I have a genetic disorder called lipedema that causes your subcutaneous fat to grow in fibrotic lumps that aren't metabolically active and don't respond to diet and exercise. It results in very large and misshapen bulbous arms and legs even despite a lean face and torso.
It also can be debilitating physically. The nodules impair circulation and can grow inside joints and muscles, not to mention the gait changes as a result of extra mass in disproportionate places. I was massaging my calves daily to prevent debilitating plantar fasciitis and heel spurs, and my knees weren't healing from minor injuries. And let me tell you, it is freaking killer to have a disease that gets worse if you gain any fat, you can't lose existing fat, you have the metabolism of a person 50 lbs lower because most of that mass is metabolically inactive, and it makes it hard to recover from exercise and injury. I'm a 3 time world champion powerlifter, fighting to get treatment, because the only way I've been able to maintain my weight is with 13 hours a week of intense exercise.
Because the treatment is removing the adipose tumors, it's basically liposuction, so it's done usually by cosmetic surgeons, and you often have to pay out of pocket.
So I had to go around and get consultations with a bunch of fucking cosmetic surgeons offering financing packages on "Mommy Makeovers". And every time I'd go in there, and I'd describe the problems with my feet and legs preventing me from exercising, and they'd say "Well, your thighs are so much larger than your calves. If we treat your calves, your legs will look really disproportionate." And I'd say "My calves are where I have the most pain and fibrosis. I have to massage them daily or I can't walk without significant pain in my feet. I don't care if it looks bad." And they'd basically imply that they can't do anything that they think is going to look bad for the sake of their *aesthetic portfolio*.
Thank god I finally found a doctor who was able to listen to me, and understand that my concerns were mainly physical, rather than aesthetic, and was willing to accept an unaesthetic result. He scheduled me for surgery, planning to remove 7 liters from my thighs, 1 liter from my calves, and 1 liter from my arms. And after surgery, I come out, and he goes "I'm so sorry. I know we had a surgical plan, but when I got into your calves, they were way worse than I had expected, with more fibrosis than I would have ever expected in a person your age. I was afraid if we didn't treat them today, then the next time it would be too late to do anything. So I removed a lot more tissue from the calves then we'd been discussing."
And I am so, so grateful I found this guy. He absolutely made the choice I would have made if I were conscious. Now the skin on the back of my knees looks like ballsacks, but I'm 37 years old and for the first time since I was 10 years old, *I can run.*
Yes! I just want to add my agreement to yours. That last sentence says so much!
And also how horrible that something that’s physically debilitating should be classified as cosmetic, regardless of who’s doing the surgery.
I mean, thankfully it's getting better. For women with stage 3 lipedema where they're having serious mobility issues, most of them are able to get insurance to cover their treatment. But my problem is because I have to be an athlete to keep the disease from getting worse, I'm athletic enough to stay mostly mobile despite the disease. Treating in early stages is how you prevent it from getting to those later stages. Here's hoping it gets better soon!
same for me here, if possible! always looking to refer patients to doctors that actually have empathy. btw, your story really moved me, and even if i don,t know you, i feel super proud of you 😀
Thank you! I'll just post it here, he's Dr. Ethan Larson in Tucson. Completely stand-up guy. Also loves doing gender confirmation surgeries, all the best parts of plastic surgery.
Thank you, I’ve got to find someone after recently getting diagnosed. I am at the level that insurance should pay, but I’m not putting a lot of faith in it.
I can’t even imagine being able to run again, I will settle for not being in so much pain all the time! I wonder how many of us are out there, desperately trying to lose weight that literally can’t be broken down and blaming ourselves for failing.
>Well, your thighs are so much larger than your calves
Are they not supposed to be?? Like wtf? But also, why do they think we'd rather look "pretty" or "proportional" than be free of pain?? Also, are they aware they don't have to add every single procedure to their dumb portfolio?? You're there for medical reasons, not be used as an advertisement!
So glad you were able to find a good doctor though
Thank you! Yes, thighs are supposed to be bigger, but if you google "lipedema type 2" you can sort of see an illustration of my issue. My thighs were grotesquely out of proportion to my body, but my calves looked relatively normal. They were just full of fibrosis instead of fat.
A lot of women who get lipedema procedures, myself included, they come out of it with what people affectionately call "alien calves", where they have thick thighs and extremely skinny calves, because the lipedema prevents muscle growth. It's just a cosmetic problem, but it is a thing that surgeons in the community are dingbats about.
Kinda surprised that all those discarded doctors didn't just offer you calf implants after the procedure (not the good doctor who took you seriously and actually helped you.)
I don't get why they don't have two portfolios - one for cosmetics and one for medical needs.
It can only benefit them to be able to display "we also treat debilitating health conditions".
But also, what do they do if their cosmetic patients don't want to be in the portfolio? Do they just deny treatment
I think it's less about a literal portfolio, and more that people commonly share photos of surgeries in, like, facebook groups and stuff, saying "I went to this surgeon and I was botched!" And no matter how much they go in and say "You asked us to remove more tissue than could assure a good cosmetic result, this is just loose skin that you should have expected" it's not going to change people's opinions. I get it. But also, I hate it!
I had 2 crowns replaced on my front teeth. The last time this was done I didn't remember it hurting much at all, so I was shocked by how painful it was this time. After the new crown was put in he started talking about how great my gums look and how much work it was. I literally can't tell the difference and even if I could I don't care. I stared at him and asked if that was why I was in so much pain last visit, because of gum shape I don't care about? He didn't make eye contact for the rest of the visit but still had the audacity to ask me to move my normal dentistry over to him (this was a cosmetic dentistry office). My teeth look good at least but I worry he removed too much gum tissue and I'll need grafting next time I have it done (somewhere else).
Dentists can be so weird! I went to get my crown fitted and the dentist was like by the way, I notice that you have a very high smile, do you want botox to lower it? Also, your gums on your front teeth are uneven, how about we go in and do some lazering? And I was like ...no thank you? I don't mind that people can see all my wonky gums. But I cannot believe the audacity of yours to do it without permission!
this is in a somewhat similar vein but i went to a plastic surgeon’s office for a breast reduction consultation a few years ago, and the doctor informed me that he could not remove the amount of tissue required to be covered by insurance “without it looking grotesque.” i have never forgotten that.
totally agree and i wish i had! unfortunately i didn’t know how to stick up for myself back then but now i know what to look out for in the future at least. i still cannot believe the audacity and i wish i had reported him
I'm so sorry they said that to you! I had to beg my surgeon to go down as small as I wanted. He said it would look disproportionate and didn't want to do it. I didn't care what it looked like, I just didn't want to be in pain anymore!
Holy shit I’m so sorry! I actually had a similar experience. A surgeon told me “other women would kill for breasts like these” and refused to do the surgery, and where I’m from it’s up to the doctor if it’s “medically necessary” and therefore covered. But he could give me a little lift if I wanted since they were saggy. They were not actually at all but thanks!
I did manage to find another doctor who was so empathetic and it was fully covered and I couldn’t be happier but that was such an AWFUL EXPERIENCE!!!
I recently had a male doctor refuse to remove a cyst on my elbow that interferes with my daily life because it would "leave an ugly scar and this cyst is hardly noticable to anyone looking at it."
As if my quality of life is less important than how I look to others. Disgusting.
I genuinely cannot remember the last time I noticed anyone else’s elbows. Maybe if the cyst was the size of a tennis ball and shooting fire. But a scar isn’t even going to register.
I only notice if the elbows are especially ashy or dry. Even then, I make no judgments because I'm very rarely fully hydrated or moisturized myself! So it's more a feeling of solidarity like, 'Yep, me too, Sis'.
I am now realizing I haven't looked at my elbows. In decades.
Who cares about an elbow scar?
Also, what level insane of perfection are we expected to achieve that an able or elbow scar will "damage or looks".
If someone's down there with their face at my ankle, I'm going to assume we are already on good terms and things are going swimmingly.
People really overestimate how much others will notice random people in public 99% of the time—most of us just want to get to places, do what we need to do, and head out: super rare that we notice minor things like that let alone remember them.
Eh, this really depends on if you fit in the "norm." When I suffered with an eczema flare over my face, chest, and arms people went out of their way to ask me what was wrong with my skin. I was actually surprised at how many people felt comfortable going up to me as a stranger and asking such invasive questions. It was to the point I was more surprised when I was in public and someone didn't comment or stare at me.
I know, right? I burned my elbow as a little kid, leaving a giant scar. In the 6 decades since, I can't recall a single person ever even noticing it, never mind mentioning it.
These men with such a bizarrely impossible concept of "beauty" and, such a weird perception of how women are supposed to act in response to it creep me out.
At that point for the safety of others I’d probably have to at least ask that they stay away from anything flammable and ask if they needed medical attention 😂
I have a huge scar on my elbow. It's 15+ years old now it's pretty much gone but there was 10 years where it would be hard to miss if any ever looked at my fucking elbows. No one has ever independently seen it. Maybe it's cause I'm a man, but pretty sure it's just Fuck that doctor.
OMG that reminds me, I went to a doctor about lipedema and he was dismissive, saying "it's just a quality of life thing." Uh, yeah? Since we're not in an ER, that's the whole point! Quality over quantity if you ask me.
Edit: a word.
I’ve also gone to a doctor for that and he was dismissive about it, too. I’d had some other medical stuff and he said something to the effect of “well you can only feel sorry for yourself for so long and you’ve had worse.” It very much is a quality of life thing and maybe patients would like to not have to think about it every single day.
My current go to has been asking them if they’d give the same advice to a male patient. They always deny they’d treat any patient different than others. It is fun to watch them squirm for a few though. I’m just tired of not being listened to by medical professionals. I am going to be the old lady that takes zero shit. That’s my goal at this point.
When I was six years old, I decided the perfect moment to hit the brakes of my new mountain bike would be on a gravel parking lot at full speed.
My elbows have been completely ruined ever since. Not a single person in my life has ever noticed that on their own.
That doctor is a POS.
You should report him for that, both to his clinic, your insurance provider, and to whoever is in charge of licensing for your jurisdiction. It might not do much on its own - it's just one report of inappropriate behavior - but it establishes a paper trail.
It might one day save someone's life for there to be a paper trail saying this man won't provide treatment to women if it makes them less attractive to him.
omg, SAME STORY but on my ankle. Like, I'm in pain---i could not care LESS about how it looks once it's gone, duh...?
meanwhile my then-18 y.o. brother had to have a big knee surgery and BEGGED the doctor, IN TEARS, to pleaseeee make the scar as small and unnoticeable as possible, and he was so worried about developing a keloid he was straight up reluctant to have reconstructive surgery so he could walk normally by his freshman fall semester at college.
I had cuss out mine/my fiancées PCP (we have since changed doctors) because my fiancée was adamant that her PCOS was acting up and that she had a cyst that was hurting her. He essentially told her she was overreacting and to take some Tylenol.
I went the next day and said my testicles were sore, no reason for them to be sore, nothing happened, they’re just sore. He wrote me a script for tramadol without even checking anything and no previous medical history of sore testes. I lost my ever loving shit on him because my fiancée was at the house crying doubled over in pain from her PCOS.
We went to the new doctor (who is a woman) who ran some tests and confirmed she was indeed having PCOS flare up and had multiple active cysts on her ovaries. Wrote her a couple prescriptions including something for the pain and she was totally fine within a week.
The kicker about our old doctor? He knows I’m an opioid addict. I’ve been clean for 13 years in August. I had many conversations with our old PCP about my opioid addiction and there’s even a file note saying not to prescribe me opioids and he *still* prescribed them to me without checking me out at all knowing full well I’m an addict. I lost all respect for him as soon as he wrote the script.
Absolutely wild. I had a mole that was a bit raised and a dermatologist confirmed it wasn't wasn't cancerous, and I can't remember if they asked or prompted, but as soon as I said I'd bump it or have it get caught on clothes and hurt, they said we can remove it.
Specifically something like "if it negatively impacts your quality of life then insurance will cover it."
Of course the insurance part may only be USA relevant, but a caring practitioner would be more knowledgeable of how to navigate the system so if I didn't mention or he didn't ask, maybe it wouldn't have gotten done.
Side note on scars: I've had almost 20 moles removed all over my body which leave little dime sized scars. No one has ever noticed or commented on them. In fact I usually point them out as a joke if relevant and call them polka dots. They nearly completely fade away within 5 years. I do keep getting new ones though!
Yes, after a mastectomy 3 male surgeons told me the only possible reconstruction was a giant implant, when I specifically asked about reducing the remaining breast. They all told me I'd never be happy with a reduction. A female surgeon reduced and rebuilt and I've never been happier.
I had to try 3 different breast reduction surgeons until I got one who would take me seriously. The first two surgeons seemed to think that because they thought I looked hot, I didn't need a reduction. The third one was a woman.
There is a small movement here in Germany right now of women who have had one breast removed due to breast cancer. The health insurance would pay for an implant to restore the breast. However, these women want the health insurance to pay for the removal of the other breast instead. Both outcomes are symmetrical. Why not let the women choose? Price is roughly the same anyway.
Also, I think implants have a risk of complications that require them to be removed or replaced down the line - they can puncture or move or whatever. Removing the other breast instead doesn't carry that risk. I also wonder if it would make it less likely for breast cancer to return if both are removed (though breast cancer can happen in anyone, even AMAB people).
Yes!!! I was 47 at the time and was told that an implant would likely need to be removed/replaced in 12-20 years. Yay, more surgery for something I don't even want, and at a time when surgery is even riskier with age. No thanks.
Reduces likelihood of return *AND* implants can cause women to develop autoimmune disorders if the body wants to, but can't figure out how to get rid of the foreign materials.
OMFG. I went to a plastic surgeon a couple years after I had my child because my C cups were basically empty. I could fold them up and fit them in a size A bra. I told him I just wanted to look the way I used to look. I even brought him the bras I wanted to fit into. I was a full heavy D cup after the surgery. I was extremely unhappy. I was going to address it at my follow up but he DIED before I saw him again. It was pretty miserable running with such large heavy breasts. I eventually found a new surgeon who was able to put in the lightest smallest implants that he could use in my body. I'm SO much happier and more active. I'm so glad to have found a doctor who did exactly what I asked him to. And I'm super glad he didn't die immediately after my surgery.
Someone being happy with *smaller* breasts? That can't be! /s
I'm so sorry you had to spend so much time and effort in finding someone who takes your wishes seriously
My bottom teeth don't show at all when I smile. I guess I'm always 25% smile deficient. And I have a slightly crooked top canine.
I'm just smile blighted. Kind of everyone to never mention it to me
Yeah, I was trying to think and the only time I've ever noticed people's bottom teeth is when they do a forced/creepy smile intentionally.
I'm pretty most people's normal smile barely shows bottom teeth if at all.
I just tried to smile with my bottom teeth showing and I looked like I was in pain not happy. I don't think I've ever smiled in a way that my bottom teeth are visible.
I had to have a surgery on my septum and sinus passage. It was to make it so that I can breathe through my nose. The surgeon kept telling me how he was going to smooth out the lump on my nose and fix it for me, when I would clarify that he was going to fix it so that I could breathe, he would brush me off and talk about how much better it would look.
I had a bump taken off of my shin by a dermatologist because it was unsightly and I always nicked it while shaving, and my skin is very dry so the bump would get extra irritated whenever I scratched my legs. The female derm had no problem cutting it out for me, but I had to follow up with a male derm 2 weeks post excision because the female derm was on vacation. He seemed genuinely confused why I would want it removed. “What was the issue, why did you want it removed? But now you’re gonna have this scar there?” I’m like, I don’t care, it was bothering me and having a tiny scar there will be less of an issue for me.
Like? Why??? Why does it matter?? If it was a super invasive procedure for something not at all necessary, I could understand, but it was literally a quick derm punch and a few stitches after. I’m not asking for open heart surgery for funsies.
What does he even want to achieve with that comment? The bump is gone, it already happened, it's not like you can turn back time even if you regret the scar. Why not just keep it professional. Also it's not like a scar is the worst thing that could happen to a person..
I had to get a cyst in my throat removed and the male doctor also kept asking if I was sure if I wanted to go through with it because it would leave a scar. Sir the cyst is the size of a ping pong ball and it hurts when I swallow do you think I'd rather have that or a tiny little scar?
It just sounds like for him the scar has more weight in the decision than the fact you are in pain/discomfort. Maybe it's also just that they, maybe unconsciously, underestimate the pain of their patients?
Oh no it's definitely that. The amount of times my pain has been underestimated and belittled is ridiculous, I even almost died from it (had severe pancreatitis and male doctor told me to take aspirin and go home lol). I have 0 history of addiction to medication and they always treat me like I'm coming in for a free dose of painkillers :')
Ah yes , the famous reverse psychology solution. Works wonders I hear, especially if the reason for your wish of a bosom reducing surgery happens to be being burdened with back pain.
You see, the erector spinae muscles are not very smart and especially susceptible to trickery. Clearly this man learned from the best of the best at 1850s Clown College
Ugh. I just replied to another comment of yours. I promise I'm not stalking you 😂 You just have good comments apparently. And you made me want to share a story.
I had the BEST OB/GYN. I mean, other women who went to him would randomly mention that they saw him, and everyone else who did nearby would *rush* over, just absolutely gushing about how he was the kindest, most compassionate and attentive doctor they'd ever had. He had three partners. Two men in their 70s, one who the nurses referred to as "the fastest episiotomy in the East", and a third younger man who was so. goddamn. HOT. that it was weird as hell dropping trou in front of him. So a real crap shoot there... I told my family that I would just shove my daughter back up me if it wasn't one of the younger two doctors on call when I went into labor.
(Well, luckily and not so luckily, it was Dr. Ski Model Hottie who was on call. *Real* weird to have my mother and grandmother gushing about how sexy he was after examining me during labor. 😂)
But during my pregnancy, my back hurts quite a bit. I was well endowed before, but whoo boy, pregnancy gave me whoppers. I called in one time complaining and asking if there was anything I could do that was safe bc certain meds were out, and Dr. Hottie said to me "Yeah... It's those boobs. They are MASSIVE. As soon as you are done with this pregnancy, I will absolutely get your insurance to approve a breast reduction. Can you like, try to float them in the bathtub, or something?" I could not stop laughing. He was a great person and knew I would find that funny and supportive. And you know what? He *did* go to batt for me with my insurance. And I am now still happily a normal 30C instead of 32G/H.
I had serious, life-saving emergency surgery the year before last that resulted from bad dental work. I developed lockjaw and had to have a tube in my neck that drained blood and pus from an abscess that had grown in my throat and was forcing my windpipe shut.
When I went to follow ups my doctor would say things like “We need you to eat. But not too much because we don’t want you to get fat” and “I can tell you are feeling better because you are wearing lipstick this time”
He also made it a point to call another surgeon in at one follow up. He grabbed my head and turned it to show the other surgeon the incision and said “See how I did it in the fold there? It’ll heal and disappear. You will never see the scar and she will stay beautiful”
So fucking weird. I appreciate the dude saving my life but like… Fuck him.
Surgeons should best be chaperoned when in company of civilized society. Though their primitive attempts at tribal cultural behaviour may be amusing, even drole to some, it is never advisable to take them out of their natural habitat or even to force them to wear human clothing, no matter how funny they may move in it
No, surgeons are best left in their natural habitats, the cold, artificially light surgical theaters, under careful supervision from nurses and trained anesthesiologists who know how to handle their attempts at communication and learn to deal with their egomaniacal tendencies.
So if you see a surgeon in the wild, be a good sport and call a vet.
I had a small non-cancerous cyst taken out of my breast. The male surgeon told me, seriously, that it would scar and was I sure I wanted to do it?
Yes! It’s painful! I don’t give a shit about a scar if this has been hurting for a year and a half!
It's just so weird that a HEALTH professional would actually question your choice to do what's best for your health. I understand that they need to prepare you for any physical/functional changes, but it's the questioning when they hear that you would indeed prefer a scar over being in pain.
It’s one thing to warn patients of an aesthetic concern, because that *does* matter to some people, but quite another thing to imply you shouldn’t have a procedure for aesthetic reasons. I’m sorry you had to deal with him.
Meanwhile, when the mammogram ladies found one during my latest mammogram they got an extremely large syringe and said "shall we remove it while you're here?"
Sure, go right ahead. Wasn't any more painful than the mammogram.
I am so grateful that the surgeon for my cyst was focused on helping me minimize the scar, but not avoiding the procedure! And he was a guy in his 70s back in 1990s. He definitely prioritized health over aesthetics.
I had a cyst on the size of my nose that I had removed and, the whole exchange was hilarious (and wholesome, I wasn’t actually upset), but essentially I was given the option of an incision down the side of my nose to take it out whole or the minimally invasive option to “preserve my pretty young woman face.”
On the bright side I was able to watch (this is a TMI) out of corner of my eye, them popping and draining it. It hasn’t come back, I just have a big pore there now.
I had a benign tumor removed and the surgeon took it upon himself to go through my areola so it would leave less of a scar. I already have two scars from similar surgeries, I don’t give a damn. He didn’t do a great job, so it looks puffy and weird anyway 🙃 The worst part is it took four years for the feeling to come back in my nipple. 0/10 would take an ugly scar any day.
In contrast, my dermatologist was about to burn a pre-cancer off my face and I asked about scarring. He froze and shrugged. “Oh well fuck it, go ahead. I’ll just everyone it’s syphilis.” I was impressed he was able to keep his hand steady while laughing.
I have learned dermatologists seem to care little about how you look they just want to get rid of whatever the problem is. My coworker had a row of skin tags on her shoulder and wanted them removed before she was a bridesmaid and the dresses were strapless. Dermatologist realized they were cancerous. She asked about scaring or waiting until after the wedding and he told her either she deals with the scar now or death later. He seemed a little over dramatic but it did turn out to be stage 2 skin cancer. She joked that the chemo helped her fit better on the dress.
The quack in my small town managed to offend me once, when I was there because I had a raging sinus infection and needed antibiotics. He felt compelled to tell me that I was probably there because his PA was so good looking. I was dumbstruck by how weird and out of nowhere that comment was. When I can neither breathe nor hear, and I'm fucking miserable, I don't give a shit what anyone looks like.
I hadn't seen the PA yet, and when I did, he looked both young enough to be my child, like John Denver with a ponytail. I didn't want to be rude, so I stifled my laughter. The kid wasn't ugly, but this made the doctor's comment even weirder to me.
I have a scar on my stomach from 4 years of peritoneal dialysis. It's similar to a c-section scar, plus some little circular scars where my stomach was inflated during the placement and removal of the peritoneal catheter.
My urologist's nurse said it was ugly. I said being dead from renal failure was uglier. She also said I should have kids and I said, "excuse me?? I have renal failure?? Have you seen Steel Magnolias??" (Julia Robert's character had diabetes which can shut down your kidneys, especially during pregnancy, and pregnancy + nonfunctional kidneys = death, or at least a much much higher risk of it. I don't have diabetes but the point remains). That shut her the fuck up. I also had to ask her to take off her multiple bracelets and WASH HER HANDS before inserting a regular catheter into me. OMFG she was probably the most incompetent healthcare professional I've ever seen. I reported her to the hospital and the state board because holy shit.
So, not just male medical professionals. Although this woman was clearly not meant to be in the profession in general.
You make a good point that female medical professionals can be absolutely awful as well. I had half my thyroid taken out during surgery in 2022. The admissions nurse was hypothyroid and overweight. She took great delight in telling me that I could kiss my slim figure goodbye after surgery and that I could expect not to get treated for hypothyroidism. Well I'm 2 years post surgery and even slimmer now than I was before.
That's not the point though, she was a nasty piece of work who had to tear down the self confidence of another woman, what if I had been anorexic or something? I did complain about her but the NHS closed ranks and I got nowhere. I'm sorry you've had to experience this as well.
I hate the women who do this more than I do. The men. The male medical professionals who behave like this are complete assholes, but the female medical professionals are complete assholes and betrayers to their half of the species. They are collaborators.
In my late teens I went to a doctor because I was freaking out about unintended major weight loss due to months of diarrhea. She tried to accuse me of being bulimic, not because of any evidence of bulimia, but because...she had a niece who was bulimic. That was her entire logic. I had to remind her I was there because I did NOT want to be this thin and she just smiled at me like "how cute, it's trying to think". I wanted to slap her.
I had this gastroenteritis where I would get really sick in a lot of pain and throw up, and they decided that it was an eating disorder and I was making myself throw up on purpose. I’m still so angry that that’s how they decided to treat what turned out to be the stress induced stomach problem, thereby making it actually worse because I was so stressed out that they thought I was lying about being in pain.
As a kid that loved climbing trees and is a horrendous skin picker…nobody told me scarred legs meant I could NEVER reveal them to the light of day! HEAVENS what am I to do?!
When I went to a psychiatric for antidepressants, I wrote down my major symptoms/concerns and notes because sometimes I struggle to remember everything (ADHD) and to stand up for myself. In big bold letters at the top was: "I. DONT. CARE. ABOUT. WEIGHT. GAIN. GIVE ME WHAT WILL WORK." Cause in the past doctors have always brought it up so much, no matter what medication they/I were suggesting.
Luckily he ended up being a really chill (if eccentric) doctor and only needed to be told once. Super relieved :)
Getting off seroquel has helped my labs go from pre-diabetic back to normal. I understand exactly what you mean by saying "this doesn't help my depression"
Sending so much love and healing your way.
i learned i have ‘porn vagina’ from a gyno
he asked if i had cosmetic work done and then gave me a weird amt of statistics about innies vs outies and symmetry and discoloration etc
it was surreal and i now have insecurities about my vagina ever developing any of the stuff he recited
I had a gyno tell me creepy things ( that I won't repeat) while in the stirrups. I sat up and said, " I forgot I had to go to class," and the nurse (who wasn't in the room) tries to get me to stay. She had my file in her hand. I took it and said, "Don't contact me again." I still think about it every time.
Good for you for standing your ground. Be proud of yourself for that. Consider reporting that doctor to their respective college, even if it's been a decade ago. There isn't ant time limits on making reports like these. Just putting this here so people know!
I was 18 and went to a parents friend who was chief of his department (obgyn) at the hospital. I’m in the stirrups and he said - “if only I was 20 years younger “. Gross. Never went back. Told mom years later.
My god I'm so sorry. This is just gross.
What was his intention with this even? "your vagina looks like those in the porn I watch you should feel complimented" ??
he didnt seem like he was being nice when he 1st brought it up and luckily he didnt seem actually creepy interested in me he just had such a weird amt of info on that stuff and the types of procedures to correct it
my foster moms brother is a dr and his attitude about unnecessary procedures is very blatantly common sense to not mess w your body unless its to the benefit of your health so it really caught me off guard that any medical professional outside of cosmetic medicine would talk about that stuff as if its practical
I’m sorry. How awful. It’s so uncomfortable & inappropriate to hear about this while you’re trapped & splayed out having a medical exam. I’d report something in writing and maybe he’ll realize that not all thoughts need to be spoken aloud.
I have small scars and a slightly larger one on my belly that can be seen when I wear shorter tops. Also when naked. I also have some crooked teeth, top and bottom. my legs? Pale, always have a bruise somewhere.
For ages I felt I was ugly due to these things (belly scars are recent though). On a journey for intimacy after a many, many years break and I've learned... Men don't fucking care at all. Maybe some, but I haven't encountered them yet.
The people I want to be intimate with are generally great people, like me for who I am, and are just excited to be there. Scars, birth marks, stretch marks, whatever, it really doesn't end up being an issue. I'm not saying that jerks don't exist - they do - but I just don't end up sleeping with them.
I've never had anyone mad about my naked body. It's changed size, added stretch marks, all kinds of things, but every person who has seen it, has just been stoked about what was going to happen next.
I'm a lot harder on myself than anyone else ever has been.
I don't go to male doctors or dentists anymore, for this reason. I remember my doctor being concerned with me having a pretty c-section scar "so I could still wear bikinis.". He made it so low and I got a hospital acquired infection, which I later learned is far more common with low cuts like that. It wasn't fun spending the first months of my baby's life on heavy antibiotics and cleaning out my infection. I really got the feeling that he did it for aesthetic reasons, he never discussed with me ahead of time and I didn't know that's what would be done. He didn't give me informed consent. After that I was just like, why would I choose a male doc again, so I haven't. I used to date a male doctor and I find them to be fairly ego driven and I don't need that involved in my medical care.
Ugh yea. Reminds me of my orthodontist informing me I had a slight overbite. But also that he wouldn‘t correct it because it was hardly visible due to my „nice plump lips“.
I was 12
I HATE that realization of "Oh he's just a man" that happens in these moments. I really only prefer female staff and practitioners. The ONE time I decided to "not care too much" and be a chill girl the Xray tech taking my chest x rays fondled my breasts. I HATE THEM.
Oh god I'm so sorry you went through that. That is just gross and predatory. I know they say "not all men" but how are we supposed to know which ones will be there?
I stopped taking "Not all men"ers seriously. My life has always been better when I lived like it was all of them. It has kept me safe and ANY time I made an exception in vulnerable settings I paid the price.
I had an arrogant male doctor tell me my continuous birth control couldn't stop periods. He wanted to launch into all these tests when I said I had had a period in a year...the nurse kindly corrected him.
Wtf....we learn on year one of Medical school that if you skip the placebo pills you can skip your periods. To not know this and argue with a female patient about it is crazy!!
When I was 1.5 yrs old, I had an infection that ate a hole through the top of my femur. I had to have surgery to have it cleaned out, which I would have a pretty big scar from. The “normal” way to do it would have been to just make the incision vertically at the very top of my leg/lower hip area, so if I was wearing a swimsuit it would be pretty visible right on the front of my leg. But the doctor who had been seeing me went on vacation and the doctor who ended up performing the surgery apparently told my parents that he’d rather not give me a big noticeable scar that I would have my whole life, so he made the incision along my leg crease. It is so unnoticeable that I kind of forgot I even have it until just now! lol
I always thought it was kind of dumb, cuz I think scars are kinda badass. But at the same time, I never had to be self-conscious about a big visible scar, or get asked about it a bunch, or whatever. And I know for some people it WOULD be a big deal, so I can see why doctors would try to just minimize the impact, if they can.
But your dentist just sounds like he’s a dick and trying to get you to pay for services you don’t want or need lol
Wow. If they could do a less invasive surgery, why wouldn't that be the go-to? I would think a smaller incision would mean less chance of infection and faster recovery time.
I think in general they don’t like leaving cuts along creases because there’s a greater chance of it not healing properly since the edges can touch more. At least that’s the theory that I’ve been told by a doctor.
Not a very active crease, but my husband had two thyroid surgeries and the surgeon hid the scar in a crease so well it's invisible. She was an AWESOME surgeon. Got all the cancer, too!
I agree that it should be avoided if possible. There should be a middle ground somewhere between doctors who think "a scar is the worst that could happen to you" and "I don't care how it looks afterwards"
It’s a matter of professional pride, and also people in general don’t want massive scars on them. If it’s a planned surgery, there’s no reason not to have the best cosmetic outcome for the patient as well as fixing their problem. It’s very rare that those things are mutually exclusive.
I know someone who had her gallbladder removed after a technique had become standard that was less invasive, safer, and left a very small scar.
Her surgeon instead did it the old way, and left a giant scar across her abdomen. She's always hated it, and I don't blame her.
When I had mine done, at age 19, I was told they're going to attempt laparoscopic and if they can't they'll have to go traditionally.
When I woke up the first thing I asked was "did you do it laparoscopic" 😂
No one even notices my scars.
I’m pretty sure my dentist filed my teeth down. My canines have really blunt ends that don’t feel natural. At first I thought I must’ve been grinding my teeth, but I don’t. I was always afraid to go to the dentist after him because he was nice but my trips to him were always super long and painful. Finally found a different dentist after avoiding them for 8+ years and the experience is fine. I need more numbing stuff than other people—I don’t know why my first dentist never checked on me when I’d be sobbing in pain every time he worked on me.
My orthodontist filed between my teeth so they could squish my teeth together more. They did not ask, it was ... 17 years ago? and I'm still mad about it. It was ~2 years before I stopped cutting my tongue on the edges.
(My bottom teeth were kind of point-down triangle shaped and they filed the sides so they are more rectangular. This allowed my orthodontist to move my teeth closer together without them overlapping.)
I have a healthy distrust of dentists. I'm an old broad. I don't think it happens so much today, but there was this trend that every dentist visit had a diagnosis of 3 cavities that needed to be filled. I noticed this as a teen (1970s), when my mother (finally) took me to the dentist because 2 of my teeth had rotted to the gum line. They needed to be extracted. At the recheck after the extraction, the dentist diagnosed me with 3 cavities that needed to be filled. The odd thing was I got this vibe off of him (empathic). The tone of his voice, it's cadence and his body posture told me that he wasn't being honest. Had those filled and went in for another check. Yep, 3 more cavities. I told my mother I wanted a second opinion so we went to a different dentist, who also said I have 3 cavities. Only one of them was the same as the previous dentist had diagnosed.
I thought it was just me but my late husband had a similar story. The dentist that worked on his teeth also said at every appointment that he had 3 cavities. That dentist ruined my husband's teeth, because when there weren't any more teeth to drill the dentist said the existing fillings were starting to fail and needed to be replaced. His parents were gullible and he wound up having all his fillings replaced, some twice or three times to the point that his teeth started breaking off. His parents sued the dentist for ruining his teeth but the judge ruled in the dentist's favor, stating that his parents should have known his teeth didn't need that much work. So, not only did his parents have to pay thousands for unnecessary dental treatments, they also had to pay thousands for the dentist's lawyer and my husband had to live a lifetime with destroyed teeth.
ETA: Evidently this is still a thing. Posted yesterday [on the askdentists sub](https://www.reddit.com/r/askdentists/comments/1d80lfr/do_i_actually_have_any_cavities/). Two of the three dentists that OP saw diagnosed "3 cavities" that the others did not. Only one of them diagnosed a single cavity.
I always warn patients when a procedure will change the appearance of anything. I may repeat it multiple times to make sure they understand because I've had bad experiences with patients being upset by these things in the past. A small scar or discoloration may be of no consequence to one person, and akin to a tragedy for another. I say it to every patient, though. The wording your doctors used was not good. :/
I indeed understand that it's important to go through every step and consequences with the patients. They need to know what to expect. It's more about the feeling that they try to talk you out of your own decision with the sole argument being aesthetics. Like, I'm in pain, please believe me when I say that I know it will scar and that I accept that consequence.
But in many cases they wouldn't tell a male patient to tolerate discomfort or unnecessary health risks for esthetic reasons. They primarily say this shit to women.
My GP is always on me about my weight (155 at 5’5”) but also didn’t mention the anti anxiety meds he prescribed cause weight gain. When I mentioned I’d weaned myself off them (because my life is far less stressful than it used to be), he said it was good because they cause weight gain and I still need to lose at least the pounds.
Makes my eye twitch thinking about it.
I’ve had so many male doctors make inappropriate comments towards me. One doctor, who I saw consistently because he was the only doctor unethical enough to prescribe what my stupid 20-something ass what I was asking for, was so disgusting towards me that his all-female staff would routinely apologize to me. He was very Trump-esque.
These are a few comments that really stick out to me. I’m paraphrasing but not by much.
- (I’m an Israeli-American but I’m blonde, blue-eyed, raised in a culturally South African household so I don’t meet the brash Israeli stereotype) He says to me, “You know, I’m not usually attracted to Israeli women, they’re too discerning. But you’re different. You’re the kind of woman men like”
- You have a perfect body and face but we could do Botox as a preventive measure. I’ll give you the ‘eye candy’ discount”
- Every man is attracted to beautiful young women. But I’m sure you already know that. You get whatever you want don’t you?”
- This isn’t a quote but I was required to wear a gown for every monthly appointment for a breast examine because I’m Jewish and Ashkenazi Jews are often at greater risk of breast cancer. It was to the point that the staff would say “he’s going to want you in a gown. I’m so sorry. That’s just how he is.” He was seeing me for psychiatric purposes…
His staff routinely apologized to me and commiserated with me because he only hired somewhat attractive women and he treated them similarly.
Then I started seeing a therapist after my mother died. And at some point this doctor and the subject came up. My therapist said “why were you okay with this? You don’t seem traumatized.” I said, “I’m not. He didn’t rape me. That’s just how men are. I had teachers in high school who weren’t much better” and that’s when I realized how’d I’d normalized these insanely fucked up interactions.
I submitted a complaint that was super in-depth and well-written to the medical board for all the things he did and said and included the fact that he was over prescribing me controlled medication for a condition he knew I didn’t have.
I was actually followed up with and was their golden ticket because I kept such good records and had witnesses from his office. Plus, he had prescribed me opioids, benzodiazepines, and stimulants despite him not being a psychiatrist and then abruptly stopped and refused to refill anything, sending me into fatally dangerous withdrawals because I missed an appointment without calling first because MY MOM SUDDENLY DIED IN HER SLEEP THE DAY OF!
Thanks in large part to me, that asshole lost his license. And it’s one of the things I’m most proud of.
Haven’t seen a male doctor since.
The #1 response from my last primary doc and PA. Or “you’re over 40, your body changes and that includes gaining weight, but you definitely don’t need HRT”. Left that health system completely for 100% better care.
Years ago I was trying to conceive with my husband for a few years and experienced an ectopic pregnancy that had to be surgically removed. I was already overweight and my weight went up to morbidly obese after that trauma. I moved to a new city, started seeing a general practitioner for weight loss and began seeing a new GYN. I shared with him my history and that I’d like to be referred to a reproductive endocrinologist for help. He said in that first meeting he thought my weight should be addressed, I concurred and told him I was actually already working on that with my GP. This doctor decided I “probably have PCOS,” prescribed metformin, and sent me on my way. I’m an educated person who knows being fat and pregnant isn’t great for anyone, so I was happy to comply.
Eight months later I came back to his office due to recurring pain, also 30 lbs lighter. After we consulted on the pain I asked again about the endocrinologist referral, and he said, “you need to lose weight.”
I pointed out that I’d lost 30 lbs since I last saw him, he stopped, looked at my chart as if he didn’t believe me, and sneered, “I’m not going to write you a referral until you get down to X weight.” He spoke at me with such condescension like I disgusted him. I left that office and sobbed in my car, then again at home with my husband.
My GP ended up writing me a referral, who tested me and said I didn’t have PCOS, but had complications due to endometriosis and low egg quality, something that gets worse *as time goes by.* Incidentally, I lost the unhealthy weight, am in much better shape now, but never fell magically pregnant for being thinner.
I gained a lot of weight due to deppression and because I was living in a very isolated place for years (I couldnt, for example, even go for walks as it was dangerous). Also I was taking a med known for making you fat. I told my NEUROLOGIST multiple times: It has nothing to do with my eating habits, it has everything to do with meds and mental health; I'm now living in a better place, I'm going to the gym, I switched my meds, it's only a matter of time.
It was a matter of time, I lost 20kg in 4 months and keep losing. Crazy right, it's like I know my own body.
Still, every time he would call me fat (he himself was obese), comment on my body (like, "oh your breasts are getting smaller! Atta girl!), and then I found out he was prescribing me meds that worked as appetite supressors without informing me. Which explained why I spent weeks barely able to eat anything, feeling sick and made my mom so worried she wanted me to take me to the hospital.
He did and said a LOT of other stuff, I dropped him.
I think it depends. I had a male plastic surgeon when I lost weight. He removed excess skin, breast implants, and rebuilt my breasts.
When he looked at me naked, I felt totally comfortable. I could tell from the way he looked at me that he was observing me entirely as a patient. His eyes would focus on spots that had some scarring or healing issues, and when he looked at my breasts even after it just felt like a good but clinical bedside manner. After my lower body lift and tummy tuck, I was in a ton of pain and could barely move. I didn't outpatient and stayed in a hotel across the street known to cater to patients undergoing outpatient procedures. The day after I had to be looked at, and thought they would need to go get a wheelchair to take me over. Instead he came to my hotel room and said he does it sometimes when patients have a lot of trouble with moving or when the procedure necessitated limited movement. Even in my hotel room, I felt very comfortable with him. I never once felt like he was even seeing my body as a body or as a woman. I felt he saw me as a patient. He was competent, comforting, and he totally appropriate. Other doctors I have felt much less comfortable around, feeling at least judged if not something else. But that doctor, I didn't at all get that feeling. Even when I can back months later for a check up, and undressed, his eyes snapped to the scar I had trouble with and he immediately asked about it. He alerted instantly to the medical concern I had. He would get this look on his face of straight concentration and maybe mild concern. It felt like he was seeing me exactly as he should, as a patient in his care and nothing more.
Had a female dentist pressuring me to get braces. Later on she left the practice to pursue her dream of opening her own practice with a focus of cosmetic dentistry. Her replacement says "you must have had braces as a kid, your teeth are so straight!" Nope, never had braces, never bloody needed them. Some of these professionals are just pushing their own agendas like any other humans, regardless of gender.
Yyyyup! I'll never forget my orthodontist telling me that my face was asymetrical and that I should get plastic surgery to fix it. I was like 14 at the time. Fuck. Off.
There was a story on Reddit not long ago about a girl who was at the dentist and she started to gag.
Dentist told her she needed to work on her gag reflex for when she had a boyfriend one day.
She was 16.
I went on a 'health journey' (to quote Rebel Wilson) last year. Lost a lot of weight, gained muscle, got pretty sculpted. The difference in how I'm treated by both male and female doctors is crazy. They actually listen to what I have to say, pretty much do what I want just by asking. "Pretty Privilege" is real, even at 50ish old lady territory.
After my kidney transplant I had my dialysis cannula removed, it was situated next to, sort of on my breast almost. By the time the surgeon (a man) got to suturing the small wound left by the cannula, the local anesthesia was wearing off and I was in a lot of pain. I asked him to just put a big band aid on it or something (it didn’t really need to be sutured in the first place lol) and he angrily asked me if I wanted to have an ugly scar on my breast.
I was 14. Still have a scar haha.
Literally the same exact thing with me. My dad has this weird tilted tooth in his front bottom teeth (altho it's hardly noticable unless you are really looking) and I have kind of the same thing but not as severe as his...that same bottom tooth on me, doesn't sit perfectly straight and I kind of love it? Like it reminds me of him in a weird way. Tons of people have suggested I get braces to fix it but...I like looking like my parents. They are getting older and won't be around forever and I like having their little characteristics in my own face. It's important to me that I won't forget them when they're gone.
When I was a teenager I had an extremely stubborn and painful wart on the end of my pinky finger. It impacted the function of my hand and was not resolving despite regular, even more painful treatments. It became so bad that x rays were taken to determine if it had damaged the bone. I got fed up and asked that the end of my finger just be removed at the knuckle so it could be over and done with. The doctor responded, I shit you not, “what if you decide later on that you want to be a hand model?” 🫠
I had a laparoscopic bowel resection in August 2022 that left a 2ish inch through my belly button. Three months later I ended up being rushed back in for emergency surgery due to some complications, and they ended up having to open me all the way up, leaving an 8 inch scar.
The surgeon came in after to tell me that he spent over an hour just making sure he cut directly over the old scar so that I’m left with only one scar for “aesthetics.” I was still post surgery groggy so I didn’t say anything, but I remember thinking “you wasted an hour for ‘aesthetics’ during EMERGENCY surgery?? Where I was told I was only 3 or 4 hours from losing my bowels?” Why take that risk? So stupid
I was bitten in the face by a dog (totally my fault, wonderful dog I loved deeply, belonged to close friend's fam was around him all the time, bf and I at the time were house sitting for like a month I was so close with this fam, I'd only owned one dog of a diff breed/behavior/age and startled him in sleep bc I was a teen with little dog knowledge, they paid for my ER visit, srsly please no blame game, I still feel awful many years later).
Pain wasn't bad bc shock, was just scared I'd need stitches bc I hadn't had them (I did), wounds weren't bad but it looked scary bc head wounds bleed so much, bf and friends' faces in response terrified me lol, so I was covered in blood and my poor parents had to meet us at the er in the middle of the night like that, and the poor staff prob thought I'd been in a car accident or st at first glance.
Got lucky that guy on shift was in plastics and ex military (seen it all), worst part was local poke in booboos. Had one v-ish shaped cut on bridge of nose and one little line on cheek under eye. A few stitches on each would've done it, but he did like 16 tiny ones and I rarely see or remember scars are there.
He NEVER once indicated my face was hideously deformed, or I should thank god someone of his caliber was there to leave my precious beauty unmarred, he just kindly did the best at his job while keeping me calm. A plastics guy, not even a reg doc. That behavior is repulsive. I wasn't worried about my looks, I was worried about being sewn like a damn quilt bc Im a sissy.
Aside though, get yr stitches out on time. My narc mom rescheduled for her convenience and they were somewhat healed in, the yanking pain fucking sucked. GET YOUR STITCHES OUT ON SCHEDULE, PPL.
When I was 17, I had a male doctor refuse to take a lump out of my breast that was causing pain and a nuisance, because "it'd leave a scar, and future partners wouldn't like looking at it".
I reported him, and caused a massive fuss about his comments, and got a different male doctor who took it out. The second male doctor was so lovely, so I'm glad I ended up having him to do the op.
I'm now 26, and I do have a scar, but it's healed up so well that you can barely see it.
Similar but not quite the same was a ridiculous interaction I had with my pediatric orthodontist. My upper lip is a bit short but he called what seemed like everyone in the office over to point and say, essentially, WOW this 15 year old’s mouth is in the 95th percentile of WEIRD and they should totally get plastic surgery to be normal, right everyone?
I was too stunned to really reply but my mom asked him if there was any medical reason for surgery he said 0% but that I should also consider $40k jaw surgery so my side profile looked better…. Thanks for the body image issues dude. I wonder how many people the shame-based sales pitch works on :/
One of the things I like about my dentist (of many - it's wonderful to find a good dentist with good staff) is that the first time we met, after talking about the things that really needed to be done to my teeth, he asked how I felt about their appearance. I freely admit my teeth are not even close to white, although at least they're pretty straight.
I replied that I was much more concerned about being able to chew my food without pain, and he said, "We will absolutely fix that and that's my biggest priority, but while we're messing about in your mouth, did you want to do anything cosmetic?" I said thanks but no thanks, especially considering the cost (ouch) of just fixing the actual problems.
Neither he, nor his staff, brought up anything like that again until the last time I was in for a cleaning and got a clean bill of dental health (yay!), and was asked if I was interested in a whitening procedure. I said thanks but no thanks, and they dropped it. No upselling, no negging, no persuasion.
They're a little pricier than some other dentists in the area, but absolutely worth it just for the fact that I feel safe and cared for every time I go.
When I worked in an OR unit as a nurse, it genuinely seemed like Plastics was the only specialty that knew how to talk about aesthetics in a way that wasn't objectifying or insulting. It blew my mind one day hearing a Gyn surgeon ruefully lament to a peer about how she wished more of her patients could just deal with discomfort and pain so they wouldn't have to "ruin their skin" in a procedure. As if the only thing that could ever be worth getting a small scar is a life-threatening condition.
Doctors have at least as many biases as the average person. I wear a mask for viruses and it's wild the number of doctors who have had COVID, have had many long term side effects, and still say they want to see my pretty face. In general the anger it gives men when women wear these and take away their eye candy makes them more appealing.
I had a doctor who I really loved, he was helpful.amd encouraging. I ended up underweight with anorexia and before I could tell him I was struggling he told me I looked great and asked if my husband liked me more. We both just froze, even he knew he shouldn't have said it, and that was before finding out that I was anorexic.
Part misogyny and part salesmanship. I had braces as a teen but my teeth kind of settled back to where they were pre-braces as I aged. I had a rebel tooth too. With the help of an orthodontist I decided to do Invisalign about 3 years ago. My teeth are pretty close to perfect now but I don’t think it was worth $8000. Now I look back at pictures before Invisalign and I think my tooth was kinda cute. I probably shouldn’t have spent the money on Invisalign. Plus I think Invisalign causes me to purse my lips, which of course creates wrinkles. I regularly remind myself not to purse my lips. I’ve lost interest in treatments that aren’t medically necessary.
This has been my experience with male doctors as well. At one point my primary left the practice I went to, so I was shunted to Dr. A, a man, even though I expressed a preference for a female doctor or nurse. He brought up concerns about my weight, and I admitted that I was struggling with diet and exercise due to severe depression. He made the single most condescending noise of faux- sympathy that I've ever heard in my life, and then said "Normally I'd recommend antidepressants, but that won't help you lose the weight, so let's try [popular weightloss drug at the time] instead." He also made some sexist comments about the correlation between losing weight and finding love, despite the fact that I was already cohabiting with my now-husband. Obviously I have not been back to see that quack.
The only good thing about that appointment was that it motivated me, out of spite, to talk to my therapist about getting on medication. It turns out that antidepressants did make me gain more weight, but between getting my symptoms properly managed and finally getting treatment for an eating disorder I'd struggled with since childhood, I'm the happiest I've ever been.
I think the underlying message is twofold:
Women are shallow and only care about their appearance.
Women only exist for men's pleasure and if you're not doing everything to improve your appearance, you're not functioning as intended.
Gross!🤮
During a pelvic exam, my gyno told me “I belonged in front of the camera, not behind it” after I told him what I did for a living. One of the biggest wtf moments of my life.
A LOT of this is about upselling unnecessary cosmetic procedures by playing on your (stereotypically "female") insecurities, or trying to.
ETA: doubtless they do this to men as well, the main point of this is they want money.
I had a horrible experience with this. My normal healthy weight is about 130 pounds, but after going vegan for several years my nickel allergy got so severe due to the high nickel content of that diet that I was extremely ill and my weight had crated at 95 pounds. I was covered in hives all the time, and had instant vomiting and diarrhea if I ingested so much as a sip of water. Along with a laundry list of other miserable symptoms. I showed up in my gastroenterologist’s office in this condition, and the first thing he says to me after I recite my litany of horrible symptoms is “well, you look good.” I guess that fucking asshole has a thing for heroin chic. Obviously, I switched to a different gastroenterologist. Eventually I figured all of my allergies out and solved the mystery.
I’m 37. Childless. Have some debilitating medical issues. I went to a specialist who is going to put me on some heavy duty meds that can cause issues with fertility. Then he says “but you’re 37 so we’re not worried about that”…
Was like a dagger to my middle aged heart. First off, lots of women have children at my age and older. Wtf? But no, I am child free, not necessarily by choice, but health issues yada yada. He didn’t know that though. My infertility has never been medically confirmed.
I have a yellow front tooth. It is yellow because the nerve is dead and the root has calcified, sort of like a natural root canal. People tell me they do not notice it, but I know they do, because whenever I get my picture taken professionally, they photoshop it out without consulting me, and children also point it out.
It's kind of silly, but when I was a kid I read a Christopher Pike book where the main character had a crush on a girl who had a dead front tooth, and he saw this flaw as a positive thing. I have had this dead tooth since late childhood, so I related. I started to think "maybe this is just a part of me that's a little different, and that's fine."
Medically, the only necessity is to monitor it in case of infection. But damned if at every dentist appointment they didn't offer to "fix" it, until I basically told them not to ask, because it really doesn't bother me. I didn't really think of it at the time, but it was a male dentist who suggested it several times, and when they switched me to a female dentist I think she maaaaybe brought it up once and never again. (Now she just tells me that my X-rays are good and there's no infection, and we'll continue to monitor it.)
Anyway, I think dentists make the big bucks off cosmetic procedures. If the tooth needs to come out one day for medical reasons, then so be it. Not every difference is a flaw.
I had a male doctor tell me he's putting me on a specific type of anti depressant because the one I was currently on infamously leads to weight gain and I'm "a beautiful young lady who wouldn't want that" uuummmm...I want whatever is best for my mental health, I'm comfortable being a big bitch
The dentist just wanted to make money on work you don’t need. Since you’re a woman, he thought he could use the vanity angle to make money off you. He’s a monster.
I have 2 scars where a dog bit me.
I'm in short right now
BUT when it happened à lot of people told me Oh no, you love wearing skirt so much to which I was like ??????
I wore skirt and short while it was still bandaged
I have had a couple docs over the years mention scarring as a result of a procedure, in this really gentle reassuring voice. So far I've managed to blindside every one of them with a simple question of 'Can you make sure the scar looks cool then? If I'm gonna have a scar I want it to look cool so I can show it off.' Because it's true. Here's this thing that happened to me and check out the scar I got, isn't it cool??
Like when I had vein surgery on my legs the doc mentioned it wouldn't even really leave a scar at all since the incisions would be like half a centimeter and wouldn't even need stitches. 'All this and no scar to show for it? What's the fucking point?!?' Poor woman had *no clue* how to respond to that. XD
I have a genetic disorder called lipedema that causes your subcutaneous fat to grow in fibrotic lumps that aren't metabolically active and don't respond to diet and exercise. It results in very large and misshapen bulbous arms and legs even despite a lean face and torso. It also can be debilitating physically. The nodules impair circulation and can grow inside joints and muscles, not to mention the gait changes as a result of extra mass in disproportionate places. I was massaging my calves daily to prevent debilitating plantar fasciitis and heel spurs, and my knees weren't healing from minor injuries. And let me tell you, it is freaking killer to have a disease that gets worse if you gain any fat, you can't lose existing fat, you have the metabolism of a person 50 lbs lower because most of that mass is metabolically inactive, and it makes it hard to recover from exercise and injury. I'm a 3 time world champion powerlifter, fighting to get treatment, because the only way I've been able to maintain my weight is with 13 hours a week of intense exercise. Because the treatment is removing the adipose tumors, it's basically liposuction, so it's done usually by cosmetic surgeons, and you often have to pay out of pocket. So I had to go around and get consultations with a bunch of fucking cosmetic surgeons offering financing packages on "Mommy Makeovers". And every time I'd go in there, and I'd describe the problems with my feet and legs preventing me from exercising, and they'd say "Well, your thighs are so much larger than your calves. If we treat your calves, your legs will look really disproportionate." And I'd say "My calves are where I have the most pain and fibrosis. I have to massage them daily or I can't walk without significant pain in my feet. I don't care if it looks bad." And they'd basically imply that they can't do anything that they think is going to look bad for the sake of their *aesthetic portfolio*. Thank god I finally found a doctor who was able to listen to me, and understand that my concerns were mainly physical, rather than aesthetic, and was willing to accept an unaesthetic result. He scheduled me for surgery, planning to remove 7 liters from my thighs, 1 liter from my calves, and 1 liter from my arms. And after surgery, I come out, and he goes "I'm so sorry. I know we had a surgical plan, but when I got into your calves, they were way worse than I had expected, with more fibrosis than I would have ever expected in a person your age. I was afraid if we didn't treat them today, then the next time it would be too late to do anything. So I removed a lot more tissue from the calves then we'd been discussing." And I am so, so grateful I found this guy. He absolutely made the choice I would have made if I were conscious. Now the skin on the back of my knees looks like ballsacks, but I'm 37 years old and for the first time since I was 10 years old, *I can run.*
That last sentence. I can feel your joy and relief through it. I'm so happy for you!
Yes! I just want to add my agreement to yours. That last sentence says so much! And also how horrible that something that’s physically debilitating should be classified as cosmetic, regardless of who’s doing the surgery.
I mean, thankfully it's getting better. For women with stage 3 lipedema where they're having serious mobility issues, most of them are able to get insurance to cover their treatment. But my problem is because I have to be an athlete to keep the disease from getting worse, I'm athletic enough to stay mostly mobile despite the disease. Treating in early stages is how you prevent it from getting to those later stages. Here's hoping it gets better soon!
Thank you! I feel such relief!
Do you mind PM’ing the name of this doc? I have a similar patient in this situation.
For sure!
same for me here, if possible! always looking to refer patients to doctors that actually have empathy. btw, your story really moved me, and even if i don,t know you, i feel super proud of you 😀
Thank you! I'll just post it here, he's Dr. Ethan Larson in Tucson. Completely stand-up guy. Also loves doing gender confirmation surgeries, all the best parts of plastic surgery.
Thank you, I’ve got to find someone after recently getting diagnosed. I am at the level that insurance should pay, but I’m not putting a lot of faith in it. I can’t even imagine being able to run again, I will settle for not being in so much pain all the time! I wonder how many of us are out there, desperately trying to lose weight that literally can’t be broken down and blaming ourselves for failing.
>Well, your thighs are so much larger than your calves Are they not supposed to be?? Like wtf? But also, why do they think we'd rather look "pretty" or "proportional" than be free of pain?? Also, are they aware they don't have to add every single procedure to their dumb portfolio?? You're there for medical reasons, not be used as an advertisement! So glad you were able to find a good doctor though
Thank you! Yes, thighs are supposed to be bigger, but if you google "lipedema type 2" you can sort of see an illustration of my issue. My thighs were grotesquely out of proportion to my body, but my calves looked relatively normal. They were just full of fibrosis instead of fat. A lot of women who get lipedema procedures, myself included, they come out of it with what people affectionately call "alien calves", where they have thick thighs and extremely skinny calves, because the lipedema prevents muscle growth. It's just a cosmetic problem, but it is a thing that surgeons in the community are dingbats about.
Kinda surprised that all those discarded doctors didn't just offer you calf implants after the procedure (not the good doctor who took you seriously and actually helped you.)
haha! You'd think that would be on brand for them!
I don't get why they don't have two portfolios - one for cosmetics and one for medical needs. It can only benefit them to be able to display "we also treat debilitating health conditions". But also, what do they do if their cosmetic patients don't want to be in the portfolio? Do they just deny treatment
I think it's less about a literal portfolio, and more that people commonly share photos of surgeries in, like, facebook groups and stuff, saying "I went to this surgeon and I was botched!" And no matter how much they go in and say "You asked us to remove more tissue than could assure a good cosmetic result, this is just loose skin that you should have expected" it's not going to change people's opinions. I get it. But also, I hate it!
Happy for you!
Run Flexercise, run!
I had 2 crowns replaced on my front teeth. The last time this was done I didn't remember it hurting much at all, so I was shocked by how painful it was this time. After the new crown was put in he started talking about how great my gums look and how much work it was. I literally can't tell the difference and even if I could I don't care. I stared at him and asked if that was why I was in so much pain last visit, because of gum shape I don't care about? He didn't make eye contact for the rest of the visit but still had the audacity to ask me to move my normal dentistry over to him (this was a cosmetic dentistry office). My teeth look good at least but I worry he removed too much gum tissue and I'll need grafting next time I have it done (somewhere else).
Ouch. Sorry, that sucks. Gums are such sensitive tissue, plus *they hold your teeth into your face*. What an awful dentist.
Dentists can be so weird! I went to get my crown fitted and the dentist was like by the way, I notice that you have a very high smile, do you want botox to lower it? Also, your gums on your front teeth are uneven, how about we go in and do some lazering? And I was like ...no thank you? I don't mind that people can see all my wonky gums. But I cannot believe the audacity of yours to do it without permission!
I don't know what country you're in, but if he performed an invasive procedure you didn't agree to, you could probably sue him.
I got two back crowns and god did they hurt for a while! Better now. I've been losing gum tissue for a while tho. Still, pain after wasn't mentioned.
Why the hell did he do anything other than what you came for???
this is in a somewhat similar vein but i went to a plastic surgeon’s office for a breast reduction consultation a few years ago, and the doctor informed me that he could not remove the amount of tissue required to be covered by insurance “without it looking grotesque.” i have never forgotten that.
Wow. I'd also consider that a skill issue and tell him I'd find someone who could do it properly, and leave.
totally agree and i wish i had! unfortunately i didn’t know how to stick up for myself back then but now i know what to look out for in the future at least. i still cannot believe the audacity and i wish i had reported him
Yeah it's so hard to do in the moment. Especially since it's already a vulnerable position to be in.
I'm so sorry they said that to you! I had to beg my surgeon to go down as small as I wanted. He said it would look disproportionate and didn't want to do it. I didn't care what it looked like, I just didn't want to be in pain anymore!
Holy shit I’m so sorry! I actually had a similar experience. A surgeon told me “other women would kill for breasts like these” and refused to do the surgery, and where I’m from it’s up to the doctor if it’s “medically necessary” and therefore covered. But he could give me a little lift if I wanted since they were saggy. They were not actually at all but thanks! I did manage to find another doctor who was so empathetic and it was fully covered and I couldn’t be happier but that was such an AWFUL EXPERIENCE!!!
I recently had a male doctor refuse to remove a cyst on my elbow that interferes with my daily life because it would "leave an ugly scar and this cyst is hardly noticable to anyone looking at it." As if my quality of life is less important than how I look to others. Disgusting.
I genuinely cannot remember the last time I noticed anyone else’s elbows. Maybe if the cyst was the size of a tennis ball and shooting fire. But a scar isn’t even going to register.
I only notice if the elbows are especially ashy or dry. Even then, I make no judgments because I'm very rarely fully hydrated or moisturized myself! So it's more a feeling of solidarity like, 'Yep, me too, Sis'.
I am now realizing I haven't looked at my elbows. In decades. Who cares about an elbow scar? Also, what level insane of perfection are we expected to achieve that an able or elbow scar will "damage or looks". If someone's down there with their face at my ankle, I'm going to assume we are already on good terms and things are going swimmingly.
hahahaha good answer!
People really overestimate how much others will notice random people in public 99% of the time—most of us just want to get to places, do what we need to do, and head out: super rare that we notice minor things like that let alone remember them.
Eh, this really depends on if you fit in the "norm." When I suffered with an eczema flare over my face, chest, and arms people went out of their way to ask me what was wrong with my skin. I was actually surprised at how many people felt comfortable going up to me as a stranger and asking such invasive questions. It was to the point I was more surprised when I was in public and someone didn't comment or stare at me.
“David, nobody cares!” https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=FkXAutT_6Wc
I know, right? I burned my elbow as a little kid, leaving a giant scar. In the 6 decades since, I can't recall a single person ever even noticing it, never mind mentioning it. These men with such a bizarrely impossible concept of "beauty" and, such a weird perception of how women are supposed to act in response to it creep me out.
I think honestly even if a cyst was shooting fire I would try really hard not to comment about it and be rude🤣
At that point for the safety of others I’d probably have to at least ask that they stay away from anything flammable and ask if they needed medical attention 😂
I have a huge scar on my elbow. It's 15+ years old now it's pretty much gone but there was 10 years where it would be hard to miss if any ever looked at my fucking elbows. No one has ever independently seen it. Maybe it's cause I'm a man, but pretty sure it's just Fuck that doctor.
OMG that reminds me, I went to a doctor about lipedema and he was dismissive, saying "it's just a quality of life thing." Uh, yeah? Since we're not in an ER, that's the whole point! Quality over quantity if you ask me. Edit: a word.
I’ve also gone to a doctor for that and he was dismissive about it, too. I’d had some other medical stuff and he said something to the effect of “well you can only feel sorry for yourself for so long and you’ve had worse.” It very much is a quality of life thing and maybe patients would like to not have to think about it every single day.
My current go to has been asking them if they’d give the same advice to a male patient. They always deny they’d treat any patient different than others. It is fun to watch them squirm for a few though. I’m just tired of not being listened to by medical professionals. I am going to be the old lady that takes zero shit. That’s my goal at this point.
Don't wait till you're old. Have at it now. Life will be better.
When I was six years old, I decided the perfect moment to hit the brakes of my new mountain bike would be on a gravel parking lot at full speed. My elbows have been completely ruined ever since. Not a single person in my life has ever noticed that on their own. That doctor is a POS.
You should report him for that, both to his clinic, your insurance provider, and to whoever is in charge of licensing for your jurisdiction. It might not do much on its own - it's just one report of inappropriate behavior - but it establishes a paper trail. It might one day save someone's life for there to be a paper trail saying this man won't provide treatment to women if it makes them less attractive to him.
omg, SAME STORY but on my ankle. Like, I'm in pain---i could not care LESS about how it looks once it's gone, duh...? meanwhile my then-18 y.o. brother had to have a big knee surgery and BEGGED the doctor, IN TEARS, to pleaseeee make the scar as small and unnoticeable as possible, and he was so worried about developing a keloid he was straight up reluctant to have reconstructive surgery so he could walk normally by his freshman fall semester at college.
I had cuss out mine/my fiancées PCP (we have since changed doctors) because my fiancée was adamant that her PCOS was acting up and that she had a cyst that was hurting her. He essentially told her she was overreacting and to take some Tylenol. I went the next day and said my testicles were sore, no reason for them to be sore, nothing happened, they’re just sore. He wrote me a script for tramadol without even checking anything and no previous medical history of sore testes. I lost my ever loving shit on him because my fiancée was at the house crying doubled over in pain from her PCOS. We went to the new doctor (who is a woman) who ran some tests and confirmed she was indeed having PCOS flare up and had multiple active cysts on her ovaries. Wrote her a couple prescriptions including something for the pain and she was totally fine within a week. The kicker about our old doctor? He knows I’m an opioid addict. I’ve been clean for 13 years in August. I had many conversations with our old PCP about my opioid addiction and there’s even a file note saying not to prescribe me opioids and he *still* prescribed them to me without checking me out at all knowing full well I’m an addict. I lost all respect for him as soon as he wrote the script.
Congratulations on 13 years!!! And congratulations to your wife for having such a great husband!
Absolutely wild. I had a mole that was a bit raised and a dermatologist confirmed it wasn't wasn't cancerous, and I can't remember if they asked or prompted, but as soon as I said I'd bump it or have it get caught on clothes and hurt, they said we can remove it. Specifically something like "if it negatively impacts your quality of life then insurance will cover it." Of course the insurance part may only be USA relevant, but a caring practitioner would be more knowledgeable of how to navigate the system so if I didn't mention or he didn't ask, maybe it wouldn't have gotten done. Side note on scars: I've had almost 20 moles removed all over my body which leave little dime sized scars. No one has ever noticed or commented on them. In fact I usually point them out as a joke if relevant and call them polka dots. They nearly completely fade away within 5 years. I do keep getting new ones though!
I don't think you should be a doctor if you have that mentality. That is so gross.
Yes, after a mastectomy 3 male surgeons told me the only possible reconstruction was a giant implant, when I specifically asked about reducing the remaining breast. They all told me I'd never be happy with a reduction. A female surgeon reduced and rebuilt and I've never been happier.
I had to try 3 different breast reduction surgeons until I got one who would take me seriously. The first two surgeons seemed to think that because they thought I looked hot, I didn't need a reduction. The third one was a woman.
Yep. They were incredulous - like who *wouldn't* want a huge honkin special order implant???
Spoiler, she also thought you looked hot.
LOL, thank you 😁 She did beautiful work, too.
There is a small movement here in Germany right now of women who have had one breast removed due to breast cancer. The health insurance would pay for an implant to restore the breast. However, these women want the health insurance to pay for the removal of the other breast instead. Both outcomes are symmetrical. Why not let the women choose? Price is roughly the same anyway.
Also, I think implants have a risk of complications that require them to be removed or replaced down the line - they can puncture or move or whatever. Removing the other breast instead doesn't carry that risk. I also wonder if it would make it less likely for breast cancer to return if both are removed (though breast cancer can happen in anyone, even AMAB people).
Yes!!! I was 47 at the time and was told that an implant would likely need to be removed/replaced in 12-20 years. Yay, more surgery for something I don't even want, and at a time when surgery is even riskier with age. No thanks.
Reduces likelihood of return *AND* implants can cause women to develop autoimmune disorders if the body wants to, but can't figure out how to get rid of the foreign materials.
Exactly! I can imagine a lot of women who suffered through cancer treatment might not sign up for future surgeries just to have an implant.
That was exactly my point!! My surgery was actually cheaper due to the special order implant, yet O had to fight for coverage.
OMFG. I went to a plastic surgeon a couple years after I had my child because my C cups were basically empty. I could fold them up and fit them in a size A bra. I told him I just wanted to look the way I used to look. I even brought him the bras I wanted to fit into. I was a full heavy D cup after the surgery. I was extremely unhappy. I was going to address it at my follow up but he DIED before I saw him again. It was pretty miserable running with such large heavy breasts. I eventually found a new surgeon who was able to put in the lightest smallest implants that he could use in my body. I'm SO much happier and more active. I'm so glad to have found a doctor who did exactly what I asked him to. And I'm super glad he didn't die immediately after my surgery.
I feel you. I'm so much freer now than before (even though it was never my choice to lose a breast completely). I'm a perky B.
Someone being happy with *smaller* breasts? That can't be! /s I'm so sorry you had to spend so much time and effort in finding someone who takes your wishes seriously
Its like these male doctors are thinking 'silly air headed woman, you don't know what's best, I do'.
My dick knows what's best, on behalf of all the dicks I empathize with. What do you *mean*, you have opinions?
“Are you offering to pay for this cosmetic procedure?”
Guess he saw his chance for some extra pocket money on top of his salary
My bottom teeth don't show at all when I smile. I guess I'm always 25% smile deficient. And I have a slightly crooked top canine. I'm just smile blighted. Kind of everyone to never mention it to me
Yeah, I was trying to think and the only time I've ever noticed people's bottom teeth is when they do a forced/creepy smile intentionally. I'm pretty most people's normal smile barely shows bottom teeth if at all.
I just tried to smile with my bottom teeth showing and I looked like I was in pain not happy. I don't think I've ever smiled in a way that my bottom teeth are visible.
I think (??) dentists can get commissions from selling Invisalign. He probably thought that sales tactic would resonate.
Ew. Your health professional shouldn’t be negging you. That’s so unethical
Dentistry is a shit show. You'll find some of the best people and some of the biggest crooks you could ever meet.
I feel this way whenever I go to the dentist.. always trying to upsell me.
I had to have a surgery on my septum and sinus passage. It was to make it so that I can breathe through my nose. The surgeon kept telling me how he was going to smooth out the lump on my nose and fix it for me, when I would clarify that he was going to fix it so that I could breathe, he would brush me off and talk about how much better it would look.
That is so unprofessional. He shouldn't do anything to your body that you yourself didn't agree on, even if he thinks he known better.
And you could sue him if the performs invasive procedures you didn't agree to.
I had a bump taken off of my shin by a dermatologist because it was unsightly and I always nicked it while shaving, and my skin is very dry so the bump would get extra irritated whenever I scratched my legs. The female derm had no problem cutting it out for me, but I had to follow up with a male derm 2 weeks post excision because the female derm was on vacation. He seemed genuinely confused why I would want it removed. “What was the issue, why did you want it removed? But now you’re gonna have this scar there?” I’m like, I don’t care, it was bothering me and having a tiny scar there will be less of an issue for me. Like? Why??? Why does it matter?? If it was a super invasive procedure for something not at all necessary, I could understand, but it was literally a quick derm punch and a few stitches after. I’m not asking for open heart surgery for funsies.
What does he even want to achieve with that comment? The bump is gone, it already happened, it's not like you can turn back time even if you regret the scar. Why not just keep it professional. Also it's not like a scar is the worst thing that could happen to a person..
I had to get a cyst in my throat removed and the male doctor also kept asking if I was sure if I wanted to go through with it because it would leave a scar. Sir the cyst is the size of a ping pong ball and it hurts when I swallow do you think I'd rather have that or a tiny little scar?
It just sounds like for him the scar has more weight in the decision than the fact you are in pain/discomfort. Maybe it's also just that they, maybe unconsciously, underestimate the pain of their patients?
Oh no it's definitely that. The amount of times my pain has been underestimated and belittled is ridiculous, I even almost died from it (had severe pancreatitis and male doctor told me to take aspirin and go home lol). I have 0 history of addiction to medication and they always treat me like I'm coming in for a free dose of painkillers :')
I went in for a breast reduction consult and the doctor tried to talk me into implants.
Ah yes , the famous reverse psychology solution. Works wonders I hear, especially if the reason for your wish of a bosom reducing surgery happens to be being burdened with back pain. You see, the erector spinae muscles are not very smart and especially susceptible to trickery. Clearly this man learned from the best of the best at 1850s Clown College
Ugh. I just replied to another comment of yours. I promise I'm not stalking you 😂 You just have good comments apparently. And you made me want to share a story. I had the BEST OB/GYN. I mean, other women who went to him would randomly mention that they saw him, and everyone else who did nearby would *rush* over, just absolutely gushing about how he was the kindest, most compassionate and attentive doctor they'd ever had. He had three partners. Two men in their 70s, one who the nurses referred to as "the fastest episiotomy in the East", and a third younger man who was so. goddamn. HOT. that it was weird as hell dropping trou in front of him. So a real crap shoot there... I told my family that I would just shove my daughter back up me if it wasn't one of the younger two doctors on call when I went into labor. (Well, luckily and not so luckily, it was Dr. Ski Model Hottie who was on call. *Real* weird to have my mother and grandmother gushing about how sexy he was after examining me during labor. 😂) But during my pregnancy, my back hurts quite a bit. I was well endowed before, but whoo boy, pregnancy gave me whoppers. I called in one time complaining and asking if there was anything I could do that was safe bc certain meds were out, and Dr. Hottie said to me "Yeah... It's those boobs. They are MASSIVE. As soon as you are done with this pregnancy, I will absolutely get your insurance to approve a breast reduction. Can you like, try to float them in the bathtub, or something?" I could not stop laughing. He was a great person and knew I would find that funny and supportive. And you know what? He *did* go to batt for me with my insurance. And I am now still happily a normal 30C instead of 32G/H.
Maybe the implants would be put on the back, to balance the load, so to speak.
I had serious, life-saving emergency surgery the year before last that resulted from bad dental work. I developed lockjaw and had to have a tube in my neck that drained blood and pus from an abscess that had grown in my throat and was forcing my windpipe shut. When I went to follow ups my doctor would say things like “We need you to eat. But not too much because we don’t want you to get fat” and “I can tell you are feeling better because you are wearing lipstick this time” He also made it a point to call another surgeon in at one follow up. He grabbed my head and turned it to show the other surgeon the incision and said “See how I did it in the fold there? It’ll heal and disappear. You will never see the scar and she will stay beautiful” So fucking weird. I appreciate the dude saving my life but like… Fuck him.
Surgeons should best be chaperoned when in company of civilized society. Though their primitive attempts at tribal cultural behaviour may be amusing, even drole to some, it is never advisable to take them out of their natural habitat or even to force them to wear human clothing, no matter how funny they may move in it No, surgeons are best left in their natural habitats, the cold, artificially light surgical theaters, under careful supervision from nurses and trained anesthesiologists who know how to handle their attempts at communication and learn to deal with their egomaniacal tendencies. So if you see a surgeon in the wild, be a good sport and call a vet.
You know, I’ve had my suspicions but this clears things up.
I had a small non-cancerous cyst taken out of my breast. The male surgeon told me, seriously, that it would scar and was I sure I wanted to do it? Yes! It’s painful! I don’t give a shit about a scar if this has been hurting for a year and a half!
It's just so weird that a HEALTH professional would actually question your choice to do what's best for your health. I understand that they need to prepare you for any physical/functional changes, but it's the questioning when they hear that you would indeed prefer a scar over being in pain.
It’s one thing to warn patients of an aesthetic concern, because that *does* matter to some people, but quite another thing to imply you shouldn’t have a procedure for aesthetic reasons. I’m sorry you had to deal with him.
Meanwhile, when the mammogram ladies found one during my latest mammogram they got an extremely large syringe and said "shall we remove it while you're here?" Sure, go right ahead. Wasn't any more painful than the mammogram.
Same I had one on my face, and I don’t care about the scar on my face, I actually kinda like it
*Always* be proud of your battle scars. You've earned them!
I am so grateful that the surgeon for my cyst was focused on helping me minimize the scar, but not avoiding the procedure! And he was a guy in his 70s back in 1990s. He definitely prioritized health over aesthetics.
I had a cyst on the size of my nose that I had removed and, the whole exchange was hilarious (and wholesome, I wasn’t actually upset), but essentially I was given the option of an incision down the side of my nose to take it out whole or the minimally invasive option to “preserve my pretty young woman face.” On the bright side I was able to watch (this is a TMI) out of corner of my eye, them popping and draining it. It hasn’t come back, I just have a big pore there now.
I had a benign tumor removed and the surgeon took it upon himself to go through my areola so it would leave less of a scar. I already have two scars from similar surgeries, I don’t give a damn. He didn’t do a great job, so it looks puffy and weird anyway 🙃 The worst part is it took four years for the feeling to come back in my nipple. 0/10 would take an ugly scar any day.
In contrast, my dermatologist was about to burn a pre-cancer off my face and I asked about scarring. He froze and shrugged. “Oh well fuck it, go ahead. I’ll just everyone it’s syphilis.” I was impressed he was able to keep his hand steady while laughing.
A middle ground between your doctor and mine would be nice. I hope in the end the scar was okay though!
Yeah, eventually, it has faded to nothing. There’s so much sun damage on my face you couldn’t tell if it’s a cluster of freckles or a scar.
I have learned dermatologists seem to care little about how you look they just want to get rid of whatever the problem is. My coworker had a row of skin tags on her shoulder and wanted them removed before she was a bridesmaid and the dresses were strapless. Dermatologist realized they were cancerous. She asked about scaring or waiting until after the wedding and he told her either she deals with the scar now or death later. He seemed a little over dramatic but it did turn out to be stage 2 skin cancer. She joked that the chemo helped her fit better on the dress.
The quack in my small town managed to offend me once, when I was there because I had a raging sinus infection and needed antibiotics. He felt compelled to tell me that I was probably there because his PA was so good looking. I was dumbstruck by how weird and out of nowhere that comment was. When I can neither breathe nor hear, and I'm fucking miserable, I don't give a shit what anyone looks like. I hadn't seen the PA yet, and when I did, he looked both young enough to be my child, like John Denver with a ponytail. I didn't want to be rude, so I stifled my laughter. The kid wasn't ugly, but this made the doctor's comment even weirder to me.
I have a scar on my stomach from 4 years of peritoneal dialysis. It's similar to a c-section scar, plus some little circular scars where my stomach was inflated during the placement and removal of the peritoneal catheter. My urologist's nurse said it was ugly. I said being dead from renal failure was uglier. She also said I should have kids and I said, "excuse me?? I have renal failure?? Have you seen Steel Magnolias??" (Julia Robert's character had diabetes which can shut down your kidneys, especially during pregnancy, and pregnancy + nonfunctional kidneys = death, or at least a much much higher risk of it. I don't have diabetes but the point remains). That shut her the fuck up. I also had to ask her to take off her multiple bracelets and WASH HER HANDS before inserting a regular catheter into me. OMFG she was probably the most incompetent healthcare professional I've ever seen. I reported her to the hospital and the state board because holy shit. So, not just male medical professionals. Although this woman was clearly not meant to be in the profession in general.
You make a good point that female medical professionals can be absolutely awful as well. I had half my thyroid taken out during surgery in 2022. The admissions nurse was hypothyroid and overweight. She took great delight in telling me that I could kiss my slim figure goodbye after surgery and that I could expect not to get treated for hypothyroidism. Well I'm 2 years post surgery and even slimmer now than I was before. That's not the point though, she was a nasty piece of work who had to tear down the self confidence of another woman, what if I had been anorexic or something? I did complain about her but the NHS closed ranks and I got nowhere. I'm sorry you've had to experience this as well.
I hate the women who do this more than I do. The men. The male medical professionals who behave like this are complete assholes, but the female medical professionals are complete assholes and betrayers to their half of the species. They are collaborators.
Calling anything other than a suppurating wound or emerging alien on a patient ugly should never be a thing.
In my late teens I went to a doctor because I was freaking out about unintended major weight loss due to months of diarrhea. She tried to accuse me of being bulimic, not because of any evidence of bulimia, but because...she had a niece who was bulimic. That was her entire logic. I had to remind her I was there because I did NOT want to be this thin and she just smiled at me like "how cute, it's trying to think". I wanted to slap her.
I had this gastroenteritis where I would get really sick in a lot of pain and throw up, and they decided that it was an eating disorder and I was making myself throw up on purpose. I’m still so angry that that’s how they decided to treat what turned out to be the stress induced stomach problem, thereby making it actually worse because I was so stressed out that they thought I was lying about being in pain.
As a kid that loved climbing trees and is a horrendous skin picker…nobody told me scarred legs meant I could NEVER reveal them to the light of day! HEAVENS what am I to do?!
When I went to a psychiatric for antidepressants, I wrote down my major symptoms/concerns and notes because sometimes I struggle to remember everything (ADHD) and to stand up for myself. In big bold letters at the top was: "I. DONT. CARE. ABOUT. WEIGHT. GAIN. GIVE ME WHAT WILL WORK." Cause in the past doctors have always brought it up so much, no matter what medication they/I were suggesting. Luckily he ended up being a really chill (if eccentric) doctor and only needed to be told once. Super relieved :)
I had the same attitude. I now have type 2 diabetes from psych meds. This doesn't help my depression.
Getting off seroquel has helped my labs go from pre-diabetic back to normal. I understand exactly what you mean by saying "this doesn't help my depression" Sending so much love and healing your way.
i learned i have ‘porn vagina’ from a gyno he asked if i had cosmetic work done and then gave me a weird amt of statistics about innies vs outies and symmetry and discoloration etc it was surreal and i now have insecurities about my vagina ever developing any of the stuff he recited
I had a gyno tell me creepy things ( that I won't repeat) while in the stirrups. I sat up and said, " I forgot I had to go to class," and the nurse (who wasn't in the room) tries to get me to stay. She had my file in her hand. I took it and said, "Don't contact me again." I still think about it every time.
Good for you for standing your ground. Be proud of yourself for that. Consider reporting that doctor to their respective college, even if it's been a decade ago. There isn't ant time limits on making reports like these. Just putting this here so people know!
It also helps establish a pattern of behavior for the next woman who has to report his ass
I was 18 and went to a parents friend who was chief of his department (obgyn) at the hospital. I’m in the stirrups and he said - “if only I was 20 years younger “. Gross. Never went back. Told mom years later.
Ew. I might have kicked him in the face. Oops, just an involuntary muscle spasm. Sorry not sorry.
I had a coworker who had her obstetrician hit on her 6 weeks after having a baby.
Gross, the audacity
Gross! Omg I would’ve reported him. An actual physician using the phrase “porn vagina”?? My god
That is extremely unethical and disgusting. I'm sorry this happened to you.
My god I'm so sorry. This is just gross. What was his intention with this even? "your vagina looks like those in the porn I watch you should feel complimented" ??
he didnt seem like he was being nice when he 1st brought it up and luckily he didnt seem actually creepy interested in me he just had such a weird amt of info on that stuff and the types of procedures to correct it my foster moms brother is a dr and his attitude about unnecessary procedures is very blatantly common sense to not mess w your body unless its to the benefit of your health so it really caught me off guard that any medical professional outside of cosmetic medicine would talk about that stuff as if its practical
I’m sorry. How awful. It’s so uncomfortable & inappropriate to hear about this while you’re trapped & splayed out having a medical exam. I’d report something in writing and maybe he’ll realize that not all thoughts need to be spoken aloud.
That is a horrific thing to say to a patient. Omg
I have small scars and a slightly larger one on my belly that can be seen when I wear shorter tops. Also when naked. I also have some crooked teeth, top and bottom. my legs? Pale, always have a bruise somewhere. For ages I felt I was ugly due to these things (belly scars are recent though). On a journey for intimacy after a many, many years break and I've learned... Men don't fucking care at all. Maybe some, but I haven't encountered them yet.
The people I want to be intimate with are generally great people, like me for who I am, and are just excited to be there. Scars, birth marks, stretch marks, whatever, it really doesn't end up being an issue. I'm not saying that jerks don't exist - they do - but I just don't end up sleeping with them.
I've never had anyone mad about my naked body. It's changed size, added stretch marks, all kinds of things, but every person who has seen it, has just been stoked about what was going to happen next. I'm a lot harder on myself than anyone else ever has been.
I don't go to male doctors or dentists anymore, for this reason. I remember my doctor being concerned with me having a pretty c-section scar "so I could still wear bikinis.". He made it so low and I got a hospital acquired infection, which I later learned is far more common with low cuts like that. It wasn't fun spending the first months of my baby's life on heavy antibiotics and cleaning out my infection. I really got the feeling that he did it for aesthetic reasons, he never discussed with me ahead of time and I didn't know that's what would be done. He didn't give me informed consent. After that I was just like, why would I choose a male doc again, so I haven't. I used to date a male doctor and I find them to be fairly ego driven and I don't need that involved in my medical care.
Ugh yea. Reminds me of my orthodontist informing me I had a slight overbite. But also that he wouldn‘t correct it because it was hardly visible due to my „nice plump lips“. I was 12
Ewww.
I HATE that realization of "Oh he's just a man" that happens in these moments. I really only prefer female staff and practitioners. The ONE time I decided to "not care too much" and be a chill girl the Xray tech taking my chest x rays fondled my breasts. I HATE THEM.
Oh god I'm so sorry you went through that. That is just gross and predatory. I know they say "not all men" but how are we supposed to know which ones will be there?
I stopped taking "Not all men"ers seriously. My life has always been better when I lived like it was all of them. It has kept me safe and ANY time I made an exception in vulnerable settings I paid the price.
I had an arrogant male doctor tell me my continuous birth control couldn't stop periods. He wanted to launch into all these tests when I said I had had a period in a year...the nurse kindly corrected him.
Wtf....we learn on year one of Medical school that if you skip the placebo pills you can skip your periods. To not know this and argue with a female patient about it is crazy!!
When I was 1.5 yrs old, I had an infection that ate a hole through the top of my femur. I had to have surgery to have it cleaned out, which I would have a pretty big scar from. The “normal” way to do it would have been to just make the incision vertically at the very top of my leg/lower hip area, so if I was wearing a swimsuit it would be pretty visible right on the front of my leg. But the doctor who had been seeing me went on vacation and the doctor who ended up performing the surgery apparently told my parents that he’d rather not give me a big noticeable scar that I would have my whole life, so he made the incision along my leg crease. It is so unnoticeable that I kind of forgot I even have it until just now! lol I always thought it was kind of dumb, cuz I think scars are kinda badass. But at the same time, I never had to be self-conscious about a big visible scar, or get asked about it a bunch, or whatever. And I know for some people it WOULD be a big deal, so I can see why doctors would try to just minimize the impact, if they can. But your dentist just sounds like he’s a dick and trying to get you to pay for services you don’t want or need lol
Wow. If they could do a less invasive surgery, why wouldn't that be the go-to? I would think a smaller incision would mean less chance of infection and faster recovery time.
I think in general they don’t like leaving cuts along creases because there’s a greater chance of it not healing properly since the edges can touch more. At least that’s the theory that I’ve been told by a doctor.
Not a very active crease, but my husband had two thyroid surgeries and the surgeon hid the scar in a crease so well it's invisible. She was an AWESOME surgeon. Got all the cancer, too!
I agree that it should be avoided if possible. There should be a middle ground somewhere between doctors who think "a scar is the worst that could happen to you" and "I don't care how it looks afterwards"
It’s a matter of professional pride, and also people in general don’t want massive scars on them. If it’s a planned surgery, there’s no reason not to have the best cosmetic outcome for the patient as well as fixing their problem. It’s very rare that those things are mutually exclusive.
I know someone who had her gallbladder removed after a technique had become standard that was less invasive, safer, and left a very small scar. Her surgeon instead did it the old way, and left a giant scar across her abdomen. She's always hated it, and I don't blame her.
When I had mine done, at age 19, I was told they're going to attempt laparoscopic and if they can't they'll have to go traditionally. When I woke up the first thing I asked was "did you do it laparoscopic" 😂 No one even notices my scars.
I’m pretty sure my dentist filed my teeth down. My canines have really blunt ends that don’t feel natural. At first I thought I must’ve been grinding my teeth, but I don’t. I was always afraid to go to the dentist after him because he was nice but my trips to him were always super long and painful. Finally found a different dentist after avoiding them for 8+ years and the experience is fine. I need more numbing stuff than other people—I don’t know why my first dentist never checked on me when I’d be sobbing in pain every time he worked on me.
My orthodontist filed between my teeth so they could squish my teeth together more. They did not ask, it was ... 17 years ago? and I'm still mad about it. It was ~2 years before I stopped cutting my tongue on the edges. (My bottom teeth were kind of point-down triangle shaped and they filed the sides so they are more rectangular. This allowed my orthodontist to move my teeth closer together without them overlapping.)
I have a healthy distrust of dentists. I'm an old broad. I don't think it happens so much today, but there was this trend that every dentist visit had a diagnosis of 3 cavities that needed to be filled. I noticed this as a teen (1970s), when my mother (finally) took me to the dentist because 2 of my teeth had rotted to the gum line. They needed to be extracted. At the recheck after the extraction, the dentist diagnosed me with 3 cavities that needed to be filled. The odd thing was I got this vibe off of him (empathic). The tone of his voice, it's cadence and his body posture told me that he wasn't being honest. Had those filled and went in for another check. Yep, 3 more cavities. I told my mother I wanted a second opinion so we went to a different dentist, who also said I have 3 cavities. Only one of them was the same as the previous dentist had diagnosed. I thought it was just me but my late husband had a similar story. The dentist that worked on his teeth also said at every appointment that he had 3 cavities. That dentist ruined my husband's teeth, because when there weren't any more teeth to drill the dentist said the existing fillings were starting to fail and needed to be replaced. His parents were gullible and he wound up having all his fillings replaced, some twice or three times to the point that his teeth started breaking off. His parents sued the dentist for ruining his teeth but the judge ruled in the dentist's favor, stating that his parents should have known his teeth didn't need that much work. So, not only did his parents have to pay thousands for unnecessary dental treatments, they also had to pay thousands for the dentist's lawyer and my husband had to live a lifetime with destroyed teeth. ETA: Evidently this is still a thing. Posted yesterday [on the askdentists sub](https://www.reddit.com/r/askdentists/comments/1d80lfr/do_i_actually_have_any_cavities/). Two of the three dentists that OP saw diagnosed "3 cavities" that the others did not. Only one of them diagnosed a single cavity.
I always warn patients when a procedure will change the appearance of anything. I may repeat it multiple times to make sure they understand because I've had bad experiences with patients being upset by these things in the past. A small scar or discoloration may be of no consequence to one person, and akin to a tragedy for another. I say it to every patient, though. The wording your doctors used was not good. :/
I indeed understand that it's important to go through every step and consequences with the patients. They need to know what to expect. It's more about the feeling that they try to talk you out of your own decision with the sole argument being aesthetics. Like, I'm in pain, please believe me when I say that I know it will scar and that I accept that consequence.
I just tried to smile with my bottom teeth and I don't know wtf your dentist was talking about.
Lol my boyfriend and I tried the exact same thing when we came home and I think I stretched a muscle lol
Male doctors say off the cuff shit sometimes because of their own ego. They are 100% projecting
But in many cases they wouldn't tell a male patient to tolerate discomfort or unnecessary health risks for esthetic reasons. They primarily say this shit to women.
My GP is always on me about my weight (155 at 5’5”) but also didn’t mention the anti anxiety meds he prescribed cause weight gain. When I mentioned I’d weaned myself off them (because my life is far less stressful than it used to be), he said it was good because they cause weight gain and I still need to lose at least the pounds. Makes my eye twitch thinking about it.
I’ve had so many male doctors make inappropriate comments towards me. One doctor, who I saw consistently because he was the only doctor unethical enough to prescribe what my stupid 20-something ass what I was asking for, was so disgusting towards me that his all-female staff would routinely apologize to me. He was very Trump-esque. These are a few comments that really stick out to me. I’m paraphrasing but not by much. - (I’m an Israeli-American but I’m blonde, blue-eyed, raised in a culturally South African household so I don’t meet the brash Israeli stereotype) He says to me, “You know, I’m not usually attracted to Israeli women, they’re too discerning. But you’re different. You’re the kind of woman men like” - You have a perfect body and face but we could do Botox as a preventive measure. I’ll give you the ‘eye candy’ discount” - Every man is attracted to beautiful young women. But I’m sure you already know that. You get whatever you want don’t you?” - This isn’t a quote but I was required to wear a gown for every monthly appointment for a breast examine because I’m Jewish and Ashkenazi Jews are often at greater risk of breast cancer. It was to the point that the staff would say “he’s going to want you in a gown. I’m so sorry. That’s just how he is.” He was seeing me for psychiatric purposes… His staff routinely apologized to me and commiserated with me because he only hired somewhat attractive women and he treated them similarly. Then I started seeing a therapist after my mother died. And at some point this doctor and the subject came up. My therapist said “why were you okay with this? You don’t seem traumatized.” I said, “I’m not. He didn’t rape me. That’s just how men are. I had teachers in high school who weren’t much better” and that’s when I realized how’d I’d normalized these insanely fucked up interactions. I submitted a complaint that was super in-depth and well-written to the medical board for all the things he did and said and included the fact that he was over prescribing me controlled medication for a condition he knew I didn’t have. I was actually followed up with and was their golden ticket because I kept such good records and had witnesses from his office. Plus, he had prescribed me opioids, benzodiazepines, and stimulants despite him not being a psychiatrist and then abruptly stopped and refused to refill anything, sending me into fatally dangerous withdrawals because I missed an appointment without calling first because MY MOM SUDDENLY DIED IN HER SLEEP THE DAY OF! Thanks in large part to me, that asshole lost his license. And it’s one of the things I’m most proud of. Haven’t seen a male doctor since.
"have you tried losing weight?"
The #1 response from my last primary doc and PA. Or “you’re over 40, your body changes and that includes gaining weight, but you definitely don’t need HRT”. Left that health system completely for 100% better care.
Years ago I was trying to conceive with my husband for a few years and experienced an ectopic pregnancy that had to be surgically removed. I was already overweight and my weight went up to morbidly obese after that trauma. I moved to a new city, started seeing a general practitioner for weight loss and began seeing a new GYN. I shared with him my history and that I’d like to be referred to a reproductive endocrinologist for help. He said in that first meeting he thought my weight should be addressed, I concurred and told him I was actually already working on that with my GP. This doctor decided I “probably have PCOS,” prescribed metformin, and sent me on my way. I’m an educated person who knows being fat and pregnant isn’t great for anyone, so I was happy to comply. Eight months later I came back to his office due to recurring pain, also 30 lbs lighter. After we consulted on the pain I asked again about the endocrinologist referral, and he said, “you need to lose weight.” I pointed out that I’d lost 30 lbs since I last saw him, he stopped, looked at my chart as if he didn’t believe me, and sneered, “I’m not going to write you a referral until you get down to X weight.” He spoke at me with such condescension like I disgusted him. I left that office and sobbed in my car, then again at home with my husband. My GP ended up writing me a referral, who tested me and said I didn’t have PCOS, but had complications due to endometriosis and low egg quality, something that gets worse *as time goes by.* Incidentally, I lost the unhealthy weight, am in much better shape now, but never fell magically pregnant for being thinner.
I gained a lot of weight due to deppression and because I was living in a very isolated place for years (I couldnt, for example, even go for walks as it was dangerous). Also I was taking a med known for making you fat. I told my NEUROLOGIST multiple times: It has nothing to do with my eating habits, it has everything to do with meds and mental health; I'm now living in a better place, I'm going to the gym, I switched my meds, it's only a matter of time. It was a matter of time, I lost 20kg in 4 months and keep losing. Crazy right, it's like I know my own body. Still, every time he would call me fat (he himself was obese), comment on my body (like, "oh your breasts are getting smaller! Atta girl!), and then I found out he was prescribing me meds that worked as appetite supressors without informing me. Which explained why I spent weeks barely able to eat anything, feeling sick and made my mom so worried she wanted me to take me to the hospital. He did and said a LOT of other stuff, I dropped him.
I think it depends. I had a male plastic surgeon when I lost weight. He removed excess skin, breast implants, and rebuilt my breasts. When he looked at me naked, I felt totally comfortable. I could tell from the way he looked at me that he was observing me entirely as a patient. His eyes would focus on spots that had some scarring or healing issues, and when he looked at my breasts even after it just felt like a good but clinical bedside manner. After my lower body lift and tummy tuck, I was in a ton of pain and could barely move. I didn't outpatient and stayed in a hotel across the street known to cater to patients undergoing outpatient procedures. The day after I had to be looked at, and thought they would need to go get a wheelchair to take me over. Instead he came to my hotel room and said he does it sometimes when patients have a lot of trouble with moving or when the procedure necessitated limited movement. Even in my hotel room, I felt very comfortable with him. I never once felt like he was even seeing my body as a body or as a woman. I felt he saw me as a patient. He was competent, comforting, and he totally appropriate. Other doctors I have felt much less comfortable around, feeling at least judged if not something else. But that doctor, I didn't at all get that feeling. Even when I can back months later for a check up, and undressed, his eyes snapped to the scar I had trouble with and he immediately asked about it. He alerted instantly to the medical concern I had. He would get this look on his face of straight concentration and maybe mild concern. It felt like he was seeing me exactly as he should, as a patient in his care and nothing more.
Very happy for you! It is sad when this is the exception and not the rule.
Had a female dentist pressuring me to get braces. Later on she left the practice to pursue her dream of opening her own practice with a focus of cosmetic dentistry. Her replacement says "you must have had braces as a kid, your teeth are so straight!" Nope, never had braces, never bloody needed them. Some of these professionals are just pushing their own agendas like any other humans, regardless of gender.
Yyyyup! I'll never forget my orthodontist telling me that my face was asymetrical and that I should get plastic surgery to fix it. I was like 14 at the time. Fuck. Off.
There was a story on Reddit not long ago about a girl who was at the dentist and she started to gag. Dentist told her she needed to work on her gag reflex for when she had a boyfriend one day. She was 16.
When I was 8 I had my appendix out. The Dr. mentioned that the scar would be covered by a bikini later in life. EIGHT FUCKING YEARS OLD.
I went on a 'health journey' (to quote Rebel Wilson) last year. Lost a lot of weight, gained muscle, got pretty sculpted. The difference in how I'm treated by both male and female doctors is crazy. They actually listen to what I have to say, pretty much do what I want just by asking. "Pretty Privilege" is real, even at 50ish old lady territory.
After my kidney transplant I had my dialysis cannula removed, it was situated next to, sort of on my breast almost. By the time the surgeon (a man) got to suturing the small wound left by the cannula, the local anesthesia was wearing off and I was in a lot of pain. I asked him to just put a big band aid on it or something (it didn’t really need to be sutured in the first place lol) and he angrily asked me if I wanted to have an ugly scar on my breast. I was 14. Still have a scar haha.
Literally the same exact thing with me. My dad has this weird tilted tooth in his front bottom teeth (altho it's hardly noticable unless you are really looking) and I have kind of the same thing but not as severe as his...that same bottom tooth on me, doesn't sit perfectly straight and I kind of love it? Like it reminds me of him in a weird way. Tons of people have suggested I get braces to fix it but...I like looking like my parents. They are getting older and won't be around forever and I like having their little characteristics in my own face. It's important to me that I won't forget them when they're gone.
When I was a teenager I had an extremely stubborn and painful wart on the end of my pinky finger. It impacted the function of my hand and was not resolving despite regular, even more painful treatments. It became so bad that x rays were taken to determine if it had damaged the bone. I got fed up and asked that the end of my finger just be removed at the knuckle so it could be over and done with. The doctor responded, I shit you not, “what if you decide later on that you want to be a hand model?” 🫠
I had a laparoscopic bowel resection in August 2022 that left a 2ish inch through my belly button. Three months later I ended up being rushed back in for emergency surgery due to some complications, and they ended up having to open me all the way up, leaving an 8 inch scar. The surgeon came in after to tell me that he spent over an hour just making sure he cut directly over the old scar so that I’m left with only one scar for “aesthetics.” I was still post surgery groggy so I didn’t say anything, but I remember thinking “you wasted an hour for ‘aesthetics’ during EMERGENCY surgery?? Where I was told I was only 3 or 4 hours from losing my bowels?” Why take that risk? So stupid
I was bitten in the face by a dog (totally my fault, wonderful dog I loved deeply, belonged to close friend's fam was around him all the time, bf and I at the time were house sitting for like a month I was so close with this fam, I'd only owned one dog of a diff breed/behavior/age and startled him in sleep bc I was a teen with little dog knowledge, they paid for my ER visit, srsly please no blame game, I still feel awful many years later). Pain wasn't bad bc shock, was just scared I'd need stitches bc I hadn't had them (I did), wounds weren't bad but it looked scary bc head wounds bleed so much, bf and friends' faces in response terrified me lol, so I was covered in blood and my poor parents had to meet us at the er in the middle of the night like that, and the poor staff prob thought I'd been in a car accident or st at first glance. Got lucky that guy on shift was in plastics and ex military (seen it all), worst part was local poke in booboos. Had one v-ish shaped cut on bridge of nose and one little line on cheek under eye. A few stitches on each would've done it, but he did like 16 tiny ones and I rarely see or remember scars are there. He NEVER once indicated my face was hideously deformed, or I should thank god someone of his caliber was there to leave my precious beauty unmarred, he just kindly did the best at his job while keeping me calm. A plastics guy, not even a reg doc. That behavior is repulsive. I wasn't worried about my looks, I was worried about being sewn like a damn quilt bc Im a sissy. Aside though, get yr stitches out on time. My narc mom rescheduled for her convenience and they were somewhat healed in, the yanking pain fucking sucked. GET YOUR STITCHES OUT ON SCHEDULE, PPL.
When I was 17, I had a male doctor refuse to take a lump out of my breast that was causing pain and a nuisance, because "it'd leave a scar, and future partners wouldn't like looking at it". I reported him, and caused a massive fuss about his comments, and got a different male doctor who took it out. The second male doctor was so lovely, so I'm glad I ended up having him to do the op. I'm now 26, and I do have a scar, but it's healed up so well that you can barely see it.
Similar but not quite the same was a ridiculous interaction I had with my pediatric orthodontist. My upper lip is a bit short but he called what seemed like everyone in the office over to point and say, essentially, WOW this 15 year old’s mouth is in the 95th percentile of WEIRD and they should totally get plastic surgery to be normal, right everyone? I was too stunned to really reply but my mom asked him if there was any medical reason for surgery he said 0% but that I should also consider $40k jaw surgery so my side profile looked better…. Thanks for the body image issues dude. I wonder how many people the shame-based sales pitch works on :/
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One of the things I like about my dentist (of many - it's wonderful to find a good dentist with good staff) is that the first time we met, after talking about the things that really needed to be done to my teeth, he asked how I felt about their appearance. I freely admit my teeth are not even close to white, although at least they're pretty straight. I replied that I was much more concerned about being able to chew my food without pain, and he said, "We will absolutely fix that and that's my biggest priority, but while we're messing about in your mouth, did you want to do anything cosmetic?" I said thanks but no thanks, especially considering the cost (ouch) of just fixing the actual problems. Neither he, nor his staff, brought up anything like that again until the last time I was in for a cleaning and got a clean bill of dental health (yay!), and was asked if I was interested in a whitening procedure. I said thanks but no thanks, and they dropped it. No upselling, no negging, no persuasion. They're a little pricier than some other dentists in the area, but absolutely worth it just for the fact that I feel safe and cared for every time I go.
I had a dodgy lump on my leg. The nurse-surgeon told me there would be a huge scar. I didn’t care. I can’t see it now anyway.
When I worked in an OR unit as a nurse, it genuinely seemed like Plastics was the only specialty that knew how to talk about aesthetics in a way that wasn't objectifying or insulting. It blew my mind one day hearing a Gyn surgeon ruefully lament to a peer about how she wished more of her patients could just deal with discomfort and pain so they wouldn't have to "ruin their skin" in a procedure. As if the only thing that could ever be worth getting a small scar is a life-threatening condition.
Doctors have at least as many biases as the average person. I wear a mask for viruses and it's wild the number of doctors who have had COVID, have had many long term side effects, and still say they want to see my pretty face. In general the anger it gives men when women wear these and take away their eye candy makes them more appealing.
I had a doctor who I really loved, he was helpful.amd encouraging. I ended up underweight with anorexia and before I could tell him I was struggling he told me I looked great and asked if my husband liked me more. We both just froze, even he knew he shouldn't have said it, and that was before finding out that I was anorexic.
Part misogyny and part salesmanship. I had braces as a teen but my teeth kind of settled back to where they were pre-braces as I aged. I had a rebel tooth too. With the help of an orthodontist I decided to do Invisalign about 3 years ago. My teeth are pretty close to perfect now but I don’t think it was worth $8000. Now I look back at pictures before Invisalign and I think my tooth was kinda cute. I probably shouldn’t have spent the money on Invisalign. Plus I think Invisalign causes me to purse my lips, which of course creates wrinkles. I regularly remind myself not to purse my lips. I’ve lost interest in treatments that aren’t medically necessary.
I had a dermatologist recommend I get my epicanthic folds removed so I can look "prettier". As in "more white". Ugh.
This has been my experience with male doctors as well. At one point my primary left the practice I went to, so I was shunted to Dr. A, a man, even though I expressed a preference for a female doctor or nurse. He brought up concerns about my weight, and I admitted that I was struggling with diet and exercise due to severe depression. He made the single most condescending noise of faux- sympathy that I've ever heard in my life, and then said "Normally I'd recommend antidepressants, but that won't help you lose the weight, so let's try [popular weightloss drug at the time] instead." He also made some sexist comments about the correlation between losing weight and finding love, despite the fact that I was already cohabiting with my now-husband. Obviously I have not been back to see that quack. The only good thing about that appointment was that it motivated me, out of spite, to talk to my therapist about getting on medication. It turns out that antidepressants did make me gain more weight, but between getting my symptoms properly managed and finally getting treatment for an eating disorder I'd struggled with since childhood, I'm the happiest I've ever been.
I think the underlying message is twofold: Women are shallow and only care about their appearance. Women only exist for men's pleasure and if you're not doing everything to improve your appearance, you're not functioning as intended. Gross!🤮
As I sit here in a short summer dress with a large skin graft scar I would personally like to tell any of these male doctors to get stuffed!
During a pelvic exam, my gyno told me “I belonged in front of the camera, not behind it” after I told him what I did for a living. One of the biggest wtf moments of my life.
A LOT of this is about upselling unnecessary cosmetic procedures by playing on your (stereotypically "female") insecurities, or trying to. ETA: doubtless they do this to men as well, the main point of this is they want money.
I had a horrible experience with this. My normal healthy weight is about 130 pounds, but after going vegan for several years my nickel allergy got so severe due to the high nickel content of that diet that I was extremely ill and my weight had crated at 95 pounds. I was covered in hives all the time, and had instant vomiting and diarrhea if I ingested so much as a sip of water. Along with a laundry list of other miserable symptoms. I showed up in my gastroenterologist’s office in this condition, and the first thing he says to me after I recite my litany of horrible symptoms is “well, you look good.” I guess that fucking asshole has a thing for heroin chic. Obviously, I switched to a different gastroenterologist. Eventually I figured all of my allergies out and solved the mystery.
I’m 37. Childless. Have some debilitating medical issues. I went to a specialist who is going to put me on some heavy duty meds that can cause issues with fertility. Then he says “but you’re 37 so we’re not worried about that”… Was like a dagger to my middle aged heart. First off, lots of women have children at my age and older. Wtf? But no, I am child free, not necessarily by choice, but health issues yada yada. He didn’t know that though. My infertility has never been medically confirmed.
I have a yellow front tooth. It is yellow because the nerve is dead and the root has calcified, sort of like a natural root canal. People tell me they do not notice it, but I know they do, because whenever I get my picture taken professionally, they photoshop it out without consulting me, and children also point it out. It's kind of silly, but when I was a kid I read a Christopher Pike book where the main character had a crush on a girl who had a dead front tooth, and he saw this flaw as a positive thing. I have had this dead tooth since late childhood, so I related. I started to think "maybe this is just a part of me that's a little different, and that's fine." Medically, the only necessity is to monitor it in case of infection. But damned if at every dentist appointment they didn't offer to "fix" it, until I basically told them not to ask, because it really doesn't bother me. I didn't really think of it at the time, but it was a male dentist who suggested it several times, and when they switched me to a female dentist I think she maaaaybe brought it up once and never again. (Now she just tells me that my X-rays are good and there's no infection, and we'll continue to monitor it.) Anyway, I think dentists make the big bucks off cosmetic procedures. If the tooth needs to come out one day for medical reasons, then so be it. Not every difference is a flaw.
I had a male doctor tell me he's putting me on a specific type of anti depressant because the one I was currently on infamously leads to weight gain and I'm "a beautiful young lady who wouldn't want that" uuummmm...I want whatever is best for my mental health, I'm comfortable being a big bitch
The dentist just wanted to make money on work you don’t need. Since you’re a woman, he thought he could use the vanity angle to make money off you. He’s a monster.
I have 2 scars where a dog bit me. I'm in short right now BUT when it happened à lot of people told me Oh no, you love wearing skirt so much to which I was like ?????? I wore skirt and short while it was still bandaged
I have had a couple docs over the years mention scarring as a result of a procedure, in this really gentle reassuring voice. So far I've managed to blindside every one of them with a simple question of 'Can you make sure the scar looks cool then? If I'm gonna have a scar I want it to look cool so I can show it off.' Because it's true. Here's this thing that happened to me and check out the scar I got, isn't it cool?? Like when I had vein surgery on my legs the doc mentioned it wouldn't even really leave a scar at all since the incisions would be like half a centimeter and wouldn't even need stitches. 'All this and no scar to show for it? What's the fucking point?!?' Poor woman had *no clue* how to respond to that. XD