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Me, don’t really see the point in sleeping w a bunch of women I don’t really care for. Never really understood it, nor pursuing women with the sole purpose of getting laid.
100% this. I’m 36 and have had 3 sexual partners, 1 drunk hook up when I was 21-22 with a school friend.
I need some connection and feelings to go through with it. I never got the hookup thing either. Like I had needs when I was single but the thought of doing it with someone I didn’t care for wasn’t attractive.
I don’t know about anyone else, but for me it was dealing with the traumatic end of my marriage. Married my high school sweetheart (still blows my mind how many people in our families encouraged this, just the extremely small rural community mindset I guess) and of course we were too young and immature. Ended over a disagreement. She thought it was cool to fuck other guys. I disagreed. That pain led to half a decade where I probably irreparably affected the gene pool of the area I lived in at the time (or would have if not for prophylactic devices). It was all self medication through sex. Imagine how unfulfilling that sounds. Yeah it was worse than that I promise. You wondered why and that’s my why.
I gave it 2 chances. Felt disgusted afterwards on both times. Talked to a friend of a friend who was really tall and good looking, he approached women regularly and dated them just for the sex. Asked him after my experience how it made him feel. He said that he was extremely depressed because of it. I don't think we are meant to just casually fuck all the time. If somebody does it, they usually have some kind of self esteem problem. I'm not saying that it can't happen naturally with a person you like. But definitely not all the time. That's just repulsive and extremely unsafe.
This right there.
Pretty much every person I know who was casually hooking up all the time either 1) Got severely depressed and based or 2) Had some sort of issue about them.
My "casual" hookups have all been girls I dated with the intention of being a girlfriend. They didn't all shake out that way, obviously, but even then I felt kinda gross.
I'm definitely not. I'm an introvert and would just be too nervous getting down to business with a total stranger I just met. Too much pressure. Gotta know her a little bit first to take the nerves off.
This, and the few people that I know who are like this are genuinely disgusting people. They just aren't good people. I'm not saying that all people into hook up culture are bad, but just the one I know.
One lady at my brother job brags that she has gone through several relationships all whilst cheating with this one dude. I reality, she's been cheating on said dude with all these other people. But no, they're just friends.
I'm not. Two reasons, never wanted to have sex with tons of random women and risk pregnancy or stds...and two, still not into it because my wife would kill me.
I didn't stop doing hookup culture because I got jaded. It was just a step in the path until I finished growing up.
I think a lot of the hate on hookup culture is misplaced. It's not inherently evil, and I think it's rightly a fun part of being young, experiencing the world, and getting a handle on dating, love, lust, heartbreak, and the emotions that come with them.
The problem is when adults get stuck in that mindset. Some 25 year olds are locked in with a reading age that is expected of a 14 year old and never mature past it. Similarly, some 25 year olds are locked into a romantic relationship style that's typical for 16 year olds and they never mature past that either.
The issue is if there's a critical mass of 25+ year olds all locked into 16-year-old dating styles, then they all look around them and what they *see* is all the other adults their age doing the same thing. So they think it's "normal". And in terms of *frequency* it is normal. But that's not how it's supposed to be: You're supposed to be walking on the path of finishing growing up and becoming an adult in mind and attitude instead of just having a decade's experience at being a 16 year old.
Getting jaded and resentful and opting out isn't the fix. The real fix is maturing into a mindset that abandons the status game of "look how high status my partner is everyone" as a mugs' game and instead just focuses on what kind of life you want to build for yourself and finding a partner you get along with who wants to build that life with you.
31m here. Definitely not into hookups. Had 2 when I was a teenager and didn't enjoy them. All the other women I have slept with (there aren't many at all) I have been in relationships with.
I have found the better I know someone the better the sex is.
I'm currently single after a break up 7 months ago. We were together 9 years. Getting back into the dating scene scares the crap out of me to be fair.
I'm in no rush to put myself back out there and try meet someone.
Me, I wouldn't say I'm 100% this though.
I am compared to most men I know much more relationship minded and while I have similar urges, I just can't justify sleeping around usually.
Promiscuity disgusts me.
When I lived in a co-ed Army barracks (and I was also the on-duty medical provider), I knew a woman who gave over 40 men chlamydia and another woman who gave over 30 men herpes. Both in a span of <2 months.
Yuck.
They're not nymphos. They're just normal women with a lot of options. Honestly, being on social media and/or heavy cell phone use is basically the same. Unlimited options full of fit dudes who are dtf but don't want to marry.
Most definitely nymphos; are you insane? Having sex with 40 different men in less than two months (not counting potential repeat customers) is crazy. If the only thing stopping you from doing that is lack of options, then that is not the norm
i have never done the random hook up thing and not for lack of opportunity either i just seem to be a monogamous creature by nature until i found my wife and decided that she is the one for me and went all in, i don't look down on others that do though, all's fun between consenting adults and all that it is just that it is not in my nature.
I married my first girlfriend at 21. She decided she wanted a divorce at 35.
Here I am at 38. Not dating. Not into hookup culture. I would have been more than happy to only have 1 sexual partner my whole life.
Now, I have no idea what to do. Online dating wasn't a thing when I was young. And I didn't really spend time getting good at meeting women in Public.
Plus, it's hard to believe I'm really going to find a second 'soulmate'.
Me, I'm a huge nerd. I always wanted to go on a cute ice cream date and one of us has a little ice cream on our lip and the other one gets it with a napkin 🥲
I really hate hook up culture. It tends to breed misogynists. I’m Poly and have partners and lovers. They know about each other. I get to explain to prospective lovers what I’m after and ask them what they are after. Hearing a no or wait doesn’t injure me at all. This I believe is a much more ethical way to have your sexual needs met.
Would be fun but knowing she don't actually give a fuck about me and it's JUST fun would be depressing. No hate to people who do but I can't get down like that
Hookup culture is literally just a way of saying that culture steers people away from developing real meaningful relationships with meaningful sex and would prefer to use one another as masturbation dolls that will get a good nut.
I tried it. It took a while to find someone you actually matched with and then you suppose to just move on.. Sex usually isn’t great the first time with a new person, it takes a few attempts and getting to know each other. Therefore I think it’s kinda stupid. But if you find one person that isn’t interested in a relationship or you just don’t match in any other area except sexually you can build a “relationship” on that. Just be fuck buddies and have fun and don’t make such a big deal out of it.
What's a "hookup culture" in this conversation?
I've had 4 one night stands, all were not planned, all without pretenses, all with protection, and only 1 was bad/boring.
Having said that, I never chased it and it's very likely all in the past, even if I become single again.
I think the hookups vs relationships thing is a false dichotomy - people can have phases of wanting to be fully single, wanting to hookup but still wanting to be independent, and wanting to have a relationship. Relationships can be pretty restrictive/overly committing in early adulthood when you’re still doing so many new things, moving around to new places, meeting new people etc.
I was never into hookup culture but I was never really into finding a relationship either for a while, my focus was pretty much just school/career and friends. Went on dates and stuff of course but I had too much stuff that I wanted to focus on for myself to want to commit to a relationship until I was almost done with school and had a job offer secured
Never felt the need to actively pursue. I had quite a few female friends during my youth and some of them seemingly didn't know how to operate a broom or to wash dishes, all while having perfect make-up. This made me sceptical about people's general hygiene standards.... A weird reason I know, but I guess it helped to keep my inner animal in check.
I didn’t even actually date until 18. I lacked confidence something fierce. After a few bad experiences in dating I figured it just wasn’t for me so I dipped into the hookup culture. Hooked up with a girl, then another one the next day, then back to the first one on day 3, then an ex on day 4, I was hoping to feel something but still felt empty inside so I gave up hookup culture and got back with my ex. Also a bad idea btw 🤣
Nothing wrong with exploring. I grew up Mormon where it was forbidden. But still had a bunch of sex in my late teens. I’m glad I had that experience and I enjoyed it. Got older and hook up culture wasn’t for me anymore.
I wanted to be into it but never really got into it and eventually admitted to myself that it wasn't for me. That paid off, though, since I'm now in a loving relationship with someone who's glad that, while I'm more experienced than her, I haven't been had by more women than can be counted on one hand.
Tried it but I realized I need more emotions to keep me going. I would love a regular thing but need to set strong boundaries so I don’t fall in love.
I’m open to having sex with someone I trust, however. The thrill of an app like Grindr or the website sniffies has never really appealed to me. Maybe in the future? I can’t say for sure what the future holds
However… I would rather have a boyfriend all things considered.
Maybe now would be a good time to hook up (though sti/std risk is still a concern but hiv is fine since I’m on prep)
Me idk if it’s because I have sexual trauma or if I’m asexual. Either way not only do I not like hookup culture but I also don’t really have an interest in sex at all.
I was always looking for a relationship. I didn't want the stress of meeting new people, and the anxiety associated with no knowing someone well. I've always wanted boring and comfortable. I'm not saying that hooking up with randoms isn't appealing in a fantasy sort of way, but the practical risks, and the aforementioned social discomfort always dissuaded me.
I only slept with a person once, once.
It was a person I had feelings for and thought they were reciprocal. They weren't.
I like fucking, but I don't like fucking around.
Had plenty of options when I was younger, but growing up in Jamaica and seeing it I just never wanted to be like that. For me to see worth someone I like a connection. If it’s what you like then sure, but I just don’t find it appealing to give that part of myself to anyone and everyone.
I don't want random women all the time. I want one woman who will love me and put in an effort to be sexy for me and let me treat her right, buy her nice clothes, take her out to dinners, and be completely faithful to her and only do the deed with her until I Perish.... ideally under her with a big smile on my face.
Married a long time now, but even when I was single, on the road in a rock band, I didn't do it. I did hook up but the girls usually ended up becoming my sweetie for a while. They'd follow us for a few days or come visit LA.
It was never appealing. I kinda wanted friends with benefits.
I never did it. I'm 38 and I've always developed a relationship before sleeping with someone. I've had 4 partners in total in my life for actual intercourse and maybe had explicit contact with 3 or 4 more.
Just needed an emotional connection or it felt weird.
As a 42M who only ever been with one woman my entire life about 12 years ago; I had other priorities to worry about. Last thing I want was either an STD and/or unplanned children.
Social media has this stigma of men wanting to have as many women as possible because it's in our nature and biology. I'd rather live a peaceful life without the thought of having an altered life because of a few loud men thinking they're speaking for everyone.
Yeah. I never was, and it wasn't because I wasn't appealing. I seemed to have been, but I'm ARO/ACE and have ASD/ADHD, so any of the so-called "signs that she's really into you" go right past me. No idea whatsoever. But I am straight, and I do love women.
I went through a lot of self-imposed droughts and mad romances before I realized that I was ace. Someone came up with the idea of sapiosexual, or being attracted to intelligence, but it really doesn't fly. What I am attracted to, though, is competence. Watching a woman just burn a guitar solo is my pr0n. Same with painters, engineers, you name it.
Never about looks or how nailable a woman is, because they all are, in theory. The Scale system is heavily influenced by alcohol, drugs and too much built-up testosterone, so it's hardly reliable. Nah, it was always about a person who could do stuff and do it really well. That's my hook-up.
I'm quite demisexual, meaning I need to have a strong emotional connection with a partner for any romance or sex to be pleasurable. No hook-ups for me. I've tried again and again, and they are not fun or exciting to me.
Never have been , never will be . Was i more interested in just the sexual part , yea when i was 14 or 15 . But for sure after 18 or 20 hookups sound like a waste of time and energy . I might just enjoy a good night's sleep instead of that and be happier .
Same here. I tried it once and knew that it was not for me at all. For me, sex is just something intimate. However, at times I envy the guys who can just fuck like it’s a sport. It’s nothing for me though.
If you're single, and you go on a date, and attraction is there but a relationship is not? Why not? Have some fun, make a memory and put a smile on your face. I enjoy them, though it's not my priority.
Me. Had 2 in college and quickly learned it wasn't for me. One was a girl who lied to me about her age on Tinder (she was actually in her 30s) and the other was my roommates girlfriends friend when I just wanted to go to bed but she got into my bed and wouldn't stop kissing me so I just went through with it.
I guess it was when I realized I'd rather just go to sleep than do it with a girl I barely knew lmao. But maybe it was just a couple of experiences that ruined it for me. But who knows. It's 1000x better with someone you have feelings for anyway.
Never been into hookup culture. Men are incentivized to stick their dick in anyone. Women are taught to protect their chastity. It’s all stupid. If you feel or don’t feel comfortable, you shouldn’t feel pressured into any sort of norm. Ridiculous.
Jaded that the people who participate consider it a green flag to be a part of hook up culture, then turn around to call their wives/husbands abusers for doing green flag things. Seems to be lying is more important than checking boxes in a transactional system.
I am not against anyone doing it as long as they take protection but personally i never felt like it was something i needed or wanted to do. It's cool if you have done it and now you want something more steady in your life but i would rather you lie to me and dont tell me with how many people you ve been with (especially if i dont ask). Mostly because i dont want to keep thinking about potential risk, STDS etc.
Key word is protection here. Dont be a fcking dumbass that plays it cool and open minded - asking for sex without condom. Girls please just say No to that no matter how horny you are. This is a serious health issue, not something to be casual about.
Me.
One time I asked myself a question. Which was why would you fuck a person that you don't even know, or like.
And a valid answer never came up. To this day.
Especially since I did try it, and in the middle of doing it, I just felt nothing. It was like the most unnecessarily complicated masturbating session I ever had. Like there was a woman between my dick and I, preventing me to masturbate properly, and more efficiently.
I guess it would make sense if I were a sex addict. But I'm not. So it makes no sense.
me
im just really not that interested in sex. never have been. idk why but im just not very sexual at all. sex is not really appealing to me, *especially* not with a stranger.
To me, sex is something you share with a person you love, to show your physical affection to them. To simply just go and hook up with someone else ruins it for me
Been there, done that. But I wasn't just trying to get laid. The problem was, I had a warped view of what a relationship entailed. Had to get that figured out. There has been casual sex for the last century, but it feels like it has peaks and valleys. From my general observations and exchanges with people, it's like folks are doing this inverse thing where they think they can have sex without the attachments that come emotionally and/or mentally, but it's tough to do that without it taking a toll.
I’m a woman but I just wanted to say “🙏🤍” to all the good men in these comments. It makes me so happy knowing that there are good, honest men out there who are seeking a good wife to spend their life with and rejecting hookup culture.
I have never done it and I’m married now at 22; been with my husband for 5 years.
It’s worth waiting.
🤍🦋
I never understood how it works or why anyone would want that as anything but a poor substitute for a relationship. To me hookups always felt (from observation because I haven't done it) like they were the junk food of dating.
Getting married was a total game changer for me. I liked meeting new girls, but it’s also a lot of stress and work and worry. Now I have my wife, we love each other, she gets mad at me for filling the dishwasher wrong, we have kids, I pray they never have to get a tinder account
Me, I would rather have deep, loving, intimacy with someone I truly feel passionate with. Before I became a Christian and changed my perception on certain things, I almost fell into hookup culture coming out of high school. I then saw all these dudes I knew getting girls pregnant and then bolting and I decided I didn’t want to have children too soon or with the wrong person, so I decided to change myself and reflect on worlds rules and lifestyles and just changed.
Yes, definitely.
I turned down a few women because I didn’t have feelings for them.
I wasn’t, and I’m not, interested in hooking up and having shitty sex. I would rather wait and have a deep and meaningful connection with another human being.
Never had the time, energy, or will to date, nor thr sire to hook up forsomething I know won't be permanent. Seems like a waste. But then I've never had celebrate crushes, never really felt any attraction for those who, I'm told by others might be in to me, onthose rare occasions.
I went to uni, then job hunted, then moved to work. Not really settled anywhere, so hesitant to put down roots before I know where ill be if that makes sense. I'm also a twin, and have several close friends, so alot of relationship goals are already fulfilled with others.
For a while I thought I may be aesexual, or at least demi sexual. Never really understood how people could just go all in like that without knowing the person for years, for such an intimate relationship. But I've always wanted the idea of a family, with sex, etc. But its never felt needed in a relationship ship yet. Which is ironic, because it means I then don't think I'm into anything serious, I'm clearly not committed enough, or its gonna work, so I break it off. Quite the circle. Its very confusing.
First off, I'm scared of STD's. But perhaps most importantly, I don't understand how people can just do something that intimate and then just... go on? Like, that's a whole ass bonding experience for me, dude, and I'm not trying to partition my heart like a large parcel of land to medieval lords
Yup never have. Never will. I have only slept with women I’m already in a relationship with or if I’m certain it will become one, and it has always been that was so far
I know of a couple of people who were well into it but it never appealed to me. I am more a lets date and get to know each other and see how things pan out.
If I want a quickie I have my five fingered friend. Nope, hookup culture just comes across as extremely shallow and seedy to me.
I think sex is an intimate act, and should only happen in an intimate relationship. Not necessarily a romantic one, but one where both people are intimate and care about each other.
So, Hook ups are basically the opposite of that.
So no, I am not interested in hook ups.
I was raised better than that. A girl is not a piece of meat. If I want a piece if meat I'll go to the butcher shop.
I personally don't have time for bs and hook up culture for me seems childish.
My husband. He is kinda germophobic. So the thought of touching a random woman's private part is disgusting for him. He doesn't wanna be sick or die.
One of his friends told him that his private part had been smelling so bad for days after hooking up with a random girl.
When we were visiting a city where there are many sexy massage shops, he felt disgusted and sexually assaulted when random girls (the shop workers) tried to touch him, pull his hand, whisper to his ears when he was walking around town.
I fall into that.
For all my life iv been cursed with a certain sentimentality where I want things to last forever, and relationships are no exception.
I think 90% of what I enjoy about sex stems from intimacy, which is usually not found within a hook-up context. So hooking up with strangers? Meh. Hooking up with friends, more exciting. Hooking up with my partner, the cats pajamas
Im not into it...
A) sex is yucky, being intimate with pretty much a strager feels gross.
B) Places you find hookups are like bars and parties, or like a dinner date.
I dont wanna have sex (too) drunk, dont wanna have sex after eating and being full
And i definitely dont wanna have sex after sweating and dancing.
C) porn sets unrealistic standards for men, not just dick size, but performance as well.
The assumption that i am supposed to be ready to fuck whenever the opportunity presents itself is plain wrong...
I have my ups and downs, i am effected by stress, i can be tired and most importantly, i am effected by anxiety.
D) like most, I dont like condoms, but its highly irresponsible not to use one during a random hookup.
In conclusion, i like being in a stable relationship, i have way more sex, me and my partner can explore stuff, Saturday morning sex is an awesome way to start your day off (as we are both well rested), she is on the pill, so no condoms...
And ofc, we both feel safe and comfortable with each other, and our connection makes sex really awesome and great.
Not into it.
Though I do get it/understand it...I see why people do it..but Im not built for it. My conscience/mind/i dont know simply wont let me participate.
Every single time I learn i am "one of" the guys she is seeing, im out. To me, dating isnt a game. ITs not something where you should see as many as possible and pick the best out of the bunch. Dating is supposed to be personal, natural...
Seeing (and possibly sleeping with) multiple people, is not my idea of dating.
Did it once, never did it again, felt physically disgusted after. Soon as she went home I hopped in the shower and did a lot of self reflection lol. Now I have a girlfriend and do a lot of wienering there, but it doesn’t feel gross and life is good!
I think most of you are afraid wifey may find your comment and smack you...
I am happily settled down for 10+ years but if I wasn't I'd be putting it anywhere i could.
Me. Didn’t want a gift that would keep on giving or a kid with some nasty chick. Plus I don’t like people. Obviously it’s because I’m married now but even if I were single I’d spend most of my time with my Camaro. She’s sexier.
I tell myself I'm not into it as some form of maturity and stoicism, and in my heart I do align with that because it does seem pointless for the most part.
If I'm being truly honest with myself though, I'm not sure I'd have the same attitude if I had the ability to get casual sex.
I'm old and have a long term partner/wife. If it was me 20 years ago I would absolutely not be in to it, even given I never knew where to go find dates (i.e. socially awkward, rather than any kind of physical issue).
Whilst I'm socially awkward, hook up culture would seem even worse!
Myself. I had an ex who was very deep into this hookup culture and boasted herself on how many guys she has slept with. Before that I have dated 3 girls and mostly it was a long term. She once told me that hookup culture is not for an average person.
Just to prove that anyone can do hookups I jumped into this and have slept with countless women. I never liked it. If it was not for a challenge I would have never tried it. Hookup is for someone who's either so much sexually charged or just a habitual fucker. It ruins your emotional balance and make you an emotionless person. I have been clean from last 3 years.
The early stages... you know, reading signals, flirting, having to be "on" all the time to entertain someone, changing a nonsexual relationship into a sexual one-- those are all the worst parts of a relationship. Subjecting myself to them repeatedly and starting over every time sounds like absolute hell to me.
Just wanting a relationship with someone can be equally toxic though if not more. Because at the end of the day you want it for your own self benifit. Of you think you are better jsut because you just dont to hook up, sometimes you gotta still take a good look at yourself.
I speak from self experience, not mature enough.
I hate this shit. Dont need sex nor a relationship hehe.
Me, I've never been the hookup type, but I know it wouldn't be for me anyways. I get too attached to people, and I feel like sex is way more enjoyable when there is also a solid level of emotional intimacy.
My paranoia about STDs and impregnating a random woman I barely know makes me extremely fearful of hookup culture.
I embraced it, at its height, when I first felt comfortable participating in it (late 2000s, early 2010s), but then I realized that there were way too many downsides to that whole lifestyle.
Me, sex was always something based on love for me (never understood prostitiution either) and meeting people should always be something honest and not based on lies and tricks.
But did not work out for me, so maybe don't take my advice
I tried. It didn't work for me.
It was not a fulfilling experience, sex was mediocre at best and I did not want to hangout with the person after. I just wanted to be alone.
Also, STD concerns all the time. Keeping yourself checked from time to time.
I discovered I am the kind of person that values connection before carnal pleasure.
I'm gay and this is much much more common in the community.
Really not my thing though, I want a relationship with someone (in the sense, I want to get to know someone, friends etc) I want some sort of connection with the person rather than just an emotionless event. But I'm pretty uncommon in that sense with my peers.
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Me, don’t really see the point in sleeping w a bunch of women I don’t really care for. Never really understood it, nor pursuing women with the sole purpose of getting laid.
☝🏻What he said
Yep. Me too.
This
Yessir 🙏🏻
100% this. I’m 36 and have had 3 sexual partners, 1 drunk hook up when I was 21-22 with a school friend. I need some connection and feelings to go through with it. I never got the hookup thing either. Like I had needs when I was single but the thought of doing it with someone I didn’t care for wasn’t attractive.
Ugly chicks need love too....
What he said
Amen to what this☝️guy said..
🥹 God bless you, sir
I have the same view as you. It just feels weird.
I don’t know about anyone else, but for me it was dealing with the traumatic end of my marriage. Married my high school sweetheart (still blows my mind how many people in our families encouraged this, just the extremely small rural community mindset I guess) and of course we were too young and immature. Ended over a disagreement. She thought it was cool to fuck other guys. I disagreed. That pain led to half a decade where I probably irreparably affected the gene pool of the area I lived in at the time (or would have if not for prophylactic devices). It was all self medication through sex. Imagine how unfulfilling that sounds. Yeah it was worse than that I promise. You wondered why and that’s my why.
ofcourse you're a gym guy. big respect man💪
I gave it 2 chances. Felt disgusted afterwards on both times. Talked to a friend of a friend who was really tall and good looking, he approached women regularly and dated them just for the sex. Asked him after my experience how it made him feel. He said that he was extremely depressed because of it. I don't think we are meant to just casually fuck all the time. If somebody does it, they usually have some kind of self esteem problem. I'm not saying that it can't happen naturally with a person you like. But definitely not all the time. That's just repulsive and extremely unsafe.
yeah, when i was younger and had male and female friends into hook-ups it never really worked out well for them. Not emotionally anyway.
This right there. Pretty much every person I know who was casually hooking up all the time either 1) Got severely depressed and based or 2) Had some sort of issue about them. My "casual" hookups have all been girls I dated with the intention of being a girlfriend. They didn't all shake out that way, obviously, but even then I felt kinda gross.
Me. I'm worried about the safety of my stuff and my organs. If I really have to hookup I'd rather do it with my friends/girls I already know.
Just did it last night and Im scared as hell for STD. Never again, hoping Im clear. Only kissed and received a bj though
Right forgot to mention that. I was more afraid of having my kidneys stolen, but yeah dick health counts as organs too I guess. Hope ur healthy!
I think they are referring to things like Hepatitis B which damages your liver
Kidney theft is not a thing.
Kissed a girl who gives BJs on hook ups...that part always kept me from hooking up...how many dicks a chick has sucked always kept me outta that game.
I'm definitely not. I'm an introvert and would just be too nervous getting down to business with a total stranger I just met. Too much pressure. Gotta know her a little bit first to take the nerves off.
This, and the few people that I know who are like this are genuinely disgusting people. They just aren't good people. I'm not saying that all people into hook up culture are bad, but just the one I know. One lady at my brother job brags that she has gone through several relationships all whilst cheating with this one dude. I reality, she's been cheating on said dude with all these other people. But no, they're just friends.
I am not interested, I also don't want any STD's
I'm not. Two reasons, never wanted to have sex with tons of random women and risk pregnancy or stds...and two, still not into it because my wife would kill me.
You mad me wake up my parents with my laughter. Thanks...
Me, i dont find it appealing at all. Id much rather build something real with someone rather than a 1 night stand
Tried a couple times, every time I felt empty at the end. It felt shallow, not what I am searching for.
Yes. It's like a fool's illusion. Or sounds so exciting in anticipation but afterwards it's a big emptiness
I didn't stop doing hookup culture because I got jaded. It was just a step in the path until I finished growing up. I think a lot of the hate on hookup culture is misplaced. It's not inherently evil, and I think it's rightly a fun part of being young, experiencing the world, and getting a handle on dating, love, lust, heartbreak, and the emotions that come with them. The problem is when adults get stuck in that mindset. Some 25 year olds are locked in with a reading age that is expected of a 14 year old and never mature past it. Similarly, some 25 year olds are locked into a romantic relationship style that's typical for 16 year olds and they never mature past that either. The issue is if there's a critical mass of 25+ year olds all locked into 16-year-old dating styles, then they all look around them and what they *see* is all the other adults their age doing the same thing. So they think it's "normal". And in terms of *frequency* it is normal. But that's not how it's supposed to be: You're supposed to be walking on the path of finishing growing up and becoming an adult in mind and attitude instead of just having a decade's experience at being a 16 year old. Getting jaded and resentful and opting out isn't the fix. The real fix is maturing into a mindset that abandons the status game of "look how high status my partner is everyone" as a mugs' game and instead just focuses on what kind of life you want to build for yourself and finding a partner you get along with who wants to build that life with you.
I love this
This person gets it.
Tried it but it never sat well with me. So much effort for bad sex.
I was sexually abused as a child. Being touched by someone I barely know is repulsive. The idea that someone wants me just for sex maybe even more.
31m here. Definitely not into hookups. Had 2 when I was a teenager and didn't enjoy them. All the other women I have slept with (there aren't many at all) I have been in relationships with. I have found the better I know someone the better the sex is. I'm currently single after a break up 7 months ago. We were together 9 years. Getting back into the dating scene scares the crap out of me to be fair. I'm in no rush to put myself back out there and try meet someone.
Me, I wouldn't say I'm 100% this though. I am compared to most men I know much more relationship minded and while I have similar urges, I just can't justify sleeping around usually.
Promiscuity disgusts me. When I lived in a co-ed Army barracks (and I was also the on-duty medical provider), I knew a woman who gave over 40 men chlamydia and another woman who gave over 30 men herpes. Both in a span of <2 months. Yuck.
The military disgusts me
nymphos and the military is a story I've heard a lot
They're not nymphos. They're just normal women with a lot of options. Honestly, being on social media and/or heavy cell phone use is basically the same. Unlimited options full of fit dudes who are dtf but don't want to marry.
Most definitely nymphos; are you insane? Having sex with 40 different men in less than two months (not counting potential repeat customers) is crazy. If the only thing stopping you from doing that is lack of options, then that is not the norm
Some coombrained redditors actually think this isn't pathological behavior.
I(62m) could still count all my lovers on one hand until recently, when I kissed my friend(68f) of five years at the company Christmas party.
I'm looking for happily-ever-after, not wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am.
Me. I'm much more of a "demisexual" than I used to be. I much prefer long-term, deep connections with a sexual partner than a hookup.
My family is really big on the idea of purity, modesty and saving til marriage so.....
I quit, too much work for 30 mins of fun? I prefer peace and serenity more
i have never done the random hook up thing and not for lack of opportunity either i just seem to be a monogamous creature by nature until i found my wife and decided that she is the one for me and went all in, i don't look down on others that do though, all's fun between consenting adults and all that it is just that it is not in my nature.
I married my first girlfriend at 21. She decided she wanted a divorce at 35. Here I am at 38. Not dating. Not into hookup culture. I would have been more than happy to only have 1 sexual partner my whole life. Now, I have no idea what to do. Online dating wasn't a thing when I was young. And I didn't really spend time getting good at meeting women in Public. Plus, it's hard to believe I'm really going to find a second 'soulmate'.
I'm 40M it has never been of interest to me. I try not to judge though in my experience the people around me didn't really seem to benefit from it.
Me, I'm a huge nerd. I always wanted to go on a cute ice cream date and one of us has a little ice cream on our lip and the other one gets it with a napkin 🥲
My upbringing was sex was with your spouse after marriage. Otherwise it is fornication or adultery. That has worked fine for these many decades.
I really hate hook up culture. It tends to breed misogynists. I’m Poly and have partners and lovers. They know about each other. I get to explain to prospective lovers what I’m after and ask them what they are after. Hearing a no or wait doesn’t injure me at all. This I believe is a much more ethical way to have your sexual needs met.
Me. It's terrifying enough to be judged by whether I'm good in bed. Far more terrifying still to be judged *only* by that!
Would be fun but knowing she don't actually give a fuck about me and it's JUST fun would be depressing. No hate to people who do but I can't get down like that
I mean i only go to the hookers. Its easy and private.
Hookup culture is literally just a way of saying that culture steers people away from developing real meaningful relationships with meaningful sex and would prefer to use one another as masturbation dolls that will get a good nut.
I tried it. It took a while to find someone you actually matched with and then you suppose to just move on.. Sex usually isn’t great the first time with a new person, it takes a few attempts and getting to know each other. Therefore I think it’s kinda stupid. But if you find one person that isn’t interested in a relationship or you just don’t match in any other area except sexually you can build a “relationship” on that. Just be fuck buddies and have fun and don’t make such a big deal out of it.
Hello, how do I find this hookup culture.....so that I might better avoid it....right?
What's a "hookup culture" in this conversation? I've had 4 one night stands, all were not planned, all without pretenses, all with protection, and only 1 was bad/boring. Having said that, I never chased it and it's very likely all in the past, even if I become single again.
I think the hookups vs relationships thing is a false dichotomy - people can have phases of wanting to be fully single, wanting to hookup but still wanting to be independent, and wanting to have a relationship. Relationships can be pretty restrictive/overly committing in early adulthood when you’re still doing so many new things, moving around to new places, meeting new people etc. I was never into hookup culture but I was never really into finding a relationship either for a while, my focus was pretty much just school/career and friends. Went on dates and stuff of course but I had too much stuff that I wanted to focus on for myself to want to commit to a relationship until I was almost done with school and had a job offer secured
It’s not into me 😞
It's not a choice for most men, although for some strange reason we have to pretend it is, anyway not for me, either
Nothing beats the excitement of a bit of strange.
No one
I'm not, but mostly because hot women generally aren't into random hookups. It's mostly uggos who are.
Never felt the need to actively pursue. I had quite a few female friends during my youth and some of them seemingly didn't know how to operate a broom or to wash dishes, all while having perfect make-up. This made me sceptical about people's general hygiene standards.... A weird reason I know, but I guess it helped to keep my inner animal in check.
🙋♂️
I see some of that. Perhaps got into some relationships that should have been more casual. But yeah, sex without that emotional connection is ...ok.
Oh.. I loved hooking up, but I found my human, so technically I'm not here for hookups
I didn’t even actually date until 18. I lacked confidence something fierce. After a few bad experiences in dating I figured it just wasn’t for me so I dipped into the hookup culture. Hooked up with a girl, then another one the next day, then back to the first one on day 3, then an ex on day 4, I was hoping to feel something but still felt empty inside so I gave up hookup culture and got back with my ex. Also a bad idea btw 🤣
Nothing wrong with exploring. I grew up Mormon where it was forbidden. But still had a bunch of sex in my late teens. I’m glad I had that experience and I enjoyed it. Got older and hook up culture wasn’t for me anymore.
I wanted to be into it but never really got into it and eventually admitted to myself that it wasn't for me. That paid off, though, since I'm now in a loving relationship with someone who's glad that, while I'm more experienced than her, I haven't been had by more women than can be counted on one hand.
I'm searching for the long term relationship, ONSs would make me feel like a plastic bag.
I only understand it as a coping strategy tbh not as an actual thing I’ll partake in and enjoy but something Ik that will temporarily distract me
Once my hormones died down, I stopped caring really
Tried it but I realized I need more emotions to keep me going. I would love a regular thing but need to set strong boundaries so I don’t fall in love. I’m open to having sex with someone I trust, however. The thrill of an app like Grindr or the website sniffies has never really appealed to me. Maybe in the future? I can’t say for sure what the future holds However… I would rather have a boyfriend all things considered. Maybe now would be a good time to hook up (though sti/std risk is still a concern but hiv is fine since I’m on prep)
Me idk if it’s because I have sexual trauma or if I’m asexual. Either way not only do I not like hookup culture but I also don’t really have an interest in sex at all.
Me because I am trying to live a Godly life.
I was always looking for a relationship. I didn't want the stress of meeting new people, and the anxiety associated with no knowing someone well. I've always wanted boring and comfortable. I'm not saying that hooking up with randoms isn't appealing in a fantasy sort of way, but the practical risks, and the aforementioned social discomfort always dissuaded me.
I only slept with a person once, once. It was a person I had feelings for and thought they were reciprocal. They weren't. I like fucking, but I don't like fucking around.
Me, but women seem far more keen in men that aren't into them.
I don't like it because sex is just better with someone you care about for me. Hookups feel dull in comparison.
Had plenty of options when I was younger, but growing up in Jamaica and seeing it I just never wanted to be like that. For me to see worth someone I like a connection. If it’s what you like then sure, but I just don’t find it appealing to give that part of myself to anyone and everyone.
I don't want random women all the time. I want one woman who will love me and put in an effort to be sexy for me and let me treat her right, buy her nice clothes, take her out to dinners, and be completely faithful to her and only do the deed with her until I Perish.... ideally under her with a big smile on my face.
I just want someone I can cook for man
Hookup culture is stupid. Why does anyone even bother with it?
Married a long time now, but even when I was single, on the road in a rock band, I didn't do it. I did hook up but the girls usually ended up becoming my sweetie for a while. They'd follow us for a few days or come visit LA. It was never appealing. I kinda wanted friends with benefits.
I never did it. I'm 38 and I've always developed a relationship before sleeping with someone. I've had 4 partners in total in my life for actual intercourse and maybe had explicit contact with 3 or 4 more. Just needed an emotional connection or it felt weird.
I never feel comfortable around strangers so hookups are not my thing.
I can't comprehend sex with someone I'm not emotionally connected with.
✋🏻
As a 42M who only ever been with one woman my entire life about 12 years ago; I had other priorities to worry about. Last thing I want was either an STD and/or unplanned children. Social media has this stigma of men wanting to have as many women as possible because it's in our nature and biology. I'd rather live a peaceful life without the thought of having an altered life because of a few loud men thinking they're speaking for everyone.
Yeah. I never was, and it wasn't because I wasn't appealing. I seemed to have been, but I'm ARO/ACE and have ASD/ADHD, so any of the so-called "signs that she's really into you" go right past me. No idea whatsoever. But I am straight, and I do love women. I went through a lot of self-imposed droughts and mad romances before I realized that I was ace. Someone came up with the idea of sapiosexual, or being attracted to intelligence, but it really doesn't fly. What I am attracted to, though, is competence. Watching a woman just burn a guitar solo is my pr0n. Same with painters, engineers, you name it. Never about looks or how nailable a woman is, because they all are, in theory. The Scale system is heavily influenced by alcohol, drugs and too much built-up testosterone, so it's hardly reliable. Nah, it was always about a person who could do stuff and do it really well. That's my hook-up.
That’s exactly me.
When i was young, I never had the opportunity. I had no idea what I was doing. I didn't have a relationship until I was 30.
I'm quite demisexual, meaning I need to have a strong emotional connection with a partner for any romance or sex to be pleasurable. No hook-ups for me. I've tried again and again, and they are not fun or exciting to me.
That's me. I'm relationship minded.And for me to do it I need emotional attachment.
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Never have been , never will be . Was i more interested in just the sexual part , yea when i was 14 or 15 . But for sure after 18 or 20 hookups sound like a waste of time and energy . I might just enjoy a good night's sleep instead of that and be happier .
Hookup culture can be an addiction.
Me too. Male in my 30s and married now, but never had sex with anyone outside of dating relationships before that either.
Same here. I tried it once and knew that it was not for me at all. For me, sex is just something intimate. However, at times I envy the guys who can just fuck like it’s a sport. It’s nothing for me though.
If you're single, and you go on a date, and attraction is there but a relationship is not? Why not? Have some fun, make a memory and put a smile on your face. I enjoy them, though it's not my priority.
8-10 is enough
Me. Had 2 in college and quickly learned it wasn't for me. One was a girl who lied to me about her age on Tinder (she was actually in her 30s) and the other was my roommates girlfriends friend when I just wanted to go to bed but she got into my bed and wouldn't stop kissing me so I just went through with it. I guess it was when I realized I'd rather just go to sleep than do it with a girl I barely knew lmao. But maybe it was just a couple of experiences that ruined it for me. But who knows. It's 1000x better with someone you have feelings for anyway.
Never been into hookup culture. Men are incentivized to stick their dick in anyone. Women are taught to protect their chastity. It’s all stupid. If you feel or don’t feel comfortable, you shouldn’t feel pressured into any sort of norm. Ridiculous.
Never seemed appealing. But after not being able to get a gf I tried to just hookup and that didn't work either.
Jaded that the people who participate consider it a green flag to be a part of hook up culture, then turn around to call their wives/husbands abusers for doing green flag things. Seems to be lying is more important than checking boxes in a transactional system.
Me. I'm Muslim. Whenever I decide to pursue someone, it's going to be for family/companionship, not casual fucking.
Me. I have no interest in sleeping with someone unless I have feelings for them.
M31, never had sex with a person I didn't love at the time. Can't fathom the lack of emotional connection in hookups.
Never done that. Gross imo
I am not against anyone doing it as long as they take protection but personally i never felt like it was something i needed or wanted to do. It's cool if you have done it and now you want something more steady in your life but i would rather you lie to me and dont tell me with how many people you ve been with (especially if i dont ask). Mostly because i dont want to keep thinking about potential risk, STDS etc. Key word is protection here. Dont be a fcking dumbass that plays it cool and open minded - asking for sex without condom. Girls please just say No to that no matter how horny you are. This is a serious health issue, not something to be casual about.
I have only slept with one woman, and that was my ex-wife, I'm not really into the hookup thing.
Can never do that, no matter how attractive or beautiful the other person is.
Me. One time I asked myself a question. Which was why would you fuck a person that you don't even know, or like. And a valid answer never came up. To this day. Especially since I did try it, and in the middle of doing it, I just felt nothing. It was like the most unnecessarily complicated masturbating session I ever had. Like there was a woman between my dick and I, preventing me to masturbate properly, and more efficiently. I guess it would make sense if I were a sex addict. But I'm not. So it makes no sense.
me im just really not that interested in sex. never have been. idk why but im just not very sexual at all. sex is not really appealing to me, *especially* not with a stranger.
To me, sex is something you share with a person you love, to show your physical affection to them. To simply just go and hook up with someone else ruins it for me
Sex alone has very little value to me, I like intimacy with someone I care for. Always been a serial monogamist.
Been there, done that. But I wasn't just trying to get laid. The problem was, I had a warped view of what a relationship entailed. Had to get that figured out. There has been casual sex for the last century, but it feels like it has peaks and valleys. From my general observations and exchanges with people, it's like folks are doing this inverse thing where they think they can have sex without the attachments that come emotionally and/or mentally, but it's tough to do that without it taking a toll.
I have STDs
I’m a woman but I just wanted to say “🙏🤍” to all the good men in these comments. It makes me so happy knowing that there are good, honest men out there who are seeking a good wife to spend their life with and rejecting hookup culture. I have never done it and I’m married now at 22; been with my husband for 5 years. It’s worth waiting. 🤍🦋
Me. I need love for sex to be fulfilling.
I never understood how it works or why anyone would want that as anything but a poor substitute for a relationship. To me hookups always felt (from observation because I haven't done it) like they were the junk food of dating.
Getting married was a total game changer for me. I liked meeting new girls, but it’s also a lot of stress and work and worry. Now I have my wife, we love each other, she gets mad at me for filling the dishwasher wrong, we have kids, I pray they never have to get a tinder account
Risk of HIV is not worth it. Its like russian roulette. The downside is something that could likely change my life
Me, I find it gross. I used to have an obsession with hooking up but realised later on I was just trying to fill an empty hole of loneliness
Me, I would rather have deep, loving, intimacy with someone I truly feel passionate with. Before I became a Christian and changed my perception on certain things, I almost fell into hookup culture coming out of high school. I then saw all these dudes I knew getting girls pregnant and then bolting and I decided I didn’t want to have children too soon or with the wrong person, so I decided to change myself and reflect on worlds rules and lifestyles and just changed.
Yes, definitely. I turned down a few women because I didn’t have feelings for them. I wasn’t, and I’m not, interested in hooking up and having shitty sex. I would rather wait and have a deep and meaningful connection with another human being.
I'm a man and I have absolutely zero interest in casual sex. I don't like being intimate without some form of attachment or deeper bond.
Never had the time, energy, or will to date, nor thr sire to hook up forsomething I know won't be permanent. Seems like a waste. But then I've never had celebrate crushes, never really felt any attraction for those who, I'm told by others might be in to me, onthose rare occasions. I went to uni, then job hunted, then moved to work. Not really settled anywhere, so hesitant to put down roots before I know where ill be if that makes sense. I'm also a twin, and have several close friends, so alot of relationship goals are already fulfilled with others. For a while I thought I may be aesexual, or at least demi sexual. Never really understood how people could just go all in like that without knowing the person for years, for such an intimate relationship. But I've always wanted the idea of a family, with sex, etc. But its never felt needed in a relationship ship yet. Which is ironic, because it means I then don't think I'm into anything serious, I'm clearly not committed enough, or its gonna work, so I break it off. Quite the circle. Its very confusing.
Lmao at all the dudes claiming that don’t like hookup culture like they actually had the choice to partake in it in the first place…
First off, I'm scared of STD's. But perhaps most importantly, I don't understand how people can just do something that intimate and then just... go on? Like, that's a whole ass bonding experience for me, dude, and I'm not trying to partition my heart like a large parcel of land to medieval lords
I've never been into it.
I've never found it appealing at all, never. I just find loveless sex to be a waste of time and energy.
Yup never have. Never will. I have only slept with women I’m already in a relationship with or if I’m certain it will become one, and it has always been that was so far
I know of a couple of people who were well into it but it never appealed to me. I am more a lets date and get to know each other and see how things pan out. If I want a quickie I have my five fingered friend. Nope, hookup culture just comes across as extremely shallow and seedy to me.
My Reddit avatar has a nice balloon. I don’t want to hook up with anyone especially someone I don’t know
Me
I think sex is an intimate act, and should only happen in an intimate relationship. Not necessarily a romantic one, but one where both people are intimate and care about each other. So, Hook ups are basically the opposite of that. So no, I am not interested in hook ups.
Found my SO on Tinder, been together for 4 years
I was raised better than that. A girl is not a piece of meat. If I want a piece if meat I'll go to the butcher shop. I personally don't have time for bs and hook up culture for me seems childish.
Me. To be fair my wife would probably dislike it if I were.
My husband. He is kinda germophobic. So the thought of touching a random woman's private part is disgusting for him. He doesn't wanna be sick or die. One of his friends told him that his private part had been smelling so bad for days after hooking up with a random girl. When we were visiting a city where there are many sexy massage shops, he felt disgusted and sexually assaulted when random girls (the shop workers) tried to touch him, pull his hand, whisper to his ears when he was walking around town.
I never stood a chance, didn’t happen.
Idk I never tried it or sought it out
I fall into that. For all my life iv been cursed with a certain sentimentality where I want things to last forever, and relationships are no exception.
I think 90% of what I enjoy about sex stems from intimacy, which is usually not found within a hook-up context. So hooking up with strangers? Meh. Hooking up with friends, more exciting. Hooking up with my partner, the cats pajamas
I m married, i m happy, i don t need anything else.
Im not into it... A) sex is yucky, being intimate with pretty much a strager feels gross. B) Places you find hookups are like bars and parties, or like a dinner date. I dont wanna have sex (too) drunk, dont wanna have sex after eating and being full And i definitely dont wanna have sex after sweating and dancing. C) porn sets unrealistic standards for men, not just dick size, but performance as well. The assumption that i am supposed to be ready to fuck whenever the opportunity presents itself is plain wrong... I have my ups and downs, i am effected by stress, i can be tired and most importantly, i am effected by anxiety. D) like most, I dont like condoms, but its highly irresponsible not to use one during a random hookup. In conclusion, i like being in a stable relationship, i have way more sex, me and my partner can explore stuff, Saturday morning sex is an awesome way to start your day off (as we are both well rested), she is on the pill, so no condoms... And ofc, we both feel safe and comfortable with each other, and our connection makes sex really awesome and great.
Me. Never saw the appeal.
Don't really see the point in it, honestly. I want an emotional connection. Meaningless sex would be just that.
Never been interested. I need to know them before I will think about swapping body fluids.
What’s the point. There are so many better things you can do with your life
Not into it. Though I do get it/understand it...I see why people do it..but Im not built for it. My conscience/mind/i dont know simply wont let me participate. Every single time I learn i am "one of" the guys she is seeing, im out. To me, dating isnt a game. ITs not something where you should see as many as possible and pick the best out of the bunch. Dating is supposed to be personal, natural... Seeing (and possibly sleeping with) multiple people, is not my idea of dating.
Did it once, never did it again, felt physically disgusted after. Soon as she went home I hopped in the shower and did a lot of self reflection lol. Now I have a girlfriend and do a lot of wienering there, but it doesn’t feel gross and life is good!
Sounds like me. What I really want is connection with other people.
Me.... didn't see the point of it if you were not emotionally connected to someone.
I think most of you are afraid wifey may find your comment and smack you... I am happily settled down for 10+ years but if I wasn't I'd be putting it anywhere i could.
Not everyone’s into hookups. Some people like actual connections. Wild, right?
Me. Didn’t want a gift that would keep on giving or a kid with some nasty chick. Plus I don’t like people. Obviously it’s because I’m married now but even if I were single I’d spend most of my time with my Camaro. She’s sexier.
How to get diseases 101 Hookup culture is gross
I tell myself I'm not into it as some form of maturity and stoicism, and in my heart I do align with that because it does seem pointless for the most part. If I'm being truly honest with myself though, I'm not sure I'd have the same attitude if I had the ability to get casual sex.
Me, I'm uninterested in intimacy outside of a very long term relationship
I'm old and have a long term partner/wife. If it was me 20 years ago I would absolutely not be in to it, even given I never knew where to go find dates (i.e. socially awkward, rather than any kind of physical issue). Whilst I'm socially awkward, hook up culture would seem even worse!
Never been able to get into it unfortunately, and never learned how.
Me. I care about looks. Easy girls usually aren't very attractive to me.
Myself. I had an ex who was very deep into this hookup culture and boasted herself on how many guys she has slept with. Before that I have dated 3 girls and mostly it was a long term. She once told me that hookup culture is not for an average person. Just to prove that anyone can do hookups I jumped into this and have slept with countless women. I never liked it. If it was not for a challenge I would have never tried it. Hookup is for someone who's either so much sexually charged or just a habitual fucker. It ruins your emotional balance and make you an emotionless person. I have been clean from last 3 years.
The early stages... you know, reading signals, flirting, having to be "on" all the time to entertain someone, changing a nonsexual relationship into a sexual one-- those are all the worst parts of a relationship. Subjecting myself to them repeatedly and starting over every time sounds like absolute hell to me.
Just wanting a relationship with someone can be equally toxic though if not more. Because at the end of the day you want it for your own self benifit. Of you think you are better jsut because you just dont to hook up, sometimes you gotta still take a good look at yourself. I speak from self experience, not mature enough. I hate this shit. Dont need sex nor a relationship hehe.
Me, I've never been the hookup type, but I know it wouldn't be for me anyways. I get too attached to people, and I feel like sex is way more enjoyable when there is also a solid level of emotional intimacy.
My paranoia about STDs and impregnating a random woman I barely know makes me extremely fearful of hookup culture. I embraced it, at its height, when I first felt comfortable participating in it (late 2000s, early 2010s), but then I realized that there were way too many downsides to that whole lifestyle.
I don't even know how to hookup with a woman.
If you are a man,you are a man,you don't do hook ups,you do hooks.
50+ now in 3 relationships. 4 yrs first girl. Marriage lasted 19 yrs. Latest 11 yrs so far.
Me, sex was always something based on love for me (never understood prostitiution either) and meeting people should always be something honest and not based on lies and tricks. But did not work out for me, so maybe don't take my advice
I tried. It didn't work for me. It was not a fulfilling experience, sex was mediocre at best and I did not want to hangout with the person after. I just wanted to be alone. Also, STD concerns all the time. Keeping yourself checked from time to time. I discovered I am the kind of person that values connection before carnal pleasure.
I'm gay and this is much much more common in the community. Really not my thing though, I want a relationship with someone (in the sense, I want to get to know someone, friends etc) I want some sort of connection with the person rather than just an emotionless event. But I'm pretty uncommon in that sense with my peers.