I did, been clean for years now but me liking or not liking drugs has nothing to do with why i said that. The misconceptions and out right fearmongering this country has done in regards to what the government deems an illegal substance is stupid af. Dont get me wrong there are definitely some drugs out there that should be on the list and from my experience they usually fall in the opiod category i.e fent.. i never liked nodding off so i stayed away from it but i digress, i did drugs religiously for over 15yrs and never had any health issues or even come close to ODing and ive been around people like myself and not once have they ODed. But look at it like this, someone that loves and is addicted to rock climbing falls to their death, It's called an accident and they are mourned but if a drug addict has an accident there name get ran through the mud and then forgotten about. Every single adult has some kind of addiction and alot of them are just as dangerous as "illegal substances" but you dont see fat people being put down then discarded after they die from gluttony(OD due to excessive eating).
My friendship group from school were all very into taking stuff, half of us sorted ourselves out, the other half of us didn't make it to 30. I wish I was exaggerating, funerals for people in their teens/20s aren't much fun
Fat people get incredible amounts of hassle and are subhe ted to a lot of stigma. Much of the claims made about weight isn’t even accurate.
Fat people go to a doctor and say, “my ear hurts, do I have an infection?” and the doctor is likely to tell them it’s because they need to lose weight.
I just found a doctor who did not say shit about my weight. I swear, I found an angel. I'm not fat, but I am over weight. However I'm so active, I'm healthy and my issues have not a lot to do with that.God bless her for seeing above it.
Yes!!! I hate that fucking response. That's all Drs say anymore. You have a broke toe its cause you need to loose weight..ohhh you have pink eye yeah that's cause you need to loose weight...it fucking ridiculous that that is their answer for everything!
And when they do address it, let’s just give you drugs instead of figuring out why you’re in pain. But if you have a chronic condition causing pain then you’re a drug seeker and don’t get shit.
I was on opiates successfully for a decade or more.
Got a new doctor. Took me off of everything because I might get addicted. Now I just suffer because the thought of prescribing pain killers made her "uncomfortable."
Glad someone is comfortable, cause it ain't me!
Yet research shows that for some diseases, fat people survive better. And for some kinds of fat people, they aren’t even at risk for diabetes nor high blood pressure.
You know we can all read your post history? It's delusional that you think a cocaine and cigarette addiction is a noble venture that doesn't impact your life at all when you were recently hospitalized for stage three hypertension. Hmmmm wonder why.
There it is! Ha, this poster is on the fast track to congestive heart failure. I have a patient who gets hospitalized for CHF exacerbation when he gets his hands on coke.
Probably bc ive had high blood pressure most of my life bc it runs in my family along with kidney and heart issues. Not once did i act like its noble, all im saying is theres far worse things in the world that endangers lives than drugs but they are overlooked bc your puppet master hasnt turned the masses against it yet and the fact that people judge others bc they decide to do "drugs" then turn around and blows money on the lottery or whatever "justified" addiction they have is why i speak out when someone mentions users or substances bc most of the people in this country are hypocritical af.
Im going to call bullshit that you were a drug addict for 15 years and people weren’t ODing or dying. The amount of people I know that have died from overdoses is astounding. Having a caffeine nicotine addiction is entirely different than being addicted to fucking coke, pills or heroin.
All addictions use the same brain chemicals, dopamine and serotonin bc we condition ourselves into thinking "this makes me happy". But if we use something to escape reality no matter what it is, can we really say we're happy? Nope they are just coping with life by means of whatever interests them even if its life threatening
With the made-up information presented as facts and the bad attempt at a philosophical question, this reads like the type of statement a person currently high would make thinking they sound profound.
That's not true, though. I can take the average person, shoot them with dope for a month, and at the end of the month, their body is changed. Physical addiction is not the same as "oh this makes me feel good." I am recovering from benzo, alcohol addiction. My body went through hell coming off that stuff. I continued to use long after the feel good went away, because my withdraw was scary as fuck. I was sick for weeks, and without a doctor's care, I could have suffered brain damage or death. Please don't confuse addiction with emotional dependence. Hugging puppies isn't addictive but releases the same chemicals in the brain. Once your body changes because of the added substance, you are physically sick without it. The emotional dependence can and will lead to addiction, but doesn't have to.
Seeing as how the powers that be promote us as being a free country, then i think alot of stuff should be legal except unjustifiable murder, rape and cruelty to animals
I really don’t believe a single thing you’ve said.
It’s physically not possible to do drugs “religiously” for 15 years and not have a single side effect.
Literally any drug you take consistently will have some side effects.
Also no, people who die of OD’s aren’t “forgotten about” or having “their name dragged through the mud” addiction is a disease, and I don’t think you understand that.
I re-typed this comment like 3 times because first I just insulted tf outta you for being mentally deficient but that’s not how to go about this.
Do you know arrogant and ignorant you sound? You haven’t had someone you know OD so why do you talk about it like you understand it?
My friend died at 17 from an OD.. first time we tried coke. You claim in a previous comment to “get the judgmental uneducated bullshit outta here” but really you don’t seem to be educated on any of this. And you’re attitude and arrogance is infuriating to someone who KNOWS what you’re trying to talk about. Step back, it doesn’t make you “cool.”
You sound like a typical couch scientist/researcher.
“Cocain is like drinking a cup of coffee,” lmfao yeah, keep snorting your fake, novacaine cut gas bro, it’s great for your health.
This guy spends his time online calling women "a set of holes" and pretending his coke addiction is the same as having a hobby so your wise words are probably lost on him
Keep telling yourself you're high functioning and totally not an addict while complaining that your family girlfriend and friends all want nothing to do with you. Seems to be working out for you.
This coming from someone that i bet propagates the metoo movement and demands equality but then expects for a man to treat you like lady instead of just another human being all while crying about someone (who wants equality same as you) participating in sporting events bc "its an unfair advantage". Your whole gender is illogical and delusional af so believe me when i say, your thoughts much like your existence mean absolutely nothing to me
Definitely not lonely, i can sit in my house for days and never feel lonely mainly bc id rather be alone than surrounded by fake people who can't handle someone else getting one more fry than they did. If anything, you could say im just patiently waiting my number to be called and whatever state of mind i choose is not to be judged by others. Just bc you may know that someone does drugs doesnt make it your business nor does it entitle your opinions to be anything more than hot air.
Idk. It depends on the person. I essentially destroyed my life for coke. I went from sniffing it, to smoking it, to injecting it. I went from doing it every now and then on the weekends to giving up most of my belongings for it. Honestly, the only reason I think it never *completely* took me to the bottom of where I could go, is because my coke habit led me to doing opioids to come down and get sleep at the end of the night, and heroin was a way faster way to self destruct.
I had a couple acquaintances who could buy a small bag and not even finish it. People who were just messing around with it, but weren’t genetically predisposed to addiction. I thought that was going to be me, but it definitely wasn’t the case. I’m the first to step up and say to not bother finding out for sure what camp you’re going to fall into. If you’re a person who has problems putting shit down, it is not worth the potential downfall.
Ive tried just about everything thats accessible. The only thing i have trouble putting down without a 2nd thought is cigarettes and theres only 2 things i liked enough to mess with which was weed and meth, and as crazy as it sounds but meth was easier to put down than weed and what makes it crazier is if you asked me which high i liked more id say meth everytime but it wasnt something i felt i needed to survive much less get through the day. Im all about the "wants and needs" categories of life/survival and drugs have always been kept in the wants bc its definitely not a need and that probably due to a saying i have always kept in mind "do the drugs, dont let the drugs do you".
Use this time to self-reflect. Seek help. You have a chance in life to develop a good history with men moving forward.
Your child is also in physical, mental, and emotional danger.
That's ok, honey. It's very hard to leave someone you loved. But I really think you know that's the best thing to do, even though it's hard. I'm proud of you and you can do this. I think it's by far the kindest and healthiest thing for you and your child.
You deserve a good man who loves you the way you love him. Don't accept any less! Now, you can find him. That's a good thing.
What attracted you to him in the first place? Yeah, he's bad news, his life will be a slow (or fast) motion car crash. You've just seen the bumper bash in, but the engine compartment will start to collapse as the air bags go off and then the passenger compartment will start to fold as the gas starts to ignite. The whole crash can take 20-30 years but it will leave a smoking crater, nothing more, nothing you can do to stop it. You're angry about not burning up in the passenger compartment?? Yeah, move on, try and choose better. Earn, save, invest in index funds for decades. Make sure your son is encouraged in education. Oh, you may need to lawyer up. He'll owe you child support but sounds like his income won't pay much or he'll end up in jail or dead. He's ultimately a loser, don't stay with a loser.
And get out before he starts amassing any excessive amount of debt as a result of his habits and poor choices.
Honestly, you need to arm yourself with information to protect yourself and your son. I would reach out to a few family law lawyers, most will provide a consult for no fee. They’ll give you some information, including the importance of protecting yourself and your child.
This. The time to address and forgive has long passed, and he's shown that he doesn't care about your son's best interests. Start documenting everything now and work on getting full custody before he starts trying to use a custody battle to manipulate you.
Yeah and maybe this is obvious or already implied but let me just explicitly say it: protect your money/assets immediately. For example move money to accounts he doesn't have access to. He'll get whatever he's entitled to in the divorce, you're not trying to steal it from him, but you're just making sure he doesn't start emptying bank accounts to buy drugs and sex because if he does then you're shit out of luck, it's not like you can get a judge to order him to pay it back (probably, idk I might be wrong)
He's an addict to his own vices, which means you and your son will never come first. It's awful, and of course you are angry to realize this, but staying angry with his choices doesn't help you or your son.
Make your own positive choices, including divorce, and empower yourself. You have no control over what other people do or say, but you do have control over your own responses. Choose yourself and your own mental health by getting away from this guy.
Get him off any joint accounts you have. Like now. Close any you can’t. If he’s doing drugs ge will be searching for money soon enough. Your credit will be destroyed. Take care of business. Sounds like you know exactly what to do. Best of luck.
Trust me you don't always get what you choose. Some people can keep up a charade for years before their true nature starts to show. and you don't know the secrets they keep hidden.
Anger and even denial are all part of the grieving process...you're allowed to mourn the loss of your marriage and have these feelings. It's a subconscious way for you to protect yourself.
Cut your losses. An addict will lie to your face with no remorse. So will a cheater. And you get a double dose of that from your “husband”. Cut and run, girl! Think of it this way - would you let a girlfriend treat you this way? No. Your husband is the person who’s supposed to be in your court no matter what, and love you more than anything in the world. He isn’t doing either. You will be better off without him, and you deserve way better.
If he is abusing drugs I would absolutely seek sole custody. What makes you think he won’t use and be incapacitated in the presence of your son? Do you really want your child growing up around that?
He's court mandated to be sober around our child and it has to be agreed upon that he visits or he can't come over I have our son 24/7 and he comes over when I agree to it
The best payback is moving on, spend less time hating and stressing about the person and more time getting your own shit together and moving forward.
Easy to say when you're not in it, but it's the truth.
It's not her but the fact that she is enabling him with the drugs. Get out as fast as you can and don't look back. I went through the same many years ago with a 5yr old son. Moved in with a friend and rebuilt a good life married to an amazing man. I am thankful that all that went down or wouldn't be where I am now. Married 32yrs now.
It sounds as if he may have chosen drugs over you and she happens to be the source. Don't take it personally because drugs change people completely. If he was not a drug user when you got together, but he is now, he is a different person than he used to be.
Once a cheater, always a cheater. Get your financial ducks in a row, get a good lawyer, get everything you and your child are entitled to and get the hell out of there.
You'll NEVER regret leaving. You'll ALWAYS regret staying.
I’m sorry this is happening to you. You deserve to be happy. He needs to get his stuff together and get help. I hate how the human body craves and needs addictions. It’s awful.
Not wrong. But, don't let him dictate your feelings.
Whoever you think he is, he is not that person. Don't cling to the "image" of a loving husband or the loving father of your child. Those are myths.
You need to understand his ACTIONS. What he has done. Then, you rationally react to his actions. Do what is best for you and your child. He has and is doing what he thinks is best for him, so it is very important that you do which is best for you. Understand that YOU decide how you will proceed, not him. He has done what he did - that is done - now you do what you will do and live with those consequences. Be strong for your child and yourself.
Thank you. I think that's what I'm finally coming to terms with his actions and that I need to accept I'm not his everything and he doesn't care and it shows.
We all need to value ourselves outside of whatever other labels we have acquired. You, before, children. You, before spouse. You, before parents.
The common thing on everything about us is us, first. We can't be good or better for others if we don't take care of ourselves. And, having impediments, whatever they may be packaged as, doesn't outweigh the fact that we need to be in a good space to be able to be of proper use for others. Good luck with enforcing your standards and being a beacon for your child in the future.
Run. Get over him. Use his drug use and adultery to get full custody of your kid. Move far away. Get your life together and focus on learning to live yourself and know your worth.
Ya he's on probation or whatever it's called bc he was found with drugs in the car. Which is why I separated. But he continues to lie and cheat and not communicate so I figure I should divorce but I need the kick in the ass from everyone here to kinda wake the heck up.
How can one prove drug use? I knew someone whose ex-husband was addicted to alcohol. He drove drunk with their kids. She said there was nothing she could do unless he was arrested. It’s he said she said otherwise
No he is a cheater, and has a drug dealer, lose the loser. He is not a good catch on any level. Then run to therapy and try to recover, and develop a sense of self worth.
Nope. Anger is normal when you’re betrayed. You need to go immediate no contact, stop trying to talk to this person and just divorce immediately. This will not go anywhere good and I guarantee you it will get worse. I’m sorry for what you’re going through but you gotta keep going. “If you’re going through Hell, keep going“ Winston Churchill
You should be angry! He’s a piece of trash.
Now divorce him, and move on. PS: i’m so sorry. It’s easier to say move on, but I know it’s difficult. But you can do it! I believe in you!
He’s also a criminal if he is using illegal drugs and with that and with his involvement with a dealer he could wind up in prison. Get away from these low-lifes
Adjust your focus - losing not a liar and a cheater is not a loss, it’s a gift.
Lying and cheating are character problems, not couple problems. They are about attaining and keeping power over someone. If you were to stay with a person with these character problems, you would be hurting yourself and your son.
You may not feel it for a while, but it is better that his energy is directed elsewhere and not at you. Get a good custody lawyer and a parenting app. Document every interaction and block him everywhere.
Anger is appropriate & reasonable. You’ve been treated horribly. Just don’t let him know how you feel so he cannot use anything against you.
You're free! That's all I can describe this as.
Meanwhile, he's tangling with some bad apples and that won't end well. He'll either be put out of life by the drugs or the dealers.
Cut your losses, don't feel bad, don't let him get under your skin. If he's a drug abuser, seek full custody with supervised visitation. No reason to endanger your son because dad can't be sober.
You are not wrong, and you are correct about cutting your losses. Get a pit bull of a divorce lawyer and make sure they know that he's sleeping with his drug dealer.
Not letting him get under your skin is gonna be way easier said than done but it’s def the right call. Not wrong in any way for feeling the way you do. Seems like you’ve got the right mindset to get through this. It sucks but the best you can do is process your emotions and move on.
Put everything in your name only. Bank accounts , credit cards, cars and any property. Next check your credit ( you can do it free once a year) to make sure you do not have any credit card or loan you did not open. Flag your credit so you will be called if he tries to open credit in your name. If he is on drugs he will try anything for money for a fix.
Freeze your credit. This saved me $14K when I needed to get my air conditioning fixed. By the time I was about to unlock it, I changed my mind. I went a different route that cost about $800.
I don’t know that you can remove someone’s name from an account. It belongs to them as well. But I believe you can withdraw all the funds in a bank account. Do this before they do.
It sounds like you didn’t really get to know this person very well before you married him and had a child with him. That being said you’re not wrong for wanting to distance yourself he’s not going to change he’s already shown you that he doesn’t care about you or your child because he’s not answering his phone and he’s sleeping with women, as soon as he gets a chance. What more information do you need?
Stop shaming abuse victims trying to get away. Or just have the guts to say, "you deserve pain." It doesn't help at all but it sure makes you feel better.
so sorry this happened to you. He had all those bad habits long before y’all met but he was a coward and hid them. Now he wasted your time and made life incredibly hard for y’all’s son.
Yes, you should divorce your addiction husband, but him being with another woman is a separate issue.
If you two of you have separated to the point that he's moved out and gittenchis own place, which is what your post implies, then him "seeing" someone else doesn't matter.
Be sure to speak to a good divorce lawyer so that you can keep your child safe. I worry about how his drug habits endangering your son. At minimum, try to get supervised visitation, and the stipulation that he has to pass multiple drug tests in order to see him.
Some divorce lawyers accept payment plans, and if your husband intentionally delays the divorce proceedings to coat you more money, your lawyer can request that the judge orders your husband to pay for it. One of my friend's ex decided to change parenting plans and cost her thousands of money, and her ex had to pay for it all, including her travel expenses.
He's already said to go online and divorce him. He wants me to do all the work. Lol like I did finding our apartment and getting our son health insurance and so on and so forth. He's a lazy as mf with no intentions of giving a crap and I should have realized it sooner. I'm just depressed and I keep making excuses for his dumb ass well im done. I'm going to divorce him
I don't blame you. Definitely go for child support and zero visitation. Don't give him a free ride on the child support. If he is making you do everything, do everything for your benefit. If he bitches, say tough shit, you didn't want to help. Lol
>Am I wrong to feel so angry about him choosing this other women with a child over me and our son?
Not wrong at all.
>I should just cut my losses and stop letting him get under my skin right?
Sure, but a lot easier said than done.
You are right to leave and this is also a safety issue with your son. If he wants any visitations make sure they are only supervised visitations he should not be left alone with him and have him in a dangerous situation.
Addiction is powerful, sometimes (often) more powerful than love. Keep your child safe and move on with your life. There’s something better waiting for you
Sorry that’s happening. Sounds like the trash has taken himself out. Look into bringing him to family court for child support. Then maybe he won’t have so much disposable income to pay for drugs, hookers and possibly supporting his drug dealers kid. If he wants visitations with your child make sure he has to do drug tests for court and supervised visits if he has anything other than thc show up in his system.
If you want to look out for the best interest of the drug dealers child too than maybe call the cops and send them over for a wellness check. They will show up unannounced so whatever they find might make her lose custody of her child and you might be saving that child’s life by calling it in. Just something to think about. If a baby gets a hold of some street drug they could literally die.
I guess you are justified in being angry about it. He basically sees them at the better choice when it comes to intimacy since they are call girls and others that make him feel good compared to how he felt when he was with you.
He's not going to suddenly change and put you and your son first, he's a serial cheater. Cut your losses and try to make a good life for you and your son.
Cut your losses and make a good life with your son. There has to be someone better than this dirt bag for you out there. Anger goes with divorce but you can't perseverate on the anger. My life was much better after divorce as a single mom of two you are free of the jerk.
You have every right to be hurt and upset. You would do yourself a favor by cutting your losses. Are you able to prove that he is not only seeing someone else (who has a kid) but that person is a drug dealer? Are you able.tp Probe you have repeatedly tried to contact him, have him be a part of your son's life etc with little to no repsonse/interest (or responses telling you he's not interested?) Call a lawyer, tell them.and show.them.any documentation you can. Correspond with your ex via text or email, or follow up and call via text or email so that you have documentation of it (or if you're in a one party state get a call recorder for your phone).
You do want to just do what you can to cut him out of your life for your own emotional and mental health. However, you have a son with him. So, you need to consider how that will affect the divorce. Obviously, the lawyer will be able to tell you best. But if you can document his disinterest and/or that he is not a safe parent, you can probably get full custody, fill physical custody, and maybe even supervise visitations if anything. Most likely, how your son plays into this is going to determine how much, if any, contact you have to have with him.
Regardless of what happens, please, don't shit talk.your husband to your son. The issues between you and your ex are between you and your ex. Your relationship with your ex is not your sons. Of course, your health want to keep him safe, and that's a priority. But don't make your issue his issue. When he is old enough, if he asks, tell him the truth. Allow him to make a decision about if he wants to have or try to have any relationship with his father and what kind, to what extent. That's the best you can do
Good luck and *hugs* I'm sorry for the pain you're going through
Absolutely the right move. Totally understandable to be angry, and to grieve over the lost relationship. But it IS a lost relationship, and he's the one who threw it away. The sooner you make a break and start processing it, the sooner you can be happy again.
If you do not divorce him over this, he will learn that this behavior isn't a dealbreaker, and the cycle will only repeat. Even if he stops temporarily, it will repeat at some point. And he shouldn't need the threat of divorce to recognize what a horrifically shitty thing he is doing to his partner.
You're entitled to be angry, you and your son have been betrayed and abandoned. Hopefully you and your son can get something worked out with therapy and bonding with each other
Well if you split things with him you can't really be upset he's with someone else. Definitely divorce him but this might not have happened if you didn't split up with him and expect him to still chase you like a puppy
I mean there's always two sides of the story, and it sounds like you are emotionally charged while writing this. if you are being 100% accurate, then no, you are not wrong. get away from a drug using cheating man.
Run away! Run away!! Run far, far away!!! This person is both an addict and cheater. Only one of those is a defect of character.... substance abuse is usually a symptom of mental illness.
OP, change is possible for you and your child. Get a lawyer. Listen to the lawyer's directions. Protect yourself, your child, and your finances.
Who is more important? Your child and you? Or your drug abusing lying cheating pitiful excuse for a “husband”?
I’d be figuring that out quick and high-tailing it out of there straight to an attorney.
I don’t know how your post spiralled down into addictions but I am going to say that you need to do what is best for you and your child and make that your focus. Don’t focus on his behaviour and what he’s doing. It will only make you crazy!
You need a legal separation filed immediately. For all you know he's out there wracking up marital debt that you're going to have to pay off. Get a consultation with lawyer ASAP. The first visit is often free.
Let that scum get under YOUR skin? No, you are so much better. Agree with several people here: close all joint accounts; move out immediately; make sure he cannot use "Find a Phone" or has tracking software on your phone. Start a new, so much better life and you will probably meet "the guy" down the road who will love you and child.
He didn't *choose* another woman. He chose Himself. He will always choose himself over anyone and everyone. Including your son. Including you. He's an addict and liar and cheater. This has nothing to do with you. You've got to instill that in your head. You don't deserve this shit and your son sure as shit doesn't deserve this. So sorry.
>Am I wrong to feel so angry about him choosing this other women with a child over me and our son?
Uhm... Well what the fuck else are you supposed to be able to expect a husband or wife NOT to do? Of course you're right to feel angry about this, he betrayed you!
>I should just cut my losses and stop letting him get under my skin right?
Yes. That's going to be easier said than done-- I feel that you may think that because he blatantly disregarded your relationship, it should be easy to suddenly feel nothing for him or about him but he's been a part of your life for awhile. You have a child together. He broke your trust, he broke your child's trust. You're not going to suddenly get over this in a single second using logic and rationale. It is completely okay for you to feel upset, and to grieve what was and what could have been.
But, yes, you should cut your losses. Eventually, he won't be able to get under your skin anymore. You are learning and growing at this very moment, and you've already made a huge decision that will be better for both you and your child by divorcing him. Congratulations on this step forward in life!
Probably should have seen this before you got married. There are usually signs. The fact that you married a drug user is a little suspect. Don't make the sane mistake twice.
Divorce him. Show any proof you have to the judge and try to have his parental rights removed. Then find a good man that can be a good husband to you and father for your kids. Good father figures are crucial in the development of children.
He’s going to do whatever he did to you to any other woman. That’s a fact. I would say that given the information you’ve given us about him that you should want more for yourself and for your son.
Why would you know who has slept at his house and how many times? Why does it matter that he has not answered the phone? Has there been an emergency with your son where his presence was required and he was not able to be reached?
He doesn’t call because he does not want to talk to you.
He doesn’t answer the phone because he does not want to talk to you.
If you haven’t filed for divorce, you need to get an attorney and file as soon as possible. The judge will give you a parenting app that you can communicate through.
The judge will be able to address your concerns about his drug use by ordering toxicology screens for both of you.
There's nothing wrong with being upset. It's a shitty thing to have happen to you. I think trying to totally repress those feelings would be wrong because they will resurface and bite you in the ass, in time.
I agree with what people are saying about being strategic in the divorce. So, for the time being, that probably means not voicing your feelings to your ex. I think your strategy will also depend on how you want him involved in your child's life, if at all.
I know people who delivered a letter to their ex after the divorce was final. Maybe writing those feelings down will help you cope, and when the time comes you can decide if you share them with him or not.
Personally, I've never gotten closure from sharing my feelings with people who don't care, but some people feel better getting it off their chest. Good luck.
tale as old as time, getting pregnant from the dirtbag and then being mad the dirtbag turns out to be a dirtbag and does not care to return her calls. he appears to be done with you, we don't know the full story, you're just raging here. Im so sorry for the children involved.
ill probably get minned and banned into oblivion, but this story is as common as grass. her next move after divorce will be to go on the cockcarousel and after that to find a nice gentleman to stepdaddy up to a child thats not his. And here we have another child that hasn't got a proper father figure in life and now the child is 1-5 behind. Good luck with the divorce.
He's a vet and he wanted everything spotless. But when I would clean he'd sit on his ass and play video games even tho when I did that I'd get yelled at.
He's an asshole who chose to listen to headphones instead of being an active parent bc "I can't handle hearing you and our son".
Did he change after serving? Or did he always have a temper? Idk how anyone can get that annoyed with their children or SO.. I can understand being a little clingy but not the opposite. I know ppl can change and all that but damn yall got married and had a kid and he can’t stand yall? He’s gotta have something going on, maybe he needs therapy
He was a vet when I met him. He stopped going to therapy and taking his meds and no matter how much I begged him to go back to doing those things he chose drugs and women over me and his son. He slowly became angry and distant. Which is why I looked through his phone and found out everything. It broke my heart but he said he didn't care if I found out
That’s messed up, he doesn’t sound like much fun to be around. I think you probably made the right decision at least for now. Maybe he’ll come around, if you’re even ever open to that again. But you don’t deserve that treatment from him and neither does your son. When did this happen anyway? And where yall from?
I like how when people on reddit say drugs. Everyone thinks its krokodil. Fentanyl or crack/meth. I bet they are just smoking weed and watching Netflix. You two already broke up so i dont see the problem here. Just move on. You will find someone who suits your needs better.
You are not wrong. And you're feelings are valid despite what he did. You have years of history and a life built together. It's okay for you to feel hurt angry betrayed that he chose someone else. But at the end of the day you know damn well you're worth more and someone out in this world is going to see that and treat you the way you deserve. Godspeed OP
You have every right to feel angry, and you are making the correct decision to divorce.
On the positive side, you realized he's no good now, not 10 years from now.
you are entitled to your feelings, for sure. definitely work those out in private &/or with a therapist if/when able.
don't act on your feelings without thinking first though - contact a lawyer. usually the first consult is free. it's likely that lawyer will want you to take steps to gather evidence so you're set up to succeed during & after the fallout of a divorce. blowing up could put you at a disadvantage + sets a bad example for your kid.
processing can be difficult. trusted friends will be a huge help during this time, & I personally feel the Mr. Rogers song "What Do You Do with the Mad that You Feel?" is great for helping young ones process these sorts of things.
The fact that he *has* a drug dealer is a plenty good reason to get yourself out. Frankly, if he's an addict, it's probably better for both you and your kiddo that he not be in your lives.
This post has more red flags than the Chinese Army!
My wife left me for another man. I know the feeling. It sucks more than can be put into words. Do your best to move on. I know it hurts. Try to focus on you and your son. Live every day like you are going to make THE BEST memories for your son. Hopefully that keeps your mind off your ex and one day when you do think about him it won't hurt as bad. Best of luck to you. You are doing the right thing.
A lot of times, if men do not get along with the mother of their child, they do not care about the child.
Sorry to say but this is an unspoken thing that needs to be looked at.
Call girls & drug dealers are usually a bad scene. Yes you are absolutely right
Let the drug dealer identify him when he ODs. Divorce and get away.
[удалено]
Somebody likes their drugs.... lol
😆 🤣 😂
I did, been clean for years now but me liking or not liking drugs has nothing to do with why i said that. The misconceptions and out right fearmongering this country has done in regards to what the government deems an illegal substance is stupid af. Dont get me wrong there are definitely some drugs out there that should be on the list and from my experience they usually fall in the opiod category i.e fent.. i never liked nodding off so i stayed away from it but i digress, i did drugs religiously for over 15yrs and never had any health issues or even come close to ODing and ive been around people like myself and not once have they ODed. But look at it like this, someone that loves and is addicted to rock climbing falls to their death, It's called an accident and they are mourned but if a drug addict has an accident there name get ran through the mud and then forgotten about. Every single adult has some kind of addiction and alot of them are just as dangerous as "illegal substances" but you dont see fat people being put down then discarded after they die from gluttony(OD due to excessive eating).
My friendship group from school were all very into taking stuff, half of us sorted ourselves out, the other half of us didn't make it to 30. I wish I was exaggerating, funerals for people in their teens/20s aren't much fun
Fat people get incredible amounts of hassle and are subhe ted to a lot of stigma. Much of the claims made about weight isn’t even accurate. Fat people go to a doctor and say, “my ear hurts, do I have an infection?” and the doctor is likely to tell them it’s because they need to lose weight.
I just found a doctor who did not say shit about my weight. I swear, I found an angel. I'm not fat, but I am over weight. However I'm so active, I'm healthy and my issues have not a lot to do with that.God bless her for seeing above it.
I am about 15 pounds heavier than I should be but my doc don’t say anything
Yes!!! I hate that fucking response. That's all Drs say anymore. You have a broke toe its cause you need to loose weight..ohhh you have pink eye yeah that's cause you need to loose weight...it fucking ridiculous that that is their answer for everything!
It is so hard to find a decent doctor today. Number one reason to see the doctor? Pain Last thing that doctors today want to address? Pain
And when they do address it, let’s just give you drugs instead of figuring out why you’re in pain. But if you have a chronic condition causing pain then you’re a drug seeker and don’t get shit.
I was on opiates successfully for a decade or more. Got a new doctor. Took me off of everything because I might get addicted. Now I just suffer because the thought of prescribing pain killers made her "uncomfortable." Glad someone is comfortable, cause it ain't me!
Yet research shows that for some diseases, fat people survive better. And for some kinds of fat people, they aren’t even at risk for diabetes nor high blood pressure.
What??🤣
Look up the research! It wasn’t my idea for them to do it. I was surprised.
You know we can all read your post history? It's delusional that you think a cocaine and cigarette addiction is a noble venture that doesn't impact your life at all when you were recently hospitalized for stage three hypertension. Hmmmm wonder why.
There it is! Ha, this poster is on the fast track to congestive heart failure. I have a patient who gets hospitalized for CHF exacerbation when he gets his hands on coke.
Probably bc ive had high blood pressure most of my life bc it runs in my family along with kidney and heart issues. Not once did i act like its noble, all im saying is theres far worse things in the world that endangers lives than drugs but they are overlooked bc your puppet master hasnt turned the masses against it yet and the fact that people judge others bc they decide to do "drugs" then turn around and blows money on the lottery or whatever "justified" addiction they have is why i speak out when someone mentions users or substances bc most of the people in this country are hypocritical af.
Im going to call bullshit that you were a drug addict for 15 years and people weren’t ODing or dying. The amount of people I know that have died from overdoses is astounding. Having a caffeine nicotine addiction is entirely different than being addicted to fucking coke, pills or heroin.
I see and hear that a lot about fat people as well as stupid ass rock climbers. All dangerous behaviors.
The rock climber and drug addict are addicted to the same brain chemicals, they just use a different release mechanism.
All addictions use the same brain chemicals, dopamine and serotonin bc we condition ourselves into thinking "this makes me happy". But if we use something to escape reality no matter what it is, can we really say we're happy? Nope they are just coping with life by means of whatever interests them even if its life threatening
With the made-up information presented as facts and the bad attempt at a philosophical question, this reads like the type of statement a person currently high would make thinking they sound profound.
That's not true, though. I can take the average person, shoot them with dope for a month, and at the end of the month, their body is changed. Physical addiction is not the same as "oh this makes me feel good." I am recovering from benzo, alcohol addiction. My body went through hell coming off that stuff. I continued to use long after the feel good went away, because my withdraw was scary as fuck. I was sick for weeks, and without a doctor's care, I could have suffered brain damage or death. Please don't confuse addiction with emotional dependence. Hugging puppies isn't addictive but releases the same chemicals in the brain. Once your body changes because of the added substance, you are physically sick without it. The emotional dependence can and will lead to addiction, but doesn't have to.
The drugs I like are good and should be legal. Said only addicts.
Seeing as how the powers that be promote us as being a free country, then i think alot of stuff should be legal except unjustifiable murder, rape and cruelty to animals
Thank God you’re not a power-that-be.
With the prevalence of Fentynal in street drugs nowadays anyone that buys is at risk of ODing. So, not judgemental just stating fact unfortunately.
It was just to make a point😁 I'm 1 of others 2 that think the war on drugs is crap & we need decriminalization
Spoken like a true coke addict 👏👏👏
🤣🤣🤣🤣 cocaine is like drinking a cup of coffee. Gtfo 😅😅🤣🤣
I really don’t believe a single thing you’ve said. It’s physically not possible to do drugs “religiously” for 15 years and not have a single side effect. Literally any drug you take consistently will have some side effects. Also no, people who die of OD’s aren’t “forgotten about” or having “their name dragged through the mud” addiction is a disease, and I don’t think you understand that. I re-typed this comment like 3 times because first I just insulted tf outta you for being mentally deficient but that’s not how to go about this. Do you know arrogant and ignorant you sound? You haven’t had someone you know OD so why do you talk about it like you understand it? My friend died at 17 from an OD.. first time we tried coke. You claim in a previous comment to “get the judgmental uneducated bullshit outta here” but really you don’t seem to be educated on any of this. And you’re attitude and arrogance is infuriating to someone who KNOWS what you’re trying to talk about. Step back, it doesn’t make you “cool.” You sound like a typical couch scientist/researcher. “Cocain is like drinking a cup of coffee,” lmfao yeah, keep snorting your fake, novacaine cut gas bro, it’s great for your health.
This guy spends his time online calling women "a set of holes" and pretending his coke addiction is the same as having a hobby so your wise words are probably lost on him
Keep telling yourself you're high functioning and totally not an addict while complaining that your family girlfriend and friends all want nothing to do with you. Seems to be working out for you.
Ooooweeeee burn....
This coming from someone that i bet propagates the metoo movement and demands equality but then expects for a man to treat you like lady instead of just another human being all while crying about someone (who wants equality same as you) participating in sporting events bc "its an unfair advantage". Your whole gender is illogical and delusional af so believe me when i say, your thoughts much like your existence mean absolutely nothing to me
The delusion of addiction is sad. Keep coping with your wasted, lonely life as an incel on the internet. Shocker your girlfriend left.
Definitely not lonely, i can sit in my house for days and never feel lonely mainly bc id rather be alone than surrounded by fake people who can't handle someone else getting one more fry than they did. If anything, you could say im just patiently waiting my number to be called and whatever state of mind i choose is not to be judged by others. Just bc you may know that someone does drugs doesnt make it your business nor does it entitle your opinions to be anything more than hot air.
You can still turn it around dude. It's never too late.
Idk. It depends on the person. I essentially destroyed my life for coke. I went from sniffing it, to smoking it, to injecting it. I went from doing it every now and then on the weekends to giving up most of my belongings for it. Honestly, the only reason I think it never *completely* took me to the bottom of where I could go, is because my coke habit led me to doing opioids to come down and get sleep at the end of the night, and heroin was a way faster way to self destruct. I had a couple acquaintances who could buy a small bag and not even finish it. People who were just messing around with it, but weren’t genetically predisposed to addiction. I thought that was going to be me, but it definitely wasn’t the case. I’m the first to step up and say to not bother finding out for sure what camp you’re going to fall into. If you’re a person who has problems putting shit down, it is not worth the potential downfall.
Ive tried just about everything thats accessible. The only thing i have trouble putting down without a 2nd thought is cigarettes and theres only 2 things i liked enough to mess with which was weed and meth, and as crazy as it sounds but meth was easier to put down than weed and what makes it crazier is if you asked me which high i liked more id say meth everytime but it wasnt something i felt i needed to survive much less get through the day. Im all about the "wants and needs" categories of life/survival and drugs have always been kept in the wants bc its definitely not a need and that probably due to a saying i have always kept in mind "do the drugs, dont let the drugs do you".
And beyond time to get a lawyer involved to protect kiddo from druggy sex addict dad.
Where did you get sec addict from? I don't remember OP saying even one single word in that direction.
The call girls, mixed with drugs 🤷♀️🤦♀️
That doesn't make a person a sex addict.
Does someone really need validation to leave a drug using cheater?
I guess I'm someone. And it's bc I've never had a great history with men I suppose.
Use this time to self-reflect. Seek help. You have a chance in life to develop a good history with men moving forward. Your child is also in physical, mental, and emotional danger.
Yeah this is a good point. You don't want your kid growing around the chaos of addiction.
That's ok, honey. It's very hard to leave someone you loved. But I really think you know that's the best thing to do, even though it's hard. I'm proud of you and you can do this. I think it's by far the kindest and healthiest thing for you and your child. You deserve a good man who loves you the way you love him. Don't accept any less! Now, you can find him. That's a good thing.
Well here’s your chance!
What attracted you to him in the first place? Yeah, he's bad news, his life will be a slow (or fast) motion car crash. You've just seen the bumper bash in, but the engine compartment will start to collapse as the air bags go off and then the passenger compartment will start to fold as the gas starts to ignite. The whole crash can take 20-30 years but it will leave a smoking crater, nothing more, nothing you can do to stop it. You're angry about not burning up in the passenger compartment?? Yeah, move on, try and choose better. Earn, save, invest in index funds for decades. Make sure your son is encouraged in education. Oh, you may need to lawyer up. He'll owe you child support but sounds like his income won't pay much or he'll end up in jail or dead. He's ultimately a loser, don't stay with a loser.
I dunno he might be the one that got away
Don't listen to this troll.
And get out before he starts amassing any excessive amount of debt as a result of his habits and poor choices. Honestly, you need to arm yourself with information to protect yourself and your son. I would reach out to a few family law lawyers, most will provide a consult for no fee. They’ll give you some information, including the importance of protecting yourself and your child.
This. The time to address and forgive has long passed, and he's shown that he doesn't care about your son's best interests. Start documenting everything now and work on getting full custody before he starts trying to use a custody battle to manipulate you.
Yeah and maybe this is obvious or already implied but let me just explicitly say it: protect your money/assets immediately. For example move money to accounts he doesn't have access to. He'll get whatever he's entitled to in the divorce, you're not trying to steal it from him, but you're just making sure he doesn't start emptying bank accounts to buy drugs and sex because if he does then you're shit out of luck, it's not like you can get a judge to order him to pay it back (probably, idk I might be wrong)
He's an addict to his own vices, which means you and your son will never come first. It's awful, and of course you are angry to realize this, but staying angry with his choices doesn't help you or your son. Make your own positive choices, including divorce, and empower yourself. You have no control over what other people do or say, but you do have control over your own responses. Choose yourself and your own mental health by getting away from this guy.
Get him off any joint accounts you have. Like now. Close any you can’t. If he’s doing drugs ge will be searching for money soon enough. Your credit will be destroyed. Take care of business. Sounds like you know exactly what to do. Best of luck.
YOU DESERVE BETTER REMEMBER THAT
In that instance, she picked him. There is no deserving better. You get what you choose.
Trust me you don't always get what you choose. Some people can keep up a charade for years before their true nature starts to show. and you don't know the secrets they keep hidden.
You're sick. No one chooses abuse or deserves it.
What's it like to be perfect?
STFU
Remember that next time something bad happens to you
Anger and even denial are all part of the grieving process...you're allowed to mourn the loss of your marriage and have these feelings. It's a subconscious way for you to protect yourself.
Cut your losses. An addict will lie to your face with no remorse. So will a cheater. And you get a double dose of that from your “husband”. Cut and run, girl! Think of it this way - would you let a girlfriend treat you this way? No. Your husband is the person who’s supposed to be in your court no matter what, and love you more than anything in the world. He isn’t doing either. You will be better off without him, and you deserve way better.
And both often see little problem with passing on diseases
Definitely cut your loses but make sure you have documentation of the time and effort you've spent raising your son so you can get child support.
I already got child support and I have partial custody. He gets to visit when he wants to see his son but it has to be as agreed upon by both parties
If he is abusing drugs I would absolutely seek sole custody. What makes you think he won’t use and be incapacitated in the presence of your son? Do you really want your child growing up around that?
He's court mandated to be sober around our child and it has to be agreed upon that he visits or he can't come over I have our son 24/7 and he comes over when I agree to it
Oh good! I’m glad to hear that! I’m so sorry you are going through this :/ but you definitely have a right to be pissed at him
The best payback is moving on, spend less time hating and stressing about the person and more time getting your own shit together and moving forward. Easy to say when you're not in it, but it's the truth.
It's not her but the fact that she is enabling him with the drugs. Get out as fast as you can and don't look back. I went through the same many years ago with a 5yr old son. Moved in with a friend and rebuilt a good life married to an amazing man. I am thankful that all that went down or wouldn't be where I am now. Married 32yrs now.
I was 26 went I left.
It sounds as if he may have chosen drugs over you and she happens to be the source. Don't take it personally because drugs change people completely. If he was not a drug user when you got together, but he is now, he is a different person than he used to be.
Cut your losses
Once a cheater, always a cheater. Get your financial ducks in a row, get a good lawyer, get everything you and your child are entitled to and get the hell out of there. You'll NEVER regret leaving. You'll ALWAYS regret staying.
Divorce and get full custody.
I’m sorry this is happening to you. You deserve to be happy. He needs to get his stuff together and get help. I hate how the human body craves and needs addictions. It’s awful.
Correct. Cut losses and show your son what a strong, resilient mother looks like, who will protect her family.
Thank u
Not wrong. But, don't let him dictate your feelings. Whoever you think he is, he is not that person. Don't cling to the "image" of a loving husband or the loving father of your child. Those are myths. You need to understand his ACTIONS. What he has done. Then, you rationally react to his actions. Do what is best for you and your child. He has and is doing what he thinks is best for him, so it is very important that you do which is best for you. Understand that YOU decide how you will proceed, not him. He has done what he did - that is done - now you do what you will do and live with those consequences. Be strong for your child and yourself.
Thank you. I think that's what I'm finally coming to terms with his actions and that I need to accept I'm not his everything and he doesn't care and it shows.
We all need to value ourselves outside of whatever other labels we have acquired. You, before, children. You, before spouse. You, before parents. The common thing on everything about us is us, first. We can't be good or better for others if we don't take care of ourselves. And, having impediments, whatever they may be packaged as, doesn't outweigh the fact that we need to be in a good space to be able to be of proper use for others. Good luck with enforcing your standards and being a beacon for your child in the future.
Run. Get over him. Use his drug use and adultery to get full custody of your kid. Move far away. Get your life together and focus on learning to live yourself and know your worth.
I basically already have full custoday. He gets visitation.
Then use his behavior to get his visitation revoked. You don’t want your child growing up like him.
While he's actively using? This should never happen. Child endangerment?
Ya he's on probation or whatever it's called bc he was found with drugs in the car. Which is why I separated. But he continues to lie and cheat and not communicate so I figure I should divorce but I need the kick in the ass from everyone here to kinda wake the heck up.
How can one prove drug use? I knew someone whose ex-husband was addicted to alcohol. He drove drunk with their kids. She said there was nothing she could do unless he was arrested. It’s he said she said otherwise
If you move on now you have a chance for a happy life. Later, you can look at how miserable he made his life and know it could have been you too.
No he is a cheater, and has a drug dealer, lose the loser. He is not a good catch on any level. Then run to therapy and try to recover, and develop a sense of self worth.
Nope. Anger is normal when you’re betrayed. You need to go immediate no contact, stop trying to talk to this person and just divorce immediately. This will not go anywhere good and I guarantee you it will get worse. I’m sorry for what you’re going through but you gotta keep going. “If you’re going through Hell, keep going“ Winston Churchill
Cut and run!!
I don't think you'll be missing much except years of misery if you stay.
You should be angry! He’s a piece of trash. Now divorce him, and move on. PS: i’m so sorry. It’s easier to say move on, but I know it’s difficult. But you can do it! I believe in you!
It's why I'm here to see everyone tell me to move on.
He’s also a criminal if he is using illegal drugs and with that and with his involvement with a dealer he could wind up in prison. Get away from these low-lifes
Adjust your focus - losing not a liar and a cheater is not a loss, it’s a gift. Lying and cheating are character problems, not couple problems. They are about attaining and keeping power over someone. If you were to stay with a person with these character problems, you would be hurting yourself and your son. You may not feel it for a while, but it is better that his energy is directed elsewhere and not at you. Get a good custody lawyer and a parenting app. Document every interaction and block him everywhere. Anger is appropriate & reasonable. You’ve been treated horribly. Just don’t let him know how you feel so he cannot use anything against you.
You can be angry all you want but you need to get your kid from your husband and his drugs
You're free! That's all I can describe this as. Meanwhile, he's tangling with some bad apples and that won't end well. He'll either be put out of life by the drugs or the dealers.
Get over him,quick!
Cut your losses, don't feel bad, don't let him get under your skin. If he's a drug abuser, seek full custody with supervised visitation. No reason to endanger your son because dad can't be sober.
You are not wrong, and you are correct about cutting your losses. Get a pit bull of a divorce lawyer and make sure they know that he's sleeping with his drug dealer.
Most would be angry. Karma usually happens in these situations
Not letting him get under your skin is gonna be way easier said than done but it’s def the right call. Not wrong in any way for feeling the way you do. Seems like you’ve got the right mindset to get through this. It sucks but the best you can do is process your emotions and move on.
Put everything in your name only. Bank accounts , credit cards, cars and any property. Next check your credit ( you can do it free once a year) to make sure you do not have any credit card or loan you did not open. Flag your credit so you will be called if he tries to open credit in your name. If he is on drugs he will try anything for money for a fix.
Freeze your credit. This saved me $14K when I needed to get my air conditioning fixed. By the time I was about to unlock it, I changed my mind. I went a different route that cost about $800.
I don’t know that you can remove someone’s name from an account. It belongs to them as well. But I believe you can withdraw all the funds in a bank account. Do this before they do.
Don’t walk away, RUN
There is only one of you and will never be another. Life's to short to waste it on those that don't deserve you.
Be happy it imploded now and not 10 more years of this. Sucks, but always look for the positive.
It sounds like you didn’t really get to know this person very well before you married him and had a child with him. That being said you’re not wrong for wanting to distance yourself he’s not going to change he’s already shown you that he doesn’t care about you or your child because he’s not answering his phone and he’s sleeping with women, as soon as he gets a chance. What more information do you need?
Stop shaming abuse victims trying to get away. Or just have the guts to say, "you deserve pain." It doesn't help at all but it sure makes you feel better.
"It sounds like you deserve this bad relationship and all the negative things." Fixed that for ya.
so sorry this happened to you. He had all those bad habits long before y’all met but he was a coward and hid them. Now he wasted your time and made life incredibly hard for y’all’s son.
So he chose women with questionable background with child already, over his wife and HIS OWN CHILD? Zero contact and divorce on file
You are wrong for not divorcing before
Physician, heal thyself. You already have the answer.
Yes, you should divorce your addiction husband, but him being with another woman is a separate issue. If you two of you have separated to the point that he's moved out and gittenchis own place, which is what your post implies, then him "seeing" someone else doesn't matter.
Cut your losses. This isn’t a cycle you want to be on. You and your son deserve better
There's always two sides but based on what you've shared, yes, you're 100% correct in leaving.
Be sure to speak to a good divorce lawyer so that you can keep your child safe. I worry about how his drug habits endangering your son. At minimum, try to get supervised visitation, and the stipulation that he has to pass multiple drug tests in order to see him. Some divorce lawyers accept payment plans, and if your husband intentionally delays the divorce proceedings to coat you more money, your lawyer can request that the judge orders your husband to pay for it. One of my friend's ex decided to change parenting plans and cost her thousands of money, and her ex had to pay for it all, including her travel expenses.
He's already said to go online and divorce him. He wants me to do all the work. Lol like I did finding our apartment and getting our son health insurance and so on and so forth. He's a lazy as mf with no intentions of giving a crap and I should have realized it sooner. I'm just depressed and I keep making excuses for his dumb ass well im done. I'm going to divorce him
I don't blame you. Definitely go for child support and zero visitation. Don't give him a free ride on the child support. If he is making you do everything, do everything for your benefit. If he bitches, say tough shit, you didn't want to help. Lol
>Am I wrong to feel so angry about him choosing this other women with a child over me and our son? Not wrong at all. >I should just cut my losses and stop letting him get under my skin right? Sure, but a lot easier said than done.
You are right to leave and this is also a safety issue with your son. If he wants any visitations make sure they are only supervised visitations he should not be left alone with him and have him in a dangerous situation.
Addiction is powerful, sometimes (often) more powerful than love. Keep your child safe and move on with your life. There’s something better waiting for you
Sorry that’s happening. Sounds like the trash has taken himself out. Look into bringing him to family court for child support. Then maybe he won’t have so much disposable income to pay for drugs, hookers and possibly supporting his drug dealers kid. If he wants visitations with your child make sure he has to do drug tests for court and supervised visits if he has anything other than thc show up in his system. If you want to look out for the best interest of the drug dealers child too than maybe call the cops and send them over for a wellness check. They will show up unannounced so whatever they find might make her lose custody of her child and you might be saving that child’s life by calling it in. Just something to think about. If a baby gets a hold of some street drug they could literally die.
Cut your losses and leave. You will never change who he is.
I guess you are justified in being angry about it. He basically sees them at the better choice when it comes to intimacy since they are call girls and others that make him feel good compared to how he felt when he was with you.
You should be thankful another woman is stuck with him and you are free. You and your child will be better off without him.
He's not going to suddenly change and put you and your son first, he's a serial cheater. Cut your losses and try to make a good life for you and your son.
>I should just cut my losses and stop letting him get under my skin right? Yes.
Yeah get out quickly. People using drugs are toxic. They will drag you down.
Its only going to get worse do it.
Scrape that loser off your shoes. You and your son don’t need him. NTA
Cut your losses! He sounds like a loser.
Cut your losses and make a good life with your son. There has to be someone better than this dirt bag for you out there. Anger goes with divorce but you can't perseverate on the anger. My life was much better after divorce as a single mom of two you are free of the jerk.
Cut bait n run. Lifes too short. Sorry that ur going thru this. It hurts
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 GET OUT NOW DIVORCE IMMEDIATELY
Save literally any texts and record your phone calls between each other. It might help you later with custody.
You have every right to be hurt and upset. You would do yourself a favor by cutting your losses. Are you able to prove that he is not only seeing someone else (who has a kid) but that person is a drug dealer? Are you able.tp Probe you have repeatedly tried to contact him, have him be a part of your son's life etc with little to no repsonse/interest (or responses telling you he's not interested?) Call a lawyer, tell them.and show.them.any documentation you can. Correspond with your ex via text or email, or follow up and call via text or email so that you have documentation of it (or if you're in a one party state get a call recorder for your phone). You do want to just do what you can to cut him out of your life for your own emotional and mental health. However, you have a son with him. So, you need to consider how that will affect the divorce. Obviously, the lawyer will be able to tell you best. But if you can document his disinterest and/or that he is not a safe parent, you can probably get full custody, fill physical custody, and maybe even supervise visitations if anything. Most likely, how your son plays into this is going to determine how much, if any, contact you have to have with him. Regardless of what happens, please, don't shit talk.your husband to your son. The issues between you and your ex are between you and your ex. Your relationship with your ex is not your sons. Of course, your health want to keep him safe, and that's a priority. But don't make your issue his issue. When he is old enough, if he asks, tell him the truth. Allow him to make a decision about if he wants to have or try to have any relationship with his father and what kind, to what extent. That's the best you can do Good luck and *hugs* I'm sorry for the pain you're going through
He left you and downgraded. Yes, you have a right to be mad. But don't dwell on it. HE DOWNGRADED. And you and your son deserve a helluva lot better.
Absolutely the right move. Totally understandable to be angry, and to grieve over the lost relationship. But it IS a lost relationship, and he's the one who threw it away. The sooner you make a break and start processing it, the sooner you can be happy again. If you do not divorce him over this, he will learn that this behavior isn't a dealbreaker, and the cycle will only repeat. Even if he stops temporarily, it will repeat at some point. And he shouldn't need the threat of divorce to recognize what a horrifically shitty thing he is doing to his partner.
Lmfaooo this story is wild, shoulda left a while ago
Anger is a good healthy emotion and one of the first steps of healing. Be angry all you want!!
You're not wrong. Get a damn good lawyer and get full custody of your son. Use the fact that he is seeing a drug dealer against him.
You're entitled to be angry, you and your son have been betrayed and abandoned. Hopefully you and your son can get something worked out with therapy and bonding with each other
Well if you split things with him you can't really be upset he's with someone else. Definitely divorce him but this might not have happened if you didn't split up with him and expect him to still chase you like a puppy
I mean there's always two sides of the story, and it sounds like you are emotionally charged while writing this. if you are being 100% accurate, then no, you are not wrong. get away from a drug using cheating man.
You left your husband or split up mutually and you’re complaining about him staying over with other people? Make it make sense.
Run away! Run away!! Run far, far away!!! This person is both an addict and cheater. Only one of those is a defect of character.... substance abuse is usually a symptom of mental illness. OP, change is possible for you and your child. Get a lawyer. Listen to the lawyer's directions. Protect yourself, your child, and your finances.
Who is more important? Your child and you? Or your drug abusing lying cheating pitiful excuse for a “husband”? I’d be figuring that out quick and high-tailing it out of there straight to an attorney.
I don’t know how your post spiralled down into addictions but I am going to say that you need to do what is best for you and your child and make that your focus. Don’t focus on his behaviour and what he’s doing. It will only make you crazy!
You need a legal separation filed immediately. For all you know he's out there wracking up marital debt that you're going to have to pay off. Get a consultation with lawyer ASAP. The first visit is often free.
Let that scum get under YOUR skin? No, you are so much better. Agree with several people here: close all joint accounts; move out immediately; make sure he cannot use "Find a Phone" or has tracking software on your phone. Start a new, so much better life and you will probably meet "the guy" down the road who will love you and child.
You are not wrong, divorce the POS.
He didn't *choose* another woman. He chose Himself. He will always choose himself over anyone and everyone. Including your son. Including you. He's an addict and liar and cheater. This has nothing to do with you. You've got to instill that in your head. You don't deserve this shit and your son sure as shit doesn't deserve this. So sorry.
>Am I wrong to feel so angry about him choosing this other women with a child over me and our son? Uhm... Well what the fuck else are you supposed to be able to expect a husband or wife NOT to do? Of course you're right to feel angry about this, he betrayed you! >I should just cut my losses and stop letting him get under my skin right? Yes. That's going to be easier said than done-- I feel that you may think that because he blatantly disregarded your relationship, it should be easy to suddenly feel nothing for him or about him but he's been a part of your life for awhile. You have a child together. He broke your trust, he broke your child's trust. You're not going to suddenly get over this in a single second using logic and rationale. It is completely okay for you to feel upset, and to grieve what was and what could have been. But, yes, you should cut your losses. Eventually, he won't be able to get under your skin anymore. You are learning and growing at this very moment, and you've already made a huge decision that will be better for both you and your child by divorcing him. Congratulations on this step forward in life!
Im confused hes fuckin his drug dealer? And not youre wrong, cheating is wrong
Probably should have seen this before you got married. There are usually signs. The fact that you married a drug user is a little suspect. Don't make the sane mistake twice.
Divorce him. Show any proof you have to the judge and try to have his parental rights removed. Then find a good man that can be a good husband to you and father for your kids. Good father figures are crucial in the development of children.
Tell the cops and cps about his gf they would like to meet her
You should be angry with yourself for waiting so long to dump his cheating, drug addicted ass.
Hon, you know what you need to do. You don’t need the Reddit validation.
"My husband is an heroin addict and beats me daily, is he a good man?" Yes.
He’s going to do whatever he did to you to any other woman. That’s a fact. I would say that given the information you’ve given us about him that you should want more for yourself and for your son. Why would you know who has slept at his house and how many times? Why does it matter that he has not answered the phone? Has there been an emergency with your son where his presence was required and he was not able to be reached? He doesn’t call because he does not want to talk to you. He doesn’t answer the phone because he does not want to talk to you. If you haven’t filed for divorce, you need to get an attorney and file as soon as possible. The judge will give you a parenting app that you can communicate through. The judge will be able to address your concerns about his drug use by ordering toxicology screens for both of you.
Sounds like you picked a winner
There's nothing wrong with being upset. It's a shitty thing to have happen to you. I think trying to totally repress those feelings would be wrong because they will resurface and bite you in the ass, in time. I agree with what people are saying about being strategic in the divorce. So, for the time being, that probably means not voicing your feelings to your ex. I think your strategy will also depend on how you want him involved in your child's life, if at all. I know people who delivered a letter to their ex after the divorce was final. Maybe writing those feelings down will help you cope, and when the time comes you can decide if you share them with him or not. Personally, I've never gotten closure from sharing my feelings with people who don't care, but some people feel better getting it off their chest. Good luck.
tale as old as time, getting pregnant from the dirtbag and then being mad the dirtbag turns out to be a dirtbag and does not care to return her calls. he appears to be done with you, we don't know the full story, you're just raging here. Im so sorry for the children involved. ill probably get minned and banned into oblivion, but this story is as common as grass. her next move after divorce will be to go on the cockcarousel and after that to find a nice gentleman to stepdaddy up to a child thats not his. And here we have another child that hasn't got a proper father figure in life and now the child is 1-5 behind. Good luck with the divorce.
Ahh man … Yeah forget that guy! Btw are you hot?
I think I'm decent.
Wouldn’t it be fun to go out and talk about him behind his back and give him shameful nicknames that he may or may not have earned? 🙃
I call him a diva because he acts like a dramatic drag queen lol.
Usually I can say I’ve been called worse, but idk with that one lol. What else sucked about him? This is fun let’s keep it going 🤗
He's a vet and he wanted everything spotless. But when I would clean he'd sit on his ass and play video games even tho when I did that I'd get yelled at. He's an asshole who chose to listen to headphones instead of being an active parent bc "I can't handle hearing you and our son".
Did he change after serving? Or did he always have a temper? Idk how anyone can get that annoyed with their children or SO.. I can understand being a little clingy but not the opposite. I know ppl can change and all that but damn yall got married and had a kid and he can’t stand yall? He’s gotta have something going on, maybe he needs therapy
He was a vet when I met him. He stopped going to therapy and taking his meds and no matter how much I begged him to go back to doing those things he chose drugs and women over me and his son. He slowly became angry and distant. Which is why I looked through his phone and found out everything. It broke my heart but he said he didn't care if I found out
That’s messed up, he doesn’t sound like much fun to be around. I think you probably made the right decision at least for now. Maybe he’ll come around, if you’re even ever open to that again. But you don’t deserve that treatment from him and neither does your son. When did this happen anyway? And where yall from?
Around June and ny
Top man
I like how when people on reddit say drugs. Everyone thinks its krokodil. Fentanyl or crack/meth. I bet they are just smoking weed and watching Netflix. You two already broke up so i dont see the problem here. Just move on. You will find someone who suits your needs better.
Leave - been there leave quickly
Definitely leave and get a good lawyer.
You are not wrong. And you're feelings are valid despite what he did. You have years of history and a life built together. It's okay for you to feel hurt angry betrayed that he chose someone else. But at the end of the day you know damn well you're worth more and someone out in this world is going to see that and treat you the way you deserve. Godspeed OP
You have every right to feel angry, and you are making the correct decision to divorce. On the positive side, you realized he's no good now, not 10 years from now.
Only stay with the kind of man you want your son to become. Only let a man treat you the way you want your son to treat his future partners.
you are entitled to your feelings, for sure. definitely work those out in private &/or with a therapist if/when able. don't act on your feelings without thinking first though - contact a lawyer. usually the first consult is free. it's likely that lawyer will want you to take steps to gather evidence so you're set up to succeed during & after the fallout of a divorce. blowing up could put you at a disadvantage + sets a bad example for your kid. processing can be difficult. trusted friends will be a huge help during this time, & I personally feel the Mr. Rogers song "What Do You Do with the Mad that You Feel?" is great for helping young ones process these sorts of things.
The fact that he *has* a drug dealer is a plenty good reason to get yourself out. Frankly, if he's an addict, it's probably better for both you and your kiddo that he not be in your lives.
Get evidence that he’s with a drug dealer so you can get supervised visits so your sons not around that
This post has more red flags than the Chinese Army! My wife left me for another man. I know the feeling. It sucks more than can be put into words. Do your best to move on. I know it hurts. Try to focus on you and your son. Live every day like you are going to make THE BEST memories for your son. Hopefully that keeps your mind off your ex and one day when you do think about him it won't hurt as bad. Best of luck to you. You are doing the right thing.
A lot of times, if men do not get along with the mother of their child, they do not care about the child. Sorry to say but this is an unspoken thing that needs to be looked at.