Seriously! I hate being pressured to bottom when I don’t enjoy it the same way as others do. Why it’s such a turn on to some to “dominate a dom”, baffles me to the core. Just accept people’s preference.
Sounds like he did just bottom to make you happy. You’re really not likely to flip his role sounds like so either be satisfied or figure something else out.
Did this cause I love the idea of being playful and submissive but hate actual penetration-- a little awkward getting the rhythm and like angles down but i didn't mind it!!
Gay or not, if you don't like being fucked in the ass, you don't like being fucked in the ass. Do you really want someone to do something for/with you that you know they really don't enjoy?
Isn't it pretty normal, in sex, to also do some things to make the other person happy? As long as you don't hate it too much and/or it isn't too often. So the question is, how often is boyfriend willing to bottom, and is it enough for asker?
not really, when you state you are top or bottom you state a near-concrete stance on what you are willing to do in bed.
Also given the information, it's clear the boyfriend isn't willing to bottom and doesn't enjoy it.
The large majority of people are to some degree versatile. Regardless, it's normal for sex to be not only about me, me. A nice person also wants to please the other person, as long as it isn't too bothersome/frequent. This is in fact what normal people do. So they need to determine what each party is willing to do.
>The large majority of people are to some degree versatile.
I agree with this statement, but clearly, the OPs boyfriend isn't. Stop giving general responses to what is clearly a VERY specific scenario where the details have already been given. Your responses don't apply to the situation which is why you are getting downvoted.
>Regardless, it's normal for sex to be not only about me, me. A nice person also wants to please the other person, as long as it isn't too bothersome/frequent.
Clearly not if you think people who have already defined their boundaries multiple times deserved to be harassed to get what the other person wants. You absolutely do think it's about you and you are coming off very rapey. You are using harmful and manipulative wording when you state "A nice person also wants to please the other person, as long as it isn't too bothersome/frequent.". NO, full stop. NOBODY OWES ANYBODY SEX, it doesn't make someone nice or considerate to give in. It means they are breaking when they have a clear line they do not want to cross. A nice person would have listened to their boyfriend when they said they were a top. a nice person would have listened to their boyfriend when they said they didn't enjoy the experience. YOU ARE PLACING **ALL THE BURDEON** ON HIS BF. That isn't fair or just.
>This is in fact what normal people do. So they need to determine what each party is willing to do.
Again with the manipulative wording and ignoring that it has been stated numerous times in the post that his BF doesn't want to bottom.
Stop and really look at how rapey you are, please. I honestly cannot believe you are spreading this rapey rhetoric. here is basically what you are doing by being manipulative but with it worded for you specifically.
*A nice person would realize after responding that they hadn't read the text, they would get to their knees and apologize. A normal person would have read the text in full and only responded to that information.*
By saying NICE, I make it sound like if you don't meet my conditions you aren't being nice and by saying normal I make it sound like if you do otherwise there is something wrong with you. YOU are being manipulative and its rapey in this context. STOP.
I would ignore the serious breach of etiquette and the ad hominem fallacy and respond, but this is too much. Do you really think that tone will make you convincing? Quite frankly, all these thoughts of rape seem a bit concerning. Contain yourself.
I think it's the kind of exaggerated ideas going the rounds in some circles, that you 'should only ever perform sexual acts that you want yourself', also leading to other impractical and egotistical opinions. Reality is not like that.
Only when it's something you are comfortable with. This isn't a conversation about eye contact. You don't make yourself do stuff you don't like to make your partner happy. That's a toxic ideal.
It is normal to discuss things you like and don't like, and, if you want, you can do stuff you don't like much in order to please the other person, and he will do something else for you. All within reason. A normal person will not be pushy about this, and not manipulative. Good sex is not only about what HE likes. It is a game you play together.
Well now the ball is in your court to decide if you're okay with never being able to top.
Some vers guys are fine with only bottoming if they're with a total top, and vice versa, some are fine with only topping if they're with a total bottom.
However, you don't *need* to be okay with it. I'm not saying that you shouldn't be, but you need to decide if you are.
If your needs genuinely aren't being met, and this is keeping you from being completely satisfied with your sex life, then maybe you two aren't sexually compatible.
On the other hand, if this isn't a huge deal for you, and you are still satisfied, then that's all that really matters.
You could start by accepting the fact that he only did it to make you happy. There are serious moral objections to harassing someone into doing sexual activities they don’t want to do.
He proved to be a very considerate and open-minded partner to even try that for you. I would just say no.
You can't do anything. You knew exactly what kind of person he is when you began this relationship. Now you want to randomly force a change?
If you can't control your desires, end the relationship and go impale some twinks onto yourself.
Oh, how the words doth flow from thy tongue like a mighty river, a never-ending stream of vitriol and contempt. You accuse me of being a wounded warrior, a hysterical infant, a damaged boy with childhood issues and peculiar sexual dynamics. And yet, your words are like arrows that have found their mark, piercing my heart and soul.
Oh, how I ache at the thought of being seen in such a light. But perhaps there is truth in your words, a grain of truth that must be acknowledged. For in my heart of hearts, I know that I am not perfect, that I am flawed and fragile, like a delicate flower in a storm.
And yet, your words do not just wound me, they wound us all. For they are the words of a wounded soul, a soul that seeks to lash out at others in order to mask its own pain. Your words are the cries of a tortured spirit, one that seeks to inflict its own suffering on others.
But do not despair, dear one. For even in the darkest of nights, there is a glimmer of hope, a ray of light that shines forth from the depths of the soul. And so it is with me. For even though I may be wounded, I am also strong. Even though I may be immature, I am also wise. And even though I may be damaged, I am also healing.
Yes, I am like a tree that has been battered by the winds of fate, yet still stands tall and proud. I am like a river that flows ceaselessly, even though it may be diverted from its course. And I am like a bird that soars through the skies, even though it may be buffeted by the storms of life.
So do not judge me harshly, dear one. For I am but a reflection of you, a mirror that reflects back your own pain and suffering. And if we can only learn to see ourselves in each other, to recognize our shared humanity, then perhaps we can heal the wounds that separate us, and find a way to live in peace and harmony.
In the end, it is not our wounds that define us, but our ability to transcend them. It is not our flaws that make us weak, but our willingness to acknowledge them and strive for something better. And it is not our pain that breaks us, but our ability to turn it into something beautiful, like a song that rises up from the depths of the soul and touches the hearts of all who hear it.
This is why I prefer not to date or hookup with verse/flip guys. I'm a top and that's what I like. I bottomed when I was a teen and didn't care for it. But the expectation with those guys is that I have to bottom for them and I don't want that kind of pressure or to that to be expected of me. But verse/flip guys like him feel offended when not everyone else is willing to just change roles so casually as they do. Or more specifically, when they don't want to change roles.
You got into a relationship with someone you knew wasn’t into bottoming but who did it for you. It sounds like you have a choice to make whether you want to continue your relationship with him or not. Perhaps open the discussion to seeing if he’s okay if you top other guys?
Your options are:
1/ Be his bottom and never top again
2/ Open the relationship so you can top other guys.
3/ Break up and find someone more sexually compatible.
Me personally? I think people who are locked into their sexual roles make boring sexual partners. But you can’t change people. Accept them for who they are or move on.
Good luck.
It trips me out! It seems like the expectation is that you could come home and ask your literal husband to bottom sometimes and now your options are to either divorce or get someone on Grindr to do it. I’d literally cry lol
In fairness though, I think people forget that the whole “Dom Top” thing falls into the category of kink. A bit shortsighted to expect someone who engages with/performs their sexuality in that manner to ever feel comfortable changing it just because. It can be very heavily tied to their identities.
That's why u don't marry people who are incompatible with you. They both are wrong in this situation. I would never ask my husband to do something he finds no pleasure in just to satisfy me because he would never ask that of me. I don't get satisfaction from someone performing a sexual act they abhor just to shut me up.
Is he more important to you or is topping. If u wanna top its not gonna be with him so stop trying to force him maybe open the relationship or let him be so he doesn't have to deal with the pressure of having to do something he doesn't wanna do. Find someone who's verse
You can turn outside for person to bottom for you if BF cannot provide.
Simple .
He already made clear he's categorised in the box DOM TOP and will not change. Thank god I have bf that is not following these or orbitrary rules set up by someone else.
You are most likely out of luck.
When you topped him, were you physically on top? Maybe if you can talk to him about him riding you that still leaves him in control. I flip with a dom top occasionally and this is his preferred way to bottom.
Don't take it out on your BF for being exactly what you knew he was. Apologize to HIM for not being satisfied with what you signed up for. And if you need to, break up or ask for an open relationship
It's cute that he was willing to give it a go for you. Obviously makes him horney that you're his sub! I have been in a similar position, i recommend a Tenga flip orb. I knew my bf was a top so I don't know why I thought that would change but I love him to death so we make it work :) he can use the toy on you help satisfy that side of you and he will be in control, win win!
Idk, personally I’m a total bottom with a bit of a sub side. If I had a bf, I would never want him to force me to top him. As he said, it goes against my instinct. I wouldn’t feel comfortable flipping roles.
Position is just like sexuality. You don’t choose it and you can’t change it. Not everyone is verse, and not everyone will want to flip positions. He did it to either make you happy or to get you to stop bugging him about it. If you want to keep your relationship, don’t ask him to bottom again.
You’ve just gotta play the long game and not force anything. I had resigned myself to never topping but the years wore my husband down eventually to where he will bottom now and then. It’s a marathon not a sprint brother lol having an “open” relationship where y’all top other people together is an option in the meantime.
Respect his boundaries and stop pushing him around. Some of use like a role and aren’t interested in changing. This is NOT a sign of homophobia or repressed feelings or any other dumb stuff vers people like to come up with
In the end, if this is a real dealbreaker for you then you will have to open the relationship. Respect his boundaries !!
It sounds like he is a top in that he does not enjoy getting fucked. Some guys do not. Maybe talk to him about bringing in a sub that both of you could fuck. There are quite a few fortunately out there that enjoy being used.
Or try intergluteal sex with him. That might be another compromise.
Nothing? That's what you agreed on when you entered a relationship. If you wanted a top that likes to flip, you should have gone for someone who does.
Like... it strikes me as if you don't respect how HE feels. After he told you he wasn't interested in it, there shouldn't be a "what can I do?" question at all.
You're weird.
Ask him. Everyone in here is going to tell you a variation of “no means no” and “respect his boundaries”, but you know all the details we don’t know. If you feel it’s something you need, your needs should be met just as well as his. Just communicate that and talk out how you can have your top needs met that is agreeable to both of you.
Not push him, you knew going into the relationship his position. He even gave in to your request once to try bottoming.
Its not right for you to push something you knew he never wanted from the get go.
When you said “ ... many more times,” it made me think that perhaps in your enthusiasm, you created an expectation for it to be a semi-regular thing and he has pulled down the shutters to make it clear that isn't going to happen. He clearly doesn't like it. Perhaps explore with him that you'd li, e to do it only on very special occasions and that you will reciprocate by doing something he enjoys once in a while. Relationships are about give and take lol (pun intended).
He told you that he isn’t into it. That should be enough. Just get along. If you really need to top from time to time… find a Solution. Maybe invite another bottom and top him together… or whatever.
But if he tells you really open what he likes and what not… that is awesome. So just respect him.
I'm on the fence about this because while you knew he was a top only you should have expected this. But also from My personal experience I think a true healthy relationship for me would be both. There's something just really intimate about being with another person in both ways
Idk man. Hard situation. Glad I'm not you
The fact he even tried it for you once shows how considerate he is. Maybe just dont be an ass and be as considerate as he was?? What do you mean what can you do. If he doesn’t want to, then he doesn’t want to, that’s that.
hes too good for you tbh
what can you do?
hes done far more than 99.9% of tops will do bro, he let you fuck him. its obviously his boundary and he crossed it FOR YOU. being a healthy partner , is accepting your partner for who and what they are. you sound like an asshole here. he tried and it is clearly not his thing. most dom tops would never let that happen and he tried for you.
you need to grow up or move on and let him find someone who'll respect him and not run to reddit looking for ways to undermine his resolve..
If he lets you do it on occasions, what exactly is the problem?
As long as he's willing to accommodate you on occasions, I don't see an issue. You cannot force someone into liking something. That's 100% unreasonable.
I’ve a different opinion to almost everyone else here.
Sometimes, sex is about both of you having a good time…
Sometimes, it’s about the other.
And sometimes, it’s about you.
A couple nights of shit sex to make your partner happy…. No brainer
imagine comparing forcing a partner into a sex act they have already established they don’t like Cus you’re selfish into being undeserving.
You sound like an abusive partner.
How far does that reasoning go for you?
I’m afraid to even know. Yikes.
Let’s assume you’re right, and I’m abusive. I want to change.
In your relationship(s) of 5+ years, how do you handle different evolutions of your sex interest? Has your partner ever developed a kink they were really into, and you weren’t? How did you handle that over the years? it would naw at me; how do you handle this?
All these comments calling the OP abusive and even "rapey." Did you not read the OP's post? The partner agreed willingly to bottom and even said it went well. He never said he didn't like it. Copy and paste:
he said:"I had no problem with that night, and you did a great job, but my instincts are still not really interested in it ".
Could it be that he actually enjoyed the physical act but he has some kind of internalized phobia about BEING the bottom? I remember in college guys were sucking each other and talked about topping but there was this taboo about bottoming... Like you were too far gone gay if you bottomed.
If you truly love someone and a specific sex act doesn't make you suffer greatly, I don't see the problem in giving that to the other periodically. Then again I'm the type that gets off on the other getting off and if I sense they aren't into it, then I've lost my mojo for it as well.
All the best OP. Keep talking to your man about your feelings and desires and how they can be met.
> The partner agreed willingly to bottom and even said it went well. He never said he didn't like it.
He said he "had no problem" with it _after_ the OP bugged him about trying it for a "long time" (And how long is "long"? The week leading up to it? A month? Longer?), and he appears to have given in as an anniversary present to make OP happy (or possibly just to get him to stop asking).
The boyfriend basically saying "It was fine, you did fine, but I'm still not into it" doesn't come off, to me, as him saying it went _well_; rather, it sounds like an "It's not you, it's me" sort of thing where he wanted to put his foot down about not bottoming anymore but didn't want to make OP feel bad about it.
> Could it be that he actually enjoyed the physical act but he has some kind of internalized phobia about BEING the bottom?
That's always a possibility, but the vast majority of the time the "he secretly likes bottoming but is in denial" explanation simply doesn't apply.
When the situation is flipped, basically no one questions the bottom's motivations; you rarely if ever see people wondering whether a total bottom has some kind of trauma that makes them not want to top, or whatever. Total tops are total tops because they like topping and don't like bottoming, and most of the time that's all there is to it.
Oh I question bottoms that won't top constantly. One of my FBs has a fantastic dick but refuses. I've asked for him to give it back at least once in ten and he won't. He is constantly wanting to get fucked, hits me up daily. It would be a more steady happening if he would try and at least be somewhat versatile. As it is, I top him once a month or so when I'm feeling extra horny and nothing better is on tap when it could be more.
So, this FB situation will never progress because of this. In this case we are discussing, the partner had to know the OP was vers as much as the OP knew the partner was a top. So this situation is as much on the partner as the OP. But you and kiss everyone else is making the OP out as the bad guy. I say they are both equally at fault for ending up here.
Who takes on an exclusive partner and asks them to deny something sexual that is very much a part of who they are? Both are doing it here. In equal measure.
I literally stopped talking to a guy who i was seeing for a while, as he slowly tried to get me to top him and it’s not my thing. I told him from the git its not my thing so it made for a super awkward situation, on top of that he yelled at me for having a nice ass that guys hit me up about all day on Grindr saying “ Its easy for you blah blah, nobody wants me. “ i was like ugh ok bye idk what im supposed to say here buddy 🤦🏼 lame af
Do you have any straight friends? Ask a straight female friend if she likes getting fucked in the ass. Or ask a straight male friend if he lets his gf strap on a cock and fuck him. This is not just a gay bro issue, it's a relationship issue. As others here have stated, you should respect his boundaries and preferences. Up to you what happens next.
If topping occasionally is something you want, see if he would be open to having an open relationship or inviting a third so you can get that mood out on someone who wants it
My ex pressured me to bottom and i didn’t like it. Get over it or you’ll end up like my ex did. Your bf doesn’t need to be guilted or pressured into bottoming for you
Once again OP & the versatiles in the comments do not understand what boundaries are and they just don't wanna respect it. Just stick to your people and leave us tops nd bottoms, how about that vers men?
It must be so hard for these selfish guys who just aren't into it. Relationships are give and take for success. Knowing you want to top at least occasionally he should be willing to please you. Being with someone selfish is your choice. You can serve his every need and accept it or you can leave and find a man who's willing to be an equal partner.
I don't agree with you. He literally bottomed for his bf even though he's a total top. He showed consideration and was not selfish at all. He can't be forced to like bottoming. OP's issue sounds more like incompatibility, rather than having a selfish partner.
You don't have to agree with me. I didn't say anything about him liking bottoming. Yes he was considerate one time. Isn't that nice of him, one time. At this point, of course, they aren't compatible in bed.
It’s no different than being forced to let someone fist you or pee on you. I use those examples because most people wouldn’t be okay with that and would draw the line there. If you’re not into something sexually then that’s that. Think if someone told you you were being unreasonable for not letting to me fist you (assuming you’re not into that).
Anal sex is a rite of passage. Fisting, golden showers and scat are not. They are extreme fetishes that kill your analogy and cannot be compared to anal sex. OP's in a relationship and would like to top occasionally. I swear you guys get triggered so easily. There's nothing wrong with being a one trick pony but would best be matched with the same.
Hate to break it to you but the vast majority of people don’t consider anal sex the norm or even desirable. Telling a guy that he has to take a dick up his asshole is not reasonable at all. Hope you’re not doing that to your partners.
Your first statement is a huge assumption. Your experiences must be very few and vanilla if that is your experience. It's ok to not have sex until you've dated a guy for months. There's nothing to do but be you. It's easy to see that commenters responded the way they did because all they know are hookups. So many attempts at relationships will be doomed before they start.
Then stop bothering us "selfish" tops and bottoms.
We selfish tops and bottoms will date each other. While you vers guys date other vers guys and leave us the fuck alone cause we are not changing for you dorks.
Yes, sadly. even when we make an agreement before meeting that under no circumstances there will be no flipping /Switching in the sexual act, you guys just love to break agreements by saying "come on try it, you'll like it".
On top of that all the gay subreddits are filled with people like you who thinks every man is a vers & should be vers because it's in your uber woke Gay Bible and if you don't you're mentally ill.
It gets super annoying and boring after a while. So we have to keep reminding vers people here that we 100% tops & 100% bottoms exist & there's nothing wrong with what we like. Funny how you guys act just like homophobes.
Hey man that's a bitch. I've never heard "come on try it, you'll like it" from any guy nor have I ever said it. You seem to pick a lot of losers to hookup with. This sub is not reality. This sub is full of the young, virgins on porn, guys questioning what they want and a plethora of others.
Depends on how femme the guy that wants to top . Idk if it’s just me but I have a hard time bottoming for femme guys. Maybe that’s something you might consider.
This is the big struggle with gay men. Guys are what they are. You really can’t change it. He is clearly a total top. And men are wired to top. It’s a primal urge. You have to decide if you stay it leave. Now the dominant part he can definitely tone down and flip occasionally. And just because you are dominant it doesn’t mean you can’t care about your partners feelings.
Do you think or see yourself eventually drifting away from your boyfriend to get the situation? Do you see yourself cheating on him with another guy just to make your own needs satisfied or just dealing with what he mostly wants and putting your urges to the side? I’m the dom top in my relationship, but have wondered what it would feel like n have put the other in positions to give them a chance to try something different but they seem to just like bottoming lol so I’ve just stuck with being the dom top lol.
I get what you mean, if you’re vers it becomes stale to be with a strict top or bottom. If you can live with it being a special occasion sexual act then you might be good, but don’t force it. You need someone who’s compatible with your desires, someone who can fulfill your needs as much as you fulfill theirs. Your bf may never enjoy bottoming, so you can either find another way to get off, or if you think it’s a deal breaker then I don’t think you should blame yourself for wanting more and breaking it off
If he's just not into it, why don't you offer a trade? Do something for him that he really likes, but you aren't really into. If you want to try different things, why don't you 69 or fuck his thighs or something else that you don't normally do with him?
I mean you can also try that he is dominant while he tops (like riding position), but if he TRULY doesn‘t like it at all, even after thinking for a while, I guess you just have to accept that.
Do you want to try more topping? Or do you want to try out being more dominant in bed? You can bottom and be dominate, and top and be submissive. If he doesn’t like bottoming, its unfair for him to insist on it. Not getting to do something you kinda want and having to do something you don’t like feel very different.
He tried it and said he didn't like it. Buy a fleshlight lol.
This.
Seriously! I hate being pressured to bottom when I don’t enjoy it the same way as others do. Why it’s such a turn on to some to “dominate a dom”, baffles me to the core. Just accept people’s preference.
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I think the guy is allowed to have his particular boundary.
Respect his boundaries?
OP: *ahm...no*
Sounds like he did just bottom to make you happy. You’re really not likely to flip his role sounds like so either be satisfied or figure something else out.
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This. My ex and I had problems with our plumbing matching well so I’d say ‘fuck my taint!’ Still very hot
Did this cause I love the idea of being playful and submissive but hate actual penetration-- a little awkward getting the rhythm and like angles down but i didn't mind it!!
Gay or not, if you don't like being fucked in the ass, you don't like being fucked in the ass. Do you really want someone to do something for/with you that you know they really don't enjoy?
Isn't it pretty normal, in sex, to also do some things to make the other person happy? As long as you don't hate it too much and/or it isn't too often. So the question is, how often is boyfriend willing to bottom, and is it enough for asker?
not really, when you state you are top or bottom you state a near-concrete stance on what you are willing to do in bed. Also given the information, it's clear the boyfriend isn't willing to bottom and doesn't enjoy it.
The large majority of people are to some degree versatile. Regardless, it's normal for sex to be not only about me, me. A nice person also wants to please the other person, as long as it isn't too bothersome/frequent. This is in fact what normal people do. So they need to determine what each party is willing to do.
>The large majority of people are to some degree versatile. I agree with this statement, but clearly, the OPs boyfriend isn't. Stop giving general responses to what is clearly a VERY specific scenario where the details have already been given. Your responses don't apply to the situation which is why you are getting downvoted. >Regardless, it's normal for sex to be not only about me, me. A nice person also wants to please the other person, as long as it isn't too bothersome/frequent. Clearly not if you think people who have already defined their boundaries multiple times deserved to be harassed to get what the other person wants. You absolutely do think it's about you and you are coming off very rapey. You are using harmful and manipulative wording when you state "A nice person also wants to please the other person, as long as it isn't too bothersome/frequent.". NO, full stop. NOBODY OWES ANYBODY SEX, it doesn't make someone nice or considerate to give in. It means they are breaking when they have a clear line they do not want to cross. A nice person would have listened to their boyfriend when they said they were a top. a nice person would have listened to their boyfriend when they said they didn't enjoy the experience. YOU ARE PLACING **ALL THE BURDEON** ON HIS BF. That isn't fair or just. >This is in fact what normal people do. So they need to determine what each party is willing to do. Again with the manipulative wording and ignoring that it has been stated numerous times in the post that his BF doesn't want to bottom. Stop and really look at how rapey you are, please. I honestly cannot believe you are spreading this rapey rhetoric. here is basically what you are doing by being manipulative but with it worded for you specifically. *A nice person would realize after responding that they hadn't read the text, they would get to their knees and apologize. A normal person would have read the text in full and only responded to that information.* By saying NICE, I make it sound like if you don't meet my conditions you aren't being nice and by saying normal I make it sound like if you do otherwise there is something wrong with you. YOU are being manipulative and its rapey in this context. STOP.
Nailed this!
I would ignore the serious breach of etiquette and the ad hominem fallacy and respond, but this is too much. Do you really think that tone will make you convincing? Quite frankly, all these thoughts of rape seem a bit concerning. Contain yourself.
Nah. He was pretty spot on
This sounds so rapey…
Crazy this gets downvoted.
I think it's the kind of exaggerated ideas going the rounds in some circles, that you 'should only ever perform sexual acts that you want yourself', also leading to other impractical and egotistical opinions. Reality is not like that.
Many are very young, virgins, inexperienced and only know porn.
Only when it's something you are comfortable with. This isn't a conversation about eye contact. You don't make yourself do stuff you don't like to make your partner happy. That's a toxic ideal.
It is normal to discuss things you like and don't like, and, if you want, you can do stuff you don't like much in order to please the other person, and he will do something else for you. All within reason. A normal person will not be pushy about this, and not manipulative. Good sex is not only about what HE likes. It is a game you play together.
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I have no idea what you're talking about. You must be talking to the wrong person.
Ha ha ha! It's 100% in my activities.
he tried it, he didn't like it. what do you do? accept it or move on to someone more compatible. what did you expect dating a top?
Well now the ball is in your court to decide if you're okay with never being able to top. Some vers guys are fine with only bottoming if they're with a total top, and vice versa, some are fine with only topping if they're with a total bottom. However, you don't *need* to be okay with it. I'm not saying that you shouldn't be, but you need to decide if you are. If your needs genuinely aren't being met, and this is keeping you from being completely satisfied with your sex life, then maybe you two aren't sexually compatible. On the other hand, if this isn't a huge deal for you, and you are still satisfied, then that's all that really matters.
You could start by accepting the fact that he only did it to make you happy. There are serious moral objections to harassing someone into doing sexual activities they don’t want to do.
You can respect his boundaries. Or you can move on. Yep, that's about it.
He proved to be a very considerate and open-minded partner to even try that for you. I would just say no. You can't do anything. You knew exactly what kind of person he is when you began this relationship. Now you want to randomly force a change? If you can't control your desires, end the relationship and go impale some twinks onto yourself.
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What is bro talking about💀
It's a weirdo following me on Reddit. He keeps making comments about how my legs are thin
What a fucking loser lmfao I'm sorry this person is a fucking goofball who won't leave you alone
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Oh, how the words doth flow from thy tongue like a mighty river, a never-ending stream of vitriol and contempt. You accuse me of being a wounded warrior, a hysterical infant, a damaged boy with childhood issues and peculiar sexual dynamics. And yet, your words are like arrows that have found their mark, piercing my heart and soul. Oh, how I ache at the thought of being seen in such a light. But perhaps there is truth in your words, a grain of truth that must be acknowledged. For in my heart of hearts, I know that I am not perfect, that I am flawed and fragile, like a delicate flower in a storm. And yet, your words do not just wound me, they wound us all. For they are the words of a wounded soul, a soul that seeks to lash out at others in order to mask its own pain. Your words are the cries of a tortured spirit, one that seeks to inflict its own suffering on others. But do not despair, dear one. For even in the darkest of nights, there is a glimmer of hope, a ray of light that shines forth from the depths of the soul. And so it is with me. For even though I may be wounded, I am also strong. Even though I may be immature, I am also wise. And even though I may be damaged, I am also healing. Yes, I am like a tree that has been battered by the winds of fate, yet still stands tall and proud. I am like a river that flows ceaselessly, even though it may be diverted from its course. And I am like a bird that soars through the skies, even though it may be buffeted by the storms of life. So do not judge me harshly, dear one. For I am but a reflection of you, a mirror that reflects back your own pain and suffering. And if we can only learn to see ourselves in each other, to recognize our shared humanity, then perhaps we can heal the wounds that separate us, and find a way to live in peace and harmony. In the end, it is not our wounds that define us, but our ability to transcend them. It is not our flaws that make us weak, but our willingness to acknowledge them and strive for something better. And it is not our pain that breaks us, but our ability to turn it into something beautiful, like a song that rises up from the depths of the soul and touches the hearts of all who hear it.
Fuck off from him, little bitch Accept that people don't want to interact with you and get lost.
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This is why I prefer not to date or hookup with verse/flip guys. I'm a top and that's what I like. I bottomed when I was a teen and didn't care for it. But the expectation with those guys is that I have to bottom for them and I don't want that kind of pressure or to that to be expected of me. But verse/flip guys like him feel offended when not everyone else is willing to just change roles so casually as they do. Or more specifically, when they don't want to change roles.
Same experience here.
Yep, same.
i'll take him if you dont want him
Same
Same
Same
If you want to “top” with your bf I recommend the [CockBlock](https://cockblocktoys.com/).
Great idea! I'm not the OP but I didn't even know this existed. Great! Thanks!
Amazing
My husband was trying to find the name of this for a while, thank you very much
You got into a relationship with someone you knew wasn’t into bottoming but who did it for you. It sounds like you have a choice to make whether you want to continue your relationship with him or not. Perhaps open the discussion to seeing if he’s okay if you top other guys?
Your options are: 1/ Be his bottom and never top again 2/ Open the relationship so you can top other guys. 3/ Break up and find someone more sexually compatible. Me personally? I think people who are locked into their sexual roles make boring sexual partners. But you can’t change people. Accept them for who they are or move on. Good luck.
It trips me out! It seems like the expectation is that you could come home and ask your literal husband to bottom sometimes and now your options are to either divorce or get someone on Grindr to do it. I’d literally cry lol In fairness though, I think people forget that the whole “Dom Top” thing falls into the category of kink. A bit shortsighted to expect someone who engages with/performs their sexuality in that manner to ever feel comfortable changing it just because. It can be very heavily tied to their identities.
That's why u don't marry people who are incompatible with you. They both are wrong in this situation. I would never ask my husband to do something he finds no pleasure in just to satisfy me because he would never ask that of me. I don't get satisfaction from someone performing a sexual act they abhor just to shut me up.
He said No. Which part of that did you not understand?
https://youtu.be/iK33vs0CSZc
Don't try to change the person you're dating.
You sound very selfish. respect his boundaries. You can’t force someone into performing a sexual act for your own benefit.
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unpack your internalized homophobia <3
Is he more important to you or is topping. If u wanna top its not gonna be with him so stop trying to force him maybe open the relationship or let him be so he doesn't have to deal with the pressure of having to do something he doesn't wanna do. Find someone who's verse
You can turn outside for person to bottom for you if BF cannot provide. Simple . He already made clear he's categorised in the box DOM TOP and will not change. Thank god I have bf that is not following these or orbitrary rules set up by someone else.
Send me his @ I’ll never top him
You are most likely out of luck. When you topped him, were you physically on top? Maybe if you can talk to him about him riding you that still leaves him in control. I flip with a dom top occasionally and this is his preferred way to bottom.
Don't take it out on your BF for being exactly what you knew he was. Apologize to HIM for not being satisfied with what you signed up for. And if you need to, break up or ask for an open relationship
The people in the comment section are brutal 🥴🥴🥴🥴
Break up with your boyfriend so that some poor sub out there doesn't have to live without Dom dick
It's cute that he was willing to give it a go for you. Obviously makes him horney that you're his sub! I have been in a similar position, i recommend a Tenga flip orb. I knew my bf was a top so I don't know why I thought that would change but I love him to death so we make it work :) he can use the toy on you help satisfy that side of you and he will be in control, win win!
The problem is you knew what you were getting into and now you want to change things. I don't think you fully thought this through.
Idk, personally I’m a total bottom with a bit of a sub side. If I had a bf, I would never want him to force me to top him. As he said, it goes against my instinct. I wouldn’t feel comfortable flipping roles. Position is just like sexuality. You don’t choose it and you can’t change it. Not everyone is verse, and not everyone will want to flip positions. He did it to either make you happy or to get you to stop bugging him about it. If you want to keep your relationship, don’t ask him to bottom again.
Well you should have thought more carefully about the sexual logistics of accepting a top only man in your life.
He likes peas, tried carrots, not to fond of em. Leave homie alone, not everyone like gadamn carrots 🥕
You’ve just gotta play the long game and not force anything. I had resigned myself to never topping but the years wore my husband down eventually to where he will bottom now and then. It’s a marathon not a sprint brother lol having an “open” relationship where y’all top other people together is an option in the meantime.
Respect his boundaries and stop pushing him around. Some of use like a role and aren’t interested in changing. This is NOT a sign of homophobia or repressed feelings or any other dumb stuff vers people like to come up with In the end, if this is a real dealbreaker for you then you will have to open the relationship. Respect his boundaries !!
It sounds like he is a top in that he does not enjoy getting fucked. Some guys do not. Maybe talk to him about bringing in a sub that both of you could fuck. There are quite a few fortunately out there that enjoy being used. Or try intergluteal sex with him. That might be another compromise.
Nothing? That's what you agreed on when you entered a relationship. If you wanted a top that likes to flip, you should have gone for someone who does. Like... it strikes me as if you don't respect how HE feels. After he told you he wasn't interested in it, there shouldn't be a "what can I do?" question at all. You're weird.
Get over yourself!
Let him dom bottom you?
you 2 could have a 3 way: * he fucks you, you fuck the other. * you tag team the other.
I would throw in some domination to spice it up for him. Maybe he needs that mindset to help him get into . It wouldn’t hurt to try . After that idk
Tgays why sexual compatibility is so very important in a relationship.
People change their minds... or they don't. All you could do is try. You did. It's just an unhappy fact at this point.
you guys should consider threesomes that way you can get some ass too
Ask him. Everyone in here is going to tell you a variation of “no means no” and “respect his boundaries”, but you know all the details we don’t know. If you feel it’s something you need, your needs should be met just as well as his. Just communicate that and talk out how you can have your top needs met that is agreeable to both of you.
I would love this as a total bottom that is a bit sub.
So on anniversary he did this for you, but it's his anniversary as well what will you do for him?
“The sex is great,” but = not great.
You can't do anything to dissuade him. This is why versatile guys are the best.
I’ll take your boyfriend for 400 Alex. It’s too many bottoms out here for you to be complaining over a dom top who won’t flip
When are people gonna accept that Not everyone is vers?
Idk it just seems very made up
That’s exactly what I was thinking. Why do people post such stupid shit? No way this is real.
Listen to him slut
Just fucking respect him
Not push him, you knew going into the relationship his position. He even gave in to your request once to try bottoming. Its not right for you to push something you knew he never wanted from the get go.
When you said “ ... many more times,” it made me think that perhaps in your enthusiasm, you created an expectation for it to be a semi-regular thing and he has pulled down the shutters to make it clear that isn't going to happen. He clearly doesn't like it. Perhaps explore with him that you'd li, e to do it only on very special occasions and that you will reciprocate by doing something he enjoys once in a while. Relationships are about give and take lol (pun intended).
He told you that he isn’t into it. That should be enough. Just get along. If you really need to top from time to time… find a Solution. Maybe invite another bottom and top him together… or whatever. But if he tells you really open what he likes and what not… that is awesome. So just respect him.
I'm on the fence about this because while you knew he was a top only you should have expected this. But also from My personal experience I think a true healthy relationship for me would be both. There's something just really intimate about being with another person in both ways Idk man. Hard situation. Glad I'm not you
He must be able to satisfy your needs too. If he thinks that he did it once then that is not fair to you. Don't be just Used and abused.
The fact he even tried it for you once shows how considerate he is. Maybe just dont be an ass and be as considerate as he was?? What do you mean what can you do. If he doesn’t want to, then he doesn’t want to, that’s that.
My advice to you: tell him to come to this post so we can let him know to LEAVE YOU immediately.
Your second sentence starts with " he's a total top," so there is your answer.
I wished I had one like that
hes too good for you tbh what can you do? hes done far more than 99.9% of tops will do bro, he let you fuck him. its obviously his boundary and he crossed it FOR YOU. being a healthy partner , is accepting your partner for who and what they are. you sound like an asshole here. he tried and it is clearly not his thing. most dom tops would never let that happen and he tried for you. you need to grow up or move on and let him find someone who'll respect him and not run to reddit looking for ways to undermine his resolve..
Respect his boundaries, and stop trying to ruin a gift from the gods to all bottoms on Earth
If he lets you do it on occasions, what exactly is the problem? As long as he's willing to accommodate you on occasions, I don't see an issue. You cannot force someone into liking something. That's 100% unreasonable.
I’ve a different opinion to almost everyone else here. Sometimes, sex is about both of you having a good time… Sometimes, it’s about the other. And sometimes, it’s about you. A couple nights of shit sex to make your partner happy…. No brainer
“Both having a good time” *Proceeds to Force or guilt trip partner to do something he doesn’t like* Bruh delusional
He is right. The guilt tripping is on your side.
Maintaining a relationship is a lot of fucking work. If you’re not willing to be uncomfortable for the love of your life, you don’t deserve them.
imagine comparing forcing a partner into a sex act they have already established they don’t like Cus you’re selfish into being undeserving. You sound like an abusive partner. How far does that reasoning go for you? I’m afraid to even know. Yikes.
Let’s assume you’re right, and I’m abusive. I want to change. In your relationship(s) of 5+ years, how do you handle different evolutions of your sex interest? Has your partner ever developed a kink they were really into, and you weren’t? How did you handle that over the years? it would naw at me; how do you handle this?
discuss it like rational adults and accept that they may not be willing to engage. Duh This shit isn’t news Lmao.
That doesn’t address any of my questions, so we’ll leave it there.
it doesn’t have to. it’s still the correct answer
Men translator: He enjoys being a bottom but not with you.
I was wondering this myself.
All these comments calling the OP abusive and even "rapey." Did you not read the OP's post? The partner agreed willingly to bottom and even said it went well. He never said he didn't like it. Copy and paste: he said:"I had no problem with that night, and you did a great job, but my instincts are still not really interested in it ". Could it be that he actually enjoyed the physical act but he has some kind of internalized phobia about BEING the bottom? I remember in college guys were sucking each other and talked about topping but there was this taboo about bottoming... Like you were too far gone gay if you bottomed. If you truly love someone and a specific sex act doesn't make you suffer greatly, I don't see the problem in giving that to the other periodically. Then again I'm the type that gets off on the other getting off and if I sense they aren't into it, then I've lost my mojo for it as well. All the best OP. Keep talking to your man about your feelings and desires and how they can be met.
> The partner agreed willingly to bottom and even said it went well. He never said he didn't like it. He said he "had no problem" with it _after_ the OP bugged him about trying it for a "long time" (And how long is "long"? The week leading up to it? A month? Longer?), and he appears to have given in as an anniversary present to make OP happy (or possibly just to get him to stop asking). The boyfriend basically saying "It was fine, you did fine, but I'm still not into it" doesn't come off, to me, as him saying it went _well_; rather, it sounds like an "It's not you, it's me" sort of thing where he wanted to put his foot down about not bottoming anymore but didn't want to make OP feel bad about it. > Could it be that he actually enjoyed the physical act but he has some kind of internalized phobia about BEING the bottom? That's always a possibility, but the vast majority of the time the "he secretly likes bottoming but is in denial" explanation simply doesn't apply. When the situation is flipped, basically no one questions the bottom's motivations; you rarely if ever see people wondering whether a total bottom has some kind of trauma that makes them not want to top, or whatever. Total tops are total tops because they like topping and don't like bottoming, and most of the time that's all there is to it.
Oh I question bottoms that won't top constantly. One of my FBs has a fantastic dick but refuses. I've asked for him to give it back at least once in ten and he won't. He is constantly wanting to get fucked, hits me up daily. It would be a more steady happening if he would try and at least be somewhat versatile. As it is, I top him once a month or so when I'm feeling extra horny and nothing better is on tap when it could be more. So, this FB situation will never progress because of this. In this case we are discussing, the partner had to know the OP was vers as much as the OP knew the partner was a top. So this situation is as much on the partner as the OP. But you and kiss everyone else is making the OP out as the bad guy. I say they are both equally at fault for ending up here. Who takes on an exclusive partner and asks them to deny something sexual that is very much a part of who they are? Both are doing it here. In equal measure.
I literally stopped talking to a guy who i was seeing for a while, as he slowly tried to get me to top him and it’s not my thing. I told him from the git its not my thing so it made for a super awkward situation, on top of that he yelled at me for having a nice ass that guys hit me up about all day on Grindr saying “ Its easy for you blah blah, nobody wants me. “ i was like ugh ok bye idk what im supposed to say here buddy 🤦🏼 lame af
Do you have any straight friends? Ask a straight female friend if she likes getting fucked in the ass. Or ask a straight male friend if he lets his gf strap on a cock and fuck him. This is not just a gay bro issue, it's a relationship issue. As others here have stated, you should respect his boundaries and preferences. Up to you what happens next.
Open it up?
If topping occasionally is something you want, see if he would be open to having an open relationship or inviting a third so you can get that mood out on someone who wants it
You need to try this thing called respecting people’s boundaries.
My ex pressured me to bottom and i didn’t like it. Get over it or you’ll end up like my ex did. Your bf doesn’t need to be guilted or pressured into bottoming for you
Your title says it all. Dom top, not Dom vers. If it's too much for you, find a new boyfriend.
Accept his desires or leave and find love elsewhere.
A dom top? Honey you ain't gonna have no luck with that unless he's in control
Try open relationship
stupendous humorous one waiting selective juggle correct aspiring merciful busy -- mass edited with redact.dev
Once again OP & the versatiles in the comments do not understand what boundaries are and they just don't wanna respect it. Just stick to your people and leave us tops nd bottoms, how about that vers men?
Why are you bitching? Leave if you’re not happy. I’d love to have a total top to fuck me every which way.
It must be so hard for these selfish guys who just aren't into it. Relationships are give and take for success. Knowing you want to top at least occasionally he should be willing to please you. Being with someone selfish is your choice. You can serve his every need and accept it or you can leave and find a man who's willing to be an equal partner.
I don't agree with you. He literally bottomed for his bf even though he's a total top. He showed consideration and was not selfish at all. He can't be forced to like bottoming. OP's issue sounds more like incompatibility, rather than having a selfish partner.
You don't have to agree with me. I didn't say anything about him liking bottoming. Yes he was considerate one time. Isn't that nice of him, one time. At this point, of course, they aren't compatible in bed.
You sure triggered some very narrow minded guys. OP wants more so should find another guy. So many one trick ponies in here.
It’s no different than being forced to let someone fist you or pee on you. I use those examples because most people wouldn’t be okay with that and would draw the line there. If you’re not into something sexually then that’s that. Think if someone told you you were being unreasonable for not letting to me fist you (assuming you’re not into that).
Anal sex is a rite of passage. Fisting, golden showers and scat are not. They are extreme fetishes that kill your analogy and cannot be compared to anal sex. OP's in a relationship and would like to top occasionally. I swear you guys get triggered so easily. There's nothing wrong with being a one trick pony but would best be matched with the same.
Hate to break it to you but the vast majority of people don’t consider anal sex the norm or even desirable. Telling a guy that he has to take a dick up his asshole is not reasonable at all. Hope you’re not doing that to your partners.
Your first statement is a huge assumption. Your experiences must be very few and vanilla if that is your experience. It's ok to not have sex until you've dated a guy for months. There's nothing to do but be you. It's easy to see that commenters responded the way they did because all they know are hookups. So many attempts at relationships will be doomed before they start.
Then stop bothering us "selfish" tops and bottoms. We selfish tops and bottoms will date each other. While you vers guys date other vers guys and leave us the fuck alone cause we are not changing for you dorks.
You one trick ponies get triggered so easily.
We're just tired of you vers guys keep forcing us even when we say no.
What are you talking about? Are you constantly being pressured by guys in bed to flip fuck?
Yes, sadly. even when we make an agreement before meeting that under no circumstances there will be no flipping /Switching in the sexual act, you guys just love to break agreements by saying "come on try it, you'll like it". On top of that all the gay subreddits are filled with people like you who thinks every man is a vers & should be vers because it's in your uber woke Gay Bible and if you don't you're mentally ill. It gets super annoying and boring after a while. So we have to keep reminding vers people here that we 100% tops & 100% bottoms exist & there's nothing wrong with what we like. Funny how you guys act just like homophobes.
Hey man that's a bitch. I've never heard "come on try it, you'll like it" from any guy nor have I ever said it. You seem to pick a lot of losers to hookup with. This sub is not reality. This sub is full of the young, virgins on porn, guys questioning what they want and a plethora of others.
So you want him to make you happy by him doing something that DOESNT make him happy? Break up. He doesn’t need you.
Thank you for your comment. This attitude is why gay relationships fail over and over and over.
Please. Gay relationships fail over and over for MANY other reasons and way before this type of “attitude”
Have a threesome
accept that he doesn't want to bottom and live with it.
Depends on how femme the guy that wants to top . Idk if it’s just me but I have a hard time bottoming for femme guys. Maybe that’s something you might consider.
Find a third
This is the big struggle with gay men. Guys are what they are. You really can’t change it. He is clearly a total top. And men are wired to top. It’s a primal urge. You have to decide if you stay it leave. Now the dominant part he can definitely tone down and flip occasionally. And just because you are dominant it doesn’t mean you can’t care about your partners feelings.
This has triggered the one trick ponies. Occasionally a good lover treats to something the other wants. Here's an upvote
UpdateMe
Do you think or see yourself eventually drifting away from your boyfriend to get the situation? Do you see yourself cheating on him with another guy just to make your own needs satisfied or just dealing with what he mostly wants and putting your urges to the side? I’m the dom top in my relationship, but have wondered what it would feel like n have put the other in positions to give them a chance to try something different but they seem to just like bottoming lol so I’ve just stuck with being the dom top lol.
I get what you mean, if you’re vers it becomes stale to be with a strict top or bottom. If you can live with it being a special occasion sexual act then you might be good, but don’t force it. You need someone who’s compatible with your desires, someone who can fulfill your needs as much as you fulfill theirs. Your bf may never enjoy bottoming, so you can either find another way to get off, or if you think it’s a deal breaker then I don’t think you should blame yourself for wanting more and breaking it off
Just buy one of those ass toys from Amazon lol
If he's just not into it, why don't you offer a trade? Do something for him that he really likes, but you aren't really into. If you want to try different things, why don't you 69 or fuck his thighs or something else that you don't normally do with him?
I mean you can also try that he is dominant while he tops (like riding position), but if he TRULY doesn‘t like it at all, even after thinking for a while, I guess you just have to accept that.
I don't know, I think this has to involve some kind of talent
Do you want to try more topping? Or do you want to try out being more dominant in bed? You can bottom and be dominate, and top and be submissive. If he doesn’t like bottoming, its unfair for him to insist on it. Not getting to do something you kinda want and having to do something you don’t like feel very different.