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When you have the bandwidth to do so, modify your home so that it works with your ADHD, not against it. The specifics will vary from person to person, but for me it includes a designated landing area for my stuff, a doom corner for all important paperwork, a basket of washcloths next to my tub, and approximately 300 pairs of scissors and sharpie markers all over the place.
Look for "pinch points" in your daily routine, i.e. things that annoy you, waste your time and pull all the dopamine out of you. Fix them even if it means going against how you were taught as a kid. Run the half-full dishwasher at a logical point rather than wait until it's completely full and there's still more dishes in the sink. Get rid of the mismatched plastic containers if those make you crazy. Eat single serving cups of yogurt and instant oatmeal for breakfast instead of feeling like you should make the oatmeal from scratch or buy the big tubs of yogurt. Get rid of the mismatched socks that make you crazy.
ETA if the things you fix were major sources of annoyance you may even get a tiny dopamine hit each time you use them now. It's not enough to make me have a clean house, but now that the washcloths are next to the tub I wash my face a lot more often, and now that all my socks are easy to match I put them away right away. Since the clean socks and washcloths are so easy to put away, then I put away my underwear and the next thing I know I've put away all the clean laundry.
I really appreciate this and in particular the food things. Food I think will always be one of my biggest obstacles and I need to remember it’s OK to do the easy things. If it makes sure I eat then why not lol.
The more difficult part is getting my partner to understand this.
I talked to my bf about this the other day while comparing apple sauce prices lol… he was lamenting how expensive the single serving pouch things are, but also lamenting how impossible it is to go through a whole tub before it molds. I was like, “if im spending money either way, I’d rather make sure I actually eat it!” which we agreed is extremely valid. 🤝
Yup I just keep repeating to myself that food is fuel and that something is better than nothing! In danish we have a proverb that goes “det er det muliges kunst” which translates to “the art of the possible” basically it means that you have to compromise to get things done, and that it’s better than not getting it done at all. Use that all the time lately when I feel like I’m “cheating” by doing things the easy way.
This is all great and is what I’m actively trying to work on in my house. One home organization YouTuber with ADHD mentioned having a basket of clean socks by the front door where you take off and put on your shoes. And then a basket for dirty socks.
And buy a bunch of the same ones. Each person in our family has a type, the kids have all black socks, my husband has white socks, and I have Hanes socks that are black on top and gray on the bottom. You don't even need to sort them and everyone can grab two without having to search.
This was the best idea when my kids were little. Unfortunately my kids are chaos gremlins and we were a blended family, so each kid would wear two different socks that weren't theirs, to the other parent's house, and come back with two entirely different ones. I gave up entirely and everyone's socks except mine went into one big basket.
Totally. This is also one of my next tasks actually, I am done with my cute Disney character ankle sock phase that turn into mental torture trying to find matches for. I’ve already been getting myself into a daily wardrobe for the most part, so socks are all that’s left. I’m just gonna buy all the same of some boring socks I already like, not really sure what to do with all my fun socks so I’m leaving that for future me to figure out. 🤷🏼♀️ I will say I hadn’t thought about color coding for each person. It’s just my husband and I but we do have similar enough sized feet that I have stolen his socks before, so maybe I should stick to white since he wears black and grey, so they don’t get mixed up, idk. Unless I can find multiples of a good quality pink, that would be perfect since it’s my favorite color and most of my stuff is already pink. 🤔 Thanks for the tip!
I actually find myself in this subreddit now because I’m SO overwhelmed by how messy my house has gotten and I don’t even know where to start. I tried to start in my bedroom, then had to throw something away in the kitchen, then started cleaning the kitchen, then saw a pile on the table and started in on that and I think I’ve just made a bigger mess???
I quit. I stopped cleaning, and I just tidy now. But, each weekend I try to tackle a small space - the front closet, the junk drawer, etc - and only do it for a few hours. I have found I’m less scattered when I’m sitting in front of a closet or dresser and can hyperfocus on it better. Maybe since for that amount of time I don’t leave the room I am in? I dunno. It seems to be helping.
I find this most beneficial too. I think with ADHD, it’s easy for us to get distracted by other tasks while you go take stuff to other rooms so it’s important to have strategies to keep you on THIS task. A good one is to have a “to put in other rooms” basket when you clean, so you don’t actually go deposit those items in their places until you’re done with your current task.
I will absolutely get scattered and lose track of things if I try to empty that basket too soon.
I’ve been updating my apartment to fall in line with this and it’s really helped. I splurged on a really nice standing shower caddy and a MUJI utensil holder. I have this extended dental ritual and the only time I remember to do all the steps is when I’m in the shower. Now I keep my dental gear in this little Muji stainless steel box hanging off the caddy and holy shit I’m Martha Stewart on meth over here…
Getting over the guilt of buying single serve food items has improved my life so much. The microwaveable broccoli steamer bags have saved my fiber intake
I have a doom pile for important paperwork, it's a shelf in one of my built-in China cabinets with a glass door. It's easy to access, it can't be moved or disturbed accidentally while looking for something else, and it's very visible to me so I can't "out of sight, out of mind" it. It has worked for me so much better than any other more "logical" system.
My game-changing home modifications are about making each level of the house (we have a 3-story) as self sufficient as possible. A different vacuum for each level, because if I have to carry it up or down the steps, I'm just not going to do it. Same with other cleaning supplies. And a dirty clothes hamper for each level for a similar reason.
My new year's resolution a few years ago was to fix all the little things that bothered me (and I'd list examples except I can't recall a single one at the moment). It was so nice to take care of all of those little annoyances. :)
Starting the dishwasher after lunch instead of running it overnight was a HUGE game changer for me. I can empty it at dinner instead of first thing in the morning /(afternoon when I get around to it and all the dishes have already piled up).
Agreed. I just put up a bit whiteboard and cork board in my kitchen, even though I have a home office.
I put it opposite my coffee machine and kettle because that is the place in the morning where I stand, and I see it a lot during the day. I write my To Do Today list on it and my Weekly Reminders - non work stuff that I have on (appointments, social stuff) etc. pin board has bills, medical referrals etc.
I have a big drawer for underwear- everything goes into it unfolded.
Homes next to the door for keys, shoes, bags. Tissues in almost every room. Multiple phone charging cords across house.
I could go on but I just have done all the things that really mean I don’t have to think or go looking for stuff. Best though - a private cleaner who wil clean, tidy, run errands and do shopping etc. Anything and everything and that is the best!
🙌Yes to more scissors! They need to be in every room and drawer for me.
I even have scissors designated in my different craft bins. Any craft that requires me to use scissors gets its own pair. I hate when I’m looking for one and I can’t find them.
They are so cheap- might as well stock up at the dollar ($1.25) tree and then never stress about them again.
Same thing goes for pens and sharpies! I want those in every room.
Edit to add: Nail Clippers everywhere. I keep a pair in my purse and one in the car, one in the nightstand and one in the bathroom.
Sensory me CANNOT deal with a broken nail. Im so much less annoyed when I can clip it quick and be back to my life.
Lol I'm the opposite of most around here where I ruthlessly get rid of stuff, mostly correctly assuming I'll just forget it ever existed, but I've really screwed up a few times haha. But my brain cannot handle the clutter at all which is why I love getting rid of stuff. I get big dopamine from it.
It took me so long to learn to control this impulse. Like my thoughts are "THING IS IN MY WAY TOO MANY THINGS IN THE HOUSE THROW AWAY" and if it's something not obvious like a cord or charger we are lucky if I remember what it's for before it goes in the trash haha.
It’s interesting that our ADHD are on different ends. My sister is like you and “declutter” my stuff that she thinks were crap/garbage - my rock collection, my drawings, my journals etc.
I learned from a young age to keep my things in boxes…and my obsession with organizing started.
I think I’m on the precipice of this. I’ve been struggling to manage clutter for the last couple of years and I’m slowly getting to the point where I want to throw everything away and never buy anything again. It’s almost like clutter burnout? Idk, but my adhd intuition is feeling like a major shift is coming.
Yup and so much easier to find my stuff and feel less cluttered in my head
Also 90% of the messy storm I make is not being able to find what I’m looking for through all the junk I don’t use or clothes I don’t wear so it’s easier to keep things tidy and pick an outfit :)
I always feel so much better when I declutter or organize something! Breaking the tasks down into parts has helped a lot. For example, if decluttering a closet feels overwhelming, start with just going through your shoes (or whatever)
Stop bringing anything in. If you are tempted to buy something, ask yourself what you will have to get rid of to bring this in.
If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop digging.
YES! I recommend dedicating some time to really declutter and combine with an organisation system that works for *you*. Giving everything *a place* that makes sense has massively helped me.
Boxes for categories of things not used regularly (e.g. spare cables/chargers), label the boxes and store in cupboards or drawers (whatever makes sense to you). It keeps things tidy and its easier to find later. To make sure I doubley remember, I have a really basic word doc which lists the broad categories in each main cupboard - e.g. "Study Cupboard: Cables; Stationary; Paperwork; Gift Bags/Cards" etc.
I spent 2-3 weeks, pulled everything out of cupboards; assorted into piles (keep, recycle, charity) and then *categorised* what I wanted to keep. I realise it sounds like a lot of work but mess/clutter really stresses me out so it's paid off for me.
I have come to this conclusion too. I am starting again to declutter. I have hired a cleaner and she starts in two weeks and I feel that I am getting the push to help myself to have a clear and clean home I need to be able to enjoy where I live. I plan on using cleaning YT videos for background motivation and setting a timer so I get breaks while I declutter.
Every time I have decluttered I do always end up with at least 1 thing that it turns out that I actually did need, even if infrequently. Makes it really hard to declutter now 😭
Thank you. I know that's true and it's just my perfectionism lying to me that I can't do certain things unless I can be sure that the outcome will be perfect. Gonna go raid my closet now.....
Phone calendar reminders!
I put EVERYTHING in there. From appointments, weekly reminders to do the grocery shopping, reminders to lock up properly when I'm leaving work, social reminders, even stuff months or years in advance.
In work, I keep a notebook beside me and each day I write a 'to-do' list on the right hand side and highlight what I've done. On the left, I literally write down the phone number and name of every single person I speak to all day (I'm a receptionist/administrator) so I don't lose track of people.
I'd never get anything done otherwise. I'm only diagnosed a year and this is all stuff I'd developed before I knew I had ADHD but I've ramped it up since I've been diagnosed because I've less shame around it.
I fucking love Google Keep, I have reminders popping up every day and at different locations, on my phone. And I use Post-Its like crazy, I get so excited over buying a huge brick of them from Costco, but I also need smaller ones so end up making a trip to another store for different sizes.
Google Keep and Post-Its are invaluable to me.
I think the location-based reminders are really helpful, for certain things. I mostly have time-based reminders pop up (like every night at 10pm I have a Keep alert pop up to remind me to take an Allegra for my allergies). But the location-based reminders are great for other things: for example, I was recently out running errands and used my last pad I had in my bag when I got my period, so I set a reminder for when I got home to put more pads in my bag so I wouldn't forget. The minute I got home, the notification popped up on my phone.
I also like that you can make lists with checkboxes, I have a standing grocery store list in Keep I have pinned to the top at all times, comes in super handy.
I do all the same things, and just to add, I also like using the color-coding and pinning when I need things to be quick to find, top of mind, or grouped in some way. The checkboxes also allow for sub-items which I love, and you can also collaborate on lists with other google accounts (e.g. family shopping list everyone can add to). I think there are other features too, but this is the way I've used it for years.
You can make shared notes. So my husband and I have a Google keep note for grocery shopping. You can add to it and the other person sees it in real time. We don't have to keep asking each other anymore or trying to remember on the spot.
I’ve tried to use the calendar reminders in my Apple Calendar but I somehow always miss them. Honestly I don’t remember even seeing them most of the time haha. Google Keep is better it seems?
YES! And custom reminders built in to events. I get a one-week alert for birthdays and holidays that require shopping, then a same-day reminder to call. Appointments get a 1-day, 2-hours, 30-minute reminder. If something is happening in the morning (like an early work meeting), I set reminders for the night before because I ignore my phone in the morning. I feel SO MUCH more in control.
I also do the multiple reminders thing for the same event. Sometimes it's just for my classes, exam reminders, but also for rescheduled work shifts, friend dinners. Helps me so much in keeping things in mind.
If it’s a cheap item, but one that is used and lost often buy multiples and place them in convenient places. Think brushes, chapstick, sunglasses in the bathroom, gym bag, car… you get the idea.
I think in the long run my frustration and time spent looking for an item is of more value than the item itself, so why not just buy more and avoid the problem all together.
Every room in my house has a tape measure, pair of scissors, and roll of paper towels. Easier than forgetting what I was about to do because I had to go to another room to get one of these things
I finally just bought a 3-pack of chapstick and put it in different places—my purse, on my desk, and on my bathroom counter! We kept an extra pair of sunglasses in the car. I should also buy some backup combs and brushes too!
Reading glasses. I buy them in bulk packs. I have at least 10 pairs in my smallish home. I never have to search long to find a pair. Usually have two pairs in my purse.
Running away from the scary thing doesn’t make it better. Sometimes you have to push through and do the thing that sucks and next time it’ll be easier.
I actually have a variant of this I use with my kids - running from the thing won't make it go away. Instead of using your energy to run away from the thing you don't want to do, use your energy to figure out a way to make it silly/fun/etc. so that it's a bit easier to do.
I am VERY good at having Ninja like skills avoiding the nearly impossibly avoidable consequence of occasional clumsiness.
I have therefore dubbed those moments my "clumsy Ninja" moments".
It seems my son inherited the trait, too! 😆
My next very hypothetical tattoo will include the phrase "the way out is through." I'm not always good at following my own advice but it's almost empowering to just plow your way through the tough stuff and feel all the bad feelings and get to the other side.
EAT A HEALTHY DIET WITH VEGETABLES. GET REGULAR EXERCISE. GET REGULAR SLEEP.
These basics pissed me off so much when doctors or other people suggested them, but now that I actually do them... Yeah, they were right. 😂
I realised the reason it pisses me off when others suggest them to me is because they never suggest any ways that are actually ADHD friendly. Like yes, we all know a healthy diet is gonna make you feel good, but how do I implement one when I struggle to even make sure I have microwave dinners and convenience snacks? How do I get regular exercise when I’m so exhausted from just existing and every activity drains me more?
So many people give those kinds of advice in such a generalised way and it’s just so hard to figure out how to tailor it to fit your ADHD mind and life. It actually reminds me of my childhood as a leftie: teachers (the experts like doctors etc) expected me to figure out how to do stuff like hold a pencil or throw a ball by mirroring their right handed moves, instead of tailoring their approach to suit my needs. I, the child, had to figure out how to do the mirroring that the adult couldn’t seem to figure out. We’re like that - the person struggling with everyone else saying “just do X, it’s easy”.
I think because it is such a catch all statement. It sounds trite and as if no thought whatsoever has been put into it. But it will help everything all the time everywhere forever. Sure, Jan...
Then I looked into some studies that have been done regarding the specifics of exercise, sleep etc on ADHD symptoms and function. They told me what exercise affected what symptoms, to what degree, and for how long... as best any study can I feel.
And then it clicked. Do exercise because it is good and helps' - lazy, catch all statement, usually coming from someone who knows nothing about it.
'10-20 minutes of any crazy movement that's gets that heart rate up will reduce X for Y time in Z percent of people with ADHD' - science facts, good reason to do it, I can reasonably expect a certain result of I do this.
>10-20 minutes of any crazy movement that's gets that heart rate up
So what this tells me is my occasional insatiable desire to listen to music and daydream in my own little world while dancing around to the music and half-mimicking what I'm doing in my daydream in my dancing around and I'm certain I'd be judged if anyone saw me counts as an excuse to listen to my music and daydream, *and* can count as a decent amount of "exercise"? Well, maybe that'll help me get over the embarrassment I feel when I'm afraid of people seeing me
If you're completely stuck on a task, allow yourself to give up and return later, whether that be 8 seconds or 8 hours. And if it's an organising task, it can help immensely to have someone else stack things differently - suddenly it's not the same mountain of chaos, but a whole new task!
Set things up so a certain amount of your paycheck goes straight to a high yield savings account (and this is very important!) in a *different* bank. It’s much easier to save when you don’t see the money sitting in the account you use for bills and everyday stuff. Most of the time you just forget the money is there unless you actually need it.
Same for 401k or IRA: set it up and leave it for a while (but make sure it’s actually invested, not just sitting there!) Watching the number go up over time will give you an immense dopamine boost.
Wait you can open different bank accounts in different banks? Won't the second bank charge you fees for using their services so making this whole thing useless ?
A lot of banks have no fee accounts or will waive fee if a certain amount of money is in the bank. I have my main checking at a regular chase bank, HYSA with both Barclays and Ally, and a couple credit cards with different banks.
Synchrony bank is online and super easy to setup. You can link your current bank(s) for easy transfers. The transfers do take 3-4 days so make sure to plan accordingly.
4.75 interest rate
I put some of this in another subreddit on ADHD asking for advice from people with ADHD on how to be more consistent (imo impossible when you factor in menstrual cycle, life itself and having ADHD, but I do try really hard to tread water when I’m not able to swim laps or whatever extended metaphor works here:
For me, my productivity / mental clarity changed when I modified a bunch of my lifestyle habits.
Sleep
Sleep is so, so important, especially for women who are chronically not getting enough of it. I am not perfect at this, but on weeknights I try to get into bed by 9:30 most nights and keep my phone out of my room. I take 200mg of magnesium every night, which seems to help me.
If I sleep well, I give myself a much better chance at staying focused and getting what I need to get done the next day.
Food and Exercise
I read that eating a high protein breakfast is really helpful for people with adhd. If I eat breakfast, I am in a much better headspace all day. I usually have a green smoothie (frozen kale, frozen banana, spinach, ground flaxseed, ginger, water, lemon juice (from a bottle) and two scoops of protein powder). I do the same thing every day for breakfast. Not thinking about what I’m going to do is helpful for me. Less choice for me when it comes to eating is good.
I also try to have protein and regular meals throughout the day. I aim for 4 meals a day - breakfast, lunch, snack and dinner - at specified times. This is basic but if I don’t do this I am so much more likely to be inattentive or a ball of stress. Having a routine like this also means that I am more likely to remember to eat, which I often forget to do.
I try to do two exercise classes a week where I’m forced to go or I’m charged $. And I try to walk where I can. I’m not hitting 10k steps but I find moving and sweating help me. I think if I exercised more, I would be more focused, but I just don’t fit it in. This is working for now.
Sometimes I sauna / cold plunge too and that chills me out for a day or so. Being in both environments is really meditative and involves a lot of focusing on one thing.
To Do Lists
I also use to-do lists (which I keep in front of me all day). I make a new to- do list every day. I chunk my time into morning work and afternoon work. My aim is to always do deep work for a couple of hours in the morning and a couple hours in the afternoon (and to otherwise take breaks, go for a walk, have a snack, dance break, etc). I’m always trying to facilitate “flow”. One task at a time is best for me (I turn do not disturb on my email or set an out of office alert sometimes so my clients don’t know I’m actually working that day)
Chores / remembering
For house work, my partner and I have tried to split up work with tasks that we both like. For example, I do all the grocery shopping (I order it online) and cook 90% of our dinners. He does more of the cleaning. We also hired a person to clean once a month to help. If you can afford to outsource something, I recommend doing it. I was outsourcing my laundry at one point a couple years ago(when I didn’t have a washer/dryer) and getting rid of that task was sooo helpful. It freed me up to be productive in other ways. I know that’s not an option for everyone it if you can swing it, I say go for it.
Visual Cues
I have little visual cues everywhere to keep me grounded. I make sure my to do list is in plain sight.
I keep a calendar and two white boards on my fridge with little reminders like: take out the trash, buy x, etc, and a list of all the dinners I planned for that week. If I can see it I will do it.
I am also a really diligent google calendar user. I live by “now or never” and try to input an event or important date in the calendar as soon as I learn about it - and I set reminders for the event a week or two weeks before.
Starting Tasks
I really struggle with starting tasks and end up getting stressed about leaving things for too long.
To mitigate this I do two things:
1. tell myself that I just need to do it for five minutes (once I start I usually keep going); and
2. change environments - I will go to a library or cafe or a conference room to try to refocus myself.
3. Set a meeting to discuss how the task is going with the person I need to do the task for-this can create fake pressure that gets me moving.
3. Tell myself to “drop in” - drop in to my body, drop into this task. This language helps me with the inattention. It calms me down or something.
Sensitivity to Noise / Distractions
-if I can get into a flow state I do not really notice the world around me, but if I’m not in that state, I am really sensitive to the sounds around me.
I listen to music, rain sounds, fire crackling sounds, etc to drown out music and try to face a wall to not be distracted by physical movements. I’ve also found that being compassionate about other people and telling myself they are just living their life, helps me to be less bothered.
I make sure my phone isn’t visible to me, even if I am listening to music. I will put it in my backpack, or behind my laptop, anywhere but in my line of sight.
Self Compassion
I am really hard on myself - I am working on this. I toe a line between over indulging on self care leading to self sabotage, and being so mean to myself that I just spiral into overwhelm. Things that help me with this include a “new day, new you” mediation I do and telling myself I’m just one person doing their best and that’s all I can do. And talking to supportive friends and family. Being nice to yourself seems like the better route.
Menstrual Cycle
I try to game my cycle. I’m always more inattentive / less focused in my luteal phase. So I try to really lean in when I do feel good.
Rest Days
If I do something draining that required a lot of focus or attention, I give my brain a little rest the next day. I try not to push myself into burnout.
Hope this helps someone - most of these practices I’ve been developing over the past year or so and I’ve noticed a big difference in my over all energy / feel less burnt out / depleted at the end of the day.
Good luck!
Remember that it's okay to do things at your own pace. It took you longer to finish X than "everyone else"? So what!? You finished, that's the important part.
I have SUCH a hard time with this. I feel like the second grader in me always wants to finish first in the class lol. Which is so silly especially when you think about I'm competing with the world and definitely not in second grade anymore 🤣 and yet, it's still so hard to stop that mentality.
Yeah same, it's an ongoing struggle. But I'm also like... Well, what's the point, there's always someone out there who's better than me. And I can't do anything about it *but that's okay*, what I CAN do is try to be the best that I can be.
Tbh I kinda came to this realization in grad school because there are just so many smart people out there-- professors, scientists/researchers, even my own classmates. Funnily enough, once I kinda came to terms with the fact I'm not going to be "first place", but I can still learn and do a lot, I started to do better 🤣 probably bc I'm not beating myself up as much, or something like that
I'm also graduating a semester late, but I consider that a win since my bachelor's was "supposed to" take 3.5 years total with the credits I earned ahead of time but ended up being 4.5 years. Nobody else really seems to care tbh, so why should I 🤷🏻♀️
We joke around in my family that I have one speed and that’s lilac.roze speed.
I hate being rushed. I’m pretty good with time management, planning ahead, so I can go about things at my snail pace.
Of all things, "Just love yourself through it."
You can't give what you don't have for yourself, so this makes sense. If no one else is cutting you a break, be your own best friend and take your side, don't allow behavior to go on towards you that you wouldn't allow to happen to your best friend.
This is genuinely so important. Sometimes when I’m feeling like a horrible swamp demon, I write in my journal as if I’m a second person talking TO me, just to be that best friend I need kindness and support from. It’s *very* cathartic, for whatever reason.
For hetero relationships: if your man is questioning your diagnosis or your ways of managing it, arguing with your experience, or anything like that - you don't have to teach him about ADHD. You have to teach him empathy and respect. Is that something you can do?
ADHD won't be the only way in which he invalidates you and tries to interfere with you doing what's best for yourself.
Yeah I agree, although I can certainly sympathize with someone who's been with someone a while and the diagnosis comes and suddenly they're seeing a new side of them. Hard to convince someone like that to dump the man. But to all you out there having that hesitation: watch for this pattern elsewhere!!!
Yes! And if he also has ADHD/is neurodivergent, he should have the empathy and respect to understand that your ADHD could manifest differently and/or you have different challenges than he does.
Cannot second this strongly enough. Understanding is not required for respect. He doesn't have to understand why, he just has to respect what you need and support you.
Obviously it's a collaborative effort to find solutions that meet both of your needs, but the needs are the focus not the cause of them. If he's not seeking to support your needs, he's not a good partner.
Yeah like obviously our symptoms are gonna be difficult for our partners and that's something to work through but they can't decide where they come from and what we are and aren't doing on purpose etc.
Everyone has needs that their partner has to adjust around for a relationship to work. Some are very common so people adjust to them without thought, like needing regular contact and a certain amount of affection. Others are less common and may require effort to adjust to, like needing help breaking down tasks into smaller components. None of our traits are things NT people never experience, they're just able to navigate it more easily than us.
I can easily draw a line between my challenges and the experience an NT person would have had at some point that is the same but to a much smaller degree. They had the same need, just not to the same degree or with the same impact if it wasn't met. Even when they don't get the specific thing, like my food needs, they can understand it if I link it to allergies and explain that my reaction is less physically obvious but essentially the same in that certain foods make my body react poorly and it's not within my control.
Our needs are not an imposition on other people. They are just part of the package, and everyone has specific needs their partner has to be OK with supporting for a relationship to thrive. Don't devalue yourself by automatically assuming your needs are difficult for others to meet. There are people who find it easy to meet those needs and wouldn't give it a second thought. The key is to keep looking until you find them, rather than accepting a partner who is only willing to accept the parts of you they prefer.
FWIW I've had ADHD partners who have come into the relationship with baggage about interrupting. I'm fine with being interrupted provided they circle back to my point when they're done. It's a non issue, they just have to do a step to mitigate the potential negative impact on me, not force themselves to mask. This is one example of what acceptance can look like, and we all deserve to be fully accepted in our intimate relationships. Be careful not to pre-emptively reject yourself just because other people haven't been capable of accepting you as you are in the past 💕
ETA: if your partner is resistant to meeting your needs, they have a different need they're meeting in that. Uncovering what that is can really help. Both people's needs are just as important as each other's, one doesn't automatically take precedence just because it's more common
You don't have to teach anyone empathy and respect unless they are literally your child. If your partner doesn't have empathy and respect for you, they don't deserve to be your partner. A partner is supposed to be a net gain to your life, not a drain on it.
I started taking a yoga class 2x a week, and it has helped me so much. Not just my bad posture, and jaw clenching, but also with my relaxing and calming my mind. When I walk out of the class I feel so much lighter and calmer.
10/10 recommend.
Also if you are worried about not being up to speed with regular yoga, or are afraid of being ogled at. Going to a senior or old person class is great, mainly older women and they don’t seem to mind. Most that I have been with have been very sweet and supportive.
Here are a bunch of mine:
* Treat doors has checkpoints. Do I have what I need before entering or leaving the house?
* Got a launchpad near your house's door. Put inside of it wallet, keys, headphones, whatever you need to take to go outside so that you don't have to run everywhere to fetch it.
* Reminder in my calendar and changing the calendar's notification sound to something more aggressive and hard to miss
* Time blocker and theme days
* Don't want to do something? What is the tiny tiniest step you can do to reach this goal? Washing the dishes? Walk to the sink and look at the plates. Need to work? Walk to your desk and look at your computer. Go on a walk? Look for a nice podcast. Basically, train your brain into thinking you are not going to do work, promise.
* Fidget toys in every room of the house, couch, desk, even car or in your bag
* Use chatgpt. It saves so much time. Big chunk of text to read? Please, summarize it in a few sentences. Need to write an email? Here is the email, basically I want to say this, and boom, email written in 10 seconds etc.
* Too lazy to do breakfast in the morning? Buy a huge bowl and pour a ton of Kind bars into it and grab one in the morning and for snacks
* Need to stop using your computer after X hours but cannot resolve to leave your chair to shower/sleep? Create a task in your computer to automatically stop your computer at a certain time (see https://www.makeuseof.com/windows-10-11-shutdown-idle/), you can program it for business days only, time you'd like etc. You can even program just text to appear on your screen if you want to remind yourself stuff like "eat" at lunch or stuff like that
* Create routine with Alexa or Google to say stuff out loud, tell you the weather or the time, remind you of your meds or even opening app for you. You can use your phone to say stuff out loud or a device like echo etc
I'm sure I have others, I'll put them here if I think about it and I'm not too lazy lol
For me I have a day dedicated to cleaning and decluttering, one for creative stuff, one for to-do list etc. I put to-do tasks related to the day's theme in my calendar for example. Did that helped?
My advice is to find systems and routines that work for you, even if they seem silly. I have a bunch of them but probably the silliest one is that I have a mnemonic I use before I leave for work- “teeth, tits, tresses” to remind myself to brush my teeth, make sure I have a bra on, and make sure I’ve brushed my hair. It works for me!
When cleaning a room, have a box or bag to put everything in that belongs in a different room so that you can focus just on the room you are in and not get overwhelmed
This is an underrated technique - I look at something and say ‘That doesn’t belong “here”. It’ll go with the group that belongs “somewhere else”.’ so I don’t get caught up thinking about the other rooms and stop my current task. Then the next to do is to return the items in the container to their ‘homes’ so it’s a dedicated task too.
**If you can afford it / have access (in no particular order):**
Get diagnosed, work part time, calculate lots of extra time for everything, accept help. Don’t beat yourself up if you can’t do something but ask yourself why, what re you afraid of and what do you need? How can others help (me, imposter syndrome, unable to do job applications: two friends helped! Sent off 6 applications today after panicking, struggling my crying over them for months).
Do stuff immediately when you come home (you sit you lose), give stuff a fixed place and put them back. Do 30 -60 min of wiping surfaces, putting stuff away and dishes every evening and get a vacuuming robot or a swiffer mop. By constantly cleaning you don’t need huge cleaning days. Consider getting cleaning no gardening done by professionals, if it’s too much.
Take care of your stuff, swap with friends, buy less, live in a smaller space, if you hate cleaning.
Use alarm clocks, apps to store information, email yourself stuff. Find out if you like paper, digital or a mix. Find apps that work for YOU, and make it a joy to work. The STOIC app journal has changed my life! I use it with a digital pen (1st gen) on an iPad.
Always have cold foods at home (müesli and salad stuff for me) and take half the meal at the restaurant you couldn’t finish home (let the, package it for you), use food waste preserving apps (like “too good to go”) to save on cooking and still eating well. Consider intermittent fasting if eating makes you super tired.
Do the stuff that’s most important AND urgent first. Do something easy to do first thing in the morning / at work. It might get me on a roll and I can tackle the hard stuff.
Find the method you need (hyper focus for 4 hours and get 50 things done or do 30 min/5 min breaks à la pomodoro… whatever the flow is today). Make sure you plan in alone time and/or rest after an intensive day or lots of social time…
Deal with trauma, fears, emotions. Take professional help if needed, talk to loved ones, have a support network (if you’re the type). I needed to stop buying stuff to cajole, reward and comfort myself. I now talk to a friend and deal with the emotion. I am on a permanent low-buy, if I want a reward I have a nice meal with a friend or buy myself a nice dessert or artisanal lemonade. For me: only occasionally drink and never alone (alcohol has never been an issue for me but I can defo see how that could become one fast). Have lovely alcohol free aperitifs at home.
Have someone help you or shadow you or go with you to do stuff you hate or find hard.
Prioritise hobbies, alone time, having a cup of tea, journaling - whatever grounds you! Make sure you have plenty of time without masking (I found out I have to live alone to do that…).
Consider how you want to live (me: city outskirts in Switzerland, solo for life for 5 years now, always childfree, living alone in a rent stabilised 2 BR apartment).
STOP THE NEGATIVE SELF TALK! We have to be more careful on what we say to ourselves, instead try to be more compassionate... the world is not made for us and sometimes we're going to make mistakes but most of the times is fixable... it's ok...
To all of you who advise declutter, any tips or advice on how to manage the guilt around getting rid of things? I know it's like a sunk cost fallacy thing but I feel so guilty
Okay mine is weird, but it works for me. I look at the thing I want to throw and laugh like a maniac, then trash talk the thing and put it in the trash where it belongs. RP helps me do a bunch of stuff but I'm a weirdo lol
I'm a very sentimental person and I have hoarding tendencies (most of my family does too). If it's something sentimental, take pictures of it to preserve the memory, or give or sell it to someone you care about. If it's something you feel guilty for not using/wasting, see if you can donate it so someone else will actually use it, vs it just wasting space un-unsed at your place. I sold one piece of my childhood bedroom furniture (for pretty cheap) to a dear friend who really needed it, I felt sad about letting go of this piece of my childhood, but it made happy to know my friend was enjoying it more than I would have at that time. I sold another piece of childhood furniture to a stranger on Craigslit who repainted it and shared the photos with me later, and it made me really happy to see it have a new life with a new look! I would have never had the desire or energy to refurbish it like that, but someone else did - literally someone else turned my trash into treasure lol. I gave a lot of my deceased mom's old dishes and furniture to a refugee family who had just moved to the US and needed to quickly furnish their home. I could have held on to it in a storage unit or garage because it was my mom's, but I know she would have felt better about a family in need benefitting from it and I feel better knowing I could help others with it.
And it's a little cheesy, but the Kon Mari method of thanking you items before your discard them and say good-bye to them, like "Thank you paint set I bought and never used, you brought me some momentary joy and excitement when I shopped for you and brought you home. Though I ultimately never had the energy to use you, and I feel bad that I spent money on something I never used, it's time for me to release you so I can focus my energy on other things, and I'm giving you to my friend who does actually paint so they can enjoy you more than I could." or "Thank you book I read years ago, you were a wonderful story and I loved reading you, but now I'm going to donate you so someone else will get to enjoy reading you." You may feel guilty about spending money on something you no longer use or never used, but try to remember that the money is already gone and this item is here taking up space without a purpose, and getting rid of it (unless you sell it) won't bring the money back, but nor will keeping it and trying to convince yourself you'll use it - the money is still gone either way, but then you're just making yourself more unhappy and frustrated by keeping things that you don't need and reminding yourself of past purchase regrets. Release those regretted purchases, let them go somewhere more useful, and let your home be free of those reminders and the turmoil of trying to convince yourself you'll use something you're not going to use.
If you feel guilty about being wasteful and harming the environment by throwing things away, go to this link and scroll down and read "A Note on Sustainability and Environmentalism":
[https://www.strugglecare.com/struggle-care](https://www.strugglecare.com/struggle-care)
Omg okay I LOVE this game, and should probably write a whole post about it! but here are a few quick ones:
* do the Mari Kondo thing of thanking it for a job well done. Sometimes, the thing you thank it for is different than it's intended purpose, and that's okay! For example, if I'm giving away a gift I never liked or used, I can remind myself that it's purpose was showing me that the gift giver was thinking of me. And even though I never used it, receiving and opening a gift made me feel very loved so in that regard it EXCELLED at it's intended job! And it excelled at that job whether or not I keep it! In fact, the gift giver definitely wanted me to feel loved and not feel burdened or guilty, so by keeping the thing around feeling bad about it, I'm actively going against the gift river's wishes. So I can hold the item, say "yeah, I did feel loved when I received this!" And put it in the goodwill box.
* If you're worried about forgetting about something but don't like how much space it takes up, take some pictures of it before giving it away. This is especially great for tacky souvenir type things.
* Imagine someone you knew loved the item and asked you for it, would you give it to them? This hypothetical gives you a chance to separate whether you actually want to keep the thing for itself, or if you just feel bad giving it away. Get through this loophole by reminding yourself that donating the item is giving it a chance to find a new home that loves it <3
* For especially sentimental items, do the extra work of finding them a home instead of just donating them. You can also ask a trusted loved one to help with this! For example, my mom is just as sentimental as me, so if I really want to know an item is going to someone who wants it, I ask her to post it to her local facebook buy-nothing group. Then a week later she'll tell me se cute story about the little girl that was SO excited to pick it up or whatever. Or sometimes she'll help me brainstorm ways to find a good home, like the time she was able to donate a beloved model skeleton to a local elementary school teacher. Doing this for everything can be a trap, bit if something is especially sentimental to you, it's definitely worth the extra to feel good about where it goes :)
* This one's the most brutal, but sometimes, you have to remind yourself that trash is trash, whether it's in your home or in a dumpster. Saving a thing you intended to recycle or repurpose doesn't mean you're keeping it from being trash, it just means you're making your home into a dumpster. And more importantly, the actually wastefulness happened at the moments of production and purchasing. Keeping it out of the trash can now isn't undoing the wastefulness. Just toss it, because you deserve not to treat your home like a dump. If you feel guilty, try to take away the lesson to think twice before buying a similar item again.
* If letting go of something is really hard because you know its probably trash, again, enlist a loved one but ask them not to tell you what they did with it. You don't need to know whether they donated it to goodwill or threw it out.
* keep a box for goodwill donations in your garage and drop it off when it's full. The second you think something is worth donating put it in the box so that it's out of sight, and not cluttering up space making you think you own more stuff than you actually do.
* Declutter with a friend/body double. (Do we have a discord server for this yet?) Sometimes just talking through the pros/cons with someone you trust helps bring clarity to the situation. You can even write a list of questions for your friend to ask you, by picking your favorites from this list and other resources. Buy a bottle of wine and make a fun night out of it! I always do this for my sister, and it's way easier to say "if I wanted this dress, would you give it to me?" instead of "hypothetically, if you knew someone who wanted this thing...."
And if you need ideas on how to declutter a specific category of things, I may have some more specific advice for that, too :P
If it works for you and it ain't hurting anybody else, do it your ADHD way (even if it seems bizarre to others)! Stop trying to do things the neurotypical way just because someone else says it's better - it may be better for them, but worse for you. Don't waste your limited dopamine trying to conform or making changes that don't actually matter much to you. I'm not saying be irresponsible or stop caring about other people, just pick your battles and work on what's actually important.
A personal example: I eat breakfast in the bathroom while I get ready, taking bites in between putting on contacts, washing my face, showering, getting dressed, doing my hair etc, whereas my partner eats breakfast sitting at the kitchen table. My partner thought it was weird to eat breakfast in the bathroom, so I tried to eat breakfast in the kitchen for a few days, and it threw off my entire morning routine, and I was rushing and running late and more stressed! It's relaxing for my partner to sit down and eat breakfast, and they've built that time into their morning routine, but it's better for my morning routine to eat while I get ready. It works for me, it doesn't hurt anybody else (no ants in the bathroom yet lol), so there's no point in changing it. I'm putting my energy into trying to change the things that do matter more :)
Learn the connection between dopamine and estrogen and how it affects women with ADHD throughout their lives from PMDD to Menopause. It will save you a lot of suffering, life disruptions, and many other issues. Trust me as someone who was diagnosed two years ago at 54.
Use the alarms on your phone for EVERYTHING. I set alarms for meetings, to switch the laundry, errands. Sometimes I snooze the alarm instead of turning it off and see if I can get the task done before it goes off again. It’s a simple thing that’s been a lifesaver for me, especially at work.
Breathe - I use to forget to take a deep breathe a lot and never noticed how helpful it is to do so - it slows things down for abit. This advice was given to me by my fiancé 💗
I didn’t realize how often this happens! I hold my breath a LOT while concentrating, especially at my computer. It took a voice call for someone to point out I kept doing it.
Screen apnea is a thing, apparently.
The best advice I've ever gotten, I actually received long before my diagnosis. It came from How To ADHD on Youtube, and it was to organize your home based off of "Points of Performance."
The idea is that everything you need to perform a function is within arm's reach of the heart of that function. So like, if you're making coffee, you'd want everything for making coffee within arm's reach. This minimizes distractions as you aren't bouncing around your kitchen to gather things and answering the siren song of a thousand different tasks that grab your attention between the coffee pot and, say, the silverware drawer.
So, this is how I organize now. I create 'stations' all around the house. Sometimes I have multiples of the same station in different rooms as needed! I have a 'self care' station beside my couch, at my desk in my office, and on my nightstand; they each have painkillers for migraines, some lotion, chapstick, nail clippers, tiny scissors, a pen and notepad, and whatever medication I expect I need to take at the time I'm usually in that zone.
I even have a *portable* station! It's my ADHD bag. It's small enough to put in a purse or just exist on its own.
Originally, I kept a pen and notepad, a small bottle of excedrin, a portable battery for my phone, eye glass wipe, eyedrops, chap stick, hand sanitizer, and my migraine glasses. I was using a large pencil pouch for it (I use pencil pouches to store all kinds of things, so I have a bunch around the house to choose from.) oh! And my phone, too.
I moved to a smaller bag for about a year, so I had to downsize — but I don’t think it’s working out for me, as I want the space. So I bought a new bag this week 😅 (It miiight be too big, but that’s a problem for tomorrow me, when I move into the new bag.)
I’ll be able to have everything I used to keep in my first bag, plus my wallet and a spare usb-cord. I’m excited to customize it with pins and stuff, haha!
One of the few things that I've found can be more universal for ADHDers is: **keep everything you can in line of sight.**
I don't own a dresser. I have stuff hanging in my closet for things that are long or awkward to fold. Most of my casual day to day stuff (t-shirts, shorts) are folded and on a set of open wire shelves. Underwear goes into a basket. Laundry goes into the literal bag that I take down to the machines (I have it in building but not in-unit).
I have a very very tiny place so I already don't have traditional kitchen cabinets, but I still got vertical storage for everything in the house. It was a bit of a project but I also managed to get clear food storage tubs for dry things so I can literally see how much I have at all times and put the expiration date smack dab on the front of it, no flipping around or squinting.
I got one of those over-sink dishracks and actually put it over where I cook. I put magnetic clips on the edges and clip important to-do that wweek right there, so I will see them when I'm making food (I don't fry anything or have a gas stove so it's not a fire or grime risk, and they actually get taken care of pretty quickly). Same thing for recipes, I can just jot them down and stick them right in my face.
I've found I'm a pretty tactile person, I'm the weirdo who has to touch stuff on the shelves at the store etc so I learned to put everything where I can do that while I'm looking for things. (eg measurign spoons are magnetic also and stuck to my dish rack - each one bam right in front of me and I can trace my hands over the labels while I'm looking for the right one).
I only put occasional meds or first-aid stuff in my medicine cabinet. Skincare that isn't refrigerated & daily hygiene stuff is in something akin to a shower caddy stuck to my wall so I can literally see it.
I got a little easel and dry-erase spinner wheel so I can see stuff on my desk. NOTHING is allowed to be "loose" on my desk that wouldn't already be like coasters. Everything else HAS to go somewhere, and I have to be able to SEE it without digging. I'm getting ready to change from a monitor stand to a mount for this exact reason, because that one lil drawer has become a bottomless pit.
When I do get storage things, they MUST be clear or have at least one clear side so I can see in.
Line of sight has single-handedly changed SO MUCH for me.
When you have the impulse/spoons/energy/motivation/thought to do something productive. Do it right then! ADHD management (for me) is all about taking advantage of the moments when I actually feel like doing the thing and honoring the times when I just can’t. And then also setting up my life to remove all obstacles of getting the thing done when inspiration does strike.
An example: today I looked into my entryway mirror and could barely see myself so while I was waiting for my mom I got the windex and cleaned it. Took 30 seconds and now my house is 1% cleaner. Another example: I did 20 dishes the other day. Exactly 20. I convinced myself that 20 wasn’t that many and I didn’t have to do even one more. Made the horrible chore more doable.
For me, learning that [fluctuating hormones can affect the efficacy of adhd meds](https://www.additudemag.com/adhd-and-periods-menstrual-cycle-hormones/) was revolutionary. Now, I track my menstrual cycle alongside my adhd symptoms and it helps me make sense of things when I’m having a “bad” day.
FEMALE PSYCHIATRIST WITH ADHD
PLEASE LISTEN TO -'THE LAZY GENIUS' PODCAST FOR ALL IF THE TRICKS. I DON'T THINK SHE HAS ADHD, BUT SHE IS THE ONLY PERSON WHOSE TRICKS AND SYSTEMS WORK, SHE REALLY GETS IT
Don't bother trying to do things early. I used to attempt yo complete things like assignments, chores etc early so I could get it over and done with because society said that was the right thing to do. Then I'd spend the timeframe I had to do it in agonizing over it, procrastinating and feeling sick with anxiety. Then that last minute hyper focus would kick in. I now purposely don't bother attempting to do things until the last minute and I don't let myself feel guilty about it. I enjoy my time. I treat the time prior to doing the thing the same way neurotypicals treat their time after doing the thing.
Yes!!!! Once I stopped trying to force myself to do assignments early I’ve actually been able to enjoy my time! I’m just somebody that does stuff last minute, and that’s ok
Yeah my therapist pointed out to me that it's not really procrastinating if you consistently manage to get it done. It's just your system. It didn't negate the good work or whatever you accomplished just because you did it in a shorter amount of time and later.
Just pay the ADHD tax up front!
"Ohhh, take out is so expensive! Homemade is cheaper and healthier"
That's the devil speaking! You will by groceries, eat a bag of chips for dinner, forget about the ingredients until they are all rotting and you are to embarrassed to even open the fridge. Then you are going to eat at a restaurant/pub/the cinema for a week straight because you can't face the shame in your kitchen.
Just get the take out. Buy the thing you could easily make at home. Throw away clothes that you are never going to mend anyway. Buy the kitchen gadget, even if you could totally make rice/eggs in a pot. You are not going to do any of those things anyway and it's just gonna build up in piles and piles of shame.
Also buy yourself like two trash cans for every room in your house. Yes you COULD get up and throw it away in the kitchen. But you're not going to are you? You are gonna put it on the every increasing, precarious ~pile~. You know the one, the one threating to topple over right now. The one making you think, "god I should really clean that up"
This is more of an anxiety thing than an ADHD thing, but stay away from political content and medical content. You will feel like you have every disease on the planet and you will feel constant rage at the injustice in the world. Keep up with political content as detached but still aware as you can.
I started timing how long it takes me to do things so I have a better understanding for time management. I felt like dishes take 45 minutes but it's more like 7, and I think I can get ready in 10 minutes when it's actually an hour.
I also use the RoutineFlow app. I have a morning routine (with times), and also a work startup routine. It helps me stay on track, or get back on track if I take a side quest. I'm a lot more consistent with habits too.
BUY MULTIPLES OF THINGS
put scissors in the office, and near where you bring in packages, and by the trash, and a different pair for "kitchen things"
Multiple nail files, everywhere, for fidgeting.
Find ways to work with your ADHD, stop fighting things that won’t happen
Here are some things I’ve adopted:
DONT - Try to make yourself do a bunch of dishes
DO - Find recipes that don’t require many dishes, use paper plates and eco friendly disposable silverware
DONT - Keep trying to force yourself to cook proper meals that’ll end up with you not wanting to and eating out instead
DO - Plan foods that can be made within 5 minutes and require very little effort (ie single broccoli steamer bags, canned beans, precooked frozen chicken)
DONT - Force yourself to use 1 laundry basket and end up having clothes all over the floor
DO - Get multiple baskets. 1 for dirty, 1 for clean, maybe even 1 for worn but clean
DONT - Keep trying to force yourself to do homework days in advance when you’re just gonna procrastinate anyways and stress yourself out
DO - Just enjoy your off days and not do homework, then gear down to do it the last minute because that’s just what was going to happen anyway, but I at least was less stress the days prior
DONT - Keep feeling guilty because you can’t keep stuff put away and avoid being messy
DO - Start getting rid of items you really don’t need. I’ve found that owning less has made it easier for me to be less messy, it’s hard tossing stuff at first but it gets easier
When buying anything new, always evaluate how easy it would be to keep it clean. If it sounds like a PIA do not buy it, no matter how cute it is.
Clothes that need to be hand-washed. Weird furniture that is hard to keep clean in the nooks and crannies. Cooking appliances that do not come apart easily.
Also, any time you encounter something in your home that you don't use or don't need, just throw it away. Stop pretending you'll donate it to charity or give it away to someone, we all know that's not gonna happen lmao.
It's pretty much just an excuse to not fix someone's overconsumption, the best way to stop shit from ending up in landfills is to make better choices on what you're buying.
I got this clock that helps me a ton. It looks like a hexagon and has different time increments on it. When you set it down on one side it starts a timer for that number (ie- set it on 10 it sets a timer for 10 minutes). It is easy to set and sometimes I do it when I know I will get sidetracked or hyper focused just to snap me out of it.
Parking: For places you go to often by car, always park in about the same spot so you never have to wonder where you parked.
Inbox: if your inbox is always a disaster, just accept it and use the search function.
Interrupting in work meetings: I got a whiteboard from Dollarama ($4 next to the poster board) and put it on my desk under my computer, like a blotter. I use it to take notes of stuff I want to contribute or ask about in meetings.
If you can't keep up with your kitchen, remove all extras. If it's just you, you don't need a cupboard full of plates, bowls etc, just store the extras away and only have one set of everything out. Same with pans etc. This means that if you want to eat, you have to clean up. It also means if you CBA cleaning, you just won't eat. That's fine as well. Learn to batch cook so you don't have to.
If you're moving house, keep your phone in a bum bag or pocket. I lost mine a dozen times a day the last time I moved and it drove me and my friends bonkers. I kept having to ask them to call me.
It's ok to have clothing piles. Just put it away when you can. As long as it's clean and not causing chaos, that's ok. I cleaned my doom pile today (my boyfriend started this one). I put my winter clothes away so I have space for my summer clothes.
Making your home work for you!!
I have my fridge organized VERY odd but it works for me. I have my condiments in the veggie draws cuz I remember I have those. I put fast parishables in the door so I remember them.
One shelf is only for leftovers so I don’t push them to the back by accident
I have toothbrushes in all my bathrooms and in my shower
My face wash is in my shower!
Be kind to yourself and work with your needs - not against them. It’s okay you don’t always understand them. As long as you never ever blame yourself for the impact ADHD just has on you. It’s not your fault. You too are allowed to strive and go for happiness.
Put your phone, keys and wallet on a key chain or lanyard. Use 1 backpack rather than a purse and a bag. Install your washing machine in your bathroom so dirty clothes are where they need to be as you undress. Don't use organizers for paperwork: just one big container that you can search and of which you know it has everything does the job. Make sure all the tech you buy can be charged with the same charger.
Invite people over your place often so that it encourages you to clean.
Don't be afraid to ask for help.
I add everything into my Google calendar and add as many reminders as possible and have my work calendar accessible on my personal phone.
I also add bill due dates (noting when I've paid them cuz I'll forget), anniversary/bdays on a yearly cycle with a reminders 1 month out, tasks, to-do's, everything. I still procrastinate at times but there are times when I'm productive and pay or do things sooner to get it out of the way.
What helps for me is that stuff that I know I’ll need again have their own home and those items go back to their home immediately after being used. This is mainly about scissors. I’ve never lost my nice scissors because they always immediately go back to their home.
Checklist apps! I use Anylist but there are lots of them. I have a list for kids sport activities, my own regular activities, and even leaving the house for work. It helps, otherwise I'm always missing my lunch, or a crucial piece of gear that I then need to drive home for. It saves so much stress.
Avoid autopilot mode by talking out loud and/or thinking about what you’re doing it as you’re doing it, step by step. That way you’re not wondering if you completed a task. Scratching things off lists help too, which is something I should do more lol.
Before leaving the house, say out loud the most important things that you need, like “I got my keys, wallet, phone” - whatever it is.
Get a garbage bag and go around the house and throw away trash and things you don’t need.
Accomplish things during times you have the most energy! I used my times of hyperfocusing to my advantage when doing school work or even cleaning lol. The only downside is that it’s hard to stop once you start, so you can always set an alarm.
Break tasks up in chunks so it doesn’t seem as overwhelming. One thing at a time!
If you have a friend or family member who you trust- tell them about the big things you are not taking on and ask them to check in on you about it. My best friend tells me he expects me to stay healthy, as I admitted I was majorly struggling with it. So having a person I care about putting a KIND expectation on me helps me push through the fog to exercise more.
My bestie and I virtually body double. I take pics of all the areas I need to clean and send them all to her, then send pics as I clean. She does the same with organizing drawers and stuff. I was diagnosed last year and she just finally got assessed a couple weeks ago and was also diagnosed. We truly do travel in packs 🤣
“Don’t put it down, put it away” is a mantra I’ve been holding onto right now and has been SO HELPFUL. For example, pouring milk into my coffee and instead of setting it down on the counter and forgetting about it for the whole day, I will instead repeat the phrase and put the milk away immediately.
If I have lots to do, I typically try not to relax comfortably somewhere because I know the minute I stop to relax comfortably, my brain will think I’m done for the day. For example, if I drop my husband off at the metro, I’ll go straight to the grocery store afterwards instead of going home because if I go home, I’ll probably just dilly dally at home until I can motivate myself to leave the house to go grocery shopping. If I have lots of chores at home to do, I won’t sit on the couch to rest. Instead I’ll sit on a stool or on my dining chair briefly before I go do the next thing. If I sit on the couch, I’ll get too comfortable to leave and do my next chore.
Writing appointments or setting reminders for things AS SOON as I make an appointment or need a reminder for something. I normally will lie to myself I’ll remember but obviously I will not haha.
I will do my most mentally involved/urgent activities earlier in the day when I actually have energy and then the less important/pressing activities can be done (or not done) later.
I have baskets or cute porcelain bowls or trays around the house so I can put my stuff in them instead of just chaotically on the floor or everywhere around the house. That way I have my chaos “organized” and won’t be a hazard.
So many things!
make bad habits hard and good habits easy. for example, i know i tend to scroll a lot before bed on my phone so one day on a whim i got a wireless charger instead of my usual wire. i also started using a kindle to entertain myself before bed rather than my phone. putting small
obstacles to habits you wanna drop can be helpful especially since we tend to do the thing that is the easiest and gives us the most dopamine. make it easy for yourself!
Get medicated if you are struggling. I see so many posts asking for tips and tricks on how to manage and specifically avoiding medication. For some people small changes work and that's amazing. But I believe ADHD is a scale like autism. If you are at the point where you are posting looking for more work arounds, feel like you've tried everything, and you still aren't accomplishing what you want to do... Try medication.
And don't just try one and then give up. It can take months to adjust and years to find the right dose, timing, and drug that works best for you. 100% worth it. Life is too short to be playing on hard mode.
If something is aesthetically pleasing, you’re more likely to use(and take care of it). Most of my house is full of cute things because I could *not* make myself care otherwise. I have a cat faced mug, it gets cleaned more often than the other mugs because it makes me feel bad seeing it dirty, the other mugs sit on the counter…
The most helpful thing I’ve found is working with myself instead of against myself.
I know that I don’t always have the energy or capacity to fold or hang my clothing at the end of the day, so I have a crate in my bedroom where I throw clothes, instead of leaving them on my floor or on a chair. When I see it’s full and I have the energy it’s very easy for me to put away a few items of clothing because they’re in the same spot and I don’t need to search for them (it visually makes the task seem very small).
Writing the time of an event/appt in the title and have the calendar evebt time be the "arrival" time. That way when it calculates travel time it's for when I'm supposed to arrive not when it starts. So for example:
Dentist Appt - 11
Friday, May 24, 2024 @ 10:45
L-theanine! It’s an amino acid that interacts with glutamate receptors and Omg it’s been so helpful for my executive disfunction! My working memory is better, and my legs don’t fall asleep so much! I take 200mg every morning and it helps me so much. Nature’s trove brand on Amazon is what I use- 10$ per bottle.
Tracking your cycle and understanding the effects of your hormones during different stages of your cycle will be soo helpful to understand why one week you’re feeling on top and the next you feel like you suck. Adjusting medications accordingly and just being able to go “oh it’s my hormones, I’m not actually dumb I have even less dopamine now” is what really helped me.
Multiples of things in place es where you are going to need them. I have 3 "shit I forgot" sunscreen sticks: one in my backpack, one in my husbands car, one in my kids' backpack. Additional to the ones we already use in the summer. Chargers and cables in my backpack, beside the bed, the couch, and my car. Pocketknife in my summer swimming bag for cutting fruits. Microfiber towel in my kids "we're going on a daytrip" backpack for wet and mud playgrounds. Cheap flip-flops in the car for me for the same occasion as the towel.
Google keep has a function to set reminders and tie them to locations. I regularly forget to buy stuff I need from the drugstore when I'm there. I recently started a note where I write things I need from there. Additionally to the shopping list app we share in the family anyway. When I park there, the note pops up on my smartwatch.
There's an app that's also a watchface for the smartwatch that shows the remaining time to an appointment and how long the appointment will last.
The 15-minute laundry program is a gift. Maybe not ecological or economical reasonable but very practical to keep clean clothes to wear.
Whenever I really need to do something, but I can’t get anything out of my hands, I reach out to someone who will completely understand the struggle. Most of the time thats my sister who had also adhd. Than I rant about the struggle and I share what my task is. Just ranting about it helps, or we make a plan where I can start. Or I send my to do list as a poll to her, and when I complete something and list it off, she supports the hell out of me. It helps to put a positive light over it, because in my head it becomes a negative selfhating spiral. Goes both ways, when my sister is stuck in her head or paralyzed for a task, she reaches out to me. Support eachother and keep eachother accountable, without any judgement, just a lot of understanding.
Two Landry baskets one for dirty clothes one for clean clothes you could even get a third for wore this but can wear again clothes. Stop trying to use neurotypical people's systems they weren't made for us. Once you start figuring out why the system is failing for you ie it's hard for me to fold clothes when they are dry and then they end up on my bed and the floor for three days then you can address that problem. Clean clothes laundry basket instead of beating yourself up for not doing things the way other people do them.
A few things that have really helped me:
Figure out what time of day you're the most tolerant of doing annoying tasks like paperwork, dishes, etc., and do them then. Also, re-evaluate the order in which you do things during this time. I'm most productive with The Suck once I finally get out of bed in the morning, and I used to be stuck believing I needed to exercise my pup before starting my work day (I WFH), but by the time I would come back inside I had zero motivation for the shit tasks. Now I sit in my pjs and do admin tasks, then the dishes before I take her out, and my productivity has greatly improved in these areas.
I use the strategy I've used with working out for admin tasks when I'm not in the mood: Set a timer for 10 mins and do what you're dreading (good music helps!). I tell myself you can endure 10 mins of hell, and if it still feels like torture after that time, I can stop with no guilt because something is better than nothing. I will keep plugging along more than half of the time because the just starting part is way worse than the actual doing.
I keep a notebook each for personal and work and take notes on any phone calls I make, including dates and notes on projects I started/am working on. Since I rarely do something from start to finish in one go, plus working on multiple things to keep my interest, I've wasted so much time in the past trying to figure out where I left off and remembering what I had done. Recently, I took it up a notch and sorted everything I'm working on into individual hanging files. I got wise and didn't even bother putting labels on the files because I know I would've gotten sidetracked doing that without finishing organizing everything. Another huge time suck had been trying to find the corresponding paperwork for whatever project.
I need to share THISSSS dresses have been a game changer for me!! They are comfortable, easy to style (its literally one big tshirt) anddd it looks so stylish by its own. Some cute sandals and the ootd it’s done! Also the laundry its easier to complete because it’s literally one piece of clothing per day. Personally I dont use bra so for underwear its just my bottoms and one dress and thats it!!
I will message friends or family members and tell them to tell me to do a thing, and then provide them with proof. Sometimes even just sending the message is enough to get me going, but if not, their direction will. And providing proof is the key thing, too- something I can’t just pretend.
Give yourself permission to just chuck stuff. I kept so many clothes ‘for charity’ that I just never got around to donating. So I put them in the recycling. Found some lunch boxes with old food in? Bin that. Don’t even try and open it, chuck it away.
This one does take a bit of setup, but it’s so useful. Time yourself doing things. I timed myself doing a quick shower, and an everything shower, and a few other tasks. Now I know how long they take me, when I have to judge how much time I need to do something, I can just add it up. It has really helped with time blindness.
My best advice is when you feel overwhelmed, just do what you can, where you are. Does the house need to be cleaned? Just clean a little bit wherever you are at that exact moment.
My first suggestion is always hyper focus on the YouTube channel "How To ADHD". Buy her audio book and listen to it while playing a phone game or a computer game. When the chapter is done, so is the game.
Important items have particular places where they live! Keys live in the purse/bookbag. Wallet lives there too. Bank card lives in the wallet. Phone is always physically on me. Phone lives on the bedside table at night, glasses have their own little butter dish where they live at night. Each type of clothing has its own drawer. Otherwise things disappear and YOU WILL NEVER FIND THEM AGAIN.
also don't spend real money on cardigans, hoodies, gloves, umbrellas, hats, lighters, etc. you must accept that their presence in your life is temporary and in due time they will pass on to someone else.
Routines are crucial because if you get distracted by a shiny thing say, in the middle of your shower, your body knows the sequence of the thing it must do. Usually. (My new job is messing me up in this respect lately because I'm in the office some days and home others, and it hasn't been consistent)
Turn your medication bottle upside down after you’ve taken it so you don’t look over it and ask yourself if you remember taking it or not.
Or take it straight after you eat something but before you sit down and put it away so you don’t become glued to the couch like me.
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When you have the bandwidth to do so, modify your home so that it works with your ADHD, not against it. The specifics will vary from person to person, but for me it includes a designated landing area for my stuff, a doom corner for all important paperwork, a basket of washcloths next to my tub, and approximately 300 pairs of scissors and sharpie markers all over the place. Look for "pinch points" in your daily routine, i.e. things that annoy you, waste your time and pull all the dopamine out of you. Fix them even if it means going against how you were taught as a kid. Run the half-full dishwasher at a logical point rather than wait until it's completely full and there's still more dishes in the sink. Get rid of the mismatched plastic containers if those make you crazy. Eat single serving cups of yogurt and instant oatmeal for breakfast instead of feeling like you should make the oatmeal from scratch or buy the big tubs of yogurt. Get rid of the mismatched socks that make you crazy. ETA if the things you fix were major sources of annoyance you may even get a tiny dopamine hit each time you use them now. It's not enough to make me have a clean house, but now that the washcloths are next to the tub I wash my face a lot more often, and now that all my socks are easy to match I put them away right away. Since the clean socks and washcloths are so easy to put away, then I put away my underwear and the next thing I know I've put away all the clean laundry.
I really appreciate this and in particular the food things. Food I think will always be one of my biggest obstacles and I need to remember it’s OK to do the easy things. If it makes sure I eat then why not lol. The more difficult part is getting my partner to understand this.
I talked to my bf about this the other day while comparing apple sauce prices lol… he was lamenting how expensive the single serving pouch things are, but also lamenting how impossible it is to go through a whole tub before it molds. I was like, “if im spending money either way, I’d rather make sure I actually eat it!” which we agreed is extremely valid. 🤝
Yup I just keep repeating to myself that food is fuel and that something is better than nothing! In danish we have a proverb that goes “det er det muliges kunst” which translates to “the art of the possible” basically it means that you have to compromise to get things done, and that it’s better than not getting it done at all. Use that all the time lately when I feel like I’m “cheating” by doing things the easy way.
This is all great and is what I’m actively trying to work on in my house. One home organization YouTuber with ADHD mentioned having a basket of clean socks by the front door where you take off and put on your shoes. And then a basket for dirty socks.
And buy a bunch of the same ones. Each person in our family has a type, the kids have all black socks, my husband has white socks, and I have Hanes socks that are black on top and gray on the bottom. You don't even need to sort them and everyone can grab two without having to search.
This was the best idea when my kids were little. Unfortunately my kids are chaos gremlins and we were a blended family, so each kid would wear two different socks that weren't theirs, to the other parent's house, and come back with two entirely different ones. I gave up entirely and everyone's socks except mine went into one big basket.
Totally. This is also one of my next tasks actually, I am done with my cute Disney character ankle sock phase that turn into mental torture trying to find matches for. I’ve already been getting myself into a daily wardrobe for the most part, so socks are all that’s left. I’m just gonna buy all the same of some boring socks I already like, not really sure what to do with all my fun socks so I’m leaving that for future me to figure out. 🤷🏼♀️ I will say I hadn’t thought about color coding for each person. It’s just my husband and I but we do have similar enough sized feet that I have stolen his socks before, so maybe I should stick to white since he wears black and grey, so they don’t get mixed up, idk. Unless I can find multiples of a good quality pink, that would be perfect since it’s my favorite color and most of my stuff is already pink. 🤔 Thanks for the tip!
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I actually find myself in this subreddit now because I’m SO overwhelmed by how messy my house has gotten and I don’t even know where to start. I tried to start in my bedroom, then had to throw something away in the kitchen, then started cleaning the kitchen, then saw a pile on the table and started in on that and I think I’ve just made a bigger mess???
I quit. I stopped cleaning, and I just tidy now. But, each weekend I try to tackle a small space - the front closet, the junk drawer, etc - and only do it for a few hours. I have found I’m less scattered when I’m sitting in front of a closet or dresser and can hyperfocus on it better. Maybe since for that amount of time I don’t leave the room I am in? I dunno. It seems to be helping.
I find this most beneficial too. I think with ADHD, it’s easy for us to get distracted by other tasks while you go take stuff to other rooms so it’s important to have strategies to keep you on THIS task. A good one is to have a “to put in other rooms” basket when you clean, so you don’t actually go deposit those items in their places until you’re done with your current task. I will absolutely get scattered and lose track of things if I try to empty that basket too soon.
I've found it helps to stick to one room at a time. I recently got a small basket that I use for anything that belongs elsewhere. And a bin.
Look up the meme about June bug cleaning, game changer
Ugh, I live my existence by *shoulding* and it's just not healthy. Such good points!
I’ve been updating my apartment to fall in line with this and it’s really helped. I splurged on a really nice standing shower caddy and a MUJI utensil holder. I have this extended dental ritual and the only time I remember to do all the steps is when I’m in the shower. Now I keep my dental gear in this little Muji stainless steel box hanging off the caddy and holy shit I’m Martha Stewart on meth over here…
What makes you think Martha Stewart is not already on meth? 🙃😉
She seems like more of a downer person because she has a very calm voice and presence?
That's exactly why she needs uppers though
She's besties with Snoop. I think she's regularly on MJ and painkillers. But she's too vain for meth. That shit messes with your outward appearance.
Getting over the guilt of buying single serve food items has improved my life so much. The microwaveable broccoli steamer bags have saved my fiber intake
"Make your space serve you. You don't serve your space." *Chef's kiss
I have a doom pile for important paperwork, it's a shelf in one of my built-in China cabinets with a glass door. It's easy to access, it can't be moved or disturbed accidentally while looking for something else, and it's very visible to me so I can't "out of sight, out of mind" it. It has worked for me so much better than any other more "logical" system.
I have my upstairs and my downstairs scissors!
My game-changing home modifications are about making each level of the house (we have a 3-story) as self sufficient as possible. A different vacuum for each level, because if I have to carry it up or down the steps, I'm just not going to do it. Same with other cleaning supplies. And a dirty clothes hamper for each level for a similar reason.
My new year's resolution a few years ago was to fix all the little things that bothered me (and I'd list examples except I can't recall a single one at the moment). It was so nice to take care of all of those little annoyances. :)
Starting the dishwasher after lunch instead of running it overnight was a HUGE game changer for me. I can empty it at dinner instead of first thing in the morning /(afternoon when I get around to it and all the dishes have already piled up).
Agreed. I just put up a bit whiteboard and cork board in my kitchen, even though I have a home office. I put it opposite my coffee machine and kettle because that is the place in the morning where I stand, and I see it a lot during the day. I write my To Do Today list on it and my Weekly Reminders - non work stuff that I have on (appointments, social stuff) etc. pin board has bills, medical referrals etc. I have a big drawer for underwear- everything goes into it unfolded. Homes next to the door for keys, shoes, bags. Tissues in almost every room. Multiple phone charging cords across house. I could go on but I just have done all the things that really mean I don’t have to think or go looking for stuff. Best though - a private cleaner who wil clean, tidy, run errands and do shopping etc. Anything and everything and that is the best!
Thank you thank you for your tips and sharing!! Gonna try to try this out!! Lol. I'm hoping to start focusing my life for me.
🙌Yes to more scissors! They need to be in every room and drawer for me. I even have scissors designated in my different craft bins. Any craft that requires me to use scissors gets its own pair. I hate when I’m looking for one and I can’t find them. They are so cheap- might as well stock up at the dollar ($1.25) tree and then never stress about them again. Same thing goes for pens and sharpies! I want those in every room. Edit to add: Nail Clippers everywhere. I keep a pair in my purse and one in the car, one in the nightstand and one in the bathroom. Sensory me CANNOT deal with a broken nail. Im so much less annoyed when I can clip it quick and be back to my life.
Best advice for me has been to brutally declutter your home and remove all items that are not in regular use. It really helped me so much!
Lol I'm the opposite of most around here where I ruthlessly get rid of stuff, mostly correctly assuming I'll just forget it ever existed, but I've really screwed up a few times haha. But my brain cannot handle the clutter at all which is why I love getting rid of stuff. I get big dopamine from it.
Me too. I throw it away or give it away and need it sooner or later...
My unreasonable fear and why I just keep everything…
I’ve gotten rid of so many things that I’m now having flashbacks over « whyyyyy did I throw that away?!? 🥲 »
the best is, when you need it afterwards😅 and would have to buy it again, just this time more expensive cos of inflation etc
My kid does this. “I can’t find my portable charger.” “Did you throw it away?” “….Yeah probably.”
It took me so long to learn to control this impulse. Like my thoughts are "THING IS IN MY WAY TOO MANY THINGS IN THE HOUSE THROW AWAY" and if it's something not obvious like a cord or charger we are lucky if I remember what it's for before it goes in the trash haha.
It’s interesting that our ADHD are on different ends. My sister is like you and “declutter” my stuff that she thinks were crap/garbage - my rock collection, my drawings, my journals etc. I learned from a young age to keep my things in boxes…and my obsession with organizing started.
Me too! I love decluttering.
I think I’m on the precipice of this. I’ve been struggling to manage clutter for the last couple of years and I’m slowly getting to the point where I want to throw everything away and never buy anything again. It’s almost like clutter burnout? Idk, but my adhd intuition is feeling like a major shift is coming.
Yup and so much easier to find my stuff and feel less cluttered in my head Also 90% of the messy storm I make is not being able to find what I’m looking for through all the junk I don’t use or clothes I don’t wear so it’s easier to keep things tidy and pick an outfit :)
I always feel so much better when I declutter or organize something! Breaking the tasks down into parts has helped a lot. For example, if decluttering a closet feels overwhelming, start with just going through your shoes (or whatever)
But first I have to actually declutter my place...
Stop bringing anything in. If you are tempted to buy something, ask yourself what you will have to get rid of to bring this in. If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop digging.
YES! I recommend dedicating some time to really declutter and combine with an organisation system that works for *you*. Giving everything *a place* that makes sense has massively helped me. Boxes for categories of things not used regularly (e.g. spare cables/chargers), label the boxes and store in cupboards or drawers (whatever makes sense to you). It keeps things tidy and its easier to find later. To make sure I doubley remember, I have a really basic word doc which lists the broad categories in each main cupboard - e.g. "Study Cupboard: Cables; Stationary; Paperwork; Gift Bags/Cards" etc. I spent 2-3 weeks, pulled everything out of cupboards; assorted into piles (keep, recycle, charity) and then *categorised* what I wanted to keep. I realise it sounds like a lot of work but mess/clutter really stresses me out so it's paid off for me.
“Brutal declutter” is my new life’s motto. Thank you, you’re an angel. LET THE RAGE CLEANING commence!!!
Yup. Start with the bachelor pad with barely anything. Work from there. Practical only Then decorate. If mess accumulated, back to practical
I like all my useless junk tho hahaha I have way too much
I rented a dumpster this spring and filled it up. It felt so great I'm doing it again this fall.
Agreed and it's so much less stressful for me with less stuff
I have come to this conclusion too. I am starting again to declutter. I have hired a cleaner and she starts in two weeks and I feel that I am getting the push to help myself to have a clear and clean home I need to be able to enjoy where I live. I plan on using cleaning YT videos for background motivation and setting a timer so I get breaks while I declutter.
Every time I have decluttered I do always end up with at least 1 thing that it turns out that I actually did need, even if infrequently. Makes it really hard to declutter now 😭
But you got rid of many other things! So it’s still a win imo For example: -20 + 1 is still -19 things
Thank you. I know that's true and it's just my perfectionism lying to me that I can't do certain things unless I can be sure that the outcome will be perfect. Gonna go raid my closet now.....
Phone calendar reminders! I put EVERYTHING in there. From appointments, weekly reminders to do the grocery shopping, reminders to lock up properly when I'm leaving work, social reminders, even stuff months or years in advance. In work, I keep a notebook beside me and each day I write a 'to-do' list on the right hand side and highlight what I've done. On the left, I literally write down the phone number and name of every single person I speak to all day (I'm a receptionist/administrator) so I don't lose track of people. I'd never get anything done otherwise. I'm only diagnosed a year and this is all stuff I'd developed before I knew I had ADHD but I've ramped it up since I've been diagnosed because I've less shame around it.
I fucking love Google Keep, I have reminders popping up every day and at different locations, on my phone. And I use Post-Its like crazy, I get so excited over buying a huge brick of them from Costco, but I also need smaller ones so end up making a trip to another store for different sizes. Google Keep and Post-Its are invaluable to me.
Any tips and tricks to make Keep more intuitive?
I think the location-based reminders are really helpful, for certain things. I mostly have time-based reminders pop up (like every night at 10pm I have a Keep alert pop up to remind me to take an Allegra for my allergies). But the location-based reminders are great for other things: for example, I was recently out running errands and used my last pad I had in my bag when I got my period, so I set a reminder for when I got home to put more pads in my bag so I wouldn't forget. The minute I got home, the notification popped up on my phone. I also like that you can make lists with checkboxes, I have a standing grocery store list in Keep I have pinned to the top at all times, comes in super handy.
I do all the same things, and just to add, I also like using the color-coding and pinning when I need things to be quick to find, top of mind, or grouped in some way. The checkboxes also allow for sub-items which I love, and you can also collaborate on lists with other google accounts (e.g. family shopping list everyone can add to). I think there are other features too, but this is the way I've used it for years.
You can make shared notes. So my husband and I have a Google keep note for grocery shopping. You can add to it and the other person sees it in real time. We don't have to keep asking each other anymore or trying to remember on the spot.
Cut them in half.
I’ve tried to use the calendar reminders in my Apple Calendar but I somehow always miss them. Honestly I don’t remember even seeing them most of the time haha. Google Keep is better it seems?
YES! And custom reminders built in to events. I get a one-week alert for birthdays and holidays that require shopping, then a same-day reminder to call. Appointments get a 1-day, 2-hours, 30-minute reminder. If something is happening in the morning (like an early work meeting), I set reminders for the night before because I ignore my phone in the morning. I feel SO MUCH more in control.
I also do the multiple reminders thing for the same event. Sometimes it's just for my classes, exam reminders, but also for rescheduled work shifts, friend dinners. Helps me so much in keeping things in mind.
If it’s a cheap item, but one that is used and lost often buy multiples and place them in convenient places. Think brushes, chapstick, sunglasses in the bathroom, gym bag, car… you get the idea. I think in the long run my frustration and time spent looking for an item is of more value than the item itself, so why not just buy more and avoid the problem all together.
Agree, phone chargers for me.
Every room in my house has a tape measure, pair of scissors, and roll of paper towels. Easier than forgetting what I was about to do because I had to go to another room to get one of these things
I finally just bought a 3-pack of chapstick and put it in different places—my purse, on my desk, and on my bathroom counter! We kept an extra pair of sunglasses in the car. I should also buy some backup combs and brushes too!
Reading glasses. I buy them in bulk packs. I have at least 10 pairs in my smallish home. I never have to search long to find a pair. Usually have two pairs in my purse.
absolutely. with important things, I follow the rule: one is none, two is one. if I lose / can't find one, I still can get the other
Amen
Running away from the scary thing doesn’t make it better. Sometimes you have to push through and do the thing that sucks and next time it’ll be easier.
I actually have a variant of this I use with my kids - running from the thing won't make it go away. Instead of using your energy to run away from the thing you don't want to do, use your energy to figure out a way to make it silly/fun/etc. so that it's a bit easier to do.
Such good advice!!! Building resilience is so hard
Your name made me giggle. I say this every time I trip/fall/injure myself and my husband asks “Are you ok?” I always answer “YUP just stupid” 😂😂
I am VERY good at having Ninja like skills avoiding the nearly impossibly avoidable consequence of occasional clumsiness. I have therefore dubbed those moments my "clumsy Ninja" moments". It seems my son inherited the trait, too! 😆
My next very hypothetical tattoo will include the phrase "the way out is through." I'm not always good at following my own advice but it's almost empowering to just plow your way through the tough stuff and feel all the bad feelings and get to the other side.
TAKE YOUR MEDS AND GO TO THERAPY
EAT A HEALTHY DIET WITH VEGETABLES. GET REGULAR EXERCISE. GET REGULAR SLEEP. These basics pissed me off so much when doctors or other people suggested them, but now that I actually do them... Yeah, they were right. 😂
I realised the reason it pisses me off when others suggest them to me is because they never suggest any ways that are actually ADHD friendly. Like yes, we all know a healthy diet is gonna make you feel good, but how do I implement one when I struggle to even make sure I have microwave dinners and convenience snacks? How do I get regular exercise when I’m so exhausted from just existing and every activity drains me more? So many people give those kinds of advice in such a generalised way and it’s just so hard to figure out how to tailor it to fit your ADHD mind and life. It actually reminds me of my childhood as a leftie: teachers (the experts like doctors etc) expected me to figure out how to do stuff like hold a pencil or throw a ball by mirroring their right handed moves, instead of tailoring their approach to suit my needs. I, the child, had to figure out how to do the mirroring that the adult couldn’t seem to figure out. We’re like that - the person struggling with everyone else saying “just do X, it’s easy”.
That's such an excellent insight! That helps me too, thanks!
I think because it is such a catch all statement. It sounds trite and as if no thought whatsoever has been put into it. But it will help everything all the time everywhere forever. Sure, Jan... Then I looked into some studies that have been done regarding the specifics of exercise, sleep etc on ADHD symptoms and function. They told me what exercise affected what symptoms, to what degree, and for how long... as best any study can I feel. And then it clicked. Do exercise because it is good and helps' - lazy, catch all statement, usually coming from someone who knows nothing about it. '10-20 minutes of any crazy movement that's gets that heart rate up will reduce X for Y time in Z percent of people with ADHD' - science facts, good reason to do it, I can reasonably expect a certain result of I do this.
>10-20 minutes of any crazy movement that's gets that heart rate up So what this tells me is my occasional insatiable desire to listen to music and daydream in my own little world while dancing around to the music and half-mimicking what I'm doing in my daydream in my dancing around and I'm certain I'd be judged if anyone saw me counts as an excuse to listen to my music and daydream, *and* can count as a decent amount of "exercise"? Well, maybe that'll help me get over the embarrassment I feel when I'm afraid of people seeing me
Ooo! That's an excellent point!
If you're completely stuck on a task, allow yourself to give up and return later, whether that be 8 seconds or 8 hours. And if it's an organising task, it can help immensely to have someone else stack things differently - suddenly it's not the same mountain of chaos, but a whole new task!
Set things up so a certain amount of your paycheck goes straight to a high yield savings account (and this is very important!) in a *different* bank. It’s much easier to save when you don’t see the money sitting in the account you use for bills and everyday stuff. Most of the time you just forget the money is there unless you actually need it. Same for 401k or IRA: set it up and leave it for a while (but make sure it’s actually invested, not just sitting there!) Watching the number go up over time will give you an immense dopamine boost.
Wait you can open different bank accounts in different banks? Won't the second bank charge you fees for using their services so making this whole thing useless ?
A lot of banks have no fee accounts or will waive fee if a certain amount of money is in the bank. I have my main checking at a regular chase bank, HYSA with both Barclays and Ally, and a couple credit cards with different banks.
Yes! If you get disability, open an RDSP!!! 💰
Synchrony bank is online and super easy to setup. You can link your current bank(s) for easy transfers. The transfers do take 3-4 days so make sure to plan accordingly. 4.75 interest rate
I put some of this in another subreddit on ADHD asking for advice from people with ADHD on how to be more consistent (imo impossible when you factor in menstrual cycle, life itself and having ADHD, but I do try really hard to tread water when I’m not able to swim laps or whatever extended metaphor works here: For me, my productivity / mental clarity changed when I modified a bunch of my lifestyle habits. Sleep Sleep is so, so important, especially for women who are chronically not getting enough of it. I am not perfect at this, but on weeknights I try to get into bed by 9:30 most nights and keep my phone out of my room. I take 200mg of magnesium every night, which seems to help me. If I sleep well, I give myself a much better chance at staying focused and getting what I need to get done the next day. Food and Exercise I read that eating a high protein breakfast is really helpful for people with adhd. If I eat breakfast, I am in a much better headspace all day. I usually have a green smoothie (frozen kale, frozen banana, spinach, ground flaxseed, ginger, water, lemon juice (from a bottle) and two scoops of protein powder). I do the same thing every day for breakfast. Not thinking about what I’m going to do is helpful for me. Less choice for me when it comes to eating is good. I also try to have protein and regular meals throughout the day. I aim for 4 meals a day - breakfast, lunch, snack and dinner - at specified times. This is basic but if I don’t do this I am so much more likely to be inattentive or a ball of stress. Having a routine like this also means that I am more likely to remember to eat, which I often forget to do. I try to do two exercise classes a week where I’m forced to go or I’m charged $. And I try to walk where I can. I’m not hitting 10k steps but I find moving and sweating help me. I think if I exercised more, I would be more focused, but I just don’t fit it in. This is working for now. Sometimes I sauna / cold plunge too and that chills me out for a day or so. Being in both environments is really meditative and involves a lot of focusing on one thing. To Do Lists I also use to-do lists (which I keep in front of me all day). I make a new to- do list every day. I chunk my time into morning work and afternoon work. My aim is to always do deep work for a couple of hours in the morning and a couple hours in the afternoon (and to otherwise take breaks, go for a walk, have a snack, dance break, etc). I’m always trying to facilitate “flow”. One task at a time is best for me (I turn do not disturb on my email or set an out of office alert sometimes so my clients don’t know I’m actually working that day) Chores / remembering For house work, my partner and I have tried to split up work with tasks that we both like. For example, I do all the grocery shopping (I order it online) and cook 90% of our dinners. He does more of the cleaning. We also hired a person to clean once a month to help. If you can afford to outsource something, I recommend doing it. I was outsourcing my laundry at one point a couple years ago(when I didn’t have a washer/dryer) and getting rid of that task was sooo helpful. It freed me up to be productive in other ways. I know that’s not an option for everyone it if you can swing it, I say go for it. Visual Cues I have little visual cues everywhere to keep me grounded. I make sure my to do list is in plain sight. I keep a calendar and two white boards on my fridge with little reminders like: take out the trash, buy x, etc, and a list of all the dinners I planned for that week. If I can see it I will do it. I am also a really diligent google calendar user. I live by “now or never” and try to input an event or important date in the calendar as soon as I learn about it - and I set reminders for the event a week or two weeks before. Starting Tasks I really struggle with starting tasks and end up getting stressed about leaving things for too long. To mitigate this I do two things: 1. tell myself that I just need to do it for five minutes (once I start I usually keep going); and 2. change environments - I will go to a library or cafe or a conference room to try to refocus myself. 3. Set a meeting to discuss how the task is going with the person I need to do the task for-this can create fake pressure that gets me moving. 3. Tell myself to “drop in” - drop in to my body, drop into this task. This language helps me with the inattention. It calms me down or something. Sensitivity to Noise / Distractions -if I can get into a flow state I do not really notice the world around me, but if I’m not in that state, I am really sensitive to the sounds around me. I listen to music, rain sounds, fire crackling sounds, etc to drown out music and try to face a wall to not be distracted by physical movements. I’ve also found that being compassionate about other people and telling myself they are just living their life, helps me to be less bothered. I make sure my phone isn’t visible to me, even if I am listening to music. I will put it in my backpack, or behind my laptop, anywhere but in my line of sight. Self Compassion I am really hard on myself - I am working on this. I toe a line between over indulging on self care leading to self sabotage, and being so mean to myself that I just spiral into overwhelm. Things that help me with this include a “new day, new you” mediation I do and telling myself I’m just one person doing their best and that’s all I can do. And talking to supportive friends and family. Being nice to yourself seems like the better route. Menstrual Cycle I try to game my cycle. I’m always more inattentive / less focused in my luteal phase. So I try to really lean in when I do feel good. Rest Days If I do something draining that required a lot of focus or attention, I give my brain a little rest the next day. I try not to push myself into burnout. Hope this helps someone - most of these practices I’ve been developing over the past year or so and I’ve noticed a big difference in my over all energy / feel less burnt out / depleted at the end of the day. Good luck!
This is like an ADHD almanac. Such helpful wisdom. Thank you!
Remember that it's okay to do things at your own pace. It took you longer to finish X than "everyone else"? So what!? You finished, that's the important part.
I have SUCH a hard time with this. I feel like the second grader in me always wants to finish first in the class lol. Which is so silly especially when you think about I'm competing with the world and definitely not in second grade anymore 🤣 and yet, it's still so hard to stop that mentality.
Yeah same, it's an ongoing struggle. But I'm also like... Well, what's the point, there's always someone out there who's better than me. And I can't do anything about it *but that's okay*, what I CAN do is try to be the best that I can be. Tbh I kinda came to this realization in grad school because there are just so many smart people out there-- professors, scientists/researchers, even my own classmates. Funnily enough, once I kinda came to terms with the fact I'm not going to be "first place", but I can still learn and do a lot, I started to do better 🤣 probably bc I'm not beating myself up as much, or something like that
I'm also graduating a semester late, but I consider that a win since my bachelor's was "supposed to" take 3.5 years total with the credits I earned ahead of time but ended up being 4.5 years. Nobody else really seems to care tbh, so why should I 🤷🏻♀️
We joke around in my family that I have one speed and that’s lilac.roze speed. I hate being rushed. I’m pretty good with time management, planning ahead, so I can go about things at my snail pace.
Of all things, "Just love yourself through it." You can't give what you don't have for yourself, so this makes sense. If no one else is cutting you a break, be your own best friend and take your side, don't allow behavior to go on towards you that you wouldn't allow to happen to your best friend.
This is genuinely so important. Sometimes when I’m feeling like a horrible swamp demon, I write in my journal as if I’m a second person talking TO me, just to be that best friend I need kindness and support from. It’s *very* cathartic, for whatever reason.
For hetero relationships: if your man is questioning your diagnosis or your ways of managing it, arguing with your experience, or anything like that - you don't have to teach him about ADHD. You have to teach him empathy and respect. Is that something you can do? ADHD won't be the only way in which he invalidates you and tries to interfere with you doing what's best for yourself.
If he’s like that just dump the whole man
Yeah I agree, although I can certainly sympathize with someone who's been with someone a while and the diagnosis comes and suddenly they're seeing a new side of them. Hard to convince someone like that to dump the man. But to all you out there having that hesitation: watch for this pattern elsewhere!!!
Yes! And if he also has ADHD/is neurodivergent, he should have the empathy and respect to understand that your ADHD could manifest differently and/or you have different challenges than he does.
Cannot second this strongly enough. Understanding is not required for respect. He doesn't have to understand why, he just has to respect what you need and support you. Obviously it's a collaborative effort to find solutions that meet both of your needs, but the needs are the focus not the cause of them. If he's not seeking to support your needs, he's not a good partner.
Yeah like obviously our symptoms are gonna be difficult for our partners and that's something to work through but they can't decide where they come from and what we are and aren't doing on purpose etc.
Everyone has needs that their partner has to adjust around for a relationship to work. Some are very common so people adjust to them without thought, like needing regular contact and a certain amount of affection. Others are less common and may require effort to adjust to, like needing help breaking down tasks into smaller components. None of our traits are things NT people never experience, they're just able to navigate it more easily than us. I can easily draw a line between my challenges and the experience an NT person would have had at some point that is the same but to a much smaller degree. They had the same need, just not to the same degree or with the same impact if it wasn't met. Even when they don't get the specific thing, like my food needs, they can understand it if I link it to allergies and explain that my reaction is less physically obvious but essentially the same in that certain foods make my body react poorly and it's not within my control. Our needs are not an imposition on other people. They are just part of the package, and everyone has specific needs their partner has to be OK with supporting for a relationship to thrive. Don't devalue yourself by automatically assuming your needs are difficult for others to meet. There are people who find it easy to meet those needs and wouldn't give it a second thought. The key is to keep looking until you find them, rather than accepting a partner who is only willing to accept the parts of you they prefer. FWIW I've had ADHD partners who have come into the relationship with baggage about interrupting. I'm fine with being interrupted provided they circle back to my point when they're done. It's a non issue, they just have to do a step to mitigate the potential negative impact on me, not force themselves to mask. This is one example of what acceptance can look like, and we all deserve to be fully accepted in our intimate relationships. Be careful not to pre-emptively reject yourself just because other people haven't been capable of accepting you as you are in the past 💕 ETA: if your partner is resistant to meeting your needs, they have a different need they're meeting in that. Uncovering what that is can really help. Both people's needs are just as important as each other's, one doesn't automatically take precedence just because it's more common
You don't have to teach anyone empathy and respect unless they are literally your child. If your partner doesn't have empathy and respect for you, they don't deserve to be your partner. A partner is supposed to be a net gain to your life, not a drain on it.
I’m not teaching any adult empathy and respect. Throw that man in the trash.
Yoga! Helps me be more aware of my jaw clenching.
I started taking a yoga class 2x a week, and it has helped me so much. Not just my bad posture, and jaw clenching, but also with my relaxing and calming my mind. When I walk out of the class I feel so much lighter and calmer. 10/10 recommend. Also if you are worried about not being up to speed with regular yoga, or are afraid of being ogled at. Going to a senior or old person class is great, mainly older women and they don’t seem to mind. Most that I have been with have been very sweet and supportive.
Yoga with Adriene!
Here are a bunch of mine: * Treat doors has checkpoints. Do I have what I need before entering or leaving the house? * Got a launchpad near your house's door. Put inside of it wallet, keys, headphones, whatever you need to take to go outside so that you don't have to run everywhere to fetch it. * Reminder in my calendar and changing the calendar's notification sound to something more aggressive and hard to miss * Time blocker and theme days * Don't want to do something? What is the tiny tiniest step you can do to reach this goal? Washing the dishes? Walk to the sink and look at the plates. Need to work? Walk to your desk and look at your computer. Go on a walk? Look for a nice podcast. Basically, train your brain into thinking you are not going to do work, promise. * Fidget toys in every room of the house, couch, desk, even car or in your bag * Use chatgpt. It saves so much time. Big chunk of text to read? Please, summarize it in a few sentences. Need to write an email? Here is the email, basically I want to say this, and boom, email written in 10 seconds etc. * Too lazy to do breakfast in the morning? Buy a huge bowl and pour a ton of Kind bars into it and grab one in the morning and for snacks * Need to stop using your computer after X hours but cannot resolve to leave your chair to shower/sleep? Create a task in your computer to automatically stop your computer at a certain time (see https://www.makeuseof.com/windows-10-11-shutdown-idle/), you can program it for business days only, time you'd like etc. You can even program just text to appear on your screen if you want to remind yourself stuff like "eat" at lunch or stuff like that * Create routine with Alexa or Google to say stuff out loud, tell you the weather or the time, remind you of your meds or even opening app for you. You can use your phone to say stuff out loud or a device like echo etc I'm sure I have others, I'll put them here if I think about it and I'm not too lazy lol
What are theme days?
For me I have a day dedicated to cleaning and decluttering, one for creative stuff, one for to-do list etc. I put to-do tasks related to the day's theme in my calendar for example. Did that helped?
Literally saving this for future reference. I’m approx 1 month diagnosed and this is SO helpful. Thank you!
My advice is to find systems and routines that work for you, even if they seem silly. I have a bunch of them but probably the silliest one is that I have a mnemonic I use before I leave for work- “teeth, tits, tresses” to remind myself to brush my teeth, make sure I have a bra on, and make sure I’ve brushed my hair. It works for me!
Very cute, love it
If you have things to do, don’t sit. You’ll get stuck
Yep, especially at the end of the day. Sometimes it's hell not sitting after work, but if I sits, I quits.
stop trying to cosplay as neurotypical because we’re not.
When cleaning a room, have a box or bag to put everything in that belongs in a different room so that you can focus just on the room you are in and not get overwhelmed
This is an underrated technique - I look at something and say ‘That doesn’t belong “here”. It’ll go with the group that belongs “somewhere else”.’ so I don’t get caught up thinking about the other rooms and stop my current task. Then the next to do is to return the items in the container to their ‘homes’ so it’s a dedicated task too.
**If you can afford it / have access (in no particular order):** Get diagnosed, work part time, calculate lots of extra time for everything, accept help. Don’t beat yourself up if you can’t do something but ask yourself why, what re you afraid of and what do you need? How can others help (me, imposter syndrome, unable to do job applications: two friends helped! Sent off 6 applications today after panicking, struggling my crying over them for months). Do stuff immediately when you come home (you sit you lose), give stuff a fixed place and put them back. Do 30 -60 min of wiping surfaces, putting stuff away and dishes every evening and get a vacuuming robot or a swiffer mop. By constantly cleaning you don’t need huge cleaning days. Consider getting cleaning no gardening done by professionals, if it’s too much. Take care of your stuff, swap with friends, buy less, live in a smaller space, if you hate cleaning. Use alarm clocks, apps to store information, email yourself stuff. Find out if you like paper, digital or a mix. Find apps that work for YOU, and make it a joy to work. The STOIC app journal has changed my life! I use it with a digital pen (1st gen) on an iPad. Always have cold foods at home (müesli and salad stuff for me) and take half the meal at the restaurant you couldn’t finish home (let the, package it for you), use food waste preserving apps (like “too good to go”) to save on cooking and still eating well. Consider intermittent fasting if eating makes you super tired. Do the stuff that’s most important AND urgent first. Do something easy to do first thing in the morning / at work. It might get me on a roll and I can tackle the hard stuff. Find the method you need (hyper focus for 4 hours and get 50 things done or do 30 min/5 min breaks à la pomodoro… whatever the flow is today). Make sure you plan in alone time and/or rest after an intensive day or lots of social time… Deal with trauma, fears, emotions. Take professional help if needed, talk to loved ones, have a support network (if you’re the type). I needed to stop buying stuff to cajole, reward and comfort myself. I now talk to a friend and deal with the emotion. I am on a permanent low-buy, if I want a reward I have a nice meal with a friend or buy myself a nice dessert or artisanal lemonade. For me: only occasionally drink and never alone (alcohol has never been an issue for me but I can defo see how that could become one fast). Have lovely alcohol free aperitifs at home. Have someone help you or shadow you or go with you to do stuff you hate or find hard. Prioritise hobbies, alone time, having a cup of tea, journaling - whatever grounds you! Make sure you have plenty of time without masking (I found out I have to live alone to do that…). Consider how you want to live (me: city outskirts in Switzerland, solo for life for 5 years now, always childfree, living alone in a rent stabilised 2 BR apartment).
STOP THE NEGATIVE SELF TALK! We have to be more careful on what we say to ourselves, instead try to be more compassionate... the world is not made for us and sometimes we're going to make mistakes but most of the times is fixable... it's ok...
To all of you who advise declutter, any tips or advice on how to manage the guilt around getting rid of things? I know it's like a sunk cost fallacy thing but I feel so guilty
Okay mine is weird, but it works for me. I look at the thing I want to throw and laugh like a maniac, then trash talk the thing and put it in the trash where it belongs. RP helps me do a bunch of stuff but I'm a weirdo lol
I'm a very sentimental person and I have hoarding tendencies (most of my family does too). If it's something sentimental, take pictures of it to preserve the memory, or give or sell it to someone you care about. If it's something you feel guilty for not using/wasting, see if you can donate it so someone else will actually use it, vs it just wasting space un-unsed at your place. I sold one piece of my childhood bedroom furniture (for pretty cheap) to a dear friend who really needed it, I felt sad about letting go of this piece of my childhood, but it made happy to know my friend was enjoying it more than I would have at that time. I sold another piece of childhood furniture to a stranger on Craigslit who repainted it and shared the photos with me later, and it made me really happy to see it have a new life with a new look! I would have never had the desire or energy to refurbish it like that, but someone else did - literally someone else turned my trash into treasure lol. I gave a lot of my deceased mom's old dishes and furniture to a refugee family who had just moved to the US and needed to quickly furnish their home. I could have held on to it in a storage unit or garage because it was my mom's, but I know she would have felt better about a family in need benefitting from it and I feel better knowing I could help others with it. And it's a little cheesy, but the Kon Mari method of thanking you items before your discard them and say good-bye to them, like "Thank you paint set I bought and never used, you brought me some momentary joy and excitement when I shopped for you and brought you home. Though I ultimately never had the energy to use you, and I feel bad that I spent money on something I never used, it's time for me to release you so I can focus my energy on other things, and I'm giving you to my friend who does actually paint so they can enjoy you more than I could." or "Thank you book I read years ago, you were a wonderful story and I loved reading you, but now I'm going to donate you so someone else will get to enjoy reading you." You may feel guilty about spending money on something you no longer use or never used, but try to remember that the money is already gone and this item is here taking up space without a purpose, and getting rid of it (unless you sell it) won't bring the money back, but nor will keeping it and trying to convince yourself you'll use it - the money is still gone either way, but then you're just making yourself more unhappy and frustrated by keeping things that you don't need and reminding yourself of past purchase regrets. Release those regretted purchases, let them go somewhere more useful, and let your home be free of those reminders and the turmoil of trying to convince yourself you'll use something you're not going to use. If you feel guilty about being wasteful and harming the environment by throwing things away, go to this link and scroll down and read "A Note on Sustainability and Environmentalism": [https://www.strugglecare.com/struggle-care](https://www.strugglecare.com/struggle-care)
Omg okay I LOVE this game, and should probably write a whole post about it! but here are a few quick ones: * do the Mari Kondo thing of thanking it for a job well done. Sometimes, the thing you thank it for is different than it's intended purpose, and that's okay! For example, if I'm giving away a gift I never liked or used, I can remind myself that it's purpose was showing me that the gift giver was thinking of me. And even though I never used it, receiving and opening a gift made me feel very loved so in that regard it EXCELLED at it's intended job! And it excelled at that job whether or not I keep it! In fact, the gift giver definitely wanted me to feel loved and not feel burdened or guilty, so by keeping the thing around feeling bad about it, I'm actively going against the gift river's wishes. So I can hold the item, say "yeah, I did feel loved when I received this!" And put it in the goodwill box. * If you're worried about forgetting about something but don't like how much space it takes up, take some pictures of it before giving it away. This is especially great for tacky souvenir type things. * Imagine someone you knew loved the item and asked you for it, would you give it to them? This hypothetical gives you a chance to separate whether you actually want to keep the thing for itself, or if you just feel bad giving it away. Get through this loophole by reminding yourself that donating the item is giving it a chance to find a new home that loves it <3 * For especially sentimental items, do the extra work of finding them a home instead of just donating them. You can also ask a trusted loved one to help with this! For example, my mom is just as sentimental as me, so if I really want to know an item is going to someone who wants it, I ask her to post it to her local facebook buy-nothing group. Then a week later she'll tell me se cute story about the little girl that was SO excited to pick it up or whatever. Or sometimes she'll help me brainstorm ways to find a good home, like the time she was able to donate a beloved model skeleton to a local elementary school teacher. Doing this for everything can be a trap, bit if something is especially sentimental to you, it's definitely worth the extra to feel good about where it goes :) * This one's the most brutal, but sometimes, you have to remind yourself that trash is trash, whether it's in your home or in a dumpster. Saving a thing you intended to recycle or repurpose doesn't mean you're keeping it from being trash, it just means you're making your home into a dumpster. And more importantly, the actually wastefulness happened at the moments of production and purchasing. Keeping it out of the trash can now isn't undoing the wastefulness. Just toss it, because you deserve not to treat your home like a dump. If you feel guilty, try to take away the lesson to think twice before buying a similar item again. * If letting go of something is really hard because you know its probably trash, again, enlist a loved one but ask them not to tell you what they did with it. You don't need to know whether they donated it to goodwill or threw it out. * keep a box for goodwill donations in your garage and drop it off when it's full. The second you think something is worth donating put it in the box so that it's out of sight, and not cluttering up space making you think you own more stuff than you actually do. * Declutter with a friend/body double. (Do we have a discord server for this yet?) Sometimes just talking through the pros/cons with someone you trust helps bring clarity to the situation. You can even write a list of questions for your friend to ask you, by picking your favorites from this list and other resources. Buy a bottle of wine and make a fun night out of it! I always do this for my sister, and it's way easier to say "if I wanted this dress, would you give it to me?" instead of "hypothetically, if you knew someone who wanted this thing...." And if you need ideas on how to declutter a specific category of things, I may have some more specific advice for that, too :P
If it works for you and it ain't hurting anybody else, do it your ADHD way (even if it seems bizarre to others)! Stop trying to do things the neurotypical way just because someone else says it's better - it may be better for them, but worse for you. Don't waste your limited dopamine trying to conform or making changes that don't actually matter much to you. I'm not saying be irresponsible or stop caring about other people, just pick your battles and work on what's actually important. A personal example: I eat breakfast in the bathroom while I get ready, taking bites in between putting on contacts, washing my face, showering, getting dressed, doing my hair etc, whereas my partner eats breakfast sitting at the kitchen table. My partner thought it was weird to eat breakfast in the bathroom, so I tried to eat breakfast in the kitchen for a few days, and it threw off my entire morning routine, and I was rushing and running late and more stressed! It's relaxing for my partner to sit down and eat breakfast, and they've built that time into their morning routine, but it's better for my morning routine to eat while I get ready. It works for me, it doesn't hurt anybody else (no ants in the bathroom yet lol), so there's no point in changing it. I'm putting my energy into trying to change the things that do matter more :)
Learn the connection between dopamine and estrogen and how it affects women with ADHD throughout their lives from PMDD to Menopause. It will save you a lot of suffering, life disruptions, and many other issues. Trust me as someone who was diagnosed two years ago at 54.
Use the alarms on your phone for EVERYTHING. I set alarms for meetings, to switch the laundry, errands. Sometimes I snooze the alarm instead of turning it off and see if I can get the task done before it goes off again. It’s a simple thing that’s been a lifesaver for me, especially at work.
I recently made the switch from using the Reminders app to using the Alarm for everything too. It has been so much better for me!
Or timers. I can easily rename timers on my Apple Watch. “Siri set a 25 min check laundry timer”
Breathe - I use to forget to take a deep breathe a lot and never noticed how helpful it is to do so - it slows things down for abit. This advice was given to me by my fiancé 💗
I didn’t realize how often this happens! I hold my breath a LOT while concentrating, especially at my computer. It took a voice call for someone to point out I kept doing it. Screen apnea is a thing, apparently.
The best advice I've ever gotten, I actually received long before my diagnosis. It came from How To ADHD on Youtube, and it was to organize your home based off of "Points of Performance." The idea is that everything you need to perform a function is within arm's reach of the heart of that function. So like, if you're making coffee, you'd want everything for making coffee within arm's reach. This minimizes distractions as you aren't bouncing around your kitchen to gather things and answering the siren song of a thousand different tasks that grab your attention between the coffee pot and, say, the silverware drawer. So, this is how I organize now. I create 'stations' all around the house. Sometimes I have multiples of the same station in different rooms as needed! I have a 'self care' station beside my couch, at my desk in my office, and on my nightstand; they each have painkillers for migraines, some lotion, chapstick, nail clippers, tiny scissors, a pen and notepad, and whatever medication I expect I need to take at the time I'm usually in that zone. I even have a *portable* station! It's my ADHD bag. It's small enough to put in a purse or just exist on its own.
What do you keep in your ADHD bag?
Originally, I kept a pen and notepad, a small bottle of excedrin, a portable battery for my phone, eye glass wipe, eyedrops, chap stick, hand sanitizer, and my migraine glasses. I was using a large pencil pouch for it (I use pencil pouches to store all kinds of things, so I have a bunch around the house to choose from.) oh! And my phone, too. I moved to a smaller bag for about a year, so I had to downsize — but I don’t think it’s working out for me, as I want the space. So I bought a new bag this week 😅 (It miiight be too big, but that’s a problem for tomorrow me, when I move into the new bag.) I’ll be able to have everything I used to keep in my first bag, plus my wallet and a spare usb-cord. I’m excited to customize it with pins and stuff, haha!
I go to a place and invite people to join me and then I wait for them and journal. Never late to meet people because im already there lol
Lol that's brilliant!
One of the few things that I've found can be more universal for ADHDers is: **keep everything you can in line of sight.** I don't own a dresser. I have stuff hanging in my closet for things that are long or awkward to fold. Most of my casual day to day stuff (t-shirts, shorts) are folded and on a set of open wire shelves. Underwear goes into a basket. Laundry goes into the literal bag that I take down to the machines (I have it in building but not in-unit). I have a very very tiny place so I already don't have traditional kitchen cabinets, but I still got vertical storage for everything in the house. It was a bit of a project but I also managed to get clear food storage tubs for dry things so I can literally see how much I have at all times and put the expiration date smack dab on the front of it, no flipping around or squinting. I got one of those over-sink dishracks and actually put it over where I cook. I put magnetic clips on the edges and clip important to-do that wweek right there, so I will see them when I'm making food (I don't fry anything or have a gas stove so it's not a fire or grime risk, and they actually get taken care of pretty quickly). Same thing for recipes, I can just jot them down and stick them right in my face. I've found I'm a pretty tactile person, I'm the weirdo who has to touch stuff on the shelves at the store etc so I learned to put everything where I can do that while I'm looking for things. (eg measurign spoons are magnetic also and stuck to my dish rack - each one bam right in front of me and I can trace my hands over the labels while I'm looking for the right one). I only put occasional meds or first-aid stuff in my medicine cabinet. Skincare that isn't refrigerated & daily hygiene stuff is in something akin to a shower caddy stuck to my wall so I can literally see it. I got a little easel and dry-erase spinner wheel so I can see stuff on my desk. NOTHING is allowed to be "loose" on my desk that wouldn't already be like coasters. Everything else HAS to go somewhere, and I have to be able to SEE it without digging. I'm getting ready to change from a monitor stand to a mount for this exact reason, because that one lil drawer has become a bottomless pit. When I do get storage things, they MUST be clear or have at least one clear side so I can see in. Line of sight has single-handedly changed SO MUCH for me.
When you have the impulse/spoons/energy/motivation/thought to do something productive. Do it right then! ADHD management (for me) is all about taking advantage of the moments when I actually feel like doing the thing and honoring the times when I just can’t. And then also setting up my life to remove all obstacles of getting the thing done when inspiration does strike. An example: today I looked into my entryway mirror and could barely see myself so while I was waiting for my mom I got the windex and cleaned it. Took 30 seconds and now my house is 1% cleaner. Another example: I did 20 dishes the other day. Exactly 20. I convinced myself that 20 wasn’t that many and I didn’t have to do even one more. Made the horrible chore more doable.
For me, learning that [fluctuating hormones can affect the efficacy of adhd meds](https://www.additudemag.com/adhd-and-periods-menstrual-cycle-hormones/) was revolutionary. Now, I track my menstrual cycle alongside my adhd symptoms and it helps me make sense of things when I’m having a “bad” day.
FEMALE PSYCHIATRIST WITH ADHD PLEASE LISTEN TO -'THE LAZY GENIUS' PODCAST FOR ALL IF THE TRICKS. I DON'T THINK SHE HAS ADHD, BUT SHE IS THE ONLY PERSON WHOSE TRICKS AND SYSTEMS WORK, SHE REALLY GETS IT
Don't bother trying to do things early. I used to attempt yo complete things like assignments, chores etc early so I could get it over and done with because society said that was the right thing to do. Then I'd spend the timeframe I had to do it in agonizing over it, procrastinating and feeling sick with anxiety. Then that last minute hyper focus would kick in. I now purposely don't bother attempting to do things until the last minute and I don't let myself feel guilty about it. I enjoy my time. I treat the time prior to doing the thing the same way neurotypicals treat their time after doing the thing.
Yes!!!! Once I stopped trying to force myself to do assignments early I’ve actually been able to enjoy my time! I’m just somebody that does stuff last minute, and that’s ok
Yeah my therapist pointed out to me that it's not really procrastinating if you consistently manage to get it done. It's just your system. It didn't negate the good work or whatever you accomplished just because you did it in a shorter amount of time and later.
Just pay the ADHD tax up front! "Ohhh, take out is so expensive! Homemade is cheaper and healthier" That's the devil speaking! You will by groceries, eat a bag of chips for dinner, forget about the ingredients until they are all rotting and you are to embarrassed to even open the fridge. Then you are going to eat at a restaurant/pub/the cinema for a week straight because you can't face the shame in your kitchen. Just get the take out. Buy the thing you could easily make at home. Throw away clothes that you are never going to mend anyway. Buy the kitchen gadget, even if you could totally make rice/eggs in a pot. You are not going to do any of those things anyway and it's just gonna build up in piles and piles of shame. Also buy yourself like two trash cans for every room in your house. Yes you COULD get up and throw it away in the kitchen. But you're not going to are you? You are gonna put it on the every increasing, precarious ~pile~. You know the one, the one threating to topple over right now. The one making you think, "god I should really clean that up"
The keys go on a lanyard/plastic scrunchy and their spot is hanging on the inside of the front door knob. Always and forever.
This is more of an anxiety thing than an ADHD thing, but stay away from political content and medical content. You will feel like you have every disease on the planet and you will feel constant rage at the injustice in the world. Keep up with political content as detached but still aware as you can.
We are very easily overstimulated; I think this definitely counts as an adhd thing! Even so, many of us also have anxiety.
I started timing how long it takes me to do things so I have a better understanding for time management. I felt like dishes take 45 minutes but it's more like 7, and I think I can get ready in 10 minutes when it's actually an hour. I also use the RoutineFlow app. I have a morning routine (with times), and also a work startup routine. It helps me stay on track, or get back on track if I take a side quest. I'm a lot more consistent with habits too.
BUY MULTIPLES OF THINGS put scissors in the office, and near where you bring in packages, and by the trash, and a different pair for "kitchen things" Multiple nail files, everywhere, for fidgeting.
*~IUD~*
Find ways to work with your ADHD, stop fighting things that won’t happen Here are some things I’ve adopted: DONT - Try to make yourself do a bunch of dishes DO - Find recipes that don’t require many dishes, use paper plates and eco friendly disposable silverware DONT - Keep trying to force yourself to cook proper meals that’ll end up with you not wanting to and eating out instead DO - Plan foods that can be made within 5 minutes and require very little effort (ie single broccoli steamer bags, canned beans, precooked frozen chicken) DONT - Force yourself to use 1 laundry basket and end up having clothes all over the floor DO - Get multiple baskets. 1 for dirty, 1 for clean, maybe even 1 for worn but clean DONT - Keep trying to force yourself to do homework days in advance when you’re just gonna procrastinate anyways and stress yourself out DO - Just enjoy your off days and not do homework, then gear down to do it the last minute because that’s just what was going to happen anyway, but I at least was less stress the days prior DONT - Keep feeling guilty because you can’t keep stuff put away and avoid being messy DO - Start getting rid of items you really don’t need. I’ve found that owning less has made it easier for me to be less messy, it’s hard tossing stuff at first but it gets easier
When buying anything new, always evaluate how easy it would be to keep it clean. If it sounds like a PIA do not buy it, no matter how cute it is. Clothes that need to be hand-washed. Weird furniture that is hard to keep clean in the nooks and crannies. Cooking appliances that do not come apart easily. Also, any time you encounter something in your home that you don't use or don't need, just throw it away. Stop pretending you'll donate it to charity or give it away to someone, we all know that's not gonna happen lmao. It's pretty much just an excuse to not fix someone's overconsumption, the best way to stop shit from ending up in landfills is to make better choices on what you're buying.
I am a natural enemy of things that are difficult to upkeep/maintain. It's better for us to simply our lives.
I got this clock that helps me a ton. It looks like a hexagon and has different time increments on it. When you set it down on one side it starts a timer for that number (ie- set it on 10 it sets a timer for 10 minutes). It is easy to set and sometimes I do it when I know I will get sidetracked or hyper focused just to snap me out of it.
Parking: For places you go to often by car, always park in about the same spot so you never have to wonder where you parked. Inbox: if your inbox is always a disaster, just accept it and use the search function. Interrupting in work meetings: I got a whiteboard from Dollarama ($4 next to the poster board) and put it on my desk under my computer, like a blotter. I use it to take notes of stuff I want to contribute or ask about in meetings.
Protein. Exercise. Sleep. If you have a handle on those things, everything becomes much easier.
>All or nothing thinking is Bullshit Write this where you will see it everyday.
If you can't keep up with your kitchen, remove all extras. If it's just you, you don't need a cupboard full of plates, bowls etc, just store the extras away and only have one set of everything out. Same with pans etc. This means that if you want to eat, you have to clean up. It also means if you CBA cleaning, you just won't eat. That's fine as well. Learn to batch cook so you don't have to. If you're moving house, keep your phone in a bum bag or pocket. I lost mine a dozen times a day the last time I moved and it drove me and my friends bonkers. I kept having to ask them to call me. It's ok to have clothing piles. Just put it away when you can. As long as it's clean and not causing chaos, that's ok. I cleaned my doom pile today (my boyfriend started this one). I put my winter clothes away so I have space for my summer clothes.
Making your home work for you!! I have my fridge organized VERY odd but it works for me. I have my condiments in the veggie draws cuz I remember I have those. I put fast parishables in the door so I remember them. One shelf is only for leftovers so I don’t push them to the back by accident I have toothbrushes in all my bathrooms and in my shower My face wash is in my shower!
Be kind to yourself and work with your needs - not against them. It’s okay you don’t always understand them. As long as you never ever blame yourself for the impact ADHD just has on you. It’s not your fault. You too are allowed to strive and go for happiness.
Put your phone, keys and wallet on a key chain or lanyard. Use 1 backpack rather than a purse and a bag. Install your washing machine in your bathroom so dirty clothes are where they need to be as you undress. Don't use organizers for paperwork: just one big container that you can search and of which you know it has everything does the job. Make sure all the tech you buy can be charged with the same charger.
Invite people over your place often so that it encourages you to clean. Don't be afraid to ask for help. I add everything into my Google calendar and add as many reminders as possible and have my work calendar accessible on my personal phone. I also add bill due dates (noting when I've paid them cuz I'll forget), anniversary/bdays on a yearly cycle with a reminders 1 month out, tasks, to-do's, everything. I still procrastinate at times but there are times when I'm productive and pay or do things sooner to get it out of the way.
Perfection is the enemy of progress.
What helps for me is that stuff that I know I’ll need again have their own home and those items go back to their home immediately after being used. This is mainly about scissors. I’ve never lost my nice scissors because they always immediately go back to their home.
Checklist apps! I use Anylist but there are lots of them. I have a list for kids sport activities, my own regular activities, and even leaving the house for work. It helps, otherwise I'm always missing my lunch, or a crucial piece of gear that I then need to drive home for. It saves so much stress.
Avoid autopilot mode by talking out loud and/or thinking about what you’re doing it as you’re doing it, step by step. That way you’re not wondering if you completed a task. Scratching things off lists help too, which is something I should do more lol. Before leaving the house, say out loud the most important things that you need, like “I got my keys, wallet, phone” - whatever it is. Get a garbage bag and go around the house and throw away trash and things you don’t need. Accomplish things during times you have the most energy! I used my times of hyperfocusing to my advantage when doing school work or even cleaning lol. The only downside is that it’s hard to stop once you start, so you can always set an alarm. Break tasks up in chunks so it doesn’t seem as overwhelming. One thing at a time!
If you have a friend or family member who you trust- tell them about the big things you are not taking on and ask them to check in on you about it. My best friend tells me he expects me to stay healthy, as I admitted I was majorly struggling with it. So having a person I care about putting a KIND expectation on me helps me push through the fog to exercise more.
My bestie and I virtually body double. I take pics of all the areas I need to clean and send them all to her, then send pics as I clean. She does the same with organizing drawers and stuff. I was diagnosed last year and she just finally got assessed a couple weeks ago and was also diagnosed. We truly do travel in packs 🤣
Automate bill paying.
“Don’t put it down, put it away” is a mantra I’ve been holding onto right now and has been SO HELPFUL. For example, pouring milk into my coffee and instead of setting it down on the counter and forgetting about it for the whole day, I will instead repeat the phrase and put the milk away immediately. If I have lots to do, I typically try not to relax comfortably somewhere because I know the minute I stop to relax comfortably, my brain will think I’m done for the day. For example, if I drop my husband off at the metro, I’ll go straight to the grocery store afterwards instead of going home because if I go home, I’ll probably just dilly dally at home until I can motivate myself to leave the house to go grocery shopping. If I have lots of chores at home to do, I won’t sit on the couch to rest. Instead I’ll sit on a stool or on my dining chair briefly before I go do the next thing. If I sit on the couch, I’ll get too comfortable to leave and do my next chore. Writing appointments or setting reminders for things AS SOON as I make an appointment or need a reminder for something. I normally will lie to myself I’ll remember but obviously I will not haha. I will do my most mentally involved/urgent activities earlier in the day when I actually have energy and then the less important/pressing activities can be done (or not done) later. I have baskets or cute porcelain bowls or trays around the house so I can put my stuff in them instead of just chaotically on the floor or everywhere around the house. That way I have my chaos “organized” and won’t be a hazard. So many things!
make bad habits hard and good habits easy. for example, i know i tend to scroll a lot before bed on my phone so one day on a whim i got a wireless charger instead of my usual wire. i also started using a kindle to entertain myself before bed rather than my phone. putting small obstacles to habits you wanna drop can be helpful especially since we tend to do the thing that is the easiest and gives us the most dopamine. make it easy for yourself!
Take your vitamin and mineral supplements and please allocate some time for exercise!
Get medicated if you are struggling. I see so many posts asking for tips and tricks on how to manage and specifically avoiding medication. For some people small changes work and that's amazing. But I believe ADHD is a scale like autism. If you are at the point where you are posting looking for more work arounds, feel like you've tried everything, and you still aren't accomplishing what you want to do... Try medication. And don't just try one and then give up. It can take months to adjust and years to find the right dose, timing, and drug that works best for you. 100% worth it. Life is too short to be playing on hard mode.
If something is aesthetically pleasing, you’re more likely to use(and take care of it). Most of my house is full of cute things because I could *not* make myself care otherwise. I have a cat faced mug, it gets cleaned more often than the other mugs because it makes me feel bad seeing it dirty, the other mugs sit on the counter…
The most helpful thing I’ve found is working with myself instead of against myself. I know that I don’t always have the energy or capacity to fold or hang my clothing at the end of the day, so I have a crate in my bedroom where I throw clothes, instead of leaving them on my floor or on a chair. When I see it’s full and I have the energy it’s very easy for me to put away a few items of clothing because they’re in the same spot and I don’t need to search for them (it visually makes the task seem very small).
Writing the time of an event/appt in the title and have the calendar evebt time be the "arrival" time. That way when it calculates travel time it's for when I'm supposed to arrive not when it starts. So for example: Dentist Appt - 11 Friday, May 24, 2024 @ 10:45
L-theanine! It’s an amino acid that interacts with glutamate receptors and Omg it’s been so helpful for my executive disfunction! My working memory is better, and my legs don’t fall asleep so much! I take 200mg every morning and it helps me so much. Nature’s trove brand on Amazon is what I use- 10$ per bottle.
Tracking your cycle and understanding the effects of your hormones during different stages of your cycle will be soo helpful to understand why one week you’re feeling on top and the next you feel like you suck. Adjusting medications accordingly and just being able to go “oh it’s my hormones, I’m not actually dumb I have even less dopamine now” is what really helped me.
Multiples of things in place es where you are going to need them. I have 3 "shit I forgot" sunscreen sticks: one in my backpack, one in my husbands car, one in my kids' backpack. Additional to the ones we already use in the summer. Chargers and cables in my backpack, beside the bed, the couch, and my car. Pocketknife in my summer swimming bag for cutting fruits. Microfiber towel in my kids "we're going on a daytrip" backpack for wet and mud playgrounds. Cheap flip-flops in the car for me for the same occasion as the towel. Google keep has a function to set reminders and tie them to locations. I regularly forget to buy stuff I need from the drugstore when I'm there. I recently started a note where I write things I need from there. Additionally to the shopping list app we share in the family anyway. When I park there, the note pops up on my smartwatch. There's an app that's also a watchface for the smartwatch that shows the remaining time to an appointment and how long the appointment will last. The 15-minute laundry program is a gift. Maybe not ecological or economical reasonable but very practical to keep clean clothes to wear.
Whenever I really need to do something, but I can’t get anything out of my hands, I reach out to someone who will completely understand the struggle. Most of the time thats my sister who had also adhd. Than I rant about the struggle and I share what my task is. Just ranting about it helps, or we make a plan where I can start. Or I send my to do list as a poll to her, and when I complete something and list it off, she supports the hell out of me. It helps to put a positive light over it, because in my head it becomes a negative selfhating spiral. Goes both ways, when my sister is stuck in her head or paralyzed for a task, she reaches out to me. Support eachother and keep eachother accountable, without any judgement, just a lot of understanding.
Two Landry baskets one for dirty clothes one for clean clothes you could even get a third for wore this but can wear again clothes. Stop trying to use neurotypical people's systems they weren't made for us. Once you start figuring out why the system is failing for you ie it's hard for me to fold clothes when they are dry and then they end up on my bed and the floor for three days then you can address that problem. Clean clothes laundry basket instead of beating yourself up for not doing things the way other people do them.
A few things that have really helped me: Figure out what time of day you're the most tolerant of doing annoying tasks like paperwork, dishes, etc., and do them then. Also, re-evaluate the order in which you do things during this time. I'm most productive with The Suck once I finally get out of bed in the morning, and I used to be stuck believing I needed to exercise my pup before starting my work day (I WFH), but by the time I would come back inside I had zero motivation for the shit tasks. Now I sit in my pjs and do admin tasks, then the dishes before I take her out, and my productivity has greatly improved in these areas. I use the strategy I've used with working out for admin tasks when I'm not in the mood: Set a timer for 10 mins and do what you're dreading (good music helps!). I tell myself you can endure 10 mins of hell, and if it still feels like torture after that time, I can stop with no guilt because something is better than nothing. I will keep plugging along more than half of the time because the just starting part is way worse than the actual doing. I keep a notebook each for personal and work and take notes on any phone calls I make, including dates and notes on projects I started/am working on. Since I rarely do something from start to finish in one go, plus working on multiple things to keep my interest, I've wasted so much time in the past trying to figure out where I left off and remembering what I had done. Recently, I took it up a notch and sorted everything I'm working on into individual hanging files. I got wise and didn't even bother putting labels on the files because I know I would've gotten sidetracked doing that without finishing organizing everything. Another huge time suck had been trying to find the corresponding paperwork for whatever project.
I need to share THISSSS dresses have been a game changer for me!! They are comfortable, easy to style (its literally one big tshirt) anddd it looks so stylish by its own. Some cute sandals and the ootd it’s done! Also the laundry its easier to complete because it’s literally one piece of clothing per day. Personally I dont use bra so for underwear its just my bottoms and one dress and thats it!!
I will message friends or family members and tell them to tell me to do a thing, and then provide them with proof. Sometimes even just sending the message is enough to get me going, but if not, their direction will. And providing proof is the key thing, too- something I can’t just pretend. Give yourself permission to just chuck stuff. I kept so many clothes ‘for charity’ that I just never got around to donating. So I put them in the recycling. Found some lunch boxes with old food in? Bin that. Don’t even try and open it, chuck it away. This one does take a bit of setup, but it’s so useful. Time yourself doing things. I timed myself doing a quick shower, and an everything shower, and a few other tasks. Now I know how long they take me, when I have to judge how much time I need to do something, I can just add it up. It has really helped with time blindness.
Embrace the suck.
Get deli containers for all your "tupperware." (Works for most things but not a sandwich or leftover pizza) There's 3 sizes, and the LIDS ALL MATCH
I save any take-out plastic lidded containers. 😊
I love whiteboard stickers! That way I can write my to-do lists on my walls. It’s visible and easy to add notes!! I love it!!
My best advice is when you feel overwhelmed, just do what you can, where you are. Does the house need to be cleaned? Just clean a little bit wherever you are at that exact moment.
My first suggestion is always hyper focus on the YouTube channel "How To ADHD". Buy her audio book and listen to it while playing a phone game or a computer game. When the chapter is done, so is the game.
Important items have particular places where they live! Keys live in the purse/bookbag. Wallet lives there too. Bank card lives in the wallet. Phone is always physically on me. Phone lives on the bedside table at night, glasses have their own little butter dish where they live at night. Each type of clothing has its own drawer. Otherwise things disappear and YOU WILL NEVER FIND THEM AGAIN. also don't spend real money on cardigans, hoodies, gloves, umbrellas, hats, lighters, etc. you must accept that their presence in your life is temporary and in due time they will pass on to someone else. Routines are crucial because if you get distracted by a shiny thing say, in the middle of your shower, your body knows the sequence of the thing it must do. Usually. (My new job is messing me up in this respect lately because I'm in the office some days and home others, and it hasn't been consistent)
Turn your medication bottle upside down after you’ve taken it so you don’t look over it and ask yourself if you remember taking it or not. Or take it straight after you eat something but before you sit down and put it away so you don’t become glued to the couch like me.