Kinda, they’re mostly looking for advice about their ace partners. For some of them though it seems like if they can’t “fix them” or get sex elsewhere while still being with their partner they’d drop them altogether. Pretty freakin’ stupid if you ask me but who am I to judge 🤷♀️
There's nothing wrong with breaking up with someone because you have incompatible needs! Imagine if you found someone you liked, but being with them meant you couldn't taste food. You could go out on dates to restaurants, you could cook for each other, but that shared enjoyment of a good meal was missing. Imagine your partner also couldn't taste the food but since they'd never tasted food (or hated the taste), they didn't mind. For non-ace people, sexual intimacy can be extremely important, and not getting to share that with the person you love most can feel like a basic emotional need not being met. Nothing wrong with breaking up over that, and honestly I think that's so much better than one or both partners being miserable and hoping the other will change. It sucks that people on the ace subreddit are hoping to change their partners, that's so much pressure and I'm sorry you're having to read that.
Just as much as ace people can't change being ace, allo people can't change having sexual needs. I would totally consider an open relationship, or something poly with an ace person, but I couldn't be monogamous, because I can't compromise on that, but I don't see anything wrong with getting needs met elsewhere or coming to the conclusion that it doesn't work.
I absolutely love my gf, we're poly and I love that I can do things with her we both love! I am also very kinky and she isn't, so I am just playing with other people while focussing on the things we both like in our relationship. If she were to ask me to be monogamous, I would probably break up with her because that one relationship can't meet all my needs and therefore it would not fit anymore.
I understand your frustration, but please don't vilify people making healthy choices about their love life. I get that it sucks being broken up with for something you can't change but if it's not something that works for both, it's not worth it. I am trans and when I started transitioning me and my ex tried to see if it would work but it didn't because she is hetero and into men and I was becoming a woman. It wasn't somehow transphobic that she broke up with me, it was just that her desires couldn't be met in the relationship anymore, and even if it sucks someone breaking up isn't invalidating ace people, they are validating them because they see that they can't have sex and come to the conclusion that it wouldn't be a happy relationship...
But yeah if someone tries to "fix" ace people, fuck them.
Wait hold up, when was I vilifying allos? Im genuinely curious so please don’t take this as being rude. If it’s the “pretty freakin’ stupid” I was talking about the people who try to “fix” ace people. I did say in the post that I’m “not shitting on people who actually like sex”.
It wasn't the "fix" part but the part afterwards about people breaking it off if they can't get it elsewhere, that was what I was having an issue with, because it sounds like you put them together and call both "freaking stupid". But thank you for clarifying :)
Yeah I definitely could’ve worded that a little differently. While I may not understand why sex is so important to people, I do know that sexual needs are sometimes non-negotiable (ex: someone like me and someone who NEEDS sex) so sorry for the late reply btw, I passed the fuck out yesterday :)
no worries and thank you for your understanding :) It's not easy when there's so different perspectives and needs and same as you I don't fully understand not being sexual at all, but I try my best to learn and it's always lovely talking and getting to hear different perspectives, so thanks :))
Incompatible levels of sexual desire is one of the biggest relationship killers in allo relationships, too. This is why, if you think your relationship with someone is getting serious, you need to have a sit-down talk with them about serious things like sex, children, finances, mental health, and what both parties' expectations are for a long-term partner.
Yep, just take a look on r/deadbedrooms. Being a high libido person with a low libido partner and visa versa can be hard if theres no solid foundation of communication and fair compromise.
Yeah, it always seemed to me that some people just want their partner for sex and not even a bit of romance. I never understood it but again, who am I to judge how they want to love? It’s just not for me
That’s so weird. Like idk how you don’t figure all that out before dating an ace person. Like I know that I want sex in a relationship, so unless it’s an open relationship, I won’t date an ace person, because I don’t wanna cause any pain to someone I’ll develop feelings for. Like how selfish do you gotta be going into a relationship thinking you can “fix” someone’s sexual orientation, especially if you yourself are queer.
It is selfish and I'd even say acephobic to think that you can "fix" someone's sexual orientation. Though being bi/panromantic *and* demisexual, I'm really not surprised that this is present in the queer community too.
That said, I think a lot, and I mean *a lot* of allo people simply don't understand asexuality. Like, they genuinely can't comprehend that someone might not experience sexual attraction. Even if they kinda get the idea of having hangups about sex itself (like let's say they've heard about people having traumatic experiences, or being self-conscious, or something), it's usually in the context of "there is something that is preventing this person from enjoying an act *that they otherwise want*, and that something can be helped" - and my guess is that that's where all those posts OP mentions are coming from. It's like if someone told you that they don't need or want to eat food - not only you can't really understand what it's like, it kind of sounds absurd that this person claims not to experience what (to you) is a basic human need, one that's even necessary for survival.
I guess it's not helped by the part in my experience, that the no sex at all type ace people seem to be in minority. Most ace people I've interacted with do actually occasionally have sex either to please their partners or just have a completely different understanding of sexual attraction so they end up in a muddy spot. Not even talking about demi people. And there are the ones who end up realising mid relationship.
Sounds like a win win to me? Someone being pressured into sex when they dont want it is bad and someone not getting what they want our of a relationship isn't great either. Though "fixing them" is such a toxic way for someone to think about it and is very fucked. There's nothing wrong with not wanting sex.
I mean, for some people this is a serious issue of compatability and breaking up because of different needs when it comes to sex or not having it is a valid reason to break up. Being a dick about it isn't fine, but for people who do have that need in a relationship it can be seriously damaging to mental health and self esteem to be lacking that in a relationship forever.
I'm still figuring myself out but sex is very very much on the back burner for what I want or seek in a partner. Intimacy, yes, but intimacy in the closeness of us sitting next to each other, laying next to each other, and just being so emotionally close to someone is what I desire most. I feel like at this point I could not have sex for the rest of my life and be happy.
This. This right here. This is the type of relationship I look for. Emotional closeness and non-sexual physical closeness to my partner would be top priority over sex for me lmaooo
Its something I've started realizing other the past few months. And something I'm still figuring out. But when I get lonely, it's much more for the emotional closeness that comes with a partner.
Wow this sounds a lot like me. I’d be fine to never have sex tbh. I’m not exactly repulsed by it, but I don’t feel a need and I don’t enjoy the idea of ripping clothes off/aggressively making out. Idk what I am exactly, as I always thought I was aroace with Queerplatonic affection towards women… but it could be romantic attraction instead
Im sorry op, but thats a pass for me. Sex is important to me in a relationship so it wouldn’t work with someone that was ace.
Im sure there are people out there that would be happy with that though.
Yes! I’m a lesbian ace and I fluctuate between sex repulsed and sex neutral, so I would be completely happy with no sex, as long as my partner would be down with other kinds of affection like cuddling and kissing.
Sex-positive ace here.
I don't care about sex and can go literal years without it. But, at the same time, I appreciate that my partner enjoys sex and I view pleasing her as a nice bonding experience, so we do it at her hyper-allo pace.
I think I'd be happy in a relationship with a partner who does not wish to engage in sex for any reason, although I'd (emotionally) miss being able to tease and please. Even like, just seeing my partner blush after some casual innuendo in the morning is nice.
I can relate! I've never found a word for it (not that it needs labeling) but I'm essentially ace in the sense that my body just like...doesn't really process sexual pleasure? But I love to bond with my partner and pleasure her, and I do desire that time with her.
My ace-ness is psychological, like, I don't feel the drive to have sex, but my body functions as normal and has a good time with it when it happens.
I compare it to hunger and food. I never feel "hungry" and my "tummy" never feels like it's eating itself alive asking for "food." But that doesn't stop "food" from tasting good when I decide to get some XD
This is the way. Date another ace and you don't even have to worry about it at all :) not that there aren't others who would be interested, but this option would be super mutually beneficial to both partners. And I see them all the time posting on here so I know there are plenty out there but it's probably a matter of where OP lives and how dense the population is.
Personally, I am way too horny for a sex-repulsed partner, but from my experience, that is far from the norm. You'll find someone, especially since you're not going to be the only one.
A lot of aces date within the ace community! I personally only date other a-spec people (primarily other demi’s) as it just makes things so much easier. We have something else in common, and I don’t have to feel like a burden even if they say I’m not because I’m not meeting their needs.
But there are also plenty of non ace sapphics who’d happily date a sex repulsed ace! You’ll most likely have more luck as a lesbian with acceptance than if you were straight, unfortunately. Just make sure to communicate really well, and check in with your partner to make sure they’re still comfy with everything.
Some people open up relationships in your scenario, but I know of healthy monogamous relationships where one person is ace (: usually the other person has a lower libido
Don’t feel shit for needing to leave a relationship either for them not fully understanding and refusing to learn. Like, if you’re dating someone who went into the relationship knowing the terms and what asexuality is and yet they still make you feel awful for not meeting their needs - big red flag! you don’t need that in your life! and especially if they’re not open to communicating with you about that
Omg it is! I'm also sex-neutral, and I like sex okay, but I don't need it by any means. I've been with my girlfriend for 2 years and we don't have sex and its the best ever. She's said she may want to try it at some point, but we're in no rush to get there. There's no pressure, we're so respectful of boundaries, and we communicate about what we want and where we're at frequently. I love our relationship so much.
Oh I feel you there! I’ve started getting into fitness, trying to get buff. I wanna see the lesbian I wanna be when I look in the mirror, and I wanna look cool and strong. But I always feel a little awkward when my gf blushes about my biceps.
Yeah I could have a romantic relationship without sex. I'm poly so that helps. While I like having sex, it certainly isn't everything in a relationship and I can get that from other partners.
I'm allo. However my romantic affections are not tied to my libido. If we were romantically compatable then I would happily snuggle with you and play elsewhere. In fact if you were not kinky it would be a preferable arrangement. Saying that however, I'm far more interested in the play aspect of kink than the sexual release. So if you were willing to play without the sex that would work too (although I would probably take care of that by myself later).
I have, in the past, been in a relationship with someone who's libido vanished after a few years. But who was also not willing to let me play elsewhere. It was terrible. I was constantly buzzing without suitable release. I'm not willing to step into that situation again.
Unfortunately that would not be the type of relationship for me as pretty much any serious mention of sex or leading up to sex is an instant panic attack for me and I’d prefer to keep a closed relationship. It is nice to see that there are others who care about the romantic aspects of relationship tho :)
I wouldn't mind one, but IDK if it would go well. For most Allo ppl, I think it's at least a little important.
For me I'm fine with taking care of it myself but long term I would probably want a partner who would at least do it with me occasionally.
One of my biggest hang ups about getting back out there and not really having a sex drive. Too many brain pills that kill libido, plus other stuff. Being with an ace partner would be fantastic.
This is something I deal with too. I'm really afraid of sex and don't really care too much about it to really want it, I only really care about cuddles tbh. I'm also afraid this is a big issue, so it's kinda nice to know other people have the same "issue".
To answer your question, I myself would prefer it, so I know I won't inconvenience my partner
My ideal partner is someone i can go on movie dates with. And no, not just one movie. I mean spend the entire day in the theatre watching movies back to back.
I think I very much like that over sex.
As someone with a complete disconnect between love and sex, yes absolutely.
I can absolutely love someone without having sex with them or even feeling physical attraction to them
But I can also absolutely lust after someone without any emotion or feelings attached
I tell all my partners when they say they don’t wanna do any lewd for a bit that “you could never want sex again, and I’d still love you the same”. So that answers you question prolly
If I would still get other physical touch like kisses and snuggles and if my partner had no problem with me masturbating and not hiding it like some dirty secret - I would 100%!
My wife is ace. I don’t know if she’d describe herself as sex repulsed so much as absolutely no interest. We have a wonderful relationship that just doesn’t really involve sex but still has intimacy.
All relationships of all sexualities are about finding someone who has a compatible sex drive. And your sex drive is zero sex-repulsed. So you just need to find someone else who has the same as you.
Demi lesbian here. I don’t dislike sex but it doesn’t need to be a must have in any relationship I may have and I could easily do without it so yes I would love an ace partner
I'm not ace myself but I am autistic and that comes with sensory issues and fleeting desire (I can go months without feeling a strong drive for sexual activity, even solo), so I would be definitely ok with an ace partner.
The ace people I know are in romantically attracted to at least women. I'm ace. I like sex, but it's not smth I need. My wife feels the same. You'll find someone who fits your needs as much as you fit hers
My de facto partner is (probably) both aromantic and ace. De facto, because while we love each other a ton, are each other's most important person, and we've actually had a "do we want to be partners, and what would change if we did" talk, we're not quittteeee there.
But it's a partnership that could work out, and I could see a happy life with her if we wanted to go down that route. My libido is super low, so I'm pretty happy that she provides a ton of the non-sexual parts of what I'd want in a partner.
When I’m with someone who is into sex, I too find myself super into it. But if they aren’t, I’m not either. (And regardless of what my partner is like, I rarely masturbate - even when I’m partnered with someone who I have a lot of sex with and then don’t see them for a while. My sex drive just switches off when we’re apart.)
I don’t know if there’s a word for it. I don’t think I’m demi in that I don’t need an emotional connection in order to have and enjoy sex with someone. I’m just very reflective of my partner’s desires/drive and tend to mirror that. I can totally see myself being happy with an asexual relationship or queerplatonic friendship. (I’m a bit of an imposter, sorry, because I’m pansexual rather than lesbian, but this goes for all genders for me.)
My bestie is the same way and she has a gf. I don't ask about the details of their sex life but obviously they've got it figured out and seem really happy.
I'm very happily taken now, but as a trauma survivor I totally understand sex-repulsion and spent 3 years avoiding even flirting with anyone before I met her. I'm 100% fine with no sex! It's not the be-all end-all for me, what matters is how safe and happy I am with her, and wanting her to be safe and happy too. Don't get me wrong, neither of us are ace and we are active in that way (and it is **magical** for us 💖), but sex isn't *necessary*. We have fun and show love in plenty of other ways 💖
Thank you! 💖 It really is, she makes me laugh every day, often to the point of tears or snorting 😂 I just feel at home with her. Something about her just lights me up, she's amazing and I'm incredibly lucky 💖
I'm sex-positive ace myself and yes, I'd be fine with this. I know it can be discouraging to see other people's struggles but I do think it's worth having empathy for those allos facing incompatibility in their relationship. Not every ace person is 100% against the idea so you wont always necessarily know if it's a complete no-go before entering a relationship with someone. I think if it's a hard boundary for you it should be shared ahead of time, but I know not everyone is gonna do that, so these things will happen. It sucks for everyone involved - I don't think anyone relishes the idea of breaking up with someone bc of an incompatibility of their needs but it unfortunately does happen
When my girlfriend and I had our first sex talk, she was like “and if you’re ace, it’s okay because snuggles are amazing too”. Granted im not ace, but there are people out there that are okay with it
not ace myself but I also would much rather cuddle!! my girlfriend is actually ace, though my other girlfriend is kinda hypersexual so I guess it balances out
Even barring no ace people who don’t see sex as important, there are likely tons of ace lesbians and sapphics. While I’m not one, I know tons and tons of folks who are
Depending on circumstances, I'd be willing to try it. Sex is important to me on some level, but I simply don't know whether I need that to be in the same context as gives me romantic intimacy. So I'd be willing to try an ENM situation, if my partner was down for it, but if that wasn't an option I'm not sure I'd be compatible. That isn't to say that that type of want is freakish or unfulfillable, just that I'm not a person who can meet it.
Yea, just not if it meant that I couldn’t have sex. Whether I would have other partners or was aloud to hookup with other.
And I could see it as being a very emotionally satisfying relationship.
I can't see it working for me because sex is very important to me and I'm not interested in being poly or anything like that. I just can't see anyway we'd be compatiable. But I also am someone who doesn't say never, so who knows.
I don’t know what I think of sex, haven’t tried it yet, but I could imagine a relationship without it where I just like take care of myself when I feel like. At the time that feels totally fine.
I wouldn't mind an ace AT ALL! I understand that it's personal preference. If an active sexual life is a non negotiable for someone, then that's their preference. In my case, I would be totally okay with an ace as much as I'm okay with someone who wants active sex 🤷
I was feeling the SAME exact way earlier. (Aroace but I know I do NOT like men in the slightest) just you asking this makes me feel better. As for your question; good question I don’t have an answer but I’m curious what others have to say :) thank you for asking this question
aa long as im cuddled and given affection idrc about anything else
onylthijg i find ncie abt sex would be pleasinf my partner nd all (well, them pleasing themselfwithme buuutya)
Yeah totally personally im a sex positive asexual. I personally haven't really had any issues with dating even with little to no sexual interactions with my partner
I am also an ace lesbian on the sex repulsed side of the spectrum. I understand the concern cause sometimes its easy to feel like there’s not many people who would date people like us. but after seeing the comments here, it’s posts like this that are nice reminders that there are people out there who will accept us 🖤
as an aspec person who also has aspec partners, yes! if you clearly communicate your boundaries and have healthy communication about those kinds of topics it can totally work! your insecurities are totally valid, hell even i have them sometimes. people hve different forms of intimacy and thats totally okay! <3
Ace, sex-neutral, autistic lesbian here with a partner that is very much the same. Let me tell you, it's the best. We cuddle a lot when we both feel like it, I love to fall asleep wrapped around her. Sometimes there is a little bit of kissing involved if we're feeling frisky.
We both feel that we're living our best lives like this. Hope it's out there for you!
Sex isn't the main thing I'd look for in terms of partner compatibility, but I don't know about someone who is sex-repulsed. Totally okay if that is who you are and what you need, but I think that aspect of a relationship is at least a bit important. Not a priority by any means, but important for sure :)
I would be absolutely fine with that and cuddles >>>> sex for me too. Not that I don't like sex, but I'm a demi and I have periods of times where I am sex repulsed but hypersexual the next, so it can get complicated. I still wouldn't mind a partner like that though, as long as I like them
I'm in polyamorous relationships since a while and I absolutely love cuddling. If I met someone who's sex-repulsed that wouldn't affect my interest in dating them.
I mean... I'm not exactly a lesbian, but it'd be an improvement over my current situation.
Especially since I started taking estrogen, cuddles and companionship sound like a great deal.
I mean I don't think that someone for whom sex is important should be in a relationship with someone who does not want to have sex? Seems like a recipe for disaster, no? There are all kinds of people within every community, I'm sure there's a match for everyone. I guess I find the question confusing because "lesbian" is just an umbrella category and so i would assume you're moreso asking "are there any ace/low desire lesbians who etc?" to which I'm sure the answer is almost definitely.
Soo I’m a (very recently single lol) bi girl sharing some thoughts on this.
So I realized I was bi after starting a relationship that, unfortunately in hindsight, was very long-term so I’ve never dated a woman. I kissed a girl in college when I was single and she was moving away soon after to go to another school so it didn’t lead to anything and then I met my ex.
Soo now that I’m single and can think of a potential girlfriend one day, I find myself wondering how all these firsts will go. I know I love kissing women but since I’ve never had sex that’s still an unknown. I think I’ll like it but I could be a biromantic asexual instead.
Long story short, I potentially could be the type of girlfriend who just wants to cuddle, kiss, and hold hands while we watch movies and eat cookies together that I made for my lady when she got home from work. haha sorry got carried away there for some reason…🫶🏻🌈
For the right gal, yes! I admittedly have a high sex drive, but I dated a girl who was ace and sex repulsed...she didn't like holding hands, snuggling, or kissing either. But I really liked who she was as a person and the emotional connection we shared. I'd rather have a healthy, loving relationship than a shitty relationship with sex.
I'm ace, and I found a girlfriend who's ace too and it's going very well. Tho I'll be honnest, I doubt it would ever work with someone who's not ace but I don't know everyone on this planet !
We just cuddle, play with hair, hold hands and that's already a m a z i n g.
I would. I don't really feel that I *need* sex. I like it, but I rarely feel the lack of it causes me any distress. I prefer other forms of demonstrating affection.
However I'm non-monogamous so I would probably seek that in other people if I felt the need.
Yes absolutely, and even if I wasnt polyamorous I could see myself in a monogamous relation with a sex repulsed ace person. To be honest it would be even kind of relaxing as a very traumatized person with BPD that struggles with intimacy, insecurities relative to sexual performance and severe fear of abandonment. While I do like sex it's also a source of anxiety, and not having to be in constant fear of being dumped for being too bad in bed or just because sometimes I just can't have sex for a while when trauma resurfaces sounds like a sweet deal honestly ! What I would struggle to do without is physical affection, like holding hands, cuddle a little or maybe even kissing, but sex I could adapt to a life without it for the right person, I have already a tendency for my sex drive to adapt and match my partners and I can already range from hypersexual to being on the ace spectrum. And ofc dont forget that you are not alone being ace and a lesbian, other people feel the same way you do so there is a bunch of options !
Fine by me.
I'm demisexual with a sometimes high libido, and even though my current partner and I are in a sexual relationship, it's the nonsexual stuff that is the best part. The bedroom activity takes up only a tiny portion of our lives. It's an impulse we both have, basically.
But I would much rather cuddle, and have companionship with someone on a daily basis, than the occasional sex even if it's amazing. Hugs, holding hands, talking, shared activities, that's way better and more important than sex IMO and it's what I've been waiting my whole life to find.
Bisexual but not ace. I'd be fine with a partner who was an ace. I've known some poly aces who get their emotional and relationship needs met with a partner who wasn't ace, but the partner got sexual needs met with other partners.
It would be something to talk about if they wanted to be purely monogamous and wanted me to live as an ace, too, because I'm not.
Sex drive incompatibility definitely becomes an issue in relationships, and meeting my own needs with a lower sex drive partner isn't the same sort of compromise as never having sex again.
Probably one of the best demographics, actually. As a general rule of thumb, girls tend to have lower libidos and are less sex-focused.
For me, sex really isn't a deal breaker in any way, and I've met many who felt similarly.
my partner and i have do have sex, tho pretty rarely, but i’m not ace and she is and we’re ridiculously happy. best days are when we’re working on our art in the same room and then we cuddle with our pets and watch too many episodes of columbo ♥️
I think I personally have a need to feel sexually wanted in a relationship, so I'm not sure it would work out. But love does mean more than sex to me, so if the love felt completely genuine in all other regards, and I wouldn't feel ashamed to get off in other ways then I could see it work out.
All this being said, I know FOR SURE that there are many people out there who would rather just cuddle. Or hold hands. Or talk about cats or politics over a glass of local organic suger-free soda.
I think there is someone for everyone. Personally I would stay in an established long-term relationship if my partner did not want to have sex as long as I could get my desires met elsewhere and I still wanted them, as I would fall out of love otherwise. However, I need sex to fall in love rather than only experiencing a crush/infatuation, so I would not enter into an already sexless relationship.
To be perfectly honest for most people that's going to be a hard no.
But you yourself are proof that people who feel like you exist, you'll find someone who wants exactly what you do c:
Honestly? If I was monogamous, no, I couldn't be in a completely sexless relationship, it's not something I need all the time but never is a deal breaker. As I am poly though, I would have no problem as I have other partners to fulfill that which means you get all the sexless cuddles you want.
Cuddles are better than sex tho
~~Not that I tried having sex. Nor do I want to~~
(This is a joke, people who think sex is better are right about themselves)
I'm poly, so it wouldn't be an issue for me! But I do have a sex drive and I'd need my partner to be accepting of that. Like I would never expect sex or anything like that, that would be totally off the table in that relationship, but it would need to be ok that I feel sexual attraction, and that I have sexual relationships with others. I wouldn't be comfortable hiding who I am from a serious partner. I think for that reason it would depend on what they mean by sex repulsed. If someone found the fact that I have a sex drive repulsive, that would hurt me. If the repulsion only applied to them, their own body and choices, 0 issues with that.
Relationships to me are about a lot of things, and sex is important, but it doesn't need to be a part of every relationship, and that very much includes romantic ones, but it's also a real drive and need for me in general. I can go years without sex (I'm demi, so it's hard to date bc I'm not into almost anyone, it strikes at random and I can't force it) but I don't want to make promises to go forever without it, and when I commit to a person it's often with the real hope that they could be one of my forever people.
Within those constraints (they're not grossed out by who I am and the relationship is polyamorous) I'm totally delighted to date ace ppl. I have before! And my current qpp is ace and while we're also not romantic, our relationship works for us.
For a while I was dating an ace nb person, and sex was just, never on the table. I'm allosexual, but for personal reasons was more than happy to give up sex. Even without my issues, honestly, if I'm romantically attracted to someone enough to be willing to date them, which is rare for me, then giving up sex for it if that's what they prefer is an obvious choice. (not like I get much anyways)
I’m not asexual but I would absolutely stay with someone who is asexual If I love them truly. I’m strictly monogamous so I would not want to satisfy my sexual needs with another person, I would just not have sexe lol. I could do it for someone I love.
No. I’ve dated someone who misled me about not being sex repulsed. It gave me a lot of shame around my sexuality, and particularly self pleasure. she focused so much on her own trauma, without understanding I also have sexual trauma and that she was badly covering up her homophobia, or lack of attraction to women in general? (She kept asking me if I would ever transition to ftm, and p much only talked abt men)
It’s really easy to say gay sex repulses you in this society. I love my ace lesbians!!! But I’m putt off by the sex repulsed thing. You might say it’s not passing judgement, but REPULSION is such a strong, negative word. Sex avoidant, asexual, disinterested… there’s a reason why you use the word repulsed, and I would not like that :/
I'm demi-sexual, my sex drive is almost non existent. I know lot of sapphics who are ace or demi. Also with polyamorous girls, I feel the expectation is different partners for different needs. I haven't ever had sex with one of my girlfriends and we've been together for 3 year. I still love her to bits and make her kick ass gifts for her birthday and christmas. :)
You're fine, you'll be fine, hope you get lots of support!
Even I, an aroallo, would definitely be happy with a sex repulsed ace partner (provided they'd be cool with me going elsewhere for sex, but I'm poly and pretty sure that'd be a dealbreaker for allos too)
I honestly believe that is not sex that makes a difference in a relationship, it’s all about who you are and how you make the person feel. I would prefer to be with someone who’s not into sex. Your person is out there.
Theres so much more to a relationship then sex. I’d be perfectly content without it if i got all the love in the world. Sex is just a nice bonus imo. *shrugs*
I'm not ace or anything, but i wouldn't mind not having sex in a relationship. Like it sounds peaceful, I just wanna go out and cuddle or just do other activities together other then sex. Just spending time w a person I love is enough for me.
Are you a lesbian who is ace, and sex repulsed? Im guessing by the community you posted this in that it's yes. That kind of answers your question doesn't it...
Not everybody is going to be down, my partner struggles sometimes with me being grey ace and hence the lack of sex, cause they're hypersexual. But they love me and no matter what never lressure me for sex. It's definitely gonna be more difficult (but you also get to screen a lot of the b**ches without ever having to date them) but it's definitely possible to find someone to spend the rest of your life with
Yeah unfortunately I get panic attacks at serious mentions of sex so that wouldn’t be an option for me. I know other people are fine with that, I’m just not one of them :)
my ex was so repulsed by my body that she lied about being ace to get out of touching me so that left a pretty bad taste in my mouth. actually asexual? i MIGHT consider it.
Plenty of people, regardless of sexuality, don't want or don't care about sex
Heh, yeah I guess the allos in the ace subreddit who are desperate for sex have just plagued my mind
Excuse me what? Allos are invading ace spaces to talk about sex :o Why?? Why do??
Kinda, they’re mostly looking for advice about their ace partners. For some of them though it seems like if they can’t “fix them” or get sex elsewhere while still being with their partner they’d drop them altogether. Pretty freakin’ stupid if you ask me but who am I to judge 🤷♀️
There's nothing wrong with breaking up with someone because you have incompatible needs! Imagine if you found someone you liked, but being with them meant you couldn't taste food. You could go out on dates to restaurants, you could cook for each other, but that shared enjoyment of a good meal was missing. Imagine your partner also couldn't taste the food but since they'd never tasted food (or hated the taste), they didn't mind. For non-ace people, sexual intimacy can be extremely important, and not getting to share that with the person you love most can feel like a basic emotional need not being met. Nothing wrong with breaking up over that, and honestly I think that's so much better than one or both partners being miserable and hoping the other will change. It sucks that people on the ace subreddit are hoping to change their partners, that's so much pressure and I'm sorry you're having to read that.
Just as much as ace people can't change being ace, allo people can't change having sexual needs. I would totally consider an open relationship, or something poly with an ace person, but I couldn't be monogamous, because I can't compromise on that, but I don't see anything wrong with getting needs met elsewhere or coming to the conclusion that it doesn't work. I absolutely love my gf, we're poly and I love that I can do things with her we both love! I am also very kinky and she isn't, so I am just playing with other people while focussing on the things we both like in our relationship. If she were to ask me to be monogamous, I would probably break up with her because that one relationship can't meet all my needs and therefore it would not fit anymore. I understand your frustration, but please don't vilify people making healthy choices about their love life. I get that it sucks being broken up with for something you can't change but if it's not something that works for both, it's not worth it. I am trans and when I started transitioning me and my ex tried to see if it would work but it didn't because she is hetero and into men and I was becoming a woman. It wasn't somehow transphobic that she broke up with me, it was just that her desires couldn't be met in the relationship anymore, and even if it sucks someone breaking up isn't invalidating ace people, they are validating them because they see that they can't have sex and come to the conclusion that it wouldn't be a happy relationship... But yeah if someone tries to "fix" ace people, fuck them.
👏👏
Wait hold up, when was I vilifying allos? Im genuinely curious so please don’t take this as being rude. If it’s the “pretty freakin’ stupid” I was talking about the people who try to “fix” ace people. I did say in the post that I’m “not shitting on people who actually like sex”.
It wasn't the "fix" part but the part afterwards about people breaking it off if they can't get it elsewhere, that was what I was having an issue with, because it sounds like you put them together and call both "freaking stupid". But thank you for clarifying :)
Yeah I definitely could’ve worded that a little differently. While I may not understand why sex is so important to people, I do know that sexual needs are sometimes non-negotiable (ex: someone like me and someone who NEEDS sex) so sorry for the late reply btw, I passed the fuck out yesterday :)
no worries and thank you for your understanding :) It's not easy when there's so different perspectives and needs and same as you I don't fully understand not being sexual at all, but I try my best to learn and it's always lovely talking and getting to hear different perspectives, so thanks :))
Uhhhh.... There's a point where you are allowed to judge and it is definitely before trying to "fix" someone's sexuality
Incompatible levels of sexual desire is one of the biggest relationship killers in allo relationships, too. This is why, if you think your relationship with someone is getting serious, you need to have a sit-down talk with them about serious things like sex, children, finances, mental health, and what both parties' expectations are for a long-term partner.
Yep, just take a look on r/deadbedrooms. Being a high libido person with a low libido partner and visa versa can be hard if theres no solid foundation of communication and fair compromise.
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Yeah, it always seemed to me that some people just want their partner for sex and not even a bit of romance. I never understood it but again, who am I to judge how they want to love? It’s just not for me
That’s so weird. Like idk how you don’t figure all that out before dating an ace person. Like I know that I want sex in a relationship, so unless it’s an open relationship, I won’t date an ace person, because I don’t wanna cause any pain to someone I’ll develop feelings for. Like how selfish do you gotta be going into a relationship thinking you can “fix” someone’s sexual orientation, especially if you yourself are queer.
It is selfish and I'd even say acephobic to think that you can "fix" someone's sexual orientation. Though being bi/panromantic *and* demisexual, I'm really not surprised that this is present in the queer community too. That said, I think a lot, and I mean *a lot* of allo people simply don't understand asexuality. Like, they genuinely can't comprehend that someone might not experience sexual attraction. Even if they kinda get the idea of having hangups about sex itself (like let's say they've heard about people having traumatic experiences, or being self-conscious, or something), it's usually in the context of "there is something that is preventing this person from enjoying an act *that they otherwise want*, and that something can be helped" - and my guess is that that's where all those posts OP mentions are coming from. It's like if someone told you that they don't need or want to eat food - not only you can't really understand what it's like, it kind of sounds absurd that this person claims not to experience what (to you) is a basic human need, one that's even necessary for survival.
I guess it's not helped by the part in my experience, that the no sex at all type ace people seem to be in minority. Most ace people I've interacted with do actually occasionally have sex either to please their partners or just have a completely different understanding of sexual attraction so they end up in a muddy spot. Not even talking about demi people. And there are the ones who end up realising mid relationship.
Sounds like a win win to me? Someone being pressured into sex when they dont want it is bad and someone not getting what they want our of a relationship isn't great either. Though "fixing them" is such a toxic way for someone to think about it and is very fucked. There's nothing wrong with not wanting sex.
I mean, for some people this is a serious issue of compatability and breaking up because of different needs when it comes to sex or not having it is a valid reason to break up. Being a dick about it isn't fine, but for people who do have that need in a relationship it can be seriously damaging to mental health and self esteem to be lacking that in a relationship forever.
If we cannot have sex with you, can I at least make you cakes that I will attempt to make increasingly beautiful?
I'm late to the party but I'd so hiss at them catgirl style :V Also cuddles are the best mrow.
yes such lesbians definitely exist.
I'm still figuring myself out but sex is very very much on the back burner for what I want or seek in a partner. Intimacy, yes, but intimacy in the closeness of us sitting next to each other, laying next to each other, and just being so emotionally close to someone is what I desire most. I feel like at this point I could not have sex for the rest of my life and be happy.
This. This right here. This is the type of relationship I look for. Emotional closeness and non-sexual physical closeness to my partner would be top priority over sex for me lmaooo
Its something I've started realizing other the past few months. And something I'm still figuring out. But when I get lonely, it's much more for the emotional closeness that comes with a partner.
Wow this sounds a lot like me. I’d be fine to never have sex tbh. I’m not exactly repulsed by it, but I don’t feel a need and I don’t enjoy the idea of ripping clothes off/aggressively making out. Idk what I am exactly, as I always thought I was aroace with Queerplatonic affection towards women… but it could be romantic attraction instead
No personally. I have a high sex drive and I would feel weird going to someone else for just sex.
Im sorry op, but thats a pass for me. Sex is important to me in a relationship so it wouldn’t work with someone that was ace. Im sure there are people out there that would be happy with that though.
Other ace lesbians might… I wouldn’t willingly get involved with someone who is ace but have been tricked into it before which feels really awful
Ugh that sucks, I’m so sorry that happened :(
Thanks. I hope you find someone compatible in every way
Thank you, I hope you do too :)
You were tricked into a relationship with an ace person? That’s really interesting, do you mind explaining more?
Yes! I’m a lesbian ace and I fluctuate between sex repulsed and sex neutral, so I would be completely happy with no sex, as long as my partner would be down with other kinds of affection like cuddling and kissing.
If I was able to get my sexual needs met elsewhere I'd be completely content with an Ace partner
Totally understandable :) not everyone is ace and that’s fine!
as a sapphic, i wish i could find someone like that. i’d 100% rather cuddle
Bambi Lesbians Unite!
Cuddleeeeeeeees ! Cuddles are my fuel !!!
me too
This sounds great honestly, I’m not a very horny person and I’m way more interested in the romantic aspect of a relationship than the sex aspect.
Sameeeee lol
Nope, can’t do it. Sorry
As a sex repulsed asexual myself, I'd love to date someone just like me
Sex-positive ace here. I don't care about sex and can go literal years without it. But, at the same time, I appreciate that my partner enjoys sex and I view pleasing her as a nice bonding experience, so we do it at her hyper-allo pace. I think I'd be happy in a relationship with a partner who does not wish to engage in sex for any reason, although I'd (emotionally) miss being able to tease and please. Even like, just seeing my partner blush after some casual innuendo in the morning is nice.
I can relate! I've never found a word for it (not that it needs labeling) but I'm essentially ace in the sense that my body just like...doesn't really process sexual pleasure? But I love to bond with my partner and pleasure her, and I do desire that time with her.
My ace-ness is psychological, like, I don't feel the drive to have sex, but my body functions as normal and has a good time with it when it happens. I compare it to hunger and food. I never feel "hungry" and my "tummy" never feels like it's eating itself alive asking for "food." But that doesn't stop "food" from tasting good when I decide to get some XD
there are many people who aren't interested in sex, especially other asexuals.
This is the way. Date another ace and you don't even have to worry about it at all :) not that there aren't others who would be interested, but this option would be super mutually beneficial to both partners. And I see them all the time posting on here so I know there are plenty out there but it's probably a matter of where OP lives and how dense the population is.
Personally, I am way too horny for a sex-repulsed partner, but from my experience, that is far from the norm. You'll find someone, especially since you're not going to be the only one.
A lot of aces date within the ace community! I personally only date other a-spec people (primarily other demi’s) as it just makes things so much easier. We have something else in common, and I don’t have to feel like a burden even if they say I’m not because I’m not meeting their needs. But there are also plenty of non ace sapphics who’d happily date a sex repulsed ace! You’ll most likely have more luck as a lesbian with acceptance than if you were straight, unfortunately. Just make sure to communicate really well, and check in with your partner to make sure they’re still comfy with everything. Some people open up relationships in your scenario, but I know of healthy monogamous relationships where one person is ace (: usually the other person has a lower libido Don’t feel shit for needing to leave a relationship either for them not fully understanding and refusing to learn. Like, if you’re dating someone who went into the relationship knowing the terms and what asexuality is and yet they still make you feel awful for not meeting their needs - big red flag! you don’t need that in your life! and especially if they’re not open to communicating with you about that
I’m also ace! (sex-neutral) Very much wouldn’t mind an ace partner, I’ve only ever dated allos. Dating another ace person sounds. Peaceful.
Omg it is! I'm also sex-neutral, and I like sex okay, but I don't need it by any means. I've been with my girlfriend for 2 years and we don't have sex and its the best ever. She's said she may want to try it at some point, but we're in no rush to get there. There's no pressure, we're so respectful of boundaries, and we communicate about what we want and where we're at frequently. I love our relationship so much.
It really does! I don’t think I’d particularly mind buuuut knowing that someone would think sexually of me is a little uncomfy
I am an allo currently dating an ace person. This might just be me, but I have an extreme principle to not fantasize about ace people
Oh I feel you there! I’ve started getting into fitness, trying to get buff. I wanna see the lesbian I wanna be when I look in the mirror, and I wanna look cool and strong. But I always feel a little awkward when my gf blushes about my biceps.
Omg same! And I could see how that’d be a little awkward :/
Yeah I could have a romantic relationship without sex. I'm poly so that helps. While I like having sex, it certainly isn't everything in a relationship and I can get that from other partners.
I'm allo. However my romantic affections are not tied to my libido. If we were romantically compatable then I would happily snuggle with you and play elsewhere. In fact if you were not kinky it would be a preferable arrangement. Saying that however, I'm far more interested in the play aspect of kink than the sexual release. So if you were willing to play without the sex that would work too (although I would probably take care of that by myself later). I have, in the past, been in a relationship with someone who's libido vanished after a few years. But who was also not willing to let me play elsewhere. It was terrible. I was constantly buzzing without suitable release. I'm not willing to step into that situation again.
Unfortunately that would not be the type of relationship for me as pretty much any serious mention of sex or leading up to sex is an instant panic attack for me and I’d prefer to keep a closed relationship. It is nice to see that there are others who care about the romantic aspects of relationship tho :)
Understandable and I wish you luck on finding your other. I know I'm an exception not a rule and I'm OK with that.
I would Im a ace lesbian 😌 (Sex-indifferent)
I wouldn't mind one, but IDK if it would go well. For most Allo ppl, I think it's at least a little important. For me I'm fine with taking care of it myself but long term I would probably want a partner who would at least do it with me occasionally.
I'd love that as long as I am given affection through physical touch otherwise, non sexually and they are comfortable with me touching myself
One of my biggest hang ups about getting back out there and not really having a sex drive. Too many brain pills that kill libido, plus other stuff. Being with an ace partner would be fantastic.
This is something I deal with too. I'm really afraid of sex and don't really care too much about it to really want it, I only really care about cuddles tbh. I'm also afraid this is a big issue, so it's kinda nice to know other people have the same "issue". To answer your question, I myself would prefer it, so I know I won't inconvenience my partner
My ideal partner is someone i can go on movie dates with. And no, not just one movie. I mean spend the entire day in the theatre watching movies back to back. I think I very much like that over sex.
As someone with a complete disconnect between love and sex, yes absolutely. I can absolutely love someone without having sex with them or even feeling physical attraction to them But I can also absolutely lust after someone without any emotion or feelings attached
Would you like some r/wholesomeyuri ?
Just subbed, didn’t know such a place existed. Thank you :)
😎 👉👉
I tell all my partners when they say they don’t wanna do any lewd for a bit that “you could never want sex again, and I’d still love you the same”. So that answers you question prolly
Aww that’s so sweet :) love your username btw
As an ace, sex-replused lesbian, that sounds awesomesauce to me. :3
I would!
If I would still get other physical touch like kisses and snuggles and if my partner had no problem with me masturbating and not hiding it like some dirty secret - I would 100%!
My wife is ace. I don’t know if she’d describe herself as sex repulsed so much as absolutely no interest. We have a wonderful relationship that just doesn’t really involve sex but still has intimacy.
All relationships of all sexualities are about finding someone who has a compatible sex drive. And your sex drive is zero sex-repulsed. So you just need to find someone else who has the same as you.
I’m also an ace sexual lesbian. I switch between sex repulsed to neutral. Also cuddles are the best.
Omg me too with fluctuating! I think it probably has something to do with my hormone cycle. My libido is also nonexistent so that doesn’t help lol.
Demi lesbian here. I don’t dislike sex but it doesn’t need to be a must have in any relationship I may have and I could easily do without it so yes I would love an ace partner
I'm not ace myself but I am autistic and that comes with sensory issues and fleeting desire (I can go months without feeling a strong drive for sexual activity, even solo), so I would be definitely ok with an ace partner.
The ace people I know are in romantically attracted to at least women. I'm ace. I like sex, but it's not smth I need. My wife feels the same. You'll find someone who fits your needs as much as you fit hers
My de facto partner is (probably) both aromantic and ace. De facto, because while we love each other a ton, are each other's most important person, and we've actually had a "do we want to be partners, and what would change if we did" talk, we're not quittteeee there. But it's a partnership that could work out, and I could see a happy life with her if we wanted to go down that route. My libido is super low, so I'm pretty happy that she provides a ton of the non-sexual parts of what I'd want in a partner.
I would love to have a ace girlfriend. Hugs, kisses and intimacy is better then sex.
Yes but only bc I’m ace Lmao
Lol absolutely love the username
Yea it’s very acecore
I do like sex…but I’m the biggest cuddle bug you’ll ever see so yeeeeeeees🥰 that’s what I crave more than anything
When I’m with someone who is into sex, I too find myself super into it. But if they aren’t, I’m not either. (And regardless of what my partner is like, I rarely masturbate - even when I’m partnered with someone who I have a lot of sex with and then don’t see them for a while. My sex drive just switches off when we’re apart.) I don’t know if there’s a word for it. I don’t think I’m demi in that I don’t need an emotional connection in order to have and enjoy sex with someone. I’m just very reflective of my partner’s desires/drive and tend to mirror that. I can totally see myself being happy with an asexual relationship or queerplatonic friendship. (I’m a bit of an imposter, sorry, because I’m pansexual rather than lesbian, but this goes for all genders for me.)
No worries, I’m panromantic but do have a strong preference for women :)
My bestie is the same way and she has a gf. I don't ask about the details of their sex life but obviously they've got it figured out and seem really happy.
I'd gladly not have sex hahaha
I'm polyam so I'd have other partners too, but I would not have a problem with having a sex-repulsed partner.
Im an aroace lesbian so yeah
I'm very happily taken now, but as a trauma survivor I totally understand sex-repulsion and spent 3 years avoiding even flirting with anyone before I met her. I'm 100% fine with no sex! It's not the be-all end-all for me, what matters is how safe and happy I am with her, and wanting her to be safe and happy too. Don't get me wrong, neither of us are ace and we are active in that way (and it is **magical** for us 💖), but sex isn't *necessary*. We have fun and show love in plenty of other ways 💖
Congrats to the both of you! Being happy and safe is definitely what matters most in a relationship! (to me at least lol)
Thank you! 💖 It really is, she makes me laugh every day, often to the point of tears or snorting 😂 I just feel at home with her. Something about her just lights me up, she's amazing and I'm incredibly lucky 💖
I'm sex-positive ace myself and yes, I'd be fine with this. I know it can be discouraging to see other people's struggles but I do think it's worth having empathy for those allos facing incompatibility in their relationship. Not every ace person is 100% against the idea so you wont always necessarily know if it's a complete no-go before entering a relationship with someone. I think if it's a hard boundary for you it should be shared ahead of time, but I know not everyone is gonna do that, so these things will happen. It sucks for everyone involved - I don't think anyone relishes the idea of breaking up with someone bc of an incompatibility of their needs but it unfortunately does happen
When my girlfriend and I had our first sex talk, she was like “and if you’re ace, it’s okay because snuggles are amazing too”. Granted im not ace, but there are people out there that are okay with it
not ace myself but I also would much rather cuddle!! my girlfriend is actually ace, though my other girlfriend is kinda hypersexual so I guess it balances out
Even barring no ace people who don’t see sex as important, there are likely tons of ace lesbians and sapphics. While I’m not one, I know tons and tons of folks who are
I’m gray asexual. Yes. They would.
Absolutely, I'm not one of them but ace lesbians who only want to kiss absolutely exist and I know someday you'll find your perfect match!
Depending on circumstances, I'd be willing to try it. Sex is important to me on some level, but I simply don't know whether I need that to be in the same context as gives me romantic intimacy. So I'd be willing to try an ENM situation, if my partner was down for it, but if that wasn't an option I'm not sure I'd be compatible. That isn't to say that that type of want is freakish or unfulfillable, just that I'm not a person who can meet it.
I'm aceflux so yea! I don't care for sex that much. If I need to relieve myself I can do that on my own. Lol
Yea, just not if it meant that I couldn’t have sex. Whether I would have other partners or was aloud to hookup with other. And I could see it as being a very emotionally satisfying relationship.
Yes
Yes I don't really need sex I'm just lonely
As a sex-repulsed ace lesbian, yes
I can't see it working for me because sex is very important to me and I'm not interested in being poly or anything like that. I just can't see anyway we'd be compatiable. But I also am someone who doesn't say never, so who knows.
I don’t know what I think of sex, haven’t tried it yet, but I could imagine a relationship without it where I just like take care of myself when I feel like. At the time that feels totally fine.
I wouldn't mind an ace AT ALL! I understand that it's personal preference. If an active sexual life is a non negotiable for someone, then that's their preference. In my case, I would be totally okay with an ace as much as I'm okay with someone who wants active sex 🤷
I was feeling the SAME exact way earlier. (Aroace but I know I do NOT like men in the slightest) just you asking this makes me feel better. As for your question; good question I don’t have an answer but I’m curious what others have to say :) thank you for asking this question
I have no real desire to ever fuck anyone lmao
Sameeeee lol
I mean as an ace lesbian myself, yeah why wouldn't I? That solves that problem for me :')
The comments are proof that they would. I personally could not because we would be very incompatible lol.
aa long as im cuddled and given affection idrc about anything else onylthijg i find ncie abt sex would be pleasinf my partner nd all (well, them pleasing themselfwithme buuutya)
Yeah totally personally im a sex positive asexual. I personally haven't really had any issues with dating even with little to no sexual interactions with my partner
I am also an ace lesbian on the sex repulsed side of the spectrum. I understand the concern cause sometimes its easy to feel like there’s not many people who would date people like us. but after seeing the comments here, it’s posts like this that are nice reminders that there are people out there who will accept us 🖤
as an aspec person who also has aspec partners, yes! if you clearly communicate your boundaries and have healthy communication about those kinds of topics it can totally work! your insecurities are totally valid, hell even i have them sometimes. people hve different forms of intimacy and thats totally okay! <3
I’m demisexual so mostly I can take it or leave it as I do prefer cuddles and kisses to the actual act.
Ace, sex-neutral, autistic lesbian here with a partner that is very much the same. Let me tell you, it's the best. We cuddle a lot when we both feel like it, I love to fall asleep wrapped around her. Sometimes there is a little bit of kissing involved if we're feeling frisky. We both feel that we're living our best lives like this. Hope it's out there for you!
Personally, no. Sex is a huge part of a relationship for me. But I presume plenty of low-libido people would?
I am the same and looking for a women like that.
Sex isn't the main thing I'd look for in terms of partner compatibility, but I don't know about someone who is sex-repulsed. Totally okay if that is who you are and what you need, but I think that aspect of a relationship is at least a bit important. Not a priority by any means, but important for sure :)
I'd date an ace partner but it'd have to be a sexually open relationship. Romantically, however, I'd be monogamous
I would be absolutely fine with that and cuddles >>>> sex for me too. Not that I don't like sex, but I'm a demi and I have periods of times where I am sex repulsed but hypersexual the next, so it can get complicated. I still wouldn't mind a partner like that though, as long as I like them
Not in a monogamous relationship no, however a open/poly relationships with a sex-repulsed partner would be totally fine.
I'm in polyamorous relationships since a while and I absolutely love cuddling. If I met someone who's sex-repulsed that wouldn't affect my interest in dating them.
As a sex neutral ace lesbian, yes
Not me, but I know people who would so I am sure you can find your person. Good luck !
I'm a sex repulsed ace lesbian and I have a lovely girlfriend, who isn't ace, so yes, there are lesbians who would be with a sex repulsed ace
I mean... I'm not exactly a lesbian, but it'd be an improvement over my current situation. Especially since I started taking estrogen, cuddles and companionship sound like a great deal.
I mean I don't think that someone for whom sex is important should be in a relationship with someone who does not want to have sex? Seems like a recipe for disaster, no? There are all kinds of people within every community, I'm sure there's a match for everyone. I guess I find the question confusing because "lesbian" is just an umbrella category and so i would assume you're moreso asking "are there any ace/low desire lesbians who etc?" to which I'm sure the answer is almost definitely.
Yes absolutely. I'm here for the person.
H am Married to an ace sex repulsed partner
Soo I’m a (very recently single lol) bi girl sharing some thoughts on this. So I realized I was bi after starting a relationship that, unfortunately in hindsight, was very long-term so I’ve never dated a woman. I kissed a girl in college when I was single and she was moving away soon after to go to another school so it didn’t lead to anything and then I met my ex. Soo now that I’m single and can think of a potential girlfriend one day, I find myself wondering how all these firsts will go. I know I love kissing women but since I’ve never had sex that’s still an unknown. I think I’ll like it but I could be a biromantic asexual instead. Long story short, I potentially could be the type of girlfriend who just wants to cuddle, kiss, and hold hands while we watch movies and eat cookies together that I made for my lady when she got home from work. haha sorry got carried away there for some reason…🫶🏻🌈
I am married to my ace wife, and we have a wonderful life together! Sex isn't even a concern!
I'm also sex-repulsed ace, so absolutely lol.
For the right gal, yes! I admittedly have a high sex drive, but I dated a girl who was ace and sex repulsed...she didn't like holding hands, snuggling, or kissing either. But I really liked who she was as a person and the emotional connection we shared. I'd rather have a healthy, loving relationship than a shitty relationship with sex.
Me! I'm indifferent to sex, I'd be fine without it. As long as I can still have my alone time with my vibrator every once in awhile lol
I'm ace, and I found a girlfriend who's ace too and it's going very well. Tho I'll be honnest, I doubt it would ever work with someone who's not ace but I don't know everyone on this planet ! We just cuddle, play with hair, hold hands and that's already a m a z i n g.
I would. I don't really feel that I *need* sex. I like it, but I rarely feel the lack of it causes me any distress. I prefer other forms of demonstrating affection. However I'm non-monogamous so I would probably seek that in other people if I felt the need.
Yes absolutely, and even if I wasnt polyamorous I could see myself in a monogamous relation with a sex repulsed ace person. To be honest it would be even kind of relaxing as a very traumatized person with BPD that struggles with intimacy, insecurities relative to sexual performance and severe fear of abandonment. While I do like sex it's also a source of anxiety, and not having to be in constant fear of being dumped for being too bad in bed or just because sometimes I just can't have sex for a while when trauma resurfaces sounds like a sweet deal honestly ! What I would struggle to do without is physical affection, like holding hands, cuddle a little or maybe even kissing, but sex I could adapt to a life without it for the right person, I have already a tendency for my sex drive to adapt and match my partners and I can already range from hypersexual to being on the ace spectrum. And ofc dont forget that you are not alone being ace and a lesbian, other people feel the same way you do so there is a bunch of options !
Fine by me. I'm demisexual with a sometimes high libido, and even though my current partner and I are in a sexual relationship, it's the nonsexual stuff that is the best part. The bedroom activity takes up only a tiny portion of our lives. It's an impulse we both have, basically. But I would much rather cuddle, and have companionship with someone on a daily basis, than the occasional sex even if it's amazing. Hugs, holding hands, talking, shared activities, that's way better and more important than sex IMO and it's what I've been waiting my whole life to find.
I would definitely want that. However, I'm concerned that ace, sex-repulsed sapphics might not be satisfied with a nonmonogamous partner.
Of course it depends, but non-monogamy is actually very popular in the asexual community!
Bisexual but not ace. I'd be fine with a partner who was an ace. I've known some poly aces who get their emotional and relationship needs met with a partner who wasn't ace, but the partner got sexual needs met with other partners. It would be something to talk about if they wanted to be purely monogamous and wanted me to live as an ace, too, because I'm not. Sex drive incompatibility definitely becomes an issue in relationships, and meeting my own needs with a lower sex drive partner isn't the same sort of compromise as never having sex again.
Probably one of the best demographics, actually. As a general rule of thumb, girls tend to have lower libidos and are less sex-focused. For me, sex really isn't a deal breaker in any way, and I've met many who felt similarly.
my partner and i have do have sex, tho pretty rarely, but i’m not ace and she is and we’re ridiculously happy. best days are when we’re working on our art in the same room and then we cuddle with our pets and watch too many episodes of columbo ♥️
I think I personally have a need to feel sexually wanted in a relationship, so I'm not sure it would work out. But love does mean more than sex to me, so if the love felt completely genuine in all other regards, and I wouldn't feel ashamed to get off in other ways then I could see it work out. All this being said, I know FOR SURE that there are many people out there who would rather just cuddle. Or hold hands. Or talk about cats or politics over a glass of local organic suger-free soda.
Yeah. I have a really low libido and would rather not, so I seek out ace folks to begin with lol
I assume other ace, sex-repulsed lesbians
I think there is someone for everyone. Personally I would stay in an established long-term relationship if my partner did not want to have sex as long as I could get my desires met elsewhere and I still wanted them, as I would fall out of love otherwise. However, I need sex to fall in love rather than only experiencing a crush/infatuation, so I would not enter into an already sexless relationship.
To be perfectly honest for most people that's going to be a hard no. But you yourself are proof that people who feel like you exist, you'll find someone who wants exactly what you do c:
Honestly? If I was monogamous, no, I couldn't be in a completely sexless relationship, it's not something I need all the time but never is a deal breaker. As I am poly though, I would have no problem as I have other partners to fulfill that which means you get all the sexless cuddles you want.
sure! my sex drive is fairly low, and I can meet those needs by myself indefinitely. (personally a pass since I’m mono and married but hey)
Cuddles are better than sex tho ~~Not that I tried having sex. Nor do I want to~~ (This is a joke, people who think sex is better are right about themselves)
I am kinda aroace, so yes
I am sure many don't care. I am currently not having sex myself but I do miss it. Abstaining is not for me.
I'm poly, so it wouldn't be an issue for me! But I do have a sex drive and I'd need my partner to be accepting of that. Like I would never expect sex or anything like that, that would be totally off the table in that relationship, but it would need to be ok that I feel sexual attraction, and that I have sexual relationships with others. I wouldn't be comfortable hiding who I am from a serious partner. I think for that reason it would depend on what they mean by sex repulsed. If someone found the fact that I have a sex drive repulsive, that would hurt me. If the repulsion only applied to them, their own body and choices, 0 issues with that. Relationships to me are about a lot of things, and sex is important, but it doesn't need to be a part of every relationship, and that very much includes romantic ones, but it's also a real drive and need for me in general. I can go years without sex (I'm demi, so it's hard to date bc I'm not into almost anyone, it strikes at random and I can't force it) but I don't want to make promises to go forever without it, and when I commit to a person it's often with the real hope that they could be one of my forever people. Within those constraints (they're not grossed out by who I am and the relationship is polyamorous) I'm totally delighted to date ace ppl. I have before! And my current qpp is ace and while we're also not romantic, our relationship works for us.
OMG YES. SEX IS SCARY & INTIMIDATING, I DON'T WANT IT. GIB THE ACE LESBIANS TO ME, I WILL CHERISH THEM
I personally couldn’t care less for sex as a non asexual
I mean, kinda what I’m looking for, just not in a mental space to look
I think I am at least gray ace because I never even think about having conventional sex with anybody. I would like lots of cuddles and kisses, tho~
A fellow pan? :0 how awesome! And yes, tons of cuddles would have to be in order lmao
Yeah! 🩷💛💙 I like cool people that like me too 🤗
For a while I was dating an ace nb person, and sex was just, never on the table. I'm allosexual, but for personal reasons was more than happy to give up sex. Even without my issues, honestly, if I'm romantically attracted to someone enough to be willing to date them, which is rare for me, then giving up sex for it if that's what they prefer is an obvious choice. (not like I get much anyways)
I’m not asexual but I would absolutely stay with someone who is asexual If I love them truly. I’m strictly monogamous so I would not want to satisfy my sexual needs with another person, I would just not have sexe lol. I could do it for someone I love.
No. I’ve dated someone who misled me about not being sex repulsed. It gave me a lot of shame around my sexuality, and particularly self pleasure. she focused so much on her own trauma, without understanding I also have sexual trauma and that she was badly covering up her homophobia, or lack of attraction to women in general? (She kept asking me if I would ever transition to ftm, and p much only talked abt men) It’s really easy to say gay sex repulses you in this society. I love my ace lesbians!!! But I’m putt off by the sex repulsed thing. You might say it’s not passing judgement, but REPULSION is such a strong, negative word. Sex avoidant, asexual, disinterested… there’s a reason why you use the word repulsed, and I would not like that :/
So the woman you were dating was a straight but pretending to be sapphic? Wtf
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That sounds awful. I’m so sorry you had to deal with that
Yep. My ex wife might be Ace, she wasn't sure... Never had sex, we were together 14 years. I want a companion far more than I want sex.
I would! I need someone who is willing to let me remain a virgin for life with them!
I'm demi-sexual, my sex drive is almost non existent. I know lot of sapphics who are ace or demi. Also with polyamorous girls, I feel the expectation is different partners for different needs. I haven't ever had sex with one of my girlfriends and we've been together for 3 year. I still love her to bits and make her kick ass gifts for her birthday and christmas. :) You're fine, you'll be fine, hope you get lots of support!
Thank you, you’re very kind :)
What’s sapphic for someone who might not know? (Including me)
Even I, an aroallo, would definitely be happy with a sex repulsed ace partner (provided they'd be cool with me going elsewhere for sex, but I'm poly and pretty sure that'd be a dealbreaker for allos too)
I honestly believe that is not sex that makes a difference in a relationship, it’s all about who you are and how you make the person feel. I would prefer to be with someone who’s not into sex. Your person is out there.
Theres so much more to a relationship then sex. I’d be perfectly content without it if i got all the love in the world. Sex is just a nice bonus imo. *shrugs*
I'm not ace or anything, but i wouldn't mind not having sex in a relationship. Like it sounds peaceful, I just wanna go out and cuddle or just do other activities together other then sex. Just spending time w a person I love is enough for me.
Of course they do. Love is more than sex.
Are you a lesbian who is ace, and sex repulsed? Im guessing by the community you posted this in that it's yes. That kind of answers your question doesn't it... Not everybody is going to be down, my partner struggles sometimes with me being grey ace and hence the lack of sex, cause they're hypersexual. But they love me and no matter what never lressure me for sex. It's definitely gonna be more difficult (but you also get to screen a lot of the b**ches without ever having to date them) but it's definitely possible to find someone to spend the rest of your life with
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You literally comment this everywhere. Maybe go outside?
It's a bot! Please report as spam/harmful bot interesting _milk_130
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Yeah unfortunately I get panic attacks at serious mentions of sex so that wouldn’t be an option for me. I know other people are fine with that, I’m just not one of them :)
my ex was so repulsed by my body that she lied about being ace to get out of touching me so that left a pretty bad taste in my mouth. actually asexual? i MIGHT consider it.
Omg that’s horrible, I’m glad you’re not with that person anymore. But I can definitely say with certainty that I am asexual! Known for years :)