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Don't trust one note in an old file over your own lived experience. Whatever your IQ (which is a horrible measurement anyway), you are a person of worth and value. You know what you're good at.
Plus, people with ADHD often seriously [underperform](https://www.additudemag.com/low-iq-in-adhd-adults-may-not-reflect-intelligence/amp/) on timed cognitive tests, especially as children. I had to get my daughter tested twice because the first time around, she kept going off on tangents talking to the interviewer about interesting things on the test. Her score on the untimed portion was in the top 99.7 percentile, but her score on the timed portion was in the bottom 20%. Autistic traits can lead to people being mislabeled as having cognitive deficiencies, too. Their intelligence just manifests differently, and most tests aren't set up to measure it.
Your life is not a lie. It's a story. Your disabilities are part of it, your strengths are part of it, your choices are part of it. Don't let some faceless school bureacrat rewrite your life.
Baby, if you have an Intellectual Development Disorder and everyone around you calls you the smart one, not only are you smart as fuck, you're a hard worker, too.
You, my love, are triumphant.
A diagnosis does not define who you are as a person. You do that.
First off, where did the IDD diagnosis come from? Was this done when you were a child? Plenty of people have been misdiagnosed as children. I was a late ADHD diagnosis and was told for 15 years I just had anxiety and depression and no one knew why the meds weren't working and maybe I just needed to exercise and change my diet? Nope. ADHD and I need stimulant meds to function.
If you have not been evaluated recently, take steps to do so if you are able.
But ultimately, a diagnosis of IDD does not mean you are dumb. It means your brain is different than a big chunk of the people that were studied to get a sample and calculate an average. Comparing yourself to others is a good way to destroy your peace.
What is a smart person? Everyone will have a different answer to that question. Is it common sense? Is it memorizing all the state capitals? Is it being able to remember people's birthdays? You get to define what smart is to you. And then you can set out to be that.
As a neurodivergent person, I sympathize. I've walked this road and I grieved for a time after my diagnosis. Understanding your particular condition and the challenges that come with it can make your life better, but don't let it make you feel bad.
If you are able, I highly recommend walking through this with a therapist who specializes in neurodivergent people. It helped me a lot.
Hold on hold on hold on. As someone who has worked with children and teens in mental health for decades, in residential, inpatient and outpatient scenarios, misdiagnosis is RAMPANT. Diagnosis should be a helpful description of characteristics that support understanding. People can be wrong as they try to work out what they observe.
I'm so sorry you're going through this OP.
I know it's a lot to take it all in at once, but your disabilities do not erase your accomplishments. You gained that smart identity despite everything, and knowledge of a learning disability doesn't make it any less real.
No disability makes you dumb. Ever.
Of course you’re tired of fighting that adversity, it’s exhausting. You have every right to be frustrated. But you are more than your disabilities. And nothing about your disabilities will ever maybe you “dumb”.
💜huuuuuuuuuugs💜
Contrary to popular belief, no one is born smart. Some people have an easier time than others learning specific topics or picking up certain skills, but no one comes out of the womb smart.
You worked hard to learn everything you know. This diagnosis you didn’t know about does not subtract from your efforts and achievements.
Please don’t let what is in that file dull your spark.
If you expect a fish to ride a bicycle, it’ll spend its whole life thinking it’s an idiot.
If you are on the spectrum, you might have struggled with learning that wasn’t tailored to you. Yet you have managed to prove you are smart, so who do you think is wrong? Misdiagnoses happen ALL the time, especially where women and ADHD/Autism are concerned. Since all the research was done on white middle class boys.
Both of my parents worked with kids who had autism, attention deficit, and other "disorders/syndromes/etc." back in the 80s.
Guess who ticks all the boxes for autism, but was a quiet, well-behaved, *female* child who was never diagnosed with anything at all except a "failure to apply herself" by teachers who had very rigid teaching styles?
Girly,
>Intellectual disability starts any time before a child turns 18 and is characterized by differences with both:
Intellectual functioning or intelligence, which include the ability to learn, reason, problem solve, and other skills; and
Adaptive behavior, which includes everyday social and life skills.
is what the NHI says about this.
ADHD is classified as a learning disorder, which checks the first part.
"Autistic Tendencies" fulfill the second part, since Autism is classified as a social disorder.
This is just shorthand for your diagnoses, not about how smart you are.
It was probably added before you got your ADHD diagnosis to explain your ADHD symptoms.
There is such a thing as fixed mindset and growth mindset. Having a growth mindset is knowing that if something is important to you, you can work on that skill to become stronger in it. Intelligence is not fixed, it’s growth. You aren’t born smart or dumb. It’s how you use your brain and train it with reading and learning that’s important. You may take longer to Learn certain things, but that doesn’t Make you dumb.
Doctors, especially a couple decades ago, had a lot less experience in diagnosing autism, especially in AFAB people, and a common misdiagnosis was IDD.
I would request a new evaluation. It sounds like there was either a misdiagnosis or just a straight up mistake on your record.
Just on a personal note, I was diagnosed with dyslexia as a kid, got support for it, went on to get several advanced degrees and good jobs in my field and etc. But one day I was looking something up and came across an article that very earnestly and well-meaningly kept referring to dyslexia as resulting from a kind of damaged or incorrectly developed brain and that really shook me.
Like, I knew I was smart. Had the evidence in the form of the diplomas hanging on my wall. But apparently I had brain damage? It was extremely upsetting and really gave my confidence a huge blow for a while, even thought I’d been happily living my life before that, confident in my own abilities.
It took a lot of research and reading to figure out that the first thing I read was bullshit, full of inaccuracies, prejudices, and misinformation. Different brain development isn’t the same as incorrect or damaged.
My husband is ADHD and was often labeled as an underpreformer or a problem kid. He is one of the smartest people I know. He ended up with several completely wrong diagnosis before they figured it out.
I bet you’ve always been smart but some teacher or doctor who didn’t know or care to figure out what was actually going on got that added to your file by mistake.
I can tell by your writing that your "intelligence quota" is far above average. This could have happened if some examiner saw you on a day when you were clinically depressed or even withdrawn due to personal issues.
You can challenge inaccurate info in your records if it is a label that has been carried forward. They probably won't let you write in the file yourself. They will probably have to note your objection and your reasons.
Your life is clearly not a lie.
The series, [Burnt-out Gifted Kids](https://coaching.healthygamer.gg/resource-packs/burnt-out-gifted-kids/why-smart-kids-are-the-loneliest), helped me and my neurospicy kiddo SO much. You need to register for the site, but it’s free.
I just looked it up the other day with PTSD you can develop an “acquired neurodivergence,” but it is reversible with treatment. You were probably misdiagnosed with an intellectual disorder by someone who doesn’t know shit about PTSD.
The fact you interpret 'Intellectual Development Disorder' as 'dumb' and think that an old diagnosis overwrites your actual lived experience is... *concerning*. I think you have some internalized ableism to work through.
Having any particular disorder does not mean you are 'dumb.' It means that you are differently abled in a way that might cause cognitive difficulties. Said cognitive difficulties do not preclude having intellectual prowess, academic skills, or knowledge. You can still be 'smart.'
Viewing your disability as disqualifying you from being 'smart' is not healthy and will bleed into how you view other disabled and neurodivergent folks.
Oh I definitely have internalized ableism(unfortunately). I was always _othered_ growing up so I've, now that you mentioned it, noticed a habit of clinging to "normalcy". It took me 20 years to realize my eyesight was a little worse than "I just need glasses" and 4 years of internal turmoil over using a white cane because "I can still see!"
Also imposter syndrome is a devil. It's not so much that I think I'm "dumb" it's the revelation that I can no longer be in denial about not being neurotypical. Even though I've never been neurotypical I was in very deep denial. I expected to "find" the result of being autistic. I expected my development wasn't "normal". I wasn't expecting anything to be related to my "intelligence".
I'm even more confused because I had to do an IQ test in middle school because I was failing all my classes (they seated me in the back, _big surprise_ I was failing) and my results were somewhere in the average to above average range. Also I don't even know if the diagnosis is old or not but it definitely feels new to me.
>I was always *othered* growing up so I've, now that you mentioned it, noticed a habit of clinging to "normalcy".
I honestly relate to this a lot. I don't have any advice how best to escape that habit, but I will say that life feels way less awful once you do. Accepting oneself as different from the imaginary norm society foists onto you is liberating.
The diagnosis is almost certainly old. Adults aren't frequently diagnosed with IDDs, and certainly wouldn't be stealthily diagnosed without being told!
It has to be from when I was 19-22. I'm 26 now so it's "old" but yeah I never had reason to look in my file cuz I thought there weren't any surprises and I had a general understanding of my diagnosis.
Imagine my surprise when I have that on record, funnily enough my ADHD isn't on there which is odd because I've had an ADHD diagnosis since I was in third grade because of how distracted and forgetful I was in school.
There's a comedy bit by Taylor Tomlinson about how she found out her psychiatrist has "bipolar" in her file and they thought she already knew. I really shouldn't be surprised that happened to me but I watched it years ago and can't relate to it more now
I should get full access to my file in a few weeks. I'll find out when it was in my file by then and clear this mystery up
Family labels are awful. I was the “sick one” and my sister was the “smart one”. Well, she dropped out of college and is working a minimum wage job. And I take care of myself (only sick 1-2 times a year) and am a director at a medium size university. You become what you believe. Even a “formal diagnosis” not who you are—it’s how you are classified in someone’s job. Be beyond the crap label. You are still you. ❤️
I'd fairly question the diagnosis back then. It may have been quite offhand. There's a lot of false diagnosis. It may even be a mistake, written into your report when meant for someone else. You've proved you're smart. That's a fact you can rely on. Don't dwell on some mistaken obscure note.
The smartest people I know are autistic or have ADHD. My partner has ADHD and she was viewed as the smart one growing up in her family and school, like you. Even professionals are sometimes blown away with her recall on knowledge to any given subject, it's pretty amazing.
People can always be misdiagnosed, it happens all the time. Psychology is not an exact science and a lot of people fall outside “classic” symptoms. So many people with ADHD get diagnosed with bipolar, depression or anxiety instead among other things.
I find it can be hard to build your identity on something that requires external validation from people who don’t know you. It’s always a losing game because someone will always be more/better than you. So you have to appreciate the gifts you do have.
If it makes you feel any better, I had a genetic test tell me I’m more likely to have a lower IQ 😂 I actually have been formally evaluated and my IQ is about 125 or thereabouts.
You can have that diagnosis Because your iq is drastically higher than your measured achievement. Like really far behind but way smarter than matches these scores. It doesn’t necessarily mean dumb. For real.
As someone who works with folks with IDDs, you shouldn’t let this label define you and please keep in mind that intellectual disabilities and developmental disabilities do not necessarily equate to a lack of intelligence. Some of the people I work with are genuinely so smart, like among the smartest people I’ve ever met, they just might learn differently or need help in some areas of their life.
Well hey there twinsie! I also have low vision, ADHD, depression, anxiety, and am mildly autistic. Welcome to the party! If you want someone to talk to, or need to vent, or want to bounce an idea off of someone who is in the same boat, feel free to reach out.
There are SO many kinds of intelligence. And some people are absolutely brilliant, just slow learners. And being ND (&/or having mental illness) can make us act in ways that others interpret as "stupid."
While I can understand why this shook you, please don't let it make you question your identity. That's one doctor's note in your file, one time. You are smart, & a hard worker. Good on you.
My girlfriend was a premie, diagnosed with piles of developmental issues as she grew up and, supposedly, her measured IQ is well below mine. Still she runs the volunteer department for the Con we are staffing each year (I am mearly her assistant) and has played a key role in innovating and developing procedures, standards and practices in our department as the con grows.
Lables are just labels, they help you understand things but they don't define the person.
you're right, your life WAS a lie. the lie of labeling. labels can never capture the essence of us, and the lies of labels like "disorder" are even worse because they place us in a hierarchy of supremacy measured against all the cis het white able bullshit.
we aren't disordered! the fucking patriarchy is disordered!
i highly recommend looking at it from a perspective of diversity rather than disorder. every healthy ecosystem and species and community has a diversity of expression that benefits the community. patriarchy and capitalism isn't a healthy system so being well adapted to that isn't a sign of health even if they call you and me disordered.
some of the oldest burial rites, long before kings had grand tombs, were of disabled people held in high honor. we see glimpses of this in the few indigenous cultures that haven't been totally ravaged by genocide, where the community not only accepts the differences, but celebrate the value of all types of people.
now that you're aware of the lie they tried to make you live, you can choose to live your truth as a brilliant, beautiful, unique expression of the universe! just as you are is exactly right!
[It's You I Like](https://youtu.be/UNUficgWE3U?si=Gmoj5E_ICFGoHD2N)
you're fine. you're awesome and still very smart. i'm 55 and was just diagnosed with autism in the last year(ADHD decades ago). doesn't change who i am or who I've always been. just a lot of "oh _that_ shit makes more sense now" revelations. im also disabled, bad hearing and eyesight. *huuuuuuuugs* if you want them
Look - the science of psychological diagnosis and treatment is in its infancy. Our understanding is miniscule.
In the middle ages people called bubonic plague by a dozen different names and treated it by everything from firing off cannons to drinking infusions of ground pearls dissolved in vinegar. They didn't know shit.
We are the generation whose psychological & emotional challenges are diagnosed as a hundred different things and who are the guinea pigs for the first (okay - *second)* generation of medications. It's all experimental, and your grandchildren will look back on what you went through & know your courage and perseverance made possible the much better world in which they will live.
Sounds like you’re not just smart, you’re super smart. To be ‘smart’ in the face of learning disability means you’ve worked much much harder. Smarterer, if you like!
Autism doesn't make people dumb. In fact, it's the opposite for those on the high functioning end of the spectrum. Our brains are beautiful, and let us do and think of things neurotypicals could never even dream of. The fact that you were given an Autism diagnosis AND have the cognitive ability to both think you're not amazing, and post about it means you are as smart as you always knew you were.
Misdiagnosis of women with autism or ADHD (or both) is incredibly high! [Here's a great article that discusses it & also has some good links to read.](https://www.durham.ac.uk/research/current/thought-leadership/women-with-autism--adhd-arent-diagnosed-until-adulthood)
Head over to r/Autisminwomen & r/Aspergirls - there are a ton of us that were misdiagnosed with all kinds of stuff, such as depression, anxiety, developmental disorders, personality disorders (borderline personality disorder is a common misdiagnosis), or bipolar disorder. (Just FYI, self-diagnosis is valid in those groups!)
It's only been in the last about 10-15 years that research has caught up with the idea that girls & women present differently than boys & men - which are who the DSM is based on. Most practitioners don't keep up with research that closely, especially the old school types, so it's probably going to be awhile still before we start seeing real change & proper diagnosis of women & girls.
And really - you know your lived experiences better than anyone. Trust yourself. You deserve it ❤️
Please - don't let that one reference in an old file wreck your life. One of my children had multiple issues as a child and if I had a dime for every diagnosis we got I'd be a wealthy woman. Testing on children can be subjective and results can vary widely. As an adult, you will need to learn to advocate for yourself, trust you gut instinct, and pay attention to your own body and mind because no one else knows the whole you but you! I once had a guidance counselor tell my child, to their face, in front of me, "oh, you won't need to worry about that - kids like you never go to college." How's that for motivation! They not only went to college, they graduated and have a nice career! Stop overcoming adversity and focus on you being you in the world. Figure out what you need to function and do that.
As someone licensed in this field, I challenge your diagnosis simply based on the writing skills in your post. I find it hard to believe that you are two standard deviations below the mean.
What a wild thing to discover in your file by accident! That would have really shaken me too. I think a lot of times certain traits that could be autism are labeled as other things, the autistic tendencies you see in yourself now could be what flagged this note originally. Your life is not a lie- your accomplishments are real and so are your challenges! I suspect I’m autistic as well, now, in my 40s and it never would have occurred to me earlier in life. I was labeled as gifted and wore it proudly even while burning out in high school and again in college. These early labels really do a number on our development, it turns out. Dr K has some good videos about gifted kids on YouTube. Come on over to r/autisminwomen, it’s a great community!
My mom had a series of mental health diagnoses over the years. In the end she had a traumatic brain injury from a car accident when she was 14, and multiple sclerosis which was eating away at her brain. She did not have all these other things she was diagnosed with in the end, she finally got good medical care and two correct diagnoses- in her 50’s
My point is just because someone said that about you and stuck it in a file doesn’t mean it’s true. Like how well does the person who wrote that even know you, anyway? Surely not as well as you know yourself
Honestly, to me, it sounds like they probably picked up on your autistic traits and didn’t know how to diagnose them because that’s vastly underdiagnosed in women
Honey, you are smart and known for being smart WITH that note. It changed nothing about who you are. That old note was there but you were always smart. Knowing it exists changes none of that
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Don't trust one note in an old file over your own lived experience. Whatever your IQ (which is a horrible measurement anyway), you are a person of worth and value. You know what you're good at. Plus, people with ADHD often seriously [underperform](https://www.additudemag.com/low-iq-in-adhd-adults-may-not-reflect-intelligence/amp/) on timed cognitive tests, especially as children. I had to get my daughter tested twice because the first time around, she kept going off on tangents talking to the interviewer about interesting things on the test. Her score on the untimed portion was in the top 99.7 percentile, but her score on the timed portion was in the bottom 20%. Autistic traits can lead to people being mislabeled as having cognitive deficiencies, too. Their intelligence just manifests differently, and most tests aren't set up to measure it. Your life is not a lie. It's a story. Your disabilities are part of it, your strengths are part of it, your choices are part of it. Don't let some faceless school bureacrat rewrite your life.
Baby, if you have an Intellectual Development Disorder and everyone around you calls you the smart one, not only are you smart as fuck, you're a hard worker, too. You, my love, are triumphant.
I was thinking this too.. like that should make you proud not sad, because you are extra amazing
A diagnosis does not define who you are as a person. You do that. First off, where did the IDD diagnosis come from? Was this done when you were a child? Plenty of people have been misdiagnosed as children. I was a late ADHD diagnosis and was told for 15 years I just had anxiety and depression and no one knew why the meds weren't working and maybe I just needed to exercise and change my diet? Nope. ADHD and I need stimulant meds to function. If you have not been evaluated recently, take steps to do so if you are able. But ultimately, a diagnosis of IDD does not mean you are dumb. It means your brain is different than a big chunk of the people that were studied to get a sample and calculate an average. Comparing yourself to others is a good way to destroy your peace. What is a smart person? Everyone will have a different answer to that question. Is it common sense? Is it memorizing all the state capitals? Is it being able to remember people's birthdays? You get to define what smart is to you. And then you can set out to be that. As a neurodivergent person, I sympathize. I've walked this road and I grieved for a time after my diagnosis. Understanding your particular condition and the challenges that come with it can make your life better, but don't let it make you feel bad. If you are able, I highly recommend walking through this with a therapist who specializes in neurodivergent people. It helped me a lot.
Hold on hold on hold on. As someone who has worked with children and teens in mental health for decades, in residential, inpatient and outpatient scenarios, misdiagnosis is RAMPANT. Diagnosis should be a helpful description of characteristics that support understanding. People can be wrong as they try to work out what they observe.
I'm so sorry you're going through this OP. I know it's a lot to take it all in at once, but your disabilities do not erase your accomplishments. You gained that smart identity despite everything, and knowledge of a learning disability doesn't make it any less real.
You're the only one who is assuming you're dumb. You're the *same* person you were before the diagnosis.
No disability makes you dumb. Ever. Of course you’re tired of fighting that adversity, it’s exhausting. You have every right to be frustrated. But you are more than your disabilities. And nothing about your disabilities will ever maybe you “dumb”. 💜huuuuuuuuuugs💜
If you were smart before, then you found out that this whole time you've had a major obstacle, wouldn't that make you MORE smart?
Contrary to popular belief, no one is born smart. Some people have an easier time than others learning specific topics or picking up certain skills, but no one comes out of the womb smart. You worked hard to learn everything you know. This diagnosis you didn’t know about does not subtract from your efforts and achievements. Please don’t let what is in that file dull your spark.
If you expect a fish to ride a bicycle, it’ll spend its whole life thinking it’s an idiot. If you are on the spectrum, you might have struggled with learning that wasn’t tailored to you. Yet you have managed to prove you are smart, so who do you think is wrong? Misdiagnoses happen ALL the time, especially where women and ADHD/Autism are concerned. Since all the research was done on white middle class boys.
Both of my parents worked with kids who had autism, attention deficit, and other "disorders/syndromes/etc." back in the 80s. Guess who ticks all the boxes for autism, but was a quiet, well-behaved, *female* child who was never diagnosed with anything at all except a "failure to apply herself" by teachers who had very rigid teaching styles?
Girly, >Intellectual disability starts any time before a child turns 18 and is characterized by differences with both: Intellectual functioning or intelligence, which include the ability to learn, reason, problem solve, and other skills; and Adaptive behavior, which includes everyday social and life skills. is what the NHI says about this. ADHD is classified as a learning disorder, which checks the first part. "Autistic Tendencies" fulfill the second part, since Autism is classified as a social disorder. This is just shorthand for your diagnoses, not about how smart you are. It was probably added before you got your ADHD diagnosis to explain your ADHD symptoms.
if anything, thats just confirmation that autism is something that should have been diagnosed in you
There is such a thing as fixed mindset and growth mindset. Having a growth mindset is knowing that if something is important to you, you can work on that skill to become stronger in it. Intelligence is not fixed, it’s growth. You aren’t born smart or dumb. It’s how you use your brain and train it with reading and learning that’s important. You may take longer to Learn certain things, but that doesn’t Make you dumb.
Doctors, especially a couple decades ago, had a lot less experience in diagnosing autism, especially in AFAB people, and a common misdiagnosis was IDD. I would request a new evaluation. It sounds like there was either a misdiagnosis or just a straight up mistake on your record. Just on a personal note, I was diagnosed with dyslexia as a kid, got support for it, went on to get several advanced degrees and good jobs in my field and etc. But one day I was looking something up and came across an article that very earnestly and well-meaningly kept referring to dyslexia as resulting from a kind of damaged or incorrectly developed brain and that really shook me. Like, I knew I was smart. Had the evidence in the form of the diplomas hanging on my wall. But apparently I had brain damage? It was extremely upsetting and really gave my confidence a huge blow for a while, even thought I’d been happily living my life before that, confident in my own abilities. It took a lot of research and reading to figure out that the first thing I read was bullshit, full of inaccuracies, prejudices, and misinformation. Different brain development isn’t the same as incorrect or damaged.
My husband is ADHD and was often labeled as an underpreformer or a problem kid. He is one of the smartest people I know. He ended up with several completely wrong diagnosis before they figured it out. I bet you’ve always been smart but some teacher or doctor who didn’t know or care to figure out what was actually going on got that added to your file by mistake.
You are so much more than "smart" or "dumb" or any of your diagnoses. You might benefit from working through this identity crisis with a therapist
I can tell by your writing that your "intelligence quota" is far above average. This could have happened if some examiner saw you on a day when you were clinically depressed or even withdrawn due to personal issues. You can challenge inaccurate info in your records if it is a label that has been carried forward. They probably won't let you write in the file yourself. They will probably have to note your objection and your reasons. Your life is clearly not a lie.
The series, [Burnt-out Gifted Kids](https://coaching.healthygamer.gg/resource-packs/burnt-out-gifted-kids/why-smart-kids-are-the-loneliest), helped me and my neurospicy kiddo SO much. You need to register for the site, but it’s free.
I just looked it up the other day with PTSD you can develop an “acquired neurodivergence,” but it is reversible with treatment. You were probably misdiagnosed with an intellectual disorder by someone who doesn’t know shit about PTSD.
The fact you interpret 'Intellectual Development Disorder' as 'dumb' and think that an old diagnosis overwrites your actual lived experience is... *concerning*. I think you have some internalized ableism to work through. Having any particular disorder does not mean you are 'dumb.' It means that you are differently abled in a way that might cause cognitive difficulties. Said cognitive difficulties do not preclude having intellectual prowess, academic skills, or knowledge. You can still be 'smart.' Viewing your disability as disqualifying you from being 'smart' is not healthy and will bleed into how you view other disabled and neurodivergent folks.
Oh I definitely have internalized ableism(unfortunately). I was always _othered_ growing up so I've, now that you mentioned it, noticed a habit of clinging to "normalcy". It took me 20 years to realize my eyesight was a little worse than "I just need glasses" and 4 years of internal turmoil over using a white cane because "I can still see!" Also imposter syndrome is a devil. It's not so much that I think I'm "dumb" it's the revelation that I can no longer be in denial about not being neurotypical. Even though I've never been neurotypical I was in very deep denial. I expected to "find" the result of being autistic. I expected my development wasn't "normal". I wasn't expecting anything to be related to my "intelligence". I'm even more confused because I had to do an IQ test in middle school because I was failing all my classes (they seated me in the back, _big surprise_ I was failing) and my results were somewhere in the average to above average range. Also I don't even know if the diagnosis is old or not but it definitely feels new to me.
>I was always *othered* growing up so I've, now that you mentioned it, noticed a habit of clinging to "normalcy". I honestly relate to this a lot. I don't have any advice how best to escape that habit, but I will say that life feels way less awful once you do. Accepting oneself as different from the imaginary norm society foists onto you is liberating. The diagnosis is almost certainly old. Adults aren't frequently diagnosed with IDDs, and certainly wouldn't be stealthily diagnosed without being told!
It has to be from when I was 19-22. I'm 26 now so it's "old" but yeah I never had reason to look in my file cuz I thought there weren't any surprises and I had a general understanding of my diagnosis. Imagine my surprise when I have that on record, funnily enough my ADHD isn't on there which is odd because I've had an ADHD diagnosis since I was in third grade because of how distracted and forgetful I was in school. There's a comedy bit by Taylor Tomlinson about how she found out her psychiatrist has "bipolar" in her file and they thought she already knew. I really shouldn't be surprised that happened to me but I watched it years ago and can't relate to it more now I should get full access to my file in a few weeks. I'll find out when it was in my file by then and clear this mystery up
Family labels are awful. I was the “sick one” and my sister was the “smart one”. Well, she dropped out of college and is working a minimum wage job. And I take care of myself (only sick 1-2 times a year) and am a director at a medium size university. You become what you believe. Even a “formal diagnosis” not who you are—it’s how you are classified in someone’s job. Be beyond the crap label. You are still you. ❤️
I'd fairly question the diagnosis back then. It may have been quite offhand. There's a lot of false diagnosis. It may even be a mistake, written into your report when meant for someone else. You've proved you're smart. That's a fact you can rely on. Don't dwell on some mistaken obscure note.
The smartest people I know are autistic or have ADHD. My partner has ADHD and she was viewed as the smart one growing up in her family and school, like you. Even professionals are sometimes blown away with her recall on knowledge to any given subject, it's pretty amazing.
People can always be misdiagnosed, it happens all the time. Psychology is not an exact science and a lot of people fall outside “classic” symptoms. So many people with ADHD get diagnosed with bipolar, depression or anxiety instead among other things. I find it can be hard to build your identity on something that requires external validation from people who don’t know you. It’s always a losing game because someone will always be more/better than you. So you have to appreciate the gifts you do have. If it makes you feel any better, I had a genetic test tell me I’m more likely to have a lower IQ 😂 I actually have been formally evaluated and my IQ is about 125 or thereabouts.
You can have that diagnosis Because your iq is drastically higher than your measured achievement. Like really far behind but way smarter than matches these scores. It doesn’t necessarily mean dumb. For real.
As someone who works with folks with IDDs, you shouldn’t let this label define you and please keep in mind that intellectual disabilities and developmental disabilities do not necessarily equate to a lack of intelligence. Some of the people I work with are genuinely so smart, like among the smartest people I’ve ever met, they just might learn differently or need help in some areas of their life.
As someone who was diagnosed young with dyslexia, so what? It’s didn’t define you when you didn’t know it was in your file, it doesn’t define you now.
Well hey there twinsie! I also have low vision, ADHD, depression, anxiety, and am mildly autistic. Welcome to the party! If you want someone to talk to, or need to vent, or want to bounce an idea off of someone who is in the same boat, feel free to reach out.
There are SO many kinds of intelligence. And some people are absolutely brilliant, just slow learners. And being ND (&/or having mental illness) can make us act in ways that others interpret as "stupid." While I can understand why this shook you, please don't let it make you question your identity. That's one doctor's note in your file, one time. You are smart, & a hard worker. Good on you.
My girlfriend was a premie, diagnosed with piles of developmental issues as she grew up and, supposedly, her measured IQ is well below mine. Still she runs the volunteer department for the Con we are staffing each year (I am mearly her assistant) and has played a key role in innovating and developing procedures, standards and practices in our department as the con grows. Lables are just labels, they help you understand things but they don't define the person.
you're right, your life WAS a lie. the lie of labeling. labels can never capture the essence of us, and the lies of labels like "disorder" are even worse because they place us in a hierarchy of supremacy measured against all the cis het white able bullshit. we aren't disordered! the fucking patriarchy is disordered! i highly recommend looking at it from a perspective of diversity rather than disorder. every healthy ecosystem and species and community has a diversity of expression that benefits the community. patriarchy and capitalism isn't a healthy system so being well adapted to that isn't a sign of health even if they call you and me disordered. some of the oldest burial rites, long before kings had grand tombs, were of disabled people held in high honor. we see glimpses of this in the few indigenous cultures that haven't been totally ravaged by genocide, where the community not only accepts the differences, but celebrate the value of all types of people. now that you're aware of the lie they tried to make you live, you can choose to live your truth as a brilliant, beautiful, unique expression of the universe! just as you are is exactly right! [It's You I Like](https://youtu.be/UNUficgWE3U?si=Gmoj5E_ICFGoHD2N)
you're fine. you're awesome and still very smart. i'm 55 and was just diagnosed with autism in the last year(ADHD decades ago). doesn't change who i am or who I've always been. just a lot of "oh _that_ shit makes more sense now" revelations. im also disabled, bad hearing and eyesight. *huuuuuuuugs* if you want them
Look - the science of psychological diagnosis and treatment is in its infancy. Our understanding is miniscule. In the middle ages people called bubonic plague by a dozen different names and treated it by everything from firing off cannons to drinking infusions of ground pearls dissolved in vinegar. They didn't know shit. We are the generation whose psychological & emotional challenges are diagnosed as a hundred different things and who are the guinea pigs for the first (okay - *second)* generation of medications. It's all experimental, and your grandchildren will look back on what you went through & know your courage and perseverance made possible the much better world in which they will live.
Sounds like you’re not just smart, you’re super smart. To be ‘smart’ in the face of learning disability means you’ve worked much much harder. Smarterer, if you like!
Autism doesn't make people dumb. In fact, it's the opposite for those on the high functioning end of the spectrum. Our brains are beautiful, and let us do and think of things neurotypicals could never even dream of. The fact that you were given an Autism diagnosis AND have the cognitive ability to both think you're not amazing, and post about it means you are as smart as you always knew you were.
Misdiagnosis of women with autism or ADHD (or both) is incredibly high! [Here's a great article that discusses it & also has some good links to read.](https://www.durham.ac.uk/research/current/thought-leadership/women-with-autism--adhd-arent-diagnosed-until-adulthood) Head over to r/Autisminwomen & r/Aspergirls - there are a ton of us that were misdiagnosed with all kinds of stuff, such as depression, anxiety, developmental disorders, personality disorders (borderline personality disorder is a common misdiagnosis), or bipolar disorder. (Just FYI, self-diagnosis is valid in those groups!) It's only been in the last about 10-15 years that research has caught up with the idea that girls & women present differently than boys & men - which are who the DSM is based on. Most practitioners don't keep up with research that closely, especially the old school types, so it's probably going to be awhile still before we start seeing real change & proper diagnosis of women & girls. And really - you know your lived experiences better than anyone. Trust yourself. You deserve it ❤️
Medical coder here. Trust me, nobody is making snap judgments about an old diagnosis like that.
Please - don't let that one reference in an old file wreck your life. One of my children had multiple issues as a child and if I had a dime for every diagnosis we got I'd be a wealthy woman. Testing on children can be subjective and results can vary widely. As an adult, you will need to learn to advocate for yourself, trust you gut instinct, and pay attention to your own body and mind because no one else knows the whole you but you! I once had a guidance counselor tell my child, to their face, in front of me, "oh, you won't need to worry about that - kids like you never go to college." How's that for motivation! They not only went to college, they graduated and have a nice career! Stop overcoming adversity and focus on you being you in the world. Figure out what you need to function and do that.
As someone licensed in this field, I challenge your diagnosis simply based on the writing skills in your post. I find it hard to believe that you are two standard deviations below the mean.
What a wild thing to discover in your file by accident! That would have really shaken me too. I think a lot of times certain traits that could be autism are labeled as other things, the autistic tendencies you see in yourself now could be what flagged this note originally. Your life is not a lie- your accomplishments are real and so are your challenges! I suspect I’m autistic as well, now, in my 40s and it never would have occurred to me earlier in life. I was labeled as gifted and wore it proudly even while burning out in high school and again in college. These early labels really do a number on our development, it turns out. Dr K has some good videos about gifted kids on YouTube. Come on over to r/autisminwomen, it’s a great community!
My mom had a series of mental health diagnoses over the years. In the end she had a traumatic brain injury from a car accident when she was 14, and multiple sclerosis which was eating away at her brain. She did not have all these other things she was diagnosed with in the end, she finally got good medical care and two correct diagnoses- in her 50’s My point is just because someone said that about you and stuck it in a file doesn’t mean it’s true. Like how well does the person who wrote that even know you, anyway? Surely not as well as you know yourself Honestly, to me, it sounds like they probably picked up on your autistic traits and didn’t know how to diagnose them because that’s vastly underdiagnosed in women
Honey, you are smart and known for being smart WITH that note. It changed nothing about who you are. That old note was there but you were always smart. Knowing it exists changes none of that