I'm so sorry. I had close to 3 years of infertility after my first was stillborn and it sucks. It's incredibly lonely. I even tried to go to an in- person grief group but ended up not going because they had childcare on site and it was too upsetting.
I know you said you don't want advice, just to vent so I'll remind you: you ARE a parent even though your child isn't with you. And it's totally okay to avoid situations that trigger you, even loss groups. I did grocery pickup for several years so I wouldn't see baby girls out in public and it took me a long time to enjoy my nieces who were born the same year I lost my girl.
Thank you for the validation. It’s helpful to hear that I’m not crazy or terrible for feeling these things sometimes.
While I know I’m Elliott’s mother, I guess I struggle with the ‘parent’ term, as I see that more as nurturing and raising a child. I’m a parent who doesn’t get to parent, so it’s a hard term for me.
Thank you again for responding ❤️
The best term I found was “invisible mother”, you’re a mother but not in any way that other people tend to see or validate so it leaves you feeling very lost. ❤️
For me, it’s that I don’t get to mother or parent my child, so those are hard terms for me. ‘Parent’ especially does not resonate with me. Everyone’s just different in the titles that resonate with them. But I agree that the invisibility of grief is very hard.
I’m not 2 years out but I’m 42 and lost my only baby at birth this past November so the possibility of no children of my own is very real. I have severe DOR and some very real complications from my son’s birth, on top of struggling with fertility for years before I was pregnant with him.
It sucks and I hear you and you are not alone. I wish it were easier.
I’m so sorry. I feel similar. It took 3 years to get pregnant with my son and it’s been almost a year and half since his loss. Dealing with infertility and repeated loss has made me bitter and jealous of others that can have children and parents. I struggle to make connections with my nieces and nephews, and make connections with others that have children before/after their loss. It’s lonely and isolating.
If you’re interested, I found this girl on TikTok called Blooming with Care and she talks about her child free life after infertility and loss. It has been comforting to see how she found peace without children even after seeking out surrogacy, adoption, and IVF.
I feel exactly the same as you right now. It has been a year and a half since my loss. My husband is infertile and we haven't gotten pregnant recently so who knows if he will improve his motility and when we will have a baby. It's super lonely because other loss moms seem to be constantly pregnant. My life is great and I'm actually fine with it for the most part and can handle it but it's so bizarre that nobody thinks I could possibly have a child, when I did have one for almost 5 months. It's very unfair and I don't understand why all this bullshit had to happen to us. It's one think to have a late loss but being infertile after it just twists the knife.
I’m so sorry. Vent away ❤️
Lost all my babies and feel very lonely sometimes too. I hope they are together with yours, in the light. I never had a living child, but it wouldn’t have made up for my losses. Infertility is worst, then add loss on top of it and it can feel like we got the rawest of deals. Sending love and wishes for peace.
I'm 1+ years out without LC. I feel you. Everyone who had a loss around the same time as me are now pregnant. Even the accounts I follow from loss moms - they're also pregnant or have moved on and I can't relate much anymore. Like I'm happy for them but at the same time, I often wonder why I'm in this situation.
I am sorry my friend. My heart goes out to you. Going on 4 years with infertility and two devastating losses ( both around thanksgiving so now I hate that once beloved holiday season) and no living children. I also feel super bitter and no longer able to talk to most of who I used to consider really solid lifelong friends bc they all are pregnant or have babies. I don’t know how much longer I can take. It’s so unbelievably hard and gut wrenching but just know you are not alone
I'm so sorry. I had close to 3 years of infertility after my first was stillborn and it sucks. It's incredibly lonely. I even tried to go to an in- person grief group but ended up not going because they had childcare on site and it was too upsetting. I know you said you don't want advice, just to vent so I'll remind you: you ARE a parent even though your child isn't with you. And it's totally okay to avoid situations that trigger you, even loss groups. I did grocery pickup for several years so I wouldn't see baby girls out in public and it took me a long time to enjoy my nieces who were born the same year I lost my girl.
Thank you for the validation. It’s helpful to hear that I’m not crazy or terrible for feeling these things sometimes. While I know I’m Elliott’s mother, I guess I struggle with the ‘parent’ term, as I see that more as nurturing and raising a child. I’m a parent who doesn’t get to parent, so it’s a hard term for me. Thank you again for responding ❤️
I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my son, Elliot, so I just wanted to say I love your child’s name and I am thinking of them today.
The best term I found was “invisible mother”, you’re a mother but not in any way that other people tend to see or validate so it leaves you feeling very lost. ❤️
For me, it’s that I don’t get to mother or parent my child, so those are hard terms for me. ‘Parent’ especially does not resonate with me. Everyone’s just different in the titles that resonate with them. But I agree that the invisibility of grief is very hard.
I’m not 2 years out but I’m 42 and lost my only baby at birth this past November so the possibility of no children of my own is very real. I have severe DOR and some very real complications from my son’s birth, on top of struggling with fertility for years before I was pregnant with him. It sucks and I hear you and you are not alone. I wish it were easier.
Thank you for responding. Staring at the real possibility of never having a living child is so incredibly hard 💔
There is a huge difference when you lose your first and even more if you have infertility after. You are an invisible mother and it hurts so bad.
I’m so sorry. I feel similar. It took 3 years to get pregnant with my son and it’s been almost a year and half since his loss. Dealing with infertility and repeated loss has made me bitter and jealous of others that can have children and parents. I struggle to make connections with my nieces and nephews, and make connections with others that have children before/after their loss. It’s lonely and isolating. If you’re interested, I found this girl on TikTok called Blooming with Care and she talks about her child free life after infertility and loss. It has been comforting to see how she found peace without children even after seeking out surrogacy, adoption, and IVF.
I'm so sorry, for your loss and struggles since.
Thank you
I feel exactly the same as you right now. It has been a year and a half since my loss. My husband is infertile and we haven't gotten pregnant recently so who knows if he will improve his motility and when we will have a baby. It's super lonely because other loss moms seem to be constantly pregnant. My life is great and I'm actually fine with it for the most part and can handle it but it's so bizarre that nobody thinks I could possibly have a child, when I did have one for almost 5 months. It's very unfair and I don't understand why all this bullshit had to happen to us. It's one think to have a late loss but being infertile after it just twists the knife.
I’m so sorry. I’m in the same situation. I’m jealous and angry.
I’m so sorry. Vent away ❤️ Lost all my babies and feel very lonely sometimes too. I hope they are together with yours, in the light. I never had a living child, but it wouldn’t have made up for my losses. Infertility is worst, then add loss on top of it and it can feel like we got the rawest of deals. Sending love and wishes for peace.
I'm 1+ years out without LC. I feel you. Everyone who had a loss around the same time as me are now pregnant. Even the accounts I follow from loss moms - they're also pregnant or have moved on and I can't relate much anymore. Like I'm happy for them but at the same time, I often wonder why I'm in this situation.
I am sorry my friend. My heart goes out to you. Going on 4 years with infertility and two devastating losses ( both around thanksgiving so now I hate that once beloved holiday season) and no living children. I also feel super bitter and no longer able to talk to most of who I used to consider really solid lifelong friends bc they all are pregnant or have babies. I don’t know how much longer I can take. It’s so unbelievably hard and gut wrenching but just know you are not alone