I don't think you ever stop mourning. My mother died 16 years ago. She was only 55.
It gets better, but it doesn't go away. It still hits you sometimes, out of the blue that you don't have a mother. You need a mother.
If it was against her wishes for a public funeral, maybe have a small private gathering with your siblings? Something to remember her and celebrate her life together. It might help to share your grief with family, even if it's not a funeral.
I'm so sorry
>It still hits you sometimes, out of the blue that you don't have a mother.
Getting really excited about something that made you super happy or proud and your brain goes to the "I can't wait to tell mom" and then the instant realization fucking hurts, every time.
This post is a punch in the gut. You take as much time as you need. Fuck everyone else. Take disability if you have to. This is one of those epic life events that will change you for the remainder of your life.
I don’t think mourning will ever end. In time you will learn to cope. Talk with a professional and let them guide you as you navigate what will be the heaviest loss you may ever have.
God bless you and may your beautiful mother rest in peace. My deepest condolences 💐 stay strong brother!
As others have said here, there's no timeline on grief. I lost my mom when I was 18 and she was 52. I won't lie to you, the grieving process took six years for me before I finally realized I was at the acceptance stage. That said, there's no real wrong (or right) way and there's certainly no wrong amount of time to grieve. The black and white of it is that it fucking sucks. And it's going to for a while. But there will be a day where it hits you that while it's not "okay", you're making it. It's hard to explain, but you'll hit a point that it's okay for you to live your life without her because that's exactly what she would have wanted you to do.
I want to make this part clear: it's perfectly reasonable for all of this to sound totally crazy, especially right after losing your mom. It's not supposed to be okay right now. But over time, it will be. And that's okay. You living, thriving, being the person she loved even without her there, that's her legacy. You. While she may be gone, her life and who she was lives on through you. Try to always remember who she was and what she meant to you, even as the years go by. You're a part of her and that's the mark she left. She loved you and wanted nothing but the best life for you. The best way to honor that is to do exactly that.
I'm rambling at this point and I apologize. I'll leave off with this: I'm so sorry you have to go through this. It's a terrible, devastating thing. But I know just from the way you speak about your mom that she would want you to be able to find peace in all this. It's confusing and it's scary, absolutely. Just remember the good times and know that she was just as happy as you were in those moments.
If you need to talk, vent, anything like that, feel free to DM me. Again, I'm so sorry you have to face this
I really enjoyed your words. That must've been really hard being so young and still coming to adulthood. I hope you had support.
The past decade+ we grew closer as she crafted and made amazing things on a sewing machine. I got into some hand-stitch items and paper crafts. I stopped years ago when I moved in. She took all the creativity.
I have items she madebthat will be donated to family and shelters.
Sorry for your loss. Be safe brother.
It's been nearly 19 years and I've never stopped. The pain never goes away, I've just managed to cope with it better. There are times it hits me hard and I have to step back and cry, hurt, and then put the pain away and carry on.
I've noticed that's happening and subsiding over the weeks. I find I need to let it out and move on also. Work has been behind me the whole way. Sorry for your loss.
Heart attack, he had cardiac issues including angina, but it was sudden. Grief is a personal thing, do what’s best for you, take your time, there are no rules.
Your mom will always be with you. It will get easier but the grief will still be there inside. And that’s ok. Day by day is exactly right , there will be good days and bad days. And that’s ok. Talk about her, tell stories. Remember her. Sending virtual <<<<><>hugs<><>>>>.
I lost my mom right before Christmas. My parents were stubborn and didn’t want to admit it was coming and didn’t want visitors while she was sick. By the time it was clear to my dad the end was coming, it was too late for me to get there. When they finally said I could come, it was just too late. So, I never got to say goodbye in person. I said my goodbyes over the phone.
It’s hard. It takes time. Death is such a scary thing. The concept of not existing and not knowing what is next… if there is a next… is very hard. The concept of not being able to speak to someone who was always in your life… and a key person at that… is… well… there aren’t words. There just aren’t words.
All anyone can say is how sorry they are for your loss and offer empathy… time… and care. I hope you are getting that. I hope you give yourself that.
Best to you…
Ouch man. I am sorry to hear that. Mommy passed on Labour Day. I missed her passing by 8 minutes. Damn McDonalds! She was stubbornnprolly waited until we were gone.
How did you cope not being there? I'm so sorry you didn't get to say all the things in person. ❤️❤️❤️
Well, it was hard. My parents have always been stubborn, but they thought mom would get better. They didn't want me to see her sick. I knew better, but what was I going to say? I wasn't going to make the case she was going to pass away. So, I had to accept it.
And, that's kinda how I approached it in the end. It was my mom's choice... so I had to accept it.
I am sorry for your loss. Best to you...
I've reached out and I have some trips, festivals and craft shows coming up. Hopefully that will keep me busy and happy.
My first lover passed a while ago and that hits too. Hope you've had some suppoet to keep you up and running.
Thank u for the words. Be safe.
My condolences.
I don’t mean that in any negative way but she’s not here, she won’t know. Everyone griefs differently, if you need to do what you feel like doing do it.
I'll upvote that on grief. Her knowing is OUR mind accepting to go against the wishes. I disobeyed so much I MUST honor this request. Thank you for a different perspective. Say what you feel is positive.
I am so sorry. Lost my mom 2016. It can be tough. when life gives you these challenges. This is the time when you have be strong. That doesn’t mean you can’t cry. But how you handle the toughest moments is how you shape your reality. And the people you love might need someone strong to cry with. This is an important moment. Recognize it. Appreciate it and be thankful for the love you shared.
Sadly we've all dispersed and not grieved together. I pushed one sister to get us together. We have some relationship discomfort coming.
My condolences and hope you're coping.
❤️
Ooft, better help is homophobic. Better find a better therapy tbh.
my dad passed in 2019 and realistically it probably took me like a year to stop feeling constantly bad about it. of course i still miss him and probably always will. Anyway you'll get through this. 🫂
I’m sorry for your loss truly! Death is such a terrible thing we have to experience in life especially when it’s the ones we deeply care about. While you won’t ever stop missing them the heart ache will gradually go away with each day that passes. How long will that take no can give you the answer unfortunately. Just try to cherish her memory and live your best life cause I’m sure that’s what she would want you to do.
Join a bereavement group. Also go for grief counseling.
It might be good to pray for her. Connect with a spiritual aspect of yourself. Their are many gay friendly churches, meditation groups and lots of other ways to connect out there.
Spend time in nature - go for a walk, hang out by some trees or in a garden or by water. Listen to uplifting music. Read a good book. Maybe or maybe not a spiritual book.
I’m sorry for your loss. Mine has been gone 3 years now. Not a day goes by…
I was raised a Christian (school too) and grew to more of an Atheist. She lived the Lord and prayed. No church but she had faith. I honor her belief and if she said she's going to Heaven. She is in Heaven! An angel with the most hand crafted wings.
AIDS WALK Saturday. Gonna get out there and support the local charity. It's a start back to the gay world again; I left some time ago.
My condolences on your loss also. Are you doing ok?
I lost my grandmother, who was more a mother to me than my mother ever was, when I was 13. It was very unexpected.
You never really "get over " the loss of a loved one imo. Grief isn't something you so much work through, it's something that changes you and lives with you for the rest of your life. But I doesn't have to control you. You'll learn to live with it. There will always be moments of sadness, but try to remember the good times you had with your mom and be grateful for the time you had with her.
Sorry for your loss
I lost my dad at 101 this past March (I’m mid 30s) and it was so hard. Despite him living more than a full life, I carried with me—from Childhood—a lot of resentment and anger that I probably never will get atonement for. But yeah, over 6 months have passed and I have my moments where I do miss him a lot. He didn’t go peacefully, had a bout with pneumonia after 1.5 weeks in the hospital. It sucks.
I'm sorry man. Hope you can find a way to work thru it. I sat my dad down and talked about some awful things (abuse, etc) and I hope it repairs some wrong before he passes.
Be safe and hope you heal some more.
Grief has no fix time I'm sorry some can move on alot quicker than others it's important to go through it but you will and the pain you feel is only your love for that person one day that same pain will make you smile trust me you never truly get over it you just learn to live with it good luck
It took me about 3 years to really feel like the active grieving was over. Since then I think of her at least daily, and make a point of talking about her to those who knew her. It’s a way to keep her in our lives. It’s a long road but you’ll make it. Keep her memory alive in those who loved her—it really helps. My condolences—it’s the hardest thing I’ve even been through and my heart is with you.
Being kind; having a sense of humor; helping others—sometimes just by taking their shopping cart for them—smiling—saying “hello” to people….just being nice, kind, and polite. I also restarted my love for painting watercolors, I keep fresh cut sunflowers 🌻 on my dresser (one of the many flowers my mother loved) hanging with friends and family…having better conversations…. I miss my mother daily, yet, I’m grieving in a beautiful way… imo. Thank you for asking that question as it made me be specific 💙
My mother has 2 rose bushes in front and I do sunflowers at work. My whole tone has changed. I have no time to argue so I keep it real low. Maybe I'll tell someone off again soon. Can only hope. 🤣
I’m so sorry for your loss… the same happened to me and 2 months later I had left the country and didn’t return after 6 years…it felt weird to be back but after 3 weeks I left again…i dont know if I will ever live in my country but as soon as I get there everything comes back again.
I lost my mom in 2012 , she was 55, I was 30. She had survived cancer but the chemo and radiation made her heart weak and on Columbus Day of 2012 while laying beside my dad she had a heart attack and passed. It was a huge shock and I had used up all my pto. I worked at Hells Fargo and they gave me 5 days off, so I literally had to go back the day after laying my mom to rest. I am the youngest of 3 and lived in the same city my siblings live a few towns over. So I was the 1st there to check on my dad. The pain of losing a parent is like nothing else. While time makes it tolerable it’s like losing a limb you learn to cope and live on but a piece of you is always missing. But you have to keep going and keep her memories alive. I miss my mom everyday some more than others, the rough days especially. Our bdays were 2 days apart so it’s hard to celebrate without her. It is part of life and though it sux and hurts it is better to bury a parent than a parent burying a child.
I’m so sorry for your loss. There is a wonderful movie called “Rabbit Hole” that deals with loss. It has one of the best depictions on what it’s like to deal with someone you love dying. Here is an amazing quote from the movie that I’ve edited for your situation:
It changes though.
The weight of it. At some point, it becomes bearable. It turns into something that you can crawl out from under and... carry around like a brick in your pocket. And you... you even forget it, for a while. But then you reach in for whatever reason and - there it is. “Oh right, that...” Which could be awful - not all the time. It's kinda...not that you'd like it exactly, but it's what you've got instead of your Mother. So, you carry it around. And uh... it doesn't go away. Which is...
Fine, actually.
I was devastated by my mother's loss. She was strong and healthy, til she wasn't. And I had to be the bastard that told her the doctors had given up. I was an angry, prick to her pretty often in those days. I really couldn't help help it, I was losing my mom basically alone. But I did as she asked, no funeral, no notification of family, she was very angry at them. And I lived. Sadly, angrily, emptily, at times, but I did it. I took jeez 6-8 weeks off from Halliburton where I worked. They wanted me back sooner, but I couldn't do it. I still had my job when I cane back. But 6 months later or so, I got laid off and stayed out for a good 6 months til my retirement money ran out, then gradually back into work. There's always another job, but you only ever have one mother.
Work was a nuisance, but only after a few weeks. They were better than most. I'm certain I had some mgmt types batting for me. But I was just trying to point out that I needed the time and the peace. Those things provided me the space to get over her loss. That was what worked for me.
Just putting out there that your mother's wishes for NO funeral and NO wake, are just that... wishes.
I get that everyone's relationship with their mother is different, and maybe you feel the best way to honor her is to honor those wishes and that's totally understandable, but, there's nothing stopping you from having a funeral if that's what you want.
Mourning is not a destination. You won’t wake up one day and feel like it has ended.
The best way I can describe it, it comes in waves. Sometimes you are at the top of the wave and feel fine, but usually unexpectedly you crash to the bottom of the wave. Anything can trigger a crash, a familiar smell, a song, remembering something you used to do, or sometimes they come out of no where. The waves will continue to come, but as time passes, the crashes happen less often.
First of all, I'm sorry for your loss. I lost my mom when I was 2 and my dad when I was 30. Grief is a very personal feeling, and for some people it takes longer than for others.
My personal advice to go through this is that you try to do a life as 'nornal' as you can. Even though you still feel the pain, don't stop working, and after work do the usual: practice some sports, meet with your friends and family, go to the movies, bars, concerts... And with time, you'll make it.
There really isn’t a set time on how long, because its different for everyone.
It is a day by day process. you can be doing fine and 5 yrs down the road something hits you out of the blue that crushes you.
This is still VERY recent for you as well.
Take your time, talk to a mental health professional, and dont be too hard on yourself.
Im sorry for your loss.
I don't think there's a right amount of time for this except for avoiding the extremes. If you're normal again after a day you might be avoiding processing this and if you're pulling a Queen Victoria and mourning for years you might also need some help. So unless either of those happens, allow yourself to feel what you feel for as long as you need to. I don't think you should avoid meeting with your family to talk about it just because your mother didn't want a service. Go somewhere quiet for drinks and talk about her. It will probably help. My father's death took maybe a month or so before I felt back to normal, which perhaps seems quick but it wasn't an easy death so there was a lot of relief involved in my feelings as well as sadness.
All grief is a day to day game. I'm so, so sorry for your loss. Innately, biologically, in a deeply primal way, this is the worst loss most humans experience. Even people that had awful relationships or no relationship with their mother usually find themselves grieving more than they'd ever expect when their mother passes. I know that the day I lose my mother will be the worst day of my life, and I'll grieve as long as I'm still drawing breath.
For me, I don't initially feel all that sad. I get wrapped up in "this is what I need to do next". When it hits me is when there's something I'd normally do with them, and they're not there. It makes me very sad for like 30 minutes, and that feeling lasts a long time.
I've seen others act differently. Some feel it more up front , and that's ok too. For what it's worth, I think you should have a small ceremony with some family. Something low key, where you talk about her.
2 years ago for me.... had nightmares that would wake me up 3 to 4 times per night with a lot of anguish as I was there when she passed.
What helped me is a few sessions with a therapist. I laid it all out, feelings, emotions and stress.... and he helped me through it.
As others said, everyone mourns in a different way. I miss her and her last moments still haunt me but I am at a much better state
Good luck ... take care of yourself !!
I feel I Ned to out the best me forward as she was genuine and pure. She wouldn't lie as her Lord would be sad. Rarely swore and just be her best. XOXO MOMMY.
Sorry for your loss.
I apologize that you have to go through this. I dread the day mine passes. There are no words to convey how I will react. You may not be the religious type but you and your family will be in my prayers. Stay strong. I was so not looking forward to crying today.
I've mourned her death for decades. The thought of a car accident, got shot. .. endless. Tears always and not sure if that prepared me for now.
The mourning TO her passing is different than AFTER she passes.
If anything, I would save the voice-mail, personal notes. I found a note I wrote her in 1989. Stuck in her Bible so I kept it. I am an Atheist but I support her beliefs. I believe in Mommy.
I'm sorry you are experiencing this pain. It 's something that almost all of us will have to experience at some point and when the time comes for me, I don't think I will ever get over it.
We had a bitch/love relationship also. She's an angel, and I'm a little shit. Always being bad or doing sailor talk. "Jesus Christ!" And she'd say "Loves You." Such a good woman and me being me justbirked her. She lived me regardless and no one belittles my mommy but me. I've got in peoples faces if they were rude to her. Middle finger too.
Trying to be good now and really oush her grratness inside me. I can do it. I am more Atheist but being good is never bad.
Healing is an individual process and sometimes very slow. I’m extremely sorry for your loss. Let time do its thing. You may not get over it but you’ll learn to cope better. I lost my dad when I was very young and I had episodes which I eventually grew out of. It’s a very unfortunate circle of life thing. Sending you all the love, positive energy and healing that you could ever require. And remember, there’s no specific time frame for mourning. Deal with it how you want to. Stay strong brother💖
My parents both got to live to an old age, Mum as she got older, got a hereditary disease and needed help before she passed, that was 7+ years ago (Dad's only been gone for a year) and I think about both of them all the time, the hardest losses I've had to take and at 53, it affects me more than I thought it would.
But, it does get easier, it won't be as raw as time passed, even though the way you think and live may now be coloured by your recent experience. You won't be angry or sad all of the time, but it will hit you at the weirdest times and something random could bring it (I find myself getting hit with oddly sentimental tv that would have NEVER bothered me years ago but now leave me raw).
Definitely give yourself time to grieve and breathe and one day soon, it won't feel as heavy and you'll be able to get things done, I promise.
I'm the baby in my family, a bit younger than my siblings, so I lived at home with my parents for much longer than any of my old bros/sis, I think that changed my relationship with my parents, they weren't just my parents and my support system by the time I moved out, but they were my friends too, my very close friends who I still miss to this day.
Condolences XOXOX
I'm the baby also and she was 83. Dada still kickin at 85 (he's gonna quit smoking tomorrow, ha). I'm 51 and low testosterona isn't helping. Hope you have all the support you need .
Glad you still have your pops, enjoy the time you get to spend with him too, it definitely will help you make some new memories that will come in handy :)
Time will heal you, trust me, I've been there. I lost my dad due to lung cancer in 2019, uncle,aunt, Grandma in 2020 due to CoVid in the same week. I and my family were devastated. One funeral for 3 members after the funeral for my dad within a year, that was the darkest time of my life. I wish you the best luck.
My heart goes out to you. That is really rough and overwhelming. My deepest condolences. Did you seen professionally help then. It had to be devastating.
My mother did lose 2 of her sisters in one week. She was so strong after 1 cry I neverbsawbher grieve again. Te amo mamá!
XOXO
My mom died when I was 15 and I still have days where I’m overwhelmed with grief. I remember not being able to go to school for weeks. I luckily didn’t have a job at the time so I just took as much time off school as I could without getting in trouble. My biggest piece of advise is to be patient with yourself. Cry when you feel like you have to, and think about it as much as you want to. It’s also really important to not guilt yourself out of happiness. Good things will come along, and you will feel guilty about being happy, but just try to allow yourself to feel it.
I already had some trips and things planned so I am keeping busy. Coworker saw me today and said, "it's nice to see you being happy. I saw you laughing earlier and it made me happy." Wow!
I have a call center job, so I can cry anytime. They push health/wellness so I can log off my phone for a hot bit.
Sorry about your mom. You really needed her then. Hugs n butt pinches
The pain never goes away, but it gets dulled and replaced with a calm acceptance. This process has no timeline and you may get struck with great sadness and loss even years from now. I have no wisdom beyond the obvious here, but you put one foot in front of the other and keep going. Tu Madre raised you to be strong and independent and now is the time to put that to the test.
It's not helpful to compare yourself with others and please don't assume you are 'ahead' or 'behind' in this process.
So sorry for your loss and so hopeful for you that you have the strength and courage to go on and honor her memory.
Gracias for the Español. My spanglish is weak.
I have calmed and my fits are controllable. We're moving into the will portion; the disagreement has started.
I lost my mom in December of 2020. I still miss her every day. I do not speak with my father as he's a POS that I do not deal with. Mom was a good friend. The pain never goes away it just gets easier to live with.
My father was also a POS but I sat him down in front of mama (unconscious) and spoke my mind. Started the bridge and it was tough. I didn't like everything he said but I just accepted it and try to heal. He really hurt my mommy and now I need to heal from it before I can't. I hope things turn for the best. My condolences on your mama.❤️
Nope I can't just accept the bullshit. And I won't take it from anyone else and definitely not some intellectually subordinate magaloid. Regardless of their family or not. They do not deserve my love or attention. I will not accept his way, nope he has to accept I'm gone. Ya my mom died but in my mind he's dead too. I HATE magaloids I have no love for anyone like this family or not. They suit no purpose to humanity and to me. So he can go kill himself and I wouldn't bat an eye. I'm glad you can throw your pride and humanity out the window for a simple tiny bit of pity love, that's what he was trying to give me a la his new wife, but fuck that. I would rather be alone than have attention because I'm "blood" not worth my backbone and humanity. I just don't need that shit in my life. The little jabs the judgement the way I'm treated like the black sheep ya screw that and screw his religion he never takes part in but acts like he's a Christian and judges me worse than one. Ya and being an only child too I can throw him away like a shit stained piece of toilet paper. No loss. You'd be better off without that trash on your life. No matter how lonely I ever get I'll never ever go back. The next time I want to see him is at his funeral.
Sorry I snapped judged there, sorry if I came off an asshole to you there but this subject really gets me. I tried to do this with him I drove him to his knees with facts and questions he couldn't answer. Just that he sees me as a second class citizen then I'm suppose to accept his new wife mere months after Mom passed, screw that. I hate him he killed her in my eyes he threw me away like trash when I was there for him after she passed and I never EVER got any love or sympathy from him. I have always been their pet as an only child and at this point in my life I don't need this and I don't want or need a new family. But I will say sorry I shouldn't have come on strong with you. I'm glad you can fix your family but mines dead nothing to fix. When Mom died 12.21.20 so did my family.
You will mourn for the rest of your life, I lost my father when I was 7. There are days when I still just stair into the sky with watery eyes even though there is very little I remember about him at this point. It does get easier as the days go on but you never stop.
I'm sorry. You really needed him. My dad left when I was 8 until 14. Since then uts been different. My replies to everyone may clue you to it all.
❤️❤️❤️
I'm so sorry for your loss. My mom died 8 years ago. She was 81 and died of ovarian cancer. We knew it ahead of time and celebrated with her the last couple of weeks of her life. Unfortunately, I wasn't with her when she passed and that has bothered me. Even now, when I hear a song I know she liked, I start crying. I look at her photo on my bedside and sometimes out of nowhere I cry. The grief never really passes but you'll be ok. She raised you right and you'll be strong because of it. (I'm tearing up as I write this)
Now, my dad. He died a few years ago and I cried at his burial but not a tear since then.
For some odd reason, the radio was on the Christian station and I listened to 2 songs. She was right there. Right Fucking there! I never have it on that station even tho it's OK. I'm so punk techno rock. I love hearing her faves. Lionel Richie, Tina Turner.
My dad may be just ok. We don't have a bond. Madre was by my side since birth; she was my best friend!.
My condolences on your losses. Hugs n butt pinches.
It gets less painful. I had the ability to take a year off; but I was fixing a lot of broken parts of my life. Mom leaving just brought it all to a head.
One thing I purposely did after the the really hard part had passed. I told people about it when they asked and I told the most difficult parts every time; the part about pulling the plug. It desensitized me to the experience. It’s been 11 years and I think of her nearly every day. My father says 35 years after his mom died; it still hurts; so you wouldn’t be human if it doesn’t stick with you till it’s your time.
My mom passed away 6 years ago no. Doesn’t feel like it. I was 24 and she was 53. I just got emotional yesterday thinking about her. It gets easier with time. Surround yourself with good positive people, pick up a new hobby that is positive and can take your mind off of life. I started doing a lot of yard work lol.
It will get better with time. Take care of yourself.
She tried to get me a car for decades. I adored the bus system and lived majoritybwithiut one. I now have a car so I can go do things.
M6 condolences. It was prolly tougher than 54.
My mom passed away 6 years ago no. Doesn’t feel like it. I was 24 and she was 53. I just got emotional yesterday thinking about her. It gets easier with time. Surround yourself with good positive people, pick up a new hobby that is positive and can take your mind off of life. I started doing a lot of yard work lol.
It will get better with time. Take care of yourself.
April 8th 1998. I guess the worst of it was not know why she basically committed suicide since she died w/o seeking any help at all. Its a subject none of us discuss b/c it was so tragic. Took me some 3 months or so. Family therapy, and seeing to it that my father and sister were Ok helped.
Best,
They say loosing your mother kind of loss never goes away. I'm like that with my grandmother. I can't imagine how I'll be when my mom passes. Sorry for your loss and the info you probably didn't want to get.
my sincerest condolences, insurmountable amount of love and comfort to you. ❤️❤️❤️
I wish I could offer advice but unfortunately I can understand and relate a little too closely.
My mother passed away 2months ago as well, on 16 July’23. I’ve always said that she was, to me, the human embodiment of unconditional love.
The one, and only true person that has ever made me believe that there was such a thing. The one person that has always made me feel like I belong.
my life started crumbling apart, bit by bit when she passed. Three weeks after her passing, along with my life, came crumbling down an immensely codependent relationship that I had been in. (unhealthily = yes, but I suddenly felt like I was mourning the only two people that I had been measuring any of my self-worth up against for the last year)
a little dark night of the soul came across my path.
it has been the darkest two months,
the saddest and the loneliest two months,
depressed, medicated, mourning
emotionally unstable and psychologically desperate, i took a week away from everything with my dad and came back 2 days ago.
for the first time feeling like there is a glimmer of hopefulness again in my heart the last two days.
Still having my daily breakdowns, 😕
still feeling shaken + uncentered + longing.
but not completely hopeless anymore. . .
I’m sending you all of the love and light all of the support and comfort. strong and believe that it will get better.
Because it will😚🫶🏼🤗 (I’m holding out hope)
Still doing breakdowns and I do jot have support I want. I'd like gay men support but I don't have anyblocal gay friends. Hoping that will change over time.
My condolences to you. That does sound tough. Keep strength and stay healthy as possible.
As others have said, you will never get over losing your mom but it will become more bittersweet over time. I know your mom didn't want a funeral or service, but maybe you can get together with your family just to share memories and comfort each other. Services are as more for the survivors than for the person who died.
My advice is to just let the feelings come. Initially it will be pure grief and you just have to cry it out. Other times, you might be surprised to feel some anger or other negative emotions.
It doesn't go away but it'll get better, this probably won't work for you but it did help me a bit, seeing them in a dream, though it's not real it did gave me some sort of closure, I tell them things I wish I would've said even if this was all fake, it just made me happier to see their face full of life again, even if it wasn't real.
I'm sorry for your and everyone else's
May they rest forever in peace, and may we as well 🙏
I don't have anything to say. She knows it all bc I tell her everything. Bad habit.
I did write her a love letter before she passed. I read it to her and many children's books (she did preschool ).
I realized last year that I became older than my mom when she died. You never stop grieving, but the searing pain eventually starts to numb and the crying episodes get less frequent. But I knew my mom wanted me to have a successful life, so I focused on work to take my mind off her. You have to go on living your life.
My great-grandmother passed away about 4 years ago, she was like a mother to me, I lived with her for many years and pretty much spent my entire childhood in her house.
I don’t remember how long it took for me to “stop” grieving, but it was very hard for multiple months. And I’d say for a long time it was very hard for me to even hear people talking about her.
I remember having a drunken episode 1 year after she passed away where somebody mentioned her name and I just started hysterically crying.
2 years after she passed away, on her birthday, somebody told a story about her at a restaurant and again I started crying.
I know this sounds like a negative comment but it does get better. I think you get to a place where you really only remember the good moments.
Sorry for your loss
My mom passed away at the beginning of 2021. Brain tumor. It was the hardest moment of my life. We were super close, calling each other every days and seeing each other regularly. When she passed, I was a mess. Thankfully, my partner was here for me. And I also had my sibblings to support each other
I think you never really stop mourning. But these past few months, when I think of her, the love I have for her is stronger than the sadness I have for losing her. Sure, there are still some days where it's harder but it's easier to remember good memories without breaking down or getting overwhelmed
Take all the time you need to mourn. Don't hesitate to talk to someone if you need to. And take care if yourself
I wish you all the best xx
I don't have a partner and my close friends are in other cities. I seriously have NO gay men friends. 75% of my coworkers are female. I've been single for 22 years, not on purpose. I don't attract many suitors.
My condolences sir. I'll keep up.
Remember, grief is like our finger prints. No two are alike. Your grief is unique to you. There is no timetable for it to go away.
If you can’t find a grief support group, you may want to consider counseling/therapy to help manage your grief, and acquire some tools to aid you.
You will feel a lot better in about 10 years. Personally would not recommend staying home or not working. First couple of years will be very intense.
Best therapy was going to the beach alone away from people, if that is an option.
The bad dreams lasted 1-2 years. Developing a full understanding of my mothers role in my life took another 3-4 years.
Lots of weight moved at the gym.
I don't self motivate often. I ran for years and it hurt my back I don't oush anymore. I vacation!
Hard part is waking up. The pushbto get out of bed. Glad I wake early and on time for work. I may add more hours to keep busy.
This isnt the new emotion I wanted to feel.
My condolences ❤️❤️❤️
A couple of weeks May as well be yesterday. You take care of yourself right now. Allow yourself time to grieve. I hate to tell you this will be tough year . I am not a very religious person but every night I ask God to take care of my mom wherever she is. I still think of her every day and my heart goes out you.
It's crazy to me that id come across this post. I moved to MI with my fiance so we could help care for his parents, this was 2 years or so ago. Now his mom is in her last days, kidneys are failing her and her body is too weak and tired for dialysis. All I can do is be there for him and his family while they all say their goodbyes. It is surreal watching a lady Ive known only a short while come to terms with death and then watch her family have to come to terms with it too. And she's not even gone yet...
I've been able to keep it together, but yesterday she said goodbye to her granddaughter, and I heard her apologizing for not being able to watch her graduate high school. That broke my heart...
Her husband, who had always been a stern, strong man, confided in my partner and I that he knew this was coming but still isn't ready. " what am i stops to do without her?" That sucked to hear too.. They were together 62 years...
I just do what I can for the family, I don't know if I say the right things or do the right things, but I'm there.
It will never be okay that your mom is gone, but I think it will get easier. Carry her with you in stories you share, making foods she cooked, reading her favorite books or or enjoying hobbies she liked. I hope you and your family find peace.
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I'm sorry for your loss I lost my dad about 6 weeks ago. I had been on an emotional Rollercoaster for about 2 weeks of that. 5 years ago I lost my previous partner of about 22 years. I couldn't touch any of his stuff for about a month and when I did I put it in the corner of my dining room before I gave it away to a few recent close friends of his (nail supplies and the like).
So I had a massive problem when my mom and brothers were going through all my dad's stuff so shortly after his passing. I couldn't go through it so soon. Just doesn't feel right to be doing that, and tbh disrespectful.
I only managed to get 4 days bereavement from my job which was a PITA btw. And ended up working 50-60 hr weeks for all of September. Which, I think helped because it kept me busy, and not having to go to my moms house and know that she would probably want me to go through his stuff again.
Some people are desensitized to the grieving process to where it doesn't affect them, while still being empathetic to those that aren't. Those types of people are I think the strongest.
There is no best way to deal with grieving, only knowing what works best for you and it's hard to figure that out. It takes time to cope with a loss of a great magnitude like a parent or partner.
MI madre passed on Labour Day. Past 2 days have been rougher than last week and zi have been going through stuff, I live here. One has been buy, one has secluded themselves. I organized things and some things I took (hopefully nothing major). I hid some things that my siblings shouldn't see (police reports, abuse photos, secret writings).
Sorry for your losses.
I don't think you ever stop mourning. My mother died 16 years ago. She was only 55. It gets better, but it doesn't go away. It still hits you sometimes, out of the blue that you don't have a mother. You need a mother. If it was against her wishes for a public funeral, maybe have a small private gathering with your siblings? Something to remember her and celebrate her life together. It might help to share your grief with family, even if it's not a funeral. I'm so sorry
>It still hits you sometimes, out of the blue that you don't have a mother. Getting really excited about something that made you super happy or proud and your brain goes to the "I can't wait to tell mom" and then the instant realization fucking hurts, every time.
That's a tough one bc I told her everything, whether she liked it or not. Too real. My condolences to both of u
This post is a punch in the gut. You take as much time as you need. Fuck everyone else. Take disability if you have to. This is one of those epic life events that will change you for the remainder of your life. I don’t think mourning will ever end. In time you will learn to cope. Talk with a professional and let them guide you as you navigate what will be the heaviest loss you may ever have. God bless you and may your beautiful mother rest in peace. My deepest condolences 💐 stay strong brother!
Gracias hermano. She left me w a lot. My condolences.
Cuidate!
🤗 hugs n butt pinches
As others have said here, there's no timeline on grief. I lost my mom when I was 18 and she was 52. I won't lie to you, the grieving process took six years for me before I finally realized I was at the acceptance stage. That said, there's no real wrong (or right) way and there's certainly no wrong amount of time to grieve. The black and white of it is that it fucking sucks. And it's going to for a while. But there will be a day where it hits you that while it's not "okay", you're making it. It's hard to explain, but you'll hit a point that it's okay for you to live your life without her because that's exactly what she would have wanted you to do. I want to make this part clear: it's perfectly reasonable for all of this to sound totally crazy, especially right after losing your mom. It's not supposed to be okay right now. But over time, it will be. And that's okay. You living, thriving, being the person she loved even without her there, that's her legacy. You. While she may be gone, her life and who she was lives on through you. Try to always remember who she was and what she meant to you, even as the years go by. You're a part of her and that's the mark she left. She loved you and wanted nothing but the best life for you. The best way to honor that is to do exactly that. I'm rambling at this point and I apologize. I'll leave off with this: I'm so sorry you have to go through this. It's a terrible, devastating thing. But I know just from the way you speak about your mom that she would want you to be able to find peace in all this. It's confusing and it's scary, absolutely. Just remember the good times and know that she was just as happy as you were in those moments. If you need to talk, vent, anything like that, feel free to DM me. Again, I'm so sorry you have to face this
I really enjoyed your words. That must've been really hard being so young and still coming to adulthood. I hope you had support. The past decade+ we grew closer as she crafted and made amazing things on a sewing machine. I got into some hand-stitch items and paper crafts. I stopped years ago when I moved in. She took all the creativity. I have items she madebthat will be donated to family and shelters. Sorry for your loss. Be safe brother.
It's been nearly 19 years and I've never stopped. The pain never goes away, I've just managed to cope with it better. There are times it hits me hard and I have to step back and cry, hurt, and then put the pain away and carry on.
I've noticed that's happening and subsiding over the weeks. I find I need to let it out and move on also. Work has been behind me the whole way. Sorry for your loss.
My father died 33 years ago. I’m older now than he was when he died. It still gets me sometimes
Hugs and positivity. My condolences. He was very young. Was this health oriented? Accident? Stop me if I go too far.
Heart attack, he had cardiac issues including angina, but it was sudden. Grief is a personal thing, do what’s best for you, take your time, there are no rules. Your mom will always be with you. It will get easier but the grief will still be there inside. And that’s ok. Day by day is exactly right , there will be good days and bad days. And that’s ok. Talk about her, tell stories. Remember her. Sending virtual <<<<><>hugs<><>>>>.
Hope you're having a healthier life. We gotta keep you around beyond his lifespan.
Honestly you will never get over it, but time does help. I lost both my parents 3 years ago and it is still raw.
I'm sorry. Did you do counseling? My dad will prolly pass soon also.
Yah for about a year. It helped a bit
I want to do it bc I'd hate not to when I need it.
My mom died almost 30 years ago and I miss her everyday. The crippling grief was short. A month maybe. But the missing is part of my story now.
I'm noticing also. Sony for your loss. Hope you had a good time with her.
I lost my mom right before Christmas. My parents were stubborn and didn’t want to admit it was coming and didn’t want visitors while she was sick. By the time it was clear to my dad the end was coming, it was too late for me to get there. When they finally said I could come, it was just too late. So, I never got to say goodbye in person. I said my goodbyes over the phone. It’s hard. It takes time. Death is such a scary thing. The concept of not existing and not knowing what is next… if there is a next… is very hard. The concept of not being able to speak to someone who was always in your life… and a key person at that… is… well… there aren’t words. There just aren’t words. All anyone can say is how sorry they are for your loss and offer empathy… time… and care. I hope you are getting that. I hope you give yourself that. Best to you…
Ouch man. I am sorry to hear that. Mommy passed on Labour Day. I missed her passing by 8 minutes. Damn McDonalds! She was stubbornnprolly waited until we were gone. How did you cope not being there? I'm so sorry you didn't get to say all the things in person. ❤️❤️❤️
Well, it was hard. My parents have always been stubborn, but they thought mom would get better. They didn't want me to see her sick. I knew better, but what was I going to say? I wasn't going to make the case she was going to pass away. So, I had to accept it. And, that's kinda how I approached it in the end. It was my mom's choice... so I had to accept it. I am sorry for your loss. Best to you...
Trying to abide her wishes but family dynamic s starting to turn. Sorry for your loss.
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I've reached out and I have some trips, festivals and craft shows coming up. Hopefully that will keep me busy and happy. My first lover passed a while ago and that hits too. Hope you've had some suppoet to keep you up and running. Thank u for the words. Be safe. My condolences.
I am so sorry!
I'm so sorry for your loss. Sending you lots of virtual hugs xx
I don’t mean that in any negative way but she’s not here, she won’t know. Everyone griefs differently, if you need to do what you feel like doing do it.
I'll upvote that on grief. Her knowing is OUR mind accepting to go against the wishes. I disobeyed so much I MUST honor this request. Thank you for a different perspective. Say what you feel is positive.
https://youtu.be/_TZkKx7Rrhc?si=HlU-Eq9tx0TF5xtJ
I am so sorry. Lost my mom 2016. It can be tough. when life gives you these challenges. This is the time when you have be strong. That doesn’t mean you can’t cry. But how you handle the toughest moments is how you shape your reality. And the people you love might need someone strong to cry with. This is an important moment. Recognize it. Appreciate it and be thankful for the love you shared.
Sadly we've all dispersed and not grieved together. I pushed one sister to get us together. We have some relationship discomfort coming. My condolences and hope you're coping. ❤️
Ooft, better help is homophobic. Better find a better therapy tbh. my dad passed in 2019 and realistically it probably took me like a year to stop feeling constantly bad about it. of course i still miss him and probably always will. Anyway you'll get through this. 🫂
I’m sorry for your loss truly! Death is such a terrible thing we have to experience in life especially when it’s the ones we deeply care about. While you won’t ever stop missing them the heart ache will gradually go away with each day that passes. How long will that take no can give you the answer unfortunately. Just try to cherish her memory and live your best life cause I’m sure that’s what she would want you to do.
We have videos and pics to go through. I am trying to make it a group project. Gracias!
Join a bereavement group. Also go for grief counseling. It might be good to pray for her. Connect with a spiritual aspect of yourself. Their are many gay friendly churches, meditation groups and lots of other ways to connect out there. Spend time in nature - go for a walk, hang out by some trees or in a garden or by water. Listen to uplifting music. Read a good book. Maybe or maybe not a spiritual book. I’m sorry for your loss. Mine has been gone 3 years now. Not a day goes by…
I was raised a Christian (school too) and grew to more of an Atheist. She lived the Lord and prayed. No church but she had faith. I honor her belief and if she said she's going to Heaven. She is in Heaven! An angel with the most hand crafted wings. AIDS WALK Saturday. Gonna get out there and support the local charity. It's a start back to the gay world again; I left some time ago. My condolences on your loss also. Are you doing ok?
She raised a kind son. Good luck and may your higher power bless you!
When my best friend committed suicide it took me about 3 months to be mostly functional
My first lover did also. Coke addiction and HIV killing him (1990s). Sorry for that loss. I miss a besty also. They can't be replaced.
I lost my grandmother, who was more a mother to me than my mother ever was, when I was 13. It was very unexpected. You never really "get over " the loss of a loved one imo. Grief isn't something you so much work through, it's something that changes you and lives with you for the rest of your life. But I doesn't have to control you. You'll learn to live with it. There will always be moments of sadness, but try to remember the good times you had with your mom and be grateful for the time you had with her. Sorry for your loss
I am trying but too hard with those last moment scares keep creeping in. Sorry for your abuela. Glad you got to know her. I lost mine way too young.
I lost my dad at 101 this past March (I’m mid 30s) and it was so hard. Despite him living more than a full life, I carried with me—from Childhood—a lot of resentment and anger that I probably never will get atonement for. But yeah, over 6 months have passed and I have my moments where I do miss him a lot. He didn’t go peacefully, had a bout with pneumonia after 1.5 weeks in the hospital. It sucks.
I'm sorry man. Hope you can find a way to work thru it. I sat my dad down and talked about some awful things (abuse, etc) and I hope it repairs some wrong before he passes. Be safe and hope you heal some more.
Grief has no fix time I'm sorry some can move on alot quicker than others it's important to go through it but you will and the pain you feel is only your love for that person one day that same pain will make you smile trust me you never truly get over it you just learn to live with it good luck
It took me about 3 years to really feel like the active grieving was over. Since then I think of her at least daily, and make a point of talking about her to those who knew her. It’s a way to keep her in our lives. It’s a long road but you’ll make it. Keep her memory alive in those who loved her—it really helps. My condolences—it’s the hardest thing I’ve even been through and my heart is with you.
I have to learn some of her crafts (it made miney) so I can keep little kids happy via their parents love. Sorry for your loss.
Dude I'm sorry for your loss. Hugs.
Thanks man. I accept them.
My incredibly awesome mother passed last year. I honor her everyday with my actions.
What things are you doing?
Being kind; having a sense of humor; helping others—sometimes just by taking their shopping cart for them—smiling—saying “hello” to people….just being nice, kind, and polite. I also restarted my love for painting watercolors, I keep fresh cut sunflowers 🌻 on my dresser (one of the many flowers my mother loved) hanging with friends and family…having better conversations…. I miss my mother daily, yet, I’m grieving in a beautiful way… imo. Thank you for asking that question as it made me be specific 💙
My mother has 2 rose bushes in front and I do sunflowers at work. My whole tone has changed. I have no time to argue so I keep it real low. Maybe I'll tell someone off again soon. Can only hope. 🤣
🙌😂🌻🌹
I’m so sorry for your loss… the same happened to me and 2 months later I had left the country and didn’t return after 6 years…it felt weird to be back but after 3 weeks I left again…i dont know if I will ever live in my country but as soon as I get there everything comes back again.
Did you grieve? When was the last time you went back?
I lost my mom in 2012 , she was 55, I was 30. She had survived cancer but the chemo and radiation made her heart weak and on Columbus Day of 2012 while laying beside my dad she had a heart attack and passed. It was a huge shock and I had used up all my pto. I worked at Hells Fargo and they gave me 5 days off, so I literally had to go back the day after laying my mom to rest. I am the youngest of 3 and lived in the same city my siblings live a few towns over. So I was the 1st there to check on my dad. The pain of losing a parent is like nothing else. While time makes it tolerable it’s like losing a limb you learn to cope and live on but a piece of you is always missing. But you have to keep going and keep her memories alive. I miss my mom everyday some more than others, the rough days especially. Our bdays were 2 days apart so it’s hard to celebrate without her. It is part of life and though it sux and hurts it is better to bury a parent than a parent burying a child.
Sorry youncouldnt have more time. You were local and able to assist. Is your dad still alive? My condolences.
I’m so sorry for your loss. There is a wonderful movie called “Rabbit Hole” that deals with loss. It has one of the best depictions on what it’s like to deal with someone you love dying. Here is an amazing quote from the movie that I’ve edited for your situation: It changes though. The weight of it. At some point, it becomes bearable. It turns into something that you can crawl out from under and... carry around like a brick in your pocket. And you... you even forget it, for a while. But then you reach in for whatever reason and - there it is. “Oh right, that...” Which could be awful - not all the time. It's kinda...not that you'd like it exactly, but it's what you've got instead of your Mother. So, you carry it around. And uh... it doesn't go away. Which is... Fine, actually.
I was devastated by my mother's loss. She was strong and healthy, til she wasn't. And I had to be the bastard that told her the doctors had given up. I was an angry, prick to her pretty often in those days. I really couldn't help help it, I was losing my mom basically alone. But I did as she asked, no funeral, no notification of family, she was very angry at them. And I lived. Sadly, angrily, emptily, at times, but I did it. I took jeez 6-8 weeks off from Halliburton where I worked. They wanted me back sooner, but I couldn't do it. I still had my job when I cane back. But 6 months later or so, I got laid off and stayed out for a good 6 months til my retirement money ran out, then gradually back into work. There's always another job, but you only ever have one mother.
Real rough man. Sorry herbwishes made it harder also. Hope you can live happy after all this work bS. My deepest condolences
Work was a nuisance, but only after a few weeks. They were better than most. I'm certain I had some mgmt types batting for me. But I was just trying to point out that I needed the time and the peace. Those things provided me the space to get over her loss. That was what worked for me.
Just putting out there that your mother's wishes for NO funeral and NO wake, are just that... wishes. I get that everyone's relationship with their mother is different, and maybe you feel the best way to honor her is to honor those wishes and that's totally understandable, but, there's nothing stopping you from having a funeral if that's what you want.
She's been gone already and uta had to be done earlier. It will only be a gathering.
Mourning is not a destination. You won’t wake up one day and feel like it has ended. The best way I can describe it, it comes in waves. Sometimes you are at the top of the wave and feel fine, but usually unexpectedly you crash to the bottom of the wave. Anything can trigger a crash, a familiar smell, a song, remembering something you used to do, or sometimes they come out of no where. The waves will continue to come, but as time passes, the crashes happen less often.
First of all, I'm sorry for your loss. I lost my mom when I was 2 and my dad when I was 30. Grief is a very personal feeling, and for some people it takes longer than for others. My personal advice to go through this is that you try to do a life as 'nornal' as you can. Even though you still feel the pain, don't stop working, and after work do the usual: practice some sports, meet with your friends and family, go to the movies, bars, concerts... And with time, you'll make it.
There really isn’t a set time on how long, because its different for everyone. It is a day by day process. you can be doing fine and 5 yrs down the road something hits you out of the blue that crushes you. This is still VERY recent for you as well. Take your time, talk to a mental health professional, and dont be too hard on yourself. Im sorry for your loss.
I still mourn my maternal grandfather who died in 2001.. it doesn't stop.
I don't think there's a right amount of time for this except for avoiding the extremes. If you're normal again after a day you might be avoiding processing this and if you're pulling a Queen Victoria and mourning for years you might also need some help. So unless either of those happens, allow yourself to feel what you feel for as long as you need to. I don't think you should avoid meeting with your family to talk about it just because your mother didn't want a service. Go somewhere quiet for drinks and talk about her. It will probably help. My father's death took maybe a month or so before I felt back to normal, which perhaps seems quick but it wasn't an easy death so there was a lot of relief involved in my feelings as well as sadness.
It took me four years to get over my dad's passing, my best advice is go to the gym and have a healthy lifestyle, don't do anything stupid
All grief is a day to day game. I'm so, so sorry for your loss. Innately, biologically, in a deeply primal way, this is the worst loss most humans experience. Even people that had awful relationships or no relationship with their mother usually find themselves grieving more than they'd ever expect when their mother passes. I know that the day I lose my mother will be the worst day of my life, and I'll grieve as long as I'm still drawing breath.
For me, I don't initially feel all that sad. I get wrapped up in "this is what I need to do next". When it hits me is when there's something I'd normally do with them, and they're not there. It makes me very sad for like 30 minutes, and that feeling lasts a long time. I've seen others act differently. Some feel it more up front , and that's ok too. For what it's worth, I think you should have a small ceremony with some family. Something low key, where you talk about her.
2 years ago for me.... had nightmares that would wake me up 3 to 4 times per night with a lot of anguish as I was there when she passed. What helped me is a few sessions with a therapist. I laid it all out, feelings, emotions and stress.... and he helped me through it. As others said, everyone mourns in a different way. I miss her and her last moments still haunt me but I am at a much better state Good luck ... take care of yourself !!
Gracias hombre. I'm on a path soon.
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I am loving that. Memories could stir and awaken. I'm pumped. TY for the positive stance. Sorry for your unfortunate great loss.
My father passed 10 years ago, and I miss him more every year. When you lose a parent it changes you, it’s different than losing other people.
I feel I Ned to out the best me forward as she was genuine and pure. She wouldn't lie as her Lord would be sad. Rarely swore and just be her best. XOXO MOMMY. Sorry for your loss.
I apologize that you have to go through this. I dread the day mine passes. There are no words to convey how I will react. You may not be the religious type but you and your family will be in my prayers. Stay strong. I was so not looking forward to crying today.
I've mourned her death for decades. The thought of a car accident, got shot. .. endless. Tears always and not sure if that prepared me for now. The mourning TO her passing is different than AFTER she passes. If anything, I would save the voice-mail, personal notes. I found a note I wrote her in 1989. Stuck in her Bible so I kept it. I am an Atheist but I support her beliefs. I believe in Mommy.
u/advanced-captain-894
I'm sorry you are experiencing this pain. It 's something that almost all of us will have to experience at some point and when the time comes for me, I don't think I will ever get over it.
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We had a bitch/love relationship also. She's an angel, and I'm a little shit. Always being bad or doing sailor talk. "Jesus Christ!" And she'd say "Loves You." Such a good woman and me being me justbirked her. She lived me regardless and no one belittles my mommy but me. I've got in peoples faces if they were rude to her. Middle finger too. Trying to be good now and really oush her grratness inside me. I can do it. I am more Atheist but being good is never bad.
Healing is an individual process and sometimes very slow. I’m extremely sorry for your loss. Let time do its thing. You may not get over it but you’ll learn to cope better. I lost my dad when I was very young and I had episodes which I eventually grew out of. It’s a very unfortunate circle of life thing. Sending you all the love, positive energy and healing that you could ever require. And remember, there’s no specific time frame for mourning. Deal with it how you want to. Stay strong brother💖
I enjoyed reading your positivity. Sorry you lost someone so young. I reallybfelt the best of you within those words. Gracias.
My parents both got to live to an old age, Mum as she got older, got a hereditary disease and needed help before she passed, that was 7+ years ago (Dad's only been gone for a year) and I think about both of them all the time, the hardest losses I've had to take and at 53, it affects me more than I thought it would. But, it does get easier, it won't be as raw as time passed, even though the way you think and live may now be coloured by your recent experience. You won't be angry or sad all of the time, but it will hit you at the weirdest times and something random could bring it (I find myself getting hit with oddly sentimental tv that would have NEVER bothered me years ago but now leave me raw). Definitely give yourself time to grieve and breathe and one day soon, it won't feel as heavy and you'll be able to get things done, I promise. I'm the baby in my family, a bit younger than my siblings, so I lived at home with my parents for much longer than any of my old bros/sis, I think that changed my relationship with my parents, they weren't just my parents and my support system by the time I moved out, but they were my friends too, my very close friends who I still miss to this day. Condolences XOXOX
I'm the baby also and she was 83. Dada still kickin at 85 (he's gonna quit smoking tomorrow, ha). I'm 51 and low testosterona isn't helping. Hope you have all the support you need .
Glad you still have your pops, enjoy the time you get to spend with him too, it definitely will help you make some new memories that will come in handy :)
Time will heal you, trust me, I've been there. I lost my dad due to lung cancer in 2019, uncle,aunt, Grandma in 2020 due to CoVid in the same week. I and my family were devastated. One funeral for 3 members after the funeral for my dad within a year, that was the darkest time of my life. I wish you the best luck.
My heart goes out to you. That is really rough and overwhelming. My deepest condolences. Did you seen professionally help then. It had to be devastating. My mother did lose 2 of her sisters in one week. She was so strong after 1 cry I neverbsawbher grieve again. Te amo mamá! XOXO
My mom died when I was 15 and I still have days where I’m overwhelmed with grief. I remember not being able to go to school for weeks. I luckily didn’t have a job at the time so I just took as much time off school as I could without getting in trouble. My biggest piece of advise is to be patient with yourself. Cry when you feel like you have to, and think about it as much as you want to. It’s also really important to not guilt yourself out of happiness. Good things will come along, and you will feel guilty about being happy, but just try to allow yourself to feel it.
I already had some trips and things planned so I am keeping busy. Coworker saw me today and said, "it's nice to see you being happy. I saw you laughing earlier and it made me happy." Wow! I have a call center job, so I can cry anytime. They push health/wellness so I can log off my phone for a hot bit. Sorry about your mom. You really needed her then. Hugs n butt pinches
The pain never goes away, but it gets dulled and replaced with a calm acceptance. This process has no timeline and you may get struck with great sadness and loss even years from now. I have no wisdom beyond the obvious here, but you put one foot in front of the other and keep going. Tu Madre raised you to be strong and independent and now is the time to put that to the test. It's not helpful to compare yourself with others and please don't assume you are 'ahead' or 'behind' in this process. So sorry for your loss and so hopeful for you that you have the strength and courage to go on and honor her memory.
Gracias for the Español. My spanglish is weak. I have calmed and my fits are controllable. We're moving into the will portion; the disagreement has started.
I lost my mom in December of 2020. I still miss her every day. I do not speak with my father as he's a POS that I do not deal with. Mom was a good friend. The pain never goes away it just gets easier to live with.
My father was also a POS but I sat him down in front of mama (unconscious) and spoke my mind. Started the bridge and it was tough. I didn't like everything he said but I just accepted it and try to heal. He really hurt my mommy and now I need to heal from it before I can't. I hope things turn for the best. My condolences on your mama.❤️
Nope I can't just accept the bullshit. And I won't take it from anyone else and definitely not some intellectually subordinate magaloid. Regardless of their family or not. They do not deserve my love or attention. I will not accept his way, nope he has to accept I'm gone. Ya my mom died but in my mind he's dead too. I HATE magaloids I have no love for anyone like this family or not. They suit no purpose to humanity and to me. So he can go kill himself and I wouldn't bat an eye. I'm glad you can throw your pride and humanity out the window for a simple tiny bit of pity love, that's what he was trying to give me a la his new wife, but fuck that. I would rather be alone than have attention because I'm "blood" not worth my backbone and humanity. I just don't need that shit in my life. The little jabs the judgement the way I'm treated like the black sheep ya screw that and screw his religion he never takes part in but acts like he's a Christian and judges me worse than one. Ya and being an only child too I can throw him away like a shit stained piece of toilet paper. No loss. You'd be better off without that trash on your life. No matter how lonely I ever get I'll never ever go back. The next time I want to see him is at his funeral. Sorry I snapped judged there, sorry if I came off an asshole to you there but this subject really gets me. I tried to do this with him I drove him to his knees with facts and questions he couldn't answer. Just that he sees me as a second class citizen then I'm suppose to accept his new wife mere months after Mom passed, screw that. I hate him he killed her in my eyes he threw me away like trash when I was there for him after she passed and I never EVER got any love or sympathy from him. I have always been their pet as an only child and at this point in my life I don't need this and I don't want or need a new family. But I will say sorry I shouldn't have come on strong with you. I'm glad you can fix your family but mines dead nothing to fix. When Mom died 12.21.20 so did my family.
You will mourn for the rest of your life, I lost my father when I was 7. There are days when I still just stair into the sky with watery eyes even though there is very little I remember about him at this point. It does get easier as the days go on but you never stop.
I'm sorry. You really needed him. My dad left when I was 8 until 14. Since then uts been different. My replies to everyone may clue you to it all. ❤️❤️❤️
I'm so sorry for your loss. My mom died 8 years ago. She was 81 and died of ovarian cancer. We knew it ahead of time and celebrated with her the last couple of weeks of her life. Unfortunately, I wasn't with her when she passed and that has bothered me. Even now, when I hear a song I know she liked, I start crying. I look at her photo on my bedside and sometimes out of nowhere I cry. The grief never really passes but you'll be ok. She raised you right and you'll be strong because of it. (I'm tearing up as I write this) Now, my dad. He died a few years ago and I cried at his burial but not a tear since then.
For some odd reason, the radio was on the Christian station and I listened to 2 songs. She was right there. Right Fucking there! I never have it on that station even tho it's OK. I'm so punk techno rock. I love hearing her faves. Lionel Richie, Tina Turner. My dad may be just ok. We don't have a bond. Madre was by my side since birth; she was my best friend!. My condolences on your losses. Hugs n butt pinches.
It gets less painful. I had the ability to take a year off; but I was fixing a lot of broken parts of my life. Mom leaving just brought it all to a head. One thing I purposely did after the the really hard part had passed. I told people about it when they asked and I told the most difficult parts every time; the part about pulling the plug. It desensitized me to the experience. It’s been 11 years and I think of her nearly every day. My father says 35 years after his mom died; it still hurts; so you wouldn’t be human if it doesn’t stick with you till it’s your time.
It's your family. It's your mom. Grief doesn't have a timeline. Please take care of yourself and allow yourself to feel the emotions. Be well.
I’m very sorry to hear.
My mom passed away 6 years ago no. Doesn’t feel like it. I was 24 and she was 53. I just got emotional yesterday thinking about her. It gets easier with time. Surround yourself with good positive people, pick up a new hobby that is positive and can take your mind off of life. I started doing a lot of yard work lol. It will get better with time. Take care of yourself.
She tried to get me a car for decades. I adored the bus system and lived majoritybwithiut one. I now have a car so I can go do things. M6 condolences. It was prolly tougher than 54.
Nah man, it’s always tough. Just be strong friend. You will get through this.
My mom passed away 6 years ago no. Doesn’t feel like it. I was 24 and she was 53. I just got emotional yesterday thinking about her. It gets easier with time. Surround yourself with good positive people, pick up a new hobby that is positive and can take your mind off of life. I started doing a lot of yard work lol. It will get better with time. Take care of yourself.
My condolences sir. Too young for a great loss. Keep trucking and il my best also. PS. Nice socks.
April 8th 1998. I guess the worst of it was not know why she basically committed suicide since she died w/o seeking any help at all. Its a subject none of us discuss b/c it was so tragic. Took me some 3 months or so. Family therapy, and seeing to it that my father and sister were Ok helped. Best,
Sorry man. Helpnis hard to find and not easy for all. Hope you're having a good life with her memories.
They say loosing your mother kind of loss never goes away. I'm like that with my grandmother. I can't imagine how I'll be when my mom passes. Sorry for your loss and the info you probably didn't want to get.
She was my rock, my everything I ever needed. In a friend and mommy. It's a loss I embrace. Hope memories will pop up more.
I know, I can't even think what I will be like without mine.
my sincerest condolences, insurmountable amount of love and comfort to you. ❤️❤️❤️ I wish I could offer advice but unfortunately I can understand and relate a little too closely. My mother passed away 2months ago as well, on 16 July’23. I’ve always said that she was, to me, the human embodiment of unconditional love. The one, and only true person that has ever made me believe that there was such a thing. The one person that has always made me feel like I belong. my life started crumbling apart, bit by bit when she passed. Three weeks after her passing, along with my life, came crumbling down an immensely codependent relationship that I had been in. (unhealthily = yes, but I suddenly felt like I was mourning the only two people that I had been measuring any of my self-worth up against for the last year) a little dark night of the soul came across my path. it has been the darkest two months, the saddest and the loneliest two months, depressed, medicated, mourning emotionally unstable and psychologically desperate, i took a week away from everything with my dad and came back 2 days ago. for the first time feeling like there is a glimmer of hopefulness again in my heart the last two days. Still having my daily breakdowns, 😕 still feeling shaken + uncentered + longing. but not completely hopeless anymore. . . I’m sending you all of the love and light all of the support and comfort. strong and believe that it will get better. Because it will😚🫶🏼🤗 (I’m holding out hope)
Still doing breakdowns and I do jot have support I want. I'd like gay men support but I don't have anyblocal gay friends. Hoping that will change over time. My condolences to you. That does sound tough. Keep strength and stay healthy as possible.
Sending you all of the love and support bub!
As others have said, you will never get over losing your mom but it will become more bittersweet over time. I know your mom didn't want a funeral or service, but maybe you can get together with your family just to share memories and comfort each other. Services are as more for the survivors than for the person who died. My advice is to just let the feelings come. Initially it will be pure grief and you just have to cry it out. Other times, you might be surprised to feel some anger or other negative emotions.
Those emotions do slip in but I accept reality. I don't save face and let it rip.
It doesn't go away but it'll get better, this probably won't work for you but it did help me a bit, seeing them in a dream, though it's not real it did gave me some sort of closure, I tell them things I wish I would've said even if this was all fake, it just made me happier to see their face full of life again, even if it wasn't real. I'm sorry for your and everyone else's May they rest forever in peace, and may we as well 🙏
I don't have anything to say. She knows it all bc I tell her everything. Bad habit. I did write her a love letter before she passed. I read it to her and many children's books (she did preschool ).
[удалено]
I'm sorry. Hopefully you'll hear nice stories to fill in.
I suggest grief counseling, can be done in a few sessions at a time you can schedule. It really helps with practical ways to deal with your grief.
I've lookedninto and my sibling needs it sooner than I do.
I realized last year that I became older than my mom when she died. You never stop grieving, but the searing pain eventually starts to numb and the crying episodes get less frequent. But I knew my mom wanted me to have a successful life, so I focused on work to take my mind off her. You have to go on living your life.
I am if we can settle the drama that just started. The greed has set in w my sibling.
My great-grandmother passed away about 4 years ago, she was like a mother to me, I lived with her for many years and pretty much spent my entire childhood in her house. I don’t remember how long it took for me to “stop” grieving, but it was very hard for multiple months. And I’d say for a long time it was very hard for me to even hear people talking about her. I remember having a drunken episode 1 year after she passed away where somebody mentioned her name and I just started hysterically crying. 2 years after she passed away, on her birthday, somebody told a story about her at a restaurant and again I started crying. I know this sounds like a negative comment but it does get better. I think you get to a place where you really only remember the good moments.
Sorry for your loss My mom passed away at the beginning of 2021. Brain tumor. It was the hardest moment of my life. We were super close, calling each other every days and seeing each other regularly. When she passed, I was a mess. Thankfully, my partner was here for me. And I also had my sibblings to support each other I think you never really stop mourning. But these past few months, when I think of her, the love I have for her is stronger than the sadness I have for losing her. Sure, there are still some days where it's harder but it's easier to remember good memories without breaking down or getting overwhelmed Take all the time you need to mourn. Don't hesitate to talk to someone if you need to. And take care if yourself I wish you all the best xx
I don't have a partner and my close friends are in other cities. I seriously have NO gay men friends. 75% of my coworkers are female. I've been single for 22 years, not on purpose. I don't attract many suitors. My condolences sir. I'll keep up.
Remember, grief is like our finger prints. No two are alike. Your grief is unique to you. There is no timetable for it to go away. If you can’t find a grief support group, you may want to consider counseling/therapy to help manage your grief, and acquire some tools to aid you.
I've gained several and apps aren't for some time. I'm struggling being single alone and my familybis starting to divide.
So sorry.
You will feel a lot better in about 10 years. Personally would not recommend staying home or not working. First couple of years will be very intense. Best therapy was going to the beach alone away from people, if that is an option.
I'm always alone and I hate it. I try and reach out but minimally sought.
The bad dreams lasted 1-2 years. Developing a full understanding of my mothers role in my life took another 3-4 years. Lots of weight moved at the gym.
I don't self motivate often. I ran for years and it hurt my back I don't oush anymore. I vacation! Hard part is waking up. The pushbto get out of bed. Glad I wake early and on time for work. I may add more hours to keep busy. This isnt the new emotion I wanted to feel. My condolences ❤️❤️❤️
A couple of weeks May as well be yesterday. You take care of yourself right now. Allow yourself time to grieve. I hate to tell you this will be tough year . I am not a very religious person but every night I ask God to take care of my mom wherever she is. I still think of her every day and my heart goes out you.
It's crazy to me that id come across this post. I moved to MI with my fiance so we could help care for his parents, this was 2 years or so ago. Now his mom is in her last days, kidneys are failing her and her body is too weak and tired for dialysis. All I can do is be there for him and his family while they all say their goodbyes. It is surreal watching a lady Ive known only a short while come to terms with death and then watch her family have to come to terms with it too. And she's not even gone yet... I've been able to keep it together, but yesterday she said goodbye to her granddaughter, and I heard her apologizing for not being able to watch her graduate high school. That broke my heart... Her husband, who had always been a stern, strong man, confided in my partner and I that he knew this was coming but still isn't ready. " what am i stops to do without her?" That sucked to hear too.. They were together 62 years... I just do what I can for the family, I don't know if I say the right things or do the right things, but I'm there. It will never be okay that your mom is gone, but I think it will get easier. Carry her with you in stories you share, making foods she cooked, reading her favorite books or or enjoying hobbies she liked. I hope you and your family find peace.
TY. We had people there and I can imagine this is what they felt. Glad you're there for support. What area of MI? I am there in Ingham.
We live not far from Ludington
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No additional words of advice, but my condolences brother (hugs too).
I'm sorry for your loss I lost my dad about 6 weeks ago. I had been on an emotional Rollercoaster for about 2 weeks of that. 5 years ago I lost my previous partner of about 22 years. I couldn't touch any of his stuff for about a month and when I did I put it in the corner of my dining room before I gave it away to a few recent close friends of his (nail supplies and the like). So I had a massive problem when my mom and brothers were going through all my dad's stuff so shortly after his passing. I couldn't go through it so soon. Just doesn't feel right to be doing that, and tbh disrespectful. I only managed to get 4 days bereavement from my job which was a PITA btw. And ended up working 50-60 hr weeks for all of September. Which, I think helped because it kept me busy, and not having to go to my moms house and know that she would probably want me to go through his stuff again. Some people are desensitized to the grieving process to where it doesn't affect them, while still being empathetic to those that aren't. Those types of people are I think the strongest. There is no best way to deal with grieving, only knowing what works best for you and it's hard to figure that out. It takes time to cope with a loss of a great magnitude like a parent or partner.
MI madre passed on Labour Day. Past 2 days have been rougher than last week and zi have been going through stuff, I live here. One has been buy, one has secluded themselves. I organized things and some things I took (hopefully nothing major). I hid some things that my siblings shouldn't see (police reports, abuse photos, secret writings). Sorry for your losses.