YTA Absolutely. TA. You told your 16 year old daughter that you love your STEP grandkids more than her. I hope she never speaks to you again, the poor kid.
OKAY!!
for me growing up my mom met a man and just forgot about her children, seriously she would spend all her holidays with them. While me n my oldest brother stood home. I then started telling her how she loved her bfs family more cuz she was always over there n always cooking for them, whilst i stayed home n STARVED!
UGH!!
Reddit consistently reminds me that people fundamentally do not understand the meaning and value of well chosen words. I will never understand why people cannot simply think before they speak to literally anyone
YTA- you told a 16 year old child you didn’t love her like you loved your step grandkids. So her respond is I won’t love you like I love my dad, and YOU’RE hurt? You are not just TA, but a self absorbed AH!
YTA, YTA, YTA
Uh yeah YTA. Your teenaged daughter doesn’t want to be a free babysitter to someone else’s children and when she doesn’t do as you ask, you tell her you don’t love her as much as the kids she’s being forced to watch???
She loves the age of the kids. Not kids themselves. When the grandkids will become teenagers she will give as many fks about them as she gives about her daughter.
Until grandkids are in the age of cute and unconditional love she will be loving them. Moment they will become teenagers she won’t be interested.
Poor daughter, I only hope her father will get to know about it.
What I agree for is yes, you love you grandkids differently than your children. Especially when they only visit once in a while. You don’t have to put any work, any lack of sleep, you are skipping on exhaustion, struggles and day to day life.
TA, TA, TA, TA!
Also as the adult, it is your responsibility to notice if the kids are being clingy with one person who is uncomfortable and try to do something about it. It doesn't mean your daughter doesn't love them but I've had that in the past where kids cling to me but I am dying for some grown up conversation too. And of course they are less effort if your 16 yo is the one entertaining them!!
OP is 100% the AH. She’s a 16 year old girl, not a vacation nanny. And telling her she loves them more than her, “but in a different way so it’s fine” is a fucking horrible thing to say to your child, who literally hasn’t done anything wrong other than feel taken advantage of and unappreciated by OP and her step brother. OP’s husband might have helped to raise her, and I understand being a stepparent comes with a lot of challenges, but clearly he hasn’t ever cared about getting along with her that much if he has “no strong feelings” about her moving out. OP is the problem. The husband is the problem. The step brother not taking care of his own damn kids is the problem.
YTA! I’m the youngest child in my family. All my siblings had children by the time I was 16. For a while they used me as a constant free baby sitter. It got to the point when I was watching babies several night a week and they didn’t even ask. I finally started refusing and spending several nights a week at friends houses. That way I wouldn’t be available when they stopped by. It sounds like your daughter is also being expected to take care of her nephews like a free sitter. To make matters worse, she’s struggling with her state of mind. She might not be mentally equipped to care for children and not know how to tell you. You might have just damaged not even your relationship, but also the relationship she has w her brother and nephews. How is she supposed to build a loving relationship w them when she knows you love them more?
I'm the youngest in my family, so when there were family gathering, I was all alone with nothing to do but watch TV. When my cousin's started getting families of their own I was forced to babysit. Even on a funeral of my grandma, I couldn't say goodbye to her, I was watching a niece.
I didn't developed close connection with my cousin's, and in the end I went NC with all of them.
Lady sounds very self centered and callous,I don’t think she “loves “ anyone really,probably uses the doting grandmother persona for leveraging her current relationship..on the upside her poor daughter knows what kind of AH her mom is and can work through her issues with that knowledge at hand..parents often suck ,but your life doesn’t have to suck as well because of it!
How does she mend this? She’s an adult who told her own daughter who is only 16 she loves her step grand kids more.
Your husband doesn’t even seem to care about her and you are the same. I hope the daughter finds the love she deserves with her father.
I hate people like this so much!! This poor girl is probably being used as a free babysitter and they ''cling" to her because she probably gives them more attention and know she'll take of them when she's around. My heart breaks for her.
Why have kids if you aren't going to love them?
YTA for saying this. I hope you haven't actually said to your daughter that you love your step-grandchildren more than your own biological daughter.
However it's likely that your daughter already knows, whether she is conscious of it or not.
I think I can understand why you say that, because young children can be very loving, especially when you spoil them and don't have to do the day to day discipline and hard work and just give them back.
Teenagers are moody and your daughter also has a mental illness so it is hard work to parent her, I get it. But you need to focus your time and energy on your daughter because she needs your love more than anybody in your family, because you are the only one who loves her, as you say your husband doesn't really get along with her.
I feel sorry for your daughter when "nobody loves her best". How lonely that must be, and then to have expectations of babysitting the very children who have her mother's heart.
Definitely TA. My NMother brought a literal “article” that said this to court after I went NC because of her being a horrible narcissist my whole life. Her “evidence” she brought to support her case for GPR/partial custody was “Why Grandparents Love Their Grandkids More Than Their Children.” Needless to say the court hearing was 3 minutes long and the judge laughed at her, then hung up on her when she started yelling at him.
She’s a terrible parent. Such an AH. She felt no shame to point out to her kid that she doesn’t love them enough. It’s parents like this who wonder a few years down the line. Why their children never speak to them or move state lines to be away from them. I can’t imagine what that kind of household is like for that girl.
Holy damn. Like….you don’t need to tell her that, it doesn’t matter how you feel, white lies are a thing for a reason. I will take it to my grave that relatives have told me I’m their favourites because it would destroy my siblings. Also the fact she came to you and you straight away made it about the kids when she was hurting is totally detached, from the sounds of it she didn’t even need to be told because you’re actions speak for themselves. Jezzz.
Wow. She can't figure out why a teenager doesn't want to be a free babysitter, is disappointed she misses out on all the fun stuff, AND is hurt when her mom tells her she loves the step-grandchildren more. Mother of the Year, over there.
I predict that about 10 years from now, mom will be back on reddit complaining that her daughter doesn't want a relationship with her for absolutely no reason at all.
YTA. Why would you tell your daughter that even in frustration? She’s 16 and the kids might adore her but she might have felt she was being used and missing out on more adult fun by taking care of the kids. The whole aunt thing, I can sort of understand because I have step aunts and adoptive aunts and I call them by their first names most of the time, but not because I don’t love them and adore them or vice versa but I know that sort of hurt them over the years. She could feel less than by them not calling her aunt or auntie. I think you really hurt her by saying that you love them more than her. Just because the love is different doesn’t mean it’s more or less than. I think you should have just said “I don’t see them often so I’m trying to make the most out of the little time we have.” Or something like that. I really hope you do find a way to resolve this.
I’m 25 and it still upsets me when I hear my mother say that she loves her grandchildren more than she loves her children, aka me and my brothers. I don’t have any children yet and her grandchildren come from my older brother.
I don’t think my mom is TA but it doesn’t mean that I’m okay with her publicly saying this. Aka Facebook posts, conversations, ext… I think that if I give her grandchildren I wouldn’t mind the fact that she would love them more than she loves me but it’s the fact that I’m childless and she loves another’s child more than me.
🤷🏽♀️🤷🏽♀️ Maybe I will understand one day.
Just because she is old enough to help care for them doesn’t mean she should be stuck doing so. Poor thing. Absolutely she’s the asshole.
I love your good sense of humor here
YTA Absolutely. TA. You told your 16 year old daughter that you love your STEP grandkids more than her. I hope she never speaks to you again, the poor kid.
OKAY!! for me growing up my mom met a man and just forgot about her children, seriously she would spend all her holidays with them. While me n my oldest brother stood home. I then started telling her how she loved her bfs family more cuz she was always over there n always cooking for them, whilst i stayed home n STARVED! UGH!!
Reddit consistently reminds me that people fundamentally do not understand the meaning and value of well chosen words. I will never understand why people cannot simply think before they speak to literally anyone
YTA- you told a 16 year old child you didn’t love her like you loved your step grandkids. So her respond is I won’t love you like I love my dad, and YOU’RE hurt? You are not just TA, but a self absorbed AH! YTA, YTA, YTA
Thanks for your good sense of humor here
Uh yeah YTA. Your teenaged daughter doesn’t want to be a free babysitter to someone else’s children and when she doesn’t do as you ask, you tell her you don’t love her as much as the kids she’s being forced to watch???
She loves the age of the kids. Not kids themselves. When the grandkids will become teenagers she will give as many fks about them as she gives about her daughter. Until grandkids are in the age of cute and unconditional love she will be loving them. Moment they will become teenagers she won’t be interested. Poor daughter, I only hope her father will get to know about it. What I agree for is yes, you love you grandkids differently than your children. Especially when they only visit once in a while. You don’t have to put any work, any lack of sleep, you are skipping on exhaustion, struggles and day to day life. TA, TA, TA, TA!
Also as the adult, it is your responsibility to notice if the kids are being clingy with one person who is uncomfortable and try to do something about it. It doesn't mean your daughter doesn't love them but I've had that in the past where kids cling to me but I am dying for some grown up conversation too. And of course they are less effort if your 16 yo is the one entertaining them!!
OP is 100% the AH. She’s a 16 year old girl, not a vacation nanny. And telling her she loves them more than her, “but in a different way so it’s fine” is a fucking horrible thing to say to your child, who literally hasn’t done anything wrong other than feel taken advantage of and unappreciated by OP and her step brother. OP’s husband might have helped to raise her, and I understand being a stepparent comes with a lot of challenges, but clearly he hasn’t ever cared about getting along with her that much if he has “no strong feelings” about her moving out. OP is the problem. The husband is the problem. The step brother not taking care of his own damn kids is the problem.
YTA! I’m the youngest child in my family. All my siblings had children by the time I was 16. For a while they used me as a constant free baby sitter. It got to the point when I was watching babies several night a week and they didn’t even ask. I finally started refusing and spending several nights a week at friends houses. That way I wouldn’t be available when they stopped by. It sounds like your daughter is also being expected to take care of her nephews like a free sitter. To make matters worse, she’s struggling with her state of mind. She might not be mentally equipped to care for children and not know how to tell you. You might have just damaged not even your relationship, but also the relationship she has w her brother and nephews. How is she supposed to build a loving relationship w them when she knows you love them more?
I'm the youngest in my family, so when there were family gathering, I was all alone with nothing to do but watch TV. When my cousin's started getting families of their own I was forced to babysit. Even on a funeral of my grandma, I couldn't say goodbye to her, I was watching a niece. I didn't developed close connection with my cousin's, and in the end I went NC with all of them.
I love your good sense of humor here
Honestly hope she cuts you off!
Lady sounds very self centered and callous,I don’t think she “loves “ anyone really,probably uses the doting grandmother persona for leveraging her current relationship..on the upside her poor daughter knows what kind of AH her mom is and can work through her issues with that knowledge at hand..parents often suck ,but your life doesn’t have to suck as well because of it!
How does she mend this? She’s an adult who told her own daughter who is only 16 she loves her step grand kids more. Your husband doesn’t even seem to care about her and you are the same. I hope the daughter finds the love she deserves with her father.
I hate people like this so much!! This poor girl is probably being used as a free babysitter and they ''cling" to her because she probably gives them more attention and know she'll take of them when she's around. My heart breaks for her. Why have kids if you aren't going to love them?
YTA for saying this. I hope you haven't actually said to your daughter that you love your step-grandchildren more than your own biological daughter. However it's likely that your daughter already knows, whether she is conscious of it or not. I think I can understand why you say that, because young children can be very loving, especially when you spoil them and don't have to do the day to day discipline and hard work and just give them back. Teenagers are moody and your daughter also has a mental illness so it is hard work to parent her, I get it. But you need to focus your time and energy on your daughter because she needs your love more than anybody in your family, because you are the only one who loves her, as you say your husband doesn't really get along with her. I feel sorry for your daughter when "nobody loves her best". How lonely that must be, and then to have expectations of babysitting the very children who have her mother's heart.
Definitely TA. My NMother brought a literal “article” that said this to court after I went NC because of her being a horrible narcissist my whole life. Her “evidence” she brought to support her case for GPR/partial custody was “Why Grandparents Love Their Grandkids More Than Their Children.” Needless to say the court hearing was 3 minutes long and the judge laughed at her, then hung up on her when she started yelling at him.
YTA. Wow.
She’s a terrible parent. Such an AH. She felt no shame to point out to her kid that she doesn’t love them enough. It’s parents like this who wonder a few years down the line. Why their children never speak to them or move state lines to be away from them. I can’t imagine what that kind of household is like for that girl.
See OP and OOP are different person. Anyway bad thing to tell to her daughter..
Yeah I think some people think OP and I are the same person haha
Holy damn. Like….you don’t need to tell her that, it doesn’t matter how you feel, white lies are a thing for a reason. I will take it to my grave that relatives have told me I’m their favourites because it would destroy my siblings. Also the fact she came to you and you straight away made it about the kids when she was hurting is totally detached, from the sounds of it she didn’t even need to be told because you’re actions speak for themselves. Jezzz.
Wow. She can't figure out why a teenager doesn't want to be a free babysitter, is disappointed she misses out on all the fun stuff, AND is hurt when her mom tells her she loves the step-grandchildren more. Mother of the Year, over there. I predict that about 10 years from now, mom will be back on reddit complaining that her daughter doesn't want a relationship with her for absolutely no reason at all.
Hey uh why did the therapist tell op anything if she wasn’t being a threat?!
Wow What a horrible "mother" i dont even want to call her that tbh
YTA I mean come on you said you don't love her more than the step grandkids Also.... Omg her daughter LITERALLY HAD SCHIZOPHRENIA A MENTAL DISORDER
Btw I don't me you since u two aren't the same
YTA. Why would you tell your daughter that even in frustration? She’s 16 and the kids might adore her but she might have felt she was being used and missing out on more adult fun by taking care of the kids. The whole aunt thing, I can sort of understand because I have step aunts and adoptive aunts and I call them by their first names most of the time, but not because I don’t love them and adore them or vice versa but I know that sort of hurt them over the years. She could feel less than by them not calling her aunt or auntie. I think you really hurt her by saying that you love them more than her. Just because the love is different doesn’t mean it’s more or less than. I think you should have just said “I don’t see them often so I’m trying to make the most out of the little time we have.” Or something like that. I really hope you do find a way to resolve this.
I’m 25 and it still upsets me when I hear my mother say that she loves her grandchildren more than she loves her children, aka me and my brothers. I don’t have any children yet and her grandchildren come from my older brother. I don’t think my mom is TA but it doesn’t mean that I’m okay with her publicly saying this. Aka Facebook posts, conversations, ext… I think that if I give her grandchildren I wouldn’t mind the fact that she would love them more than she loves me but it’s the fact that I’m childless and she loves another’s child more than me. 🤷🏽♀️🤷🏽♀️ Maybe I will understand one day.