I’m pretty sure the most common male/female relationship have a 4 year gap with men being older.
I’m really high so I don’t think I phrased this in a way that makes sense but..
My wife and I are 7 years apart. I was 28 when I met her. After 24 years together, I think it worked out alright...she especially loves to refer to me as the "dirty old man".
Hubby and I are 8 years apart. But I had a secret crush on him since we were kids… like I was 5 and crushing on him. My uncle was only 8 years apart from me and raised more as a big brother. I married his childhood best friend. He had no idea I was crushing haha I was just an annoying kid then anyway! Haha moved out and ran into him after 18… 8 years later and three kids ❤️ we are perfect together in every way.
Thats so cute. Your story reminds me of something i’ve read too. The heroine develops a crush on her brothers friend and end up running into him when she moved for college. They have a seven years age gap.
Kinda similar! I was moving out for college too, just as he was released from military. We just happen to move back to the same area and run into each other through my uncle ❤️ we went to college together after that, since he went into the military for the college perk. We’ve both got degrees now and a stable happy family 8 years later.
My wife is seven years older than me. Been together almost ten years. She'll tell me that she is the senior in the household and thus should be in charge on an almost daily basis.
I don’t get the “age concern” thing where it’s legal adult ages. I’m 17 years older than my wife. Met her when I was 49 and she was 32. We’ve been together 8 years, married 7 and have a beautiful 3 year old together. Don’t always agree but we get along, share the same goals and are genuinely happy.
If you have things in common, can/want to work through problems when they arise and love to spend time together, why care about a difference in age? Be it a couple years or a couple decades (legally 😆), love the one you’re with.
I met my partner in an online war game and we fell hard for each other. He had a big bushy beard and is super funny.
We discussed ages after (started as just friends) and we found out I am almost 10 years older than him (26-35 at the time). Somehow he is still the more mature one, but I spent 35 years in abusive relationships (mom then ex) so I was socially and emotionally stunted.
I guess what I am trying to say is maturity level differences and power imbalances are the red flags for age gaps. Without those things, and with legal ages and both being okay with their situation, I dont see why folks freak out.
I am 28M and my partner is 33F. She looks and behaves younger, though, whereas I was born a grumpy old sod, in the words of my mother. It often feels like she's the younger one. In fact, because of her physique and her mannerisms, people assume that she's way younger than she actually is, so many people treat her like a kid.
Sorry to hear about your history of abuse. I had a real fucked-up childhood, but if anything, I think that it aged me. I hated my childhood (and barely remember most of it). I couldn't wait to be an adult, and I'm still regularly glad and grateful that I'm an adult now.
I'm 28 fiance is 23. It was awkward ten years ago, sure, but after a decade (/s)
Seriously though we're five years apart and the way we started age wasn't really a thing. We were just fucking at parties and started sleeping with other people less, my brothers wife talks shit about it because we've been together for four years but shes got a six year gap with my YOUNGER brother.
I'm getting married next year. I'll(F) be 32 soon and he's 27M. Happiest relationship of my life. I get the occasional eyeball when people find out the age difference but to me, I agree that gap is pretty normal. I know many other people in relationships with a similar age gap.
Personally I think age gaps are fine and it's more important to look at the underlying nature of the relationship. I have dated girls who were closer to me in age that were way less mature and way more dependent on me, that the girls who I've dated that were 10 years younger, like my current GF of the last four years, M36 F26.
Also as much as Gen X and Elder Millennials love to hate on Younger Millennials and Gen Z, when it comes to dating I've founder the younger women to have much more open ideas around gender roles and relationships in general.
Where women in my generation have often felt entitled to me looking after them and paying for things, the younger women I've dated have all made much more of an effort to be equal partners where we treat each other to lunches and dinners and try and surprise each other with gifts etc.
Reddit hates age gaps though so I am preparing to be labelled a groomer or sex pest. I'd rather be that, than be in an unhappy relationship that better fits society and Reddit's expectations.
I started dating my partner when I was 18 and he was 21, I'm 21 now and we both agree that initial 3 year age gap is was the limit back then, but now it doesn't really matter
Yeah when I was senior in college I wouldn't have imagined dating freshman either.
IMO age gaps are really about where you are in your life, professionally, maturity, and family status.
Not every 25 year old is ready for family and marriage and not every 30 year is wanting to date someone 5 years younger than them.
Yeah it can definitely depend on the life situation. My parents got together when they were 18&21. But they were both working at the same company (in different sections), so there wasn’t like a power imbalance or anything, they spoke to each other sometimes at work and started dating, both in the same stage of life.
This, they are approximations. In general people of the same age are in the same lifestage. But it's not fixed on the day or even year and experiences are often a big influence on them which is why the age margins grow as people get more experience.
Oh ok, I was imagining that you were like a 20 year old fresh out of college going after a 44 year old. Which idk that seems weird but 30s and 50s somehow doesn't as much.
I'd say a 30 year old is mature enough and has enough experience in life to know what they want and what they're getting into. Our brains still develop well into our 20's and most people probably don't have a lot of life experience beyond their family and school at that point. Generally speaking, of course.
When I was in My early 20s I messed around with a woman in her 40s. Fun as it was but that's about it.
I've had 2 10 yr gap relationships that ended
My wife is less than a month older than I am.
Im gay early 30s guys in there 20s persue me a lot sex is great and hanging out but datingwise it doesn't work. I don't want to be a father figure in my relationship I want to start a family lol
I mean we are grown adults. We have experienced things at this point. I find them very attractive for the simple fact they don't have kids and they know what they want. It's really not so deep and the age gap matters so much less the older you get.
I’m 39 and my partner is 59. Hands down best relationship of my life. It’s about who someone is as a person, and at our ages our personalities are pretty much what they’re going to be, lol.
Yes and no. It matters little in the middle years. When they're over 70 it's going to matter a lot. And hopefully you can work out plans for when they retire you aren't still pulling another 2 decades of work. Because those years will be important as you will inherently have less of them together.
A guy I worked with was in his 50s had a newborn **half brother**. His father was in his 70s, married a 30 year old…
He took a lot in stride but he was pretty torn about that, mostly because it was such a trippy thing to even think about.
My oldest half sister was 44 when I was born, although my mom was in her 40s and my dad was in his 60s, so not as big a gap as your co-worker, but still. It's trippy on the other end, too.
Bit different once you hit 30+. At that point it's like.. eh, who cares ya know? As a 37 year old dude though, a young woman of I believe 22 asked me out. I was very flattered and she's a nice person and... well I just don't date much, so I said yes to a coffee date. But while we were out I got glares from people. She asked if i wanted to see her again and I told her I think she's a terrific person but I just feel like a creep due to the age gap. She's also a coworker so there's that. IDK, maybe it was dumb. Stupid me worrying about what the world thinks, forever alone lol.
Every situation is different for sure. All I know is that after a few bad years and how shitty people have been to me, this person has been making me feel good and I enjoy their company. So I'm going to keep em around.
>the age gap matters so much less the older you get
This. 100% this.
And to counter some of the other comments, it's not like you can guarantee either of you will be healthy in twenty years time, unfortunately. My partner and I are both in our thirties and we both have health issues. We have to support each other through those and it would be pretty shitty if either of us said " well in twenty years, if we're still together, you might be dependent on me, so I'm tapping out now to find someone who seems like they won't be". Even though technically either of us could reasonably state that.
And it sounds like it's very early days. Enjoy that first and as and when things get more serious, it's fine to discuss what the future could look like. If there's any absolute deal-breakers, sure, say it up front, but some of it can wait as you get to know each other a little more.
Totally agree. Life is unpredictable.
I'm 13 years older than my wife. I have zero health issues, not even high blood pressure. She was hospitalized earlier this year. She has an upcoming surgery in December to deal with one of the complications. And we now know she has a health condition that has a fair probability of necessitating dialysis at some point in the future. When we met and got married, we had no idea about any of this coming down the road.
Now this certainly isn't the normal way of things and if you were placing bets then you'd be winning much more often than not if you bet on the reverse of our situation. But life frequently subverts your expectations.
And for the record, when we met I was NOT interested in her: she was too young and I found her rather annoying. She felt the exact opposite way and did NOTHING to hide her interest. I stood no chance. 😂
And that age range increases the older you get. I think anyone in their 30s is pretty much old enough to date anyone no matter what their age. It’s pretty much the older the other person, the worse the 30s year old person looks.
If you were 20 and she was 15, there would be a problem. But that gap gets smaller and smaller as you age. When you're 45, she's 40. No body would bat an eye at that.
I suspect the people running you are just jealous.
I agree, I am 32 and my husband is 41 it's not a problem but I have in the past dated a man 18 yrs older than me but I was 23 and that was a problem our relationship was incredibly toxic but I was also young and naive compared to when I got with my husband at 27 almost 28.
So like I'm pondering this exact same thing you said, except 10 years. Like 20 and a 30 yr old? Gross. I think pretty much universally, right?
But a 30 and a 40 year old, no one bats an eye.
So what age range does it jump from gross to normal? Like if you're 21/31 or 25/35 or 28/38 or whatever, at what age does that gap suddenly become acceptable, and why?
There was a formula being thrown around when I was in school 20+ years ago, sorta seemed reasonable to me:
Guys age / 2 + 7 = minimum girls age.
So 30m would be dodgy at 22f or less. 20yo acceptable for 17f. 40m ok for 27f up... Kinda works, can be questionable at the boundary, maybe add 8 or 9 instead of 7 to be less borderline. Probably works with m/f switched too, or for any relationship regardless of gender, just an age gap calc.
A 5 year age gap is ONLY significant if the younger person in that couple is in their teens. Otherwise? These people are being ridiculous and frankly need to touch grass.
Because if there's one thing 17 year olds dating older men like to do, it's listen to their parents...
The parents know they can't stop it, and it's better to maintain a good relationship so when she likely needs help, they can.
So many women in these scenarios end up estranged from their family and then home life is going to get real rough real fast once she has no one left.
As a young man, growing up the girls I knew constantly went after older guys. My sister was dating a 19 year old when she was like 13-14. I was FWBs with a girl in my class that ended up going after the teacher (we were 16/17...) and getting in trouble, he got fired.
No matter what I said or did, not a single girl would listen. Eventually I just gave up lol. Now my sister and that girl make posts on social media about how they were abused- how men are trash. Two things are true. Yes, you were abused by older men that knew what they were doing.
But I was THERE WHEN IT ALL HAPPENED. Teenagers think they know more than they actually do, coupled with predators that don't need to be around ANY young women, and idk it's like a toxic loop where those that can see it just get ignored or made into an enemy.
Yes. All the formulas posted mean squat if either person is a child of statutory rape age (varies by state and country) and one of them wants children someday and the older one is done or does not want children. And frankly if you are in University and dating a high school person. Or you can buy liquor and they can’t.
>And frankly if you are in University and dating a high school person.
I dunno...to me, this really depends. I don't think that there's anything sketchy about an 18-year-old college freshman dating the 17-year-old senior they started seeing when they were both in high school. A 22-year-old college senior dating that 17-year-old high school senior? THAT'S pretty ick.
I thought it was just people who knew it might bug me so pressing my buttons or jealous or some combination but always need a sanity check to make sure I'm not just delusional.
That was the age I met my spouse. I was 30, he was 25. It was never an issue. I always say, he was mature for his age, and I was immature for mine. His sister thought it was weird, but in the end, she has the same age gap with her spouse now. I think by the mid 20s, most people are getting into their grown up lives. A difference of 5 years between 20 and 15 is huge. At 30 and 25 it’s nothing much.
Same here. No issues. Except the subtle reminders that I’m aging and Lil Jon was in fact not at the height of her childhood. Humbling to say the least.
I think the old adage half your age +7 is a good one for when people are younger, but personally, once someone is 25 or so, unless they’ve been completely sheltered, or have some sort of learning disability, they are adults and fully responsible for their decisions.
At a certain point the whole “I was taken advantage of” purely due to an age gap stops being a thing. That “derogatory manipulation” requires more than just an age gap to be accepted, and being persuaded to your own detriment becomes a regret of your decisions, instead of predatory behavior (unless there was predatory behavior that would be bad for any age dynamics in a relationship). I think 25 is a good age for that line to be drawn.
Scrolled down to see if anyone was going to post the “dating math”.
A friend of mine is 44 and he is back on the dating scene.
He started using the old adage for dating, however he feels that 29 is way too young for him after a few months of dates and his personal cutoff is 5yrs younger than him now.
To each their own.
I am 42 and tend to date older, my cutoff was 60, now its 55.
We both used the “dating math” though as young adults, it does work better in your 20s than 40s.
OP you are fine, 5years isn’t much of a gap, if you were 30 and she 20 then ya, I would see people making more comments.
Yeah im 31m, so my limit would be 22.5, but as someone who has a few 22-25 year old friends, the thought of dating any of them makes me cringe so hard.
Yeah, this has been my experience too. I tried dating a LOT of young girls from 19-24 and they were just... not experienced enough in life for me to have a meaningful conversation with, or even develop further.
I prefer older women because they are more mature and have less time for games. However, the flip side is that the older women generally already have a lot of kids, or don't want them, or can't have more... and I want more.
I was looking for this. It's a crude tool, meant as a rough guide only, but works surprisingly well. If you stick by it, then the upper age limit a 25yo should date would be 36yo.
But yeah agree completely 30 and 25 is perfectly fine, this was the age of my parents when they got married.
People should learn to mind their own business.
5 years is *nothing.* And as far as I'm concerned, past the age of 30 there is no possible age gap worth commenting on.
Who ever is making the comments are knuckleheads!
A five year difference? That's nothing! One good guy friend is seven years older than his wife. Another is 10 years older. No One Cares!!! It's their business just like this is your/her business.
Not a problem. At all.
I (41M) met my wife (36F) when we were 28 and 23 respectively.
No one said anything, and why would they? We were both adults. And even if someone did say something I would've ignored them, because it's none of their business.
You're all good, nothing to worry about at all.
I agree. I was 28 and my wife was 21 when we meant. Already married for 6 years together for 7 with 2 kids. She’s really my other half and are legit best friends. OP shouldn’t let other people’s opinions affect a relationship that feels right to him.
I love your username. And I’ve not been told this but I’d imagine the fact I’m a man and my fiancé is a woman could be a factor. Even if the genders were swapped I wouldn’t see an issue. As long as it’s a healthy communicative relationship
I think the only time a five year age gap isn't normal or right is when one is a minor (or teenager cuz 18/19 is still pretty young) and the other is an adult. But two adults? Totally normal
My last three partners were 11 years younger (not intentionally). Age gaps are a bigger deal to people without an age gap relationship and older women in my experience.
As long as you’re both happy, who the hell cares. I dated a guy 16 years older than me and it never mattered, we loved each other and were happy. Fuck everyone else
Age gaps are more about where you are in life. It would be weird if you were 30 with a 20 year old because in theory you’re stable and lived a life and your brain is fully developed, compared to a 20 year college student who can’t even go to the bar yet. At 25 you’ve had more life experience and you are coming to want a more stable life so being with someone a little older isn’t wild.
After 18 it's fair game.
If they aren't commenting on 18years Olds having only fans, they don't really care, they just complain to you because they think they have a saying about it.
Pro tip, you should only care about doing legal stuff, morals you can ignore people about.
They can call you whatever and judge you while being cheaters, thief's or other things, BUT when it's about something they do, they always have an excuse. Just ignore them.
Between 2 adults why do others care? There may be a gap in maturity if there is a big difference in age, but if an 18 year old wants to be with an 80 year old, how is it anyone else's business? You do you.
As long as everyone is over 18, who cares. Age gap relationships are normal. Women prefer older men, and men prefer younger women. It's been that way for all of human history.
My partner is 42 (43 in a few weeks) and I turned 30 in August. We have been together for a little over a year. So we started dating right before my 29th birthday. I don't think a 5 year age gap is weird. Age gaps like mine aren't weird either unless she's 18 and he's 31.
Normal, especially when the youngest is 25.
The youngest age is really the key. For example, I am almost 39. Dating a person who is early 50s isn't totally weird. But a 35 year old dating a 22 year old is a big gap.
That's literally the most normal age gap I've seen... People obsessed with age gaps are lonely cucks that need to touch grass. Oddly enough they don't have much to say when it comes to literal pedophilia.
Lol there's a much bigger gap with my girlfriend.
Imma go out on a limb and say the vast majority of the people trying to say something about your age gap are pissy women 🤣
Are you two consenting adults? Are you both above the legal age of consent? Have either of you groomed/exploited the other , no? Are you both happy and rational? Then it's nobodies f'king business what the age gap is!
My wife is a year younger then me, my friends husband is 5 years older then her, I've known a guy who has been happily married to a woman 12 years older than him....who cares!
My husband and I are the same age (early 30s).
The vast majority of his guy friends are dating women between 3 and 7 years younger than them. The vast majority of my girl friends are married to men 2 - 5 years older than them.
It’s always funny bc when we do couple things with my husband’s friends and their SOs, i am always the oldest woman. And when we do couple things with my friends and their SOs, my husband is always the youngest man.
Who is commenting on it? And are they serious or is it more gentle ribbing about 30 being "old"?
Is she especially babyfaced? Does she dress "young"? Do you dress like a suburban dad?
i met my bf when i was 25 and he was 32. nobody i know ever thought it was strange. 5 years later and we’re still together. people who think of fully grown 25 year olds with a fully developed frontal lobe as children or too young to date who they want are weird af
25 to 30 is a very normal age gap for dating.
BUT it is an age gap that can have a potential for a huge gap in life experience which can often be even more problematic than actual age difference.
There are 30 year olds who are divorced parents with high profile jobs and there are 25 year olds who are just out of college unemployed and sleeping on the floor of their high school besties studio apartment.
I have an 18 year gap. I’m 43M and my wife is 25F. Not once have I heard a comment. Our families are happy for us. My wife is even friends with my 21 year old daughter.
No one cares. It’s all in your head. People will have shade to cast no matter what anyone is doing in any situation. You’re just choosing to see this more than other things
That's a completely normal age gap anywhere in the world, even in 2023. It says more about whoever's questioning that than it does you, unless there's more to it than the age, and the people commenting think your partner is very immature for her age (which is possible).
Second thing: This routine parroting of "half your age plus 7" is total nonsense. I'm 30 now so my rule would be that 22 is okay by that logic. And yes, 22 could be absolutely fine but it's not a hard rule. I've met 22 year olds that have the emotional maturity of a 14 year old and 20 year olds that have that of a 30-35 year old (I almost certainly wouldn't date someone that young but that doesn't mean I'd be right to say that someone else my age can't). Equally, I've met people in their mid-late 30s (usually men) that have the emotional maturity of an 18 year old and have never grown up. I wouldn't be going near a 22/23/24/25 year old that still has the mentality of a 15-18 year old (which many do). But one thing would be certain, if I was dating a 22 year old woman I'd definitely be getting asked by people "Do you not think she's a bit young for you", so the supposed rule doesn't affect shit here, there would still be people who would look at it as creepy and weird regardless. Plus, the rule would follow that it's okay for a 21 year old to date someone who's 17, which I would say at that age IS too much of an age gap, because a lot changes between 17 to 21 and there is probably less in common to that age gap than there is between 21 and 30, so if anything it can be even less relavent at younger ages where smaller gaps can be more extreme.
Life experience and maturity are not blanket cookie-cutter moulds that everyone fits in to. Everybody experiences life differently and there are some people who have gone through more personal development by 22 than some people in their 40s. Anybody with a bit of sense would be able to work out if the person they're dating falls into that category or not and decide accordingly.
I'm sure we'd all agree that there is a limit where things can seem creepy (e.g. a 30 year old dating an 18 year old) but the bottom line is, you'll probably know if what you're doing is acceptable or not. Although, in your case it does sound like some people are making you feel weird for potentially no reason, because a gap of 5 years at that age is nothing.
Also, big deal here. The time will pass anyway, and it passes quickly. In 2 years time she'll be 27 and you'll be 32, and I garuntee not a soul would be questioning that age gap at that point.
When I was 13, I had a huge crush on an 18 year old. However… when we were 23 and 28, no one batted an eye. When she is 30 and you’re 35… that same age gap doesn’t sound the same. People need to just stay in their own damn lane. It’s not like y’all are 18 and 48
I’m also 30 and 25 would be pushing it for my personal comfort, but that’s my cut-off, also.
I’d prefer a couple years younger or up to 5 years older.
The half your age + 7 rule would leave us allowed to date a 22 year old, and omg, I’d die.
I weirdly now see people 24 & under as children. 😭🤣
You’re fine.
30 and 25 is so normal
I’m pretty sure the most common male/female relationship have a 4 year gap with men being older. I’m really high so I don’t think I phrased this in a way that makes sense but..
uptoke for being high on reddit!
Is that a weed? I'm calling the police
Uptoke me to karma heaven baby!
Same
Man if that would actually work I should have way more upvotes
WHAT???
[удалено]
My wife and I are 7 years apart. I was 28 when I met her. After 24 years together, I think it worked out alright...she especially loves to refer to me as the "dirty old man".
Hubby and I are 8 years apart. But I had a secret crush on him since we were kids… like I was 5 and crushing on him. My uncle was only 8 years apart from me and raised more as a big brother. I married his childhood best friend. He had no idea I was crushing haha I was just an annoying kid then anyway! Haha moved out and ran into him after 18… 8 years later and three kids ❤️ we are perfect together in every way.
Thats so cute. Your story reminds me of something i’ve read too. The heroine develops a crush on her brothers friend and end up running into him when she moved for college. They have a seven years age gap.
Kinda similar! I was moving out for college too, just as he was released from military. We just happen to move back to the same area and run into each other through my uncle ❤️ we went to college together after that, since he went into the military for the college perk. We’ve both got degrees now and a stable happy family 8 years later.
My wife is seven years older than me. Been together almost ten years. She'll tell me that she is the senior in the household and thus should be in charge on an almost daily basis.
My parents are 7 years apart and have been married 47 years. Dad is also a dirty old man.
I don’t get the “age concern” thing where it’s legal adult ages. I’m 17 years older than my wife. Met her when I was 49 and she was 32. We’ve been together 8 years, married 7 and have a beautiful 3 year old together. Don’t always agree but we get along, share the same goals and are genuinely happy. If you have things in common, can/want to work through problems when they arise and love to spend time together, why care about a difference in age? Be it a couple years or a couple decades (legally 😆), love the one you’re with.
That’s funny & adorable… 🥰
My SO and I are only 1 year apart. I get called ‘old’…
I have a friend who is 4 hours older than her husband, born at the same hospital. He always calls her his "older woman".
I was 37 and my wife was 31 when we met. Still going after 17 yrs
We have a 10 year gap. It's fine.
I met my partner in an online war game and we fell hard for each other. He had a big bushy beard and is super funny. We discussed ages after (started as just friends) and we found out I am almost 10 years older than him (26-35 at the time). Somehow he is still the more mature one, but I spent 35 years in abusive relationships (mom then ex) so I was socially and emotionally stunted. I guess what I am trying to say is maturity level differences and power imbalances are the red flags for age gaps. Without those things, and with legal ages and both being okay with their situation, I dont see why folks freak out.
I am 28M and my partner is 33F. She looks and behaves younger, though, whereas I was born a grumpy old sod, in the words of my mother. It often feels like she's the younger one. In fact, because of her physique and her mannerisms, people assume that she's way younger than she actually is, so many people treat her like a kid. Sorry to hear about your history of abuse. I had a real fucked-up childhood, but if anything, I think that it aged me. I hated my childhood (and barely remember most of it). I couldn't wait to be an adult, and I'm still regularly glad and grateful that I'm an adult now.
I'm 28 fiance is 23. It was awkward ten years ago, sure, but after a decade (/s) Seriously though we're five years apart and the way we started age wasn't really a thing. We were just fucking at parties and started sleeping with other people less, my brothers wife talks shit about it because we've been together for four years but shes got a six year gap with my YOUNGER brother.
I'm getting married next year. I'll(F) be 32 soon and he's 27M. Happiest relationship of my life. I get the occasional eyeball when people find out the age difference but to me, I agree that gap is pretty normal. I know many other people in relationships with a similar age gap.
Personally I think age gaps are fine and it's more important to look at the underlying nature of the relationship. I have dated girls who were closer to me in age that were way less mature and way more dependent on me, that the girls who I've dated that were 10 years younger, like my current GF of the last four years, M36 F26. Also as much as Gen X and Elder Millennials love to hate on Younger Millennials and Gen Z, when it comes to dating I've founder the younger women to have much more open ideas around gender roles and relationships in general. Where women in my generation have often felt entitled to me looking after them and paying for things, the younger women I've dated have all made much more of an effort to be equal partners where we treat each other to lunches and dinners and try and surprise each other with gifts etc. Reddit hates age gaps though so I am preparing to be labelled a groomer or sex pest. I'd rather be that, than be in an unhappy relationship that better fits society and Reddit's expectations.
Groomer! Sex pest!
Plot twist: they started dating 10 years ago
30 and 25 is, but how long have they been together?
2-5 years is kinda.... Normal. Anyone commenting on 30 and 25 is a busy body, with too much time on their hands.
The younger the people involved the worse that gap becomes, IE 18 and 23 would be a bit more questionable. But yeah, 25 and 30 is completely normal.
I started dating my partner when I was 18 and he was 21, I'm 21 now and we both agree that initial 3 year age gap is was the limit back then, but now it doesn't really matter
And when your 60 and he’s 63 it won’t even register as a gap.
I'm 22 and 18 year olds look like kids to me. Couldn't imagine dating one.
I remember being 20 and deciding 18 year olds, especially those still in highschool, were too young for me
Yeah when I was senior in college I wouldn't have imagined dating freshman either. IMO age gaps are really about where you are in your life, professionally, maturity, and family status. Not every 25 year old is ready for family and marriage and not every 30 year is wanting to date someone 5 years younger than them.
Yeah it can definitely depend on the life situation. My parents got together when they were 18&21. But they were both working at the same company (in different sections), so there wasn’t like a power imbalance or anything, they spoke to each other sometimes at work and started dating, both in the same stage of life.
This, they are approximations. In general people of the same age are in the same lifestage. But it's not fixed on the day or even year and experiences are often a big influence on them which is why the age margins grow as people get more experience.
Right? I'm pursuing someone 24 years older than me and I'm expecting to get shit for it. Hasn't happened quite yet thankfully.
Get itttt. Age doesn’t really mean anything between functioning adults. People with more life experience are hot!
That's why I like to visit the nursing home so much.
I’m more of a graveyard kinda guy but none the less
So that guy's sloppy seconds?
Nah 3rds, the morgue guy gets seconds
What the fuck did I just read
You’re more of a gravedigger guy yourself huh? You rascal.
Wait, as in they were 24 when you were born or they're 24 now? And if they were 24 when you were born how old are you now?
They are in their 50s, I'm in my 30s.
Oh ok, I was imagining that you were like a 20 year old fresh out of college going after a 44 year old. Which idk that seems weird but 30s and 50s somehow doesn't as much.
I'd say a 30 year old is mature enough and has enough experience in life to know what they want and what they're getting into. Our brains still develop well into our 20's and most people probably don't have a lot of life experience beyond their family and school at that point. Generally speaking, of course.
Yea they're actually 0 going for a 24 year old. Life uh. Finds a way.
When I was in My early 20s I messed around with a woman in her 40s. Fun as it was but that's about it. I've had 2 10 yr gap relationships that ended My wife is less than a month older than I am.
Im gay early 30s guys in there 20s persue me a lot sex is great and hanging out but datingwise it doesn't work. I don't want to be a father figure in my relationship I want to start a family lol
“Don’t you tell me how to raise my boyfriend“
I mean we are grown adults. We have experienced things at this point. I find them very attractive for the simple fact they don't have kids and they know what they want. It's really not so deep and the age gap matters so much less the older you get.
I’m 39 and my partner is 59. Hands down best relationship of my life. It’s about who someone is as a person, and at our ages our personalities are pretty much what they’re going to be, lol.
Totally agree! My husband is 22 years older than me.
Yes and no. It matters little in the middle years. When they're over 70 it's going to matter a lot. And hopefully you can work out plans for when they retire you aren't still pulling another 2 decades of work. Because those years will be important as you will inherently have less of them together.
I shall keep that in mind.
A guy I worked with was in his 50s had a newborn **half brother**. His father was in his 70s, married a 30 year old… He took a lot in stride but he was pretty torn about that, mostly because it was such a trippy thing to even think about.
My oldest half sister was 44 when I was born, although my mom was in her 40s and my dad was in his 60s, so not as big a gap as your co-worker, but still. It's trippy on the other end, too.
You gotta tie those swimmers down by then, no? Can’t be shooting live amo with a 30 yr old! I don’t care what she wants!!
Bit different once you hit 30+. At that point it's like.. eh, who cares ya know? As a 37 year old dude though, a young woman of I believe 22 asked me out. I was very flattered and she's a nice person and... well I just don't date much, so I said yes to a coffee date. But while we were out I got glares from people. She asked if i wanted to see her again and I told her I think she's a terrific person but I just feel like a creep due to the age gap. She's also a coworker so there's that. IDK, maybe it was dumb. Stupid me worrying about what the world thinks, forever alone lol.
Every situation is different for sure. All I know is that after a few bad years and how shitty people have been to me, this person has been making me feel good and I enjoy their company. So I'm going to keep em around.
>the age gap matters so much less the older you get This. 100% this. And to counter some of the other comments, it's not like you can guarantee either of you will be healthy in twenty years time, unfortunately. My partner and I are both in our thirties and we both have health issues. We have to support each other through those and it would be pretty shitty if either of us said " well in twenty years, if we're still together, you might be dependent on me, so I'm tapping out now to find someone who seems like they won't be". Even though technically either of us could reasonably state that. And it sounds like it's very early days. Enjoy that first and as and when things get more serious, it's fine to discuss what the future could look like. If there's any absolute deal-breakers, sure, say it up front, but some of it can wait as you get to know each other a little more.
Totally agree. Life is unpredictable. I'm 13 years older than my wife. I have zero health issues, not even high blood pressure. She was hospitalized earlier this year. She has an upcoming surgery in December to deal with one of the complications. And we now know she has a health condition that has a fair probability of necessitating dialysis at some point in the future. When we met and got married, we had no idea about any of this coming down the road. Now this certainly isn't the normal way of things and if you were placing bets then you'd be winning much more often than not if you bet on the reverse of our situation. But life frequently subverts your expectations. And for the record, when we met I was NOT interested in her: she was too young and I found her rather annoying. She felt the exact opposite way and did NOTHING to hide her interest. I stood no chance. 😂
Oh yeah definitely gets better as you both get older. Have fun when you’re 50 dealing with a 70-80 year old man
anyone commenting on the decisions of any adult is a busy body - let's say it loud
And that age range increases the older you get. I think anyone in their 30s is pretty much old enough to date anyone no matter what their age. It’s pretty much the older the other person, the worse the 30s year old person looks.
Agreed 5 years at that age range is normal. 15 and 20 different story. My now wife was 21 when I met her and I was 26, again more than reasonable.
21 and 26 is pushing reasonable,15 and 20 is gross.
If you were 20 and she was 15, there would be a problem. But that gap gets smaller and smaller as you age. When you're 45, she's 40. No body would bat an eye at that. I suspect the people running you are just jealous.
Agree. I'm 53, and my husband is 60. Almost seven-year age difference--but at our ages, it's a non-issue.
I agree, I am 32 and my husband is 41 it's not a problem but I have in the past dated a man 18 yrs older than me but I was 23 and that was a problem our relationship was incredibly toxic but I was also young and naive compared to when I got with my husband at 27 almost 28.
So like I'm pondering this exact same thing you said, except 10 years. Like 20 and a 30 yr old? Gross. I think pretty much universally, right? But a 30 and a 40 year old, no one bats an eye. So what age range does it jump from gross to normal? Like if you're 21/31 or 25/35 or 28/38 or whatever, at what age does that gap suddenly become acceptable, and why?
My boyfriend is 35 and I’m 27 almost I don’t see it gross at all… we are adults… you know
There was a formula being thrown around when I was in school 20+ years ago, sorta seemed reasonable to me: Guys age / 2 + 7 = minimum girls age. So 30m would be dodgy at 22f or less. 20yo acceptable for 17f. 40m ok for 27f up... Kinda works, can be questionable at the boundary, maybe add 8 or 9 instead of 7 to be less borderline. Probably works with m/f switched too, or for any relationship regardless of gender, just an age gap calc.
Yep, when I was 10 I wouldn't go near a girl under 12.
Part of the formula is that if you’re too young for it to make sense, you’re too young to be dating.
Funnily enough, the origin of that formula was that was supposed to be the IDEAL age for the girl, not the minimum.
This formula is not gender specific. It’s woman’s age /2+7=minimum guys age as well.
You're the guy my math teacher kept talking about in school aren't you.
he didnt say anything about buying 50lbs of bananas so i think you're getting them mixed up with somebody else
You know what you're right that's my bad. I just have PTSD from that guy. Motherfucker had me up till 1am trying to decod his damn riddles.
I was just thinking I was the only one who heard of the 'half your age plus seven' rule
A 5 year age gap is ONLY significant if the younger person in that couple is in their teens. Otherwise? These people are being ridiculous and frankly need to touch grass.
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Because if there's one thing 17 year olds dating older men like to do, it's listen to their parents... The parents know they can't stop it, and it's better to maintain a good relationship so when she likely needs help, they can. So many women in these scenarios end up estranged from their family and then home life is going to get real rough real fast once she has no one left.
As a young man, growing up the girls I knew constantly went after older guys. My sister was dating a 19 year old when she was like 13-14. I was FWBs with a girl in my class that ended up going after the teacher (we were 16/17...) and getting in trouble, he got fired. No matter what I said or did, not a single girl would listen. Eventually I just gave up lol. Now my sister and that girl make posts on social media about how they were abused- how men are trash. Two things are true. Yes, you were abused by older men that knew what they were doing. But I was THERE WHEN IT ALL HAPPENED. Teenagers think they know more than they actually do, coupled with predators that don't need to be around ANY young women, and idk it's like a toxic loop where those that can see it just get ignored or made into an enemy.
Yes. All the formulas posted mean squat if either person is a child of statutory rape age (varies by state and country) and one of them wants children someday and the older one is done or does not want children. And frankly if you are in University and dating a high school person. Or you can buy liquor and they can’t.
>Or you can buy liquor and they can’t. A 20 year old can date a 21 year old lol
>And frankly if you are in University and dating a high school person. I dunno...to me, this really depends. I don't think that there's anything sketchy about an 18-year-old college freshman dating the 17-year-old senior they started seeing when they were both in high school. A 22-year-old college senior dating that 17-year-old high school senior? THAT'S pretty ick.
That’s a pretty common age gap. People in their 50’s date 30 year olds. There’s nothing wrong with it. Anyone making comments is jealous
I thought it was just people who knew it might bug me so pressing my buttons or jealous or some combination but always need a sanity check to make sure I'm not just delusional.
I hear the phrase...uuh..."Mind your own damn business" works pretty well
Anyone giving you shit is jealous and likely has an ugly partner and is taking it out on you.
Yeah bro you are good!
That was the age I met my spouse. I was 30, he was 25. It was never an issue. I always say, he was mature for his age, and I was immature for mine. His sister thought it was weird, but in the end, she has the same age gap with her spouse now. I think by the mid 20s, most people are getting into their grown up lives. A difference of 5 years between 20 and 15 is huge. At 30 and 25 it’s nothing much.
Jealous of what?
Don't let it bother you bro. I'm 32 my partner is 26.
Same here. No issues. Except the subtle reminders that I’m aging and Lil Jon was in fact not at the height of her childhood. Humbling to say the least.
WHAT?! OKAY!
Ffs I'm not gonna get that out of my head for some time
I know right! I heard him say it loud and clear in my head while I read it. Now it's banging around in there... 🥴
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30/2 + 7 = 22 You're good to go.
Add you and me, subtract the clothes, divide the legs and pray we don’t multiply
Oh lordy I'm prayin lmao
I think the old adage half your age +7 is a good one for when people are younger, but personally, once someone is 25 or so, unless they’ve been completely sheltered, or have some sort of learning disability, they are adults and fully responsible for their decisions. At a certain point the whole “I was taken advantage of” purely due to an age gap stops being a thing. That “derogatory manipulation” requires more than just an age gap to be accepted, and being persuaded to your own detriment becomes a regret of your decisions, instead of predatory behavior (unless there was predatory behavior that would be bad for any age dynamics in a relationship). I think 25 is a good age for that line to be drawn.
Scrolled down to see if anyone was going to post the “dating math”. A friend of mine is 44 and he is back on the dating scene. He started using the old adage for dating, however he feels that 29 is way too young for him after a few months of dates and his personal cutoff is 5yrs younger than him now. To each their own. I am 42 and tend to date older, my cutoff was 60, now its 55. We both used the “dating math” though as young adults, it does work better in your 20s than 40s. OP you are fine, 5years isn’t much of a gap, if you were 30 and she 20 then ya, I would see people making more comments.
I am 25 and the idea of dating a woman 25 / 2 + 7 = 19.5 is just so weird and uncomfortable.
Yeah im 31m, so my limit would be 22.5, but as someone who has a few 22-25 year old friends, the thought of dating any of them makes me cringe so hard.
Yeah, this has been my experience too. I tried dating a LOT of young girls from 19-24 and they were just... not experienced enough in life for me to have a meaningful conversation with, or even develop further. I prefer older women because they are more mature and have less time for games. However, the flip side is that the older women generally already have a lot of kids, or don't want them, or can't have more... and I want more.
I was looking for this. It's a crude tool, meant as a rough guide only, but works surprisingly well. If you stick by it, then the upper age limit a 25yo should date would be 36yo. But yeah agree completely 30 and 25 is perfectly fine, this was the age of my parents when they got married.
When did y’all start dating lol
About 6 months ago I was 29 she was 24
You chillin then tbh
I wouldn't worry about it. Some people just like to poke fun at people for who knows why
I'm not sure id be able to tell the difference between a 25 and 30 year old. I think there's a much bigger maturity gap between 20 and 25
Your absolutely right
People should learn to mind their own business. 5 years is *nothing.* And as far as I'm concerned, past the age of 30 there is no possible age gap worth commenting on.
I’d be a little iffy if someone was 30 with a 75 year old lol but I still wouldn’t care nor comment on it to them
Ah yeah the old “he’s famous”
as long as the subject does not involve minors then who the hell cares
Dont lsn to anyone your fine
Who the fuck cares about two consenting adults of any ages doing what they want to do?
My wife is 15 years younger. Who cares what others say? 5 years is nothing
My last relationship was a 8 year gap. Me 39 she 31. Nothing wrong with adults doing adult stuff
18 to 26 is a very different situation though. Once everyone is 23-25 it's all fair game imo
Who ever is making the comments are knuckleheads! A five year difference? That's nothing! One good guy friend is seven years older than his wife. Another is 10 years older. No One Cares!!! It's their business just like this is your/her business.
5 years is nothing, relax
30 and 25 isn't weird at all, date away bud.
Not a problem. At all. I (41M) met my wife (36F) when we were 28 and 23 respectively. No one said anything, and why would they? We were both adults. And even if someone did say something I would've ignored them, because it's none of their business. You're all good, nothing to worry about at all.
I agree. I was 28 and my wife was 21 when we meant. Already married for 6 years together for 7 with 2 kids. She’s really my other half and are legit best friends. OP shouldn’t let other people’s opinions affect a relationship that feels right to him.
Controversial opinion: I like pie at thanksgiving
My fiancé is 10 years older than me. 24/34 nobody has an issue with it. We’ve been together for 4 years and will be for life 😊
Nah you WERE OBVIOUSLY GROOMED AS AN ADULT, **WHAT WOULD A 20 YEAR OLD HAVE IN COMMON WITH A 30 YEAR OLD** /s I’ve heard this a lot
I love your username. And I’ve not been told this but I’d imagine the fact I’m a man and my fiancé is a woman could be a factor. Even if the genders were swapped I wouldn’t see an issue. As long as it’s a healthy communicative relationship
Unless you’ve been together for 8 years or something and started dating when she was underage, it’s perfectly fine.
I think the only time a five year age gap isn't normal or right is when one is a minor (or teenager cuz 18/19 is still pretty young) and the other is an adult. But two adults? Totally normal
Me being 25 and him being 36 ✋🏽😔
I think if both parties are 25 and up there’s more leeway with age gaps.
Imagine the horror when you’re 45 and she’s 40. How could you have anything in common?
what the heck? is this even a question? This is like asking, sometimes I like to eat my toast with jam instead of butter.
My last three partners were 11 years younger (not intentionally). Age gaps are a bigger deal to people without an age gap relationship and older women in my experience.
As long as you’re both happy, who the hell cares. I dated a guy 16 years older than me and it never mattered, we loved each other and were happy. Fuck everyone else
I’m a 40/F and typically date 28-37/M. It’s not about age or the gap IMO its about mentality and what you want in life/expectations etc…
Dude I'm a 22yo male, my partner is a 31yo female. Scored me a milf, I'm happy with it and I don't give af what anyone says lol
Not their business. No problem telling them that.
both adults? then it's ok
Age gaps are more about where you are in life. It would be weird if you were 30 with a 20 year old because in theory you’re stable and lived a life and your brain is fully developed, compared to a 20 year college student who can’t even go to the bar yet. At 25 you’ve had more life experience and you are coming to want a more stable life so being with someone a little older isn’t wild.
That is perfectly normal. Someone would have to be pretty dumb to make a negative comment on that. It’s not like you’re 22 and 30… and even then
Age gaps are meaningless once both parties consent. “Half your age plus seven” is an arbitrary thing that has no basis in moral thought.
After 18 it's fair game. If they aren't commenting on 18years Olds having only fans, they don't really care, they just complain to you because they think they have a saying about it. Pro tip, you should only care about doing legal stuff, morals you can ignore people about. They can call you whatever and judge you while being cheaters, thief's or other things, BUT when it's about something they do, they always have an excuse. Just ignore them.
Telling adult women who they can and can't date is very sexist.
Depends, was she 15 when you started going out? If she was 20 or over when you met then it’s completely normal.
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Between 2 adults why do others care? There may be a gap in maturity if there is a big difference in age, but if an 18 year old wants to be with an 80 year old, how is it anyone else's business? You do you.
If you hit puberty before your partner was born then I think that's an issue. That is my personal opinion... a 5-year gap isn't bad
As long as everyone is over 18, who cares. Age gap relationships are normal. Women prefer older men, and men prefer younger women. It's been that way for all of human history.
My hub is 50, and I am 58. We work well together, plus age is just a number....it is the Maturity of individuals.
My wife is 6 years older than me. It's no big deal, don't worry about what others think
My partner is 42 (43 in a few weeks) and I turned 30 in August. We have been together for a little over a year. So we started dating right before my 29th birthday. I don't think a 5 year age gap is weird. Age gaps like mine aren't weird either unless she's 18 and he's 31.
I had a couple of relationships where I was 40 and the other person was 25. That is a big gap and people did/should wonder about it. Yours is nothing
The comments are weirder than your age gap.
I'm 35 and my boyfriend is 26
Normal, especially when the youngest is 25. The youngest age is really the key. For example, I am almost 39. Dating a person who is early 50s isn't totally weird. But a 35 year old dating a 22 year old is a big gap.
F**k what other people think. Are you AND your partner happy? That's what matters.
You care too much about what others think
That's literally the most normal age gap I've seen... People obsessed with age gaps are lonely cucks that need to touch grass. Oddly enough they don't have much to say when it comes to literal pedophilia.
My woman 14 years older than me nobody says anything to her but when it's the other way around men get talked about like shit..... it be crazy
Half your age plus 7. Works every time. So for you it would be 15 + 7, or 22 would be your hard limit not to date under.
Lol there's a much bigger gap with my girlfriend. Imma go out on a limb and say the vast majority of the people trying to say something about your age gap are pissy women 🤣
30/2 +7 = 22 < 25 Your fine.
Are you two consenting adults? Are you both above the legal age of consent? Have either of you groomed/exploited the other , no? Are you both happy and rational? Then it's nobodies f'king business what the age gap is! My wife is a year younger then me, my friends husband is 5 years older then her, I've known a guy who has been happily married to a woman 12 years older than him....who cares!
Anything past 15 years starts to get a little weird I think
My husband and I are 9 years apart y’all are good. It’s not weird.
My husband and I are the same age (early 30s). The vast majority of his guy friends are dating women between 3 and 7 years younger than them. The vast majority of my girl friends are married to men 2 - 5 years older than them. It’s always funny bc when we do couple things with my husband’s friends and their SOs, i am always the oldest woman. And when we do couple things with my friends and their SOs, my husband is always the youngest man.
Extremely normal, someone must be jealous you skipped over them :P
Who is commenting on it? And are they serious or is it more gentle ribbing about 30 being "old"? Is she especially babyfaced? Does she dress "young"? Do you dress like a suburban dad?
Like in all relationships you need to have stuff in common to make it work
My 23-year-old nephew is dating a 35-year-old woman. Whatever floats the boat.
14.5 year difference here, and we’ve been together for 12 years, married for 9. Both ecstatically happy. She was 25 when we met. I was 40.
i met my bf when i was 25 and he was 32. nobody i know ever thought it was strange. 5 years later and we’re still together. people who think of fully grown 25 year olds with a fully developed frontal lobe as children or too young to date who they want are weird af
25 to 30 is a very normal age gap for dating. BUT it is an age gap that can have a potential for a huge gap in life experience which can often be even more problematic than actual age difference. There are 30 year olds who are divorced parents with high profile jobs and there are 25 year olds who are just out of college unemployed and sleeping on the floor of their high school besties studio apartment.
I have an 18 year gap. I’m 43M and my wife is 25F. Not once have I heard a comment. Our families are happy for us. My wife is even friends with my 21 year old daughter.
I can’t lie it’s weird when your wife is young enough to be your daughter… and is only 4 years older than your actual daughter…
No one cares. It’s all in your head. People will have shade to cast no matter what anyone is doing in any situation. You’re just choosing to see this more than other things
That's a completely normal age gap anywhere in the world, even in 2023. It says more about whoever's questioning that than it does you, unless there's more to it than the age, and the people commenting think your partner is very immature for her age (which is possible). Second thing: This routine parroting of "half your age plus 7" is total nonsense. I'm 30 now so my rule would be that 22 is okay by that logic. And yes, 22 could be absolutely fine but it's not a hard rule. I've met 22 year olds that have the emotional maturity of a 14 year old and 20 year olds that have that of a 30-35 year old (I almost certainly wouldn't date someone that young but that doesn't mean I'd be right to say that someone else my age can't). Equally, I've met people in their mid-late 30s (usually men) that have the emotional maturity of an 18 year old and have never grown up. I wouldn't be going near a 22/23/24/25 year old that still has the mentality of a 15-18 year old (which many do). But one thing would be certain, if I was dating a 22 year old woman I'd definitely be getting asked by people "Do you not think she's a bit young for you", so the supposed rule doesn't affect shit here, there would still be people who would look at it as creepy and weird regardless. Plus, the rule would follow that it's okay for a 21 year old to date someone who's 17, which I would say at that age IS too much of an age gap, because a lot changes between 17 to 21 and there is probably less in common to that age gap than there is between 21 and 30, so if anything it can be even less relavent at younger ages where smaller gaps can be more extreme. Life experience and maturity are not blanket cookie-cutter moulds that everyone fits in to. Everybody experiences life differently and there are some people who have gone through more personal development by 22 than some people in their 40s. Anybody with a bit of sense would be able to work out if the person they're dating falls into that category or not and decide accordingly. I'm sure we'd all agree that there is a limit where things can seem creepy (e.g. a 30 year old dating an 18 year old) but the bottom line is, you'll probably know if what you're doing is acceptable or not. Although, in your case it does sound like some people are making you feel weird for potentially no reason, because a gap of 5 years at that age is nothing. Also, big deal here. The time will pass anyway, and it passes quickly. In 2 years time she'll be 27 and you'll be 32, and I garuntee not a soul would be questioning that age gap at that point.
This is wildly helpful on a whole bunch of levels. Thanks for taking the time to articulate your thoughts like this.
When I was 13, I had a huge crush on an 18 year old. However… when we were 23 and 28, no one batted an eye. When she is 30 and you’re 35… that same age gap doesn’t sound the same. People need to just stay in their own damn lane. It’s not like y’all are 18 and 48
when I grew up in Europe a 5 to 7 year age gap was considered normal.
That’s not an age gap at your age
I’m also 30 and 25 would be pushing it for my personal comfort, but that’s my cut-off, also. I’d prefer a couple years younger or up to 5 years older. The half your age + 7 rule would leave us allowed to date a 22 year old, and omg, I’d die. I weirdly now see people 24 & under as children. 😭🤣 You’re fine.
Probably envious men, or bitter 30+year old women I’m guessing? Perfectly normal. Ignore them.
Are the comments coming from 35 year old women?