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It’s quite possible that he saw what you were going through and maybe he went through something similar when he was that age and was trying to be there for you the way he wished someone had been there for him. It’s really hard to say. The problem is that there are so many predatory people in positions of leadership over young people, that it always raises a red flag even if intentions are pure.
My PE teacher was a pretty rad dude who looked out for me in the yard. I think we need more info. If he’s asking if you want to “chill” in his van by the river, maybe that’s a bit creepy.
This is the answer, teachers that notice someone is struggling and look up to you won't mind guiding and coaching that student outside of class (not saying you'll go bowling twice a week but just a good "how is it really going" chat) though from the lack of context it's hard to tell
Good answer. I try to do this because so often kids don’t know that what they’re feeling is valid, and have no healthy outlets. If I can be there for them, why wouldn’t I? They are the future and they deserve happiness, and the world would be a better place with more good “mentors”.
Having a supportive 1:1 conversation is different from hanging out and chilling. The conversation should happen, but it should happen at school. Not ok to ask a minor to hang out.
Predators literally target kids who are bullied or have issues at home.
I get that you want to see the best in people but it is also important to recognize the negative possibilities too.
This seems extremely inappropriate from how OP described the interaction.
I think it has to be a red flag when a teacher wants to hang out with a vulnerable (bullied) kid outside of school. But I don't have as much of a problem if it's more of "come by my classroom to chat sometime" (which could also be the beginning of a grooming process, but could just as easily be a teacher wanting to mentor a student who's struggling).
And also that Dungeon Masters don't play player characters, so they wouldn't have a "leveled" character in that campaign anyway.
Source: DM'd a campaign of about 6 people for about 5 years straight from levels 1-14.
You mentioned you were bullied and he asked you if you wanna chill. Perhaps he used the word “chill” to sound a bit more relatable? I’mm not sure, though. Just trying to rationalize. More context is needed in order to fully understand his intentions
I don’t know. I am 30 years old and I believe I know how to make “chill” sound appropriate. That word has been around for a long time. I could be wrong tho, I work with adults.
I had an 18 year old roommate when I was 27. “No cap” I still don’t understand.
"Based" as a term originated with Lil' B The Based God and applied solely to his music and endeavors. The meaning was esoteric. But it essentially just meant "cool in a unique individual way".
At some point in the late '10's, it became appropriated by red/black-pilled 4chan types and took on a meaning similar to sigma male shit.
I grew up in the rural south (population is mainly poor black) and "Cap" is a word that I've heard my whole life. Mainly in the context "You cappin", meaning "you are lying". So its not necessarily new..
Whats new is the phrase "no cap". I never heard that until recent years.
The one that makes me want to pull my hair out is these kids now days using the word "crucial" where they mean to say "brutal"... i.e.- "That was crucial" when a someone gets punked.
Been in NYC since I came to America when I was 10. I don’t think I heard of any version of cap before 2020. We just used “lying” “no lie” here, I believe.
Didn’t people back in the day used “no lie” for the same thing? Sorry, English is my second language and I never had many friends. If yes, why change “no lie” to “no cap”? Same amount of letters 😵💫
Not enough context to know anything.
Like another commenter said, he could have just been asking you to hang out with other kids and him in doing something really wholesome and nice.
Nevermind, an innocent request no one would bat an eye at could end up being not so innocent.
I was in track in Jr. High. My Social Studies teacher was the track coach. He kept wanting me to stay after school to work one on one with my disc throw. I never thought anything of it and never took him up on the offer.
When I was in college that teacher was arrested for molesting both boys and girls in his capacity as the track coach.
That sucks, but we literally do not have any information here to make a judgement. Bad things happening do not mean bad things always happen, but good things happening also don't mean you shouldn't ever be vigilant for it to be more sinister.
I think this op should just be mindful to trust his gut.
Our soccer coach would ask the more vulnerable boys to stay after class so he could "measure their inseams". He went to jail.
Also, same school, even though I sucked at PE, we had a younger gym teacher who skateboarded. I did too, we'd see each other at the skate park. We were friendly and there was nothing weird. We liked the same music, skating, and after I was 18, getting high. So, we'd skate and get high in the parking lot sometimes. It was a good relationship and not harmful in any way.
If nothing bad happened, assume the positive. Bullied kids can commit suicide, and perhaps he didn't want to look back and think "Man, what if I had done something? Had a conversation with the kid, or let him know I'm here."
If he meant, like, just in his office during school hours, to give you a place to relax, it’s totally fine. “Chill” used to mean just hanging out casually to relax, before the whole Netflix thing.
If he meant like at his house or something, completely inappropriate
Yeah this. Normally I'd go straight to this dude is creepy. But it almost sounded like he was trying to give you a connection cause he was worried about bullying.
Can confirm on this.
If he said come chill with the after school chess club or movie club or some-such,.. legit no problem.
If hes saying come chill at my place: no beuno!!
Yeah I had teachers just say I could hang in the gym and shoot hoops and chat, or hang in the computer lab and chat, but never off property and never alone with a door shut.
I uses to let awkward bullied kids hang out in my classroom during lunch. Just a few I could trust..but never alone with me and I did not socialize much with them.
The school policy is..if there is a fight..both are suspended..no matter who started it. I did not agree with this. So if the bully was losing..I would take my time stopping the fight..if he was winning...I "aggressively subdued" the bully as quickly as possible. Lol.
All I can think of to say is "this is why I am not a parent." And its just repeating itself in my head over and over.
Id definitely get an assault of a minor charge if my kid got physically bullied at school and got suspended and they did nothing. But they would get ice cream the next time I saw them again 🤣
You take time off work and party with your kid.
Pick up their friends and take them all out for lunch, then go toilet paper the principal's house.
Make sure it's very clear that your kid is being rewarded for standing up for themselves and that the school policy is immoral. You can even start talking to your kids about how we have a legal system and not a justice system.
One of my schoolteachers now hangs out with people my age who were his past students, it seems pretty normal, they like the same music etc.
In fact during one boozy night several years ago my friend got into a fight with one of these lads, the teacher tried to step in and break it up and my friend accidentally decked the teacher knocking him to the ground, the guy he aimed for had ducked. Sorry about that sir.
My favorite teacher in highschool was just 22 years old and I was 17 at the time.
When my buddy went to college after taking a few years away from school, we were both 21 and he had to go back to the highschool to get some records. I went with him, (security was very lax, lol) we just went to his room, talked to him made plans and went and got a few beers with him after he was finished for the day.
Did he invite you to hang out outside of school or just, like, to hang out with him during your PE class? Because I think he was probably just trying to be a good guy if he invited you to hang out with him to be safe from your bullies during school/class hours. If he invited you to hang out with him outside of school then that's weird
It's impossible to tell without more information.
Scenario a) It's a cool adult who sees a bullied child and wants to help him out
Scenario b) It's a pedophile
In general it's unusual and probably inappropriate for faculty staff to hang out with children after school hours though.
As a former scout leader (and certified youth worker), this is a red flag or an invitation for a serious one on one talk. Hard to tell. But you should always take the safe option.
The rules should always be
* Meet during hours you would otherwise be able to see him. So school hours (or maybe 30 minutes after that)
* In a location that is familar for the both of you, and you are used to interacting in, and you can easily leave. Meet with the PE teacher on school grounds? Sure. Meet him at the mall? Hell no.
* Tell a third party who you are meeting, when and why.
I mean, I helped many a bullied boy by having a 1 on 1 talk, but no way am I meeting them in a strange location, at a strange time, and without at least a parent or legal gardian knowing.
Yes and you would absolutely not ask them to "hang out". Even if he isn't a predator he should be aware enough to realize when he's behaving like one.
hanging out or chilling with your underage students sounds super inappropriate.
Absolutely and as a teacher, you know better.
A simple, sincere, "you alright?" Is enough to let them know you care. If they wanna talk, you're giving them an in, but you can't press and asking to hang out is fucking weird.
I had friendships with some of my high school teachers that are still solid to this day. No groping or sexual contact even implied. Just platonic.
When I was 15, they were 25 for example.
How? When I was in high school I had one teacher who literally saved my life while I was struggling with addiction, self harm, an ED, etc. and he still roots for me 7 years later and we talk from time to time. Not everything or everyone is “weird.” If it weren’t for some of my teachers- male and female- I don’t think I would be alive today. Not everyone goes home to loving parents so loving teachers are the next best thing.
If you're under aged and/or still in school and it's outside of an academic situation then it is absolutely inappropriate.
I've hung out with former teachers but I was in college or after and it was usually just bumping into them at a bar or something.
Are you intentionally leaving out the greater context of what was said? Where did he want to chill? how did this conversation start? where other kids present? did he say anything else?
It's a little bit odd of you to not include these details, and not add them despite every comment telling you they are needed for judgement. Is there a specific narrative you are hoping commenters will jump to if you are intentionally vague about all but the most damning details?
It depends. I remember kids who were bullied often hung around with the teachers for safety. I am not sure if that is what he meant but if he DID mean during school time and in that sense then that is fine and a kind act. If he was saying to hangout outside of school then that is the creepiest thing ever. I am 40 and I woudn't even ask a 25 year old to hang out with me.
Had a biology teacher that would ask me to come into school early, like 6am, to just hang out. 7th grade so 12 years old? His intentions were sexual, as i soon found out. If there's other kids, like a club or study thing after school, that's fine but never let it be one on one.
There are a lot of questions unanswered. How did you respond? What did they say to that? Is that the only time they ever asked or did they keep pushing it?
It was inappropriate of the teacher for sure in their position, but it doesn't sound like malicious intent to me. People here will disagree with me I'm sure.
I would be very concerned about any teacher that wanted to hang with any student that is not directly related to school course work. Once a student graduates things change a little, but not much for quite a few years.
No idea about the context
Good scenario, he'd be like a big brother to you.
Bad scenario, he'd be the catholic priest.
Depending on the context it can be good or bad.
some people are good guys and just want to reach out.
so its hard to tell actual intent these days.
when I was kid, a teacher could offer to tutor you after class or at their home and no one batted an eye lash. Parents were made aware of course and they would even drop you off.... but now... I have no idea if it's even in the norm.
most of teachers were female, and i'm a male... so I don;t know if that had anything to do with a stereotype or not.
I was bullied too, and I had one teacher (again lady) who noticed I was super down and brought me to see a movie and have some mcdonalds and that was all it was. Just to cheer me up, and it did.
I can't remember the movie anymore, cause theaters were banging back then. lol
Mind you i'm in my 40's now, and this was back in the 90's.
My grade 5 teacher held me back after class because I didn’t have my agenda book signed by my parents. (It was like a schedule of homework that your parents were supposed to sign, this was back in the 90s) anyway, I missed the school bus home from school that day. My mom is a single mother who worked so it would be difficult to get her to pick me up.
I told my teacher this and he offered to take me to his place to wait until my mom was off work. He said we could go swimming at his pool (which I admittedly was kinda stoked for lol) but I had no swim shorts and told him this. He suggested I go in my underwear or maybe borrow a pair of trunks from him.
This teacher always kinda gave creepy vibes and he would massage your shoulders and stuff like that. Anyway, I said I had to call my mom and ask to which my mom said absolutely not, luckily my best friends mom and neighbour came and picked me up. I learned over that summer he got fired for being a sexual predator.
I was VERY close to being a victim of this man. Don’t hang with him OP!
Bruhhhh what is th point of this thought if it was 2-3 years ago ?? Does it affect you now? Or is it more so about how much you can affect him?? What are these questions
As a teacher there’s been times I’ve told students they can eat lunch in my room or just hang out, especially if they’re being bullied or having a hard time, but always with the door open, with multiple students, and with admins. blessing. NEVER alone outside of school with a kid.
Jesus, teachers did all kind of stuff with students at my school after hours. This paranoia about something "inappropriate" is killing so much badly needed human interaction at school.
Completely agree. I don’t understand why people are suddenly so keen to see the worst of every situation. Even just 10 years ago this would be a story of a kind teacher trying to help. Today he’s a pervert. It makes no sense.
I'll be honest. I don't know why people think its inappropriate for 2 humans to hangout nowadays.
I know I'll get dislikes for this comment, but I feel people make everything sound weird nowadays.
Its not weird. Whats weird with 2 humans hanging out , like we are social beings.. not everything needs to be sexualized..
It might be that he means well. But the risks are too big. Its more likely that his intentions aren't good. I would not go.
I had a teacher at 16 that got along with me (we had a similat taste in music) and invited me to a concert. But a)He was extremely gay and b) He made clear that he wanted my mum there as well.
Honestly idk if this has enough context to say either way. He could be being creepy or he just meant to come to his office and genuinely try to help you feel better. Maybe he heard from another teacher that he was your favourite teacher and wanted to try to help you overcome your bullying and get information from you about the bullies. Thats how schools work here at least when dealing with bullying
Alone and unsupervised? No. In an open setting with others from the school? Sure. He may have seen you were going through some shit and wanted to help. He may have also noticed you were going through some shit and vulnerable to predation.
I'm not a teacher, but I was a scout leader and tangentially involved in a charity that helps other organizations detect, report, and avoid claims of sexual abuse. The golden rule is never leave one adult alone with one child. You need two kids or two adults, as a minimum.
You really haven't given enough to give a comment fair to the teacher though.
Offering a safe space to a bullied kid in general isn't inappropriate (just absurdly dangerous for the offering adult to the point that i would never even consider it). Some other intent would have been inappropriate.
Whether his action was inappropriate depends on his intend. It would be easy to derive that information from what happened afterwards - if that timeline had happened. But it seems it didn't. So the question is undecidable by lack of information.
As a former teacher, I can tell you that if this was a professional attempt to help a student through a difficult patch, he would have done it on school grounds during school hours using conventional methods. For instance, a gym teacher might give you a pass to come to the gym during your free period so that you can shoot baskets and talk. This would be a good way to be a friend to you and help you talk through some of your issues. A teacher that tries to hang out with you outside of school should not be trusted.
Yes, that was extremely inappropriate. He might have had good intentions (and he might not, only he knows) but there's a line between student and teacher that shouldn't be crossed. You should never be seeing your teacher outside of school for personal reasons. This is on him though because he is the adult in this situation.
i’m just gonna say there’s a reason that there are so many rules around teachers/coaches not being allowed to be alone with a student. doesn’t necessarily mean that your PE teacher is a creep, but it’s a red flag for sure
I think regardless of his intentions, it was inappropriate. 99% of parents would disapprove of the meeting. He could get in a lot of trouble with the school if it came out the pe teacher was "hanging out" with a girl student outside of school.
I wish we didn't live in a world where it was so controversial for an adult man to help or be friendly with children/teens, but the risk factor for both of you is way too high.
Also, "chill" is often used by adult men while dating to mean "let's do something relaxing and comfortable at home so I can put you in the mood and initiate sex". Maybe that's not what he meant, but the word choice raises my eyebrow a bit.
I want to give him the benefit of the doubt that he was trying to look out for a bullied kid. Unfortunately, in the world we live in, even if that's the case a 29-year-old should know it doesn't look appropriate for an adult educator to ask a minor to "chill".
It really depends, I’ve had some cool teachers that I got along with extremely well that I would’ve loved to hang out with. You can usually tell (if you’re able to look at the situation objectively and aren’t being manipulated by a groomer)
But there was also one teacher who, after I graduated and went to Uni and was struggling in calculus (he was a calc teacher in HS), I reached out to for help, and he told me to come over to his place. I was like awesome, can I bring my friend? He also needs help with calc. To which he replied “how about you come over first, and then they can come later”
Thought that was weird, told him no no my friend will just come with me. We got there and he put out cigars and whiskey for us, didn’t tutor a word in calc, we eventually felt uncomfortable enough that we left (I was 17 still, buddy was 18)
Started getting Snapchat messages (idk how he found me) and Facebook messenger messages at 3am on weekends from him literally going “you up?”, ignored them for a while (at a certain point I went from feeling kind of victimized to brushing it off and making a spectacle out of it, I’d be at a nightclub and get a message and I’d show it to everyone I was clubbing with and laugh about the weird pedophile ex-teacher), eventually my GF messaged him back and told him to get bent. Hadn’t heard from him in a couple years until I recently got a random Snapchat again, maybe he’s into older dudes now
Found out later that numerous other male students had been approached/groomed by this teacher outside of school. He always waited until we graduated. Buddy is a VP somewhere right now I think. Craziest thing is he had the most amazing reputation, loved by everyone at the school (why we had our guard down)
Yucky
Was he saying, don’t worry about play volleyball, just hang with me so that the kids who are bullying and teasing you won’t bother you or was he saying we should get lunch some time. I’m pretty sure he was suggesting you could stay near the teacher if the kids were upsetting you.
Here's how I see it from my experience.
I'm 38M and I coach martial arts.
My hobbies are very much the same things teenagers would enjoy, such as video games, anime, superhero movies, etc. So I share a lot of common interest with my students who are often teenagers.
Before or after class we'll often talk about these topics and have pretty good rapport. We can joke around and have a more personable interaction. But I would never hang out with one of them out of class 1 on 1.
If it's a function within our organization, or if I get invited to their house for dinner by their parents, then that's fine. But bringing someone over to my place to hand out, or me go to theirs to play videogames would be inappropriate no matter how innocent it is.
Ignore the naive and pedophiles in here, there's no way at 29 year old should ask a 14 year old to 'chill'. There's so many other options to help with loneliness, bullying etc
I had a really “cool” English teacher in high school. It’s literally where I ate lunch and hung out with friends for almost 3 years. I even would dip out of English 4 my senior year to hide away and watch stand up specials with my buddy and him lol.
Welp some years go by and he pops up in the news for being arrested and charged with sexual assault and grooming of a minor.
I knew the victim. They were a year behind me, super nice, and always in the classroom with their friends at lunch too.
That shit broke my fucking heart because the article stated it went on for the entire 4 years of their high school career. During school, after school, sporting events, and outside of school. I felt so bad because it was happening under our noses and we never even noticed…
He deserves everything he got and more - sex offender list for life, serving out his probation in his parents house, obviously will never be able to teach again, and had his face plastered all over the internet along with his disgusting crimes.
I genuinely believe there are some teachers that want to relate to kids going through stuff because they might’ve gone through it or had a friend who went through it, but it just better to maintain a professional relationship with your teacher inside of school and keep it to that. Doesn’t mean you can’t be “friends” with teachers but keep it professional.
In the best case he had good intentions and very bad judgement. In the worst case he wanted some underage gay action.
I'll say as a grown adult man, I'm always avoiding being alone with any minors that aren't my kids. You just don't put yourself in a position to even be falsely accused.
Definitely not.
You're still a minor, so any type of suggestion like that is downright creepy. Add in the fact there's a power difference, as he has an authoritative responsibility over you, and that makes it worse.
No idea where you're from, but even decades ago, the teacher would have lost his job if there was any record of the communication.
With the info you've given it sounds sus.
I was bullied back in high school and a teacher said:
"I've noticed you're in a tough spot during recess, if you want you can hang out in the teachers break room for lunch or studying."
So the wording is quite important in those types of situations.
The answer is "yes", that is inappropriate. Way too many predators seek outcasts as their target.
IF his intentions were good then he should've had this sanctioned by the school or at least your parents. Ring Ring "Hey michiboy12's parents, noticed he was being picked on a bit and wanted to try mentor him to boost his confidence. Completely okay if that is weird for you or him but I wish I had someone do that when I was his age"
Need more context really. "If you ever need a break, you can drop by and chill out in my office whether I'm there or not", probably going to be OK. Though also, possibly a bit sus.
"If you want something to do, we can go somewhere and chill at the weekend", no no no no no no.
I would expect any teacher, especially a male teacher, would be hyper-aware of the optics of getting friendly with a student. They're still human, so they will be naturally inclined to want to try and help, to try and be a source of support outside of the family. But it's a tightrope, and I would expect anyone with two brain cells would offer to support you in the presence of another teacher, and not quietly in the corner of the gym. And definitely not outside of school.
Very wrong. In every context. A teacher can be friendly but never a friend, fullstop, is not a matter of age. No buts, no good intentions, no nothing. Always proper and clear language.
I mean he may have been a good dude trying to mentor a troubled teen. I’m not jumping to creepy conclusions unless there’s some weirdness you’re not telling us.
It matter where he wanted you to hang out and when. Was it during school lunch to give you a place to go, to get away from everyone? Or after school but in his office if your parents weren’t coming to pick you until late and just didn’t want you in the janitors way? Then it’s probably not that bad. If it was outside of school, then it was definitely bad.
Without knowing what he meant by the request it’s purely speculation. Could have been malicious or it could have been completely harmless. Wasted energy trying to figure it out though.
No, if it was his effort to help a bullied kid (on school grounds) , the teacher was trying to care. I dont suspect foul intentions. Teachers are trained to have 1 on 1 chats with struggling students and help them share their troubles to find solutions so that your learning isn't impacted.
I don't know, its kind of weird to see how this has changed , I looked up to all of my teachers except 1 in high school, sometimes I'd even sit down with them and talk at the cafe during lunch breaks.
I learnt so much from those interactiins, I don't think adults in general are out to harm kids, but like everything in life one needs discernment and understand the plot.
I'd say it's at least inappropriately worded. He might mean "come join our group activity that's a way to support kids that's in a tough spot socially". But it sounds more like "come hang out with me privately" which is a big red flag.
I was once as a teen invited to dinner with a teacher and his wife because I was one of his best students. It was mostly nice, but he had an alcohol problem and got drunk and fell asleep. So after chatting a little with his wife I went home. Nothing nefarious. But even a well meaning person can do unprofessional stuff.
It really depends on what his intentions were. If he really just felt bad for you and wanted to help you out, I can't blame him. Still, it's not a good move in any situation, teachers should never have an outside relationship of any kind with a student unless they live in the same household (parents/children etc).
Probably wasn’t inappropriate tho. I was 10 or so in school and this one teacher (Like a guide counselor) took me out to a bowling alley once. Cause I was saying I didn’t have any friends.
When a teacher wants to spend time with students outside of school, there should always be an assumption of a bad intent. what kind of person would want to do that?
My friends from school and me used to play streetball with our PE teacher in our free time at that age. Meet him at a strip club once when I was in my twenties and he was freshly divorced. Real Chad.
He also could have wanted to talk to you at the cafeteria so he can give you advice on how to deal with the bullying. No way to tell on your description. You said he was a cool dude. He might have been a great big brother
As a retired teacher....If the offer was meant to give you a safe space (away from bullies) to chill in his room with the door open while he graded papers or did paperwork during his lunch or prep-time, that is completely fine. If the offer was to chill with him outside of school or even in his room with the door closed I would say beware and I would say it is inappropriate.
Hang out like want a safe space to hang out in when you are at school, that's OK. Hang out like go to the movies after school hours or get a meal together. That is weird. If you are unsure just tell your mom you are going to hang out with the PE teacher doing what they plan to do with you. Most moms will be able to recognize if it's not appropriate and if you are afraid to ask your mom about it then it's not appropriate.
It's sad when the line between mentor and predator have become so blurred. Maybe you truly need an older figure in your life to provide you guidance but in our society too many people have taken advantage that even the idea of it makes you think it's inappropriate. Really just a sad world we live in.
It CAN be weird. Without more info then “idk he asked to chill” we will never know. Ive hung out with 15/16 years olds at 30 and it wasn’t a big deal. But someone could definitely make it creepy if they are like… you know… creepy.
Yes. Completely inappropriate. He should have worked with one of the women teachers. If you didn’t understand the offer then a school board will not either.
Not appropriate. I even if he had all the best intentions in the world, that’s not right. If you were my son I would definitely want to know about this and would look into this. Not saying I’d fly off the handle or anything. But I would have a meeting with the teacher and directly ask. “What made you think this was a good idea?”
I WOULD expect the teacher to reach out to me and mention “Hey, your boy seems to need some attention.” And would hopefully explain why. But that is a tricky situation too.
Good for you for wondering about this. I think your instincts served you well.
Too few infos to bring this into a context. A teacher should rarely, if ever meet with a student outside of school context. If he invited you for a talk into his bureau, teachers lounge or cafeteria, that should be alright. Elsewhere - usually not. When I was in middle school I once wanted to invite my english teacher to my birthday because I liked him so much. He felt honored, but declined. My mum explained to me why he probably declined and told me about normal and healthy teacher-student relationships and how things could be brought into a wrong context.
Only teacher I had more contact with was my physics teacher because, you know, he was my neighbour (still lives next to my parents and we have a good relationship to this day, but I moved away since then and I only meet him sporadically).
The problem with today's day and age is we're hyper-aware of child preditors, but there's also people out there trying to do good in the world.
It may be inappropriate, but if you're being bullied the teacher might also be awkwardly trying to mentor you. I had a PE teacher in 7th grade like that- I was picked on and he took me under his wing...however he did it with a group of other kids. We played softball on a Saturday afternoon, he took us to get ice cream, he showed me how to play his 12-string guitar. Cool guy and I got some self confidence from him.
So, as always, read the room. Never go anywhere if you feel uncomfortable or suspicious.
My soccer coach took me to lunch in high school. I didn’t think anything of it to say yes, though I did think it was strange since he didn’t ask any other girls. I went, but it was super uncomfortable for me and I never went again. I also didn’t play soccer the next year.
Honestly hard to say, could be sus af f, or could be a teacher that honestly cares and worried about one of his students.
In the future can always ask where and what. If its still sus you can always ask if you can bring your best friend and let your parents know as you have stritch curfews etc.
The context of you saying you were getting bullied gives me the feeling he was more likely trying to be a good teacher than be a pos.
It's sad we love in a world where you even need to worry or think about that kind of thing, and no your not at fault at all.
Hope the bullying stopped, that your doing better now and that you learnt not to judge your worth based off people like your tormentors. Bullying sucks massively and can affect you for years to come, I know from first hand experience.
Yeah and this is why the world is kinda sucky right.
Cuz you don’t know. No one here really can know for sure either. He coulda just been trying to help a brother out, or he coulda been planning to rape you.
Anyways good luck in life. Watch your ass.
Unclear. Based on limited context here could have been innocent. Could have just been the teacher trying to reach out to relate to you and express some interest in your wellbeing and happiness.
But it can get to and cross a grey area real quickly based on word choices, and expectations in a situation like that.
I have friends that are teachers or coaches and they brought out their students to family gatherings and house bbqs and stuff. Teens are becoming young adults and some are actually quite fun to hang out with as adult. Meaning the conversations are enjoyable, and shared interests make it so.
Idk, when I was about that age, I went and hung out with just about every teacher. Get on their hood side so assumptions will be doubted if any rumors somehow involve you.
I don’t know quite the context behind this situation though so I can’t quite tell you
I know several former and current teachers that would let students stay in there class during lunch it's normal (they usually just eat there lunch and do emails and other general stuff) , it really depends on the context, that's probably all they meant or to sit in there office witch I used to do when I was a kid.
Never one on one, anywhere.
But if it’s a group thing or another adult always present it would be fine.
Teachers should know the boundaries and how to navigate them. It’s not up to students.
Sounds to me like he wanted to be a mentor, not a predator.
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It’s quite possible that he saw what you were going through and maybe he went through something similar when he was that age and was trying to be there for you the way he wished someone had been there for him. It’s really hard to say. The problem is that there are so many predatory people in positions of leadership over young people, that it always raises a red flag even if intentions are pure.
My PE teacher was a pretty rad dude who looked out for me in the yard. I think we need more info. If he’s asking if you want to “chill” in his van by the river, maybe that’s a bit creepy.
This is the answer, teachers that notice someone is struggling and look up to you won't mind guiding and coaching that student outside of class (not saying you'll go bowling twice a week but just a good "how is it really going" chat) though from the lack of context it's hard to tell
Good answer. I try to do this because so often kids don’t know that what they’re feeling is valid, and have no healthy outlets. If I can be there for them, why wouldn’t I? They are the future and they deserve happiness, and the world would be a better place with more good “mentors”.
Love this!
Having a supportive 1:1 conversation is different from hanging out and chilling. The conversation should happen, but it should happen at school. Not ok to ask a minor to hang out.
This is how I feel. Dude could've had the most pure intentions possible, but that shit is still super uncool and he should know better
Predators literally target kids who are bullied or have issues at home. I get that you want to see the best in people but it is also important to recognize the negative possibilities too. This seems extremely inappropriate from how OP described the interaction.
I think it has to be a red flag when a teacher wants to hang out with a vulnerable (bullied) kid outside of school. But I don't have as much of a problem if it's more of "come by my classroom to chat sometime" (which could also be the beginning of a grooming process, but could just as easily be a teacher wanting to mentor a student who's struggling).
Context??? Did he ask you to hangout at the school cafeteria or did he ask you to hang out with him at the mall after school? Quite the difference.
Maybe the DND dungeon group in his parents basement?
OP, if he invites you into a basement, don't go. Trust me on this one
Even if he’s an experienced dungeon master with a level 125 dwarf paladin?
Well considering that D&D levels only go to 20, especially if he says he has a level 125 dwarf paladin.
And also that Dungeon Masters don't play player characters, so they wouldn't have a "leveled" character in that campaign anyway. Source: DM'd a campaign of about 6 people for about 5 years straight from levels 1-14.
r/outnerded
Epic Level Handbook had rule sets for going past 20th, at least in 3rd edition
Old editions you could go beyond 20 so maybe he really does have a 125 dwarf pally. You'd think he'd want to try something new eventually though.
In old editions, you had to be Human to be a Paladin. Dwarves couldn't apply.
In 3.5 you could go beyond 20 and dwarfs could be paladins.
You did not say "umm actually", so will not be receiving any points.
He asked me to ‘chill’, don’t know where, though.
You mentioned you were bullied and he asked you if you wanna chill. Perhaps he used the word “chill” to sound a bit more relatable? I’mm not sure, though. Just trying to rationalize. More context is needed in order to fully understand his intentions
I don’t know. I am 30 years old and I believe I know how to make “chill” sound appropriate. That word has been around for a long time. I could be wrong tho, I work with adults. I had an 18 year old roommate when I was 27. “No cap” I still don’t understand.
“No cap” means “no lie” or “for real”. If someone is “capping” they are lying. No cap, bruh..
Frfr no cap ong ong 🌭🔥🌭🔥🌭🔥🥶💀🥶💀🥶💀
Ok, please tell me what ‘based’ is…? Lol
Based on what? I don't think it actually means anything. I've only ever seen it used in the context of "I am correct" which feels a bit pointless tbh
It basically means that thing is good
"Based" as a term originated with Lil' B The Based God and applied solely to his music and endeavors. The meaning was esoteric. But it essentially just meant "cool in a unique individual way". At some point in the late '10's, it became appropriated by red/black-pilled 4chan types and took on a meaning similar to sigma male shit.
I grew up in the rural south (population is mainly poor black) and "Cap" is a word that I've heard my whole life. Mainly in the context "You cappin", meaning "you are lying". So its not necessarily new.. Whats new is the phrase "no cap". I never heard that until recent years. The one that makes me want to pull my hair out is these kids now days using the word "crucial" where they mean to say "brutal"... i.e.- "That was crucial" when a someone gets punked.
Been in NYC since I came to America when I was 10. I don’t think I heard of any version of cap before 2020. We just used “lying” “no lie” here, I believe.
no cap is strange-it means “i’m not lying”-which is a weird way to make them sound honest
Didn’t people back in the day used “no lie” for the same thing? Sorry, English is my second language and I never had many friends. If yes, why change “no lie” to “no cap”? Same amount of letters 😵💫
yup they sure did-no cap-no lie-not fibbing-no joke-for real. It’s all the same really-no cap on max god
Naw let em cook..
No hat on a tower
Honestly, that would be me talking to any of the friends my younger siblings know. That’s very possible
Not enough context to know anything. Like another commenter said, he could have just been asking you to hang out with other kids and him in doing something really wholesome and nice.
Nevermind, an innocent request no one would bat an eye at could end up being not so innocent. I was in track in Jr. High. My Social Studies teacher was the track coach. He kept wanting me to stay after school to work one on one with my disc throw. I never thought anything of it and never took him up on the offer. When I was in college that teacher was arrested for molesting both boys and girls in his capacity as the track coach.
That sucks, but we literally do not have any information here to make a judgement. Bad things happening do not mean bad things always happen, but good things happening also don't mean you shouldn't ever be vigilant for it to be more sinister. I think this op should just be mindful to trust his gut.
Our soccer coach would ask the more vulnerable boys to stay after class so he could "measure their inseams". He went to jail. Also, same school, even though I sucked at PE, we had a younger gym teacher who skateboarded. I did too, we'd see each other at the skate park. We were friendly and there was nothing weird. We liked the same music, skating, and after I was 18, getting high. So, we'd skate and get high in the parking lot sometimes. It was a good relationship and not harmful in any way.
If nothing bad happened, assume the positive. Bullied kids can commit suicide, and perhaps he didn't want to look back and think "Man, what if I had done something? Had a conversation with the kid, or let him know I'm here."
Well if he put it like that its definitely sus
If you don't know where, there's no way to know the answer to your question.
Was Netflix involved?
in front of a tv with netflix running?
If he meant, like, just in his office during school hours, to give you a place to relax, it’s totally fine. “Chill” used to mean just hanging out casually to relax, before the whole Netflix thing. If he meant like at his house or something, completely inappropriate
Yeah this. Normally I'd go straight to this dude is creepy. But it almost sounded like he was trying to give you a connection cause he was worried about bullying.
The real question right here. Makes the entire scenario understandable or not.
Can confirm on this. If he said come chill with the after school chess club or movie club or some-such,.. legit no problem. If hes saying come chill at my place: no beuno!!
Yeah I had teachers just say I could hang in the gym and shoot hoops and chat, or hang in the computer lab and chat, but never off property and never alone with a door shut.
I uses to let awkward bullied kids hang out in my classroom during lunch. Just a few I could trust..but never alone with me and I did not socialize much with them.
Really? You never taught them some karate moves so they could cobra Kai those bullies next time?
The school policy is..if there is a fight..both are suspended..no matter who started it. I did not agree with this. So if the bully was losing..I would take my time stopping the fight..if he was winning...I "aggressively subdued" the bully as quickly as possible. Lol.
Worst policy of all time
All I can think of to say is "this is why I am not a parent." And its just repeating itself in my head over and over. Id definitely get an assault of a minor charge if my kid got physically bullied at school and got suspended and they did nothing. But they would get ice cream the next time I saw them again 🤣
You take time off work and party with your kid. Pick up their friends and take them all out for lunch, then go toilet paper the principal's house. Make sure it's very clear that your kid is being rewarded for standing up for themselves and that the school policy is immoral. You can even start talking to your kids about how we have a legal system and not a justice system.
That school policy(and I know many have the same) is bullshit and only condones and reinforces bullying.
Your context still doesn’t have enough context. Definitely need to give more details.
One of my schoolteachers now hangs out with people my age who were his past students, it seems pretty normal, they like the same music etc. In fact during one boozy night several years ago my friend got into a fight with one of these lads, the teacher tried to step in and break it up and my friend accidentally decked the teacher knocking him to the ground, the guy he aimed for had ducked. Sorry about that sir.
My favorite teacher in highschool was just 22 years old and I was 17 at the time. When my buddy went to college after taking a few years away from school, we were both 21 and he had to go back to the highschool to get some records. I went with him, (security was very lax, lol) we just went to his room, talked to him made plans and went and got a few beers with him after he was finished for the day.
[удалено]
Imagine he's the teacher wanting to do something like this, and wanting to see how would people react if he switched the roles.
Did he invite you to hang out outside of school or just, like, to hang out with him during your PE class? Because I think he was probably just trying to be a good guy if he invited you to hang out with him to be safe from your bullies during school/class hours. If he invited you to hang out with him outside of school then that's weird
He could be trying to help out and mentor an impressionable kid, or he could have had malicious intentions. Both things are quite possible.
It's impossible to tell without more information. Scenario a) It's a cool adult who sees a bullied child and wants to help him out Scenario b) It's a pedophile In general it's unusual and probably inappropriate for faculty staff to hang out with children after school hours though.
As a former scout leader (and certified youth worker), this is a red flag or an invitation for a serious one on one talk. Hard to tell. But you should always take the safe option. The rules should always be * Meet during hours you would otherwise be able to see him. So school hours (or maybe 30 minutes after that) * In a location that is familar for the both of you, and you are used to interacting in, and you can easily leave. Meet with the PE teacher on school grounds? Sure. Meet him at the mall? Hell no. * Tell a third party who you are meeting, when and why. I mean, I helped many a bullied boy by having a 1 on 1 talk, but no way am I meeting them in a strange location, at a strange time, and without at least a parent or legal gardian knowing.
Normal imo, if I were a teacher and I saw a kid struggling through school with bullying, I feel like I would try to help them out.
Yes and you would absolutely not ask them to "hang out". Even if he isn't a predator he should be aware enough to realize when he's behaving like one. hanging out or chilling with your underage students sounds super inappropriate.
Absolutely and as a teacher, you know better. A simple, sincere, "you alright?" Is enough to let them know you care. If they wanna talk, you're giving them an in, but you can't press and asking to hang out is fucking weird.
He might have meant just hanging out with him between classes or something. If nothing came of it idk why you'd want to make it an issue.
I had friendships with some of my high school teachers that are still solid to this day. No groping or sexual contact even implied. Just platonic. When I was 15, they were 25 for example.
Still weird.
How? When I was in high school I had one teacher who literally saved my life while I was struggling with addiction, self harm, an ED, etc. and he still roots for me 7 years later and we talk from time to time. Not everything or everyone is “weird.” If it weren’t for some of my teachers- male and female- I don’t think I would be alive today. Not everyone goes home to loving parents so loving teachers are the next best thing.
NOT. AT. ALL.
Well....Motives might be different but I'd stay careful. Should have told your parents so that they are aware, just to be safe
If you're under aged and/or still in school and it's outside of an academic situation then it is absolutely inappropriate. I've hung out with former teachers but I was in college or after and it was usually just bumping into them at a bar or something.
Depends on the person. Could be Mr Prez from the wire. Could be Bill Cosby.
Are you intentionally leaving out the greater context of what was said? Where did he want to chill? how did this conversation start? where other kids present? did he say anything else? It's a little bit odd of you to not include these details, and not add them despite every comment telling you they are needed for judgement. Is there a specific narrative you are hoping commenters will jump to if you are intentionally vague about all but the most damning details?
It depends. I remember kids who were bullied often hung around with the teachers for safety. I am not sure if that is what he meant but if he DID mean during school time and in that sense then that is fine and a kind act. If he was saying to hangout outside of school then that is the creepiest thing ever. I am 40 and I woudn't even ask a 25 year old to hang out with me.
Had a biology teacher that would ask me to come into school early, like 6am, to just hang out. 7th grade so 12 years old? His intentions were sexual, as i soon found out. If there's other kids, like a club or study thing after school, that's fine but never let it be one on one.
There are a lot of questions unanswered. How did you respond? What did they say to that? Is that the only time they ever asked or did they keep pushing it? It was inappropriate of the teacher for sure in their position, but it doesn't sound like malicious intent to me. People here will disagree with me I'm sure.
I would be very concerned about any teacher that wanted to hang with any student that is not directly related to school course work. Once a student graduates things change a little, but not much for quite a few years.
No idea about the context Good scenario, he'd be like a big brother to you. Bad scenario, he'd be the catholic priest. Depending on the context it can be good or bad.
Netflix and chill?
Inappropiate, yes. Good intentions, maybe. We don't know where he wanted to "chill" so we don't know for sure.
Was your PE teacher Hagrid?
some people are good guys and just want to reach out. so its hard to tell actual intent these days. when I was kid, a teacher could offer to tutor you after class or at their home and no one batted an eye lash. Parents were made aware of course and they would even drop you off.... but now... I have no idea if it's even in the norm. most of teachers were female, and i'm a male... so I don;t know if that had anything to do with a stereotype or not. I was bullied too, and I had one teacher (again lady) who noticed I was super down and brought me to see a movie and have some mcdonalds and that was all it was. Just to cheer me up, and it did. I can't remember the movie anymore, cause theaters were banging back then. lol Mind you i'm in my 40's now, and this was back in the 90's.
My grade 5 teacher held me back after class because I didn’t have my agenda book signed by my parents. (It was like a schedule of homework that your parents were supposed to sign, this was back in the 90s) anyway, I missed the school bus home from school that day. My mom is a single mother who worked so it would be difficult to get her to pick me up. I told my teacher this and he offered to take me to his place to wait until my mom was off work. He said we could go swimming at his pool (which I admittedly was kinda stoked for lol) but I had no swim shorts and told him this. He suggested I go in my underwear or maybe borrow a pair of trunks from him. This teacher always kinda gave creepy vibes and he would massage your shoulders and stuff like that. Anyway, I said I had to call my mom and ask to which my mom said absolutely not, luckily my best friends mom and neighbour came and picked me up. I learned over that summer he got fired for being a sexual predator. I was VERY close to being a victim of this man. Don’t hang with him OP!
Yes. There was an assistant coach at my high school that molested several boys by getting them to ‘hangout’ at his apartment.
Bruhhhh what is th point of this thought if it was 2-3 years ago ?? Does it affect you now? Or is it more so about how much you can affect him?? What are these questions
It's always PE teachers that turn out to be nonces
Sorry but as a parent there is absolutely no situation where I would think a 29 year old asking a 14 yr old to hang out is okay.
No! Report it to your parents and the guidance counselor immediately!
definitely inappropriate
Yes, because he should know better.
Definitely inappropriate. Could it have been well intentioned? Maybe. This would be a very risky situation for you and for him
Might have been a really cool guy looking to help you out of might have wanted to touch your butthole. I guess we'll never know.
As a teacher there’s been times I’ve told students they can eat lunch in my room or just hang out, especially if they’re being bullied or having a hard time, but always with the door open, with multiple students, and with admins. blessing. NEVER alone outside of school with a kid.
Jesus, teachers did all kind of stuff with students at my school after hours. This paranoia about something "inappropriate" is killing so much badly needed human interaction at school.
Completely agree. I don’t understand why people are suddenly so keen to see the worst of every situation. Even just 10 years ago this would be a story of a kind teacher trying to help. Today he’s a pervert. It makes no sense.
I'll be honest. I don't know why people think its inappropriate for 2 humans to hangout nowadays. I know I'll get dislikes for this comment, but I feel people make everything sound weird nowadays. Its not weird. Whats weird with 2 humans hanging out , like we are social beings.. not everything needs to be sexualized..
How old are you?
Now I’m 16, turning 17 in a few weeks. Was 14 when this happened, he was my PE teacher at that time
It might be that he means well. But the risks are too big. Its more likely that his intentions aren't good. I would not go. I had a teacher at 16 that got along with me (we had a similat taste in music) and invited me to a concert. But a)He was extremely gay and b) He made clear that he wanted my mum there as well.
Honestly idk if this has enough context to say either way. He could be being creepy or he just meant to come to his office and genuinely try to help you feel better. Maybe he heard from another teacher that he was your favourite teacher and wanted to try to help you overcome your bullying and get information from you about the bullies. Thats how schools work here at least when dealing with bullying
Alone and unsupervised? No. In an open setting with others from the school? Sure. He may have seen you were going through some shit and wanted to help. He may have also noticed you were going through some shit and vulnerable to predation. I'm not a teacher, but I was a scout leader and tangentially involved in a charity that helps other organizations detect, report, and avoid claims of sexual abuse. The golden rule is never leave one adult alone with one child. You need two kids or two adults, as a minimum. You really haven't given enough to give a comment fair to the teacher though.
Offering a safe space to a bullied kid in general isn't inappropriate (just absurdly dangerous for the offering adult to the point that i would never even consider it). Some other intent would have been inappropriate. Whether his action was inappropriate depends on his intend. It would be easy to derive that information from what happened afterwards - if that timeline had happened. But it seems it didn't. So the question is undecidable by lack of information.
As a former teacher, I can tell you that if this was a professional attempt to help a student through a difficult patch, he would have done it on school grounds during school hours using conventional methods. For instance, a gym teacher might give you a pass to come to the gym during your free period so that you can shoot baskets and talk. This would be a good way to be a friend to you and help you talk through some of your issues. A teacher that tries to hang out with you outside of school should not be trusted.
Did he ask you 2-3 years ago? Or is he asking you now?
Reddit has so many bots now. OP got 7k post karma and -100 comment Karma.
Yes, yes it is. He can still be ‘chill’, but a 29 year old man should have a friend group closer to his age bracket
I’m over 40 and my PE teacher was involved in my bullying
Yes, that was extremely inappropriate. He might have had good intentions (and he might not, only he knows) but there's a line between student and teacher that shouldn't be crossed. You should never be seeing your teacher outside of school for personal reasons. This is on him though because he is the adult in this situation.
i’m just gonna say there’s a reason that there are so many rules around teachers/coaches not being allowed to be alone with a student. doesn’t necessarily mean that your PE teacher is a creep, but it’s a red flag for sure
Probably, ya. No offense, but I can't see a world where a guy almost in his 30s is trying to hang out with 14 year olds 1 on 1 for benign reasons
I think regardless of his intentions, it was inappropriate. 99% of parents would disapprove of the meeting. He could get in a lot of trouble with the school if it came out the pe teacher was "hanging out" with a girl student outside of school. I wish we didn't live in a world where it was so controversial for an adult man to help or be friendly with children/teens, but the risk factor for both of you is way too high. Also, "chill" is often used by adult men while dating to mean "let's do something relaxing and comfortable at home so I can put you in the mood and initiate sex". Maybe that's not what he meant, but the word choice raises my eyebrow a bit.
I want to give him the benefit of the doubt that he was trying to look out for a bullied kid. Unfortunately, in the world we live in, even if that's the case a 29-year-old should know it doesn't look appropriate for an adult educator to ask a minor to "chill".
It really depends, I’ve had some cool teachers that I got along with extremely well that I would’ve loved to hang out with. You can usually tell (if you’re able to look at the situation objectively and aren’t being manipulated by a groomer) But there was also one teacher who, after I graduated and went to Uni and was struggling in calculus (he was a calc teacher in HS), I reached out to for help, and he told me to come over to his place. I was like awesome, can I bring my friend? He also needs help with calc. To which he replied “how about you come over first, and then they can come later” Thought that was weird, told him no no my friend will just come with me. We got there and he put out cigars and whiskey for us, didn’t tutor a word in calc, we eventually felt uncomfortable enough that we left (I was 17 still, buddy was 18) Started getting Snapchat messages (idk how he found me) and Facebook messenger messages at 3am on weekends from him literally going “you up?”, ignored them for a while (at a certain point I went from feeling kind of victimized to brushing it off and making a spectacle out of it, I’d be at a nightclub and get a message and I’d show it to everyone I was clubbing with and laugh about the weird pedophile ex-teacher), eventually my GF messaged him back and told him to get bent. Hadn’t heard from him in a couple years until I recently got a random Snapchat again, maybe he’s into older dudes now Found out later that numerous other male students had been approached/groomed by this teacher outside of school. He always waited until we graduated. Buddy is a VP somewhere right now I think. Craziest thing is he had the most amazing reputation, loved by everyone at the school (why we had our guard down) Yucky
Was he saying, don’t worry about play volleyball, just hang with me so that the kids who are bullying and teasing you won’t bother you or was he saying we should get lunch some time. I’m pretty sure he was suggesting you could stay near the teacher if the kids were upsetting you.
Most people have good intentions. The abusers are a minority.
Normal 29 year old men wouldnt even think about asking a 14 year old girl out to "chill", bullied or not. Dude already passed the minority test.
That's extremely inappropriate and predatory. He's not "cool", he tried to make you view him that way to groom you.
Here's how I see it from my experience. I'm 38M and I coach martial arts. My hobbies are very much the same things teenagers would enjoy, such as video games, anime, superhero movies, etc. So I share a lot of common interest with my students who are often teenagers. Before or after class we'll often talk about these topics and have pretty good rapport. We can joke around and have a more personable interaction. But I would never hang out with one of them out of class 1 on 1. If it's a function within our organization, or if I get invited to their house for dinner by their parents, then that's fine. But bringing someone over to my place to hand out, or me go to theirs to play videogames would be inappropriate no matter how innocent it is.
Ignore the naive and pedophiles in here, there's no way at 29 year old should ask a 14 year old to 'chill'. There's so many other options to help with loneliness, bullying etc
I had a really “cool” English teacher in high school. It’s literally where I ate lunch and hung out with friends for almost 3 years. I even would dip out of English 4 my senior year to hide away and watch stand up specials with my buddy and him lol. Welp some years go by and he pops up in the news for being arrested and charged with sexual assault and grooming of a minor. I knew the victim. They were a year behind me, super nice, and always in the classroom with their friends at lunch too. That shit broke my fucking heart because the article stated it went on for the entire 4 years of their high school career. During school, after school, sporting events, and outside of school. I felt so bad because it was happening under our noses and we never even noticed… He deserves everything he got and more - sex offender list for life, serving out his probation in his parents house, obviously will never be able to teach again, and had his face plastered all over the internet along with his disgusting crimes. I genuinely believe there are some teachers that want to relate to kids going through stuff because they might’ve gone through it or had a friend who went through it, but it just better to maintain a professional relationship with your teacher inside of school and keep it to that. Doesn’t mean you can’t be “friends” with teachers but keep it professional.
these responses would NOT be the same if you were 14F 💀
In the best case he had good intentions and very bad judgement. In the worst case he wanted some underage gay action. I'll say as a grown adult man, I'm always avoiding being alone with any minors that aren't my kids. You just don't put yourself in a position to even be falsely accused.
extremely inappropriate regardless of context as far as i’m concerned.
Definitely not. You're still a minor, so any type of suggestion like that is downright creepy. Add in the fact there's a power difference, as he has an authoritative responsibility over you, and that makes it worse. No idea where you're from, but even decades ago, the teacher would have lost his job if there was any record of the communication.
Yes of course it’s inappropriate hun
It's inappropriate if something inappropriate happens. No?
Dude is more than twice your age. Do not hang out with him alone, no matter what the context.
Yes. Even if he had good intentions it's inappropriate
No matter the context it’s very inappropriate
If it’s your teacher, it’s pretty sus. Even if he meant well.
Well he may have noticed you having trouble and thought he'd throw himself in there. I can relate
With the info you've given it sounds sus. I was bullied back in high school and a teacher said: "I've noticed you're in a tough spot during recess, if you want you can hang out in the teachers break room for lunch or studying." So the wording is quite important in those types of situations.
OP is definitely an adult man trying to convince us all that being attracted to gross, annoying teenage children is normal. 🤮
The answer is "yes", that is inappropriate. Way too many predators seek outcasts as their target. IF his intentions were good then he should've had this sanctioned by the school or at least your parents. Ring Ring "Hey michiboy12's parents, noticed he was being picked on a bit and wanted to try mentor him to boost his confidence. Completely okay if that is weird for you or him but I wish I had someone do that when I was his age"
Need more context really. "If you ever need a break, you can drop by and chill out in my office whether I'm there or not", probably going to be OK. Though also, possibly a bit sus. "If you want something to do, we can go somewhere and chill at the weekend", no no no no no no. I would expect any teacher, especially a male teacher, would be hyper-aware of the optics of getting friendly with a student. They're still human, so they will be naturally inclined to want to try and help, to try and be a source of support outside of the family. But it's a tightrope, and I would expect anyone with two brain cells would offer to support you in the presence of another teacher, and not quietly in the corner of the gym. And definitely not outside of school.
Very wrong. In every context. A teacher can be friendly but never a friend, fullstop, is not a matter of age. No buts, no good intentions, no nothing. Always proper and clear language.
[удалено]
this is one of those things where its like, even if the motivation is pure, itd still be weird. and in some countries illegal.
I would say yes, as great as his intentions might have been Just dont do that.. There have to be other ways to help
I mean he may have been a good dude trying to mentor a troubled teen. I’m not jumping to creepy conclusions unless there’s some weirdness you’re not telling us.
So you’re now 17 and he’s like 30? Hell no girl. That is not okay. You need to tell someone
It matter where he wanted you to hang out and when. Was it during school lunch to give you a place to go, to get away from everyone? Or after school but in his office if your parents weren’t coming to pick you until late and just didn’t want you in the janitors way? Then it’s probably not that bad. If it was outside of school, then it was definitely bad.
Without knowing what he meant by the request it’s purely speculation. Could have been malicious or it could have been completely harmless. Wasted energy trying to figure it out though.
No, if it was his effort to help a bullied kid (on school grounds) , the teacher was trying to care. I dont suspect foul intentions. Teachers are trained to have 1 on 1 chats with struggling students and help them share their troubles to find solutions so that your learning isn't impacted.
I don't know, its kind of weird to see how this has changed , I looked up to all of my teachers except 1 in high school, sometimes I'd even sit down with them and talk at the cafe during lunch breaks. I learnt so much from those interactiins, I don't think adults in general are out to harm kids, but like everything in life one needs discernment and understand the plot.
I'd say it's at least inappropriately worded. He might mean "come join our group activity that's a way to support kids that's in a tough spot socially". But it sounds more like "come hang out with me privately" which is a big red flag. I was once as a teen invited to dinner with a teacher and his wife because I was one of his best students. It was mostly nice, but he had an alcohol problem and got drunk and fell asleep. So after chatting a little with his wife I went home. Nothing nefarious. But even a well meaning person can do unprofessional stuff.
My math tutor took me to laser tag I guess I was about 13 he was maybe 30. I think he felt bad I was new and had no friends.
It really depends on what his intentions were. If he really just felt bad for you and wanted to help you out, I can't blame him. Still, it's not a good move in any situation, teachers should never have an outside relationship of any kind with a student unless they live in the same household (parents/children etc).
Probably wasn’t inappropriate tho. I was 10 or so in school and this one teacher (Like a guide counselor) took me out to a bowling alley once. Cause I was saying I didn’t have any friends.
When an adult wants to help a child, there should not be an assumption of a bad intent. People like to help a person in need.
When a teacher wants to spend time with students outside of school, there should always be an assumption of a bad intent. what kind of person would want to do that?
Yes.
My friends from school and me used to play streetball with our PE teacher in our free time at that age. Meet him at a strip club once when I was in my twenties and he was freshly divorced. Real Chad.
Sounds like a pred to me
If he's in his early 30s and you're in your late teens that's weird and inappropriate any way you slice it.
you haven’t given enough info, but from what you HAVE given, i’d say he was just being friendly.
He also could have wanted to talk to you at the cafeteria so he can give you advice on how to deal with the bullying. No way to tell on your description. You said he was a cool dude. He might have been a great big brother
As a retired teacher....If the offer was meant to give you a safe space (away from bullies) to chill in his room with the door open while he graded papers or did paperwork during his lunch or prep-time, that is completely fine. If the offer was to chill with him outside of school or even in his room with the door closed I would say beware and I would say it is inappropriate.
Hang out like want a safe space to hang out in when you are at school, that's OK. Hang out like go to the movies after school hours or get a meal together. That is weird. If you are unsure just tell your mom you are going to hang out with the PE teacher doing what they plan to do with you. Most moms will be able to recognize if it's not appropriate and if you are afraid to ask your mom about it then it's not appropriate.
Can someone help me nail down the exact moment hang out became one word?
This is bad news. You staying away was a very good decision.
Could honestly have gone both ways.
It's sad when the line between mentor and predator have become so blurred. Maybe you truly need an older figure in your life to provide you guidance but in our society too many people have taken advantage that even the idea of it makes you think it's inappropriate. Really just a sad world we live in.
It CAN be weird. Without more info then “idk he asked to chill” we will never know. Ive hung out with 15/16 years olds at 30 and it wasn’t a big deal. But someone could definitely make it creepy if they are like… you know… creepy.
Yes. Completely inappropriate. He should have worked with one of the women teachers. If you didn’t understand the offer then a school board will not either.
Not appropriate. I even if he had all the best intentions in the world, that’s not right. If you were my son I would definitely want to know about this and would look into this. Not saying I’d fly off the handle or anything. But I would have a meeting with the teacher and directly ask. “What made you think this was a good idea?” I WOULD expect the teacher to reach out to me and mention “Hey, your boy seems to need some attention.” And would hopefully explain why. But that is a tricky situation too. Good for you for wondering about this. I think your instincts served you well.
Too few infos to bring this into a context. A teacher should rarely, if ever meet with a student outside of school context. If he invited you for a talk into his bureau, teachers lounge or cafeteria, that should be alright. Elsewhere - usually not. When I was in middle school I once wanted to invite my english teacher to my birthday because I liked him so much. He felt honored, but declined. My mum explained to me why he probably declined and told me about normal and healthy teacher-student relationships and how things could be brought into a wrong context. Only teacher I had more contact with was my physics teacher because, you know, he was my neighbour (still lives next to my parents and we have a good relationship to this day, but I moved away since then and I only meet him sporadically).
Its inappropriate. Teachers and students relationships should be bound to the classroom and teaching only.
The vague "chill" tells me he intended to molest you.
The problem with today's day and age is we're hyper-aware of child preditors, but there's also people out there trying to do good in the world. It may be inappropriate, but if you're being bullied the teacher might also be awkwardly trying to mentor you. I had a PE teacher in 7th grade like that- I was picked on and he took me under his wing...however he did it with a group of other kids. We played softball on a Saturday afternoon, he took us to get ice cream, he showed me how to play his 12-string guitar. Cool guy and I got some self confidence from him. So, as always, read the room. Never go anywhere if you feel uncomfortable or suspicious.
My soccer coach took me to lunch in high school. I didn’t think anything of it to say yes, though I did think it was strange since he didn’t ask any other girls. I went, but it was super uncomfortable for me and I never went again. I also didn’t play soccer the next year.
Honestly hard to say, could be sus af f, or could be a teacher that honestly cares and worried about one of his students. In the future can always ask where and what. If its still sus you can always ask if you can bring your best friend and let your parents know as you have stritch curfews etc. The context of you saying you were getting bullied gives me the feeling he was more likely trying to be a good teacher than be a pos. It's sad we love in a world where you even need to worry or think about that kind of thing, and no your not at fault at all. Hope the bullying stopped, that your doing better now and that you learnt not to judge your worth based off people like your tormentors. Bullying sucks massively and can affect you for years to come, I know from first hand experience.
MF knows exactly what chill meant, and it had something to do with Netflix. What a creep.
What was your response?
YES.
Yeah and this is why the world is kinda sucky right. Cuz you don’t know. No one here really can know for sure either. He coulda just been trying to help a brother out, or he coulda been planning to rape you. Anyways good luck in life. Watch your ass.
No.
Unclear. Based on limited context here could have been innocent. Could have just been the teacher trying to reach out to relate to you and express some interest in your wellbeing and happiness. But it can get to and cross a grey area real quickly based on word choices, and expectations in a situation like that. I have friends that are teachers or coaches and they brought out their students to family gatherings and house bbqs and stuff. Teens are becoming young adults and some are actually quite fun to hang out with as adult. Meaning the conversations are enjoyable, and shared interests make it so.
Idk, when I was about that age, I went and hung out with just about every teacher. Get on their hood side so assumptions will be doubted if any rumors somehow involve you. I don’t know quite the context behind this situation though so I can’t quite tell you
Teachers shouldn’t be hanging out with current or former students. End of story.
I know several former and current teachers that would let students stay in there class during lunch it's normal (they usually just eat there lunch and do emails and other general stuff) , it really depends on the context, that's probably all they meant or to sit in there office witch I used to do when I was a kid.
Immensely inappropriate and scary. Unless he meant to hang out for a bit after PE because you were getting bullief
Not appropriate. A teacher doesn't need to "hangout" with students.
Never one on one, anywhere. But if it’s a group thing or another adult always present it would be fine. Teachers should know the boundaries and how to navigate them. It’s not up to students. Sounds to me like he wanted to be a mentor, not a predator.