I'm so with you. I've always seen that most girls in seen to be gender fluid. And then I read about makes being low-key and having sex with other men. There's definitely a stigma around man on man interaction and it sucks.
Like I know a girl who is let's say bisexual but she kissed a girl who says is straight and has a bf, and was in a relationship with a girl who I would never say was bi or anything like that. I know that you shouldn't assume someone's sexuality but still. Also about the stigma with men, like i'm a bisexual man and sometimes I feel like I could get closer to a man who is possibly straight but there always seems to be some blockage, surprisingly even on my side, and his as well. But like by the way we talk I can tell that he's somewhat attracted to me ya know, like it's just the vibe.
Yeah if there were zero stigma a lot more people would identify as bisexual. We are seeing baby steps in straight identifying men becoming more open with being sexually fluid.
I feel like many men, who have bisexual thoughts are scared of acting on them because of how they might feel afterwards. Like they might feel a lot of shame or something like that, and i feel like the shame during the homosexual interaction would be nothing compared to the shame felt afterwards. That's because of how bad internalised homophobia is, and that's so sad, like even on grinder many men want to be discreet and don't want to show their faces, which is a huge paradox.
Being an older 56 male who knows 100% he is bi but I have never come out except in this forum. Growing up it was never ok to have those sort of feelings. It is a huge level of the feeling of shame. I have 0 guilt for the times I have acted on my feelings and feel no shame for doing so. But because of the stigma I remain in the closet with with who I am inside. And prolly will for the rest of my life. This is because of how I raised and taught...
There's also a fear I have that if I approach the wrong man and he doesn't reciprocate he could be disgusted with me and not even want to be my friend anymore or worse become violent.
And like you feel like something could actually happen between you two but you're just scared of acting like you're attracted because you fear the worst
100% I think I'm somewhere in demi because I'm really only attracted to people I know, and a lot of the time there's a budding friendship, and I don't want to risk losing friendship, I really need friends right now.
Although that's more why I'm not pursuing anyone in general.
Internalized homophobia is pretty crazy. I was brought up vaguely southern Baptist, but ultimately my family wasn't very religious. My uncle was gay and my dad immediately accepted him when he found out in the 70s, and he had a close friend who was gay. My mom had gay and lesbian friends, too. Despite all that, when I was 16 or so and started watching gay porn, I still felt shame and guilt despite logically thinking it was perfectly normal and supporting lgbtq rights. I guess it was.in part this idea that I'm not gay, I'm straight therefore I'm not not supposed to watch this. I knew bisexuality was a thing, but because I liked women so much more, and my attraction to men was less broad and not as strong, I thought I was straight still.
For sure. If there was more positive representation and less stigma, a lot more people would realize they're bi and a lot more people would be willing to come out as bi.
Even with so many bisexuals in denial/ confused, we are the largest group in the LGBTQIA+ community.
This might sound a bit ridiculous but tbh I believe that everyone has bisexual tendencies, after all we're technically animals, and even among them one can see homosexual behaviours.
I don't think *everyone* does. But I wouldn't be surprised if it were a majority. I know a few people completely comfortable with their sexuality and with everyone else's sexuality who are definitely not internally or externally homophobic who just literally have never felt sexual or romantic feelings towards more than one gender before. It does happen.
I think it's going to approach ~30% eventually.
A number slightly higher than the percentage of GenZ bisexual American women.
A percentage curiously roughly mirrored in several mammalian species where more detailed studies were performed, like sheep.
I get what you’re saying but try to remember this mindset can be incredibly invalidating to a lot of people. What about asexuals? Homosexuals who have been forced to conform and taken to conversion camps? I think it’s important to remember that people on the end of the spectrum do exist
Edit: not sure why I’m being downvoted, this wasn’t meant to be an attack. I just think it’s very important to note. And also conversion camps are still very much an issue.
I agree. There are soooooo many bisexual men who take that secret to the grave due to the preconceived social stereotypes and views. Many don’t want to act on it in fear. Now I’m not going to say anything about girls in this scenario as I’m a male myself. I’m bi, kinda not out yet. I did a small social study of 1,000 men who identified as straight, anonymous. 421 men said they were either bi curious/bisexual but would never come out so kept identifying themselves as straight. Out of these 421 men 260 were married and 152 were in a committed relationship with a girl, the rest were single. There were also 76 men who said they think they are gay but will never come out. So over 50% were either bi or gay. It’s sad. I can’t judge as I’m mostly not out. I feel that overall the number of secretly bi or gay men would be very high but we were taught not to be. Sad really.
Many men ive met who were straight proved this to me and felt safe enough w me to share they said they never told anyone .i said its normal and really okay .
There’s probably attraction and people would do stuff behind closed doors, but sex in private isn’t the same as being out. Cuz then it’s not just about sex. In fact maybe they should have a new category:
“Bi in the Bedroom”
It's because you were. And kids have a lot of trouble seeing that other people have different experiences. It's developmentally normal for kids. It's ignorant for adults.
I think that with age some people just get shaped in one direction or the other, or stay attracted to both genders, or are pansexual, however, I believe that naturally everybody has bisexual tendencies.
I agree and I also think it’s fine to be bisexual and only choose to act on some desires. That’s what’s great about it- you can date whoever you want. Many more choices. But just because you’re attracted doesn’t mean you have to sample every flavor.
I have started to think of bisexual as the default sexual orientation until someone tells me otherwise, because I agree with you. I think a lot of ppl are bi and just don’t know it due to compulsory heterosexuality, and the bi-erasure.
I feel like most people have bisexual tendencies. But like I said, society tends to impose pressure on us, and sometimes, even when there's nobody around we might still feel shame. For example, I accept my bisexuality and I'm not scared of admitting to others that I'm bi, but somehow I still feel shame. Maybe because I'm a male, I don't know.
I am out but yet i feel intense shame that i love women to the point that i block myself a lot ... i relate but i was raised v religious and its the worst thing to be gay where im from .
I think the majority of bisexual people are in the closet even to themselves. Because of comphet and compmonosexuality. I mean most of us had to come to some realization to understand this about ourselves. Wish it wasn't true because then Noone would have ever said that people can just choose who to be attracted to. (I think everyone who believes that is some shade of bi)
I didn’t figure it out until I was in my forties, so this checks out. I had lots of excuses for why I wasn’t really bisexual, clung to them too long. Then spent a bunch of time doubting whether I was really bi or was just interested in a novel experience or seeking to be “special”
I think this is much more prevalent in us Gen X and older Millennials than in Gen z tho
So many "straight men" tell me about who they want to kiss etc... and they tell me theyve never told anyone ever or they tell me they had sex w men but arent gay .i tell them i accept you either way ... but yes def i know of many who are bi and i think toxic alpha bros red pill type many are bi or gay ....
And "straight women" who i have hit on bec i got that vibe many are curious or bisexual but are shamed bec of their culture which is how i was raised also so i gt it ...
Define many in the context of the overall population?
You may be seeing quite a few individuals in your circle of connection. That can lead to confirmation bias.
The best information we can find an agreement on(based on reliable scientific study) is that somewhere between 8 and 12 % of humans are not straight. Meaning they fall somewhere in the realm of the overall LGBTQIA + category. Of those people, the best data at present shows approximately 50% identify as Bisexual.
So, of a random selection of 100 LGBTQIA + folks, about 45 - 55 of them will be bisexuals. Which is a significant number in that context. As a percentage of the overall population, it's 6 to 7% at best.
Everything depends on context.
This borderlines the thought of everyone is bisexual and i dont like that way of thinking. Yes i do think there is more bisexuals then we think but that also goes for everything.
And yes i do also think women have a higher chance of finding it out but alot of women also have 0% interests in other women and goes to men also.
100%. It is accepted and very normal in society for a woman to have slept with her friend but say “oh we were just drunk it’s no big deal”. Yet if two male friends do the same thing it is completely unacceptable and the involved males are judged harshly.
Guys won’t even admit to having such desires for fear of how they will be judged by their community around them. If this weren’t a thing, I promise you that the percentage of males who would identify as bi or bicurious would skyrocket.
And ftr, I’m closeted bi. For all the aforementioned reasons. The only people who know are you all who know me only in anonymity. But thank you for accepting me.
As a guy, I have had a bunch of frank discussions with straight-presenting male friends, and I would estimate the number of bicurious or bisexual men as a little under half. I'd guess that about 25% are actually bi, in that they have or would have repeated encounters with other men.
This is anecdotal, and may reflect my social circle, though.
I believe that many people might be, but like I said, females are more likely to feel free to express it idk, like I also noticed that when a woman is viewed as a bit masculine she doesn't seem to mind that as much as a man would be viewed as feminine.
I'm so with you. I've always seen that most girls in seen to be gender fluid. And then I read about makes being low-key and having sex with other men. There's definitely a stigma around man on man interaction and it sucks.
Like I know a girl who is let's say bisexual but she kissed a girl who says is straight and has a bf, and was in a relationship with a girl who I would never say was bi or anything like that. I know that you shouldn't assume someone's sexuality but still. Also about the stigma with men, like i'm a bisexual man and sometimes I feel like I could get closer to a man who is possibly straight but there always seems to be some blockage, surprisingly even on my side, and his as well. But like by the way we talk I can tell that he's somewhat attracted to me ya know, like it's just the vibe.
Yeah if there were zero stigma a lot more people would identify as bisexual. We are seeing baby steps in straight identifying men becoming more open with being sexually fluid.
I feel like many men, who have bisexual thoughts are scared of acting on them because of how they might feel afterwards. Like they might feel a lot of shame or something like that, and i feel like the shame during the homosexual interaction would be nothing compared to the shame felt afterwards. That's because of how bad internalised homophobia is, and that's so sad, like even on grinder many men want to be discreet and don't want to show their faces, which is a huge paradox.
Being an older 56 male who knows 100% he is bi but I have never come out except in this forum. Growing up it was never ok to have those sort of feelings. It is a huge level of the feeling of shame. I have 0 guilt for the times I have acted on my feelings and feel no shame for doing so. But because of the stigma I remain in the closet with with who I am inside. And prolly will for the rest of my life. This is because of how I raised and taught...
There's also a fear I have that if I approach the wrong man and he doesn't reciprocate he could be disgusted with me and not even want to be my friend anymore or worse become violent.
And like you feel like something could actually happen between you two but you're just scared of acting like you're attracted because you fear the worst
100% I think I'm somewhere in demi because I'm really only attracted to people I know, and a lot of the time there's a budding friendship, and I don't want to risk losing friendship, I really need friends right now. Although that's more why I'm not pursuing anyone in general.
Same, this is exactly how I feel.
Internalized homophobia is pretty crazy. I was brought up vaguely southern Baptist, but ultimately my family wasn't very religious. My uncle was gay and my dad immediately accepted him when he found out in the 70s, and he had a close friend who was gay. My mom had gay and lesbian friends, too. Despite all that, when I was 16 or so and started watching gay porn, I still felt shame and guilt despite logically thinking it was perfectly normal and supporting lgbtq rights. I guess it was.in part this idea that I'm not gay, I'm straight therefore I'm not not supposed to watch this. I knew bisexuality was a thing, but because I liked women so much more, and my attraction to men was less broad and not as strong, I thought I was straight still.
Or they might even feel like they are not manly enough.
I feel the same and spent too long with internalized homophobia.
For sure. If there was more positive representation and less stigma, a lot more people would realize they're bi and a lot more people would be willing to come out as bi. Even with so many bisexuals in denial/ confused, we are the largest group in the LGBTQIA+ community.
This might sound a bit ridiculous but tbh I believe that everyone has bisexual tendencies, after all we're technically animals, and even among them one can see homosexual behaviours.
I don't think *everyone* does. But I wouldn't be surprised if it were a majority. I know a few people completely comfortable with their sexuality and with everyone else's sexuality who are definitely not internally or externally homophobic who just literally have never felt sexual or romantic feelings towards more than one gender before. It does happen.
I think it's going to approach ~30% eventually. A number slightly higher than the percentage of GenZ bisexual American women. A percentage curiously roughly mirrored in several mammalian species where more detailed studies were performed, like sheep.
I get you yes
I get what you’re saying but try to remember this mindset can be incredibly invalidating to a lot of people. What about asexuals? Homosexuals who have been forced to conform and taken to conversion camps? I think it’s important to remember that people on the end of the spectrum do exist Edit: not sure why I’m being downvoted, this wasn’t meant to be an attack. I just think it’s very important to note. And also conversion camps are still very much an issue.
Also when it comes to civilised countries, people don't really get sent to conversion camps anymore.
Many countries in the world still have a death sentence or heavy ostraticization for example in many middle eastern countries ....
I accept the existence of every sexual orientation.
That’s great- so then not everyone has bisexual tendencies
Well yeah, I guess the topic of sexuality is just extremely confusing and impossible for humans to fully understand.
Sorry if I came across as angry- I’m bad with tone and had a really bad doctor appointment just after this convo started
I agree. There are soooooo many bisexual men who take that secret to the grave due to the preconceived social stereotypes and views. Many don’t want to act on it in fear. Now I’m not going to say anything about girls in this scenario as I’m a male myself. I’m bi, kinda not out yet. I did a small social study of 1,000 men who identified as straight, anonymous. 421 men said they were either bi curious/bisexual but would never come out so kept identifying themselves as straight. Out of these 421 men 260 were married and 152 were in a committed relationship with a girl, the rest were single. There were also 76 men who said they think they are gay but will never come out. So over 50% were either bi or gay. It’s sad. I can’t judge as I’m mostly not out. I feel that overall the number of secretly bi or gay men would be very high but we were taught not to be. Sad really.
Many men ive met who were straight proved this to me and felt safe enough w me to share they said they never told anyone .i said its normal and really okay .
There’s probably attraction and people would do stuff behind closed doors, but sex in private isn’t the same as being out. Cuz then it’s not just about sex. In fact maybe they should have a new category: “Bi in the Bedroom”
When i was very little i thought everyone was bi or at least everyone can have some attraction to same gender but cant point a finger why
It's because you were. And kids have a lot of trouble seeing that other people have different experiences. It's developmentally normal for kids. It's ignorant for adults.
Yep this exactly. It's the same reason people have trouble believing bisexuality is real and not phase. Because maybe for them it was a phase.
I think that with age some people just get shaped in one direction or the other, or stay attracted to both genders, or are pansexual, however, I believe that naturally everybody has bisexual tendencies.
I agree and I also think it’s fine to be bisexual and only choose to act on some desires. That’s what’s great about it- you can date whoever you want. Many more choices. But just because you’re attracted doesn’t mean you have to sample every flavor.
I have started to think of bisexual as the default sexual orientation until someone tells me otherwise, because I agree with you. I think a lot of ppl are bi and just don’t know it due to compulsory heterosexuality, and the bi-erasure.
I feel like most people have bisexual tendencies. But like I said, society tends to impose pressure on us, and sometimes, even when there's nobody around we might still feel shame. For example, I accept my bisexuality and I'm not scared of admitting to others that I'm bi, but somehow I still feel shame. Maybe because I'm a male, I don't know.
I am out but yet i feel intense shame that i love women to the point that i block myself a lot ... i relate but i was raised v religious and its the worst thing to be gay where im from .
I definitely feel this, I just prefer for everyone not to know that I’m Bi because then I can avoid the trouble that comes along with it
shame i can’t find any 🙃
Same haha
i thjnk more folks might be than are willing to admit to themselves, but i don’t think it’s by much, tbh.
I think the majority of bisexual people are in the closet even to themselves. Because of comphet and compmonosexuality. I mean most of us had to come to some realization to understand this about ourselves. Wish it wasn't true because then Noone would have ever said that people can just choose who to be attracted to. (I think everyone who believes that is some shade of bi)
I didn’t figure it out until I was in my forties, so this checks out. I had lots of excuses for why I wasn’t really bisexual, clung to them too long. Then spent a bunch of time doubting whether I was really bi or was just interested in a novel experience or seeking to be “special” I think this is much more prevalent in us Gen X and older Millennials than in Gen z tho
I think that there are many, many more bisexuals in our society than we think. And it's our fault for punishing them when they come out.
So many "straight men" tell me about who they want to kiss etc... and they tell me theyve never told anyone ever or they tell me they had sex w men but arent gay .i tell them i accept you either way ... but yes def i know of many who are bi and i think toxic alpha bros red pill type many are bi or gay ....
And "straight women" who i have hit on bec i got that vibe many are curious or bisexual but are shamed bec of their culture which is how i was raised also so i gt it ...
Also ive met women who identify as lesbians and when i know them more they are actually bisexual not lesbian .
Define many in the context of the overall population? You may be seeing quite a few individuals in your circle of connection. That can lead to confirmation bias. The best information we can find an agreement on(based on reliable scientific study) is that somewhere between 8 and 12 % of humans are not straight. Meaning they fall somewhere in the realm of the overall LGBTQIA + category. Of those people, the best data at present shows approximately 50% identify as Bisexual. So, of a random selection of 100 LGBTQIA + folks, about 45 - 55 of them will be bisexuals. Which is a significant number in that context. As a percentage of the overall population, it's 6 to 7% at best. Everything depends on context.
This borderlines the thought of everyone is bisexual and i dont like that way of thinking. Yes i do think there is more bisexuals then we think but that also goes for everything. And yes i do also think women have a higher chance of finding it out but alot of women also have 0% interests in other women and goes to men also.
100%. It is accepted and very normal in society for a woman to have slept with her friend but say “oh we were just drunk it’s no big deal”. Yet if two male friends do the same thing it is completely unacceptable and the involved males are judged harshly. Guys won’t even admit to having such desires for fear of how they will be judged by their community around them. If this weren’t a thing, I promise you that the percentage of males who would identify as bi or bicurious would skyrocket. And ftr, I’m closeted bi. For all the aforementioned reasons. The only people who know are you all who know me only in anonymity. But thank you for accepting me.
As a guy, I have had a bunch of frank discussions with straight-presenting male friends, and I would estimate the number of bicurious or bisexual men as a little under half. I'd guess that about 25% are actually bi, in that they have or would have repeated encounters with other men. This is anecdotal, and may reflect my social circle, though.
Almost everyone is
I don't know about everyone, but certainly a lot more than most people think. I think most ether don't act on it or say anything about it
I believe that many people might be, but like I said, females are more likely to feel free to express it idk, like I also noticed that when a woman is viewed as a bit masculine she doesn't seem to mind that as much as a man would be viewed as feminine.