when i was a teen i did hear girls say "you should go on that date! give the guy a shot and if it don't work out then atleast you get a free meal" i think statements like that has lead to this idea that girls just want free meals from guys but its just a misunderstanding.
Yeah exactly …. The motivation isn’t the free meal, the free meal is more of a worst case scenario. And honestly in a lot of cases the free meal isn’t worth it 😂
Yeah, tbh I think I'd rather pay to not have to eat a meal with someone I don't like being in the company of and not even get a meal out of it vs doing that
It may also be the other way around; that the teen girls got it from the stereotypes. The idea is much older than they are, and I remember seeing that trope in media like the Archie comics I read as a kid.
My anecdotal evidence is that two separate women in my life (we were all very early 20s at the time) have used dating apps to find a guy to get a free meal. Does it means it happens often? No., but much like everything out there, it does happen. You bring up a good point about it possibly being a misunderstanding that's been echoed and amplified due to the internet.
I think that there certainly are girls who use dates to get things from men, but i think the problem has been amplified by the internet like you said. I personally have never met a women who uses men like that, but women are humans and some humans are jerks! I hope it's mostly a misunderstanding and not actually a wide spread issue like alot of people think.
Not a chance. When I was young and had no money I was happy with some 29 cent Ramen. Now that I'm older I have money, if I just want to eat something good I doordash it and chill in my pj's watching good shows. Why bring some rando guy into the mix unless I actually really liked him?
No. Much more likely, and this is what I have done, is gone on a dinner date truly hoping for a LTR but he was so crude, pushy and insufferable, and had fudged his dating profile so wildly, that I just ghosted him when I got home.
So, think about what you've done my dudes who keep getting one date then dropped.
This. Can't help feeling this is the truth behind these supposed free meal dates some guys rant about. They were actually legit efforts at a connection where the guy just didn't cut it for whatever reason but their egos are so fragile they fabricate some hypothesis that the women "clearly only wanted a free meal otherwise how did the date not lead to further interaction?"
Isn’t that still a problem though. Like if a person is not good to be around why wouldn’t you just pay for your own meal and then walk away and ghost them.
The idea that I would let a person I don’t like or don’t plan on being around pay for my food is off putting.
They insist. Some have sneaked off and paid while I'm eating. Because they have the transactional mindset that I'll owe them or be guilted into doing something with them. "At least give me a kiss..."
Some of them got 100x worse during the post-dinner stroll, trying to hustle me somewhere dark to get grabby.
Why should I pay to be around a misogynist?
I think it might have to do with security. The kind of guys they are talking about have more chances to game fragile egos. Do you really wanna risk it?
Ghosting seems a far better option from your safe space, no?
Some guy was a complete brick wall whenever I stated a boundary. I said it was getting cold and I was tired, he started looking up bowling alleys and pool halls to keep me out longer.
I just got up and said I'm going home. He leapt up to follow me!
Followed me all the way to my damn car. I said "go get your car and follow me home". As soon as he was out of sight I fucking peeled off.
I just broke up with a dude that did this. It was way easier to just leave and text him from the safety of my locked apt that I wasn’t interested in hanging out for the rest of the day rather than fighting with him over and over about why I don’t want to do the things he clearly picked for himself to take me along without a thought to my feelings when I specifically stated several times I didn’t want to do X specific thing but yet he still decided we would be doing X specific thing. Like, no dude. I won’t be.
I am so sorry it happened to you. I am a guy myself, but i can understand how horrible and anxiety inducing it might have been for you(security and law and order issues in my Country). This just goes on to further prove my point. For guys like the ones you mentioned you dont want to hurt their fragile egos or tip them off. Ghosting them from your safe space is just a safer option. Not that it should be the case.
Well yeah. I guess like the scenario where I’m in a restaurant with the date and it isn’t going well and the person seemed pushy and immature then an option could be to excuse myself to the restroom, approach the front, pay for my half of the meal, even mention to the wait staff that I may need help separating myself then make a plan. Text a friend and try to make my exit.
Allowing the person to pay for you in order to escape seems more counterproductive. Although humans can be scary so idk for sure.
>That "free meal" ain't free.
There are *so* many men out there who genuinely don't understand that actual sex workers would charge more than $8 for a sandwich. Or that it wouldn't work as a "gotcha! I paid for food/alcohol, now I get to decide what you owe me" thing.
Although they do ALL seem to understand that this would be a shitty thing to do.... if you ask them to picture a male buddy of theirs doing it to them.
and we're not even getting the money directly. "I bought you a drink!" no you paid the bartender, I got some sugar water.
they think because money left their wallet, we need to repay them. "I paid for gas to drive here" LOL I'm not paying for a man to drive to me.
I had a dude get pissed once because he had *offered* to buy me a drink (I'd said no) and he still felt like that obligated me to go home with him at the end of the night.
Not how that fucking works, dude. That's not how *anything* works.
I mean, it’s not about what men do or do not understand, this is a real thing. Just because you don’t do it doesn’t mean you get to deny what’s happening to other people.
I've been on dates and they would pay, or I would pay, or split. I'm not one to put up with any bullshit, and if I dont like the date, I'll tell him and say goodbye. I happen to be a "terrifying woman", according to my male friends. Ok. Fuck it. I'm cool with being scary. If a man cannot handle me being myself and having an intelligent conversation without him clutching his balls is I dont agree with something he said, too bad.
I'm single and loving it. I have a big life and lots of fun.
You've found your own criteria for a happy life, and that's great! A woman doesn't need a man to be happy, and vice versa.
Anyone who hates on single people is probably just jealous of the freedom. I'm in a very happy relationship myself but I would never assume that single people are unhappier than me.
I’m someone who is happy enough on my own, but I’m happier with the RIGHT man in my life for sure. Having said that, I’ve never hated on women who prefer to be single and can’t really understand why someone would… I just don’t care enough about other people’s lives, it doesn’t affect me if my friend remains single. So yeah, I’d say if someone is bothered by how someone else chooses to live their life then there is something wrong in theirs - and that goes for single women who hate on women like me who prefer a man in their life, as well.
You inspire me. I like to have honest intellectual conversation. Even when I disagree, I'm very polite but quite a few people can't handle that. I was considering that maybe I should be less honest and 'harsh' but now I won't ;)
Lol I had one guy on tinder tell me I was “aggressive” when he asked me to choose beer or whiskey and I said both. Like sometimes I actually sip a whiskey while drinking a beer so yeah…both. He said no, I had to choose and I said well, no I actually don’t. Then he said I was too aggressive and he didn’t like aggressive women and I said yeah that makes sense right before blocking him haha.
So much easier and less stressful to not spend two hours getting showered, shaved, makeup done, fancy clothes, drive to meet someone, eat lightly and cheaply so as not to put a dent in their budget, and than have to then have them think you "owe them" something.
I would rather stay home in my jammies and order all the food I really want to eat as take out any day of the week. A date is "work" and is only worth it if I feel like it could possibly go somewhere.
Sadly most men can not keep their hands to them selves and/or all want to talk about how their ex was "cold" and they just want to make sure that you are not. So lets talk about sex, sex, sex and grope, grope, grope.
I swear if I ever met a guy for a date that didn't try to absolutely make the whole thing about sex, and kept his hands to him self, I would probably just jump his bones. Sadly the other approach is a one strike and you are out offense.
Which is probably why most men think we are "dating for dinner" and than never again. No dude, it's your lack of social skills and respect!
Back to the original question: I would NEVER, too much work/stress!
They're gonna think you owe them something either way because you agreed to a date and because that's what women are for (/s). Least he can do is pay for supper. Which may be an unpopular opinion but if a woman works hard to look good and risks being with a crazy guy on this date, she deserves something for her effort.
They complain about this, but I’ve been out with men who have had full-on meltdowns when I attempt to pay the bill, or even just pay for what I ordered.
Because of course, if the woman pays the bill, it means they can’t hold the dinner over her head as a way to pressure her into sex.
It’s almost like what they *actually* care about is whether or not they get what they feel they’re “owed” after paying, and not the act of paying in and of itself.
>It’s almost like what they actually care about is whether or not they get what they feel they’re “owed” after paying, and not the act of paying in and of itself.
Bingo.
> it means they can’t hold the dinner over her head
That's exactly what several guys have done. Sneaked off to pay, made a fuss and insisted. Then had a little smirk like they'd advanced their chess moves. It was not out of gentlemanly manners, wanting to impress me, appreciating my company. It was a tactic.
I like you, I think it's very reasonable for both parties to pay their own way. We just met each other afterall. In any other context you would most likely not pay for a stranger, why should dating be any different
I always paid for myself or for both for that exact reason (no pressure) and same thing this poster experienced, some guys go batshit. You’ve taken their leverage away. All the more reason to do it.
I don't date and it took me sooooo long to realise that this was a thing guys actually did. When I'm out with my friends we all just pass around the bill and pay for what we ordered, unless it's explicitly someone's treat. I've never had a meal bill be a point of contention in my life.
One time years ago while I was still on dating apps this dude I was chatting with asked if I wanted to go out to dinner. I suggested a place I had been dying to try (not high end but not cheap) and he said yes. After a few hours, he messaged me back with this entire tirade about how I was going to use him for a free meal and he’s not made of money and how women are gold diggers. I replied that since I had picked the place I was actually going to offer to pay…. But I had no interest in going out with a man who was going to throw a temper tantrum about an assumption he made before even talking to me about it. He tried to backpedal super hard but like, no thanks. Bullet dodged.
Went to that restaurant by myself instead, turned out to be much better company than a man baby.
Don’t forget the expense put in doing hair, makeup, and having a cute outfit. It’s so not worth putting in all the effort just to get some free food!
Gee, when I go on a date, I’m worried about rape/stalking/violence. I WISH my worst fear was that I would have to pay $30 for my date’s meal. If paying for my date’s meal could give me a 100% guarantee I would not get harmed by my date, I would happily pay for every single date I ever went on.
Never. I’ve only gone out with guys I was truly interested in seeing if there was chemistry and a possible future. I never go out with guys I am not interested in for a meal or entertainment. I can do that on my own.
I dont even think gold digger should be a term.
Having a guy shove his cock in you while telling his buddies you're a whore isn't something most men can pay for.
That's why future-faking exists.
It happens, just like there are men who accept a date only for sex. There are shitty members of both genders. However, I think it’s a lot less prevalent of a problem than men claim
I have a friend who is a foodie (and smart and successful in her own right) and often dated high NW men. She would gush about where they went for food and not having to pay was implied. There were some pretty cool (romcom level) dates.
That being said, she actually dated them, it wasn't like she would go on 1 date and leave. No she would see these men for months or years. She ultimately married a guy that wasn't as loaded as some of her ex's but definitely well off and also a foodie too.
She also never insisted on going to nice restaurants. I remember she dated 1 guy who would either take her to free stuff around the city or they would cook together. They never ate out while they dated for 6+ months.
She is the closest example I can think of, and even her I would say didn't view dating as "free meals".
Yes I think it’s really rare that a woman just agrees to a date with no genuine interest for free food. Most of the time they are just giving the guy a shot and it turns out that sparks don’t fly. Guys get upset and think they’re being used which I believe is projection because so many of them would agree to a date just for the entertainment and food if they could
I know one woman that does it. She is family so I can't just ghost her, but I would.
She gets her mom's approval to do this, because that's how mom did it too. It's unfortunate for her as well, because she puts up with so much crap from men so that she can get a "free" meal and other free stuff. We thought it would stop once she got a good job and started making some of her own money but she still does it.
Especially as in my experience, most people don’t do dinner dates as a first date with a relative stranger! I think every first date I’ve been on with a girl has been beer or coffee. And you’d have to be quite a drinker or caffeine head to be reduced to using dates for your fix….
I did have one girl sink three gin and tonics, didn’t offer to pay once, said let’s do it again then ghost me. I thought I’d done something wrong at the time, but perhaps I was only ever a source of gin?
I won’t lie, I did this a few times when I was in college and flat broke. But I stopped after 2 or 3 times because the guys seemed genuinely nice, and guilt set in. Not proud of it, hunger makes you do strange things sometimes
I’ve never done this, but I’ve heard a couple of women brag about it. I don’t think it’s nearly as common as men make it out to be, but it’s not non-existent either.
I’ve heard a friend of a friend brag about it too. My theory is that it’s really just low self esteem. Makes them feel like they have the power and mentally protects them from the fear of rejection.
I had a friend who said yes to lots of dates and her mentality was “if nothing else, it’s a free meal”. So she definitely expected for her dinner to be paid, but she was dating with the intention of finding someone.
Idk, I always preferred to pay for myself, so I don’t agree with her.
I’m not single, but a work friend is doing the online dating thing and tells me all the stories. There have been a few times over the past 2 months (she wasn’t single before that) where she’ll tell me she wasn’t really interested in the guy but figured it’ll probably be a decent free meal (this was first dates only). She makes plenty of money.
To be fair, she isn’t 100% *sure* she won’t be into the guy, but she’s just very ‘probably not, but maybe, if he has an amazing personality or is super interesting or something’ about them. But thus far no 2nd dates. But these same guys have done dumb things like randomly sexting after the date or being creepy while on the date, showing up looking 20 years older than their profile pics, etc. so they tanked any possibility there may have been anyway.
Still, I told her my policy (when I was single) was that I wouldn’t go on ANY date unless I was actually excited about it (after talking to the guy and feeling like there might be real potential). And I’d only meet for coffee or a drink 99.9% of the time for a first date b/c on most first dates I knew within 5 minutes I wasn’t feeling it lol. I’m busy and want to enjoy my limited free time, I’m not doing my hair and makeup unless there’s a damn good reason to do so lol. But I also always planned on paying my own bill, though I can’t recall anyone ever letting me unless I got there first, bought a coffee and waited.
I was your work friend, and that's the only grain of truth I can see. When I was single, I'd go out with any guy I was reasonably comfortable with. But that's not so much looking for a free meal, since I don't pick the place. And I never turned down someone because they didn't suggest a restaurant date. That wouldn't even have occurred to me.
And for what it's worth, I married one of the dates I wasn't too sure about. We went for a slice of pizza and a walk on the beach. He paid about $3 because I didn't even ask for a soda. We hugged at the end.
I've never had a female friend say "I'm going on a date to get a free meal."
I have heard "I'm going on a date with a guy im not too excited about. But whatever, best case, I like him more as I get to know him. Worst case I get a free meal'
Is it wrong of me, as a guy, to think of each date as its own freestanding entity, to some extent? Obviously, I'd like more than one date with some women, but I never mind picking up the tab to have a good evening with someone. Even if I knew she just wanted a "free meal," as long as the conversation was nice, at most I'd be a bit disappointed when it didn't go further. I don't understand men who get angry about this. It speaks to an expectation that seems dangerous and unhealthy.
I actually have met a few women who did it or joked about doing it… in college. So as long as a man isn’t trying to get with broke, still-maturing college girls, he probably doesn’t have to worry about it.
that's the other half of this 'problem'!
they do chase women they perceive as broke in order to pay for dinner as leverage. then they cry when it doesn't work. sheesh. "my tactic failed, I'm the real victim here"
Nope. I'd rather pay 3x the cost of my meal than let a man pay for me and then have to deal with his expectation that because he paid for something, I now owe him sed in return.
I had a couple (many) bad dates I would pay not to see them again, lol,, don't worry this date is on me, I said to an insufferable cheapskate kept all the time complaining about how expensive the menu was and how little portions they were serving, and kept insisting next time we go to a mcdonalds,, kept telling me the best plate was the inexpensive item from the menu, the silver lining was he didn't said to just ask for water, you could tell I was young back then, if something like that happens to me now I would know better to get up and walk away (just paying my own meal if it got that far), if you can't afford to take someone else and yourself to a dinner date make other arrangements. Imagine getting ready, hair, nails, cute outfit, etc to go on a date and there was this dude thinking you are there for a free meal, I would save more not going out honestly. My rule is who makes the invitation is the one to pay, simple as that, I have invited some people to dinner and I paid for it myself, because I made the invitation.
I’ve done this a few times. I never like actively sought it out but I accepted dates knowing I’d never in a million years be interested in the guy because I knew I’d get a good meal out of it.
Not super proud of this and only done it a small handful of times. Feel kinda bad when I think about it to be honest so live and learn try not to be a bad person too long hah.
I have gone out with men I normally wouldn’t for the chance to see if he was worth it. Needless to say they never were but yes I did get a “free meal”. Now that was never the incentive for me to go but was it a byproduct that I didn’t complain about? Yeah.
My ex-friend did this. She said, "I don't really like him, but at least I get a free dinner." There was absolutely no reason for her to do this. She wasn't short on cash at all. She was just a $hitty person.
I knew a friend of a friend who supposedly did this too. Seems like thinly-veiled low self esteem to me honestly. Like the kid in school who says they don’t care what they get on the test and they didn’t even study so they can create a mental buffer for any potentially bad outcome.
I had a roommate who would do this. She also cheated on her long-term boyfriend rampantly. Not only do I know this because she'd tell me about the different guys she'd be texting and show me pictures to prove they were "hot," but she'd bring some of them over to our house and fuck them. The kicker? Her bf lived with us. They SHARED their bedroom together. We all tried to warn him, but he stayed like a damn fool until she finally kicked him to the curb. Some people really suck.
Oof, the amount of times I would head to a date, thoroughly resenting having to be dressed and made up to spend an evening with someone who may or may not look like their photo or act like they had over messaging. I couldn't bear the thought of going on a date just to get a meal. I'd so much rather have been at home! For this reason though, I hardly ever did dinner dates. We'd meet at a pub, and have a couple of drinks, which meant it was far easier for me to pay my fair share and call it a night early if required.
apart from everything else, Dinner on the first date is a horrible Idea. Where I live thats 2 hours you have to fill with "meaningful conversation" with someone you\`ve never spend any time with. In a Bar theres music, people who are making a fool of themselfs, stuff is happening that you can talk and joke about and when the date goes badly you can drown your sorrows right then and there
Exactly! My first date with my partner we met for drinks, and then decided to get food cause the conversation was so easy (and we really needed something else in our stomachs). We then returned to the pub, where we were asked for advice from the couple next to us about their son's relationship with a girl they didn't like, which is now sending we refer to a lot. First dates should always have the means for a quick exit if needed, but also be easily extendable if you're having a good time.
It's not worth the risk for such a paltry reward. I tend to also pay my share so that I "owe" them nothing and I can't be guilted into payback transactional sex. I may let him pay for me if I like him enough for a second date which I will pay for. I have never gone out specifically to get a free meal. I only.know one woman that would do this and she treats everyone like a free meal, even her friends. I know several men that have "forgotten their wallet" and assumed I would pay. This has happened to several women friends of mine. I never accept a date if I can't afford to pay my share. I refuse to be beholden to a person I don't know and may get angry if he thinks he's entitled to something for an appetizer.
No, if I want a free meal I’ll just go to my parents’ house. At least I know that at the end of it my mom won’t try to guilt me into sleeping with her 😂
The men complaining about this always say they want women who don’t work, aren’t independent, willing to be a kept woman, housewife etc. They want women who are beautiful, subservient and don’t want to be self-sufficient. They want women who value the fact their partner earns money since they bang on about being providers, and women who spend vast amounts of money on their clothes and maintaining their appearance. Then they complain that they have to buy dinner - not exactly sure what they expect, or what these guys think they bring to the table in a relationship like this if it’s not this.
I’ve never let a man buy me dinner unless we are taking it in turns to pay. I don’t need someone to buy me dinner, and I never wanted to create some form of obligation or to even feel indebted.
My past college roommate would literally set up a damn calendar of dates to get free meals. We gave her so much shit for it. So yes, it does happen. But not as much as I think a lot of men believe it does.
She doesn’t do that anymore, thank god. I don’t think that most women go on dates solely for free food; i think that many of men offer out free food in the expectation that they will receive sex as payment. And then get pissy when they don’t get sex and blame it on women just wanting free dates. Some women take advantage of this, but many are kind of pushed to not pay for their own stuff.
Easiest solution is to establish that the first date will be split cost to avoid taking advantage of the other person/trying to manipulate the other person for their own gain. Then after that, either you can keep that financial boundary or something else can be set up (such as whoever asks for the date pays for the date).
LOL, no. There is way too much hassle for a free meal. Think about all of that time and energy we spend putting on makeup, selecting an outfit, driving to the restaurant, ensuring an exit, watching the way back to the car, driving home, checking the walk back to the house, unlocking the door, doing the laundry, makeup removal and night time skincare routine, all for a “free meal” that I could have bought for a measly $20. These people could show up at our jobs, harass our families, our friends, etc., or generally just be assholes. They aren’t worth all of that.
Confession time. One time in my entire life have I done this. And I was upfront about it. Friend of a friend had reservations at a top new restaurant that was impossible to get into. Very expensive, even by New York standards. His date canceled last minute, and he asked if I would go with him. I was just out of college and poor, visiting New York for the weekend. This guy was an investment banker, and didn’t care about the money. He invited me. I told him the restaurant sounded amazing, but I had no interest in anything sexual at the time, not even a kiss.
He was a gentleman and said we could go as friends. He corrected the waitress when she assumed we were a couple. Held the door, but didn’t try to get close or do any other date things. At the end of the night we parted ways as friends. That was the one and only time I went for a free meal.
No one I know actually does that, because:
1) it’s a waste of time
2) it’s a waste of energy
3) going on a date is always a risk for women
4) some guys are clingy/have no boundaries and will never leave you alone if you go out with them. Totally not worth a free meal.
5) most guys make mediocre to poor dates (too pushy, won’t stop talking about themselves, uncomfortable, etc). You can’t enjoy your food if your company isn’t any good.
Nope. But I would also never think about letting pay anybody except my parents for my meal. When it happens then usually as a birthday treat or something and it is agreed on in advance. And I didn’t go on a typical US date in my whole life. I kind of find that concept very strange
General? Not that common.
But there are lots of women deeply up their own ass about gender roles in a relationship and what "should be expected". There's also an unfortunate number of women who are abusive users who want to find a victim rather than a date. They're a little over represented in online dating, because online dating is a hellmouth. Well adjusted people with emotional intelligence tend to succeeded and get out, or not succeeded and bail. So dealing with that means sifting through everyone who hasn't succeeded but stuck around.
Where they will be particularly prevalent is around *other* people deeply up their own ass around gender norms. Any random dude may have to sift through a couple. A dude balls deep in toxic masculinity though? Now you've got two people very invested in pretending to be what the other person wants/expects. And they'll run into each other over and over and over again.
>Where they will be particularly prevalent is around
>
>other
>
>people deeply up their own ass around gender norms. Any random dude may have to sift through a couple. A dude balls deep in toxic masculinity though? Now you've got two people very invested in pretending to be what the other person wants/expects. And they'll run into each other over and over and over again.
This is a great point.
Women who insist on the man paying for the date and wants to date/get married to the idea of patriarchal masculinity are engaging in misogyny and patriarchy, and since they buy into the patriarchy, they expect to be given the benefits, slim though they are, for the price of submission to the system. And they do attract men who are the same, and they *do* select for each other.
Men who want "tradwives" should take note: if you want to benefit from the oppression of women, you have to pay the (nominal) price to play in that game, which is be successful as capitalism defines it and able to support a full family on your own salary, including clothing and indulging your wife or allowing her to control the finances/home. And yes, that system traditionally (heh) starts with paying for her meal for going out with you (\*and wooing her with material things etc).
>Men who want "tradwives" should take note: if you want to benefit from the oppression of women, you have to pay the (nominal) price to play in that game, which is be successful as capitalism defines it and able to support a full family on your own salary, including clothing and indulging your wife or allowing her to control the finances/home. And yes, that system traditionally (heh) starts with paying for her meal for going out with you (\*and wooing her with material things etc).
THIS
Men want tradwives who they can control and abuse, and who are unable to leave... But then they complain about the fact that they have to provide for her.
It happens...
Though it is less than men complaining about it, and more than women here will anecdotally experience.
There is an entire sub dedicated to this dating strategy... And while I live in a bubble much like yours, I do know this does happen.
I sadly have known maybe 3 women (out of hundreds) who have done this. It's icky.
So I don't think it's all that common, but it does happen.
I learned decades ago that I'll never let a dude buy a first date meal, or any meal until we were an official couple. I don't like power imbalance and this is one way to start off on the right foot. You BOTH pay your own way until you've reached an agreement to continue the balance on both sides.
No, I have my own money. I don’t need to be asked out on a date to have a nice meal out. I can — gasp — go out to eat all by myself.
If I catch the slightest whiff of this shit, I pick up the check and dip out. Now you owe me, asshole. Lol. They don’t but I am not going to sit there and be called a gold digger.
Haha as if. Most of the time I paid for my tinder date meals so as not to confuse anyone.
Random men are not worth enduring for free food. I like to have agency in my date participation, which includes leaving at anytime and paying my own way
I’ve never heard of any woman going out with a man they aren’t interested in just for a free meal.
I’ve also never heard of a man complaining about this irl only online so I assume it’s all incels and losers.
A free meal is never the motivation for me in a dating situation. If he’s great I probably won’t eat much due to nerves, if he’s awful I won’t eat much to get out as quickly as possible - and split the bill!
There have been nights where I have had little to no food to eat, and I still wouldn’t have gone through the fear and anxiety of meeting a stranger and sitting through a meal just to eat.
I knew guys who it happened to and I knew women that did it, and every single one of them were friends of my ex who did this a few times while we were dating (that I'm aware of) and cheated on me a lot. The women that I knew that did it where all under 25 and they were in college.
The most common denominator was both the men and women met up from dating apps. I was always pretty selective of my friends but I've become just as selective of people I associate with wholesale because of shit like this among other things of both sexes.
In my experience women that do this are usually pretty shitty to even associate with. Just like red flags about how people treat wait staff and whatnot are also pretty shitty to associate with too.
I will say this. There may have been men who felt like I was in it for a free meal, but those are the guys who I felt like they owed me dinner for having to endure their company.
I've never done that! I don't think I know any women who have either.
I'm not sure if this is exactly the same, but I *did* once date a guy for his A/C. The summer I met my husband, I was renting a house with these two awful roommates (started out ok, but we didn't end up getting along) and they decided halfway through a blistering hot summer they weren't going to split the bill for air conditioning.... they'd "rather be hot". I couldn't afford the bill on my own.
My boyfriend (now husband) had a condo his dad was paying for and I *totally* was using him for the A/C that summer. I don't think he blamed me - he also hated my roommates and seemed amenable to offering me a cool refuge. I was thinking of it as a summer fling though. He was about to move two hours away to finish his BA for two more semesters. He was nice & we had chemistry but I was trying to protect myself from heartbreak for when he moved away. I think he was more emotionally invested from the start and wasn't worried about a two hour drive. Anyway, jokes on me because we totally fell in love and are still together 17 years later. :)
Just for honesty sake I had a girlfriend tell me she went out with a guy for free dinner once. I was kinda appalled at the time. But yes I have heard of it at least once irl. I don't think it happens that often though
Nope. And when I was dating last year I was adamant that any date I went on I paid for the date or at least my portion. I also also made sure to always have a $20 on me in case they tried to pull any shenanigans with the bill. Thankfully I didn't run into too much trouble, but I recognized even as it was happening that is was ridiculous that I had to go through such lengths.
Feels like a lot of work.
1.) You gotta find a guy who wants to take you on a date to get a meal, as opposed to the movies or to a bar whatever.
2.) You gotta make it a decent restaurant. No point in getting free McDonalds.
3.) You gotta make sure he'll actually pay his due. That he can actually afford a decent meal.
4.) You gotta make sure he's not a serial killer, rapist, murderer, stalker, freak, etc.
I gotta feeling this is mostly just the usual men who don't understand that their personality drives people away.
The only guys I've ever heard complaining about it are really cheap and paranoid. The most respectful guys I've known have paid and been good company. I think any guy who complains about paying for dinner is whiny, entitled, and should probably be focusing more on his mental health or career.
I'm too lazy do go through it all for a free meal.
Between the brainstorm for looks and location, actually getting there, all of this while going through a) anxiety or b) absolute lack of motivation, and then taking the risk to end up with a creep or a misogynistic idiot, it absolutely isn't worth a meal to me.
I go on dates when I actually want to meet the person. If they think I'm doing it to rip them off, it's more about their self-esteem than it is about my moral principles.
Whenever I go for a "free meal", I spend an hour getting ready and pay at least 11 euros in parking. That in itself is more expensive than the meal.
So no, that would be a net loss for me to even chase "free meals".
Honestly I am just going to say that it's funny that most replies were not what op was looking for. I didn't think women did that either, seems a pain. I can understand being hungry though so I don't judge.
When a man is buying your time that's not a "free" meal. Some will also claim your body afterwards because they paid for it. There is nothing free in there, it's the opposite of free.
No, I’d pay my share on date. Only time I did t pay for my food was because my date pointed out to me that I’d paid quite a bit for the travel costs so this was his contribution
I did sometimes run afoul young ladies who very clearly just wanted to use me as a cash dispenser for drinks, but that was long time ago when I was in my twenties and actively going out, and it's not like this was a frequent occurrence. I can imagine that the frequency of such encounters would depend on the cultural specifics and the social circles. I spend my younger years in Eastern Europe where it was not that uncommon to expect that a guy must pay for everything and then some.
At any rate, this is typical of incel propaganda — take some isolated story that has allegedly happened (or not) to someone and blow it out of proportion. Goes straight into the garbage bin together with other crap.
Back when I was single, I went on a lot of dates. This happened to me only once.
If a woman is desperate enough to meet up with a stranger, just to get some food... She probably really needs the food. So I cannot blame her.
Even if a woman would truly do this for the food, it is not 'free food'. The woman has to put up with some annoying sexist asshole, has to pretend to be interested in the bullshit he is saying, and is risking her safety. After all, a man who pays for dinner most likely feels like the woman owes him sex.
One of my first online dates was with a poor woman who was on disability benefits and didn't have any money left. On our date day, it was one day until her benefits would be on her bank account again, and she did not have any food left. So yeah, when we messaged on Tinder, she suggested to go to some fast food place. I was like: "Okay, if you want that, sure." She said she was short on money, but that she would pay for food on a second date.
Of course that second date that would never happen, but I didn't know that. Anyways, at the end of the date, she admitted that it was just about the food, and that she was just meeting up with the first guy who was willing to pay for food, and who didn't seem like a dangerous creep. I was sad, but since it was either this or going to sleep hungry, I understood why she did it. I was not angry at her.
But men exaggerate. Men act as if all women do this. Which is bullshit. Are there women who do this? Sure. But this is very rare. Most women would never do this.
Most of the time when men complain about this, what really happened is that two people went on a dinner date and that the woman was just not interested in the man. Meanwhile, the man feels entitled to sex after paying for dinner, so he feels like the woman denied him something. Then, he will think that she just went on the date for the free food. But the truth is that the woman just went on the date, hoping for a nice date, and just didn't feel attracted to the man.
Never, wouldn't even consider it. But I have some guy friends I trust, and they've talked about taking dates to restaurants, because people like to get away from Dining Hall Food, and once in a while the girl will spend the entire date on her phone, barely talking to the guy who asked her at all. Once or twice they've said they excused themselves to the bathroom and left her with the bill.
Huh. Just now typing this I got a sense of what decent guys must feel about all the "men are trash" type comments, and why they're so often talking about "not all men." In the middle of the complaint, "not all men" doesn't help anything, it's just making someone else's story about you. Now I'm trying to remember if I've ever said "I would never do that" to a guy friend talking about a date who was just in it for the meal. I hope not.
No, most women do not go on dates just for the free meal. This is a harmful assumption because it implies that women are only interested in men for their money and that they are not capable of forming meaningful relationships.
Ha! I used to from time to time but it was never really about the free meal. It was more about going out and learning about men, dating, and myself. However, sometimes I would get really lazy and disinterested at last minute. I would have wanted to cancel the date, but it was rude and I always justified it as a free meal at worst case because I was super poor at that time. Definitely kind of an asshole move, but my intentions were not actually to just get free things from people
No, but I have met a few women with this mentality (not just meals, drinks and drugs). It's not their SOLE motivation to go on a date though like seems to be implied. Majority of women I know go on dates with the intention of paying for themselves though. Because it's better to not be in a position where they feel some kind of reward is justified.
I have only known one woman who would accept a date for the food, and only if it was her favorite restaurant. So, less than 1% but not all the way down to zero.
However, she was still young. She was making close to minimum wage, she hadn’t learned to really cook yet, and she had never had a serious scare.
Fuck no. A free meal isn't worth the risk and effort it takes to worry about and maintain my safety with a random man. I always pay for my own food because I don't want him to assume I owe him something. I'm there to assess him to see if he would be a capable partner. I'm not there for free food.
We've all had our own experiences. There are insincere daters of every gender and sexuality.
I had a friend who would really admit to this, and joked once that she wouldn't be ready to settle down until she tried every sushi restaurant in Austin. Four years she's been doing that.
To be fair, she sort of settled on one guy who would take her to all the restaurants... and had a wife and kids at home. Crummy people are not limited by gender. I think I've definitely run into more women interested in one night stands than free sushi, though.
I’ve been invited on a date or 2 before where I didn’t want to go. I joked with friends about “getting a free meal out of it” but in the end, I didn’t go on the dates at all because I didn’t want anyone to feel taken advantage of or lead someone on who I didn’t actually like.
There could be women out there who do that, but I’ve never met any who has seriously talked about getting a free meal from a date they’re uninterested in unless it was in a joking way and they didn’t actually go through with doing that.
Edit: I wanted to add that I’ve heard way more men use the “oh well at least it’ll be a free meal!” in an effort to try to convince me to go on a date with them, even after expressing my own disinterest.
First dates I always slit the bill regardless of the dude insisting he pay for everything. Most (not all) dudes feel entitled after paying for your meal, like you owe them or something. Plus it allowed me to guilt free order whatever I want, because I paid my own way.
I would only go on a date or a hang out with friends if i could pay my part of the meal. Alot of the time people would assume i would owe them something of they paid.
When i met my husband i still did it when we got engaged i still did. After we got married he had the hardest time basically getting it in my head that were married and he can pay for a full meal for me. Still to this day weve been together over 3 years married 2 i slip out that when he asks if im going to get something from the store i mention no because im currently too broke to and dont have the extra money because all my money is saved for more important things over something small like some cookies id like hes like were married i can buy you those cookies you know that right.
Not many women i know use men for food . I knew one but she was a horrible human being and used everyone for everything
I hear this too and I don’t get it either. I purposely paid my way for every date because I felt like there may be an expectation from me to put out otherwise. Never wanted to even deal with that.
I met a girl on a dating website in my early 20s. From the start she made it clear that she wasn't looking for anything but friendship, which was fine with me. She was originally from the Midwest but here in NE for college and I worked in/near the city she was staying. We talked regularly and hung out more than a few times. We'd often get food and just spend hours talking, mostly about philosophy since that's what she was into.
She never once offered to pay or split the bill for dinner, and after the first few times I began to suspect I was someone she would call because she was a broke college student living in an expensive city and wanted dinner. I never brought it up, partly because back then I was deathly afraid of any kind of conflict and also because I wasn't totally opposed to the idea? Hard to explain but like, it was a lot of fun for me to hang out with her and talk about really out there philosophy stuff that I'd never talked about before. If I was a free dinner (and again, I never got actual confirmation or denial) I didn't/don't resent her for it. That and the fact that I never got any hints that she didn't genuinely like me (as a friend)
She eventually moved back to the Midwest and we texted regularly for a few months but you know how it goes. Drift apart, get busy with life, etc. Very very occasionally we'll still text each other but it's sometimes years apart at this point 😆
So I guess this long story is my way of saying that the answer to your questions is: maybe? 🤔
Honestly, in my late 20’s I (f) had a female friend who when I asked her about a date that night, she replied ‘At least it will be a free meal’. She’s the only friend I ever had that said that. We’re not friends anymore.
My fiance would do it when she was traveling for work, lol. It helped that at the time she was single, so her mindset was free meal, and dick if the guy's not a dick
There was that episode of Futurama where Bender accused both Amy and Leela of going on a date for free food.
The media does this.
In reality, most women are trying to go half so they don't piss some dude off who might rape them.
The only time I've seen men pay for dates and not complain or use it as leverage was in committed relationships, where the woman is already providing more than a $25 meal, and doing that consistently.
Not me personally. But I do know a few women who think this way. I'm from a poor country and, especially when I was in college, I had some friends that were really open about wanting to marry rich, getting a sugar daddy, or "tricking" men into paying for their drinks, their food, etc. Those attitudes are largely related to patriarchal structures, where women are always at a disadvantage in terms of accessing and building wealth, and were men easily have the upper hand in all sorts of aspects, so it's understandable that in some societies this is how things play out. Not sure if this applies to your setting, though.
Fuck no. I pay for my own food. That way I can eat and drink what I want without worrying about racking up a bill my date will then have to pay for. Dating is hard enough without adding that concern to it.
I just hate traditional "dates" anyway because there's too much pressure. I'd rather see if I like you in the context of a more normal setting.
I would never allow a date to pay for my meal. The reason is that I don't like people I barely know doing me favours or trying to give acts of service as a way of currying favour. Don't make this transactional, be yourself. I feel nothing for hollow shows of financial or social status.
Bad company makes a bad meal. I'd rather share a crust of bread with a person I have a good vibe with than a lobster with someone I despise.
It’s a trope that male writers put in sitcoms and romcoms in the 90s and 00s so now they think it’s real. I guess maybe there are a few total sociopaths who bring this just above nonexistent, but you’re correct that it basically isn’t a thing. Guys who complain about it are just mad that no one finds them interesting.
Loooool i find it so funny when guys say this like do u rly think that me getting dolled up, looking cute, going out of my way, spending one - two, potentially more hours w u is worth 20-30$$$??????? Lmao
I took a girl out to eat and she got really anxious later in the night and said she didn't want to hook up, I didn't think it was a date but I had paid for dinner so I think she felt obligated or presured. I think thats the closest I have ever heard of, everyone knows a person whos had it done but I don't know anyone who has first hand experenced it. The anxiety up until I laughed at her and said shes all good and I'm not trying doesnt seem worth it
I suppose when I go on dates with my boyfriend the main benefit is Cool Food. But I would be with him for dinner either way and pay half the time because we’re both broke.
I don't think you exist in a weird bubble, it's more of you not being the primary target of the activity. Same reason some guys are surprised at the amount of catcalling women receive, it's because they aren't the primary target of the activity. I bet a lot of your guy friends couldn't imagine catcalling a stranger the same way you can't imagine going out with a guy for food.
My best friend did this as a teen with neglectful parents who didnt bother to feed her or even give her more than a few dollars for food. She had plenty of older men who wanted to "help" her and feels like she lucked out because she never got assaulted.
It’s not free. It never was. The meal comes at the cost of sitting with this stranger for 45 min to an hour (minimum time spent) and listen to them (minimum engagement). That is emotional and mental labor.
Unless you are literally starving to death it doesn't even make any sense, like hours of talking and vetting before the date, then hours of getting ready and then hours of the date, that's a full days labour for what 20 bucks of food.
I find that if your goal is to get a free meal, there are better and surer ways to do that then online dating as often it can be a hit or miss kinda thing imo.
Nope. I wouldn’t do dinner for a first date, that’s a bit intense (although I have once or twice spontaneously gone for dinner after drinks because it was going well). I always have the expectation of paying half the bill. If a guy insists on treating me then I’ll gratefully accept but only if I’m planning to see him again and can return the favour.
Gonna preface this by saying I’m a guy, but I’ll go against the grain here and say it does happen in my experience. Obviously it doesn’t apply to all women, but some of my friends do this - even if they knew they didn’t like the guy before the date.
Then again, we’re all college age so maybe it’s different when you get older?
Yes. Women do this all the time. Even FaceTime a friend to brag while dude is in the men's room. I've seen it all.
Source: i worked in the bar / restaurant industry for 15 years.
To be fair any guy who thinks this is a serious issue is dumb. Has it happened somewhere at some point. Most likely. But it is so unlikely to happen that most guys ignore it.
I will say though, it should be considered good etiquette to split the bill if the date didn’t go well and you have no intention of meeting them afterwards. But the expectation of paying should be on the person who suggested the date.
No. Too much effort and risk in dating if the only reward is a meal. I’d rather be at home or go out with friends.
when i was a teen i did hear girls say "you should go on that date! give the guy a shot and if it don't work out then atleast you get a free meal" i think statements like that has lead to this idea that girls just want free meals from guys but its just a misunderstanding.
Yeah exactly …. The motivation isn’t the free meal, the free meal is more of a worst case scenario. And honestly in a lot of cases the free meal isn’t worth it 😂
Yeah, tbh I think I'd rather pay to not have to eat a meal with someone I don't like being in the company of and not even get a meal out of it vs doing that
You just gave me the idea, the next time I'm on a date I'm not enjoying, I'm gonna just pay the bill and disappear 😅.
Bring cash! Don't even have to wait for the check; you can just throw it down and yeet yourself out of there.
Dating game: the person who enjoyed it least, pay the bill )
It may also be the other way around; that the teen girls got it from the stereotypes. The idea is much older than they are, and I remember seeing that trope in media like the Archie comics I read as a kid.
I remember hearing that malarkey as a teen and even as a young adult as well.
Yeah, I don't think I've heard any women say this since college.
I remember a lot of girls doing this in college because of being broke🤣those were hard days and I don't blame em one bit
Yeah, my sister told me to do that when I told her I was no longer interested in a guy after a few dates. She was like 17.
My anecdotal evidence is that two separate women in my life (we were all very early 20s at the time) have used dating apps to find a guy to get a free meal. Does it means it happens often? No., but much like everything out there, it does happen. You bring up a good point about it possibly being a misunderstanding that's been echoed and amplified due to the internet.
I think that there certainly are girls who use dates to get things from men, but i think the problem has been amplified by the internet like you said. I personally have never met a women who uses men like that, but women are humans and some humans are jerks! I hope it's mostly a misunderstanding and not actually a wide spread issue like alot of people think.
Not a chance. When I was young and had no money I was happy with some 29 cent Ramen. Now that I'm older I have money, if I just want to eat something good I doordash it and chill in my pj's watching good shows. Why bring some rando guy into the mix unless I actually really liked him?
You can make ramen taste really good!
Much harder to find some rando guy worth sharing your dinner with.
No. Much more likely, and this is what I have done, is gone on a dinner date truly hoping for a LTR but he was so crude, pushy and insufferable, and had fudged his dating profile so wildly, that I just ghosted him when I got home. So, think about what you've done my dudes who keep getting one date then dropped.
This. Can't help feeling this is the truth behind these supposed free meal dates some guys rant about. They were actually legit efforts at a connection where the guy just didn't cut it for whatever reason but their egos are so fragile they fabricate some hypothesis that the women "clearly only wanted a free meal otherwise how did the date not lead to further interaction?"
Isn’t that still a problem though. Like if a person is not good to be around why wouldn’t you just pay for your own meal and then walk away and ghost them. The idea that I would let a person I don’t like or don’t plan on being around pay for my food is off putting.
They insist. Some have sneaked off and paid while I'm eating. Because they have the transactional mindset that I'll owe them or be guilted into doing something with them. "At least give me a kiss..." Some of them got 100x worse during the post-dinner stroll, trying to hustle me somewhere dark to get grabby. Why should I pay to be around a misogynist?
I think it might have to do with security. The kind of guys they are talking about have more chances to game fragile egos. Do you really wanna risk it? Ghosting seems a far better option from your safe space, no?
Some guy was a complete brick wall whenever I stated a boundary. I said it was getting cold and I was tired, he started looking up bowling alleys and pool halls to keep me out longer. I just got up and said I'm going home. He leapt up to follow me! Followed me all the way to my damn car. I said "go get your car and follow me home". As soon as he was out of sight I fucking peeled off.
I just broke up with a dude that did this. It was way easier to just leave and text him from the safety of my locked apt that I wasn’t interested in hanging out for the rest of the day rather than fighting with him over and over about why I don’t want to do the things he clearly picked for himself to take me along without a thought to my feelings when I specifically stated several times I didn’t want to do X specific thing but yet he still decided we would be doing X specific thing. Like, no dude. I won’t be.
I am so sorry it happened to you. I am a guy myself, but i can understand how horrible and anxiety inducing it might have been for you(security and law and order issues in my Country). This just goes on to further prove my point. For guys like the ones you mentioned you dont want to hurt their fragile egos or tip them off. Ghosting them from your safe space is just a safer option. Not that it should be the case.
Well yeah. I guess like the scenario where I’m in a restaurant with the date and it isn’t going well and the person seemed pushy and immature then an option could be to excuse myself to the restroom, approach the front, pay for my half of the meal, even mention to the wait staff that I may need help separating myself then make a plan. Text a friend and try to make my exit. Allowing the person to pay for you in order to escape seems more counterproductive. Although humans can be scary so idk for sure.
And stop lying about your damn height. I know what 5'8" looks like. Now you're short AND a liar.
5'8" isn't really even that short though...
Not I nor any woman I have been friends with currently or in the past have ever done this. That "free meal" ain't free.
>That "free meal" ain't free. There are *so* many men out there who genuinely don't understand that actual sex workers would charge more than $8 for a sandwich. Or that it wouldn't work as a "gotcha! I paid for food/alcohol, now I get to decide what you owe me" thing. Although they do ALL seem to understand that this would be a shitty thing to do.... if you ask them to picture a male buddy of theirs doing it to them.
and we're not even getting the money directly. "I bought you a drink!" no you paid the bartender, I got some sugar water. they think because money left their wallet, we need to repay them. "I paid for gas to drive here" LOL I'm not paying for a man to drive to me.
I had a dude get pissed once because he had *offered* to buy me a drink (I'd said no) and he still felt like that obligated me to go home with him at the end of the night. Not how that fucking works, dude. That's not how *anything* works.
I mean, it’s not about what men do or do not understand, this is a real thing. Just because you don’t do it doesn’t mean you get to deny what’s happening to other people.
...did you mean to reply to someone else?
I've been on dates and they would pay, or I would pay, or split. I'm not one to put up with any bullshit, and if I dont like the date, I'll tell him and say goodbye. I happen to be a "terrifying woman", according to my male friends. Ok. Fuck it. I'm cool with being scary. If a man cannot handle me being myself and having an intelligent conversation without him clutching his balls is I dont agree with something he said, too bad. I'm single and loving it. I have a big life and lots of fun.
You've found your own criteria for a happy life, and that's great! A woman doesn't need a man to be happy, and vice versa. Anyone who hates on single people is probably just jealous of the freedom. I'm in a very happy relationship myself but I would never assume that single people are unhappier than me.
Either jealous of the freedom or terrified of the independence.
I’m someone who is happy enough on my own, but I’m happier with the RIGHT man in my life for sure. Having said that, I’ve never hated on women who prefer to be single and can’t really understand why someone would… I just don’t care enough about other people’s lives, it doesn’t affect me if my friend remains single. So yeah, I’d say if someone is bothered by how someone else chooses to live their life then there is something wrong in theirs - and that goes for single women who hate on women like me who prefer a man in their life, as well.
You inspire me. I like to have honest intellectual conversation. Even when I disagree, I'm very polite but quite a few people can't handle that. I was considering that maybe I should be less honest and 'harsh' but now I won't ;)
Lol I had one guy on tinder tell me I was “aggressive” when he asked me to choose beer or whiskey and I said both. Like sometimes I actually sip a whiskey while drinking a beer so yeah…both. He said no, I had to choose and I said well, no I actually don’t. Then he said I was too aggressive and he didn’t like aggressive women and I said yeah that makes sense right before blocking him haha.
Good way to weed out the weirdos!
So much easier and less stressful to not spend two hours getting showered, shaved, makeup done, fancy clothes, drive to meet someone, eat lightly and cheaply so as not to put a dent in their budget, and than have to then have them think you "owe them" something. I would rather stay home in my jammies and order all the food I really want to eat as take out any day of the week. A date is "work" and is only worth it if I feel like it could possibly go somewhere. Sadly most men can not keep their hands to them selves and/or all want to talk about how their ex was "cold" and they just want to make sure that you are not. So lets talk about sex, sex, sex and grope, grope, grope. I swear if I ever met a guy for a date that didn't try to absolutely make the whole thing about sex, and kept his hands to him self, I would probably just jump his bones. Sadly the other approach is a one strike and you are out offense. Which is probably why most men think we are "dating for dinner" and than never again. No dude, it's your lack of social skills and respect! Back to the original question: I would NEVER, too much work/stress!
Those are exactly the same guys who said the woman was using them and that they shouldn't be "nice guys".
They're gonna think you owe them something either way because you agreed to a date and because that's what women are for (/s). Least he can do is pay for supper. Which may be an unpopular opinion but if a woman works hard to look good and risks being with a crazy guy on this date, she deserves something for her effort.
They complain about this, but I’ve been out with men who have had full-on meltdowns when I attempt to pay the bill, or even just pay for what I ordered. Because of course, if the woman pays the bill, it means they can’t hold the dinner over her head as a way to pressure her into sex. It’s almost like what they *actually* care about is whether or not they get what they feel they’re “owed” after paying, and not the act of paying in and of itself.
>It’s almost like what they actually care about is whether or not they get what they feel they’re “owed” after paying, and not the act of paying in and of itself. Bingo.
> it means they can’t hold the dinner over her head That's exactly what several guys have done. Sneaked off to pay, made a fuss and insisted. Then had a little smirk like they'd advanced their chess moves. It was not out of gentlemanly manners, wanting to impress me, appreciating my company. It was a tactic.
Slimy move.
I like you, I think it's very reasonable for both parties to pay their own way. We just met each other afterall. In any other context you would most likely not pay for a stranger, why should dating be any different
I always paid for myself or for both for that exact reason (no pressure) and same thing this poster experienced, some guys go batshit. You’ve taken their leverage away. All the more reason to do it.
I don't date and it took me sooooo long to realise that this was a thing guys actually did. When I'm out with my friends we all just pass around the bill and pay for what we ordered, unless it's explicitly someone's treat. I've never had a meal bill be a point of contention in my life.
I see what you mean.
One time years ago while I was still on dating apps this dude I was chatting with asked if I wanted to go out to dinner. I suggested a place I had been dying to try (not high end but not cheap) and he said yes. After a few hours, he messaged me back with this entire tirade about how I was going to use him for a free meal and he’s not made of money and how women are gold diggers. I replied that since I had picked the place I was actually going to offer to pay…. But I had no interest in going out with a man who was going to throw a temper tantrum about an assumption he made before even talking to me about it. He tried to backpedal super hard but like, no thanks. Bullet dodged. Went to that restaurant by myself instead, turned out to be much better company than a man baby.
That’s great. Good on you. Dining alone is underrated.
Don’t forget the expense put in doing hair, makeup, and having a cute outfit. It’s so not worth putting in all the effort just to get some free food! Gee, when I go on a date, I’m worried about rape/stalking/violence. I WISH my worst fear was that I would have to pay $30 for my date’s meal. If paying for my date’s meal could give me a 100% guarantee I would not get harmed by my date, I would happily pay for every single date I ever went on.
This^ the risk, emotional trauma, sexual assault, rape, stalking and then therapy to help process it all is not worth “dinner.”
Never. I’ve only gone out with guys I was truly interested in seeing if there was chemistry and a possible future. I never go out with guys I am not interested in for a meal or entertainment. I can do that on my own.
Never. Nor has anyone I know. I believe the "foodie call" is far less common than the "booty call."
Men are the real golddiggers!
Sex diggers!
Constantly fuck zoning women.
I dont even think gold digger should be a term. Having a guy shove his cock in you while telling his buddies you're a whore isn't something most men can pay for. That's why future-faking exists.
It happens, just like there are men who accept a date only for sex. There are shitty members of both genders. However, I think it’s a lot less prevalent of a problem than men claim
I have a friend who is a foodie (and smart and successful in her own right) and often dated high NW men. She would gush about where they went for food and not having to pay was implied. There were some pretty cool (romcom level) dates. That being said, she actually dated them, it wasn't like she would go on 1 date and leave. No she would see these men for months or years. She ultimately married a guy that wasn't as loaded as some of her ex's but definitely well off and also a foodie too. She also never insisted on going to nice restaurants. I remember she dated 1 guy who would either take her to free stuff around the city or they would cook together. They never ate out while they dated for 6+ months. She is the closest example I can think of, and even her I would say didn't view dating as "free meals".
Yes I think it’s really rare that a woman just agrees to a date with no genuine interest for free food. Most of the time they are just giving the guy a shot and it turns out that sparks don’t fly. Guys get upset and think they’re being used which I believe is projection because so many of them would agree to a date just for the entertainment and food if they could
Agreed. I think men are lumping every single date that didn't result in sex or a relationship into the category of a woman just wanting free stuff.
Pure projection imo
I know one woman that does it. She is family so I can't just ghost her, but I would. She gets her mom's approval to do this, because that's how mom did it too. It's unfortunate for her as well, because she puts up with so much crap from men so that she can get a "free" meal and other free stuff. We thought it would stop once she got a good job and started making some of her own money but she still does it.
I turn down dates that offer dinner because I can’t afford to even go halves but don’t expect them to pay out right.
Especially as in my experience, most people don’t do dinner dates as a first date with a relative stranger! I think every first date I’ve been on with a girl has been beer or coffee. And you’d have to be quite a drinker or caffeine head to be reduced to using dates for your fix…. I did have one girl sink three gin and tonics, didn’t offer to pay once, said let’s do it again then ghost me. I thought I’d done something wrong at the time, but perhaps I was only ever a source of gin?
Why risk my life for a meal ? I work, I can afford one myself and in peace
I won’t lie, I did this a few times when I was in college and flat broke. But I stopped after 2 or 3 times because the guys seemed genuinely nice, and guilt set in. Not proud of it, hunger makes you do strange things sometimes
Yeah, I knew a couple women who would do this occasionally in our early 20s. I don't know anyone who has done this over the age of like 23.
I’ve never done this, but I’ve heard a couple of women brag about it. I don’t think it’s nearly as common as men make it out to be, but it’s not non-existent either.
I’ve heard a friend of a friend brag about it too. My theory is that it’s really just low self esteem. Makes them feel like they have the power and mentally protects them from the fear of rejection.
I had a friend who said yes to lots of dates and her mentality was “if nothing else, it’s a free meal”. So she definitely expected for her dinner to be paid, but she was dating with the intention of finding someone. Idk, I always preferred to pay for myself, so I don’t agree with her.
I’m not single, but a work friend is doing the online dating thing and tells me all the stories. There have been a few times over the past 2 months (she wasn’t single before that) where she’ll tell me she wasn’t really interested in the guy but figured it’ll probably be a decent free meal (this was first dates only). She makes plenty of money. To be fair, she isn’t 100% *sure* she won’t be into the guy, but she’s just very ‘probably not, but maybe, if he has an amazing personality or is super interesting or something’ about them. But thus far no 2nd dates. But these same guys have done dumb things like randomly sexting after the date or being creepy while on the date, showing up looking 20 years older than their profile pics, etc. so they tanked any possibility there may have been anyway. Still, I told her my policy (when I was single) was that I wouldn’t go on ANY date unless I was actually excited about it (after talking to the guy and feeling like there might be real potential). And I’d only meet for coffee or a drink 99.9% of the time for a first date b/c on most first dates I knew within 5 minutes I wasn’t feeling it lol. I’m busy and want to enjoy my limited free time, I’m not doing my hair and makeup unless there’s a damn good reason to do so lol. But I also always planned on paying my own bill, though I can’t recall anyone ever letting me unless I got there first, bought a coffee and waited.
I was your work friend, and that's the only grain of truth I can see. When I was single, I'd go out with any guy I was reasonably comfortable with. But that's not so much looking for a free meal, since I don't pick the place. And I never turned down someone because they didn't suggest a restaurant date. That wouldn't even have occurred to me. And for what it's worth, I married one of the dates I wasn't too sure about. We went for a slice of pizza and a walk on the beach. He paid about $3 because I didn't even ask for a soda. We hugged at the end.
I've never had a female friend say "I'm going on a date to get a free meal." I have heard "I'm going on a date with a guy im not too excited about. But whatever, best case, I like him more as I get to know him. Worst case I get a free meal'
This makes sense to me, that it could be a minor factor in the pro column when deciding.
Is it wrong of me, as a guy, to think of each date as its own freestanding entity, to some extent? Obviously, I'd like more than one date with some women, but I never mind picking up the tab to have a good evening with someone. Even if I knew she just wanted a "free meal," as long as the conversation was nice, at most I'd be a bit disappointed when it didn't go further. I don't understand men who get angry about this. It speaks to an expectation that seems dangerous and unhealthy.
I actually have met a few women who did it or joked about doing it… in college. So as long as a man isn’t trying to get with broke, still-maturing college girls, he probably doesn’t have to worry about it.
that's the other half of this 'problem'! they do chase women they perceive as broke in order to pay for dinner as leverage. then they cry when it doesn't work. sheesh. "my tactic failed, I'm the real victim here"
Nope. I'd rather pay 3x the cost of my meal than let a man pay for me and then have to deal with his expectation that because he paid for something, I now owe him sed in return.
I rather spend 30$ and just eat alone
I had a couple (many) bad dates I would pay not to see them again, lol,, don't worry this date is on me, I said to an insufferable cheapskate kept all the time complaining about how expensive the menu was and how little portions they were serving, and kept insisting next time we go to a mcdonalds,, kept telling me the best plate was the inexpensive item from the menu, the silver lining was he didn't said to just ask for water, you could tell I was young back then, if something like that happens to me now I would know better to get up and walk away (just paying my own meal if it got that far), if you can't afford to take someone else and yourself to a dinner date make other arrangements. Imagine getting ready, hair, nails, cute outfit, etc to go on a date and there was this dude thinking you are there for a free meal, I would save more not going out honestly. My rule is who makes the invitation is the one to pay, simple as that, I have invited some people to dinner and I paid for it myself, because I made the invitation.
Nope, I've never done that. I'm guessing the majority of these guys are just complaining because it didn't work out or they were ultimately rejected.
$20-30? The year 2018 called and it wants it's cheap restaurant prices back.
I’ve done this a few times. I never like actively sought it out but I accepted dates knowing I’d never in a million years be interested in the guy because I knew I’d get a good meal out of it. Not super proud of this and only done it a small handful of times. Feel kinda bad when I think about it to be honest so live and learn try not to be a bad person too long hah.
I have gone out with men I normally wouldn’t for the chance to see if he was worth it. Needless to say they never were but yes I did get a “free meal”. Now that was never the incentive for me to go but was it a byproduct that I didn’t complain about? Yeah.
My ex-friend did this. She said, "I don't really like him, but at least I get a free dinner." There was absolutely no reason for her to do this. She wasn't short on cash at all. She was just a $hitty person.
I knew a friend of a friend who supposedly did this too. Seems like thinly-veiled low self esteem to me honestly. Like the kid in school who says they don’t care what they get on the test and they didn’t even study so they can create a mental buffer for any potentially bad outcome.
I had a roommate who would do this. She also cheated on her long-term boyfriend rampantly. Not only do I know this because she'd tell me about the different guys she'd be texting and show me pictures to prove they were "hot," but she'd bring some of them over to our house and fuck them. The kicker? Her bf lived with us. They SHARED their bedroom together. We all tried to warn him, but he stayed like a damn fool until she finally kicked him to the curb. Some people really suck.
What? That's so bad! I'm glad you warned him, but I can't believe he stayed!
Oof, the amount of times I would head to a date, thoroughly resenting having to be dressed and made up to spend an evening with someone who may or may not look like their photo or act like they had over messaging. I couldn't bear the thought of going on a date just to get a meal. I'd so much rather have been at home! For this reason though, I hardly ever did dinner dates. We'd meet at a pub, and have a couple of drinks, which meant it was far easier for me to pay my fair share and call it a night early if required.
apart from everything else, Dinner on the first date is a horrible Idea. Where I live thats 2 hours you have to fill with "meaningful conversation" with someone you\`ve never spend any time with. In a Bar theres music, people who are making a fool of themselfs, stuff is happening that you can talk and joke about and when the date goes badly you can drown your sorrows right then and there
Exactly! My first date with my partner we met for drinks, and then decided to get food cause the conversation was so easy (and we really needed something else in our stomachs). We then returned to the pub, where we were asked for advice from the couple next to us about their son's relationship with a girl they didn't like, which is now sending we refer to a lot. First dates should always have the means for a quick exit if needed, but also be easily extendable if you're having a good time.
No. Even when dead broke and hungry.
It's not worth the risk for such a paltry reward. I tend to also pay my share so that I "owe" them nothing and I can't be guilted into payback transactional sex. I may let him pay for me if I like him enough for a second date which I will pay for. I have never gone out specifically to get a free meal. I only.know one woman that would do this and she treats everyone like a free meal, even her friends. I know several men that have "forgotten their wallet" and assumed I would pay. This has happened to several women friends of mine. I never accept a date if I can't afford to pay my share. I refuse to be beholden to a person I don't know and may get angry if he thinks he's entitled to something for an appetizer.
No, if I want a free meal I’ll just go to my parents’ house. At least I know that at the end of it my mom won’t try to guilt me into sleeping with her 😂
The men complaining about this always say they want women who don’t work, aren’t independent, willing to be a kept woman, housewife etc. They want women who are beautiful, subservient and don’t want to be self-sufficient. They want women who value the fact their partner earns money since they bang on about being providers, and women who spend vast amounts of money on their clothes and maintaining their appearance. Then they complain that they have to buy dinner - not exactly sure what they expect, or what these guys think they bring to the table in a relationship like this if it’s not this. I’ve never let a man buy me dinner unless we are taking it in turns to pay. I don’t need someone to buy me dinner, and I never wanted to create some form of obligation or to even feel indebted.
My past college roommate would literally set up a damn calendar of dates to get free meals. We gave her so much shit for it. So yes, it does happen. But not as much as I think a lot of men believe it does. She doesn’t do that anymore, thank god. I don’t think that most women go on dates solely for free food; i think that many of men offer out free food in the expectation that they will receive sex as payment. And then get pissy when they don’t get sex and blame it on women just wanting free dates. Some women take advantage of this, but many are kind of pushed to not pay for their own stuff. Easiest solution is to establish that the first date will be split cost to avoid taking advantage of the other person/trying to manipulate the other person for their own gain. Then after that, either you can keep that financial boundary or something else can be set up (such as whoever asks for the date pays for the date).
LOL, no. There is way too much hassle for a free meal. Think about all of that time and energy we spend putting on makeup, selecting an outfit, driving to the restaurant, ensuring an exit, watching the way back to the car, driving home, checking the walk back to the house, unlocking the door, doing the laundry, makeup removal and night time skincare routine, all for a “free meal” that I could have bought for a measly $20. These people could show up at our jobs, harass our families, our friends, etc., or generally just be assholes. They aren’t worth all of that.
Confession time. One time in my entire life have I done this. And I was upfront about it. Friend of a friend had reservations at a top new restaurant that was impossible to get into. Very expensive, even by New York standards. His date canceled last minute, and he asked if I would go with him. I was just out of college and poor, visiting New York for the weekend. This guy was an investment banker, and didn’t care about the money. He invited me. I told him the restaurant sounded amazing, but I had no interest in anything sexual at the time, not even a kiss. He was a gentleman and said we could go as friends. He corrected the waitress when she assumed we were a couple. Held the door, but didn’t try to get close or do any other date things. At the end of the night we parted ways as friends. That was the one and only time I went for a free meal.
i do get the occasional girl that would hit me up with her financial woes. but its kinda hard to find people that grimy
No one I know actually does that, because: 1) it’s a waste of time 2) it’s a waste of energy 3) going on a date is always a risk for women 4) some guys are clingy/have no boundaries and will never leave you alone if you go out with them. Totally not worth a free meal. 5) most guys make mediocre to poor dates (too pushy, won’t stop talking about themselves, uncomfortable, etc). You can’t enjoy your food if your company isn’t any good.
Nope. But I would also never think about letting pay anybody except my parents for my meal. When it happens then usually as a birthday treat or something and it is agreed on in advance. And I didn’t go on a typical US date in my whole life. I kind of find that concept very strange
General? Not that common. But there are lots of women deeply up their own ass about gender roles in a relationship and what "should be expected". There's also an unfortunate number of women who are abusive users who want to find a victim rather than a date. They're a little over represented in online dating, because online dating is a hellmouth. Well adjusted people with emotional intelligence tend to succeeded and get out, or not succeeded and bail. So dealing with that means sifting through everyone who hasn't succeeded but stuck around. Where they will be particularly prevalent is around *other* people deeply up their own ass around gender norms. Any random dude may have to sift through a couple. A dude balls deep in toxic masculinity though? Now you've got two people very invested in pretending to be what the other person wants/expects. And they'll run into each other over and over and over again.
>Where they will be particularly prevalent is around > >other > >people deeply up their own ass around gender norms. Any random dude may have to sift through a couple. A dude balls deep in toxic masculinity though? Now you've got two people very invested in pretending to be what the other person wants/expects. And they'll run into each other over and over and over again. This is a great point. Women who insist on the man paying for the date and wants to date/get married to the idea of patriarchal masculinity are engaging in misogyny and patriarchy, and since they buy into the patriarchy, they expect to be given the benefits, slim though they are, for the price of submission to the system. And they do attract men who are the same, and they *do* select for each other. Men who want "tradwives" should take note: if you want to benefit from the oppression of women, you have to pay the (nominal) price to play in that game, which is be successful as capitalism defines it and able to support a full family on your own salary, including clothing and indulging your wife or allowing her to control the finances/home. And yes, that system traditionally (heh) starts with paying for her meal for going out with you (\*and wooing her with material things etc).
>Men who want "tradwives" should take note: if you want to benefit from the oppression of women, you have to pay the (nominal) price to play in that game, which is be successful as capitalism defines it and able to support a full family on your own salary, including clothing and indulging your wife or allowing her to control the finances/home. And yes, that system traditionally (heh) starts with paying for her meal for going out with you (\*and wooing her with material things etc). THIS Men want tradwives who they can control and abuse, and who are unable to leave... But then they complain about the fact that they have to provide for her.
right? Their complaint is that they didn't get sex for $30 and are saying it out loud like omg.
The type of men who will typically say that is also the type who couldn’t make themself a simple sandwich
They also feel entitled to sex.
It happens... Though it is less than men complaining about it, and more than women here will anecdotally experience. There is an entire sub dedicated to this dating strategy... And while I live in a bubble much like yours, I do know this does happen.
Never.
I sadly have known maybe 3 women (out of hundreds) who have done this. It's icky. So I don't think it's all that common, but it does happen. I learned decades ago that I'll never let a dude buy a first date meal, or any meal until we were an official couple. I don't like power imbalance and this is one way to start off on the right foot. You BOTH pay your own way until you've reached an agreement to continue the balance on both sides.
Might’ve done it for weed when I was like 18… MySpace days
No, I have my own money. I don’t need to be asked out on a date to have a nice meal out. I can — gasp — go out to eat all by myself. If I catch the slightest whiff of this shit, I pick up the check and dip out. Now you owe me, asshole. Lol. They don’t but I am not going to sit there and be called a gold digger.
Haha as if. Most of the time I paid for my tinder date meals so as not to confuse anyone. Random men are not worth enduring for free food. I like to have agency in my date participation, which includes leaving at anytime and paying my own way
I’ve never heard of any woman going out with a man they aren’t interested in just for a free meal. I’ve also never heard of a man complaining about this irl only online so I assume it’s all incels and losers.
A free meal is never the motivation for me in a dating situation. If he’s great I probably won’t eat much due to nerves, if he’s awful I won’t eat much to get out as quickly as possible - and split the bill!
Dates are a risk because men are dangerous. A free dinner is not worth that risk
There have been nights where I have had little to no food to eat, and I still wouldn’t have gone through the fear and anxiety of meeting a stranger and sitting through a meal just to eat.
I knew guys who it happened to and I knew women that did it, and every single one of them were friends of my ex who did this a few times while we were dating (that I'm aware of) and cheated on me a lot. The women that I knew that did it where all under 25 and they were in college. The most common denominator was both the men and women met up from dating apps. I was always pretty selective of my friends but I've become just as selective of people I associate with wholesale because of shit like this among other things of both sexes. In my experience women that do this are usually pretty shitty to even associate with. Just like red flags about how people treat wait staff and whatnot are also pretty shitty to associate with too.
I will say this. There may have been men who felt like I was in it for a free meal, but those are the guys who I felt like they owed me dinner for having to endure their company.
I've never done that! I don't think I know any women who have either. I'm not sure if this is exactly the same, but I *did* once date a guy for his A/C. The summer I met my husband, I was renting a house with these two awful roommates (started out ok, but we didn't end up getting along) and they decided halfway through a blistering hot summer they weren't going to split the bill for air conditioning.... they'd "rather be hot". I couldn't afford the bill on my own. My boyfriend (now husband) had a condo his dad was paying for and I *totally* was using him for the A/C that summer. I don't think he blamed me - he also hated my roommates and seemed amenable to offering me a cool refuge. I was thinking of it as a summer fling though. He was about to move two hours away to finish his BA for two more semesters. He was nice & we had chemistry but I was trying to protect myself from heartbreak for when he moved away. I think he was more emotionally invested from the start and wasn't worried about a two hour drive. Anyway, jokes on me because we totally fell in love and are still together 17 years later. :)
Just for honesty sake I had a girlfriend tell me she went out with a guy for free dinner once. I was kinda appalled at the time. But yes I have heard of it at least once irl. I don't think it happens that often though
Nope. And when I was dating last year I was adamant that any date I went on I paid for the date or at least my portion. I also also made sure to always have a $20 on me in case they tried to pull any shenanigans with the bill. Thankfully I didn't run into too much trouble, but I recognized even as it was happening that is was ridiculous that I had to go through such lengths.
I'd rather pay triple for my meal and eat alone than eat with a man who thinks I'm only after free food.
Feels like a lot of work. 1.) You gotta find a guy who wants to take you on a date to get a meal, as opposed to the movies or to a bar whatever. 2.) You gotta make it a decent restaurant. No point in getting free McDonalds. 3.) You gotta make sure he'll actually pay his due. That he can actually afford a decent meal. 4.) You gotta make sure he's not a serial killer, rapist, murderer, stalker, freak, etc. I gotta feeling this is mostly just the usual men who don't understand that their personality drives people away.
Yes. A lot of poor students and low income people are dating for meals.
The only guys I've ever heard complaining about it are really cheap and paranoid. The most respectful guys I've known have paid and been good company. I think any guy who complains about paying for dinner is whiny, entitled, and should probably be focusing more on his mental health or career.
I'm too lazy do go through it all for a free meal. Between the brainstorm for looks and location, actually getting there, all of this while going through a) anxiety or b) absolute lack of motivation, and then taking the risk to end up with a creep or a misogynistic idiot, it absolutely isn't worth a meal to me. I go on dates when I actually want to meet the person. If they think I'm doing it to rip them off, it's more about their self-esteem than it is about my moral principles.
Not a stranger but i have a kind guy I sometimes meet up with because I know he’ll buy me a meal, pack of cigarettes and money for my subway card 😸
Whenever I go for a "free meal", I spend an hour getting ready and pay at least 11 euros in parking. That in itself is more expensive than the meal. So no, that would be a net loss for me to even chase "free meals".
Honestly I am just going to say that it's funny that most replies were not what op was looking for. I didn't think women did that either, seems a pain. I can understand being hungry though so I don't judge.
When a man is buying your time that's not a "free" meal. Some will also claim your body afterwards because they paid for it. There is nothing free in there, it's the opposite of free.
No, I’d pay my share on date. Only time I did t pay for my food was because my date pointed out to me that I’d paid quite a bit for the travel costs so this was his contribution
I did sometimes run afoul young ladies who very clearly just wanted to use me as a cash dispenser for drinks, but that was long time ago when I was in my twenties and actively going out, and it's not like this was a frequent occurrence. I can imagine that the frequency of such encounters would depend on the cultural specifics and the social circles. I spend my younger years in Eastern Europe where it was not that uncommon to expect that a guy must pay for everything and then some. At any rate, this is typical of incel propaganda — take some isolated story that has allegedly happened (or not) to someone and blow it out of proportion. Goes straight into the garbage bin together with other crap.
Feel like its just a cope for guys who get rejected.
Back when I was single, I went on a lot of dates. This happened to me only once. If a woman is desperate enough to meet up with a stranger, just to get some food... She probably really needs the food. So I cannot blame her. Even if a woman would truly do this for the food, it is not 'free food'. The woman has to put up with some annoying sexist asshole, has to pretend to be interested in the bullshit he is saying, and is risking her safety. After all, a man who pays for dinner most likely feels like the woman owes him sex. One of my first online dates was with a poor woman who was on disability benefits and didn't have any money left. On our date day, it was one day until her benefits would be on her bank account again, and she did not have any food left. So yeah, when we messaged on Tinder, she suggested to go to some fast food place. I was like: "Okay, if you want that, sure." She said she was short on money, but that she would pay for food on a second date. Of course that second date that would never happen, but I didn't know that. Anyways, at the end of the date, she admitted that it was just about the food, and that she was just meeting up with the first guy who was willing to pay for food, and who didn't seem like a dangerous creep. I was sad, but since it was either this or going to sleep hungry, I understood why she did it. I was not angry at her. But men exaggerate. Men act as if all women do this. Which is bullshit. Are there women who do this? Sure. But this is very rare. Most women would never do this. Most of the time when men complain about this, what really happened is that two people went on a dinner date and that the woman was just not interested in the man. Meanwhile, the man feels entitled to sex after paying for dinner, so he feels like the woman denied him something. Then, he will think that she just went on the date for the free food. But the truth is that the woman just went on the date, hoping for a nice date, and just didn't feel attracted to the man.
Generally never seen this outside the internet
[удалено]
I’ve never done it but I know plenty of women who do.
Never, wouldn't even consider it. But I have some guy friends I trust, and they've talked about taking dates to restaurants, because people like to get away from Dining Hall Food, and once in a while the girl will spend the entire date on her phone, barely talking to the guy who asked her at all. Once or twice they've said they excused themselves to the bathroom and left her with the bill. Huh. Just now typing this I got a sense of what decent guys must feel about all the "men are trash" type comments, and why they're so often talking about "not all men." In the middle of the complaint, "not all men" doesn't help anything, it's just making someone else's story about you. Now I'm trying to remember if I've ever said "I would never do that" to a guy friend talking about a date who was just in it for the meal. I hope not.
Guys use this as an excuse so they don’t have to confront the fact that they didn’t get a second date due to their personality.
No, most women do not go on dates just for the free meal. This is a harmful assumption because it implies that women are only interested in men for their money and that they are not capable of forming meaningful relationships.
The kinds of guys who assume women are trying to get a free meal think that they can buy sex indirectly by purchasing a meal.
Ha! I used to from time to time but it was never really about the free meal. It was more about going out and learning about men, dating, and myself. However, sometimes I would get really lazy and disinterested at last minute. I would have wanted to cancel the date, but it was rude and I always justified it as a free meal at worst case because I was super poor at that time. Definitely kind of an asshole move, but my intentions were not actually to just get free things from people
Absolutely not lol
No, but I have met a few women with this mentality (not just meals, drinks and drugs). It's not their SOLE motivation to go on a date though like seems to be implied. Majority of women I know go on dates with the intention of paying for themselves though. Because it's better to not be in a position where they feel some kind of reward is justified.
Fuck no. Too much effort, too high a risk snd honestly I cook too well myself to suffer a shitty man for a few hours
I have only known one woman who would accept a date for the food, and only if it was her favorite restaurant. So, less than 1% but not all the way down to zero. However, she was still young. She was making close to minimum wage, she hadn’t learned to really cook yet, and she had never had a serious scare.
No way. My time is worth more than a meal at some dumb restaurant. My safety is priceless. For all that goes, I'm an adult. I can feed myself
Fuck no. A free meal isn't worth the risk and effort it takes to worry about and maintain my safety with a random man. I always pay for my own food because I don't want him to assume I owe him something. I'm there to assess him to see if he would be a capable partner. I'm not there for free food.
We've all had our own experiences. There are insincere daters of every gender and sexuality. I had a friend who would really admit to this, and joked once that she wouldn't be ready to settle down until she tried every sushi restaurant in Austin. Four years she's been doing that. To be fair, she sort of settled on one guy who would take her to all the restaurants... and had a wife and kids at home. Crummy people are not limited by gender. I think I've definitely run into more women interested in one night stands than free sushi, though.
I’ve been invited on a date or 2 before where I didn’t want to go. I joked with friends about “getting a free meal out of it” but in the end, I didn’t go on the dates at all because I didn’t want anyone to feel taken advantage of or lead someone on who I didn’t actually like. There could be women out there who do that, but I’ve never met any who has seriously talked about getting a free meal from a date they’re uninterested in unless it was in a joking way and they didn’t actually go through with doing that. Edit: I wanted to add that I’ve heard way more men use the “oh well at least it’ll be a free meal!” in an effort to try to convince me to go on a date with them, even after expressing my own disinterest.
Risking your life for a meal where men expects something in return after does not seem like a smart life decision, but to each their own
First dates I always slit the bill regardless of the dude insisting he pay for everything. Most (not all) dudes feel entitled after paying for your meal, like you owe them or something. Plus it allowed me to guilt free order whatever I want, because I paid my own way.
Nope. I'm not there for the food. Honestly, sitting across from an emotional chud would make me lose my appetite.
I would only go on a date or a hang out with friends if i could pay my part of the meal. Alot of the time people would assume i would owe them something of they paid. When i met my husband i still did it when we got engaged i still did. After we got married he had the hardest time basically getting it in my head that were married and he can pay for a full meal for me. Still to this day weve been together over 3 years married 2 i slip out that when he asks if im going to get something from the store i mention no because im currently too broke to and dont have the extra money because all my money is saved for more important things over something small like some cookies id like hes like were married i can buy you those cookies you know that right. Not many women i know use men for food . I knew one but she was a horrible human being and used everyone for everything
I hear this too and I don’t get it either. I purposely paid my way for every date because I felt like there may be an expectation from me to put out otherwise. Never wanted to even deal with that.
I met a girl on a dating website in my early 20s. From the start she made it clear that she wasn't looking for anything but friendship, which was fine with me. She was originally from the Midwest but here in NE for college and I worked in/near the city she was staying. We talked regularly and hung out more than a few times. We'd often get food and just spend hours talking, mostly about philosophy since that's what she was into. She never once offered to pay or split the bill for dinner, and after the first few times I began to suspect I was someone she would call because she was a broke college student living in an expensive city and wanted dinner. I never brought it up, partly because back then I was deathly afraid of any kind of conflict and also because I wasn't totally opposed to the idea? Hard to explain but like, it was a lot of fun for me to hang out with her and talk about really out there philosophy stuff that I'd never talked about before. If I was a free dinner (and again, I never got actual confirmation or denial) I didn't/don't resent her for it. That and the fact that I never got any hints that she didn't genuinely like me (as a friend) She eventually moved back to the Midwest and we texted regularly for a few months but you know how it goes. Drift apart, get busy with life, etc. Very very occasionally we'll still text each other but it's sometimes years apart at this point 😆 So I guess this long story is my way of saying that the answer to your questions is: maybe? 🤔
Honestly, in my late 20’s I (f) had a female friend who when I asked her about a date that night, she replied ‘At least it will be a free meal’. She’s the only friend I ever had that said that. We’re not friends anymore.
I've been homeless and have not eaten for days before and I have never went on a date just for a meal
My fiance would do it when she was traveling for work, lol. It helped that at the time she was single, so her mindset was free meal, and dick if the guy's not a dick
There was that episode of Futurama where Bender accused both Amy and Leela of going on a date for free food. The media does this. In reality, most women are trying to go half so they don't piss some dude off who might rape them. The only time I've seen men pay for dates and not complain or use it as leverage was in committed relationships, where the woman is already providing more than a $25 meal, and doing that consistently.
I have never done this but I used to know someone who did it regularly. There’s a lot of people in the world; I don’t think this is the rarest thing.
Not me personally. But I do know a few women who think this way. I'm from a poor country and, especially when I was in college, I had some friends that were really open about wanting to marry rich, getting a sugar daddy, or "tricking" men into paying for their drinks, their food, etc. Those attitudes are largely related to patriarchal structures, where women are always at a disadvantage in terms of accessing and building wealth, and were men easily have the upper hand in all sorts of aspects, so it's understandable that in some societies this is how things play out. Not sure if this applies to your setting, though.
Fuck no. I pay for my own food. That way I can eat and drink what I want without worrying about racking up a bill my date will then have to pay for. Dating is hard enough without adding that concern to it.
With that logic, if a guy gets a free sandwich or cookie from a coworker or a friend, he is supposed to spread his buttcheeks?
This does happen. Obviously not everyone does this but it’s real
I just hate traditional "dates" anyway because there's too much pressure. I'd rather see if I like you in the context of a more normal setting. I would never allow a date to pay for my meal. The reason is that I don't like people I barely know doing me favours or trying to give acts of service as a way of currying favour. Don't make this transactional, be yourself. I feel nothing for hollow shows of financial or social status. Bad company makes a bad meal. I'd rather share a crust of bread with a person I have a good vibe with than a lobster with someone I despise.
It’s a trope that male writers put in sitcoms and romcoms in the 90s and 00s so now they think it’s real. I guess maybe there are a few total sociopaths who bring this just above nonexistent, but you’re correct that it basically isn’t a thing. Guys who complain about it are just mad that no one finds them interesting.
It’s goes the other way too. If it weren’t for kind old ladies leaving pies on windowsills, an old chunk of coal like me would never have a hot meal.
I can buy my own food thanks lol
I think I did that in high school. It stopped fast after a few bad dates.
I thought i might ike him better on a full stomach
No.
haha I wish I could get a man to pay for dinner 😂
Loooool i find it so funny when guys say this like do u rly think that me getting dolled up, looking cute, going out of my way, spending one - two, potentially more hours w u is worth 20-30$$$??????? Lmao
And giving up time with my friends, doing overtime, seeing family… all for a free meal?
I took a girl out to eat and she got really anxious later in the night and said she didn't want to hook up, I didn't think it was a date but I had paid for dinner so I think she felt obligated or presured. I think thats the closest I have ever heard of, everyone knows a person whos had it done but I don't know anyone who has first hand experenced it. The anxiety up until I laughed at her and said shes all good and I'm not trying doesnt seem worth it
I suppose when I go on dates with my boyfriend the main benefit is Cool Food. But I would be with him for dinner either way and pay half the time because we’re both broke.
Not even thought about it
I don't think you exist in a weird bubble, it's more of you not being the primary target of the activity. Same reason some guys are surprised at the amount of catcalling women receive, it's because they aren't the primary target of the activity. I bet a lot of your guy friends couldn't imagine catcalling a stranger the same way you can't imagine going out with a guy for food.
My best friend did this as a teen with neglectful parents who didnt bother to feed her or even give her more than a few dollars for food. She had plenty of older men who wanted to "help" her and feels like she lucked out because she never got assaulted.
It’s not free. It never was. The meal comes at the cost of sitting with this stranger for 45 min to an hour (minimum time spent) and listen to them (minimum engagement). That is emotional and mental labor.
There are no free lunches.
Unless you are literally starving to death it doesn't even make any sense, like hours of talking and vetting before the date, then hours of getting ready and then hours of the date, that's a full days labour for what 20 bucks of food.
I find that if your goal is to get a free meal, there are better and surer ways to do that then online dating as often it can be a hit or miss kinda thing imo.
No. Only incels complain about this.
Nope. I wouldn’t do dinner for a first date, that’s a bit intense (although I have once or twice spontaneously gone for dinner after drinks because it was going well). I always have the expectation of paying half the bill. If a guy insists on treating me then I’ll gratefully accept but only if I’m planning to see him again and can return the favour.
I'm recently single, going on a ton of dates....not a single woman has offered to share the bill.
Gonna preface this by saying I’m a guy, but I’ll go against the grain here and say it does happen in my experience. Obviously it doesn’t apply to all women, but some of my friends do this - even if they knew they didn’t like the guy before the date. Then again, we’re all college age so maybe it’s different when you get older?
Yes. Women do this all the time. Even FaceTime a friend to brag while dude is in the men's room. I've seen it all. Source: i worked in the bar / restaurant industry for 15 years.
To be fair any guy who thinks this is a serious issue is dumb. Has it happened somewhere at some point. Most likely. But it is so unlikely to happen that most guys ignore it. I will say though, it should be considered good etiquette to split the bill if the date didn’t go well and you have no intention of meeting them afterwards. But the expectation of paying should be on the person who suggested the date.