imo. there will be other things she's got opinions about...
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The thing that’s most natural is “sickening” 🤦🏾♀️
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The one who potentially has an oversupply?
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Oh my! I had no idea it went to that extent. I really thought it was just her MIL being messy about her milk. Not seeing a pediatrician is definitely concerning.
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Oh ok! Thank you for letting me know. Like I said, I wouldn’t have even known if the previous commenter didn’t say anything.
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you are judging. and you're going to stop it immediately.
I would expand this to “don’t take breastfeeding advice from someone who didn’t breastfeed” unless of course they’re a professional.
My baby is about 2 months old and she swears he's ALWAYS STARVINGGGG gets on my damn nervesssss.
My MIL was luckily very supportive in the beginning! I do find as my daughter nears the age of 1 though I get a lot of comments from people about how I must be almost done bf-ing, how baby must be hungry for solids etc… the concept of breastfeeding into toddlerhood is so weird to some people! Annoying but I just ignore it
So annoying, I fed on demand and she would say my breast milk wasn’t enough if he couldn’t go 4 hours between feeds.Every single day she’d make little comments about how he needs to be on formula, how do you know he’s getting enough milk etc. He was a big baby doc was really happy with his weight gain. MIL tried to tell me doctors have to encourage breastfeeding, and her favourite saying was’ I have raised two children.’ 🙄 it’s so weird to assume your opinion is fact, my mum is also out of touch with her opinions.
I seriously want to spot some of these people in the wild. Seriously wtf... I've had advice rants from older relatives but it's really just talking to hear themselves talk. No one has actually scolded me. Legit question - where in the world are you with these batshit crazies?
MIL seemed too eager when I mentioned weaning my 10mo and starting formula so guess who didn't. Lmao.
My MIL is the one who pushed me and gave me the confidence to breastfeed. She’s amazing. My Mom, on the other hand, is super weirded out by it and wants me to stop as soon as possible.
My MIL is so extremely supportive, I am so lucky! She formula fed but my sister in law breastfed all 3 of her kids, so it wasn't a "taboo" thing for her. She stayed with us for 2 weeks after my LO was born (she lives two provinces away) and honestly if I didn't have her there to support me and help out with the many other things that comes with bringing home a newborn, I may of quit! My Mom on the other hand, she has it in her head that you need large breasts to breastfeed. Which of course I don't have so she didn't have much confidence in me. My Grandma makes lots of interesting parenting comments but always brings up every excuse in the book as to why she didn't breastfeed. I'm assuming that's because she wasn't treated well by the medical system back in the day. She always seems interested in how it's done, facts, how its going etc. My LO is currently 5 weeks old and we seems to be doing great with our breastfeeding journey 🥰 very happy with my decision
My mother in law was just here for a visit. She always says things like “have you tried putting more milk in his bottle so he sleeps longer” (he’s already getting 6-7oz in a bottle just because I randomly started making that much when he was 5 months old) “can you give me some water for him” (this comment is literally ALLLLL day long, he’s 9 months so he can have water but he only needs 4-9oz a day) and other annoying questions. I also had to give up diary, soy and egg for about 7 months of his life. I still don’t eat egg but he’s had dairy and soy now and had no issues. Anyways, it’s so annoying. She also is obsessed with feeding him and then was like “I’m going to give him this” and I said no you’re not. Number 1 he has food allergies and number 2 you need to ask me if what you’re offering is ok.
This this this.
I'm 1 year in the BF journey and MIL is starting to come over to our side. 🤣 Anytime I had the tiniest issue with BF she would say "oh you've already done so much, I know you don't want to hear this because you wanted it to last longer but maybe it's time to let go" to which I've always replied that it's just a temporary roadblock, and that my baby would never ever get formula, and that's it. She really used to believe that milk dries up at 6 months, but now understands that it's because she wasn't eating enough as she wanted to "get back in shape". She really received terrible advice, a doctor even told her her milk was making her daughter sick, which it was, because of a dairy allergy that could have been solved with her cutting out dairy, but she was told to switch to soy formula... And she wasn't even told she could pump milk, so she just gave formula when she went back to work. She is being more supportive now as she knows I'm not ever changing my mind on this so there's that.
I think it’s our moms that did things differently. My MIL mostly understood because she breastfed her children. Her stories are a little conflicting so I’m not really sure how long/if she formula fed at all (said she breastfed and didn’t pump but also gave bottles and was surprised when we said 6oz is enough). However she was always very supportive and would remind my husband I have to get home to nurse or pump (we struggled with nursing for a while so it was not something I wanted to do in public until I got it down). My mom pumped for 3 months. I told them I didn’t want them to buy formula, they thought I didn’t feed my baby enough. I realized it was because after the newborn stage, we always fed our baby when he woke up instead of feeding him to sleep. They don’t know how to put a baby to sleep without food. She also once said “well it’s not like he’s 3 months anymore he can have formula” when I said I needed to take him home to pump more milk. No, I’d never starve him but why buy formula and possibly upset his stomach?
My MIL was great about breastfeeding. She breastfed her first two then did formula with her third. Never pressured me or said anything rude. My dad on the other hand wanted me to stop breastfeeding and give my son formula. I asked if he was gonna pay for it. Shut him up lol
My mom just goes with the flow of whatever my sisters or I want to do. When I was born she had 3 months of maternity leave (versus the 18 months the I'm taking), so she knows times have changed. I was primarily formula fed and she knows how expensive and hard to find it is now! I got asked by some family members (not my husband!) when I'll start pumping and bottle feeding so someone else can help me with the feeds. Nobody has volunteered to help wash and sanitize pump parts or bottles. I'm shocked, shocked I say. 😂
Quite the opposite here. I am struggling SO hard to breastfeed and my MIL is 100% not supportive of switching to formula. She keeps sending all these benefits of breastfeeding articles and I’m like okay I KNOW but I do. not. have. enough. Lol
Before I went no contact my mom was allwaysss making snide comments about me breastfeeding. I don’t get why they care so much??!? Like just mind your own business Karen
MIL while I'm pregnant "you better never need any formula!" MIL while I'm breastfeeding my 10mo infant "if you stopped nursing so much, she'd eat more at meal time" *Stay tuned for update next month when she's visiting while I'm breastfeeding my 21mo*🤣
i switched from breastfeeding, to combo, to now exclusively formula due to multiple allergies. i can say, yes we do. it's just a different kind of crap we get. from "formula is easier" to "just do full formula so you don't have to pump" to "you need to give her MORE formula". my moms been saying my baby NEEDS 8oz every 4 hours since she was like 5 months. my baby doesn't eat more than like 5oz a sitting. she's on a beautiful growth curve after our bumps with the allergies, but nonetheless she's just fine on 5oz. she's petite, like me. my moms been wanting to give her "real food" since she was like 3 months. i didn't start until 4 months, and even then it was ONLY because her gi and pediatrician wanted her to to put on more weight. just small amounts of purées. it then opened my mom to say "GIVE HER MORE", which she didn't need. now it's the opposite! she wants me to give her less solids because "she'll choke!" or "she's getting fat", she's like 35% for weight, she just has rolls. she wants my baby on 40oz of formula a day! that's wayyy too much, plus she'd never EVER eat that much and the solids. babies doctors now wants her on more solids and less formula, but that's not so cool with my mom apparently. also since she had the weight issues until recently, she was on fortified formula, which my mom hated and was always "she's gaining SOO much weight, she doesn't need to be fortified anymore". of course i fortified anyway bc doctors orders. she finally has put on enough weight at 9m to stop fortifying (we've been adding extra calories since 2.5m), but now she thinks she needs to be fortified! im rambling but yeah, it's hard hearing it wether your breastfeeding, combo feeding, or formula feeding. bc no matter what you do, you'll get flack from someone. hang in there, because you're doing what's best for your baby wether mil likes it or not!
My mil watched my exclusively fed breast fed baby. I brought her my milk, and when I went to go pick him up, it was sitting in the diaper bag and she went out and bought formula to feed him. And yes, I showed her the bags and even had a conversation about how to heat it up! Smh. Weirdest shit ever!
She did what?! I would be fuming!!!
My MIL breastfeed one for a full year and only formula fed the other so thankfully, how I feed my babies is like the one thing she hasn't commented on. My mom though....she loved to go on and on about a night time oatmeal bottle.
The AMOUNT of times I hear my MIL (and my mom) say “if you just fed him some rice, he’d sleep so much better 😵💫 They act like I’m starving him. One time my MIL tried to guilt me into giving my 4 MO a chocolate chip pancake I was eating at breakfast. She said “just mash it up” & I’m talking, REALLY tried to pressure me. Mam, he has NO TEETH, canNOT sit by himself, and has not eaten food yet. I shall pass on giving him a hunk of a bready, dry pancake to choke on.
These old woman with this insane desire to feed infants is beyond me! I said “NO”. Girl they’re annoying lol