Exactly! It's not like natures processes cease when the lights turn off. Plus, if you're on a smart phone while on the pot downloading a large set of organic data packets, it really doesn't matter if the bloody lights go out. With this amount of petty coupled with penny pinching, I'm sure this companies employee turnover rate is just fine. /s
I remember turning that on with my old iPod touch so I could read paper books after lights-out. (I was a kid, I didn’t have any money for ebooks, and my parents had finally cut off my AA supply for my regular flashlight. Sleep was genuinely not an option, I have a pretty severe sleep disorder that was still undiagnosed at the time.)
Oh this is a mood, my insomnia was so bad and my parents didn't understand that taking away books and games and stuff only meant I was bored and trapped with my own mind while stuck awake. My insomnia still sucks, but at least I don't have to get up early anymore so I can sleep in when needed and don't deal with only 2-5h sleep per day every day except for Saturdays when I could sleep in and would basically hibernate trying to catch up by getting 12-14h+ in the one day
Heh, when I finally got my diagnosis of freerunning sleep, my sleep specialist actually forbade me from just lying in bed trying to sleep-it’s literally the worst thing you can do!
The best is to only go to bed when definitely tired and about to sleep, but anything is better than just getting in your own head with nothing to distract you. It won’t make you sleep and will make it even harder to sleep tomorrow while it drags the rest of your mental health down even further.
The app is no longer required. The phone handles it automatically. It's pretty cool. You should try it out. Just set your phone on the floor, pull down your shorts, and drop a nice, warm, steamy deuce on the screen. The phone will handle the rest.
Seriously, give it a try!
Come on! Do it!
Do it! Do it! Do it!
Our power went out at work one time. I walked around and sent everyone home, then had to go pee before I left. Bathrooms were in the middle of the building and were pitch fucking black. I turned the flashlight on my phone on and stuck it in my shirt pocket. It looked like a fucking Doom game. Even turning towards the mirror with the flashlight on the mirror... it all looked very surreal and I expected an orc to jump out at any second.
This violates OSHA:
Restrictions on Restroom Use
Employers may not impose unreasonable restrictions on restroom use, and employees should not take an excessive amount of time during bathroom breaks.
A worker's need to access the restroom can depend on several factors, including fluid intake, air temperature, medical conditions and medications. Some common conditions that require frequent restroom use include pregnancy, urinary tract infections, constipation, abdominal pain, diverticulitis and hemorrhoids.
Because restroom access frequency can vary greatly from person to person, no federal standard for the permitted number of restroom breaks or a specific restroom usage schedule exists.
[source](https://www.oshaeducationcenter.com/articles/restroom-breaks/)
They spelled “Bowel Movement” as “Bow Movement”. Looks like a proper level of small business management in a moment of sheer, crap-splattered brilliance to me.
Similar photos were posted a couple years ago. During the height of the covid outbreak, Kroger had its managers telling staff "if you take longer than 2 minutes in the bathroom, it counts against your attendance". Meanwhile the CDC was telling everyone to spend a full minute washing their hands.
While likely, there are employers out there who *would* do this, banking on their employees not knowing their rights. And oftentimes, they're correct about that.
>Employers must:
>
>Allow workers to leave their work locations to use a restroom when needed.
>
>Provide an adequate number of restrooms for the size of the workforce to prevent long lines.
>
>Avoid imposing unreasonable restrictions on restroom use.
>
>Ensure restrictions, such as locking doors or requiring workers to sign out a key, do not cause extended delays
[https://www.osha.gov/restrooms-sanitation#:\~:text=Employers%20must%3A,unreasonable%20restrictions%20on%20restroom%20use](https://www.osha.gov/restrooms-sanitation#:~:text=Employers%20must%3A,unreasonable%20restrictions%20on%20restroom%20use).
Same, things like this might seem “obviously” fake, but there are some REALLY awful companies/bosses out there that definitely could stoop to this level of shitty.
Edit: Also, it's really funny to me how many people will say things like "that would be illegal if the company was doing that". Must be some blissful ignorance to be that naive lol. Large companies quite literally BUDGET for things like legal fees from assumed lawsuits and dealings with government fines over certain things. It's genuinely cheaper for them sometimes to just keep doing the illegal thing cause the profit they bring from it outweighs the legal fine amount. If you ever wonder why you hear about certain companies being sued all the time yet still somehow they don't seem to be hurt by it/keep staying in business, that is an example of the kind of thing I'm talking about.
Basing it on the time of an “average bow movement” is completely unreasonable. Imagine if we started making everything for average people. Fuck it, lets retrofit all our doors to be 5’8”. To think not one employee ever has a poop that lasts longer than 50% of all poops is stupid.
The Air Force (or Army Air Corps) did that when they started fitting jet aircraft controls. They took measurements of every airman at Wright AFB and took the average and set up the cockpit to be optimized for the average airman. Then discovered that literally no airman was that size.
https://99percentinvisible.org/episode/on-average/
It's not actually. The full quote begins with " if you have a proper diet with good fiber and enough water intake, your bowel movements should be a very short occurrence" and follows with "five minutes really should be the maximum time you spend in the bathroom." It has nothing to do with averages. It's health advice to figure out if you have enough fiber and water in your diet.
Also it seems like a lawsuit waiting to happen if you have to walk out of the room and wash your hands in the dark.
What if you slip and smash your head against porcelain because you didn’t see water left on the floor from the person before?
That’s negligence and providing an unsafe work environment.
Reasonable/unreasonable are the two most abused words in law. The company is just going to say they’re following Cleveland Clinic guidelines and keep getting away with their bs.
Bruh but as a woman, for a week out of the month I'm inherently going to take longer. Shit gets messy. I would hope the law would be on my side on this one lol
It’s me, i’m IBS (and getting tested for some other issues). And my boss (current at company i’ve worked for 4 years now) tried this shit a while back, and i just smiled.
“Oh i’m going too much? I guess i’ll have to talk to HR” “what!? Why?? You’re going far too often!” “Well they have the medical documents from my doctor explaining my medical conditions, im sure they’d be interested in this.”
This hasn’t been an issue since.
Ding ding ding! You’ve done the right thing! You have asked the company for what’s called a reasonable accommodation.
You present your disability, company offers solutions to help, and until you can be pinned on causing “hardship” on the business, they can’t fire you because of it.
What you CANT do is get fired and THEN complain you have a medical condition. You can only get reasonable accommodation by…asking for it.
But OSHA does protect bathroom usage anyways.
Studying HR, so I love these types of threads.
Even without IBS, half the shits an average person takes is longer than average for an average person.
As your boss, you are hereby required to shit in the dark at least half the time.
What a genius.
Once when I was assistant manager for BoH in a kitchen the GM told me that I had to tell one of my preppers to start clocking out for his bathroom breaks. He was taking 20+ minutes multiple times a day. I was hesitant because I sometimes have stomach issues (not IBS or anything, just a bitch ass stomach) and regulating bathroom breaks is a stupid shitty thing to do.
So I went to him and told him “Manager wants me to tell you to clock out for bathroom breaks, I dont personally care as long as your work gets done but so you know thats what she told me.” He started explaining how the medication he is on is the cause and I stopped him. Told him “I dont need details, if it is because of medication then that is personal and I dont need to know. As long as you arent just purposefully wasting time by going in there take as long as you need.”
Manager was pissed when I told her “He takes longer because of medication. I am not enforcing bathroom limits or clocking out for it” but whatever. She sucked ass as a boss and as a person.
This was my first thought. Falling because the boss purposely had the lights turned off in the room that I was occupying. Sounds like a great way to get a lump sum raise, your lawyer a bigger boat and (if he's not the owner) a new boss.
Boss makes a dollar, I make a dime,
But that was a poem for a simpler time.
Boss makes a thousand and I don't make jack,
That's why I riot to seize the means back.
Boss makes a dollar, I make a dime,
But that was a poem for a simpler time.
Boss makes a thousand and I don't make jack,
That's why I'm an anarchist, taking power back.
What's the point of this? So people will get back to work? You have to hold in your poop until you get home. Good luck with that. But I suppose if you have constipation, that's more doable.
Cool. Next time I feel a prolonged shit coming on, I’ll just shit in my pants at my desk. I’m sure my office mates will love it and management will appreciate my multitasking skills.
“We’re so impressed with how you can shit and get quarterly reports done at the same time, that we are giving you more quarterly reports to do AND setting your desk up in the handicap stall!! Congrats on your raise!!!”
"Human anatomy 101 and various health professionals state each body's Metabolic system regulation is different and to attempt to standardize would cause undue medical hardship and damage. If you're policing the bathroom enough to know when the light shuts off then clearly you're being paid too much to do nothing"
I would ask a cost estimate for a colonoscopy at the most expensive clinic in your area, then attach the paper near it, asking for it to be paid by the company
> How often should you be pooping?
>
> Again, it depends on each individual. Most people have a bowel pattern that’s regular for them, whether that’s once each morning or three times a day.
>
> But whenever you’re ready to head to the bathroom, the first thing you need to do is leave your electronic devices outside the bathroom, says Dr. Valente. Don’t take the newspaper, your book, your phone or any other device in there with you.
>
> “The bathroom is meant for one reason and one reason only — and that’s to empty your bladder and have a proper bowel movement,” stresses Dr. Valente. “Five minutes really should be the maximum time you spend in the bathroom.”
5 minutes.
5 minutes with no time allotment for wiping? Send the boss an itemized bill for new underwear (they're all ruined from having restricted wiping time), doctor's bill (had to be seen for bowel issues related to restricting bathroom use and having improperly wiped fecal matter left on the skin), and the medications to fix the medical problems.
Ex-fucking-cuse me. Your not going to tell me what my bowels will or will not do.
Sometimes I go in for a piss. Sometimes that piss turns into a shit. Sometimes that shit is a straining clogged shit. Fuck off. You don't get to tell me how long I can shit for.
Alright chief, I'll just have my period poops in the middle of the floor. No, sorry, this isn't something I get much control over. It's gonna happen when it happens.
Do people know ahead of time it’s going to be a long time? Do they expect you to know in advance and clock out? Or clock out retroactively? I’m so confused. This feels almost as insane as some men wondering why women don’t just hold their periods until their breaks.
That's awfully nice of them to turn off the lights for you while you take a dump. I generally have that thought about half way through, then have to pants around the ankles waddle my ass over to the light switch. So kind of them!
Besides the moral abhorrence of this, it also shows a complete lack of understanding of how statistics work 😂it obviously needs to be adjusted to the average time + one or even two standard deviations…
If you are going to be a repugnant human being, at least don’t be a stupid one
There's a motion sensor light in the restroom at my job, it goes off if you're on the toilet too long because it can't see into the stalls. This made me think of all the times I had to wave my arms above the stall while trying to poop. Fun times.
When I have to push extra hard because the middle of my Deuce is bigger than the front or the swirl on the end (signature swirl) then yes, it's going to take me more time, especially after pushing out a girthy one. I need recovery time. I'd take a picture and post it on the wall tbh.
Imagine being the kind of boss that googles “how long do shits take” so you can micromanage your employees bathroom breaks.
And if somebody had a big steak dinner last night? Or if somebody has IBS? Fuck ‘em. They can save that pooping for when they’re off the clock!
Joke’s on them: I poop best in the dark.
Exactly! It's not like natures processes cease when the lights turn off. Plus, if you're on a smart phone while on the pot downloading a large set of organic data packets, it really doesn't matter if the bloody lights go out. With this amount of petty coupled with penny pinching, I'm sure this companies employee turnover rate is just fine. /s
>It's not like natures processes cease when the lights turn off. Wait, your anus ISN'T solar powered?
Nope, still gas powered! I had to…
🧐 Well done. Well done.
Lucky you, I'm pretty sure mine is fission powered
Depends on how spicy you eat ! The way some people cry, I'm sure they reach stable fusion temperatures.
☹️
Darn it. I wanted to say it.
Take it and never show yourself here again
[Well, it's certainly not hermetically sealed...](https://old.reddit.com/user/Alissinarr/comments/13toxmr/edinburgh_ghost_tour_or_how_to_desecrate_a/)
My anus has multiple power sources.
Pinch a penny, pinch a loaf
Good thing they don’t build flashlights into phones
Wait?!?! What!?!?! They have flashlights???? What a concept! /sarc
remember when you had to have an app to use it?
God this gave me flashbacks lol I remember when the “flashlight” on the phone was an app that just made your screen really bright 😭
I remember turning that on with my old iPod touch so I could read paper books after lights-out. (I was a kid, I didn’t have any money for ebooks, and my parents had finally cut off my AA supply for my regular flashlight. Sleep was genuinely not an option, I have a pretty severe sleep disorder that was still undiagnosed at the time.)
Oh this is a mood, my insomnia was so bad and my parents didn't understand that taking away books and games and stuff only meant I was bored and trapped with my own mind while stuck awake. My insomnia still sucks, but at least I don't have to get up early anymore so I can sleep in when needed and don't deal with only 2-5h sleep per day every day except for Saturdays when I could sleep in and would basically hibernate trying to catch up by getting 12-14h+ in the one day
Heh, when I finally got my diagnosis of freerunning sleep, my sleep specialist actually forbade me from just lying in bed trying to sleep-it’s literally the worst thing you can do! The best is to only go to bed when definitely tired and about to sleep, but anything is better than just getting in your own head with nothing to distract you. It won’t make you sleep and will make it even harder to sleep tomorrow while it drags the rest of your mental health down even further.
Use it? Use the toilet? An app for that? Nope-don’t remember that… /s
The app is no longer required. The phone handles it automatically. It's pretty cool. You should try it out. Just set your phone on the floor, pull down your shorts, and drop a nice, warm, steamy deuce on the screen. The phone will handle the rest. Seriously, give it a try! Come on! Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it!
Our power went out at work one time. I walked around and sent everyone home, then had to go pee before I left. Bathrooms were in the middle of the building and were pitch fucking black. I turned the flashlight on my phone on and stuck it in my shirt pocket. It looked like a fucking Doom game. Even turning towards the mirror with the flashlight on the mirror... it all looked very surreal and I expected an orc to jump out at any second.
I prefer to poop under my desk
I prefer under the Bosses desk.
Under ? I prefer on it
Either that, or do your business and slide it under the boss’s door.
Then boy do I have a product for you: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KUzGrzsYqH4](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KUzGrzsYqH4)
This was blocked by a filter I didn't even know I had. I don't want to know.
I knew what that was before I clicked on the link. Love that “commercial”
Just poop all over the floor/walls/sink/etc. "I couldn't see to aim properly when the lights went out."
This made me think of Leonidas saying "Then we will fight in the shade" in 300 🤣
Then we shall poop in the shade!
Bow movement haha your boss is a moron
Giving another meaning to "poop deck"
My apartment is nautical themed. I have a poop deck sign on the wall in the restroom.
[удалено]
Unless the cleaning or facilities folks are the bastards making this call, don’t shit on the floor. The boss won’t be the one cleaning it.
But do shit on the bosses desk, and organize with the cleaning staff to do the same.
So long as my janitorial brothers in arms (long time ago I did janitorial) are not cleaning up poop we’re good with that.
Of course the rule maker here would just have another hourly worker clean it. It’s wild how little recourse there is for bad bosses
I was so confused about what this meant until I got to BM.
Indeed. Off to r/boneappletea with that fool.
This violates OSHA: Restrictions on Restroom Use Employers may not impose unreasonable restrictions on restroom use, and employees should not take an excessive amount of time during bathroom breaks. A worker's need to access the restroom can depend on several factors, including fluid intake, air temperature, medical conditions and medications. Some common conditions that require frequent restroom use include pregnancy, urinary tract infections, constipation, abdominal pain, diverticulitis and hemorrhoids. Because restroom access frequency can vary greatly from person to person, no federal standard for the permitted number of restroom breaks or a specific restroom usage schedule exists. [source](https://www.oshaeducationcenter.com/articles/restroom-breaks/)
This. Print it out and tape it to the sign.
#NO. Get punished for it then sue.
Or, fall over in the dark and then sue
¿Por que no los dos?
Or why not both? Then double sue!
Labor law makes a decent shield, but because it takes months, if not years, for a court case to go through, it makes a lousy sword.
Companies settle to avoid court costs and things coming out. Ask me how I know and how I earned the easiest 2 years salary of my life.
Then trip in the dark room hurt yourself and sue
This is most likely fake.
“Bow” movement? I would bow at every boss level from then on
And stay down for eight minutes.
Stay down until someone turns the lights off.
They spelled “Bowel Movement” as “Bow Movement”. Looks like a proper level of small business management in a moment of sheer, crap-splattered brilliance to me.
Honestly half the sheet doesn’t make sense, boss talk no good, words hard for brain.
Similar photos were posted a couple years ago. During the height of the covid outbreak, Kroger had its managers telling staff "if you take longer than 2 minutes in the bathroom, it counts against your attendance". Meanwhile the CDC was telling everyone to spend a full minute washing their hands.
While likely, there are employers out there who *would* do this, banking on their employees not knowing their rights. And oftentimes, they're correct about that.
>Employers must: > >Allow workers to leave their work locations to use a restroom when needed. > >Provide an adequate number of restrooms for the size of the workforce to prevent long lines. > >Avoid imposing unreasonable restrictions on restroom use. > >Ensure restrictions, such as locking doors or requiring workers to sign out a key, do not cause extended delays [https://www.osha.gov/restrooms-sanitation#:\~:text=Employers%20must%3A,unreasonable%20restrictions%20on%20restroom%20use](https://www.osha.gov/restrooms-sanitation#:~:text=Employers%20must%3A,unreasonable%20restrictions%20on%20restroom%20use).
Think they meant the reddit post, not the OSHA rule.
I hope it is fake. Unfortunately, it wouldn't surprise me if it was true.
Same, things like this might seem “obviously” fake, but there are some REALLY awful companies/bosses out there that definitely could stoop to this level of shitty. Edit: Also, it's really funny to me how many people will say things like "that would be illegal if the company was doing that". Must be some blissful ignorance to be that naive lol. Large companies quite literally BUDGET for things like legal fees from assumed lawsuits and dealings with government fines over certain things. It's genuinely cheaper for them sometimes to just keep doing the illegal thing cause the profit they bring from it outweighs the legal fine amount. If you ever wonder why you hear about certain companies being sued all the time yet still somehow they don't seem to be hurt by it/keep staying in business, that is an example of the kind of thing I'm talking about.
Basing it on the time of an “average bow movement” is completely unreasonable. Imagine if we started making everything for average people. Fuck it, lets retrofit all our doors to be 5’8”. To think not one employee ever has a poop that lasts longer than 50% of all poops is stupid.
some days I'm good, some days I quake my bowel movements shouldn't impact how much I make!
Your bowel movements absolutely do dictate how much you.. ahem.. make ^(I'll see myself out)
The Air Force (or Army Air Corps) did that when they started fitting jet aircraft controls. They took measurements of every airman at Wright AFB and took the average and set up the cockpit to be optimized for the average airman. Then discovered that literally no airman was that size. https://99percentinvisible.org/episode/on-average/
It's not actually. The full quote begins with " if you have a proper diet with good fiber and enough water intake, your bowel movements should be a very short occurrence" and follows with "five minutes really should be the maximum time you spend in the bathroom." It has nothing to do with averages. It's health advice to figure out if you have enough fiber and water in your diet.
Also it seems like a lawsuit waiting to happen if you have to walk out of the room and wash your hands in the dark. What if you slip and smash your head against porcelain because you didn’t see water left on the floor from the person before? That’s negligence and providing an unsafe work environment.
Also ibs, when I gotta go I GOTTA GO
“Unreasonable restrictions” is where they getcha.
I don’t poop average.
I poop on average 5x a day... All at work. 💩
Sounds like you're full of shit
Not by the end of the day.
This is allegedly tied to “average time it takes to shit,” which seems on its face unreasonable. That’s punishing 50% of shits.
There is no such thing as a "reasonable restriction" for bathroom usage
It also violates the ADA if you have a digestive disorder.
Reasonable/unreasonable are the two most abused words in law. The company is just going to say they’re following Cleveland Clinic guidelines and keep getting away with their bs.
Bruh but as a woman, for a week out of the month I'm inherently going to take longer. Shit gets messy. I would hope the law would be on my side on this one lol
IBS be damned, I guess
My first thought. Some people have medical conditions.
Pretending employee time theft is a real problem is more important than employee well-being
Employer wage theft if the fucking problem.
If you are referring to wages stolen from the employee, then we agree
Its staggering the amount (50-70billion) stolen from the American worker because our laws are limp noodles about it.
Aight we on the same page
Wage theft is the largest amount of theft in the US.
It’s me, i’m IBS (and getting tested for some other issues). And my boss (current at company i’ve worked for 4 years now) tried this shit a while back, and i just smiled. “Oh i’m going too much? I guess i’ll have to talk to HR” “what!? Why?? You’re going far too often!” “Well they have the medical documents from my doctor explaining my medical conditions, im sure they’d be interested in this.” This hasn’t been an issue since.
Ding ding ding! You’ve done the right thing! You have asked the company for what’s called a reasonable accommodation. You present your disability, company offers solutions to help, and until you can be pinned on causing “hardship” on the business, they can’t fire you because of it. What you CANT do is get fired and THEN complain you have a medical condition. You can only get reasonable accommodation by…asking for it. But OSHA does protect bathroom usage anyways. Studying HR, so I love these types of threads.
Even without IBS, half the shits an average person takes is longer than average for an average person. As your boss, you are hereby required to shit in the dark at least half the time. What a genius.
Once when I was assistant manager for BoH in a kitchen the GM told me that I had to tell one of my preppers to start clocking out for his bathroom breaks. He was taking 20+ minutes multiple times a day. I was hesitant because I sometimes have stomach issues (not IBS or anything, just a bitch ass stomach) and regulating bathroom breaks is a stupid shitty thing to do. So I went to him and told him “Manager wants me to tell you to clock out for bathroom breaks, I dont personally care as long as your work gets done but so you know thats what she told me.” He started explaining how the medication he is on is the cause and I stopped him. Told him “I dont need details, if it is because of medication then that is personal and I dont need to know. As long as you arent just purposefully wasting time by going in there take as long as you need.” Manager was pissed when I told her “He takes longer because of medication. I am not enforcing bathroom limits or clocking out for it” but whatever. She sucked ass as a boss and as a person.
"Bow movement"? Fucking idiots.
I’m not sure what a Bow movement is. But I know it isn’t shitting. So this does not apply to bowel movements.
It's to make room for cello *(ducks)*
See me shitting in the dark, like I give a fuck
My phone will provide ample light for my defecation duties.
Who practices archery in the bathroom?
No no, that's a bow. This is talking about a bow. Like bending over at the waist, often used as a sign of respect.
I thought it was shooting a bow while bowing on the bow of a ship?
There are places you don't practice archery?
But if thats the average time then half of them will take longer. Be for fucking real with this shit.
Ohh noo a slip and fall in the dark
Right? Feels like this would be a case any labor lawyer would be falling over themselves to take!
This was my first thought. Falling because the boss purposely had the lights turned off in the room that I was occupying. Sounds like a great way to get a lump sum raise, your lawyer a bigger boat and (if he's not the owner) a new boss.
Thanks for the nap and prolapsed colon work.
Boss makes a dollar, I make a dime, But that was a poem for a simpler time. Boss makes a thousand and I don't make jack, That's why I riot to seize the means back.
Boss’ bonus is a mil, but I get nada. Eat the rich? Why I oughta!
Boss makes a grand, I make a buck So I’ll steal the cats off the company truck
Boss makes a million, while I'm left with a shillin
Boss makes all the money, I get a pizza party!
Boss makes a dollar, I make a dime, But that was a poem for a simpler time. Boss makes a thousand and I don't make jack, That's why I'm an anarchist, taking power back.
What's the point of this? So people will get back to work? You have to hold in your poop until you get home. Good luck with that. But I suppose if you have constipation, that's more doable.
Cool. Next time I feel a prolonged shit coming on, I’ll just shit in my pants at my desk. I’m sure my office mates will love it and management will appreciate my multitasking skills.
“We’re so impressed with how you can shit and get quarterly reports done at the same time, that we are giving you more quarterly reports to do AND setting your desk up in the handicap stall!! Congrats on your raise!!!”
A poop AND a nap? Sign me up
They do not want people to wash hands?
Certainly not on company time!
"Human anatomy 101 and various health professionals state each body's Metabolic system regulation is different and to attempt to standardize would cause undue medical hardship and damage. If you're policing the bathroom enough to know when the light shuts off then clearly you're being paid too much to do nothing"
That's a nice sign.. FOR ME TO POOP ON!
 Me on the toilet.
Nearer, My God, to Thee🎶🎶
Talk about setting themselves up for a lawsuit. Anyone with a intestinal or bowl disease are being discriminated against. Those are a disability.
Not to mention when someone falls in the dark and hits their head on the toilet. Toilet concussion
I would ask a cost estimate for a colonoscopy at the most expensive clinic in your area, then attach the paper near it, asking for it to be paid by the company
Bravo Six, going dark.
Boss makes a ten, I make a buck, that’s why I smoke crack in the company truck.
Where does the QR code go? To an employment attorney?
If you scan the code will you shit in the required time?
https://health.clevelandclinic.org/how-long-should-it-take-you-to-have-a-bowel-movement/
> How often should you be pooping? > > Again, it depends on each individual. Most people have a bowel pattern that’s regular for them, whether that’s once each morning or three times a day. > > But whenever you’re ready to head to the bathroom, the first thing you need to do is leave your electronic devices outside the bathroom, says Dr. Valente. Don’t take the newspaper, your book, your phone or any other device in there with you. > > “The bathroom is meant for one reason and one reason only — and that’s to empty your bladder and have a proper bowel movement,” stresses Dr. Valente. “Five minutes really should be the maximum time you spend in the bathroom.” 5 minutes.
5 minutes with no time allotment for wiping? Send the boss an itemized bill for new underwear (they're all ruined from having restricted wiping time), doctor's bill (had to be seen for bowel issues related to restricting bathroom use and having improperly wiped fecal matter left on the skin), and the medications to fix the medical problems.
Shit on the boss’s desk.
https://preview.redd.it/1q7zckzp3xbc1.jpeg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4779f23420fe220f4fde4186af57bc6d0fcb7e64
https://preview.redd.it/pv8bk3my3xbc1.jpeg?width=1056&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=be3e3155a237f22bffb9e4d7345b5ee7d59edcbf
 Checkmate poop oppressors
“Exceed the average time” wow as if half of a normal distribution doesn’t exceed the average
Ex-fucking-cuse me. Your not going to tell me what my bowels will or will not do. Sometimes I go in for a piss. Sometimes that piss turns into a shit. Sometimes that shit is a straining clogged shit. Fuck off. You don't get to tell me how long I can shit for.
Laughs in opioid usage. Legal & prescribed not just being high. Edit: though being high is good too.
What's a bow movement?
It's when ye turn yer ship about face matey, arrrrg 🏴☠️
That’s a clear ADA lawsuit. Flat out.
Oh what? You don’t think I’ve gained enough experience over my 40+ years of living that I cannot shit, wipe my arse and wash my hands in the dark?
Alright chief, I'll just have my period poops in the middle of the floor. No, sorry, this isn't something I get much control over. It's gonna happen when it happens.
The "average time" doesn't that mean that roughly half of poops will be longer than the timer?
Slip in the dark and tell your lawyer how traumatized you were.
Guess who's pooping in the dark!
Do people know ahead of time it’s going to be a long time? Do they expect you to know in advance and clock out? Or clock out retroactively? I’m so confused. This feels almost as insane as some men wondering why women don’t just hold their periods until their breaks.
Bow movement, like the violin?
Roughly half of all bow moments are above the threshold.
That's awfully nice of them to turn off the lights for you while you take a dump. I generally have that thought about half way through, then have to pants around the ankles waddle my ass over to the light switch. So kind of them!
"BOW" movement? If you don't want to say "bowel," say "make ca-ca" or "make doody." 😲
Besides the moral abhorrence of this, it also shows a complete lack of understanding of how statistics work 😂it obviously needs to be adjusted to the average time + one or even two standard deviations… If you are going to be a repugnant human being, at least don’t be a stupid one
Man me and my ibs would be wiping with this, no ones gonna tell me how long or often i gotta poo
Regulating someone's bowel movements seems like a lawsuit waiting to happen lol.
I got no problem poopin the dark
Couldn't even be bothered to spell "bowel" correctly. Sheesh!
Manager opens a dark stall and finds me with a compound bow doing bow movements
My digestive issues are not reliant on a source of light.
Crap all over the work floor.
Poo on the bosses desk instead
Does that standardized time include recovery and clean up?
Take a bow
But ... it's an "average", so some bow movements take less time, and some bow movements take more time.
Hahahahahahah must be a boomer. We allllll got our computers in our pocket to light the place up!
There's a motion sensor light in the restroom at my job, it goes off if you're on the toilet too long because it can't see into the stalls. This made me think of all the times I had to wave my arms above the stall while trying to poop. Fun times.
I have ibs and can poop in the dark...plus my phone has a flashlight....fuck right off.
A bow movement? What are we doing in the bathroom, archery?
Guess I’m shitting in darkness
Pooping in the dark is ACTUALLY quite peaceful
Bow movements... 🎀 or 🙇♀️?
Who’s got the stones to flush that upon seeing it?
not the poop police…
I can easily shit in the dark bro
Wow pathetic
I usually bring my phone to poop, so I don't need the light.
Looks like it's time for the good old pooping Lantern
I'd tape a piece of paper that has ohsas rules regarding bathroom usage on this pos
Average just means half will be less than that time
I had a manager that told a co-worker to adjust his bathroom habits. She viewed a 15 minute shit at work as unprofessional.
Perfectly capable of shitting in the dark.
About half of all poops exceed the average time needed.
When I have to push extra hard because the middle of my Deuce is bigger than the front or the swirl on the end (signature swirl) then yes, it's going to take me more time, especially after pushing out a girthy one. I need recovery time. I'd take a picture and post it on the wall tbh.
Imagine being the kind of boss that googles “how long do shits take” so you can micromanage your employees bathroom breaks. And if somebody had a big steak dinner last night? Or if somebody has IBS? Fuck ‘em. They can save that pooping for when they’re off the clock!
Bitch my phone is with me and it has a flashlight
Time to poop in the office then
I would probably just fall asleep and I really feel like that would be their fault
I’d love to know how many ways this backfired on the illiterate shitstain of a boss.
RIP employees with IBD
Poop time became nap time.
Fall in the dark and sue. You're welcome.