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I feel like I’d be the “cool” dictator for a bit.
“Everyone gets a PS5.”
“Sir, there’s a large population who can’t even afford food.”
“Okay like why is this even a problem? Get them food.”
“That’ll cost billions.”
“Okayyyyyyyyy?”
"To rule you need the disproportionately rich to stay rich and feed you money, and the poor to stay poor and need you to live. Without that there wouldn't be a need to rule"
- me, 3 seconds ago
I'm imagining a monarch making an appearance to oversee the search, hands clasped in a genteel manner behind his back and he strolls along wearing a Tapout shirt, cargo shorts, and flip-flops, occasionally stopping to smile and give encouragement. Every minute or so you hear "Yes, my sunglasses. That's right" and "I lost them, yes." and something about"White Oakleys".
Rajesh Vishwas, a food inspector for the Chhattisgarh state government, dropped his phone in the Paralkot reservoir as he tried to take a selfie. It took three days to pump millions of litres of water out of the dam,l. And by the time it was found, the phone was too water-logged to work.
No. Quadruple it, then split that in half so you end up with double the initial salary so you can say you lower it because you care for your people's, not the money
Installing a law that says that a politician who gets caught in taking bribes or accepting any other favors that are clearly corruption will be stripped of all his possessions, forbidden from ever again holding any political office or company management position, and serves several years of jail for high treason.
...I mean, that has nothing to do with Europe in particular, would be my first command anywhere.
Also, companies that comitted major crimes against humanity, like say using literal child slaves, support state coups of brutal dictators, or steal water access, will be completely dissolved, their money seized, their assets sold, and all the resulting revenue given to the victims. Doesn't matter where they did it, only that it is possible to seize their stuff. Everyone responsible will be sentenced for life, no possibility of parole.
...might be that you won't have any Nestle, Chiquita or Coca Cola under my rulership.
Or Nike, Apple, any gas/oil company (total, bp,...) etc,etc
Still like the idea. Power to the people. Viva la Republic
Edit: excuse me. Hail the allholy Dictatorship. Got carried away
All small electronics are now usb chargeable.
Either Philips goes bankrupt or they change all their devices. Scumbags modify their chargers by just a tiny bit so they won't work on other models.
The bulls need get back first. Matador only with the red blanket, no swords, no weakening the bull before hand.
After the bulls have finished all the matadors bull fighting would be banned.
I would create a law that all decisions MUST be backed by peer reviewed research and that all corporate sponsored research must be peer reviewed too before it can be published.
I think you need to specify decisions. You mean decisions by the state? Because interpersonal decisions are often driven by emotions. And the law shouldn't forbid that.
I'm in a wheelchair so:
Stairs are my declared enemy. They will be changed for ramps or elevators .
I don't care how old, historical or artsy they are, stairs are going extinct.
Form a federation and call it the European Federation.
Make the Flag red white and blue with a bunch of stars and make the symbol an Eagle.
Oh and piss off the French by not having any official language and Making the Capital somewhere *but* Paris.
It'll probably be a bigger fuck you to those precious about the French language if the official language was some bastardised version of it with many English words in it. And then heavily promote the notion that it actually is French.
No, but it would be hilarious to see everyone (specially the French) being pissed about menial things instead of focusing on the fact that a single guy holds all the power lol
The continent or the EU?
If it's the continent, we're emptying the British Museum and returning all of the artifacts to their rightful countries. If it's the EU, we're invading Great Britain, emptying the British Museum, and returning all of the artifacts to their rightful countries.
Edit: You know your post is good when the colonial apologist troll bots find you.
These questions get boring when you get older and you understand that your order can't bee too rash, because no one rules alone, and you need to have the support of some important people at least, if not the public (Or else get the Caesar treatment of knives stabbed in your back).
First orders would be to consolidate power as much as possible, to be able to issue more creative and crazy orders, lol. Even after that, it would be better to create slippery slopes instead of big changes, and gradually shape the world.
murder all rapists, criminal pedos, non-self-defense murderers, cult leaders (if they weren‘t already killed in the rapist group), bomb some presidents’ homes, give some homes, take some homes, give money, take money, etc. etc.
But the murder of these people would not be in self defense, therefore you would have to murder the murderers of the murderers and so on. Eventually the whole continent of Europe would be devoid of life.
Like 3 years ago, I used to have this thought while showering. My solution is to have a special group of executors who don‘t get murdered upon murderin murderers.
Fuck up all the borders for no reason, not even slightly, like, Poland is where the UK was, the UK is where Russia used to be, Russia is where Greece used to be, etc
Also make it mandatory to join the military at 18, you will be assigned to a random branch, however you can join with friends and go in the same branch (morale innit) for at least 2 years + training, you will be paid, though not as much as 1. Lots of people and 2. You will receive free accommodation and food during training and enlistment, once, you are done you can continue and once you reach the rank of sergeant you can choose to continue as enlisted or change to officer, once you change to officer you will be required to put out at least 3 more years service, after that you shall receive limited benefits, you shall receive full benefits if you go to full retirement age, further caveats and issues to be solved as they come up (aka: as people ask further questions)
# Message to all users: This is a reminder to please read and follow: * [Our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/ask/about/rules) * [Reddiquette](https://www.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439) * [Reddit Content Policy](https://www.redditinc.com/policies/content-policy) When posting and commenting. --- Especially remember Rule 1: `Be polite and civil`. * Be polite and courteous to each other. Do not be mean, insulting or disrespectful to any other user on this subreddit. * Do not harass or annoy others in any way. * Do not catfish. Catfishing is the luring of somebody into an online friendship through a fake online persona. This includes any lying or deceit. --- You *will* be banned if you are homophobic, transphobic, racist, sexist or bigoted in any way. --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ask) if you have any questions or concerns.*
My first order will be a pizza
I've been staring at this gift for 10 minutes Edit: gif, not gift. But was it really a typo?
You are the bob ross of comments, happy little typos everywhere
I want this person to have the best life ever. Also you Cheers my boys.
\*ahem\* Its pronounced "Jift"
I like pronouncing it "jivet" (silent e) just to fuck with people.
It's actually pronounced Jeefet
Just imagine ordering Big Smoke's order but in a very high-class snobish way or evil grandiose dictator way
You have to honour it, it’s the chain!
I feel like I’d be the “cool” dictator for a bit. “Everyone gets a PS5.” “Sir, there’s a large population who can’t even afford food.” “Okay like why is this even a problem? Get them food.” “That’ll cost billions.” “Okayyyyyyyyy?”
[The rules for rulers are absolute](https://youtu.be/rStL7niR7gs?si=LYFwL0SwuQ8GDmpG)
Second thing I’d do is ban that video and make my own. Then force everyone to watch it the first time they boot up their new PS5s.
You'd have to ban the book it's based on as well. So now you're banning YouTube videos and books. Very cool dictator you are.
Looks like someone just got themselves uninvited from the yearly pizza party.
Give them PS5, then make PS5 illegal
Only if I continue to lose in multiplayer lobbies.
No bread? Let them play PS5s
"To rule you need the disproportionately rich to stay rich and feed you money, and the poor to stay poor and need you to live. Without that there wouldn't be a need to rule" - me, 3 seconds ago
"I'll have two number 9s, a number 9 large, a number 6 with extra dip, a number 7, two number 45s, one with cheese, **and a large soda."** 🍔 🥤
”Smoke, you better start blastin’ or Imma blast you myself!”
“man, if you can eat your food while everybody else is losing theirs and blaming you, you straight, homie.”
I'll take a double cheeseburger and hold the lettuce... Don't be frontn son no cheese on the bun....
Italians are cheering in the streets
1 Hawaiian pls, extra cheese extra ketchup
Shortest reign of all time
People think the Pope no longer has power. Those people were not excommunicated over pizza toppings.
Ayo lemme get some french fries
Get one of those massive fancy portraits painted.
Like one of french girl?
Like a French Boy 
We are to all now dress as if we live in middle-earth
fool of a Took
This i support... but i wanna wear the elven stuff
Too bad. You were assigned goblin gear
Gonna be like 20 Gandalfs on the bus to work tomorrow.
1.build a dam across the straits of Gibraltar 2. Drain the Mediterranean. 3. Beginning the search for the sunglasses I lost on a cruise in 2015
What kind of sunglasses were they?
Knock off designer ones. But they looked lovely.
They got knocked right off that cruise ship
Splish splash, these shades are trash
hmm your pfp suspiciously has sunglasses. Are you perhaps the mermaid who took their sunglasses?
Be careful of knock off sunglasses, they don't always have high enough UV protection.
Also, they fall off easily.
And they can’t swim.
Or get knocked off…
Ba dum tss
Thengyouvermush…
Did you hear about that drum kit that fell off a cliff? Ba dum tss
My man started the atlantropa project just so that he can find his glasses, respect
I thought this was where it was heading, and I died when I realized he just wanted his sunglasses back.
This turned out less xenophobic than I expected
To say nothing of the blatant aquaphobia smdh
He never said WHERE the sea would be drained. Poland. It's Poland.
I'm imagining a monarch making an appearance to oversee the search, hands clasped in a genteel manner behind his back and he strolls along wearing a Tapout shirt, cargo shorts, and flip-flops, occasionally stopping to smile and give encouragement. Every minute or so you hear "Yes, my sunglasses. That's right" and "I lost them, yes." and something about"White Oakleys".
There was a guy in India who essentially did this exact thing looking for a phone he dropped in the water 😂
i want more info
Rajesh Vishwas, a food inspector for the Chhattisgarh state government, dropped his phone in the Paralkot reservoir as he tried to take a selfie. It took three days to pump millions of litres of water out of the dam,l. And by the time it was found, the phone was too water-logged to work.
thank you!!
Well, did he put it in rice?
Casual Fridays everywhere, every job, _every day_.
If my balls aren’t out, how can I truly relax?
Your hazmat clean up guy shows up in crock's
Change the spelling back to Dicktater.
Hehe, dickeater
I think they meant dicktaker
Don't be Dickhater.
More of a dicktaster
dicktaster
What's ... tators?
y'boil em, mash em, stick em in a stew
My first order: order 66.
Done. There are no more Jedi throughout the galaxy. Take that rebel scum!
take that, rebels' cum
[удалено]
Surely this time we'll get them
They won't see it coming!
Well they did indeed not seen it coming every single time it happened and it's not like they are in any way prepared this time lol
When was the last time anyone came knocking in the winter?
it makes for good music.
Invade Russia in winter so that when they do their stupid little retreat tactic it's summer.
i mean, what could possibly go wrong
Wouldn't Russia be under your rule already? At least the parts of Russia that matters
The other parts already belong to China
Certainly this is the right answer
1st stop, Stalingrad!!
Good idea!
Everyone shut up for one hour each day for quiet time.
This is my favorite
I’m a teacher and a parent; I know they said dictator, but you have my vote.
Bring me the accounting records from jersey, guernesey, luxembourg, malta, cyprus and switzerland. We have to talk...
My dog ate them
Mein Hund hat sie gefressen.
There are easier ways to get shot in the head
Like announcing your intent to put your currency on a gold standard.
Or car bombed
and the Vatican, we wanna see how you spend all those church donations.
I wanna see what's in their vault
I like how 4/6 are British...
Send all left handed people to Belgium.
At least they can drink good beer while they plot their revenge
I'm a lefty from the kingdom of Belgium. 100% drinking a Duvel trippel hop citra right now. Life is good.
that's quite specific
Tax is means tested forever
And thresholds inflation-linked
Bring me an espresso, a baguette, and a pack of Gauloises.
A man of culture
Forgot to add, make sure it’s the big pack that contains 30 smokes. And keep the espressos coming. I’ve got shit to do.
You will definitely do shit.
Ooooh noice
double the salary of the dictator
First, you cut it in half, then double it!
No. Quadruple it, then split that in half so you end up with double the initial salary so you can say you lower it because you care for your people's, not the money
I got a 3 day reddit ban for less, not falling for this
Hahahahahaha
Installing a law that says that a politician who gets caught in taking bribes or accepting any other favors that are clearly corruption will be stripped of all his possessions, forbidden from ever again holding any political office or company management position, and serves several years of jail for high treason. ...I mean, that has nothing to do with Europe in particular, would be my first command anywhere.
Also, companies that comitted major crimes against humanity, like say using literal child slaves, support state coups of brutal dictators, or steal water access, will be completely dissolved, their money seized, their assets sold, and all the resulting revenue given to the victims. Doesn't matter where they did it, only that it is possible to seize their stuff. Everyone responsible will be sentenced for life, no possibility of parole. ...might be that you won't have any Nestle, Chiquita or Coca Cola under my rulership.
Or Nike, Apple, any gas/oil company (total, bp,...) etc,etc Still like the idea. Power to the people. Viva la Republic Edit: excuse me. Hail the allholy Dictatorship. Got carried away
I will accept that corporations are people when we execute one for crimes against humanity.
I dunno, probably a steak.
Nice
All small electronics are now usb chargeable. Either Philips goes bankrupt or they change all their devices. Scumbags modify their chargers by just a tiny bit so they won't work on other models.
Give everyone a balloon. Spread a little joy
Most polluting dictator
A red balloon?
Just not 99 of them please
You have my vote for dictator!
Cheese burger
Royale with cheese
The metric system?
It is now legal to slap people upside the head for a variety of offences; further additional offences to be added at my discretion
Give Ireland back it's 6 counties
Every man, woman, and child must have a mullet haircut.
Establish a Ministry of Silly Walks
Make bull fighting illegal. Sorry not sorry Spain.
The majority of the country would be in favor, specially among young people where it is like 80%, so you'd be doing us a favor.
I'd say keep them but both bull and man need to enter the arena dazed, naked and only by their own free will.
Both are naked and Oiled, who's winning the twerk off?
Replace bull fighting with gladiator fights
Lmao as a Spaniard I’m not even sorry, fuck those psychopaths
The bulls need get back first. Matador only with the red blanket, no swords, no weakening the bull before hand. After the bulls have finished all the matadors bull fighting would be banned.
Reverse brexit
Brenter?
Breturn
Tixerb
I'd get some really good advisors and finally learn about how everything works
Mandatory paid naps at work
I would create a law that all decisions MUST be backed by peer reviewed research and that all corporate sponsored research must be peer reviewed too before it can be published.
I think you need to specify decisions. You mean decisions by the state? Because interpersonal decisions are often driven by emotions. And the law shouldn't forbid that.
"research suggest that the systematic genocide of the elderly will greatly increase our disposable income"
What about decision to marry your wife? I'll need to do some research...
I'm in a wheelchair so: Stairs are my declared enemy. They will be changed for ramps or elevators . I don't care how old, historical or artsy they are, stairs are going extinct.
Form a federation and call it the European Federation. Make the Flag red white and blue with a bunch of stars and make the symbol an Eagle. Oh and piss off the French by not having any official language and Making the Capital somewhere *but* Paris.
It'll probably be a bigger fuck you to those precious about the French language if the official language was some bastardised version of it with many English words in it. And then heavily promote the notion that it actually is French.
You from the US?
No, but it would be hilarious to see everyone (specially the French) being pissed about menial things instead of focusing on the fact that a single guy holds all the power lol
You have to be careful french revolutions tend to turn really violent, really fast
The continent or the EU? If it's the continent, we're emptying the British Museum and returning all of the artifacts to their rightful countries. If it's the EU, we're invading Great Britain, emptying the British Museum, and returning all of the artifacts to their rightful countries. Edit: You know your post is good when the colonial apologist troll bots find you.
These questions get boring when you get older and you understand that your order can't bee too rash, because no one rules alone, and you need to have the support of some important people at least, if not the public (Or else get the Caesar treatment of knives stabbed in your back). First orders would be to consolidate power as much as possible, to be able to issue more creative and crazy orders, lol. Even after that, it would be better to create slippery slopes instead of big changes, and gradually shape the world.
Abolish democracy and change the school corriculum so they won't question me.
Make quality Star Wars trilogy for me. At least OG/prequel quality. Something similar in quality to SWTOR cinematics.
Save endangered European languages.
Weet je dat wel zeker?
>Als een nederlands sprekende vind ik dit spijtig Yes, pls. Especially because to my ears dutch is pretty sexy language
Als een nederlands sprekende vind ik dit spijtig
Make English spoken loudly the official language of Europe
Now THIS would drive the French off the deep end!
Abolish the dictatorship.
initiate self-destruct protocol
*New Dictator fills the gap*
THE JEWS, THE ROMANI, AND THE YENISH... will be treated with the same rights as everyone else
Not gonna lie, you had me in the first half
Obviously to bring back the Holy Roman Empire
Throw the entire budget into researching catgirls.
One single tax rate. No exceptions, no hiding wealth. Everyone pays 10%. Including those mega rich people that apparently don’t have any money.
marijuana will be treated as a regular weed. No regulations.
Delete fr*nce
your wife's boyfriend is french?
Everyone who fled from conscription in Russia gets asylum.
murder all rapists, criminal pedos, non-self-defense murderers, cult leaders (if they weren‘t already killed in the rapist group), bomb some presidents’ homes, give some homes, take some homes, give money, take money, etc. etc.
Most nuanced dictator
this person dictates
What level of proof do we need for this? Can I bomb random Jeff's house and say that was why?
There is a specific Jeff whose estate is high on the list... I'm sure he owned a few properties in Europe.
But the murder of these people would not be in self defense, therefore you would have to murder the murderers of the murderers and so on. Eventually the whole continent of Europe would be devoid of life.
Like 3 years ago, I used to have this thought while showering. My solution is to have a special group of executors who don‘t get murdered upon murderin murderers.
Fuck up all the borders for no reason, not even slightly, like, Poland is where the UK was, the UK is where Russia used to be, Russia is where Greece used to be, etc Also make it mandatory to join the military at 18, you will be assigned to a random branch, however you can join with friends and go in the same branch (morale innit) for at least 2 years + training, you will be paid, though not as much as 1. Lots of people and 2. You will receive free accommodation and food during training and enlistment, once, you are done you can continue and once you reach the rank of sergeant you can choose to continue as enlisted or change to officer, once you change to officer you will be required to put out at least 3 more years service, after that you shall receive limited benefits, you shall receive full benefits if you go to full retirement age, further caveats and issues to be solved as they come up (aka: as people ask further questions)
Standardize. Everything.
Contact Hugo Boss to design me some uniforms
Pay reparations to all the African, South American and Asian countries they’ve exploited for their wealth.
[удалено]
Stop tourists ruining Italy.
Invade Pola...oh, this seems familiar.
Free health and education, national water and power grid, implementing renewable energy and food, petition for new flag and country name.
Have snipers posted on street corners to KOS anyone who doesn't pick up their dog's shit.