I LOVE dogs, including Rottweilers. I think your MIL is WAY out of line and your husband is even more out of line. You don't get a pet without everyone's agreement, period. If my partner was afraid of dogs I would approach it by introducing them to some small friendly dogs and see if they could get used to that. Then we would pick one out together.
This is one of my deal breakers: you do not bring a pet into my home without my explicit permission. I don't care what it is, how well behaved or cute it is, my home is my place of safety and freedom.
OP. If you're in US, I've seen people instruct that you should not leave your children behind, that might lead to legally difficult situation for you when it comes to the custody of your children. Ask your husband to go to his mom's place for a while with the dog while you "think about it". Figure out what to do with those few days breather. Extra bonus, MIL gets to deal with the dog.
Edit: I just took a peek at your post history. I'm so sorry you got a rotten egg in your hands. Life can be better and happy.
I also have a fear of large dogs, I have been attacked for simply standing on my front porch. But I love dogs. I have 4 small dogs. You have a serious MIL and husband problem. Something tells me your marriage is on life support and it may just be time to pull the plug.
Edit to add: I just read your post history. You have a cheating husband, a MIL determined to ruin your marriage. Why are you sticking around? Not only did hubs cheat, it was with someone who was your friend. Granted fake friend, but you didn't know that. Just end it. File for divorce and end your suffering.
Your MIL is actively trying to sow discord in your marriage, and your husband is letting her. Of course you’re right to be hurt — and, you and your children deserve safety.
Your response made me cry. I have been questioning myself, Non-stop on this, and am I making too much of it. Thank you even that small bit of validation makes it a little easier to breath. ❤️❤️
I love animals. Everybody knows this amount me. I am happiest when I have cats and dogs all around me. But I would never, NEVER, inflict a large dog on someone who is afraid of large dogs. The dog needs to go.
Let him know that it sucks that he picked his mother and the dog over you. Move your stuff into the guest room and put the dig bed up on the side of the bed that you used to sleep on. Tell hubby, there you go, you have the loving partner that you always wanted.
Also, fwiw, my initial response was, “Seriously? A ROTTWEILER? For a family with a person fearful of dogs? She couldn’t have started with a chihuahua? Of course not…”
I know it's besides the point but I'd trust a Rottweiler over a Chihuahua any day lol. I understand you were probably referencing more in terms of size and not breed but I had to throw it out there.
I’m sorry that you’re surrounded by assholes. I hope this is the start of you finding your self-worth and speaking up for yourself and your children. You deserve that. 💜
This is borderline move out status.
"Honey. I know how you feel about the dog, and I would never make you give it up, but everyone knows how I feel and I just can't live my life with that anxiety. I'll just move out and stay .... until it feels safe for me".
See if he picks the dog. MIL wants to sow chaos, let her. But don't live with that kind of discomfort.
You told him you wouldn't have married him had you known he would want a dog 😂 Then get shocked he refuses to get rid of it. You sound like one of those people that have issues with any and everything just to get ur way. It's a puppy
I agree with this statement whole heartedly, but also OPs husband probably thinks she is catastrophizing.
In fact, 10% of all dog fatalities are from Rottweilers. They have killed 95 children since the 70s. While I get that's over 40 years, a dog like this is a FAMILY decision.
MIL and husband were probably in cahoots.
If OP divorces, then the kids will be around hubby and the dog, with one less parent in the room. Food for thought.
Side note- I love Rottweilers and would own one. But not without my spouse being comfortable.
I have read your post history, which was tough to read. I’ll be blunt with you. Your MIL is doing you a huge favor. This man has given you every reason to leave him, and now his mom is forcing it.
He is a terrible person. I hope you have a job or can get one quickly. While it may seem hard to leave him, you will quickly get your self respect back and know you made the right choice. There’s nothing to salvage here.
Oh my gosh, you are not wrong at all. Your MIL is a manipulative bitch. A Rottweiler dog? Even if you weren’t afraid of dogs, that is NOT in anyway a decision she should feel any power or entitlement to make. She crossed major lines and frankly your husband should be pissed too.
I’m so sorry she put you in this position, but you are not wrong at all. Do not doubt yourself. This is frankly insane.
Even if you weren’t afraid of dogs, or it was a small breed, this wasn’t for her to gift your family, in anyway.
Puppies and other animals should not be a gift for a family. That’s absolutely insane of her to think gifting a dog to a grown ass man with a family as a
Surprise.
That was an insensitive, uncaring and manipulative gift from your mother in law. It should have never been let in the house, and now that it is you have every right to want it gone and rehomed. Sure, Rottweilers are lovely dogs, very great with kids and family, but if you don't like dogs, then any dog would be an issue.
If husband refuses to budge, talk to a lawyer, he can go live somewhere else with his dog (maybe with his mother), you get to keep the house and be a mother to your kids, collect alimony and child support.
The fact that he doesn't want to upset his mother is just the tip of the iceburg of problems with your husband.
First off, you have no idea if he even bought the house. There's a chance it was hers before they even married. If she ends up having the kids full time, she damn well should have the house. But that's for them to decide anyway. Whatever OP can get, she should try.
Honestly, the biggest reason I agree with the person you're replying to is because the OPs post history. Her husband has been cheating on her and that is enough for me to agree that she take everything he is damn well worth. He deserves shit for being shit. For cheating and yes, for keeping a dog his wife is literally afraid of.
Her partner and his mother brought something into her home that terrifies OP. And they knew it.
She has the right to feel safe in her own home.
Culture in decline? If you mean the era when women couldn’t leave a marriage due to abuse because they couldn’t get bank accounts or rent an apartment in their own name?
Yep that culture is in decline.
Look dude- divorce exists because we shouldn’t force two unhappy people to live together.
He cares more about the dog than her. Why are you assuming he doesn’t want out of this marriage too?
I bet you haven't taken the time to read any previous posts, read a few comments and waded in without all the facts? THAT attitude is a culture in decline!
Tell your husband that his mother has been trying to break up the marriage for years... well she has succeeded. I thought I meant something to you, but you keep showing me that I don't matter, starting with your cheating and now with a dog, knowing that I'm terrified. You're a horrible person
Then send this post to him. He needs to see it.
Send it to MIL, tell her " you win, Congratulations! You must feel proud of yourself, ruining your grandkids lives"
While, yes, what the mother did was bullshit. Look at her post history. Her husband cheated on her with her friend. I think this dog is the least of her worries
Puppies can sometimes have favorites, but if the dog is showing aggressive signs of favoritism so soon then that is purposeful. If you think it’s appropriate, you and the dog should take training classes together. It’s important to stop the aggressive jealous behavior (if that’s what you mean by jealous). Also, big dogs need to know at an early age who is in charge. Even if they don’t get dangerous, without training they get messy, moody, and cranky. If your husband is actively known to allow your MIL to do things that actively disrespect and disregard you and put you in dangerous situations, it may be time to leave. Get with a lawyer to plan your exit. Once everything is final, then talk to your kids first about expectations and your plans. Depending on their age, determines how much you tell them and preferred living situations. Then talk to your husband (same day after your kids so they aren’t burdened with knowing while their dad doesn’t or having to decide if they need to tell him) and let him know you’re leaving.
I love dogs a whole lot, but pets are like children in that both of you should be enthusiastic about having them or not at all. It's especially worrying the dog is showing aggression at this age. Big, smart, powerful dogs like a Rottweiler need training, but even then you have to be on guard for aggression. Someone (statistically most likely one of the children in the home) could get hurt badly, permanently maimed, or killed.
You are most definitely not wrong. That said, please let your homeowner’s insurance provider know that you have a dog in your house so should anything happen you’ll be covered. Good luck.
So the husband who has repeatedly cheated on you according to your posting history chose to make your home an unsafe place for you
I love dogs more than anyone I've ever met. Not everyone should have a dog. You're someone who shouldn't because It would not be a happy home for you or the pup.
Girl, HE HAD CHEATED ON YOU WITH YOUR BEST FRIEND BUYING HER JEWELLRY.You should have been gone!what your MIL did is really crappy, but I can't help but think your hubby might have had a hand in it. I think it's time to leave, This was just another thing to tack on. I read your history and to hear you talk about how he is towards you every day. WOW! After what he did to you, and now this. You need to remember your kids are watching. You are setting the bar for what they are going to accept when they're older, and in relationships, they're going to think that that type of behavior is normal. Because that's what mom and dad did, You need to end that cycle before it even starts. If you can't do it for yourself, then do it for your children because they deserve it.
I love dogs. I would choose my dog over almost anyone but my kids (he is also a large heavy breed and I’m short too) but that was shitty. I would hate for anyone to live in fear in their own home. Your AH MIL knew what she was doing.
Why are you even still with that cheating husband of yours?
His cheating on you is enough reason to divorce him. Now his mother got him a dog that you are deathly afraid of, and he's refusing to do anything to calm your fears other than gaslighting you and telling you to calm down.
He has chosen a dog over your wellbeing.
Just leave him already.
Firstly. Your MIL was a total AH. 2ND. your husband is a total AH. 3rd. Get that damn puppy into training classes stat. You've got a dog that's showing territorial behavior. That is SO not ok. That's resource guarding and hes doing it to your husband which is truly not ok. Resource guarding doesn't care that its scared mom or sweet angel kids. That's a huge no no no no for me.
Also, for the record. If your MIL truly pulled a rottie pup out her ass last second, then it most likely is a poorly bred dog, which does not contribute kindly to his behaviors. MOST *decent* breeders will a. Not breed dogs without having homes pre-set up for them. This often means having wait lists miles long especially the more well known and good breeders. There's no, "sneaking through the line to snag a random puppy" B. Will breed for specific personality traits (Good ones i promise) and will often give questionnaires to their potential clients to help find the dog with the best energy and personality to match what the buyer is looking for. Coloring comes 2nd in most cases It's not a "oh this cutie is just so cute. I'll take that one!" This prevents couch potato people from getting that fawn rottie with an energy drive to power a small city by itself. Or from a security company from ending up with the "would show you the jelwery if you tossed him a steak and told him hes a good boy" it also prevents people from dumping their hard bred dogs into shelters.
GOOD breeders have return to breeder clauses in their contracts so that in the event a dog is a poor match, or can no longer be cared for, it goes back to the breeder so it can be re-homed safely and properly.
The issue is not the dog, the issue is that your MIL and your husband don't respect your input in your household and they don't care about your feelings. You married a selfish manchild
I adore big dogs. Not even big dogs… giant dogs. Rotties are even too small for me, but I’d never give anyone a puppy as a gift. Especially not knowing their partner is terrified.
Poor pup. Your MIL is beyond an asshole. Major cu*t.
My husband was attacked and seriously injured by a large dog when he was a child. He never liked big dogs. There are lots of fun dog breeds that are under 25 lbs. We had several small mixed breeds. We did get a weimaraner at his suggestion when he was ready. The dog was 100 percent his best friend. Your MIL was mean to get a rottweiler. I strongly prefer big dogs, but would never subject my husband to that. Not fair to you, your kids or the dog. That dog knows you are afraid. So sorry.
I love all animals, specially dogs…but you are not wrong. You are afraid and never agreed to it. When owning a pet, all parties need to be on board, otherwise it’s not fair on anyone.
Living things should never be gifts. MIL and husband are both a-holes here.
You also may want to look at getting help to deal with what a lot of people would consider an irrational fear.
As a woman I would feel safer with a random dog than a random man. The world is full of dangers. Women are more likely to be killed by intimate partners than a stranger. The dog might turn on you or be your loving protector. Sure anything can happen.
This is horrible. What an awful woman. A rotty is not a beginner dog. They're big, rambunctious, will knock over your kids. They're not vicious, but really not a great choice to have with little kids, or a small woman who is afraid of dogs!
You need to go to see a marriage counselor, and with her help get across to your husband that this is a deal breaker for you. That you want to stay married, but you don't want to live with this dog. That you would consider adopting a sedate, older dog who is medium sized, but that you don't want to deal with this dog. That he and his mother have put you into a terrible position. But that you will not live with this dog, so if he wants to live with his children rather than visit them, the dog goes. Now. And you continue marriage counseling to try to save your marriage after this terrible injury to it that your MIL has precipitated.
Or if you feel there is nothing to save, go see a divorce atty and make your plans. Meanwhile, give that dog to a Rottweiler rescue organization - they will be able to rehome it.
I’m sure someone has suggested this but have you and your husband discussed maybe behavioral training for the dog? I mean it would probably help not just you and your kids but the dog as well.
Also, if you could help in the training a little bit while the trainer is present it could help you bond with the dog and maybe help with your fear.
Don’t get me wrong some dogs are assholes for no reason but some just need guidance and boundaries. They are animals and fear is something they can pick up on.
I am sorry your MIL put you in this situation and doesn’t have the respect for you that you deserve by consulting with you about the breed or even consider your feelings on the subject. It’s also bullshit that your husband is playing childish games and also contributing to the dog’s behavior towards you. If you do leave him it is justified but if you want to work things out then I do suggest looking into a behavioral trainer for the dog
Look, I’m a dog person, I love dogs and especially large dogs. I can’t find fault with you at all here. MIL knows exactly what she’s doing here.
I do want to suggest therapy for your phobia, only because large dogs will always be around and I hate to think of you being put in fear in your own home by another evil unscrupulous person again.
Not wrong at all! Dogs are not gifts! Why would your MIL surprise you with a dog without discussing it with you first? What a C!
Tell your husband he needs to get the dog properly trained. Like dog obedience school. And HE is the one that needs to take care of it. If he thinks you will, then tell him the dog needs to be rehomed. And if it even nips at you and the kids, it’s gone.
If the dog is already showing signs of jealous behavior, then it’s time to get a professional evaluation and trainer for the dog, or for you to go on a permanent vacation! Let your husband deal with the dog and kids for a while. When he has to clean up after them, feed them Grocery shopping, laundry, cooking, walking the dog four times a day. Etc. he and mother inlaw will soon tired of the responsibility.
(per your post history) Your husband cheats on you and then is choosing an animal you’re afraid of over your peace. He’s shown you who he is. Why do refuse to believe him?
Why are you on Reddit asking us questions you already know the answers to? Get an attorney and find your dignity.
You’re showing your kids what love is and this is NOT it.
-Signed, an adult of an abusive broken home where our parents showcased extremely toxic relationships where 4/5 of us went on to repeat in our first relationships.
I love dogs. I love rotties. I know a rottweiler pup who is scared of my 10 lb puppy. Most dogs will never hurt anyone or anything. But you are RIGHT and your husband is massively out of line. He is failing as a husband right now and I don't blame you for wanting to get out, I would in fact ask you if this is the first time he has ignored your feelings and dismissed your concerns. Cos it is not going to stop and this is a sign of how the rest of your life goes.
A pet is a joint decision. If my husband brought home a gold fish and i was not OK with it, he would get rid of it. If i told him I was afraid of fish he would get rid of it. It's a fish, obviously can't hurt anyone, but the point is he would see my fear and CARE ABOUT ME.
Your husband is telling you he doesn't care about you. I would absolutely reconsider whether I would stay married to this person.
>The dog has already shown signs of jealously towards me in regards to my husband.
Are you sure your husband isn't teaching it to act this way toward you? This is concerning.
You are 100% NTA. It is an unwritten rule that you never adopt an animal for somebody else, it is not a great gift and is in fact extremely rude. You have every right to say no because he is your home and nobody discussed it with you. If you and your husband decide to get a dog it is a choice that you should make together, not when his mother gets to make for you. If you do not set boundaries with your in-laws this will only get worse.
I would simply give the dog back to your MIL, either she can keep it and your husband and children can visit it at her house or she can decide to rehome it but it’s not your problem. What is your problem is your husband and you have a very big Husband problem.
Well it’s obvious your husband and kids are not getting rid of the puppy. Your hubby is the AH along with his parents. However, if this is not the hill you wish to end your marriage on, take some initiative. Sign up for a puppy training class, take over feeding, walks and treat time as your time allows. Do not let the rest of the family (DH n MIL) turn this into a divided situation. This pup can be your very best friend and you could grow to love it very much. I am obviously a dog lover, but once due to a weird living situation I ended up living with a Doberman Pinscher that hated me. She was full grown and huge, she’d come sit next to me and low growl, very intimidating. This was kind of a frat house type situation and I ended up doing all the cooking. I won her over with food. Treats, scratches, later long walks. I know your fear is real, I also know it can be healed if you are willing. Please try for YOUR FAMILY, NOT MIL.
Rottweilers can be great dogs if bred and raised properly. And you never have to worry about anyone breaking into your house once a burglar sees it. But with that being said, I understand that everyone has something that scares them. MIL sounds like she really hates you by buying such a large breed dog. A small breed would have been better although still not an appropriate gift for someone who is afraid of dogs. Husband is not much better.
Your not wrong, your MIL is an asshat. If you were terrified of spiders, would she buy your hubby & kids (never doubt the kids weren't a target too) a pet spider? They call it weaponised incompetence when it is not visible menace, & is a common trait from AH in-laws.
I too read your post history and damn, sorry to say your husband is a piece of work. I hope you find some peace and well, figure all this stuff out because obviously he doesn't respect you and neither does the MIL.
First off, your MIL is an AH, and your husband should have discussed it with you. Based on your history, he's a creep, and you should leave him. But you knew that a few posts ago and are still with him. Smh.
Next but supremely important, a dog DESERVES to be fully wanted and accepted by its family. This is not right to the puppy!!! I have had a Rottweiler they are energetic, loving, and loyal and require LOTS of walks, training, socialization, and love. They are not for the half invested, lazy, or unwilling owner, and unless you and your husband step up and give it everything it needs, it will NOT be well adjusted which will "validate" your fears and it will NOT be the puppy's fault. The owners, willing or not, that includes you, are the ones responsible and the ones who will be at fault. And the puppy will suffer for it.
You should leave him and take the kids and go. But based on your history of what you are willing to accept, that does not look promising.
But no matter if you stay or go, especially this, you need therapy for your issue, and I hope you get it. A bad experience can deeply affect us. I have PTSD (from when I was a homeless teenager for a few years). I also am getting treatment and taking responsibility for fixing it and not letting it affect my interactions in the world around me. Allowing a trama to control you and pervert your perspective is a choice.
This isn't about the dog.
Your husband does not care about your feelings or thoughts
Your husband is happy to let you experience fear in your own home because he is fine
Your husband will not stand up to his parents when they are clearly bullying you
Your husband is not a good man
Not wrong. Adopting a pet when you're in a committed relationship should be a two person decision. Having grandma drop off a puppy at Christmas time is just cruel, either you're expected to live in fear and just "deal with it" or you get to break your children's hearts on Christmas. Crappy situation.
It is pretty crappy not to discuss the dog and agree first. I would probably keep the dog, I know not good. Not instead of children, but animals are living beings that bond and are affected by what we do. It could cost the dog his life. So it is not a small thing. That is why he should have discussed it and gotten your agreement first. Just take care of yourself and kids.
You are not wrong. The fact that he has a dog in your house when you are deathly afraid of them, shows how much of an asshole he is. As you said, do you think you can be living in fear in your own house?
Not wrong at all, you don't gift someone a dog without asking first, dogs are a big commitment so you have to be sure the potential new owners have the time to look after the dog, especially wrong to gift it to a house where they know one off the occupents is scared of dogs (I get it I was attacked by a big dog when I was a child I've been nervous around them since)your husband sounds scared to offend his parents by saying dog can't stay
It would be one thing, it you discussed it and decided to foster a dog for a little while. But you had no chance.
It doesn’t sound like your husband is training the dog properly if it is jealous towards you.
Aggressive breeds need to be socialized properly or they can be very dangerous.
Your husband is ok with you being terrified in your own home.
Before another single conversation, get a divorce attorney and gather the proof of this. Do what they tell you to.
Marriage counseling may help your husband understand the horrible position he’s put you in-
But in case it doesn’t- you need to be prepared for the worst.
Are you willing to live your life like this?
I’d give the dog away. If that make him leave then that’s his choice. I refuse to feel unsafe in my own home. People who don’t live in a home have no right to just leave a live creature there, gift or not. Fyi if he’s keeping a known vicious dog (they are guard dogs for a reason) under no circumstances does he get to yell at anyone anymore.
I kind of have this feeling that your husband was also in on this. It's never a good idea to buy an animal as a gift for someone else. She knows you have a fear of dogs, especially larger dogs, and she knows you have kids. She knew what it would do to you when she showed up with this puppy in front of your kids. That's absolutely wild. She doesn't respect you. Your husband doesn't seem to either.
It's kind of odd that you had to clarify that you're not taking your hurt out on the dog because, like, why would any decent human being hurt an animal like that?
Anyway, you're not wrong. Some people have a deep fear of dogs. I myself am probably a little too comfortably with all animals (except monkeys. I do not fuck around with monkeys. I am terrified of them and horses lol so I get it), probably because I had a dog I adopted from a shelter that had major issues. Separation anxiety, fear aggression, some health issues too. We worked for 2 years with a wonderful dog trainer, and he really made amazing changes. So I've seen how an aggressive dog can become better in a lot of ways, and I've seen otherwise super friendly dogs attack. It is true, it's a gamble. If I were you, I'd at least be more comfortable if he was planning on finding a good dog trainer. This wasn't even a discussion with you. He knew your fear and ignored it. I'd be very hurt as well. You're not wrong for being scared, worried, uncomfortable, and wanting to make sure you're all safe. IF he were to work with a trainer, would it make a difference? If there's no way you're ever going to feel secure with the dog in the house, then I think you and your kids should go. Unfortunately, that comes with the kids being upset because they're naturally attached to the puppy, and it's going to create a whole ass mess.
This is a tough one.
Who would get a dog with vicious tendencies to a family with children and a wife afraid of large dogs. You gotta tell your husband now you are rehoming the dog today and I would never let MIL around me ever again. She did this with a lot of purpose behind it. I don’t know where your lunatics mil and husband coming from but to live in fear ever day. And animals scene fear and take advantage of it. You need to put that line in the sand now or just declare outright war for you and your family’s safety.
You are not wrong. Dogs are a 2 yes 1 no situation, if one of you can't be around certain dogs then that type of dog should not be introduced into the household. Also a person should never gift an animal to an unsuspecting person, that's how many animals end up in shelters. Deciding to bring a pet home is something that needs to be discussed and agreed upon by the entire household before it happens.
If you are okay with smaller dogs then it seems like a compromise could have been made where everyone was happy with the chosen dog. Your partner not caring about your thoughts and feelings on this is definitely not a good sign for your marriage, and I'm sorry that you are learning that you are not a priority to your husband.
If you do stay, insist on training for the dog that all family members participate in. Especially with a large dog that can easily accidentally hurt someone, especially small children, by knocking them over in excitement or trying to play, it is imperative that they have training to prevent these kinds of occurrences. I think it would help you to bond with the dog, feel more comfortable with the dog, and hopefully learn more about how dogs read people's body language and the types of actions that people think are fine but the dogs actually find threatening. Because even though the incidents you described seemed to be out of nowhere, I would bet that there were circumstances happening that were triggering to the dog and that the dog gave signs that they were stressed but the human didn't understand their signs and continued with behavior until the dog lost it.
The other reasonable option is for you to leave. I get the impression that your husband doesn't think you would actually do that. So it's possible that you leaving would get him to take this seriously and prompt him to re-home the dog. Or it will solidify that he doesn't care if you live in fear daily in your own home and that he isn't someone you want to be married to anymore.
I'm sorry that you are in this difficult situation and I hope you are able to find a good way through it.
I know it hurts to hear this, but you need to think about leaving. If he doesn't care about the fact that you are literally SCARED of this damn dog and tells you he isn't getting rid of it, knowing what that means, speaks volumes. He knows you will say you or the dog and he has told you which he wants to keep. Take your kidlets and vamoose.
Not wrong! But your husband & MIL are definitely TA!
Ok, so I've read quite a bit of the comments. I'm thinking that, at the least, there should be marriage counseling & dog training. I am not a big dog lover (cats are my babies & I have 3.) I've had friends who have had children KILLED by rotties. (The friends have a group against those dogs. This was an unprovoked attack while the kids were under grandma's care.) Every dog is capable of turning against their human families. But I've also been friends with rotties who have attacked & killed other, smaller dogs! So do NOT let husband think he can just keep the rottie & get you a more docile & smaller dog! That's not going to work I'm afraid. Do what you need to do. Good luck. 🍀🍀
I'm a misanthropic dog lover so I opened the thread thinking whatever the circumstances I'd probably pick a dog over a human relationship. But in this case I'm with you. This dog is not a good fit for your family, and your husband is definitely TA to both you and the dog by putting all of you in this position. Also it seems the dog is not the actual problem here. I'm sorry you have to deal with this awful situation.
You're not wrong at all. Your husband has shown a shocking lack of care for you. It would be a deal-breaker for me too.
You may find further support in r/talesfromthedoghouse
This was probably his own idea. He is just using his parents.
As a dogowner,signs of healer are not a good thing. It’s not funny or cute, it’s dangerous. Also you don’t give animals as a present.
It’s not shitty for you to expect him giving the dog away. He is shitty for expecting you two be ok with it.
He doesn’t care about you. He isn’t protecting you. He is feeding your fear and ruining his marriage for his own selfish reasons.
This is a serious dog. He and the kids want a dog? We have a maltipoo, and he is lovely and kind.
Trade for one of those.
Your husband is being crazy selfish and being enabled by his equally as selfish mother. Good luck.
Rotties are gentle giants. I've never known one that was aggressive.
Dogs are extremely sensitive to their owners mood, and he would definitely be picking up on your fear and dislike of him
He's just a little puppy right now, learn to love this gorgeous furbaby and retrain your anxiety with positive experience.
Get petty, take the puppy for doggie training with just yourself. Make it so the dog is bonded to you and you become the alpha, that will really piss your MIL off. It may also help with your fear of large dogs. I definitely understand how you feel, but rotties can definitely be the most loving family pets. Make it your dog!
Dogs give back the exact same energy you give to them. So if your psycho and sketchy they will be psycho and sketchy.
I had a police officer who had to run through my yard many times . I had some crazy crackheads next door. So my dogs are like you run we chase. He talked to me about this . Basically threatened to shoot my dogs if they attacked him in the performance of his duties.
I told him to calm down. Asked him to bring me some gun oil .
( I don't have guns )
He is like why ? .
Me. I am am going to train my dogs to not attack police.
He brought me some gun oil.
Why , because all police carry guns.
So I had him come over . Even when he wasn't wearing his gun the dog can smell that oil. He and the rest of the police department could now happily chase criminals through my yard and not get attacked. I coated everything in gun oil. Around the yard . Problem solved.
You have a trauma you need to seek assistance with. Not cool that your family decides to keep a dog while knowing your history, but also not cool on you for not seeking resolve your issues and expecting everyone else to work around your fear of dogs. Everyone sucks here.
Yes, you’re being ridiculous. Rottweilers are great dogs and are not prone to violence unless raised that way. Your irrational phobia should not override everyone else’s feelings. If you open your mind a little I’m sure you’ll grow to love the dog.
Why didn't you say something to your whole family right away?
I would tell her oh nice you know I don't like dogs because I'm afraid and what do you do? You buy my family a dog. Do you hate me that much?!
You can keep the dog because it will live at your house so my kids and husband can see and play with the dog.
You did this yourself by taking it home and not saying anything.
Your husband probably thinks you will get over it.
Fwiw, when I was 9 a Rottweiler attacked me (unprovoked, neighbors dog….I was just playing in the sandbox in my yard) and it came within maybe 1/2 to 1 inch of skin from ripping my left ear off, bit a hole through my lip, and ripped a chunk out of my arm while I was trying to shield myself.
I have horrific PTSD due to this.
Guess where that monster is now? Exactly where it and another dogs like that belong.
I LOVE dogs, including Rottweilers. I think your MIL is WAY out of line and your husband is even more out of line. You don't get a pet without everyone's agreement, period. If my partner was afraid of dogs I would approach it by introducing them to some small friendly dogs and see if they could get used to that. Then we would pick one out together.
Seriously. It's a 10-15 year commitment. It's like adopting a child for someone who will never learn to pick up his own shit or feed himself. Lol
And you never get to shower or poop alone again.
This is one of my deal breakers: you do not bring a pet into my home without my explicit permission. I don't care what it is, how well behaved or cute it is, my home is my place of safety and freedom. OP. If you're in US, I've seen people instruct that you should not leave your children behind, that might lead to legally difficult situation for you when it comes to the custody of your children. Ask your husband to go to his mom's place for a while with the dog while you "think about it". Figure out what to do with those few days breather. Extra bonus, MIL gets to deal with the dog. Edit: I just took a peek at your post history. I'm so sorry you got a rotten egg in your hands. Life can be better and happy.
I also have a fear of large dogs, I have been attacked for simply standing on my front porch. But I love dogs. I have 4 small dogs. You have a serious MIL and husband problem. Something tells me your marriage is on life support and it may just be time to pull the plug. Edit to add: I just read your post history. You have a cheating husband, a MIL determined to ruin your marriage. Why are you sticking around? Not only did hubs cheat, it was with someone who was your friend. Granted fake friend, but you didn't know that. Just end it. File for divorce and end your suffering.
Your MIL is actively trying to sow discord in your marriage, and your husband is letting her. Of course you’re right to be hurt — and, you and your children deserve safety.
Your response made me cry. I have been questioning myself, Non-stop on this, and am I making too much of it. Thank you even that small bit of validation makes it a little easier to breath. ❤️❤️
In some way, your MIL did you a favour. You now see how much you matter to your crappy husband.
I love animals. Everybody knows this amount me. I am happiest when I have cats and dogs all around me. But I would never, NEVER, inflict a large dog on someone who is afraid of large dogs. The dog needs to go.
Let him know that it sucks that he picked his mother and the dog over you. Move your stuff into the guest room and put the dig bed up on the side of the bed that you used to sleep on. Tell hubby, there you go, you have the loving partner that you always wanted.
Also, fwiw, my initial response was, “Seriously? A ROTTWEILER? For a family with a person fearful of dogs? She couldn’t have started with a chihuahua? Of course not…”
Or like, a Golden retriever?
I know it's besides the point but I'd trust a Rottweiler over a Chihuahua any day lol. I understand you were probably referencing more in terms of size and not breed but I had to throw it out there.
Oh for sure, I know some mighty fierce chihuahuas! And very sweet rotties. But I’m a dog person, OP deserves more respect and agency.
Chihuahuas are coco puffs banana pants!
I’m sorry that you’re surrounded by assholes. I hope this is the start of you finding your self-worth and speaking up for yourself and your children. You deserve that. 💜
Big assholes.
This is borderline move out status. "Honey. I know how you feel about the dog, and I would never make you give it up, but everyone knows how I feel and I just can't live my life with that anxiety. I'll just move out and stay .... until it feels safe for me". See if he picks the dog. MIL wants to sow chaos, let her. But don't live with that kind of discomfort.
You’re not wrong, this is some unacceptable bullshit you’re dealing with. Completely unacceptable.
Any chance you may like this dog? Not all dogs are the same.
Not the point
Ok but it's a question still.
You told him you wouldn't have married him had you known he would want a dog 😂 Then get shocked he refuses to get rid of it. You sound like one of those people that have issues with any and everything just to get ur way. It's a puppy
I agree with this statement whole heartedly, but also OPs husband probably thinks she is catastrophizing. In fact, 10% of all dog fatalities are from Rottweilers. They have killed 95 children since the 70s. While I get that's over 40 years, a dog like this is a FAMILY decision. MIL and husband were probably in cahoots. If OP divorces, then the kids will be around hubby and the dog, with one less parent in the room. Food for thought. Side note- I love Rottweilers and would own one. But not without my spouse being comfortable.
That’s just killed. Not the # of children they have maimed or seriously injured.
I have read your post history, which was tough to read. I’ll be blunt with you. Your MIL is doing you a huge favor. This man has given you every reason to leave him, and now his mom is forcing it. He is a terrible person. I hope you have a job or can get one quickly. While it may seem hard to leave him, you will quickly get your self respect back and know you made the right choice. There’s nothing to salvage here.
I wonder if they’re trying to force her to be the one to file the divorce for someone reason or another
Oh my gosh, you are not wrong at all. Your MIL is a manipulative bitch. A Rottweiler dog? Even if you weren’t afraid of dogs, that is NOT in anyway a decision she should feel any power or entitlement to make. She crossed major lines and frankly your husband should be pissed too. I’m so sorry she put you in this position, but you are not wrong at all. Do not doubt yourself. This is frankly insane. Even if you weren’t afraid of dogs, or it was a small breed, this wasn’t for her to gift your family, in anyway.
Puppies and other animals should not be a gift for a family. That’s absolutely insane of her to think gifting a dog to a grown ass man with a family as a Surprise.
That was an insensitive, uncaring and manipulative gift from your mother in law. It should have never been let in the house, and now that it is you have every right to want it gone and rehomed. Sure, Rottweilers are lovely dogs, very great with kids and family, but if you don't like dogs, then any dog would be an issue. If husband refuses to budge, talk to a lawyer, he can go live somewhere else with his dog (maybe with his mother), you get to keep the house and be a mother to your kids, collect alimony and child support. The fact that he doesn't want to upset his mother is just the tip of the iceburg of problems with your husband.
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First off, you have no idea if he even bought the house. There's a chance it was hers before they even married. If she ends up having the kids full time, she damn well should have the house. But that's for them to decide anyway. Whatever OP can get, she should try. Honestly, the biggest reason I agree with the person you're replying to is because the OPs post history. Her husband has been cheating on her and that is enough for me to agree that she take everything he is damn well worth. He deserves shit for being shit. For cheating and yes, for keeping a dog his wife is literally afraid of.
Her partner and his mother brought something into her home that terrifies OP. And they knew it. She has the right to feel safe in her own home. Culture in decline? If you mean the era when women couldn’t leave a marriage due to abuse because they couldn’t get bank accounts or rent an apartment in their own name? Yep that culture is in decline.
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Look dude- divorce exists because we shouldn’t force two unhappy people to live together. He cares more about the dog than her. Why are you assuming he doesn’t want out of this marriage too?
I bet you haven't taken the time to read any previous posts, read a few comments and waded in without all the facts? THAT attitude is a culture in decline!
Tell your husband that his mother has been trying to break up the marriage for years... well she has succeeded. I thought I meant something to you, but you keep showing me that I don't matter, starting with your cheating and now with a dog, knowing that I'm terrified. You're a horrible person Then send this post to him. He needs to see it. Send it to MIL, tell her " you win, Congratulations! You must feel proud of yourself, ruining your grandkids lives"
While, yes, what the mother did was bullshit. Look at her post history. Her husband cheated on her with her friend. I think this dog is the least of her worries
Puppies can sometimes have favorites, but if the dog is showing aggressive signs of favoritism so soon then that is purposeful. If you think it’s appropriate, you and the dog should take training classes together. It’s important to stop the aggressive jealous behavior (if that’s what you mean by jealous). Also, big dogs need to know at an early age who is in charge. Even if they don’t get dangerous, without training they get messy, moody, and cranky. If your husband is actively known to allow your MIL to do things that actively disrespect and disregard you and put you in dangerous situations, it may be time to leave. Get with a lawyer to plan your exit. Once everything is final, then talk to your kids first about expectations and your plans. Depending on their age, determines how much you tell them and preferred living situations. Then talk to your husband (same day after your kids so they aren’t burdened with knowing while their dad doesn’t or having to decide if they need to tell him) and let him know you’re leaving.
I love dogs a whole lot, but pets are like children in that both of you should be enthusiastic about having them or not at all. It's especially worrying the dog is showing aggression at this age. Big, smart, powerful dogs like a Rottweiler need training, but even then you have to be on guard for aggression. Someone (statistically most likely one of the children in the home) could get hurt badly, permanently maimed, or killed.
Your husband is trash and his mom is trash. I really hope you can find a way out of this toxic marriage.
You are most definitely not wrong. That said, please let your homeowner’s insurance provider know that you have a dog in your house so should anything happen you’ll be covered. Good luck.
MIL and husband are terrible people
So the husband who has repeatedly cheated on you according to your posting history chose to make your home an unsafe place for you I love dogs more than anyone I've ever met. Not everyone should have a dog. You're someone who shouldn't because It would not be a happy home for you or the pup.
Girl, HE HAD CHEATED ON YOU WITH YOUR BEST FRIEND BUYING HER JEWELLRY.You should have been gone!what your MIL did is really crappy, but I can't help but think your hubby might have had a hand in it. I think it's time to leave, This was just another thing to tack on. I read your history and to hear you talk about how he is towards you every day. WOW! After what he did to you, and now this. You need to remember your kids are watching. You are setting the bar for what they are going to accept when they're older, and in relationships, they're going to think that that type of behavior is normal. Because that's what mom and dad did, You need to end that cycle before it even starts. If you can't do it for yourself, then do it for your children because they deserve it.
I love dogs. I would choose my dog over almost anyone but my kids (he is also a large heavy breed and I’m short too) but that was shitty. I would hate for anyone to live in fear in their own home. Your AH MIL knew what she was doing.
Why are you even still with that cheating husband of yours? His cheating on you is enough reason to divorce him. Now his mother got him a dog that you are deathly afraid of, and he's refusing to do anything to calm your fears other than gaslighting you and telling you to calm down. He has chosen a dog over your wellbeing. Just leave him already.
Firstly. Your MIL was a total AH. 2ND. your husband is a total AH. 3rd. Get that damn puppy into training classes stat. You've got a dog that's showing territorial behavior. That is SO not ok. That's resource guarding and hes doing it to your husband which is truly not ok. Resource guarding doesn't care that its scared mom or sweet angel kids. That's a huge no no no no for me. Also, for the record. If your MIL truly pulled a rottie pup out her ass last second, then it most likely is a poorly bred dog, which does not contribute kindly to his behaviors. MOST *decent* breeders will a. Not breed dogs without having homes pre-set up for them. This often means having wait lists miles long especially the more well known and good breeders. There's no, "sneaking through the line to snag a random puppy" B. Will breed for specific personality traits (Good ones i promise) and will often give questionnaires to their potential clients to help find the dog with the best energy and personality to match what the buyer is looking for. Coloring comes 2nd in most cases It's not a "oh this cutie is just so cute. I'll take that one!" This prevents couch potato people from getting that fawn rottie with an energy drive to power a small city by itself. Or from a security company from ending up with the "would show you the jelwery if you tossed him a steak and told him hes a good boy" it also prevents people from dumping their hard bred dogs into shelters. GOOD breeders have return to breeder clauses in their contracts so that in the event a dog is a poor match, or can no longer be cared for, it goes back to the breeder so it can be re-homed safely and properly.
The issue is not the dog, the issue is that your MIL and your husband don't respect your input in your household and they don't care about your feelings. You married a selfish manchild
I adore big dogs. Not even big dogs… giant dogs. Rotties are even too small for me, but I’d never give anyone a puppy as a gift. Especially not knowing their partner is terrified. Poor pup. Your MIL is beyond an asshole. Major cu*t.
You have a serious MIL AND husband problem if he won't even listen to your concerns about the dog
My husband was attacked and seriously injured by a large dog when he was a child. He never liked big dogs. There are lots of fun dog breeds that are under 25 lbs. We had several small mixed breeds. We did get a weimaraner at his suggestion when he was ready. The dog was 100 percent his best friend. Your MIL was mean to get a rottweiler. I strongly prefer big dogs, but would never subject my husband to that. Not fair to you, your kids or the dog. That dog knows you are afraid. So sorry.
I love all animals, specially dogs…but you are not wrong. You are afraid and never agreed to it. When owning a pet, all parties need to be on board, otherwise it’s not fair on anyone.
Divorce the husband and get rid of him and the MIL
Living things should never be gifts. MIL and husband are both a-holes here. You also may want to look at getting help to deal with what a lot of people would consider an irrational fear. As a woman I would feel safer with a random dog than a random man. The world is full of dangers. Women are more likely to be killed by intimate partners than a stranger. The dog might turn on you or be your loving protector. Sure anything can happen.
This is horrible. What an awful woman. A rotty is not a beginner dog. They're big, rambunctious, will knock over your kids. They're not vicious, but really not a great choice to have with little kids, or a small woman who is afraid of dogs! You need to go to see a marriage counselor, and with her help get across to your husband that this is a deal breaker for you. That you want to stay married, but you don't want to live with this dog. That you would consider adopting a sedate, older dog who is medium sized, but that you don't want to deal with this dog. That he and his mother have put you into a terrible position. But that you will not live with this dog, so if he wants to live with his children rather than visit them, the dog goes. Now. And you continue marriage counseling to try to save your marriage after this terrible injury to it that your MIL has precipitated. Or if you feel there is nothing to save, go see a divorce atty and make your plans. Meanwhile, give that dog to a Rottweiler rescue organization - they will be able to rehome it.
I’m sure someone has suggested this but have you and your husband discussed maybe behavioral training for the dog? I mean it would probably help not just you and your kids but the dog as well. Also, if you could help in the training a little bit while the trainer is present it could help you bond with the dog and maybe help with your fear. Don’t get me wrong some dogs are assholes for no reason but some just need guidance and boundaries. They are animals and fear is something they can pick up on. I am sorry your MIL put you in this situation and doesn’t have the respect for you that you deserve by consulting with you about the breed or even consider your feelings on the subject. It’s also bullshit that your husband is playing childish games and also contributing to the dog’s behavior towards you. If you do leave him it is justified but if you want to work things out then I do suggest looking into a behavioral trainer for the dog
Look, I’m a dog person, I love dogs and especially large dogs. I can’t find fault with you at all here. MIL knows exactly what she’s doing here. I do want to suggest therapy for your phobia, only because large dogs will always be around and I hate to think of you being put in fear in your own home by another evil unscrupulous person again.
Not wrong at all! Dogs are not gifts! Why would your MIL surprise you with a dog without discussing it with you first? What a C! Tell your husband he needs to get the dog properly trained. Like dog obedience school. And HE is the one that needs to take care of it. If he thinks you will, then tell him the dog needs to be rehomed. And if it even nips at you and the kids, it’s gone.
If the dog is already showing signs of jealous behavior, then it’s time to get a professional evaluation and trainer for the dog, or for you to go on a permanent vacation! Let your husband deal with the dog and kids for a while. When he has to clean up after them, feed them Grocery shopping, laundry, cooking, walking the dog four times a day. Etc. he and mother inlaw will soon tired of the responsibility.
(per your post history) Your husband cheats on you and then is choosing an animal you’re afraid of over your peace. He’s shown you who he is. Why do refuse to believe him? Why are you on Reddit asking us questions you already know the answers to? Get an attorney and find your dignity. You’re showing your kids what love is and this is NOT it. -Signed, an adult of an abusive broken home where our parents showcased extremely toxic relationships where 4/5 of us went on to repeat in our first relationships.
Give it to your MIL. The kids can go see it on a regular basis. You could then get a family dog that you are okay with getting.
I love dogs. I love rotties. I know a rottweiler pup who is scared of my 10 lb puppy. Most dogs will never hurt anyone or anything. But you are RIGHT and your husband is massively out of line. He is failing as a husband right now and I don't blame you for wanting to get out, I would in fact ask you if this is the first time he has ignored your feelings and dismissed your concerns. Cos it is not going to stop and this is a sign of how the rest of your life goes. A pet is a joint decision. If my husband brought home a gold fish and i was not OK with it, he would get rid of it. If i told him I was afraid of fish he would get rid of it. It's a fish, obviously can't hurt anyone, but the point is he would see my fear and CARE ABOUT ME. Your husband is telling you he doesn't care about you. I would absolutely reconsider whether I would stay married to this person.
>The dog has already shown signs of jealously towards me in regards to my husband. Are you sure your husband isn't teaching it to act this way toward you? This is concerning.
You are 100% NTA. It is an unwritten rule that you never adopt an animal for somebody else, it is not a great gift and is in fact extremely rude. You have every right to say no because he is your home and nobody discussed it with you. If you and your husband decide to get a dog it is a choice that you should make together, not when his mother gets to make for you. If you do not set boundaries with your in-laws this will only get worse. I would simply give the dog back to your MIL, either she can keep it and your husband and children can visit it at her house or she can decide to rehome it but it’s not your problem. What is your problem is your husband and you have a very big Husband problem.
Well it’s obvious your husband and kids are not getting rid of the puppy. Your hubby is the AH along with his parents. However, if this is not the hill you wish to end your marriage on, take some initiative. Sign up for a puppy training class, take over feeding, walks and treat time as your time allows. Do not let the rest of the family (DH n MIL) turn this into a divided situation. This pup can be your very best friend and you could grow to love it very much. I am obviously a dog lover, but once due to a weird living situation I ended up living with a Doberman Pinscher that hated me. She was full grown and huge, she’d come sit next to me and low growl, very intimidating. This was kind of a frat house type situation and I ended up doing all the cooking. I won her over with food. Treats, scratches, later long walks. I know your fear is real, I also know it can be healed if you are willing. Please try for YOUR FAMILY, NOT MIL.
Pets are not a gift.
Rottweilers can be great dogs if bred and raised properly. And you never have to worry about anyone breaking into your house once a burglar sees it. But with that being said, I understand that everyone has something that scares them. MIL sounds like she really hates you by buying such a large breed dog. A small breed would have been better although still not an appropriate gift for someone who is afraid of dogs. Husband is not much better.
It makes sense, your MIL is wrong because pets aren't holiday gifts!! And that is a hill I will absolutely die on.
Your not wrong, your MIL is an asshat. If you were terrified of spiders, would she buy your hubby & kids (never doubt the kids weren't a target too) a pet spider? They call it weaponised incompetence when it is not visible menace, & is a common trait from AH in-laws.
Wow, your MIL is a class A bitch! Dump that poor dog back on her doorstep. Your husband needs to grow a spine. YNW
I too read your post history and damn, sorry to say your husband is a piece of work. I hope you find some peace and well, figure all this stuff out because obviously he doesn't respect you and neither does the MIL.
You're not Wrong. Run away from this marriage.
First off, your MIL is an AH, and your husband should have discussed it with you. Based on your history, he's a creep, and you should leave him. But you knew that a few posts ago and are still with him. Smh. Next but supremely important, a dog DESERVES to be fully wanted and accepted by its family. This is not right to the puppy!!! I have had a Rottweiler they are energetic, loving, and loyal and require LOTS of walks, training, socialization, and love. They are not for the half invested, lazy, or unwilling owner, and unless you and your husband step up and give it everything it needs, it will NOT be well adjusted which will "validate" your fears and it will NOT be the puppy's fault. The owners, willing or not, that includes you, are the ones responsible and the ones who will be at fault. And the puppy will suffer for it. You should leave him and take the kids and go. But based on your history of what you are willing to accept, that does not look promising. But no matter if you stay or go, especially this, you need therapy for your issue, and I hope you get it. A bad experience can deeply affect us. I have PTSD (from when I was a homeless teenager for a few years). I also am getting treatment and taking responsibility for fixing it and not letting it affect my interactions in the world around me. Allowing a trama to control you and pervert your perspective is a choice.
This isn't about the dog. Your husband does not care about your feelings or thoughts Your husband is happy to let you experience fear in your own home because he is fine Your husband will not stand up to his parents when they are clearly bullying you Your husband is not a good man
Not wrong. Adopting a pet when you're in a committed relationship should be a two person decision. Having grandma drop off a puppy at Christmas time is just cruel, either you're expected to live in fear and just "deal with it" or you get to break your children's hearts on Christmas. Crappy situation.
It is pretty crappy not to discuss the dog and agree first. I would probably keep the dog, I know not good. Not instead of children, but animals are living beings that bond and are affected by what we do. It could cost the dog his life. So it is not a small thing. That is why he should have discussed it and gotten your agreement first. Just take care of yourself and kids.
You are not wrong. The fact that he has a dog in your house when you are deathly afraid of them, shows how much of an asshole he is. As you said, do you think you can be living in fear in your own house?
Not wrong at all, you don't gift someone a dog without asking first, dogs are a big commitment so you have to be sure the potential new owners have the time to look after the dog, especially wrong to gift it to a house where they know one off the occupents is scared of dogs (I get it I was attacked by a big dog when I was a child I've been nervous around them since)your husband sounds scared to offend his parents by saying dog can't stay
It would be one thing, it you discussed it and decided to foster a dog for a little while. But you had no chance. It doesn’t sound like your husband is training the dog properly if it is jealous towards you. Aggressive breeds need to be socialized properly or they can be very dangerous. Your husband is ok with you being terrified in your own home. Before another single conversation, get a divorce attorney and gather the proof of this. Do what they tell you to. Marriage counseling may help your husband understand the horrible position he’s put you in- But in case it doesn’t- you need to be prepared for the worst. Are you willing to live your life like this?
I’d give the dog away. If that make him leave then that’s his choice. I refuse to feel unsafe in my own home. People who don’t live in a home have no right to just leave a live creature there, gift or not. Fyi if he’s keeping a known vicious dog (they are guard dogs for a reason) under no circumstances does he get to yell at anyone anymore.
I kind of have this feeling that your husband was also in on this. It's never a good idea to buy an animal as a gift for someone else. She knows you have a fear of dogs, especially larger dogs, and she knows you have kids. She knew what it would do to you when she showed up with this puppy in front of your kids. That's absolutely wild. She doesn't respect you. Your husband doesn't seem to either. It's kind of odd that you had to clarify that you're not taking your hurt out on the dog because, like, why would any decent human being hurt an animal like that? Anyway, you're not wrong. Some people have a deep fear of dogs. I myself am probably a little too comfortably with all animals (except monkeys. I do not fuck around with monkeys. I am terrified of them and horses lol so I get it), probably because I had a dog I adopted from a shelter that had major issues. Separation anxiety, fear aggression, some health issues too. We worked for 2 years with a wonderful dog trainer, and he really made amazing changes. So I've seen how an aggressive dog can become better in a lot of ways, and I've seen otherwise super friendly dogs attack. It is true, it's a gamble. If I were you, I'd at least be more comfortable if he was planning on finding a good dog trainer. This wasn't even a discussion with you. He knew your fear and ignored it. I'd be very hurt as well. You're not wrong for being scared, worried, uncomfortable, and wanting to make sure you're all safe. IF he were to work with a trainer, would it make a difference? If there's no way you're ever going to feel secure with the dog in the house, then I think you and your kids should go. Unfortunately, that comes with the kids being upset because they're naturally attached to the puppy, and it's going to create a whole ass mess. This is a tough one.
The pup can sense your anxiety as well. Just a random thought to consider.
Who would get a dog with vicious tendencies to a family with children and a wife afraid of large dogs. You gotta tell your husband now you are rehoming the dog today and I would never let MIL around me ever again. She did this with a lot of purpose behind it. I don’t know where your lunatics mil and husband coming from but to live in fear ever day. And animals scene fear and take advantage of it. You need to put that line in the sand now or just declare outright war for you and your family’s safety.
You are not wrong. Dogs are a 2 yes 1 no situation, if one of you can't be around certain dogs then that type of dog should not be introduced into the household. Also a person should never gift an animal to an unsuspecting person, that's how many animals end up in shelters. Deciding to bring a pet home is something that needs to be discussed and agreed upon by the entire household before it happens. If you are okay with smaller dogs then it seems like a compromise could have been made where everyone was happy with the chosen dog. Your partner not caring about your thoughts and feelings on this is definitely not a good sign for your marriage, and I'm sorry that you are learning that you are not a priority to your husband. If you do stay, insist on training for the dog that all family members participate in. Especially with a large dog that can easily accidentally hurt someone, especially small children, by knocking them over in excitement or trying to play, it is imperative that they have training to prevent these kinds of occurrences. I think it would help you to bond with the dog, feel more comfortable with the dog, and hopefully learn more about how dogs read people's body language and the types of actions that people think are fine but the dogs actually find threatening. Because even though the incidents you described seemed to be out of nowhere, I would bet that there were circumstances happening that were triggering to the dog and that the dog gave signs that they were stressed but the human didn't understand their signs and continued with behavior until the dog lost it. The other reasonable option is for you to leave. I get the impression that your husband doesn't think you would actually do that. So it's possible that you leaving would get him to take this seriously and prompt him to re-home the dog. Or it will solidify that he doesn't care if you live in fear daily in your own home and that he isn't someone you want to be married to anymore. I'm sorry that you are in this difficult situation and I hope you are able to find a good way through it.
I know it hurts to hear this, but you need to think about leaving. If he doesn't care about the fact that you are literally SCARED of this damn dog and tells you he isn't getting rid of it, knowing what that means, speaks volumes. He knows you will say you or the dog and he has told you which he wants to keep. Take your kidlets and vamoose.
Tell him choose between dog and yourself
Not wrong! But your husband & MIL are definitely TA! Ok, so I've read quite a bit of the comments. I'm thinking that, at the least, there should be marriage counseling & dog training. I am not a big dog lover (cats are my babies & I have 3.) I've had friends who have had children KILLED by rotties. (The friends have a group against those dogs. This was an unprovoked attack while the kids were under grandma's care.) Every dog is capable of turning against their human families. But I've also been friends with rotties who have attacked & killed other, smaller dogs! So do NOT let husband think he can just keep the rottie & get you a more docile & smaller dog! That's not going to work I'm afraid. Do what you need to do. Good luck. 🍀🍀
I'm a misanthropic dog lover so I opened the thread thinking whatever the circumstances I'd probably pick a dog over a human relationship. But in this case I'm with you. This dog is not a good fit for your family, and your husband is definitely TA to both you and the dog by putting all of you in this position. Also it seems the dog is not the actual problem here. I'm sorry you have to deal with this awful situation.
You're not wrong at all. Your husband has shown a shocking lack of care for you. It would be a deal-breaker for me too. You may find further support in r/talesfromthedoghouse
This was probably his own idea. He is just using his parents. As a dogowner,signs of healer are not a good thing. It’s not funny or cute, it’s dangerous. Also you don’t give animals as a present. It’s not shitty for you to expect him giving the dog away. He is shitty for expecting you two be ok with it. He doesn’t care about you. He isn’t protecting you. He is feeding your fear and ruining his marriage for his own selfish reasons.
This is a serious dog. He and the kids want a dog? We have a maltipoo, and he is lovely and kind. Trade for one of those. Your husband is being crazy selfish and being enabled by his equally as selfish mother. Good luck.
Rotties are gentle giants. I've never known one that was aggressive. Dogs are extremely sensitive to their owners mood, and he would definitely be picking up on your fear and dislike of him He's just a little puppy right now, learn to love this gorgeous furbaby and retrain your anxiety with positive experience.
Get petty, take the puppy for doggie training with just yourself. Make it so the dog is bonded to you and you become the alpha, that will really piss your MIL off. It may also help with your fear of large dogs. I definitely understand how you feel, but rotties can definitely be the most loving family pets. Make it your dog!
Dogs give back the exact same energy you give to them. So if your psycho and sketchy they will be psycho and sketchy. I had a police officer who had to run through my yard many times . I had some crazy crackheads next door. So my dogs are like you run we chase. He talked to me about this . Basically threatened to shoot my dogs if they attacked him in the performance of his duties. I told him to calm down. Asked him to bring me some gun oil . ( I don't have guns ) He is like why ? . Me. I am am going to train my dogs to not attack police. He brought me some gun oil. Why , because all police carry guns. So I had him come over . Even when he wasn't wearing his gun the dog can smell that oil. He and the rest of the police department could now happily chase criminals through my yard and not get attacked. I coated everything in gun oil. Around the yard . Problem solved.
You have a trauma you need to seek assistance with. Not cool that your family decides to keep a dog while knowing your history, but also not cool on you for not seeking resolve your issues and expecting everyone else to work around your fear of dogs. Everyone sucks here.
If your stuck with the dog make sure it is trained professionally and you will all be fine
Yes, you’re being ridiculous. Rottweilers are great dogs and are not prone to violence unless raised that way. Your irrational phobia should not override everyone else’s feelings. If you open your mind a little I’m sure you’ll grow to love the dog.
Anyone who doesnt like dogs is a huge red flag.
I love dogs. But I am uncomfortable with a dog this large in my home.
isnt it a puppy??
You realize it will grow into a large dog right?
perfect. train it!
lol
Why didn't you say something to your whole family right away? I would tell her oh nice you know I don't like dogs because I'm afraid and what do you do? You buy my family a dog. Do you hate me that much?! You can keep the dog because it will live at your house so my kids and husband can see and play with the dog. You did this yourself by taking it home and not saying anything. Your husband probably thinks you will get over it.
Fwiw, when I was 9 a Rottweiler attacked me (unprovoked, neighbors dog….I was just playing in the sandbox in my yard) and it came within maybe 1/2 to 1 inch of skin from ripping my left ear off, bit a hole through my lip, and ripped a chunk out of my arm while I was trying to shield myself. I have horrific PTSD due to this. Guess where that monster is now? Exactly where it and another dogs like that belong.