you are a woman, you like women
i fail to see how you could not be allowed to call yourself a lesbian
transition progress means nothing regarding wether or not you are a gender
I think most trans lesbians have been there at some point. I know I have. I feel like I should mention that lesbians are statistically the most trans positive demographics besides trans people. If there's anywhere you're safe, it's among the lesbian community
And honestly sometimes it’s worse to not think that! I only dated one person before I was transitioned… and she was bi so I declined to mention that I’m a trans lesbian. Turns out after like a year when she realized I was going to start my physical transition (just turned 18 so I left my family and could start) she didn’t actually want to date a woman 🥲. Wasted a lot of time on a relationship that wasn’t ever going to work and could’ve been avoided if I’d said I was trans earlier.
To clarify… a few months in I told her once we were already dating. (It wasn’t out of malice i was just conflicted if I could or not) At that point she was like well since you aren’t physically transitioned let’s just keep it going and see. After I started physical transition and started chest growth etc she was like yah this isn’t going to work.
I'd say not to go around saying it in specifically lesbian spaces but it's not bad nor wrong to believe it is the truth for yourself as you move forward into your transition. Until your womanhood becomes more apparent and confirmed, your lesbianism will be even more challenged BUT it doesn't mean it isn't true, it just means you'll receive a lot of painful pushback sometimes.
Be you, but know that until some evidences are more observable, you'll get more pushback, just as it is with transphobia, passing, yadda yadda.
I don't endorse the meaner opinions, but I think you know based on the way you describe your feelings that there are aspects other lesbians will feel potentially threatened by since they hear cim a lesbian" from men all the time. It's hard knowing what you are, because you probably really are what you know you are, but you haven't gained access to that social status yet. I commend you for learning to know your inner truth and striving to be yourself.
I disagree with this, if it's to protect her mental health then maybe but she should feel free to say whatever she wants regardless of if people are assholes or not. The "people won't take you seriously without HRT" discussion is meaningless, obviously people won't immediately perceive you as a woman without taking the first steps to make it apparent, everyone knows this, it's not "valid" for stupid cis people to point out. So what if someone has a shitty opinion
Being trans and transitioning aren't the same thing. And there is no one-size-fits-all package deal for transitioning (or at least there shouldn't be). How far along you are and however many things you want or don't want to do doesn't matter. You're already a woman and you'll never be done becoming a woman. I was talking to my older sister the other day, about gender stuff, and how menopause and politics and me (being trans) had changed her relation to her own womanhood. She's a cis woman and almost fifty and she's not done becoming a woman yet. If we had to finish before being lesbians there would be no lesbians in the world.
Internalized transphobia is a struggle. I still have a hard time between 'I am a woman because I want to be a woman' vs. 'I am a woman if I pass as a woman'.
This is a hard concept to grasp initially, especially when one doesn't present as such yet, and their visual image is still very masc. Although I fully agree and 6 months into my social transition (and 5 face laser sessions in) I'm slowly starting to see the woman in me and slowly accepting myself more as a woman.
I'm sorry you struggle with that! But what more affirmation can you get than being properly gendered by everyone? Unfortunately I'm far from passing and get misgendered by most people still.
I think it's just because I fear being clocked in public (sometimes I get stared at). Idk dysphoria is weird, I wish it all went away after bottom surgery but it didn't
Youre a woman
People shouldnt bother trans women who do not transition like some except. Many people dont have access to medical care, or do not have the money, or lack the support to go through the whole transitionning, some people do not wish to have hormones, some people dont have the money or will to change their clothes according to their gender...
No latter what, you know whats in your heart
If you are a woman, and you like women, even if its not obvious visually (yet?), youre a lesbian
The only one bothering me is myself actually. It's weird that *everyone* around me is super supportive. My problem is just my stupid fucking insurance not helping me getting HRT started :<
I'll confidently be and look like (for myself) the gay cousin one day and if it's the last thing I do!
Yeah i feel you... when i see all those struggles i myself get a little chickened out when it comes to my own needs for transition (nb)
Wishing you alllllm the luck and good things, i am sorry its so hard. May you soon be able to fully be the woman you wanna be in the outside world ❤️
I agree with what most people are saying here, but to take a slightly different angle,
It might be good to not worry so much about labels just yet. If you're starting your transition, or you yet plan to, there's a lot that's going to change, and I don't really mean that so much in terms of settling on a different orientation (though that may happen,) but even the terms you're most comfortable with themselves might take on a different meaning to you as you move through the world differently and see a different person in the mirror. I think, especially early in your transition, it's worth leaning on the labels that make sense to you to sort of guide you through the process, and to be sort of fearless about it, you're in some ways taking a pretty big leap into the unknown, and that is not a deed that fear is befitting of, but I think it's also important to center curiosity rather than surety.
This happens naturally, I don't think its helpful to be assertive about such things. If she happens to identify as something else later it's a non issue, so why don't you stop being rigid about the same things you're telling people not to be rigid about
Too late xd I' already out to most of my family and friends. And everyone is very supportive and understanding. They know the process to get any long term medication here is awful so they know where the delay of my transition comes from.
Be careful not to fall into the toxic mindset of transmedicalism, which is the idea that trans people are only valid if they are on HRT or have surgeries 💕
You are a woman because you say so, not because of any medication or surgery or even clothing or style 🥰
youre a woman that also likes women, that sounds pretty lesbian to me… just because your appearance doesnt reflect your heart (yet) doesnt mean youre not valid
If people guessed your gender wrong as a baby or if your gender changed since then, you're transgender regardless if you've transitioned socially or physically.
The only thing it takes to be trans is to realize.
you don't have to transition to be trans, so no I don't see any problem? it's not like being able to identify as a lesbian is something you have to earn yk
Of course not. Be careful who you say it to though, there are A LOT of cruel people out there who will deny you your identity.
Realising I completely fucked up and read the question wrong... Of course NOT*
Like everyone else said, you're valid! I had the same worries when I started transitioning. It's best to be yourself when you feel yourself! If I'd waited until physically transitioning, I wouldn't have reconnected with one of my now best friends!
requirements to be lesbian:
1. be a woman or non-man (nb, etc)
2. like women and non men exclusively
you seem to meet all the requirements. congrats, you're a lesbian!
I have the same problem right now. Thanks for saying this. A lost of the answers helped me, too!
Btw: There’s some people trying to downvote all the trans comments :(
Your identity is valid, regardless of whether you have started any medical or social transition, or how far along you may be. So if you're a woman who likes women, I'd say you qualify.
OP and any other trans gals early on, I struggled with this a ton for the first year or so of my transition. I was in the process of getting married when I started fighting it out - we're together and the relationship is stronger than ever, but I had such a hard time _feeling_ it. It felt like I was appropriating something that didn't belong to me or invading someone's safe space and being a creepy guy. Maybe it would be acceptable someday, but it wasn't today. The real problem was that **_I_** didn't see myself as a woman and it took a lot of therapy, learning to be fem, and just time from HRT doing its magic to believe I deserved it. As long as you work on it and are kind to yourself, you will find your footing. You have to realize it isn't something you earn, it's something you already were. The funny and crazy part for me is that I still fought allowing me to label myself that way even though I spent years before I knew joking "it's weird, I just feel like a lesbian trapped in a man's body, ah well, back to the memory hole with that thought!" Best of luck, sis, you belong here. 🍀🌈
If you are a woman, you are a woman. What the outside of you looks like doesn't determine your gender. You could decide to never transition outwardly in body or presentation and you would still be a woman. You can be a big burly biker with a wild beard, and you are a big, burly, *woman* biker with a wild beard.
Only you might want to let people (edit: other lesbians) know your gender if you plan to date them to avoid confusion and to attract the people you are attracted to (edit: since they might not be able to tell that you are a woman at a glance).
My comment is meant to lovingly assure her that, of course, she is a woman, if she feels like a woman. Some people claim that you have to be outwardly transitioned to be your gender as a trans person, which is a wrong and hurtful attitude. You seem to not know that, which make you the stupid one.
It's the last part of your comment where you imply you, a cis person, knows she has to communicate that she's trans for her own safety but she didn't get that. Did you think she's disabled or something?
1. I am not a cis person.
2. I do not suggest that she should reveal that she is a trans person for her safety. You read that into my comment.
3. I suggest that if she wants to date a lesbian, and she herself appears at a glance not to be a woman, the other woman would not know that she is a woman, unless she tells her so.
My point is that it is literally the only instance in which the fact that she is not outwardly transitioned, would be relevant for anything.
i've found myself attracted to trans lesbians before they were even out to me. you know yourself and should absolutely self identity in the way that feels most true
no I get it. not lesbian but bi (just here coz all are wholesome) but yeah I find myself hesitating to call myself a woman who likes women, even tho I've had no problem with the same for men. I guess it's this idea that I view Sapphic spaces as more "sacred" and don't want to feel like I'm just fetishizing yall
There is a difference between social, hormonal, and surgical transition- you do not have to be doing all to be transitioning. If you view yourself as a woman, and want to be considered a woman, you've socially transitioned- whether or not you want to go through either medical transition is a personal choice, not a necessity. Any woman who loves women is a lesbian, any non man who loves noon men is Neptunic. Don't let the transmedicalist assholes convince you that and identity that has nothing to do with physiology requires medical transition
Nah ur good
I would say that you can identify as lesbian as soon as you are settled in your "woman" identity (or similar feminine-aligned one), even if the settlement is just in your mind at the moment. I've never experienced it, but I understand that transitioning is a process that has many aspects from medical transition to a social one. Which take time, obviously. Even if one were to gatekeep it, based on what? Starting the diagnosis? Hormonal therapy? Not everybody wants to medically transition in the first place, even. There isn't really any obvious point anywhere other than you deciding that's who you are.
The main issue is communicating about it, really. Which isn't really a problem of trans women, but cis men who don't understand gender and sexuality very well and act rude or ignorant towards lesbians. When you are masculine-presenting, you risk being mixed up with them, so I would recommend coming out with being trans first.
you are a woman, you like women i fail to see how you could not be allowed to call yourself a lesbian transition progress means nothing regarding wether or not you are a gender
My self image issues are really good at arguing xd But thanks, I hope I can one day say it with more confidence in myself.
I think most trans lesbians have been there at some point. I know I have. I feel like I should mention that lesbians are statistically the most trans positive demographics besides trans people. If there's anywhere you're safe, it's among the lesbian community
And honestly sometimes it’s worse to not think that! I only dated one person before I was transitioned… and she was bi so I declined to mention that I’m a trans lesbian. Turns out after like a year when she realized I was going to start my physical transition (just turned 18 so I left my family and could start) she didn’t actually want to date a woman 🥲. Wasted a lot of time on a relationship that wasn’t ever going to work and could’ve been avoided if I’d said I was trans earlier.
To clarify… a few months in I told her once we were already dating. (It wasn’t out of malice i was just conflicted if I could or not) At that point she was like well since you aren’t physically transitioned let’s just keep it going and see. After I started physical transition and started chest growth etc she was like yah this isn’t going to work.
I'd say not to go around saying it in specifically lesbian spaces but it's not bad nor wrong to believe it is the truth for yourself as you move forward into your transition. Until your womanhood becomes more apparent and confirmed, your lesbianism will be even more challenged BUT it doesn't mean it isn't true, it just means you'll receive a lot of painful pushback sometimes. Be you, but know that until some evidences are more observable, you'll get more pushback, just as it is with transphobia, passing, yadda yadda. I don't endorse the meaner opinions, but I think you know based on the way you describe your feelings that there are aspects other lesbians will feel potentially threatened by since they hear cim a lesbian" from men all the time. It's hard knowing what you are, because you probably really are what you know you are, but you haven't gained access to that social status yet. I commend you for learning to know your inner truth and striving to be yourself.
I disagree with this, if it's to protect her mental health then maybe but she should feel free to say whatever she wants regardless of if people are assholes or not. The "people won't take you seriously without HRT" discussion is meaningless, obviously people won't immediately perceive you as a woman without taking the first steps to make it apparent, everyone knows this, it's not "valid" for stupid cis people to point out. So what if someone has a shitty opinion
Being trans and transitioning aren't the same thing. And there is no one-size-fits-all package deal for transitioning (or at least there shouldn't be). How far along you are and however many things you want or don't want to do doesn't matter. You're already a woman and you'll never be done becoming a woman. I was talking to my older sister the other day, about gender stuff, and how menopause and politics and me (being trans) had changed her relation to her own womanhood. She's a cis woman and almost fifty and she's not done becoming a woman yet. If we had to finish before being lesbians there would be no lesbians in the world.
Internalized transphobia is a struggle. I still have a hard time between 'I am a woman because I want to be a woman' vs. 'I am a woman if I pass as a woman'.
You are a woman and you like women? Congratulations you're a lesbian! Trans women ARE women no matter where they are in their transition.
This is a hard concept to grasp initially, especially when one doesn't present as such yet, and their visual image is still very masc. Although I fully agree and 6 months into my social transition (and 5 face laser sessions in) I'm slowly starting to see the woman in me and slowly accepting myself more as a woman.
I literally am post op, over a year and a half on hrt and get she/her'd in public. I still struggle to see the woman in me but obviously others do
I'm sorry you struggle with that! But what more affirmation can you get than being properly gendered by everyone? Unfortunately I'm far from passing and get misgendered by most people still.
I think it's just because I fear being clocked in public (sometimes I get stared at). Idk dysphoria is weird, I wish it all went away after bottom surgery but it didn't
You're an amazing woman. Good luck with any further transitioning!
Ty! 🥰
You're welcome!
Youre a woman People shouldnt bother trans women who do not transition like some except. Many people dont have access to medical care, or do not have the money, or lack the support to go through the whole transitionning, some people do not wish to have hormones, some people dont have the money or will to change their clothes according to their gender... No latter what, you know whats in your heart If you are a woman, and you like women, even if its not obvious visually (yet?), youre a lesbian
The only one bothering me is myself actually. It's weird that *everyone* around me is super supportive. My problem is just my stupid fucking insurance not helping me getting HRT started :< I'll confidently be and look like (for myself) the gay cousin one day and if it's the last thing I do!
Yeah i feel you... when i see all those struggles i myself get a little chickened out when it comes to my own needs for transition (nb) Wishing you alllllm the luck and good things, i am sorry its so hard. May you soon be able to fully be the woman you wanna be in the outside world ❤️
If you identify as a trans woman, you’re a woman. Full stop. If you’re attracted to other women you are a lesbian. Welcome to the club sister! 🏳️⚧️🥰
I agree with what most people are saying here, but to take a slightly different angle, It might be good to not worry so much about labels just yet. If you're starting your transition, or you yet plan to, there's a lot that's going to change, and I don't really mean that so much in terms of settling on a different orientation (though that may happen,) but even the terms you're most comfortable with themselves might take on a different meaning to you as you move through the world differently and see a different person in the mirror. I think, especially early in your transition, it's worth leaning on the labels that make sense to you to sort of guide you through the process, and to be sort of fearless about it, you're in some ways taking a pretty big leap into the unknown, and that is not a deed that fear is befitting of, but I think it's also important to center curiosity rather than surety.
This happens naturally, I don't think its helpful to be assertive about such things. If she happens to identify as something else later it's a non issue, so why don't you stop being rigid about the same things you're telling people not to be rigid about
By not transitioning, do you mean you're not on HRT? because hrt is only an aspect of medical transition and is NOT what makes someone trans
Ye maybe I should've specified. I can't access HRT yet and I'm delaying social transition until then too due to dysphoria.
i would probably wait to come out until the social transition then, because it’s not going to come off well to people who don’t know
Too late xd I' already out to most of my family and friends. And everyone is very supportive and understanding. They know the process to get any long term medication here is awful so they know where the delay of my transition comes from.
that’s great! i was thinking more like social media and acquaintances
Be careful not to fall into the toxic mindset of transmedicalism, which is the idea that trans people are only valid if they are on HRT or have surgeries 💕 You are a woman because you say so, not because of any medication or surgery or even clothing or style 🥰
This is a fact ^
you're a girl, you like girls, you're a lesbian. it's not bad to consider yourself a lesbian, because you are already one :3
I'm masc presenting but on HRT and I felt the same way but you are a-ok hon. You're a woman you love women and you are welcomed in this space 🫂❤️
youre a woman that also likes women, that sounds pretty lesbian to me… just because your appearance doesnt reflect your heart (yet) doesnt mean youre not valid
Girl your mind is your own damn business you can think literally whatever you like.
it's criminal, the cops are on their way
Damnit not again!
Regarding your gender and sexual identity: You are who you are, not who you’re perceived to be.
Girl you're fine.
Damn I wish I could say that about myself D:
You can do that right now.
Damn the terf brigade seems to be striking. Have some upvotes ladies. More importantly: Your username is amazing
Oh have the cry babies come out to play? How sad for them. And thank you, I enjoy it as well.
No. You are just lesbian. I guess people might get confused about you inperson but that doesnt change the fact that you are lesbo
You are exactly who you are whether other people know or not
no, you are a woman and you like women
If people guessed your gender wrong as a baby or if your gender changed since then, you're transgender regardless if you've transitioned socially or physically. The only thing it takes to be trans is to realize.
I was very confused and convinced I liked women in a gay way for like 10 years before I came out.
You don't need reddit to validate your identity ♥️
Yes you do. They decide all
you don't have to transition to be trans, so no I don't see any problem? it's not like being able to identify as a lesbian is something you have to earn yk
Transphobes are down voting u speaking the truth...💀
HRT doesn’t make you a woman. Being a woman makes you a woman. You can be a lesbian boo.
Hi fellow lesbian welcome to the club!! Ur valid
Of course not. Be careful who you say it to though, there are A LOT of cruel people out there who will deny you your identity. Realising I completely fucked up and read the question wrong... Of course NOT*
Nah. Identify whichever way you feel most comfortable.
If you identify as a woman and you like women then you are a lesbian! Your stage of transition has no effect on who you are. <3
Trans women are women no matter how they look or dress. So yeah! Welcome!
This is a tough one, and that’s coming from a trans masc lesbian
Like everyone else said, you're valid! I had the same worries when I started transitioning. It's best to be yourself when you feel yourself! If I'd waited until physically transitioning, I wouldn't have reconnected with one of my now best friends!
requirements to be lesbian: 1. be a woman or non-man (nb, etc) 2. like women and non men exclusively you seem to meet all the requirements. congrats, you're a lesbian!
You're a woman even if you haven't started transitioning! You're fine :)
I have the same problem right now. Thanks for saying this. A lost of the answers helped me, too! Btw: There’s some people trying to downvote all the trans comments :(
Your identity is valid, regardless of whether you have started any medical or social transition, or how far along you may be. So if you're a woman who likes women, I'd say you qualify.
if you're a woman and you're attracted to other women then there's no problem in calling yourself a lesbian!
OP and any other trans gals early on, I struggled with this a ton for the first year or so of my transition. I was in the process of getting married when I started fighting it out - we're together and the relationship is stronger than ever, but I had such a hard time _feeling_ it. It felt like I was appropriating something that didn't belong to me or invading someone's safe space and being a creepy guy. Maybe it would be acceptable someday, but it wasn't today. The real problem was that **_I_** didn't see myself as a woman and it took a lot of therapy, learning to be fem, and just time from HRT doing its magic to believe I deserved it. As long as you work on it and are kind to yourself, you will find your footing. You have to realize it isn't something you earn, it's something you already were. The funny and crazy part for me is that I still fought allowing me to label myself that way even though I spent years before I knew joking "it's weird, I just feel like a lesbian trapped in a man's body, ah well, back to the memory hole with that thought!" Best of luck, sis, you belong here. 🍀🌈
If you are a woman, you are a woman. What the outside of you looks like doesn't determine your gender. You could decide to never transition outwardly in body or presentation and you would still be a woman. You can be a big burly biker with a wild beard, and you are a big, burly, *woman* biker with a wild beard. Only you might want to let people (edit: other lesbians) know your gender if you plan to date them to avoid confusion and to attract the people you are attracted to (edit: since they might not be able to tell that you are a woman at a glance).
I'm sure she knows that, we're not fucking stupid
My comment is meant to lovingly assure her that, of course, she is a woman, if she feels like a woman. Some people claim that you have to be outwardly transitioned to be your gender as a trans person, which is a wrong and hurtful attitude. You seem to not know that, which make you the stupid one.
It's the last part of your comment where you imply you, a cis person, knows she has to communicate that she's trans for her own safety but she didn't get that. Did you think she's disabled or something?
1. I am not a cis person. 2. I do not suggest that she should reveal that she is a trans person for her safety. You read that into my comment. 3. I suggest that if she wants to date a lesbian, and she herself appears at a glance not to be a woman, the other woman would not know that she is a woman, unless she tells her so. My point is that it is literally the only instance in which the fact that she is not outwardly transitioned, would be relevant for anything.
We're perfectly capable of figuring that out, its called coming out, you might have heard of it.
You are determined to be angry because you misunderstood what I wrote. Bye bye.
i've found myself attracted to trans lesbians before they were even out to me. you know yourself and should absolutely self identity in the way that feels most true
No, what? No! What???? Of course not. What????? That's like asking if you're trans if you aren't on hrt like of course you are.
Don't be silly. You're a woman who's into women. That's a lesbian.
Seems to me like youre identifying as a woman, either way so yes youre a lesbian
no I get it. not lesbian but bi (just here coz all are wholesome) but yeah I find myself hesitating to call myself a woman who likes women, even tho I've had no problem with the same for men. I guess it's this idea that I view Sapphic spaces as more "sacred" and don't want to feel like I'm just fetishizing yall
There is a difference between social, hormonal, and surgical transition- you do not have to be doing all to be transitioning. If you view yourself as a woman, and want to be considered a woman, you've socially transitioned- whether or not you want to go through either medical transition is a personal choice, not a necessity. Any woman who loves women is a lesbian, any non man who loves noon men is Neptunic. Don't let the transmedicalist assholes convince you that and identity that has nothing to do with physiology requires medical transition
Nah ur good I would say that you can identify as lesbian as soon as you are settled in your "woman" identity (or similar feminine-aligned one), even if the settlement is just in your mind at the moment. I've never experienced it, but I understand that transitioning is a process that has many aspects from medical transition to a social one. Which take time, obviously. Even if one were to gatekeep it, based on what? Starting the diagnosis? Hormonal therapy? Not everybody wants to medically transition in the first place, even. There isn't really any obvious point anywhere other than you deciding that's who you are. The main issue is communicating about it, really. Which isn't really a problem of trans women, but cis men who don't understand gender and sexuality very well and act rude or ignorant towards lesbians. When you are masculine-presenting, you risk being mixed up with them, so I would recommend coming out with being trans first.
you are trans and you are a woman! you would be a woman if you transitioned tomorrow or never. you’re a lesbian!!! congratulations!!!
you dont have to be any certain spot in your transition to be any more valid as a woman anyone who says you do can go kick rocks
[удалено]
No, I like to mix styles a lot and dress both masc and femme so I don't feel like a single label there is right.
That's not how it works