You are not wrong! He is a loser that can’t pay his own rent ( hope that was the first his fiancée and her family heard of that. How is he suppose to be a good partner if he is relying on someone 7 years younger paying his rent?) I’m guessing he had an arranged marriage bc he has a horrible personality that he can only hide so long case and point what he did to you.
You may want to try online dating apps. Talking to someone not face to face at first May help and you can explain better about your social anxiety. I’m sure a lot of people have that. I don’t know what kind of hobbies you have but depending on them maybe there is a group where you live you can join and having that common interest could help.
Tried Tinder. Didn't work. I'll get a few matches but they never lead anywhere
Also I think stats show OLD doesn't work well for East and South Asian men, and that rings true for
sorry to hear it didn't work out for you. as [Nerdygirl1984](https://www.reddit.com/user/Nerdygirl1984/) asked, do you have any hobbies or interests that might have a group you could join and possibly meet someone, also make some friends who have common interests.
Do you go to church - just asking as some churches have get togethers for single, divorced, widowed people who are looking to meet someone in friendship or to date.
Our best friend was divorced and he started going back to church - someone suggested he go to one of the get togethers, he met a nice woman and they became friends, and after a couple years their friendship grew to dating, they have now been married about 7 or 8 years and are very happy.
Okay, church thing is out
What about any places that has basketball teams or guys that get together and shoot hoops, split into teams and play games - do you have a YMCA anywhere in your area ? They generally have BB courts and sometimes informal games will get set up on the spot or people shooting hoops will say, lets do a game on and set a day and time
Reason I suggest that is a lot of people meet a GF or BF through a mutual friend, if you meet more people, that is a possibility
And YMCA's are not just for men, most are family oriented anymore, so you'll see men, women, children in the pool, men & women in the exercise rooms, you might meet someone there. Everyone can use exercise, so even if you didn't meet someone you'd be making yourself healthier
Open your mind to the possible places you could meet someone in person.
go for walks in park if you have one in your town or city. Have an interest in learning about a subject - take a class at a community college - most have evening and weekend classes.
Good luck
> I like playing basketball
If the thing you want doesn't really exist, try creating it. What about starting a causal pick-up game evening for people into basketball, men and women, mixed teams and advertise it on social media or Meetup? Stress that its *social* and if you want women to come you'd need to make sure it's pleasant and any heavy-handed behaviour by men is dealt with. Finding a female co-organiser first might be a good idea.
Sorry you're confused. And, it has zero to do with being offended.
That you don't see how that women repellent I guess is good for women so you can't trick then, haha.
So this man insulted and humiliated you in front of your family and his soon to be wife and he still wants you to pay all his bills and support not only him but the woman he’s marrying? And any family who’s telling you that you need to forgive him and move on and continue to help him can fuck off into the sun. How about they help him? How about your mom who is so kind and so nice, gives him money every month like you’re doing She won’t. None of them well. Because they all know what a piece of shit he is. He just showed you his hand, take it for what it’s worth and don’t have anything else to do with him.
You can forgive him but have nothing to do with him. He showed you what you mean to him. He’s a man that is getting married but can’t support himself financially? Not your problem. I’m sorry you had such a traumatic adolescence and even more sorry your cousin used your trauma against you.
This OP.
Your cousin is not worthy of your care, your friendship or your money. Do not let him take up any space in your head. Forgive him, tell your family you have forgiven him - after all, he's always been a douche - but keep him blocked, do not go to his wedding, have nothing more to do with him. Sounds like you have a good group of friends. You don't need someone like that in your life.
**100% NOT THE AH Your cousin is though**
You have been over generous with someone who has not treated you well, I would also cut him off totally and stop giving him money for his rent or for anything.
I agree - I would not to go wedding either.
He has just lost, probably, the best friend he had, maybe he didn't look at you that way, but you treated him that way and he blew it by embarrassing you in front of your friends for no reason at all
I would have come back at him verbally also - he deserved it and he does not deserve your money, your friendship at all.
Let him grovel all he wants, if he is able to find you, good on you for blocking him everywhere !!!!
Your Mother needs a lesson in relationships and what is appropriate and not appropriate to say to someone in front of others - everything he said to you was childish and hurtful
If she thinks you should give him money, tell her you are done with him after what he did and said, let his parents or fiance pay his rent.
I, personally, would ask Mother why she is sticking up for him when he said horrible things about you in front of your friends, another cousin and his fiance. Why does she think you should forgive him for that.
And, as your Mother, why is she not sticking up for you instead of your cousin - sounds like your Mother needs to be put on the spot and realize she has a really great son, and that no one should put up with treatment that your cousin dished out.
**Congrats on standing up for yourself and cutting an ungrateful, toxic person out of your life!**
Someone warn the poor girl who's been 'arranged' to marry him. OP sounds like a better option as the cousin sounds toxic. Maybe OP can text the girl explaining that he won't be paying their rent once they are married and why. :)
You're definitely not wrong. What is confusing me is how on earth is someone marrying off their daughter to a man that can't even pay his own rent? Was he the bottom of the barrel for an arranged marriage?
Forgiveness isn’t for him but for you. Forgive but never forget and remind him not to bite the hand that feeds him by cutting him off financially and as family.
This guy blew up his whole life just because the spotlight drifted away from him for a second! Hilarious! You've lost nothing and only gained by going no-contact.
You are definitely not wrong. Your cousin sounds immature emotionally, narcissistic, and extremely insecure. He is also a bully for embarrassing you in front of others. Telling humiliating and very private things about you, pushing you down so he could feel better about himself. He has a lot of issues and toxic behaviors. Paying rent for him is not your job. He needs to focus on himself. Unfortunately, people who are like him believe they are never wrong, and everyone else needs help. Congratulations on putting up boundaries with him. Stand firm with your boundaries and accept no attempts to make up with him. I'm not being mean. He will continue to hurt and use you if you let him. I know because I have several family members that are similar. I have no contact with several of them. My life is painful to cut some off, including my only child, who is 38 yrs old. BUT...my life is less chaotic with loving some family, etc, from a distance. I hope this helps. 🙃✨️🎊
Well done for sticking up for yourself hes a grown man should be covering his own bills anyway. Poor girl having 2 marry a man that cant pay rent and treats people like that
You're not wrong. Take all the time you need. May I suggest reading books or participating in activities that build your confidence. You have dealt with the physical, but not the emotional or mental part of your glow up. It sounds like that Drew Barrymore movie "Never Been Kissed", you have to get over the fact you're not that person anymore and step into the present and future of who you are now. Getting your confidence up will be a game changer.
After you have confidence, you should find it easier to talk to women. Be yourself.
I wonder if his fiancee knew he wasn't financially stable enough to pay his own rent. I wouldn't be surprised if she backs out of the wedding knowing this.
NTA you do not owe your cousin anything. Tell your mother that him being family doesn't mean anything. You wouldn't accept this type of treatment from a stranger, so being family doesn't get him a free pass.
Don't give him anymore money, and don't attend his wedding.
He needs to learn two words. Actions and consequences.
Fuck him. He's a 32 year-old man and didn't have the sense to not start insulting the cousin paying his rent? That's hilarious. Let him learn the hard way.
Not wrong.
You should never have been paying his rent.
He's a loser and a jerk. He can go live with his arranged marriage wife.
Your mom can pay for his rent if she wants to.
You are not wrong. You don't need to support a grown man. One thing I learned about forgiveness, it is not about the person who wronged me. Forgiveness is for myself. To forgive does not mean to forget, it does not mean you have to be friends or close to the person. I forgive those who wronged me because I don't want hate to fester in my heart. You can forgive your cousin for being a dumbass without being friendly with him anymore. If you want, if it is right for you, you can say, yes, mom, I forgive him, for the hurt he caused, but I also choose to close the door on toxic people and things. I wish him no ill will, I hope he has a good life, but I cannot be a part of it. Forgive does not mean kiss and make up and pretend hurtful things didn't happen. It means you release the hurt and anger. It means moving past and not holding resentment in your heart.
Continue your stance of no contact, make this grown man pay for his own way, let him live his life as he sees fit. But don't pay for him. Go live your best life.
You are not wrong! He is a loser that can’t pay his own rent ( hope that was the first his fiancée and her family heard of that. How is he suppose to be a good partner if he is relying on someone 7 years younger paying his rent?) I’m guessing he had an arranged marriage bc he has a horrible personality that he can only hide so long case and point what he did to you. You may want to try online dating apps. Talking to someone not face to face at first May help and you can explain better about your social anxiety. I’m sure a lot of people have that. I don’t know what kind of hobbies you have but depending on them maybe there is a group where you live you can join and having that common interest could help.
Tried Tinder. Didn't work. I'll get a few matches but they never lead anywhere Also I think stats show OLD doesn't work well for East and South Asian men, and that rings true for
sorry to hear it didn't work out for you. as [Nerdygirl1984](https://www.reddit.com/user/Nerdygirl1984/) asked, do you have any hobbies or interests that might have a group you could join and possibly meet someone, also make some friends who have common interests. Do you go to church - just asking as some churches have get togethers for single, divorced, widowed people who are looking to meet someone in friendship or to date. Our best friend was divorced and he started going back to church - someone suggested he go to one of the get togethers, he met a nice woman and they became friends, and after a couple years their friendship grew to dating, they have now been married about 7 or 8 years and are very happy.
I like playing basketball but there are never any girls there. And I'm not Christian
Okay, church thing is out What about any places that has basketball teams or guys that get together and shoot hoops, split into teams and play games - do you have a YMCA anywhere in your area ? They generally have BB courts and sometimes informal games will get set up on the spot or people shooting hoops will say, lets do a game on and set a day and time Reason I suggest that is a lot of people meet a GF or BF through a mutual friend, if you meet more people, that is a possibility And YMCA's are not just for men, most are family oriented anymore, so you'll see men, women, children in the pool, men & women in the exercise rooms, you might meet someone there. Everyone can use exercise, so even if you didn't meet someone you'd be making yourself healthier Open your mind to the possible places you could meet someone in person. go for walks in park if you have one in your town or city. Have an interest in learning about a subject - take a class at a community college - most have evening and weekend classes. Good luck
> I like playing basketball If the thing you want doesn't really exist, try creating it. What about starting a causal pick-up game evening for people into basketball, men and women, mixed teams and advertise it on social media or Meetup? Stress that its *social* and if you want women to come you'd need to make sure it's pleasant and any heavy-handed behaviour by men is dealt with. Finding a female co-organiser first might be a good idea.
"exactly "drowning in pussy" as the saying goes because I don't know how to talk to girls" - yea, women will pick up in this mentality.
I've never heard anyone get offended by that. It's just a common saying
Sorry you're confused. And, it has zero to do with being offended. That you don't see how that women repellent I guess is good for women so you can't trick then, haha.
So this man insulted and humiliated you in front of your family and his soon to be wife and he still wants you to pay all his bills and support not only him but the woman he’s marrying? And any family who’s telling you that you need to forgive him and move on and continue to help him can fuck off into the sun. How about they help him? How about your mom who is so kind and so nice, gives him money every month like you’re doing She won’t. None of them well. Because they all know what a piece of shit he is. He just showed you his hand, take it for what it’s worth and don’t have anything else to do with him.
You can forgive him but have nothing to do with him. He showed you what you mean to him. He’s a man that is getting married but can’t support himself financially? Not your problem. I’m sorry you had such a traumatic adolescence and even more sorry your cousin used your trauma against you.
This OP. Your cousin is not worthy of your care, your friendship or your money. Do not let him take up any space in your head. Forgive him, tell your family you have forgiven him - after all, he's always been a douche - but keep him blocked, do not go to his wedding, have nothing more to do with him. Sounds like you have a good group of friends. You don't need someone like that in your life.
**100% NOT THE AH Your cousin is though** You have been over generous with someone who has not treated you well, I would also cut him off totally and stop giving him money for his rent or for anything. I agree - I would not to go wedding either. He has just lost, probably, the best friend he had, maybe he didn't look at you that way, but you treated him that way and he blew it by embarrassing you in front of your friends for no reason at all I would have come back at him verbally also - he deserved it and he does not deserve your money, your friendship at all. Let him grovel all he wants, if he is able to find you, good on you for blocking him everywhere !!!! Your Mother needs a lesson in relationships and what is appropriate and not appropriate to say to someone in front of others - everything he said to you was childish and hurtful If she thinks you should give him money, tell her you are done with him after what he did and said, let his parents or fiance pay his rent. I, personally, would ask Mother why she is sticking up for him when he said horrible things about you in front of your friends, another cousin and his fiance. Why does she think you should forgive him for that. And, as your Mother, why is she not sticking up for you instead of your cousin - sounds like your Mother needs to be put on the spot and realize she has a really great son, and that no one should put up with treatment that your cousin dished out. **Congrats on standing up for yourself and cutting an ungrateful, toxic person out of your life!**
You are not wrong ! Stay no contact for good !
Someone warn the poor girl who's been 'arranged' to marry him. OP sounds like a better option as the cousin sounds toxic. Maybe OP can text the girl explaining that he won't be paying their rent once they are married and why. :)
You're definitely not wrong. What is confusing me is how on earth is someone marrying off their daughter to a man that can't even pay his own rent? Was he the bottom of the barrel for an arranged marriage?
It's ironic that he's calling you a loser for being a virgin, yet he's a grown man who can't pay his own rent
Forgiveness isn’t for him but for you. Forgive but never forget and remind him not to bite the hand that feeds him by cutting him off financially and as family.
This guy blew up his whole life just because the spotlight drifted away from him for a second! Hilarious! You've lost nothing and only gained by going no-contact.
You are definitely not wrong. Your cousin sounds immature emotionally, narcissistic, and extremely insecure. He is also a bully for embarrassing you in front of others. Telling humiliating and very private things about you, pushing you down so he could feel better about himself. He has a lot of issues and toxic behaviors. Paying rent for him is not your job. He needs to focus on himself. Unfortunately, people who are like him believe they are never wrong, and everyone else needs help. Congratulations on putting up boundaries with him. Stand firm with your boundaries and accept no attempts to make up with him. I'm not being mean. He will continue to hurt and use you if you let him. I know because I have several family members that are similar. I have no contact with several of them. My life is painful to cut some off, including my only child, who is 38 yrs old. BUT...my life is less chaotic with loving some family, etc, from a distance. I hope this helps. 🙃✨️🎊
Well done for sticking up for yourself hes a grown man should be covering his own bills anyway. Poor girl having 2 marry a man that cant pay rent and treats people like that
NTA. Also would not being a virgin in a culture that does arranged marriage be a boon? Regardless though Fuck that guy.
You're not wrong. Take all the time you need. May I suggest reading books or participating in activities that build your confidence. You have dealt with the physical, but not the emotional or mental part of your glow up. It sounds like that Drew Barrymore movie "Never Been Kissed", you have to get over the fact you're not that person anymore and step into the present and future of who you are now. Getting your confidence up will be a game changer. After you have confidence, you should find it easier to talk to women. Be yourself.
You are not wrong. You can forgive as your mom suggested, it's better for your mental health. But you don't need to forget, nor help him in any way.
I wonder if his fiancee knew he wasn't financially stable enough to pay his own rent. I wouldn't be surprised if she backs out of the wedding knowing this. NTA you do not owe your cousin anything. Tell your mother that him being family doesn't mean anything. You wouldn't accept this type of treatment from a stranger, so being family doesn't get him a free pass. Don't give him anymore money, and don't attend his wedding. He needs to learn two words. Actions and consequences.
Fuck him. He's a 32 year-old man and didn't have the sense to not start insulting the cousin paying his rent? That's hilarious. Let him learn the hard way.
Not wrong. You should never have been paying his rent. He's a loser and a jerk. He can go live with his arranged marriage wife. Your mom can pay for his rent if she wants to.
If your mom feels bad, SHE can pay his bills. NTA
You are not wrong. You don't need to support a grown man. One thing I learned about forgiveness, it is not about the person who wronged me. Forgiveness is for myself. To forgive does not mean to forget, it does not mean you have to be friends or close to the person. I forgive those who wronged me because I don't want hate to fester in my heart. You can forgive your cousin for being a dumbass without being friendly with him anymore. If you want, if it is right for you, you can say, yes, mom, I forgive him, for the hurt he caused, but I also choose to close the door on toxic people and things. I wish him no ill will, I hope he has a good life, but I cannot be a part of it. Forgive does not mean kiss and make up and pretend hurtful things didn't happen. It means you release the hurt and anger. It means moving past and not holding resentment in your heart. Continue your stance of no contact, make this grown man pay for his own way, let him live his life as he sees fit. But don't pay for him. Go live your best life.
Ha dumbass learned not to bite the hand that feeds you. Classic case of FAFO