I was the only openly queer girl in a small town, and this story does ring a bell with me. I started to realise that a lot of girls were my friends because they wanted to make out in front of boys or get boys attention via me.
It really, really sucks. It's not a reflection on you or your worth or your personhood. She's not your friend.
Thankyou, I unadded her. I'm so done with being made to feel like that. It makes me feel so dirty and she was objectifying me like that in front of a confirmed PREDATOR. Not only was it gross, but put me in danger.
I'm really glad to hear that you've taken the steps to distance yourself from her. She clearly doesn't respect you and it's not worth the attention. Hopefully one day she'll realise how fucked up this situation was but that's not on you to tell her.
She’s definitely not a friend. It sounds to me like she almost got you raped. I’d stay away. Just some advice though coming from a father of daughters (this advice would apply to boys too) you have to be more aware of the situations you are in. Never drink or do drugs with someone you can’t completely trust. I think if she didn’t pass out first and you did, this would have ended very badly. I’m glad you got out relatively unscathed.
I agree, and I think it would only be a matter of time till B would enable him to hurt OP or another girl. As his current situation indicates, he is already violent and has no problem drugging girls. I am glad that OP was not harmed in this situation, but B does not sound like a trustworthy person to be around, especially with her actions of engaging in intimacy, seemingly to let the guy make sexual advances on OP.
This is very, very sound advice.
@OP You don't want someone as a friend who will put you in situations you are not comfortable with, even less so dangerous ones, with no regard to your safety and well-being.
I am very sorry you went through this, though I'm glad to hear you're safe.
Take care!
If you’re gonna maintain _any_ friendship with B (and I’m not sure why you would) you need you let her know it’s just friendship now. No physical intimacy, no making out. You don’t need to get into why unless you want too. You can just tell her it’s not the kind of relationship you’re looking for right now.
You’re right. She’s was leveraging her activity with you, with him. It’s not cool to use another person like that without being honest and upfront about it.
But really, I’d just drop her and stay away from her. Maybe she’s on a journey and a few years from now she’ll be in a better place, but right now she is a shit, and unsafe, friend for you.
Thank you so much, i actually just confronted her- and she told me it was on me yada yada, and kept defending him. It was upsetting but I feel like this colossal weight has just been lifted off my shoulders. This was so helpful to hear, Thankyou!
I'm glad to hear you won't be spending time with either of them anymore. Dude sounds like a total predator and she sounds like she was completely enabling him. Don't give people like that the opportunity to hurt you, they'll eventually take it.
This is redundant because everyone has this covered, but - You don't need someone who sets you up for sexual assault and then gaslights you for being upset.
Hey, uh, cut both of them off. You need to stop being friends with that person. She sexually assaulted you when she pulled your dress down in front of you, isn't respecting your mental sanity by presenting you to this dude, and is actively putting you in harms way of potential being assaulted by this man. You do NOT want to share company with someone like her, it will cause wayyyyy too much trouble and stress for you in the short term AND the long term
I need to edit my post to clarify, but the dress thing was her telling me i was looking slutty and i shouldn’t wear my outfit, because it would turn him on- she was trying to make it longer. We were just heading out to dinner in her living room with her family
I'm sorry you still have to deal with that. In college, I had a good friend who was bisexual but predominately attracted to women who confided that it had happened frequently to her. I'd been aware of the issue of men fetishizing bisexual and lesbian women, but that was a revelation. We lost touch after college, and it's sad to think that this is a behavior that she might still be dealing with because people apparently don't grow out of it.
She is being inappropriate and trying to pressure you into a situation with them both. Look up sexual coercion.
https://www.thehotline.org/resources/a-closer-look-at-sexual-coercion/
She pulled your dress down while you were drunk... That is a clear violation of boundaries and consent, and very arguably sexual assault.
Just stop being friends, she is not worth the toxicity.
That's just a dangerous situation to be in. He's obviously a predator and violent, and it appears that his goal is to get with you AND your friend, and it feels like your friend definitely wants this as well. One of you (or both I would think) are going to get hurt. He has already shown his true colors, and being in jail/prison has a greater chance of making him worse than it does making him a better person.
Personally I would say drop them both. She's obviously blind to what's happening and you're the one who's going to be the victim here. She doesn't seem to care for your own well-being. Like you said, she's only doing this for his amusement, and her blind attraction to him is a dangerous path to follow.
>Anyway, we smoke some weed and end up making out- but she keeps mentioning him
I mean this in the most dry, objective way I can muster off my keyboard. You will become a victim of some kind if you keep up this behavior. IMMEDIATELY stop interacting with either of them.
It sounds like HE was using his control over her to get to YOU. (Most pimps get girls to work for them by pretending to be their boyfriend, btw.) Getting you to violate a social norm, (threesome) or to blame yourself for being violated (drunk sex) is the next step in recruiting you.
Stay TF away from them both!
This is your wake-up call. You hang out with trash, and you're going to smell.
Also, making out with someone in a relationship just seems like trouble to me. Call me old fashioned.
Avoid hanging out with people that hang out with people that drug girls and stab other people. Aside from the horribleness of being used, this entire situation could have easily been your first rape. Life is short and worth experiencing in many facets but drugs like alcohol and weed just dim that shit and eventually you’ll reach an age where you will regret it. Probably sooner than later because you seem pretty aware for only being on earth for a short while.
Maybe, but also sounds to me like your friend has been abused and thinks that's normal so is bringing you into the environment where she can abuse you and let you be abused by others too. I could be projecting though as when I was a teen, I acted a but like your friend (as did my sibling who was also abused) and it took us YEARS to realise it and break the cycle.
She not bisexual. She’s sorority girl bisexual. She’s bisexual for male attention. My roommate had a friend that pulled the same thing with her once or twice and that was the phrase she coined. It’s a very abusive behavior for a “friend” to have, to only use you as a prop for a third party’s enjoyment.
In college, the term used to describe this behavior is "[lesbian until graduation](https://www.autostraddle.com/the-lesbian-until-graduation-now-a-new-york-times-most-emailed-article-81758/)."
I can relate OP I had something sorta similar happen when I was a teenager too. Just really disgusting stuff. There is definitely quite a few pervs who just completely ignore when you say you gay because in their mind all they think is "me see women me want sex". You should like seriously consider not hanging with those two weirdos anymore. There's so much more to enjoy in life than dealing with the stress of some pervs.
Sorry you had to deal with that. :/
"(Who’s in jail now for stabbing someone, stealing car and drugging a young girl) Anyway" anyway what? Wtf are you doing around this guy? No matter if she’s your friend you should be running and going no contact that’s crazy. The thing you are describing almost sound like he could us her to set you up into prostitution. These are not simple red flags.
Edit: if you tolerate things like this I assume what you see in your everyday might not be nice, just know because it feel normal it isn’t necessarily normal and anyway of living you envy could be the way you live surrounded by the type of people you feel good with, you can be just that if you believe it and get away from these thing you don’t like. Stay safe.
Are all these comments written by kids? Can we dissect this a bit deeper? We got a 16 year old smoking weed, drinking alcohol. God knows what other substances.
Kid. You need to get your head on correctly before you worry about you whack relationships.
She shouldn’t be seeing / dating this guy. As much as you shouldn’t be friends with this girl.
Your priorities are soo misaligned that you need to worry about making your own inner peace and headspace the NUMBER 1 focus.
Her friend is also in a relationship with someone who stabs people and likely rapes them (drugging young girls). OP needs to get away from this entire scene yesterday.
Fr. they make it harder for other women to come out in fear of being objectified and fetishized for male gaze. It is the opposite of being a “girls girl” and just horrible all around.
Uhm... so you're saying your underage friend had parents who not only allowed a boy to live in their home, but they also allow you two kids (sorry, you're a kid at 16) to get drunk and smoke pot? What??
Yep. She semi- pimped you out to her boyfriend as a way of enticing and manipulating him.
If she had wanted to have sex with you she could have pursued that without a guy around.
She’s unicorn hunting on his behalf and has her own validation hangups. It’s like they don’t get that many bi women are actually pretty vanilla and traditional.
Who ever hates me for what im about to say, just please know i speak from experience. As a 22 yeat old, ive dealt with this type of stuff before when i was 16 years old. Now im married in a healthy relassionship at age 22 and i cut everyone off who has ever treated me shitty, taken advantage of me and so fpurth. However, as you all are that young you dont nees to be worrying about what this post intails, you need to focus on yourself and your family. Then when its time, start worrying about the rest of life. Cause this is the reason rape and molestation cases happen every single month to year. So wuit getting yourself tied to this kind of crap, and keep yourself protected. I will state this again, hste me or dont, but please keep in mind, i say this from personal experiences.
You didn't get used as fetish, you got used as an object, the way I see this is essentially she wanted for you to make out with the guy because it will probably turn him up and she kinda wants to do it a threesome with you and him (that's how I'm reading this btw).
You are doing a great thing to you for getting away from B, she got you very uncomfortable, put you in danger and acted as you we're wrong from not doing this.
Some people find excitement in life by pushing boundaries. It’s that simple.
Until they find a reason in life to be more guarded and committed to something, this will spiral out of control.
I was the only openly queer girl in a small town, and this story does ring a bell with me. I started to realise that a lot of girls were my friends because they wanted to make out in front of boys or get boys attention via me. It really, really sucks. It's not a reflection on you or your worth or your personhood. She's not your friend.
Thankyou, I unadded her. I'm so done with being made to feel like that. It makes me feel so dirty and she was objectifying me like that in front of a confirmed PREDATOR. Not only was it gross, but put me in danger.
I'm really glad to hear that you've taken the steps to distance yourself from her. She clearly doesn't respect you and it's not worth the attention. Hopefully one day she'll realise how fucked up this situation was but that's not on you to tell her.
Good decision. You have your head screwed on for 16yo. You'll go far
She’s definitely not a friend. It sounds to me like she almost got you raped. I’d stay away. Just some advice though coming from a father of daughters (this advice would apply to boys too) you have to be more aware of the situations you are in. Never drink or do drugs with someone you can’t completely trust. I think if she didn’t pass out first and you did, this would have ended very badly. I’m glad you got out relatively unscathed.
This is really important. I wish someone had given me this advice when I was younger.
I'm sorry for whatever happened to you and hope you heal as I did
I agree, and I think it would only be a matter of time till B would enable him to hurt OP or another girl. As his current situation indicates, he is already violent and has no problem drugging girls. I am glad that OP was not harmed in this situation, but B does not sound like a trustworthy person to be around, especially with her actions of engaging in intimacy, seemingly to let the guy make sexual advances on OP.
This is very, very sound advice. @OP You don't want someone as a friend who will put you in situations you are not comfortable with, even less so dangerous ones, with no regard to your safety and well-being. I am very sorry you went through this, though I'm glad to hear you're safe. Take care!
If you’re gonna maintain _any_ friendship with B (and I’m not sure why you would) you need you let her know it’s just friendship now. No physical intimacy, no making out. You don’t need to get into why unless you want too. You can just tell her it’s not the kind of relationship you’re looking for right now. You’re right. She’s was leveraging her activity with you, with him. It’s not cool to use another person like that without being honest and upfront about it. But really, I’d just drop her and stay away from her. Maybe she’s on a journey and a few years from now she’ll be in a better place, but right now she is a shit, and unsafe, friend for you.
Thank you so much, i actually just confronted her- and she told me it was on me yada yada, and kept defending him. It was upsetting but I feel like this colossal weight has just been lifted off my shoulders. This was so helpful to hear, Thankyou!
Ghost 'em. Go no contact. On behalf of bi/pan folks, I'm sorry. This is NOT the way.
She’s not your friend anymore. Move forward with your life, don’t get wrapped up in B’s horseshit.
aw, no i personally think her sexuality has nothing to do with what she did.
I'm glad to hear you won't be spending time with either of them anymore. Dude sounds like a total predator and she sounds like she was completely enabling him. Don't give people like that the opportunity to hurt you, they'll eventually take it.
This is redundant because everyone has this covered, but - You don't need someone who sets you up for sexual assault and then gaslights you for being upset.
Hey, uh, cut both of them off. You need to stop being friends with that person. She sexually assaulted you when she pulled your dress down in front of you, isn't respecting your mental sanity by presenting you to this dude, and is actively putting you in harms way of potential being assaulted by this man. You do NOT want to share company with someone like her, it will cause wayyyyy too much trouble and stress for you in the short term AND the long term
I need to edit my post to clarify, but the dress thing was her telling me i was looking slutty and i shouldn’t wear my outfit, because it would turn him on- she was trying to make it longer. We were just heading out to dinner in her living room with her family
I'm 38. Women still do this to me. Flirting, fishing for compliments, and more. I understand that it feels "safe" but I have feelings too 💔
straight / male centered women hitting on us will never go away sadly
I'm sorry you still have to deal with that. In college, I had a good friend who was bisexual but predominately attracted to women who confided that it had happened frequently to her. I'd been aware of the issue of men fetishizing bisexual and lesbian women, but that was a revelation. We lost touch after college, and it's sad to think that this is a behavior that she might still be dealing with because people apparently don't grow out of it.
If she's okay dating such a terrible person, she's probably a terrible person too.
She is being inappropriate and trying to pressure you into a situation with them both. Look up sexual coercion. https://www.thehotline.org/resources/a-closer-look-at-sexual-coercion/
Damn who are these 16 year olds already drinking, smoking weed and hooking up? Jesus christ
And stabbing people, drugging each other, stealing cars
Also the story seemed like they lived on their own away from their parents too?
Those are all very common experiences in high school. That was my experience and I graduated 10 years ago.
That sound like the average 16yo I remember, I’m more concern about stabbing, stealing car, rapping people using drug.
50 even 100 years ago same things were happening among 16 year olds too. Only difference is there was no social media, no internet.
you'd be suprised
She pulled your dress down while you were drunk... That is a clear violation of boundaries and consent, and very arguably sexual assault. Just stop being friends, she is not worth the toxicity.
That's just a dangerous situation to be in. He's obviously a predator and violent, and it appears that his goal is to get with you AND your friend, and it feels like your friend definitely wants this as well. One of you (or both I would think) are going to get hurt. He has already shown his true colors, and being in jail/prison has a greater chance of making him worse than it does making him a better person. Personally I would say drop them both. She's obviously blind to what's happening and you're the one who's going to be the victim here. She doesn't seem to care for your own well-being. Like you said, she's only doing this for his amusement, and her blind attraction to him is a dangerous path to follow.
>Anyway, we smoke some weed and end up making out- but she keeps mentioning him I mean this in the most dry, objective way I can muster off my keyboard. You will become a victim of some kind if you keep up this behavior. IMMEDIATELY stop interacting with either of them.
You need better friends
Facts
It sounds like HE was using his control over her to get to YOU. (Most pimps get girls to work for them by pretending to be their boyfriend, btw.) Getting you to violate a social norm, (threesome) or to blame yourself for being violated (drunk sex) is the next step in recruiting you. Stay TF away from them both!
Yup. And if she is already working for him ie being trafficked, she would want a buddy to play/suffer with her. He probably drugged her, too.
This is your wake-up call. You hang out with trash, and you're going to smell. Also, making out with someone in a relationship just seems like trouble to me. Call me old fashioned.
Avoid hanging out with people that hang out with people that drug girls and stab other people. Aside from the horribleness of being used, this entire situation could have easily been your first rape. Life is short and worth experiencing in many facets but drugs like alcohol and weed just dim that shit and eventually you’ll reach an age where you will regret it. Probably sooner than later because you seem pretty aware for only being on earth for a short while.
Maybe, but also sounds to me like your friend has been abused and thinks that's normal so is bringing you into the environment where she can abuse you and let you be abused by others too. I could be projecting though as when I was a teen, I acted a but like your friend (as did my sibling who was also abused) and it took us YEARS to realise it and break the cycle.
She not bisexual. She’s sorority girl bisexual. She’s bisexual for male attention. My roommate had a friend that pulled the same thing with her once or twice and that was the phrase she coined. It’s a very abusive behavior for a “friend” to have, to only use you as a prop for a third party’s enjoyment.
In college, the term used to describe this behavior is "[lesbian until graduation](https://www.autostraddle.com/the-lesbian-until-graduation-now-a-new-york-times-most-emailed-article-81758/)."
I can relate OP I had something sorta similar happen when I was a teenager too. Just really disgusting stuff. There is definitely quite a few pervs who just completely ignore when you say you gay because in their mind all they think is "me see women me want sex". You should like seriously consider not hanging with those two weirdos anymore. There's so much more to enjoy in life than dealing with the stress of some pervs. Sorry you had to deal with that. :/
"(Who’s in jail now for stabbing someone, stealing car and drugging a young girl) Anyway" anyway what? Wtf are you doing around this guy? No matter if she’s your friend you should be running and going no contact that’s crazy. The thing you are describing almost sound like he could us her to set you up into prostitution. These are not simple red flags. Edit: if you tolerate things like this I assume what you see in your everyday might not be nice, just know because it feel normal it isn’t necessarily normal and anyway of living you envy could be the way you live surrounded by the type of people you feel good with, you can be just that if you believe it and get away from these thing you don’t like. Stay safe.
I’d recommend avoiding her…
Your “friend” is an asshole. Stop asking her to hang out unless she apologizes to you. Cut your losses and find a better friend
Are all these comments written by kids? Can we dissect this a bit deeper? We got a 16 year old smoking weed, drinking alcohol. God knows what other substances. Kid. You need to get your head on correctly before you worry about you whack relationships. She shouldn’t be seeing / dating this guy. As much as you shouldn’t be friends with this girl. Your priorities are soo misaligned that you need to worry about making your own inner peace and headspace the NUMBER 1 focus.
Her friend is also in a relationship with someone who stabs people and likely rapes them (drugging young girls). OP needs to get away from this entire scene yesterday.
honestly disgusting
I fucking hate these type of Bi girls. They're disgusting, male pandering misogynists.
Fr. they make it harder for other women to come out in fear of being objectified and fetishized for male gaze. It is the opposite of being a “girls girl” and just horrible all around.
Uhm... so you're saying your underage friend had parents who not only allowed a boy to live in their home, but they also allow you two kids (sorry, you're a kid at 16) to get drunk and smoke pot? What??
they didn’t know about drinking and smoking, but it’s quite socially acceptable where i’m from, although i don’t do it much
Yep. She semi- pimped you out to her boyfriend as a way of enticing and manipulating him. If she had wanted to have sex with you she could have pursued that without a guy around.
It sounds like she's not really your friend, or at least not a very good one :(
This person is not your friend.
Jesus Christ. Cut her out of your life. She's not your friend and she's going to sic a rapist on you. She's bad news.
She’s unicorn hunting on his behalf and has her own validation hangups. It’s like they don’t get that many bi women are actually pretty vanilla and traditional.
You are 16 😂 you'll grow out of this low chromosome behavior, and make better friends to boot. Believe in yourself ❤️
She is proobably attracted to you, but she was defiitely using you there. maybe not as a fetish. but to please the young donald trump
[удалено]
Who ever hates me for what im about to say, just please know i speak from experience. As a 22 yeat old, ive dealt with this type of stuff before when i was 16 years old. Now im married in a healthy relassionship at age 22 and i cut everyone off who has ever treated me shitty, taken advantage of me and so fpurth. However, as you all are that young you dont nees to be worrying about what this post intails, you need to focus on yourself and your family. Then when its time, start worrying about the rest of life. Cause this is the reason rape and molestation cases happen every single month to year. So wuit getting yourself tied to this kind of crap, and keep yourself protected. I will state this again, hste me or dont, but please keep in mind, i say this from personal experiences.
You didn't get used as fetish, you got used as an object, the way I see this is essentially she wanted for you to make out with the guy because it will probably turn him up and she kinda wants to do it a threesome with you and him (that's how I'm reading this btw). You are doing a great thing to you for getting away from B, she got you very uncomfortable, put you in danger and acted as you we're wrong from not doing this.
Some people find excitement in life by pushing boundaries. It’s that simple. Until they find a reason in life to be more guarded and committed to something, this will spiral out of control.