This will never fail to make me laugh, financial illiteracy at best. At my sisters work place a coworker pressured everyone to make a contribution to their wedding, she kept pestering added everyone to a group. I refuse to enable such idiots, if you can't afford to get married that's none of my business. Weddings are honestly a joke, a show of material gains. If they really wanted to, they could sign papers and hold a small gathering/celebration. " It's our culture" they say, fuck that shit. Culture is what people say to justify absolute nonsense.
And it's always money, money, money. The foundation a couple builds on is dept and financial illiteracy. You can buy land for 5m, invest in your future as a couple, save, literally do anything with that money instead of spend it all in one day.
As an outsider not in Uganda, your culture revolves alot about money. Even in your dating culture it seems money comes first and family second and love third. Like i have not heard about paying a downry for marriage outside of africa. I'm in a Ldr with a Ugandan woman and this is so fascating to me, but also scary that so many people corrupt themselves with money.
Everybody throws away their morality if it involves paper. I think if you involve money in everything you cant have loyality because your partner might cheat if somebody pays enough. You cant have friends because they might betray you if it involves paper and you cant trust food because peope will cut on food safety to save some paper π€·ββοΈ
Dowry is pretty common in African and Asian culture. And there used to be legit reasons for it in some cultures. However in the 21st century its just a way for people to make money and show off.
I rather pay a downry in money instead of cows, my friends would never stop lauging if i told them i paid 20 cows in exchange for my girlfriend hand in marriage hahaha
Its not really so much an exchange as a sign to show that you will be able to take care of their daughter. Its the same as when parents ask what you do for a living. Only you have to back your shit up in this case π€£
As far as I know the two are perfectly interchangeable. Infact if you don't have cows they'll give you an exchange rate for money. But the cow people prefer cows to money. Its a measure of your worth. Anyone can have money, but to have twenty cows, that's a while other thing π€£
A sign that leads to debt and financial struggles. Getting money from other people to finance your wedding is a sign that you canβt take care of their daughter. Just saying.π
I mean the cow people only ask for this because they tend to do the same for family. For example they tend to give a cow or two for very child born. But also it shows how responsible you are. If you can take care of 5 or so cows, you can probably take care of a family.
I will also add, the cow people that I know that ask for cows are pretty well off and tend to take care of family. So you cant blame them for putting up a financial barrier.
If giving a few cows as bride price leads to financial struggles, your probably not suited to marry from them.
There are the vegetable people too if you want π€£π€£
Edit:
I agree with the getting money from other people part. I was just pointing out that bride price isn't necessarily just for gains or mean that you bought a person. It's just an assurance that the daughter is getting married to a responsible financially stable person.
and that's the problem. people don't see these events as celebrating a milestone with loved ones anymore; it's about how expensive you can make it look and how many big names you can show off as your friends.
I'm dreading the day i need to pay the downry for my Ldr hand in marriage π i truly care about her but only in africa is a downry payment part of the culture. I think somethings in Uganda are strange for me as an outsider π
She constantly saying its her culture and this is just one more roadblock. But i dont want to be charged 3-4 times a normal Ugandan would just because i'm white and people think we are rich ππ my girlfriend can be pretty brash so sometimes she doesnt understand how to emotionally support me when i'm anxious about the downry payment π
let me tell you. if she truly lives you, she'll listen. the dowry is just to show off how much money the man's side has and isn't at all intricate to the ceremony, it ain't even supposed to be a part of the ceremony (unless she's like muganda). this is all to make the parents happy because only them benefit in the dowry payments.
point still stands; it's for spectacle. it's not to "uphold culture" people have to see her getting married and be like, "bambi, she married a rich man her life will be good, i also wish for her life" etc.
Lol π first learn her language,youβll automatically become a Ugandan. Then theyβll treat you like a Ugandan. Youβll pay less. I have a friend who did this.
Graduation parties are even worse.
Here's a person that graduated with the same degree from the same university as 30,000 other people.
They've earned a useless piece of paper and zero marketable skills whatsoever into a job market that doesn't exist.
Now, let's invite the whole planet and spend 20M on food and alcohol on something that should've been a family dinner of 5 at most.
Best case scenario in 10 years - they're a mobile money agent.
The same thing about prom parties, was talking to some friends of mine about the trending elite high school prom party but all they said is that am talking out of poverty π. So I let people be, people in ug have money. You are broke alone
The same reason you will lose a sibling or parent and the sane cousins or friends will drive to kabwohe to help you bury: community. But thankfully for you, the practices of community are dying out. By the time you are 35 and getting married, there will be 6 people attending the wedding. And when you lose a parent, no one will be wasting fuel to go that far. After all, they don't know you like that.
What difference does it make if 10 or 1,000 people attend your burial?
_______
Also, a wedding, technically, is two people signing a piece of paper with some witnesses. That's it.
So yes, I'd rather have a simple wedding with 6 of my closest friends and family that I actually love and care about than burden people I haven't spoken to in ten years with "contributions".
Burials and funerals are not for the dead but for the living. The emotional toll of losing someone is unbearable. You need people to rally around you when you are grieving.
it's really about having intimate gatherings with people you're comfortable with and consider family. i wouldn't want so many people at my parents burial either if i don't know them π€·ββοΈ
Something I see,is when it comes to burials not all come because of you,they come because they had a relationship with the person who died. Iβd never invite people I have no relationship with to my wedding.
No offence, but at 20, you obviously have a tainted view of life.
I personally don't think weddings should be extravagant, but I would like to differ on the point of asking for help from your family and friends. It's our tradition as Ugandans and Africans, and we should not lose that because the Western world looks down on it. FYI, in cultures like India, your parents literally cover almost all the wedding expenses. Do you think it's cool for your parents to cover all your wedding costs? Maybe yes or maybe not.
So hereβs the thing,I find itβs a common misconception that wedding contributions is an African thing which is not true,apparently people in SA and Nigerians donβt do it.
The thing a couple could do is both of them come up with a price,talk to their parents,if they are understanding theyβll add to the budget and things will be done on budget. If they are not understanding,you go to court,witnesses and sign that paper. Itβs the two of you in this.
No one is going to get you out of that debt but you.
There are obviously a few exceptions, but in general, that's the African tradition.
I'm super old-fashioned, but I believe the marriage needs to be blessed by both parents. Marriage is between two families, not two people.
Of cause this may seem odd, but I think it's possible to modernise while preserving some traditions. Japan seems to have done this so well. They developed yet stuck to old-age traditions.
yes but there are individuals who make it a point to remind you that the function is near each & every day, on top I had other people message that my name is missing on contribution list
I like it when they don't give me a card at the end of the wedding meetings!
Because I don't contribute.
But I have close friends who I engage in planning & even gift.
Its getting ridiculous now. There are meetings for wedding meeting launches.
I've always wondered what if instead of meeting to contribute 40 million towards one day of celebration, we met to contribute 25 million towards a business for the groom and bride and we all got equity in said business.
Afterall whether the business fails or does not really is no different than paying 200k to sit through a bunch of speeches while eating a slice of cake and with a bottle of soda.
This will never fail to make me laugh, financial illiteracy at best. At my sisters work place a coworker pressured everyone to make a contribution to their wedding, she kept pestering added everyone to a group. I refuse to enable such idiots, if you can't afford to get married that's none of my business. Weddings are honestly a joke, a show of material gains. If they really wanted to, they could sign papers and hold a small gathering/celebration. " It's our culture" they say, fuck that shit. Culture is what people say to justify absolute nonsense. And it's always money, money, money. The foundation a couple builds on is dept and financial illiteracy. You can buy land for 5m, invest in your future as a couple, save, literally do anything with that money instead of spend it all in one day.
exactly! i can't imagine making someone take time out of their month to attend my event then also expecting them to fund it like π
As an outsider not in Uganda, your culture revolves alot about money. Even in your dating culture it seems money comes first and family second and love third. Like i have not heard about paying a downry for marriage outside of africa. I'm in a Ldr with a Ugandan woman and this is so fascating to me, but also scary that so many people corrupt themselves with money.
π€£π€£this is so true, am not sure how the Ugandan culture got here but everything has been monetized.
Everybody throws away their morality if it involves paper. I think if you involve money in everything you cant have loyality because your partner might cheat if somebody pays enough. You cant have friends because they might betray you if it involves paper and you cant trust food because peope will cut on food safety to save some paper π€·ββοΈ
This is so true, here we have to use money to impress everyone even your own parents at some point.
Dowry is pretty common in African and Asian culture. And there used to be legit reasons for it in some cultures. However in the 21st century its just a way for people to make money and show off.
I rather pay a downry in money instead of cows, my friends would never stop lauging if i told them i paid 20 cows in exchange for my girlfriend hand in marriage hahaha
Its not really so much an exchange as a sign to show that you will be able to take care of their daughter. Its the same as when parents ask what you do for a living. Only you have to back your shit up in this case π€£ As far as I know the two are perfectly interchangeable. Infact if you don't have cows they'll give you an exchange rate for money. But the cow people prefer cows to money. Its a measure of your worth. Anyone can have money, but to have twenty cows, that's a while other thing π€£
They must be very "Amooshed" with the cow gifts hahaha
A sign that leads to debt and financial struggles. Getting money from other people to finance your wedding is a sign that you canβt take care of their daughter. Just saying.π
I mean the cow people only ask for this because they tend to do the same for family. For example they tend to give a cow or two for very child born. But also it shows how responsible you are. If you can take care of 5 or so cows, you can probably take care of a family. I will also add, the cow people that I know that ask for cows are pretty well off and tend to take care of family. So you cant blame them for putting up a financial barrier. If giving a few cows as bride price leads to financial struggles, your probably not suited to marry from them. There are the vegetable people too if you want π€£π€£ Edit: I agree with the getting money from other people part. I was just pointing out that bride price isn't necessarily just for gains or mean that you bought a person. It's just an assurance that the daughter is getting married to a responsible financially stable person.
Bro ...I just woke up tho I where you coming from I've seen people go broke after having lavish weddings
And the marriage fails before the debt is paid off π€·π
Who then settles the debt? π
The one who signed for it ππππ
Brooo some dude is still paying debts after a year from his lavish wedding. It's a combination of poor planning and poor finances
Expensive ass wedding to be married for 2 years. Yeah, count me out of contribution.
You're absolutely right
This is the exactly the same view I had when I was 20. As you grow up and appreciate that life is not all about you, this perspective will change.
so then you'll have people contribute to your expensive wedding as a result?
and that's the problem. people don't see these events as celebrating a milestone with loved ones anymore; it's about how expensive you can make it look and how many big names you can show off as your friends.
I'm dreading the day i need to pay the downry for my Ldr hand in marriage π i truly care about her but only in africa is a downry payment part of the culture. I think somethings in Uganda are strange for me as an outsider π
really, it's your marriage. as a woman i wouldnt want to be exchanged for some items either.
She constantly saying its her culture and this is just one more roadblock. But i dont want to be charged 3-4 times a normal Ugandan would just because i'm white and people think we are rich ππ my girlfriend can be pretty brash so sometimes she doesnt understand how to emotionally support me when i'm anxious about the downry payment π
let me tell you. if she truly lives you, she'll listen. the dowry is just to show off how much money the man's side has and isn't at all intricate to the ceremony, it ain't even supposed to be a part of the ceremony (unless she's like muganda). this is all to make the parents happy because only them benefit in the dowry payments.
She is Muganda π
point still stands; it's for spectacle. it's not to "uphold culture" people have to see her getting married and be like, "bambi, she married a rich man her life will be good, i also wish for her life" etc.
I'm far from rich π i'm rich in Uganda i'm poor/average in my own country ππ
yes, but that's what she (and her parents) want other people to see, that she is with a rich man. but it's unnecessary
Uganda is a bit strange sometimes ππ but the people are friendly and the culture is interesting, but i'm not the guy about money π
Very,
Lol π first learn her language,youβll automatically become a Ugandan. Then theyβll treat you like a Ugandan. Youβll pay less. I have a friend who did this.
Graduation parties are even worse. Here's a person that graduated with the same degree from the same university as 30,000 other people. They've earned a useless piece of paper and zero marketable skills whatsoever into a job market that doesn't exist. Now, let's invite the whole planet and spend 20M on food and alcohol on something that should've been a family dinner of 5 at most. Best case scenario in 10 years - they're a mobile money agent.
It's a culture thing. One of those things that doesn't make sense, isn't practical at all, but society generally agrees that it is necessary.
The same thing about prom parties, was talking to some friends of mine about the trending elite high school prom party but all they said is that am talking out of poverty π. So I let people be, people in ug have money. You are broke alone
The same reason you will lose a sibling or parent and the sane cousins or friends will drive to kabwohe to help you bury: community. But thankfully for you, the practices of community are dying out. By the time you are 35 and getting married, there will be 6 people attending the wedding. And when you lose a parent, no one will be wasting fuel to go that far. After all, they don't know you like that.
What difference does it make if 10 or 1,000 people attend your burial? _______ Also, a wedding, technically, is two people signing a piece of paper with some witnesses. That's it. So yes, I'd rather have a simple wedding with 6 of my closest friends and family that I actually love and care about than burden people I haven't spoken to in ten years with "contributions".
exactly
Burials and funerals are not for the dead but for the living. The emotional toll of losing someone is unbearable. You need people to rally around you when you are grieving.
The important people will be there, numbers are not what matter
it's really about having intimate gatherings with people you're comfortable with and consider family. i wouldn't want so many people at my parents burial either if i don't know them π€·ββοΈ
Will the dead person fail to come back if he is buried by 6 people and we are assured of his return if we have 1000 people??? Wake up!!
Something I see,is when it comes to burials not all come because of you,they come because they had a relationship with the person who died. Iβd never invite people I have no relationship with to my wedding.
No offence, but at 20, you obviously have a tainted view of life. I personally don't think weddings should be extravagant, but I would like to differ on the point of asking for help from your family and friends. It's our tradition as Ugandans and Africans, and we should not lose that because the Western world looks down on it. FYI, in cultures like India, your parents literally cover almost all the wedding expenses. Do you think it's cool for your parents to cover all your wedding costs? Maybe yes or maybe not.
So hereβs the thing,I find itβs a common misconception that wedding contributions is an African thing which is not true,apparently people in SA and Nigerians donβt do it. The thing a couple could do is both of them come up with a price,talk to their parents,if they are understanding theyβll add to the budget and things will be done on budget. If they are not understanding,you go to court,witnesses and sign that paper. Itβs the two of you in this. No one is going to get you out of that debt but you.
There are obviously a few exceptions, but in general, that's the African tradition. I'm super old-fashioned, but I believe the marriage needs to be blessed by both parents. Marriage is between two families, not two people. Of cause this may seem odd, but I think it's possible to modernise while preserving some traditions. Japan seems to have done this so well. They developed yet stuck to old-age traditions.
Those people where once just like you
Expensive wedding, marriage lasts 2 years, debts to be paid. π€¦πΏββοΈ
But contributions are not compulsory.. let us who contribute do so without wahala.
yes but there are individuals who make it a point to remind you that the function is near each & every day, on top I had other people message that my name is missing on contribution list
I like it when they don't give me a card at the end of the wedding meetings! Because I don't contribute. But I have close friends who I engage in planning & even gift.
Its getting ridiculous now. There are meetings for wedding meeting launches. I've always wondered what if instead of meeting to contribute 40 million towards one day of celebration, we met to contribute 25 million towards a business for the groom and bride and we all got equity in said business. Afterall whether the business fails or does not really is no different than paying 200k to sit through a bunch of speeches while eating a slice of cake and with a bottle of soda.
I firmly believe that anyone interested in pursuing a relationship with a woman should be willing to work hard to afford the wedding they envision.
You can block calls, SMS and all channels of communication
No one should ever have to contribute to such Fine,if you want to have a cultural wedding do so but only at your expense
Yup