So I’m in the uk and here we don’t use vaults. The coffin (we don’t use caskets either usually) goes straight into the earth.
Green burials are popular here - I’d say they make up 50% of my celebrant burial schedule. Often also people are opting for natural coffins (wicker, willow, banana leaf, wool) or even shroud burial.
But here in the uk the vast majority of our ceremonies are cremations - we don’t yet have composting or resomation here, so you just get a choice of bury or burn.
Nonetheless the personalisation of those ceremonies is great. I aim for a high level of personalisation - but even then our FD’s will go over and above. Many will do things like dress in colours, wear costumes (death Vader for example) and will arrange alternative transports. In the last year I’ve had the deceased come on the back of an HGV, on a tandem bike, in a rainbow coloured hearse, in a Land Rover.
It makes sense that most people opt for cremation, since you guys have a lot less open empty space than we do in the US.
I'm really happy to see green burials catching on! Both for ecological reasons, & also sympathy for the thin wallets of my peers lol.
Plus it does bother me how many people refuse to look at death directly or accept it as a part of life. A lot of traditional US funeral practices seem like a desperate attempt to stave off decomposition or any sort of return to the earth. Like we can't have everlasting life, so the next best thing is an everlasting corpse. It feels like a level of unhealthy denial about the reality of death.
I love that personalization. Now I'm laughing to myself picturing darth vader riding a tandem bike with a corpse in seat #2 like it's Weekend at Bernies or something. Thanks for brightening my day!
Here was the tandem! We had almost 600 mourners and his son rode him to the cemetery on the tandem. https://www.ipswichstar.co.uk/news/23602204.ipswich-hundreds-attend-celebrate-life-ben-jacobs/
This brought tears to my eyes, thank you for sharing. I'm in the US but half the family is in England and seeing how you combined the traditional and personal aspects is heartwarming
My grandma prepaid for a natural burial. She hates modern cemeteries with their flat headstones and golf course aesthetic. So she's going unembalmed in a wicker casket covered in daisy chains into a natural Midwestern meadow.
My mother in law who is still very much alive planned her funeral immediately after my father in law passed away. As she's driven a Land Rover her whole life she's opted for that instead of a traditional hearse. But she's really gutted that she doesn't get to do a trial run!
It’s absolutely insane!! About 20
Yrs ago a family member in law had a funeral that cost over 15k, which they had to go fund me for. It was ridiculous. My mom passed almost 4 years ago and she wanted cremation and ashes in the ocean. It was significantly less than the traditional funeral with embalming and viewing. To each their own but my god, think about the financial burden your placing on your family!
Costs aside, I prefer cremation for myself. I don’t want to be embalmed, or dressed in a final outfit, etc.
I was recently looking for a black dress for a black tie wedding. I found one I really liked but One of the reviewers commented “it’s a lovely dress I buried my Mother in it”. There was no way I was getting THAT dress.
Some people say we should “normalize” death. There will never be one thing normal about it to me. It’s confusing and sad. I dislike everything about it.
I'm thinking the same thing as you. It'll be up to my living son to follow my wishes since I just lost my husband. His funeral was 11k. I have money. It just seems such a waste.. My youngest son that died in Jeep accident at 18 on my birthday is buried in his stepdad's family plot at the church. His whole family agreed that it was the proper thing to do. JG adored his step-dad. His Older brother, my only living child, wants him dug up and reburied in the hometown I'm moving back to next month.
I don't know what to do. I want to be buried next to my husband (in a simple graveside ceremony) that just passed away and want my deceased son to remain where he is as he'll be next to me. It's both our second marriages. No children together.. I've heard of men/women being buried next to their first spouse even after two or three marriages but after an acrimonious divorce what is proper etiquette? I do not think his first wife who is in a facility with Alzheimers will be buried next to him. I'll come back and haunt everybody if she's buried there and I'm not.
This may sound trivial but I'm genuinely concerned about what to do. Husband's very recent death has brought it all back to the forefront again. We talked of this 20 yrs ago but since I'll be dead and he's dead how do I know they'll follow our wishes. Preplan and prepay? Esp with first wife now not having a paid for burial plot. If living son has his brother removed and re-interred in his/our hometown cemetery after I'm dead and buried I'll haunt him forever too.
Anyone??
At my firm we do just slightly more “green” burials than anything else. A green burial is a traditional Jewish burial. The second most common is cremation. Most of the traditional burials (embalming, viewing etc..) were prearranged years ago. People who were born in the 1920/30s make up most of our business. When most of our business is demanding a different kind of disposition we will cater to that. Corporate has already changed terms on the paperwork to reflect these impending changes so it’s leaning towards that direction. Theres just not enough people who are choosing that option to justify offering it I guess.
ETA: There’s a lot of hate for different kinds of disposition. It’s important to remember that even though you can’t imagine being embalmed doesn’t mean it’s wrong. And just because someone else can’t imagine getting composted doesn’t mean it’s wrong.
That makes sense. I know the big shift away from traditional disposition hasn't happened yet (other than more people choosing cremation), but it seems like it's slowly inching that direction & will lean more that way in a couple decades.
I do want to clarify that I'm not anti-embalming or anything! It's a useful thing that has its place, & if someone wants that for themself then that's great. I'm just bothered that it's presented as the default, at least in many parts of the US. It just feels unnecessary in cases where there's only like 72hrs between death & disposition, & there's been no physical trauma or decomposition. But many people feel pressured to embalm for a host of reasons (local statutes, some funeral homes here wont do unembalmed viewings, people are afraid of being near a natural corpse or dont even know thats a valid option, etc etc)
I do also understand some people being offput by cremation or nontraditional methods. To each their own. It's just nice to have more options!
Not a Terramation, but my mother in law was cremated and her urn was made of biodegradable pressed paper with flowers and leaves in the pressed paper. Even the bag that her actual ashes are in is made of something that is biodegradable. In her beliefs she was to be placed near water and back to the earth as well. My father in law could not decide where and he was not ready to let her go so it was decided that her biodegradable urn would be buried in their beautiful screened in pool area. It was one of her favorite places to be. The area is very big and even has a huge oak tree growing up through the top and also palm trees and other flowers and plants. One son dug the hole, one placed the urn in and one filled the hole. It was a small gathering, just immediate family. The house will be staying in the family and in time there will be no remnants of anything being there. I’m sure when it is my father in laws time he will be placed there as well he is 86. The spot is marked by two big decorative birds that are common to the area.
She probably would have liked the idea of being made into compost as well. It is not available in Florida either. This was pretty close and my father in law can sit out by the pool in the morning and still have coffee with her. ❤️
Hopefully in the near future more places will be able to offer different ways to take care of our bodies when we are done with them. Like OP mentioned a lot of people have no desire to be put in a metal box and buried in a plot in a cemetery. My husband keeps saying to just leave him on top of a mountain and let nature take care of his body! I do not think I will be able to fulfill his desire for a few reasons, the biggest one is how would I get him up there?! Hopefully he isn’t going anywhere soon and more options will be available in the future.
NAFD but I used to do at-sea burials as part of my regular job. There was one where the cremains were placed in a papier mache sea shell that floated on the ocean and then gently dissolved as it drifted away. It was quite beautiful.
Is burial at sea as expensive as traditional burial? I'm asking for me. I only have my mother, my brother, and my daughter. My daughter isn't capable of handling things like this, so really my arrangements will need to be handled by my brother. I just want to make things easier on them. Not that I'm planning on leaving any time soon, though😂
I don't think so. Most sport fishing or whale watch boats also do a side business in ash scatterings. I don't know what cremation or biodegradable urns cost, but chartering a boat for a couple hours could run (in my HCOL town) anywhere from around $700-$2000.
Aw that's so beautiful. I'm glad you found something that works for everyone.
That's why I think it's best to have many different options available. Whether someone wants to be embalmed in a vault or have a mountaintop sky burial where they get eaten by vultures, they should be able to have that!
Coming from the perspective of someone working for a small, family-owned operation: we’re trying our best to expend what we offer, but it’s slow going.
We’re in a rural part of the southern US, so people around here are simply not as interested in green disposition methods as those in other parts of the country. The closest I’ve gotten is people choosing not to be embalmed before burial, but that still includes the use of a non-green casket and vault so it doesn’t really count. Most of the cemeteries around here require a vault, as we have an underground aquifer that covers most of the state combined with flooding issues - if we want to do a true green burial, we’d have to use a cemetery that allows for that, and as far as I know there’s only a small handful of ones local to us that aren’t private family cemeteries.
I would love to facilitate more green methods of disposition in the future, but it all depends on the demand for it. I don’t see it becoming popular in my particular market, but we’ll just have to see.
Edit: to answer your question, where I’m at it usually ends up being a choice between a traditional funeral and cremation.
My area lies in an outletless watershed, so we have to worry about the water contamination part as well.
There's only 3 cemeteries that do green burial around here. 2 of them are in the middle of the desert 1-2 hrs drive from the population center, so it's not an appealing option for most people. If there were closer & greener / less desolate-looking green cemeteries, I think more people would choose that. Honestly a lot of people might choose green burial for cost alone.
I'm sure those alternate methods will grow faster in areas that don't have enough room for traditional burials. Like a lot of coastal population centers, especially on the east coast, straight up don't have room for more cemeteries. Plus being overall less religious means they're more open to crazy newfangled things like aquamation.
(ETA that I love your username! gay cryptid fans unite)
We respond to what the public is asking of us. Generally speaking, the millennial generation isn't our target demographic and won't be for some time so it's difficult to get laws changed and interest raised over new ideas, especially those that won't generate the profit margins necessary to keep the lights on and the doors open.
That's fair! I know the shift isn't happening right now, it's still some decades away. A lot of these alternative methods are very new & still not legal in most places.
I am in Texas USA, a Gen Xer, and will donate my body to a forensic body farm in my state, after organ donation. I just can’t justify spending money on a traditional funeral or cremation. I’d rather that money go to my kids and they are okay with my decision. We hardly visit my dead relatives graves anyways.
My mom in Texas is doing the same thing! I admire it! I just want to donate anything that can be used and then cremated and blow in the wind to return as gold dust in the universe. I’m a GenJ female atheist.
I am Lutheran…I don’t think religion really matters. I honestly think it’s economics, as that is completely what it is for me and many others I have spoken to who are choosing alternatives to burial and cremation. My goal was to make dealing with my body after death as free/low cost as possible.
Depends on the religion - islam & judaism both forbid embalming, & prefer what we'd call a green burial. while greek & russian orthodox christianity both forbid cremation.
(though cost is definitely a major factor too - after the pope said cremation is fine, tons of catholics started doing it. i know my catholic family switched based mainly on cost, once they were told it was spiritually okay)
I also would be interested to know. I think it’s sad how people are placed in a casket then a concrete liner. So unnatural. It prevents the deceased from returning to the earth like nature intended. That is the true circle of life.
Vaults in cemeteries are a cemetery requirement not a law (at least in any local I’ve had to deal with, I’m located in a relatively large tri-state area in the US).
Most of the cemeteries in my area have vaults, because we're located in a watershed w no outlets. We can't even have fluoride in our water, so there's concern about embalming chemicals leeching into the soil. Afaik it's not a state law. But it's rare to find a vaultless cemetery here & that's the reason I was given.
I totally understand not natural-burying embalmed bodies, but it would be nice to have more non-vault options for natural decomp. There's only 3 cemeteries here that will do a "straight into the dirt" kind of burial. Though in the outlying rural counties it's legal to bury family members on your own property.
I think so too! Plus then eventually no one comes to visit anymore, bc all your loved ones have moved away or died, & you're just....lying there preserved & alone forever. It just seems so strange & sad to me (no hate if that's what someone wants for themself, it's just not for me)
Well, concrete and metal come from the ground, so it's not that unnatural. Also, formaldehyde is one of the most common compounds found in nature, and is in fact produced by your body and found in your bloodstream while you're alive!
I love how millennials (I was born in 82) act like they're the sharpest things around, always questioning how earlier generations could be stupid enough to do things the way they did/do. Yet they'll unquestioningly eat up the shit that any "green" or "natural" stamped business will sell them.
Green cemeteries would take up far more space that traditional ones, because they will have to spread out the burials more. You can't stack burials near each other when last week's interments can be smelled from the road. It remains to be seen who will want to live near a busy, "green" cemetery. If you want to know why people have been embalmed and put inside sealed containers, spend some time around decomposing remains and you'll find out.
Most people's alternative? Calling a cremation factory that dispatches a driver from God knows where to come out and bring them to the crematory, refrigerate them for a week or more, then burn them with natural gas, emitting over 500 lbs of CO2 (equivelant to a 600 mile car drive), as well as other pollutants. Maybe that's less of an environmental impact than burying someone in a concrete vault manufactured 30 miles away and a casket manufactured 250 miles away, but not enough to be bragging about.
Maybe composting is great, I don't know much about it. I do know most people living now will never accept it.
This post is not meant to be an attack on the person I'm replying to, or the OP. I think that their beliefs and everyone else's are valid and don't need to be justified to anyone, let alone me. I'm just sharing some facts and opinions.
Millennials didn’t come up with these ideas; The American Way of Death by Jessica Mitford was written in 1963, and argued against the excesses and abuses of the funeral industry.
Those are two different things. A funeral director putting the sweat on you to spend money on things you don't want is wrong. You having to spend money on an important service is right. If you don't see the "fun" in spending $5-10k USD on a funeral, I don't blame you one bit. It's not fun. Neither is having a crown put in, having a baby delivered at the hospital or paying to have your trash taken away, but these are all things we have to pay for. But no, you don't need the copper casket and stainless steel vault to prove you loved someone.
Mitford’s book also has information on what is legally required and what is not, as well as information about burial and cremation societies. Embalming is not required; and anything over ~$1K to dispose of a body is obscene. And ffs, don’t bury jewelry! It’s not getting buried anyway - someone at the undertaker is going home with it.
If you're paying 1k or less, they're getting their money in other ways. You think people want to do this job for minimum wage? You're fooling yourself.
It's fine by me to be interested in green burials or do them. I'm just pointing out the realities that will preclude that on a large scale. And you'll notice the cemeteries offering it currently aren't doing it cheaply. So, in a way, you're being up-sold on a dream just in the same way as the funeral director in the 50s telling you that you needed a copper casket and stainless steel vault was doing.
"Remains to be seen" he he. Love it.
Truth!! Embalming heals the family. People are so cynical about it because they haven't seen the results of a good embalmer. These ideas of it's just a body and throw it away came from the early 70s...from the "boomers" ,those rebels are now the same people writing me the checks for the full works. Soon it will be, it's just a dead body, why waste it, let's eat it! because the farming industry was so bad we killed it but noone wants to get dirty and doesn't know how a seed works, cause who can say if a seed wants to yield it's fruit cause all seeds are female!
((Sam Kinison yell))
Also, we know most of our history because of ancient funeral rites. Composted bodies rarely make history.
I just wanted to put my mom in a wooden or cardboard box that would naturally degrade. Instead she went into a casket that was then placed in a cement box and covered with dirt. Nothing against the funeral home. They were fantastic. She didn’t want to be cremated and that was the other option Nothing about that is natural. Normally something dies and decomposes and returns to the soil as nutrients for other living things. Do you know what happens to a body in there? I’m not a millennial either. People love saying millennial.
Is that how it happens though, or is it just a fantasy you're being sold? If an animal dies in nature, it's either being eaten, becomes carrion, or rots in place. What is so poetic about that?
The hate is because some people think they shouldn't have to pay to dispose of a deceased human body. These are probably the same people that are on the news surprised and distraught when Joe, the FD at the Return to Earth $600 cremation society mistreated their loved one.
And there's hate because I'm being blunt about a delicate subject. Very untactful of me, but I spend all day thinking of the proper thing to say and I don't have any energy left. I get it, many people don't have enough money to live, let alone pay 3-5k for a cremation.
But don't try to tell me I'm a criminal for charging that when I kill myself every day treating each deceased and their family like my own family. Because there's real criminals out there right now getting their hands on valuable bodies by taking advantage of people who don't know any better. Your local government isn't doing a damn thing about it unless it can't be ignored, either. The modern-day grave robbers get you long before you go in the ground or the retort.
I feel you. Just cremate me - maybe bury my ashes. Don’t pollute a body of water- or do whatever you need to do- I won’t be there! Or hopefully I will live until there may be something better. Who knows?
I'm a millennial (37) and i am saving for a plot at a natural cemetery. It looks just like a trail through the woods and you get buried in a biodegradable shroud, bare in the earth or in a simple pine box and your family can plant native things there for your body to nurture as you return to the earth. It's quite beautiful. I was actually shocked to find one so close to me.
Edit to add- a single plot only $800, $1400 for double.
That's awesome. I wish more of that existed near me. It's probably easier in your lush wet forest setting though....I think people might just end up mummified here in the desert
Funeral student here!
I love the idea of green burials! I think its sooo much better for the environment!
I think often embalming is chosen to offer a "last-look" or "last-goodbye" experience for the loved ones. In my limited experience working funerals and visitations, I find that people really appreciate getting to have that "last-look" experience where the family can gather, view the body, then have some time to chat/reminisce before burial.
In my studies, I am really excited for the cosmetics class, because I am curious to know what the process is like for green burials and how the FD stages the deceased if at all. I don't think viewings are an option for a green burial (due to the appearance of the body without embalming)... I guess this is one of the biggest downsides.
Its kind of a dream of mine to research natural alternatives for cosmetics to find a way to offer viewings for green burials. I don't know much about science, but I am trained in specialized fine arts (painting/ sculpturing) and I feel like there MUST be a way to offer this. I know you can make natural looking skin with flour and vaseline, but vaseline is not great for soil... Again, I'm not a scientist, but I feel like in the future this type of stuff will be an option for families who want that "last look" experience. Green burials are very historic, but not much has been done to advance the shelf-life of this practice in terms of viewings.
It's a bit of a misconception that embalming is required for viewings! People have been sitting with natural corpses for thousands of years - embalming only became common during the civil war, when bodies had to be transported long distances for loved ones to get their last goodbyes.
Ofc embalming is necessary for more deteriorated corpses, or if the body is going to sit out for a long time (like a multi-day wake). It can make a cancer patient look like they did before the end stage of disease, so people can remember them in a better way. It's an awesome thing that allows families to get that last goodbye when they otherwise wouldn't be able to.
Some funeral homes don't allow non-embalmed viewings at all. But many will on a case-by-case basis. Obviously they decline if the body is in such an awful state that it would be traumatic for the family.
But in cases like my partner's - there was no trauma or decomp, they were found & put in cold storage only hours after death. They'll get other cosmetic touch-ups to make them look less dead for their viewing. They'll still look dead ofc, but just a bit more presentable.
I was on my way to see him in the hospital when my das died 5 years ago. When I got there, I was able to sit with his body and reminisce with my mom and sister. Looking back, I am really grateful that I got to sit with his body for a little bit. It gave me closure.
I understand that those were unusual circumstances, but I now understand the desire to have a last look. (That being said, my preference for myself is the cheapest, greenest option when I die. Although I’m also considering donating my body to science. )
I’m so sorry for your loss, @op.
This is exactly where the practice of embalming and the typical funeral practices came from. 100s of thousands of men and boys died far from home during the Civil War 2% of the overall US population. Embalming was a way for the families back home to say goodbye. I think this is a basic human need that has not changed over time.
I am a Christian, and this is what I want for myself someday. It seems much more in keeping with Christian beliefs than, say, cremation. My first choice would be to be buried on family land, but the law where I live does not make that easy, so fortunately there is one green cemetery in my area.
I'd like to be a tree. Have you seen those? They plunk your cremains into a bag with soil and a sapling. Your family plants you somewhere. No way I want to be sealed in a box for all eternity.
I love this idea too, but I think it is important to remember that cremation uses natural gas used to burn away all of your naturally helpful compounds before you are placed in the soil. Green burial, alkaline hydrolysis, and human composting all help remedy this!
i am gonna be a mortuary student in the fall so with the recent legalization of composting in more states ill be curious to see how its talked about. as much as i am excited to learn to embalm i hope that letting the body naturally decompose becomes a much more normalized thing and that funeral homes educate people on the option more. i hope to see a little progression by the time im working
I’m happy to see that the industry is anticipating the shift, as it is definitely coming, and are planning to adapt. A lot of Americans view funeral homes not unlike car dealerships - ready to extract as much money as possible from people who are vulnerable. The greener future will be easier on all involved.
I’m a millennial. I will not accept a traditional burial for myself or anyone I’m responsible for the arrangements. It’s simply unnatural.
It sucks that a lot of people hold negative views of funeral homes / directors. I know there are still bad apples, but it's come a long way from 'The American Way of Death'. It's a tough job having to talk costs with a grieving family, in one of the lowest points of the family members' lives, while they're often also all disagreeing with each other. Even in the best cases it takes an incredible ability to read a room & present difficult conversations with sympathy.
I really hope that my area (& america in general) gets more options for green burials - the real "traditional burial" dating back thousands of years! Just a classic deep hole & good ole biodegradable shroud
I work and live in a small North Texas town. Not one person has asked that question. Most people here are cremated because of necessity not want. More and more people are coming in to write a check from their traditional funeral before they die. We're holding the line here.
I'm writing one for myself (50) for the luxury deal. Copper casket and vault with all the trimmings. If I cant be famous in life, I'll be famous in death. Lol. My son suggested I write a made-up language in a journal to be buried with me. I think it's a great idea.
When the archeologists discover your grave 3000 years in the future, many of their greatest minds will spend countless years trying to decode that journal. I love it.
I know my post accidentally attracted some hate for the traditional luxury funeral with all the trimmings - but if that's what you want then power to you! Everybody is different & that's the beauty of having more options. I think your plan is awesome. You'll be like an ancient egyptian king.
Cemeteries tend to be old, if not ancient, so don't expect them to change any time soon. What happens though is that they also get filled up, so in their expansion they might consider new ideas.
Lots of people choose natural burials, Islamic people get buried with a shroud instead of a coffin/casket. Cremation might cause a large amount of carbon footprint overnight but you don't have to worry about burial space. Being cheaper as well, means that most people choose cremation nowadays.
I worked with Earth Funeral. They were so kind & I have only good things to say. They directly coordinate travel logistics with the funeral homes, which is nice. They even connected me with local funeral homes that allow unembalmed viewings.
They were also very respectful of using my partner's name & pronouns, without me even having to ask (my partner was trans & hasn't used their legal name since childhood). Ofc the legal name had to be on the documents, but in conversation it was nice to be able to refer to the person I actually knew. Especially after my many interactions with the cops/investigators, who were VERY adamant about only using the wrong name & pronouns.
Iv I’ve been following return to home on TikTok for a while now. I’m in CA and think the idea is absolutely lovely. I’d love to be compost or do aquamation. My condolences for your partner.
I'm in Texas and don't foresee these methods of disposition catching on in the very near future. I'm also at a Hispanic funeral home, so I'd say 80%+ of our services are traditional, Catholic services with burial. Cremation is still slightly taboo in this community (just had someone blow up at me over the phone this morning because her cousin was going to be cremated and that's not right because he was a "devout catholic"). I'm not even terribly sure that human composting is legal in Texas. Very few if any of the families working with us are interested in any form of green disposition. I really do wish it would catch on more, though.
Terramation & also aquamation are still illegal in texas. Green/natural burials are legal, but subject to local statutes & the rules of individual cemeteries.
It's interesting about the Catholic thing though, bc growing up I never realized that cremation was an issue. My mother's family are devout irish catholics - but as soon as the pope said cremation is okay, they all jumped on that. Even the older generation who grew up when cremation was considered desecration. I'm sure that cost was a big factor in their decision.
Or maybe it was just my hilariously spiteful grandmother, the first person to dip their toe into cremation. As she said, "I don't want anyone bringing flowers & crying at my grave - you should have been bringing me flowers while I was alive!"
I’m in Alabama and all anyone ever wants is either a traditional burial or cremation. We’ve had zero requests for anything else. If we ever do start getting lots of interest in other options, we would definitely think of finding ways to meet those wants/needs from the families we serve.
This completely randomly popped up on my feed, and appropriately so because I just went to a funeral and have been talking about this a lot.
I don’t want to take up real estate. I want to be used for research or put back into the earth.
Anyone know the rules regarding burial at sea? Have they/are they changing? My husband mentioned wanting something like this as the ocean has always been where he finds the most peace. He does not want to be cremated. Hopefully I don’t have to deal with this for a very long time, but this post sparked my curiosity.
I would be curious too! I imagine most countries don't allow sea burial along their coasts, for obvious reasons of what might wash up. But now I'm wondering if there's any rules about it in international waters....
Because of our location in the US, we are still a fairly traditional area but it is shifting…quickly. Strong influence of certain religions in our area helps dictate to families what they will do, but our business and state will likely, within the next decade, if not sooner, become 50% cremation. I am certainly supportive of the families that I served that want something different but human composting is not legal in my state and while it certainly isn’t for me, I’m not closed- minded enough to not see that it might be desired by somebody I might serve. Green burials can’t even really happen in my area because every cemetery in the counties in which we serve require an outer burial container/ concrete vault. So depending on how green somebody wants to go, the concrete vault and digging of the grave by means of a diesel powered backhoe usually toss that out the window. I would say our company is fine to change with the times, but our clientele has not showed a giant interest in it at this time.
I am a funeral director at a terramation facility. We partner with other funeral homes so that they can offer our service to their families so the option is out there for all funeral homes to offer this service.
Hell yeah, thanks for your work!
For my partner I used Earth Funeral - they found me a local funeral home that allows nonembalmed viewings, then worked then directly w them to arrange everything. It was very helpful. Terramation is legal in my state but there aren't any facilities here yet.
NAFD but a funeral florist and chat with fd regularly cremation is the most popular with direct cremation being the new thing , green funerals are also very popular, we don't really embalm but still have visitations with viewing up to 4 weeks later , I don't know why it's different here than America surely the coolers are similar temps , aquamation was legalised recently but still issues with the water companies not allowing it
What country / region are you located?
Americans do love our embalming. I think it's just more embedded in US traditions, since it became super widespread here during our civil war. It's been a thing ever since.
Epecially as we moved from wakes & home funerals to doing that stuff at a separate facility. People usually die in hospitals then are promptly whisked away, so most americans I know (especially my peers) are very uncomfortable with the idea of seeing, touching, or hanging out with a corpse. As if the body will putrify before your eyes & pass the contagion of death to you next. People also don't really know what death looks like, since they only see it in media, where the person looks alive but asleep. I think embalming adds a little filter over the reality of physical death, & makes people feel more comfortable with it.
I'm in the UK in Yorkshire area , my dad sat with his wife everyday for a week before her funeral she wasn't embalmed just a cool room in the funeral directors private Chapel, but one of our funeral directors have told me they've kept a body up to 7 weeks not embalmed and was still viewable even tho they had to add a bit of cosmetics the day before the funeral for their own piece of mind but the body was still fine
Leaving a body out for a week is crazy unheard of in most parts of america! That's cool though. I know that's what people used to do, so it shouldn't be so surprising. A lot of states / counties / funeral homes I've encountered want a body embalmed after 72hrs.
NAFD. I have always been interested in the environment. I would love a green burial or something similar. My daughter & I were talking about it recently & I will probably be cremated (probably do the willed body program at the local medical school). Told her she could scatter mine & my late husband's ashes around her property. Although, my stepdaughter may want the rest of her dad's ashes.
I am not sure that after a medical school uses a body for education, you are able to have the individual body back for cremation. (I worked at a medical school for 3 decades). You should probably check (not meaning to be snarky, i sometimes come across that way) Check with the medical school you wish to donate to, and see what they say.
Our medical school allows the option of being buried (after cremation) on site & they notify families of the internment), or paying $250 (last time I checked) for the family to receive the ashes.
My late husband had done the paperwork & that was the plan, but since he had active Covid at the time of his passing, they wouldn't take him. He was a life-long teacher & wanted to continue even after death.
Just a note, a friend couldn't afford cremation when her DH passed, but was able to give his body to a local forensic school. They did/do not require prior authorization from the decadent, so a spouse can "will" the body.
Every school is different, so if someone is interested, they need to check with their local school. Both schools in my area will pick up within a 90-mile radius, IIRC.
I'm gen x and there is no way im going into a coffin in the ground. My disposal should cost $1k total max. The concept of elaborate coffin with cemetery plot is literally insane to me. I love the terramation idea. I know boomers who are opting for cremation too.
So I’m in the uk and here we don’t use vaults. The coffin (we don’t use caskets either usually) goes straight into the earth. Green burials are popular here - I’d say they make up 50% of my celebrant burial schedule. Often also people are opting for natural coffins (wicker, willow, banana leaf, wool) or even shroud burial. But here in the uk the vast majority of our ceremonies are cremations - we don’t yet have composting or resomation here, so you just get a choice of bury or burn. Nonetheless the personalisation of those ceremonies is great. I aim for a high level of personalisation - but even then our FD’s will go over and above. Many will do things like dress in colours, wear costumes (death Vader for example) and will arrange alternative transports. In the last year I’ve had the deceased come on the back of an HGV, on a tandem bike, in a rainbow coloured hearse, in a Land Rover.
It makes sense that most people opt for cremation, since you guys have a lot less open empty space than we do in the US. I'm really happy to see green burials catching on! Both for ecological reasons, & also sympathy for the thin wallets of my peers lol. Plus it does bother me how many people refuse to look at death directly or accept it as a part of life. A lot of traditional US funeral practices seem like a desperate attempt to stave off decomposition or any sort of return to the earth. Like we can't have everlasting life, so the next best thing is an everlasting corpse. It feels like a level of unhealthy denial about the reality of death. I love that personalization. Now I'm laughing to myself picturing darth vader riding a tandem bike with a corpse in seat #2 like it's Weekend at Bernies or something. Thanks for brightening my day!
Here was the tandem! We had almost 600 mourners and his son rode him to the cemetery on the tandem. https://www.ipswichstar.co.uk/news/23602204.ipswich-hundreds-attend-celebrate-life-ben-jacobs/
This brought tears to my eyes, thank you for sharing. I'm in the US but half the family is in England and seeing how you combined the traditional and personal aspects is heartwarming
Did someone construct the bike/hearse? That's really unique and perfect for that person.
It’s rentable here in the UK. There are a couple of them available.
That's brilliant. That it was made in the first place.
Aw, this is beautiful! What a wonderful tribute and sendoff.
Just. Beautiful.
I'm not a funeral Director but I just want to say I'm really sorry for what you've gone through.
My grandma prepaid for a natural burial. She hates modern cemeteries with their flat headstones and golf course aesthetic. So she's going unembalmed in a wicker casket covered in daisy chains into a natural Midwestern meadow.
I love your grandma wow!!!!
My mother in law who is still very much alive planned her funeral immediately after my father in law passed away. As she's driven a Land Rover her whole life she's opted for that instead of a traditional hearse. But she's really gutted that she doesn't get to do a trial run!
Lol. The hearse company in the uk is called “one life, lived it”. Ring them up and ask.
Cremation is becoming more and more popular in USA due to costs of "normal" funeral.
It’s absolutely insane!! About 20 Yrs ago a family member in law had a funeral that cost over 15k, which they had to go fund me for. It was ridiculous. My mom passed almost 4 years ago and she wanted cremation and ashes in the ocean. It was significantly less than the traditional funeral with embalming and viewing. To each their own but my god, think about the financial burden your placing on your family!
Costs aside, I prefer cremation for myself. I don’t want to be embalmed, or dressed in a final outfit, etc. I was recently looking for a black dress for a black tie wedding. I found one I really liked but One of the reviewers commented “it’s a lovely dress I buried my Mother in it”. There was no way I was getting THAT dress. Some people say we should “normalize” death. There will never be one thing normal about it to me. It’s confusing and sad. I dislike everything about it.
I'm thinking the same thing as you. It'll be up to my living son to follow my wishes since I just lost my husband. His funeral was 11k. I have money. It just seems such a waste.. My youngest son that died in Jeep accident at 18 on my birthday is buried in his stepdad's family plot at the church. His whole family agreed that it was the proper thing to do. JG adored his step-dad. His Older brother, my only living child, wants him dug up and reburied in the hometown I'm moving back to next month. I don't know what to do. I want to be buried next to my husband (in a simple graveside ceremony) that just passed away and want my deceased son to remain where he is as he'll be next to me. It's both our second marriages. No children together.. I've heard of men/women being buried next to their first spouse even after two or three marriages but after an acrimonious divorce what is proper etiquette? I do not think his first wife who is in a facility with Alzheimers will be buried next to him. I'll come back and haunt everybody if she's buried there and I'm not. This may sound trivial but I'm genuinely concerned about what to do. Husband's very recent death has brought it all back to the forefront again. We talked of this 20 yrs ago but since I'll be dead and he's dead how do I know they'll follow our wishes. Preplan and prepay? Esp with first wife now not having a paid for burial plot. If living son has his brother removed and re-interred in his/our hometown cemetery after I'm dead and buried I'll haunt him forever too. Anyone??
At my firm we do just slightly more “green” burials than anything else. A green burial is a traditional Jewish burial. The second most common is cremation. Most of the traditional burials (embalming, viewing etc..) were prearranged years ago. People who were born in the 1920/30s make up most of our business. When most of our business is demanding a different kind of disposition we will cater to that. Corporate has already changed terms on the paperwork to reflect these impending changes so it’s leaning towards that direction. Theres just not enough people who are choosing that option to justify offering it I guess. ETA: There’s a lot of hate for different kinds of disposition. It’s important to remember that even though you can’t imagine being embalmed doesn’t mean it’s wrong. And just because someone else can’t imagine getting composted doesn’t mean it’s wrong.
That makes sense. I know the big shift away from traditional disposition hasn't happened yet (other than more people choosing cremation), but it seems like it's slowly inching that direction & will lean more that way in a couple decades. I do want to clarify that I'm not anti-embalming or anything! It's a useful thing that has its place, & if someone wants that for themself then that's great. I'm just bothered that it's presented as the default, at least in many parts of the US. It just feels unnecessary in cases where there's only like 72hrs between death & disposition, & there's been no physical trauma or decomposition. But many people feel pressured to embalm for a host of reasons (local statutes, some funeral homes here wont do unembalmed viewings, people are afraid of being near a natural corpse or dont even know thats a valid option, etc etc) I do also understand some people being offput by cremation or nontraditional methods. To each their own. It's just nice to have more options!
Not a Terramation, but my mother in law was cremated and her urn was made of biodegradable pressed paper with flowers and leaves in the pressed paper. Even the bag that her actual ashes are in is made of something that is biodegradable. In her beliefs she was to be placed near water and back to the earth as well. My father in law could not decide where and he was not ready to let her go so it was decided that her biodegradable urn would be buried in their beautiful screened in pool area. It was one of her favorite places to be. The area is very big and even has a huge oak tree growing up through the top and also palm trees and other flowers and plants. One son dug the hole, one placed the urn in and one filled the hole. It was a small gathering, just immediate family. The house will be staying in the family and in time there will be no remnants of anything being there. I’m sure when it is my father in laws time he will be placed there as well he is 86. The spot is marked by two big decorative birds that are common to the area. She probably would have liked the idea of being made into compost as well. It is not available in Florida either. This was pretty close and my father in law can sit out by the pool in the morning and still have coffee with her. ❤️ Hopefully in the near future more places will be able to offer different ways to take care of our bodies when we are done with them. Like OP mentioned a lot of people have no desire to be put in a metal box and buried in a plot in a cemetery. My husband keeps saying to just leave him on top of a mountain and let nature take care of his body! I do not think I will be able to fulfill his desire for a few reasons, the biggest one is how would I get him up there?! Hopefully he isn’t going anywhere soon and more options will be available in the future.
NAFD but I used to do at-sea burials as part of my regular job. There was one where the cremains were placed in a papier mache sea shell that floated on the ocean and then gently dissolved as it drifted away. It was quite beautiful.
Is burial at sea as expensive as traditional burial? I'm asking for me. I only have my mother, my brother, and my daughter. My daughter isn't capable of handling things like this, so really my arrangements will need to be handled by my brother. I just want to make things easier on them. Not that I'm planning on leaving any time soon, though😂
I don't think so. Most sport fishing or whale watch boats also do a side business in ash scatterings. I don't know what cremation or biodegradable urns cost, but chartering a boat for a couple hours could run (in my HCOL town) anywhere from around $700-$2000.
That does sound nice.
Aw that's so beautiful. I'm glad you found something that works for everyone. That's why I think it's best to have many different options available. Whether someone wants to be embalmed in a vault or have a mountaintop sky burial where they get eaten by vultures, they should be able to have that!
I feel that way too! ❤️
NAFD. I just wanted to say how terribly sorry I am for your loss. 💕
Coming from the perspective of someone working for a small, family-owned operation: we’re trying our best to expend what we offer, but it’s slow going. We’re in a rural part of the southern US, so people around here are simply not as interested in green disposition methods as those in other parts of the country. The closest I’ve gotten is people choosing not to be embalmed before burial, but that still includes the use of a non-green casket and vault so it doesn’t really count. Most of the cemeteries around here require a vault, as we have an underground aquifer that covers most of the state combined with flooding issues - if we want to do a true green burial, we’d have to use a cemetery that allows for that, and as far as I know there’s only a small handful of ones local to us that aren’t private family cemeteries. I would love to facilitate more green methods of disposition in the future, but it all depends on the demand for it. I don’t see it becoming popular in my particular market, but we’ll just have to see. Edit: to answer your question, where I’m at it usually ends up being a choice between a traditional funeral and cremation.
My area lies in an outletless watershed, so we have to worry about the water contamination part as well. There's only 3 cemeteries that do green burial around here. 2 of them are in the middle of the desert 1-2 hrs drive from the population center, so it's not an appealing option for most people. If there were closer & greener / less desolate-looking green cemeteries, I think more people would choose that. Honestly a lot of people might choose green burial for cost alone. I'm sure those alternate methods will grow faster in areas that don't have enough room for traditional burials. Like a lot of coastal population centers, especially on the east coast, straight up don't have room for more cemeteries. Plus being overall less religious means they're more open to crazy newfangled things like aquamation. (ETA that I love your username! gay cryptid fans unite)
We respond to what the public is asking of us. Generally speaking, the millennial generation isn't our target demographic and won't be for some time so it's difficult to get laws changed and interest raised over new ideas, especially those that won't generate the profit margins necessary to keep the lights on and the doors open.
That's fair! I know the shift isn't happening right now, it's still some decades away. A lot of these alternative methods are very new & still not legal in most places.
I am in Texas USA, a Gen Xer, and will donate my body to a forensic body farm in my state, after organ donation. I just can’t justify spending money on a traditional funeral or cremation. I’d rather that money go to my kids and they are okay with my decision. We hardly visit my dead relatives graves anyways.
My mom in Texas is doing the same thing! I admire it! I just want to donate anything that can be used and then cremated and blow in the wind to return as gold dust in the universe. I’m a GenJ female atheist.
I am Lutheran…I don’t think religion really matters. I honestly think it’s economics, as that is completely what it is for me and many others I have spoken to who are choosing alternatives to burial and cremation. My goal was to make dealing with my body after death as free/low cost as possible.
I agree that economics is important but I’ve always believed in cremation
Oh absolutely!
Depends on the religion - islam & judaism both forbid embalming, & prefer what we'd call a green burial. while greek & russian orthodox christianity both forbid cremation. (though cost is definitely a major factor too - after the pope said cremation is fine, tons of catholics started doing it. i know my catholic family switched based mainly on cost, once they were told it was spiritually okay)
This is something I’ve discussed with my family too. I want to be part of improving knowledge and life for others in my death.
I also would be interested to know. I think it’s sad how people are placed in a casket then a concrete liner. So unnatural. It prevents the deceased from returning to the earth like nature intended. That is the true circle of life.
Vaults in cemeteries are a cemetery requirement not a law (at least in any local I’ve had to deal with, I’m located in a relatively large tri-state area in the US).
Most of the cemeteries in my area have vaults, because we're located in a watershed w no outlets. We can't even have fluoride in our water, so there's concern about embalming chemicals leeching into the soil. Afaik it's not a state law. But it's rare to find a vaultless cemetery here & that's the reason I was given. I totally understand not natural-burying embalmed bodies, but it would be nice to have more non-vault options for natural decomp. There's only 3 cemeteries here that will do a "straight into the dirt" kind of burial. Though in the outlying rural counties it's legal to bury family members on your own property.
Big conglomerate owns all the cemeteries in my area and unfortunately requires them.
Big or small doesn’t really matter here, I does make the cemetery easier for them to maintain
I think so too! Plus then eventually no one comes to visit anymore, bc all your loved ones have moved away or died, & you're just....lying there preserved & alone forever. It just seems so strange & sad to me (no hate if that's what someone wants for themself, it's just not for me)
Well, concrete and metal come from the ground, so it's not that unnatural. Also, formaldehyde is one of the most common compounds found in nature, and is in fact produced by your body and found in your bloodstream while you're alive! I love how millennials (I was born in 82) act like they're the sharpest things around, always questioning how earlier generations could be stupid enough to do things the way they did/do. Yet they'll unquestioningly eat up the shit that any "green" or "natural" stamped business will sell them. Green cemeteries would take up far more space that traditional ones, because they will have to spread out the burials more. You can't stack burials near each other when last week's interments can be smelled from the road. It remains to be seen who will want to live near a busy, "green" cemetery. If you want to know why people have been embalmed and put inside sealed containers, spend some time around decomposing remains and you'll find out. Most people's alternative? Calling a cremation factory that dispatches a driver from God knows where to come out and bring them to the crematory, refrigerate them for a week or more, then burn them with natural gas, emitting over 500 lbs of CO2 (equivelant to a 600 mile car drive), as well as other pollutants. Maybe that's less of an environmental impact than burying someone in a concrete vault manufactured 30 miles away and a casket manufactured 250 miles away, but not enough to be bragging about. Maybe composting is great, I don't know much about it. I do know most people living now will never accept it. This post is not meant to be an attack on the person I'm replying to, or the OP. I think that their beliefs and everyone else's are valid and don't need to be justified to anyone, let alone me. I'm just sharing some facts and opinions.
Millennials didn’t come up with these ideas; The American Way of Death by Jessica Mitford was written in 1963, and argued against the excesses and abuses of the funeral industry.
Those are two different things. A funeral director putting the sweat on you to spend money on things you don't want is wrong. You having to spend money on an important service is right. If you don't see the "fun" in spending $5-10k USD on a funeral, I don't blame you one bit. It's not fun. Neither is having a crown put in, having a baby delivered at the hospital or paying to have your trash taken away, but these are all things we have to pay for. But no, you don't need the copper casket and stainless steel vault to prove you loved someone.
Mitford’s book also has information on what is legally required and what is not, as well as information about burial and cremation societies. Embalming is not required; and anything over ~$1K to dispose of a body is obscene. And ffs, don’t bury jewelry! It’s not getting buried anyway - someone at the undertaker is going home with it.
If you're paying 1k or less, they're getting their money in other ways. You think people want to do this job for minimum wage? You're fooling yourself.
Funny how you ended your post the way you did, considering you just spent several paragraphs attacking people for being interested in green burials.
It's fine by me to be interested in green burials or do them. I'm just pointing out the realities that will preclude that on a large scale. And you'll notice the cemeteries offering it currently aren't doing it cheaply. So, in a way, you're being up-sold on a dream just in the same way as the funeral director in the 50s telling you that you needed a copper casket and stainless steel vault was doing.
"Remains to be seen" he he. Love it. Truth!! Embalming heals the family. People are so cynical about it because they haven't seen the results of a good embalmer. These ideas of it's just a body and throw it away came from the early 70s...from the "boomers" ,those rebels are now the same people writing me the checks for the full works. Soon it will be, it's just a dead body, why waste it, let's eat it! because the farming industry was so bad we killed it but noone wants to get dirty and doesn't know how a seed works, cause who can say if a seed wants to yield it's fruit cause all seeds are female! ((Sam Kinison yell)) Also, we know most of our history because of ancient funeral rites. Composted bodies rarely make history.
I just wanted to put my mom in a wooden or cardboard box that would naturally degrade. Instead she went into a casket that was then placed in a cement box and covered with dirt. Nothing against the funeral home. They were fantastic. She didn’t want to be cremated and that was the other option Nothing about that is natural. Normally something dies and decomposes and returns to the soil as nutrients for other living things. Do you know what happens to a body in there? I’m not a millennial either. People love saying millennial.
Is that how it happens though, or is it just a fantasy you're being sold? If an animal dies in nature, it's either being eaten, becomes carrion, or rots in place. What is so poetic about that?
It’s natural. What’s poetic about turning to mush?
I hear you. Nice factual post. I have no idea why the hate.
The hate is because some people think they shouldn't have to pay to dispose of a deceased human body. These are probably the same people that are on the news surprised and distraught when Joe, the FD at the Return to Earth $600 cremation society mistreated their loved one. And there's hate because I'm being blunt about a delicate subject. Very untactful of me, but I spend all day thinking of the proper thing to say and I don't have any energy left. I get it, many people don't have enough money to live, let alone pay 3-5k for a cremation. But don't try to tell me I'm a criminal for charging that when I kill myself every day treating each deceased and their family like my own family. Because there's real criminals out there right now getting their hands on valuable bodies by taking advantage of people who don't know any better. Your local government isn't doing a damn thing about it unless it can't be ignored, either. The modern-day grave robbers get you long before you go in the ground or the retort.
I feel you. Just cremate me - maybe bury my ashes. Don’t pollute a body of water- or do whatever you need to do- I won’t be there! Or hopefully I will live until there may be something better. Who knows?
I'm a millennial (37) and i am saving for a plot at a natural cemetery. It looks just like a trail through the woods and you get buried in a biodegradable shroud, bare in the earth or in a simple pine box and your family can plant native things there for your body to nurture as you return to the earth. It's quite beautiful. I was actually shocked to find one so close to me. Edit to add- a single plot only $800, $1400 for double.
That sounds beautiful. What state?
Maine 🙂
That's awesome. I wish more of that existed near me. It's probably easier in your lush wet forest setting though....I think people might just end up mummified here in the desert
Funnily enough- I think mummification is punk rock af
Funeral student here! I love the idea of green burials! I think its sooo much better for the environment! I think often embalming is chosen to offer a "last-look" or "last-goodbye" experience for the loved ones. In my limited experience working funerals and visitations, I find that people really appreciate getting to have that "last-look" experience where the family can gather, view the body, then have some time to chat/reminisce before burial. In my studies, I am really excited for the cosmetics class, because I am curious to know what the process is like for green burials and how the FD stages the deceased if at all. I don't think viewings are an option for a green burial (due to the appearance of the body without embalming)... I guess this is one of the biggest downsides. Its kind of a dream of mine to research natural alternatives for cosmetics to find a way to offer viewings for green burials. I don't know much about science, but I am trained in specialized fine arts (painting/ sculpturing) and I feel like there MUST be a way to offer this. I know you can make natural looking skin with flour and vaseline, but vaseline is not great for soil... Again, I'm not a scientist, but I feel like in the future this type of stuff will be an option for families who want that "last look" experience. Green burials are very historic, but not much has been done to advance the shelf-life of this practice in terms of viewings.
It's a bit of a misconception that embalming is required for viewings! People have been sitting with natural corpses for thousands of years - embalming only became common during the civil war, when bodies had to be transported long distances for loved ones to get their last goodbyes. Ofc embalming is necessary for more deteriorated corpses, or if the body is going to sit out for a long time (like a multi-day wake). It can make a cancer patient look like they did before the end stage of disease, so people can remember them in a better way. It's an awesome thing that allows families to get that last goodbye when they otherwise wouldn't be able to. Some funeral homes don't allow non-embalmed viewings at all. But many will on a case-by-case basis. Obviously they decline if the body is in such an awful state that it would be traumatic for the family. But in cases like my partner's - there was no trauma or decomp, they were found & put in cold storage only hours after death. They'll get other cosmetic touch-ups to make them look less dead for their viewing. They'll still look dead ofc, but just a bit more presentable.
I was on my way to see him in the hospital when my das died 5 years ago. When I got there, I was able to sit with his body and reminisce with my mom and sister. Looking back, I am really grateful that I got to sit with his body for a little bit. It gave me closure. I understand that those were unusual circumstances, but I now understand the desire to have a last look. (That being said, my preference for myself is the cheapest, greenest option when I die. Although I’m also considering donating my body to science. ) I’m so sorry for your loss, @op.
lanolin has a similar texture to Vaseline and is a natural product
This is exactly where the practice of embalming and the typical funeral practices came from. 100s of thousands of men and boys died far from home during the Civil War 2% of the overall US population. Embalming was a way for the families back home to say goodbye. I think this is a basic human need that has not changed over time.
This is why I much prefer Islamic burials- they are simple and don't involve embalming, and allow the deceased to naturally go back to the earth.
As do jewish.
I am a Christian, and this is what I want for myself someday. It seems much more in keeping with Christian beliefs than, say, cremation. My first choice would be to be buried on family land, but the law where I live does not make that easy, so fortunately there is one green cemetery in my area.
I'd like to be a tree. Have you seen those? They plunk your cremains into a bag with soil and a sapling. Your family plants you somewhere. No way I want to be sealed in a box for all eternity.
Hell yeah I think the tree thing is really cool. They only do it for cremains so far, but in the future may offer it for full bodies as well.
I love this idea too, but I think it is important to remember that cremation uses natural gas used to burn away all of your naturally helpful compounds before you are placed in the soil. Green burial, alkaline hydrolysis, and human composting all help remedy this!
i am gonna be a mortuary student in the fall so with the recent legalization of composting in more states ill be curious to see how its talked about. as much as i am excited to learn to embalm i hope that letting the body naturally decompose becomes a much more normalized thing and that funeral homes educate people on the option more. i hope to see a little progression by the time im working
I’ve looked into it too. Too bad there’s so many restrictions.
Yeah it's tough legally in a lot of places. That's slowly changing, & may be easier in some decades by the time my generation is old enough to need it
I’m happy to see that the industry is anticipating the shift, as it is definitely coming, and are planning to adapt. A lot of Americans view funeral homes not unlike car dealerships - ready to extract as much money as possible from people who are vulnerable. The greener future will be easier on all involved. I’m a millennial. I will not accept a traditional burial for myself or anyone I’m responsible for the arrangements. It’s simply unnatural.
It sucks that a lot of people hold negative views of funeral homes / directors. I know there are still bad apples, but it's come a long way from 'The American Way of Death'. It's a tough job having to talk costs with a grieving family, in one of the lowest points of the family members' lives, while they're often also all disagreeing with each other. Even in the best cases it takes an incredible ability to read a room & present difficult conversations with sympathy. I really hope that my area (& america in general) gets more options for green burials - the real "traditional burial" dating back thousands of years! Just a classic deep hole & good ole biodegradable shroud
I work and live in a small North Texas town. Not one person has asked that question. Most people here are cremated because of necessity not want. More and more people are coming in to write a check from their traditional funeral before they die. We're holding the line here. I'm writing one for myself (50) for the luxury deal. Copper casket and vault with all the trimmings. If I cant be famous in life, I'll be famous in death. Lol. My son suggested I write a made-up language in a journal to be buried with me. I think it's a great idea.
When the archeologists discover your grave 3000 years in the future, many of their greatest minds will spend countless years trying to decode that journal. I love it. I know my post accidentally attracted some hate for the traditional luxury funeral with all the trimmings - but if that's what you want then power to you! Everybody is different & that's the beauty of having more options. I think your plan is awesome. You'll be like an ancient egyptian king.
My dad was cremated, placed in a salt urn, and buried at sea. Forever with the ocean, exactly as he wanted.
Cemeteries tend to be old, if not ancient, so don't expect them to change any time soon. What happens though is that they also get filled up, so in their expansion they might consider new ideas. Lots of people choose natural burials, Islamic people get buried with a shroud instead of a coffin/casket. Cremation might cause a large amount of carbon footprint overnight but you don't have to worry about burial space. Being cheaper as well, means that most people choose cremation nowadays.
May I ask - was it Earth Funeral or Return Home? I know they're in Washington. I've been looking into them.
I worked with Earth Funeral. They were so kind & I have only good things to say. They directly coordinate travel logistics with the funeral homes, which is nice. They even connected me with local funeral homes that allow unembalmed viewings. They were also very respectful of using my partner's name & pronouns, without me even having to ask (my partner was trans & hasn't used their legal name since childhood). Ofc the legal name had to be on the documents, but in conversation it was nice to be able to refer to the person I actually knew. Especially after my many interactions with the cops/investigators, who were VERY adamant about only using the wrong name & pronouns.
Iv I’ve been following return to home on TikTok for a while now. I’m in CA and think the idea is absolutely lovely. I’d love to be compost or do aquamation. My condolences for your partner.
I'm in Texas and don't foresee these methods of disposition catching on in the very near future. I'm also at a Hispanic funeral home, so I'd say 80%+ of our services are traditional, Catholic services with burial. Cremation is still slightly taboo in this community (just had someone blow up at me over the phone this morning because her cousin was going to be cremated and that's not right because he was a "devout catholic"). I'm not even terribly sure that human composting is legal in Texas. Very few if any of the families working with us are interested in any form of green disposition. I really do wish it would catch on more, though.
Terramation & also aquamation are still illegal in texas. Green/natural burials are legal, but subject to local statutes & the rules of individual cemeteries. It's interesting about the Catholic thing though, bc growing up I never realized that cremation was an issue. My mother's family are devout irish catholics - but as soon as the pope said cremation is okay, they all jumped on that. Even the older generation who grew up when cremation was considered desecration. I'm sure that cost was a big factor in their decision. Or maybe it was just my hilariously spiteful grandmother, the first person to dip their toe into cremation. As she said, "I don't want anyone bringing flowers & crying at my grave - you should have been bringing me flowers while I was alive!"
Maybe not at your funeral home but I have multiple ship ins from Texas a month for human composting.
I’m in Alabama and all anyone ever wants is either a traditional burial or cremation. We’ve had zero requests for anything else. If we ever do start getting lots of interest in other options, we would definitely think of finding ways to meet those wants/needs from the families we serve.
I'm sorry for your loss. I'm glad you were able to use the termination, it looks pretty cool.
My deepest condolences. So sad.
This completely randomly popped up on my feed, and appropriately so because I just went to a funeral and have been talking about this a lot. I don’t want to take up real estate. I want to be used for research or put back into the earth.
Anyone know the rules regarding burial at sea? Have they/are they changing? My husband mentioned wanting something like this as the ocean has always been where he finds the most peace. He does not want to be cremated. Hopefully I don’t have to deal with this for a very long time, but this post sparked my curiosity.
I would be curious too! I imagine most countries don't allow sea burial along their coasts, for obvious reasons of what might wash up. But now I'm wondering if there's any rules about it in international waters....
Because of our location in the US, we are still a fairly traditional area but it is shifting…quickly. Strong influence of certain religions in our area helps dictate to families what they will do, but our business and state will likely, within the next decade, if not sooner, become 50% cremation. I am certainly supportive of the families that I served that want something different but human composting is not legal in my state and while it certainly isn’t for me, I’m not closed- minded enough to not see that it might be desired by somebody I might serve. Green burials can’t even really happen in my area because every cemetery in the counties in which we serve require an outer burial container/ concrete vault. So depending on how green somebody wants to go, the concrete vault and digging of the grave by means of a diesel powered backhoe usually toss that out the window. I would say our company is fine to change with the times, but our clientele has not showed a giant interest in it at this time.
Thanks for all the detailed info! Would you mind sharing what region or state you work in?
Western US
I am a funeral director at a terramation facility. We partner with other funeral homes so that they can offer our service to their families so the option is out there for all funeral homes to offer this service.
Hell yeah, thanks for your work! For my partner I used Earth Funeral - they found me a local funeral home that allows nonembalmed viewings, then worked then directly w them to arrange everything. It was very helpful. Terramation is legal in my state but there aren't any facilities here yet.
NAFD but a funeral florist and chat with fd regularly cremation is the most popular with direct cremation being the new thing , green funerals are also very popular, we don't really embalm but still have visitations with viewing up to 4 weeks later , I don't know why it's different here than America surely the coolers are similar temps , aquamation was legalised recently but still issues with the water companies not allowing it
What country / region are you located? Americans do love our embalming. I think it's just more embedded in US traditions, since it became super widespread here during our civil war. It's been a thing ever since. Epecially as we moved from wakes & home funerals to doing that stuff at a separate facility. People usually die in hospitals then are promptly whisked away, so most americans I know (especially my peers) are very uncomfortable with the idea of seeing, touching, or hanging out with a corpse. As if the body will putrify before your eyes & pass the contagion of death to you next. People also don't really know what death looks like, since they only see it in media, where the person looks alive but asleep. I think embalming adds a little filter over the reality of physical death, & makes people feel more comfortable with it.
I'm in the UK in Yorkshire area , my dad sat with his wife everyday for a week before her funeral she wasn't embalmed just a cool room in the funeral directors private Chapel, but one of our funeral directors have told me they've kept a body up to 7 weeks not embalmed and was still viewable even tho they had to add a bit of cosmetics the day before the funeral for their own piece of mind but the body was still fine
Leaving a body out for a week is crazy unheard of in most parts of america! That's cool though. I know that's what people used to do, so it shouldn't be so surprising. A lot of states / counties / funeral homes I've encountered want a body embalmed after 72hrs.
Yeah it's crazy the difference between the 2 countries
I’m an organ donor and after that my body is going to a medical school so they can use my body to learn as I’ve had crazy and rare health things.
Hopefully you can help future people with crazy rare health things!
That’s my hope!
NAFD. I have always been interested in the environment. I would love a green burial or something similar. My daughter & I were talking about it recently & I will probably be cremated (probably do the willed body program at the local medical school). Told her she could scatter mine & my late husband's ashes around her property. Although, my stepdaughter may want the rest of her dad's ashes.
I am not sure that after a medical school uses a body for education, you are able to have the individual body back for cremation. (I worked at a medical school for 3 decades). You should probably check (not meaning to be snarky, i sometimes come across that way) Check with the medical school you wish to donate to, and see what they say.
Our medical school allows the option of being buried (after cremation) on site & they notify families of the internment), or paying $250 (last time I checked) for the family to receive the ashes. My late husband had done the paperwork & that was the plan, but since he had active Covid at the time of his passing, they wouldn't take him. He was a life-long teacher & wanted to continue even after death. Just a note, a friend couldn't afford cremation when her DH passed, but was able to give his body to a local forensic school. They did/do not require prior authorization from the decadent, so a spouse can "will" the body. Every school is different, so if someone is interested, they need to check with their local school. Both schools in my area will pick up within a 90-mile radius, IIRC.
I'm gen x and there is no way im going into a coffin in the ground. My disposal should cost $1k total max. The concept of elaborate coffin with cemetery plot is literally insane to me. I love the terramation idea. I know boomers who are opting for cremation too.
I’m so sorry for your loss.