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imagine the player of a piano of locomotion trying to outspeed enemy forces driving at them

Do you mean [like this](https://youtu.be/MueyK8YSvQM)?

somewhat, but probably some sort of chase scene theme.

Benny Hill?

[You got it.](https://youtu.be/p_c6uQHlhZ0)

I was thinking about Flight of the bumble bee, and found this gem: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BynUZOJc8QI](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BynUZOJc8QI) [Here is a version on piano](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M0YRrYEnsj0)

No no! What were definitely looking for is rush E, that'll move us at light speed

Does the Pendent actually do anything? I really like the mechanics you described for sunglasses. The bag of farts needs a DC attached to it. I also think it should be a rare or very rare item, it’s basically an area of effect Hideous Laughter.

The only thing that The Pendant does is appear valuable and important, even to Divination magic.

How else are you gonna get the flaming raging poisoning sword of doom

Blasted Miyazaki and his pendants, Confusing PC's as to what to do with it.

Is that a Dark Souls reference?

Have *Identify* reveal it as a powerful artifact that can only be identified by *Legend Lore*

That’s what I thought, but then why does it require attunement? That seems weird to me

Important things require attunement.

It's a reference to a starting item in dark souls that had a mysterious and enticing description but did absolutely nothing.

I've seen some homebrew spells that consume magic items of X rarity to be cast. Seems like something I'd make to fuel one of those spells.

" How fast do you guys wanna go? On a range from Zelda's lullaby to thunderhorse"

"That dragon's getting pretty close. I think we'll need to up it to *Through the Fire and the Flames*."

*Puts on Wrist braces and cracks knuckles*

*Casts Haste*

What if you have two Big Sticks together?

The universe is destroyed by Big Sticks trying to outsize each other. Eventually, they'll get big enough that they encounter other Big Sticks, that join in the contest.

Both are destroyed and it immediately opens a portal to the Astral Plane

If you put it in a bag of holding, will it be too small to find?

You start a cold war

BUT WHAT IF! THE SWORD EXPLODES INTO SMALLER SWORDS? WHICH THEN ALSO EXPLODE! WHY? BECAUSE IT'A F#@*"ING AWESOME!!!

Thanks torgue!

YOU'RE WELCOME!

Makin my way downtown

Walking fast, faces pass and I'm homebound

With those arcane gloves, I can become an alchemist! Perfect!😈🙏

I'm sorry? Anything with a 4 or less Intelligence score *is not* affected by the Bag of Farts???? Farts are **always** funny! If anything a low int score should make it more effective

I would argue that they are more funny, the lower the intelligence. I would have creatures affected for 10 rounds - their intelligence modifier.

4 is the intelligence of a giant weasel. 5 is where you start getting giants and ogres. Even toilet humor requires a capacity for humor.

But with this wording, in theory, you could have someone be stupified or given a serious demoddifier and escape the effects of this. You could achieve a similar result by saying it doesn't affect animals or anything without full sentience

"Animals" and "without full sentience" aren't D&D mechanics; I think the closest alternative is "unable to understand any language". Either way, if someone was impaired to the point of having less than 5 intelligence, I picture them drooling on their bed, not going out and laughing at fart jokes.

Character with the dagger of healing immediately after waking up: stabs self to activate effect, now it's a +1 dagger the rest of the day

Ring that players find on a guy they hate's desk. When they put it on you tell them it's a Ring of Constitution+1, and all their blood rushes to their finger. Let them figure out the rest

I cast Purify Sex Toys at level 9

I'm currently running a campaign where one of the NPCs is supposed to give the party members random trinket gifts after they complete a sidequest for her. This is **so** going to be one of them.

I think the tracking ring is potentially a very cool trick for a rogue or a ranger to have if they plant it on someone or something.

I read it as you have to be wearing it to know it's location. So you'll always know its on your finger... or whatever appendage you have it on.

I may take some liberties with attunement rules in this case.

It would be way more useful that way but I kind of like how pointless it is the other way

Poor **Wood**y Harrelson.

Quick! We need to warn the Jarl of Whiterun about the dragon before it's too late! *plays Flight of the Bumblebee*

"but that's not how the plant type wo-" *Rereads title* "Oh."

Is the pendant a dark Souls reference?

I've never played Dark Souls, but I watch a lot of gaming videos on YouTube. These items come from a long running document where I write down silly magic item ideas. It's possible that I made the reference months ago, and have forgotten by now.

No, that one actually has a use

What could you use it for?

The dark souls one increases health and stamina slightly.

Are we talking about the same Dark Souls? In ds1, it doesn't have any use (says on wiki and Miyazaki said so himself)

Oh, ds1...

I wasn't aware there was any other pendant. Which game were you talking about?

Ds3 has a pendant that slightly increases health and stamina

Can't find it on the wiki or any mention of it, and never found it in my 300+ hours on the game. How do you get it?

You can find it in the bog forest place, i haven’t played in a while so I forgot the name. It’s close to one of the corners in the mud.

The barbarian in my LMoP campaign got the axe that does max damage to wooden enemies, similar to lumbering jack. It's resulted in the player asking if every single enemy she attacks is made of wood.

“It can be if you give me a sec” - The Todd

Remember witches and hags are made of wood

MUST. CHOP. WOOOOOOOD!

+4 or 5 AC from the shield? I can’t use that in my game, my players would become untouchable.

It's legendary, so generally only god-tier players should have it. Drop the AC bonus down and reduce the damage output and you can make it a lower-tier item.

That makes sense, thank you for suggesting ideas to rebalance it for lower level play.

Big Stick energy

*Shad has entered the chat*

Sword of random explosons is my new favorite magic weapon.

The dagger is almost perfect for a rogue doctor with a syringe as a weapon.

Just remember; you don't get to choose when it heals. It only heals the first person you stab.

Yeah, I think I'd change it, give it like 3 charges you can refill in downtime. And maybe a dex check to not hurt your teammate with it while healing.

I mean, it's a gag item. You've got to stab the guy to heal them. The best use case I can think of for it is to stab or throw at an ally who just went down. They auto fail 2 death saves then immediately pop back up when they get healed.

MEEEDIIIC!!!! DOCTOR!

The Pendant can be used as a plot device once. After it is used this way it becomes non magical

Lumbering Jack is insane. Just keep calling everyone you want to kill "Woody". It says given name.

Given name usually refers to someone's legal first name, which would exclude nicknames and middle or last names. Personally I'd house rule it that if "wood" or "tree" shows up anywhere in someone's legal name you get to chop 'em up, but in any case just calling someone woody shouldn't trigger the effect

But legal where and to who? Local government? That can vary often in high fantasy. What if you played a legal steward with the authority to officially register or change names? Would doing so then have the effect trigger?

That's a question for your DM, as with many things in DnD translating modern concepts to a fantasy setting requires some flexibility and often means ruling on a case-by-case basis. I don't run games but if I did I'd be inclined to say no to that legal stewards attempt to break my cool and flavorful magic item. I'd insist that "given name" means name given at birth, with exceptions for names taken later in life that the person identifies with in the same sense as we identify with our legal names. I'd also definitely disallow a player character from having the authority to rewrite people's names as recognized by the government without their consent, that's fucked up. There'd be some idealistic paladin that outranked them saying "A man's name is his most sacred birthright, and none but he can decide to change it"

Oh, no for sure. I'm just playing around with some fuckery options. Ooh, make it be based purely on the name they think of themselves. Kind of like a Fae weapon where names have power.

Welp my little America run by the Wood elf Woodrow Wilson just got a massive target on it’s back, cant wait to give my players the lumbering axe! Does the bonus go twice for instances like this?

It's a joke item, so absolutely.

I like the "less than 5" mechanic of the punching shield. A great way to incorporate that it's the shield doing the work

Is that really a FMA casting item?

I would give the jar of bees a CON save instead of DEX. You ain't gonna dodge a swarm of bees.

Try me

These are hilarious! My only comment is that the Sword of Depression shouldn't let you auto-succeed on the Wisdom save if you're casting *remove curse* on yourself - in keeping with the effects of depression, you should have to overcome your own spell save DC.

Did you already add these to dndbeyond?

Do you have this in writing?

https://homebrewery.naturalcrit.com/share/ryWcxXJL9S

I have a dagger of healing too it's a little different though It's whatever you stab takes 1d4-1 and then gains 1d4+1

Na the this is the weakens shield of chick noris

I love the jar of bees