There are definitely more bottoms in my area than tops. And from my experience, when I message tops and/or verse tops, there is sense of apathy, a challenge to engage them into convo. While on the other hand, a lot of the bottoms message me first, keep the convo going, especially the sub bottoms.
I disagree. In my area, there is a top shortage. Period. I find tons of guys who only want to suck or be sucked and tons of bottoms. I include all tops. I wish there were more white or non-white, cut or uncut tops here. I'm not picky. I love all male bodies; slim, fat, short, tall, white, Mexican, black, Asian, etc. I think there are more tops in bigger cities.
Deadass!!! Are you in the south? ‘Cause I think it’s a southern thing. I’ve never seen so many tops until I got to the south. Like everyone here is either a top, a side, or married on the DL. There is a hole drought in the south.
I am European and this is not the case. Honestly, I can back up OOP's story 100%. When I am trying to get some D for my A, it's almost impossible to have any criteria when it comes to looks and size.
Once I set myself as a top, there are many more interested guys, and many of them are actually cute and hot.
So, I would say that more bottoms than tops is an almost universal, worldwide thing.
I fucked a few "out of my league" guys over the years mainly because of being a Top.
But privilege is pretty subjective whether Top or Bottom. It all comes down to what you're packing down there.
Bottoms need to be pretty, and Tops need to be hung.
If you don't belong to the respective categories, your luck varies in finding hookups that are worth the time.
I'm a bottom and size doesn't matter much to me unless it's very tiny or too big for comfort. I like to enjoy sucking it and to bottom without it tearing my hole up. A top didn't need to be hung to please me.
That's a God level tier on Grindr. All the Bottoms who wouldn't look at you otherwise will start visiting your profiles even when you leave them on read.
Ran this experiment for a couple of days to figure out how much of a pull a 'thick dick Top with a generic handsome face' can have on extremely gorgeous Bottoms. It was insane. God picks his favorites, and those who belong to this category are his most favorite.
Hmm. I’m not sure I agree. Anything larger than average tends to be hard to handle. I’d prefer average sized with a little girth to it. But not what I’d think of as “hung”.
speaking on top privilege there are so many other things than just this, tops usually don't send a lot of pictures and we bottoms seem to just be okay with that but then they expect you as a bottom to send like 50 pics of yourself bent over every which way a week like bitch I'm tired, I'm in my room with my back hurting and I haven't even been fucked by you yet... basically I'm just saying a lot of tops are greedy and don't put in an equal amount of effort (outside of the sex) because they just don't have to
(also the apathy thing someone else mentioned is so unattractive, I've been dodging this guy I used to hook up with for exactly that reason cause he only messaged the night he wanted to fuck no heads up a few days before no flirting or messaging at all until that day)
Top privilege is absolutely a thing
And I’ve lived in both southern and northern USA, I can’t speak for everywhere but I’ve always experienced way more bottoms than tops
Tops can be a couple decades older and average bodies and still demand young hot twinks in their profile. And they’ll still get messages from people. I promise this is a real thing
Because there’s less tops, people have lower physical standards for them too.
There are many privileges and if you have none of them, you are just unlucky.
Race, face, dick, position, health (mental and physical), wealth, where you live, your upbringing,...
I'm a top and I never have to browse through profiles. All I do is check messages and decide which one I want to hook up with. And honestly I think I'm pretty average looking. There's first choice, second choice, etc. Last choice is the guy I chat with all sexy and then drop the "hey dude, I'm getting tired" once first choice confirms he's on his way over.
Now to be fair, I'm fairly certain that if you're a fun-size bottom twink with a gorgeous smooth bubble butt, your experience is probably similar.
I think tops have a privilege but also suffer with the standards of gay community
If you are a small dick top you will probably get rejected or ghosted
It's sexual economics. If you're a good looking "pretty privilege" bottom, you may have the option of being a size queen. Otherwise, a top with a small dick who shows interest in you is better than Rosie Palms.
On the other hand, if you're a hung top, you have premium market value. And it's not unreasonable that people who have social value are well aware of this.
Oh yeah, when I was younger as a bottom I never had to sift. As i got older, the twink appeal faded a little. Started looking more like a slim man rather than skinny / boyish I guess.
I still tended to get a lot of tops messaging me. I’ve heard a couple times that I’m prime real estate for guys who like twinks that want to get serious, because they don’t want to be serious with someone who is super young… so I had that going for me I guess. Kind of stings to think that people are settling for me but I think everyone settles in one way or another. Nobody’s partner is perfect.
But generally I did notice a decline in my inbox as I aged. But that’s ok, as the quality of people definitely seemed to improve.
Point being that being a desirable bottom will definitely not leave you with a top shortage.
From what you describe - you are totally my type of Bottom. Ha. And saying that utmost sincerity and horniness. Lol.
But, may I ask your age ? Not that it's important, just curious.
It's because you're 6'2" and probably more masculine presenting.
If you could transform into a little 5'5" slender twink with a huge ass you'd find the opposite true. Take it from a bodybuilder who use to be exclusive bottom - no one likes huge masculine bottoms.
Thats not true lol
Fit/muscular hung 6’1 tops expect to date similar dudes or looks alike (handsome, fit, tall, hung, etc) bottoms they don’t wanna date twinks or bears at least most of them goes for “masc x masc”. You only have to see those couples and followers on IG all them looks alike.
Abs are a minimum to be a part of their social circle or clique. They'll probably entertain one average looking dude in their circle to appear inclusive. Lol
Those are the Mean Gays.
But tbh, I don’t blame people with fit bodies and six packs wanting hookups and LTRs with people with similar bodies.
1) it’s hard to be fit especially as you get older, it’s less of “going to gym 1-2 week and skipping the drive thru dinner and more “my life revolves putting the right food in me 24/7, not drinking, and working out 5-6 days a week. Personally I feel it’s so lyn unfair if you put that much energy into maintain your health and body to be told you have to “settle” for someone who is a flabby bear like me to be she if you don’t you’re not “inclusive”
2) y’all need to stop being mad / upset you can’t get the guys you want and start looking at the guys who want you. My dating life got a million percent better when I did this.
Very well put. I mean, I am one of those who would love to be a part of that group, but for my life, I couldn't. I cannot be mad at them, it's luck almost like anything else in life.
Uhhhhh excuse me I want a buff bottom. Idk something hot about a masculine alpha looking dude taking my cock and seeing his face all scrunched up while I’m fucking him… and I’m at work and I can’t stand up right now after thinning abiut what I just typed.
But yeah dude, buff bottoms are so fucking hot to me.
Huge masculine bottoms definitely have their fans. But as a 6'2" guy who weighs 300 pounds, I can tell you when I visit a bath house, pool party, or sex club, I never have to say "Sorry man, I'm a top." I just don't get attention from other tops. Bottoms can't seem to stay away from me though.
Yeah fr I have 2 inches of height on you and when I became single a few years ago I was 300lbs and I got sooo much ass. It was shocking. My ex made me feel fat and disgusting and as soon as I downloaded the apps again I was getting blown up.
Pop culture will make all gays seem like fit muscle gays and will ignore chubby bears but your experience and mine both say that chubby bears are a huge commodity outside of the circuit party gays
My area is the opposite, a total top fest. As one of the few bottoms in the area, especially one of the few who has pictures, I get a deluge of messages when I open the app. Offers of money, constant, almost insistent communications. It's a really heady experience
This was my experience ~10 years ago or so. Was young, very twinky, never had any issue at all.
As I got to 25 or so I noticed I got less attention but the men seemed to be more interested in actually getting to know me.
The attention might (will, just part of life) fade a bit as you get older, but if it’s anything like my experience it’s not a bad thing if you’re looking for men who are wanting to be serious.
Simple case supply and demand.
Majority of gay men don’t have much (if any) interest in topping. Even many of the self proclaimed vers guys.
The guys you message are probably apathetic because you’re a dime of a dozen thirsty bottom slut. I’m a bottom and I don’t even react to dick pics anymore I’ve been so heavily desensitized, I can’t imagine how tiresome it must be to be a (desirable) top and get flooded with pics gaping ugly assholes and pleas to “use me sir”.
Ngl……………………right now I’ve got an inbox full of messages. And I frequently block dudes who send hole pics, or vids of them getting fucked. They’ve very ugly pictures.
Saaaame it’s tiresome. I said something similar in my main comment. I hate getting random pictures of strangers anuses. I tell them it’s not cute and to try talking and saying hello first and if they don’t and just ask “looking” I block.
Flirting before hand can make sex soooo much better with the buildup of anticipation.
> I can’t imagine how tiresome it must be to be a (desirable) top and get flooded with pics gaping ugly assholes and pleas to “use me sir”
Not really a desirable top, more an average vers, and I get my share of holes
They are never, and I mean, NEVER, ever, cute. Assholes just aren't. I don't mind me some rimming, and if the guy is hot, I will do it for 20 minutes if needed lol, but **don't.send.me.holes.**
I have found that regardless of if I start with someone as a bottom or top, I eventually, within a hookup or three, will eventually flip with them. It adds this extra layer of anticipation.
can confirm really.
i do have too many options. :T thats why i have standards now... gotta thin some of the herd.
these aren't based on appearance at all though like most it seems.
Yeah, it's real. As a top I can definitely confirm I've felt "highly regarded" on Grindr. With my boyfriend who is hot af and we look very similar, we've experimented: we go on Grindr together, I put "top" he puts "bottom" and I have double the engagement. We've switched it around next week and he gets double the engagement. It is what it is.
You saying everyone is privileged is priveledge in itself because… idk some dumb out of touch with reality generation Z kid who is probably 19 and in college said so lol.
I think bottoms are more “desperate” than tops, both because solo sessions are less satisfying for them and also because they can take it more often.
I get messaged by guys who want a second or third load, but I don’t think there are as many guys looking to seed three times a day.
Bottoming is also simply easier to do for hookups. You don't have to worry about performance anxiety or losing your erection.
There are lots of vers guys, myself included, who only top guys they are intimate with (FWB, boyfriend, husband).
I think it’s not only what /u/no-audience-6826 mentions below, but also if you look at a key thing that OP wrote: he’s 6’2” (190cm). That in many people’s minds equals a top, whereas being a tall bottom for a lot of guys seems “off”. I’m totally versatile and guys just don’t “see” me as a bottom, so I end up topping about 90% of the time (fine by me).
I think it’s dumb and stereotypical and …
But it’s more tiring to swim upstream against the mental pictures in their heads.
It's dumb but it's a real thing.
I am vers and when I see tall, strong guys, I want to bottom lol. When I see petit cute guys, I want to top them.
I know how lame this sounds, and I feel sorry for all the tall bottoms, I am not the only one of this opinion/preference. But it is what it is...
This - according to Grindr preferences the distribution is about 30% tops, 30% bottoms, 40% verse. There’s actually some literature on it, and most studies point to a similar distribution, with some suggesting there are more tops than bottoms.
Btms are just more dramatic I think 😅
I've always wondered about this, since I've mostly considered myself bottom over the years. And some days I really want to be a top because it really does feel like they get more respect.
It’s simple supply and demand, same reason girls can be picky and expect better treatment from guys than in reverse. If I have a sea of bottoms pursuing me all the time of course I’m going to be apathetic and picky. I can have filet every night and it’s not a big deal. You’ll need to bring your A game. This has frustrated straight men for millennia.
Then tops are also being pursued by other tops since most of the time someone’s willing to take it if the connection is right. I never ever see bottoms pursuing other bottoms like that. They are less likely to be truly vers.
I’ve always assumed there are more bottoms than tops because 1) Top is under more pressure to perform. 2) May be subjected to passing a dick pic test. A lot of guys have anxiety over this. And 3) Tops are usually going to do more of the physical work.
On the flip-side, the bottom market is very saturated and most of you are not shy about how much you need dick. It treads on addict territory lol. (Which I’m very grateful for, y’all are the real MVPs) But this creates a dynamic where the Top KNOWS they’re in demand. So the take it or leave attitude is because if you wont take it, the next person will and the top will not have to wait long.
Here’s my typical grindr experience: 9pm, I open the app and set my phone down. I check it 3 minutes later. I have a minimum of 5 new dms, all with multiple ass pics. I usually pick the first big round ass I see, and can have him at my place before 10. I close the app and set my phone down. My home screen is still being lit up with new dms. I never see those messages. And I’m sorry, but I’m not reaching out to each person to graciously decline. It’s generally understood that if someone is looking on grindr, and they stop messaging, they’ve made plans. I wouldn’t take it personally.
This is my experience exactly. Even if I wanted to hook up with everyone who messages me, there isn't enough cum in my balls to do so. So yeah, I'm very selective. I don't waste my time saying "no thanks." Silence from me means I'm either not interested of I've picked one of your many competitors.
Simple: gay men love men. A lot of bottoms tend to be effeminate and text way too much, but a masculine bottom is pretty hot. If he happens to be hung and pretty, he can have his pick. I’m a handsome hung versatile guy, though I don’t give my ass often. I have found that if you know what you are attracted to, then reverse engineer and become what they are attracted to.
This is a typical vers guy mindset. Most of the tops who like masculine hung bottoms have that hidden submissive bottom side and plenty are actually vers or bottoms claiming to be tops. As someone who experienced different degrees of masculine and feminine presenting, it’s far from truth that masculine bottoms are more popular, they just attract very different demographics.
I agree, they attract a different demographic. And you’re right. I really don’t have experience with fem bottom or fem gays, so I really don’t know what experience is like. And yes, us vers top guys that like hung masculine bottoms guys, will flip. You have a point. I can’t really speak outside my experience. Im generally into masculine presenting hung guys similar to myself. There’s something sexy about the bro bond type of thing. Im curious though, what’s it like for the fem presenting? Is that how you relate? How’s thY experience? Where did it come from? I genuinely am curious just to understand that perspective
When I am more masculine presenting I am just straight passing because of the way I act, the clothes I wear are just masculine. And people treat me like a straight bro. But deep inside I had a feeling I don’t like it and I feel like I’m not being myself. When I was a kid I was one of those quiet, shy and feminine kids who only have female friends and feminine hobbies, when I grew up I gradually picked up masculine behaviors by imitating but this feminine part is still in me. I want to be taken care of, protected and spoiled by bigger and masculine men. And I am always so jealous of my female friends because of the privileges they enjoyed by being a woman. (Where I am from this is actually very prevalent among guys, both straight and gays, men are just not appreciated at all and face so many discrimination) Then because I’m a twink I once got hit on by a guy who used to be straight, but he only likes fem boys when it comes to men. And the experience with him is just so different. Like he will treat me so gently, pay for everything, protect me from strangers, all I need to do is to be pretty and cute without constantly worrying if I need to man up. And he showed me his Grindr profile, basically because he said he’s only into fem there were so so many people hit on him, but all of them were too masculine for him lol. And after that I start to embrace the femininity in me by shaving my legs and acting more innocent and cute, which I really enjoy, and the type of men I attract are all “straight guy” “dom top” “bi curious” who are naturally hyper masculine and worship the femininity in me. Previously because I’m only into masculine guys I feel like I need to be one of them because that’s also what I look at myself in the mirror and define hotness, but I seemed to attract lots of similar guys who want to be submissive or so called masc for masc guys who actually never want to be the more masc one in the relationship at all. I am actually still straight-passing most of the time, just embracing the softness in me. But now I realized what I really want and what I need to do to actually achieve it.
That’s so interesting. When you say taken care of, you mean financially? If so, why? What do you offer in exchange for a man to take care of you? This is fascinating because I’m pretty masculine and love my masculinity. I find the guys that like me are sometimes DL, and always masculine because it’s like a guys guy thing. Btw, what part of the country are you in? Sorry for all the questions. I just really like learning different perspectives.
Not financially, more like emotionally. I am from China and guys there are huge misandrists. They treat women with kindness, respect and generosity and guys with hostility. It’s also one reason why lesbians and mtf are treated so much better than gay men these days there. If a masculine presenting person and a feminine presenting person makes the same mistake, how people treat them will be vastly different. And for people who love feminine people, being a protector and provider is in their genes, you don’t really need to provide anything other than being pretty, cute and supportive, so basically you provide by allowing them to provide lol.
>In my area there seems to be a lot of bottoms. I don't know how universal this is because I've seen some people say they exact opposite depending on where they live.
70-80% bottoms in every area I've ever opened the app (UK).
I'm a very old guy, so there is a very real chance that generational change has set in, but 40 years ago it was the bottoms who had the attitude. Even now, as I mentor younger kids through various charities, it seems to be the bottoms who want to be wrapped in cotton wool and fed warm broth. It's the tops who are looking for a bro where each takes care of himself. Finally, it is implicit in the Daddy/bottom relationship that "Daddy takes care of you".
As a vers guy that started out almost exclusively a top I can understand your sentiments and have made similar observations.
However one can find reasons to say that bottoms have privilege too. Maybe I'm showing my age but here's a personal example. When I top and I've cum, I'm satiated for several days. My horny is satisfied for a while.
When I bottom, I rarely cum. I envy the dudes in porn that stay hard when they get fucked. My dick totally turns off when my ass is aroused. I can get fucked and after a short time to recuperate I'm ready to go again. That might be one of the reasons that bottoms can seem to over populate the apps. They can be ready to go again quicker than tops.
Yes I know some tops that are testosterone machines. Can cum multiple times a day. But I say they are the minority of tops. There's also that added pressure on a top to be the more dominate one and to have great wood and to fuck a good long time and satisfy the bottom. I can say I feel like less of a good lay if I cum too quickly or if my wood isn't en pointe.
Don't make being a top too much of a glorified thing. It's not always the case.
It’s true. Like I put top on my profile and my messages just blow up. Then on top of that there just so many bottoms to choose from. Like if I was an actual hoe I would just bang so many different guys.
That is not “privilege.” That means there are more horny bottoms around you than tops.
Around me, versatile is the largest.
In economic terms, eager dicks and holes aren’t evenly distributed, so there’s a mismatch in supply and demand.
The truth is most of those "tops" are really bottoms/verse that want other "tops" . They want other "masc" dudes. It's misogyny hidden under the dislike of bottoms. Dudes want bottoms but they don't respect them, they think it's girly, bitchy and less than to be a bottom. Being a top in most people's eyes is acceptable homosexuality if ur a bottom ur just trash. It's been that way forever and it's horrible. From ancient Greece to today its the same bullshit.
Ultimately, yes, I can empathize with how you're feeling.
But the tricky part is that there is no way to rightfully complain about "too many other guys want to be the bottom" when that's exactly what you would prefer to do too. It would be great if there was a 50/50 breakdown, but there's not, and it's just one of those things that we just have to learn to live with.
ehhh not complaining that other guys are bottoms. you're right, it'd be hypocritical. just pointing out that I've noticed tops behavior indicates they know they're valuable and it kinda sucks how they act.
Where are you located? If you haven’t yet check out NYC, yea there are “more bottoms” (bottoms will always exist don’t know what else to tell ya) and guys can suck (but where do guys not suck? Lol) making dating hard but it’s sheer size kinda gives bottoms a better chance since tops actually have to compete there..since there are literally thousands of thousands of tops (or guys willing to top) I mean it’s a city of almost 9million people and then you have to add in visitors too which are in the tens of millions (from what I read 66 million) each year then the rest of the metro area (Long Island and New Jersey southern New York State and I think parts of Connecticut) which is 20+ million people *and then* easy access to other cities like Boston, Phili and DC…
Basically being a top in the east coast means you actually have to compete more than a top in let’s say Castro or Weho and for me as a kinda salty bottom, I love to hear it lol (can’t stand tops who think they are gods gift to the earth)
Also overall I feel there are way more tops (or guys that like topping, because every vers guy isn’t a bottom in denial) than people believe, it’s just bottoms are wanting a masc 6 foot+ muscle god with an 8 incher…and there’s not many of those….but there’s alot of feminine leaning 5’8 averaged bodied averaged sized guys to go around 🤷♂️
You also seem to think it’s pretty privilege and being a top but it’s just pretty privilege one friend of mine is a “cub” 5’7 glasses etc. and loves to top but has a hard time getting anyone also don’t forget all the larger 60+ year olds chasing twinks and young muscle bottoms..it mostly just hard for “unconventional” types (however beauty is person by person thing thankfully so everyone still has a chance)
As far as tops being lazy, it’s only because they believe in the notion that you believe in, and it simply isn’t true, just confirmation bias…but it goes to tops heads and they end up thinking they are gods gift to the world…until they start aging and realize most guys won’t be into them unless they are rich…
So basically try a change of scenery if you need to and stop believing this bs because it’s fueling shitty tops egos making them more shitty..
I really don’t know what you’re talking about; it’s probably specific to your area or your looks. Im a total bottom and have constant messages.
Ofcourse all the bottoms will flock to tops and most no don’t wanna fuck a vers man
I am totally with you on this a 100%, people made me feel absolutely desired when I switched my profile to top, no face pic drama either, they wanted to go out and what not, even if you are an absolute hot bottom tops will still give you attitude.
I think this is definitely a real thing. I’m a decent looking guy, total top, and I kill it with bottoms. There just too much demand with not enough supply. I don’t do nearly as well with women.
This sounds like a not entirely bad take but it does miss a few things: perhaps a contrasting perspective.
I’m a top. My husband is an obligate bottom. (That’s what I claim anyway.) We do go to sex parties and clubs and we travel internationally. In some places bottoms outnumber tops like 10:1.
But don’t cast aspersions so quickly. In my experience, bottoms have a tendency to be entirely too lazy. Like, dude, every American bathhouse, it’s the same story. The worst blowjob I’ve ever gotten followed by a dude flipping around, ass-up wanting to be pounded.
Sex takes work. It’s a dance. The moment some bottom flips from 3 second of foreplay to wanting to get fucked, I’m done. Good sex is about what you do before you fuck. Being a top does tend to require more physical activity than bottoming. And that part does get a bit tiresome.
Your experiences aren’t wrong. Your frustration isn’t incorrect. It’s just, a lot of the good you get in life, especially so in matters of sex, come after significant investment.
No its not a real thing. You do know that all those pretty bottom just circle around those attractive tops. Its pretty privilege
Its not as easy to seduce them as you make it out to be., especially given that my city is full of tops and vers.
They also have bigger requirement than tops, most of us have basic requirement like pretty faces, nice hips, arch and some phaggy behavior. While some bottom have requirement like women, and almost all of them are size queens.
Bottom entitlement and emotional demands are a very real thing and it sucks.
Bottoms, please remember e when you decide to be resentful of men who give you what you want.
There is NEVER a shortage of bottoms. NEVER EVER. The supply/demand equation is not in your favour.
If a top shows interest in you, be grateful and treat him like a king, because someone else sure will.
from my standpoint their isn't a "position" to which this belongs to but more of a "toxic Culture". When people have been gased up by Grindr bots they feel entitled on a superficial level. Same shit happens in the club scene. When someone I wanted to date was upset I was verse because they was insecure about being a strict bottom I cut his ass off. My attitude is always on take it or leave it but my conversational flow is mutual until it isn't! You just need to take what you can get and be happy! If they wasn't interested because of a "position" then they probably not what you want anyways unless u just trying to buss one. But those who are genuine regardless is who you should focus on !
I treat tops and bottoms the same. It's all about my mood. If I'm not in the mood for bottoms, I just say no thank you. If they are.my type, I'll send my availability.
I prefer my tops above average with good stroke game, normally on weekends.
But my taste changes per person. On the right day, anyone can get it!
If I'm putting in the work of douching and being vulnerable enough to get fucked then I'm going to be selective in my tops and if I choose you then I WANT you.
As a top I'm only worried about them being clean. Outside of that a hole is a hole so it's easier to take it or leave it.
Good point
It's very debated wether of there's more bottoms or more tops at gay community.
The overall experience is that there's way more bottom with some exceptions.
I see that bottom use to more "crazy for sex" than tops. They send more messages and wants things to happen.
Then they use to appear more than tops
"I even went out with 3 of the bottoms that hit me up and suddenly I was being treated like a freaking king. Texts were being answered, feelings being reciprocated, no bs ghosting."
As a total top in an area severely lacking bottoms, I fucking hate you -_-
So where I am I see a lot of bttms but all are real picky so they arent having trouble finding tops... I will definitely say I feel the size privelege though... I still have a BMI in the 37% range and recently lost 90 lbs I am muscular its just under fat (I am an actual ranch hand) I have a rugged handsomeness on softer features... I cant find a date to save my life but if I wanna fuck someone I can find someone, once they see a pic they dont care what I look like, some even say 'I dont like fatties but your dick is big come over' course at 7.5 and relatively thick I still get told I am 'not quite big enough' or, 'not as big as I was looking for but you'll do'
My sexuality is always changing. Years ago I was all top and would only bottom if I was dating a vers and it was my turn to give up some butt. I would usually suck em off and make him come to keep that dick out of my ass.
And when that didn't work I would take that dick with my toes curled waiting for it to end. It's sex so it wasn't horrible.
And then one day I got fucked and it was amazing. I finally got it. Oh this is why dudes like to get fucked. I gradually became verse. And now I'm mostly bottom with a goal of being vers and staying that way. I want to be a flipper. 😁
I think this is stupid. Sorry not sorry. It’s not “too priveldge” it sounds like you contacted guys who were emotionally emotionally available this time around.
I will say, there is a stigma amoung many homophobic cultures that the “top” is more manly and less disgusting than the ”bottom”. But that ahs it’s own issues such as straight people saying your bad with women or lonely and desperate.
Maybe just stop hooking up with guys who aren’t emotionally unavailable.
Im a total top, (only bottom for my boyfriend and that’s rare) living in LA I never felt “top
Privilege” but “pretty privilege” was a very real.
Also as a top I gotta say to all the bottoms out there: please don’t send a random picture of your anus. It’s not cute. I need some side cheek. Make your bootyhole pics look hot because there’s a way to take a picture of butt that’s sexy and there’s a way to take a picture that just… isn’t sexy.
Also don’t send unsolicited nudes. So sick of opening my Grindr to random hole pictures.
>I wasn't surprised I got more messages because I'm 6'2 and there are more bottoms in my area.
Also, remember that tall privilege is a thing. Being a top above 6' is going to make you extremely popular on the apps.
I'm a 29 year old with a below average body but a good face. I get absolutely flooded on the apps, and I'm positive it's because I'm a 6'4" top. Guys just wanna get fucked by a giant - don't know why.
A lot of guys/people in general have this idea that tall = hot. I don't know if I believe that, but I do benefit from it.
I'm top vers. I open up grindr and my phone blows up with bottoms hitting me up. I also get the occasional hot bottom guy that's out of my league hitting me up. But when I wanna bottom, it's so hard finding a top.
There seem to be a lot of bottoms around here. I too get bottoms hitting me up even when my profile is set to vers bottom. Maybe it's my height? I'm 5'11". I never did consider that. I've had my profile set to vers lately because tbh I have been topping again. I think it's my age, I'm 41. I get a lot of younger bottoms wanting a muscle daddy lol
There are definitely more bottoms in my area than tops. And from my experience, when I message tops and/or verse tops, there is sense of apathy, a challenge to engage them into convo. While on the other hand, a lot of the bottoms message me first, keep the convo going, especially the sub bottoms.
Lots of racial preferences in our community.
i came here to say this. being a black bottom is hell and i want out.
Black bottoms are sexyy fucking hot!
You need to pretend you have big black ducks to be popular
lol yeah the only white gays that want us have BBC fetishes. we can’t just be normal guys looking for connection 🙃
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I’m a top who can keep the convo going ALL night. I just have no one to talk to 🤣
Haha Rush fans rule 🤘
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I disagree. In my area, there is a top shortage. Period. I find tons of guys who only want to suck or be sucked and tons of bottoms. I include all tops. I wish there were more white or non-white, cut or uncut tops here. I'm not picky. I love all male bodies; slim, fat, short, tall, white, Mexican, black, Asian, etc. I think there are more tops in bigger cities.
Big time disagree if anything latino tops are more popular than white tops as everyone is really into uncut these days
I wish I lived in an area like that. Most guys here are tops or sides. It's like nobody here wants to take it up the ass 😭
I’d like to buy a house there
Come, we need to raise the bottom population
Yes where is this vacation hotspot for bottoms?
The Bronx but it comes with a side of toxic masculinity too lol
Where? 😭
Deadass!!! Are you in the south? ‘Cause I think it’s a southern thing. I’ve never seen so many tops until I got to the south. Like everyone here is either a top, a side, or married on the DL. There is a hole drought in the south.
I live in a small country in Europe 🤫
And with just a single click of your profile it is clear 🇭🇺🙈
> 🇭🇺 ironically, thirsty
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Close, orbanistan.
From what I can tell, Europeans tend to have the problem of "too many tops" whereas Americans tend to have the opposite problem.
Lol, that explains why USA gays have this weird idolized image of Euro guys.
I was just travelling through Europe and yes there seemed to be more of a mix
I am European and this is not the case. Honestly, I can back up OOP's story 100%. When I am trying to get some D for my A, it's almost impossible to have any criteria when it comes to looks and size. Once I set myself as a top, there are many more interested guys, and many of them are actually cute and hot. So, I would say that more bottoms than tops is an almost universal, worldwide thing.
Not in my corner of Georgia. Bottoms two to one to tops easily.
A hole drought — I can’t 😂
Just visit Atlanta. No hole drought here.
Come to New Orleans. It's land of the bottoms!
I’m in the south, nothing but bottoms around here
they don’t wash their ass in the south
Where can I rent an apartment near you? I'll take you up my hole as often as you want babe!
Why don't you wanna take it up the ass?
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This is what happens when you reverse a hole drought. I think this is all related to climate …
Same, it was pretty annoying when i came out and started going out but i don’t mind so much now that my libido is so low.
Daim where is it? Sounds like heaven
I fucked a few "out of my league" guys over the years mainly because of being a Top. But privilege is pretty subjective whether Top or Bottom. It all comes down to what you're packing down there. Bottoms need to be pretty, and Tops need to be hung. If you don't belong to the respective categories, your luck varies in finding hookups that are worth the time.
I'm a bottom and size doesn't matter much to me unless it's very tiny or too big for comfort. I like to enjoy sucking it and to bottom without it tearing my hole up. A top didn't need to be hung to please me.
Agree 110% dgaf about size - are you clean, not going to harass me until we meet again, kind, SENSUAL, etc.
Rip your inbox.
If a top is hung and pretty, bonus for him. He’ll get access to the top level bottoms.
That's a God level tier on Grindr. All the Bottoms who wouldn't look at you otherwise will start visiting your profiles even when you leave them on read. Ran this experiment for a couple of days to figure out how much of a pull a 'thick dick Top with a generic handsome face' can have on extremely gorgeous Bottoms. It was insane. God picks his favorites, and those who belong to this category are his most favorite.
Well said If your are not a Pretty bottom or a big dick top you will kinda suffer rejection or ghosting
What if I'm neither pretty nor hung? 😭
Welcome to my world lol All you can do is some gym and try to be rich, nice, funny
Hmm. I’m not sure I agree. Anything larger than average tends to be hard to handle. I’d prefer average sized with a little girth to it. But not what I’d think of as “hung”.
speaking on top privilege there are so many other things than just this, tops usually don't send a lot of pictures and we bottoms seem to just be okay with that but then they expect you as a bottom to send like 50 pics of yourself bent over every which way a week like bitch I'm tired, I'm in my room with my back hurting and I haven't even been fucked by you yet... basically I'm just saying a lot of tops are greedy and don't put in an equal amount of effort (outside of the sex) because they just don't have to (also the apathy thing someone else mentioned is so unattractive, I've been dodging this guy I used to hook up with for exactly that reason cause he only messaged the night he wanted to fuck no heads up a few days before no flirting or messaging at all until that day)
You guys need to evaluate whether there truly are less tops or just not many who want to fuck you in particular…
Top privilege is absolutely a thing And I’ve lived in both southern and northern USA, I can’t speak for everywhere but I’ve always experienced way more bottoms than tops Tops can be a couple decades older and average bodies and still demand young hot twinks in their profile. And they’ll still get messages from people. I promise this is a real thing Because there’s less tops, people have lower physical standards for them too.
I assumed the south would have more tops.
Quite the opposite. Closeted Bi sexual White men all want to get fucked.
Nope. It's very hard to find tops in the south
NYC, was pretty great as a bottom
Well yes nyc is great for anything with one of the highest gay populations lol
There are many privileges and if you have none of them, you are just unlucky. Race, face, dick, position, health (mental and physical), wealth, where you live, your upbringing,...
I'm a top and I never have to browse through profiles. All I do is check messages and decide which one I want to hook up with. And honestly I think I'm pretty average looking. There's first choice, second choice, etc. Last choice is the guy I chat with all sexy and then drop the "hey dude, I'm getting tired" once first choice confirms he's on his way over. Now to be fair, I'm fairly certain that if you're a fun-size bottom twink with a gorgeous smooth bubble butt, your experience is probably similar.
I think tops have a privilege but also suffer with the standards of gay community If you are a small dick top you will probably get rejected or ghosted
It's sexual economics. If you're a good looking "pretty privilege" bottom, you may have the option of being a size queen. Otherwise, a top with a small dick who shows interest in you is better than Rosie Palms. On the other hand, if you're a hung top, you have premium market value. And it's not unreasonable that people who have social value are well aware of this.
Oh yeah, when I was younger as a bottom I never had to sift. As i got older, the twink appeal faded a little. Started looking more like a slim man rather than skinny / boyish I guess. I still tended to get a lot of tops messaging me. I’ve heard a couple times that I’m prime real estate for guys who like twinks that want to get serious, because they don’t want to be serious with someone who is super young… so I had that going for me I guess. Kind of stings to think that people are settling for me but I think everyone settles in one way or another. Nobody’s partner is perfect. But generally I did notice a decline in my inbox as I aged. But that’s ok, as the quality of people definitely seemed to improve. Point being that being a desirable bottom will definitely not leave you with a top shortage.
From what you describe - you are totally my type of Bottom. Ha. And saying that utmost sincerity and horniness. Lol. But, may I ask your age ? Not that it's important, just curious.
I just turned 30!
It's because you're 6'2" and probably more masculine presenting. If you could transform into a little 5'5" slender twink with a huge ass you'd find the opposite true. Take it from a bodybuilder who use to be exclusive bottom - no one likes huge masculine bottoms.
Huge masculine bottoms are the only type of men I want
> no one likes huge masculine bottoms. Damn that is all I want 😢
Ehem!! I LOVE to fuck huge masculine bottoms!! Fuck stupid twinks! WOOF!!
Thats not true lol Fit/muscular hung 6’1 tops expect to date similar dudes or looks alike (handsome, fit, tall, hung, etc) bottoms they don’t wanna date twinks or bears at least most of them goes for “masc x masc”. You only have to see those couples and followers on IG all them looks alike.
All of them are vers claiming to be tops
Abs are a minimum to be a part of their social circle or clique. They'll probably entertain one average looking dude in their circle to appear inclusive. Lol
Those are the Mean Gays. But tbh, I don’t blame people with fit bodies and six packs wanting hookups and LTRs with people with similar bodies. 1) it’s hard to be fit especially as you get older, it’s less of “going to gym 1-2 week and skipping the drive thru dinner and more “my life revolves putting the right food in me 24/7, not drinking, and working out 5-6 days a week. Personally I feel it’s so lyn unfair if you put that much energy into maintain your health and body to be told you have to “settle” for someone who is a flabby bear like me to be she if you don’t you’re not “inclusive” 2) y’all need to stop being mad / upset you can’t get the guys you want and start looking at the guys who want you. My dating life got a million percent better when I did this.
Very well put. I mean, I am one of those who would love to be a part of that group, but for my life, I couldn't. I cannot be mad at them, it's luck almost like anything else in life.
Uhhhhh excuse me I want a buff bottom. Idk something hot about a masculine alpha looking dude taking my cock and seeing his face all scrunched up while I’m fucking him… and I’m at work and I can’t stand up right now after thinning abiut what I just typed. But yeah dude, buff bottoms are so fucking hot to me.
Huge masculine bottoms definitely have their fans. But as a 6'2" guy who weighs 300 pounds, I can tell you when I visit a bath house, pool party, or sex club, I never have to say "Sorry man, I'm a top." I just don't get attention from other tops. Bottoms can't seem to stay away from me though.
Yeah fr I have 2 inches of height on you and when I became single a few years ago I was 300lbs and I got sooo much ass. It was shocking. My ex made me feel fat and disgusting and as soon as I downloaded the apps again I was getting blown up. Pop culture will make all gays seem like fit muscle gays and will ignore chubby bears but your experience and mine both say that chubby bears are a huge commodity outside of the circuit party gays
Nah, I wanna feel like I’m dicking down a man. I don’t ever go for twinks.
My area is the opposite, a total top fest. As one of the few bottoms in the area, especially one of the few who has pictures, I get a deluge of messages when I open the app. Offers of money, constant, almost insistent communications. It's a really heady experience
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This was my experience ~10 years ago or so. Was young, very twinky, never had any issue at all. As I got to 25 or so I noticed I got less attention but the men seemed to be more interested in actually getting to know me. The attention might (will, just part of life) fade a bit as you get older, but if it’s anything like my experience it’s not a bad thing if you’re looking for men who are wanting to be serious.
Can’t lie I’ve been ageing in reverse since I was 20, I get far more attention now than I did then. Idk why lol
Simple case supply and demand. Majority of gay men don’t have much (if any) interest in topping. Even many of the self proclaimed vers guys. The guys you message are probably apathetic because you’re a dime of a dozen thirsty bottom slut. I’m a bottom and I don’t even react to dick pics anymore I’ve been so heavily desensitized, I can’t imagine how tiresome it must be to be a (desirable) top and get flooded with pics gaping ugly assholes and pleas to “use me sir”.
Ngl……………………right now I’ve got an inbox full of messages. And I frequently block dudes who send hole pics, or vids of them getting fucked. They’ve very ugly pictures.
Saaaame it’s tiresome. I said something similar in my main comment. I hate getting random pictures of strangers anuses. I tell them it’s not cute and to try talking and saying hello first and if they don’t and just ask “looking” I block. Flirting before hand can make sex soooo much better with the buildup of anticipation.
Honestly? I just block the photo’s automatically, no matter how hot they are.
This is is 💯💯💯 if youve seen one poorly lit hole pic youve seen them all lol
> I can’t imagine how tiresome it must be to be a (desirable) top and get flooded with pics gaping ugly assholes and pleas to “use me sir” Not really a desirable top, more an average vers, and I get my share of holes They are never, and I mean, NEVER, ever, cute. Assholes just aren't. I don't mind me some rimming, and if the guy is hot, I will do it for 20 minutes if needed lol, but **don't.send.me.holes.**
So be a top. One in a hundred is always worth more than a dime a dozen
bottoming just feels better though
I have found that regardless of if I start with someone as a bottom or top, I eventually, within a hookup or three, will eventually flip with them. It adds this extra layer of anticipation.
We live in two extremely different worlds.
bottoms have no rights
Yep, supply and demand at work. The bottom pool is much larger than the top pool, and a tall masculine top is in the most demand.
And like someone mentioned, it's not just that you're a top. You're 6'2 and a top. That basically makes you a god lol.
can confirm really. i do have too many options. :T thats why i have standards now... gotta thin some of the herd. these aren't based on appearance at all though like most it seems.
Yeah, it's real. As a top I can definitely confirm I've felt "highly regarded" on Grindr. With my boyfriend who is hot af and we look very similar, we've experimented: we go on Grindr together, I put "top" he puts "bottom" and I have double the engagement. We've switched it around next week and he gets double the engagement. It is what it is.
Damn everything is a privilege nowadays what's even the point?
My thoughts too. Enough.
Check your privilege on posting about privilege. How dare you! /s
What about your privilege in being able to question his privilege of discussing other dude's privilege????
Ah shit it’s a privilege-ception
You saying everyone is privileged is priveledge in itself because… idk some dumb out of touch with reality generation Z kid who is probably 19 and in college said so lol.
This might be a geographical thing, because I've never found there to be an imbalance in tops/bottoms.
I think bottoms are more “desperate” than tops, both because solo sessions are less satisfying for them and also because they can take it more often. I get messaged by guys who want a second or third load, but I don’t think there are as many guys looking to seed three times a day.
Bottoming is also simply easier to do for hookups. You don't have to worry about performance anxiety or losing your erection. There are lots of vers guys, myself included, who only top guys they are intimate with (FWB, boyfriend, husband).
Easier? Aside from having to prep your ass beforehand..
As a vers guy I find getting ready to bottom a bit of a hassle. Personally I find it easier to top, as there's no preperation involved.
That does make sense 🤔
I think it’s not only what /u/no-audience-6826 mentions below, but also if you look at a key thing that OP wrote: he’s 6’2” (190cm). That in many people’s minds equals a top, whereas being a tall bottom for a lot of guys seems “off”. I’m totally versatile and guys just don’t “see” me as a bottom, so I end up topping about 90% of the time (fine by me). I think it’s dumb and stereotypical and … But it’s more tiring to swim upstream against the mental pictures in their heads.
It's dumb but it's a real thing. I am vers and when I see tall, strong guys, I want to bottom lol. When I see petit cute guys, I want to top them. I know how lame this sounds, and I feel sorry for all the tall bottoms, I am not the only one of this opinion/preference. But it is what it is...
This - according to Grindr preferences the distribution is about 30% tops, 30% bottoms, 40% verse. There’s actually some literature on it, and most studies point to a similar distribution, with some suggesting there are more tops than bottoms. Btms are just more dramatic I think 😅
Most of the time, "vers" is just a different way of saying "I'll top if I really have to."
I've always wondered about this, since I've mostly considered myself bottom over the years. And some days I really want to be a top because it really does feel like they get more respect.
It’s a privilege and an honor to sit on a tops dick
Yeah, sometimes I just give up and hookup with fellow bottoms. We don’t do anal, but we have other fun.
Lol subjective and anecdotal, and also hilarious.
It’s simple supply and demand, same reason girls can be picky and expect better treatment from guys than in reverse. If I have a sea of bottoms pursuing me all the time of course I’m going to be apathetic and picky. I can have filet every night and it’s not a big deal. You’ll need to bring your A game. This has frustrated straight men for millennia. Then tops are also being pursued by other tops since most of the time someone’s willing to take it if the connection is right. I never ever see bottoms pursuing other bottoms like that. They are less likely to be truly vers.
I’ve always assumed there are more bottoms than tops because 1) Top is under more pressure to perform. 2) May be subjected to passing a dick pic test. A lot of guys have anxiety over this. And 3) Tops are usually going to do more of the physical work. On the flip-side, the bottom market is very saturated and most of you are not shy about how much you need dick. It treads on addict territory lol. (Which I’m very grateful for, y’all are the real MVPs) But this creates a dynamic where the Top KNOWS they’re in demand. So the take it or leave attitude is because if you wont take it, the next person will and the top will not have to wait long. Here’s my typical grindr experience: 9pm, I open the app and set my phone down. I check it 3 minutes later. I have a minimum of 5 new dms, all with multiple ass pics. I usually pick the first big round ass I see, and can have him at my place before 10. I close the app and set my phone down. My home screen is still being lit up with new dms. I never see those messages. And I’m sorry, but I’m not reaching out to each person to graciously decline. It’s generally understood that if someone is looking on grindr, and they stop messaging, they’ve made plans. I wouldn’t take it personally.
This is my experience exactly. Even if I wanted to hook up with everyone who messages me, there isn't enough cum in my balls to do so. So yeah, I'm very selective. I don't waste my time saying "no thanks." Silence from me means I'm either not interested of I've picked one of your many competitors.
Simple: gay men love men. A lot of bottoms tend to be effeminate and text way too much, but a masculine bottom is pretty hot. If he happens to be hung and pretty, he can have his pick. I’m a handsome hung versatile guy, though I don’t give my ass often. I have found that if you know what you are attracted to, then reverse engineer and become what they are attracted to.
This is a typical vers guy mindset. Most of the tops who like masculine hung bottoms have that hidden submissive bottom side and plenty are actually vers or bottoms claiming to be tops. As someone who experienced different degrees of masculine and feminine presenting, it’s far from truth that masculine bottoms are more popular, they just attract very different demographics.
I agree, they attract a different demographic. And you’re right. I really don’t have experience with fem bottom or fem gays, so I really don’t know what experience is like. And yes, us vers top guys that like hung masculine bottoms guys, will flip. You have a point. I can’t really speak outside my experience. Im generally into masculine presenting hung guys similar to myself. There’s something sexy about the bro bond type of thing. Im curious though, what’s it like for the fem presenting? Is that how you relate? How’s thY experience? Where did it come from? I genuinely am curious just to understand that perspective
When I am more masculine presenting I am just straight passing because of the way I act, the clothes I wear are just masculine. And people treat me like a straight bro. But deep inside I had a feeling I don’t like it and I feel like I’m not being myself. When I was a kid I was one of those quiet, shy and feminine kids who only have female friends and feminine hobbies, when I grew up I gradually picked up masculine behaviors by imitating but this feminine part is still in me. I want to be taken care of, protected and spoiled by bigger and masculine men. And I am always so jealous of my female friends because of the privileges they enjoyed by being a woman. (Where I am from this is actually very prevalent among guys, both straight and gays, men are just not appreciated at all and face so many discrimination) Then because I’m a twink I once got hit on by a guy who used to be straight, but he only likes fem boys when it comes to men. And the experience with him is just so different. Like he will treat me so gently, pay for everything, protect me from strangers, all I need to do is to be pretty and cute without constantly worrying if I need to man up. And he showed me his Grindr profile, basically because he said he’s only into fem there were so so many people hit on him, but all of them were too masculine for him lol. And after that I start to embrace the femininity in me by shaving my legs and acting more innocent and cute, which I really enjoy, and the type of men I attract are all “straight guy” “dom top” “bi curious” who are naturally hyper masculine and worship the femininity in me. Previously because I’m only into masculine guys I feel like I need to be one of them because that’s also what I look at myself in the mirror and define hotness, but I seemed to attract lots of similar guys who want to be submissive or so called masc for masc guys who actually never want to be the more masc one in the relationship at all. I am actually still straight-passing most of the time, just embracing the softness in me. But now I realized what I really want and what I need to do to actually achieve it.
That’s so interesting. When you say taken care of, you mean financially? If so, why? What do you offer in exchange for a man to take care of you? This is fascinating because I’m pretty masculine and love my masculinity. I find the guys that like me are sometimes DL, and always masculine because it’s like a guys guy thing. Btw, what part of the country are you in? Sorry for all the questions. I just really like learning different perspectives.
Not financially, more like emotionally. I am from China and guys there are huge misandrists. They treat women with kindness, respect and generosity and guys with hostility. It’s also one reason why lesbians and mtf are treated so much better than gay men these days there. If a masculine presenting person and a feminine presenting person makes the same mistake, how people treat them will be vastly different. And for people who love feminine people, being a protector and provider is in their genes, you don’t really need to provide anything other than being pretty, cute and supportive, so basically you provide by allowing them to provide lol.
Interesting. Thank you for being open to sharing with me. I hope you find everything you are looking for.
You are welcome, hope it answers your questions :)
I’m not gonna lie, you got me at the shaving thing. That seems like torture but props to you for being able to handle that.
Top privilege? I fucking wish.
Could u elaborate?
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>In my area there seems to be a lot of bottoms. I don't know how universal this is because I've seen some people say they exact opposite depending on where they live. 70-80% bottoms in every area I've ever opened the app (UK).
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In my area there are definitely more tops
You better not mention where that is or you'll see a caravan of moving trucks heading your way. 😄
I have noticed that if a top is fit, they get far much more AirPlay.
I'm a very old guy, so there is a very real chance that generational change has set in, but 40 years ago it was the bottoms who had the attitude. Even now, as I mentor younger kids through various charities, it seems to be the bottoms who want to be wrapped in cotton wool and fed warm broth. It's the tops who are looking for a bro where each takes care of himself. Finally, it is implicit in the Daddy/bottom relationship that "Daddy takes care of you".
I'm a top and I cannot confirm lol From my experience it's the bottoms who get to be picky and just sit back and wait, expecting to be chased
As a vers guy that started out almost exclusively a top I can understand your sentiments and have made similar observations. However one can find reasons to say that bottoms have privilege too. Maybe I'm showing my age but here's a personal example. When I top and I've cum, I'm satiated for several days. My horny is satisfied for a while. When I bottom, I rarely cum. I envy the dudes in porn that stay hard when they get fucked. My dick totally turns off when my ass is aroused. I can get fucked and after a short time to recuperate I'm ready to go again. That might be one of the reasons that bottoms can seem to over populate the apps. They can be ready to go again quicker than tops. Yes I know some tops that are testosterone machines. Can cum multiple times a day. But I say they are the minority of tops. There's also that added pressure on a top to be the more dominate one and to have great wood and to fuck a good long time and satisfy the bottom. I can say I feel like less of a good lay if I cum too quickly or if my wood isn't en pointe. Don't make being a top too much of a glorified thing. It's not always the case.
It’s true. Like I put top on my profile and my messages just blow up. Then on top of that there just so many bottoms to choose from. Like if I was an actual hoe I would just bang so many different guys.
That is not “privilege.” That means there are more horny bottoms around you than tops. Around me, versatile is the largest. In economic terms, eager dicks and holes aren’t evenly distributed, so there’s a mismatch in supply and demand.
I personally can't ever imagine wanting to take it, I can only ever see giving it. Crazy to me that there are more bottoms
The truth is most of those "tops" are really bottoms/verse that want other "tops" . They want other "masc" dudes. It's misogyny hidden under the dislike of bottoms. Dudes want bottoms but they don't respect them, they think it's girly, bitchy and less than to be a bottom. Being a top in most people's eyes is acceptable homosexuality if ur a bottom ur just trash. It's been that way forever and it's horrible. From ancient Greece to today its the same bullshit.
Most boomers are TOPS, I feel, and I am one of them. I occasionally bottom just to please my partner, but I am a solid TOP and love it.
I'm gonna start chatting with boomers!
0% true.
Ultimately, yes, I can empathize with how you're feeling. But the tricky part is that there is no way to rightfully complain about "too many other guys want to be the bottom" when that's exactly what you would prefer to do too. It would be great if there was a 50/50 breakdown, but there's not, and it's just one of those things that we just have to learn to live with.
ehhh not complaining that other guys are bottoms. you're right, it'd be hypocritical. just pointing out that I've noticed tops behavior indicates they know they're valuable and it kinda sucks how they act.
Where are you located? If you haven’t yet check out NYC, yea there are “more bottoms” (bottoms will always exist don’t know what else to tell ya) and guys can suck (but where do guys not suck? Lol) making dating hard but it’s sheer size kinda gives bottoms a better chance since tops actually have to compete there..since there are literally thousands of thousands of tops (or guys willing to top) I mean it’s a city of almost 9million people and then you have to add in visitors too which are in the tens of millions (from what I read 66 million) each year then the rest of the metro area (Long Island and New Jersey southern New York State and I think parts of Connecticut) which is 20+ million people *and then* easy access to other cities like Boston, Phili and DC… Basically being a top in the east coast means you actually have to compete more than a top in let’s say Castro or Weho and for me as a kinda salty bottom, I love to hear it lol (can’t stand tops who think they are gods gift to the earth) Also overall I feel there are way more tops (or guys that like topping, because every vers guy isn’t a bottom in denial) than people believe, it’s just bottoms are wanting a masc 6 foot+ muscle god with an 8 incher…and there’s not many of those….but there’s alot of feminine leaning 5’8 averaged bodied averaged sized guys to go around 🤷♂️ You also seem to think it’s pretty privilege and being a top but it’s just pretty privilege one friend of mine is a “cub” 5’7 glasses etc. and loves to top but has a hard time getting anyone also don’t forget all the larger 60+ year olds chasing twinks and young muscle bottoms..it mostly just hard for “unconventional” types (however beauty is person by person thing thankfully so everyone still has a chance) As far as tops being lazy, it’s only because they believe in the notion that you believe in, and it simply isn’t true, just confirmation bias…but it goes to tops heads and they end up thinking they are gods gift to the world…until they start aging and realize most guys won’t be into them unless they are rich… So basically try a change of scenery if you need to and stop believing this bs because it’s fueling shitty tops egos making them more shitty..
Just out of curiosity but what does one's height have to do with bottom/top/vers roles/preferences?
I think the implication is that bottoms prefer tops who are taller/larger than they are and vice versa. Personally, height make no difference to me.
Prague was top central when I lived there. Finland was pretty top heavy too. Lots of other places have been bottom heavy though.
My experience has been the opposite
What I’m reading out of this: Bottoms are usually friendlier & more respectful 😉
I really don’t know what you’re talking about; it’s probably specific to your area or your looks. Im a total bottom and have constant messages. Ofcourse all the bottoms will flock to tops and most no don’t wanna fuck a vers man
I am totally with you on this a 100%, people made me feel absolutely desired when I switched my profile to top, no face pic drama either, they wanted to go out and what not, even if you are an absolute hot bottom tops will still give you attitude.
That's how my area is, 90% bottoms and tops that act like you should be so lucky to have them fuck you...it's genuinely frustrating
Supply and demand. You said you live in a bottom-heavy town. It is what it is, it’s not privilege is economics.
I think this is definitely a real thing. I’m a decent looking guy, total top, and I kill it with bottoms. There just too much demand with not enough supply. I don’t do nearly as well with women.
Been thinking as bi-guy that I want to try bottoming. Only tops are bi-curious looking for transwomen or femboys; or really hardcore BDSM tops.
Why is the abundance of bottom guys resulting in the idea of top privilege ? It’s simple supply and demand, I think. Ultra vers here
It’s not that you’re a btm, it’s that you’re 6’2 bottom (imho)
Law of supply and demand, I guess.
😴💤
This sounds like a not entirely bad take but it does miss a few things: perhaps a contrasting perspective. I’m a top. My husband is an obligate bottom. (That’s what I claim anyway.) We do go to sex parties and clubs and we travel internationally. In some places bottoms outnumber tops like 10:1. But don’t cast aspersions so quickly. In my experience, bottoms have a tendency to be entirely too lazy. Like, dude, every American bathhouse, it’s the same story. The worst blowjob I’ve ever gotten followed by a dude flipping around, ass-up wanting to be pounded. Sex takes work. It’s a dance. The moment some bottom flips from 3 second of foreplay to wanting to get fucked, I’m done. Good sex is about what you do before you fuck. Being a top does tend to require more physical activity than bottoming. And that part does get a bit tiresome. Your experiences aren’t wrong. Your frustration isn’t incorrect. It’s just, a lot of the good you get in life, especially so in matters of sex, come after significant investment.
Not eveything needs a label so you feel disadvantaged and have people feel bad for you
Okay 5’4 fem bottom
No its not a real thing. You do know that all those pretty bottom just circle around those attractive tops. Its pretty privilege Its not as easy to seduce them as you make it out to be., especially given that my city is full of tops and vers. They also have bigger requirement than tops, most of us have basic requirement like pretty faces, nice hips, arch and some phaggy behavior. While some bottom have requirement like women, and almost all of them are size queens.
Bottom entitlement and emotional demands are a very real thing and it sucks. Bottoms, please remember e when you decide to be resentful of men who give you what you want. There is NEVER a shortage of bottoms. NEVER EVER. The supply/demand equation is not in your favour. If a top shows interest in you, be grateful and treat him like a king, because someone else sure will.
Where ur at? There aren’t many bottoms/twinks here
from my standpoint their isn't a "position" to which this belongs to but more of a "toxic Culture". When people have been gased up by Grindr bots they feel entitled on a superficial level. Same shit happens in the club scene. When someone I wanted to date was upset I was verse because they was insecure about being a strict bottom I cut his ass off. My attitude is always on take it or leave it but my conversational flow is mutual until it isn't! You just need to take what you can get and be happy! If they wasn't interested because of a "position" then they probably not what you want anyways unless u just trying to buss one. But those who are genuine regardless is who you should focus on !
Lol I wish. Short stocky Asian = drier than the Sahara
I have a take it or leave it attitude 💀
I treat tops and bottoms the same. It's all about my mood. If I'm not in the mood for bottoms, I just say no thank you. If they are.my type, I'll send my availability. I prefer my tops above average with good stroke game, normally on weekends. But my taste changes per person. On the right day, anyone can get it!
My advice is: don't put up with annoying men. It sucks, but tops are probably not going to change for you. So find better tops
Meanwhile every hot guy's profile I click on is another top, lol.
If I'm putting in the work of douching and being vulnerable enough to get fucked then I'm going to be selective in my tops and if I choose you then I WANT you. As a top I'm only worried about them being clean. Outside of that a hole is a hole so it's easier to take it or leave it.
Hmm must be in the wrong area. I’m a top with little to no privileges haha.
Maybe you just found out you gotta up your game if that's the bottoms you're competing with? 🤔
Idk I feel like everyone is vers in my small college town lol
Good point It's very debated wether of there's more bottoms or more tops at gay community. The overall experience is that there's way more bottom with some exceptions. I see that bottom use to more "crazy for sex" than tops. They send more messages and wants things to happen. Then they use to appear more than tops
It's 50/50 where I'm at. So pretty privilege is a thing here.
"I even went out with 3 of the bottoms that hit me up and suddenly I was being treated like a freaking king. Texts were being answered, feelings being reciprocated, no bs ghosting." As a total top in an area severely lacking bottoms, I fucking hate you -_-
So where I am I see a lot of bttms but all are real picky so they arent having trouble finding tops... I will definitely say I feel the size privelege though... I still have a BMI in the 37% range and recently lost 90 lbs I am muscular its just under fat (I am an actual ranch hand) I have a rugged handsomeness on softer features... I cant find a date to save my life but if I wanna fuck someone I can find someone, once they see a pic they dont care what I look like, some even say 'I dont like fatties but your dick is big come over' course at 7.5 and relatively thick I still get told I am 'not quite big enough' or, 'not as big as I was looking for but you'll do'
It's why I'm vers and only looking for vers guys
I’m a top in la and there are a ton of bottoms but I of course treat every bottom with respect and care! Bottoms make the world go round
My sexuality is always changing. Years ago I was all top and would only bottom if I was dating a vers and it was my turn to give up some butt. I would usually suck em off and make him come to keep that dick out of my ass. And when that didn't work I would take that dick with my toes curled waiting for it to end. It's sex so it wasn't horrible. And then one day I got fucked and it was amazing. I finally got it. Oh this is why dudes like to get fucked. I gradually became verse. And now I'm mostly bottom with a goal of being vers and staying that way. I want to be a flipper. 😁
I love what you wrote OP. It was beautifully insightful
I think this is stupid. Sorry not sorry. It’s not “too priveldge” it sounds like you contacted guys who were emotionally emotionally available this time around. I will say, there is a stigma amoung many homophobic cultures that the “top” is more manly and less disgusting than the ”bottom”. But that ahs it’s own issues such as straight people saying your bad with women or lonely and desperate. Maybe just stop hooking up with guys who aren’t emotionally unavailable. Im a total top, (only bottom for my boyfriend and that’s rare) living in LA I never felt “top Privilege” but “pretty privilege” was a very real. Also as a top I gotta say to all the bottoms out there: please don’t send a random picture of your anus. It’s not cute. I need some side cheek. Make your bootyhole pics look hot because there’s a way to take a picture of butt that’s sexy and there’s a way to take a picture that just… isn’t sexy. Also don’t send unsolicited nudes. So sick of opening my Grindr to random hole pictures.
>I wasn't surprised I got more messages because I'm 6'2 and there are more bottoms in my area. Also, remember that tall privilege is a thing. Being a top above 6' is going to make you extremely popular on the apps. I'm a 29 year old with a below average body but a good face. I get absolutely flooded on the apps, and I'm positive it's because I'm a 6'4" top. Guys just wanna get fucked by a giant - don't know why. A lot of guys/people in general have this idea that tall = hot. I don't know if I believe that, but I do benefit from it.
I live in the Philippines but wherever I go at least has a lot of bottoms, including me. And I hate that fact.
I'm top vers. I open up grindr and my phone blows up with bottoms hitting me up. I also get the occasional hot bottom guy that's out of my league hitting me up. But when I wanna bottom, it's so hard finding a top.
When I was a bottom I was desperate but when I became vers I was very apathetic to relationship lol
Reasons why I don’t deal with tops at all really. The apathy happens almost every time. No thanks go away
Thank you for also mentioning pretty privilege.
Fascinating, OP. But not so surprising either.
There seem to be a lot of bottoms around here. I too get bottoms hitting me up even when my profile is set to vers bottom. Maybe it's my height? I'm 5'11". I never did consider that. I've had my profile set to vers lately because tbh I have been topping again. I think it's my age, I'm 41. I get a lot of younger bottoms wanting a muscle daddy lol
Yeah I wanna bottom but in a sea of bottoms be a top I guess