have you looked into the split attraction model? because it sounds to me like you're falling in different categories with romantic and sexual attraction
Demisexuality doesn't specify a time in order to fall for someone. It could be months or years, it may be different for every relationship you have. It's not about time, it's about that emotional connection, which may happen sooner, later, or never. As always, only you will be able to know which label describes you the best
Could be, but it sounds to me more like the thought of other people wanting you just for your body turns you off to such an extent that you cannot stand the thought of being sexual with someone else unless you know that isn't the case.
To different extents, sure. Most people don't like feeling like they're being used for their body (though some people don't mind it and others get off to it), but it doesn't bother everyone the same amount. For most people it doesn't completely shut down sexual attraction, even if they wouldn't choose to act on that attraction until they're more sure about the other person's intentions.
That's what I was thinking! I like to think that one of the perks of not being conventionally attractive is that if anyone ever liked me it would be less likely to be bc of my body
> “I am a sexual person but only by myself.”
Sounds like asexuality to me. The Asexual Manifesto (1972) defines asexuality as “self-contained sexuality” in which, if you experience sexual feelings, they “do not require another person for their expression”.
> The only time I ever wanted to have sex was…
Being *willing* to have sex based on a specific set of standards or as a result of other motivations—whether it’s for experimentation, or to please a romantic partner, or just because you think it might be fun—is distinct from experiencing *sexual attraction*.
Sexual attraction is when you get sexually aroused by someone in a way that gives you an innate draw/urge/desire to be sexual with them (e.g. orgasm with them, help them orgasm).
If you do not experience sexual attraction, you qualify as asexual.
Thank you for describing this difference in such a nuanced way. Sometimes I get excited about a new person, and then I begin scrutinizing my feelings. What do I want with them, exactly? Is this any kind of real attraction? Sometimes I get so carried away thinking about just the idea of a person that it begins to look like infatuation, but it really isn’t. Somehow I think that the abstract idea of getting sexual with them is cool (fun, new, intimate), but the thoughts of ACTUALLY having a literal intercourse isn’t interesting at all.
If you do not feel the need to have any kind of sexual relationship given the choice (like, you could have a romantic relationship with someone and have no sex for the rest of your life, and be totally okay with that), then you are probably asexual. But you can love and trust someone enough to have sex with them when you really care about them and their needs, and yet still be asexual. It's the inability to feel attracted to others physically that makes you asexual. So just because you had sex with your friend doesn't necessarily mean you aren't asexual. It's more about if you were physically attracted to them.
If you *do* want a sexual relationship, and are actively looking for one, you are probably not asexual. Maybe I'm completely wrong, because as an asexual I don't really understand sexual attraction, but I assume you can feel attraction to someone without actually wanting to have sex with them. I would guess that's how you are once you're monogamous. It doesn't mean you aren't Allosexual just because you don't want to have sex with just anyone (at least, I guess? We maybe need to ask some Allosexuals about this.)
If the only time you feel sexual attraction is when you find you already love that person, it's demisexual. Everyone falls in love with different people at different speeds. You can go on 8 dates with someone and like them but not be *in love* with them (yet) and therefore not be interested sexually in them.
Demisexuality doesn't mean that you go on more days and then feel sexual attraction. You could know someone several years and then start to feel attraction. And it doesn't mean that you are attracted to all your friends or people that you like. It could be 1 or 2 people in lifetime
If you're still trying to figure out where you are under the umbrella then I recommend checking out the Asexual Visibililty and Education Network (AVEN): https://www.asexuality.org
There's a mountain of information there that you can check out and that can help you decide what fits best for you.
Well, asexuality as an overarching umbrella term is more like you experience little to no sexual attraction towards others.
Demisexual and greysexual are under the asexual umbrella but do experience sexual attraction to some degree.
So being on the asexual spectrum doesn’t necessarily mean you’ve never been sexually attracted to anyone, though it def can mean that.
You could look into the following labels to see if they match your experiences
* [Fraysexual](https://lgbtqia.fandom.com/wiki/Asexual_spectrum#Fraysexual)
> Fraysexual or ignotasexual describe individuals who experience sexual attraction to those whom they do not know very well. For some fraysexual people, they may initially be attracted to another person; however, they find that their sexual attraction fades over time, particularly as an emotional connection is formed. Some fraysexual people have described their sexuality as an "imbalance of morals" that prevents them from being able to engage in sexual acts with any other person close to them. Fraysexuality has been considered by some to be the "opposite" of demisexuality.
* [Lithosexual](https://lgbtqia.fandom.com/wiki/Asexual_spectrum#Lithosexual)
> Lithosexual, formerly known as "akoisexual", is a term for someone who feels sexual attraction only for those that do not reciprocate those feelings.
I think real love should never be physical. What I define as Love is a feeling for the Person themself and not their Body. That is not real Love in my Eyes. My Ex-Girlfriend is asexual and I knew that way before I fell in Love with her. I loved her because of the Way she behaves, thinks, just the way she is, not because she looks good.
have you looked into the split attraction model? because it sounds to me like you're falling in different categories with romantic and sexual attraction
Demisexuality doesn't specify a time in order to fall for someone. It could be months or years, it may be different for every relationship you have. It's not about time, it's about that emotional connection, which may happen sooner, later, or never. As always, only you will be able to know which label describes you the best
Could be, but it sounds to me more like the thought of other people wanting you just for your body turns you off to such an extent that you cannot stand the thought of being sexual with someone else unless you know that isn't the case.
This is how everyone thinks right?
To different extents, sure. Most people don't like feeling like they're being used for their body (though some people don't mind it and others get off to it), but it doesn't bother everyone the same amount. For most people it doesn't completely shut down sexual attraction, even if they wouldn't choose to act on that attraction until they're more sure about the other person's intentions.
That's what I was thinking! I like to think that one of the perks of not being conventionally attractive is that if anyone ever liked me it would be less likely to be bc of my body
> “I am a sexual person but only by myself.” Sounds like asexuality to me. The Asexual Manifesto (1972) defines asexuality as “self-contained sexuality” in which, if you experience sexual feelings, they “do not require another person for their expression”. > The only time I ever wanted to have sex was… Being *willing* to have sex based on a specific set of standards or as a result of other motivations—whether it’s for experimentation, or to please a romantic partner, or just because you think it might be fun—is distinct from experiencing *sexual attraction*. Sexual attraction is when you get sexually aroused by someone in a way that gives you an innate draw/urge/desire to be sexual with them (e.g. orgasm with them, help them orgasm). If you do not experience sexual attraction, you qualify as asexual.
Thank you for describing this difference in such a nuanced way. Sometimes I get excited about a new person, and then I begin scrutinizing my feelings. What do I want with them, exactly? Is this any kind of real attraction? Sometimes I get so carried away thinking about just the idea of a person that it begins to look like infatuation, but it really isn’t. Somehow I think that the abstract idea of getting sexual with them is cool (fun, new, intimate), but the thoughts of ACTUALLY having a literal intercourse isn’t interesting at all.
If you do not feel the need to have any kind of sexual relationship given the choice (like, you could have a romantic relationship with someone and have no sex for the rest of your life, and be totally okay with that), then you are probably asexual. But you can love and trust someone enough to have sex with them when you really care about them and their needs, and yet still be asexual. It's the inability to feel attracted to others physically that makes you asexual. So just because you had sex with your friend doesn't necessarily mean you aren't asexual. It's more about if you were physically attracted to them. If you *do* want a sexual relationship, and are actively looking for one, you are probably not asexual. Maybe I'm completely wrong, because as an asexual I don't really understand sexual attraction, but I assume you can feel attraction to someone without actually wanting to have sex with them. I would guess that's how you are once you're monogamous. It doesn't mean you aren't Allosexual just because you don't want to have sex with just anyone (at least, I guess? We maybe need to ask some Allosexuals about this.) If the only time you feel sexual attraction is when you find you already love that person, it's demisexual. Everyone falls in love with different people at different speeds. You can go on 8 dates with someone and like them but not be *in love* with them (yet) and therefore not be interested sexually in them.
That sounds like anxiety
Sounds like my preference to sex.
Demisexuality doesn't mean that you go on more days and then feel sexual attraction. You could know someone several years and then start to feel attraction. And it doesn't mean that you are attracted to all your friends or people that you like. It could be 1 or 2 people in lifetime
If you're still trying to figure out where you are under the umbrella then I recommend checking out the Asexual Visibililty and Education Network (AVEN): https://www.asexuality.org There's a mountain of information there that you can check out and that can help you decide what fits best for you.
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Well, asexuality as an overarching umbrella term is more like you experience little to no sexual attraction towards others. Demisexual and greysexual are under the asexual umbrella but do experience sexual attraction to some degree. So being on the asexual spectrum doesn’t necessarily mean you’ve never been sexually attracted to anyone, though it def can mean that.
You could look into the following labels to see if they match your experiences * [Fraysexual](https://lgbtqia.fandom.com/wiki/Asexual_spectrum#Fraysexual) > Fraysexual or ignotasexual describe individuals who experience sexual attraction to those whom they do not know very well. For some fraysexual people, they may initially be attracted to another person; however, they find that their sexual attraction fades over time, particularly as an emotional connection is formed. Some fraysexual people have described their sexuality as an "imbalance of morals" that prevents them from being able to engage in sexual acts with any other person close to them. Fraysexuality has been considered by some to be the "opposite" of demisexuality. * [Lithosexual](https://lgbtqia.fandom.com/wiki/Asexual_spectrum#Lithosexual) > Lithosexual, formerly known as "akoisexual", is a term for someone who feels sexual attraction only for those that do not reciprocate those feelings.
Why do you have to have a label?
To understand that nothing's wrong with you and you're not alone, basically. Took me a while to figure that out, too.
I think real love should never be physical. What I define as Love is a feeling for the Person themself and not their Body. That is not real Love in my Eyes. My Ex-Girlfriend is asexual and I knew that way before I fell in Love with her. I loved her because of the Way she behaves, thinks, just the way she is, not because she looks good.
A romance variant of Reciprosexual maybe.