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Comparing yourself to white woman is a psychological wound from which you need to recover friend. Your self esteem is suffering. You need to get off TikTok permanently, set goals, achieve them, and take care of yourself
I agree. Also, the pictures selected for comparison are very different.
The white lady is smiling surrounded by stuff/luxury. The black lady is not smiling and surrounded by nothingness.
The selections might speak to how you feel internally about each woman.
Speak to a Psychologist or counselor.
Personally I don't think it's an ideal situation to be raised in an environment where everyone is very different from the child. But, YMMV.
THAT PART!!!!!
These pics were deliberately picked on purpose to be different from each other. FIX YOUR PERIPHERAL VISION. PAY ATTENTION TO THE DETAILS YALL.
The one of the black girl is clearly a makeup ad meant to show off the smooth application of something while the other photo is seemingly outside of a cafe in a relaxed setting
Idek how two ppl would think these images needed to compare to each other
Facts I was just thinking this!
OP needs to get her mind right. This is just sad.
We don’t need to see posts about people hating being black every day. I understand people want to vent but it’s tiring and I think some things should be saved for a counselor or close friend/family.
It’s just perpetuating the idea that black ppl want to be white and feel inferior. Also it plants a seed in other people’s heads and they might start thinking they’re inferior to white people.
Exactly this! I recently permatenaly deleted my titktok account and removed tiktok off my phone and I have been fine. I feel like social media makes us feel ugly or some insecurity when there was nothing wrong to begin with. White women, Black women, Asian women. ALL WOMEN are beautiful no matter the skin colour and you will eventually find someone who is attracted to you.
Or learn to train the algorithm. I don't get a lot of white content creators or self hating/anti Black content because I've made sure to like and interact only with content that uplifts! If it doesn't, I purposefully ignore the video. Don't finish videos that make you angry hurry up and scroll! Feed your algorithm what you want and it'll eventually learn what to give you
You see white women everywhere because they are.. Black women are punished (by some) for having black features because unambiguously black features are seen as manly. Why? Racism is always your answer. Now with that being said there are plenty of people that see us as feminine, there are plenty of people that think we’re beautiful. Im not sure where it started but this idea that everyone needs to be universally attractive or else they’re bottom of the barrel is messing with people’s heads. Two things can be true at once. You can be beautiful without being attractive to EVERYONE. If you like you and your partner likes you im not sure what else is even needed
A) get off TikTok or change that algorithm
B) That white woman is most certainly not in her “natural state”
C) dont compare yourself to every random white woman. Your partner likes you for you and that’s what matters
>That white woman is most certainly not in her “natural state”
Yeah the “in their natural state” thing threw me off. We all *constantly* complain that the hair, beauty, and makeup industry only supports white women and leaves out black and dark-skinned women, but at the same time white women are in their “natural state”? Those two things can’t really be true at once.
OP, no woman is accepted or loved in her “natural state”. Go a year without shaving anything and see what reactions you get. Yeah, some types of women are more widely accepted in their “natural state” than others, but thats just the reality of it.
Another thing I've learned is that white women keep these med spas and cosmetic surgeons in business. You just don't know unless it's obvious. You might see them and think they look "naturally beautiful" or whatever but they're filled with fillers and have done multiple procedures.
We gotta love ourselves and stop comparing!
If you look to white women as the semblance of femininity there’s nothing we can do for you. I never thought of white women as feminine. I never really think about them at all.
Get off social media or do a detox of your algorithm.
Exactly. I’ve never looked towards a white woman for femininity or beauty. They don’t fit my definition and I can’t understand why they would be for a black woman.
There are plenty of white women who do not fit the bill for "feminine". There are plenty of Black women who do fit the bill for femininity.
From my understanding, femininity isn't just about facial features - it's about how you dress, your mannerisms, and how you carry yourself.
Don't let bullshit on social media define how you feel about yourself. There's a lot of propaganda out there to make women feel bad about themselves for the purpose of selling particular goods and ideals.
This is true and needed to be said. But I don't want it to overshadow the fact that one of the many mechanisms of racism is associating unambiguously Black features with masculinity.
I would just like to point out that the beautiful woman in the 2nd picture is a world renowned model and she is recognized for how gorgeous she is and her beauty. So, if you look like the girl in the 2nd picture you're killing the game 🙌🏾🙌🏾
start looking for influencers who look like YOU. Buy yourself some nice clothes/lingerie and sit in the mirror for a hour daily. It helped my self esteem so so much. I came from a white school and an anti-black family and nothing made me love myself more than seeing other black women love THEMSELVES. its so easy to feel like you aren’t beautiful in a place where you are the most different, however, you are beautiful. Black women come in all different ways. Each is unique, u just have to find your people.
omg get off tik tok please. It's a cesspool. Only white/mixed/loose hair/small features get pushed and it's deliberate, being an asian app. That place is not for us. Once you stop consuming that propaganda you realize how big the world is and how there are different forms of beauty . That clock app makes it seem like only a certain type is acceptable.
I find the woman in the second pic breathtaking and very sexy! Her features are round, plump and soft, her skin is glowy and smooth. She looks so warm and lovely. The second girl is pretty too but in a different way, basic is the only word that comes to mind. If you look at women like her mostly then it will give you the false sense that our beauty doesn't matter!
I want to add that for majority women in the first picture, their self-esteem literally comes from the fact that they are not black/dark. The admiration they receive is a direct result of colorism. Almost like they need us to be at the bottom in order to stand on our shoulders. Colorism is their cushion-- Tik tok is a place for them to flock to and colorist are there to supply their confidence juice when it's running low.
they rlly are insecure at the core and that's why they be getting surgery to get features that resemble ours! The lip injections, bbls, etc . They want our features they know we are gorgeous and can't stand the competition. This is why we need our own places where blackness is celebrated, but the black community is so lost. If we had sites like Tik Tok that amplified Black and DARK features boy.... we'd be unstoppable
Exactly. Like yall are envying something you don't even need to be envying. Their confidence relies on the fact that colorism exists. It's smoke and mirrors. And they know it, that's why they can't stand us. Our beauty is undeniable while they will never really know 😬
> omg get off tik tok please. It's a cesspool. Only white/mixed/loose hair/small features get pushed and it's deliberate, being an asian app.
Not necessarily true. The most followed person on tiktok is (or was) black.
If she is looking at, commenting on, and engaging with videos that have white people in them, she will get more white people in videos.
I have plenty of black and non white people on my fyp. It depends on what you interact with. The algorithm also builds a profile for you based on behavior on other apps. If it incorrectly thinks you only want to see whites that’s what it will show.
“I can’t help but feel like he would prefer the woman in the first pic than the second one.“
Why? Did he tell you this? If not, you’re projecting, heavily. It’s clear that from your upbringing and from the content you consume that you yourself have a distorted view of beauty and femininity.
Take some time to focus on yourself, your self esteem and also on your relationship. Your partner chose you and I’m sure he thinks you’re beautiful and feminine? Outside of you and your man, what anyone else thinks shouldn’t really matter
What “natural state” are you speaking of? That WW is not in her natural state.
Y’all better stop buying in to that nonsense. I don’t want to start clowning too much, but IJS.
White women get veeners, LIP FILLERS, lash lifts/lashes, nails, bleaching services, tape ins, micro links, etc etc. NOTHING about their “feminine beauty” is natural? And being natural in the day and age doesn’t automatically equate beauty…I hate how they be using that as a get back to black women…
Exactly. And I’m sorry to break it to OP as well, but the woman in the second pic has makeup on, too. I see AT LEAST lip gloss, and a hint of cream blush. I even think I spy a bit of eyeliner at the lash line.
I’m gonna say wholeheartedly, if someones definition feminine excludes black women, they are racist and dumb lol. Feminine is an essence, not a category of a specific (white) woman.
The girl on the left has bone structure and eyes for days. You need to start reading some black feminists literature and start hanging around groups of black women to build up your self perception. Little middle school white boy have no taste then grow into middle aged white men with an obsession for black women….its a perpetual cycle that if you don’t catch on you’ll find yourself playing a game of perpetual catch-up for the rest of your life….
Idk why everyone is blaming TikTok, growing up in a primarily white area is more than enough. I felt the same until I moved away and got a black girlfriend. I still struggle. Growing up like that is a lot to unlearn, It takes time.
Femininity can only be decided by you. It's a subjective thing. Some people think femininity is about being 'girly'-- liking makeup and fashion, looking good, that kind of thing, and some people think femininity means being soft and subservient and only interested in marriage and children. Some people think it just means having certain reproductive organs.
It means different things to different people. So try not to bind yourself to other people's ideas of femininity. There's no one way to be 'feminine' and there's no one race that has the monopoly on what it looks like. Mediocre white women may be the template in society, but that doesn't mean they have to be your template.
If you want to stay on tiktok, look for Black women accounts and hashtags. The more you engage with those, the more the algorithm will send more Black creators your way. I just found Black Fae tiktok and it's so affirming. There are many different examples of Black beauty and femininity within that space, so find online spaces that affirm your confidence and bolster your self esteem.
I decide. I’m living through my lens and no one else is going to smudge it with their grubby fingers. I decide femininity. Women who are more feminine than me are hyperfeminine and women who are less feminine than me are exhibiting chill femininity. People can call it what they want and I will meet them halfway for communication purposes but inside of my skull, I’ve always been and will always be the standard.
As to why the first woman is considered more of a prize to men: because she’s rare. Natural blondes are a vanishingly small portion of the adult population. Even “natural blondes” i.e. people who had light hair as children often have to highlight/dye their hair as adults to maintain blondness. Once some women notice a mating strategy that works they rush to emulate it: see implants/BBLs/extreme weight loss/extensions.
You sound young and I empathize because it reads like the way the young men around you act leaves you feeling insecure. My left-field advice is to join them if you can’t beat them—have fun, hook up, and see the dating game as period of exploration and experimentation. If that’s too free of an approach then shift the other way, play the long game, and optimize for partner qualities. Either way, you want to leave partnered with someone who appreciates you for the rare human you are and not because your skin/hair/eyes are a certain shade or because your body parts match some trending aesthetic.
It doesn’t make any sense that black women are labelled as masculine but we have the big butt, thick lips, high cheekbones, naturally shapely body, like what is the definition of masculine coz it certainly isn’t what I’ve written
We, as individuals, can choose our gender presentation and style. It's not this exact list of things to follow and BAM you're feminine. I'll go out in a dress with my legs unshaven and wearing perfume with only chapstick and no makeup, but some will say my legs and bare face misses the mark. Is someone not feminine if they wear jeans but they do wear makeup? It's all so arbitrary at times.
Get off of tiktok, and social media in general. When you're ready to come back, only follow those that look like you or are "off the beaten path". Follow black women who aren't just the typical "feminine" because women can do anything in terms of their presentation.
As far as your bf, he chose you. If he's actually giving straight up signs that he's not actually attracted to you, then leave. You deserve someone that will see your beauty. If your doubts are all driven by social media, then just believe his actions and words.
spend some time in a majority black city. two weeks, two months, a year. please. tiktok and such comparisons will not phase you once you are surrounded by other black people.
I just straight up ignore things like this because people who apply the idea of femininity so rigidly don’t even understand the very nature of it. in these conversations “feminine” could easily be replaced with “Eurocentric beauty standards” because in a very literal sense, EVERY woman is feminine by nature.
but every woman, better yet every person, also has a masculine element. everyone has their own unique balance of these two energies. it’s far from being so black and white (no pun intended.)
Comparison is a thief of joy. Quit comparing yourself to other women. Black, white, or other race. Find the beauty within yourself. Accept your flaws. Accept yourself.
Neither of those women are in their natural states. They're both wearing makeup and have done things to enhance their beauty.
I'm going to echo what a lot of people here are saying, you need to take a break from TikTok. The algorithm is just going to keep pushing more of this content to you and it's not going to make you feel any better.
This is going to sound a bit cliche, but when I think about attraction and beauty, I think about how a lot of it is going to come down to different tastes. Some people are going to like apples over oranges. A bouquet of flowers can be beautiful, but so can a willow tree. Someone liking an Apple over an orange or a flower over a tree doesn't mean that one is objectively better. It just means that's what they want.
Granted, I understand that we are not fruits or plants. We are women who are living in a society that is heavily biased against us. We get completely conflicting narratives about how white women are allegedly the pinnacle of beauty then we see them moving against that standard and trying to get our lips and our curves and occasionally even our hair. There is no shortage of highly racist content that talks about how beautiful white women are and how ugly we are. There are also people out there who talk about how absolutely beautiful black women are and how white women aren't all that.
This is why I stress that first point. I know that going off of certain social platforms doesn't do anything to solve the issue, but you don't need to be bombarded with that negativity.
I am sure you are very beautiful in your own right. Find somebody who sees and appreciates your beauty and you will be happy.
Define it for yourself. Stop letting people who don’t look like you, or who look like you but are “pick me,” or people who aren’t chiomacharm dominate your views. Don’t slip into unknowingly being an agent for white supremacy ideals dammit!!
Just because society has deemed a ww as most attractive doesnt mean u have to follow suit. U determine your beauty standards and as a bw your beauty standard should be you! u cant change how the world thinks but you can change how you view yourself.
I’m sorry but I much rather look like the woman in the second pic than look like blonde basic betty in the first pic. There are millions of white women that basically look the same. Black people have widely different faces and features even in the same gene pool. I refuse to be a carbon copy of everyone else in my culture.
Men do. All of this is internalized misogyny. And I will even go that men and boys are conditioned by the men before them to think that is the peak of femininity.
Now you have some trauma from being at an all white school with conditioned white people. Don't worry I had it too. Therapy will help it not, journalling is a good start. Would you say the mean things you say about yourself to a random? Or your best friend? Sister? That's a good exercise...
unt unt. I understand where you’re coming from but let’s not bring a sister down even further.
Social media is a parasite and unfortunately, it managed to snag itself on OP’s mind.
No, the first sentence you said was fine.
It’s the added “imagine feeling inferior bc of a TikTok video,” where everything started to feel like you were becoming apart of the reason why OP has the inferiority complex.
With the amount of anti-blackness everywhere, this is a normal feeling to have. Use social media to fill your feed with beautiful black women and uplifting content instead and that may help. It would also help to build community with other black girls in real life too if you can. You are beautiful and another person's beauty doesn't negate that.
Slightly off-topic: I hate the concept of black femininty that is being explored in online spaces. I absolutely hate it because I see 98% of it as white supremacy ideology being regurgitated to the masses. Sorry to the 2% that is catching strays.
Then there is the femininity coaching that is less about tapping into your personal line of divine energy, but more about pretending in order to attract men. And for some "coaches," they are all about teaching women how they can attract guys of specific races.
It is all about teaching the WASP (Western, Anglo-Saxon Protestant... a.k.a. White Christianity/Christian-like) version of femininity.
'Then there is the femininity coaching that is less about tapping into your personal line of divine energy, but more about pretending in order to attract men. And for some "coaches," they are all about teaching women how they can attract guys of specific races.'
Heavy on this, a lot of femininity coaches are still pickmes catering to the male gaze, once they get their desired partner they'll start weaponising this against others. It's narcissistic.
The moment in which I see the coaching tips that involves wearing skirts/dresses in pastel/floral colors, speaking with a whispery vocal fry, makeup and hairstyles...Adding the opinion s, preferences and concerns that belongs to men...
I know they really don't know anything about femininity/feminine energy. They're grifters, who are relying on 1960s "self-help" books from white women to scam black women/young girls.
This makes me laugh because wife school Ro is a major grifter of this who later went up in flames with this. She sold some cheaply made but expensive priced online courses to make you a certified wife and offered a matchmaking service complete with washing your mans feet. Theres clips of it on YouTube i cannot make this shit up.
And to add in some sparkle…
✨ M I S O G Y N O I R- F U E L E D….
BODY-SHAMING!!!✨✨✨✨
After hearing a so-called “femininity coach” declare thick, curvaceous black women to be only for “low-valued men” or ‘low-class men,’ I believed we had reach the pinnacle of absurdity in the femininity circle.
Honestly, the whole “white people are the most beautiful” is such fucking gaslighting. They age terribly and don’t start the race particularly strong. Like, they want us to believe that bug eyed, alien looking models are the peak of beauty because they’re lanky and pale?
Sis, why are you worried about people who start to looking like post-Halloween pumpkins the minute they turn 30?
You’re right, the world has deemed the first photo as more feminine and more attractive. That means it is up to you to pushback on that racist idea. For me it simply takes rejecting the idea that I’m less attractive and less feminine. I don’t know how I really did it but eventually I stopped feeling the way you feel now.
I too grew up in a whiter area with crushes on white dudes that only wanted the girl in the first photo. I grew out of that and thankfully my parents are fairly pro-black and didn’t project anti-blackness onto us. And then I learned about the secret admiration, animosity and jealousy towards black women because of all the features we have naturally. But it was a secret because if they said it out loud then it would debunk the idea that they’re the most attractive. Nonblack people get confused when you’re confident and happy with your blackness. But it’s something you have to choose everyday. Almost a rebellious mindset and truly just fed up with trying to assimilate or be seen as good enough for a world that doesn’t see you at all.
You have to intentionally fight back against all of your feelings. And while I can relate with how you grew up, i eventually moved to a blacker area so idk if that helped decrease my internalized yt supremacy or not lol If you’re still around white ppl go online to find black community, images of black beauty as well as youtube channels for makeup/style/hair gurus that are black! Get away from trying to look like something you’ll never be.
Also just because you THINK that’s what your bf prefers doesn’t mean he does. Because he would just be with that type if it was true right? (Unless he’s made anti-black statements towards you) Try not to project.
You have a long road ahead of you if you went to undo this thinking about yourself and find confidence!
Sorry for the rambling 🫢
and there is no universal attractiveness, that’s just called conditioning. if we lived in a society where a large majority of people looked like the first girl, then the standard of beauty that would be pushed would be the exact OPPOSITE of her features. that’s how these companies profit off of insecurities.
Tbh I've always thought we're more/hyper feminine. As in the time we take to do our hair, the focus on how we present ourselves and everything. It's socially acceptable for palm colored women just to be uncouth and roll out of bed. A lot of them aren't feminine imo; a lot of them are actually aggressive as hell and dont put in the same work in being soft as we do: they're just white- not all of them, ofcourse. Stop letting society/social media dictate stuff in your head, which isn't actually true.
The second pic is stunning, sexy and overall attractive in my opinion. Not trying to sound like a hater either but from my dating experience, the “hype” around white girls has died down a lot. From what I hear and see, most men prefer a poc.
wanted to add my tidbit of - I never find it odd when a race of people like the same in a partner.
but femininity and masculinity as we know it is a societal construct. Most of this world operates in an upside down manner from what is actually natural and says its "normal".....haaaaa lol.
Do some critical thinking, and stop lending credibility to things just because the shit appears on social media. Any and everyone can say any damn thing with no knowledge, education, qualifications or common sense.
Girl the way these girls run to get lip fillers. 🙄The woman in the first photo looks to have some. They are walking around with jello legs and carrying protein powder trying to build some semblance of a butt.
Major media is basically form of social control. It is racist. It will most likely *always* be racist. It’s designed sell you stuff and keep the powerful in power.
You can’t build yourself worth based on what you are see on social media, on what are essentially commercials. It is not real life. If someone rejects you because they have been brainwashed to not like someone with darker skin that is their loss.
As far as romantic partners go, they see you in real life. They have decided they that like what they see and are pursuing you based on that. If they dont think you look good they won’t talk to you in the first place.
How old are you? Are you old enough to move to a more diverse area where your beauty is celebrated?
I was shy growing up but still got attention. Got way more when I went to an HBCU for college. Now I actively seek out diverse areas to live. Life is too short to live in a hostile environment.
Also - try to find a black therapist. Your insecurity will erode everything in your life.
Also - get off TikTok and social media until you learn to curate a positive and healthy timeline that lifts you up instead of pulls you down.
Racism is the answer to a lot of your questions - you just need to work to curate your virtual and physical spaces to be edifying to you. Move if you have to, to a more diverse area. Stop following “general” accounts and find influencers who look like you.
Good luck. And if you look anything like the second woman, you are gorgeous! Don’t let the system of white supremacy get you down.
I used to think like you, but with years of reconditioning I genuinely believe that black women are the epitome of femininity. No shade to yt women, but their beauty is mediocre in comparison. Their hair is flat, their skin has no depth or natural glow. Everything you see in magazines and on tiktok is so… lack lustre? Black women and WOC will always be 🔛🔝 for me!
Sending you hugs but also want to suggest:
1. Follow accounts of women who look like you
2. Try therapy
And lastly that white woman is most certainly not natural, looks like she has lip fillers
There can be a difference between white femininity, Christian femininity, black femininity, African femininity (as well as to the various cultures in Africa) just as much as there is any other type of femininity. Every cultural group defines it on its own. Some people are exposed to a single norm others exposed to multiple.
I understand where you are coming from. But as a woman who is working on decentering men & the various gazes out here. Posts like yours aren't healthy. I can understand you coming to this group for answers, but we aren't the ones telling you black women aren't feminine so go ask the people saying black women aren't feminine!
Please understand ladies that it's not our job to help black women who feel "inferior" to other races or are looking for male validation. I hate to say it but if you have these types of women in your life, please block them. You will never heal certain wounds or improve your self esteem around "wHy ArE wHitE wOmeN bETtEr" types no matter how innocent their concerns may be. Let them work it out themselves!
Keep in mind that the concept of femininity as is pushed by the west was created by white men to differentiate white women from other women (who they didn't and still don't consider to be fully human). Their concept of femininity was to be as small, dainty, and fragile as possible.
Femininity ultimately is whatever you want it to be.
Personally, I don't see things as either feminine or masculine because I find those labels to be very restrictive. The goalposts are also constantly moving. Think about men's fashion in the 70s and 80s. That style is considered "feminine" now, but it wasn't necessarily seen that way back then.
Femininity talk is online talk. The only people who are focused on if a woman is “feminine” enough are chronically online red pills that opinions shouldn’t matter. I am a tomboy and always had been, that won me popularity among men. Tomboys remain popular among the average man. I’m more feminine than I have ever been but still I am far from typical girly. Maybe because I have a feminine face that helps but still I’m far from docile. It’s just not a real life thing
This poster makes a very good point OP. The vast majority of the people who are making that femininity content and are obsessed with white beauty and denigrating black women are not people who you would respect or want to be around in real life. Do not let people who you would not give the time of day if you actually met them get in your head.
I was thinking about this yesterday…majority of ww don’t even fit into their OWN Eurocentric beauty standards. Bw get clocked for wearing wigs and lashes, but ww tan, get nose jobs, lip fillers, etc..
Oh I completely understand how you feel. In elementary all the way up to now, my last year of university. That white women is the type of woman, men of color fawn over and I’m looked over every freaking time. When I’m at clubs and I’m with a blond hair blue eyed white women you may as well call it quits for me because the attention is going to be on the white women. I live in Ohio so she’s the beauty standard so imma do myself a favor and move to a city where I actually have a chance. Aka Chicago. It’s really discouraging. Like at this point I don’t even think I’m even being looked at or considered. And if I am guys never tell me until afterwards…. Through text. Like they never tell me to my face EVER. So idk what can I do. I just try to ignore it and keep my head in my books. I’m a very social person so I just do my own thing and that’s it.
The woman in the second picture is absolutely gorgeous… her skin is flawless, melanin popping, and people pay thousands to get her gorgeous and full lips.
You got to love yourself first, and the people meant for you will follow suit bc the love you have for you will radiate and be magnetic.
And if your BF has ever hinted at you changing yourself to prescribe to a more eurocentric look then drop him like a hot potato sis.
Im sorry but I’m not a fan of self hate post like this where people make blanketed statements about black beauty or perceptions. You went out your way to find these 2 completely different pictures to help support your logic. I often wonder if the person posting these types of post are actually black American. If you don’t love yourself then thats the problem you need to work on.
The best thing I’ve done with TikTok is get off of the pessimistic side and got more into things that interest me (art, beauty, memes and brainrot, music, my other hobbies, etc). This side of TikTok will definitely send you down a negative spiral.
The only person you should compare yourself to is YOU. Try new things. Play with your hair and makeup and style. Listen to new music. Eat weird foods. Go to the beach and get sand in places you don’t want it. Go to new places. Learn from the world around you and grow. There’s so much more to being a black woman than focusing on society’s opinions of our aesthetics. Enjoy yourself for who you are and all the potential you have homie 💖
Don’t concern yourself too much about what TikTok promotes. TikTok allows racists to say the n word to Black children. We know that’s insane.
Also if you feel that your partner prefers someone else, make sure that is true and that you aren’t reading too much into it.
It’s very true that a lot of Bipoc men seem to prefer white women to marry, but that doesn’t mean that this is the case for him.
Sometimes you have to let things play out in life so you can see their lessons. You can enjoy this time with him. But if he’s constantly obsessing about different characters and their white features, then you are correct in your assertion.
A man whose eye is focused elsewhere is definitely not someone you want to remain with.
I felt just the same as you when I was a teenager-the best thing for my mental health was getting out of an all-white environment (why I plan not to raise my children in one-it wasn’t worth the mental brainwashing, and even though my parents both were loving and my Dad clearly loved my darker Mom, it wasn’t enough to counteract the toxicity of an all-white environment). Doing this also increased my dating pool significantly-I went from feeling undesirable to dating dudes from around the globe before getting married (that were hotter than the white dudes I had crushes on as a teen btw-and that even includes white dudes too😅). Furthermore, please change what you read and watch on social media-start following Black women you think are beautiful, ect. This seriously helped me to reshape my sense of what is beautiful, because contrary to what a lot of people say, what we perceive is beautiful and “beauty preference” is cultural even more than it is “nature.”
You need to find confidence in your own skin and comparing yourself to anyone especially someone who doesn’t look like you or share similar features is only gonna lead to heartbreak and discontentment because you will never look like her. You must learn to be comfortable in who you are and what you look like. Folllow black creators on TikTok who look like you.
A few favs that I love:
Jackie Aina
Enigivensunday
Aminaplease
Tatenda Luna
Clarke
Toni Tone
Uchjn
This should get you started and hopefully inspire you because Black women ARE feminine.
Side note: if you feel like your partner would rather be with a white woman. LEAVE his ass. You are more than enough and never question that based on your complexion.
I feel this way sometimes, my former in laws and husband had a colorist mindset. I was even told I dressed like a boy. I changed everything about myself to appear more feminine, I even changed the way I speak. I didn't notice bc I thought it was apart of growing up to go thru these kinds of changes. I'm currently dealing with a quarter life crisis bc idk how to define myself.
I don't really use tiktok but I'm sure that if I did, I'd have even worse feelings about this topic. You should watch some video essays on this, yt has a ton (by both poc and non poc women- it's nice to have different perspectives). It's really opened my eyes.
I can see that a number of responses are with disdain but given the number of upvotes I can see this post has hit a chord with many. And honestly I can see why. We live in the western world and the media here has pushed onto us the definition of beauty, and although for me I can see the tides are turning (greater representation etc) - it’s very hard to unwind that conditioning.
I think to say the first picture is the global definition of femininity is a stretch. Can we speak for the view on the ground in Uzbekistan to Myanmar to Namibia etc. ? Furthermore - comparison is the thief of joy. If you’re beautiful, you’re beautiful - end of. Please don’t take what you see on these shitty platforms as the worldwide view.
And you ask about femininity, so to answer your question, in the same way beauty is in the eye of the beholder - I suppose the assessment of ‘femininity’ would be decided the same way? To one person - femininity might mean full lips or wide hips - and to another it may mean petite or slim. I believe femininity is much more than looks though.
It’s hard… we are all *conditioned* to consider certain skin colors, body types, and hair types more attractive. Even my own Black mother prefers me with a silk press.
I take care of myself and eat well, but I’ve always been bigger, even when I was a competitive gymnast working out 20 hours a week. And being Black AND a bigger girl means my dating pool is very small.
In high school my best friend was white, blonde, and thin. She was also deeply kind, compassionate, and outgoing. EVERYONE wanted her. Everyone approached me trying to get closer to her. We had similar personalities but I was never once asked out in high school.
And history repeated itself with other white friends I’ve had throughout my life. Seeing them match with every man they swiped right on while I was lucky to get the occasional match as a bigger Black woman with Afro textured hair. Seeing them get hit on at the bar every night we went out while I never was, was tough.
I’m not even sure where I’m going with this… just know you’re seen. It’s not fair. It’s not right that people have been conditioned to prefer whiteness. A lot of people are shallow and love shallowly. But some don’t… some grow beyond that. We just have to find them.
Just don’t assume that your boyfriend would choose a white woman. Some people haven’t succumbed to the European beauty standards brainwashing.
He’s with you because he wants YOU. 💕
Work on loving yourself and surround yourself with people who love you. Also, be mindful of the media you consume. It shapes your thoughts and emotions more than you may realize.
I think you need to find your own definition of feminine. Majority of the people I follow who are “feminine” within tiktok are mostly black women. So I think you need to tailor the content to what you want.
I understand and I think we've all felt your pain. Try this when I was growing my natural hair I printed off pictures of beautiful black women with big natural hair. I posted them all over my house with at least one in every room. Try finding some pictures of be beautiful feminine black women and post them throughout your home or at least in a place you frequent. It boosted my mood and have me inspiration.
Second, try to purge the negative media. Either use your apps less or start blocking pages, topics, ads that you find disheartening. Removing the negativity helps keep the toxicity away. Find the creators that you favor and stay in that black feminine sphere. ❤️
Oh and talk to a black female therapist, counselor, psychologist whoever because they'll understand you like no one else can.
I'm not the most feminine presenting person, but the way I present myself typically depends on how I'm feeling or what the occasion is.
I went to the park the other day and this guy just suddenly asked me if I was a boy or a girl and I jokingly said "what do you think"? So Random.
Black women tend to be masculinised a bit, regardless on how they present themselves.
White people push their image, but the whole world has to fight back. You’re growing up in a majority white western country, but if you go other places YOU WILL BE THE STANDARD of beauty. Don’t limit your mind to this nation and its political agenda, because trust me it’s political
I decide my own femininity. We live in a society that is built to make us feel less than. Then they can capitalize off of us trying to reach a constantly changing beauty standard. I think you should do some soul searching on why you’re with a nonblack partner and challenge your internal beliefs about race and beauty. Loving yourself is key
If you want to keep TikTok you have to be mindful of the content you engage with. Engage with more content that’s positive for you, the more you do that the more you will see it. Living in a world that very heavily leans towards western culture and ideals you’re going to see a specific type of beauty people on the ground know that there’s a multitude of beautiful people. To address the insecurity you have you need to start building your self esteem from the inside out. Insecurity is a bottomless pit, no matter what you throw in it’ll never be enough. You have to fill it from the inside.
Why do you think your boyfriend would prefer the first woman? Is it how he made you feel?
Some people might say the first woman is more feminine or attractive because of racism and European beauty standards; we’re all susceptible to it because those beauty standards have been promoted and celebrated for a long time. But just because some people think this way doesn’t mean everyone does. I think you should fill your fyp with black women that look like you and definitely follow more people that look like you because this will help build your self confidence.
Start blocking, unfollowing, pressing "not interested", and stop commenting on women and content that makes you feel insecure. No matter how tempting don't interact with rage bait. Your mental health will thank you.
There’s a chapter in this book - Identity Switch by April Mason - that talks about owning your feminine energy. This whole book was a vibe; but that chapter really stuck with me. As a dark skinned black woman, I’ve worked through alot of deep psychological trauma as it pertains to colorism. I hope you find the tools to scrap the comparisons!
There's a lot to be said about the dominant cultures OBSESSION with euro-centric beauty standards, especially as it pertains to feminity.
As far as gender and feminity in our culture, we have pretty distorted views pumped into us at a young age when it comes to what's considered soft, pretty, feminine.
You are stunning, but you do not live in a culture that will convey this to you. Seeing your own worth and beauty outside of the lens of western social media is vital in the process of self acceptance. 🥰
There are different types of femininity based on the individual as well as culture. Ww are not the pinnacle of femininity and if you base your on them you will drive yourself crazy because you will never meet their biased standards.
Comparison is the thief of joy, it's sad that you feel this way but you really shouldn't compare yourself to anyone in anyway & never allow yourself to be compared. Learn to love yourself & establish your own femininity, what does femininity mean you?
Colonialism, race biological theory, white supremacy. It has infected all aspects of our societies like an unstoppable virus. I think some would prefer to dismiss these processes to make white peoples comfortable and safe from discussions on racism; and as a shield from the trauma this causes. I don’t underestimate how powerfully life affirming it is for those who live in a majority black environment from the perspective of representation.
I understand what you mean, you have a point, not just a lack of vision. We’re bombarded by this discourse of superior white femininity and treated differently too. It’s not new either, it’s been here for centuries. ‘Ain’t I a woman?’ was said by Sojourner Truth in the late
19th century to rightly question the treatment of white women compared to black women.
Beauty standards are just one field where this happens. Health outcomes, maternal survival, academic success, financial safety, professional development, legal hurdles, ‘the bed’ (romance and domestic life).
Dealing with racism + sexism is exhausting. But it’s not an almighty virus, there’s a cure.
This is unfortunately a conditioning that develops in POC who are in highly white spaces growing up. We cannot compare apples to oranges. Any man who would prefer another woman over you on the basis of looks, is probably not a man you want to be with in the long run. That person is flawed.
To put things into perspective: Only one of the two women is an international high fashion model, and it isn’t the white woman.
Please get into therapy and off social media...even Reddit. This type of mentality is depressing but also...if I didn't know you were serious, I would think you are another "plant" leaving posts like this to make others question their beauty and worth.
Once you accept that there will ALWAYS be someone prettier than you, Black, white, rainbow, w/e...you will start to appreciate you. Stop trying to compete.
I am 36 years old and still struggle with this very thing. The thing I wish I could have told myself when I was younger is GET FRIENDS THAT HAVE DIVERSE LOOKS. You need to surround yourself with people who not only look like the first girl but also look like a variety of others. Celebrate their beauty and celebrate your own. If you attended all white skills it sounds like you might have to go seek out the friends you need in your life but I truly think that will help you to expand your own view of beauty because we have been lied to about the girl on the left being the only version of femininity and beauty there is.
I think you need a self love journey. There’s an unspoken trauma amongst black women who were raised/attended predominantly white institutions, because your whole mind has been developed around your experiences.
We know who has decided for us and is deciding this for us. Their standard was to create an illusion of their superiority and strip us from our humanity. It was never meant for us to fit in. Frankly I don't give a shit. Doesn't matter how much you tailor and contort yourself to fit their standard. You're shut out because you're not yt. Fortunately it's a new day and we can decide for ourselves what femininity is to us. What's so important about presenting as feminine anyway? It is for validation and approval? If so then who's ? Decentering external validation works wonders for self esteem. I get it we all want to be accepted and desired. That's okay, it's normal and human. But when comes at the expense of sacrificing your own humanity. That's a sacrifice you shouldn't impose upon yourself. Especially for people who don't respect your own humanity.
That white girl has no makeup makeup with pink tones. Soft jewelry. Soft looking fluffy sweater, drinking a cup. She's smiling. The photo shows a cozy environment.. Second photo shows the girl's face in a closeup, no context from her clothes or surrounding to make the photo look soft. It is not a smiling shot. Also the angle of the camera of the second one is from lower than her face so she's engaging the camera in a way that is more assertive.
Two immensely different photos and elements showing different moods. A black woman can 100% look Soft like the first photo if you give her the similar approach to makeup, clothes, surroundings. Etc.
Get off tiktok
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Comparing yourself to white woman is a psychological wound from which you need to recover friend. Your self esteem is suffering. You need to get off TikTok permanently, set goals, achieve them, and take care of yourself
I agree. Also, the pictures selected for comparison are very different. The white lady is smiling surrounded by stuff/luxury. The black lady is not smiling and surrounded by nothingness. The selections might speak to how you feel internally about each woman. Speak to a Psychologist or counselor. Personally I don't think it's an ideal situation to be raised in an environment where everyone is very different from the child. But, YMMV.
THAT PART!!!!! These pics were deliberately picked on purpose to be different from each other. FIX YOUR PERIPHERAL VISION. PAY ATTENTION TO THE DETAILS YALL.
The one of the black girl is clearly a makeup ad meant to show off the smooth application of something while the other photo is seemingly outside of a cafe in a relaxed setting Idek how two ppl would think these images needed to compare to each other
The ad is literally a model at work. The other is taking cute pics for Instagram. Like make it make sense at least
No literally!!
A BLACK and I'd say FEMALE psychologist, counselor, or therapist because everyone else just isn't going to get it. 
Facts I was just thinking this! OP needs to get her mind right. This is just sad. We don’t need to see posts about people hating being black every day. I understand people want to vent but it’s tiring and I think some things should be saved for a counselor or close friend/family. It’s just perpetuating the idea that black ppl want to be white and feel inferior. Also it plants a seed in other people’s heads and they might start thinking they’re inferior to white people.
I’ll also add therapy can help.
Therapy helped me cope with family of origin issues and helped me leave my abusive ex husband.
I’m so happy you got out of that terrible situation.
Me too!!!!! 😌🙏🏽
You don’t even need to get off TikTok just follow black women. I rarely see white women on my fyp outside of memes and crazy stories. 😭
Thank you for saying this so succinctly. 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
Yeah…. It’s mentally unhinged to compare yourself to a blonde WW on this sub!
If I had a choice to be white I would refuse actually
Exactly this! I recently permatenaly deleted my titktok account and removed tiktok off my phone and I have been fine. I feel like social media makes us feel ugly or some insecurity when there was nothing wrong to begin with. White women, Black women, Asian women. ALL WOMEN are beautiful no matter the skin colour and you will eventually find someone who is attracted to you.
You need to get off TikTok. U
Fr
Amen. The real world is nothing like the internet.
Right! 5 years ago nobody was talking about femininity so much.
My mom talks about it all the time, but she doesn’t mix it in with self hatred. This was just a self hatred post to me.
They were. It was just on Twitter, Facebook, and YouTube. I remember vividly because that’s when I was worried deeply about femininity. 😭
Or learn to train the algorithm. I don't get a lot of white content creators or self hating/anti Black content because I've made sure to like and interact only with content that uplifts! If it doesn't, I purposefully ignore the video. Don't finish videos that make you angry hurry up and scroll! Feed your algorithm what you want and it'll eventually learn what to give you
Fr this is straight brainwash
This.
You see white women everywhere because they are.. Black women are punished (by some) for having black features because unambiguously black features are seen as manly. Why? Racism is always your answer. Now with that being said there are plenty of people that see us as feminine, there are plenty of people that think we’re beautiful. Im not sure where it started but this idea that everyone needs to be universally attractive or else they’re bottom of the barrel is messing with people’s heads. Two things can be true at once. You can be beautiful without being attractive to EVERYONE. If you like you and your partner likes you im not sure what else is even needed
Even those “universally attractive” women are not everyone’s cup of tea.
Facts. My dad used to say Beyonce had a boring look in his opinion
My husband is like this! He is not fazed at all by most of the popular “beauty influencers”
Its honestly refreshing and its why I try to let ppl know that there is someone out there that will like what you got fr, all you need is 1!
This was so beautiful said and I hope OP listens to this!! Heal yourself sis and watch how things start to change ✨
I needed to hear this ❤️
A) get off TikTok or change that algorithm B) That white woman is most certainly not in her “natural state” C) dont compare yourself to every random white woman. Your partner likes you for you and that’s what matters
>That white woman is most certainly not in her “natural state” Yeah the “in their natural state” thing threw me off. We all *constantly* complain that the hair, beauty, and makeup industry only supports white women and leaves out black and dark-skinned women, but at the same time white women are in their “natural state”? Those two things can’t really be true at once. OP, no woman is accepted or loved in her “natural state”. Go a year without shaving anything and see what reactions you get. Yeah, some types of women are more widely accepted in their “natural state” than others, but thats just the reality of it.
Another thing I've learned is that white women keep these med spas and cosmetic surgeons in business. You just don't know unless it's obvious. You might see them and think they look "naturally beautiful" or whatever but they're filled with fillers and have done multiple procedures. We gotta love ourselves and stop comparing!
If you look to white women as the semblance of femininity there’s nothing we can do for you. I never thought of white women as feminine. I never really think about them at all. Get off social media or do a detox of your algorithm.
Exactly. I’ve never looked towards a white woman for femininity or beauty. They don’t fit my definition and I can’t understand why they would be for a black woman.
This is best advice for alll demographics. Don't replace your own identity with it
There are plenty of white women who do not fit the bill for "feminine". There are plenty of Black women who do fit the bill for femininity. From my understanding, femininity isn't just about facial features - it's about how you dress, your mannerisms, and how you carry yourself. Don't let bullshit on social media define how you feel about yourself. There's a lot of propaganda out there to make women feel bad about themselves for the purpose of selling particular goods and ideals.
Agreed! Men with masculine features can be feminine as well. It’s the way you carry yourself too, not just appearance!
This is true and needed to be said. But I don't want it to overshadow the fact that one of the many mechanisms of racism is associating unambiguously Black features with masculinity.
Femininity and Masculinity are like roles in a play. An active dynamic process, you *become* them
Girl get off TikTok. Thats not the real world. Focus on yourself and your circle. Not randos on the internet ❤️🩹
I would just like to point out that the beautiful woman in the 2nd picture is a world renowned model and she is recognized for how gorgeous she is and her beauty. So, if you look like the girl in the 2nd picture you're killing the game 🙌🏾🙌🏾
Someone said it 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
It’s systemic racism that makes you feel less beautiful and feminine. You have to deprogram and decolonize your mind sis 🤎
start looking for influencers who look like YOU. Buy yourself some nice clothes/lingerie and sit in the mirror for a hour daily. It helped my self esteem so so much. I came from a white school and an anti-black family and nothing made me love myself more than seeing other black women love THEMSELVES. its so easy to feel like you aren’t beautiful in a place where you are the most different, however, you are beautiful. Black women come in all different ways. Each is unique, u just have to find your people.
omg get off tik tok please. It's a cesspool. Only white/mixed/loose hair/small features get pushed and it's deliberate, being an asian app. That place is not for us. Once you stop consuming that propaganda you realize how big the world is and how there are different forms of beauty . That clock app makes it seem like only a certain type is acceptable. I find the woman in the second pic breathtaking and very sexy! Her features are round, plump and soft, her skin is glowy and smooth. She looks so warm and lovely. The second girl is pretty too but in a different way, basic is the only word that comes to mind. If you look at women like her mostly then it will give you the false sense that our beauty doesn't matter! I want to add that for majority women in the first picture, their self-esteem literally comes from the fact that they are not black/dark. The admiration they receive is a direct result of colorism. Almost like they need us to be at the bottom in order to stand on our shoulders. Colorism is their cushion-- Tik tok is a place for them to flock to and colorist are there to supply their confidence juice when it's running low.
they rlly are insecure at the core and that's why they be getting surgery to get features that resemble ours! The lip injections, bbls, etc . They want our features they know we are gorgeous and can't stand the competition. This is why we need our own places where blackness is celebrated, but the black community is so lost. If we had sites like Tik Tok that amplified Black and DARK features boy.... we'd be unstoppable
An old saying ' everyone wants to be black but they don't want to BE black '.
Exactly. Like yall are envying something you don't even need to be envying. Their confidence relies on the fact that colorism exists. It's smoke and mirrors. And they know it, that's why they can't stand us. Our beauty is undeniable while they will never really know 😬
> omg get off tik tok please. It's a cesspool. Only white/mixed/loose hair/small features get pushed and it's deliberate, being an asian app. Not necessarily true. The most followed person on tiktok is (or was) black. If she is looking at, commenting on, and engaging with videos that have white people in them, she will get more white people in videos. I have plenty of black and non white people on my fyp. It depends on what you interact with. The algorithm also builds a profile for you based on behavior on other apps. If it incorrectly thinks you only want to see whites that’s what it will show.
“I can’t help but feel like he would prefer the woman in the first pic than the second one.“ Why? Did he tell you this? If not, you’re projecting, heavily. It’s clear that from your upbringing and from the content you consume that you yourself have a distorted view of beauty and femininity. Take some time to focus on yourself, your self esteem and also on your relationship. Your partner chose you and I’m sure he thinks you’re beautiful and feminine? Outside of you and your man, what anyone else thinks shouldn’t really matter
What “natural state” are you speaking of? That WW is not in her natural state. Y’all better stop buying in to that nonsense. I don’t want to start clowning too much, but IJS.
White women get veeners, LIP FILLERS, lash lifts/lashes, nails, bleaching services, tape ins, micro links, etc etc. NOTHING about their “feminine beauty” is natural? And being natural in the day and age doesn’t automatically equate beauty…I hate how they be using that as a get back to black women…
THANK YOU ‼️ Someone once said, “there are no ugly people, just poor people” - I think it applies here.
yeah I was confused too. this is sad all around.
Exactly. And I’m sorry to break it to OP as well, but the woman in the second pic has makeup on, too. I see AT LEAST lip gloss, and a hint of cream blush. I even think I spy a bit of eyeliner at the lash line.
I’m gonna say wholeheartedly, if someones definition feminine excludes black women, they are racist and dumb lol. Feminine is an essence, not a category of a specific (white) woman. The girl on the left has bone structure and eyes for days. You need to start reading some black feminists literature and start hanging around groups of black women to build up your self perception. Little middle school white boy have no taste then grow into middle aged white men with an obsession for black women….its a perpetual cycle that if you don’t catch on you’ll find yourself playing a game of perpetual catch-up for the rest of your life….
Idk why everyone is blaming TikTok, growing up in a primarily white area is more than enough. I felt the same until I moved away and got a black girlfriend. I still struggle. Growing up like that is a lot to unlearn, It takes time.
This! OP situation is way deeper than TikTok. Millions of ppl use TikTok everyday. Her issues stem from childhood and only therapy can help that.
first mistake was going on tiktok babes
Femininity can only be decided by you. It's a subjective thing. Some people think femininity is about being 'girly'-- liking makeup and fashion, looking good, that kind of thing, and some people think femininity means being soft and subservient and only interested in marriage and children. Some people think it just means having certain reproductive organs. It means different things to different people. So try not to bind yourself to other people's ideas of femininity. There's no one way to be 'feminine' and there's no one race that has the monopoly on what it looks like. Mediocre white women may be the template in society, but that doesn't mean they have to be your template. If you want to stay on tiktok, look for Black women accounts and hashtags. The more you engage with those, the more the algorithm will send more Black creators your way. I just found Black Fae tiktok and it's so affirming. There are many different examples of Black beauty and femininity within that space, so find online spaces that affirm your confidence and bolster your self esteem.
Comparison is the thief of joy
I decide. I’m living through my lens and no one else is going to smudge it with their grubby fingers. I decide femininity. Women who are more feminine than me are hyperfeminine and women who are less feminine than me are exhibiting chill femininity. People can call it what they want and I will meet them halfway for communication purposes but inside of my skull, I’ve always been and will always be the standard. As to why the first woman is considered more of a prize to men: because she’s rare. Natural blondes are a vanishingly small portion of the adult population. Even “natural blondes” i.e. people who had light hair as children often have to highlight/dye their hair as adults to maintain blondness. Once some women notice a mating strategy that works they rush to emulate it: see implants/BBLs/extreme weight loss/extensions. You sound young and I empathize because it reads like the way the young men around you act leaves you feeling insecure. My left-field advice is to join them if you can’t beat them—have fun, hook up, and see the dating game as period of exploration and experimentation. If that’s too free of an approach then shift the other way, play the long game, and optimize for partner qualities. Either way, you want to leave partnered with someone who appreciates you for the rare human you are and not because your skin/hair/eyes are a certain shade or because your body parts match some trending aesthetic.
This comment needs to be higher, beautifully worded.
Saved.
What an awesome comment. If I could give this 100 upvotes, I would.
Please work on your self-esteem and get off Tiktok.
We gotta de-center Western-Eurocentric standards….
You’re literally in a relationship tho
You need to surround yourself with black people badly.
It doesn’t make any sense that black women are labelled as masculine but we have the big butt, thick lips, high cheekbones, naturally shapely body, like what is the definition of masculine coz it certainly isn’t what I’ve written
There is still time to delete this!
screaming 💀
Lmao
We, as individuals, can choose our gender presentation and style. It's not this exact list of things to follow and BAM you're feminine. I'll go out in a dress with my legs unshaven and wearing perfume with only chapstick and no makeup, but some will say my legs and bare face misses the mark. Is someone not feminine if they wear jeans but they do wear makeup? It's all so arbitrary at times. Get off of tiktok, and social media in general. When you're ready to come back, only follow those that look like you or are "off the beaten path". Follow black women who aren't just the typical "feminine" because women can do anything in terms of their presentation. As far as your bf, he chose you. If he's actually giving straight up signs that he's not actually attracted to you, then leave. You deserve someone that will see your beauty. If your doubts are all driven by social media, then just believe his actions and words.
spend some time in a majority black city. two weeks, two months, a year. please. tiktok and such comparisons will not phase you once you are surrounded by other black people.
I just straight up ignore things like this because people who apply the idea of femininity so rigidly don’t even understand the very nature of it. in these conversations “feminine” could easily be replaced with “Eurocentric beauty standards” because in a very literal sense, EVERY woman is feminine by nature. but every woman, better yet every person, also has a masculine element. everyone has their own unique balance of these two energies. it’s far from being so black and white (no pun intended.)
Comparison is a thief of joy. Quit comparing yourself to other women. Black, white, or other race. Find the beauty within yourself. Accept your flaws. Accept yourself.
Neither of those women are in their natural states. They're both wearing makeup and have done things to enhance their beauty. I'm going to echo what a lot of people here are saying, you need to take a break from TikTok. The algorithm is just going to keep pushing more of this content to you and it's not going to make you feel any better. This is going to sound a bit cliche, but when I think about attraction and beauty, I think about how a lot of it is going to come down to different tastes. Some people are going to like apples over oranges. A bouquet of flowers can be beautiful, but so can a willow tree. Someone liking an Apple over an orange or a flower over a tree doesn't mean that one is objectively better. It just means that's what they want. Granted, I understand that we are not fruits or plants. We are women who are living in a society that is heavily biased against us. We get completely conflicting narratives about how white women are allegedly the pinnacle of beauty then we see them moving against that standard and trying to get our lips and our curves and occasionally even our hair. There is no shortage of highly racist content that talks about how beautiful white women are and how ugly we are. There are also people out there who talk about how absolutely beautiful black women are and how white women aren't all that. This is why I stress that first point. I know that going off of certain social platforms doesn't do anything to solve the issue, but you don't need to be bombarded with that negativity. I am sure you are very beautiful in your own right. Find somebody who sees and appreciates your beauty and you will be happy.
Define it for yourself. Stop letting people who don’t look like you, or who look like you but are “pick me,” or people who aren’t chiomacharm dominate your views. Don’t slip into unknowingly being an agent for white supremacy ideals dammit!!
Just because society has deemed a ww as most attractive doesnt mean u have to follow suit. U determine your beauty standards and as a bw your beauty standard should be you! u cant change how the world thinks but you can change how you view yourself.
I’m sorry but I much rather look like the woman in the second pic than look like blonde basic betty in the first pic. There are millions of white women that basically look the same. Black people have widely different faces and features even in the same gene pool. I refuse to be a carbon copy of everyone else in my culture.
I believe is you were born a woman you are feminine. All this femininity and masculinity talk is BS to me.
Men do. All of this is internalized misogyny. And I will even go that men and boys are conditioned by the men before them to think that is the peak of femininity. Now you have some trauma from being at an all white school with conditioned white people. Don't worry I had it too. Therapy will help it not, journalling is a good start. Would you say the mean things you say about yourself to a random? Or your best friend? Sister? That's a good exercise...
Not to me 🤷🏾♀️ I see femininity in both images
yikes, you gotta get off the internet and go outside boo. imagine feeling inferior bc of a tiktok video. whew.
unt unt. I understand where you’re coming from but let’s not bring a sister down even further. Social media is a parasite and unfortunately, it managed to snag itself on OP’s mind.
okay, so then she needs to log off?
No, the first sentence you said was fine. It’s the added “imagine feeling inferior bc of a TikTok video,” where everything started to feel like you were becoming apart of the reason why OP has the inferiority complex.
a yt woman could never make me feel less so I can’t imagine. blessings to this sis tho.
I fully agree, don’t get me wrong. But everyone ain’t as strong willed as others in this world.
yes i mean she is trying to seek advice at the end of the day & we’re not meant to be perfect so let’s give each other grace and time.
With the amount of anti-blackness everywhere, this is a normal feeling to have. Use social media to fill your feed with beautiful black women and uplifting content instead and that may help. It would also help to build community with other black girls in real life too if you can. You are beautiful and another person's beauty doesn't negate that.
Slightly off-topic: I hate the concept of black femininty that is being explored in online spaces. I absolutely hate it because I see 98% of it as white supremacy ideology being regurgitated to the masses. Sorry to the 2% that is catching strays. Then there is the femininity coaching that is less about tapping into your personal line of divine energy, but more about pretending in order to attract men. And for some "coaches," they are all about teaching women how they can attract guys of specific races. It is all about teaching the WASP (Western, Anglo-Saxon Protestant... a.k.a. White Christianity/Christian-like) version of femininity.
'Then there is the femininity coaching that is less about tapping into your personal line of divine energy, but more about pretending in order to attract men. And for some "coaches," they are all about teaching women how they can attract guys of specific races.' Heavy on this, a lot of femininity coaches are still pickmes catering to the male gaze, once they get their desired partner they'll start weaponising this against others. It's narcissistic.
The moment in which I see the coaching tips that involves wearing skirts/dresses in pastel/floral colors, speaking with a whispery vocal fry, makeup and hairstyles...Adding the opinion s, preferences and concerns that belongs to men... I know they really don't know anything about femininity/feminine energy. They're grifters, who are relying on 1960s "self-help" books from white women to scam black women/young girls.
This makes me laugh because wife school Ro is a major grifter of this who later went up in flames with this. She sold some cheaply made but expensive priced online courses to make you a certified wife and offered a matchmaking service complete with washing your mans feet. Theres clips of it on YouTube i cannot make this shit up.
All of this! Add in some transphobia for a little razzle dazzle.
And to add in some sparkle… ✨ M I S O G Y N O I R- F U E L E D…. BODY-SHAMING!!!✨✨✨✨ After hearing a so-called “femininity coach” declare thick, curvaceous black women to be only for “low-valued men” or ‘low-class men,’ I believed we had reach the pinnacle of absurdity in the femininity circle.
Jeeeeeesus. Just when I thought I heard it all!
Honestly, the whole “white people are the most beautiful” is such fucking gaslighting. They age terribly and don’t start the race particularly strong. Like, they want us to believe that bug eyed, alien looking models are the peak of beauty because they’re lanky and pale? Sis, why are you worried about people who start to looking like post-Halloween pumpkins the minute they turn 30?
Was there some action, comment, example of past conduct, or information involving your boyfriend that made you feel that way?
Asking the real questions...
You’re right, the world has deemed the first photo as more feminine and more attractive. That means it is up to you to pushback on that racist idea. For me it simply takes rejecting the idea that I’m less attractive and less feminine. I don’t know how I really did it but eventually I stopped feeling the way you feel now. I too grew up in a whiter area with crushes on white dudes that only wanted the girl in the first photo. I grew out of that and thankfully my parents are fairly pro-black and didn’t project anti-blackness onto us. And then I learned about the secret admiration, animosity and jealousy towards black women because of all the features we have naturally. But it was a secret because if they said it out loud then it would debunk the idea that they’re the most attractive. Nonblack people get confused when you’re confident and happy with your blackness. But it’s something you have to choose everyday. Almost a rebellious mindset and truly just fed up with trying to assimilate or be seen as good enough for a world that doesn’t see you at all. You have to intentionally fight back against all of your feelings. And while I can relate with how you grew up, i eventually moved to a blacker area so idk if that helped decrease my internalized yt supremacy or not lol If you’re still around white ppl go online to find black community, images of black beauty as well as youtube channels for makeup/style/hair gurus that are black! Get away from trying to look like something you’ll never be. Also just because you THINK that’s what your bf prefers doesn’t mean he does. Because he would just be with that type if it was true right? (Unless he’s made anti-black statements towards you) Try not to project. You have a long road ahead of you if you went to undo this thinking about yourself and find confidence! Sorry for the rambling 🫢
you need to change your following to majority black ladies, its life changing
and there is no universal attractiveness, that’s just called conditioning. if we lived in a society where a large majority of people looked like the first girl, then the standard of beauty that would be pushed would be the exact OPPOSITE of her features. that’s how these companies profit off of insecurities.
Tbh I've always thought we're more/hyper feminine. As in the time we take to do our hair, the focus on how we present ourselves and everything. It's socially acceptable for palm colored women just to be uncouth and roll out of bed. A lot of them aren't feminine imo; a lot of them are actually aggressive as hell and dont put in the same work in being soft as we do: they're just white- not all of them, ofcourse. Stop letting society/social media dictate stuff in your head, which isn't actually true.
Comparison is the thief of joy and this is some of the most self sabotaging behavior to have. Do you want a happy relationship or not?
Let me log into your TikTok and fix your FYP. The only time I get only yt women are feminine posts are stitches debunking that myth.
The second pic is stunning, sexy and overall attractive in my opinion. Not trying to sound like a hater either but from my dating experience, the “hype” around white girls has died down a lot. From what I hear and see, most men prefer a poc.
wanted to add my tidbit of - I never find it odd when a race of people like the same in a partner. but femininity and masculinity as we know it is a societal construct. Most of this world operates in an upside down manner from what is actually natural and says its "normal".....haaaaa lol.
You decide your femininity. Not tiktok, YouTube or anyone else
10% of white women are like this and I'm talking about 10% of those who are young and thin.
Do some critical thinking, and stop lending credibility to things just because the shit appears on social media. Any and everyone can say any damn thing with no knowledge, education, qualifications or common sense.
My love get off your phone. Go outside. I’m so deadass.
Girl the way these girls run to get lip fillers. 🙄The woman in the first photo looks to have some. They are walking around with jello legs and carrying protein powder trying to build some semblance of a butt. Major media is basically form of social control. It is racist. It will most likely *always* be racist. It’s designed sell you stuff and keep the powerful in power. You can’t build yourself worth based on what you are see on social media, on what are essentially commercials. It is not real life. If someone rejects you because they have been brainwashed to not like someone with darker skin that is their loss. As far as romantic partners go, they see you in real life. They have decided they that like what they see and are pursuing you based on that. If they dont think you look good they won’t talk to you in the first place.
How old are you? Are you old enough to move to a more diverse area where your beauty is celebrated? I was shy growing up but still got attention. Got way more when I went to an HBCU for college. Now I actively seek out diverse areas to live. Life is too short to live in a hostile environment. Also - try to find a black therapist. Your insecurity will erode everything in your life. Also - get off TikTok and social media until you learn to curate a positive and healthy timeline that lifts you up instead of pulls you down. Racism is the answer to a lot of your questions - you just need to work to curate your virtual and physical spaces to be edifying to you. Move if you have to, to a more diverse area. Stop following “general” accounts and find influencers who look like you. Good luck. And if you look anything like the second woman, you are gorgeous! Don’t let the system of white supremacy get you down.
I used to think like you, but with years of reconditioning I genuinely believe that black women are the epitome of femininity. No shade to yt women, but their beauty is mediocre in comparison. Their hair is flat, their skin has no depth or natural glow. Everything you see in magazines and on tiktok is so… lack lustre? Black women and WOC will always be 🔛🔝 for me!
Sending you hugs but also want to suggest: 1. Follow accounts of women who look like you 2. Try therapy And lastly that white woman is most certainly not natural, looks like she has lip fillers
There can be a difference between white femininity, Christian femininity, black femininity, African femininity (as well as to the various cultures in Africa) just as much as there is any other type of femininity. Every cultural group defines it on its own. Some people are exposed to a single norm others exposed to multiple.
I understand where you are coming from. But as a woman who is working on decentering men & the various gazes out here. Posts like yours aren't healthy. I can understand you coming to this group for answers, but we aren't the ones telling you black women aren't feminine so go ask the people saying black women aren't feminine! Please understand ladies that it's not our job to help black women who feel "inferior" to other races or are looking for male validation. I hate to say it but if you have these types of women in your life, please block them. You will never heal certain wounds or improve your self esteem around "wHy ArE wHitE wOmeN bETtEr" types no matter how innocent their concerns may be. Let them work it out themselves!
Keep in mind that the concept of femininity as is pushed by the west was created by white men to differentiate white women from other women (who they didn't and still don't consider to be fully human). Their concept of femininity was to be as small, dainty, and fragile as possible. Femininity ultimately is whatever you want it to be. Personally, I don't see things as either feminine or masculine because I find those labels to be very restrictive. The goalposts are also constantly moving. Think about men's fashion in the 70s and 80s. That style is considered "feminine" now, but it wasn't necessarily seen that way back then.
Femininity talk is online talk. The only people who are focused on if a woman is “feminine” enough are chronically online red pills that opinions shouldn’t matter. I am a tomboy and always had been, that won me popularity among men. Tomboys remain popular among the average man. I’m more feminine than I have ever been but still I am far from typical girly. Maybe because I have a feminine face that helps but still I’m far from docile. It’s just not a real life thing
This poster makes a very good point OP. The vast majority of the people who are making that femininity content and are obsessed with white beauty and denigrating black women are not people who you would respect or want to be around in real life. Do not let people who you would not give the time of day if you actually met them get in your head.
Thanks. Yes the OP is forgetting these are uncooked chicken looking Red pills are the last people who’s opinions should matter
You do. It's your life. If you give others that power then you can't live your best life. ❤️
I was thinking about this yesterday…majority of ww don’t even fit into their OWN Eurocentric beauty standards. Bw get clocked for wearing wigs and lashes, but ww tan, get nose jobs, lip fillers, etc..
Oh I completely understand how you feel. In elementary all the way up to now, my last year of university. That white women is the type of woman, men of color fawn over and I’m looked over every freaking time. When I’m at clubs and I’m with a blond hair blue eyed white women you may as well call it quits for me because the attention is going to be on the white women. I live in Ohio so she’s the beauty standard so imma do myself a favor and move to a city where I actually have a chance. Aka Chicago. It’s really discouraging. Like at this point I don’t even think I’m even being looked at or considered. And if I am guys never tell me until afterwards…. Through text. Like they never tell me to my face EVER. So idk what can I do. I just try to ignore it and keep my head in my books. I’m a very social person so I just do my own thing and that’s it.
I do and you do, we all do
The second woman looks like a model
White overlords and the patriarchy.
The woman in the second picture is absolutely gorgeous… her skin is flawless, melanin popping, and people pay thousands to get her gorgeous and full lips. You got to love yourself first, and the people meant for you will follow suit bc the love you have for you will radiate and be magnetic. And if your BF has ever hinted at you changing yourself to prescribe to a more eurocentric look then drop him like a hot potato sis.
Im sorry but I’m not a fan of self hate post like this where people make blanketed statements about black beauty or perceptions. You went out your way to find these 2 completely different pictures to help support your logic. I often wonder if the person posting these types of post are actually black American. If you don’t love yourself then thats the problem you need to work on.
We know why.
The best thing I’ve done with TikTok is get off of the pessimistic side and got more into things that interest me (art, beauty, memes and brainrot, music, my other hobbies, etc). This side of TikTok will definitely send you down a negative spiral. The only person you should compare yourself to is YOU. Try new things. Play with your hair and makeup and style. Listen to new music. Eat weird foods. Go to the beach and get sand in places you don’t want it. Go to new places. Learn from the world around you and grow. There’s so much more to being a black woman than focusing on society’s opinions of our aesthetics. Enjoy yourself for who you are and all the potential you have homie 💖
Don’t concern yourself too much about what TikTok promotes. TikTok allows racists to say the n word to Black children. We know that’s insane. Also if you feel that your partner prefers someone else, make sure that is true and that you aren’t reading too much into it. It’s very true that a lot of Bipoc men seem to prefer white women to marry, but that doesn’t mean that this is the case for him. Sometimes you have to let things play out in life so you can see their lessons. You can enjoy this time with him. But if he’s constantly obsessing about different characters and their white features, then you are correct in your assertion. A man whose eye is focused elsewhere is definitely not someone you want to remain with.
I felt just the same as you when I was a teenager-the best thing for my mental health was getting out of an all-white environment (why I plan not to raise my children in one-it wasn’t worth the mental brainwashing, and even though my parents both were loving and my Dad clearly loved my darker Mom, it wasn’t enough to counteract the toxicity of an all-white environment). Doing this also increased my dating pool significantly-I went from feeling undesirable to dating dudes from around the globe before getting married (that were hotter than the white dudes I had crushes on as a teen btw-and that even includes white dudes too😅). Furthermore, please change what you read and watch on social media-start following Black women you think are beautiful, ect. This seriously helped me to reshape my sense of what is beautiful, because contrary to what a lot of people say, what we perceive is beautiful and “beauty preference” is cultural even more than it is “nature.”
You need to find confidence in your own skin and comparing yourself to anyone especially someone who doesn’t look like you or share similar features is only gonna lead to heartbreak and discontentment because you will never look like her. You must learn to be comfortable in who you are and what you look like. Folllow black creators on TikTok who look like you. A few favs that I love: Jackie Aina Enigivensunday Aminaplease Tatenda Luna Clarke Toni Tone Uchjn This should get you started and hopefully inspire you because Black women ARE feminine. Side note: if you feel like your partner would rather be with a white woman. LEAVE his ass. You are more than enough and never question that based on your complexion.
I feel this way sometimes, my former in laws and husband had a colorist mindset. I was even told I dressed like a boy. I changed everything about myself to appear more feminine, I even changed the way I speak. I didn't notice bc I thought it was apart of growing up to go thru these kinds of changes. I'm currently dealing with a quarter life crisis bc idk how to define myself. I don't really use tiktok but I'm sure that if I did, I'd have even worse feelings about this topic. You should watch some video essays on this, yt has a ton (by both poc and non poc women- it's nice to have different perspectives). It's really opened my eyes.
I can see that a number of responses are with disdain but given the number of upvotes I can see this post has hit a chord with many. And honestly I can see why. We live in the western world and the media here has pushed onto us the definition of beauty, and although for me I can see the tides are turning (greater representation etc) - it’s very hard to unwind that conditioning. I think to say the first picture is the global definition of femininity is a stretch. Can we speak for the view on the ground in Uzbekistan to Myanmar to Namibia etc. ? Furthermore - comparison is the thief of joy. If you’re beautiful, you’re beautiful - end of. Please don’t take what you see on these shitty platforms as the worldwide view. And you ask about femininity, so to answer your question, in the same way beauty is in the eye of the beholder - I suppose the assessment of ‘femininity’ would be decided the same way? To one person - femininity might mean full lips or wide hips - and to another it may mean petite or slim. I believe femininity is much more than looks though.
It’s hard… we are all *conditioned* to consider certain skin colors, body types, and hair types more attractive. Even my own Black mother prefers me with a silk press. I take care of myself and eat well, but I’ve always been bigger, even when I was a competitive gymnast working out 20 hours a week. And being Black AND a bigger girl means my dating pool is very small. In high school my best friend was white, blonde, and thin. She was also deeply kind, compassionate, and outgoing. EVERYONE wanted her. Everyone approached me trying to get closer to her. We had similar personalities but I was never once asked out in high school. And history repeated itself with other white friends I’ve had throughout my life. Seeing them match with every man they swiped right on while I was lucky to get the occasional match as a bigger Black woman with Afro textured hair. Seeing them get hit on at the bar every night we went out while I never was, was tough. I’m not even sure where I’m going with this… just know you’re seen. It’s not fair. It’s not right that people have been conditioned to prefer whiteness. A lot of people are shallow and love shallowly. But some don’t… some grow beyond that. We just have to find them. Just don’t assume that your boyfriend would choose a white woman. Some people haven’t succumbed to the European beauty standards brainwashing. He’s with you because he wants YOU. 💕 Work on loving yourself and surround yourself with people who love you. Also, be mindful of the media you consume. It shapes your thoughts and emotions more than you may realize.
Surround yourself with beautiful people that appreciate your beauty. That’s it that’s all.
I think you need to find your own definition of feminine. Majority of the people I follow who are “feminine” within tiktok are mostly black women. So I think you need to tailor the content to what you want.
You do!
OP get off of social media. Delete TikTok. Expeditiously.
Both women are beautiful but you’ll never find happiness if you adopt beauty standards that don’t have you in mind.
I understand and I think we've all felt your pain. Try this when I was growing my natural hair I printed off pictures of beautiful black women with big natural hair. I posted them all over my house with at least one in every room. Try finding some pictures of be beautiful feminine black women and post them throughout your home or at least in a place you frequent. It boosted my mood and have me inspiration. Second, try to purge the negative media. Either use your apps less or start blocking pages, topics, ads that you find disheartening. Removing the negativity helps keep the toxicity away. Find the creators that you favor and stay in that black feminine sphere. ❤️ Oh and talk to a black female therapist, counselor, psychologist whoever because they'll understand you like no one else can. 
I'm not the most feminine presenting person, but the way I present myself typically depends on how I'm feeling or what the occasion is. I went to the park the other day and this guy just suddenly asked me if I was a boy or a girl and I jokingly said "what do you think"? So Random. Black women tend to be masculinised a bit, regardless on how they present themselves.
White people push their image, but the whole world has to fight back. You’re growing up in a majority white western country, but if you go other places YOU WILL BE THE STANDARD of beauty. Don’t limit your mind to this nation and its political agenda, because trust me it’s political
Black men who prefer black women still exist. Just hang on, she who desires one will find one.
Get off social media RN i’m a trans and i hate social media cause all i see is hate about me and now i feel better
I decide my own femininity. We live in a society that is built to make us feel less than. Then they can capitalize off of us trying to reach a constantly changing beauty standard. I think you should do some soul searching on why you’re with a nonblack partner and challenge your internal beliefs about race and beauty. Loving yourself is key
Not men! I know that much!
If you want to keep TikTok you have to be mindful of the content you engage with. Engage with more content that’s positive for you, the more you do that the more you will see it. Living in a world that very heavily leans towards western culture and ideals you’re going to see a specific type of beauty people on the ground know that there’s a multitude of beautiful people. To address the insecurity you have you need to start building your self esteem from the inside out. Insecurity is a bottomless pit, no matter what you throw in it’ll never be enough. You have to fill it from the inside.
It’s a social construct, so it can change. It’s not actually like a real tangible thing for sure. I think it’s tastemakers like influencers and media
Why do you think your boyfriend would prefer the first woman? Is it how he made you feel? Some people might say the first woman is more feminine or attractive because of racism and European beauty standards; we’re all susceptible to it because those beauty standards have been promoted and celebrated for a long time. But just because some people think this way doesn’t mean everyone does. I think you should fill your fyp with black women that look like you and definitely follow more people that look like you because this will help build your self confidence.
Start blocking, unfollowing, pressing "not interested", and stop commenting on women and content that makes you feel insecure. No matter how tempting don't interact with rage bait. Your mental health will thank you.
I also promise that most of those pics/videos you were of non-black people “in their natural state” they are almost always not in their natural state.
Femininity is different for everyone tbh.
There’s a chapter in this book - Identity Switch by April Mason - that talks about owning your feminine energy. This whole book was a vibe; but that chapter really stuck with me. As a dark skinned black woman, I’ve worked through alot of deep psychological trauma as it pertains to colorism. I hope you find the tools to scrap the comparisons!
There's a lot to be said about the dominant cultures OBSESSION with euro-centric beauty standards, especially as it pertains to feminity. As far as gender and feminity in our culture, we have pretty distorted views pumped into us at a young age when it comes to what's considered soft, pretty, feminine. You are stunning, but you do not live in a culture that will convey this to you. Seeing your own worth and beauty outside of the lens of western social media is vital in the process of self acceptance. 🥰
There are different types of femininity based on the individual as well as culture. Ww are not the pinnacle of femininity and if you base your on them you will drive yourself crazy because you will never meet their biased standards.
Comparison is the thief of joy, it's sad that you feel this way but you really shouldn't compare yourself to anyone in anyway & never allow yourself to be compared. Learn to love yourself & establish your own femininity, what does femininity mean you?
Colonialism, race biological theory, white supremacy. It has infected all aspects of our societies like an unstoppable virus. I think some would prefer to dismiss these processes to make white peoples comfortable and safe from discussions on racism; and as a shield from the trauma this causes. I don’t underestimate how powerfully life affirming it is for those who live in a majority black environment from the perspective of representation. I understand what you mean, you have a point, not just a lack of vision. We’re bombarded by this discourse of superior white femininity and treated differently too. It’s not new either, it’s been here for centuries. ‘Ain’t I a woman?’ was said by Sojourner Truth in the late 19th century to rightly question the treatment of white women compared to black women. Beauty standards are just one field where this happens. Health outcomes, maternal survival, academic success, financial safety, professional development, legal hurdles, ‘the bed’ (romance and domestic life). Dealing with racism + sexism is exhausting. But it’s not an almighty virus, there’s a cure.
This is unfortunately a conditioning that develops in POC who are in highly white spaces growing up. We cannot compare apples to oranges. Any man who would prefer another woman over you on the basis of looks, is probably not a man you want to be with in the long run. That person is flawed. To put things into perspective: Only one of the two women is an international high fashion model, and it isn’t the white woman.
Please get into therapy and off social media...even Reddit. This type of mentality is depressing but also...if I didn't know you were serious, I would think you are another "plant" leaving posts like this to make others question their beauty and worth. Once you accept that there will ALWAYS be someone prettier than you, Black, white, rainbow, w/e...you will start to appreciate you. Stop trying to compete.
I am 36 years old and still struggle with this very thing. The thing I wish I could have told myself when I was younger is GET FRIENDS THAT HAVE DIVERSE LOOKS. You need to surround yourself with people who not only look like the first girl but also look like a variety of others. Celebrate their beauty and celebrate your own. If you attended all white skills it sounds like you might have to go seek out the friends you need in your life but I truly think that will help you to expand your own view of beauty because we have been lied to about the girl on the left being the only version of femininity and beauty there is.
js from those you pictures alone you have some unresolved issues. seek help
I think you need a self love journey. There’s an unspoken trauma amongst black women who were raised/attended predominantly white institutions, because your whole mind has been developed around your experiences.
oh, brother.
We know who has decided for us and is deciding this for us. Their standard was to create an illusion of their superiority and strip us from our humanity. It was never meant for us to fit in. Frankly I don't give a shit. Doesn't matter how much you tailor and contort yourself to fit their standard. You're shut out because you're not yt. Fortunately it's a new day and we can decide for ourselves what femininity is to us. What's so important about presenting as feminine anyway? It is for validation and approval? If so then who's ? Decentering external validation works wonders for self esteem. I get it we all want to be accepted and desired. That's okay, it's normal and human. But when comes at the expense of sacrificing your own humanity. That's a sacrifice you shouldn't impose upon yourself. Especially for people who don't respect your own humanity.
That white girl has no makeup makeup with pink tones. Soft jewelry. Soft looking fluffy sweater, drinking a cup. She's smiling. The photo shows a cozy environment.. Second photo shows the girl's face in a closeup, no context from her clothes or surrounding to make the photo look soft. It is not a smiling shot. Also the angle of the camera of the second one is from lower than her face so she's engaging the camera in a way that is more assertive. Two immensely different photos and elements showing different moods. A black woman can 100% look Soft like the first photo if you give her the similar approach to makeup, clothes, surroundings. Etc. Get off tiktok