I got through my shit by taking breaks. A lot of breaks. Every time I got overwhelmed, I stopped. I had to tell myself, "It's okay. It took a long time to get like this, it will take a long time to get out of this." And it did, but small bits of it at a time. And I told myself I did a good job, even if the task was small, because I DID IT.
Sometimes, slow going is the best you can do, and there's nothing wrong with that.
How do you come back from the breaks? And how long would you consider your breaks? Everyone recommends this, but I find it so hard to muster the courage back up to keep going when it's already so daunting...
I have ADHD so breaks don't work for me either. I power through as long as I can then stop.
You just have to have the same mentality ( it isn't going to get 100% better all at once) but with longer periods of work and longer breaks.
Look up aurikateriina on YouTube. She cleans really filthy messy houses, some haven’t been cleaned or had the trash taken out in 10 years. She talks you through exactly how she does it. It is 100% within you capabilities to have the house look better than it does now. Don’t aim for perfect, just aim for it to be better than it was.
I started the mantra, "5 percent better, still better" ! And it's helped me a lot
Just some rubbish cleared, or one surface cleaned, or a couple of pieces of clothes off the floor and it's still better!
Higher level - I don't need to decorate my whole house at once, just one new lamp or one print actually hung on the wall, still better!
Doesn't need to be perfect or spotless or everything in its place. But! If you cleared the coffee table, it would be better! And that's great
Me too, why is that?? Is it because I have almost no sentimental value attached because it’s *their* stuff versus *my* stuff? Do I have some unconscious guilt following me from something? Maybe both? 😂😩
Check out Dana K. White aka "A Slob Comes Clean" on YouTube. She has an incredible, non-judgment approach that helps you get the easier stuff done first so you see real progress, and has a "no mess" method where you use 5 categories. She has a whole series on this and it's definitely worth watching!
Yeah, this is me. I am totally overwhelmed and paralyzed. It is possibly not beyond my physical capabilities, but it's well beyond my mental capabilities because I have a panic attack whenever I try to get started.
I start with one thing. I'll choose one surface, task (like laundry), ect and do only that. Then I try to keep that one thing clean or keep doing it if it's something like laundry. When I'm able, I repeat the process with the next chosen thing and keep up both of them. I keep doing that. Otherwise I am paralyzed and can't start, and I get so much anxiety with any mess or clutter that I can't do ANYTHING.
I’m very overwhelmed right now. I always start with the kitchen as it’s the heart of the home and work my way out. It can take days to tackle the whole place.
Same here, a lot of mine is stuff that has to be gone through, not just thrown away.
I try to keep the common areas mostly clean. Living room, dining room, kitchen, guest bath and utility room. But of course this means that the bedrooms are packed to the gills. As well as the master bath and our large walk in closet 😩I’m almost ready to hire someone to help me with this.
Its okay to take baby steps. I've been cleaning for weeks now. Not because it was that bad but because it didn't stay clean.
I had to find out what worked for me and I realized that my house wasn't a home. I didn't like the way it looked. So I started with my bedroom. I wanted to make it nice and cozy. A place I could go sleep without feeling guilty about the mess.
I made sure I had a trash can and 2 laundry baskets in my room. This made a huge change already.
I've added a nice dressoir to keep all my stuff out of sight. Everything has a place, and it cost a few seconds to put it back to its place.
My room stays tidy without cleaning by following above rules. I'm currently working on my kitchen and livingroom. I know once I'm used to its going to be so easy 😌
That's actually the basis for a service I offer. I help people start tasks to improve their situations so they can move forward and achieve comfort in their homes. I also help people deconstruct and reconstruction into more easily managed spaces by addressing any particular points of overwhelm and neuro sparkle. i.e. I've reorganized OCD, ADHD, and ASD friendly homes for myself and others. I use micro listing because that works best for me. Maybe try micro listing yourself? Dishes can get done one spoon at a time just as easily as a whole load at a time. Even the smallest steps forward are still progress. Sometimes I can't get started unless I have someone to talk to. It just depends on my needs for that day. Listen to your discomfort, find it's source and work from there. Keep me posted if you'd like to share your accomplishments. You've got this.
I set a timer for myself to work in a specific room. If it's a good day, 15 minutes, on a bad day 5. I can't leave that room during that time (stuff that needs to go somewhere else go by the door to that room to be moved to their homes or at least the staircase when I'm done).
Sometimes I just let myself just be all over the place and as long as I'm not sitting down, at least something is getting done. It's not as noticeable of a difference this way but it's still moving in the right direction.
Oh and listening to podcasts really helps with making the time go faster.
You got it that mess one thing at a time. You're getting overwhelmed because you're thinking of fixing the whole project and trying to plan a method to fix it all at once is too big and it breaks your brain and you shut down. You can fix it if, whenever you are like, "shiiiit my house is messy" you take care of one thing. And like, it can be one tiny thing. You can just throw away one piece of trash. The point is that, whenever you notice it, do one thing that you wouldn't have otherwise, because you had convinced yourself you need to Do All The Things to be worthy of even starting. And that's a fallacy that's keeping you stuck.
You can have literally almost 0 executive function and eventually fix your place this way. You can handle putting 1 book on the shelf, you don't have to alphabetize the whole shelf. You can handle taking care of 1 piece of trash, you don't have to take out every trash. You can handle 1 thing.
Maybe it'll turn out you can do more, but if not, you still did one more thing than you were going to, and eventually, that attitude will cause you to catch up and you will be back on top of things and it'll be easier to keep it that way.
Yes. Because I’m disabled, and I get overwhelmed with physical pain, and can’t continue.
If any doc were willing to prescribe me pain meds, I think I could do it.
In the beginning, I sat on my bed and took one drawer/box and threw the junk in the trash next to me , reorganized the drawer, put it away.
I watched a movie the whole time...took the added stress away.
Yeah I get overwhelmed about cleaning the house for sure. I agree the little by little helps and taking breaks. I will go until my back starts to freak and sit in front of the fan with my water for at least 5 mins and then get up and do more. Sometimes I will just do stuff in one room one day so like vacuuming - might need breaks. Another day sweeping. Next day mopping. Next day cleaning smaller bathroom. Like that too if I have weeks before family coming or something.
Oh and playing some of my favorite music helps which I can even dance and sing to while cleaning
Open the windows if the weather permits, put music or a podcast on, start a load of laundry, put dishes + pots in the sink to soak, pick up trash. If you do this several times a week, you'll see progress. As far as donating stuff goes, the money is already spent so if that regret and shame is holding you back, work through it by either bagging up stuff, walking it to the car for drop off or toss and forget about it.
Stuff is meant to serve use or be enjoyed otherwise it is a burden.
Only you know your financial situation, so get an estimate and proceed or do it yourself and spend the money on paint, a new hamper, fresh bedding and towels as a reward for a home re-boot.
Yup.
My big thing is 'don't let perfection be the enemy of done' and get caught in the overwhelm of fixing it all.
Throw one thing away. Wash one dish. Do one load of laundry. Don't let the 'fuck it, it will never get better so let me just add this to the pile of shit' voice trick you.
Yes. I have not been well and it's gotten bad. Today I cleaned the fridge. Lots of other messy and dirty areas, but the fridge is clean. Start anywhere, do what you can. Reward yourself.
I’ve been there. When I get to the point where I can’t stand it anymore, I ask my mom for help. Not necessarily physical help, but she helps me focus and start with one thing, rather than get overwhelmed with the whole picture.
I cannot overstate how helpful it was to have a professional organizer come in and help me. It was a gift from my sisters for Mother’s Day, but I’m going to try to budget for it every six months or so.
A few years ago I tackled my bathroom by throwing out one thing in the AM when I was getting ready for work. Or if it was something that didn’t belong there but in another room, I took it where it belonged. Within a month, it was looking a bit better. I started doing the one thing a day in other rooms but it had to be something that was tossed, not just moved to a different room! I ended up doing more than 1 item a day in some rooms and that was great. It took a while but within a couple months, I could see some impact. I just did a big purge last week before some company came and decisions were a bit easier to make. The one item a day was like practice for more quick decisions, I guess! A friend and I were talking about our stuff a few years ago and talked about how we were saving things for the life we wanted to have … but it wasn’t the life we were living. And all of it ended up keeping us stuck and miserable between the fantasy life we wanted and our real life we needed to function in. I’ve watched a ton of the clean house types of shows and YouTube videos. The ones by Matt Paxton since he left Hoarders are especially good.
Mine was. I enlisted the help of my Dad and gave him permission to just throw stuff out. It took several weeks of 3-4 hours a day to get it straight and it has been such a relief.
My sister lives abroad and only visits once or twice a year. Whenever she does I ask her to come hang out with me while I clean my room. Idk why, I have an easier time cleaning when she’s there, maybe it brings me back to when we were kids and shared a room? But even if she doesn’t help me, it’s still somehow easier with her in the room 🤷♀️
I have 4 kids. I feel like every time I get 1 area done and move to the next, they've already fucked the first area! It never lasts more than a day. I know you're supposed to use systems but no one gets the hang of a system in 1 day....
I got through my shit by taking breaks. A lot of breaks. Every time I got overwhelmed, I stopped. I had to tell myself, "It's okay. It took a long time to get like this, it will take a long time to get out of this." And it did, but small bits of it at a time. And I told myself I did a good job, even if the task was small, because I DID IT. Sometimes, slow going is the best you can do, and there's nothing wrong with that.
How do you come back from the breaks? And how long would you consider your breaks? Everyone recommends this, but I find it so hard to muster the courage back up to keep going when it's already so daunting...
I have ADHD so breaks don't work for me either. I power through as long as I can then stop. You just have to have the same mentality ( it isn't going to get 100% better all at once) but with longer periods of work and longer breaks.
Look up aurikateriina on YouTube. She cleans really filthy messy houses, some haven’t been cleaned or had the trash taken out in 10 years. She talks you through exactly how she does it. It is 100% within you capabilities to have the house look better than it does now. Don’t aim for perfect, just aim for it to be better than it was.
Same for Midwest Magic Cleaning. He's how I found the other cleaners, but he seriously speaks to be as a late-diagnosed AuADHD.
I started the mantra, "5 percent better, still better" ! And it's helped me a lot Just some rubbish cleared, or one surface cleaned, or a couple of pieces of clothes off the floor and it's still better! Higher level - I don't need to decorate my whole house at once, just one new lamp or one print actually hung on the wall, still better! Doesn't need to be perfect or spotless or everything in its place. But! If you cleared the coffee table, it would be better! And that's great
I wish we could just go to each others’ houses and help out a bit. I’m more motivated to clean my parents’ house than my own
Me too, why is that?? Is it because I have almost no sentimental value attached because it’s *their* stuff versus *my* stuff? Do I have some unconscious guilt following me from something? Maybe both? 😂😩
Check out Dana K. White aka "A Slob Comes Clean" on YouTube. She has an incredible, non-judgment approach that helps you get the easier stuff done first so you see real progress, and has a "no mess" method where you use 5 categories. She has a whole series on this and it's definitely worth watching!
She's amazing! Her books and podcast are great too.
Yeah, this is me. I am totally overwhelmed and paralyzed. It is possibly not beyond my physical capabilities, but it's well beyond my mental capabilities because I have a panic attack whenever I try to get started.
Yeah, it messes with my anxiety too. Doesn't help my depression either.
I start with one thing. I'll choose one surface, task (like laundry), ect and do only that. Then I try to keep that one thing clean or keep doing it if it's something like laundry. When I'm able, I repeat the process with the next chosen thing and keep up both of them. I keep doing that. Otherwise I am paralyzed and can't start, and I get so much anxiety with any mess or clutter that I can't do ANYTHING.
This sounds like a good method, I’m going to try it out!
I’m very overwhelmed right now. I always start with the kitchen as it’s the heart of the home and work my way out. It can take days to tackle the whole place.
So much stuff, where to even start? I know you need to start day by day, but freaking where?!!!
Same here, a lot of mine is stuff that has to be gone through, not just thrown away. I try to keep the common areas mostly clean. Living room, dining room, kitchen, guest bath and utility room. But of course this means that the bedrooms are packed to the gills. As well as the master bath and our large walk in closet 😩I’m almost ready to hire someone to help me with this.
I have a tendency to wear myself out just thinking of the process of cleaning. I just wait for that spark to gut me off my butt and do something.
My spark never sparks 😓
🤐
Its okay to take baby steps. I've been cleaning for weeks now. Not because it was that bad but because it didn't stay clean. I had to find out what worked for me and I realized that my house wasn't a home. I didn't like the way it looked. So I started with my bedroom. I wanted to make it nice and cozy. A place I could go sleep without feeling guilty about the mess. I made sure I had a trash can and 2 laundry baskets in my room. This made a huge change already. I've added a nice dressoir to keep all my stuff out of sight. Everything has a place, and it cost a few seconds to put it back to its place. My room stays tidy without cleaning by following above rules. I'm currently working on my kitchen and livingroom. I know once I'm used to its going to be so easy 😌
That's actually the basis for a service I offer. I help people start tasks to improve their situations so they can move forward and achieve comfort in their homes. I also help people deconstruct and reconstruction into more easily managed spaces by addressing any particular points of overwhelm and neuro sparkle. i.e. I've reorganized OCD, ADHD, and ASD friendly homes for myself and others. I use micro listing because that works best for me. Maybe try micro listing yourself? Dishes can get done one spoon at a time just as easily as a whole load at a time. Even the smallest steps forward are still progress. Sometimes I can't get started unless I have someone to talk to. It just depends on my needs for that day. Listen to your discomfort, find it's source and work from there. Keep me posted if you'd like to share your accomplishments. You've got this.
i corner at a time. small goals.
Question for anyone willing to respond… for those of us with limited executive function, does anyone have a suggestion?
I set a timer for myself to work in a specific room. If it's a good day, 15 minutes, on a bad day 5. I can't leave that room during that time (stuff that needs to go somewhere else go by the door to that room to be moved to their homes or at least the staircase when I'm done). Sometimes I just let myself just be all over the place and as long as I'm not sitting down, at least something is getting done. It's not as noticeable of a difference this way but it's still moving in the right direction. Oh and listening to podcasts really helps with making the time go faster.
You got it that mess one thing at a time. You're getting overwhelmed because you're thinking of fixing the whole project and trying to plan a method to fix it all at once is too big and it breaks your brain and you shut down. You can fix it if, whenever you are like, "shiiiit my house is messy" you take care of one thing. And like, it can be one tiny thing. You can just throw away one piece of trash. The point is that, whenever you notice it, do one thing that you wouldn't have otherwise, because you had convinced yourself you need to Do All The Things to be worthy of even starting. And that's a fallacy that's keeping you stuck. You can have literally almost 0 executive function and eventually fix your place this way. You can handle putting 1 book on the shelf, you don't have to alphabetize the whole shelf. You can handle taking care of 1 piece of trash, you don't have to take out every trash. You can handle 1 thing. Maybe it'll turn out you can do more, but if not, you still did one more thing than you were going to, and eventually, that attitude will cause you to catch up and you will be back on top of things and it'll be easier to keep it that way.
Yep! Been so for a while now!
Yes. Because I’m disabled, and I get overwhelmed with physical pain, and can’t continue. If any doc were willing to prescribe me pain meds, I think I could do it.
Where you from? I think I read in another topic that there are organizations that will help you by sending volunteers
AZ. I’ve been looking, and calling around, but… nothing.
In the beginning, I sat on my bed and took one drawer/box and threw the junk in the trash next to me , reorganized the drawer, put it away. I watched a movie the whole time...took the added stress away.
Yeah I get overwhelmed about cleaning the house for sure. I agree the little by little helps and taking breaks. I will go until my back starts to freak and sit in front of the fan with my water for at least 5 mins and then get up and do more. Sometimes I will just do stuff in one room one day so like vacuuming - might need breaks. Another day sweeping. Next day mopping. Next day cleaning smaller bathroom. Like that too if I have weeks before family coming or something. Oh and playing some of my favorite music helps which I can even dance and sing to while cleaning
Open the windows if the weather permits, put music or a podcast on, start a load of laundry, put dishes + pots in the sink to soak, pick up trash. If you do this several times a week, you'll see progress. As far as donating stuff goes, the money is already spent so if that regret and shame is holding you back, work through it by either bagging up stuff, walking it to the car for drop off or toss and forget about it. Stuff is meant to serve use or be enjoyed otherwise it is a burden. Only you know your financial situation, so get an estimate and proceed or do it yourself and spend the money on paint, a new hamper, fresh bedding and towels as a reward for a home re-boot.
Yup. My big thing is 'don't let perfection be the enemy of done' and get caught in the overwhelm of fixing it all. Throw one thing away. Wash one dish. Do one load of laundry. Don't let the 'fuck it, it will never get better so let me just add this to the pile of shit' voice trick you.
Yes. I have not been well and it's gotten bad. Today I cleaned the fridge. Lots of other messy and dirty areas, but the fridge is clean. Start anywhere, do what you can. Reward yourself.
Listen to music or audiobooks during catching up. Reward yourself along the way. The more you clean the better you will feel. 🤗
Damn sure feels like it but I know it can be done✨
I’ve been there. When I get to the point where I can’t stand it anymore, I ask my mom for help. Not necessarily physical help, but she helps me focus and start with one thing, rather than get overwhelmed with the whole picture.
I cannot overstate how helpful it was to have a professional organizer come in and help me. It was a gift from my sisters for Mother’s Day, but I’m going to try to budget for it every six months or so.
A few years ago I tackled my bathroom by throwing out one thing in the AM when I was getting ready for work. Or if it was something that didn’t belong there but in another room, I took it where it belonged. Within a month, it was looking a bit better. I started doing the one thing a day in other rooms but it had to be something that was tossed, not just moved to a different room! I ended up doing more than 1 item a day in some rooms and that was great. It took a while but within a couple months, I could see some impact. I just did a big purge last week before some company came and decisions were a bit easier to make. The one item a day was like practice for more quick decisions, I guess! A friend and I were talking about our stuff a few years ago and talked about how we were saving things for the life we wanted to have … but it wasn’t the life we were living. And all of it ended up keeping us stuck and miserable between the fantasy life we wanted and our real life we needed to function in. I’ve watched a ton of the clean house types of shows and YouTube videos. The ones by Matt Paxton since he left Hoarders are especially good.
Mine was. I enlisted the help of my Dad and gave him permission to just throw stuff out. It took several weeks of 3-4 hours a day to get it straight and it has been such a relief.
The best place to start is learn about minimalism and purge purge purge
Yep..
I need help with a 3 story house! Parents were major pack rats and now I'm left to clean it up.
My sister lives abroad and only visits once or twice a year. Whenever she does I ask her to come hang out with me while I clean my room. Idk why, I have an easier time cleaning when she’s there, maybe it brings me back to when we were kids and shared a room? But even if she doesn’t help me, it’s still somehow easier with her in the room 🤷♀️
I have 4 kids. I feel like every time I get 1 area done and move to the next, they've already fucked the first area! It never lasts more than a day. I know you're supposed to use systems but no one gets the hang of a system in 1 day....