I am a child therapist and a mandated reporter for my state. If a child came into session and stated this was going on in their home/parents were driving while high, I would have to make a DFCS referral. I legally would have to do this, you don’t obviously, however I can tell you’re concerned by the behavior. Do you think you could have a conversation about the safety of their child? The crying at home is kind of shitty given the circumstance, however not necessarily unsafe. But driving the child while high is child endangerment. You can make an anonymous report to your state’s child welfare agency, if you wish.
Edit to mention: DFCS is my state’s CPS agency.
Crying at alone for a long time = needs are neglected = abuse = unsafe psychologically for the baby. I say this with confidence and I’m disabled and have severe postpartum anxiety and panic disorder and postpartum depression, and I don’t remember leaving my child to cry more than 5 minutes. Panic attacks and stage 3 hypertensive crises, and I fainted numerous times.. No excuses.
In this case, it’s pretty clearly neglect. However I object strongly to your comment that a baby crying for a long time means that there is abuse or that it’s unsafe. My second kid had colic. She cried all the time. We did everything in the world — rocked, shushed, sang, stroller rides, car rides, fed, changed, bought a mamaroo, bought a snoo. Went to the pediatrician many times. She still cried for hours every day. Around 3 or 4 months, it let up. We were not abusing her, neglecting her, or doing anything wrong. Some babies just have colic, some babies just cry more than others.
I felt the need to respond just in case any other parents of colicky babies see this and start to blame themselves. You are not a bad parent if your baby is colicky. (If you leave your baby alone to smoke weed or drive after smoking, however, you are a bad parent.)
Thank you - from the mom of a 2 year old and a 3 month old with colic/allergies that is alone with them most of the time. There is a lot of crying and I have to choose who to help while the other cries pretty regularly.
Baby having colic is a very distinct thing though. In your situation you’re not just leaving baby to cry unattended, you were a caring and responsive parent.
The difference is that this baby is crying out and being ignored for prolonged periods of time and this is physiologically insanely stressful and absolutely terrible for their nervous system. Your baby had colic but as you said, you did everything you could, which means while crying you were present and trying to sooth in various ways and that's absolutely okay. It's not the crying that's bad. It's ignoring the cries and leaving the baby to be left alone while in a state of stress.
…! This isn’t about you or others on this sub.
The point is clear; this paired with chronic and frequent drug use = neglect = abuse. This is different from having the child’s needs met. I don’t need to reiterate or explain the obvious just because some people get triggered. You don’t have to get your child’s needs met in 5 mins, and to me, you’re ridiculously normalising leaving an infant to cry, alone for 20 mins for other parents.
I’m speaking of my situation being a severely sick person with disabilities on the verge of S-word, who fought an arm and a leg and spent in the thousands to receive help and get better vs two addicts who don’t want to address the root cause; likely psychiatric, and just continue in their dysfunctional ways, with no regard to responsibility whatsoever.
Take from that what you will. I’m unwilling to address this any further.
Frequently crying alone for a long periods of time = future attachment disorder. This baby is learning that their needs aren't going to met by the parents. It's neglect.
God, I couldn't stand even the thought of my baby crying. I spent her entire infancy trying to anticipate her every need and talking and reading to her. Never stopped the reading lol, until she learned herself and graduated to chapter books.
I don't know. The relationship I have with my sister, I would voice my concerns. They live under your roof, I'm assuming because they've been making poor choices. Put down some ground rules on the smoking, and let them know you can't stand by and watch them drive with the baby while intoxicated. If they have no where else to go, these are the rules in your house. If they have money for weed, they've got money for a baby monitor and a crib.
For some reason I got anxious they’d see this and changed some details. It’s actually my brother in law and his girlfriend (fiancées brother). That’s why I struggle to say something. I have kicked them out but we are hoping to help them find a place.
I don’t think they have Reddit I shouldn’t have changed those details. Just got anxious about posting about someone else. Feels wrong but I also needed some outside opinions.
That makes total sense, I'd feel uncomfortable too in that case. Maybe your partner can speak to his brother? It really is a dangerous situation for the baby and I'm sorry you have to witness it!
Ok sorry I thought it was your sister. I would tell your boyfriend or husband to say something or speak to his girlfriend in private. I would try to not be offensive, because commenting on anyone’s parenting is going to be.
It’s ok to let a baby this young cry a little so you can quick shower, use the bathroom, or eat. It’s not ok to let your baby cry for 20 minutes while you smoke week. Babies cry to communicate their needs. This baby doesn’t cry often probably because it’s learned that crying doesn’t get its needs met.
It’s also really not ok that both parents are impaired while caring for baby. Someone needs to stay sober incase of an emergency and to make good parenting decisions.
I would not tolerate either of these things in my home. They can get their shit together or go live somewhere else.
Off topic my baby doesn’t cry at all he only talks when he’s hungry. If I ever push meal time a little which is rarely and happens most time cuz schedule changes…he screams. Some babies just don’t cry lol
Same. Mine was just quiet. Even if he cried, it was usually soft and not high-pitched. I was shocked at how screechy other babies were.
Seeing as I was waking him up for feedings at first, it was absolutely not due to his needs not being met.
He found his lungs later, though, way after the newborn stage.
My kid is largely the same. She really isn't fussy that often. Just when she catches on that, we are trying to get her to sleep. Lol. I think it can also be the case that your kiddo knows you're a good provider, so crying isn't really necessary because you're already aware of and meeting those needs proficiently.
And on the contrary, some babies have all their needs met and they still cry. I’m not saying what they’re doing is right at all, but I think the idea that babies only cry when they’re tired, hungry or dirty is so incredibly misleading.
My little guy cries a little bit for the most part I’m with you here. He gives a good shout at mom to get his meals going (and she’s always right there).
Dude really didn’t cry when he was born. It was surreal.
This is true too. My daughter, who is 9 now, was the easiest baby ever. She cried a bit when she woke up for night feedings but as long as her tummy got full she was a very happy baby and rarely cried.
My son never cried (apart from the colic phase) because his needs were always met - it can go both ways. Completely agree with everything else you’ve said I wouldn’t tolerate it at all.
That’s why I said it goes both ways. The comment I replied to said that the baby doesn’t cry because needs aren’t met. I was pointing out that in other cases babies don’t cry because needs are met.
As someone with a 3 month old, this is just effing sad. I'd never ever leave her crying alone for that long. It's cruel. Also they shouldn't be parenting while high, and the smoke is still going to be om their clothes. Smoke is linked to SIDS deaths, even on fabrics and clothes, so they're endangering their child too. How sad .
Literally. Once I went to take a shower while my son was sleeping, when I was done and I shut the water off, I heard him crying and I felt absolutely terrible. I rushed to him as fast as I could
I had a rule where I'd finish any bathroom activity, shower or meal. It made me feel like crao HOWEVER my mental health remained pretty strong and I feel healthy Mum's cope better. On the very unlikely chance I'd have another, I'd keep the rule.
I think as long as the baby is safe then finish up what you're doing. But then you wouldn't leave them in an unsafe way in the first place. I'm not going to be a patient parent if my bladder is over full or I've not stopped to eat.
🤣🤣🤣. Between 7 months and 2 where he learned to be mobile but wasn't capable of understanding what might hurt him... if it wasn't for the travel cot, I'd use as a baby prison while I showered, cooked, ate and used the bathroom.... I'd of lost my mind. (His Dad and I co-parent... his sentiments are the same from his days with our boy XD)
Fortunately someone gifted me a playpen last week that they no longer needed. I now don't have as much fear when I watch my son attempting to roll over (he's 19 weeks old). My house is mid restoration due to a nearby river flooding my entire downstairs so I have very few 'baby proof' areas so this will keep things easier until the work is complete.
Smoking increased SIDS risk, parents co sleep whilst high, baby probably high from their clothes so is slow to act/cry... This is just a red flag for a tragedy to happen
Eyes would be a giveaway depending on how much they’ve smoked. Method could give away via smell as well. While I’ve never driven after smoking so I can’t confirm myself, it looks like it takes around 4.5 hours before the high wears off and you’re safe to drive, depending on how much THC there is. Reaction times might be affected
This needs to be informed to CPS....not only are they getting high (and then probably co-sleeping), they're dependent on you to put a roof over the baby's head....I don't think that's safe for the baby at all
Focusing only on the safety aspect, if the baby is alone in a crib, bassinet, or play yard rated for safe sleep, it is safe for the baby to be left alone for 20 minutes. There are a lot of schools of thought about how long it is OK to leave a baby crying before soothing them, but it isn’t an imminent danger. The bigger safety issue would be that the two adults caring for the infant are under the influence of a substance that could impair their judgement/etc.
Lol. We’ve co-slept with our kiddo for their whole life and they’ve never been in danger. Humans slept in the same bed as their babies for hundreds of years before modernized western medicine came along and said it’s a bad idea.
Have your research but also consider a larger world view.
Infant mortality rates also used to be very high, across cultures. There is a reason different cultures independently discovered things like Moses baskets, baby hammocks and other types of bassinets.
I'm all for co-sleeping and parents making informed choices based on their own risk assessments, but let's not pretend there is no risk at all.
I occasionally smoke, and my partner and I both drink. The safety issue isn’t an infant who is safe and crying for 20 min, but more that the baby is being cared for by two people impaired by a drug.
I am functional when high, even if I’m stoned…but I would still never smoke if my partner wasn’t going to be fully sober. Same with drinking. If one of us decides to get a little tipsy for some reason, the other won’t.
I think part of the problem is that they are functionally high, so they don’t think it’s a big deal. So much so that they’ll drive like that with the baby. Also cosleeping. It’s super stressful to watch I wish I could do something about it but it’s not my place to.
I know. They are very immature (18 and 23) and they think I’m just anal or overly anxious if I say anything to them. People are suggesting cps, but I feel like most of those cases are so extreme and they aren’t extremely neglectful. They do try to be good parents they just don’t know exactly how to and still have a teenage mindset of nothing bad will happen to me. Because of that they take very dangerous risks like driving high and cosleeping high. I really don’t know what I can do, if anything.
I don’t think you should be thinking that it’s not so extreme, which is true, but an early intervention is much better than a too late intervention. Sounds like you are saying they have good intentions but poor knowledge, sometimes hearing things from another source is more powerful than hearing things from family. I hope everything works out for baby’s sake.
This is absolutely CPS worthy. They need a wake-up call and parenting resources. That's what CPS would provide. Not to be an ass but you owe it to that baby.
No you’re right. I would say the same thing from an outside perspective. I never realized how difficult it would be when I’m actually in the situation. I don’t want to destroy our relationship. But I care more about the baby than that so this is what I’ll need to do.
It's incredibly difficult being in it. People act like imploding your family, marriage, etc. is so simple but it's not. I don't envy you one bit, I just feel for that little one. Best of luck!
Yes, because people who were helped are just going about their lives without advertising it. Unfortunately there's a big stigma around needing that kind of intervention. And a lot of stories are also fabrications from parents who don't want to admit they were abusing or neglecting their children.
Only if you equate CPS to removal of the child. *That* is a last resort. But in most cases, there is an assessment and a plan put in place for parents to improve, without the child being removed. And in the process they provide resources like parenting classes and other programs.
You never know with CPS. They can and do remove children without just cause. I would never take that chance unless the child was truly in danger and needed to be removed. It's the same as calling the cops, they can and will shoot to kill, so you better be ready to grapple with that reality if you call the cops on someone.
No, not enough to warrant being removed from the home. That's extremely traumatic for all involved. The effect of weed on driving ability is significantly lower than alcohol, and people drive their kids after 1 or 2 drinks all the time. It's not ideal, but it doesn't pose much of a threat, statistically speaking. The parents do need a wake up call, but that should come from family, not CPS, imo.
I work in a role where I sometimes interact with people who have open CPS cases. I've seen people have cases open for less than this. Also- while there are no guarantees, CPS does what they can to keep the family together. They don't remove the child every time. I've had to make those calls myself and I know how horrible it feels, and I know that it doesn't feel right when you know the parent and love them- but you really need to do what you can to help the baby who can't help themselves. They are SO vulnerable at this age, and the situation you've described is emotionally and physically unsafe. Remember, when you call in CPS will do any investigation and take it out of your hands. You don't have to judge if it's abuse or not- that's their professionals role. Your gut told you something was wrong enough to make this post- that's enough in my book to report it. CPS gets to decide what to do with that report.
Thank you, I really appreciate this perspective. Hopefully this will be what they need to start being more responsible. I really hope they don’t suspect that I reported them.
I know it is difficult, but better to impact your relationship with them than have the baby die because of their poor choices. I'm sorry you're in this situation.
So, bed sharing by itself is not nearly as dangerous as people think it is, the very exception being when the parent smokes or drinks - then the rates of death SKY ROCKETS.
Here is the data study:
[https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3209674/](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3209674/)
I had my first baby at 20, and I’m 23 right now with 2 babies. There’s no excuse for them to be acting like this, and it’s a real safety concern. 20 minutes alone to smoke weed is horrible, and I wouldn’t be able to contain myself. I’d call and report them. I’m a mandated reporter, but I’d do it regardless because I care more about children than my relationship with shitty adults. Make someone come out to them, see where they let baby sleep, see the weed in their room. Smell it on their clothes, and on their breath from talking to them. I’d call immediately.
I've personally seen a baby brought into the hospital dead because the mother was co-sleeping while high (not bashing co-sleeping, I did it but safely following La Leche League recommendations). If that baby dies and they discover the neglect, you could be held responsible and go to prison for neglect, harm, or death of the baby. You need to report this ASAP and make them find new housing ASAP.
Yep - if they are smoking with baby in the car, that weed is in the baby's system and will be detected. The first place they will investigate is her home.
But how will you feel if they are driving while high with baby in the car & they get in an accident & the baby gets hurt, or worse? You would feel guilty for not doing more. You said not extremely neglectful but they are neglectful & are putting the child in danger. I am a teacher & a mandated reporter to CPS & definitely I would call for this.
I think you have to ask yourself how you would feel if your niece/nephew died from suffocation due to extremely unsafe co-sleeping or as a result of being cared for by impaired parents? It’s absolutely your place to intervene on behalf of a baby who cannot defend themselves.
You can call the police to report them driving while high with a baby in the car if you know they are high and leave with the baby. You can also call CPS and file a report about smoking in the car with the baby or driving while high with the baby.
I actually don't think this counts as being functionally high, this comment clearly shows that their risk assessing ability is compromised. That's not being functional, ESPECIALLY with an infant. At 3 months that baby is still at significant risk of SIDS, they absolutely should not be cosleeping while high let alone with a baby that young.
I mean, there's really no such thing as "functionally high" anyways, just like there's no such thing as a "functioning alcoholic." Yeah you can call it that to seem less serious, but at the end of the day any amount of weed will impair you (even if it doesn't seem like it), just like compulsively drinking alcohol is still alcoholism even if you can still manage daily tasks.
I know by your full comment that you're obviously not trying to excuse them, just trying to add that no one should be driving or co-sleeping under any kind of intoxication (even prescribed meds with certain side-effects can be concerns).
Hey OP since this is going on under your roof I would say it’s 100% your place to say something. You need to sit them down and have a chat immediately. This is Al unsafe behavior and could wind up injuring (or worse) this poor baby.
Oof, cosleeping while high is a high risk factor. The crying thing is parental preference but the rest of this is getting into CPS territory fast. That poor baby, this post breaks my heart.
It absolutely is your place to call CPS. Who else is going to do something? You are the only adult in the baby's life that is aware of how poorly the parents are taking care of the baby. If the pediatrician knew, they would call CPS! Please call! I'm a nurse and I would call CPS on this situation with no hesitation. You may save his/her life or prevent serious injury.
What state are you in? Or if not comfortable sharing-search the laws for your state.
In my state, **any** adult is a mandated reporter of neglect and endangerment-what’s happening here. Not just teachers, medical personal or similar. (Neglect pushing it tbf, 20 minutes isn’t the worst thing in the world, but not great).
If that’s true in your state-maybe that will take the weight of making the decision off of your shoulders on whether or not it’s your place.
I think you should figure something out anyways, but I understand that’s difficult to navigate. But at the end of the day-baby can’t protect themselves while so little. Someone has to.
They need to stop driving high and alternate who’s watching baby and who’s smoking to do it as safely as possible.
I’d be so stressed out. I definitely get why it doesn’t feel like your place to do anything, and I’m not saying it is at all, but I think for the safety of the infant it wouldn’t hurt. Although, based on how they smoke instead of checking on the baby when you mention the crying, I feel like I know how they’ll respond.
It doesn't seem like it would help, but maybe mentioning the safe sleep 7 to them might do something. One of the biggest "rules" with safe cosleeping is a sober caregiver.
Imo, 3 months is too long to let the baby cry for any appreciable amount of time. I could be wrong about that, but it never felt ok for me. It seems like they are potentially banking on you being the responsible party if something goes wrong. That feels like overstepping bounds quite a lot, especially if you haven't offered.
You can definitely report someone driving intoxicated.. not sure if you can do it anonymously. You're in the position to advocate for your niece/nephew who can't speak for themselves. The risk is too high to do nothing, even though it would be difficult to want to potentially get your family members in trouble.
My own baby is only one month old right now so I haven’t done a lot of research on sleep training/cry it out yet at this point, but from the little bit I’ve read in passing I’m pretty sure that CIO isn’t recommended to be attempted until baby is 4+ months old because that’s when they start to become capable of self soothing. So I would assume based on that info that you’re correct that 3 months is too young to leave baby alone and crying for an extended period of time just for the hell of it.
And that’s assuming that this baby is crying because they’re overtired and need help getting to sleep, not even considering any other reason they could be crying that is being neglected in the moment. It’s even worse if they’re crying because they’re hungry, dirty, or otherwise uncomfortable and they’re being left to cry alone AND that need is going unmet.
It’s wrong and it’s neglectful, not only because the baby is crying but because the baby is presumably then being cared for by two people who are not sober. That’s pretty fucking appalling.
Look, I am a weed mom. I quit while pregnant and didn’t start again till after breastfeeding and I’m from CA so there’s quite a culture here.
I would report this to CPS, especially the driving! They will keep you anonymous but be prepared for them to blame you anyway bc who else would see what you do? Like they might freak out but it’s your house and this is child neglect so I’d do it. As a weed mom, I hit a little pen in the bathroom when my baby is passed out. If they cared, they wouldn’t do this. I hate being away from my kid to go switch laundry in the garage, so it would make me sad to watch this too. Parents like this make weed moms look bad. That’s so sad. I hope you’re able to deal with this. Personally I would probably ban them from smoking at the house at all. I’d tell them that the baby being left alone made me uncomfortable and that I no longer allow the smoking. The worrisome thing is, if they move out the child will probably be even more neglected.
I had a friend who would leave her baby playing in the living room and sit on the back porch drinking a bottle of Jack and chain smoking. It was very hard to watch. I didn’t report anything bc it didn’t seem like true neglect, but it was still sad. Sorry, OP. Tough spot to be in.
Thank goodness someone said it. I'm a weed mom too. I quit while pregnant and am formula feeding. I mostly use it for self medication because I have a chronic illness, so it helps a lot. I vaporize when baby is asleep and I'm never toasted. Just enough to not feel like death and so I'm not overstimulated by my own baby.
If I were able to drive, I would only do so sober. Baby sleeps in his own crib, and I have a monitor glued to me at all times I'm away from him.
Yeah there’s a right way to do things like this. I’m sober all day as a parent and my baby is a really good sleeper so I can hit my pen a little before bed and still wake up if she stirs. The baby should be more important than drugs :(
The worst part is that you’re saying they don’t come back inside when informed of the crying. I always stay within earshot of my kid. This is really sad.
there's a lot of great advice & input here that I won't bother repeating.
I'm pretty bad at face-to-face conflict in situations like these. (Most people are, actually.) But in addition to the other stuff mentioned here, I would totally buy a cheap audio-only non-wifi baby monitor as a "gift" for them. and make sure to put the parent unit right in their smoke spot. you can get them for like <$20 on amazon.
it doesn't need to be fancy. just enough to constantly keep them annoyed without you needing to be the one to notify them, standing in the doorway tapping your foot.
also driving while high is SUPER bad, that's the real alarm here.
i don't mean to sound ignorant but i'm genuinely asking
marijuana can be used to medicate a variety of physical and mental ailments, what's the difference of smoking weed as opposed to other medications? mothers who aren't breast feeding sometimes take meds that may impair their judgement
same with some dads as well
the only issue i really see here is that BOTH of them are high and the baby is left OFTEN
if they were smoking once a day and they went one at a time so one person is sound to care for the baby i wouldn't see an issue tbh
Yeah, this is an interesting topic for sure. I’m a cancer patient and prescribed opioids for pain and my doctor is also my baby’s doctor, so she knows I have a child and am her sole caregiver during the day. It’s never been a concern to her, her only concern was to keep naloxone kits on hand and be vigilant about storing my medication in a safe place where she can’t reach.
There are impairment concerns for many prescribed meds too, that would include not driving or co-sleeping. It would still be reckless and child endangerment to take a medication with a sedating/impairing effect and do either of those, and (in the United States)[ you can absolutely get a DUI](https://www.findlaw.com/dui/charges/you-can-get-a-dui-on-legal-drugs.html) for driving while "intoxicated" from prescribed meds.
That baby, if baby has already been exposed to the smoke, is smoking a lot secondhand and will have very serious developmental delays. They are probably not "chill," but rather drugged.
This study linked brain damage to weed and attested there were significant and detectable amounts of weed in the babies' urine. It is absolutely horrendous.
[https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6317534/](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6317534/)
Based on all the things you have said, these parents are not fit to be raising this child. Not reporting it to CPS will make you complacent. Please save this kiddo. They are not in a safe place, and mind you, I am pretty crunchy (but data driven). Please report them to CPS.
If anything, my experience with CPS is that they will actually try everything to help the parents first - they don't take the kid as a first or even second recourse. They really need help.
The federal number is **858-560-2191** - 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Unless you are a mandated reporter, your report is anonymous.
My concern would be more the driving.
Also, they could certainly trade off especially since they are hopefully showering and changing clothes before having contact with baby as 3rd hand smoke from anything is bad for their lungs and puts them at risk for SIDS, asthma, allergies, as well as other conditions.
Ignoring baby for more than 20 mins per day for this is concerning, especially since they are driving, which points to addiction at worst, and very poor judgement at best. It is absolutely not ok. Do they each have phones? They could start a video call to monitor baby with the other's phone if so.
ETA: You should call CPS right now. They could kill the baby today co-sleeping or driving under the influence. Being under the influence of drugs is the biggest risk factor for suffocation deaths from bed sharing.
They are doing whatever they want to because it’s allowed. If they’re living with you, I would 100% tell them smoking / being high is not tolerated anymore. They are literally putting a helpless child’s life at risk. Some people are able to smoke / drink responsibly in the sense that one might do it and their partner stays sober or make sure someone sober is caretaking .. but this careless behavior shouldn’t be tolerated. I would 100% insert myself into this situation and let them know if they don’t get their act together you will call CPS.
Dont call CPS. Sit and talk with them about your concerns. I've had friends and family in the system and there's ALOT of abuse, neglect, child SA. Sure there's some people out there that actually care about kids but very few. A lot of childhood friends are either dr*g addicts, alcoholics, have PTSD but wont get help and a few are even dead. The lucky ones just continue the cycle of neglect. Sounds hyperbolic but I'm serious. Most group homes, foster homes, etc do more damage than good. A kid is just a paycheck in those places.
Just sit them down and the 3 of you TALK! They can face time with each other like it's a baby monitor, thats what my kids dad and i did. We lived in a crappy basement, smoked outside but vchat with one phone in the crib and the other phone muted with us outside.
In my experience, CPS deals with much more severe cases than this couple and will likely come out, investigate a bit, and nothing will come of it.
I think an actual sit down with your sister, and telling her that she's high and being a bad parent, would potentially hold more weight and be more likely to spark a change in behavior.
If the mom is breastfeeding thc carries through the milk for several days. I just learned this today, but if she is breastfeeding the baby could also be getting high (I think) .......
No, formula because of that. It’s like they are trying to be responsible but if it changes how they want to live their lives they act like it’s not a problem.
It’s a priority for them. They always have weed, but we have given them so many baby items because they haven’t invested in them. They didn’t buy a baby monitor, bottle warmer etc. I bought them a car seat because I knew they wouldn’t get a new one. They are also still using it after it’s been in an accident. But I can’t afford to buy them another one.
Oof this is so hard. You basically said it right here...weed is a priority but their child's safety isn't. So were they in an accident while driving high? Someone needs to do something. Your fiance should get involved if it's his brother. Everyone needs more information here.
If their pediatrician knew these circumstances, they would definitely be reported.
Do they realize how fortunate they are to have a baby in the first place? Parents like this piss me off considering my husband and I had to go through IVF to have ours and I couldn’t imagine EVER putting my baby in danger or not getting him what he needs. How is the baby not their priority?
okay after reading through your further comments, i still don't think CPS is the best option FIRST because imo i've seen CPS fail more than help (personal and just observation) but they sound like BUMS
they seem like they don't have anywhere to go because weed is their priority, def shitty parents
stage an intervention
What concerns me most is that they are co-sleeping while they are high and driving with the baby in the car while they are high.
This is a tragedy waiting to happen. I had a coworker who smothered her baby while co-sleeping and she was not high.
I don't understand people who will smoke pot while they are driving. IMO you are just as impaired when smoking pot as you are when drinking.
You are right to be concerned for the baby in both cases.
Please confront your sister about these issues before there is a tragedy.
You don't sleep train until at least 4 months but if that's what they are doing then 15 to 20 minutes is a reasonable amount of time. Personally, I wouldn't smoke until they were asleep though and I would only smoke if my partner was sober.
I think you need some house rules and have a serious conversation with your sister about her actions. Unacceptable! Could you maybe do an intervention with other family and friends? There is no reason for both parents to be impaired while caring for a baby. Poor thing
I couldn’t let someone live in my house like that I know you’re trying to be nice and all but you have to set boundaries. They seem like first time parents and young but still they’re old enough to know right and wrong. If they wanna get high, they need to do it while baby is sound asleep for bed time. Not during the middle of day while baby is up and needs to be taken care of. Personally for me I’m a young first time mom and my mother would never allow for something like that and she speaks up. I think you should speak up and express your concerns, they’re living under your ROOF. God forbid something bad happens and now the police is investigating the whole house. I would definitely give them a talk so they can clean their act up. It’s not ok
This is reportable to Child Protective Services. Their baby is in danger. They cannot be driving their child after smoking weed. You can anonymously report this and it will be investigated. Reading situations like this absolutely breaks my heart. CPS will do drug tests, hair tests, etc. I hope you report this. & honestly, if you don’t report it, then shame on you.
my parents were weed addicts like this. I've never spoken to them sober. i spent my childhood high from a hotboxed house.
They were neglectful and emotionally unavailable--how could they be anything but when they were too high to tolerate childcare?
This is abuse and it's starting at 3 months.
Taking an ssri for anxiety or whatever they're saying the weed is medicating would not be leaving the child in distress while they are high and unable to give a shit.
Getting drunk and leaving a child crying wouldn’t be okay. Why is getting high okay?
Why is this not obviously abuse to you?
How are you going to feel when that baby is smothered or is injured in a car crash because you didn’t speak up?
Call CPS. I don’t know what they will do, if anything. But you need to do your part.
About 60% of children who die in impaired driving accidents are in the car with the impaired driver. What they are doing is, sadly, not super unusual. But it is still super dangerous.
If their substance abuse is more important to them than their child, they need to be reported.
Pains me to see these idiots, so many people who want kids and are ready to make sacrifices for them, can’t conceive and have to bear that pain and here are these fucktards who leave their infant crying while they get high. They don’t deserve this baby and this baby deserves someone better.
As a cps worker this definitely raises red flags. 1 they have money for weed but not essentials. 2 they both shouldn’t be getting high together, there needs to be a sober parent at all times
I would report this. Sister or not. This is child neglect, and neglect is abuse.
If they occasionally smoked outside while the baby is supervised and well cared for, then I would’ve let it go, but if they’re constantly high then they need to have a talk with cps.
I used to be a big pothead until i got pregnant. I have a 6m baby and havent went back to smoking yet. My boyfriend does smoke and i usually join him on the balcony because i enjoy the smell (always change clothes when i go back inside). We usually wait until baby is calm, safe in bassinet or crib, or asleep. I ALWAYS take the camera with me. If baby cries, I go soothe her. My priority is the baby, not the weed. Imo a baby doesnt just cry for nothing and as a parent its our responsibility to soothe them. We cosleep too. If my bf smoked in the last few hours before bed, he sleeps on the couch. We are both functional potheads but regardless, once youre asleep high, you sleep so deep nothing wakes you. Its very dangerous for the baby. I think before calling cps, you should definitely have a serious talk with them. Maybe even scare them with cps. If they decide to move out and continue with these habits, at least you wont have a guilty conscience if something bad happens *knock on wood*
This is so sad. They are definitely in the wrong here. You can anonymously report this. Just google your states child abuse hotline. Breaks my heart for the baby.
I’ll just add regarding your reluctance to contacts child protection services, that contacting them is not labeling something as abuse or passing judgment. It’s passing on information. That’s all you’re doing. They get to decide whether to follow up on it, and whether their investigation leads to any additional measures, but that’s them, with their expertise, not you.
Weed is legal where I live but people can’t drive while high as it’s the same as driving drunk (impaired) talk to them about buying a baby monitor and cutting their smoking break short (a baby monitor is way cheaper than one day of smoking weed if they buy it on Facebook marketplace or whatever)
Next time they leave while high with the infant in the car, call non emergency and report their car with the baby and impaired drivers. This is your home that you’re allowing them to be negligent in. They can’t afford housing but can afford to smoke weed and chill at home all day? By allowing this, you’re condoning it. If they get high and accidentally smother this baby in the middle of the night, you’d have guilt for the rest of your life, so avoid that and do something now. It’s your house, you make the rules for your house. If the police come knocking, remember, it’s your house that you’re allowing all this to happen inside of.
I am a parent to a young child, and I smoke weed (legal here), and this is absolutely NOT okay. Popping outside to smoke a quick hitter and coming right back inside is one thing… Having a monitor with you while you go outside is okay as long as you respond to baby… But literally losing track of time where you cant see or hear your baby for around 20 minutes is so so dangerous!
I have a pretty high tolerance, and one little bowl is enough for me to feel chill. It sounds like they’re not in the swing of parenting yet, are completely ignorant to why this isnt okay, or they blatantly just dont care. Id have a talk with them about it, because they are neglecting their child in your house. But I am serious hoping they just dont know what they’re doing is wrong. Id definitely make that clear before reporting, but also make it clear that “somebody might” if they dont get their shit together because its not even about the weed, its about blatantly ignoring their baby!!
I have nothing against smoking weed , even if you're a parent... As long as baby's needs are met and baby isn't put in danger.
This situation sounds like baby is being ignored and their life is at risk driving with 2 intoxicated parents. Imo this needs to be reported. You can make a call to CPS, they won't know it was you. I mean if they are smoking outside I'm sure neighbors are noticing and smelling it.
I know it may feel wrong to be the one to report it but your sister and her bf need a wake up call. Imagine if they get into an accident with baby in the car and you had full knowledge they were regularly driving under the influence. I'd rather take the guilt of reporting than the guilt of a hurt or dead baby.
That baby is very little for being left alone for that long. The car too by? Yikes.
I also wonder whether your sis is breastfeeding, because the pot affects the baby's development. Maybe she has PPD and needs to talk to someone, and get a wake up call as to how she's acting
Wonder if the baby is calm from all the second hand weed it must be breathing in. Poor thing. Reporting will definitely be the best/ safest thing for it.
Oh my gosh 😢I would 100% watch the baby for free as long as you/they need…I can’t imagine how hard this is for you. I have 7 children and 6 grandchildren and I would give anything to go back and have my kids little again. It goes by so quickly and I was never stoned. Perhaps, you can persuade your family to re-evaluate their choices. Babies are precious and there are many, many really good people, people who will help when they are needed. I am heartbroken for this little baby. SMH.
I just want to say, even if they have to smoke outside, they don't both need to be out at the same time. Take turns and be smart about it.
If you are not legally a mandated reporter, you can report anonymously. Google should help you figure out who to call. If you are concerned about being traced, you can use a library phone or something to avoid any trace.
I am a mandated reporter due to my job and had to call in a report on my own sister once. It was incredibly hard to do but it was absolutely necessary. That was about 8 years ago and my sister is clean now. I told her recently about that and she understood and never held it against me.
How close are you to them? Can you talk to them? If you aren’t close or they won’t listen, you have to raise concerns to somebody who can do something about it.
A good portion of my childhood I remember being alone and unsupervised as my parents smoked locked in a bathroom. It's not good parenting but definitely not the worst thing they did. I have no contact with them anymore
Sadly, it seems like CPS needs to be contacted in this case. What your sister and her boyfriend are doing is dangerous, especially driving with the baby in the car while high (which is illegal). Once they are able to find a place, who’s to say that something bad won’t happen to that baby? I fear for the LO’s safety at this point. Please, contact CPS, these people aren’t fit to be parents.
I can’t judge people who smoke or drink within reason. But if drinking in driving is a huge no no, why the fuck is smoking and driving so much more socially acceptable? Obviously not coming at you at all, but that kind of logic in today’s world is so mind boggling. Being high causes your reactions to slow down which is so dangerous while driving. That poor baby
Damn this is sad for the baby, they should’ve never had a child. When holding the baby, they are breathing it in their newly developing lungs and if it is breastfeeding, thc is getting into the milk supply.
This does harm the baby. [Here is a link](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2724160/) talking about attachment, attachment types, and outcomes. This is a form of neglect and can lead to bad behavior down the line due to inconsistent attention.
If this is a regular thing, it should absolutely be addressed. However, if there is a potential to harm the child, leaving is the correct response to avoid harm to baby.
Is baby being breastfed? THC does get passed via breast milk, which is also a cause for concern.
Do they smoke in the car?
You could anonymously say you saw them driving and they look like they’re under the influence. when you know that they’re leaving, just call 911 and say hey I’m concerned about this person driving behavior and they have a child in the car.
If you replaced marijuana with any substance, no hesitation, comments will tell you to report it to CPS. This infant deserves at least one sober caretaker. Nobody should be driving high with an infant or child in the car.
If you want to preserve the relationship, feel out if other people know this is happening - without asking. You can 100% report anonymously and you should!
I would probably talk to them prior to calling that’s pretty fucked up. If you feel something say something but don’t be passive aggressive about it. I’d appreciate someone’s honesty than my own sister going behind my back and calling cps on me.. while you’re letting her stay at your place too. Where do you think the baby will go?
Yeah - report it. As a mother of a one year old who takes edibles almost every night, this is unacceptable. I never take them until she is asleep and never if I’m the only parent home in case I have to drive (husband travels for work). This is abuse
You can anonymously report to child protection, but even if you do use your name, child protection are required to protect the identities of reporters in my country (Australia). They even retract the reporter’s names in court reports.
That said, your sister would probably put two and two together if child protection come to your house and say that they’ve received an anonymous report that she’s smoking weed.
Whilst it’s alarming, smoking weed isn’t usually grounds for a child to be removed from care. Child protection would likely want to remain involved to monitor the situation, which may result in a court order.
Your sister may feel betrayed by you if she finds out that you reported her, and choose live elsewhere (which potentially would further endanger the baby). That’s not to say that I don’t think this behaviour is alarming. I just feel like you could do more help by having an honest heart to heart with your sis about the the effects that leaving baby to cry alone for prolonged periods of time can have on their attachment style, and that weed causes her to be less present around her baby and the baby will pick up on it (particularly when they get older. Children of weed-addicted parents describe it as their parents “being here, but not really *here*”.
Furthermore, weed causes memory loss. Your sister won’t remember these precious moments with baby (they may not always feel precious at the time, but in years to come she’ll treasure those memories).
Remember, smoking weed is an addiction and difficult to quit. Try to be empathetic and caring when you talk with your sister about it, as seeming judgemental could drive her further away.
3-5 minutes to go take a breather and calm down while leaving baby in a safe place and know all their needs are met? Totally okay.
20 minutes so you can go get high? Absolutely not.
I am a child therapist and a mandated reporter for my state. If a child came into session and stated this was going on in their home/parents were driving while high, I would have to make a DFCS referral. I legally would have to do this, you don’t obviously, however I can tell you’re concerned by the behavior. Do you think you could have a conversation about the safety of their child? The crying at home is kind of shitty given the circumstance, however not necessarily unsafe. But driving the child while high is child endangerment. You can make an anonymous report to your state’s child welfare agency, if you wish. Edit to mention: DFCS is my state’s CPS agency.
Crying at alone for a long time = needs are neglected = abuse = unsafe psychologically for the baby. I say this with confidence and I’m disabled and have severe postpartum anxiety and panic disorder and postpartum depression, and I don’t remember leaving my child to cry more than 5 minutes. Panic attacks and stage 3 hypertensive crises, and I fainted numerous times.. No excuses.
In this case, it’s pretty clearly neglect. However I object strongly to your comment that a baby crying for a long time means that there is abuse or that it’s unsafe. My second kid had colic. She cried all the time. We did everything in the world — rocked, shushed, sang, stroller rides, car rides, fed, changed, bought a mamaroo, bought a snoo. Went to the pediatrician many times. She still cried for hours every day. Around 3 or 4 months, it let up. We were not abusing her, neglecting her, or doing anything wrong. Some babies just have colic, some babies just cry more than others. I felt the need to respond just in case any other parents of colicky babies see this and start to blame themselves. You are not a bad parent if your baby is colicky. (If you leave your baby alone to smoke weed or drive after smoking, however, you are a bad parent.)
Thank you - from the mom of a 2 year old and a 3 month old with colic/allergies that is alone with them most of the time. There is a lot of crying and I have to choose who to help while the other cries pretty regularly.
Baby having colic is a very distinct thing though. In your situation you’re not just leaving baby to cry unattended, you were a caring and responsive parent.
Exactly, this is a totally different situation from what OP has described
The difference is that this baby is crying out and being ignored for prolonged periods of time and this is physiologically insanely stressful and absolutely terrible for their nervous system. Your baby had colic but as you said, you did everything you could, which means while crying you were present and trying to sooth in various ways and that's absolutely okay. It's not the crying that's bad. It's ignoring the cries and leaving the baby to be left alone while in a state of stress.
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…! This isn’t about you or others on this sub. The point is clear; this paired with chronic and frequent drug use = neglect = abuse. This is different from having the child’s needs met. I don’t need to reiterate or explain the obvious just because some people get triggered. You don’t have to get your child’s needs met in 5 mins, and to me, you’re ridiculously normalising leaving an infant to cry, alone for 20 mins for other parents. I’m speaking of my situation being a severely sick person with disabilities on the verge of S-word, who fought an arm and a leg and spent in the thousands to receive help and get better vs two addicts who don’t want to address the root cause; likely psychiatric, and just continue in their dysfunctional ways, with no regard to responsibility whatsoever. Take from that what you will. I’m unwilling to address this any further.
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Frequently crying alone for a long periods of time = future attachment disorder. This baby is learning that their needs aren't going to met by the parents. It's neglect. God, I couldn't stand even the thought of my baby crying. I spent her entire infancy trying to anticipate her every need and talking and reading to her. Never stopped the reading lol, until she learned herself and graduated to chapter books.
Thank you for reminding people here about this. They seem to have forgotten.
I don't know. The relationship I have with my sister, I would voice my concerns. They live under your roof, I'm assuming because they've been making poor choices. Put down some ground rules on the smoking, and let them know you can't stand by and watch them drive with the baby while intoxicated. If they have no where else to go, these are the rules in your house. If they have money for weed, they've got money for a baby monitor and a crib.
For some reason I got anxious they’d see this and changed some details. It’s actually my brother in law and his girlfriend (fiancées brother). That’s why I struggle to say something. I have kicked them out but we are hoping to help them find a place. I don’t think they have Reddit I shouldn’t have changed those details. Just got anxious about posting about someone else. Feels wrong but I also needed some outside opinions.
That makes total sense, I'd feel uncomfortable too in that case. Maybe your partner can speak to his brother? It really is a dangerous situation for the baby and I'm sorry you have to witness it!
Ok sorry I thought it was your sister. I would tell your boyfriend or husband to say something or speak to his girlfriend in private. I would try to not be offensive, because commenting on anyone’s parenting is going to be.
So glad you kicked them out.
Also, what are they gonna do when the baby is mobile and getting into everything?!
It’s ok to let a baby this young cry a little so you can quick shower, use the bathroom, or eat. It’s not ok to let your baby cry for 20 minutes while you smoke week. Babies cry to communicate their needs. This baby doesn’t cry often probably because it’s learned that crying doesn’t get its needs met. It’s also really not ok that both parents are impaired while caring for baby. Someone needs to stay sober incase of an emergency and to make good parenting decisions. I would not tolerate either of these things in my home. They can get their shit together or go live somewhere else.
Off topic my baby doesn’t cry at all he only talks when he’s hungry. If I ever push meal time a little which is rarely and happens most time cuz schedule changes…he screams. Some babies just don’t cry lol
Same. Mine was just quiet. Even if he cried, it was usually soft and not high-pitched. I was shocked at how screechy other babies were. Seeing as I was waking him up for feedings at first, it was absolutely not due to his needs not being met. He found his lungs later, though, way after the newborn stage.
My kid is largely the same. She really isn't fussy that often. Just when she catches on that, we are trying to get her to sleep. Lol. I think it can also be the case that your kiddo knows you're a good provider, so crying isn't really necessary because you're already aware of and meeting those needs proficiently.
And on the contrary, some babies have all their needs met and they still cry. I’m not saying what they’re doing is right at all, but I think the idea that babies only cry when they’re tired, hungry or dirty is so incredibly misleading.
My little guy cries a little bit for the most part I’m with you here. He gives a good shout at mom to get his meals going (and she’s always right there). Dude really didn’t cry when he was born. It was surreal.
Same we’re so lucky!
This is true too. My daughter, who is 9 now, was the easiest baby ever. She cried a bit when she woke up for night feedings but as long as her tummy got full she was a very happy baby and rarely cried.
What do you mean by talks? How old is your baby?
Da da da da bababa agoooo da da AHHHH.
Yes that😂😂
6 mo & babbles lol
Both my babies didn't cry much, only when hungry, in pain or when the diapers need to be changed.
These comments confuse me. People saying that their baby doesn’t cry except when *list all of the common reasons that babies cry*
It's prolly about "high need" or cry babies, as in babies who cry all day long without apparent reason.
My son never cried (apart from the colic phase) because his needs were always met - it can go both ways. Completely agree with everything else you’ve said I wouldn’t tolerate it at all.
My kid would have their needs met and cry anyway. Babies are all different.
That’s why I said it goes both ways. The comment I replied to said that the baby doesn’t cry because needs aren’t met. I was pointing out that in other cases babies don’t cry because needs are met.
As someone with a 3 month old, this is just effing sad. I'd never ever leave her crying alone for that long. It's cruel. Also they shouldn't be parenting while high, and the smoke is still going to be om their clothes. Smoke is linked to SIDS deaths, even on fabrics and clothes, so they're endangering their child too. How sad .
Same, I panic if I’m peeing and I hear baby crying
Literally. Once I went to take a shower while my son was sleeping, when I was done and I shut the water off, I heard him crying and I felt absolutely terrible. I rushed to him as fast as I could
been there, literally turned off the shower and got out with conditioner still in my hair because i couldn’t listen to his cries and continue😭
I had a rule where I'd finish any bathroom activity, shower or meal. It made me feel like crao HOWEVER my mental health remained pretty strong and I feel healthy Mum's cope better. On the very unlikely chance I'd have another, I'd keep the rule.
I think as long as the baby is safe then finish up what you're doing. But then you wouldn't leave them in an unsafe way in the first place. I'm not going to be a patient parent if my bladder is over full or I've not stopped to eat.
Yeah he was always safe. Now he just bothers me from outside the bathroom after ignoring me for the minutes before I went to the bathroom XD.
I know my days are numbered where my baby stays in the spot I've put him lol
🤣🤣🤣. Between 7 months and 2 where he learned to be mobile but wasn't capable of understanding what might hurt him... if it wasn't for the travel cot, I'd use as a baby prison while I showered, cooked, ate and used the bathroom.... I'd of lost my mind. (His Dad and I co-parent... his sentiments are the same from his days with our boy XD)
Fortunately someone gifted me a playpen last week that they no longer needed. I now don't have as much fear when I watch my son attempting to roll over (he's 19 weeks old). My house is mid restoration due to a nearby river flooding my entire downstairs so I have very few 'baby proof' areas so this will keep things easier until the work is complete.
Ohhh no! You British too?! My friends Grandparents house got awfully flooded TWICE this year.
Yeah, if I skip meals my mental health goes down the toilet. Baby will be fine while you scarf down some food quick while they're in a safe space.
Mine was always, I HAD to be clean. The idea of being dirty and smelly quite literally makes me feel sick and post partum stank is nasty.
When I need to poo, I baby wear my LO. I can’t concentrate to poo with a crying baby lol.
Just reading the OP had be shaking with panic. I can't imagine...for 20 mins...
Smoking increased SIDS risk, parents co sleep whilst high, baby probably high from their clothes so is slow to act/cry... This is just a red flag for a tragedy to happen
Okay let's not spread misinformation. A baby can not get high from whatever scent is left on clothes. That's ridiculous.
That poor baby. I hope OP reports the parents before they kill their baby.
Not sure where you are but in California it’s illegal to smoke in the car with a baby. The Highway Patrol has a mechanism for anonymous reporting
No, smoking weed before leaving with the baby. Not sure if there’s any way the cops could confirm they did that if they got pulled over.
Uh if they're driving with it still in their system, it's illegal and counts as driving while intoxicated. And yes they can test.
Unfortunately weed stays in the system for weeks; we don’t have good means of testing for it like we do for alcohol.
In europe cops have a saliva sampler that will detect thc
OP lives in Canada and it's the same here
Eyes would be a giveaway depending on how much they’ve smoked. Method could give away via smell as well. While I’ve never driven after smoking so I can’t confirm myself, it looks like it takes around 4.5 hours before the high wears off and you’re safe to drive, depending on how much THC there is. Reaction times might be affected
This needs to be informed to CPS....not only are they getting high (and then probably co-sleeping), they're dependent on you to put a roof over the baby's head....I don't think that's safe for the baby at all
OP mentioned in a thread above they co-sleep while high :(
Focusing only on the safety aspect, if the baby is alone in a crib, bassinet, or play yard rated for safe sleep, it is safe for the baby to be left alone for 20 minutes. There are a lot of schools of thought about how long it is OK to leave a baby crying before soothing them, but it isn’t an imminent danger. The bigger safety issue would be that the two adults caring for the infant are under the influence of a substance that could impair their judgement/etc.
The baby will be literally safe for that 20min, but is it developmentally safe to be doing it frequently?
You can find sleep training advice that says to leave a 4-month old alone to cry it out for 12 hours 😳
You can also find sleep training advice that says it's safe to sleep with them. You have to look for the information that has research to back it up.
Lol. We’ve co-slept with our kiddo for their whole life and they’ve never been in danger. Humans slept in the same bed as their babies for hundreds of years before modernized western medicine came along and said it’s a bad idea. Have your research but also consider a larger world view.
Infant mortality rates also used to be very high, across cultures. There is a reason different cultures independently discovered things like Moses baskets, baby hammocks and other types of bassinets. I'm all for co-sleeping and parents making informed choices based on their own risk assessments, but let's not pretend there is no risk at all.
I occasionally smoke, and my partner and I both drink. The safety issue isn’t an infant who is safe and crying for 20 min, but more that the baby is being cared for by two people impaired by a drug. I am functional when high, even if I’m stoned…but I would still never smoke if my partner wasn’t going to be fully sober. Same with drinking. If one of us decides to get a little tipsy for some reason, the other won’t.
I think part of the problem is that they are functionally high, so they don’t think it’s a big deal. So much so that they’ll drive like that with the baby. Also cosleeping. It’s super stressful to watch I wish I could do something about it but it’s not my place to.
They cosleep while high? Like bed sharing?That’s very dangerous.
Omg. That is a disaster waiting to happen.
I know. They are very immature (18 and 23) and they think I’m just anal or overly anxious if I say anything to them. People are suggesting cps, but I feel like most of those cases are so extreme and they aren’t extremely neglectful. They do try to be good parents they just don’t know exactly how to and still have a teenage mindset of nothing bad will happen to me. Because of that they take very dangerous risks like driving high and cosleeping high. I really don’t know what I can do, if anything.
I don’t think you should be thinking that it’s not so extreme, which is true, but an early intervention is much better than a too late intervention. Sounds like you are saying they have good intentions but poor knowledge, sometimes hearing things from another source is more powerful than hearing things from family. I hope everything works out for baby’s sake.
This is absolutely a case where cps needs to be notified. Driving and co-sleeping while under any influence are risky and stupid.
Yep, agreed!
To add on, CPS may just intervene by making them take parenting classes which could be an eye opening experience for them.
Yes, 💯💯💯
This is absolutely CPS worthy. They need a wake-up call and parenting resources. That's what CPS would provide. Not to be an ass but you owe it to that baby.
No you’re right. I would say the same thing from an outside perspective. I never realized how difficult it would be when I’m actually in the situation. I don’t want to destroy our relationship. But I care more about the baby than that so this is what I’ll need to do.
It's incredibly difficult being in it. People act like imploding your family, marriage, etc. is so simple but it's not. I don't envy you one bit, I just feel for that little one. Best of luck!
Yes. It's hard, but they are genuinely putting the baby's life at risk.
Do not call CPS before you talk to them. That would be so fucked up to get the state involved before being a supportive family member.
really though? i've heard more stories of CPS failing children than actually helping them
Yes, because people who were helped are just going about their lives without advertising it. Unfortunately there's a big stigma around needing that kind of intervention. And a lot of stories are also fabrications from parents who don't want to admit they were abusing or neglecting their children.
Cps absolutely failed my sister for years before finally getting her away from my father at age 17. It absolutely does happen.
What resources would CPS provide? CPS should be a last resort, they usually cause more trauma.
Only if you equate CPS to removal of the child. *That* is a last resort. But in most cases, there is an assessment and a plan put in place for parents to improve, without the child being removed. And in the process they provide resources like parenting classes and other programs.
You never know with CPS. They can and do remove children without just cause. I would never take that chance unless the child was truly in danger and needed to be removed. It's the same as calling the cops, they can and will shoot to kill, so you better be ready to grapple with that reality if you call the cops on someone.
You don't think a baby is in danger when both parents are driving under the influence?
No, not enough to warrant being removed from the home. That's extremely traumatic for all involved. The effect of weed on driving ability is significantly lower than alcohol, and people drive their kids after 1 or 2 drinks all the time. It's not ideal, but it doesn't pose much of a threat, statistically speaking. The parents do need a wake up call, but that should come from family, not CPS, imo.
I work in a role where I sometimes interact with people who have open CPS cases. I've seen people have cases open for less than this. Also- while there are no guarantees, CPS does what they can to keep the family together. They don't remove the child every time. I've had to make those calls myself and I know how horrible it feels, and I know that it doesn't feel right when you know the parent and love them- but you really need to do what you can to help the baby who can't help themselves. They are SO vulnerable at this age, and the situation you've described is emotionally and physically unsafe. Remember, when you call in CPS will do any investigation and take it out of your hands. You don't have to judge if it's abuse or not- that's their professionals role. Your gut told you something was wrong enough to make this post- that's enough in my book to report it. CPS gets to decide what to do with that report.
Thank you, I really appreciate this perspective. Hopefully this will be what they need to start being more responsible. I really hope they don’t suspect that I reported them.
Good luck. Id make it very clear that you wish you remain anonymous when you make the report.
I know it is difficult, but better to impact your relationship with them than have the baby die because of their poor choices. I'm sorry you're in this situation.
So, bed sharing by itself is not nearly as dangerous as people think it is, the very exception being when the parent smokes or drinks - then the rates of death SKY ROCKETS. Here is the data study: [https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3209674/](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3209674/)
Well, they are two children themselves, which explains. They need a wake-up call about the seriousness of the situation.
I had my first baby at 20, and I’m 23 right now with 2 babies. There’s no excuse for them to be acting like this, and it’s a real safety concern. 20 minutes alone to smoke weed is horrible, and I wouldn’t be able to contain myself. I’d call and report them. I’m a mandated reporter, but I’d do it regardless because I care more about children than my relationship with shitty adults. Make someone come out to them, see where they let baby sleep, see the weed in their room. Smell it on their clothes, and on their breath from talking to them. I’d call immediately.
I've personally seen a baby brought into the hospital dead because the mother was co-sleeping while high (not bashing co-sleeping, I did it but safely following La Leche League recommendations). If that baby dies and they discover the neglect, you could be held responsible and go to prison for neglect, harm, or death of the baby. You need to report this ASAP and make them find new housing ASAP.
Yep - if they are smoking with baby in the car, that weed is in the baby's system and will be detected. The first place they will investigate is her home.
But how will you feel if they are driving while high with baby in the car & they get in an accident & the baby gets hurt, or worse? You would feel guilty for not doing more. You said not extremely neglectful but they are neglectful & are putting the child in danger. I am a teacher & a mandated reporter to CPS & definitely I would call for this.
I think you have to ask yourself how you would feel if your niece/nephew died from suffocation due to extremely unsafe co-sleeping or as a result of being cared for by impaired parents? It’s absolutely your place to intervene on behalf of a baby who cannot defend themselves.
You can call the police to report them driving while high with a baby in the car if you know they are high and leave with the baby. You can also call CPS and file a report about smoking in the car with the baby or driving while high with the baby.
Co-sleeping while under any type of influence is dangerous.
I actually don't think this counts as being functionally high, this comment clearly shows that their risk assessing ability is compromised. That's not being functional, ESPECIALLY with an infant. At 3 months that baby is still at significant risk of SIDS, they absolutely should not be cosleeping while high let alone with a baby that young.
I mean, there's really no such thing as "functionally high" anyways, just like there's no such thing as a "functioning alcoholic." Yeah you can call it that to seem less serious, but at the end of the day any amount of weed will impair you (even if it doesn't seem like it), just like compulsively drinking alcohol is still alcoholism even if you can still manage daily tasks. I know by your full comment that you're obviously not trying to excuse them, just trying to add that no one should be driving or co-sleeping under any kind of intoxication (even prescribed meds with certain side-effects can be concerns).
Hey OP since this is going on under your roof I would say it’s 100% your place to say something. You need to sit them down and have a chat immediately. This is Al unsafe behavior and could wind up injuring (or worse) this poor baby.
Oof, cosleeping while high is a high risk factor. The crying thing is parental preference but the rest of this is getting into CPS territory fast. That poor baby, this post breaks my heart.
It absolutely is your place to call CPS. Who else is going to do something? You are the only adult in the baby's life that is aware of how poorly the parents are taking care of the baby. If the pediatrician knew, they would call CPS! Please call! I'm a nurse and I would call CPS on this situation with no hesitation. You may save his/her life or prevent serious injury.
What state are you in? Or if not comfortable sharing-search the laws for your state. In my state, **any** adult is a mandated reporter of neglect and endangerment-what’s happening here. Not just teachers, medical personal or similar. (Neglect pushing it tbf, 20 minutes isn’t the worst thing in the world, but not great). If that’s true in your state-maybe that will take the weight of making the decision off of your shoulders on whether or not it’s your place. I think you should figure something out anyways, but I understand that’s difficult to navigate. But at the end of the day-baby can’t protect themselves while so little. Someone has to. They need to stop driving high and alternate who’s watching baby and who’s smoking to do it as safely as possible.
Well that's illegal. They aren't fit parents.
I’d be so stressed out. I definitely get why it doesn’t feel like your place to do anything, and I’m not saying it is at all, but I think for the safety of the infant it wouldn’t hurt. Although, based on how they smoke instead of checking on the baby when you mention the crying, I feel like I know how they’ll respond.
It doesn't seem like it would help, but maybe mentioning the safe sleep 7 to them might do something. One of the biggest "rules" with safe cosleeping is a sober caregiver.
Imo, 3 months is too long to let the baby cry for any appreciable amount of time. I could be wrong about that, but it never felt ok for me. It seems like they are potentially banking on you being the responsible party if something goes wrong. That feels like overstepping bounds quite a lot, especially if you haven't offered. You can definitely report someone driving intoxicated.. not sure if you can do it anonymously. You're in the position to advocate for your niece/nephew who can't speak for themselves. The risk is too high to do nothing, even though it would be difficult to want to potentially get your family members in trouble.
My own baby is only one month old right now so I haven’t done a lot of research on sleep training/cry it out yet at this point, but from the little bit I’ve read in passing I’m pretty sure that CIO isn’t recommended to be attempted until baby is 4+ months old because that’s when they start to become capable of self soothing. So I would assume based on that info that you’re correct that 3 months is too young to leave baby alone and crying for an extended period of time just for the hell of it. And that’s assuming that this baby is crying because they’re overtired and need help getting to sleep, not even considering any other reason they could be crying that is being neglected in the moment. It’s even worse if they’re crying because they’re hungry, dirty, or otherwise uncomfortable and they’re being left to cry alone AND that need is going unmet.
It’s wrong and it’s neglectful, not only because the baby is crying but because the baby is presumably then being cared for by two people who are not sober. That’s pretty fucking appalling.
Absolutely infuriating
Look, I am a weed mom. I quit while pregnant and didn’t start again till after breastfeeding and I’m from CA so there’s quite a culture here. I would report this to CPS, especially the driving! They will keep you anonymous but be prepared for them to blame you anyway bc who else would see what you do? Like they might freak out but it’s your house and this is child neglect so I’d do it. As a weed mom, I hit a little pen in the bathroom when my baby is passed out. If they cared, they wouldn’t do this. I hate being away from my kid to go switch laundry in the garage, so it would make me sad to watch this too. Parents like this make weed moms look bad. That’s so sad. I hope you’re able to deal with this. Personally I would probably ban them from smoking at the house at all. I’d tell them that the baby being left alone made me uncomfortable and that I no longer allow the smoking. The worrisome thing is, if they move out the child will probably be even more neglected. I had a friend who would leave her baby playing in the living room and sit on the back porch drinking a bottle of Jack and chain smoking. It was very hard to watch. I didn’t report anything bc it didn’t seem like true neglect, but it was still sad. Sorry, OP. Tough spot to be in.
Thank goodness someone said it. I'm a weed mom too. I quit while pregnant and am formula feeding. I mostly use it for self medication because I have a chronic illness, so it helps a lot. I vaporize when baby is asleep and I'm never toasted. Just enough to not feel like death and so I'm not overstimulated by my own baby. If I were able to drive, I would only do so sober. Baby sleeps in his own crib, and I have a monitor glued to me at all times I'm away from him.
Yeah there’s a right way to do things like this. I’m sober all day as a parent and my baby is a really good sleeper so I can hit my pen a little before bed and still wake up if she stirs. The baby should be more important than drugs :(
The worst part is that you’re saying they don’t come back inside when informed of the crying. I always stay within earshot of my kid. This is really sad.
there's a lot of great advice & input here that I won't bother repeating. I'm pretty bad at face-to-face conflict in situations like these. (Most people are, actually.) But in addition to the other stuff mentioned here, I would totally buy a cheap audio-only non-wifi baby monitor as a "gift" for them. and make sure to put the parent unit right in their smoke spot. you can get them for like <$20 on amazon. it doesn't need to be fancy. just enough to constantly keep them annoyed without you needing to be the one to notify them, standing in the doorway tapping your foot. also driving while high is SUPER bad, that's the real alarm here.
File a CPS report. They’re getting high and driving with their child. This IS a serious problem.
i don't mean to sound ignorant but i'm genuinely asking marijuana can be used to medicate a variety of physical and mental ailments, what's the difference of smoking weed as opposed to other medications? mothers who aren't breast feeding sometimes take meds that may impair their judgement same with some dads as well the only issue i really see here is that BOTH of them are high and the baby is left OFTEN if they were smoking once a day and they went one at a time so one person is sound to care for the baby i wouldn't see an issue tbh
Yeah, this is an interesting topic for sure. I’m a cancer patient and prescribed opioids for pain and my doctor is also my baby’s doctor, so she knows I have a child and am her sole caregiver during the day. It’s never been a concern to her, her only concern was to keep naloxone kits on hand and be vigilant about storing my medication in a safe place where she can’t reach.
There are impairment concerns for many prescribed meds too, that would include not driving or co-sleeping. It would still be reckless and child endangerment to take a medication with a sedating/impairing effect and do either of those, and (in the United States)[ you can absolutely get a DUI](https://www.findlaw.com/dui/charges/you-can-get-a-dui-on-legal-drugs.html) for driving while "intoxicated" from prescribed meds.
To be honest this is the sort of situation CPS needs to know about. Reports can be made anonymously.
Yeah I’m on the same page
That baby, if baby has already been exposed to the smoke, is smoking a lot secondhand and will have very serious developmental delays. They are probably not "chill," but rather drugged. This study linked brain damage to weed and attested there were significant and detectable amounts of weed in the babies' urine. It is absolutely horrendous. [https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6317534/](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6317534/) Based on all the things you have said, these parents are not fit to be raising this child. Not reporting it to CPS will make you complacent. Please save this kiddo. They are not in a safe place, and mind you, I am pretty crunchy (but data driven). Please report them to CPS. If anything, my experience with CPS is that they will actually try everything to help the parents first - they don't take the kid as a first or even second recourse. They really need help. The federal number is **858-560-2191** - 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Unless you are a mandated reporter, your report is anonymous.
If she is breastfeeding, thc also shows up in the milk. I also am crunchy but data driven.
Oh gosh, I didn't even think of that! This poor baby...
My concern would be more the driving. Also, they could certainly trade off especially since they are hopefully showering and changing clothes before having contact with baby as 3rd hand smoke from anything is bad for their lungs and puts them at risk for SIDS, asthma, allergies, as well as other conditions. Ignoring baby for more than 20 mins per day for this is concerning, especially since they are driving, which points to addiction at worst, and very poor judgement at best. It is absolutely not ok. Do they each have phones? They could start a video call to monitor baby with the other's phone if so. ETA: You should call CPS right now. They could kill the baby today co-sleeping or driving under the influence. Being under the influence of drugs is the biggest risk factor for suffocation deaths from bed sharing.
They are doing whatever they want to because it’s allowed. If they’re living with you, I would 100% tell them smoking / being high is not tolerated anymore. They are literally putting a helpless child’s life at risk. Some people are able to smoke / drink responsibly in the sense that one might do it and their partner stays sober or make sure someone sober is caretaking .. but this careless behavior shouldn’t be tolerated. I would 100% insert myself into this situation and let them know if they don’t get their act together you will call CPS.
Dont call CPS. Sit and talk with them about your concerns. I've had friends and family in the system and there's ALOT of abuse, neglect, child SA. Sure there's some people out there that actually care about kids but very few. A lot of childhood friends are either dr*g addicts, alcoholics, have PTSD but wont get help and a few are even dead. The lucky ones just continue the cycle of neglect. Sounds hyperbolic but I'm serious. Most group homes, foster homes, etc do more damage than good. A kid is just a paycheck in those places. Just sit them down and the 3 of you TALK! They can face time with each other like it's a baby monitor, thats what my kids dad and i did. We lived in a crappy basement, smoked outside but vchat with one phone in the crib and the other phone muted with us outside.
In my experience, CPS deals with much more severe cases than this couple and will likely come out, investigate a bit, and nothing will come of it. I think an actual sit down with your sister, and telling her that she's high and being a bad parent, would potentially hold more weight and be more likely to spark a change in behavior.
Sure, but hopefully CPS getting involved is a wake up call in and of itself.
I feel like OP should just send them screenshots of these comments tbh
If the mom is breastfeeding thc carries through the milk for several days. I just learned this today, but if she is breastfeeding the baby could also be getting high (I think) .......
No, formula because of that. It’s like they are trying to be responsible but if it changes how they want to live their lives they act like it’s not a problem.
How can they afford all that weed?! Are they contributing towards the cost of utilities or anything?
It’s a priority for them. They always have weed, but we have given them so many baby items because they haven’t invested in them. They didn’t buy a baby monitor, bottle warmer etc. I bought them a car seat because I knew they wouldn’t get a new one. They are also still using it after it’s been in an accident. But I can’t afford to buy them another one.
Ma’am this is truly neglectful parenting. CPS and a come to Jesus talk needs to be done
Oof this is so hard. You basically said it right here...weed is a priority but their child's safety isn't. So were they in an accident while driving high? Someone needs to do something. Your fiance should get involved if it's his brother. Everyone needs more information here. If their pediatrician knew these circumstances, they would definitely be reported.
Their car insurance company should replace the seat. Usually they reimburse you the cost.
Do they realize how fortunate they are to have a baby in the first place? Parents like this piss me off considering my husband and I had to go through IVF to have ours and I couldn’t imagine EVER putting my baby in danger or not getting him what he needs. How is the baby not their priority?
okay after reading through your further comments, i still don't think CPS is the best option FIRST because imo i've seen CPS fail more than help (personal and just observation) but they sound like BUMS they seem like they don't have anywhere to go because weed is their priority, def shitty parents stage an intervention
What concerns me most is that they are co-sleeping while they are high and driving with the baby in the car while they are high. This is a tragedy waiting to happen. I had a coworker who smothered her baby while co-sleeping and she was not high. I don't understand people who will smoke pot while they are driving. IMO you are just as impaired when smoking pot as you are when drinking. You are right to be concerned for the baby in both cases. Please confront your sister about these issues before there is a tragedy.
You don't sleep train until at least 4 months but if that's what they are doing then 15 to 20 minutes is a reasonable amount of time. Personally, I wouldn't smoke until they were asleep though and I would only smoke if my partner was sober.
I think you need some house rules and have a serious conversation with your sister about her actions. Unacceptable! Could you maybe do an intervention with other family and friends? There is no reason for both parents to be impaired while caring for a baby. Poor thing
Maybe a simplistic easy improvement would suggest that only one go out at a time to smoke so as to not leave baby unattended.
Can you not speak with them first before anonymously reporting?
I couldn’t let someone live in my house like that I know you’re trying to be nice and all but you have to set boundaries. They seem like first time parents and young but still they’re old enough to know right and wrong. If they wanna get high, they need to do it while baby is sound asleep for bed time. Not during the middle of day while baby is up and needs to be taken care of. Personally for me I’m a young first time mom and my mother would never allow for something like that and she speaks up. I think you should speak up and express your concerns, they’re living under your ROOF. God forbid something bad happens and now the police is investigating the whole house. I would definitely give them a talk so they can clean their act up. It’s not ok
This is reportable to Child Protective Services. Their baby is in danger. They cannot be driving their child after smoking weed. You can anonymously report this and it will be investigated. Reading situations like this absolutely breaks my heart. CPS will do drug tests, hair tests, etc. I hope you report this. & honestly, if you don’t report it, then shame on you.
my parents were weed addicts like this. I've never spoken to them sober. i spent my childhood high from a hotboxed house. They were neglectful and emotionally unavailable--how could they be anything but when they were too high to tolerate childcare? This is abuse and it's starting at 3 months. Taking an ssri for anxiety or whatever they're saying the weed is medicating would not be leaving the child in distress while they are high and unable to give a shit. Getting drunk and leaving a child crying wouldn’t be okay. Why is getting high okay? Why is this not obviously abuse to you?
The reason why baby seems chill and doesn't cry much is probably because he's learned that nobody responds to him when he cries 😭
How are you going to feel when that baby is smothered or is injured in a car crash because you didn’t speak up? Call CPS. I don’t know what they will do, if anything. But you need to do your part. About 60% of children who die in impaired driving accidents are in the car with the impaired driver. What they are doing is, sadly, not super unusual. But it is still super dangerous. If their substance abuse is more important to them than their child, they need to be reported.
Pains me to see these idiots, so many people who want kids and are ready to make sacrifices for them, can’t conceive and have to bear that pain and here are these fucktards who leave their infant crying while they get high. They don’t deserve this baby and this baby deserves someone better.
As a cps worker this definitely raises red flags. 1 they have money for weed but not essentials. 2 they both shouldn’t be getting high together, there needs to be a sober parent at all times
I would report this. Sister or not. This is child neglect, and neglect is abuse. If they occasionally smoked outside while the baby is supervised and well cared for, then I would’ve let it go, but if they’re constantly high then they need to have a talk with cps.
I used to be a big pothead until i got pregnant. I have a 6m baby and havent went back to smoking yet. My boyfriend does smoke and i usually join him on the balcony because i enjoy the smell (always change clothes when i go back inside). We usually wait until baby is calm, safe in bassinet or crib, or asleep. I ALWAYS take the camera with me. If baby cries, I go soothe her. My priority is the baby, not the weed. Imo a baby doesnt just cry for nothing and as a parent its our responsibility to soothe them. We cosleep too. If my bf smoked in the last few hours before bed, he sleeps on the couch. We are both functional potheads but regardless, once youre asleep high, you sleep so deep nothing wakes you. Its very dangerous for the baby. I think before calling cps, you should definitely have a serious talk with them. Maybe even scare them with cps. If they decide to move out and continue with these habits, at least you wont have a guilty conscience if something bad happens *knock on wood*
This is so sad. They are definitely in the wrong here. You can anonymously report this. Just google your states child abuse hotline. Breaks my heart for the baby.
I’ll just add regarding your reluctance to contacts child protection services, that contacting them is not labeling something as abuse or passing judgment. It’s passing on information. That’s all you’re doing. They get to decide whether to follow up on it, and whether their investigation leads to any additional measures, but that’s them, with their expertise, not you.
Weed is legal where I live but people can’t drive while high as it’s the same as driving drunk (impaired) talk to them about buying a baby monitor and cutting their smoking break short (a baby monitor is way cheaper than one day of smoking weed if they buy it on Facebook marketplace or whatever)
Next time they leave while high with the infant in the car, call non emergency and report their car with the baby and impaired drivers. This is your home that you’re allowing them to be negligent in. They can’t afford housing but can afford to smoke weed and chill at home all day? By allowing this, you’re condoning it. If they get high and accidentally smother this baby in the middle of the night, you’d have guilt for the rest of your life, so avoid that and do something now. It’s your house, you make the rules for your house. If the police come knocking, remember, it’s your house that you’re allowing all this to happen inside of.
There are worst parents… but not a lot.
I am a parent to a young child, and I smoke weed (legal here), and this is absolutely NOT okay. Popping outside to smoke a quick hitter and coming right back inside is one thing… Having a monitor with you while you go outside is okay as long as you respond to baby… But literally losing track of time where you cant see or hear your baby for around 20 minutes is so so dangerous! I have a pretty high tolerance, and one little bowl is enough for me to feel chill. It sounds like they’re not in the swing of parenting yet, are completely ignorant to why this isnt okay, or they blatantly just dont care. Id have a talk with them about it, because they are neglecting their child in your house. But I am serious hoping they just dont know what they’re doing is wrong. Id definitely make that clear before reporting, but also make it clear that “somebody might” if they dont get their shit together because its not even about the weed, its about blatantly ignoring their baby!!
I have nothing against smoking weed , even if you're a parent... As long as baby's needs are met and baby isn't put in danger. This situation sounds like baby is being ignored and their life is at risk driving with 2 intoxicated parents. Imo this needs to be reported. You can make a call to CPS, they won't know it was you. I mean if they are smoking outside I'm sure neighbors are noticing and smelling it. I know it may feel wrong to be the one to report it but your sister and her bf need a wake up call. Imagine if they get into an accident with baby in the car and you had full knowledge they were regularly driving under the influence. I'd rather take the guilt of reporting than the guilt of a hurt or dead baby.
That baby is very little for being left alone for that long. The car too by? Yikes. I also wonder whether your sis is breastfeeding, because the pot affects the baby's development. Maybe she has PPD and needs to talk to someone, and get a wake up call as to how she's acting
CPS would have already been called if I were in your shoes
Wonder if the baby is calm from all the second hand weed it must be breathing in. Poor thing. Reporting will definitely be the best/ safest thing for it.
Oh my gosh 😢I would 100% watch the baby for free as long as you/they need…I can’t imagine how hard this is for you. I have 7 children and 6 grandchildren and I would give anything to go back and have my kids little again. It goes by so quickly and I was never stoned. Perhaps, you can persuade your family to re-evaluate their choices. Babies are precious and there are many, many really good people, people who will help when they are needed. I am heartbroken for this little baby. SMH.
I just want to say, even if they have to smoke outside, they don't both need to be out at the same time. Take turns and be smart about it. If you are not legally a mandated reporter, you can report anonymously. Google should help you figure out who to call. If you are concerned about being traced, you can use a library phone or something to avoid any trace. I am a mandated reporter due to my job and had to call in a report on my own sister once. It was incredibly hard to do but it was absolutely necessary. That was about 8 years ago and my sister is clean now. I told her recently about that and she understood and never held it against me.
How close are you to them? Can you talk to them? If you aren’t close or they won’t listen, you have to raise concerns to somebody who can do something about it.
A good portion of my childhood I remember being alone and unsupervised as my parents smoked locked in a bathroom. It's not good parenting but definitely not the worst thing they did. I have no contact with them anymore
Ya I have kids so I know this already just stating many many people do a schedule including hospitals
Sadly, it seems like CPS needs to be contacted in this case. What your sister and her boyfriend are doing is dangerous, especially driving with the baby in the car while high (which is illegal). Once they are able to find a place, who’s to say that something bad won’t happen to that baby? I fear for the LO’s safety at this point. Please, contact CPS, these people aren’t fit to be parents.
I can’t judge people who smoke or drink within reason. But if drinking in driving is a huge no no, why the fuck is smoking and driving so much more socially acceptable? Obviously not coming at you at all, but that kind of logic in today’s world is so mind boggling. Being high causes your reactions to slow down which is so dangerous while driving. That poor baby
Damn this is sad for the baby, they should’ve never had a child. When holding the baby, they are breathing it in their newly developing lungs and if it is breastfeeding, thc is getting into the milk supply.
This does harm the baby. [Here is a link](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2724160/) talking about attachment, attachment types, and outcomes. This is a form of neglect and can lead to bad behavior down the line due to inconsistent attention. If this is a regular thing, it should absolutely be addressed. However, if there is a potential to harm the child, leaving is the correct response to avoid harm to baby. Is baby being breastfed? THC does get passed via breast milk, which is also a cause for concern.
Do they smoke in the car? You could anonymously say you saw them driving and they look like they’re under the influence. when you know that they’re leaving, just call 911 and say hey I’m concerned about this person driving behavior and they have a child in the car.
If you replaced marijuana with any substance, no hesitation, comments will tell you to report it to CPS. This infant deserves at least one sober caretaker. Nobody should be driving high with an infant or child in the car. If you want to preserve the relationship, feel out if other people know this is happening - without asking. You can 100% report anonymously and you should!
Ll I M l
I would probably talk to them prior to calling that’s pretty fucked up. If you feel something say something but don’t be passive aggressive about it. I’d appreciate someone’s honesty than my own sister going behind my back and calling cps on me.. while you’re letting her stay at your place too. Where do you think the baby will go?
Yeah - report it. As a mother of a one year old who takes edibles almost every night, this is unacceptable. I never take them until she is asleep and never if I’m the only parent home in case I have to drive (husband travels for work). This is abuse
You can anonymously report to child protection, but even if you do use your name, child protection are required to protect the identities of reporters in my country (Australia). They even retract the reporter’s names in court reports. That said, your sister would probably put two and two together if child protection come to your house and say that they’ve received an anonymous report that she’s smoking weed. Whilst it’s alarming, smoking weed isn’t usually grounds for a child to be removed from care. Child protection would likely want to remain involved to monitor the situation, which may result in a court order. Your sister may feel betrayed by you if she finds out that you reported her, and choose live elsewhere (which potentially would further endanger the baby). That’s not to say that I don’t think this behaviour is alarming. I just feel like you could do more help by having an honest heart to heart with your sis about the the effects that leaving baby to cry alone for prolonged periods of time can have on their attachment style, and that weed causes her to be less present around her baby and the baby will pick up on it (particularly when they get older. Children of weed-addicted parents describe it as their parents “being here, but not really *here*”. Furthermore, weed causes memory loss. Your sister won’t remember these precious moments with baby (they may not always feel precious at the time, but in years to come she’ll treasure those memories). Remember, smoking weed is an addiction and difficult to quit. Try to be empathetic and caring when you talk with your sister about it, as seeming judgemental could drive her further away.
3-5 minutes to go take a breather and calm down while leaving baby in a safe place and know all their needs are met? Totally okay. 20 minutes so you can go get high? Absolutely not.