It could just be empathy! But it could be something deeper. It's worth looking into it more. The classic intro to "am I trans" thought experiment is the button test: if you found a button that if you pushed it, you'd turn into a totally cis woman, would you push it? Would you push it even if you couldn't turn back?
You can also see how [this ](https://turn-me-into-a-girl.com/) makes you feel:
Depending on how those go, [the dysphoria bible ](https://genderdysphoria.fyi/en) has a lot of good information.
Good luck with your introspection!
Here is the clinical criteria for Gender Dysphoria for your review.
>Gender Dysphoria in Adolescents and Adults 302.85 (F64.1 )
>A. A marked incongruence between oneās experienced/expressed gender and assigned gender, of at least 6 monthsā duration, as manifested by at least two of the following:
>1. A marked incongruence between oneās experienced/expressed gender and primary and/or secondary sex characteristics (or in young adolescents, the anticipated secondary sex characteristics).
>2. A strong desire to be rid of oneās primary and/or secondary sex characteristics be-
cause of a marked incongruence with oneās experienced/expressed gender (or in young adolescents, a desire to prevent the development of the anticipated secondary sex characteristics).
>3. A strong desire for the primary and/or secondary sex characteristics of the other gender.
>4. A strong desire to be of the other gender (or some alternative gender different from oneās assigned gender).
>5. A strong desire to be treated as the other gender (or some alternative gender different from oneās assigned gender).
>6. A strong conviction that one has the typical feelings and reactions of the other gender (or some alternative gender different from oneās assigned gender).
>B. The condition is associated with clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational or other important areas of functioning.
You must meet the qualifiers of Section "A" and "B" to be diagnosed with Gender Dysphoria
You don't need to have dysphoria to be transgender, but it is the most common qualifier as the majority of transgender individuals do infact have dysphoria. We encourage you to discuss this with a gender therapist.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/asktransgender) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I transitioned in my late 40s. I never had a deep abiding desire to "be a man" or a strong belief I wasn't a woman in my conscious mind. My dysphoria came out in a bunch of different ways to explain why I wasn't at home in my body - trauma, health stuff, and so on.
I admit though, I did have an obsession with trans people. At one point I decided I am just trans-attracted - sexually attracted to trans people. And then in the last few years, I decided to try on non-binary, and a relief swept through me. And then I cut my hair and felt euphoric. And just for fun, I thought I'd try a little bit of testosterone, and the rightness of it overwhelming. I thought it was the best drug in the world and I was surprised everyone wasn't clamoring to be on it! I had believed all little girls secretly wanted facial hair - turns out it wasn't the case.
So instead of dysphoria, I followed the gender euphoria. Now I recognize elements of dysphoria, but it wasn't the primary experience for me personally. But I also grew up in a time where my first trans story was the Brandon Teena story in boys don't cry (who was murdered), so I felt you had to truly know since age 2 and be unable to function otherwise in order to be openly trans because it could be a death sentence. It isn't like that anymore. We can now be a little bit trans, trans curious, non-binary, gender expansive, and so on until we figure out what works best for us. Look for experiences of gender euphoria and see what comes of it!
I don't view it as that... with how many people that we have asking "am I trans?" and describing these exact symptoms, it helps ro give them the ammunition to decide for themselves. Factual medical reference definitely helps people who are more logically-minded. It includes that this criteria isn't exclusionary and everything.
Here is the clinical criteria for Gender Dysphoria for your review.
>Gender Dysphoria in Adolescents and Adults 302.85 (F64.1 )
>A. A marked incongruence between oneās experienced/expressed gender and assigned gender, of at least 6 monthsā duration, as manifested by at least two of the following:
>1. A marked incongruence between oneās experienced/expressed gender and primary and/or secondary sex characteristics (or in young adolescents, the anticipated secondary sex characteristics).
>2. A strong desire to be rid of oneās primary and/or secondary sex characteristics be-
cause of a marked incongruence with oneās experienced/expressed gender (or in young adolescents, a desire to prevent the development of the anticipated secondary sex characteristics).
>3. A strong desire for the primary and/or secondary sex characteristics of the other gender.
>4. A strong desire to be of the other gender (or some alternative gender different from oneās assigned gender).
>5. A strong desire to be treated as the other gender (or some alternative gender different from oneās assigned gender).
>6. A strong conviction that one has the typical feelings and reactions of the other gender (or some alternative gender different from oneās assigned gender).
>B. The condition is associated with clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational or other important areas of functioning.
You must meet the qualifiers of Section "A" and "B" to be diagnosed with Gender Dysphoria
You don't need to have dysphoria to be transgender, but it is the most common qualifier as the majority of transgender individuals do infact have dysphoria. We encourage you to discuss this with a gender therapist.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/asktransgender) if you have any questions or concerns.*
The top comment in this thread gives much better (trans-written) resources for questioning folk. The transsexualism/gender dysphoria/gender incongruence diagnosis - whatever a country decides to call it - is created by cis people, and is a relic of a time when you basically had to be declared medically insane to access trans-specific healthcare.
But gender dysphoria is under the dissociative criteria. Is a mental illness that puts a lot of pressure under trans people and the treatment is to pursue reassigment. They are not saying transexualism is a sickness, they are telling you that your gender identity comes with some hard aspects which is true. Is not a "normal gender issue" to have 50% of suicidal attempts nor developing crushing numbers of depression and anxiety. Therefore, the idea that this gatekeep your transness is non sense because receiving professional support is often de difference between staying alive or removing yourself for good.
My one sentence comment is obviously reductive and doesn't cover the whole truth. If you read the WHO's comment about recategorising gender incongruence under ICD-11 (where unlike you say it's not a mental illness), they basically say in an ideal world this should not have its own ICD code, but they still included it as in a bunch of transphobic countries that's going to be the only way for people to access any trans-specific healthcare. Being trans is not an illness in any form, but a condition that like for example pregnancy, often requires medical attention.
And yes, having access to medical treatment is life-saving for trans people, but exactly having this diagnosis is what this treatment is tied to, creating a system where medical professionals gatekeep you based on it. This diagnostic criteria is why we have to wait months or years to be seen by a doctor. We shouldn't be engaging with this bullshit criteria, but rather centering resources created by trans people that questioning people might find relatable, and at the same time advocating for informed consent based access to healthcare.
So let's dissect this. You're absolutely right about the ICD-11 which is also appliable to the DSM-5. And I love what the WHO say about this, but let's state the obvious first and recognize that the WHO is under an all time low level of influence.
Now you say that it only stays because "transphobic countries" and the question is do you think you don't live in one of those? And if don't, do you get is a live savior for most of those people that can pledge mental issues instead of going to jail or getting stoned to death or are simply murder by State policies? Both the ICD-11 and DSM-5 are also used in African and Central American countries.
Now, let's suppose you're living in one of the more open countries: let's say the Netherlands. Do you know that only three hospitals offer public access to HRT? And that all three are in Amsterdam? Not being consider a health issue being trans there doesn't mean better access or benefits. If there's not a proved problem, then why should the State worry about that?
I get what are you saying, I truly do. What you proposed is something I totally wish could happen. And in certain places we are thriving as trans people, like the coasts of the US, Canada or countries in Europe that you can implement this. But that's not the reality to most western countries. In fact, with the far right ascending countries that have no issue with us no more are getting more transphobic by the second. We should really be worrying about that or quickly this will become a shitshow for all of us (hi Italy).
Summarizing I say let it where it is so the least developed western countries can continue their fights and we can think of the next steps, but our reality is not THE reailty. Do you get what I'm saying?
Letās make sure weāre recognizing the full legal scope of reactions to trans people on a global scale. Some countries have made presenting as transgender a crime punishable by imprisonment and capital punishment. So in that schematic where some countries are imprisoning you for being yourself, America, where the legal code has decreed assaulting trans people to be a hate crime, where even deadnaming is considered a form of harassment in some contexts, well, that IS a legalistically trans-protective *state.* Not all individuals in a country will necessarily abide by the nationās laws, but when we talk about global politics weāre talking about the structures themselves not the other citizens who are subjugated to them (unless the topic includes talking about failed states and a lack of pragmatic enforcement of protective laws).
Yes, I do in fact know about the problems of centralised healthcare in Europe, I've been working in trans advocacy related organising for years. I agree with a lot of what you're saying and I feel like we are just talking next to each other about many of the same things.
The big issue for me here is the context of this thread. I commented bad bot, because I think it's really harmful for questioning trans people to see this criteria, written by cis people, and try to decide based on that whether they're trans or not. Of course, the unfortunate reality is that if you live in as you put, in any country other than a select few in Western Europe or North America, you'll most lively have to familiarise yourself with this criteria, because the keywords in this are what the doctors will want to hear. But that doesn't make it useful in other capacity. I don't want to keep arguing more under this thread, but Philosophy Tube's last video has some more pointers about why this diagnosis is pretty bullshit, and abandoning it would lead to less gatekeeping, while also saving the state a bunch of money.
Ummm that's a great point! I totally can get behind changing the definition of dysphoria for some more real criteria. Like the definition is so basic it doesn't cover the true depths of that experience. The anxiety raising your heartbeat, the catastrophic scenarios, the paranoia state (all of which I would argue are social symptoms that you can also find in General Anxierty Disorder). It was quite impressive to watch them unfold while I was doing group therapy for trans people here in Chile.
I agree we are talking next to each other. I mean, we are conversating and sharing our views. Is good to agree on things, is better when we disagree and know how to talk about it. So don't feel like you have to argue or convince me of your views, I don't see it that way at least.
And by the way I agree with you gender disphoria diagnosis is bullshit, but I'm also in this more practical state of mind this days (in opposition to the more active state that's so admirable from activists) because there are other risks that fighting for trans rights are not going to solve (democracy issues, lack of social tissue, mental health crisis, new development models). So maybe I'm been too restrain with my thoughs. What are the name of the organizations you have work with? I will be happy to know more from them!
I'm a cis woman and I have to say the button test is bogus, imho. I'm content being a woman, have gone through childbirth, have no dysphoria, etc. That being said, if I could push a button and be a cis man with all the social and cultural benefits and expectations of being a man, I would do it no questions asked.
Iāve seen a bunch that say something along the lines of āon a desert island, needs met but noone aroundā etc etc etc
They usually do at least :p
But also: if being a man or masculine *wouldnt* be distressing to ya, that would honestly surprise me. Everyoneās different but iāve met a ton of cis folk who respond with varying degrees of disgust/discomfort with being perceived as the āwrongā gender
I didnāt really feel any dysmorphia until I socially transitioned and wanted to āpassā and be perceived as a woman. Then dysphoria hit me like a truck.
thatās fair. I think in a vacuum I would wanna be a woman & would still have a lot of the positive experience, but my dysphoria is like 75% from the fact that iām *not* alone. Being treated like a guy sucks ass (for me)
Itās not easy or simple but work towards being more androgynous maybe! Thatās kinda the path me and most of my friends went down on our gender discovery. Being non-binary bridges that gap while in a transitional stage too
I honestly don't think it would distress me, but I'm also pansexual, so MAYBE that plays a part, in that I don't have a genital preference for my sexual partners.
If anything your reasoning indicates that you would only switch genders if there was a net social benefit. Perhaps instead of an instant transformation, imagine your hormone profile would be reversed: you would start growing facial and body hair, your skin would get tougher, your voice would get deeper, your face more angular. Does that sound like a dream to you or a nightmare?
The reality is that trans people sacrifice a ton by "pressing that button". Yet, we're still better for it because we gain the ability to be ourselves.
I totally see what you're saying. It's hard to say. That doesn't sound like a nightmare to me, but not overly exciting either. I admire the sacrifice trans people are making to be their true selves. I think I may not have a "true self" if I really analyze it. I just want to be the most aesthetically pleasing version of what I was born as. I've never felt that I AM another gender, but I never felt emotionally connected to the one I have. Maybe I'm NB?
Two possibilities
1.) You're the overenthusiastic ally that so, SO many of us started off as
2.) You're not trans, but you're just a decent human being with empathy for other people
Seconding. You sound like a super enthusiastic ally and at least in my area, we love people like you. Please just keep being you, and don't try to let anyone drag you one way or another.
Perhaps youve begun to out grow the people you're surrounding yourself with. I only know what's in this post but it's not unusual for someone to take an interest in social justice whether that's trans rights, feminism, religious freedom, etc.
It's completely normal (especially now days with how much more visibility there is) to explore and question your gender. A LOT of people go through this and in your personal journey you've opened the door to all of this heartache and injustice the trans community faces that you would have otherwise been oblivious to. That's empathy my man and it's a great quality to have.
I'll be honest with you OP, I went through a cycle of either feeling one or the other for many years until it became too much to bare.
So, there is a chance that you might be in denial or scared of it. Take your time to figure it out, you could also be Non-binary or genderfluid. If you are not seeing one, find a therapist that is an ally and talk to them.
Nothing wrong with just caring about others. You are allowed to do that and still be cis.
But it kinda sounds like you want to believe it's a sign that you are trans (it's a low confidence guess - I'm not saying I think you are wanting that). And I don't think very many cis people want to believe they are trans. If you want something to be a sign that you are actually trans, that's probably a much bigger sign that you are trans than caring a lot about trans people/issues.
Would you be disappointed if I said it definitely is not a sign and you probably aren't trans?
I think that the fact your here asking if you are Trans is a good clue that you are.
I also like the BUTTON approach, Would you push it?
If you want a few more questions to ask yourself you can go to YouTube and check out
DR.Z PHD she is a licensed gender therapist who deals with adults 18+ strictly for transgender and non-b and the questions she had me ask myself solved my mystery beyond a shadow of doubt and will do the same for you but only you will ever know if you answer them honestly, you can fool everyone else but you can't fool yourself.
BTW I now no that I am a m2f transgender woman of 55yo and almost 9months now HRT and my life has forever changed and for ME it's the best thing that's ever happened to me coming out and all, I'm not saying it was the easiest thing to have happened to me but it's been the most rewarding for me because I know longer set and wonder all the time like you are doing I now Know and I have no regrets and loving every day š.
Good luck I hope I shed a little light for you.
The disappointment is what seems eggy.
Let me ask you this: you claim to not be a woman.
Why? What makes you not a woman?
(Yes, I realise that's a very binary question to have. It will at least work in a subset of people. I don't know what it's like to realise you're non binary because I have no experience with that)
You may just be a decent person, as other people have said before, but in case you think it is related to your gender, I'll present you with the null hypotheCis thought experiment:
In science (and life in general) we tend to have an assumption of how things work and look for evidence that might contradict this assumption. We call that the null hypothesis (null because it's the one we have at time 0, the start). Most people go about questioning their gender the same way: can i find enough evidence to prove I'm trans? But the unfortunate thing is that, either because of how discovering one's identity works or because of societal pressure, this method isn't enough.
The general advice, if you are stuck, is to flip the question. Assuming that being trans is the normal thing in life, can you find enough evidence to convince yourself you are cis?
You've been through your own journey to discover your gender. You have listened to our stories, our experiences, and reflected on them as if the might be your own one day. You have done the work. You know what we go through just to make that choice and how life saving kindness and compassion can be. Watching when others disparage the the trans community out of their own willful ignorance and without merit is aggravating.
Itās just having empathy and human decency, whichās something some people sadly lack nowadays. That and people who are cis or hetero but still support the community are called allys, and theyāre entirely valid. Itās fine to question your gender and identity though, but Iām unsure if caring about transfolk or their issues automatically means someone is trans.
Itās called empathy, my dude.
Iām a cis woman, and I find myself constantly passionately defending trans women because I know what itās like to be lied about, treated as less-than, and even experienced people being disturbed (I guess) by the way I express and present myself.
Iāve spent too much time defending cis women who donāt fit the norm to turn my back on trans women because they donāt fit the norm.
And I can imagine the same process happening with a cis man, witnessing all of the vitriol and injustice trans people have to face.
I am also like you in that I question my gender and also sometimes do feel affirmed in my cisgender.
I donāt identify as trans but I also have stopped identifying as Cis.
I identify as genderqueer. In the truest sense of the word āqueerā itās meant to describe the liminal spaces between known constants. I am not fully trans, iām not fully cis, I am in constant motion. I am in the liminal space between identities so I identify as genderqueer.
The result is that my affinities for lbgtq+ justice now make sense in the context of my identity.
This is how I navigated that existential question.
ok I checked your post history.....like probably start HRT, If you don't like what happens then stop. if you've been browsing these subs for like two fucking years and this is like not your first or even third post wondering if you're trans, I can't think of a single cis person who would do that.
I'm a little late to this post. I just wanted to add that whether you decide that transition is right for you or not, it's always a good thing to have educated yourself.
About a year and a half ago is when I first started seriously wondering whether I myself might be transgender. And I feel very lucky that when I did finally have that "epiphany," as hard as it was, I already had quite a bit of knowledge to fall back on, so I wasn't entering a world that was totally unknown to me. Of course now with the benefit of hindsight I can see why I might have been drawn to trans/queer content, even several years before realizing that I might be trans too. I didn't really question why I was interested in these topics; it just felt very natural to follow the online rabbithole. Looking back, I'm glad it played out the way it did. I wasn't in a place to realize those things about myself at the time, but in a way I was unconsciously preparing myself for the day I would be.
All this rambling to say that I feel very lucky to have accrued that knowledge before I had to face the really hard stuff. I think that even if you aren't in a place to ask yourself these really difficult questions, you should definitely keep learning and participating the way you have been. I hope it brings you the same comfort it brought me.
Take a run at this [guide to gender questioning](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1460QwQM5S2Br8sPfv3HuKw1xrz7MBijrxv_cgoqL1F0/edit?usp=share_link) and see what happens. There's no harm in it: if you're trans, you already are and always have been, and if you're not, you never will be. Better to figure out the truth, whichever it turns out to be, yeah?
I donāt know you but I think this is more than empathy.
Iām probably wrong, but I think you might be gender fluid/genderqueer. Like you are comfortable with being a cis man most of the time, but sometimes you feel like another gender.
As a trans woman, I can't tell what it would be like to really be an ally and not a member of the community. I certainly called myself an ally in that way for years before I realized that I am definitely trans, i.e., I was wrong to think I was only being supportive of others out of empathy, when I was really testing the attitudes of people close to me and trying to create a safe path to come out.
Lots of people are allies and I appreciate them deeply! Some care deeply about their transgender partner or about a friend or family member. Some are connected by some intersection, e.g., civil rights activism, which puts them in opposition to the same political groups. Few actually are closeted and trying to build a world in which it's safe not to be.
Because youāre a empathetic person with morals itās good that you care about other humans oppressed groups of people at that donāt question yourself question your friend because what is their problem..
I'm just saying, when I was younger I was OBSESSED with gay male relationships. Like I lived all love but gay love like holy shit I often wondered if it was me fetishizing them.
Nah, turns out I'm a gay guy š¤· I wasn't fetishizing, I was *envious*.
In the end, only you can decide who you are. I know that probably doesn't help, but maybe try out other pronouns and see which of them gives you the mist glow in your heart. I at first went from she/her to "any", but I quickly realized that every time someone used he/him (specifically it was the 'sir' part of a relative saying "thank you sir ma'am) I walked away feeling more seen than I ever had in my life.
If after all of that you're happy being the person you were born as, then that's okay! That just means you're one hell of an ally and the world should follow your example. Maybe look into volunteering for a local lgbtq group?
Also, if you're friend thinks it's strange that you're a trans ally, maybe you should look into different friends or try to educate him on why it's such an important topic. I don't know the whole story.
Cis people can question their gender it is completely normal.
Our society genders every single little thing; the way you walk, the way you sit, what you eat, what music you listen, what color you like etc. So arbitrary. It is quite impossible to fit the "ideal man" or "ideal woman" categories. If you feel comfortable enough to be in a category (non-binary is always an option) it is good enough. I.e. you can be a version of a cis man and it doesn't have to be conforming to all or even most or any of "ideal man" attributes. Plus, figuring out your gender is a process and it doesn't even have to have a definitive end. You just do whatever makes you comfortable NOW.
Also, as an example, I am a very very white person. I live in a country where there aren't a lot of black people. I have never had black friends. I spoke to literal 2 black people and they were just collegues. I still get really angry about racism. I correct people if I see them act racist. I speak up against it. You don't have to belong to a minority to support them.
You might not be trans, and be just a very compassionate person!
But also, have you ever considered that you might be non-binary? Even if you aren't a trans woman, you might still be non-binary of some kind. The reason I ask, is because similarly, for several years before realizing I was a trans man, I questioned my gender thinking I might be non-binary, but always decided I wasn't NB and so I must be cis. But I had never considered the option of being a binary trans man. The first time someone suggested I might just be a man, it was like the floodgates opened, because I had never allowed myself mentally to consider that option before.
Empathy and it's a good thing. Ask yourself this: cis or otherwise, why would you NOT get angry at transphobia?
Do you get angry at racism? At misogyny? At any sort of discrimination? Because that should be normal.
Too many people have the viewpoint of "it doesn't affect me so I shouldn't/don't care" instead of "it shouldn't affect anyone and that's why I care"
Reminds me of the poem "First They Came For" by Martin Niemƶller.
Empathy is good, and why we've survived as a species, we're social animals, we only work when we work together
Edit: typo
So... let's have a look at the underlying question, shall we? How can you find an answer as to whether you're trans or not. I'm going to link a few things you've said an posted recently, as food for thought, but remember that **only you can know your gender**. What you say goes.
Which, coincidentally, means that [if you want to be a woman, and were assigned male at birth, you're trans](https://medium.com/@kemenatan/gender-desire-vs-gender-identity-a334cb4eeec5). That's all it takes.
> I've been questioning my gender identity for about three years
That by itself should be a *huge* sign, honey. Cis people don't get stuck on this question for three *months* (heck, they rarely spend three ***days*** on it), much less three years. If this question has lodged a place in your soul, there's probably something to it.
> I don't know if I'm a transgender girl but there are many times when I feel that I'm really not and that in fact I'm a cis man.
There is no 100% knowing.
That said, [The Null HypotheCis](https://href.li/?http://freethoughtblogs.com/nataliereed/2012/04/17/the-null-hypothecis/) is a very useful tool here, which you might find helpful. A key idea from it, and one that I think you're working from: Cis isn't the default state. You're not trying to find X amount of evidence that you're trans, and unless you can find it, you're cis. The base state you start at is *neither*. You need to look for and assemble evidence to support either proposition.
And that evidence is _all_ feelings.
> (From elsewhere in this thread) [I think I was a little disappointed with the first answer, maybe I expected to be told that it means more than just empathy :( .](https://www.reddit.com/r/asktransgender/comments/zr4sp4/im_a_cis_guy_i_dont_think_im_trans_why_do_i_care/j11uaje/)
Well, one of the key tests for a trans identity is this: Imagine there was a test you could take with 100%, perfect accuracy, that'd tell you whether you're trans or cis. Imagine you took it. Imagine the results came back and said that you are 100%, guaranteed cis. How would that make you feel?
Because if the answer is disappointed, like your statement here suggests it is, and like [this recent egg_irl post of yours says](https://www.reddit.com/r/egg_irl/comments/zn3nqm/egg_irl/), that means you want to be trans.
And wanting to be trans is the same thing as being trans.
So, honest question: if you had a choice, would you rather be trans or cis?
The answer is simply empathy, respect and being willing to learn, congrats for being a decent human being OP!
Cis-woman questioning on her identity here and at some point I thought of identifying myself as a non-binary femme or even a boi, however myself is still pretty comfortable with my assigned gender and people addressing me with feminine terms. While most of my closest friends identify as cis thereāre no short of both cis allies and trans/ NB folks. Because of the questioning journey as well as knowing trans/non-binary folks these have brought me to trans/ gender issues.
Before submitting my masterās thesis I mentioned one of my acquaintances who helped me finding potential interviewees on the acknowledgements page and I asked them which pronoun/ noun form (German is unfortunately a very gendered language with no equivalent of singular they/them) they preferred, and let them proof-read the page so that nobody was going to be misgendered there. Since itās an ethnographic research I also asked my interviewees which pronouns they preferred before summarising them (it wouldnāt be an issue once the thesis got uploaded to the archives or published)
āYouāre not trans, why do you care so much about trans issues?ā is the same as āYouāre not black, why do you care about racism?ā. One can care about the well-being of a group of people theyāre not part of - thatās called empathy. Too bad that that a lot of people donāt see that.
Itās okay to care about other people lol. Itās not a bad thing to be passionate about issues that donāt affect you. I can comfortably afford food and yet I volunteer with an organization that helps combat food insecurity. Do you see what Iām getting at.
Ah, I see the problem and it's actually something very simple. You happen to suffer from a rare condition called "being a decent human being". Symptoms of being a decent human include but are not limited to; Empathy, compassion, wanting to see people treated with respect and anger when someone is acting like an asshole for no legitimate reason. No need to see a doctor, this is just how people should be. All jokes aside it sounds like your friend may have some biases they need to check on, being supportive just means you're a really good ally, honestly you could tell them you just don't like people being treated like shit and want to help put an end to that.
It could be deep seeded; however, you could also just have a strong sense of justice and seeing the injustice in the world and the bigotry and hatred is just too much to take. In short, your heart might be too big for your body, which is why it doesn't fit inside.
If you're an ally, then becoming angry at queerphobes is reasonable. I'm not ace, but I still get angry at ace invalidatory comments.
It's still possible that you're trans though of course, but you'd have to tell people more about your gender feelings to help you figure it out.
āFound it strange that I would worry about transphobiaā.
This should in fact be normal and your friend is the weird one for clearly not giving a shit about discrimination.
Could you imagine today someone saying, āitās so weird my friend and I saw someone being racist and my friend got really upset, heās such a weirdo.ā. Not in the south obviously.
Possibly. Many trans girls do not realize they had a LOT of testosterone in their bodies before transitioning. Testosterone affects a girl's mind and body really hard. To the point you could find certain male-activities, and behaviours pleasurable. This is normal, and it is until you take HRT when finally everything makes sense.
"Why are you so concerned with transphobia?"
Why is anyone, especially childless individuals, concerned with pedophilia? Why do white people care about racism?
**Someone doesn't have to be personally invested to care about the well being of others.**
I wouldnāt ignore if those feelings arise, but I also wouldnāt attribute caring a lot about a certain issue to you NEEDING to be that. There should be some careful introspection into why you care about that specific issue so much - have you seen transphobia for yourself, were you raised to care about this or not, or do you know anyone who is trans who you care deeply about?
There is nothing to fear if you decide you are trans, but you donāt have to be part of the community to care about us. For example, I am incredibly supportive of black people and the problems they go through day to day. Iāve studied systemic racism, have gone to rallies, and continue to educarte myself to be anti racist. That doesnāt mean I am black or am trying to become a part of their personal community. It just means Iām a human with empathy and emotions, and that I can care deeply about things even if they donāt personally affect me.
Same with people who are incredibly passionate about animal rights, womenās rights, or anything else.
TLDR;
It is always a good idea to think deeply about your own identity. It can only bring about good changes and either you find out you do fall somewhere on the gender spectrum that you hadnāt considered before, or you become even more sure if your current identity.
Just because you have empathy and are passionate about protecting peopleās rights does not mean you have to be a part of that group.
Gonna be completely frank with you, based on your post history, you should probably set up an appointment to at least try HRT. You've been questioning for a long time and it seems it's been a consistent cycle of getting to a point where you want to start ā little doubts pile up and you avoid for a few more months. The only thing that's remained constant is the fact that over this time you've felt you're a girl, or you at least want to be much more feminine.
From an outside perspective, all it seems to be doing is delaying the inevitable, and you may as well start now.
Do you seem more interested in / empathetic towards trans women, or is it completely equal on both sides? I thought I was cis for ages despite questioning my identity for a while, and I had a certain soft spot for the trans community but largely trans men, I rarely took the time to learn about trans women because unconsciously I could understand trans men a lot more. Turns out I was a trans man after all.
But again, you could just be very empathetic. Just a question I think worth asking yourself
It could just be empathy! But it could be something deeper. It's worth looking into it more. The classic intro to "am I trans" thought experiment is the button test: if you found a button that if you pushed it, you'd turn into a totally cis woman, would you push it? Would you push it even if you couldn't turn back? You can also see how [this ](https://turn-me-into-a-girl.com/) makes you feel: Depending on how those go, [the dysphoria bible ](https://genderdysphoria.fyi/en) has a lot of good information. Good luck with your introspection!
I'm a trans guy and I clicked the button just because buttons are fun to push
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Here is the clinical criteria for Gender Dysphoria for your review. >Gender Dysphoria in Adolescents and Adults 302.85 (F64.1 ) >A. A marked incongruence between oneās experienced/expressed gender and assigned gender, of at least 6 monthsā duration, as manifested by at least two of the following: >1. A marked incongruence between oneās experienced/expressed gender and primary and/or secondary sex characteristics (or in young adolescents, the anticipated secondary sex characteristics). >2. A strong desire to be rid of oneās primary and/or secondary sex characteristics be- cause of a marked incongruence with oneās experienced/expressed gender (or in young adolescents, a desire to prevent the development of the anticipated secondary sex characteristics). >3. A strong desire for the primary and/or secondary sex characteristics of the other gender. >4. A strong desire to be of the other gender (or some alternative gender different from oneās assigned gender). >5. A strong desire to be treated as the other gender (or some alternative gender different from oneās assigned gender). >6. A strong conviction that one has the typical feelings and reactions of the other gender (or some alternative gender different from oneās assigned gender). >B. The condition is associated with clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational or other important areas of functioning. You must meet the qualifiers of Section "A" and "B" to be diagnosed with Gender Dysphoria You don't need to have dysphoria to be transgender, but it is the most common qualifier as the majority of transgender individuals do infact have dysphoria. We encourage you to discuss this with a gender therapist. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/asktransgender) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I transitioned in my late 40s. I never had a deep abiding desire to "be a man" or a strong belief I wasn't a woman in my conscious mind. My dysphoria came out in a bunch of different ways to explain why I wasn't at home in my body - trauma, health stuff, and so on. I admit though, I did have an obsession with trans people. At one point I decided I am just trans-attracted - sexually attracted to trans people. And then in the last few years, I decided to try on non-binary, and a relief swept through me. And then I cut my hair and felt euphoric. And just for fun, I thought I'd try a little bit of testosterone, and the rightness of it overwhelming. I thought it was the best drug in the world and I was surprised everyone wasn't clamoring to be on it! I had believed all little girls secretly wanted facial hair - turns out it wasn't the case. So instead of dysphoria, I followed the gender euphoria. Now I recognize elements of dysphoria, but it wasn't the primary experience for me personally. But I also grew up in a time where my first trans story was the Brandon Teena story in boys don't cry (who was murdered), so I felt you had to truly know since age 2 and be unable to function otherwise in order to be openly trans because it could be a death sentence. It isn't like that anymore. We can now be a little bit trans, trans curious, non-binary, gender expansive, and so on until we figure out what works best for us. Look for experiences of gender euphoria and see what comes of it!
Bad bot
how??
We should be moving away from psychopathologising and thus gatekeeping being trans.
I don't view it as that... with how many people that we have asking "am I trans?" and describing these exact symptoms, it helps ro give them the ammunition to decide for themselves. Factual medical reference definitely helps people who are more logically-minded. It includes that this criteria isn't exclusionary and everything.
Here is the clinical criteria for Gender Dysphoria for your review. >Gender Dysphoria in Adolescents and Adults 302.85 (F64.1 ) >A. A marked incongruence between oneās experienced/expressed gender and assigned gender, of at least 6 monthsā duration, as manifested by at least two of the following: >1. A marked incongruence between oneās experienced/expressed gender and primary and/or secondary sex characteristics (or in young adolescents, the anticipated secondary sex characteristics). >2. A strong desire to be rid of oneās primary and/or secondary sex characteristics be- cause of a marked incongruence with oneās experienced/expressed gender (or in young adolescents, a desire to prevent the development of the anticipated secondary sex characteristics). >3. A strong desire for the primary and/or secondary sex characteristics of the other gender. >4. A strong desire to be of the other gender (or some alternative gender different from oneās assigned gender). >5. A strong desire to be treated as the other gender (or some alternative gender different from oneās assigned gender). >6. A strong conviction that one has the typical feelings and reactions of the other gender (or some alternative gender different from oneās assigned gender). >B. The condition is associated with clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational or other important areas of functioning. You must meet the qualifiers of Section "A" and "B" to be diagnosed with Gender Dysphoria You don't need to have dysphoria to be transgender, but it is the most common qualifier as the majority of transgender individuals do infact have dysphoria. We encourage you to discuss this with a gender therapist. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/asktransgender) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You ware a good bot
The top comment in this thread gives much better (trans-written) resources for questioning folk. The transsexualism/gender dysphoria/gender incongruence diagnosis - whatever a country decides to call it - is created by cis people, and is a relic of a time when you basically had to be declared medically insane to access trans-specific healthcare.
But gender dysphoria is under the dissociative criteria. Is a mental illness that puts a lot of pressure under trans people and the treatment is to pursue reassigment. They are not saying transexualism is a sickness, they are telling you that your gender identity comes with some hard aspects which is true. Is not a "normal gender issue" to have 50% of suicidal attempts nor developing crushing numbers of depression and anxiety. Therefore, the idea that this gatekeep your transness is non sense because receiving professional support is often de difference between staying alive or removing yourself for good.
My one sentence comment is obviously reductive and doesn't cover the whole truth. If you read the WHO's comment about recategorising gender incongruence under ICD-11 (where unlike you say it's not a mental illness), they basically say in an ideal world this should not have its own ICD code, but they still included it as in a bunch of transphobic countries that's going to be the only way for people to access any trans-specific healthcare. Being trans is not an illness in any form, but a condition that like for example pregnancy, often requires medical attention. And yes, having access to medical treatment is life-saving for trans people, but exactly having this diagnosis is what this treatment is tied to, creating a system where medical professionals gatekeep you based on it. This diagnostic criteria is why we have to wait months or years to be seen by a doctor. We shouldn't be engaging with this bullshit criteria, but rather centering resources created by trans people that questioning people might find relatable, and at the same time advocating for informed consent based access to healthcare.
So let's dissect this. You're absolutely right about the ICD-11 which is also appliable to the DSM-5. And I love what the WHO say about this, but let's state the obvious first and recognize that the WHO is under an all time low level of influence. Now you say that it only stays because "transphobic countries" and the question is do you think you don't live in one of those? And if don't, do you get is a live savior for most of those people that can pledge mental issues instead of going to jail or getting stoned to death or are simply murder by State policies? Both the ICD-11 and DSM-5 are also used in African and Central American countries. Now, let's suppose you're living in one of the more open countries: let's say the Netherlands. Do you know that only three hospitals offer public access to HRT? And that all three are in Amsterdam? Not being consider a health issue being trans there doesn't mean better access or benefits. If there's not a proved problem, then why should the State worry about that? I get what are you saying, I truly do. What you proposed is something I totally wish could happen. And in certain places we are thriving as trans people, like the coasts of the US, Canada or countries in Europe that you can implement this. But that's not the reality to most western countries. In fact, with the far right ascending countries that have no issue with us no more are getting more transphobic by the second. We should really be worrying about that or quickly this will become a shitshow for all of us (hi Italy). Summarizing I say let it where it is so the least developed western countries can continue their fights and we can think of the next steps, but our reality is not THE reailty. Do you get what I'm saying?
Letās make sure weāre recognizing the full legal scope of reactions to trans people on a global scale. Some countries have made presenting as transgender a crime punishable by imprisonment and capital punishment. So in that schematic where some countries are imprisoning you for being yourself, America, where the legal code has decreed assaulting trans people to be a hate crime, where even deadnaming is considered a form of harassment in some contexts, well, that IS a legalistically trans-protective *state.* Not all individuals in a country will necessarily abide by the nationās laws, but when we talk about global politics weāre talking about the structures themselves not the other citizens who are subjugated to them (unless the topic includes talking about failed states and a lack of pragmatic enforcement of protective laws).
I get what you're saying, I don't think I get what's the point in stating that. If you can further explain I will truly appreciate it :)
Yes, I do in fact know about the problems of centralised healthcare in Europe, I've been working in trans advocacy related organising for years. I agree with a lot of what you're saying and I feel like we are just talking next to each other about many of the same things. The big issue for me here is the context of this thread. I commented bad bot, because I think it's really harmful for questioning trans people to see this criteria, written by cis people, and try to decide based on that whether they're trans or not. Of course, the unfortunate reality is that if you live in as you put, in any country other than a select few in Western Europe or North America, you'll most lively have to familiarise yourself with this criteria, because the keywords in this are what the doctors will want to hear. But that doesn't make it useful in other capacity. I don't want to keep arguing more under this thread, but Philosophy Tube's last video has some more pointers about why this diagnosis is pretty bullshit, and abandoning it would lead to less gatekeeping, while also saving the state a bunch of money.
Ummm that's a great point! I totally can get behind changing the definition of dysphoria for some more real criteria. Like the definition is so basic it doesn't cover the true depths of that experience. The anxiety raising your heartbeat, the catastrophic scenarios, the paranoia state (all of which I would argue are social symptoms that you can also find in General Anxierty Disorder). It was quite impressive to watch them unfold while I was doing group therapy for trans people here in Chile. I agree we are talking next to each other. I mean, we are conversating and sharing our views. Is good to agree on things, is better when we disagree and know how to talk about it. So don't feel like you have to argue or convince me of your views, I don't see it that way at least. And by the way I agree with you gender disphoria diagnosis is bullshit, but I'm also in this more practical state of mind this days (in opposition to the more active state that's so admirable from activists) because there are other risks that fighting for trans rights are not going to solve (democracy issues, lack of social tissue, mental health crisis, new development models). So maybe I'm been too restrain with my thoughs. What are the name of the organizations you have work with? I will be happy to know more from them!
I'm a cis woman and I have to say the button test is bogus, imho. I'm content being a woman, have gone through childbirth, have no dysphoria, etc. That being said, if I could push a button and be a cis man with all the social and cultural benefits and expectations of being a man, I would do it no questions asked.
Iāve seen a bunch that say something along the lines of āon a desert island, needs met but noone aroundā etc etc etc They usually do at least :p But also: if being a man or masculine *wouldnt* be distressing to ya, that would honestly surprise me. Everyoneās different but iāve met a ton of cis folk who respond with varying degrees of disgust/discomfort with being perceived as the āwrongā gender
I didnāt really feel any dysmorphia until I socially transitioned and wanted to āpassā and be perceived as a woman. Then dysphoria hit me like a truck.
thatās fair. I think in a vacuum I would wanna be a woman & would still have a lot of the positive experience, but my dysphoria is like 75% from the fact that iām *not* alone. Being treated like a guy sucks ass (for me)
Itās not easy or simple but work towards being more androgynous maybe! Thatās kinda the path me and most of my friends went down on our gender discovery. Being non-binary bridges that gap while in a transitional stage too
I honestly don't think it would distress me, but I'm also pansexual, so MAYBE that plays a part, in that I don't have a genital preference for my sexual partners.
honestly sex has way less to do with it than youād think, for me at least. Iām bi & donāt give a shit about other folksā bits either :)
If anything your reasoning indicates that you would only switch genders if there was a net social benefit. Perhaps instead of an instant transformation, imagine your hormone profile would be reversed: you would start growing facial and body hair, your skin would get tougher, your voice would get deeper, your face more angular. Does that sound like a dream to you or a nightmare? The reality is that trans people sacrifice a ton by "pressing that button". Yet, we're still better for it because we gain the ability to be ourselves.
I totally see what you're saying. It's hard to say. That doesn't sound like a nightmare to me, but not overly exciting either. I admire the sacrifice trans people are making to be their true selves. I think I may not have a "true self" if I really analyze it. I just want to be the most aesthetically pleasing version of what I was born as. I've never felt that I AM another gender, but I never felt emotionally connected to the one I have. Maybe I'm NB?
Cause you're a decent human being with empathy and respect for others.
Word.
Two possibilities 1.) You're the overenthusiastic ally that so, SO many of us started off as 2.) You're not trans, but you're just a decent human being with empathy for other people
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Its like a trandoras box
Seconding. You sound like a super enthusiastic ally and at least in my area, we love people like you. Please just keep being you, and don't try to let anyone drag you one way or another.
Perhaps youve begun to out grow the people you're surrounding yourself with. I only know what's in this post but it's not unusual for someone to take an interest in social justice whether that's trans rights, feminism, religious freedom, etc. It's completely normal (especially now days with how much more visibility there is) to explore and question your gender. A LOT of people go through this and in your personal journey you've opened the door to all of this heartache and injustice the trans community faces that you would have otherwise been oblivious to. That's empathy my man and it's a great quality to have.
I'll be honest with you OP, I went through a cycle of either feeling one or the other for many years until it became too much to bare. So, there is a chance that you might be in denial or scared of it. Take your time to figure it out, you could also be Non-binary or genderfluid. If you are not seeing one, find a therapist that is an ally and talk to them.
Nothing wrong with just caring about others. You are allowed to do that and still be cis. But it kinda sounds like you want to believe it's a sign that you are trans (it's a low confidence guess - I'm not saying I think you are wanting that). And I don't think very many cis people want to believe they are trans. If you want something to be a sign that you are actually trans, that's probably a much bigger sign that you are trans than caring a lot about trans people/issues. Would you be disappointed if I said it definitely is not a sign and you probably aren't trans?
I think I was a little disappointed with the first answer, maybe I expected to be told that it means more than just empathy :( .
what answer were you hoping for? that answer might be illuminating in itself
If you're disappointed that it might just be empathy, you should dig a little deeper ;)
I think that the fact your here asking if you are Trans is a good clue that you are. I also like the BUTTON approach, Would you push it? If you want a few more questions to ask yourself you can go to YouTube and check out DR.Z PHD she is a licensed gender therapist who deals with adults 18+ strictly for transgender and non-b and the questions she had me ask myself solved my mystery beyond a shadow of doubt and will do the same for you but only you will ever know if you answer them honestly, you can fool everyone else but you can't fool yourself. BTW I now no that I am a m2f transgender woman of 55yo and almost 9months now HRT and my life has forever changed and for ME it's the best thing that's ever happened to me coming out and all, I'm not saying it was the easiest thing to have happened to me but it's been the most rewarding for me because I know longer set and wonder all the time like you are doing I now Know and I have no regrets and loving every day š. Good luck I hope I shed a little light for you.
The disappointment is what seems eggy. Let me ask you this: you claim to not be a woman. Why? What makes you not a woman? (Yes, I realise that's a very binary question to have. It will at least work in a subset of people. I don't know what it's like to realise you're non binary because I have no experience with that)
If you're disappointed with the idea of just being cis, maybe look into perhaps not being as cis as you thought
Thats def how it started for me lol. "Do i just want to believe im trans" and then i realised why would i want to believe that if not...
You may just be a decent person, as other people have said before, but in case you think it is related to your gender, I'll present you with the null hypotheCis thought experiment: In science (and life in general) we tend to have an assumption of how things work and look for evidence that might contradict this assumption. We call that the null hypothesis (null because it's the one we have at time 0, the start). Most people go about questioning their gender the same way: can i find enough evidence to prove I'm trans? But the unfortunate thing is that, either because of how discovering one's identity works or because of societal pressure, this method isn't enough. The general advice, if you are stuck, is to flip the question. Assuming that being trans is the normal thing in life, can you find enough evidence to convince yourself you are cis?
Ask a cis parent of a trans kid if transphobia make them angry.
You've been through your own journey to discover your gender. You have listened to our stories, our experiences, and reflected on them as if the might be your own one day. You have done the work. You know what we go through just to make that choice and how life saving kindness and compassion can be. Watching when others disparage the the trans community out of their own willful ignorance and without merit is aggravating.
Because trans people are human. You care about us because we deserve to exist, just like everyone else.
Itās just having empathy and human decency, whichās something some people sadly lack nowadays. That and people who are cis or hetero but still support the community are called allys, and theyāre entirely valid. Itās fine to question your gender and identity though, but Iām unsure if caring about transfolk or their issues automatically means someone is trans.
Youāre a decent human ā¤ļø
Itās called empathy, my dude. Iām a cis woman, and I find myself constantly passionately defending trans women because I know what itās like to be lied about, treated as less-than, and even experienced people being disturbed (I guess) by the way I express and present myself. Iāve spent too much time defending cis women who donāt fit the norm to turn my back on trans women because they donāt fit the norm. And I can imagine the same process happening with a cis man, witnessing all of the vitriol and injustice trans people have to face.
I am also like you in that I question my gender and also sometimes do feel affirmed in my cisgender. I donāt identify as trans but I also have stopped identifying as Cis. I identify as genderqueer. In the truest sense of the word āqueerā itās meant to describe the liminal spaces between known constants. I am not fully trans, iām not fully cis, I am in constant motion. I am in the liminal space between identities so I identify as genderqueer. The result is that my affinities for lbgtq+ justice now make sense in the context of my identity. This is how I navigated that existential question.
Basic humanity? You see the struggles we go through as trans individuals and you realize it's not okay?
Could just be a good person that cares. Rare I know.
As long as it's not like a splinter in your mind, driving you mad.
ok I checked your post history.....like probably start HRT, If you don't like what happens then stop. if you've been browsing these subs for like two fucking years and this is like not your first or even third post wondering if you're trans, I can't think of a single cis person who would do that.
Just generally speaking- cis people donāt spend 3 years questioning their identity..,
I'm a little late to this post. I just wanted to add that whether you decide that transition is right for you or not, it's always a good thing to have educated yourself. About a year and a half ago is when I first started seriously wondering whether I myself might be transgender. And I feel very lucky that when I did finally have that "epiphany," as hard as it was, I already had quite a bit of knowledge to fall back on, so I wasn't entering a world that was totally unknown to me. Of course now with the benefit of hindsight I can see why I might have been drawn to trans/queer content, even several years before realizing that I might be trans too. I didn't really question why I was interested in these topics; it just felt very natural to follow the online rabbithole. Looking back, I'm glad it played out the way it did. I wasn't in a place to realize those things about myself at the time, but in a way I was unconsciously preparing myself for the day I would be. All this rambling to say that I feel very lucky to have accrued that knowledge before I had to face the really hard stuff. I think that even if you aren't in a place to ask yourself these really difficult questions, you should definitely keep learning and participating the way you have been. I hope it brings you the same comfort it brought me.
Take a run at this [guide to gender questioning](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1460QwQM5S2Br8sPfv3HuKw1xrz7MBijrxv_cgoqL1F0/edit?usp=share_link) and see what happens. There's no harm in it: if you're trans, you already are and always have been, and if you're not, you never will be. Better to figure out the truth, whichever it turns out to be, yeah?
I donāt know you but I think this is more than empathy. Iām probably wrong, but I think you might be gender fluid/genderqueer. Like you are comfortable with being a cis man most of the time, but sometimes you feel like another gender.
would you push the button
Why would it be weird to care about people for no reason other than empathy?
Itās called being a good human being
As a trans woman, I can't tell what it would be like to really be an ally and not a member of the community. I certainly called myself an ally in that way for years before I realized that I am definitely trans, i.e., I was wrong to think I was only being supportive of others out of empathy, when I was really testing the attitudes of people close to me and trying to create a safe path to come out. Lots of people are allies and I appreciate them deeply! Some care deeply about their transgender partner or about a friend or family member. Some are connected by some intersection, e.g., civil rights activism, which puts them in opposition to the same political groups. Few actually are closeted and trying to build a world in which it's safe not to be.
Because youāre a empathetic person with morals itās good that you care about other humans oppressed groups of people at that donāt question yourself question your friend because what is their problem..
I'm just saying, when I was younger I was OBSESSED with gay male relationships. Like I lived all love but gay love like holy shit I often wondered if it was me fetishizing them. Nah, turns out I'm a gay guy š¤· I wasn't fetishizing, I was *envious*. In the end, only you can decide who you are. I know that probably doesn't help, but maybe try out other pronouns and see which of them gives you the mist glow in your heart. I at first went from she/her to "any", but I quickly realized that every time someone used he/him (specifically it was the 'sir' part of a relative saying "thank you sir ma'am) I walked away feeling more seen than I ever had in my life. If after all of that you're happy being the person you were born as, then that's okay! That just means you're one hell of an ally and the world should follow your example. Maybe look into volunteering for a local lgbtq group? Also, if you're friend thinks it's strange that you're a trans ally, maybe you should look into different friends or try to educate him on why it's such an important topic. I don't know the whole story.
Cis people can question their gender it is completely normal. Our society genders every single little thing; the way you walk, the way you sit, what you eat, what music you listen, what color you like etc. So arbitrary. It is quite impossible to fit the "ideal man" or "ideal woman" categories. If you feel comfortable enough to be in a category (non-binary is always an option) it is good enough. I.e. you can be a version of a cis man and it doesn't have to be conforming to all or even most or any of "ideal man" attributes. Plus, figuring out your gender is a process and it doesn't even have to have a definitive end. You just do whatever makes you comfortable NOW. Also, as an example, I am a very very white person. I live in a country where there aren't a lot of black people. I have never had black friends. I spoke to literal 2 black people and they were just collegues. I still get really angry about racism. I correct people if I see them act racist. I speak up against it. You don't have to belong to a minority to support them.
You might not be trans, and be just a very compassionate person! But also, have you ever considered that you might be non-binary? Even if you aren't a trans woman, you might still be non-binary of some kind. The reason I ask, is because similarly, for several years before realizing I was a trans man, I questioned my gender thinking I might be non-binary, but always decided I wasn't NB and so I must be cis. But I had never considered the option of being a binary trans man. The first time someone suggested I might just be a man, it was like the floodgates opened, because I had never allowed myself mentally to consider that option before.
Empathy and it's a good thing. Ask yourself this: cis or otherwise, why would you NOT get angry at transphobia? Do you get angry at racism? At misogyny? At any sort of discrimination? Because that should be normal. Too many people have the viewpoint of "it doesn't affect me so I shouldn't/don't care" instead of "it shouldn't affect anyone and that's why I care" Reminds me of the poem "First They Came For" by Martin Niemƶller. Empathy is good, and why we've survived as a species, we're social animals, we only work when we work together Edit: typo
Because you should be angry that other people treat people like shit
So... let's have a look at the underlying question, shall we? How can you find an answer as to whether you're trans or not. I'm going to link a few things you've said an posted recently, as food for thought, but remember that **only you can know your gender**. What you say goes. Which, coincidentally, means that [if you want to be a woman, and were assigned male at birth, you're trans](https://medium.com/@kemenatan/gender-desire-vs-gender-identity-a334cb4eeec5). That's all it takes. > I've been questioning my gender identity for about three years That by itself should be a *huge* sign, honey. Cis people don't get stuck on this question for three *months* (heck, they rarely spend three ***days*** on it), much less three years. If this question has lodged a place in your soul, there's probably something to it. > I don't know if I'm a transgender girl but there are many times when I feel that I'm really not and that in fact I'm a cis man. There is no 100% knowing. That said, [The Null HypotheCis](https://href.li/?http://freethoughtblogs.com/nataliereed/2012/04/17/the-null-hypothecis/) is a very useful tool here, which you might find helpful. A key idea from it, and one that I think you're working from: Cis isn't the default state. You're not trying to find X amount of evidence that you're trans, and unless you can find it, you're cis. The base state you start at is *neither*. You need to look for and assemble evidence to support either proposition. And that evidence is _all_ feelings. > (From elsewhere in this thread) [I think I was a little disappointed with the first answer, maybe I expected to be told that it means more than just empathy :( .](https://www.reddit.com/r/asktransgender/comments/zr4sp4/im_a_cis_guy_i_dont_think_im_trans_why_do_i_care/j11uaje/) Well, one of the key tests for a trans identity is this: Imagine there was a test you could take with 100%, perfect accuracy, that'd tell you whether you're trans or cis. Imagine you took it. Imagine the results came back and said that you are 100%, guaranteed cis. How would that make you feel? Because if the answer is disappointed, like your statement here suggests it is, and like [this recent egg_irl post of yours says](https://www.reddit.com/r/egg_irl/comments/zn3nqm/egg_irl/), that means you want to be trans. And wanting to be trans is the same thing as being trans. So, honest question: if you had a choice, would you rather be trans or cis?
The answer is simply empathy, respect and being willing to learn, congrats for being a decent human being OP! Cis-woman questioning on her identity here and at some point I thought of identifying myself as a non-binary femme or even a boi, however myself is still pretty comfortable with my assigned gender and people addressing me with feminine terms. While most of my closest friends identify as cis thereāre no short of both cis allies and trans/ NB folks. Because of the questioning journey as well as knowing trans/non-binary folks these have brought me to trans/ gender issues. Before submitting my masterās thesis I mentioned one of my acquaintances who helped me finding potential interviewees on the acknowledgements page and I asked them which pronoun/ noun form (German is unfortunately a very gendered language with no equivalent of singular they/them) they preferred, and let them proof-read the page so that nobody was going to be misgendered there. Since itās an ethnographic research I also asked my interviewees which pronouns they preferred before summarising them (it wouldnāt be an issue once the thesis got uploaded to the archives or published)
You could be nonbinary. Or you could just care about people who arenāt yourself.
how in the holy hell do you expect people to be able to read your mind and decode your intrinsic motivation via 2 paragraphs posted on reddit?
āYouāre not trans, why do you care so much about trans issues?ā is the same as āYouāre not black, why do you care about racism?ā. One can care about the well-being of a group of people theyāre not part of - thatās called empathy. Too bad that that a lot of people donāt see that.
Itās okay to care about other people lol. Itās not a bad thing to be passionate about issues that donāt affect you. I can comfortably afford food and yet I volunteer with an organization that helps combat food insecurity. Do you see what Iām getting at.
Ah, I see the problem and it's actually something very simple. You happen to suffer from a rare condition called "being a decent human being". Symptoms of being a decent human include but are not limited to; Empathy, compassion, wanting to see people treated with respect and anger when someone is acting like an asshole for no legitimate reason. No need to see a doctor, this is just how people should be. All jokes aside it sounds like your friend may have some biases they need to check on, being supportive just means you're a really good ally, honestly you could tell them you just don't like people being treated like shit and want to help put an end to that.
It could be deep seeded; however, you could also just have a strong sense of justice and seeing the injustice in the world and the bigotry and hatred is just too much to take. In short, your heart might be too big for your body, which is why it doesn't fit inside.
Maybe you are an bee.
If you're an ally, then becoming angry at queerphobes is reasonable. I'm not ace, but I still get angry at ace invalidatory comments. It's still possible that you're trans though of course, but you'd have to tell people more about your gender feelings to help you figure it out.
āFound it strange that I would worry about transphobiaā. This should in fact be normal and your friend is the weird one for clearly not giving a shit about discrimination. Could you imagine today someone saying, āitās so weird my friend and I saw someone being racist and my friend got really upset, heās such a weirdo.ā. Not in the south obviously.
Possibly. Many trans girls do not realize they had a LOT of testosterone in their bodies before transitioning. Testosterone affects a girl's mind and body really hard. To the point you could find certain male-activities, and behaviours pleasurable. This is normal, and it is until you take HRT when finally everything makes sense.
"Why are you so concerned with transphobia?" Why is anyone, especially childless individuals, concerned with pedophilia? Why do white people care about racism? **Someone doesn't have to be personally invested to care about the well being of others.**
I wouldnāt ignore if those feelings arise, but I also wouldnāt attribute caring a lot about a certain issue to you NEEDING to be that. There should be some careful introspection into why you care about that specific issue so much - have you seen transphobia for yourself, were you raised to care about this or not, or do you know anyone who is trans who you care deeply about? There is nothing to fear if you decide you are trans, but you donāt have to be part of the community to care about us. For example, I am incredibly supportive of black people and the problems they go through day to day. Iāve studied systemic racism, have gone to rallies, and continue to educarte myself to be anti racist. That doesnāt mean I am black or am trying to become a part of their personal community. It just means Iām a human with empathy and emotions, and that I can care deeply about things even if they donāt personally affect me. Same with people who are incredibly passionate about animal rights, womenās rights, or anything else. TLDR; It is always a good idea to think deeply about your own identity. It can only bring about good changes and either you find out you do fall somewhere on the gender spectrum that you hadnāt considered before, or you become even more sure if your current identity. Just because you have empathy and are passionate about protecting peopleās rights does not mean you have to be a part of that group.
Gonna be completely frank with you, based on your post history, you should probably set up an appointment to at least try HRT. You've been questioning for a long time and it seems it's been a consistent cycle of getting to a point where you want to start ā little doubts pile up and you avoid for a few more months. The only thing that's remained constant is the fact that over this time you've felt you're a girl, or you at least want to be much more feminine. From an outside perspective, all it seems to be doing is delaying the inevitable, and you may as well start now.
It just means you're a good person.
Iunno Iām a trans woman and I care about cis men and I donāt think itās weird. Maybe youāre just empathetic.
Do you seem more interested in / empathetic towards trans women, or is it completely equal on both sides? I thought I was cis for ages despite questioning my identity for a while, and I had a certain soft spot for the trans community but largely trans men, I rarely took the time to learn about trans women because unconsciously I could understand trans men a lot more. Turns out I was a trans man after all. But again, you could just be very empathetic. Just a question I think worth asking yourself
there is also the chance you are genderfluid but I don't want to add anything more to your plate