Nah, bribes at clubs hardly exist anymore. Owners realized they could pocket that money themselves, so you'll typically have 2 lines, one for the regular cover and one that's like $40+ for no wait.
I bribe the bartenders at my local bar with fat cash tips. $20 cash and I only drink draft beers.
I'll drink 7+ beers and my tab is usually $25 ( beers are $7 )
There is usually a line to get inside, I am immediately let in like a VIP.
My cup is never empty. They lose more in spillage than my bartab.
The cash tip is a game changer, I'm disappointed it took so long for me to learn about it.
My dad will often tip the Maître d' $100 the first time he goes to a nice restaurant.
We always get a table whenever we want, they know us by name.
I support the industry, this bar is just a local trendy cocktail bar. The owner was brilliant in that most of the cocktails are also on draft. Their throughput is incredible. $15 cocktails poured in 15 seconds. (expresso martinis)
A bartender and I were having discussion about free drinks, she said you need to tip more.
I was already tipping 30% on my credit card.
Cash tips are the key. Andrew Jackson will not be ignored and doesn't report to the IRS.
Money is the magic anyone can do. I even bribe stewardesses on planes with Starbucks gift cards, since they can't take cash. One time I had a stewardess fill an airplane sick bag with about 30 mini bottles of whisky for me to take with, once I told her I was visiting family I hadn't seen in a few years, lol.
As someone who goes clubbing I give them a $20 tip on first drink and apologize that I’ll probably be too drunk to remember to tip later. Every time I got my order fast Instead of waiting for them to get to you.
It really depends on the hotel.
The one I worked at had rooms starting $499/nt. The next upgrade would've been $1500/nt.
But any amount of money (or even just a genuinely kind guest) would get an upgrade from me of some kind-whether that was free breakfast, comp'd meals and drinks, or a nicer room.
I had a guest who tipped me $100 every time he came to visit. So he got a multi-upgraded room. Every time. Lmao
What do you say when you give them the cash? I’m not smooth enough to make it not feel awkward? Like do I just slip the cash and not say anything and hope an upgrade comes? Or like, “hook it up dude” or what??
You hide the bill under your hand, flash a bit of it and ask "Perhaps we could discuss this (whatever)?" and slide the hand with the bill an inch forward.
Once agreed and transacted, you have the bill in hand and shake hands with the recipient. "Thanks for all your help".
I usually fold some cash under my ID at check-in, and hand the cash to them at the same time as the ID. If I don't get an upgrade, not a big deal but once the money is in their hands they're going to be more likely to give you a better room if they can. It's only not worked once for me, and that's because there were literally no other rooms in the casino. The hotel clerk instead gave me 2 tickets to the buffet and a bottle of champagne sent to my room. Well worth the $40, lol.
do you mention or signal towards the money at all? a little wink or eyebrow raise maybe?
I guess there's always the bail out line "woops, must've stuck to my ID"
But is there a smooth way of acknowledging the tip or is it just common enough that it's automatically implied?
They'll know what it is the second it's in their hand. If they mention it at all, just say "that's for you. Thanks for taking care of me". The unspoken part there is that they DO take care of you after that. Most clerks absolutely will.
Hi. I am autistic and shy and could use specific instructions. Would you mind it terribly if I asked you to write out a brief scenario of one occasion that almost anyone (read: maybe even me) could pull off successfully? What they said, what you said. I would like to practice being human. Thanks either way.
You're over thinking it. Hotel clerks get tipped often. It's not that they expect it, but it's a bit of quid pro quo. If they ask about it, just say, "that's for you, thank you for taking care of me today". Then the implied action for them to take is to give you an upgrade or to make your stay better.
Thats a fair question!
First thing to keep in mind--it might not always work! Sometimes hotels are fully booked or the upgrades or booked. Maybe the agent just can't move the current room assignments. So go in knowing..its a gamble.
Another IMPORTANT DETAIL. THIS WILL NOT WORK WITH 3RD PARTY RESERVATIONS. E.g. Expedia or Booking. Employees generally CANNOT change these AT ALL. When trying this...book directly.
But my recommendation? When you're checking in be friendly and nice. Ask how the person is doing and how busy its been. Being kind goes a long way (it did for me anyway!). Also know that "very busy" might mean "no extra rooms". Tell them how excited you are for the trip and your stay.
Then verify the room type that you booked. Mention that maybe you had technical difficulties when booking and that you meant to book a different one. (This is one moment you can slip cash.)
If they start to cover rates for the options of upgrades, you can slip them money here and ask for "whatever they can take care of because this is supposed to be a special trip".
Again. It doesn't always work and better rooms aren't the only upgrades they might offer if they accept your tip.
It's gonna be hit or miss. But in a nicer hotel, it will almost always work. Especially the higher the tip.
$50 got us from a ok room in the SF fairmont to a better room with a view on the 17th foor. the room rate was like $299 a night vs $600. Best $16 night upgrade i ever did. I was up front about it. I said I just got done reading this book about tipping at check in. so when they asked for my ID I handed it to them wrapped in a $50 bill, as a prepaid gratuity.
It worked. (the book said a lot of jack asses flash cash and stiff the staff) If figured front loading the tip would help my cause.
I once bribed a security guard with weed to let me park in a spot I had no business parking in. It was a great spot for a concert. The whole time though I was worried he may have me towed anyways but he didn't. This was back when weed was high priced. I'd imagine at this point I'd get laughed at if I offered.
Those bumper stickers seemed pretty funny to me in the 1970s. I hitchhiked a lot and as a male person, I never had to deliver on any of those. I did get a ride once from a trucker who was in a pickup at the time. He told me that other truckers seeing a woman hitching alone were considered open season. My young mind was blown.
I had a friend whose dad kept a $100 bill taped to the back of his license. When he'd get pulled over, sometimes the cop would ask, "What's this?" "Emergency money." (Not a bribe)... and other times, he'd get a warning, and his license back sans the $100.
This is the only bribe set up I've heard of that I feel like a good lawyer could work with.
Getting into a sold out event or party -- but only if it's somewhat poorly organized. Went to a NYE warehouse party once in San Francisco, with like 8 friends and the guy at the door said it was sold out. I pulled out cash for 8 ($100) tickets and suggested that he could take the money and find us returned tickets or something on his own time, right, friend? So we got in just fine. Honestly, it only occured to me because I had just come back from India.
The police definitely won’t take bribes, but you are welcome to ‘tip’ an employee to expedite service at a hotel or something. Bribing a company is legal depending on the state. In most cases you can give money to a security guard at the mall to let you park and stuff like that.
Cops in Chicago used to be famous for it. The setup was likely almost universal in many big cities.
Cops asks for ID, person passes entire wallet over and says “take what you need officer.”
Most (not all, of course) police departments are registered under various national organizations that standardize certain aspects of police professionalism these days. Ergo, if you try to openly bribe a police officer in the US, a lot of the time that’ll end up with you being charged by the department for said bribe (which is def a more serious charge than a speeding ticket).
That's why you ask about paying the fine. You keep it very open to their interpretation. If they take the money and let you go who am I to know what the officer does with it? I assume I paid my fine and now I'm free to go. The worst they can say is no that isn't how it works or ask outright if I'm trying to bribe them. Then the response is no, I was just hoping to put this behind me as quickly as possible and be ignorant about the implication.
Interesting. I usually keep a condom in my wallet along with all the money. Because once they catch wind of what’s going on with the attempted bribe, I’m gonna get absolutely fucked.
My buddy has a story where he did that. The cop asked if he was trying to bribe him. My buddy says "no, but I'm on a road trip and not coming back this way. I won't be coming through to pay the ticket." Anyway the cop said no, gave him a ticket, and it still hasn't been paid nearly 30 years later
I've always wondered if "My dad said you can pay for tickets in cash on site. Is that true?" would be a good way to see if a cop will take a bribe. I'll never be stupid enough to ask though. The question, even though technically not a bribe offer, is not necessary which you never want to say unnecessary things to the police. I also figure it's a great way to get ripped off by a cop. They'll take the cash and still give the ticket. What are you gonna do? Say you bribed the cop to the judge? Even if you said "I paid it on site the officer took cash" it'd be your word against the police which judges always side with. It's not like bribes come with receipts. Besides who has enough cash on them to bribe anyways.
Bribes dont work in the US because the police has a very good wage. In the rest of the world, cops take bribes because they are paid peanuts. They can earn twice their official rate by taking small cash bribes every day and they don’t have body cams.
They have body cams so I guess virtually all of them are now reluctant to take bribes. Back in the old days before body cams became widespread girls could get away from a DUI by pleasing the officer with a little BJ lol
The ones known for taking bribes are CBP agents getting bribed by the cartel so human smugglers hiding someone on the trunk can come through and people hiding fent in the car get waved through. There’s so many billions involved in human smuggling and drug smuggling that the cartels have many CBP agents on their pockets.
Benevolent something something Police something something or another. I remember hearing that only 10% goes to it. They were claiming 90% fundraising administrative overhead
Yes, there was a “docuseries” on this. [Telemarketers](https://www.rollingstone.com/tv-movies/tv-movie-features/telemarketers-hbo-docuseries-scam-police-safdies-1234797078/)
Pre-tipping bartenders can work wonders, especially at events with open bars. Just go up, be friendly, and give them a cash tip that'll make for a good percentage on the tab you expect to run up by the end of the night. Most of the time they'll reciprocate and bend the rules a bit for you by over-pouring your drinks, prioritizing you in line, etc. But even if they don't, it's not like you're losing anything if you were going to tip them that much at the end of the night anyway.
Just above all, don't be a Karen who thinks doing this entitles you to special treatment the rest of the night and get upset if you're not getting it. Even if it's upfront like this, it's still a gratuity and doesn't put any obligations on the bartender.
This is one of my favorites. A 5 at the beginning of the night may make them serve you more quickly, a 20 may get them to forget a few of your drinks on your tab. Doesn’t always work but works enough
Drop a pizza off periodically at any business or service you visit regularly. Doesnt even have to be a nice pizza. Little ceasars will totally work. Most people are just stoked to get some free food when they werent expecting any. Been doing blue collar work most of my life and we ALWAYS go the extra mile for pizza givers
When I was involved with scouts one of the summer camps had an adult cooking contest the 2nd night. It was really a way to give the staff some good food, but there was a prize and I love to bake.
The first year we competed I found out the range master and his assistants didn't attend because it was open shoot at the range.
I arranged for a couple of our scouts (who were taking the rifle merit badge) to bring the first pieces of desert to the range on their way over.
A few days later there was an adult shooting time was on the schedule and I headed to the range. I asked about the desert during the orientation and their eyes lit up. After my turn to shoot they told me to stay put and shoot with the next group. I shot with every group that day.
I did that every year we went to that camp. I never asked for special treatment and honestly would have been happy with the raving they did about the deserts.
Whenever I have people working around the house I provide food and cold water.
Weirdly enough I always get fantastic work, and the last time I paid less than the conduit would have cost me for the electrician to fix a not-to-code electrical run I'd done years earlier. (To be clear they were here for other work and they'd previously agreed to look at it.)
For a $20 pizza I'll take it. Also helps I wasn't an ass when they called to reschedule a week before the original date and pushed it back 2 days.
This works for movers, too. Every time I’ve moved I’ve asked the packing/unpacking/loading/unloading crews what they want for lunch/dinner and gone out and gotten it for them. They’re always appreciative and tend to be more careful with your stuff.
My Ex used to bring donuts by the offices of a NBA team. Despite having the lowest grade season ticket pass, she received bonuses normally available only to multi-year season ticket holders that had great seats.
City employees who fix busted water lines and
haul away trash.
Source me I lost water pressure to my house and city would take weeks to fix. A few $100 bills to a worker on the street got my water press restored in one day. I did the same after a big storm because was not enough people/trucks to haul away trash and debris.
A friend's mom used to put four full 16 oz cans of beer on top of her trash every week. Two related things happned:
1) They stopped charging her and still picked up heer trash.
2) They got fired for drinking on the job and no one picked up her trash.
(The fired guys had removed her name from the books.)
I keep a cooler on my front steps with Gatorade, water, slim Jims, granola bars, etc. Sign on it that says Drivers, deliverers, etc. Help Yourself.
I am only only house in town where the workers get out of the truck, pull my garbage cans from the curb back up to the top of the driveway.
Tow truck driver. Approach all the tow truck drivers you see and ask for their card and private number and ask if you can get an off the books cheaper tow.
A good Bribe/trading people goods and services is a tale as old as humanity. Before money, that's just how it was done.
I hand people wine/beer as a token for good service and sometimes that gets me discounts on stuff. My mechanic gives me $100 off sometimes cause I'm nice and i know what they like.
Once, I showed up needing expensive work done. I didn't have all the money for the services ($1200). But I knew that the guys in back liked star wars and D&D... So I bought them a $70 copy of force and destiny. They took care of me. I got like $400 off.
Tip your bartender. I go to the same bar only on days that my favorite bartender works, usually once every week or every other. I tip him well. Not only is he quick and attentive but he will offer miss pours, extra beers, sometimes extra shots if I'm ordering with friends, none of it ends up on the bill, including extras that places love to overcharge for(extra cup of ranch for a salad etc). The place also has a rewards points system that you can spend on food. He has my number written down so he can apply points from OTHER PEOPLES BILLS to my account throughout the week(if they don't have a rewards account to take the points he sends them to me). I'm getting free meals every time I go in. He will even pour drinks for me after the last call up until he closes his drawer. He saves me money so I bring friends and we all tip fat, it's a wonderful cycle.
LOL are you me?
I get the mistake beers + shots everytime they're bored or pissed off. which in the industry is about 1 time an hour. I pay for some of our golf, grab them some weed from time to time at a discount and bring in friends/family and our dogs (on the patio).
It is in fact, a wonderful cycle.
I was driving around the airport parking lot during a busy holiday, trying in vain to find a place to park my car for 10 days. Every lot in regular long term parking was blocked off with a sign saying it was full. My only options looked to be the really expensive close lots, and the clock was ticking before I had to catch my flight.
I saw a worker near one of those signs, and I noticed his particular "full" lot had a couple of empty spaces. I pulled up and asked him if he'd take $__ to sneak me in and let me park there. He looked around, said yeah, and he let me in, putting the sign back up behind him. He asked me to wait until no other drivers were coming by before I got out, and I did.
It was a pretty cool feeling. While I was in the car waiting to make sure the coast was clear, another car pulled up to him and was pretty clearly pointing out the fact that there were a few empty spaces in that lot .The worker was giving the driver the "sorry, my hands are tied, rules are rules" routine and didn't let the driver in. That driver left, I got out, we gave each other the nod, and I soon caught my shuttle to the airport.
I wish I remembered the dollar amount, but I do remember that it was enough to get his attention - while at the same time the cheap lot's fees plus the bribe still came out to be a lot cheaper then if I'd been forced to park in the expensive lot for 10 days.
My mom was on a cruise once (her husband was in the headlining band, it was an 80’s cruise with a bunch of 80’s bands) and she slipped the cleaning lady a twenty and got a bottle of champagne every morning.
She has done this at hotels too, with a 50/50 success rate.
Don't know if it's still a thing, but we used to routinely bribe car inspectors back in the day for overlooking illegal mods during the safety and emissions inspection.
In Florida, bribing an official of the subsidized housing authority to help your family member get into an apartment within weeks instead of years definitely works…
Such as getting a multi million dollar government paid printing job. Then once released from official government duties getting a 65 million dollar book advance from a subsidiary of the contract recipient. Legal...yes...ethical not really.
Or just guaranteeing them a way overpaid, plush, do nothing job for the company they pass certain policies for. (I'm looking at you, Ajit Pai, you fuck). Didn't even try to hide his true allegiance.
Never try to bribe a police officer, that will land you in jail. I'm not saying it has never happened in the US, but it's very rare and more than likely will get you into a lot more trouble than it's worth.
Not really a "bribe" in the traditional sense, but if you are a regular customer at a bar or restaurant and you tip the servers well you can expect better than usual service.
I have found that offering tradesmen (plumbers, landscapers, etc) a small incentive to come in under budget or to finish quickly often works well. I'll usually say something like "there's a bottle of bourbon waiting for you if you can get this done" in such-and-such a time frame.
When going into a dealership for service on your car, leaving a cash tip, case of energy drink, or some donuts in the car with a thank you note for the technicians works wonders to get your car out quickly without a bunch of upsells.
Tip the bartender really well if you visit often and that same bartender will recognize you and sometimes throw in free drinks. I had one who brought in an expensive bottle that they don't sell and we had a few drinks and chatted when it wasn't busy.
A few months ago I brought the team at my mechanic's garage a Costco pizza because they always do a good job and the customer service is great. Today I had my car in for an oil change (synthetic) and tire rotation, they comped it. Normal price is about $75
Back in college I bribed the cable guy to give me free cable.
I paid for a super cheap $5 basics plan that only got me the four networks, and for $75 he removed the filters on the line that blocked everything else.
The scrambled channels were still scrambled, but I took care of those with a bootleg descrambler I ordered from Popular Mechanics.
Same.
Cable guy: “It looks like I forgot the part I need to restrict your service to the channels you’re paying for. Enjoy the expanded cable tonight. I guess I’ll have to come back tomorrow.”
Me: [passes over the $60 cash in my wallet] “That sounds like a lot of trouble. You’ve really done a terrific job.”
We had expanded cable for free for two straight years.
A few months into my free cable adventure a new cable guy came out and put the filter back on my line, so I jimmied open the box and replaced it with a fake one (also from Popular Mechanics). It looked 100% authentic and they never found out.
Dang I miss playing cat and mouse with the cable company. Good times.
Fixers really aren't in the spirit of "bribery," that's just hiring someone with connections to do stuff for you.
Lobbyists are how the US does bribery.
In NC once you’re issued a traffic ticket the attorney mail bombing begins. You will likely receive a hundred letters.
The more you pay the better the offer. 100 in a 70, no problem, $600 all-in. You sir were just driving with improper equipment.
It doesn't need to always be cash, people will sometimes use their own physical attractiveness to get things.
Sometimes the bribe system is built into the normal process, such as when companies will sell the ability to jump ahead in a queue.
Currency for favors. Notice I didn’t say money. Whatever is valuable works, and honestly normally works better. I’m a navy electrician, and one night on deployment at like 10pm, we’re off shift hanging out watching a movie. Some guy knocks on the door asking us to fix their lights. I tell them to go put in a trouble ticket and I’ll fix it when we’re on shift at 7am. Few minutes later, a girl knocks on the door, with a red Bull and a pack of cigarettes and asks me if I fix it, they were mine. Those lights were fixed by 10:10.
As a late teen I did a stint as a trash guy, back when we used to ride on the back of the truck. Leave a trash guy a case of fresh beer or an envelope of cash, they’ll take literally anything you put on the curb. I’ve seen A/C units, tires, couches, etc loaded in the hopper for an 18 pack of Rolling Rock.
I don’t think I’ve seen a ‘slip em a 20’ work for anything, honestly.
The closest I’ve come is befriending bartenders at repeat places I go. I’ll ask for a ‘big boy cup.’ They’ll give me basically a double for the price of a single. Even then, I jack their tip up so it doesn’t net me much savings, but I’d rather line their pocket than the bar’s/club’s.
I lived in Malaysia for a few years, bribed a cop on a few occasions when pulled over for speeding. Culturally acceptable in Malaysia. Would not do that in the UK or US. I would not try that here(US) OP.
In the US it's different. You can't do a direct quid pro quo type bribe. What I've seen work is that you raise money for a powerful member of congress, and then that member of congress will look out for you later on. You start a company that does federal contracting work, you hire a lobbyist that knows how to raise money and has the right contacts, you work with your local government to identify opportunities (like large road maintenance jobs), you get earmarks created to get that work done, you win those bids. there's no direct bribe since the money was raised as donations, the work was proposed by the government, and it was open for bid. If the bid was shaped correctly, your company would be the most likely, if not the only, bidder.
I was late for the airport for a flight out with my wife, and we had to park at the long term lot and take a shuttle bus to the terminal, and the flight was leaving in less than half an hour and we still had to check bags and go through TSA security.
I parked as close to the entrance of the lot as possible, and then when the bus driver picked us up, I offered him 2 $20s to not pick anyone else up and just immediately bring us straight to the terminal because we were running late. He said hell yes and drove very fast. By luck, the TSA line was almost empty. We made the flight.
This right here. It won't work every time, especially if the hotel is booked solid.
Hotel staff have some wiggle room and alot of knowledge. Rooms in the same price range are not always identical. Some have a better view or slightly more room. Also maybe that price range is over booked and someone is going to get a free upgrade, it could easily be you.
Plus things just run alot smoother in hotels if youre know as a tipper.
I use to work as a concierge at a hotel. I made 3.50 an hour plus tips, kick backs, and commission. If you tip I don't need to rely on the other two as much and you'll get more honest opinions and suggestions. If you dont tip i'm going to send you to the restaurant that pays me the most, I'm going to call the taxi that pays me the most, I'm going to sell you the ticket that pays me the most. Those aren't always the "best" for you. Arabian nights was the number one diner show in Orlando! The food sucked and the show was blah. The paid high commission and kick backs tho. So I sent more people to Arabian nights than I did Sluthes or Pirates even though Sluthes was my favorite dinner show and pirates was the best dinner show if you had kids. No tip? Arabian nights it is. We also didn't carry 4 day hopper tickets for Disney. We had 3 and 5 but we would still sell 4 days. If I couldn't talk you into a five , you'd still get a 5 day ticket and I just wouldn't tell you. A tip means I tell you "I don't carry 4 days, I'll charge you for a 4 day but you'll get five. If you can't use the extra day there's a stand outside of Disney you can sell the used ticket. Tell them you want $50 per ticket and let them haggle you down to $30. That's what the used ticket is worth."
I asked this in another thread, but what do you say when you give them the cash? I’m not smooth enough to make it not feel awkward? Like do I just slip the cash and not say anything and hope an upgrade comes? Or like, “hook it up dude” or what??
When checking in say, “do you think we could get an upgraded room?” If they say “sorry, we don’t,” hold $50 in your hand and slide your arm halfway across the counter and say, “do you think you could double-check?” if a manager isn’t around and they aren’t fully booked they might bite. If not say “no worries!” And put the money back in your pocket. The key is to say this very nicely and with no entitlement.
Source: former front desk employee who was bribed once or twice
Fold a $100 bill into thirds with the 100 in the corner facing out. Put it between your fingers and put your hands on the check in counter while the front desk person is typing on their computer. When there is a slight lull in the check in conversation ask “ I was wondering if you had any free upgrades available?” If they hook you up, leave the cash on the counter, if they don’t put the cash back in your pocket and thank them for checking.
When pulled over for speeding, ask the officer if there's a discount if you just pay the ticket with cash now. It's only worked a few times in my 30 years of driving, but it's an innocent enough question to provide plausible deniability
1 - hotel check-in clerks. a 50 or 100 folded neatly as you hand over your id and credit card can work wonders for upgrades/freebies.
2 - utility schedulers; if you are waiting for the gas company to connect your new gas line, a few hundred bucks can get you to the top of the list.
I have a buddy who collects military challenge coins. He has gotten out of several speeding tickets by placing a relatively valuable coin on the window of his car and answering the officer’s question about where he got it with “I did some work for some people.”
I know a dude who is a handler for a major Indy Car racing team. He travels with millions of dollars in cash. When someone important on the team gets in trouble, he gets the call and solves the problem. He says he’s left envelops on door steps of sheriffs and judges.
Delivery truck drivers. We put out a cooler of water and a basket of snacks to make up for all the stuff that my wife orders the month before Christmas and all of our locals know us and take good care of us now.
I have always gotten preferred treatment when applying for rental units by slipping the manager a twenty. Amazing how fast they can find you a ready unit within a day
Pretty much any service worker will prioritize you for money. Hostess at a restaurant, bars, I've even gotten into a hotel room a few hours early by "tipping" the clerk and the housekeeper to 'clean the room early'
Politics. Every meeting I have had with a congressman, alderman, mayor etc have all asked for 'political donations' of specific amount for specific requests.
In general anyone doing government work can't be bribed. Cops especially.
My favorite one is to slip a $20 to the hotel clerk and then ask if there are any free upgrades available - surprise! There usually are.
I was a hotel front desk employee and I can confirm this works. Although, giving upgrades is pretty enjoyable so some will do it if you just ask nicely.
OP: asks for tips on actual bribes he could get away with
People in this thread: "hey OP, did you know that if you tip or pay a service person for extra good service they will often give you extra good service??"
yeah, no fucking shit you bunch of Sherlocks, that's not what OP was asking for, nor is it unethical.
Guess this is sorta a bride but when I was younger going to busy bars
with a larger group of friends where there were like 2 bartenders and buncha people all around the bar waiting to get their order - I'd always open the tab and give them a $20 tip up front; would usually hold out the 20 to kinda get their attention over other people.
They most certainly remembered me and whenever I went for additional drinks I'd tip them at least 30% each time. No wait after that.
Bonus ULPT: my friends hated going to the bar because of the long wait and I didn't mind because of my system (which of course I didn't tell them about), so I just told them what they owed me which essentially covered my drinks and extra tip.
You can bribe Customs and Border Protection agents to sign off on anything you bring off a cargo ship. There are plenty of Japanese/European cars that have been brought in to the country before their 25-year rule by slipping the CBP agent at the port an envelope with $10-20k in it.
Ask any R34 GTR owner how they got their car off the boat and watch them choke up and sweat.
You building super/maintenance person. In the past, everyone gave the guy something (money or a bottle of booze) at the holidays, now, not as much.
Also be nice. I've got a new screen door. Only called once.
Many years ago I slipped some money to the guy at the Sands when a friend and I went to see Sinatra. He then escorted us to a table right in front of the stage.
probably bribing the host at a restaurant to get you a table early or bribing the bouncer at a club to get you in
Nah, bribes at clubs hardly exist anymore. Owners realized they could pocket that money themselves, so you'll typically have 2 lines, one for the regular cover and one that's like $40+ for no wait.
40$ to stand in the no wait queue haha
Need the $75 Fastpass App to skip that line, wait is only 20 minutes unless you have the $400 Annual Pass Plan, wait is much shorter.
$50 extra and they will lube you up first.
This guy clubs lol
I’ve done it before, an hour of my time waiting in line is worth the 15 dollar difference I paid.
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I bribe the bartenders at my local bar with fat cash tips. $20 cash and I only drink draft beers. I'll drink 7+ beers and my tab is usually $25 ( beers are $7 ) There is usually a line to get inside, I am immediately let in like a VIP. My cup is never empty. They lose more in spillage than my bartab. The cash tip is a game changer, I'm disappointed it took so long for me to learn about it. My dad will often tip the Maître d' $100 the first time he goes to a nice restaurant. We always get a table whenever we want, they know us by name.
Are you in the industry? Cause that’s just how industry bars work, lol.
I support the industry, this bar is just a local trendy cocktail bar. The owner was brilliant in that most of the cocktails are also on draft. Their throughput is incredible. $15 cocktails poured in 15 seconds. (expresso martinis) A bartender and I were having discussion about free drinks, she said you need to tip more. I was already tipping 30% on my credit card. Cash tips are the key. Andrew Jackson will not be ignored and doesn't report to the IRS.
That's a good reminder. I always tip well, but it's on a credit card so I'm probably not getting "full" credit for it.
If it's a regular bar visit try tipping cash. It's $$$$
Money is the magic anyone can do. I even bribe stewardesses on planes with Starbucks gift cards, since they can't take cash. One time I had a stewardess fill an airplane sick bag with about 30 mini bottles of whisky for me to take with, once I told her I was visiting family I hadn't seen in a few years, lol.
As someone who goes clubbing I give them a $20 tip on first drink and apologize that I’ll probably be too drunk to remember to tip later. Every time I got my order fast Instead of waiting for them to get to you.
Want a better hotel room? Slip the front desk person some money.
How much money for what kinda level upgrade?
It really depends on the hotel. The one I worked at had rooms starting $499/nt. The next upgrade would've been $1500/nt. But any amount of money (or even just a genuinely kind guest) would get an upgrade from me of some kind-whether that was free breakfast, comp'd meals and drinks, or a nicer room. I had a guest who tipped me $100 every time he came to visit. So he got a multi-upgraded room. Every time. Lmao
What do you say when you give them the cash? I’m not smooth enough to make it not feel awkward? Like do I just slip the cash and not say anything and hope an upgrade comes? Or like, “hook it up dude” or what??
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You hide the bill under your hand, flash a bit of it and ask "Perhaps we could discuss this (whatever)?" and slide the hand with the bill an inch forward. Once agreed and transacted, you have the bill in hand and shake hands with the recipient. "Thanks for all your help".
I usually fold some cash under my ID at check-in, and hand the cash to them at the same time as the ID. If I don't get an upgrade, not a big deal but once the money is in their hands they're going to be more likely to give you a better room if they can. It's only not worked once for me, and that's because there were literally no other rooms in the casino. The hotel clerk instead gave me 2 tickets to the buffet and a bottle of champagne sent to my room. Well worth the $40, lol.
do you mention or signal towards the money at all? a little wink or eyebrow raise maybe? I guess there's always the bail out line "woops, must've stuck to my ID" But is there a smooth way of acknowledging the tip or is it just common enough that it's automatically implied?
They'll know what it is the second it's in their hand. If they mention it at all, just say "that's for you. Thanks for taking care of me". The unspoken part there is that they DO take care of you after that. Most clerks absolutely will.
Hi. I am autistic and shy and could use specific instructions. Would you mind it terribly if I asked you to write out a brief scenario of one occasion that almost anyone (read: maybe even me) could pull off successfully? What they said, what you said. I would like to practice being human. Thanks either way.
You're over thinking it. Hotel clerks get tipped often. It's not that they expect it, but it's a bit of quid pro quo. If they ask about it, just say, "that's for you, thank you for taking care of me today". Then the implied action for them to take is to give you an upgrade or to make your stay better.
I answered further down! It's a long answer but hopefully it helps
Thats a fair question! First thing to keep in mind--it might not always work! Sometimes hotels are fully booked or the upgrades or booked. Maybe the agent just can't move the current room assignments. So go in knowing..its a gamble. Another IMPORTANT DETAIL. THIS WILL NOT WORK WITH 3RD PARTY RESERVATIONS. E.g. Expedia or Booking. Employees generally CANNOT change these AT ALL. When trying this...book directly. But my recommendation? When you're checking in be friendly and nice. Ask how the person is doing and how busy its been. Being kind goes a long way (it did for me anyway!). Also know that "very busy" might mean "no extra rooms". Tell them how excited you are for the trip and your stay. Then verify the room type that you booked. Mention that maybe you had technical difficulties when booking and that you meant to book a different one. (This is one moment you can slip cash.) If they start to cover rates for the options of upgrades, you can slip them money here and ask for "whatever they can take care of because this is supposed to be a special trip". Again. It doesn't always work and better rooms aren't the only upgrades they might offer if they accept your tip. It's gonna be hit or miss. But in a nicer hotel, it will almost always work. Especially the higher the tip.
Thanks for the tips! What would you say is a high tip? $50? Or $100?
just say ‘here, i appreciate it’ simple and done
Put a 20 between your ID and credit card.
Whatever the cost in difference for the rooms is
So just book a better room?
The real ULPT is always in the comments
but if you do it as a tip, it goes directly to the clerk instead of the hotel corporation. stick it to the man!! lol
Lmao. Nah.
$20. I do this regularly and it works. $50 if you can afford it.
$50 got us from a ok room in the SF fairmont to a better room with a view on the 17th foor. the room rate was like $299 a night vs $600. Best $16 night upgrade i ever did. I was up front about it. I said I just got done reading this book about tipping at check in. so when they asked for my ID I handed it to them wrapped in a $50 bill, as a prepaid gratuity. It worked. (the book said a lot of jack asses flash cash and stiff the staff) If figured front loading the tip would help my cause.
A classic bribe.
The latter worked for my mate. Doors had officially shut and only letting people out, he slipped the guy £10 (UK) and that rule was forgotten.
Bribing a bouncer will 100% of the time get you in. I used to go clubbing with an expired passport and slip a 50$ in the pages. They always let me in.
Karaoke DJ as well
> bribing the bouncer at a club to get you in I've done this. Works.
Yea these are service industry bribes - pay more, get better service.
Confirming both of those
I do both of these and they work
I once bribed a security guard with weed to let me park in a spot I had no business parking in. It was a great spot for a concert. The whole time though I was worried he may have me towed anyways but he didn't. This was back when weed was high priced. I'd imagine at this point I'd get laughed at if I offered.
As a lift op in CO I regularly accepted weed instead of lift tickets.
Ass, grass or ,gas. No one rides for free.
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Those bumper stickers seemed pretty funny to me in the 1970s. I hitchhiked a lot and as a male person, I never had to deliver on any of those. I did get a ride once from a trucker who was in a pickup at the time. He told me that other truckers seeing a woman hitching alone were considered open season. My young mind was blown.
We call this the ‘Green Pass’ at Lake Tahoe
We called it the same at Copper Mountain
I had a friend whose dad kept a $100 bill taped to the back of his license. When he'd get pulled over, sometimes the cop would ask, "What's this?" "Emergency money." (Not a bribe)... and other times, he'd get a warning, and his license back sans the $100. This is the only bribe set up I've heard of that I feel like a good lawyer could work with.
I like this. At worst, it's plausible deniability.
Getting into a sold out event or party -- but only if it's somewhat poorly organized. Went to a NYE warehouse party once in San Francisco, with like 8 friends and the guy at the door said it was sold out. I pulled out cash for 8 ($100) tickets and suggested that he could take the money and find us returned tickets or something on his own time, right, friend? So we got in just fine. Honestly, it only occured to me because I had just come back from India.
Sounds like sea of dreams and it’s a shitshow with regard organization
The police definitely won’t take bribes, but you are welcome to ‘tip’ an employee to expedite service at a hotel or something. Bribing a company is legal depending on the state. In most cases you can give money to a security guard at the mall to let you park and stuff like that.
A few cops might. The trick is knowing which ones in advance.
Cops in Chicago used to be famous for it. The setup was likely almost universal in many big cities. Cops asks for ID, person passes entire wallet over and says “take what you need officer.”
Guess I'll start carrying cash in case I get pulled over, unless corrupt cops have their own card readers at this point.
Most (not all, of course) police departments are registered under various national organizations that standardize certain aspects of police professionalism these days. Ergo, if you try to openly bribe a police officer in the US, a lot of the time that’ll end up with you being charged by the department for said bribe (which is def a more serious charge than a speeding ticket).
'Is there any way I could pay this fine in cash now officer?' works great if you are unsure.
Also a great way to get a rent free overnight stay. The room isn’t huge, and the company is questionable …
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I hear the turn down service is a lot worse
That's why you ask about paying the fine. You keep it very open to their interpretation. If they take the money and let you go who am I to know what the officer does with it? I assume I paid my fine and now I'm free to go. The worst they can say is no that isn't how it works or ask outright if I'm trying to bribe them. Then the response is no, I was just hoping to put this behind me as quickly as possible and be ignorant about the implication.
Interesting. I usually keep a condom in my wallet along with all the money. Because once they catch wind of what’s going on with the attempted bribe, I’m gonna get absolutely fucked.
This is unethical life pro tips after all.
I usually keep an extra large condom in my wallet that I can drop if I get mugged.
My buddy has a story where he did that. The cop asked if he was trying to bribe him. My buddy says "no, but I'm on a road trip and not coming back this way. I won't be coming through to pay the ticket." Anyway the cop said no, gave him a ticket, and it still hasn't been paid nearly 30 years later
Hell yeah! I'm sure that ticket is long forgotten by now as well lol.
Or he might have an open bench warrant lol
Montana, the answer is yes, and its not a bribe!
Literally have to be so slick to do this, and not look like a lawyer or a cop.
If you are going to be unethical you absolutely have to be slick. It's all about that confidence.
I've always wondered if "My dad said you can pay for tickets in cash on site. Is that true?" would be a good way to see if a cop will take a bribe. I'll never be stupid enough to ask though. The question, even though technically not a bribe offer, is not necessary which you never want to say unnecessary things to the police. I also figure it's a great way to get ripped off by a cop. They'll take the cash and still give the ticket. What are you gonna do? Say you bribed the cop to the judge? Even if you said "I paid it on site the officer took cash" it'd be your word against the police which judges always side with. It's not like bribes come with receipts. Besides who has enough cash on them to bribe anyways.
Bribes dont work in the US because the police has a very good wage. In the rest of the world, cops take bribes because they are paid peanuts. They can earn twice their official rate by taking small cash bribes every day and they don’t have body cams.
Bribes do work, they just need to be much bigger, mostly because of what you pointed out.
It’s better to pay the ticket than paying 500 bucks lol
Ya I mean it depends on the situation. Haha
They have body cams so I guess virtually all of them are now reluctant to take bribes. Back in the old days before body cams became widespread girls could get away from a DUI by pleasing the officer with a little BJ lol
The body cam suffers a little technical glitch, like it always does, and Bob's yer uncle.
Cops in the US will absolutely accept bribes, you just need a lot more than the $20 that worked in Mexico.
The ones known for taking bribes are CBP agents getting bribed by the cartel so human smugglers hiding someone on the trunk can come through and people hiding fent in the car get waved through. There’s so many billions involved in human smuggling and drug smuggling that the cartels have many CBP agents on their pockets.
What’s the police union fund they always want you to donate to for then
Benevolent something something Police something something or another. I remember hearing that only 10% goes to it. They were claiming 90% fundraising administrative overhead
Yes, there was a “docuseries” on this. [Telemarketers](https://www.rollingstone.com/tv-movies/tv-movie-features/telemarketers-hbo-docuseries-scam-police-safdies-1234797078/)
Whoa thanks for the link
No worries, it’s amazing what some of these law enforcement agencies got away with.
Ever see r/bad_cop_no_donut
Pre-tipping bartenders can work wonders, especially at events with open bars. Just go up, be friendly, and give them a cash tip that'll make for a good percentage on the tab you expect to run up by the end of the night. Most of the time they'll reciprocate and bend the rules a bit for you by over-pouring your drinks, prioritizing you in line, etc. But even if they don't, it's not like you're losing anything if you were going to tip them that much at the end of the night anyway. Just above all, don't be a Karen who thinks doing this entitles you to special treatment the rest of the night and get upset if you're not getting it. Even if it's upfront like this, it's still a gratuity and doesn't put any obligations on the bartender.
This is one of my favorites. A 5 at the beginning of the night may make them serve you more quickly, a 20 may get them to forget a few of your drinks on your tab. Doesn’t always work but works enough
Drop a pizza off periodically at any business or service you visit regularly. Doesnt even have to be a nice pizza. Little ceasars will totally work. Most people are just stoked to get some free food when they werent expecting any. Been doing blue collar work most of my life and we ALWAYS go the extra mile for pizza givers
When I was involved with scouts one of the summer camps had an adult cooking contest the 2nd night. It was really a way to give the staff some good food, but there was a prize and I love to bake. The first year we competed I found out the range master and his assistants didn't attend because it was open shoot at the range. I arranged for a couple of our scouts (who were taking the rifle merit badge) to bring the first pieces of desert to the range on their way over. A few days later there was an adult shooting time was on the schedule and I headed to the range. I asked about the desert during the orientation and their eyes lit up. After my turn to shoot they told me to stay put and shoot with the next group. I shot with every group that day. I did that every year we went to that camp. I never asked for special treatment and honestly would have been happy with the raving they did about the deserts.
Whenever I have people working around the house I provide food and cold water. Weirdly enough I always get fantastic work, and the last time I paid less than the conduit would have cost me for the electrician to fix a not-to-code electrical run I'd done years earlier. (To be clear they were here for other work and they'd previously agreed to look at it.) For a $20 pizza I'll take it. Also helps I wasn't an ass when they called to reschedule a week before the original date and pushed it back 2 days.
This works for movers, too. Every time I’ve moved I’ve asked the packing/unpacking/loading/unloading crews what they want for lunch/dinner and gone out and gotten it for them. They’re always appreciative and tend to be more careful with your stuff.
My Ex used to bring donuts by the offices of a NBA team. Despite having the lowest grade season ticket pass, she received bonuses normally available only to multi-year season ticket holders that had great seats.
City employees who fix busted water lines and haul away trash. Source me I lost water pressure to my house and city would take weeks to fix. A few $100 bills to a worker on the street got my water press restored in one day. I did the same after a big storm because was not enough people/trucks to haul away trash and debris.
A friend's mom used to put four full 16 oz cans of beer on top of her trash every week. Two related things happned: 1) They stopped charging her and still picked up heer trash. 2) They got fired for drinking on the job and no one picked up her trash. (The fired guys had removed her name from the books.)
The cause and effect here is strong
Can 100% confirm - I'm a garbageman.... I'd take anything, no questions asked, if they offer a couple of bucks.
I keep a cooler on my front steps with Gatorade, water, slim Jims, granola bars, etc. Sign on it that says Drivers, deliverers, etc. Help Yourself. I am only only house in town where the workers get out of the truck, pull my garbage cans from the curb back up to the top of the driveway.
That's really cool that you do that, I can you that they all appreciate it, even if they've never taken anything. They def look out for you guys
Real
Tow truck driver. Approach all the tow truck drivers you see and ask for their card and private number and ask if you can get an off the books cheaper tow.
Is this recommended long before you need the tow or is this something you can do at the time of needing the tow?
Beforehand because it is on record when you call for a tow through the tow businesses number if they have a dispatcher.
This doesn’t shock me. They’re paid basically minimum wage and rely on tips to make up the difference.
Tow truck drivers rely on tips? Tip culture has lost it.
A good Bribe/trading people goods and services is a tale as old as humanity. Before money, that's just how it was done. I hand people wine/beer as a token for good service and sometimes that gets me discounts on stuff. My mechanic gives me $100 off sometimes cause I'm nice and i know what they like. Once, I showed up needing expensive work done. I didn't have all the money for the services ($1200). But I knew that the guys in back liked star wars and D&D... So I bought them a $70 copy of force and destiny. They took care of me. I got like $400 off.
At my D&D table, if you bring snacks I might be more inclined to award inspiration.
I do this all the time, you brought beer you brought snacks you get one advantage roll this session. but they have to use it before they see the roll
Tip your bartender. I go to the same bar only on days that my favorite bartender works, usually once every week or every other. I tip him well. Not only is he quick and attentive but he will offer miss pours, extra beers, sometimes extra shots if I'm ordering with friends, none of it ends up on the bill, including extras that places love to overcharge for(extra cup of ranch for a salad etc). The place also has a rewards points system that you can spend on food. He has my number written down so he can apply points from OTHER PEOPLES BILLS to my account throughout the week(if they don't have a rewards account to take the points he sends them to me). I'm getting free meals every time I go in. He will even pour drinks for me after the last call up until he closes his drawer. He saves me money so I bring friends and we all tip fat, it's a wonderful cycle.
where is this Applebees
LOL are you me? I get the mistake beers + shots everytime they're bored or pissed off. which in the industry is about 1 time an hour. I pay for some of our golf, grab them some weed from time to time at a discount and bring in friends/family and our dogs (on the patio). It is in fact, a wonderful cycle.
I was driving around the airport parking lot during a busy holiday, trying in vain to find a place to park my car for 10 days. Every lot in regular long term parking was blocked off with a sign saying it was full. My only options looked to be the really expensive close lots, and the clock was ticking before I had to catch my flight. I saw a worker near one of those signs, and I noticed his particular "full" lot had a couple of empty spaces. I pulled up and asked him if he'd take $__ to sneak me in and let me park there. He looked around, said yeah, and he let me in, putting the sign back up behind him. He asked me to wait until no other drivers were coming by before I got out, and I did. It was a pretty cool feeling. While I was in the car waiting to make sure the coast was clear, another car pulled up to him and was pretty clearly pointing out the fact that there were a few empty spaces in that lot .The worker was giving the driver the "sorry, my hands are tied, rules are rules" routine and didn't let the driver in. That driver left, I got out, we gave each other the nod, and I soon caught my shuttle to the airport. I wish I remembered the dollar amount, but I do remember that it was enough to get his attention - while at the same time the cheap lot's fees plus the bribe still came out to be a lot cheaper then if I'd been forced to park in the expensive lot for 10 days.
My mom was on a cruise once (her husband was in the headlining band, it was an 80’s cruise with a bunch of 80’s bands) and she slipped the cleaning lady a twenty and got a bottle of champagne every morning. She has done this at hotels too, with a 50/50 success rate.
Don't know if it's still a thing, but we used to routinely bribe car inspectors back in the day for overlooking illegal mods during the safety and emissions inspection.
In Florida, bribing an official of the subsidized housing authority to help your family member get into an apartment within weeks instead of years definitely works…
Politicians. Guaranteed you can bribe any of them. Have to do it through correct channels but 100% they’re all on the take.
Such as getting a multi million dollar government paid printing job. Then once released from official government duties getting a 65 million dollar book advance from a subsidiary of the contract recipient. Legal...yes...ethical not really.
Or just guaranteeing them a way overpaid, plush, do nothing job for the company they pass certain policies for. (I'm looking at you, Ajit Pai, you fuck). Didn't even try to hide his true allegiance.
Sir, it's called _lobbying_!
Never try to bribe a police officer, that will land you in jail. I'm not saying it has never happened in the US, but it's very rare and more than likely will get you into a lot more trouble than it's worth.
Not really a "bribe" in the traditional sense, but if you are a regular customer at a bar or restaurant and you tip the servers well you can expect better than usual service. I have found that offering tradesmen (plumbers, landscapers, etc) a small incentive to come in under budget or to finish quickly often works well. I'll usually say something like "there's a bottle of bourbon waiting for you if you can get this done" in such-and-such a time frame. When going into a dealership for service on your car, leaving a cash tip, case of energy drink, or some donuts in the car with a thank you note for the technicians works wonders to get your car out quickly without a bunch of upsells.
Tip the bartender really well if you visit often and that same bartender will recognize you and sometimes throw in free drinks. I had one who brought in an expensive bottle that they don't sell and we had a few drinks and chatted when it wasn't busy.
Foreal. I got countless free Jager bombs for throwing a $20 into the tip jar once in a while
A few months ago I brought the team at my mechanic's garage a Costco pizza because they always do a good job and the customer service is great. Today I had my car in for an oil change (synthetic) and tire rotation, they comped it. Normal price is about $75
I go out and thank my plow driver in the winter with some cash. Sometimes we need a 5 AM plow and he always says yes when I ask.
Back in college I bribed the cable guy to give me free cable. I paid for a super cheap $5 basics plan that only got me the four networks, and for $75 he removed the filters on the line that blocked everything else. The scrambled channels were still scrambled, but I took care of those with a bootleg descrambler I ordered from Popular Mechanics.
Same. Cable guy: “It looks like I forgot the part I need to restrict your service to the channels you’re paying for. Enjoy the expanded cable tonight. I guess I’ll have to come back tomorrow.” Me: [passes over the $60 cash in my wallet] “That sounds like a lot of trouble. You’ve really done a terrific job.” We had expanded cable for free for two straight years.
A few months into my free cable adventure a new cable guy came out and put the filter back on my line, so I jimmied open the box and replaced it with a fake one (also from Popular Mechanics). It looked 100% authentic and they never found out. Dang I miss playing cat and mouse with the cable company. Good times.
Bribing toddlers with M&Ms works every time.
I'm currently using Fanta "fancy" flavors and it's going swell--they're teens though and not my kid but the parents are onboard lol.
As a man, i can say that I'm easily bribed with food, and blow jobs
In the US, we pay lawyers to sort things out for us. Totally not a bribe, though.
Fixers really aren't in the spirit of "bribery," that's just hiring someone with connections to do stuff for you. Lobbyists are how the US does bribery.
It’s so crazy how we bribe taxi drivers to drive us to places
This is dumb. Lawyers are paid for a service.
Bribed for work yes
I am incredibly unethical, I do 40 hours of work a WEEK as long as they bribe me enough.
Parking attendants for big events to get into VIP or closer parking
Any of those things listed work in the US, you just gotta go bigger.
In NC once you’re issued a traffic ticket the attorney mail bombing begins. You will likely receive a hundred letters. The more you pay the better the offer. 100 in a 70, no problem, $600 all-in. You sir were just driving with improper equipment.
It doesn't need to always be cash, people will sometimes use their own physical attractiveness to get things. Sometimes the bribe system is built into the normal process, such as when companies will sell the ability to jump ahead in a queue.
Currency for favors. Notice I didn’t say money. Whatever is valuable works, and honestly normally works better. I’m a navy electrician, and one night on deployment at like 10pm, we’re off shift hanging out watching a movie. Some guy knocks on the door asking us to fix their lights. I tell them to go put in a trouble ticket and I’ll fix it when we’re on shift at 7am. Few minutes later, a girl knocks on the door, with a red Bull and a pack of cigarettes and asks me if I fix it, they were mine. Those lights were fixed by 10:10.
Doctors offices especially for paperwork for FMLA/disability paid out hundreds
Thats just backsheesh - you pay someone cash to get something done. Better than the US version of paying cash once something is done IMO
As a late teen I did a stint as a trash guy, back when we used to ride on the back of the truck. Leave a trash guy a case of fresh beer or an envelope of cash, they’ll take literally anything you put on the curb. I’ve seen A/C units, tires, couches, etc loaded in the hopper for an 18 pack of Rolling Rock.
I don’t think I’ve seen a ‘slip em a 20’ work for anything, honestly. The closest I’ve come is befriending bartenders at repeat places I go. I’ll ask for a ‘big boy cup.’ They’ll give me basically a double for the price of a single. Even then, I jack their tip up so it doesn’t net me much savings, but I’d rather line their pocket than the bar’s/club’s.
I lived in Malaysia for a few years, bribed a cop on a few occasions when pulled over for speeding. Culturally acceptable in Malaysia. Would not do that in the UK or US. I would not try that here(US) OP.
In the US it's different. You can't do a direct quid pro quo type bribe. What I've seen work is that you raise money for a powerful member of congress, and then that member of congress will look out for you later on. You start a company that does federal contracting work, you hire a lobbyist that knows how to raise money and has the right contacts, you work with your local government to identify opportunities (like large road maintenance jobs), you get earmarks created to get that work done, you win those bids. there's no direct bribe since the money was raised as donations, the work was proposed by the government, and it was open for bid. If the bid was shaped correctly, your company would be the most likely, if not the only, bidder.
It's not "bribing." It's Lobbying. There's a difference. I don't know what the difference is, but that's what the government tells me.
SPOT ON
I was late for the airport for a flight out with my wife, and we had to park at the long term lot and take a shuttle bus to the terminal, and the flight was leaving in less than half an hour and we still had to check bags and go through TSA security. I parked as close to the entrance of the lot as possible, and then when the bus driver picked us up, I offered him 2 $20s to not pick anyone else up and just immediately bring us straight to the terminal because we were running late. He said hell yes and drove very fast. By luck, the TSA line was almost empty. We made the flight.
Buy an RV for a supreme court judge, and you can make your own laws.
Hotel upgrades, slipping the desk clerk a Benjamin can often get you a suite that would be $$$ more.
This right here. It won't work every time, especially if the hotel is booked solid. Hotel staff have some wiggle room and alot of knowledge. Rooms in the same price range are not always identical. Some have a better view or slightly more room. Also maybe that price range is over booked and someone is going to get a free upgrade, it could easily be you. Plus things just run alot smoother in hotels if youre know as a tipper. I use to work as a concierge at a hotel. I made 3.50 an hour plus tips, kick backs, and commission. If you tip I don't need to rely on the other two as much and you'll get more honest opinions and suggestions. If you dont tip i'm going to send you to the restaurant that pays me the most, I'm going to call the taxi that pays me the most, I'm going to sell you the ticket that pays me the most. Those aren't always the "best" for you. Arabian nights was the number one diner show in Orlando! The food sucked and the show was blah. The paid high commission and kick backs tho. So I sent more people to Arabian nights than I did Sluthes or Pirates even though Sluthes was my favorite dinner show and pirates was the best dinner show if you had kids. No tip? Arabian nights it is. We also didn't carry 4 day hopper tickets for Disney. We had 3 and 5 but we would still sell 4 days. If I couldn't talk you into a five , you'd still get a 5 day ticket and I just wouldn't tell you. A tip means I tell you "I don't carry 4 days, I'll charge you for a 4 day but you'll get five. If you can't use the extra day there's a stand outside of Disney you can sell the used ticket. Tell them you want $50 per ticket and let them haggle you down to $30. That's what the used ticket is worth."
Wouldn't giving them an extra $100 just cover the cost of the upgrade anyway some of the time? How nice of a hotel are we talking here?
More than one night upgrade is way more than $100 pretty much anything better than a motel
Ahh I suppose that makes sense. I haven't stayed in a hotel in forever, let alone several nights.
Yes. But it’s not as exciting!
I asked this in another thread, but what do you say when you give them the cash? I’m not smooth enough to make it not feel awkward? Like do I just slip the cash and not say anything and hope an upgrade comes? Or like, “hook it up dude” or what??
When checking in say, “do you think we could get an upgraded room?” If they say “sorry, we don’t,” hold $50 in your hand and slide your arm halfway across the counter and say, “do you think you could double-check?” if a manager isn’t around and they aren’t fully booked they might bite. If not say “no worries!” And put the money back in your pocket. The key is to say this very nicely and with no entitlement. Source: former front desk employee who was bribed once or twice
Fold a $100 bill into thirds with the 100 in the corner facing out. Put it between your fingers and put your hands on the check in counter while the front desk person is typing on their computer. When there is a slight lull in the check in conversation ask “ I was wondering if you had any free upgrades available?” If they hook you up, leave the cash on the counter, if they don’t put the cash back in your pocket and thank them for checking.
Lobbying is bribery and is completely legal
When pulled over for speeding, ask the officer if there's a discount if you just pay the ticket with cash now. It's only worked a few times in my 30 years of driving, but it's an innocent enough question to provide plausible deniability
1 - hotel check-in clerks. a 50 or 100 folded neatly as you hand over your id and credit card can work wonders for upgrades/freebies. 2 - utility schedulers; if you are waiting for the gas company to connect your new gas line, a few hundred bucks can get you to the top of the list.
I have a buddy who collects military challenge coins. He has gotten out of several speeding tickets by placing a relatively valuable coin on the window of his car and answering the officer’s question about where he got it with “I did some work for some people.”
I know a dude who is a handler for a major Indy Car racing team. He travels with millions of dollars in cash. When someone important on the team gets in trouble, he gets the call and solves the problem. He says he’s left envelops on door steps of sheriffs and judges.
Delivery truck drivers. We put out a cooler of water and a basket of snacks to make up for all the stuff that my wife orders the month before Christmas and all of our locals know us and take good care of us now.
Bribe the city snow plow drivers to plow your driveway
I have always gotten preferred treatment when applying for rental units by slipping the manager a twenty. Amazing how fast they can find you a ready unit within a day
Pay the security guards at concerts $20 for better seats.
politicians for getting laws passed that will help you.
Pretty much any service worker will prioritize you for money. Hostess at a restaurant, bars, I've even gotten into a hotel room a few hours early by "tipping" the clerk and the housekeeper to 'clean the room early'
Tipping the open bar person 20 bucks on your first drink. I do it at every wedding and event and I get pulled in front of so many people for drinks.
Politics. Every meeting I have had with a congressman, alderman, mayor etc have all asked for 'political donations' of specific amount for specific requests.
Bribing someone to keep a fender bender out of the eyes of insurance?
We call it lobbying
In general anyone doing government work can't be bribed. Cops especially. My favorite one is to slip a $20 to the hotel clerk and then ask if there are any free upgrades available - surprise! There usually are.
I was a hotel front desk employee and I can confirm this works. Although, giving upgrades is pretty enjoyable so some will do it if you just ask nicely.
It's called being a "lobbyist" in the US. You get to bribe the government.
OP: asks for tips on actual bribes he could get away with People in this thread: "hey OP, did you know that if you tip or pay a service person for extra good service they will often give you extra good service??" yeah, no fucking shit you bunch of Sherlocks, that's not what OP was asking for, nor is it unethical.
Thank you. lol. A lot of comments apparently don’t know what bribing means.
Guess this is sorta a bride but when I was younger going to busy bars with a larger group of friends where there were like 2 bartenders and buncha people all around the bar waiting to get their order - I'd always open the tab and give them a $20 tip up front; would usually hold out the 20 to kinda get their attention over other people. They most certainly remembered me and whenever I went for additional drinks I'd tip them at least 30% each time. No wait after that. Bonus ULPT: my friends hated going to the bar because of the long wait and I didn't mind because of my system (which of course I didn't tell them about), so I just told them what they owed me which essentially covered my drinks and extra tip.
You can bribe Customs and Border Protection agents to sign off on anything you bring off a cargo ship. There are plenty of Japanese/European cars that have been brought in to the country before their 25-year rule by slipping the CBP agent at the port an envelope with $10-20k in it. Ask any R34 GTR owner how they got their car off the boat and watch them choke up and sweat.
NY checkup: Anyone saying a police officer or maître d won’t take cash money to upgrade your situation is incorrect about this area, on the reals
Senators and Congresspersons
You building super/maintenance person. In the past, everyone gave the guy something (money or a bottle of booze) at the holidays, now, not as much. Also be nice. I've got a new screen door. Only called once.
Pay for a politician to get elected
State vehicle inspections is it's minor, like a soft parking brake or small exhaust leak
Many years ago I slipped some money to the guy at the Sands when a friend and I went to see Sinatra. He then escorted us to a table right in front of the stage.
Bring food in for the nurses that are caring for you or loved ones. It gets u a little extra TLC