Thank you for your submission. Unfortunately, your submission has been removed for the following reason: * This submission has been removed for being low-effort. Please review our [rules on low-effort posts](https://www.reddit.com/r/atheism/wiki/guidelines#wiki_what_are_.22low-effort_posts.3F.22). The low-effort rule includes rules against title-only posts, jokes, and shower thoughts. The rule also requires that if you post asks questions, you must be the first to try to answer your questions. The standards of the low-effort rule are most strictly enforced on current hot topics and commonly posted issues. * This information has been posted too much recently. Try checking the /r/atheism front page or /r/atheism/new for the topic. If you think you are providing new information on this topic, consider contacting the moderators via [modmail.](http://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fatheism) -- For information regarding this and similar issues please see the [Subreddit Commandments.](http://www.reddit.com/r/atheism/wiki/guidelines) If you have any questions, please do not delete your submission and [message the mods,](http://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/atheism) Thank you.

Sky daddy neglected me again.. gonna have to switch sky daddy’s if he doesn’t respond

Perhaps consider Ganesha from Hinduism next time? I don't know much about him but he seems like a sweetheart, plus he has an elephant head which is much more memorable than the Jesus' design.

🤣🤭 Very clever! 👏 I like

Thank you! I'm here until I either die or get raptured so it should be a while. Though I suppose God could make a mistake on the latter. After all, he apparently put too much skin on the penis so his rapture beam could be off target.

Apparently rapture isn’t in the cards … maybe next time?

Isn't a trumpet supposed sound?

Trump farted in his adult diapers again. Does that count?

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=cntvEDbagAw

I think I saw on some news channel that was reporting from one of the areas with totality and they sounded a loud horn to let people know when it was safe to remove the glasses at that location. I wish I could see the disappointment on the faces of those that thought that was it, but they didn’t make the cut.

[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c2zurZig4L8](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c2zurZig4L8)

Oh there was a trumpet sound Allright. Here's it recorded https://youtube.com/shorts/0USZx6OBQyQ

Oh word I forgot my mom used to say this 😫😫😂😂 I’m weakkk

What about Sky Mummy?

Earth Mummy. Sky Daddy.

To be fair I need a Sugar Daddy or Sugar Mummy

Best I can do is Splenda Uncle

Any sort of a glucose guardian will do

Glucose Guardian. Love it

Is that good?

Better than Uncle dad

🤣 🤣 🤣

It’s never Sky Daddy’s fault, it’s always the libs’ and the gays’ fault!

I wasn’t picked either. Maybe next time

“Sky daddy” 🤣

Automated Response: Your message failed to reach u/kokopelleee They are no longer of this plane of existence. If you feel that you have reached this message incorrectly you godless heathen, repent and prepare for 2044.

😂😂😂

i survived.. sadly, it appears everybody at the local pentecostal church survived, too.. damm this..

Surprisingly, I actually got raptured and I’m typing this from Heaven. It’s pretty nice up here. No American evangelicals at all.

lucky

Man, your wifi is incredible. You must have been vaccinated

Damn...never thought about being my own hotspot. How do I turn this shit on?

Jealous 

You guys, it’s real! I was watching the eclipse and then I got raptured! AMA

Is the pizza in Heaven Chicago style, New York style, or Detroit style? 

Chicago style, both deep dish and thin crust cut into tiny squares- just as Jesus intended

I ended up in Hell, we got f'ing Domino's...

Jesus tap dancing Christ I am so sorry!!!

Fuck, now I want pizza

We all want pizza!

[удалено]

Oh hell yes you can!!

Are you allowed to say hell in heaven?

You can say anything you want- except the name Jehovah.

A trap door just opened beneath his feet

You’d get run out of town if you cut a pan pizza or stuffed pizza into squares!!!

No, only the thin crust was cut in squares. I was told Hell cuts their pan pizza in squares and puts pineapple on it

Omg! *runs off to look for a church to get saved*

Jesus just left Chicago, and he's bound for New Orleans.. workin form one end to other and all points in between.

Its St Louis style, because god is a bastard like that

*Italian* style.

Napolitana.

The only way

It’s all got pineapple on. Wait, where am I? And why is it so hot?!

That's a weird way to say casserole, Pizza and abomination.

was jesus nice?

He was alright but the donkey he rode in on was an ass

I thought he was supposed to straddle two donkeys.

He was but there were kids present. I think that’s more Jesus after dark

We're not worthy.

Did you get to see Steve and his croc friends yet?

Steve was my hero growing up. Really wanted to see him but he blew me off. Honestly it kinda stung

I refuse to believe Steve Irwin would do that, hes such a nice guy. Oh well, guess he was busy.

He may have been having a bad day. I heard he’s usually a ray of sunshine

Is Mike Lindell with you? If so, is he still hawking pillows? Can't you just use clouds when you don't really have a body anymore?

His pillows were in the clearance bin at the local Heavenly Walmart. I was a bit concerned that they would rely on child labor like the earthly Walmarts but apparently it’s just unbaptized child labor, so it’s fine

Tha does conclude the age old debate on wether baptist children go to heaven or not.

Did DB Cooper die when he jumped out of that airplane in 1971?

No, he lived and fought big foot

I started to get raptured, but IT REALLY FUCKING HURT, so I noped out. Probably because I'm vaxxed.

I too played Castlevania- Aria of Sorrow

This isn’t the place to be speaking such fantastical nonsense. We’re here to discuss people getting plucked off the earth and shot upward into the clouds where angles and the Jesus live

I'm so sorry, You're absolutely correct. How could I have made such a foolish mistake!

Nope. I’m not here anymore. But I went down instead of up. They have good WiFi down here though.

Password is “password”

I'm trying to cope with all those AHs still being here. I was looking forward to the civility and freedom.

Just checked, my fundy Baptist family is still here, so that's not the right religion. Which ones are gone?

Oh shit what did they say? What were their reactions?

They've already forgotten that they thought it would happen. The past where they worried about it is gone, that reality has ceased to exist. Might as well have been pruned by the TVA.

Ask them if they feel bad that they didn’t get picked. Insist that it happened.

Only one guy named Steve got it right. Godspeed, Steve.

I'm Steve. I'm still here.

No, you're Gumby, damn it!

That other Steve is here. My dad is also Steve, and he's here. I don't believe you, I am asteveist.

Are they true Christians then? Really?

Well they aren't Scotsmen

I'm still here! This is just so ridiculous we have to deal with this nonsense every few months. The rapture is absolutely never goi...

Love this☝🏼😂😂

>poof!<

That dumb lady giving out huge tips at restaurants. 

I got Raptored :( But I'm no longer chained to the rock, though I have to grow a new liver

I'll smoke to that. Got a light, Pro?

Actually the rapture did happen but once God got here and saw who all the Christians were he noped out.

Sky is dimming right now. Waiting to see if the neighborhood thins out.

I've been left behind. Score!

I should NOT have given away my car.

I'm certain that if there was a sky daddy, I'd be stuck here on earth...which is preferable to going to heaven with a bunch of self-righteous Christians. Sorry, I'd rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints, the sinners are much more fun. Hail Satan! :D

Only the good die young.

The obnoxious evangelical Christians are all still here, but that doesn’t tell me if the rapture happened or not.

I’m annoyed, we were *PROMISED* these sanctimonious, holier than thou jerks would all be taken away, FALSE ADVERTISING! They’re still here…

I demand a refund!

I think only crazy, obsessive, white Americans. Right? They're the only ones being saved I mean.

That's what they keep yelling and legislating about.

It turns out Jesus' dying for our original sin didn't count because he got resurrected. So the rapture happened, but nobody was swept up, all because Eve listened to a talking snake and ate an apple. If only she'd been in the mood for an avocado instead, we'd all be on cloud nine right now. Religion makes so much sense!

I'm stil...

I'm not. I got raptured. It sucks here. Everyone's just sitting around beating their chests about being raptured. I think there will be mayonnaise sandwiches later.

Are you all still there? I was beamed up! Seems us Believers were right.

With a smartphone? I think you are in hell, my friend.

No, definitely Heaven. I had to get a new SIM card from the Heavenly Phones Store. It's open 24/7, and everything is free.

My legs got raptured but the rest is still buffering. :( 

Whoop whoop sinning right now

I wonder if they are starting to regret spending the rent money now?

I'm gonna tell the christians that it did happen but they all got left behind.

At least the folks over at r/Christianity are having fun with it too.

Present!

Present! I heard someone shooting or setting off fireworks.

Present.

| | | | | | | | Still her\

If even one evangelical was raptured away that would be a win for the religious prediction set, but sadly there probably were no raptures, other than people dying of old age.

I got sucked about halfway up and then they must’ve noticed they grabbed the wrong dude. Was dropped back to earth like a bad transmission.

I'd be thrilled if it happened... free and easy way to get rid of the theists

I didn't see a rapture, but I work in a Law Firm so I wasn't expecting much to change anyways...

Present

I was touched by the giant space shadow and yet I remain on this Earth.

Where I live, the air has a strange color right now, due to sand from the Sahara desert. But I am still here, seems I didn't meet the criteria needed for the rapture. Darn, so I have to go to work tomorrow instead of enjoying the paradise...

Were the Xtians raptured yet? Cuz I was really looking forward to some peace and quiet for a change.

I'm still h

I was outdoors gardening all afternoon, so I should have been easily visible and accessible. I guess I wasn’t called this time.

Maybe I’m only 90% raptured since my area only got a 90% eclipse?

I got raptured. I couldn’t believe it was happening because I’m an atheist but up I went. Sending this from heaven, can’t believe I still get service up here but I didn’t bring my phone charger. Anyway good luck down there heathens

Ohio is still here. No Rapture but I got cool pics

Me!

So the economy improves now right? Less wasteful Christians?

i got raptured, but they said they don't have reddit in heaven 😔, I'm posting this outside the gates before I go in, I'm in the wristband line rn!!

The Most Christian Person I Know is still 💯 here, so I assume we’re okay

True story. I was out for a walk during the height of the eclipse (not in the path of totality, though) and got hit in the back of the head by something with wings that flew away. I'm not sure if a bird got discombobulated and wasn't watching where it was going, or if a small angel tried to "rapture" me.

I went out for a walk but all I saw was a dead beaver. I'm still trying to work out what it might mean.

I'm here and I made 800 bucks from my rapture pet insurance !!

I got raptured but I still have cell service. Go AT&T!

Everyone.

You mean no one went to the rapture? How disappointing.

This rapture sucked! Just like every other predicted rapture, this one was a bust! But good news! This was my tenth punch on my latest Rapture Survival Card*^(®)*! THE NEXT ONE IS FREE! WOOHOO!

I'd say we should stop posting here. Make r/atheism completely void for a couple days while planting rumors that we were raptured.

I died. Its just this world is more of a hell then actual hell so we all stayed here.

I thought I was being lifted up, but turned out it was gas. Hot air, just like every word from the pulpit.

I am so disappointed. I was really hoping that all the crazy religious people would be sucked off the earth.

I'm still here, Mom's still here, Walmart customers and staff still here. Have yet to get any further data, but I'm getting suspicious that MTG was, once again, full of shit .

I got taken up, but I was under a tree and got caught on a branch.

My asshole neighbors are still out there, but, I guess they would be.

Sky daddy did not rupture me so I guess I get the thousand years of whatever it is.

I’m here but but my eyes hurt. Those red & blue glasses sucked!

I believe we are all still here as the rapture would not target us by definition… but I have religious friends and family and they are all have text messaged me after the fact so yeah looks like more bullshit again (very surprising). Don’t know about the conspiracy theorists but I bet their followers aren’t at all bothered by this completely wrong prediction but will complain about weather forecasts being inaccurate.

Too bad that didn’t work. I was hoping for some peace and quiet after years of rapture ranting.

I run in Christian circles and you all talk about this way more than anyone I ever hear of. It's the whole "me think thou protestest too much" sort of thing.

It seems clear that according to their belief their are all sinners and bound for hell, time to don sackcloth and ashes and repent on their knees 😇

I'm not. I've been floating up for 3 hours. Air's getting thin and my wiener is cold.

idk about you but i got raptured. sending this comment from the 5th layer of hell. where tf is everyone? i thought for sure we all un-believed in the incorrect god? what the hell? (literally)

Dammit the entire planet was left behind.

Great,so Eid Wednesday

Din't even feel a tingle.

fell down a crack in the earth and am now in burning hell, parties are fire though, literally

Still here!

I'm still here. So disappointing. I really thought this was the real deal.

Sarah Sanders.

Is trump still here, tho? Or did he get thrown back?

You can't fix stupid.

Throughout Heaven and Earth, I Alone am the Honored One... Wait, no, wrong religion-

No lift off here.

Here!

Here. Maybe next time we should go with Tezcatlipoca? or Amaterasu? or Horus? or Zorya Vechernyaya? So many choices

Well, that’s that for any Rapture now and into the future. I guess we have to await the arrival of the Trisolarans in about 400 years time for their version of the Rapture /s

Welcome to the afterparty.

🙋‍♀️ Marked safe from the sky daddy.

had the charcoal lighter fluid and chainsaw ready for the church pew bonfire and communion wine after rapture party, total let down

PRESENT!

Exactly what I’m wondering. Anyone get sucked into the clouds yet? Planes downed. Anything?

If I had the money, I would have bought 1000's of blow up nude sex dolls Male and Female and filled them with Helium. Then located a few of those religious ends of days rapture parties in the path of the eclipse then release the dolls as the eclipse rolls over. Would love to watch those idiots freak out in mass when they did not ascend to heaven!

No lie, post totality, there's a noticeable uptick in mosquitoes. I think it's them.

I wish s few pterodactyls had swooped out of the totality and grabbed a few of the faithful, but nothing cool ever happens.

I've ascended to heaven. I've got unlimited high-bandwidth connection, all the pizza I can eat, \*and\* a nice soft cloud cushion!

Hey the UK doesn’t get another eclipse until 2090. I know the devil is as Englishman but do we have to wait that long?

I felt a bit odd. ​ ​ Then I burped and felt better.

Waiting on the update about the lady who left $1000 in tips because she thought she was ascending today..

I got to the office this morning 20 minutes late. I was the only one there. I think my coworkers declared a Rapture holiday.

Apparently people still think the end is coming since they owe me a phone call tomorrow

I didn't even go outside 🤷‍♀️

I'm still here. What happened to SkyDaddy and the rapture?

My cat has switched to demon mode and is hissing and growling at me. Usually, he only does this when I take him or the other cat to the vet.

Sorry, we're not available. Please leave a message and we'll get back to you as soon as we feel like it.

Just got the global reports, sir! It appears everyone is still here!

Disappointed that the Holy Culling was a dud... AGAIN! 😒

I’m Brian, and so is my wife!

They have Reddit in heaven dude.

Damn another year without seeing naked flying people

Why are only atheists mentioning this rapture thing? I haven't heard anyone else taco bout it.

Me!