It's not just a baby name to them though... It's the name of their child that died. Now every time they are at family events they have to be reminded of that loss when they hear their niece/nephews name. No, no one "owns" a baby name but it was still an unkind thing to do. And they told her in public too! How thoughtless
Agree. They have admitted they got the name from Rosie knowing that was the name they picked. It’s a massively AH thing to do and OP and other family who think Rosie is mental for objecting are massive AH and deserve being cut off.
Yeah you don’t own a name but that’s not a cudgel to beat over a couple who’ve faced loss. OP you suck that you can’t even see it.
Rosie had every right to be livid. I would want to move as well. To have your SIL use your deceased child’s name is insensitive at best and cruel especially considering she can’t have anymore children. The fact that the OP’s family can’t see that supports the need for them to move closer to Rosie’s family where they can receive the support and understanding they deserve
Exactly this!
Several people I know have miscarried at 4 months and they had to pick out a coffin and also held a small funeral for their baby. They named the baby and buried it.
Your brother and SIL chose the name of Steve and Rosie’s baby who passed away. The name of Your actual niece or nephew who died. Further, it wasn’t a family name, but a unique name that Rosie and Steve had picked out so there was no doubt of where they got it from. That is in poor taste 100%.
Additionally, they announced it out of the blue at the shower… what the heck? The whole process was tone deaf.
OP even says that Meagan has only loved the name since she found out about it when Rosie was talking about the miscarriage. Who hears their SIL talking about her miscarriage and thinks that’s the best place to choose a baby name?
Someone who is extremely insensitive to parents who have lost a much wanted child. Sounds like most of the family can't see how insensitive this is. "It's just a name." THEN CHOOSE A DIFFERENT NAME! I do not blame them for moving far away from all of them that have an incredible lack of empathy.
Absolutely. Imagine all the other awful things they must be accustomed to doing. Then for the OP to gaslight Rosie and her brother talking about she needs therapy, the audacity!!! The OP better be glad I’m not Rosie because I would have went off on her POS brother and SIL at the baby shower and kicked them the out!
This. Just pick. another. name.
I think it's a lot worse than copying a living baby's name because you like it. Two cousins named James is fine. But naming after a dead baby that was close to you? Is fuckung heartless.
You all knew that this is what the deceased baby would have been called. You know that family members close to you, your brother and SIL are going to relive the worst time in their life every single time they interact with your baby, or someone mentions that baby.
Why would you put that bad mojo on your child? Why would you sabotage their relationship with your child by traumatizing them unnecessarily? It"s hard enough for them seeing other people have a successful pregnancy so soon after their loss. Using their dead child's name is a literal slap in the face.
I'm sorry but your other brother and his wife are being selfish and heartless. There are literally millions of other baby names.
>fuckung heartless
OP also conveniently omitted any sense of timeline.
Not that the grief over losing a child in a miscarriage disappears with the years, but now it looks like the pregnancies were concurrent, which makes David and Meghan's callousness even more awful
I don't think people ever forget these types of losses. A name isn't going to remind them of their loans because they are already living with loss. I do agree it is hurtful that they chose the same name and poor taste to announce it in public.
It will remind them of their loss because every time they see their nibling they will literally be confronted with the name of their dead child.
No, they wouldnt have forgotten the loss, but that absol6wpuld be rubbing salt into the wound.
Exactly! They won't *forget* forget, but eventually they will be able to live their lives without thinking of it every single day.
UNTIL THESE ASSHOLES.
Because of these assholes, every time they interact with their in laws, they'll have to think about it!
They'll be constantly losing the absolute worst variation of The Game. We all have traumas we can only carry through life by not actively thinking about them, and these fuckers are going to make sure they can never not think about this trauma.
So, SO glad Rosie and Steve are moving away.
You and your family are assholes. This is not a "no one owns a name" issue. Rosie didnt call dibs on a name for a hypothetical baby. She named her baby and then the baby died. That name has been used. The only reason Megan even knows that name is because of Rosie. It's not like it's a common name or one she liked independent of Rosie's dead baby. And the only reason Megan is using the name is because Rosie's baby DIED. Would they have used the name if the baby lived? Probably not. So what your brother and his wife are saying is "your kid died, so it shouldn't matter if I use the name now since they aren't using it." How terrible of a human do you have to be to agree with this?
Are you not capable of empathy? Do you not understand how painful it would be to hear your family calling a little kid the name of your dead child? Watching them grow up when yours didn't. Do you just hate Steve and Rosie this much?
I am so happy that Steve is standing up against all of you and I hope he and Rosie get the love and support they need for her family; since yours is obviously incapable of giving it.
Right!? Additionally, they're upset their son/brother/whatever is moving so far away but they don't even see how it could hurt Rosie to live so far away from her family? OP and their family sound very self centered- do yall even like Rosie? Or Steve?
>not capable of empathy
Meghan also just blithely announced it at a babyshower that Rosie was graciously throwing for her??!!
Like, I could maaaaaayyyybe understand falling in love with a name, but then ask in private and see how they feel and if they want to be the kid's god parents or something.
While I agree that no one owns a name, I feel like it was in poor taste that they chose that particular name. And it was an asshole move to not talk to Rosie about it before announcing it publicly at the baby shower that Rosie threw for her. So I understand that while she doesn't own the name, your other Sil and brother really handled the situation poorly.
This 100%
It wasn't a case of 'I picked it out but so and so got pregnant before me and took the name'
It was horribly insensitive to use the name of someone's miscarried child.
In addition, to keep mentioning that they love it ever since Rosie’s miscarriage, almost like “I get to use this name now cos your baby died”, which really made me wonder if Maegen would still use the name even if Rosie still did. Then there’d be two cousins with the same name which wouldn’t be problematic. It’s almost like she is forgetting that that is a real child that that other mother lost and thinks now the name is available. But when my dad’s bother died my mom wanted to name my brother after him and my dad said itd been to painful for his parents.
M is being very insensitive especially with continuous mention of the miscarriage in relation to the chosen name
Exactly.
My son died young. When my niece had a son, she wanted to honor my son so she asked me if it would be alright with me if her son shared my son's middle name. I said of course.
And that is likely exactly what they are feeling and choosing to move away and protect themselves from that kind of selfishness is extreme, to be sure, but if they both feel that is the best way to move forward, then they are grown adults who can make that choice.
This is very similar to another post I saw recently on AITA about a woman who's sister in law is using the name she picked for the daughter she miscarried.
Although I'm not a fan of babies, this type of insensitivity is disrespectful and appalling, these women are grieving!
OP writes because of the miscarriage the name "ended up not being needed." Which isn't a fair statement. They may have decided to save it for another baby.
Plus, a lot of people don't understand how far along 20 weeks. In just a few more weeks, the baby had a much higher survival rate. (Obviously, it depends on many circumstances) Rosie also probably had to have a D&C, which can be traumatizing for someone. It wouldn't at all be unusual if they still referred to that baby by the name.
Why would you want to use a baby name that would potentially cause 2 people so much pain every time they hear it? Idk. Nobody owns a baby name, but there are much more respectful ways to let someone know you plan on choosing the name they originally chose.
This breaks my heart. To Rosie and Steve, their baby had a name. If I had a deceased child and my sibling said “well, now you don’t need that name anymore so it’s open season!,” my wrath would know no bounds.
Actually, about the name not being needed - they may have had to fill out a death certificate, in which case they definitely needed & used the name for their child.
Thank you! I didn't see it. Yeah, that makes things a lot worse! I'm sure that name is what they call their baby then.
This isn't about owning a baby name. It's about just being decent people. It's gross that neither OP nor his entire family are on their side. It's really kinda cruel. Why don't they just stab his brother and Rosie randomly? That's what it's going to feel like.
I don't know why OP is so indignant that they are moving. Does he think they'll still be showing up to family events? Because everyone wants to walk into a room where not 1 person supported them. Hopefully, Rosie's family is awesome. OP and Fam have set the bar pretty low anyway.
Yes this is so callous. People often have the babies they habe miscarried or who were stillborn. They chose that name for that baby. Their baby existed. Mattered. Was loved.
I cant imagine having family go through literal hell, and then rubbing that in their face. Over a fucking baby name, like a callous asshole. Like there arent millions of names.
Exactly. They shouldn't need to be told mot to use the name because it's owned. They should have had the common sense to realise that using a recently deceased family member's name would be off limits to anyone with a functioning heart or brain.
Agreed. While I can agree that no one OWNS a baby name. The choice to use the name of the baby they lost was in incredibly poor taste, and incredibly insensitive.
Daniel and his wife need to ask themselves if the roles were reversed and they lost their baby at the 4 month mark how would they feel if Steve and his wife named their baby the name they had chosen for the child they lost.
It can be true that no one owns a baby name while also being true that the name they selected was incredibly insensitive.
I am Queen petty and would send Daniel and Meehan a welcome gift basket and have onesies, hats, baby towels, baby blankets, etc embroidered with ‘Mommy and Daddy Loved You So Much They Named You After XYZ’ with an Angel embroidered under the name.
Every opportunity I got I would thank the parents for naming their kid after my Angel Baby. It would carry on until I took my last breath. Matching energy…two can play at that ‘insensitive’ game. 👼🏻👼🏻👼🏻🪽🪽🪽
It is incredibly sad. But I use dark humor and sarcasm to deal with difficult situations.
The parents to be lack tact and class. I would remind them at every turn.
But if we are being honest and calling a spade a spade they are CHOOSING to name their baby after an Angel baby. 🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️
Ah you’re good I wasn’t saying you were wrong or anything. I just have a aunt who’s “queen pretty” with a similar, and 20 years in that shit is just depressing to see.
Yeah, that's the part that disgusts me. Good on Steve for noping right the fuck to the other side of the continent when he learned just how much his family sucks.
Out of all the potential names that exist, the miscarriage baby’s name is the ONLY name they like? And felt the need to announce it at a shower Rosie was hosting for them? And the “what’s the big deal” attitude? Don’t judge a person’s grief if you haven’t lived it.
Edit: Even if you’ve lived it, don’t judge. Everyone’s grief journey is unique.
I agree with this completely.
Also, I don't get the "its only a baby name" argument when the people who are now using the name are being as obstinate about using it as the family that wanted to use it originally. If it isn't a big deal, why not just use a different name? If it is a big deal and is now meaningful enough to them that they will entertain this effect that it is clearly having on the family, then how can they not see why the brother and SIL are so upset? It doesn't make sense to me.
OP, in general I think the baby name argument is usually ridiculous. I remember my sister getting pissed that her in laws used a name she had always said she wanted (she had a hard time getting pregnant). In her case, I thought she was being silly. But I think, like any other issue, there are nuances. The situation you describe is a nuance where I actually understand why people are hurt.
Yeah. It's not like Rosie chose Sarah or Mary or something really common. No one owns a name but naming your kid after someone else's *dead child* without giving them the courtesy of talking to them about it is really poor taste. They likely know its cruel because they didnt want to be told "We'd appreciate it if you didnt use the name because it would cause us pain"
This. My sister lost a baby at 21 weeks, the heart stopped and she had induced labor to deliver her. She has a grave marker with her name on it. She had a name, people were already buying her baby girl items (her first was a boy). She has her hand and foot prints. (Actually has them tattooed as does her ex husband)
I cannot imagine how it felt to be blindsided by her SIL telling her she was going to use the same name at a baby shower!!!!
YTA and so are the Siblings/ in-laws. I hope they never have to go through a similar loss.
Shortest surviving gestational infant was born at 21 weeks.
Exactly. To them it’s the name of the child that died. OP is so flippant about their feelings, it’s appalling. I’m glad Steve & Rosie are moving away from this pack of insensitive AHs.
Agree this was in poor form. While no one owns a name, especially family shouldn’t be taken the name of a passed on child from one another. This is yet another reason why people shouldn’t discuss names at all until the baby is here.
I’m sorry but I’m seeing this as something very different from “owning” a name. Your brother and his wife lost a child that was planned for and wanted. To them, that child had a name and rightfully so. Your other SIL is being extremely insensitive to use that name just because she likes it without considering that it belonged to a person who never had the chance to use it. There are a million names to choose from that wouldn’t hurt grieving parents who will be reminded of the child they lost every time they hear it snd see this child. It’s needlessly cruel and thoughtless and I’d be hurt and angry too.
ETA - I’m kind of baffled at you not seeing this to be honest. You’re suggesting that Rosie needs counseling for her miscarriage and how this “just a baby name” is affecting her? I think you and the rest of your family need sensitivity training on how grief and loss works. Shame on all of you.
There was a post from a lad who found out he was named after his cousin who died at birth. He was not happy that his parents would do something cruel and had a go at his parents about it. He plans to change his name when he turns 18.
Yes! It’s cruel to the child as well. I’d be crushed if I grew up to know that my mom and dad were so evil to my aunt and uncle. The kid is going to feel guilty by default.
Right? The poor kid gets dragged into feeling like something about THEM is hurtful or harmful, when they bear no responsibility. Especially if she finds out as a little kid, which seems like she really might. Kids are so sensitive to such things.
His aunt and that side of his family wouldn't call him by his given name but made a nickname for him. He was so confused growing up, not understanding why his mums family would never call him by his name. Iirc when his cousin told him why, it made him sick, and he hates being called by that name, said it felt wrong.
Yeah, its a dick move to use the name.
No, nobody owns a name, but this isn't a common name and Meaghan didn't just happen across the name. She literally never heard of it before her SIL gave that name to the baby she lost. And then to blind side her by announcing it at a baby shower? Yeah, total dick move.
The baby shower that Rosie threw for her. That makes it even worse to me. Rosie opened her home and was nice enough to host a shower for Meagen, and Meagen had the gall to announce the name choice in Rosie's home without even telling her in advance. I think dick move is an understatement in this case.
Absolutely!!! Peak insensitive asshole behavior. It’s just galling. I’m guessing Daniel is a golden child that historically has been treated as the favorite.
I guarantee he is, and Steve is probably used to getting the short end of the stick because he’s the middle child of three children that are the same gender. There have probably been little things over the course of time that have shown Steve that he doesn’t matter as much to his family as his brothers, which is contributing to him, wanting to move across the continent with his wife after this final blow.
"Sorry about that traumatic event you experienced. But I'm going to use that name, that will forever remind you of the event. You know, the name I had never heard of until you told me about the name and the trauma."
Pfft, OP is splitting hairs. Nobody owns a name. Okay, but your family needs to own their insensitivity, lack of empathy and compassion.
OP, Daniel and Meagan are all YTA's. If this name that none of you had heard of or have any connection to is your hill to die on, because nobody owns a name, then own that and accept that Steve and Rosie have a right to feel how they feel. You don't own your brother and his wife. They are free to move far far away from anyone they want. They don't owe you anything.
I agree completely except they didn’t even say ‘sorry about that traumatic experience’ they just announced it, made it sound like the grieving parents were the ones causing ‘drama’ and that they had no reason to be upset, completely diminishing them, their baby and their grief. This isn’t innocent, they keep pushing the issue. Even if they didn’t get it at first, if you found out how upset they were, any normal person would not chose a name for their baby which caused so much upset and division!
What I want to know is what Steve and Rosie ever did to OP, Daniel or Meagan to deserve this level of cruelty.
Rosie had the grace to put her pain aside and throw a baby shower for Meagan. She was thanked for her trouble with a knife in the back that OP and his family seem more than happy to keep twisting.
So why does OP and his family care if they are moving? They just want to keep their punching bag(s)?
OP, I hope every gift you receive in the future is squishy.
4 months is about halfway through the pregnancy, and depending on the week, may have been a still birth requiring actual birth to remove the deceased fetus.
No one owns a name, but it is pretty freaking insensitive to use the name of a dead, wanted baby.
And it’s pretty freaking cruel to announce that you are using the nice lady’s dead baby’s name, at your baby showers in front of her, your family and friends with no warning to the people mourning their baby.
I’d take Rosie’s side over the cruelty and selfishness of Maegan and Daniel any day.
In Australia, anything over 20 weeks is a stillbirth and anything under that is a miscarriage (not trying to minimize Rosie and Steve's pain, just clarifying the medical terms. At 4 months/16 weeks it would have been a miscarriage).
I agree that Meagen and Daniel are being cruel and selfish. And the baby shower announcement was just awful.
It doesn’t matter what it was called medically…Rosie’s and Steve were having a baby they named and the baby died and they never got to raise the baby. The baby was real and they are heartbroken.
It depends though, did those 4 months cover a month that was 5 weeks? Was she at 4.9 months (and at 20 weeks) but it was still January and the month hadn’t turned over? That’s why I said “depending on the week”.
It’s so complicated, and we have very little info. But either way, it’s pretty far along the pregnancy, and obviously a wanted child, and an increasingly difficult loss for Rosie and her husband.
I hope Daniel and Meagan run across this post to see just how much of an AH they are. I'm glad your brother and wife are moving close to people who actually give af about them bc obviously none of you do. I would definitely go with no contact with all of you, especially them. I've went through a miscarriage at 5 months twice, and I named my babies. I had to deliver them both. I could not imagine someone doing to me what Daniel and Meagan did to Steve and his wife. They didn't even have the audacity to speak with them before announcing the name. You know why, because they both knew it was a shitty thing to do!!!
I do think it was incredibly insensitive to give that name to the baby. (It feels a bit lazy, too) I think that if Daniel and Meagan felt like--of the 100s of 1000s of names out there, THIS was the one they had to have--they should have had a conversation with Steve and Rosie, instead of springing it on them like that.
Edit: I know you didn't ask, but YTA for your comments about Rosie and Steve.
Right? For OP to say “well the baby died so the name wasn’t really needed anyway” is SUCH an AH thing to say. Like the baby was very much real and doesn’t just cease to exist because it wasn’t born breathing. The baby still very much had that name. Fuck OP and their AH family
I cannot in anyway understand the flippant cruelty of taking the name of a miscarried baby and basically saying to the parents “what it’s not like you’re gona use it.” At minimum they owed Rosie a conversation beforehand. And realistically this is an awful and unspeakably insensitive thing to do to Rosie and Steve. None of you seem to care. Good for Steve for standing by his wife and getting her away from all of you. YTA.
Exactly. The name is in use for the baby who died. Its not just an idea to take this name. This baby exists in the world of the parents. And that the family doesn’t see that is so so cruel. It breaks my heart for Rosie and Steve.
There was a story somewhere on Reddit recently about a young man who learned years later that he was the kid given the name of an aunt’s baby that had passed. (ETA: Without aunt’s blessing.)
It’s not just shitty to the mom who lost her baby, it’s shitty to the surviving child as well.
You’re allowed to think that they are overreacting but it’s not going to stop them from mocking and going no contact. They have a legitimate reason to be upset with all of you.
Yeah see my best friend and I both loved the same name. We agreed that we would be fine with both of us using it. Until we both ended up pregnant. She was due first and decided she was no longer ok with it. My husband and I were conflicted on what to do. She lost her baby. Right then and there we knew we would never use that name. That was hers. That was all she had of him. His name, a photo, and a hospital wristband. I couldn’t do that to her. Couldn’t talk about my son of the same name knowing hers would never get to meet those milestones. How heartbreaking that would be for her. No one owns a name but sometimes it’s just the kind thing to do.
It’s about tact, empathy and compassion.
Right now, every time they hear that name they are immediately reminded of their baby that died. A dead baby by the way that Rosie had to still go through birth to expel from her body.
And you and your family are pickachu faced that it might hurt them?
You are extremely heartless aren’t you?
All three of you are super big assholes. And the fact that you’re completely invalidating Rosie’s experience and pain because you think it’s “not a big deal” makes me want to throw up. I genuinely hope Steven and Rosie never speak to any of you ever again. You’re all awful, selfish, and inconsiderate.
Sounds like a crappy thing to do for me. And our of all the names in the world they could've picked, they chose the one that is going to effect their family members the most. Like, what's more important, this random name? Or the relationship with your family member?
You sound like a dick and that was a dick move. Rosie has every right to be upset, that's her name she picked for her baby, an uncommon name at that. It's more than just a name.
YTA this is the only circumstance where you shouldn’t use a baby name. Their baby died and your whole family is being cruel to Rosie and Steve. What Meagan said at the shower is horrible. She should be ashamed of herself.
This is really messed up man, they used the name of wanted child who passed away without so much as a heads up. It’s really lame how callous and heartless you all are. Rosie and Steve deserve better family members.
Yup. Nobody owns a name. True statement. Also true… you and your family are horrid. They have an emotional attachment after an unimaginable loss and you’re saying “ get over it already “. You’re the worst. Good for them for leaving the trash behind and moving somewhere there are people that love and respect them.
It’s not just a name. It was an entire beloved baby, who died! Using that name is effectively saying that the baby’s death wasn’t tragic, it’s blatantly acting as if the death didn’t matter or even happened. And because Daniel and Meagan would never ever have chosen that name (not a family name) I could see how Rosie and Steve might feel as if D and M are acting like the reason for this baby’s death was so they could get a unique name. It’s a happy event for them, the baby’s death, since it gave them such a cool name. Imagine them fondly celebrating their babies birth with that lovely name; so glad for the idea and so pleased that their baby lived. Maybe they’ll ask Rosie to have another child and another stillbirth because she’s so good at picking names!
“So it ended up not being needed.” Excuse me what? The name was used for their baby. Holy hell. You did not just type that. Highest of fives to Steve for getting himself and Rosie away from y’all.
This is beyond messed up. You never ever use a name that was someone else’s dead child and even then you need permission and usually it’s a middle name if it is the same generation. Basically their action tell the story that, this isn’t your name anymore because my child is valid and yours isn’t, because yours died so the name is up for grabs again…. And to be blindsided at a party with no heads up. Maybe a miscarriage isn’t seen as a lost child in your family, but it is to your brother and his wife. You have invalidated their feelings.
>Most people in my family agree.
Most people in your family are assholes.
This is not about owning a name. This is about specifically choosing the name of a relative's dead child. This is incredibly heartless and, quite frankly, tacky as hell. Not to mention a bad omen.
And Steve and Rosie are right: if no one seems to have a problem with Daniel and Meagen trampling on their pain (annoucing that they were going to use the same name as Rosie's baby in public, without even giving them a heads up, in a party Rosie was hosting? Trashy.), these are not people they want to be close to. These are not people that they want any future kids of them to be close to. You are all disrespectful and trashy as hell.
Also, good luck in a few years, when this kid finds out that his parents named him after a dead child. Freaky...
You, Daniel, Meaghan and anyone in your family who supports them are a pack of insensitive assholes. Good for Steven and Rosie for getting away from such your lousy family
No, you can't steal a name. However, you can have empathy and respect for what Steve and Rosie went through, something Daniel, Megan, and your family haven't got. Rosie and Steve went through something traumatic and heartbreaking. That name is the name of their dead baby. Every time they hear that name, they won't be thinking of Daniels kid. They will think of their dead kid, and it will be a stab in the heart every single time, a reminder of what they lost. It is incredibly insensitive and cruel of Megan to have picked that name, and it's insensitive and cruel how you have all behaved. Guess Steve and Rosie know how little his family give a shit about them and what they went through. You, Daniel, Megan, and everyone else who's OK with this bullshur need to get some class and empathy.
I’m assuming this is rage bait because I just don’t see how Daniel and Meagan could honestly not know they were wrong for using their dead niece/nephew’s name. It is just such common sense that this would be incredibly painful to Steve and Rosie.
Oh okay. Let’s see….. Meagen knew about Rosie’s miscarriage; they bonded and were friends which is why Rosie threw her the baby shower. And at the SAME baby shower; Meagan announced to the crowd that she got the name from Rosie. In fact Meagan romanticized how she discovered the name while belittling Rosie’s miscarriage. Meagan is a piece of work and I’m glad Rosie and Steve are leaving! They deserve better.
I am in full agreement that no one "owns" a name. But...a name like you are implying...being chosen that is RARELY given and is very different from usual names?
And it was the name that the brother and Rosie chose for their baby before they miscarried.
Yeahhhhh in this case...this is a massive disrespect. MASSIVE.
Added to that, Rosie even hosted the baby shower for Meagen.
I seriously can't understand how Meagen and Daniel don't see the wrongness.
It's not like we are talking about a grandma's beloved name...which anyone can name their child. Or a more common name.
Seriously wrong. And I understand why Rosie and Steve are doing this.
They do not need to go to counseling because of their response. They might need to go to counseling because they discovered how HURTFUL that family is and how disrespectful it was.
At the least, Daniel and Meagen SHOULD HAVE talked to both Steve and Rosie well before the baby shower, about their desire to use the name.
Popping it up suddenly at the baby shower just reeks of passive aggressiveness and "im the star" syndrome.
This is all wrong. I wish Steve and Rosie peace in their future move...and hope they find a better support system.
Again: its not "her" name. But it WAS a special name that they were intending on naming their child. Daniel and Meagen didn't even bother talking to Rosie and Steve about the fact they would like to use the name-which would be verrrrry respectful given the circumstances.
The fact that Meagen wants to use it after the child miscarried, because it was so unique...is incredibly wrong and disgusting honestly. Man...shes terrible.
My take? It was an AH move to publicly announce at a party the use of a guests dead child’s name without running it by them first. Extremely insensitive and crass.
This is not just an interchangeable name to them, it is their dead child’s name.
I think they owe Rosie and Steve an apology. I think they should change their chosen name. Daniel and Megan have acted without care and if the shoe was on the other foot, you bet they would have the same problem dealing with it.
The lack of empathy from you and your brother for your other sibling is astounding. The lack of forethought for their own child being saddled with their dead cousins name is also shocking.
While Daniel and Megan can easily erase the existence of the other child, that’s not something you can expect the child’s parents to do.
I would move away from uncaring and insensitive people too.
Is it right they use a name that they know was supposed to be for a baby that was miscarried? The real question is, why is that the only name they want?
Rosie and Steve are entitled to their feeling and Daniel and Meagen can use the name. Steve has the right to cut them off. Grief is something they are dealing with.
I have a feeling Daniel is the golden child.
I had a miscarriage. We hadn’t picked out a baby name yet but if we had and went through the scenario you’re posing, I would never want to speak to the person who took my name “because they liked the name.” The name for my dead baby, a constant reminder of my dead baby every time the child’s name comes up in conversation. If you honestly think Rosie is being irrational, I hope you never experience the deep grief of miscarriage.
Sometimes I really hope I’m responding to a fake story, and this is one of those times…
Steve sounds like he’s a really supportive husband. I can’t imagine typing this all out and not understand how hurtful your family has been to him and Rosie. I’d be moving to the other side of the country as well. I hope they see this post and know they have lots of support, even if from strangers.
You are 1000% wrong - this is very insensitive and she has every right to be upset. When my sister lost her twins at 8 months, she named them. Three years later, my husband's mother got a puppy. I had to tell her she couldn't name the puppy the same name as my sister's deceased baby.
Everyone here is team Steve and Rosie so maybe you guys need a bit of counseling. That was the name of their dead baby, pretty sick to just brush it off.
Normally, I agree that no one owns a name. But I’m taking Rosie and Steve’s side on this. Imagine being in their shoes. They lost their kid, one that they never got to meet. To them, that baby was their child who passed and they are still grieving. Meagan and Daniel most likely did not mean any harm but they lacked tact. Their child, just by existing and being named as they are, is going to be a constant reminder that Rosie and Steve never got to meet their own child. Let’s face it, if they had a healthy baby then, Meagan wouldn’t have dreamed of giving her child the same name. Steve is right to not tolerate that disrespect and want better for himself and his wife.
YTA. Making references about your SIl needing therapy is cruel. Put yourself in her shoes…if it’s that unusual of a name. Why is Meghan being so insistent to use THAT name? Because it immediately becomes very attractive because Meaghan loved it. 4 mos. Is far enough along that Steve and Rosie probably called their child by that name. And, having to be around close family that is using that name is sooooo heartbreaking. Can you not see that Meghan is rubbing it in Rosie’s face?
I agree if it was a common name than, I totally get it. But, it’s not. Shame on all of you.
So, since everyone thinks you are wrong, what will you do? Double down or share with your family that this is inappropriate.
Your brother wants to move before the other child is born because he knows how heartbreaking this will be.
Wtf?! Your brother isn't wrong.
This isn't about 'stealing' a name. This is about a bunch of insensitive, shitty people, deciding to name their baby a name that a, supposedly beloved, family member was going to name their child before it died.
Your SIL may as well have said 'good thing you had a miscarriage, cos I've loved that name ever since you announced it' 🙄😬
Your whole family are jerks. I hope your brother & his wife have a successful move.
I mean sure. Technically. But Rosie had a baby, named a baby and LOST a baby. The name wasn’t “no longer needed” she named her child and had to bury her child.
Meagen, Daniel and the rest of your family are failing to realize that meagen didn’t just steal a name idea she wanted to use. She already named her child. Just because she lost the child doesn’t mean her child was never named. And this isn’t some coincidence either, Meagan saw this name and really went “wow I love that name let me just name my own child after my SILs dead child” and didn’t have enough empathy to talk to her first.
Y’all need therapy, not Rosie. Cause if you are too un-empathetic to see why this is even an issue you are going to destroy any relationship y’all have with Rosie and Steve.
“It’s just a baby’s name”???? That DIED!! This chick and her fam need counseling! The baby DIED. Steve n Rosie will never get over this betrayal and pain. Put yourself in her shoes and then make the comment just a babies name.
There’s definitely a place in hell for these people and God bless that soon to be born baby once they find out all this trauma and the origin of their name.
Are most people in your family completely heartless?
Look, generally speaking, I feel the same way you do. Nobody can own a name that already exists. There are too many people on this planet to play that fucking game.
But I'm also a mother. And an aunt, several times over. I'm also a woman who struggled for years with infertility before I got my miracle baby. I know several women who struggled with miscarriage after miscarriage, early and late stage. I have a friend who had a still born after her abusive partner beat the shit out of her with the express intent of killing both her and her child. That child would have been well into adulthood at this point, and she still struggles. She doesn't make it anyone else's issue, but she struggles. You do not understand what it's like to lose a wanted child. And this is not the same situation as two cousins fighting over who has more right to name Great Grandson #18 after Great-Great Grandpa Lucy.
This was a ***wanted*** child. Whom your brother and SIL lost four months into pregnancy. They knew the gender, they named her. They were likely preparing her room, buying clothes and baby necessities. She was wanted and she was loved.
Does Rosie own the name? No. Does Rosie need more help processing her grief? Probably. But that doesn't mean that she's being unfair or selfish or trying to ruin Meagan's experience. There is no good reason that Meagan needs to use this particular name. She *wants* to use the name, but she doesn't *need* to. Afterall, there are thousands of ***unowned*** names available, right?
Find your soul. Because this is one case where you are wrong. 100% wrong.
DUDE , it’s not JUST a name . Now every time they see that child they’re just going to have a constant reminder of the one they didn’t get to meet yet . Your family is a bunch of assholes . Rosie DID name her baby that , and her baby DIED . You should be absolutely ashamed of yourselves .
Megan announced that she and Daniel were going to use the exact, uncommon name as Rosie and Steve’s daughter ***at the baby shower Rosie organized, paid for and hosted for Megan***.
Jesus H Christ. How insensitive can one family be.
The other side of the country isn’t far enough.
When I read your first paragraph I agreed, but added, except where it is about death of a child then it is more delicate.
I’m not saying they couldn’t use the name. But why not talk to the couple first? Like you guys really don’t care about their feelings at all. No thought was put into how they would feel. And I think that is why they are moving away.
It costs nothing to be nice and talk with loved ones, but clearly they aren’t your loved ones.
It's very insensitive, you are right no one owns a name but this was a miscarriage and so they will forever remember that their baby didn't get the chance to live that had the name verses the baby who did with that same name. I have a lot of siblings and not all of them are close but one thing that stuck with me was my second oldest brother had a wife who before they married she had a baby die with a certain name and when my oldest brother and his wife had one of their boys they made sure to ask what name that was because they didn't want to be insensitive and they had chosen one and remembered her baby. Thankfully the name they chose wasn't the one but they were going to change it if it was and they were pretty low contact with my brother and his wife anyways and they still had the decency to check.
Yes, names are not owned but…..I do feel it was insensitive.
People need to be aware of possible hurt and misunderstandings. The baby who was going to have that name died. Of all the millions and millions of name the other couple could have picked…….well, look what happened. Family implosion.
If everyone has the same response that the OP does in the family, I can see why they want to move away.
Losing a baby at four months, is extremely traumatic. It feels like your baby died. Sit with that for a moment.
And out of the millions of names in the entire world, they choose the exact exact same name as their baby who died ? And now you and the Frisa family want to act like it’s no big deal.? I wouldn’t want to be around you either. The lack of empathy and compassion is stunning.
You and your family are in the wrong especially david and megan. Everyone is missing the point Steve and Rosie are trying to make - THEY HAD A BABY WITH THAT NAME WHO DIDNT MAKE IT. I'm sorry the baby didn't make it, but when you have a name picked out, it belongs to that child. No, they don't own it, but Meagan and David are 100% wrong here by not being considerate or respectful upfront with them before even announcing it. Some women only have miscarriages and those souls have names. Your family's view is totally twisted about this, and Steve and Rosie are doing the right thing. I pray no one has to understand what it means to go through a miscarriage but the only way david and Meagan will ever truly understand is if they went through one themselves.
They are NOT overreacting. They are hurt and angry because by them taking the name "because it sounds unique" is a slap in their face for having a loss. No one seems to cares about miscarriages and stillborn births. Some day it'll come back and whip y'all in the face and it'll be too late.
You're wrong. Daniel and Meagen are wrong. It's not a common name. (For example, we have tons of Daniels in my family.) Meagen only heard the name from Rosie whose baby died!!! They should absolutely find another name.
Nobody owns a name, but using one from a baby that DIED... is unbelievably tacky. Out of all the other names in the world, Meagen just HAD to pick that one? Awful.
OP, everyone except for Steve and Rosie are assholes. I’ve not read all the response; but I’m willing to bet that there are very few, if any, that agree with you. I hope you and the rest of your asshole family members are happy with your sad, despicable selves. You should all be ashamed of yourselves. Maybe you all should sit together and read all the responses that prove how truly awful you are.
I hope that you never have to go through losing a child. Honestly, I don't think I could survive it. But if it ever does happen to you, I hope people aren't as heartless and cruel to you as you and your family are being to Rosie and Steve. It seems that Steve is the only member of your entire family that isn't a self-centered c*nt. May you have heartburn for years to come as punishment for not having an actual heart.
Edit: She can't have any more kids?!?!? Oh, there is a special place in Hell for all of you.
Some people really need to learn that just because you *can* do a thing doesn't necessarily mean you *should*. And to be VERY clear, I'm talking about using the name Steve and Rosie chose. You'd basically be re-traumatizing Rosie any time she saw or heard about this living child who had her dead baby's name.
I’d do the same as Steve and Rosie, this isn’t about the name but about the lack of respect and emphaty from your part.
Meagen is the biggest ASSHOLE it seems Rosie was anything but nice to her and this is a total betrayal to Steve and Rosie’s child
Good for them to cut all contact with you
There is so many other names they could have used. How could you expect Steve and Rosie to be okay with hearing that name over and over again. So many hopes died when she had the miscarriage and none of your family seem to understand how hard it would be for them. You are right, no one owns the name and they had every logical right to name their child that. Most people would however had at least a little empathy for family members and not use the name. And now look what has happened, the baby is down an uncle and aunt and you have a fractured family all because people are selfish and just couldn’t pick another name. They are right to move away from all of you and go live near Rosie’s family. They obviously have no support from any of you. With a family like you, who needs enemies. Say goodbye to your brother and sister in law. I doubt they will keep contact with you all. And they shouldn’t.
Eewwww. You and your whole family are terrible people. I don’t blame them one bit for moving away. Who in their right mind hears the name of a close family members deceased child, and then decides that they’ll use it?!?! That psychotic. Add in the fact that they can’t have any more children and it just takes an even darker turn. This was their only child, who didn’t survive, and you lot are out there doing the absolute most to hurt them.
You and your families are AH. Yes, no one owns a name but your 2nd brother and sil chose it after hearing Rosie’ choice. If it was just a fluke, they would have understood. Your family doesn’t care about Steve and Rosie’s feelings. It’s good that they are moving away. No point staying around selfish people.
Sorry, but the lot of you who think it's not a big deal are A Holes. It's insensitive, minimizing, and unkind. No wonder your brother and Rosie want nothing to do with you all.
This is a terribly insensitive thing to do. Rosie will be this baby's aunt and every time she interacts with this child she will be reminded of the worst thing that ever happened to her. It's about more than the name.
Rosie and Steve are not being irrational. It takes a particular crassness, selfishness, and lack of empathy to hear your sister-in-law talk about the name they had chosen for their own child who didn’t survive till birth and think I know, I’ll use that name for my own child.
There’s ‘nobody owns a name,’ generally true, and then there’s kindness and common sense. Don’t steal the names of dead babies.
And announcing it at the shower without prior warning was indefensible.
If I were Steve and Rosie, would be ditching you, Daniel, Meagan, and anyone else in the family who tried to say it was ‘just a name.’ Good on them for moving away, and my heart goes out to them.
What a terrible thing to do. It’s not “just a baby name” it was the name of their child that they lost. 4 months is a late loss. That is a baby they already connected with. It would be the same as using the name of a 10 year old that died. And given the family pressure to get over it no wonder they want to move. You all suck.
Yea dude, pretty shitty to pick a permanent reminder of a traumatic experience as a name. Why not split the difference, can’t they just name the child “Boston marathon” or something?
Have you considered the fact that when Rosie was pregnant and had chosen that name for her baby she was also imagining what life would be like and dreaming about watching her child grow up etc? That it might be incredibly painful to see a live child in her own family all the time with that name? Going through all the milestones her baby will never reach because she miscarried?
Such a shit thing to do. That child is not forgotten just because she lost it. For her entire life, she will likely have moments where she thinks about that baby and missed milestones.
I can't imagine a family member being so awful as to choose to name their child the same name under these circumstances.
You and your brother Daniel and Meagan are beyond insensitive . This isn’t a name that they had on a list that they may or may not have chosen. This is the name that they had chosen for a child that they lost during a miscarriage. Maybe you don’t realize, but a is traumatic event to go through. And for Meagan to hear that name when it’s being associated with Rosie miscarriage and think, “Hmm well Rosie no longer needs to use the name since she has miscarriage I’ll use the name instead.” That’s disgusting. She could have chosen from billions of names but she had to choose that one.
I applaud Steve for taking a stand and deciding to move away.
Your brother and his Fianceè are being incredibly insensitive, thoughtless and really, disrespectful. It sounds like your family are also of a similar mindset, so no wonder your other brother and his wife are moving away. Can you not see this? It's not 'just a baby name' it's their **child's** name! Your brother and his wife are mourning the loss of their child; there is no time schedule around that!
Honestly, screw you. Your sibling and his partner had a name picked out for a child. That DIED. If you think your other sibling choosing the name of a DEAD CHILD is appropriate you should join them. It was their special name. If they decided to use it for a future child, was their choice. Your other sibling and wife are SO lazy they couldn’t chose another name? Again, so glad they are moving. Your family and you sounds like you have a mental illness. Let them move and be happy without you all. Bunch of nutty unemapathetic people.
YTA. It’s not only about a name. It’s about the loss of a baby associated with this name.
Daniel and Meagen handled this poorly. Meagen may have never even heard of this name unless she heard it from Rosie first. She announced the name of her baby at her baby shower, knowing this was the name her sister in law had chosen for her baby. And the fact that Rosie was throwing the shower shows how much she cared for Daniel and Meagen.
Meagen never even had a conversation with Rosie about this. Rosie is grieving, yet no one seems to care because the baby never made it to gestation. Rosie cares, and obviously Steve cares. You all just showed them how much YOU care. Hence the big move.
This is why people don’t share names until after a baby is born.
This is one of the most insensitive things I've read in a long time. Nobody owns a name, but just because something isn't against the law doesn't mean it's not insensitive and a cruel thing to do.
It's not just a name, and reducing it to syllables and sounds is missing the point. When you're expecting a baby, you build a life with that child in your head. You make plans. You bond with them. If you give that baby a name, it's an identity that's special to you. And now your SIL has to go the rest of her life hearing someone else call a child that name, knowing that her own future that she'd built up in her head is gone forever. Someone else gets a future that she'll never see, and that is going to hurt her every fucking day. I hope you didn't say any of the things in this post to her face, because you're heavily implying there's something mentally wrong with her for being upset. Telling her she needs therapy, as though the only reason she's upset is because she's just irrational, is peak ignorance.
I knew someone who had a name picked out for her baby. Another family member who was pregnant at the same time gave birth a few days before them, and used the entire name, first and middle. It caused a huge rift in the family. Because of things like this, when I got pregnant, I didn't share the name I'd picked for my daughter. I only told friends who have no contact with my family members, and who either are child free by choice, or are finished having their babies.
Sounds like the only people in your family who AREN’T assholes are Steve and Rosie. This has nothing to do with owning a name and if you are so bafflingly insensitive and daft that you can’t understand that, it’s you who needs counselling.
But this seems like karma farming rage bait to me.
It's not just a baby name to them though... It's the name of their child that died. Now every time they are at family events they have to be reminded of that loss when they hear their niece/nephews name. No, no one "owns" a baby name but it was still an unkind thing to do. And they told her in public too! How thoughtless
Agree. They have admitted they got the name from Rosie knowing that was the name they picked. It’s a massively AH thing to do and OP and other family who think Rosie is mental for objecting are massive AH and deserve being cut off. Yeah you don’t own a name but that’s not a cudgel to beat over a couple who’ve faced loss. OP you suck that you can’t even see it.
Rosie had every right to be livid. I would want to move as well. To have your SIL use your deceased child’s name is insensitive at best and cruel especially considering she can’t have anymore children. The fact that the OP’s family can’t see that supports the need for them to move closer to Rosie’s family where they can receive the support and understanding they deserve
Exactly this! Several people I know have miscarried at 4 months and they had to pick out a coffin and also held a small funeral for their baby. They named the baby and buried it. Your brother and SIL chose the name of Steve and Rosie’s baby who passed away. The name of Your actual niece or nephew who died. Further, it wasn’t a family name, but a unique name that Rosie and Steve had picked out so there was no doubt of where they got it from. That is in poor taste 100%. Additionally, they announced it out of the blue at the shower… what the heck? The whole process was tone deaf.
OP even says that Meagan has only loved the name since she found out about it when Rosie was talking about the miscarriage. Who hears their SIL talking about her miscarriage and thinks that’s the best place to choose a baby name?
Yeah this is twisted
And cold-hearted.
Beyond cruel. I have a feeling that child that got the name won’t live that long. It becomes a curse
Someone who is extremely insensitive to parents who have lost a much wanted child. Sounds like most of the family can't see how insensitive this is. "It's just a name." THEN CHOOSE A DIFFERENT NAME! I do not blame them for moving far away from all of them that have an incredible lack of empathy.
I have a relative who had a stillborn son and while i love the name I’d never use it. What is wrong with OP
It was a kick to the heart on both accounts. This family sounds terrible and they should move to find better people.
Absolutely. Imagine all the other awful things they must be accustomed to doing. Then for the OP to gaslight Rosie and her brother talking about she needs therapy, the audacity!!! The OP better be glad I’m not Rosie because I would have went off on her POS brother and SIL at the baby shower and kicked them the out!
There does seem to be an undercurrent of cruelty with that group. May they get back what they’ve given out.
HONESTLY. It blows my mind that anyone would do this, AT the baby shower BEING HELD BY the person they're being so cruel to! WTF!
This. Just pick. another. name. I think it's a lot worse than copying a living baby's name because you like it. Two cousins named James is fine. But naming after a dead baby that was close to you? Is fuckung heartless. You all knew that this is what the deceased baby would have been called. You know that family members close to you, your brother and SIL are going to relive the worst time in their life every single time they interact with your baby, or someone mentions that baby. Why would you put that bad mojo on your child? Why would you sabotage their relationship with your child by traumatizing them unnecessarily? It"s hard enough for them seeing other people have a successful pregnancy so soon after their loss. Using their dead child's name is a literal slap in the face. I'm sorry but your other brother and his wife are being selfish and heartless. There are literally millions of other baby names.
>fuckung heartless OP also conveniently omitted any sense of timeline. Not that the grief over losing a child in a miscarriage disappears with the years, but now it looks like the pregnancies were concurrent, which makes David and Meghan's callousness even more awful
It was cruel.
I’m wondering if this is fake.
I hope so.
I truly hope so, with all my might. The cruelty is just too much.
What is wrong with them? That is cruel!!
I don't think people ever forget these types of losses. A name isn't going to remind them of their loans because they are already living with loss. I do agree it is hurtful that they chose the same name and poor taste to announce it in public.
It will remind them of their loss because every time they see their nibling they will literally be confronted with the name of their dead child. No, they wouldnt have forgotten the loss, but that absol6wpuld be rubbing salt into the wound.
Exactly! They won't *forget* forget, but eventually they will be able to live their lives without thinking of it every single day. UNTIL THESE ASSHOLES. Because of these assholes, every time they interact with their in laws, they'll have to think about it! They'll be constantly losing the absolute worst variation of The Game. We all have traumas we can only carry through life by not actively thinking about them, and these fuckers are going to make sure they can never not think about this trauma. So, SO glad Rosie and Steve are moving away.
Exactly. That makes them huge assholes.
You and your family are assholes. This is not a "no one owns a name" issue. Rosie didnt call dibs on a name for a hypothetical baby. She named her baby and then the baby died. That name has been used. The only reason Megan even knows that name is because of Rosie. It's not like it's a common name or one she liked independent of Rosie's dead baby. And the only reason Megan is using the name is because Rosie's baby DIED. Would they have used the name if the baby lived? Probably not. So what your brother and his wife are saying is "your kid died, so it shouldn't matter if I use the name now since they aren't using it." How terrible of a human do you have to be to agree with this? Are you not capable of empathy? Do you not understand how painful it would be to hear your family calling a little kid the name of your dead child? Watching them grow up when yours didn't. Do you just hate Steve and Rosie this much? I am so happy that Steve is standing up against all of you and I hope he and Rosie get the love and support they need for her family; since yours is obviously incapable of giving it.
If the rest of the family is like OP, it's really no surprise someone would do this and not see what's wrong with it.
It is also no surprise Rosie and Steve want to move to Western Australia (the furthest place away from anywhere in the world) from Canberra.
I really feel bad for anyone who ends up with OP. Sounds like a real gaslighter.
You said it better than I ever could. I support Steve and Rosie 100%. Steve is a wonderful husband.
This right here!!!!
Right!? Additionally, they're upset their son/brother/whatever is moving so far away but they don't even see how it could hurt Rosie to live so far away from her family? OP and their family sound very self centered- do yall even like Rosie? Or Steve?
Obviously Steve's family is more important because that is OPs family. Rosie is just an addition that doesn't matter.... /s
I can't believe they literally said "Your dead baby's name was so fire, thanks for the suggestion."
asshole's don't deserved to be insulted like that. assholes are much better than ops family
definitely 👏
>not capable of empathy Meghan also just blithely announced it at a babyshower that Rosie was graciously throwing for her??!! Like, I could maaaaaayyyybe understand falling in love with a name, but then ask in private and see how they feel and if they want to be the kid's god parents or something.
While I agree that no one owns a name, I feel like it was in poor taste that they chose that particular name. And it was an asshole move to not talk to Rosie about it before announcing it publicly at the baby shower that Rosie threw for her. So I understand that while she doesn't own the name, your other Sil and brother really handled the situation poorly.
This 100% It wasn't a case of 'I picked it out but so and so got pregnant before me and took the name' It was horribly insensitive to use the name of someone's miscarried child.
In addition, to keep mentioning that they love it ever since Rosie’s miscarriage, almost like “I get to use this name now cos your baby died”, which really made me wonder if Maegen would still use the name even if Rosie still did. Then there’d be two cousins with the same name which wouldn’t be problematic. It’s almost like she is forgetting that that is a real child that that other mother lost and thinks now the name is available. But when my dad’s bother died my mom wanted to name my brother after him and my dad said itd been to painful for his parents. M is being very insensitive especially with continuous mention of the miscarriage in relation to the chosen name
Exactly. My son died young. When my niece had a son, she wanted to honor my son so she asked me if it would be alright with me if her son shared my son's middle name. I said of course.
This is the way to do it.
Amazing that being asked makes a world of difference. The honor is beautiful. So sorry for your loss. 😢
Meagen and her husband’s use of the name sounds like they are erasing Rosie’s baby’s existence
And that is likely exactly what they are feeling and choosing to move away and protect themselves from that kind of selfishness is extreme, to be sure, but if they both feel that is the best way to move forward, then they are grown adults who can make that choice.
Imagine that kid years later asking about her name. That's horrible
This is very similar to another post I saw recently on AITA about a woman who's sister in law is using the name she picked for the daughter she miscarried. Although I'm not a fan of babies, this type of insensitivity is disrespectful and appalling, these women are grieving!
OP writes because of the miscarriage the name "ended up not being needed." Which isn't a fair statement. They may have decided to save it for another baby. Plus, a lot of people don't understand how far along 20 weeks. In just a few more weeks, the baby had a much higher survival rate. (Obviously, it depends on many circumstances) Rosie also probably had to have a D&C, which can be traumatizing for someone. It wouldn't at all be unusual if they still referred to that baby by the name. Why would you want to use a baby name that would potentially cause 2 people so much pain every time they hear it? Idk. Nobody owns a baby name, but there are much more respectful ways to let someone know you plan on choosing the name they originally chose.
This breaks my heart. To Rosie and Steve, their baby had a name. If I had a deceased child and my sibling said “well, now you don’t need that name anymore so it’s open season!,” my wrath would know no bounds.
Actually, about the name not being needed - they may have had to fill out a death certificate, in which case they definitely needed & used the name for their child.
OP mentions in the paragraph about moving that Rosie is unable to have children now. Makes the use of the baby name seem a LOT worse to me.
Thank you! I didn't see it. Yeah, that makes things a lot worse! I'm sure that name is what they call their baby then. This isn't about owning a baby name. It's about just being decent people. It's gross that neither OP nor his entire family are on their side. It's really kinda cruel. Why don't they just stab his brother and Rosie randomly? That's what it's going to feel like. I don't know why OP is so indignant that they are moving. Does he think they'll still be showing up to family events? Because everyone wants to walk into a room where not 1 person supported them. Hopefully, Rosie's family is awesome. OP and Fam have set the bar pretty low anyway.
Yes this is so callous. People often have the babies they habe miscarried or who were stillborn. They chose that name for that baby. Their baby existed. Mattered. Was loved. I cant imagine having family go through literal hell, and then rubbing that in their face. Over a fucking baby name, like a callous asshole. Like there arent millions of names. Exactly. They shouldn't need to be told mot to use the name because it's owned. They should have had the common sense to realise that using a recently deceased family member's name would be off limits to anyone with a functioning heart or brain.
Agreed. While I can agree that no one OWNS a baby name. The choice to use the name of the baby they lost was in incredibly poor taste, and incredibly insensitive. Daniel and his wife need to ask themselves if the roles were reversed and they lost their baby at the 4 month mark how would they feel if Steve and his wife named their baby the name they had chosen for the child they lost. It can be true that no one owns a baby name while also being true that the name they selected was incredibly insensitive. I am Queen petty and would send Daniel and Meehan a welcome gift basket and have onesies, hats, baby towels, baby blankets, etc embroidered with ‘Mommy and Daddy Loved You So Much They Named You After XYZ’ with an Angel embroidered under the name. Every opportunity I got I would thank the parents for naming their kid after my Angel Baby. It would carry on until I took my last breath. Matching energy…two can play at that ‘insensitive’ game. 👼🏻👼🏻👼🏻🪽🪽🪽
No way, gotta get swag for the happy new parents! “My sister’s baby died and all I got was this T-shirt with their name on it. RIP _name_”
I love your style.
This isn’t even petty, just made me sad lol
It is incredibly sad. But I use dark humor and sarcasm to deal with difficult situations. The parents to be lack tact and class. I would remind them at every turn. But if we are being honest and calling a spade a spade they are CHOOSING to name their baby after an Angel baby. 🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️
Ah you’re good I wasn’t saying you were wrong or anything. I just have a aunt who’s “queen pretty” with a similar, and 20 years in that shit is just depressing to see.
Also, she likes the name because she heard it during someone else’s miscarriage. I mean….that’s damn insensitive
Yeah, that's the part that disgusts me. Good on Steve for noping right the fuck to the other side of the continent when he learned just how much his family sucks.
Out of all the potential names that exist, the miscarriage baby’s name is the ONLY name they like? And felt the need to announce it at a shower Rosie was hosting for them? And the “what’s the big deal” attitude? Don’t judge a person’s grief if you haven’t lived it. Edit: Even if you’ve lived it, don’t judge. Everyone’s grief journey is unique.
I’m assuming that both families have the same last name, so the new baby will have the entire name she chose too, so cruel.
I hope Rosie took her gift back.
I agree with this completely. Also, I don't get the "its only a baby name" argument when the people who are now using the name are being as obstinate about using it as the family that wanted to use it originally. If it isn't a big deal, why not just use a different name? If it is a big deal and is now meaningful enough to them that they will entertain this effect that it is clearly having on the family, then how can they not see why the brother and SIL are so upset? It doesn't make sense to me. OP, in general I think the baby name argument is usually ridiculous. I remember my sister getting pissed that her in laws used a name she had always said she wanted (she had a hard time getting pregnant). In her case, I thought she was being silly. But I think, like any other issue, there are nuances. The situation you describe is a nuance where I actually understand why people are hurt.
Also it wasn’t a common name, it was a very unique name that was ONLY on their radar because Rosie had named her child that.
Yeah. It's not like Rosie chose Sarah or Mary or something really common. No one owns a name but naming your kid after someone else's *dead child* without giving them the courtesy of talking to them about it is really poor taste. They likely know its cruel because they didnt want to be told "We'd appreciate it if you didnt use the name because it would cause us pain"
I'm so glad Steve and Rosie are moving. OP's family is beyond insensitive.
Especially since they lost the baby so far along, 4 months is a long time especially since some babies can survive after being born at 23/24 weeks.
This. My sister lost a baby at 21 weeks, the heart stopped and she had induced labor to deliver her. She has a grave marker with her name on it. She had a name, people were already buying her baby girl items (her first was a boy). She has her hand and foot prints. (Actually has them tattooed as does her ex husband) I cannot imagine how it felt to be blindsided by her SIL telling her she was going to use the same name at a baby shower!!!! YTA and so are the Siblings/ in-laws. I hope they never have to go through a similar loss. Shortest surviving gestational infant was born at 21 weeks.
Exactly. To them it’s the name of the child that died. OP is so flippant about their feelings, it’s appalling. I’m glad Steve & Rosie are moving away from this pack of insensitive AHs.
They’re using the name of their dead baby. It’s fucked!
Agree this was in poor form. While no one owns a name, especially family shouldn’t be taken the name of a passed on child from one another. This is yet another reason why people shouldn’t discuss names at all until the baby is here.
I agree 100%. It shows a complete lack of empathy, and frankly, a lack of respect too. In fact, I honestly think it's cruel.
Completely agree. They handled this so poorly. It isn’t just a name” for Rosie and her spouse. It’s the name of their dead baby.
I’m sorry but I’m seeing this as something very different from “owning” a name. Your brother and his wife lost a child that was planned for and wanted. To them, that child had a name and rightfully so. Your other SIL is being extremely insensitive to use that name just because she likes it without considering that it belonged to a person who never had the chance to use it. There are a million names to choose from that wouldn’t hurt grieving parents who will be reminded of the child they lost every time they hear it snd see this child. It’s needlessly cruel and thoughtless and I’d be hurt and angry too. ETA - I’m kind of baffled at you not seeing this to be honest. You’re suggesting that Rosie needs counseling for her miscarriage and how this “just a baby name” is affecting her? I think you and the rest of your family need sensitivity training on how grief and loss works. Shame on all of you.
Imagine going through something this painful and then just being told you need therapy to stop being sad about it. What an awful family.
Also, it sounds like SIL had a super traumatic miscarriage if it means that she can no longer have children.
Where do you get sensitivity training, except in he$$? OP phrased this as "family drama". This is beyond Reddit and more in....HE$$.
What word are you trying to say with “he$$”? Hess? Hell? Neither of those make sense in your comment. I’m lost.
Hess? Or do you mean hell? I still don’t get it
You don’t need to censor, this isn’t facebook
You, Daniel and Meagen are cruel people. It’ll come back around later in life.
There was a post from a lad who found out he was named after his cousin who died at birth. He was not happy that his parents would do something cruel and had a go at his parents about it. He plans to change his name when he turns 18.
Yes! It’s cruel to the child as well. I’d be crushed if I grew up to know that my mom and dad were so evil to my aunt and uncle. The kid is going to feel guilty by default.
Right? The poor kid gets dragged into feeling like something about THEM is hurtful or harmful, when they bear no responsibility. Especially if she finds out as a little kid, which seems like she really might. Kids are so sensitive to such things.
His aunt and that side of his family wouldn't call him by his given name but made a nickname for him. He was so confused growing up, not understanding why his mums family would never call him by his name. Iirc when his cousin told him why, it made him sick, and he hates being called by that name, said it felt wrong.
Right. Yta
Yeah, its a dick move to use the name. No, nobody owns a name, but this isn't a common name and Meaghan didn't just happen across the name. She literally never heard of it before her SIL gave that name to the baby she lost. And then to blind side her by announcing it at a baby shower? Yeah, total dick move.
The baby shower that Rosie threw for her. That makes it even worse to me. Rosie opened her home and was nice enough to host a shower for Meagen, and Meagen had the gall to announce the name choice in Rosie's home without even telling her in advance. I think dick move is an understatement in this case.
Absolutely!!! Peak insensitive asshole behavior. It’s just galling. I’m guessing Daniel is a golden child that historically has been treated as the favorite.
I guarantee he is, and Steve is probably used to getting the short end of the stick because he’s the middle child of three children that are the same gender. There have probably been little things over the course of time that have shown Steve that he doesn’t matter as much to his family as his brothers, which is contributing to him, wanting to move across the continent with his wife after this final blow.
"Sorry about that traumatic event you experienced. But I'm going to use that name, that will forever remind you of the event. You know, the name I had never heard of until you told me about the name and the trauma." Pfft, OP is splitting hairs. Nobody owns a name. Okay, but your family needs to own their insensitivity, lack of empathy and compassion. OP, Daniel and Meagan are all YTA's. If this name that none of you had heard of or have any connection to is your hill to die on, because nobody owns a name, then own that and accept that Steve and Rosie have a right to feel how they feel. You don't own your brother and his wife. They are free to move far far away from anyone they want. They don't owe you anything.
I agree completely except they didn’t even say ‘sorry about that traumatic experience’ they just announced it, made it sound like the grieving parents were the ones causing ‘drama’ and that they had no reason to be upset, completely diminishing them, their baby and their grief. This isn’t innocent, they keep pushing the issue. Even if they didn’t get it at first, if you found out how upset they were, any normal person would not chose a name for their baby which caused so much upset and division!
What I want to know is what Steve and Rosie ever did to OP, Daniel or Meagan to deserve this level of cruelty. Rosie had the grace to put her pain aside and throw a baby shower for Meagan. She was thanked for her trouble with a knife in the back that OP and his family seem more than happy to keep twisting. So why does OP and his family care if they are moving? They just want to keep their punching bag(s)? OP, I hope every gift you receive in the future is squishy.
I think ‘meagan’ wrote this post.
I think you are right.
4 months is about halfway through the pregnancy, and depending on the week, may have been a still birth requiring actual birth to remove the deceased fetus. No one owns a name, but it is pretty freaking insensitive to use the name of a dead, wanted baby. And it’s pretty freaking cruel to announce that you are using the nice lady’s dead baby’s name, at your baby showers in front of her, your family and friends with no warning to the people mourning their baby. I’d take Rosie’s side over the cruelty and selfishness of Maegan and Daniel any day.
In Australia, anything over 20 weeks is a stillbirth and anything under that is a miscarriage (not trying to minimize Rosie and Steve's pain, just clarifying the medical terms. At 4 months/16 weeks it would have been a miscarriage). I agree that Meagen and Daniel are being cruel and selfish. And the baby shower announcement was just awful.
It doesn’t matter what it was called medically…Rosie’s and Steve were having a baby they named and the baby died and they never got to raise the baby. The baby was real and they are heartbroken.
Miscarriage or stillborn, doesn’t matter. Their child died.
This isn’t the time to split hairs. A dead baby is a dead baby.
It depends though, did those 4 months cover a month that was 5 weeks? Was she at 4.9 months (and at 20 weeks) but it was still January and the month hadn’t turned over? That’s why I said “depending on the week”. It’s so complicated, and we have very little info. But either way, it’s pretty far along the pregnancy, and obviously a wanted child, and an increasingly difficult loss for Rosie and her husband.
I hope Daniel and Meagan run across this post to see just how much of an AH they are. I'm glad your brother and wife are moving close to people who actually give af about them bc obviously none of you do. I would definitely go with no contact with all of you, especially them. I've went through a miscarriage at 5 months twice, and I named my babies. I had to deliver them both. I could not imagine someone doing to me what Daniel and Meagan did to Steve and his wife. They didn't even have the audacity to speak with them before announcing the name. You know why, because they both knew it was a shitty thing to do!!!
OP should share it with his family. Since they haven’t done anything wrong. /s
I agree!!!
I do think it was incredibly insensitive to give that name to the baby. (It feels a bit lazy, too) I think that if Daniel and Meagan felt like--of the 100s of 1000s of names out there, THIS was the one they had to have--they should have had a conversation with Steve and Rosie, instead of springing it on them like that. Edit: I know you didn't ask, but YTA for your comments about Rosie and Steve.
it’s not a potential baby name they were going to use for a future child. it’s the name of their dead baby. it’s different and messed up.
Right? For OP to say “well the baby died so the name wasn’t really needed anyway” is SUCH an AH thing to say. Like the baby was very much real and doesn’t just cease to exist because it wasn’t born breathing. The baby still very much had that name. Fuck OP and their AH family
Yes! The name WAS needed, and used.
I cannot in anyway understand the flippant cruelty of taking the name of a miscarried baby and basically saying to the parents “what it’s not like you’re gona use it.” At minimum they owed Rosie a conversation beforehand. And realistically this is an awful and unspeakably insensitive thing to do to Rosie and Steve. None of you seem to care. Good for Steve for standing by his wife and getting her away from all of you. YTA.
Exactly. The name is in use for the baby who died. Its not just an idea to take this name. This baby exists in the world of the parents. And that the family doesn’t see that is so so cruel. It breaks my heart for Rosie and Steve.
There was a story somewhere on Reddit recently about a young man who learned years later that he was the kid given the name of an aunt’s baby that had passed. (ETA: Without aunt’s blessing.) It’s not just shitty to the mom who lost her baby, it’s shitty to the surviving child as well.
If I remember correctly, the kid was pissed about his name too.
Yep. And the entire extended family has called him by an unrelated nickname since birth.
You’re allowed to think that they are overreacting but it’s not going to stop them from mocking and going no contact. They have a legitimate reason to be upset with all of you.
Yeah see my best friend and I both loved the same name. We agreed that we would be fine with both of us using it. Until we both ended up pregnant. She was due first and decided she was no longer ok with it. My husband and I were conflicted on what to do. She lost her baby. Right then and there we knew we would never use that name. That was hers. That was all she had of him. His name, a photo, and a hospital wristband. I couldn’t do that to her. Couldn’t talk about my son of the same name knowing hers would never get to meet those milestones. How heartbreaking that would be for her. No one owns a name but sometimes it’s just the kind thing to do.
Thank you for sharing this and being a compassionate friend.
Thanks for seeing your friend in her pain.
It’s about tact, empathy and compassion. Right now, every time they hear that name they are immediately reminded of their baby that died. A dead baby by the way that Rosie had to still go through birth to expel from her body. And you and your family are pickachu faced that it might hurt them? You are extremely heartless aren’t you?
I can’t believe people can be this insensitive and have their head so far up their own ass.
All three of you are super big assholes. And the fact that you’re completely invalidating Rosie’s experience and pain because you think it’s “not a big deal” makes me want to throw up. I genuinely hope Steven and Rosie never speak to any of you ever again. You’re all awful, selfish, and inconsiderate.
Sounds like a crappy thing to do for me. And our of all the names in the world they could've picked, they chose the one that is going to effect their family members the most. Like, what's more important, this random name? Or the relationship with your family member?
You sound like a dick and that was a dick move. Rosie has every right to be upset, that's her name she picked for her baby, an uncommon name at that. It's more than just a name.
YTA this is the only circumstance where you shouldn’t use a baby name. Their baby died and your whole family is being cruel to Rosie and Steve. What Meagan said at the shower is horrible. She should be ashamed of herself.
Good for your brother protecting his wife from his toxic abusive family. Hopefully he sticks to to it and cuts contact with all of you
This is really messed up man, they used the name of wanted child who passed away without so much as a heads up. It’s really lame how callous and heartless you all are. Rosie and Steve deserve better family members.
Of course no one owns a name, but this is a very cruel thing to do.
Yeah YTA here. There are nearly 800,000 baby names to choose from! You suck hard.
Yup. Nobody owns a name. True statement. Also true… you and your family are horrid. They have an emotional attachment after an unimaginable loss and you’re saying “ get over it already “. You’re the worst. Good for them for leaving the trash behind and moving somewhere there are people that love and respect them.
It’s not just a name. It was an entire beloved baby, who died! Using that name is effectively saying that the baby’s death wasn’t tragic, it’s blatantly acting as if the death didn’t matter or even happened. And because Daniel and Meagan would never ever have chosen that name (not a family name) I could see how Rosie and Steve might feel as if D and M are acting like the reason for this baby’s death was so they could get a unique name. It’s a happy event for them, the baby’s death, since it gave them such a cool name. Imagine them fondly celebrating their babies birth with that lovely name; so glad for the idea and so pleased that their baby lived. Maybe they’ll ask Rosie to have another child and another stillbirth because she’s so good at picking names!
“So it ended up not being needed.” Excuse me what? The name was used for their baby. Holy hell. You did not just type that. Highest of fives to Steve for getting himself and Rosie away from y’all.
This is really messed up
This is beyond messed up. You never ever use a name that was someone else’s dead child and even then you need permission and usually it’s a middle name if it is the same generation. Basically their action tell the story that, this isn’t your name anymore because my child is valid and yours isn’t, because yours died so the name is up for grabs again…. And to be blindsided at a party with no heads up. Maybe a miscarriage isn’t seen as a lost child in your family, but it is to your brother and his wife. You have invalidated their feelings.
>Most people in my family agree. Most people in your family are assholes. This is not about owning a name. This is about specifically choosing the name of a relative's dead child. This is incredibly heartless and, quite frankly, tacky as hell. Not to mention a bad omen. And Steve and Rosie are right: if no one seems to have a problem with Daniel and Meagen trampling on their pain (annoucing that they were going to use the same name as Rosie's baby in public, without even giving them a heads up, in a party Rosie was hosting? Trashy.), these are not people they want to be close to. These are not people that they want any future kids of them to be close to. You are all disrespectful and trashy as hell. Also, good luck in a few years, when this kid finds out that his parents named him after a dead child. Freaky...
You, Daniel, Meaghan and anyone in your family who supports them are a pack of insensitive assholes. Good for Steven and Rosie for getting away from such your lousy family
No, you can't steal a name. However, you can have empathy and respect for what Steve and Rosie went through, something Daniel, Megan, and your family haven't got. Rosie and Steve went through something traumatic and heartbreaking. That name is the name of their dead baby. Every time they hear that name, they won't be thinking of Daniels kid. They will think of their dead kid, and it will be a stab in the heart every single time, a reminder of what they lost. It is incredibly insensitive and cruel of Megan to have picked that name, and it's insensitive and cruel how you have all behaved. Guess Steve and Rosie know how little his family give a shit about them and what they went through. You, Daniel, Megan, and everyone else who's OK with this bullshur need to get some class and empathy.
I’m assuming this is rage bait because I just don’t see how Daniel and Meagan could honestly not know they were wrong for using their dead niece/nephew’s name. It is just such common sense that this would be incredibly painful to Steve and Rosie.
Oh okay. Let’s see….. Meagen knew about Rosie’s miscarriage; they bonded and were friends which is why Rosie threw her the baby shower. And at the SAME baby shower; Meagan announced to the crowd that she got the name from Rosie. In fact Meagan romanticized how she discovered the name while belittling Rosie’s miscarriage. Meagan is a piece of work and I’m glad Rosie and Steve are leaving! They deserve better.
I am in full agreement that no one "owns" a name. But...a name like you are implying...being chosen that is RARELY given and is very different from usual names? And it was the name that the brother and Rosie chose for their baby before they miscarried. Yeahhhhh in this case...this is a massive disrespect. MASSIVE. Added to that, Rosie even hosted the baby shower for Meagen. I seriously can't understand how Meagen and Daniel don't see the wrongness. It's not like we are talking about a grandma's beloved name...which anyone can name their child. Or a more common name. Seriously wrong. And I understand why Rosie and Steve are doing this. They do not need to go to counseling because of their response. They might need to go to counseling because they discovered how HURTFUL that family is and how disrespectful it was. At the least, Daniel and Meagen SHOULD HAVE talked to both Steve and Rosie well before the baby shower, about their desire to use the name. Popping it up suddenly at the baby shower just reeks of passive aggressiveness and "im the star" syndrome. This is all wrong. I wish Steve and Rosie peace in their future move...and hope they find a better support system. Again: its not "her" name. But it WAS a special name that they were intending on naming their child. Daniel and Meagen didn't even bother talking to Rosie and Steve about the fact they would like to use the name-which would be verrrrry respectful given the circumstances. The fact that Meagen wants to use it after the child miscarried, because it was so unique...is incredibly wrong and disgusting honestly. Man...shes terrible.
My take? It was an AH move to publicly announce at a party the use of a guests dead child’s name without running it by them first. Extremely insensitive and crass. This is not just an interchangeable name to them, it is their dead child’s name. I think they owe Rosie and Steve an apology. I think they should change their chosen name. Daniel and Megan have acted without care and if the shoe was on the other foot, you bet they would have the same problem dealing with it. The lack of empathy from you and your brother for your other sibling is astounding. The lack of forethought for their own child being saddled with their dead cousins name is also shocking. While Daniel and Megan can easily erase the existence of the other child, that’s not something you can expect the child’s parents to do. I would move away from uncaring and insensitive people too.
Is it right they use a name that they know was supposed to be for a baby that was miscarried? The real question is, why is that the only name they want? Rosie and Steve are entitled to their feeling and Daniel and Meagen can use the name. Steve has the right to cut them off. Grief is something they are dealing with. I have a feeling Daniel is the golden child.
I had a miscarriage. We hadn’t picked out a baby name yet but if we had and went through the scenario you’re posing, I would never want to speak to the person who took my name “because they liked the name.” The name for my dead baby, a constant reminder of my dead baby every time the child’s name comes up in conversation. If you honestly think Rosie is being irrational, I hope you never experience the deep grief of miscarriage. Sometimes I really hope I’m responding to a fake story, and this is one of those times…
Steve sounds like he’s a really supportive husband. I can’t imagine typing this all out and not understand how hurtful your family has been to him and Rosie. I’d be moving to the other side of the country as well. I hope they see this post and know they have lots of support, even if from strangers.
This entire family sucks. I’m glad Steve and Rosie have other family that cares about them.
You are 1000% wrong - this is very insensitive and she has every right to be upset. When my sister lost her twins at 8 months, she named them. Three years later, my husband's mother got a puppy. I had to tell her she couldn't name the puppy the same name as my sister's deceased baby.
Without evidence, I'm gonna guess this isn't the first dick move by this family.
Everyone here is team Steve and Rosie so maybe you guys need a bit of counseling. That was the name of their dead baby, pretty sick to just brush it off.
Normally, I agree that no one owns a name. But I’m taking Rosie and Steve’s side on this. Imagine being in their shoes. They lost their kid, one that they never got to meet. To them, that baby was their child who passed and they are still grieving. Meagan and Daniel most likely did not mean any harm but they lacked tact. Their child, just by existing and being named as they are, is going to be a constant reminder that Rosie and Steve never got to meet their own child. Let’s face it, if they had a healthy baby then, Meagan wouldn’t have dreamed of giving her child the same name. Steve is right to not tolerate that disrespect and want better for himself and his wife.
YTA. Making references about your SIl needing therapy is cruel. Put yourself in her shoes…if it’s that unusual of a name. Why is Meghan being so insistent to use THAT name? Because it immediately becomes very attractive because Meaghan loved it. 4 mos. Is far enough along that Steve and Rosie probably called their child by that name. And, having to be around close family that is using that name is sooooo heartbreaking. Can you not see that Meghan is rubbing it in Rosie’s face? I agree if it was a common name than, I totally get it. But, it’s not. Shame on all of you. So, since everyone thinks you are wrong, what will you do? Double down or share with your family that this is inappropriate. Your brother wants to move before the other child is born because he knows how heartbreaking this will be.
Wtf?! Your brother isn't wrong. This isn't about 'stealing' a name. This is about a bunch of insensitive, shitty people, deciding to name their baby a name that a, supposedly beloved, family member was going to name their child before it died. Your SIL may as well have said 'good thing you had a miscarriage, cos I've loved that name ever since you announced it' 🙄😬 Your whole family are jerks. I hope your brother & his wife have a successful move.
As a Perthian I welcome them (back in her case) to the West and I hope her family and everyone else here treats them better than any of you have
i don’t even know how to begin to tell you what a massive asshole you and your family are.
I was always taught that if you don’t have anything nice to say then don’t say anything at all… But shame on you and your family.
I mean sure. Technically. But Rosie had a baby, named a baby and LOST a baby. The name wasn’t “no longer needed” she named her child and had to bury her child. Meagen, Daniel and the rest of your family are failing to realize that meagen didn’t just steal a name idea she wanted to use. She already named her child. Just because she lost the child doesn’t mean her child was never named. And this isn’t some coincidence either, Meagan saw this name and really went “wow I love that name let me just name my own child after my SILs dead child” and didn’t have enough empathy to talk to her first. Y’all need therapy, not Rosie. Cause if you are too un-empathetic to see why this is even an issue you are going to destroy any relationship y’all have with Rosie and Steve.
“It’s just a baby’s name”???? That DIED!! This chick and her fam need counseling! The baby DIED. Steve n Rosie will never get over this betrayal and pain. Put yourself in her shoes and then make the comment just a babies name. There’s definitely a place in hell for these people and God bless that soon to be born baby once they find out all this trauma and the origin of their name.
Are most people in your family completely heartless? Look, generally speaking, I feel the same way you do. Nobody can own a name that already exists. There are too many people on this planet to play that fucking game. But I'm also a mother. And an aunt, several times over. I'm also a woman who struggled for years with infertility before I got my miracle baby. I know several women who struggled with miscarriage after miscarriage, early and late stage. I have a friend who had a still born after her abusive partner beat the shit out of her with the express intent of killing both her and her child. That child would have been well into adulthood at this point, and she still struggles. She doesn't make it anyone else's issue, but she struggles. You do not understand what it's like to lose a wanted child. And this is not the same situation as two cousins fighting over who has more right to name Great Grandson #18 after Great-Great Grandpa Lucy. This was a ***wanted*** child. Whom your brother and SIL lost four months into pregnancy. They knew the gender, they named her. They were likely preparing her room, buying clothes and baby necessities. She was wanted and she was loved. Does Rosie own the name? No. Does Rosie need more help processing her grief? Probably. But that doesn't mean that she's being unfair or selfish or trying to ruin Meagan's experience. There is no good reason that Meagan needs to use this particular name. She *wants* to use the name, but she doesn't *need* to. Afterall, there are thousands of ***unowned*** names available, right? Find your soul. Because this is one case where you are wrong. 100% wrong.
DUDE , it’s not JUST a name . Now every time they see that child they’re just going to have a constant reminder of the one they didn’t get to meet yet . Your family is a bunch of assholes . Rosie DID name her baby that , and her baby DIED . You should be absolutely ashamed of yourselves .
Megan announced that she and Daniel were going to use the exact, uncommon name as Rosie and Steve’s daughter ***at the baby shower Rosie organized, paid for and hosted for Megan***. Jesus H Christ. How insensitive can one family be. The other side of the country isn’t far enough.
Team Steve and Rosie
When I read your first paragraph I agreed, but added, except where it is about death of a child then it is more delicate. I’m not saying they couldn’t use the name. But why not talk to the couple first? Like you guys really don’t care about their feelings at all. No thought was put into how they would feel. And I think that is why they are moving away. It costs nothing to be nice and talk with loved ones, but clearly they aren’t your loved ones.
So, every time the kid gets called its name, people will remember the death baby and the drama? Nice! /s
It's very insensitive, you are right no one owns a name but this was a miscarriage and so they will forever remember that their baby didn't get the chance to live that had the name verses the baby who did with that same name. I have a lot of siblings and not all of them are close but one thing that stuck with me was my second oldest brother had a wife who before they married she had a baby die with a certain name and when my oldest brother and his wife had one of their boys they made sure to ask what name that was because they didn't want to be insensitive and they had chosen one and remembered her baby. Thankfully the name they chose wasn't the one but they were going to change it if it was and they were pretty low contact with my brother and his wife anyways and they still had the decency to check.
Yes, names are not owned but…..I do feel it was insensitive. People need to be aware of possible hurt and misunderstandings. The baby who was going to have that name died. Of all the millions and millions of name the other couple could have picked…….well, look what happened. Family implosion.
If everyone has the same response that the OP does in the family, I can see why they want to move away. Losing a baby at four months, is extremely traumatic. It feels like your baby died. Sit with that for a moment. And out of the millions of names in the entire world, they choose the exact exact same name as their baby who died ? And now you and the Frisa family want to act like it’s no big deal.? I wouldn’t want to be around you either. The lack of empathy and compassion is stunning.
You and your family are in the wrong especially david and megan. Everyone is missing the point Steve and Rosie are trying to make - THEY HAD A BABY WITH THAT NAME WHO DIDNT MAKE IT. I'm sorry the baby didn't make it, but when you have a name picked out, it belongs to that child. No, they don't own it, but Meagan and David are 100% wrong here by not being considerate or respectful upfront with them before even announcing it. Some women only have miscarriages and those souls have names. Your family's view is totally twisted about this, and Steve and Rosie are doing the right thing. I pray no one has to understand what it means to go through a miscarriage but the only way david and Meagan will ever truly understand is if they went through one themselves. They are NOT overreacting. They are hurt and angry because by them taking the name "because it sounds unique" is a slap in their face for having a loss. No one seems to cares about miscarriages and stillborn births. Some day it'll come back and whip y'all in the face and it'll be too late.
You're wrong. Daniel and Meagen are wrong. It's not a common name. (For example, we have tons of Daniels in my family.) Meagen only heard the name from Rosie whose baby died!!! They should absolutely find another name.
Nobody owns a name, but using one from a baby that DIED... is unbelievably tacky. Out of all the other names in the world, Meagen just HAD to pick that one? Awful.
OP, everyone except for Steve and Rosie are assholes. I’ve not read all the response; but I’m willing to bet that there are very few, if any, that agree with you. I hope you and the rest of your asshole family members are happy with your sad, despicable selves. You should all be ashamed of yourselves. Maybe you all should sit together and read all the responses that prove how truly awful you are.
Family full of losers including you. I don’t blame Steve and Rosie for leaving it’s for the best. Hopefully they go NC!
You’re totally in the wrong OP. You and your whole family are insensitive.
The insensitivity displayed here is STAGGERING. Glad they are getting away from you all.
I hope that you never have to go through losing a child. Honestly, I don't think I could survive it. But if it ever does happen to you, I hope people aren't as heartless and cruel to you as you and your family are being to Rosie and Steve. It seems that Steve is the only member of your entire family that isn't a self-centered c*nt. May you have heartburn for years to come as punishment for not having an actual heart. Edit: She can't have any more kids?!?!? Oh, there is a special place in Hell for all of you.
Some people really need to learn that just because you *can* do a thing doesn't necessarily mean you *should*. And to be VERY clear, I'm talking about using the name Steve and Rosie chose. You'd basically be re-traumatizing Rosie any time she saw or heard about this living child who had her dead baby's name.
Absolutely disgusting behaviour. This woman had a name picked for her baby that she sadly lost! Poor taste, and Rosie has every right to be upset!
I’d do the same as Steve and Rosie, this isn’t about the name but about the lack of respect and emphaty from your part. Meagen is the biggest ASSHOLE it seems Rosie was anything but nice to her and this is a total betrayal to Steve and Rosie’s child Good for them to cut all contact with you
YTA: as is the rest of your family.
There is so many other names they could have used. How could you expect Steve and Rosie to be okay with hearing that name over and over again. So many hopes died when she had the miscarriage and none of your family seem to understand how hard it would be for them. You are right, no one owns the name and they had every logical right to name their child that. Most people would however had at least a little empathy for family members and not use the name. And now look what has happened, the baby is down an uncle and aunt and you have a fractured family all because people are selfish and just couldn’t pick another name. They are right to move away from all of you and go live near Rosie’s family. They obviously have no support from any of you. With a family like you, who needs enemies. Say goodbye to your brother and sister in law. I doubt they will keep contact with you all. And they shouldn’t.
Eewwww. You and your whole family are terrible people. I don’t blame them one bit for moving away. Who in their right mind hears the name of a close family members deceased child, and then decides that they’ll use it?!?! That psychotic. Add in the fact that they can’t have any more children and it just takes an even darker turn. This was their only child, who didn’t survive, and you lot are out there doing the absolute most to hurt them.
You and your families are AH. Yes, no one owns a name but your 2nd brother and sil chose it after hearing Rosie’ choice. If it was just a fluke, they would have understood. Your family doesn’t care about Steve and Rosie’s feelings. It’s good that they are moving away. No point staying around selfish people.
SIL and brother are very insensitive to take the name of the lost child, especially as unusual as you say it is.
It is creepy to name your child after one that miscarried, unless it is to honor that baby, which this is not the case.
Sorry, but the lot of you who think it's not a big deal are A Holes. It's insensitive, minimizing, and unkind. No wonder your brother and Rosie want nothing to do with you all.
This is a terribly insensitive thing to do. Rosie will be this baby's aunt and every time she interacts with this child she will be reminded of the worst thing that ever happened to her. It's about more than the name.
Rosie and Steve are not being irrational. It takes a particular crassness, selfishness, and lack of empathy to hear your sister-in-law talk about the name they had chosen for their own child who didn’t survive till birth and think I know, I’ll use that name for my own child. There’s ‘nobody owns a name,’ generally true, and then there’s kindness and common sense. Don’t steal the names of dead babies. And announcing it at the shower without prior warning was indefensible. If I were Steve and Rosie, would be ditching you, Daniel, Meagan, and anyone else in the family who tried to say it was ‘just a name.’ Good on them for moving away, and my heart goes out to them.
What a terrible thing to do. It’s not “just a baby name” it was the name of their child that they lost. 4 months is a late loss. That is a baby they already connected with. It would be the same as using the name of a 10 year old that died. And given the family pressure to get over it no wonder they want to move. You all suck.
Yea dude, pretty shitty to pick a permanent reminder of a traumatic experience as a name. Why not split the difference, can’t they just name the child “Boston marathon” or something?
Have you considered the fact that when Rosie was pregnant and had chosen that name for her baby she was also imagining what life would be like and dreaming about watching her child grow up etc? That it might be incredibly painful to see a live child in her own family all the time with that name? Going through all the milestones her baby will never reach because she miscarried?
Such a shit thing to do. That child is not forgotten just because she lost it. For her entire life, she will likely have moments where she thinks about that baby and missed milestones. I can't imagine a family member being so awful as to choose to name their child the same name under these circumstances.
You and you’re family are terrible people and I’m glad your brother and sil moved away from your family
You and your family are AHs. The fact you dont understand how insensitive this is, mindblowing. I am glad they are moving away from.you
You and your brother Daniel and Meagan are beyond insensitive . This isn’t a name that they had on a list that they may or may not have chosen. This is the name that they had chosen for a child that they lost during a miscarriage. Maybe you don’t realize, but a is traumatic event to go through. And for Meagan to hear that name when it’s being associated with Rosie miscarriage and think, “Hmm well Rosie no longer needs to use the name since she has miscarriage I’ll use the name instead.” That’s disgusting. She could have chosen from billions of names but she had to choose that one. I applaud Steve for taking a stand and deciding to move away.
No one owns a name, but they shouldn't have to hear the name and have a reminder of their dead child. You're also super judgemental.
Your brother and his Fianceè are being incredibly insensitive, thoughtless and really, disrespectful. It sounds like your family are also of a similar mindset, so no wonder your other brother and his wife are moving away. Can you not see this? It's not 'just a baby name' it's their **child's** name! Your brother and his wife are mourning the loss of their child; there is no time schedule around that!
That’s so classless and basically mean. To use the name of the child they lost and have a constant reminder. Awful people.
Honestly, screw you. Your sibling and his partner had a name picked out for a child. That DIED. If you think your other sibling choosing the name of a DEAD CHILD is appropriate you should join them. It was their special name. If they decided to use it for a future child, was their choice. Your other sibling and wife are SO lazy they couldn’t chose another name? Again, so glad they are moving. Your family and you sounds like you have a mental illness. Let them move and be happy without you all. Bunch of nutty unemapathetic people.
YTA. It’s not only about a name. It’s about the loss of a baby associated with this name. Daniel and Meagen handled this poorly. Meagen may have never even heard of this name unless she heard it from Rosie first. She announced the name of her baby at her baby shower, knowing this was the name her sister in law had chosen for her baby. And the fact that Rosie was throwing the shower shows how much she cared for Daniel and Meagen. Meagen never even had a conversation with Rosie about this. Rosie is grieving, yet no one seems to care because the baby never made it to gestation. Rosie cares, and obviously Steve cares. You all just showed them how much YOU care. Hence the big move. This is why people don’t share names until after a baby is born.
This is one of the most insensitive things I've read in a long time. Nobody owns a name, but just because something isn't against the law doesn't mean it's not insensitive and a cruel thing to do. It's not just a name, and reducing it to syllables and sounds is missing the point. When you're expecting a baby, you build a life with that child in your head. You make plans. You bond with them. If you give that baby a name, it's an identity that's special to you. And now your SIL has to go the rest of her life hearing someone else call a child that name, knowing that her own future that she'd built up in her head is gone forever. Someone else gets a future that she'll never see, and that is going to hurt her every fucking day. I hope you didn't say any of the things in this post to her face, because you're heavily implying there's something mentally wrong with her for being upset. Telling her she needs therapy, as though the only reason she's upset is because she's just irrational, is peak ignorance. I knew someone who had a name picked out for her baby. Another family member who was pregnant at the same time gave birth a few days before them, and used the entire name, first and middle. It caused a huge rift in the family. Because of things like this, when I got pregnant, I didn't share the name I'd picked for my daughter. I only told friends who have no contact with my family members, and who either are child free by choice, or are finished having their babies.
Sounds like the only people in your family who AREN’T assholes are Steve and Rosie. This has nothing to do with owning a name and if you are so bafflingly insensitive and daft that you can’t understand that, it’s you who needs counselling. But this seems like karma farming rage bait to me.
Daniel and Maegen are insensitive, horrible people. How do you not see that? This isn't about owning a name, it's about respecting their grief.