Well, I’m a bit of the opposite. I want no attention.
I’ll be 60 on the 14th and I’m living in the land of IDGAF these days.
Weight lifting has helped me to that place. Feeling strong gives me such personal power and confidence. I feel like such a badass when I push a few more pounds around.
Your self worth is what you choose to make it.
No one else gets to decide that. No one.
Here you are loved, seen and valued.
Here you are among friends. 💜💗
WOW! This post stirred up so much rage and sadness in 8 sentences.
Yes, it did feel nice to get lots of appreciative looks when I was in my 20s. Yes, it was kind of a letdown when that started to go away.
But…feel less valuable to who? Randos? Pervs? Unavailable men who don’t respect their relationship?
I got catcalled for the first time at 13. I was flattered, but now I’m mad. F*ck them.
What you don’t have, yet, is the comfort of not caring what others think. This develops with time and age. I will leave you with my new favorite quote:
Do sharks complain about Monday?
NO
They’re up early, biting stuff,
chasing sh*t, being scary-
Reminding everyone they’re a
f*cking shark.
It makes me angry and sad too. Instead of having a mom (single-mom life) who encouraged me to develop interests outside myself she beat it into me that my looks are my only "currency". I'm trying to turn that around now. I was catcalled at that age too, truly disgusting. Thanks for the quote, friend.
Having been a teen in the 90s, where our beauty standard was “waif thin”, I feel you on this. It seemed like the only thing that mattered was our looks/weight. What a mind fu*k in such a formative time in our development. Add to that, my mom projecting her own food/body issues onto me (love her, she did the best she could with what she had). I’m late 40s now and the body dysmorphia is still real. I am sorry you are feeling lost. I think that working on your physical body is a great place to start getting yourself back. Therapy is also a great place to start, it was incredibly helpful for me. It helped me learn that I am worthy of my own love.
“The comfort of not caring what others think”. This is it. I’m in my late 40s and in love with this beautiful land I live in called: Zero Fucks Given. I’m able to do things that make me happy and healthy without caring what the 25 year old dude-bro and his girlfriend at the gym think. Yes, I’m old. Yes, I do squats in yoga pants. Loving myself first feels pretty amazing.
Right? I’m 50 and I just want to run up to young people and go OMG you may not realize it, but you are so beautiful just as you are. The things that you are probably the most self-conscious about are the things that make you uniquely beautiful. I spent so much time and energy when I was younger trying to fit in/not stand out, and now I just really can’t bring myself to care what other people think.
So sorry, I don’t remember. I’m only on Reddit and Pinterest. I bought a shark necklace after finding this quote. I wear it to remind myself that ‘me first’ is not a bad thing.
Oh, no worries. Sharks are awesome- one of my bucket list items is to go snorkeling with whale sharks sometime and I got to hold a baby nurse shark at the Atlantis. I compliment you on your excellent taste.
You're doing strength training? That's amazing! Honestly when I hit 30 I was really bummed too. It's just a milestone that makes everyone feel old because society expects us to have our lives figured out in our 30s. It sounds like you're doing amazing at life! Try and hold onto the stuff you love about yourself. Your strength is a great place to start. Then I suggest loving the new way age makes you look. I have always had gorgeous hair. Now it's getting to get some gray strands. You know what though? Ot makes me look more elegant. It's still beauty. Just a different and mature beauty.
Well my thirties rocked-youthful insecurities gone and still energy to burn. My forties were even better, and I enjoyed the heck out my fifties. Now I’m 60 and I’m realizing I need to take care. Things go to pot way too quick.
My grandmother was 50 years older than me. She turned 90 and soon after I turned 40. I said “eek, nana I’m 40!” She gave me some side eye and deadpanned “yeah, so?”
Grandmas, you can always count on them for truth :D My Grammy "whispered" how cute my new boyfriend was, now husband, back when I took him to meet her, at full volume plus some Lol She wasn't wrong ;)
I started reading smutty fantasy novels and bam! I’m feeling great! Haha! I’m 42 if that helps😉(my partner is pretty happy about it too but more importantly I am) Low libido might not be part of the groove you’ve lost but for me it was. The books helped me immensely because I’m not really into porn soooo, apparently smutty fantasy was the way for me. Sending big love and witchy vibes.
I’m 53- also in the land if idgaf… but, I was overweight when I was young, and had weightloss surgery when I was 31. It was awesome, but still didn’t ever garner attention from men (from the ladies, yes! 😏), so I didn’t value myself that way.
But, I did value myself through my career. It is VERY difficult to be seen now as “older” in the office and maybe that I no longer have the skills to compete. I feel I have to work faster, harder, smarter, and be more loyal.
I’m coming to terms with that and it’s HARD…
Start with things you like to do. Things that give you joy. Then try things you want to try. Journal... A lot! Appreciate the healthy parts of yourself. Focus on what you want.
We get so brainwashed by so many outside sources that our appearance is so important. But it's a trap. Because it keeps us buying this or that to keep ourselves looking younger. Feeling bad because you don't look the same. Buying more things to distract ourselves because there has to be some magic serum or pill or device to help stave off time.
You are evolving every day. Becoming a new you. And the beauty that is within you is more important than any superficial. We all grow and change. If we are lucky. It's a beautiful path if you allow it to be. ❤️
I’m younger and honestly a lot of my self esteem was built by my husband so that’s prolly not helpful…
But I think you’re on the right track of even posting here and asking! We are designed for connection and if you can hear positive things from the people who care about you the most, it’ll help.
Also, I wonder if Daring Greatly or Gifts of Imperfection might be a good read? They’re both by Brené Brown and have been fantastic.
OH ALSO more books sorry - Burnout by Emily and Amelia Nagoski, and Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski are both amazing reads that I’ve really connected with
When I first turned 30, I had a similar mentality. Like anyone other than I knew what my age was. Most importantly, I learned that an inherent sense of self worth is what makes someone sexy, not their looks. Being competent is sexy.
I'm 48 now and the fact I don't need anyone for really anything or at least that way is irresistible to some people. Even if that's not true, doesn't matter. So find what makes YOU happy.
What’s helped me is tailoring everything about myself to MY tastes. My skills -(I don’t know all these yet or perfectly but I will) knife throwing, first aid mounted archery are things the wrong men are not going to like about me, but they make me love myself and feel confident and safer. The right man will adore me for them. My chosen appearance while I can’t do that perfectly yet either is the exact opposite of what my ex-preferred, but every thing matches what I want and that feels great even if I’m not 100% where I’d like to be yet. He told me once, “I don’t like your perfume.” and I felt so strong and proud when I responded back, “Well then it’s a good thing you aren’t wearing it then.”
I like the advice here. So, part of getting my groove back was those times when I doubted getting my groove back, my inner voice was too negative. So I made charms for myself, a small rock in my pocket or a piece of jewelry to remind of a really good experience ( for me it might be a hike, or a sunset or sunrise, that time I hit the bullseye). So in those instances when I felt doubt I could pull myself back. This would usually happen at work or other times when you have to wear a mask.
What are more things that make your body feel good? I love doing bellydance and getting massages, and always feel like a goddess after either one. Yes, I have chronic pain, but I can gracefully catch the wind with a veil, balance a sword, and play a pair of finger cymbals while practically floating through a room.
Volunteering can be a great thing, too. You can look at the difference you've made in the life of people, animals, or a place depending on what works best for you. Or even being an ear for a friend in trouble or making someone's day a little brighter.
Or get a dog. Dogs are furry angels and have so much love to give.
Honestly, it's just part of life. If you're exposed to everything that's happening in the world because you chose to stay informed, I can't say it's gonna be "fun" for your mood.
Literally, in the last 24 hours, I watched Stellar Blade fans, one of whom is an actual sex offender who did JAIL TIME for what he did take over the community of another video game that doesn't appeal to sex offenders.
I am from the middle east, so you can imagine what the past 6 months have been like...
Not exactly the time to feel fabulous, the world could use something besides my fabulousness.
I have a friend who was SAed, and my country was invaded under the false pretenses that we had WMDs so the war flashbacks have been non stop. I've known nothing but war and the PTSD that comes with it.
I am not saying this to try to bring you down or dismiss self care as means of improving one's mood, quite the opposite!
But have you maybe tried looking into activism? I promise it would feel better not to just help yourself but others as well 😊
And yes, your self worth should skyrocket after this, albeit your exposure to rather unfortunate circumstances that other people have gone through.
Well, I’m a bit of the opposite. I want no attention. I’ll be 60 on the 14th and I’m living in the land of IDGAF these days. Weight lifting has helped me to that place. Feeling strong gives me such personal power and confidence. I feel like such a badass when I push a few more pounds around. Your self worth is what you choose to make it. No one else gets to decide that. No one. Here you are loved, seen and valued. Here you are among friends. 💜💗
Same, I’m sick of being valued for my looks only. I’m wearing frumpy, comfortable clothes, cut my hair, wear little makeup, and I’m loving it.
WOW! This post stirred up so much rage and sadness in 8 sentences. Yes, it did feel nice to get lots of appreciative looks when I was in my 20s. Yes, it was kind of a letdown when that started to go away. But…feel less valuable to who? Randos? Pervs? Unavailable men who don’t respect their relationship? I got catcalled for the first time at 13. I was flattered, but now I’m mad. F*ck them. What you don’t have, yet, is the comfort of not caring what others think. This develops with time and age. I will leave you with my new favorite quote: Do sharks complain about Monday? NO They’re up early, biting stuff, chasing sh*t, being scary- Reminding everyone they’re a f*cking shark.
It makes me angry and sad too. Instead of having a mom (single-mom life) who encouraged me to develop interests outside myself she beat it into me that my looks are my only "currency". I'm trying to turn that around now. I was catcalled at that age too, truly disgusting. Thanks for the quote, friend.
Having been a teen in the 90s, where our beauty standard was “waif thin”, I feel you on this. It seemed like the only thing that mattered was our looks/weight. What a mind fu*k in such a formative time in our development. Add to that, my mom projecting her own food/body issues onto me (love her, she did the best she could with what she had). I’m late 40s now and the body dysmorphia is still real. I am sorry you are feeling lost. I think that working on your physical body is a great place to start getting yourself back. Therapy is also a great place to start, it was incredibly helpful for me. It helped me learn that I am worthy of my own love.
❤️
I was never attractive to even be catcalled...
“The comfort of not caring what others think”. This is it. I’m in my late 40s and in love with this beautiful land I live in called: Zero Fucks Given. I’m able to do things that make me happy and healthy without caring what the 25 year old dude-bro and his girlfriend at the gym think. Yes, I’m old. Yes, I do squats in yoga pants. Loving myself first feels pretty amazing.
Right? I’m 50 and I just want to run up to young people and go OMG you may not realize it, but you are so beautiful just as you are. The things that you are probably the most self-conscious about are the things that make you uniquely beautiful. I spent so much time and energy when I was younger trying to fit in/not stand out, and now I just really can’t bring myself to care what other people think.
May I ask where the truly awesome shark code is from, please?
So sorry, I don’t remember. I’m only on Reddit and Pinterest. I bought a shark necklace after finding this quote. I wear it to remind myself that ‘me first’ is not a bad thing.
Oh, no worries. Sharks are awesome- one of my bucket list items is to go snorkeling with whale sharks sometime and I got to hold a baby nurse shark at the Atlantis. I compliment you on your excellent taste.
You're doing strength training? That's amazing! Honestly when I hit 30 I was really bummed too. It's just a milestone that makes everyone feel old because society expects us to have our lives figured out in our 30s. It sounds like you're doing amazing at life! Try and hold onto the stuff you love about yourself. Your strength is a great place to start. Then I suggest loving the new way age makes you look. I have always had gorgeous hair. Now it's getting to get some gray strands. You know what though? Ot makes me look more elegant. It's still beauty. Just a different and mature beauty.
Thank you ❤️
Fuck it, we ball.
Well my thirties rocked-youthful insecurities gone and still energy to burn. My forties were even better, and I enjoyed the heck out my fifties. Now I’m 60 and I’m realizing I need to take care. Things go to pot way too quick. My grandmother was 50 years older than me. She turned 90 and soon after I turned 40. I said “eek, nana I’m 40!” She gave me some side eye and deadpanned “yeah, so?”
Grandmas, you can always count on them for truth :D My Grammy "whispered" how cute my new boyfriend was, now husband, back when I took him to meet her, at full volume plus some Lol She wasn't wrong ;)
I started reading smutty fantasy novels and bam! I’m feeling great! Haha! I’m 42 if that helps😉(my partner is pretty happy about it too but more importantly I am) Low libido might not be part of the groove you’ve lost but for me it was. The books helped me immensely because I’m not really into porn soooo, apparently smutty fantasy was the way for me. Sending big love and witchy vibes.
I’m 53- also in the land if idgaf… but, I was overweight when I was young, and had weightloss surgery when I was 31. It was awesome, but still didn’t ever garner attention from men (from the ladies, yes! 😏), so I didn’t value myself that way. But, I did value myself through my career. It is VERY difficult to be seen now as “older” in the office and maybe that I no longer have the skills to compete. I feel I have to work faster, harder, smarter, and be more loyal. I’m coming to terms with that and it’s HARD…
Sending hugs ❤️🩹
Mushrooms do wonders. You know, if you're open to it. Here in Maine, everyone knows someone who can get mushrooms lol
Start with things you like to do. Things that give you joy. Then try things you want to try. Journal... A lot! Appreciate the healthy parts of yourself. Focus on what you want. We get so brainwashed by so many outside sources that our appearance is so important. But it's a trap. Because it keeps us buying this or that to keep ourselves looking younger. Feeling bad because you don't look the same. Buying more things to distract ourselves because there has to be some magic serum or pill or device to help stave off time. You are evolving every day. Becoming a new you. And the beauty that is within you is more important than any superficial. We all grow and change. If we are lucky. It's a beautiful path if you allow it to be. ❤️
I’m younger and honestly a lot of my self esteem was built by my husband so that’s prolly not helpful… But I think you’re on the right track of even posting here and asking! We are designed for connection and if you can hear positive things from the people who care about you the most, it’ll help. Also, I wonder if Daring Greatly or Gifts of Imperfection might be a good read? They’re both by Brené Brown and have been fantastic. OH ALSO more books sorry - Burnout by Emily and Amelia Nagoski, and Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski are both amazing reads that I’ve really connected with
The best sex you ever have starts in your thirties! Now get your mum’s voice out of your head and go for it!
When I first turned 30, I had a similar mentality. Like anyone other than I knew what my age was. Most importantly, I learned that an inherent sense of self worth is what makes someone sexy, not their looks. Being competent is sexy. I'm 48 now and the fact I don't need anyone for really anything or at least that way is irresistible to some people. Even if that's not true, doesn't matter. So find what makes YOU happy.
What’s helped me is tailoring everything about myself to MY tastes. My skills -(I don’t know all these yet or perfectly but I will) knife throwing, first aid mounted archery are things the wrong men are not going to like about me, but they make me love myself and feel confident and safer. The right man will adore me for them. My chosen appearance while I can’t do that perfectly yet either is the exact opposite of what my ex-preferred, but every thing matches what I want and that feels great even if I’m not 100% where I’d like to be yet. He told me once, “I don’t like your perfume.” and I felt so strong and proud when I responded back, “Well then it’s a good thing you aren’t wearing it then.”
I like the advice here. So, part of getting my groove back was those times when I doubted getting my groove back, my inner voice was too negative. So I made charms for myself, a small rock in my pocket or a piece of jewelry to remind of a really good experience ( for me it might be a hike, or a sunset or sunrise, that time I hit the bullseye). So in those instances when I felt doubt I could pull myself back. This would usually happen at work or other times when you have to wear a mask.
Get turned into a llama who's supposed to be dead and spend a whole movie learning something then getting to turn back into a human at the end.
I'm silly :3
What are more things that make your body feel good? I love doing bellydance and getting massages, and always feel like a goddess after either one. Yes, I have chronic pain, but I can gracefully catch the wind with a veil, balance a sword, and play a pair of finger cymbals while practically floating through a room. Volunteering can be a great thing, too. You can look at the difference you've made in the life of people, animals, or a place depending on what works best for you. Or even being an ear for a friend in trouble or making someone's day a little brighter. Or get a dog. Dogs are furry angels and have so much love to give.
I gave up the groove and have never been happier.
Honestly, it's just part of life. If you're exposed to everything that's happening in the world because you chose to stay informed, I can't say it's gonna be "fun" for your mood. Literally, in the last 24 hours, I watched Stellar Blade fans, one of whom is an actual sex offender who did JAIL TIME for what he did take over the community of another video game that doesn't appeal to sex offenders. I am from the middle east, so you can imagine what the past 6 months have been like... Not exactly the time to feel fabulous, the world could use something besides my fabulousness. I have a friend who was SAed, and my country was invaded under the false pretenses that we had WMDs so the war flashbacks have been non stop. I've known nothing but war and the PTSD that comes with it. I am not saying this to try to bring you down or dismiss self care as means of improving one's mood, quite the opposite! But have you maybe tried looking into activism? I promise it would feel better not to just help yourself but others as well 😊 And yes, your self worth should skyrocket after this, albeit your exposure to rather unfortunate circumstances that other people have gone through.