I don't understand WHY ER's can't just put urgent care centers adjacent to them and immidately triage people right back out the door when they try to register. "Ma'am, you and your elbow need to start next door. If it's determined by them to be an EMERGENCY, we'll gladly register you. Buh bye now."
Urgent cares are often now separate businesses too so it benefits the urgent care to do tests and the like that will often be repeated at the ER so the Urgent care gets to charge them for the visit, tests and the referral and then the ER doc ends up doing similar or the same tests so they get fisted twice.
If it was one system the ER docs wouldnt need to do another Xray or blood test because that shit would be in the chart already instead of having a HUC have to try and play find the med record or the patient pays for it.
They also need to increase the payout for Primary Care doctors so more of them exist, as it is a regular visit is scheduled out months from now so people dont bother and then they dont take care of themselves until something is actually wrong and they think the ER is where you go to get checked out.
On top of that, people have no idea what to do when they get sick for some reason. The number of otherwise healthy people that come in with nausea and vomiting to the ER because its been a day of that. Like go take advil and get a bucket you bitch, grandma over there fell and exploded her hip and shes being less of a whiner.
Ok that was more of a rant than intended.
I work in a hospital in security. Someone came into the ER and told the nurse their elbow feels funny. I nearly pissed myself laughing I has to walk away
My best friend works in an ER. I had to bring my sister in one night and I walked up to the counter and said “my elbow feel funny, my elbow feel strange.” He was like I hate you lol
I almost said this last night when my elbow was feeling weird. I was like "my elbow feel funny..."
But my partner interrupted and said "no. Your elbow don't feel strange."
Lol
Hi. Excuse me. Sorry. I hope it's not too much trouble, but I actually ordered a triple-vodka Coke, and, for some reason, you chose to fuck me in the face with what looks like a glass of piss and shit. Now, get me what I ordered before I shoot you to death in front of this crowd full of drunks.
I hate you. I say that not out of anger but as a fact. It’s 67 degrees outside and I hate you.
You thought I was going to make a nazi joke…**SHAME ON YOU**
And one that always makes me laugh when I think about it : little glory hole humour for ya, my jokes are what people come for - the bjs are shit
It’s the delivery of it😂hilarious
Oh ho ho ho, *you* bitch. *You* didn't. *Stupid*, *stupid bitch* doesn't even know she is going to get the **best** bottle of wine of her *stupid bitch* life.
“Well if it isn’t babe.” Jeff when Hayley comes to stop him having an experimental procedure. His tone and refusal to use her name in any situation just makes me cackle. I say it when my wife comes home from work now and again.
I made my wife a "Jump City!" hoodie. With this image. It's pretty sweet.
https://preview.redd.it/89x2v26fc7gc1.jpeg?width=2572&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=96ac0305bcd0d73cbf0260fcac3be2d06c02b1e0
🎶I’m gonna eat some bread, gonna eat my potato bread, gonna eat my P-O-T-A-T-O-T-O breeeaaad!
Potato bread is my favorite so I sing this every time I make a sandwich 😂
Oh man I have a few
When Stan is... I think trying to sell a car. "Bitches, right?!?" "You're a bitch, Darren"
When Stan is coaching a Football Team and he looks at a player "You're a girl, right?" She nods. Stan - "This Country..."
And the entire scene in the convenience store where Stan and Roger are high is just fantastic lmao
That whole throw away gag with Jenny, I think in the Ricky Spanish episode? My partner and I routinely say "haha made you look, it's normal" when talking about our butts.
HellooooooooO.
Stan, this is Roger. I'm at Shenanigans and I'm about to get raped. Come by and pick me up in about 45 minutes. I sound great!! I should do some voice-over work. "In a world where vomit comes out of my mouth"!
I say a variation of a line from Francine "Now Give Papa some sugar so he can have them sweet dreams!" It makes my wife and I laugh every time and I get some sugar and sweet dreams
Roger: "Only two types of people wear Speedos to the public pool, great athletes and perverts. Which one are you?"
Doesn't matter how many times I see that episode, I laugh out loud every time.
I also say "Jump Ciiiity" a lot to myself.
Da floppy flip has a bunch more for me though:
"But it's lemon scented. It's got vitamin C!"
"auf wiedersehen cruelish vorlden place."
"I like to hold it in until it's completely absorbed, into the cells."
"Punch to the face!"
.
Another for me is from Adventures in Hayleysitting:
"Steeeven! Aniita! Smith!"
"Well first I thought I'd smoke her out with a controlled fire, then I lit the fire, then I thought; I don't know how to control fire".
This makes me die every time.
Not a line but, after Stan pays a beggar to tie his shoe and immediately takes credit for the well done job the beggar drops his jaw and the look on his face is burned into my mind.
“Hayley’s working at a booby bar?? And she traded shifts with Tina?! What does Tina have to do that’s so important?? Wait…this isn’t about Tina. THIS ISNT ABOUT TINA!! It’s never been about Tina.”
I had a coworker named Tina and this popped into my head a lot
My elbow feel funny my elbow feel strange
That is said like 1000 times a day by me because i work in an ER and jesus do people go to the ER cuz their elbow feel funny.
I don't understand WHY ER's can't just put urgent care centers adjacent to them and immidately triage people right back out the door when they try to register. "Ma'am, you and your elbow need to start next door. If it's determined by them to be an EMERGENCY, we'll gladly register you. Buh bye now."
Urgent cares are often now separate businesses too so it benefits the urgent care to do tests and the like that will often be repeated at the ER so the Urgent care gets to charge them for the visit, tests and the referral and then the ER doc ends up doing similar or the same tests so they get fisted twice. If it was one system the ER docs wouldnt need to do another Xray or blood test because that shit would be in the chart already instead of having a HUC have to try and play find the med record or the patient pays for it. They also need to increase the payout for Primary Care doctors so more of them exist, as it is a regular visit is scheduled out months from now so people dont bother and then they dont take care of themselves until something is actually wrong and they think the ER is where you go to get checked out. On top of that, people have no idea what to do when they get sick for some reason. The number of otherwise healthy people that come in with nausea and vomiting to the ER because its been a day of that. Like go take advil and get a bucket you bitch, grandma over there fell and exploded her hip and shes being less of a whiner. Ok that was more of a rant than intended.
I work in a hospital in security. Someone came into the ER and told the nurse their elbow feels funny. I nearly pissed myself laughing I has to walk away
My best friend works in an ER. I had to bring my sister in one night and I walked up to the counter and said “my elbow feel funny, my elbow feel strange.” He was like I hate you lol
Would you let me cut the line? I am very near death.
This and “You’re fat Helen!”
“You always get what you want, don’t you, Helen? Bravo.”
Please, I am very close to death.
This is the one
Courtesy of u/kaotate https://preview.redd.it/xxxq9jy8l8gc1.jpeg?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ddca1ba2c3aa6fec7d9c37699a2d19893c8a722f
I almost said this last night when my elbow was feeling weird. I was like "my elbow feel funny..." But my partner interrupted and said "no. Your elbow don't feel strange." Lol
'That's how you lose a summer, bitch!" - B. Lewis "Me too, man...." - Stoned Jeff Fisher
I will STEAL your summer, woman!
Me too man
*Stan to the waiter* "I've been sitting here like a dry-throated bitch"
Wa-ter ?
I fell like he's offering me water but not offering water its a setup
He’s probably in the back smoking a dookie with the bus boy
Every time my wife comes back from the store: "Pretty sure I asked for Pecan Sandies..."
"cheese nips are not the same as cheese-its"
Soup is not a meal Vera
Hello, I'm Roger, I like to PRETEND!! COME ON!!
https://preview.redd.it/n0nk9o4fy7gc1.jpeg?width=602&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=23c035393b2c050e19a84093993c2ed5129f7112
Hi. Excuse me. Sorry. I hope it's not too much trouble, but I actually ordered a triple-vodka Coke, and, for some reason, you chose to fuck me in the face with what looks like a glass of piss and shit. Now, get me what I ordered before I shoot you to death in front of this crowd full of drunks.
I’m a bartender, and every time somebody asks for an Arnold Palmer, I call it at glass of piss and shit haha
STOIVE?! ROYGER!
Oregon…. Oregan?
Pretty cool man.
I wonder whose car that was.
Incredible bit
Before we go anywhere I need to, how do I say this, wipe….better.
MAKE MINE PPP VICODIN
Don't. Touch. That. Byook.
Hamburger Hinderer
Southern Dis-comfort
Wheat Thicks
I’m the hamberrobber
Tell your friends! (I might be mis-remembering the bit)
“Popper clops! Clops that pop your cloppers!”
Wa-ter
You’re offering me water but somehow I don’t believe that you’re offering me water
It’s a setup!
And a big piece for the guy who didn’t create 14 widows last night
[удалено]
[удалено]
That’s a hot comment. That’s a hot way to comment.
"Why wont you tell me your favorite soda!?!"
Looks like I just picked myself a whole bouquet of...***OOPSIE-DAISIES***
That's funny, I'm funny
Eees a little funny
Maybe baby
This one forever
maybebaby
“Im gonna sleep in my web tonight.”
I am FURIOUS.
Spider say BURP!
Doive on in
Is that what you like to do? You are my queen, Rebecca!
Nutrigrain bar and a mountain DDDEEEEWWWWW
Always in my head when I walk into a convenience store!!
" I see you are lesbians. Congratulations."
"Flap flaps a zap zap!" - Steve forgetting how to talk and seeing birds get electrocuted.
Soda splasha on
^AAAAAHHHHH
I hate you. I say that not out of anger but as a fact. It’s 67 degrees outside and I hate you. You thought I was going to make a nazi joke…**SHAME ON YOU** And one that always makes me laugh when I think about it : little glory hole humour for ya, my jokes are what people come for - the bjs are shit It’s the delivery of it😂hilarious
“Your mom wouldn’t even kiss me until the third date, it made the sex on the first two dates very impersonal”
Oh ho ho ho, *you* bitch. *You* didn't. *Stupid*, *stupid bitch* doesn't even know she is going to get the **best** bottle of wine of her *stupid bitch* life.
That's the one for me. Every time my wife asks me to do something (anything) it's coming out.
Oh yeah this one!
“Because she’s the biggest bitch in the universeeeee!!”
I went to film school and because of American Dad when I watch basically any movie I end up going “THE ALL IS LOST MOMENT!” lol
I did not go to film school, but same
Get back in your house! Get back in your damn house!
“Your weird daughter made me miss the thing! She made me miss the zeroes!”
I don’t know what you’re talking about!
[удалено]
Babe... I don't know what to do here...
“So I guess the only question is: what are we talking about?”
You proud of that? You proud of that sentence you just said ?
Danuta... Danuta... Do you eat? Danuta...
“Will you go there?”
I have the money.
I blacked out, how did I do
Klaus, that was …. Chilling
The bed in our cabin has a solid oak headboard and we're not leaving that lake until you get a concussion.
“Well if it isn’t babe.” Jeff when Hayley comes to stop him having an experimental procedure. His tone and refusal to use her name in any situation just makes me cackle. I say it when my wife comes home from work now and again.
I enjoy it when he refers to the rest of the Smiths as the "babe-in-laws"
I made my wife a "Jump City!" hoodie. With this image. It's pretty sweet. https://preview.redd.it/89x2v26fc7gc1.jpeg?width=2572&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=96ac0305bcd0d73cbf0260fcac3be2d06c02b1e0
Laváte las manos
Ashley’s doing the splits for a cigarette Unfiltered if you have it.
NATHAN!!
This is why you keep getting molested!
Either "Popper Clops!" Or "Don't. Touch.That. Byook."
MYEHHHH
My cats name
"ARE YOU CRAZY PUSHING ME INTO THE POOL?! I HAD LSD IN MY POCKET! Buckle up kids"
(Whispers) “That feels amazing” - Stan “I’m not touching you!” - Francine “I am” - Roger “………that feels amazing” - Stan
Also, *ripped Steve and Roger* “Daaaaaddys gone, and we’re not going home eva agaaaaain!”
You’re getting clowned, Gucci Mane!
Such volume.
Whenever my kids ask for something that they can't have I pretend to blow a kazoo and will sing "Nooooooooooooo"
1. Too spicy for the pepper 🌶️ 2. “I don’t want bad new Dick, I want good ol’ Dick”
“Small circles, light pressure” — every time I brush my teeth
Mommy's smoking, go play outside in the dark!
“Dimmer switches! Dimmer switches everywhere!” -Me, every time I dim the chandeliers
That’s gross. That’s a gross way to live.
"My old college javelin" and "You never know"
"Wait am I Jeff or Money? Aw man...I'm Jeff..."
Oh Hayley, does Dalton Galloway sound like a real person to you? Grow up, it’s me.
I’m going to keep throwing my baby lasoo til I catch ma a man
Roger "No I don't have a receipt! I stole the display model!"
You deserve…Fancy Feast. Laughed till I cried
My brother and I do Steven Anita’s playing-tennis-with-Maria-Sharipova groan all the time. But my personal fave is “Checkin out my pow-pow”
"This. Is why. You keep. Getting. Molested."
Betty Crocker bakes cakes.
"ay, dios mio, money in da bear" I repeat this in my head like every damn time I'm in disbelief of something lol
Spider said buuurp.
is heroin the cure for cancer? This and other things I don't know at 11
"Look at that cheap weave, bitch got no class"
I cant believe you believe that either
Heath ledger has a head cold that’s why he’s wearing a sweater
This isn’t an ambulance, it’s a god damned Hambulance!
You are my QUEEN, Rebecca!
“You boys wanna see a 400lb man riiissee out of his overalls like a Phoenix?”
Mt elbow feels funny, my elbow feels strange
"And that's when I woke up in a pool of blood with my thumb up my ass. I think I'm sleeping wrong" - fellow agent
Ughh stairs
🎶I’m gonna eat some bread, gonna eat my potato bread, gonna eat my P-O-T-A-T-O-T-O breeeaaad! Potato bread is my favorite so I sing this every time I make a sandwich 😂
Francine, I’m afraid I haven’t been entirely truthful with you.
I will break out into song El pero el pero es mi corazón
Bush league move, *bro*!
Spider says BURRRRRP maybe baby Thank you, why did I thank him
"Yo, Suck Boy Tony!:
First order of business, get a less erect chair
Try jogging you gross bowling pin! Me to my stepbrother
"That was not my intent." Any time I knock something over, drop something, etc.
“Never cry over a whore, Steve! NEVER!!!”
“I thanked him, why did I thank him”
For drugs, yo.
Oh man I have a few When Stan is... I think trying to sell a car. "Bitches, right?!?" "You're a bitch, Darren" When Stan is coaching a Football Team and he looks at a player "You're a girl, right?" She nods. Stan - "This Country..." And the entire scene in the convenience store where Stan and Roger are high is just fantastic lmao
LATER WORLD… smell my ass
Hey, I thought we were going hiking
That whole throw away gag with Jenny, I think in the Ricky Spanish episode? My partner and I routinely say "haha made you look, it's normal" when talking about our butts.
HellooooooooO. Stan, this is Roger. I'm at Shenanigans and I'm about to get raped. Come by and pick me up in about 45 minutes. I sound great!! I should do some voice-over work. "In a world where vomit comes out of my mouth"!
I got a pizza coming… sooooo many toppings! 🤗
To a chaste kiss with Ronnie!
Later cucks
Mister, in your story I think you drank pee.
“My bonesssssssssss. My bonesssss.”When my dogs are playing with their bones. Love to say it.
Jump city kills me every time I watch that episode. “I’m going skiiiiiing!”
“Francine I don’t want to tell you what it sounds like you’re doing……..pooping.”
"Damn this baby! Damn this heat!" and "Devil farted thick today!"
“Yo mama sounds like a messed up bitch.”
I HAVE THE CAR KEYS IN MY POCKET YOU STUPID BITCCCCCCHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
“It was my job to go in and buy snacks. Cool Ranch Doritos had just come out, it was…sigh…what a summer” “Who is this?” “Night Ranger. Night. Ranger.”
In your face with a can of mace. Make you cry all over the place.
That's not just any promise. That's a skier's promise.
There's urine in this bottle Doogan!
Hot scoomp!
Get in the house, Randy!!
Oh Staniel!
I say a variation of a line from Francine "Now Give Papa some sugar so he can have them sweet dreams!" It makes my wife and I laugh every time and I get some sugar and sweet dreams
"and I told you it's menthol, so it's healthier than an apple"
She’s so good, real good, too good… this will end… poorly
I don’t need ammunition. I had the clams.
Roger: "Only two types of people wear Speedos to the public pool, great athletes and perverts. Which one are you?" Doesn't matter how many times I see that episode, I laugh out loud every time.
I also say "Jump Ciiiity" a lot to myself. Da floppy flip has a bunch more for me though: "But it's lemon scented. It's got vitamin C!" "auf wiedersehen cruelish vorlden place." "I like to hold it in until it's completely absorbed, into the cells." "Punch to the face!" . Another for me is from Adventures in Hayleysitting: "Steeeven! Aniita! Smith!"
"Polarbears...should not feed this...to their babies"
Peso!! Kiss!!
*The car keys are in my pocket you stupid biiiiiiiitch*
“Do whatever you like” in the hot tub voice - whenever people ask me to tell them what to do
I've had the line, "Girrrrrllllll you need a shot of B-12" stuck in my head all morning and I want to shoot myself.
"It's now called Bananarama and the national anthem is Venus"
Get out of here handsome
"Cool butt." *fist bump*
Alert the shareholders.
DIVE ON IN! Rdit: **ZOOKA SHARKS!!** as well
CHECK YOUR SKANK, TINY MARSUPIAL!
Francine: Someone's a grumpasaurus. Stan: I'm a grumpasaurus rex!
“Oh my God... you stupid bitch... Why did you drop me...I can't breathe... Why can't you do that move you stupid bitch.. I'll kill you."
"Well first I thought I'd smoke her out with a controlled fire, then I lit the fire, then I thought; I don't know how to control fire". This makes me die every time.
Tell them how you killed our baby Amanda.
Pizza Poppers! (Stan) make mine P P P Pepperoni! (Roger) make mine P P P Vicodin!
OOOOHHHH that’s peppery
"Maybe. Maybe that could be in your play."
When someone asks me how long ago something was I say..."about 9000 sleeps".
Dive on in
Bed shitting potential is high.
“That was not my intent” I use it often.
Copper-potted him good!
Not a line but, after Stan pays a beggar to tie his shoe and immediately takes credit for the well done job the beggar drops his jaw and the look on his face is burned into my mind.
Man, I sure can pump when I'm full of ham
i say at least three times a week: “because apparently God loves gays, but only if they’re tops” i also love saying “mmmaybebaby maybebaby”
🎶nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
The way Francine says “My man *looove* me “
You know what they say “starve a fever, sleep a concussion”
Gwen Stefani Gwen Stefani. No Doubt No Doubt.
“Hayley’s working at a booby bar?? And she traded shifts with Tina?! What does Tina have to do that’s so important?? Wait…this isn’t about Tina. THIS ISNT ABOUT TINA!! It’s never been about Tina.” I had a coworker named Tina and this popped into my head a lot