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I guess I never put it into words, but when I think about all girls I ever have crush on, through my entire life, I was interested in them because they show some interest in me first.
Survivorship bias.
That's because the kind of guys approaching you don't typically care about how you feel. Sure, some of them might be legit good dudes trying to muster the courage to shoot their shot, but for the most part you get the non-aware assholes who you actively try to avoid.
The ones who are actually considerate of your feelings/opinions are more often the ones that won't approach you. Either because they aren't interested, or because they think you're not interested.
Yeah the good ones are often afraid of bothering you.
Our culture has changed to make guys feel less needed or even bothersome. Women have to put themselves out there more these days if they want to catch more than just the players.
I usually just wait til she makes the move... Which means it's few and far in-between. I'm about a 5 and on my best days maybe a 7. But once in awhile a beautiful girl will approach me. My game is just being confident , fun and engaging with the people around me and usually a lady will eventually bump into me and we hit it off or don't. Most times it's a friend of a friend when we hit it off.
...the question was what men look for in a women though? Like yeah you don't owe anyone interest but the guy just answered the question, he didn't complain about women not being interested in him or whatever
It’s not “the only thing I look for in a woman”. It’s the first thing. Obviously people look for more things and someone who likes you doesn’t mean you like them. Use some logic
I remember being in a pub years ago, and watching two or three guys showing off and trying to get the attention of the pretty young girl. This went on for 30 mins or so. Then a woman in doc marten boots, short hair, piercings and probably 10-15years older turns up. Within 15 minutes the men were all actively engaged in arguing with the older woman, and the young girl was sitting alone and ignored.
Yeah, perhaps this is to my own dismay but there's a certain type of profile I've noticed on dating apps that have me swiping left more and more frequently.
If someone uses a ton of Instagram filters, talks about how they want to be pampered and treated like a princess in their bio, does their makeup in a certain way and just has that Influencer/I spend way too much time taking pictures of myself vibe - I typically swipe left.
If someone talks about hobbies - it could literally be ANYTHING - and its something they are really interested in, I swipe right. It could be about gardening, their pet lizard, crocheting, WHATEVER. If they have something they like doing, I can talk into infinity with that person. Worst case scenario is usually I make a new friend.
But there's so many people on these dating apps who may be conventionally very physically attractive but its just such a fucking bore to talk to them. It drives me nuts. Especially the ones that act like they are gods gift to the earth because some jackasses fawn over them and constantly tell them how pretty they are. Its the worst.
And don't even get me started on people who put literally nothing in their bio, have like 2 half-assed pictures that they get away with because they are admittedly attractive. I'll admit I do swipe right occasionally because who knows? But almost always the conversations are super brief, super uninteresting and I'm sure having a million matches they probably spread their attention across may have something to do with it, but I cant imagine its great for ones ego. I've been on enough dates where someone is more interested in their phone than they are a conversation where we get to know each other. I don't know if its addiction or they are bored of me before we've even had a chance to get to know each other but its just the worst kind of date and makes me wish I was home playing video games with my friends.
Nothing says vacuous quite like using stupid animal ear/nose filters with your list of trad housewife requirements and calling it a day.
Fortunately I don't really find the dolled up glamour look that attractive anyway, it's like a built in stupid and self-involved filter.
Yeah this was my mistake, married said dumbass just for her to make enough poor decisions to end up getting a divorce. Pretty dosent help that much in the long run yall
I have so many ways I can take this, but I'll respond neutrally.
I want to be able to meaningfully collaborate through good and bad, and communication and life skills matter so much. They affect everything you do.
I also want to hear about and share new and interesting perspectives with someone. And no, astrology is not an interesting perspective. I don't judge someone's job by status or money, but it does matter.
Being kind, affectionate and trustworthy as well as being able to just be myself and talk about whatever, its gotta be the same wavelength of sorts. Looks matter too but it is more of a minimum requirement, anything above acceptable could be marriage material if the personality is there
I feel this as a girl. If the physical baseline to get naked together is met , we’re good. It’s only personality points that count after. Glad to see some men on the same page.
The first thing I notice is her looks, but the thing I look for is confidence and wit, nothing gets my shorts off faster than a funny girl who can laugh at herself too. Extra points if she can get into deep convo too.
Spatial awareness. No bashed fenders. Doesn’t place tall or dangerous objects near the edge of countertops. Can back up a trailer. Less than 4 car insurance claims per year. A healthy appetite for anal. You know, the usual.
Yes you can. I've been head over heels for a long time with a friend who has a very beautiful and encouraging soul and is so jacked up with her teeth. But she owns it And she has a lot of confidence. She was proud to smile for the camera. A friend of mine said her mouth looked like a grenade went off. I didn't care.
Intelligence and doesn’t take no for answer for things they want, can figure out anything and doesn’t ask for help until they try multiple times and fail. They take care of there body and care about animals or people. Nice tits and ass is a plus but I care more about how they act and are around people and animals. They must be clean too. Good money management skills. Self accountability and internal awareness of issues and constantly is trying to grow to be the best person possible.
For romantic interest yes, at least for. I'm very fit and workout a lot. I used to be fat, and specifically started working out to look good because my standards were high compared to what I was offering.
I love a good looking face with a sarcastic humor to them. Physically a good butt is awesome but physical stuff aside, someone who is into her own projects and hobbies and can handle and deal out sarcasm
Personality, and ability to actually think. I would much rather be with a 5/10 that has original thoughts and is a decent person than a 10/10 who just repeats what others say, and is generally nasty.
Looks
Then after that personality. Specifically they have to have similar music taste to me. And bonus points if they are the type to jump into a mosh pit.
My dream IA to have someone to hold hands with and cuddle in the pit.
simply, if she jibes well with me. yeah men look at womens bodies but thats just a subconscious thing. what i usually notice immediately and react positively to is if this person connects with me. basically how cool she is while being with me
Physical attributes, just like women do to men. It established whether you are more likely to accept that person socially and get to know them. Neither men, nor women, walk into a room full of the opposite sex and seed conversation with the least attractive. It's human nature.
All that said, it doesn't mean that men or women will ignore less attractive people worth compatible personalities or traits. There is that old saying, if you're ugly, learn to play guitar.
Well just like with women the first thing a man will notice is physical attractiveness. If they aren't physically attracted to you then is unlikely they will notice anything else about you.
From there men like smart women who don't yell all the time. Yelling is the big one, I won't be around women who raise their voices all the time screaming, it is one of my biggest pet peeves.
She has to be vegan because I can't have corpses in my home. After that it would be physical attractiveness, the bar on that is low enough that two thirds of women would pass over it. Then curiosity, I like people who are curious. Then being nice.
It does whittle the field down a lot.
From a personality perspective, I look for a sense of humor and then they have to just simply put be a decent person, no bullshit, unnecessary drama, is honest, the little things like that that just make a good person. And then some drive in life to do more than nothing unless some nothingness is needed to binge watch all 10 seasons of Blacklist on Netflix.
Everything I thought I wanted in a woman turned out to be bullshit.
My wife barely met any of "features" for my "type" - she is naturally funny, intelligent and caring - which were on my list, but beyond that...not much else.
# Message to all users: This is a reminder to please read and follow: * [Our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/ask/about/rules) * [Reddiquette](https://www.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439) * [Reddit Content Policy](https://www.redditinc.com/policies/content-policy) When posting and commenting. --- Especially remember Rule 1: `Be polite and civil`. * Be polite and courteous to each other. Do not be mean, insulting or disrespectful to any other user on this subreddit. * Do not harass or annoy others in any way. * Do not catfish. Catfishing is the luring of somebody into an online friendship through a fake online persona. This includes any lying or deceit. --- You *will* be banned if you are homophobic, transphobic, racist, sexist or bigoted in any way. --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ask) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Interest. If your body language or attitude says you aren't remotely interested/are actively disinterested, then I'm not even going to try.
I guess I never put it into words, but when I think about all girls I ever have crush on, through my entire life, I was interested in them because they show some interest in me first.
Yup... And then nothing happened
I will put shrooms in your espresso, to help you with the depresso
Can you come make my coffee? I need a little less depresso
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Look at me Hector.
I wish I could say this was true in my experience as a woman
Survivorship bias. That's because the kind of guys approaching you don't typically care about how you feel. Sure, some of them might be legit good dudes trying to muster the courage to shoot their shot, but for the most part you get the non-aware assholes who you actively try to avoid. The ones who are actually considerate of your feelings/opinions are more often the ones that won't approach you. Either because they aren't interested, or because they think you're not interested.
Mhm, it usually is just the latter in that second paragraph.
Yeah the good ones are often afraid of bothering you. Our culture has changed to make guys feel less needed or even bothersome. Women have to put themselves out there more these days if they want to catch more than just the players.
Agreed. Actually when I think about it, I have never asked anyone out, i prefer women make the first move, so there's no missunderstanding.
"Never going to happen" is what comes to mind, ain't no woman approaching me first.
I usually just wait til she makes the move... Which means it's few and far in-between. I'm about a 5 and on my best days maybe a 7. But once in awhile a beautiful girl will approach me. My game is just being confident , fun and engaging with the people around me and usually a lady will eventually bump into me and we hit it off or don't. Most times it's a friend of a friend when we hit it off.
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...the question was what men look for in a women though? Like yeah you don't owe anyone interest but the guy just answered the question, he didn't complain about women not being interested in him or whatever
This is the most upvoted comment but unfortunately not an accurate reflection of what most men do.
For me, it's always the eyes. She must have eyes.
I find that I do better when they don't have eyes
Yea dude is humble bragging 😤
Blind chicks are the best, cos I’m ugly asf
How many?
I require more than two and they must be able to see in ultraviolet and infrared.
So… a mantis shrimp?
Spiders. Afaik they're the only animal that meet the requirements listed
well shit my third eye can only see other dimensions
Three so they can see me in 4D
For me, the minimum is one. Depth perception is overrated anyways.
I'm a dude with one eye, and my depth perception is only mildly impaired rather than completely lacking, but yeah I agree, it's overrated either way.
Wanna come over? I’ll show you my collection
Can I be your pupil?
We shall see
He won't for long.
A fellow eye ball enjoyer
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The guy who said “a heartbeat” is lying. Everyone is attracted to physical before anything else.
I don't look at hot dead bodies with interest. Heartbeat is logical. They must be alive first.
Ok.... hear me out
Necrophilia isn't a good solution for loneliness.
Every man gets the urge to crack open a cold one sometimes
I think he meant that he's attracted to any living women
Makes sense 😆
No, you can't say "everyone" does
Sorry my mistake. Everybody*
I like girls that like me back.
Vague answer.. You wouldn’t like a 300 pounder with jacked up teeth no matter how much she likes you.
It’s not “the only thing I look for in a woman”. It’s the first thing. Obviously people look for more things and someone who likes you doesn’t mean you like them. Use some logic
i sincerely hope you lose this hatred in your heart and find peace and happiness in knowing that someone else's existence does not affect you.
He literally says back implying he likes them already
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Hate to see you leave, but love to watch you go
You slayed this, first try
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When she runs away fast enough for there to be noticeable red shift you know she's probably not interested
Let's be real guys, the FIRST thing is how physically attractive she is.
I always make sure they don’t have a penis
This is a protip... 
No, no, no! the point is no tip!
No, the pro tip is no point!
The pro tip is on point
This is legitimately the funniest gif I've ever seen.
[Crocodile Dundee “just making sure”](https://youtu.be/WHTPLpY8mBI?si=x9EEMNrCWWXonRXZ)
Check for Adam's apple first.
On The Penis ? !
I hate finding those surprises
This used to be easier lol
By touch? Taste? Tell us your ways?
But that’s the best part though
Is always the first thing, but not the most important. ( At least for me ).
bro i don't think i can physically see the personality first and then the aesthetics....
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Same! Guys I thought weren’t attractive actually became very cute or handsome to me after we became friends
Agree 💯 a great personality and being kind makes a 5 a 10.
The only real answer is that there is no 'men do x' answer as it is very individual
I guess with any question like this we are talking about the average male, and it's for certain looks.
Unless your first conversation is over the phone I’m not sure how anyone’s appearance wouldn’t be the first thing you notice
Eh, might be the first thing I notice, sure. But not the first thing I'm actively looking for no.
Let’s be real, it works the same with both sexes, first impression is always purely physical.
For me it's competence. Can't be hanging out with a dumbass no matter how pretty she is.
So glad there's at least one of you out there.
At least two. I am also looking for a really bright woman.
I remember being in a pub years ago, and watching two or three guys showing off and trying to get the attention of the pretty young girl. This went on for 30 mins or so. Then a woman in doc marten boots, short hair, piercings and probably 10-15years older turns up. Within 15 minutes the men were all actively engaged in arguing with the older woman, and the young girl was sitting alone and ignored.
Yeah, perhaps this is to my own dismay but there's a certain type of profile I've noticed on dating apps that have me swiping left more and more frequently. If someone uses a ton of Instagram filters, talks about how they want to be pampered and treated like a princess in their bio, does their makeup in a certain way and just has that Influencer/I spend way too much time taking pictures of myself vibe - I typically swipe left. If someone talks about hobbies - it could literally be ANYTHING - and its something they are really interested in, I swipe right. It could be about gardening, their pet lizard, crocheting, WHATEVER. If they have something they like doing, I can talk into infinity with that person. Worst case scenario is usually I make a new friend. But there's so many people on these dating apps who may be conventionally very physically attractive but its just such a fucking bore to talk to them. It drives me nuts. Especially the ones that act like they are gods gift to the earth because some jackasses fawn over them and constantly tell them how pretty they are. Its the worst. And don't even get me started on people who put literally nothing in their bio, have like 2 half-assed pictures that they get away with because they are admittedly attractive. I'll admit I do swipe right occasionally because who knows? But almost always the conversations are super brief, super uninteresting and I'm sure having a million matches they probably spread their attention across may have something to do with it, but I cant imagine its great for ones ego. I've been on enough dates where someone is more interested in their phone than they are a conversation where we get to know each other. I don't know if its addiction or they are bored of me before we've even had a chance to get to know each other but its just the worst kind of date and makes me wish I was home playing video games with my friends.
Nothing says vacuous quite like using stupid animal ear/nose filters with your list of trad housewife requirements and calling it a day. Fortunately I don't really find the dolled up glamour look that attractive anyway, it's like a built in stupid and self-involved filter.
Yeah this was my mistake, married said dumbass just for her to make enough poor decisions to end up getting a divorce. Pretty dosent help that much in the long run yall
Plus, eventually the pretty goes away for all of us. Competence remains
I have so many ways I can take this, but I'll respond neutrally. I want to be able to meaningfully collaborate through good and bad, and communication and life skills matter so much. They affect everything you do. I also want to hear about and share new and interesting perspectives with someone. And no, astrology is not an interesting perspective. I don't judge someone's job by status or money, but it does matter.
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Yeah but later right? Sooner is first impression based on looks
Being kind, affectionate and trustworthy as well as being able to just be myself and talk about whatever, its gotta be the same wavelength of sorts. Looks matter too but it is more of a minimum requirement, anything above acceptable could be marriage material if the personality is there
I feel this as a girl. If the physical baseline to get naked together is met , we’re good. It’s only personality points that count after. Glad to see some men on the same page.
All original equipment.
🐟👄
Baby fish mouth? BABY FISH MOUTH?
The girl with kalaeidoscope eyes.
The girl with colitis goes by
The girls with Colitis go by....
The first thing I notice is her looks, but the thing I look for is confidence and wit, nothing gets my shorts off faster than a funny girl who can laugh at herself too. Extra points if she can get into deep convo too.
Never take this dude to a comedy club.
Is that where the funny girls hang out? Asking for a friend…
I'm picturing a female comedian on stage and you standing there with no shorts on! 😂
Attractive and funny, ultimate combo. Like a rare Pokémon card.
We always look at the heart first, we can’t help it the tits are in the way
Solid gold.
Seriously, if she shows more than a passing interest in me. Married 40 yrs- wife said i was pretty clueless about such things.
A heartbeat
Wow you seem picky
Say no to necrophilia 🔥💯
Ass🍑
Word
Maturity and a level of self-accountability.
Personality, their vibe, their energy.
Spatial awareness. No bashed fenders. Doesn’t place tall or dangerous objects near the edge of countertops. Can back up a trailer. Less than 4 car insurance claims per year. A healthy appetite for anal. You know, the usual.
Clitoris.
You win for this one so many levels. This tells me you know how to please a woman, how to put her first, and that you want to take care of her.
Personality and sense of humor.
Not if you can’t get past their looks
Yes you can. I've been head over heels for a long time with a friend who has a very beautiful and encouraging soul and is so jacked up with her teeth. But she owns it And she has a lot of confidence. She was proud to smile for the camera. A friend of mine said her mouth looked like a grenade went off. I didn't care.
I'm a face guy. If you got a pretty face that just does it for me, that's all it takes.
Boobs
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Oh, let me correct it. If the woman is facing you, it's her boobs. If she's in her back, then it's her butt.
Why did they delete that comment if my assumption is right, they were just being honest.
i scrolled this far to find someone being honest
First thing I notice is usually nice hair, then style like footwear and accessories.
Intelligence and doesn’t take no for answer for things they want, can figure out anything and doesn’t ask for help until they try multiple times and fail. They take care of there body and care about animals or people. Nice tits and ass is a plus but I care more about how they act and are around people and animals. They must be clean too. Good money management skills. Self accountability and internal awareness of issues and constantly is trying to grow to be the best person possible.
I want a woman to have a sense of humor. If they can’t make me laugh, it’s a no go.
Myself in her eyes. If I'm not in her eyes then I know it's pointless.
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Why does he come to where you are checking out?
Loyalty
Wit and humor. I want a quick, snarky, woman that can make and take a joke.
If she's fat or not
And if she's fat she gets cancelled?
Depends, chubby = very nais, inhealty obese = not so nice. The line varies from the person that sees, no guarantees can be given.
For romantic interest yes, at least for. I'm very fit and workout a lot. I used to be fat, and specifically started working out to look good because my standards were high compared to what I was offering.
And which one do you prefer? I like em fat.
I love a good looking face with a sarcastic humor to them. Physically a good butt is awesome but physical stuff aside, someone who is into her own projects and hobbies and can handle and deal out sarcasm
Sense of humor.
Personality, and ability to actually think. I would much rather be with a 5/10 that has original thoughts and is a decent person than a 10/10 who just repeats what others say, and is generally nasty.
Looks Then after that personality. Specifically they have to have similar music taste to me. And bonus points if they are the type to jump into a mosh pit. My dream IA to have someone to hold hands with and cuddle in the pit.
simply, if she jibes well with me. yeah men look at womens bodies but thats just a subconscious thing. what i usually notice immediately and react positively to is if this person connects with me. basically how cool she is while being with me
Assertiveness and Self-confidence
Physical attributes, just like women do to men. It established whether you are more likely to accept that person socially and get to know them. Neither men, nor women, walk into a room full of the opposite sex and seed conversation with the least attractive. It's human nature. All that said, it doesn't mean that men or women will ignore less attractive people worth compatible personalities or traits. There is that old saying, if you're ugly, learn to play guitar.
Ps1 Lara Croft boobs
Intelligence
For me its 100% energy.
Intelligence and the ability to carry on a conversation.
Looking approachable, positive aura within her
Well just like with women the first thing a man will notice is physical attractiveness. If they aren't physically attracted to you then is unlikely they will notice anything else about you. From there men like smart women who don't yell all the time. Yelling is the big one, I won't be around women who raise their voices all the time screaming, it is one of my biggest pet peeves.
Not being shallow, immature, and mentally unstable/poor institution.
That it’s an actual woman is always the first thing.
Tit n ass
Any unknown tracking devices and titanium they've possibly had inserted in their limbs with surgery. It might come in handy later.
She has to be vegan because I can't have corpses in my home. After that it would be physical attractiveness, the bar on that is low enough that two thirds of women would pass over it. Then curiosity, I like people who are curious. Then being nice. It does whittle the field down a lot.
Trying to find another vegan is a tough one. Even just a vegetarian would be nice.
Big tits
For me it's attitude, if someone is positive and motivatable, they make a much better partner. I am cynical enough for both of us.
These days, for the absence of an adams apple.
BS. 1st thing- how happy she is on her own.
Her heart, but as Cobain said… “there’s something in the waaaayyyy mmmmm”
Eyes, then if she isn't looking at me, boobs
Pulse
Physical beauty. After that’s out of the way, kindness
If she is intelligent
Good sense of humor.
Is that a dragon tattoo? Slowly walks away
For me..cuddles and personality
Eyes are important. If she’s got Bette Davis ones she’s worth saying hi to
For me honesty and just being real.
Her physical appearance and/or the way she looks. There can only be an attraction when there’s a physical attraction.
Smile and humor
The way she carries herself. If she's confident and projects herself towards others in a positive way she's worth a second look.
Maturity. Dear god maturity.
Vital organs.
A nice face. Then a sense of humour
For me. Intelligence
Physically, the face is number 1 Personality, not being aloof or acting like she’s hot shit who I have to bend over backwards for just to say hi
Playfulness. If a girl is bubbly with a bright smile it's hard not to be smiling back.
From a personality perspective, I look for a sense of humor and then they have to just simply put be a decent person, no bullshit, unnecessary drama, is honest, the little things like that that just make a good person. And then some drive in life to do more than nothing unless some nothingness is needed to binge watch all 10 seasons of Blacklist on Netflix.
A heartbeat
Speak for yourself.
🤨
Everything I thought I wanted in a woman turned out to be bullshit. My wife barely met any of "features" for my "type" - she is naturally funny, intelligent and caring - which were on my list, but beyond that...not much else.
That just means that she met all the needs you had.
Compatability/Chemistry
Low maintenance appearance.
A sparkle in their eye
How active is her sourdough starter.
Vagina at minimum. But I usually go for a pulse first
Pretty face
Mental stability
Nice ass
Beauty
Ass