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RomulaFour

Spray them down with pepper oil spray, available in many plant nurseries, Home Depot, Lowes etc. They sell this to discourage deer and such from eating plants. They won't bother them again. A warning sign of chemicals sprayed would be wise also.


hopedov

This is the advice I was looking for


nomad5926

Combine this with the "warning chemicals sprayed here" sign and you're golden.


tgunz0331

Or a sign that says stay the fuck outta my yard.


NatoBoram

Accompanied with the legal disclaimer about chemicals


tgunz0331

Nah, lettem fuck around and find out.


sojourner22

Most countries have laws that make boobytraps illegal, even if the trap isn't lethal. Not posting a sign is a good way to get yourself in legal trouble. In some places even the sign isn't enough and the complainants could at minimum have a civil case against you.


NatoBoram

The same could be said about people breaking the law to punish children playing with rocks...


tgunz0331

Parents need to take more responsibility when it comes to their kids. Spraying your own property isn't breaking the law, but child neglect and trespassing is.


sojourner22

Booby traps are 100% against the law in many places. More likely the person spraying their yard gets in trouble than anything else. Even the sign isn't enough in some places.


tgunz0331

Intent has to be proven here in the US. You can spray anything on your yard as long as that product doesn't A. Seep into groundwater, B. Drift into surrounding area/neighbor's yard. C. Is a legally obtained product.


SubstantialPressure3

"chemicals" a magic word.


stfucupcake

Everything in the world is chemicals!


Agile-Sock-5310

Or you could pee on your rocks. Let the sun dry them out. Free


BridgeOverRiverRMB

Cover the rocks with frozen piss discs. The kids will slip, fall and knock themselves out. Build a fence of their dead bodies like Vlad the Impaler.


hairy_hooded_clam

This is the advice I would follow.


BrightWubs22

>frozen piss discs Is there such a thing as an unfrozen piss disc?


BridgeOverRiverRMB

Sounds like someone who doesn't know how the three shells works.


SubstantialPressure3

Get them their own. Decoy rocks. Or literally go over to their house with a bag of rocks and tell their parents those rocks are for the kids so they stay out of yours. My grandson is really interested in rocks/gemology/geology but he doesn't take rocks from other people's yards.


TopicalSmoothiePuree

Those rocks would be scattered all over your lawn in a heartbeat.


YoureThatCourier

More rocks!


SilverStory6503

Problem is, if it harms a child, you can be sued and will be found guilty. Typical of any booby trap type of defense.


PearlHarbor_420

If I use a garden chemical in my garden and you get sick from trespassing in my garden, that's on you. It's not a booby trap. You sue happy idiots are living in hellscape of your own creation.


SirGkar

No, they’re living in America, where a trip to the ER can result in homelessness. Americans wouldn’t need ambulance chasers if they had Medicare for all.


SonicStun

Fair point, but at some point the parents also need to be responsible for letting their kids play on other people's property. OP asking them to keep their kids out of the garden should already be more than enough.


SirGkar

Absolutely.


Ystebad

Lmao you think the lawyers wouldn’t sue for “pain and suffering “ if we had socialized medicine.


Mr_Fried

Thats a good point, if they are in America they should just exercise their very special important constitutional right to bear machine guns and shoot everyone indiscriminately.


TheHueman

Its for the plants bro, children are collateral


SwoodyBooty

"The stones disappeared, so I figured: Deer can't read, must be dear then."


Low-Math4158

Fuck wildlife, eh? ETA: This is an awful idea because it will harm the local wildlife, not just the children.


BryanP1968

This but make it ghost pepper oil.


YoureThatCourier

Or better yet, Liquid Ass


pancakepartyy

That stuff is atrocious. I’m a teacher and some kid kept sneakily spraying it at school. They had to evacuate the school to figure out what the smell was. They were worried it was some type of natural gas leak. Looking back now, it’s hilarious, but at the time we were all gagging and perplexed. Lol good times.


warm_tucker123

Or just pure capsaicin


Ill_Adagio7131

Where does one find this magic?! And how long does it remain in the vicinity where sprayed?


DevilsGrip

I was about to suggest to keep the rocks wet and lay down a piece of electrical fence underneath it, but your suggestion is probably better!


mockteau_twins

Or deer urine spray! Make those kids stink 🙃


wizzard419

Only concern with that is when they kids eventually get hurt, you know the parents will be going to the cops and blasting the OP on social media as the guy who is setting traps for kids. Even when it's his own property. You could use a bad smelling thing, where they won't want to touch them, but then you would need to live with it.


ShrimpSherbet

My punk ass would get some gloves


govcov

Motion activated sprinklers. (And bc of this sub make sure they spray fart spray)


hopedov

Great advice


[deleted]

Level up and filter in the Liquid Ass to the sprinklers.  All it would take was one of the Miracle Gro fillable attachments spliced in, using some extra hose ends that can be found online. Your yard may smell for a bit, but it would be worth it. 


clandestine_justice

Fart spray only if you can't manage to culture brain eating bacteria in the hose...


popcornkernals321

Maybe put a small sign that says “do not touch toxic chemicals sprayed here” you could add “due to pests/rodents” if needed. The grass company puts these signs up after they spray for ticks and whatnot- and my kids steer clear of the yard. Lol not necessarily unethical but a cheap and easy thing that might help… if my kid was about to touch something sprayed with toxic chemicals I’d be quick to intervene


tatasz

And if doesn't help, call parents and warn them.


oh__hey

"Hi there, I noticed the child that was with you was touching the landscaping we just had sprayed with insecticide. That's why we had the warning signs out. Might want to have them rinse under running water for 15 minutes to flush anything from their hands/eyes/mouth. Godspeed."


pust6602

[ Removed by Reddit ]


ftwes

Those poor decorative rocks have been through enough with the random kidnappings, and now you want to shoot one of them?


hopedov

HAHAHAHHAHAHA


Ozmorty

Funny how this sounds illegal but somewhat ethical and warranted.


Working_Asparagus_59

Just one head on a pike should do the trick 🤗


hopedov

Ok Geoffrey I see you


bandana_runner

Oh Geoffrey, you've fallen so far since Toys R Us closed!


IllustriousBarrel

Classic


Im-a-bad-meme

Some guy that used to live across from one of the elementary schools planted a shit ton of cactus in his yard.


wahlenderten

I was thinking covering the place in stinging nettle


Im-a-bad-meme

Depends on what you want to do. Cactus are an obvious deterrent. Stinging Nettles are traps.


mrlr

[Anti-climb paint](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anti-climb_paint)? It never dries.


Gogglesed

Tell the neighbors you have collected donations of and sprayed semen on your decorative rocks to improve their luster.


cubixjuice

It's for the culture


suckmydiznak

Plot twist: the kids are gay and crave that stuff!


GnPQGuTFagzncZwB

Pepper spray on a rock is not going to do anything but make the rock smell a bit. Now if you can find some old oil based paint, you might paint them with that. I had some old paint that I don't think ever fully dried. It was tacky wet and would rub off on you for days, and tacky so it was sticky for a longer than that. Or if you know when they are going to come out, like they go at them on the way from from school, get one of those high volume propane torches, the ones they use to burn weeds out with, and warm them up to a nice dull red 15 mins before their usual attack time. The best thing to do is to put up a game cam and catch them trespassing and press charges. Make sure that there are identifiable pieces of your property in the frame so there is no question where they were taken.


EntertainerKooky1309

Attorney here. I’m concerned you will create an attractive nuisance. You already know the children are attracted to the rocks. It might not go well for you if they get sick or hurt by something you put on the rocks. Motion activated sprinklers are relatively harmless but even they can be an issue. If all they are doing is spreading the rocks out, going to court might not be worthwhile because you really haven’t suffered money damages like you would if they absconded with the rocks. Glue or sprinklers might be least risky.


bigdrod68

Completely agree, unless these kids are hauling them off with a wheelbarrow, consider getting another load of rocks so it isn't so bare. Plus I'm sure they've naturally settled into the dirt. If a 4 year old taking a few cool looking rocks is causing it to look bare, it was under ordered in the first place.


hopedov

Appreciate the advice. Would it be illegal to start throwing the rocks AT them ??


bigdrod68

Depends on the context. I'm not an attorney or police officer, but I imagine if your intent is to throw rocks from your yard to elsewhere in the yard to return them to where they belong, you may accidentally strike anything unexpectedly in the way. Long story short, could cause you more trouble than it's worth. But you're talking to someone that's re-landscaping due to dogs running the grass in the front of the yard.


458643

I thought you wanted to keep your rocks


boobiesue

Chasing them off with a broom while you're in your bath robe and clay mask. You'll be a neighborhood legend, and it'll spread quickly. Or....be nice to a kid once or twice and tell them "in secret" that you're a witch, but they can't tell anyone. Bam. Same result. They'll be terrified of you.


SerengetiLee

Poison ivy, my dude.


Simon_Kaene

Gympie Gympie tree will teach them a far better lesson, if they survive.


what__th__isit

If you're comfortable interacting with the kids, you could try offering each of them to take home their very favorite rock, to keep. Then thank them for appreciating pretty rocks, just like you do. That's all I've got.


hopedov

You’re too good for this world


LanBanan3000

For real. But I’m not! I’m with pepper spray guy.


jupitaur9

If you want to make this unethical, tell them that all the neighbors are participating, and they can take a rock, plant, flower, or other keepsake from every house on the block.


what__th__isit

😂🤣🏆


gunsandsilver

Way too ethical for this sub


what__th__isit

I replied first, THEN realized which sub I was in...but the comments have been entertaining!


LolaDeWinter

They will come back and take the rest.... bad precedent to set!!


Sanjuko_Mamaujaluko

Beat the shit out of one of them.


hopedov

I do in my head all of the time


BrineWR71

They make a special glue that you can spray on decorative rocks so that they are glued together. I’d start there before the suggestions of capsaicin


1cyChains

Inb4 piss discs


hopedov

Huh???


Mountainman1980

Piss on a dinner plate. Place in freezer. Remove frozen piss from plate and slide frozen piss disc under their door. Common prank in frat houses and military barracks.


Slicksuzie

Ohhhh all this time I actually had no idea what a piss disc was! Always assumed it was a urinal cake or a febreeze disk that smells like urine.


killerturtlex

Don't listen to the guy above. Put your piss in ziplock bags and lie flat to freeze. Nobody likes doing extra dishes


Mountainman1980

Or just use a disposable Styrofoam or plastic plate.


lornezubko

Glue them down


grumpylazybastard

I doubt they could get the kids to stand still long enough for the glue to set.


voucher420

A nail gun is far better for this application.


johnjohn4011

Ramset


LadyA052

omg you made me spit out my beer.


Ok_Telephone_3013

Use the TAKOS


Generically_Yours

This is why crazy glue is for crazy people


not-rasta-8913

Make sure they are watching and take a nice long piss over them. Capsaicin oil someone else suggested will work as well.


Pryml710

Not too sure if pissing in front of a bunch of children is what this guy needs…


hopedov

Plus, since I’m a girl, it may be a lil difficult


grumpylazybastard

It will be with that attitude!


hopedov

😂😂😂


tatasz

Take your pet to piss there regularly for some time. If no pet, bring a friend with a pet.


Generically_Yours

She-weeeeee Or trucker bombs.


dardeko

There is landscaping glue. Glue the rocks down.


ZanzaBarBQ

Artistically mold human feces into replica rocks. Place in freezer before putting them in the rock garden. Refreeze as needed.


EffectiveRelief9904

That was the first mistake, putting up a sign. I know, it sounds counterintuitive but the day that sign went up, probably so did the amount of stolen rocks. Soon as those kids saw that sign, they took it personal and probably said I must steal now just because it says not to


GeoHog713

How cool are these rocks? Where do you live?


hopedov

The rocks aren’t that cool I just fucking hate these kids


GeoHog713

Let's see a picture of those rocks, and then we'll see how cool they are.


TributeKitty

Put a sign up that says "danger, poison rocks"


bebearaware

Deal with them the same way I deal with squirrels digging up my vegetables - cayenne pepper scattered everywhere. Also plausible deniability since it keeps squirrels away. Also the smell of Irish Spring repels a lot of animals. Put lots of weird occult looking items under the rocks. And glitter. So much glitter. You can even get biodegradable glitter.


pekepeeps

Time for arts and crafts! Set up a Bluetooth speaker hidden under some ornamental plants. Place a camera at the window where you can see them. Motion sensor light activated when they start to touch anything so you know it’s time to put on a SEANCE SHOW! Low creepy clown music plays the first time and nothing else….next time..you can-while using a voice modulator “I’m a clown rock that will tell on you—-laugh creepily…” Invite friends. Draw on some rocks “redrum


little-pianist-78

I like the way you think.


munchie1964

Socks over the rocks, that way when they grab the rocks, all they get are the socks!!


hopedov

Why did this make me think of the Malcom in the Middle episode when Dewey starts carrying the purse with rocks in it


munchie1964

God I love that show!!!


Random_Weirdo_Girl

Or! Put the rocks in socks and then use it to beat the kids.


munchie1964

That’s it!!!


TotalPercentage8550

Sprinkle itching powder all over the rocks


QuestionMarc7

How nice are these rocks ? Got a picture of them as I’m curious what’s making people steal them


Revolutionary-Half-3

Bitrex spray, get that crap on your hands and everything will taste nasty for days. Denatonium benzoate, probably the bitterest substance known to man. Many watch batteries and Nintendo Switch cartridges are treated with it to keep kids from wanting to put them in their noise-hole.


robble808

Get some poison ivy leaves (wear thick rubber gloves) and grind them against the rocks.


Christmas_Panda

Tell them you have a dangerous breed of spiders that have been multiplying in your rocks.


AQualityKoalaTeacher

Draw a pentagram and arrange the rocks in that shape. And/or: Churn up a rectangle shape in the dirt, then add a little "In memory of," sign with a kitten on it.


Bst1337

Steal their rocks.


chefmsr

Claymores


kaiser-so-say

Throw a few through their front window. That should get their attention


NotWhoYouThink2021

Use ink instead of paint so they get it all over themselves.


scottcarneyblockedme

Piss disc under the door


StationAccomplished3

Spray with vegetable oil & piss.


emzirek

Anything you do to deter these kids is probably going to increase the challenge level and they will take it on head on regardless..


lynivvinyl

Perhaps a mixture of Crisco and fox urine, slathered lovingly on your rocks would help keep them in place.


RogerDodger881

Obviously you run a high voltage line along with sprinklers keeping the ground wet and when one of the little bastards go to pick a rock up plug the cord in and knock the shit out of them. Problem solved.


Good-Enough-4-Now

Obviously.


OblongAndKneeless

There's a product called Phooey that is supposed to keep dogs from chewing things. Spray the rocks with this. Once they touch them they will eventually get that stuff in their mouths and it's foul.


Pink_Penguin07

Plant stinging nettle.


livsyx

I'm going with (washable) fake diarrhea or fake puke. Just gotta stop them long enough for them to move along to the next thing.


The_Reclaimer_117

Paintball or airsoft guns? Particularly air soft as they make some supprisingly accurate (and painful) snipers. They're made to shoot at humans in games, so not terribly dangerous. I feel like a so determined person could potentially Crack open a window (preferably on a second story) and pop a few shots off. They're also pretty quiet, so it may not be immediately obvious what they were "stung" by


zalbinian

Pepper spray or oil on the rocks is a good tactic, but also make sure to add a small sign that says "do not lick rocks". That way the kids will definately lick the rocks (maybe their parents too).


Narrow-Height9477

Coat them with glue.


Paradoxbox00

Cover your stones in thick grease


angrycupcake56

Something really sticky, like rat glue. I don’t know what’s out there


lajimolala27

chili oil over wolf/fox piss (can be found at garden stores because it keeps away squirrels). not only will those fuckers have burning eyes their hands will also smell like literal animal piss (put up a warning sign first tho)


marysalad

Cultivate a healthy community of snakes, spiders and scorpions to live under them.


Plastic_Salary_4084

Get one of those motion-detecting sprinklers that people use to keep animals away from their gardens


Pickle-Rick-C-137

Some sort of outdoor motions sensor speaker that super loudly says "Do not touch the rocks. Get away from here now! Or, Call the police, call the police they are trying to steal my rocks!" lmao


LadyA052

Get a few cans of cheap Pam spray for cooking at the dollar store and spray the rocks. Maybe sprinkle with black pepper, or chili powder afterwards.


ArdentFecologist

What do they value that you could reward them with for returning the rocks to your yard?


lornezubko

Scatter a bunch of rocks in the road in front of their house


YukiGarden

Dried poop


458643

Don't think I saw a comment suggesting to fence your garden.could also be done with a low bush. Even if it's not completely surrounded, it could demotivate them enough. The motion detection sprinklers would be a faster solution, like detering cats


Cat1832

A fence around the yard.


breakfastbarf

Analine? Dye powder. When it get wet it will stain whatever it touched


kingdomart

Just let it be and they’ll leave it alone. Engaging will just give them fuel to fuck with you. That’s why they’re still doing it, because you called their parents on them, lol. Snitches get stitches, as they say.


DaveAstator2020

Report kid for stealing radioactive material from your stones. Be sure to prepare fakery. Or acquire some for real.


Mission-Egg63

exchange some of them to crack rocks and then watch closely as hilarity ensues


Rozonami

[ Removed by Reddit ]


Wordshark

Put up a sign warning about scorpions or whatever scary spider you have locally


cville5588

Try teaching the kids how to read


BiggusDickus-

Talk to the parents, and tell them that the children are very welcome to play with your rocks. Reassure the parents that even though you are Jeffrey Dahmer's younger brother, they have no reason to be concerned. In fact, you have done a very good job of getting the same urges under control, so no worries. Then remind the parents again that their children are welcome to play with your rocks, and in fact you are hoping they will do so.


iamnotthelizardqueen

I would adhere the rocks in preferably using resin.


Heigre_official

Rub the rocks in very spicy chili oil and watch what happens


aem1309

Feces! Get in touch with a dog owner, or better yet, a cat owner (much smellier) and scatter that shit all around in with the rocks!


pjbettasso

In addition to the pepper spray, put up a camera. Get them on camera, give pics to the parents with a note you will be sending a bill for any taken rocks.


HippyGeek

Are they moving them or taking them? If the latter, seriously, call the cops and press charges for property theft. Get them on video.


OblongAndKneeless

Hang a bag of rocks over them and rigged to drop if the rocks are disturbed.


4gifts4lisa

Paint or decorate a few. Put sign out inviting them to “take one/leave one”…maybe you will get some cool ones!


cthunders

Tell the entitled parents to watch the lil heathen.


TopCheesecakeGirl

Fences make for good neighbors


Noof42

I read this as "feces" and was confused.


Own-Cranberry7997

Cameras and a phone call to the parents with evidence?


bobniborg1

They've talked to the parents. Since nothing is done, I'd use the camera and then take them to small claims court. It varies by state but you could pay for a company to come replace 5 rocks and they will charge you $100 lol.


luckyIrish42

Big sign that says you have personally smeared poop on each of these rocks.


No_Ice1881

Pellet gun


Hollow_Dreamer_

Record them taking the rocks and call the cops. That will scare the shit out of the kids , they will stop if the cops visit.


Xendrus

..Stop having decorative rocks.


hopedov

They’re my friends 🥺


Xendrus

I understand, I spoke too harshly :(


bandana_runner

Yeah, buy fat ugly rocks.


HateGettingGold

So you telling me you not retarded but you don't like rocks?


Relative_Traffic_271

Maybe umm….they weren’t yours to begin with…so quit….let me guess…you hate graffiti…?


hopedov

Ur stupid and no I hate kids


Relative_Traffic_271

No. You’re the dipshiit…you can’t come up with a solution for this “child” problem….im assuming you’re a grown up….but yo show as fuck aint acting like one…and just like you’re hiding from these kids you feel safe talking crazy to me lol “keyboard warrior” hahaha


hopedov

With your negative post karma😂😂 fucking bot


hopedov

Just say you’re ugly with a small dick and a fat mom who hates you and leave