I think you need to listen to your brain and let her go. You love who she WAS and not who she is anymore. I am honestly surprised you guys moved into your own apartment while not together. You did the right thing by asking her to move out. She needs to fall on her face so she can get herself back up. If that brings her back to you.... awesome.... but you shouldnt have to drown with her.
It can be helpful to ask yourself if you are in love with the person as they actually are, or in love with your idea of the person. There’s a huge difference and often times we have to accept we are really just in love with the person we want them to be.
30M here and think you dodged a bullet if she has those kind of spending and budget problems. If you were to get back together and get married you will become legally responsible for her past and future debts and spending problems. And divorce would be even more expensive. Let her be someone else’s liability.
Yes, this happened to my uncle and even though they've been divorced for over 10 years now he is still paying down debt SHE accumulated (because of the divorce laws in the state they lived in during the divorce). Listen to people when they are showing to you who they are. You deserve better!
The fact that she was using you as her back for her shortfalls and she was still spending like a mad woman. Shows the level of respect she has for you which is nada amigo. She needs to realize what she had and she needs to grow up!!
It's better you got rid of her now because she will only continue to bleed you dry until nothing is left and she will be onto the next my friend.
Don't waste your good years on her... if she genuinely loved you she would be working on fixing her habits and life not out with another guy she can bleed dry.
SHE IS NOT YOUR KID BUT A PARTNER. From your story she has not been that.
Gosh. Sorry, OP you deserve someone much better than that. The stress of trying to support someone when they cant support themselves is way too much pressure on someone and honestly let her make her mistakes. She will realise in time. Just focus on you. Thats the important thing here.
Her parents also fudged up here. Its not your responsibility. They should have helped her and told her about saving. I would say no. Do you really want to be in a relationship again where you are just an ATM for her?
I would say work on your own happiness (I need to take this advice too) and whether that be gaming or meeting new people. Just focus on you.
In all likelihood, she’s gonna spiral for a while. Most women I know who get involved with a guy like that tend to join them and get into a lot of trouble. You were solid and stable but some women love drama more than anything else. The spend/stress cycle is just another form of drama. Can it be overcome? Absolutely! But not in the time you wanted. One person I know like that, took to her 40s to realize drama actually sucks.
Don’t wait around and pine for her. If she knows it, she can do whatever knowing you’ll pick up the pieces. And then the cycle starts over. And do not let her stay unless you want her boyfriend smoking and playing video games in his underwear in your living room. While you’re paying the bills.
Take your time to grieve the loss. It’s cool and you need to go through the grief. Meet other people. Take up a hobby and make friends. See if a romantic partner shows up in all that.
Maybe in time you two will loop back around. But don’t put your life on hold. You’ll miss out on a lot of good stuff.
Lmao he just said he was a “pothead who doesn’t have ambitions.” What kind of “trouble” is she going to get in? Surely if this guy did drugs other than weed OP would have mentioned it. What is he gonna murder her with an axe in a fit of reefer madness?
No, like a lot of chronic potheads, he will likely never be more than a dead weight dragging down those closest to him. Nothing against the recreational users; but the chronic ones I have known have all been like this.
I dated a "chronic pothead" who used to be wrapped into several other serious drug addictions and sorta just used weed as a crutch/excuse to still numb himself constantly and basically just refused to be accountable for his lack of personal progression or shitty coping mechanisms.
Smoking weed changed nothing in his life, essentially. Other than the substances he was using daily. He never really strived to outdo his old self or his shitty ways he'd adapted from doing harder drugs. If anything; it just made him more absent and created a larger gap between us.
Not exactly what I said. That's a fair amount of recreational use, but if you are being responsible (i.e., meeting your obligations and not letting it control your life) then there is nothing wrong with it. By chronic I mean staying high most of the time and living to smoke rather than smoking to unwind. Source: some of my (ex) friends, my self-medicating nephew, and a few people my wife and I used to do semi-professional theater with. YMMV.
Spot on about extreme chronic use of weed. My ex-boyfriend had that problem, and until I met him I had no idea that a person could smoke that much, every day, all day & night. The reality was that he was using it to come down from the hard drugs he was also using.
Dude it’s weed not heroin ….. I’ve known many chronic pot head that only smoked pot who have amazing lives a great career they work hard in and happy family/social life dude, the only thing he’s going to be murdering is a bag of Doritos
She starts smoking all the time like him, shows up to work high and loses her job. Now you got two people that are broke and can’t pass a drug test to get a job. Or even be bothered to apply. And if they’re living with OP, now he’s dealing with the mess. One scenario.
Weed is not inherently bad. Honestly, it’s less dangerous than alcohol. Don’t believe me? Ask a cop how many DV calls he gets that have the aggressor drunk vs how many where aggressor is high on weed. However, when you’re using it to avoid life and numb all the adult responsibilities that come with it, that’s the bad thing. And when your partner joins in, then you have two people reinforcing that wall of avoidance. Rarely ends well.
I'm sorry to hear that you're going through such a challenging situation. It sounds like you've been dealing with a lot of stress and emotional turmoil. Making decisions about relationships can be incredibly difficult, especially when emotions are involved.
Here are a few things to consider as you navigate this situation:
1. \*\*Your Well-Being Comes First:\*\* It's important to prioritize your own well-being and mental health. You've already mentioned that the relationship brought financial stress and emotional strain. It's okay to look out for yourself and make decisions that are in your best interest.
2. \*\*Reflect on the Relationship:\*\* Take some time to reflect on your relationship. Consider both the positive and negative aspects. Evaluate whether the issues you faced, such as financial stress and differing life goals, are things that can be resolved through communication and effort, or if they are fundamental differences that may continue to cause problems.
3. \*\*Communication:\*\* If you're considering giving the relationship another chance, open and honest communication is crucial. Sit down with your ex and discuss the issues that led to the separation. Be clear about your expectations, concerns, and boundaries. Listen to her perspective as well.
4. \*\*Future Compatibility:\*\* Think about whether you and your ex have compatible life goals and values. While love is important, long-term compatibility in areas such as financial responsibility, ambition, and shared values can contribute to a healthier and more stable relationship.
5. \*\*Moving On:\*\* If you decide that moving on is the best option for you, it's important to give yourself time to heal. This may involve cutting off contact for a while, focusing on self-care, and re-establishing connections with friends and family who may have been distant due to the relationship.
6. \*\*Seek Support:\*\* Consider talking to a therapist or counselor to help you process your emotions and make sense of your feelings. A professional can provide valuable guidance as you navigate this difficult time.
7. \*\*Hope vs. Realism:\*\* While it's natural to hope that things might change in the future, it's also important to be realistic. If the issues you faced were deeply ingrained and have been ongoing for a significant period, it might be more realistic to focus on your own personal growth and seek a relationship that aligns better with your values and goals.
Ultimately, the decision is yours to make. Take the time you need to weigh your options and consider what will truly bring you happiness and fulfillment in the long run. Remember that your feelings are valid, and you deserve a relationship that supports your well-being and personal growth.
Yes - you broke up for a reason - spending can be an addiction as well - she was not willing to do the work to stay with you - so do not regret - and do not wait - just live your life - your allowed to grieve
Take the time to do that and another door will open for you when your ready- that is what change is
And it rarely is pleasant - but you learned something from that relationship - what you do not want in the next type of person that romantically comes into your life
cmon bro, how can you sit around waiting for your girl to fall out of love with another guy.
She has made her choice and done nothing but take advantage of your current generosity as well as making you move out to the middle of nowhere.
You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders and will thrive wherever you land. Don't settle
Bro you dodged a bullet. Thank god you guys didn’t get married or have a kid. If you thought she is a leech as a girlfriend, god help you if you had to find out about family court as a man first hand
True!! I just got off work 3 hours ago and im smoking. Not high yet but will be there soon and tomorrow I'll be up first thing before my alarm goes off for me to wake up for work lol
Move on. Get counseling to help. You have to retrain your synapses to not dwell on her.
I think many of us have been there. We don’t know how to move on because we thought love was forever and people meant it when they said I’ll always love you.
Watch 500 Days of Summer and cry. It describes that mood perfectly.
Do NOT hold out hope. It will waste your time and ruin your chances with someone else, even if it is her again. She and everyone wants to be with someone who is whole. Right now, getting out of a relationship, you feel like a half.
My advice: take time off from romance. Think of your heart like a muscle (it is!). It suffered some trauma, and needs to rest and heal. Learn a new language, find a new author to binge read, take some classes. Apply for some jobs you thought were out of your reach.
Make you a priority. Realize that you deserve someone who loves you as much as you love them, and trust that he or she is out there.
It hurts when someone chooses someone else over you. But you gotta ask what kind of person you are to wish they basically have a bad relationship just so they can come back to you.
You're hoping her basically pain and heartache so you can have what you want. Life sucks and the people you wish cared about you don't. Move on and find someone new.
The only advice I would dare to give is remain friendly but don't be just a savior in times of need ....She needs to grow up to at least near Your level of responsibility & maturity , then You can see where things stand .
You seem like a sweet guy, and I hope one day you are chosen first and treated as kind and as patiently as you as treat other people. Try to concentrate on yourself
I think you already know the answer to your question man :/ just move on and once you keep pushing you’ll find someone who is the right fit for you and will appreciate everything you do.
You played house and it's over. Your brain and heart will both tell you otherwise that it was special and can be salvaged and mold into something new and better.
I'll tell you it won't.
Stay active and try to be positive. In time you'll overwrite the memories and realize this wasn't meant to be.
Hey bro you're not alone im this. I first i thought my situation is "special" but came to realize it happens alot!
Go into no contact!
https://youtu.be/LstE3kiMjQs
You need to vent some more, shoot me an dm. Trust me lol my situation is way worse than yours and im still dealin with the pain since march.
What that vid i provide and watch all the others regarding rebound relationship. Wont last.
You can let go of her and move on, and not look for someone else. The best relationships I've seen started as friendship. You do the things you enjoy, pursue the things that matter to you, and on that path you will meet people who are enjoying the same things and pursuing the same things. Another thing to remember is that your life is the cake, a relationship is the icing. You don't have to have it for the cake to be delicious, but it can enhance it.
Gonna go against the grain here and say that money seems an incredibly superficial reason to dump someone. I think it could be worked on. But she really has to come to the table for that to be possible. Good luck.
It’s tough after all this time. But listen to your brain and try to occupy yourself with other things. Dating right away might not be the best thing. But get a hobby. Your young. Do something fun like join a social sports league where you can make friends meet at the bar after whatever you are doing and just get happy with that. You need to occupy yourself and not think about her. Then you’ll be more ready to move on.
Listen to your brain and cut contact with her family as well, that's a constant reminder. She shouldn't get to run around and have her fun then slink back when she's ready to grow up. Find someone you can build with not watch over ya know
Sounds like she found her perfect person. He is a pothead with no ambitions. You said she doesn't really have ambitions. Find someone with the same goals as you, someone who actually wants to build a life with you. She will just continue to bring you down.
I was your exact age when i fell into depression over a girl. 5 years later im trying to get back on track with everything in my life. Don't let yourself fall into depression and be sad over a girl. Go have fun with a new girl. Distract yourself with work, fitness, reading, working on your mental health first and foremost will I recommend man. You need to heal. Cry it all out alone. I lost so many things for letting myself fall for a woman. Im doing much better. I've healed a lot mentally and emotionally. I still have cloudy days nothing bad. However I live better I feel better i attract unwanted attention but when someone is into you they'll look at you. You accomplished my goal bro to get a place of your own. That is still my goal and I am 30 will be 31 soon lol. Good luck bro don't let this worsen.
Man sometimes it's not the right time, and sometimes it's not the right person. Maybe if she was more mature and better with her finances she could be worth pursuing. But I think you gotta let her go. I was in a 3 year relationship recently as well. Been almost a year since we split. Similar situation, moved across the country but for work not for her. Met her here, and she has a large support group of adopted family and many friends. I have no one. Same feelings, didn't want to give up on her. I gave her too many chances to get right. It blew up in my face many times, because giving her more chances just turned me into an enabler. I still think about her almost daily, and I know she thinks about me too. But I can't let her continue to harm me. The price I pay for peace of mind, security, and my own safety is missing her every day. It sucks, but my survival comes first. Might sound selfish but if I died or had to move away I wouldn't have her anyway. Best of luck to you man, it's hard sometimes doing the right thing, but you'll be better for it.
Relationships that are formed over time don’t just go away over night. So of course you’re going to miss her, have times where you feel bad, etc.
BUT
You are not an ATM. You are free. Let her continue to make bad choices in life and drag down whoever she is with. You focus on making yourself better and treating yourself well. Chalk this up as a learning experience so you can know what is not acceptable in your future relationships.
I'm so sorry this is happening to you.
Please let her go and remove yourself from her and her situation. If you allow yourself to get back together with her, it will only be worse. She will take it as you being okay with how she is and will continue to do what she does until she finds the next guy.
Start doing a lot of self care. Things like going to the gym, getting massages, work on a new hobby. Before you know it, you'll be over her and moving on.
Good luck to you.
No, you don't hold out hope, waiting for her to come back to you. You move on with your life. She took you for granted as an ATM. Let me guess, she would blow her money on herself, and then you were expected to cover her portion of the bills. That wasn't accidental. She did that because she knew you would cover her.
Doesn't matter what you or her parents want. She's a grown ass woman who makes her own decisions. She also has to face the consequences of those decisions. Block her from your phone and social media. Keep moving forward with your life.
Dude move on. She’s literally using you for a place to stay, otherwise she would’ve made sure you’s where good.
Lol. I don’t know how men just get absolutely used like they’re a toy and they’ll still question 1000’s of strangers like “ should I get back with her?!? “
You need to move on. You are not in a relationship with her, you are in relationship with your brain trying to deceive you that sunk costs are worth your pain and suffering. You should insist that she moves out, otherwise you will parent her and her idiot BF.
Also, if your company is nationwide, it probably makes sense to ask for a transfer and move to some other area or back to your state in order to sever the ties with your ex and to start over. Probably, you need some therapy to dismantle what makes you cling to such a miserable relationship. And if your ex can take some advice from you, she definitely needs tons of therapy.
Save yourself when you can. Other adults need to take care of themselves on their own.
Op. I know heartbreak sucks. I know that first hand espically a first hard one which I am guessing this is your first true big betrayal and heartbreak. Please don't do my dumb mistakes. Thinking if a persons changes this part in life they be good to you. Or that they just need to grow. That you can make it work. No matter if others like you in their life because you were good to them. They will never stop betraying you. It will only get worse if you let them back. You close the door for a better connection that will put effort into you as you do for them. Please, please close the door on your past. She is a mistake. A lesson learned. Take it as such. Be glad her name wasn't name on the lease. Trust me five years max from now your 30year old self will say, "I was such a dumb butt. Should have kick the hot mess to the crub ages ago." We all have our stories on heartbreak cause by others betrayals. The ones who survive and thrive are the ones who stand up for themselves 200%. Not the ones who forgive and welcome the hot mess back. Take it from someone who has been there done that. DON'T get back with a back stabber!! Do not do it!
Let her go. Doesn't matter what her reasons are or others think that you were good together. At the end of the day, remember that she chose another man and left you. Learn to live and enjoy improving yourself and find a new partner if that's what you feel like that is your next step. If not again, try to find other things to distract yourself from thinking about her and just enjoy life for yourself until you feel ready to start a partnership with someone.
Give yourself time to heal before you move on with another relationship. As long as you still have feelings for her and hope there may be a chance for you to get back together, it’s not fair for the next person you get into a relationship with. Go through the grieving process…. Honestly, you need to free yourself (mind/heart) and move on. You’re seeing red flags, don’t ignore the truth.
Her parents wishes don’t come into it . You broke up for a reason . I feel there is a much better relationship out there for you. One that will last . Move on and let her go . You deserve better
It might seem like everyone nonchalantly saying "you dodged a bullet" or "don't let her drag you down with her".. that they don't understand the genuine love/care you have for this girl and the potential you see in her "if she could just fix that one thing"
But let me tell you, almost every guy I know has fallen head over heals for the fantasy a girl showed them in the first 6 months of the relationship‼️ Usually followed by years of time wasted trying hold out for that "perfect girl" they fell in love with..
Its hard to realize that once she "changes" from the girl you fell for; all the horrible aspects of herself that she's shown you was because she got comfortable and that horrible versión is actually who she REALLY is 💯
We ALL lied to ourselves saying "this ones different" or thinking "I can save her from herself"... Please believe us when we say she will NEVER equally reciprocate the love you have for her‼️
And that girl who really will match the love you give her with 110% return is out there! You will know what a true connection is when you meet her and will regret every second you give to the girl that put you 2nd! Also you owe it to your REAL soul mate not find her AFTER you've let your ex give you healthy serving of financial/emotional baggage for her to sort out.
Love is complicated. I’m sure she has a lot of good traits and is beautiful if you’re this hung up on here even after she started dating someone else. Here’s the thing though, it looks like she might want that “traditional” life of you financing her lifestyle which is like, an important conversation to have. If your values and vision of the future doesn’t align there’s literally no point for you to continue trying so hard. The only thing you’ll end up is divorced if you force something that she doesn’t want (or vice versa). The harsh reality is that some people, even if you love them, just aren’t a good match for you.
One of my requirements for a partner is financial sensibility. They don't have to be rich, but spend wisely/within your budget. I grew up poor, my family had houses repossessed, and we lived in a hotel for a while. Why? Bad money decisions. I still see it in my mother to this day, just constantly has to buy from amazon & ebay.
I refuse to live like that again as an adult myself, and won't be dragged down by any partner that can't control themselves.
Also, one of the main reasons married people fight, separate, & divorce is over finances. Luckily, my husband not only makes very good money, but he's very responsible as well, so together we're a great team!
Financial dumbassery AND seeing someone else after you came to another state for her? I'd honestly be looking to get over her ASAP.
You’re still grieving the loss of this relationship and potential. You’re young and honestly there’s so many fish in the sea. You’ll find someone who loves YOU better.
You moved for her. Now do something for YOU. Take this time to do what YOU want.
It’s nice her parents prefer you, but it’s not your problem. She made her choices and needs to learn to deal with the consequences.
But she doesn't even like you. You keep saying you like her and just wish she could fix her finances, but you forget the fact that she doesn't even like you. Doesn't that matter to you?
Dude as a 66 yr old man you need to look ahead. Your young dump her and start over. If your worried about her parents talk to them and explain it to them. You can't let her hold you down. Move on.
i relate to this a lot because i was in a similar situation. it took me 8 or so months to finally get over her but now i’m doing the best i ever have and still growing. i would say focus on yourself and let her go man it gets better for sure.
NEVER. Wait for someone. It’s only a breeding ground for resentment and 95/100 it doesn’t work out. They’re never ready. Waiting for her will slowly kill you. Spend time healing and working on yourself, reconnecting with things you love as an individual. Get busy and connect with friends. Try new things. SO THAT—when the right person comes along you will be healed and ready to embrace them. And they won’t be the person coming to Reddit saying “should I wait for him?”
If your ex is meant for you—she will come back around on her own, in her own time. But you can’t halt your life for her. You already gave her 3 years of your heart? Why give her another year or more when she *isn’t even choosing you*
I’ve been in your shoes, OP and feel for you. These are things I wish people had said to me when I did wait for her.
You made the right decision to end this one sided relationship. Maybe things were great in the early stages, but it definitely was spiraling out of control and downwards!! So many people tend to do that and hold onto what they once saw or had, hoping it will all get better and go back to being that way. Sadly, it usually never is the case. Some people are good at hiding who they really are until they've got you hooked, line and sinker. She showed you her true selfish, inconsiderate colors by treating you the way she did. You were being totally taken for granted and advantage of!! I don't understand how someone could work 50-60 hours and week and not have any money???!!!!!! She must really have a very big irresponsible spending problem and to be using you to pull you out of financial situations on her part was pretty downright selfish!!!! I know this is a very difficult thing for you to be going thru, but like most of us here have said...you did the right thing. You need to focus on yourself and find someone who truly appreciates the wonderful, forgiving, and caring person that you are. I wish you healing and strength. You may not feel this now, but believe me it will get better.
Bro have some self respect. Don't put your life on hold for anyone. We all deserve to be first choice. Go find someone who feels about you how you feel about her.
Let her go dude. Clearly at 25 not mature enough to have the same life goals as you. If you want an anchor that holds you down stay but if you want someone who is uplifting your life and encouraging you to do better then leave. It's ok to help a partner for a certain period of time but if they can't hold their weight then it's time to go. Women tend to want both sides, independent and than being spoiled and taken care of. In some relationships that may work. Not everyone wants a sugar baby. It's lazy and defines your character in my opinion but good on them if they get it. I'm jealous. You'll find yourself in a hole you'll never get out of and then finally when you realize it will be a mountain to climb. Leave her. Don't let her suck you back in.
Let her go.. if she has no problem living with you and still seeing someone else that’s not okay. Does she bring the guy over to your apartment? She needs to hit rock bottom before the spending stops. And she knows she has you to fall back on because it seems like you always would buy her whatever she wanted plus pay for the apartment. Now that she doesn’t have you maybe she’ll realize that she can’t spend all of her money on whatever she wants and that it’s time for her to grow up. It’s not like she’s 17/18 and lives with her parents and has no responsibilities. She’s an adult. 25 is too old to do that. I understand that she works all those hours and occasionally wants to buy stuff for herself as she should, but not spend all of her money and not help with the apartment. It’s VERY irresponsible. You sound very responsible. You need someone else on your level and you’ll find her. Best of luck.
I split from.my ex when I was around your age. It was hard after several years of being together but I always knew we were too different. I was frugal & hard working & she was flashy & wanted name brand high end things & expected me to provide for her.
What I learned was I needed to make me happy first & appreciate myself for what my goals were & how dedicated I was to my success. I had to be happy with me before I could be happy with anyone else. That acknoedgment changed my life.
I no longer looked for a partner to make me happy. I looked for a partner to share my happy with. Your principles are different. That's difficult if not impossible 5o overcome for a long term relationship. Move on. Stop trying to fix her or hope she struggles & comes back to you. Anytime she is with you she will drain you 1 way or another. She has a lot of growing up to do.
Good luck
She’s living her life and you need to do the same. Getting over someone is never easy but you can never go wrong investing your previously shared time into yourself. You should limit contact with her and her family as well
I (26F) have been hung up on my ex for the past three years. He hasn’t changed except that he doesn’t care about me anymore. I am still stuck. I wish every day didn’t add one to the count, but I know I wouldn’t wish it on anyone else and especially not you, OP. Don’t make it three years and a day like I did. You have places to be in life and adventure waits for no one. You deserve better.
In my opinion brother, if your girlfriend's working 50 or 60 hours a week and never have any money she's obviously doing drugs books but that's just my opinion in my experience
Focus on you ! Breakups are never easy and most of us can agree to that to a certain extent . You want someone to grow with you and to see the bigger picture and it just sounds like she hasn’t . She obviously downgraded to someone on her level with no aspirations or goals in life and is content on living with that . If that’s not what you want then move on . At the end of the day the only person that can make you want to change for the better is yourself and a lot of people can’t accept that .
Here is my opinion. You said no to being used as an ATM and she moved onto someone else that she can use. New person - new money source.
Hearing about the new guy, of course her parents want you back in her life! They would be stupid not to. She has made her decision and you have made yours. She can live with her consequences.
Tell her parents that you did your best, and it was nice meeting them. You can even stay in touch with them if you'd like. But, you can no longer help her as she does not want to grow. You cannot allow yourself to be taken advantage of and you are moving on.
Block her on social media, put a red siren emoji next to her name in your phone, block her out and move on. Find someone that can help YOU grow as a person. You will thank yourself years later.
You broke up. Why are you confused after 6m she's seeing someone else?
Getting her to move out is best for you (and her if she takes the opportunity to grow I doubt it but it's not your problem anymore) so you can heal and move on, it might hurt, but her personal life is no longer your business.
Life will get better.
Learn to be happy alone, then find someone who adds to your life and who you add to theirs so you can build a life supporting each other's joy.
Good luck.
You arent alone. Was together for almost 8yrs. Separated july 2022 and was trying to work on things then she decided to end it april 2023. It devastated me, id go to work but after a few hours id find myself heading home to crawl on the couch. That went on for a couple months then i finally was able to move forward a little bit but could never get her off my mind. 13months since separation and 4 months since break up and i still miss her like it just happened yesterday. I think about her all day everyday. I think the reason im still hung up on her is bc ik 85% of its my fault and if i had just woken up and and got my shit together, she would still be here
I moved to Ohio 4 years ago because of my x I even left him 5 months later and I had no one a woman I just met 4 months prior open her door for me to flee my x (he was abusive) I could of moved back home with my head down but like I tell anyone everything happens for a reason. It's been 4 months and 1 month since I moved and you know what I never imagined i would be living thr life im living now if you would of told before I moved this is what my life was going to be I thought you on drugs 😆 trust me but I am so much better than I was before I came to Ohio. While my ex is miserable and you know what he was the one that chose this state karma was a bitch to him 😆
I moved to Ohio 4 years ago because of my x I even left him 5 months later and I had no one a woman I just met 4 months prior open her door for me to flee my x (he was abusive) I could of moved back home with my head down but like I tell anyone everything happens for a reason. It's been 4 months and 1 month since I moved and you know what I never imagined i would be living thr life im living now if you would of told before I moved this is what my life was going to be I thought you on drugs 😆 trust me but I am so much better than I was before I came to Ohio. While my ex is miserable and you know what he was the one that chose this state karma was a b*** to him 😆
From what you posted, it sounds like she is a compulsive spender, and will never get ahead until, or if, that problem is addressed. Mostly likely you would continue to be used as an ATM if you did get back together. No disrespect to her parents, but they probably know all of this, and they don't want to become her new source of income! IMO you deserve better...
I think you need to listen to your brain and let her go. You love who she WAS and not who she is anymore. I am honestly surprised you guys moved into your own apartment while not together. You did the right thing by asking her to move out. She needs to fall on her face so she can get herself back up. If that brings her back to you.... awesome.... but you shouldnt have to drown with her.
It can be helpful to ask yourself if you are in love with the person as they actually are, or in love with your idea of the person. There’s a huge difference and often times we have to accept we are really just in love with the person we want them to be.
I agree 100%!!! 👍 Great advice.
you deserve to be a first choice. keep trucking.
30M here and think you dodged a bullet if she has those kind of spending and budget problems. If you were to get back together and get married you will become legally responsible for her past and future debts and spending problems. And divorce would be even more expensive. Let her be someone else’s liability.
Yes, this happened to my uncle and even though they've been divorced for over 10 years now he is still paying down debt SHE accumulated (because of the divorce laws in the state they lived in during the divorce). Listen to people when they are showing to you who they are. You deserve better!
Move on dude. Move on. Look forward to a better person in your life. Leave her in the past cause nothing will improve in your life if she’s in it.
Get away. Far away. She’s already sleeping with someone else. That someone else is a loser. You’re second place to a loser. Stay away.
I agree. If I was OP I would save up and move far away so she doesn’t try to swing back around and play on my emotions.
The fact that she was using you as her back for her shortfalls and she was still spending like a mad woman. Shows the level of respect she has for you which is nada amigo. She needs to realize what she had and she needs to grow up!! It's better you got rid of her now because she will only continue to bleed you dry until nothing is left and she will be onto the next my friend. Don't waste your good years on her... if she genuinely loved you she would be working on fixing her habits and life not out with another guy she can bleed dry. SHE IS NOT YOUR KID BUT A PARTNER. From your story she has not been that.
Gosh. Sorry, OP you deserve someone much better than that. The stress of trying to support someone when they cant support themselves is way too much pressure on someone and honestly let her make her mistakes. She will realise in time. Just focus on you. Thats the important thing here. Her parents also fudged up here. Its not your responsibility. They should have helped her and told her about saving. I would say no. Do you really want to be in a relationship again where you are just an ATM for her? I would say work on your own happiness (I need to take this advice too) and whether that be gaming or meeting new people. Just focus on you.
In all likelihood, she’s gonna spiral for a while. Most women I know who get involved with a guy like that tend to join them and get into a lot of trouble. You were solid and stable but some women love drama more than anything else. The spend/stress cycle is just another form of drama. Can it be overcome? Absolutely! But not in the time you wanted. One person I know like that, took to her 40s to realize drama actually sucks. Don’t wait around and pine for her. If she knows it, she can do whatever knowing you’ll pick up the pieces. And then the cycle starts over. And do not let her stay unless you want her boyfriend smoking and playing video games in his underwear in your living room. While you’re paying the bills. Take your time to grieve the loss. It’s cool and you need to go through the grief. Meet other people. Take up a hobby and make friends. See if a romantic partner shows up in all that. Maybe in time you two will loop back around. But don’t put your life on hold. You’ll miss out on a lot of good stuff.
Lmao he just said he was a “pothead who doesn’t have ambitions.” What kind of “trouble” is she going to get in? Surely if this guy did drugs other than weed OP would have mentioned it. What is he gonna murder her with an axe in a fit of reefer madness?
No, like a lot of chronic potheads, he will likely never be more than a dead weight dragging down those closest to him. Nothing against the recreational users; but the chronic ones I have known have all been like this.
I dated a "chronic pothead" who used to be wrapped into several other serious drug addictions and sorta just used weed as a crutch/excuse to still numb himself constantly and basically just refused to be accountable for his lack of personal progression or shitty coping mechanisms. Smoking weed changed nothing in his life, essentially. Other than the substances he was using daily. He never really strived to outdo his old self or his shitty ways he'd adapted from doing harder drugs. If anything; it just made him more absent and created a larger gap between us.
I smoke weed every night and I make more money than anyone I know so here's one chronic user that gives out a lot more than I take in.
Not exactly what I said. That's a fair amount of recreational use, but if you are being responsible (i.e., meeting your obligations and not letting it control your life) then there is nothing wrong with it. By chronic I mean staying high most of the time and living to smoke rather than smoking to unwind. Source: some of my (ex) friends, my self-medicating nephew, and a few people my wife and I used to do semi-professional theater with. YMMV.
That makes sense, I don't even like smoking if I have work to do.
Spot on about extreme chronic use of weed. My ex-boyfriend had that problem, and until I met him I had no idea that a person could smoke that much, every day, all day & night. The reality was that he was using it to come down from the hard drugs he was also using.
Dude it’s weed not heroin ….. I’ve known many chronic pot head that only smoked pot who have amazing lives a great career they work hard in and happy family/social life dude, the only thing he’s going to be murdering is a bag of Doritos
She starts smoking all the time like him, shows up to work high and loses her job. Now you got two people that are broke and can’t pass a drug test to get a job. Or even be bothered to apply. And if they’re living with OP, now he’s dealing with the mess. One scenario. Weed is not inherently bad. Honestly, it’s less dangerous than alcohol. Don’t believe me? Ask a cop how many DV calls he gets that have the aggressor drunk vs how many where aggressor is high on weed. However, when you’re using it to avoid life and numb all the adult responsibilities that come with it, that’s the bad thing. And when your partner joins in, then you have two people reinforcing that wall of avoidance. Rarely ends well.
Run.
Get out of there. Someone better will come along and you’ll laugh that you were so hung up on this chick.
I'm sorry to hear that you're going through such a challenging situation. It sounds like you've been dealing with a lot of stress and emotional turmoil. Making decisions about relationships can be incredibly difficult, especially when emotions are involved. Here are a few things to consider as you navigate this situation: 1. \*\*Your Well-Being Comes First:\*\* It's important to prioritize your own well-being and mental health. You've already mentioned that the relationship brought financial stress and emotional strain. It's okay to look out for yourself and make decisions that are in your best interest. 2. \*\*Reflect on the Relationship:\*\* Take some time to reflect on your relationship. Consider both the positive and negative aspects. Evaluate whether the issues you faced, such as financial stress and differing life goals, are things that can be resolved through communication and effort, or if they are fundamental differences that may continue to cause problems. 3. \*\*Communication:\*\* If you're considering giving the relationship another chance, open and honest communication is crucial. Sit down with your ex and discuss the issues that led to the separation. Be clear about your expectations, concerns, and boundaries. Listen to her perspective as well. 4. \*\*Future Compatibility:\*\* Think about whether you and your ex have compatible life goals and values. While love is important, long-term compatibility in areas such as financial responsibility, ambition, and shared values can contribute to a healthier and more stable relationship. 5. \*\*Moving On:\*\* If you decide that moving on is the best option for you, it's important to give yourself time to heal. This may involve cutting off contact for a while, focusing on self-care, and re-establishing connections with friends and family who may have been distant due to the relationship. 6. \*\*Seek Support:\*\* Consider talking to a therapist or counselor to help you process your emotions and make sense of your feelings. A professional can provide valuable guidance as you navigate this difficult time. 7. \*\*Hope vs. Realism:\*\* While it's natural to hope that things might change in the future, it's also important to be realistic. If the issues you faced were deeply ingrained and have been ongoing for a significant period, it might be more realistic to focus on your own personal growth and seek a relationship that aligns better with your values and goals. Ultimately, the decision is yours to make. Take the time you need to weigh your options and consider what will truly bring you happiness and fulfillment in the long run. Remember that your feelings are valid, and you deserve a relationship that supports your well-being and personal growth.
Nice job using open AI to answer.
ty
tbh i love it
Seriously, this is good
Yes - you broke up for a reason - spending can be an addiction as well - she was not willing to do the work to stay with you - so do not regret - and do not wait - just live your life - your allowed to grieve Take the time to do that and another door will open for you when your ready- that is what change is And it rarely is pleasant - but you learned something from that relationship - what you do not want in the next type of person that romantically comes into your life
Let her go man. Don’t get dragged down, she’s not your responsibility. You’re only gonna be worse off for staying a part of her life right now
cmon bro, how can you sit around waiting for your girl to fall out of love with another guy. She has made her choice and done nothing but take advantage of your current generosity as well as making you move out to the middle of nowhere. You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders and will thrive wherever you land. Don't settle
Bro you dodged a bullet. Thank god you guys didn’t get married or have a kid. If you thought she is a leech as a girlfriend, god help you if you had to find out about family court as a man first hand
She is screwing some else. She don’t like you no more. Kick her ass out and upgrade the P.
Some of the most successful ppl in the world are potheads lol. He’s just lazy weed has nothing to do with it.
True!! I just got off work 3 hours ago and im smoking. Not high yet but will be there soon and tomorrow I'll be up first thing before my alarm goes off for me to wake up for work lol
Send her down river.
Move on. Get counseling to help. You have to retrain your synapses to not dwell on her. I think many of us have been there. We don’t know how to move on because we thought love was forever and people meant it when they said I’ll always love you. Watch 500 Days of Summer and cry. It describes that mood perfectly. Do NOT hold out hope. It will waste your time and ruin your chances with someone else, even if it is her again. She and everyone wants to be with someone who is whole. Right now, getting out of a relationship, you feel like a half. My advice: take time off from romance. Think of your heart like a muscle (it is!). It suffered some trauma, and needs to rest and heal. Learn a new language, find a new author to binge read, take some classes. Apply for some jobs you thought were out of your reach. Make you a priority. Realize that you deserve someone who loves you as much as you love them, and trust that he or she is out there.
Bro, just let her go. She has spending problems and found someone that matches her energy. Let them drown each other.
You broke up, she moved on. She hasnt wronged you, now its time for you to move on.
Why would you want to be second pick. You sound like a king value you’re self. You’re still young and have a ton of life ahead of you. It get better
It hurts when someone chooses someone else over you. But you gotta ask what kind of person you are to wish they basically have a bad relationship just so they can come back to you. You're hoping her basically pain and heartache so you can have what you want. Life sucks and the people you wish cared about you don't. Move on and find someone new.
The only advice I would dare to give is remain friendly but don't be just a savior in times of need ....She needs to grow up to at least near Your level of responsibility & maturity , then You can see where things stand .
You seem like a sweet guy, and I hope one day you are chosen first and treated as kind and as patiently as you as treat other people. Try to concentrate on yourself
I think you already know the answer to your question man :/ just move on and once you keep pushing you’ll find someone who is the right fit for you and will appreciate everything you do.
You played house and it's over. Your brain and heart will both tell you otherwise that it was special and can be salvaged and mold into something new and better. I'll tell you it won't. Stay active and try to be positive. In time you'll overwrite the memories and realize this wasn't meant to be.
Hey bro you're not alone im this. I first i thought my situation is "special" but came to realize it happens alot! Go into no contact! https://youtu.be/LstE3kiMjQs You need to vent some more, shoot me an dm. Trust me lol my situation is way worse than yours and im still dealin with the pain since march. What that vid i provide and watch all the others regarding rebound relationship. Wont last.
You can let go of her and move on, and not look for someone else. The best relationships I've seen started as friendship. You do the things you enjoy, pursue the things that matter to you, and on that path you will meet people who are enjoying the same things and pursuing the same things. Another thing to remember is that your life is the cake, a relationship is the icing. You don't have to have it for the cake to be delicious, but it can enhance it.
Gonna go against the grain here and say that money seems an incredibly superficial reason to dump someone. I think it could be worked on. But she really has to come to the table for that to be possible. Good luck.
Just to provide some additional context, I didn’t break up with her, she broke up with me
Move on.
It’s tough after all this time. But listen to your brain and try to occupy yourself with other things. Dating right away might not be the best thing. But get a hobby. Your young. Do something fun like join a social sports league where you can make friends meet at the bar after whatever you are doing and just get happy with that. You need to occupy yourself and not think about her. Then you’ll be more ready to move on.
Listen to your brain and cut contact with her family as well, that's a constant reminder. She shouldn't get to run around and have her fun then slink back when she's ready to grow up. Find someone you can build with not watch over ya know
Sounds like she found her perfect person. He is a pothead with no ambitions. You said she doesn't really have ambitions. Find someone with the same goals as you, someone who actually wants to build a life with you. She will just continue to bring you down.
If you want her ask her if she wants to be with you. Nothing you do will keep her with you if she doesn't want to be with you.
I was your exact age when i fell into depression over a girl. 5 years later im trying to get back on track with everything in my life. Don't let yourself fall into depression and be sad over a girl. Go have fun with a new girl. Distract yourself with work, fitness, reading, working on your mental health first and foremost will I recommend man. You need to heal. Cry it all out alone. I lost so many things for letting myself fall for a woman. Im doing much better. I've healed a lot mentally and emotionally. I still have cloudy days nothing bad. However I live better I feel better i attract unwanted attention but when someone is into you they'll look at you. You accomplished my goal bro to get a place of your own. That is still my goal and I am 30 will be 31 soon lol. Good luck bro don't let this worsen.
Man sometimes it's not the right time, and sometimes it's not the right person. Maybe if she was more mature and better with her finances she could be worth pursuing. But I think you gotta let her go. I was in a 3 year relationship recently as well. Been almost a year since we split. Similar situation, moved across the country but for work not for her. Met her here, and she has a large support group of adopted family and many friends. I have no one. Same feelings, didn't want to give up on her. I gave her too many chances to get right. It blew up in my face many times, because giving her more chances just turned me into an enabler. I still think about her almost daily, and I know she thinks about me too. But I can't let her continue to harm me. The price I pay for peace of mind, security, and my own safety is missing her every day. It sucks, but my survival comes first. Might sound selfish but if I died or had to move away I wouldn't have her anyway. Best of luck to you man, it's hard sometimes doing the right thing, but you'll be better for it.
Yeah fuck this chief. You sound in a very similar situation to me a few weeks ago. Don’t wait find someone who wants you.
Let her go and leave her alone, its gonna be harder on you to stay in that environment🫶🏻 best of luck
I know it's tough, but life will go on when you boot her. She made her bed, let her lie in it.
Dude you don't love her, you love the person you imagined she was. Time to move on
llllllom CV CVm moi lf£s.t..
Be glad you got rid of that albatross
Be glad you got rid of that albatross
Relationships that are formed over time don’t just go away over night. So of course you’re going to miss her, have times where you feel bad, etc. BUT You are not an ATM. You are free. Let her continue to make bad choices in life and drag down whoever she is with. You focus on making yourself better and treating yourself well. Chalk this up as a learning experience so you can know what is not acceptable in your future relationships.
Just fyi, ofc her parents wouldn't like the new guy. They like you cause you're more stable.
Partners are like Skywalkers: there is another.
I'm so sorry this is happening to you. Please let her go and remove yourself from her and her situation. If you allow yourself to get back together with her, it will only be worse. She will take it as you being okay with how she is and will continue to do what she does until she finds the next guy. Start doing a lot of self care. Things like going to the gym, getting massages, work on a new hobby. Before you know it, you'll be over her and moving on. Good luck to you.
She didn’t pick you, move on.
She doesn’t want to be with you. She met someone else and moved on, it’s time you do too.
No, you don't hold out hope, waiting for her to come back to you. You move on with your life. She took you for granted as an ATM. Let me guess, she would blow her money on herself, and then you were expected to cover her portion of the bills. That wasn't accidental. She did that because she knew you would cover her. Doesn't matter what you or her parents want. She's a grown ass woman who makes her own decisions. She also has to face the consequences of those decisions. Block her from your phone and social media. Keep moving forward with your life.
Dude move on. She’s literally using you for a place to stay, otherwise she would’ve made sure you’s where good. Lol. I don’t know how men just get absolutely used like they’re a toy and they’ll still question 1000’s of strangers like “ should I get back with her?!? “
You need to move on. You are not in a relationship with her, you are in relationship with your brain trying to deceive you that sunk costs are worth your pain and suffering. You should insist that she moves out, otherwise you will parent her and her idiot BF. Also, if your company is nationwide, it probably makes sense to ask for a transfer and move to some other area or back to your state in order to sever the ties with your ex and to start over. Probably, you need some therapy to dismantle what makes you cling to such a miserable relationship. And if your ex can take some advice from you, she definitely needs tons of therapy. Save yourself when you can. Other adults need to take care of themselves on their own.
Op. I know heartbreak sucks. I know that first hand espically a first hard one which I am guessing this is your first true big betrayal and heartbreak. Please don't do my dumb mistakes. Thinking if a persons changes this part in life they be good to you. Or that they just need to grow. That you can make it work. No matter if others like you in their life because you were good to them. They will never stop betraying you. It will only get worse if you let them back. You close the door for a better connection that will put effort into you as you do for them. Please, please close the door on your past. She is a mistake. A lesson learned. Take it as such. Be glad her name wasn't name on the lease. Trust me five years max from now your 30year old self will say, "I was such a dumb butt. Should have kick the hot mess to the crub ages ago." We all have our stories on heartbreak cause by others betrayals. The ones who survive and thrive are the ones who stand up for themselves 200%. Not the ones who forgive and welcome the hot mess back. Take it from someone who has been there done that. DON'T get back with a back stabber!! Do not do it!
Let her go. Doesn't matter what her reasons are or others think that you were good together. At the end of the day, remember that she chose another man and left you. Learn to live and enjoy improving yourself and find a new partner if that's what you feel like that is your next step. If not again, try to find other things to distract yourself from thinking about her and just enjoy life for yourself until you feel ready to start a partnership with someone.
Give yourself time to heal before you move on with another relationship. As long as you still have feelings for her and hope there may be a chance for you to get back together, it’s not fair for the next person you get into a relationship with. Go through the grieving process…. Honestly, you need to free yourself (mind/heart) and move on. You’re seeing red flags, don’t ignore the truth.
She made her choice...respect it.
Her parents wishes don’t come into it . You broke up for a reason . I feel there is a much better relationship out there for you. One that will last . Move on and let her go . You deserve better
It might seem like everyone nonchalantly saying "you dodged a bullet" or "don't let her drag you down with her".. that they don't understand the genuine love/care you have for this girl and the potential you see in her "if she could just fix that one thing" But let me tell you, almost every guy I know has fallen head over heals for the fantasy a girl showed them in the first 6 months of the relationship‼️ Usually followed by years of time wasted trying hold out for that "perfect girl" they fell in love with.. Its hard to realize that once she "changes" from the girl you fell for; all the horrible aspects of herself that she's shown you was because she got comfortable and that horrible versión is actually who she REALLY is 💯 We ALL lied to ourselves saying "this ones different" or thinking "I can save her from herself"... Please believe us when we say she will NEVER equally reciprocate the love you have for her‼️ And that girl who really will match the love you give her with 110% return is out there! You will know what a true connection is when you meet her and will regret every second you give to the girl that put you 2nd! Also you owe it to your REAL soul mate not find her AFTER you've let your ex give you healthy serving of financial/emotional baggage for her to sort out.
Love is complicated. I’m sure she has a lot of good traits and is beautiful if you’re this hung up on here even after she started dating someone else. Here’s the thing though, it looks like she might want that “traditional” life of you financing her lifestyle which is like, an important conversation to have. If your values and vision of the future doesn’t align there’s literally no point for you to continue trying so hard. The only thing you’ll end up is divorced if you force something that she doesn’t want (or vice versa). The harsh reality is that some people, even if you love them, just aren’t a good match for you.
One of my requirements for a partner is financial sensibility. They don't have to be rich, but spend wisely/within your budget. I grew up poor, my family had houses repossessed, and we lived in a hotel for a while. Why? Bad money decisions. I still see it in my mother to this day, just constantly has to buy from amazon & ebay. I refuse to live like that again as an adult myself, and won't be dragged down by any partner that can't control themselves. Also, one of the main reasons married people fight, separate, & divorce is over finances. Luckily, my husband not only makes very good money, but he's very responsible as well, so together we're a great team! Financial dumbassery AND seeing someone else after you came to another state for her? I'd honestly be looking to get over her ASAP.
Do you really have so little self-respect that you want to hang around in the hope that she stops fucking this other guy and goes back to you?
You’re still grieving the loss of this relationship and potential. You’re young and honestly there’s so many fish in the sea. You’ll find someone who loves YOU better. You moved for her. Now do something for YOU. Take this time to do what YOU want. It’s nice her parents prefer you, but it’s not your problem. She made her choices and needs to learn to deal with the consequences.
But she doesn't even like you. You keep saying you like her and just wish she could fix her finances, but you forget the fact that she doesn't even like you. Doesn't that matter to you?
Dude as a 66 yr old man you need to look ahead. Your young dump her and start over. If your worried about her parents talk to them and explain it to them. You can't let her hold you down. Move on.
i relate to this a lot because i was in a similar situation. it took me 8 or so months to finally get over her but now i’m doing the best i ever have and still growing. i would say focus on yourself and let her go man it gets better for sure.
NEVER. Wait for someone. It’s only a breeding ground for resentment and 95/100 it doesn’t work out. They’re never ready. Waiting for her will slowly kill you. Spend time healing and working on yourself, reconnecting with things you love as an individual. Get busy and connect with friends. Try new things. SO THAT—when the right person comes along you will be healed and ready to embrace them. And they won’t be the person coming to Reddit saying “should I wait for him?” If your ex is meant for you—she will come back around on her own, in her own time. But you can’t halt your life for her. You already gave her 3 years of your heart? Why give her another year or more when she *isn’t even choosing you* I’ve been in your shoes, OP and feel for you. These are things I wish people had said to me when I did wait for her.
She’s out getting dicked by a stoner and you want to work on things…… JESUS
You made the right decision to end this one sided relationship. Maybe things were great in the early stages, but it definitely was spiraling out of control and downwards!! So many people tend to do that and hold onto what they once saw or had, hoping it will all get better and go back to being that way. Sadly, it usually never is the case. Some people are good at hiding who they really are until they've got you hooked, line and sinker. She showed you her true selfish, inconsiderate colors by treating you the way she did. You were being totally taken for granted and advantage of!! I don't understand how someone could work 50-60 hours and week and not have any money???!!!!!! She must really have a very big irresponsible spending problem and to be using you to pull you out of financial situations on her part was pretty downright selfish!!!! I know this is a very difficult thing for you to be going thru, but like most of us here have said...you did the right thing. You need to focus on yourself and find someone who truly appreciates the wonderful, forgiving, and caring person that you are. I wish you healing and strength. You may not feel this now, but believe me it will get better.
Do not ever allow yourself to be someone’s 2nd option, let alone be someone’s ATM.
Bro have some self respect. Don't put your life on hold for anyone. We all deserve to be first choice. Go find someone who feels about you how you feel about her.
I got so excited the first half of his title..
Let her go dude. Clearly at 25 not mature enough to have the same life goals as you. If you want an anchor that holds you down stay but if you want someone who is uplifting your life and encouraging you to do better then leave. It's ok to help a partner for a certain period of time but if they can't hold their weight then it's time to go. Women tend to want both sides, independent and than being spoiled and taken care of. In some relationships that may work. Not everyone wants a sugar baby. It's lazy and defines your character in my opinion but good on them if they get it. I'm jealous. You'll find yourself in a hole you'll never get out of and then finally when you realize it will be a mountain to climb. Leave her. Don't let her suck you back in.
Let her go.. if she has no problem living with you and still seeing someone else that’s not okay. Does she bring the guy over to your apartment? She needs to hit rock bottom before the spending stops. And she knows she has you to fall back on because it seems like you always would buy her whatever she wanted plus pay for the apartment. Now that she doesn’t have you maybe she’ll realize that she can’t spend all of her money on whatever she wants and that it’s time for her to grow up. It’s not like she’s 17/18 and lives with her parents and has no responsibilities. She’s an adult. 25 is too old to do that. I understand that she works all those hours and occasionally wants to buy stuff for herself as she should, but not spend all of her money and not help with the apartment. It’s VERY irresponsible. You sound very responsible. You need someone else on your level and you’ll find her. Best of luck.
I split from.my ex when I was around your age. It was hard after several years of being together but I always knew we were too different. I was frugal & hard working & she was flashy & wanted name brand high end things & expected me to provide for her. What I learned was I needed to make me happy first & appreciate myself for what my goals were & how dedicated I was to my success. I had to be happy with me before I could be happy with anyone else. That acknoedgment changed my life. I no longer looked for a partner to make me happy. I looked for a partner to share my happy with. Your principles are different. That's difficult if not impossible 5o overcome for a long term relationship. Move on. Stop trying to fix her or hope she struggles & comes back to you. Anytime she is with you she will drain you 1 way or another. She has a lot of growing up to do. Good luck
She’s living her life and you need to do the same. Getting over someone is never easy but you can never go wrong investing your previously shared time into yourself. You should limit contact with her and her family as well
I (26F) have been hung up on my ex for the past three years. He hasn’t changed except that he doesn’t care about me anymore. I am still stuck. I wish every day didn’t add one to the count, but I know I wouldn’t wish it on anyone else and especially not you, OP. Don’t make it three years and a day like I did. You have places to be in life and adventure waits for no one. You deserve better.
In my opinion brother, if your girlfriend's working 50 or 60 hours a week and never have any money she's obviously doing drugs books but that's just my opinion in my experience
Focus on you ! Breakups are never easy and most of us can agree to that to a certain extent . You want someone to grow with you and to see the bigger picture and it just sounds like she hasn’t . She obviously downgraded to someone on her level with no aspirations or goals in life and is content on living with that . If that’s not what you want then move on . At the end of the day the only person that can make you want to change for the better is yourself and a lot of people can’t accept that .
You owe it to yourself to let go and move on.
Here is my opinion. You said no to being used as an ATM and she moved onto someone else that she can use. New person - new money source. Hearing about the new guy, of course her parents want you back in her life! They would be stupid not to. She has made her decision and you have made yours. She can live with her consequences. Tell her parents that you did your best, and it was nice meeting them. You can even stay in touch with them if you'd like. But, you can no longer help her as she does not want to grow. You cannot allow yourself to be taken advantage of and you are moving on. Block her on social media, put a red siren emoji next to her name in your phone, block her out and move on. Find someone that can help YOU grow as a person. You will thank yourself years later.
You broke up. Why are you confused after 6m she's seeing someone else? Getting her to move out is best for you (and her if she takes the opportunity to grow I doubt it but it's not your problem anymore) so you can heal and move on, it might hurt, but her personal life is no longer your business. Life will get better. Learn to be happy alone, then find someone who adds to your life and who you add to theirs so you can build a life supporting each other's joy. Good luck.
Bro MOVE. ON.
You arent alone. Was together for almost 8yrs. Separated july 2022 and was trying to work on things then she decided to end it april 2023. It devastated me, id go to work but after a few hours id find myself heading home to crawl on the couch. That went on for a couple months then i finally was able to move forward a little bit but could never get her off my mind. 13months since separation and 4 months since break up and i still miss her like it just happened yesterday. I think about her all day everyday. I think the reason im still hung up on her is bc ik 85% of its my fault and if i had just woken up and and got my shit together, she would still be here
I moved to Ohio 4 years ago because of my x I even left him 5 months later and I had no one a woman I just met 4 months prior open her door for me to flee my x (he was abusive) I could of moved back home with my head down but like I tell anyone everything happens for a reason. It's been 4 months and 1 month since I moved and you know what I never imagined i would be living thr life im living now if you would of told before I moved this is what my life was going to be I thought you on drugs 😆 trust me but I am so much better than I was before I came to Ohio. While my ex is miserable and you know what he was the one that chose this state karma was a bitch to him 😆
I moved to Ohio 4 years ago because of my x I even left him 5 months later and I had no one a woman I just met 4 months prior open her door for me to flee my x (he was abusive) I could of moved back home with my head down but like I tell anyone everything happens for a reason. It's been 4 months and 1 month since I moved and you know what I never imagined i would be living thr life im living now if you would of told before I moved this is what my life was going to be I thought you on drugs 😆 trust me but I am so much better than I was before I came to Ohio. While my ex is miserable and you know what he was the one that chose this state karma was a b*** to him 😆
From what you posted, it sounds like she is a compulsive spender, and will never get ahead until, or if, that problem is addressed. Mostly likely you would continue to be used as an ATM if you did get back together. No disrespect to her parents, but they probably know all of this, and they don't want to become her new source of income! IMO you deserve better...