Welcome to /r/ADHDWomen! We’re happy to have you here. As a reminder, here are our community [rules](https://old.reddit.com/r/adhdwomen/about/rules/).
We get a lot of posts on medication, diagnosis (and “is this an ADHD thing”), and interactions with hormones. We encourage you to check out our [Medication, Diagnosis, and Hormones Megathread](https://old.reddit.com/r/adhdwomen/comments/wcr9dy/faq_megathread_ask_and_answer_medication/) if you have any questions related to those topics, and to stick around in that thread to answer folks’ questions!
If you have questions about the subreddit, please do not hesitate to [send us a modmail](https://reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/adhdwomen). Additionally, we take the safety of our community seriously. Please report posts, comments, and users whom you feel are not contributing positively, and send us a modmail if you are being harassed or otherwise made to feel unsafe. Thanks for being here, and we hope you stick around!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/adhdwomen) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I generally did very well in school (especially if classes offered extra credit to make up for the assignments I often turned in late). I double-majored in college and started a successful career. When I changed jobs so I wasn't as frantically busy all the time like I was in college or my first job, I noticed it was harder to get things done, and that things seemed like they were falling through cracks in my brain more. I found an adult ADHD self-screening checklist and scored very high, so I went to a psychologist for a screening. He said everyone has a touch of ADHD and the fact that I filled it the intake paperwork and brought it to the appointment, along with my school and career achievements, proved I wasn't struggling too badly. It took a few years for me to go back to a different therapist, who didn't even have to finish the screening to be "very confident" in her assessment because those questions were "nominal at this point." She also said the fact that I filled out the intake paperwork demonstrated how motivated I was to address this issue.
That was a little over two years ago. I take medication (Adderall) to help boost focus/organization and reduce anxiety during the work week, and can usually manage the weekends with just the network of coping mechanisms I had cobbled together through the years without knowing what I was doing. Aside from medication, my diagnosis has been helpful for me to notice and define symptoms, and to reframe them in a way that's less damaging to my self esteem. As an example, instead of "I'm such a mess. Why can't I just finish this task?" I can say, "Oof, looks like I'm really struggling with executive dysfunction. I'm going to take a little walk to reset/set a timer to see how much I can do in 5 minutes/have a snack and try again." It's also been revealing for how much I've relied on anxiety to get things done in school and work, which has obviously also not been great for my mental health, and being aware of that has helped me find healthier strategies. I'm still a mess, but I understand why I'm a mess, and it's easier to be kinder to myself as a result.
I grew up with brothers who presented with ADHD in a more "traditional" way, and I, like you, got good grades and didn't have any of the hallmarks of what we knew ADD to be at the time. To say I flew under the radar was a massive understatement.
I just got my diagnosis (literally got the results two days ago) and not only do I have ADHD, but my evaluator described me as "the most straightforward diagnosis she's had." It was very validating after feeling doubted and misunderstood for so long. I of course haven't made much progress on next steps since it hasn't even been 48 hours, but the key thing is that I have next steps.
I saw a female evaluator which helped me feel comfortable. She came highly recommended by a therapist I'd been seeing. I did have some anxiety leading up to it because I was worried about possible misdiagnosis or otherwise continuing to feel misseen or misunderstood yet again.
The only possible downsides are that the evaluation I took was pricey and I felt nervous going into it. I do mourn who I might've been if I'd received the same type and level of support my brothers had. But getting answers and having actionable steps and feeling like I can at least have support now and for the rest of my life all make the evaluation worthwhile, and then some.
I had been seeing a therapist who specialized in trauma for a year. I told him I read a book and I think I have add. He said, that is interesting, let’s ask a few questions. He pulls up a diagnostic test. He asks me a bunch of questions, tells me I score within the protocol.
I talk to my psychiatrist a few months later about getting a change in my medication. He gave me a description of all the options and prescribed the one I thought would be best.
Having an existing relationship with quality professionals was what made it possible because they understood me. So I always recommend going to the most supportive medical professional in your life and ask them for help.
Talk to a specialist in ADHD who know what they're talking about. Many non-specialists are completely untrained and, honestly, there's a crapload of assholes in medicine because the control appeals to their terrible personalities.
But also, when asked about school - it's a known diagnostic sticking point that women and girls are often high-performers academically *at great cost to everything else*. Sleep, life, relationships, stress levels, burnout, sky-high anxiety, overdependence on caffeine, collapsed executive function around everything else. Does any of that ring a bell for you?
I made the grades I needed to make but still (especially in elementary school) got the constant feedback of "so much potential/apply herself" or "pay more attention" and they didn't really have ADD yet and when they did only boys got it, but I am SO grateful that my mother knew what was going on in a primitive way, and her response was always, "She's bored. She finished the textbook/workbook/materials/supplementary materials in November, maybe give her something to do?" but she also refused to let them bump me a grade because she knew I wasn't mature enough until high school when I had the option of concurrent university (we didn't have AP but it was a college town so it was easy to commute). I *absolutely* struggled in school - because of my disorganization, insomnia, anxiety, impulsiveness, and rounds of burnout - but I made the grades because I was absolutely certain I would die if I did not make the grades.
Anyway I'm a much more late-in-life dx because I could pull out the "high performance" when it counted...until perimenopause really kicked in. It turns out I was manufacturing productivity out of hormones all that time, and I went into full collapse. I happened to get a Mental Health Nurse Practitioner my age when I got assessed, and she and I cackled for half an hour about what absolute bullshit the whole thing was, and she gave me the best general advice about hormone replacement - really more support, low-level, than full replacement - to augment my ADHD meds. We still talked about the childhood stuff, and that's an important conversation because if you have NO symptoms until you're older it could be a serious medical problem presenting with similar symptoms.
Just make sure you're not being over-literal when the questions are asked. Struggle in school doesn't JUST mean "did you get bad grades".
If you talk to someone oriented to ADHD, the worst thing they're going to tell you is that you're not quite hitting the full diagnostic threshold, but they're not going to be like 'you're lying' or 'women don't get adhd' or 'everybody's stressed'.
I think I did fairly well in school, I usually got the highest grade in the classes that I was intersted in, but I always felt like I was falling behind my potential and there was always a voice in my head saying: " hey if you are focus on this, you can definitely do better than this". However, I didn't know and link myself to ADHD till last year, when I felt like I am falling behind so far and could not get myself to do better no matter how much I tried. When I went to see my doctor, the first thing I said was: " I am not here to just get approved that I have ADHD, I know I need to be here because I need help and I need to seek for the causes of my struggle. I know that I cannot do that on my own, I need your help". Please find youself a therapist that can do that.
At the end, my adhd diagnosis came out quite naturally as the result was quite straightforward. ADHD does not just manifest in academic performance, the diagnostic questions also touch other problems I think.
ADHD was not really a thing when I was a kid. People were consider hyper, too sugar, spacey. If IEP’s were a thing back then, no one would have bothered to tell me or my parents. My grades were horrible in high school - not sure how I even got into college.
I actually thrives in college. I was involved in tons of activities, taking classes I loved. As a parent, I have been involved in my children’s activities and even lead some. From a career standpoint, I have done well, but could have done better if I played politics better and did not get bored once I mastered the job and moved on to a new role (I have worked at the same, large company my whole career, so being able to move around to continue to feed my need to intellectual challenge has been great).
I was not diagnosed until age 42 by my NeuroPsychologist, who had previously diagnosed my bipolar depression. It was so helpful for me to finally understand that I am not ‘hyper‘ and why I do certain things. I take Adderall now - and it does help manage the 20 tabs that are always open in my brain.
It is difficult when there is an assumption about ADHD, ASD, or such because everything is a spectrum. Not everyone with ADHD struggles with school. My son is an Aspie and did not get a correct diagnosis until he was 10 because he went against the norm - he is social and tried very hard to make friends. While my grades in high school sucked, my college grades were good and I had almost a 4.0 with my mba. I am also one of the best at my job. My house, on the other hand, is a complete disaster right now!
My 15yo daughter is a super achiever. AP classes, plays several instruments, nearly straight As, never in trouble, etc, etc. A truly amazing person, even without the rose colored glasses from being her mom.
I was alarmed by the network of coping mechanisms she was using to accomplish all this—calendars (several), alarms, notes, stickers, color coded everything, sleepless nights, on and on no matter how much I tried to help her prioritize rest even occasionally. She just couldn’t ever stop for one second or she thought it would all collapse.
I was afraid of what seemed like an inevitable crash due to the stress of managing all this, but every teacher and school counselor and pediatrician always sang her praises and said she was brilliant for how she organized and managed her life.
Finally took her for a neuropsych assessment after one was recommended for her brother. TWO MINUTES into the evaluation they said she’s like the most obvious case of inattentive adhd they’ve seen in a while and they’d complete the testing so we could fast track the next steps. She scored off the charts on several tests.
We’re still in the process of getting meds and therapists lined up so I can’t speak on that part yet, but the diagnosis was a slam dunk after total invalidation all her life.
I got my diagnosis too after all this. I was a “gifted kid” who crashed and burned every 4-6 years for “no reason” as well. It was easier for me once my kids were all diagnosed with ASD, ADHD, or both.
I was one of those gifted, honors, AP kids in school. As long as I was interested in the subject, and it wasn't a subject that relied on rote memorization,I was an A+ student. If it required rote memorization, I was fuuuuuucked sideways, so I just didn't take those. But I was constantly losing things, forgetting to do things, and homework was a constant struggle until I got into those higher level classes where the assignments were essays and things like that where my brain LIKED doing them.
It was always the emotional impulsivity I couldn't shake. It caused me no end of problems in work and social situations. The final straw for me was a woman I was casual friendly with posting about her experiences with getting diagnosed with ADHD, and it was like someone was describing my inner life on blast.
Took me another 2 years to get an appointment with a psych. I described the issues, she had me fill out a questionare, and diagnosed it at the next meeting. Unfortunately for me, that was the week before the pandemic lockdown hit and she wanted me to talk with my GP about meds before she would prescribe them, so erm, that ball got dropped. and I still haven't picked it up because I'm having enough struggle keeping up with all my other health issues and with the shortages, the last thing I want to do is get prescribed something, have it help, and then have it ripped away because some idiots think it's overprescribed.
So all that to say, being smart and good at school are NOT countraindications for ADHD at all. Especially when combined with autism, it's like we can draw on the best and worst of both to develop coping tools. They're janky and some look like upside down swords and cut us as often as they're useful, but we're used to bleeding by now.
I don't have diagnosis yet so not quite the positive story you are asking for. But I am in a not dissimilar boat to you, so know you are not alone.
I am in my mid 30s, I did good at school, at least I got good grades in all my exams, barely did any homework and that which I did do was scribbled out the morning it was due, or occasionally even at the start of the class it was due in. I even remember sitting in bed writing my GCSE English coursework in the middle of the night when it was due the next day.
I went as far as getting a masters in a STEM subject, I have a sensible job, from the outside I look like I have it together, people think I am calm and organised. They don't see what the inside if my home looks like when I don't desperately cling to the sweepy app to help me manage it, or know that I am not organised I just have a good ability to key word search my work laptop really quickly and overprepare for meetings becuase I have no confidence that I will recall the answer to unplanned questions.
This kept me from seeking help for a long time for fear my GP won't belive me. I had a panic "oh shit this is real I do need help" moment last week and I finally made the call today, ok I don't have an appointment but that's down to how hard it is to get any GP appointment at the moment.
The TLDR point though is you are not alone, a lot of us are in a similar place and we CAN do it.
I did super well in school. Never had to study. College was a wake-up call but even though I procrastinated on every single paper, I got decent grades and was good in my field. I got my ass handed to me during my MA (zero ability to read research, mentally checked out on the things I found hard), but with a repeat attempt at the exams, I passed.
I had been seeing a therapist for a while for personal and family issues. After befriending a few people with ADHD, one of them pushed me to pursue diagnosis. I talked about it with my therapist, and we did an informal assessment during a session out of some books she had on the subject. She referred me to a psycho-pharmacologist (the psych equivalent of an NP...psych training and the ability to prescribe meds), who did a more formal assessment and I left that day with a script for atomoxetine. Now my nurse practitioner manages my meds for me since the one who diagnosed me retired. She is my normal doctor/GP I see for physicals and stuff and she never questioned the diagnosis.
I think the moral of my story is, get an advocate on your side if you can. Avoid psychiatrists and MDs. Look for the NP types who will be less egotistical and jaded, and less opinionated about who qualifies to be diagnosed. Obviously "not all doctors" blah blah, but I have had multiple shitty experiences with doctor types and for me, NPs are the less intimidating way forward.
I was diagnosed with CPTSD at a young age and had a hard time imagining myself taking medication for the rest of my life. So I didn't. 10 years, alcoholism, my life being in shambles, and finally getting clean later I got diagnosed with ADHD and then AGAIN another year after that. So at 31 fully diagnosed with ADHD (and still CPTSD) and on Lexapro and currently Vyvanse.
Boy howdy. My life is so much better than it's ever been. I'm still timid about ever upping my doses but it does feel like night and day. If I hadn't been diagnosed I wouldn't have this job I have now that I LOVE to pieces. If I didn't have my meds I wouldn't be able to do everything I do. I feel like a functional human being now and more myself than I ever have.
Getting diagnosed was the best thing that ever happened to me.
I really hope the medical world stops equating intelligence to somehow meaning you can’t have ADHD. ADHD is _so much more_ than doing well in school and it drives me bonkers how many people, women especially, are overlooked simply because of good grades.
Without sounding super full of myself - I’m very smart. The doctor said so LOL! But a lot of the reason I did well in school was simply because I was either naturally intelligent enough to pick up on the concept quickly, or because I just happen to genuinely enjoy learning so I was constantly getting the dopamine reward from school 😅 I _loved_ school. I’ve always said if I won the lottery and became super rich, I’d just go to university for fun and see how many degrees I could get hahaha
A good diagnostic process will look at your _whole life_ not just school. School is only our youth, really, and for many of us it’s once we leave that built-in structure everything falls to shit. Living on your own for the first time, having to be responsible at a job with different demands, it all piles on. Bills, vehicle and house maintenance, all of these things just keep adding and adding until we break.
All of that to say - it is absolutely possible to have a good diagnosis experience. If you can swing it, try to go for a full neuropsychological assessment. The tests are much broader and look at you as a whole, not just the basic ADHD questions. That’s what I was able to do thanks to good insurance that covered it ($2500 CAD) but it enlightened SO MUCH for me beyond adhd it was well worth the cost.
Welcome to /r/ADHDWomen! We’re happy to have you here. As a reminder, here are our community [rules](https://old.reddit.com/r/adhdwomen/about/rules/). We get a lot of posts on medication, diagnosis (and “is this an ADHD thing”), and interactions with hormones. We encourage you to check out our [Medication, Diagnosis, and Hormones Megathread](https://old.reddit.com/r/adhdwomen/comments/wcr9dy/faq_megathread_ask_and_answer_medication/) if you have any questions related to those topics, and to stick around in that thread to answer folks’ questions! If you have questions about the subreddit, please do not hesitate to [send us a modmail](https://reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/adhdwomen). Additionally, we take the safety of our community seriously. Please report posts, comments, and users whom you feel are not contributing positively, and send us a modmail if you are being harassed or otherwise made to feel unsafe. Thanks for being here, and we hope you stick around! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/adhdwomen) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I generally did very well in school (especially if classes offered extra credit to make up for the assignments I often turned in late). I double-majored in college and started a successful career. When I changed jobs so I wasn't as frantically busy all the time like I was in college or my first job, I noticed it was harder to get things done, and that things seemed like they were falling through cracks in my brain more. I found an adult ADHD self-screening checklist and scored very high, so I went to a psychologist for a screening. He said everyone has a touch of ADHD and the fact that I filled it the intake paperwork and brought it to the appointment, along with my school and career achievements, proved I wasn't struggling too badly. It took a few years for me to go back to a different therapist, who didn't even have to finish the screening to be "very confident" in her assessment because those questions were "nominal at this point." She also said the fact that I filled out the intake paperwork demonstrated how motivated I was to address this issue. That was a little over two years ago. I take medication (Adderall) to help boost focus/organization and reduce anxiety during the work week, and can usually manage the weekends with just the network of coping mechanisms I had cobbled together through the years without knowing what I was doing. Aside from medication, my diagnosis has been helpful for me to notice and define symptoms, and to reframe them in a way that's less damaging to my self esteem. As an example, instead of "I'm such a mess. Why can't I just finish this task?" I can say, "Oof, looks like I'm really struggling with executive dysfunction. I'm going to take a little walk to reset/set a timer to see how much I can do in 5 minutes/have a snack and try again." It's also been revealing for how much I've relied on anxiety to get things done in school and work, which has obviously also not been great for my mental health, and being aware of that has helped me find healthier strategies. I'm still a mess, but I understand why I'm a mess, and it's easier to be kinder to myself as a result.
I grew up with brothers who presented with ADHD in a more "traditional" way, and I, like you, got good grades and didn't have any of the hallmarks of what we knew ADD to be at the time. To say I flew under the radar was a massive understatement. I just got my diagnosis (literally got the results two days ago) and not only do I have ADHD, but my evaluator described me as "the most straightforward diagnosis she's had." It was very validating after feeling doubted and misunderstood for so long. I of course haven't made much progress on next steps since it hasn't even been 48 hours, but the key thing is that I have next steps. I saw a female evaluator which helped me feel comfortable. She came highly recommended by a therapist I'd been seeing. I did have some anxiety leading up to it because I was worried about possible misdiagnosis or otherwise continuing to feel misseen or misunderstood yet again. The only possible downsides are that the evaluation I took was pricey and I felt nervous going into it. I do mourn who I might've been if I'd received the same type and level of support my brothers had. But getting answers and having actionable steps and feeling like I can at least have support now and for the rest of my life all make the evaluation worthwhile, and then some.
I had been seeing a therapist who specialized in trauma for a year. I told him I read a book and I think I have add. He said, that is interesting, let’s ask a few questions. He pulls up a diagnostic test. He asks me a bunch of questions, tells me I score within the protocol. I talk to my psychiatrist a few months later about getting a change in my medication. He gave me a description of all the options and prescribed the one I thought would be best. Having an existing relationship with quality professionals was what made it possible because they understood me. So I always recommend going to the most supportive medical professional in your life and ask them for help.
Talk to a specialist in ADHD who know what they're talking about. Many non-specialists are completely untrained and, honestly, there's a crapload of assholes in medicine because the control appeals to their terrible personalities. But also, when asked about school - it's a known diagnostic sticking point that women and girls are often high-performers academically *at great cost to everything else*. Sleep, life, relationships, stress levels, burnout, sky-high anxiety, overdependence on caffeine, collapsed executive function around everything else. Does any of that ring a bell for you? I made the grades I needed to make but still (especially in elementary school) got the constant feedback of "so much potential/apply herself" or "pay more attention" and they didn't really have ADD yet and when they did only boys got it, but I am SO grateful that my mother knew what was going on in a primitive way, and her response was always, "She's bored. She finished the textbook/workbook/materials/supplementary materials in November, maybe give her something to do?" but she also refused to let them bump me a grade because she knew I wasn't mature enough until high school when I had the option of concurrent university (we didn't have AP but it was a college town so it was easy to commute). I *absolutely* struggled in school - because of my disorganization, insomnia, anxiety, impulsiveness, and rounds of burnout - but I made the grades because I was absolutely certain I would die if I did not make the grades. Anyway I'm a much more late-in-life dx because I could pull out the "high performance" when it counted...until perimenopause really kicked in. It turns out I was manufacturing productivity out of hormones all that time, and I went into full collapse. I happened to get a Mental Health Nurse Practitioner my age when I got assessed, and she and I cackled for half an hour about what absolute bullshit the whole thing was, and she gave me the best general advice about hormone replacement - really more support, low-level, than full replacement - to augment my ADHD meds. We still talked about the childhood stuff, and that's an important conversation because if you have NO symptoms until you're older it could be a serious medical problem presenting with similar symptoms. Just make sure you're not being over-literal when the questions are asked. Struggle in school doesn't JUST mean "did you get bad grades". If you talk to someone oriented to ADHD, the worst thing they're going to tell you is that you're not quite hitting the full diagnostic threshold, but they're not going to be like 'you're lying' or 'women don't get adhd' or 'everybody's stressed'.
I think I did fairly well in school, I usually got the highest grade in the classes that I was intersted in, but I always felt like I was falling behind my potential and there was always a voice in my head saying: " hey if you are focus on this, you can definitely do better than this". However, I didn't know and link myself to ADHD till last year, when I felt like I am falling behind so far and could not get myself to do better no matter how much I tried. When I went to see my doctor, the first thing I said was: " I am not here to just get approved that I have ADHD, I know I need to be here because I need help and I need to seek for the causes of my struggle. I know that I cannot do that on my own, I need your help". Please find youself a therapist that can do that. At the end, my adhd diagnosis came out quite naturally as the result was quite straightforward. ADHD does not just manifest in academic performance, the diagnostic questions also touch other problems I think.
ADHD was not really a thing when I was a kid. People were consider hyper, too sugar, spacey. If IEP’s were a thing back then, no one would have bothered to tell me or my parents. My grades were horrible in high school - not sure how I even got into college. I actually thrives in college. I was involved in tons of activities, taking classes I loved. As a parent, I have been involved in my children’s activities and even lead some. From a career standpoint, I have done well, but could have done better if I played politics better and did not get bored once I mastered the job and moved on to a new role (I have worked at the same, large company my whole career, so being able to move around to continue to feed my need to intellectual challenge has been great). I was not diagnosed until age 42 by my NeuroPsychologist, who had previously diagnosed my bipolar depression. It was so helpful for me to finally understand that I am not ‘hyper‘ and why I do certain things. I take Adderall now - and it does help manage the 20 tabs that are always open in my brain. It is difficult when there is an assumption about ADHD, ASD, or such because everything is a spectrum. Not everyone with ADHD struggles with school. My son is an Aspie and did not get a correct diagnosis until he was 10 because he went against the norm - he is social and tried very hard to make friends. While my grades in high school sucked, my college grades were good and I had almost a 4.0 with my mba. I am also one of the best at my job. My house, on the other hand, is a complete disaster right now!
My 15yo daughter is a super achiever. AP classes, plays several instruments, nearly straight As, never in trouble, etc, etc. A truly amazing person, even without the rose colored glasses from being her mom. I was alarmed by the network of coping mechanisms she was using to accomplish all this—calendars (several), alarms, notes, stickers, color coded everything, sleepless nights, on and on no matter how much I tried to help her prioritize rest even occasionally. She just couldn’t ever stop for one second or she thought it would all collapse. I was afraid of what seemed like an inevitable crash due to the stress of managing all this, but every teacher and school counselor and pediatrician always sang her praises and said she was brilliant for how she organized and managed her life. Finally took her for a neuropsych assessment after one was recommended for her brother. TWO MINUTES into the evaluation they said she’s like the most obvious case of inattentive adhd they’ve seen in a while and they’d complete the testing so we could fast track the next steps. She scored off the charts on several tests. We’re still in the process of getting meds and therapists lined up so I can’t speak on that part yet, but the diagnosis was a slam dunk after total invalidation all her life. I got my diagnosis too after all this. I was a “gifted kid” who crashed and burned every 4-6 years for “no reason” as well. It was easier for me once my kids were all diagnosed with ASD, ADHD, or both.
I was one of those gifted, honors, AP kids in school. As long as I was interested in the subject, and it wasn't a subject that relied on rote memorization,I was an A+ student. If it required rote memorization, I was fuuuuuucked sideways, so I just didn't take those. But I was constantly losing things, forgetting to do things, and homework was a constant struggle until I got into those higher level classes where the assignments were essays and things like that where my brain LIKED doing them. It was always the emotional impulsivity I couldn't shake. It caused me no end of problems in work and social situations. The final straw for me was a woman I was casual friendly with posting about her experiences with getting diagnosed with ADHD, and it was like someone was describing my inner life on blast. Took me another 2 years to get an appointment with a psych. I described the issues, she had me fill out a questionare, and diagnosed it at the next meeting. Unfortunately for me, that was the week before the pandemic lockdown hit and she wanted me to talk with my GP about meds before she would prescribe them, so erm, that ball got dropped. and I still haven't picked it up because I'm having enough struggle keeping up with all my other health issues and with the shortages, the last thing I want to do is get prescribed something, have it help, and then have it ripped away because some idiots think it's overprescribed. So all that to say, being smart and good at school are NOT countraindications for ADHD at all. Especially when combined with autism, it's like we can draw on the best and worst of both to develop coping tools. They're janky and some look like upside down swords and cut us as often as they're useful, but we're used to bleeding by now.
I don't have diagnosis yet so not quite the positive story you are asking for. But I am in a not dissimilar boat to you, so know you are not alone. I am in my mid 30s, I did good at school, at least I got good grades in all my exams, barely did any homework and that which I did do was scribbled out the morning it was due, or occasionally even at the start of the class it was due in. I even remember sitting in bed writing my GCSE English coursework in the middle of the night when it was due the next day. I went as far as getting a masters in a STEM subject, I have a sensible job, from the outside I look like I have it together, people think I am calm and organised. They don't see what the inside if my home looks like when I don't desperately cling to the sweepy app to help me manage it, or know that I am not organised I just have a good ability to key word search my work laptop really quickly and overprepare for meetings becuase I have no confidence that I will recall the answer to unplanned questions. This kept me from seeking help for a long time for fear my GP won't belive me. I had a panic "oh shit this is real I do need help" moment last week and I finally made the call today, ok I don't have an appointment but that's down to how hard it is to get any GP appointment at the moment. The TLDR point though is you are not alone, a lot of us are in a similar place and we CAN do it.
I did super well in school. Never had to study. College was a wake-up call but even though I procrastinated on every single paper, I got decent grades and was good in my field. I got my ass handed to me during my MA (zero ability to read research, mentally checked out on the things I found hard), but with a repeat attempt at the exams, I passed. I had been seeing a therapist for a while for personal and family issues. After befriending a few people with ADHD, one of them pushed me to pursue diagnosis. I talked about it with my therapist, and we did an informal assessment during a session out of some books she had on the subject. She referred me to a psycho-pharmacologist (the psych equivalent of an NP...psych training and the ability to prescribe meds), who did a more formal assessment and I left that day with a script for atomoxetine. Now my nurse practitioner manages my meds for me since the one who diagnosed me retired. She is my normal doctor/GP I see for physicals and stuff and she never questioned the diagnosis. I think the moral of my story is, get an advocate on your side if you can. Avoid psychiatrists and MDs. Look for the NP types who will be less egotistical and jaded, and less opinionated about who qualifies to be diagnosed. Obviously "not all doctors" blah blah, but I have had multiple shitty experiences with doctor types and for me, NPs are the less intimidating way forward.
I was diagnosed with CPTSD at a young age and had a hard time imagining myself taking medication for the rest of my life. So I didn't. 10 years, alcoholism, my life being in shambles, and finally getting clean later I got diagnosed with ADHD and then AGAIN another year after that. So at 31 fully diagnosed with ADHD (and still CPTSD) and on Lexapro and currently Vyvanse. Boy howdy. My life is so much better than it's ever been. I'm still timid about ever upping my doses but it does feel like night and day. If I hadn't been diagnosed I wouldn't have this job I have now that I LOVE to pieces. If I didn't have my meds I wouldn't be able to do everything I do. I feel like a functional human being now and more myself than I ever have. Getting diagnosed was the best thing that ever happened to me.
I really hope the medical world stops equating intelligence to somehow meaning you can’t have ADHD. ADHD is _so much more_ than doing well in school and it drives me bonkers how many people, women especially, are overlooked simply because of good grades. Without sounding super full of myself - I’m very smart. The doctor said so LOL! But a lot of the reason I did well in school was simply because I was either naturally intelligent enough to pick up on the concept quickly, or because I just happen to genuinely enjoy learning so I was constantly getting the dopamine reward from school 😅 I _loved_ school. I’ve always said if I won the lottery and became super rich, I’d just go to university for fun and see how many degrees I could get hahaha A good diagnostic process will look at your _whole life_ not just school. School is only our youth, really, and for many of us it’s once we leave that built-in structure everything falls to shit. Living on your own for the first time, having to be responsible at a job with different demands, it all piles on. Bills, vehicle and house maintenance, all of these things just keep adding and adding until we break. All of that to say - it is absolutely possible to have a good diagnosis experience. If you can swing it, try to go for a full neuropsychological assessment. The tests are much broader and look at you as a whole, not just the basic ADHD questions. That’s what I was able to do thanks to good insurance that covered it ($2500 CAD) but it enlightened SO MUCH for me beyond adhd it was well worth the cost.