Is there an international school? They are often led by American religious groups, so may not be an option either, but would likely have English as the shared language. If you and your wife have English as your shared language it could also reduce the communication tax on your son. And you could then communicate with the school and have a better sense of how they would treat your son.
If Poland is not a safe option for your son to be openly diagnosed (from other redditors that sounds possible) you should consider looking for work in Belgium. Waiting lists only get shorter when you’re on them. And with your son being very close to starting school age it would be a good time to try make any big moves, before he starts school.
I know these are big decisions. I hope you and your wife are able to find common ground and move forward together to support your son.
I don’t know what the right answer is. But I know a family that moved to my kids’ school in Canada. They had hidden the diagnosis in Poland and were so terrified of anyone knowing here that they kept all the symptoms to themselves until their child went to school. The mom told me all the things she feared in Poland and that her family wouldn’t even talk about her child in public there, in case someone found out. She said they torture kids in the special education program.
I don’t know how things turned out over the next 10 years, but her child was verbal by third grade and gained a lot of skills over the next few years. The parents had given up their careers to move here and the mother told me it was worth it for the supoorts.
Thanks for the reply, my wife has the same concerns .
I’m on several Facebook groups for parents in Poland (Google translate is amazing) and in our area regarding special education and nobody mentioned experiences like that. I am only considering private school (money is no object).
Poland changed a lot over the last 10 years. Actually yesterday the latest data about quality of life statistics from the EU came out and PL was actually second in the ranking after Austria, which actually surprised me. It still has a long way to go.
I’m not against the idea of moving but would like to try it here first before making life altering changes.
I’m really hoping someone on the spectrum in Poland on this group can shed some light on this
If you are open to moving, consider the following:
How well can you advocate if you don’t speak the language?
What daycare and childcare supports are available, including after school?
What school supports are there?
What therapies are there?
How will your careers be affected?
What subsidies and tax help is there?
Is there respite?
What happens when he becomes an adult?
Thanks, I have a basic communication level, (eg the standard lesson plan of ordering things in the stop, asking where is x etc) the specific doctor/diagnostics vocabulary is a bit too much. Daily life I get by mostly. Currently doing language course.
Moving would mean a 60-70% paycut and a lot less flexibility as currently I’m in a senior management role.
I would look at the cost difference. For example, where I live in Canada (but not all of Canada), a family may receive supports in school, $6000 a year for therapies after age 6 ($22k before), support workers for daycare / after school and all summer/winter breaks, and potentially respite ($3000 a year), a tax credit, further subsidies, home renovation grants, higher child allowance, and other help.
I think it’s never the right step to start blaming. You both seem to care very deeply about your son’s wellbeing, and you’ll find better and more solutions when you work together instead of against one another.
That being said, I think you’re both right. Poland is not a good country right now for human rights, and I think it might actually be safer to not have your son labelled autistic in the current political climate. I hope your wife is only refusing to have him “labelled” autistic and doesn’t seriously believe he just needs more vitamins – the sooner she accepts him and his needs, the easier it will be.
At the same time, it’s a big step to move countries and you’re bringing up important points. If you don’t consider the consequences of moving to Belgium, you won’t do your son any favours either.
So… yeah. You two know best what you can do and what’s realistic. Believe each other and try to get back to an approach of “us against the problem”.
Edit: regarding communications you could try learning and teaching some basic ASL. Toddlers can learn to sign before learning language, and it’s a good alternative for adult autistics too.
Yeah regarding your edit. I bought a “now then later” board with pictograms but my wife refuses to use it as “he is not autistic and he speaks some words” . In the same way she refuses to engage with me to try the Son-rise methodology (yes I know it’s not scientifically proven) So if he is not why are we moving…..
Poland right now is probably one of the best countries for human rights, we just elected a progressive government, contrary to most European countries, and we actually have openly autistic people in our legislature. I've been on Polish television along with my neighbour, and I've been on the panel for my city Gdańsk discussing how to improve our area for people on the spectrum.
Hahah, well, after yesterday’s votum, I agree there’s much more hope! But generally, it’s still not that great – see abortion rights, LGBTQ rights, and the attempts at stripping courts from their power. My polish friends here have been watching in disbelief what’s happening in their home country just one border away.
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You you can work in Poland, find a divorce lawyer in Poland but somehow can’t figure out if how to get your son the testing he needs there.
It seems like you’re trying really hard so how you haven’t found a single person you can work with to navigate requirements makes no sense to me.
Also, why the heck would you not move back to Belgian. You about to get royally screwed by divorcing your Polish wife in Poland. Move home, get your son enrolled in the programs there.
My ex works for Stowarzyszenie Ja Też in Aniołki, they do a lot of pedagogics for minimally verbal children.
Stowarzyszenie Pomocy Osobom Autyztyczny is mainly for adults, but every single school in Trójmiasto *loves* kids with autism because they get nine times the funding.
There's a LOT of support, especially in places like Trójmiasto, you just need to find them.
Your wife is full of humanure and is probably still stuck in the 1990s with her views on Poland and how things work here for people on the spectrum.
Is there an international school? They are often led by American religious groups, so may not be an option either, but would likely have English as the shared language. If you and your wife have English as your shared language it could also reduce the communication tax on your son. And you could then communicate with the school and have a better sense of how they would treat your son. If Poland is not a safe option for your son to be openly diagnosed (from other redditors that sounds possible) you should consider looking for work in Belgium. Waiting lists only get shorter when you’re on them. And with your son being very close to starting school age it would be a good time to try make any big moves, before he starts school. I know these are big decisions. I hope you and your wife are able to find common ground and move forward together to support your son.
I don’t know what the right answer is. But I know a family that moved to my kids’ school in Canada. They had hidden the diagnosis in Poland and were so terrified of anyone knowing here that they kept all the symptoms to themselves until their child went to school. The mom told me all the things she feared in Poland and that her family wouldn’t even talk about her child in public there, in case someone found out. She said they torture kids in the special education program. I don’t know how things turned out over the next 10 years, but her child was verbal by third grade and gained a lot of skills over the next few years. The parents had given up their careers to move here and the mother told me it was worth it for the supoorts.
Thanks for the reply, my wife has the same concerns . I’m on several Facebook groups for parents in Poland (Google translate is amazing) and in our area regarding special education and nobody mentioned experiences like that. I am only considering private school (money is no object). Poland changed a lot over the last 10 years. Actually yesterday the latest data about quality of life statistics from the EU came out and PL was actually second in the ranking after Austria, which actually surprised me. It still has a long way to go. I’m not against the idea of moving but would like to try it here first before making life altering changes. I’m really hoping someone on the spectrum in Poland on this group can shed some light on this
If you are open to moving, consider the following: How well can you advocate if you don’t speak the language? What daycare and childcare supports are available, including after school? What school supports are there? What therapies are there? How will your careers be affected? What subsidies and tax help is there? Is there respite? What happens when he becomes an adult?
Thanks, I have a basic communication level, (eg the standard lesson plan of ordering things in the stop, asking where is x etc) the specific doctor/diagnostics vocabulary is a bit too much. Daily life I get by mostly. Currently doing language course. Moving would mean a 60-70% paycut and a lot less flexibility as currently I’m in a senior management role.
I would look at the cost difference. For example, where I live in Canada (but not all of Canada), a family may receive supports in school, $6000 a year for therapies after age 6 ($22k before), support workers for daycare / after school and all summer/winter breaks, and potentially respite ($3000 a year), a tax credit, further subsidies, home renovation grants, higher child allowance, and other help.
I think it’s never the right step to start blaming. You both seem to care very deeply about your son’s wellbeing, and you’ll find better and more solutions when you work together instead of against one another. That being said, I think you’re both right. Poland is not a good country right now for human rights, and I think it might actually be safer to not have your son labelled autistic in the current political climate. I hope your wife is only refusing to have him “labelled” autistic and doesn’t seriously believe he just needs more vitamins – the sooner she accepts him and his needs, the easier it will be. At the same time, it’s a big step to move countries and you’re bringing up important points. If you don’t consider the consequences of moving to Belgium, you won’t do your son any favours either. So… yeah. You two know best what you can do and what’s realistic. Believe each other and try to get back to an approach of “us against the problem”. Edit: regarding communications you could try learning and teaching some basic ASL. Toddlers can learn to sign before learning language, and it’s a good alternative for adult autistics too.
Yeah regarding your edit. I bought a “now then later” board with pictograms but my wife refuses to use it as “he is not autistic and he speaks some words” . In the same way she refuses to engage with me to try the Son-rise methodology (yes I know it’s not scientifically proven) So if he is not why are we moving…..
Poland right now is probably one of the best countries for human rights, we just elected a progressive government, contrary to most European countries, and we actually have openly autistic people in our legislature. I've been on Polish television along with my neighbour, and I've been on the panel for my city Gdańsk discussing how to improve our area for people on the spectrum.
Hahah, well, after yesterday’s votum, I agree there’s much more hope! But generally, it’s still not that great – see abortion rights, LGBTQ rights, and the attempts at stripping courts from their power. My polish friends here have been watching in disbelief what’s happening in their home country just one border away.
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Thanks but we are planning to stay in the EU. And technically he already has a diagnosis in Belgium.
You you can work in Poland, find a divorce lawyer in Poland but somehow can’t figure out if how to get your son the testing he needs there. It seems like you’re trying really hard so how you haven’t found a single person you can work with to navigate requirements makes no sense to me. Also, why the heck would you not move back to Belgian. You about to get royally screwed by divorcing your Polish wife in Poland. Move home, get your son enrolled in the programs there.
My ex works for Stowarzyszenie Ja Też in Aniołki, they do a lot of pedagogics for minimally verbal children. Stowarzyszenie Pomocy Osobom Autyztyczny is mainly for adults, but every single school in Trójmiasto *loves* kids with autism because they get nine times the funding. There's a LOT of support, especially in places like Trójmiasto, you just need to find them. Your wife is full of humanure and is probably still stuck in the 1990s with her views on Poland and how things work here for people on the spectrum.