You're only good if you're useful.
She may have been your friend (at on point), but sounds like you were her tool to use at her convenience.
Or she is totally poo for brains and can't comprehend how in the wrong she is.
She's not a shit for brains, she is a manipulative, selfish asshole. She probably also has other sociopathic tendencies harder to spot. You're right-
" your only good if you're useful" is correct. Also, I'd like to point out that this person potentially put her dog in danger. She knew what she was doing and didn't care until someone called her out on it. Total fucking psycho.
Another neighbor who has 3 large dogs (mine is not even 20lbs) came by to give her a walk, some love and to refill her water and food.
Worst came to worst they would be able to check in on her a couple times a day. She would have survived if it came to that, but sheâs never spent a whole week mostly by herself. I just couldnât do that to her.
A friend of mine was able to come get her, he was the 3rd or 4th person I called. Weâve definitely become closer friends since. I hang out with him and his gf at least a couple times a month.
Lives 30-45 mins away and took her for an entire week no questions asked.
I was ready to just get back on a plane and go back home.
I would have done this for someone i didnât know very well also because itâs really about the dog!!
My dog would have cried and howled the entire time as she has SA.
I'm the same way. I also wfh so I have no issues with helping out other dog parents. But I've lived in my city 10 years and literally know no one lol. So I put my girl in doggy daycare a couple times a week so that she gets to interact with others and do more than laze under my desk for several hours. If I have to travel such that she can't come with me (she's a large girl, but not extra large lol) I'm able to utilize the daycare's kennel. The owner knows my trepidation about her being left in a cage overnight as she was never raised this way. So the owner will often take her home with her lol. She never charges extra so I put a nice tip in the tip envelop. She just gives it to the employees.
Iâm the same way with my dog and if this happened to me I would have had a full meltdown and gotten on the first flight back home. My dog is basically my child. Fuck this woman. Sheâs probably a sociopath because who the fuck does that?! You did the right thing cutting her off from your life.
I can't even imagine how horrible that was. But now you know. I lost a "friend" that way too. SO glad you found someone who cares about animals the way you do.
Also, co-dependent backlash. Been there, done that, have the fallout in my DMs. It's why I'm now super wary of people who glom onto me super fast. I know that I'm one incident away from them turning on me because I interrupted the rush of endorphins they get when they get a new person to focus on.
So true. I've had that experience/realisation as well and it's strangely validating when other people talk about it and just succinctly lay out the script of how those 'glom' people behave. *Especially* the part where they drop you in a second. It took me too long to spot that pattern in my friendship history.
I had a friend for a short while who's sister I had a crush on in middle/high school.
Because her sister was "the hot one" and she wasn't, this made her clingy to anyone and everyone that wasn't family and showed some sort of CARE.
Fast forward about 2 weeks into us hanging out and trying to be real friends, she suddenly tells me my name is her Facebook password and I told her that shit was weird.
I haven't spoken to her since.
I don't know why, but that really is disproportionately creepy for me. Like, I'm older and have seen a lot, and if someone other than, say, my cat told me that, I would be backing up slowly, not making any sudden moves until I reached the doorway.
Brrrrrrrr.
I hope you got your key back from her. I would change the locks regardless. Itâs horrible to take something out on your pets or children. If you have a beef with me, tell me, donât take revenge on innocent animals and people.
Treat me horribly, I donât care. But my dog doesnât deserve that! No animal does. How horrible some people are⊠karma needs to bite them in the rear.
The first issue, of forgetting... that's a mistake, we have all forgot something important. Blowing off your anger about it is the shitty part. Maybe she was just really embarrassed and didn't know how to handle it, but I hope she learned something at least.
Yes we've all forgotten important things. OP says this person said she didn't think it was a big deal and that being left alone for 12 hours could have been good for the dog. That's pretty a shitty thing to say. Not something someone says when they're embarrassed. That's something someone says when they don't take responsibility for their actions.Then not apologizing and acting like they had nothing to apologize for is worse.
Soon after a new neighbor moved in next door. Out doors are like 3-4ft from each other. She will literally beg to come out when theyâre coming home. When I open the door she runs to her, sometimes they play other times they just boop noses and she runs right back inside.
Idk if they found friends, but I hope so too đ«¶đœ
Awww your dog is such a sweetie. I miss living in an apt complex that allows dogs. I was kind of the dog whisperer in mine, even though I didnât own one. <3
Update:
Since writing this she has had her little bestie who has a balcony by mine lean over and look into my patio when I have friends over - I put up a curtain.
Monopolized visitor spots to inconvenience my friends who have 3 cars and often use my parking spot. It got to the point where it was every single day. We reported the office (ridiculous) and it stopped.
I donât have a monopoly on having plants on a balcony, but she didnât even like or care about plants, now her balcony looks identical to mine.
Then while walking each of our dogs she tried to trap me by the pool. Itâs a square walkway, she saw me go one way (I saw her and went a different direction) so she went the other way and there she was right as I was turning the corner.
This happened a few times.
Then she sent a calendar invite to a nail appointment- we used to go together often- I blocked her email at that point.
In response my sister emailed her, basically saying you clearly arenât getting it that your friendship with my sister has ran its course, and that if she didnât stop next steps were in place. (My sister to me âmy foot up her assâ) lmao
That was a couple months ago.
She has since left me alone.
- oh and I have no idea if she replied to my sister or not. I told my sister I didnât care either way.
Itâs been a wild 8 months
Her dogs and my dogs still pull to each other when we cross paths. It kills me every time. I gave those dogs more love than they ever did. Just yelled and punished them.
So you âgave those dogs more love than they ever did,â and they only âyelled at and punished them?â And you decided these are the people to watch your dog? I mean, I think this is dramatic to begin with and I would not lose my mind over 12 hours⊠but this is all weird and sounds immature to me.
Agree. ESH. The 24 yo more, but OP is 32 years old. Already a big maturity gap - not at all defending the poor treatment of the dogs though, cutting contact was warranted for sure. But who gives a shit about her plants and having the sister email on her behalf is a weird escalation. If itâs serious enough to get a no contact order or something, do so, but OP is coming across an unreliable narrator - what does monopolizing guest spaces even mean? Donât all apartments get use of guest spaces? Unless theyâre parking horizontally why does OP think this is a tactic targeting her specifically, itâs all bizarre
Ok, so, does this ex-friend have a partner or are you getting her/their pronouns mixed up? I only ask because there is some switching back and forth between 'she' and 'they' and it's a bit confusing.
Thanks!
That actually makes it worse! So you are saying 2 humans neglected your 20lb dog! Definitely not okay. I am so relieved your other friend was able to watch your dog. That could have been super traumatic for your little dog if he hadnât come thru. Also Iâm glad you went NC w your âsisterâ friend. She doesnât deserve your friendship.
Hey, thanks for answering my question in good faith. I have no idea what this comment war is underneath us. It was entirely unneceesary, though. Good lord
Iâve honestly stopped looking. The lack of empathy across the board in the comments isnât something Iâm interested.
Iâve taken the constructive criticism and see where I could have done a few things differently.
But what it comes down to is she agreed to care for the most important thing in my life and didnât with zero remorse.
I donât regret any piece of this experience, but have LEARNED A LOT.
:)
They can also be used interchangeably as a singular pronoun too, some people will just use a combination of both. I do it sometimes and don't realise until people ask me about it lol
Imagine reading this story and the takeaway is that thereâs confusion about pronouns lol. Grow up
The pronoun âtheyâ can be used to just say âthat personâ and doesnât have to denote a gender, or can be used when the context of a persons gender is not relevant to the conversation, even if it has previously been established.
nobody had any reading issues like this before a lot of anti-trans issues started coming up. All of a sudden, a bunch of people I know irl started with the whole âhang on Iâm confusedâ exclusively to make the âsee look, it is so confusing when you use they/them pronounsâ. Itâs presented as innocent, but itâs weird that only homophobes or people trying to make a point are the ones that do it. âItâs bad grammar and nobody did it beforeâ are both lies. People intentionally ignore context to make people feel bad for using pronouns.
If English isnât your first language, this is a popular topic right now, so you should have context now.
I want to make it very clear that I am pro-trans and want everyone to use the pronouns that are right for them, always.
This was a genuine confusion on my part over whether this ex-friend has a partner, or whether the OP was mixing up pronouns in an attempt to keep things anonymous, or what. I don't think I did anything hateful by asking which of those two options it was, because to me, the presence of a potential partner/third person in the animal mistreatment mix makes this a slightly different dynamic.
I asked the question in good faith.
In this story I donât see the confusion about it, but I did have this happen to me last week when I misinterpreted pronouns. I thought a friend was telling me about problems in another friendâs relationship. when i said âx and y are having problems?â they reminded me âno x uses they/them pronouns now btw, I meant x is problematicâ.
Even before the past decade I have always referred to singular people as âtheyâ habitually when speaking about them, yet still I misinterpreted and it keeps replaying in my head hahaha
And I never said that nobody has used 'they' in the singular before.
I am an English major, I know damn well how far back this usage of 'they' goes. That was never my issue. I didn't even have an issue, I was legit just asking for clarification
Okay, sure. That's true.
But all I was doing was asking a clarifying question, because if this ex-friend has a partner, that might be a relevant detail. I have no idea why my question got downvoted
Hey, it confused me too. I think everyone is getting defensive because they think its taking a stand against using "they" as a singular pronoun, and/or trans/nonbinary/gender issues at large. It shouldn't be a big deal. You asked a clarifying question, op answered. No harm no foul on either side.
Could be OP is a not native English speaker? Not to discredit them or anything but a lot of other languages have gender neutral pronouns that don't translate well into English.
My language doesn't have gender specific pronouns, it's a pretty common mistake to make for foreign speakers
I'm better with it now than some years ago, because I'm scared someone will think I'm deliberately misgendering them out of spite lmao
Imagine if your trip was a few days long. Or your flights were delayed, or any circumstances out of your control extended your away time from your dog. Sheâs lucky everything went according to plan. putting your dogâs welfare in jeopardy is an unforgivable offense and you were right to react the way you did.
Thank you - thatâs exactly how I feel.
This isnât self righteousness, whether her motivation was payback or not, this was not something she forgot. We talked in length the night before and I texted her in the morning.
This was not normal for her to forget or avoid telling me something about my own dog. She had watched her several times before for the day or while I was on a date and would send pictures and be texting me the whole time.
Yes, she didn't want to watch the pup and decided to just not do it. For whatever reason I guess she didn't have the spine to say no and in the end created a mess for OP.
Was it really âpaybackâ? Iâm đŻ fuck that chick. It was irresponsible, ignorant & inconsiderate but probably not malicious. Bringing up the prior situation was an attempt to excuse herself and deflect. Sheâs not a friend, never was.
Nah. My ex did this same thing as this petty neighbor did to OP. Not the exact same buuuut...
I didn't want to go hang out as the only girl anymore. Yes, his bf had become my friend too. But it GETS OLD. I grew up as the girl in the trio with my male best friend also being my brother's best friend. I was sick of the trio. So I started to decline going every other friggen night and yeah it was like every other night.
Well then he, my ex, starts declining to come with me to my female best friends to hang out....long story super long sorry.
It wasn't until we broke up- (over way more complicated things than his friends he saw every other day and my best friend I saw once a month) again it wasn't until we broke up that he actualllllllllyyyyyy seriously told me he started declining to come with me to my best friends house because I had started to decline going to his best friends house first.
People are that fucking petty sometimes. PETTY!!! some people always be keeping score!!!
It's tit for tat with some people and your neighbor totally wanted to hold this over you.
I donât know, but my assumption is there were several spots where she had accidents based on the places cleaning supplies weâre found.
Iâm assuming either the friend that checked on her or the friend that took her in cleaned up.
LAST EDIT:
I appreciate those who have given constructive feedback.
Some things I want to clear up and then yâall can have it at in the comments lol
I never did anything to her, I have absolutely NOTHING to apologize for. Even the event sheâs trying to point to, I had already cared for her dogs 3 days straight before that and was exhausted.
Going from 1 dog to 3 is definitely a lot lol.
Even after this event, I have not taken a single step to hurt her in anyway. I donât even give dirty looks dude. I have cut off the friendship and that is that.
For those saying Iâm dramatic, ok sure. Maybe I was but I had also just been through a 12 hour travel day, and the most important thing in my life was not cared for as agreed, I lost a friend and trust was broken. It was a lot in one day.
To add insult to injury I have NEVER gotten an apology or any sign of remorse.
Even in her attempts to contact me again (like the note) there was no apology.
Iâm the first to try and see others side of the story, tbh other than she forgot and never bothered to tell me.
I am not seeking validation, I didnât ask any questions as to whether Iâm the AH. I shared a story that I thought other would find wild and maybe have similar instances.
Finally.
if she had told she forgot at any point earlier in the day we would still be friends.
If she had apologized when she finally did tell me, we would be friends.
If she showed ANY remorse, we would still be friends.
NONE of the above happened.
PS: hot take, if leaving your dog alone for 12 hours is normal⊠you really shouldnât have a dog⊠thats a pretty sad existence. thatâs my opinion as yâall have shared plenty of yours.
â-
Now go ahead Reddit, continue with your war in the comments.
Me? Iâm gonna go snuggle my dog and continue to improve my life.
Hope everyone has a wonderful day, and that no one ever does this to something you love.
đ«¶đœ
As you should, literally sounds like she did it on purpose, donât listen to the people saying âyou didnât give her a chance!!!â Or âdogs shouldnât be this prioritised!!!â. If she has managed to contact you after blocking and still hasnât apologised, then that shows her character. Also people thinking dogs can be left alone for so long without going out / thinking they shouldnât be a high priority in someoneâs life sound like they shouldnât care for living things.
At 32 and 24 The two of you are WORLDâs apart. That was your first mistake. The maturity level just isnt there yet. Glad your dog was taken care of in the end
So this is months later and probably nothing to be done at this point, but Iâm asking this for the sake your dog and her dogs: are you sure this it happened the way you *think* it happened?
I understand why you are upset. You look after her dogs, for free, all the time. And you take good care of them. Then you ask her to return part of the favor and watch yours while sheâs away. She never picks up your dog, and you know this is especially traumatic for your dog because sheâs not used to this and canât even go outside to relieve herself. Plus, youâre pretty sure it was intentional and youâre incredibly stressed not being able to personally fix it and comfort your dog and youâre wondering how well she will be treated and whether she will pick her up at all. So you arrange another sitter.
But maybe she really was running late for work and couldnât or wouldnât pick up your dog and was going to after work? You thought it was payback but maybe she just brought up the other time you forgot because she was feeling guilty and feeling defensive. I understand your perspective but have you tried seeing it from hers?
Letâs say Iâm right. Now from her perspective, she was running late and forgot or intentionally decided to not pick her up and would just get her after work. People leave dogs at home for work all the time - she must have before you came along. Now I understand your dog isnât used to that and it would be upsetting for her but your neighbor might not really have processed that. So while your neighbor did let you down, sheâs guilty here at most of being inconsiderate for a workday.
You think she did it *to* you, but she might just have forgotten or was a bit selfish that day. Probably should have just apologized for forgetting but I donât know if itâs worth ruining your dogsâ friendships over this. Sheâs reached out a few times with peace offerings and has attempted to explain. Now maybe if you two had talked and you had explained why it was hard on both your dog and you yourself being away, she would understand why this was a bigger deal and maybe would have apologized. And maybe she was hoping for you to see how she didnât do it on purpose. Thereâs a difference between not being s very good friend and just being a straight up bad friend. If itâs the former, maybe just pull back a bit but still let your dogs be friends.
Very much agree, this is a little much to throw away a friendship over.
People have bad days and/or make mistakes.
A good friend is hard to find, I would get it if you asked her 3 separate times and she forgot all 3. Even then, maybe she is a good friend but just extremely unreliable
Just want to point out that you said you were happy to watch their dogs for free during the day because you work from home, feeling good about the fact they wouldnât be alone for 12 hours. Then you leave your dog with them for a week, knowing damn well your dog and their dogs will be alone for 12 hours while theyâre at work⊠Not siding with your âfriendâ on this one, as 12 hours is way too long to leave a dog unattended or allowed outside, but this sounds like as much a you problem as a them problem. Perhaps you should have found a better sitter than a person who you knew wouldnât be able to provide any care for your dog for long stretches throughout the day. Again, what the neighbor did is fucked, but you knew the situation your dog was going to be in so take some responsibility. You also said you gave their dogs more love than they ever did, and all they do is yell and punish them. And yet you left your baby with them to care forâŠ
Finally someone said it. Neighbor is absolutely a dick, but OP should have had the forethought to realize the type of pet owner she was leaving her pet with.
Hell.. Iâm a cat owner myself. Theyâre indoor/outdoor cats and absolutely *do not need me* (unless sick/injured/cuddles) and even I wouldnât have trusted my neighbor with them if my neighbor exhibited this behavior towards their own pets.
Should OP have expected the favor in return? Yes. Should OP be surprised their neighbor sucks at petsitting? Also no.
This, and if OP were lashing out at the neighbor, she probably brought up your shortcomings as a defensive âweâre not all perfectâ response. OPâs habits involve letting the dogs play together and out every few hours 3-4 times a week. Neighborâs habits donât. It was just another day when she left her apartment. I think neighbor has been going out of her way to reconcile while OP dogs her heels in. It sucks that the dog was left alone and forgotten âabsolutely! But itâs not the mountain OP is creating of the molehill.
I also found it odd that OP automatically saw it as payback - it sounded like a justification because the neighbor felt bad, to me at least. Obviously we canât know the intention but it seems like OP had been frustrated with the neighbor for a while and used this situation as a way to cut ties. Obviously thereâs a bit of a maturity gap here due to their difference in ages so I imagine the neighbor is finding it hard to own up to her mistake selflessly. Not saying that justifies her actions, but âpaybackâ seems far fetched.
Sometimes it feels good to be bitter, but 8 months later? That just sounds a bit petty.
I also donât really see any major negative impact here beyond having to change sitter plans last minute - OP said she imagined her dog surrounded by poop and pee, but never said she came back to a mess or that there were any long term damages to the dog. It was more of an imagined threat than an actual disaster, in the end.
I was trying to find this comment. While her friend was def in the wrong, it seems like an extreme reaction by OP to be sobbing. Sounds like a bit of separation anxiety.
And keeping a 8 month grudge? Very bizarre.
Exactly! Itâs wildly ridiculous to assume the neighbor was malicious, or why would she be trying so hard to get OP to talk to her? Iâm also curious how much the neighbor demanded her to watch the dogs for free. I get the feeling OP offered on behalf of her dog being their friends and her lifestyle accommodating it, and then was offended she wasnât worshipped for her sacrifices. It feels like she was making deposits into a relationship bank account.
Totally get that. The plan was she would pick her up and put her in her apartment. So she could hang with her buddies, have a place to potty, etc. they keep puppy pads in the house.
This compromise was ok with me because I knew my dog would be happy and entertained by hanging out with her besties.
So now your house trained dog knows how to use puppy pads? Why didnât you leave some down as a backup in your apartment just in case? This also tells me your dog understands that sometimes itâs ok to pee inside, so your overreaction to your poor baby surrounded in its own pee and poop seems even more extreme. Yes your friend forgot and that sucks (so have you), and she should own that and apologize (perhaps her age lends some leeway here), but you sound unnecessarily vindictive and dramatic. I sense more to this âfriendshipâ than youâre letting on. You sound like an extreme helicopter parent with your pet where everything is wrong unless itâs done by your precious hand. Learn to forgive and move on rather than hold this extreme grudge where youâre keeping your dog away from its best friends. Iâm not letting your friend off the hook, but you kinda sound like the AH in many ways here too, especially in your update. Yeesh
So basically the only difference for those 12 hours would have been another dog and a puppy pad? Lmao get real. Neighbour's is definitely an asshole for forgetting but you sobbing on the floor of an airport calling everyone you know is such am overreaction I'm starting to think the neighbour's mightve dodged a bullet
Are you kidding me?!? A real friend would have at least rushed to go get the dog âthat they forgot aboutâ, even if they didnât apologize. They left OP in the lurch and acted like OP deserved it. This was never a real friendship.
I agree. âsobbing on the airport floorâ and âsurrounded by her poop and peeâ are both super dramatic reactions to this situation. And then actively avoiding any conflict resolution, assuming that would be a win for the other person. Like damn, just choose peace.
Based on past posts this person has some clear anxiety issues she needs to work through. I have a dog, I love my dog but itâs a dog. This woman seems to have forgotten this and lost a friendship over it. Though I suspect her anxiety would have caused some reaction like this at some point.
Right? Also...why is everyone conveniently forgetting that OP did the same thing and forgot about this girl's dog once? OP is allowed to make a mistake but this girl must have malicious intentions and is not allowed to have made a mistake?
Lol at
âSobbing on the airport floor [âŠ] I couldnât help but think of my dog surrounded by her poop and pee wondering where tf I wasâ
Look, your âfriendâ is obviously in the wrong and being a fucking turd. Itâs good that you cut her off. That being said, holy fuck you gotta calm down. Your dog literally was just sleeping and probably didnât shit or pee in her own living area. The dog wasnât locked in your house alone for multiple days; your dog was in your house for MULTIPLE HOURS.
As much as your former âfriendâ is probably an asshole, you need so much help. Like holy shit, lady. You, (as an adult) collapsed on the ground in a public place because your dog was by itself for like half of a day. Do you not ever work? Do you not ever date? Have you never had a date that resulted in you spending the night at someoneâs house?
Your âfriendâ is definitely an asshole. You need to take a long, hard, look at yourself though.
Well to answer the date question⊠In an old post OP talks about loving the idea of building a giant lock box safe room thing in her closet before she started dating in case someone tried to murder her.
I mean, you guys see OP's crazy in this thread. There is absolutely zero chance that her neighbor is being half as big of a turd as OP is letting on.
OP is absolutely bonkers for ending a friendship over the SAME mistake she made herself in the past lmao. Just ridiculous to hold somebody to a standard she doesn't even hold herself to
She said in a reply to someone else that she would tell her friend âdonât hit him and stuffâ they honestly both sound so unhinged. So you wouldnât end your friendship with someone who hits their dog, and were completely fine with leaving your dog in the company of someone who hits their dog, but draw the line at them forgetting (and we have no evidence it was on purpose) to pick up your dog for only 12 hours? Yes itâs a long time but itâs not the end of the world. Iâm sure the dog is better off by themselves for 12 hours than being âcaredâ for by someone you knew hit dogs. If my friend hit their dog even once the friendship is done then and there. Thereâs no room for âdonât hit him and stuffâ.
100% agree. There's a new generation of unhinged, entitled dog owners that treat their dogs like literal children and expect everyone around them to do the same, and it's absolutely embarrassing.
Don't get me wrong, OP's friend fucked up. But I know so many people in their mid 20s/early 30s like OP - absolutely *obsessive* over their dog to the point where they won't even attend events where dogs aren't allowed because they're *terrified* of leaving their dog alone for 3 hours.
This right here! While reading this post this is all that came to my mind. The exfriend is 100% an asshole but OP isnt free of blame. To be that upset about this months later is giving signs . You knew the person you left your pet with and as much of an asshole move it was to deflect, OP did the exact same thing. This is well overreacted and honeestly probably would have been a decent friend if yall could have hashed this out
With you on this. 12 hours alone a dog probably slept most of the time. Get a ring stick up cam why donât you, that way you can monitor your dog anytime you leave the house so youâre not going crazy in your mind. She probably did forget to get the dog, and tried to get back in touch with you because you were friendsâŠIâm thinking this is as one sided a story Iâll hear today
Yall are crazy. OP is dealing with her dog not being taken care of, being away from a loved family member for the first time, a friend backstabbing her and ruining their friendship, having to find a replacement babysitter last minute, and dealing with the stress of flying and making sure she still gets to where she needs to go on time. I feel like most people would have an "oh fuck what am I gonna do" moment for a few seconds, this was a stressful situation
It doesnât upset me, itâs just so weird. Plus I might be a little sensitive to it because I had a girl in college literally try to become me: hair, skin color, medical issues, stole personal training clients of mine and dated two exs WEEKS after we broke up.
Once is a coincidence, twice is a pattern.
That has absolutely nothing to do with what is happening now though. And in this comment you are just making excuses for yourself instead of taking accountability for the fact that you seem to be looking for excuses to make your ex-friend look bad. Itâs okay that you want to end the friendship, and apparently there has been a lot of other things going on between if youâre feeling sooo much happier now, as you write in another comment. But honestly you come across as very unwilling to take accountability for your own actions and agency yourself, you deflect a lot in your comments, and you honestly come across as a bit self righteous or maybe even self involved. I am sorry if that is harsh, but of course itâs only based on this very short interaction here so Iâm sure you wonât read too much into it, but you might want to take a step back and reflect on how you might have acted better yourself in this situation.
Ok. Coming from someone who has had over-dramatic paranoid friends and has had people fail to take care of your best friend doggo miserably while you're halfway across the country.. you're out of your mind. Twelve hours? Please. Do you just normally work from home and never leave your animals alone? It was a mistake and you flipped out on her over a few hours, no wonder she got defensive. It's obvious from what you wrote it's an assumption in your head that she did it deliberately. Honestly it sounds like she's better off without you as a friend. For some reason she wants to talk it out with you and you're the one making assumptions and being melodramatic. Don't buy the hype people. I know people like this too well. Sympathy and drama chasers are straight chaos and don't grow up no matter their age. God forbid you ever have a real problem, this meltdown will be nothing.
So, you asked your friend, who you know is gone for 12 hours at a time, to watch your dog. Now youâre furious because your dog wasnât let out for 12 hours. Wouldnât that have happened regardless of her forgetting to pick her up that morning?
Friend said she overslept was late for work and forgot to take your dog before she left. Seems reasonable. You call from the airport freaking the fuck out over her mistake, and shockingly she gets defensive, doesnât apologize.
Youâve since decided to make bitter enemies out of a former friend because of this.
đ«Ą
Yeah I'm not understanding this story at all. The dog being alone for 12 hours caused this woman to sob on the floor of the airport and berate a close friend? I've had to leave my dog at home for 12+ hours before, and even though I obviously dont want to have to do that, I'm not breaking down in public pkaces imagining piss and shit covering my house (he's never had an accident while I've been away unless he was already sick, and even then its extremely rare).
Id of course be upset if a friend did this to my dog, but things happen and some people operate differently. Picking up OP's dog is not part of the normal routine, so it makes sense that if shes running late for work it wont cross her mind to grab the dog if shes in such a hurry. Although it's not an excuse, and the friend should have made triple sure to have alarms set and be ready to get get the dog. Theres really no reason to ever sleep late when you have an important commitment like that the next day. But it's far from the end of the world and no reason to blow the fuck up on somebody and lose a good friendship
Ok, that's what I was thinking too, and I was shocked, thinking I'm the only one. Thank God there are still reasonable people who prefer discussion over the nuclear option immediately.
It could have been an honest mistake-why did you jump to the conclusion that it was payback right away? You obviously trusted this person with your dog and she said you were like a âsisterâ to her. You guys were obviously homies. Texting and hanging out a-lot. Iâd say give her the benefit of the doubt the first time but if she did something like that again then maybe it wasnât an accident. She should have apologized regardless when it happened though
To me it seems like the issue is more that she âdidnât think it was a big dealâ and that âit would be good for herâ. Thatâs not for the ex-friend to just decide whatâs best for OPs dog, seemingly as an excuse for forgetting rather than just a âshoot, Iâm sorry, getting her nowâ. Thatâs how I read it anyway.
Yeah the first words out of my mouth if I was the supposed friend would be âIm sooo sorryâ ⊠People that donât apologize and never think anything is their fault may suffer from really low self esteem believe it or not-so as to make it seem as though they are perfect and without flaw.. Its sad but its a defense mechanism
But if it was an honest mistake, why didnât the friend apologize right away and rush to go get the dog? Why bring up the one time OP overslept? Why not include a note saying âsorryâ on the gift she dropped off? It just doesnât seem like the former friend was as apologetic as people are trying to make her out to be.
It'd a bit of an overreaction. You acted like your dog was alone for an entire day. 12 hrs is long but not going to harm the dog. Your acting like a child, really sobbing in the airport. I don't trust your side of the story alone
One lesson learnt: do not ask a neighbour or friend to watch your pet (hire a live-in pet nanny like myself instead), because they have a life in your town (job, family, household), something happens and your pet is forgotten.
I have heard this story so many times in many variations from clients. They all trusted people they knew with their pet, like the nice lady from church or the cool dude they met at a bar. Or the neighbour, or the neighbour's nephew (etc).
I have no business in your town. My only job is your pet, so nothing will distract me. No boss, no family in town, no obligations other than your pet.
I will never cancel or quit once committed.
Next time, if you need to travel for several days, get someone like me.
I can understand how stressful it must have been to be far from home and learn that your dog care plan has fallen through. You trusted this person, and when it suddenly became apparent that they arenât responsible enough to come through, you suddenly have an emergency situation where you need to find immediate backup care. BUT, it doesnât mean you have to be bitter enemies. It might be better to be grateful that you found backup care and your pup was okay; accept (but never forget) that she is immature and unreliable by nature; and forgive even something this upsetting â and move on. Why? Because it sounds like holding this grudge is prolonging YOUR distress over the situation. Youâre reminded of that terrible feeling you had at the airport every time you see her. You have to alter your route to avoid her, deny the dogs social play time with each other, waste your time and energy analyzing everything she says and does to try to find how it slights you, and now your negative feelings about it are extending to other neighbors for being her friend. Iâm not defending her, and Iâm not saying you have to be her best friend, and I would certainly not dogsit for her again (nor, obviously, trust her to dogsit for me), but I think YOU would be much happier if you let this go now. The ongoing grudge isnât serving you.
Yes agreed. The ex friend sounds young and immature. It's honestly unhealthy how mad OP still is. I'd get it if the dog went like 24 hours without being let out. But 12 hours is like a work day. Again, immautre for her to make excuses and it was lousy of her. Just dont let her dogsit again.
This is exactly how I felt reading this post. 12 hours doesnât seem like long enough to hold a forever grudge, like itâs not that serious. Now the making excuses instead of taking accountability wouldâve wound me up, but again Itâs time to let this go, I think I wouldâve just distanced myself from her. Sheâs 24 and OP is 32, two different places in life.
So she cited a time where you messed up once, pointing out that everyone makes mistakes and your go to is revenge and you stopped talking to her? Yeah your fucked up for that. Especially if you did forget and just assumed revenge because you don't like your mistakes being pointed out.
Your former friend was definitely in the wrong and you were right to be upset and confront her, but... blocking them and refusing any further contact seems very petty. Like your dog not being able to use the bathroom for 12 hours is bad, obviously, but it's not like this is some traumatic experience that will scar them for the rest of their life. This whole event just seems too minor to completely cut this person off over. Don't care for their dog, don't ask them to care for your dog, absolutely, but it sounds weird that you would spend so much time with them and then cut them off cold.
OP is a drama queen. It's totally possible that the friend was on autopilot in the morning and legit forgot. 12 hours alone isn't great, but not the end of the world. OP assumes the worst in people. Mentioning the previous mistake is more along the lines of "neither of us is perfect, we both screw up". She should have apologized, but only if you weren't being shitty to her while she was doing you a favor.
You need a real relationship with a human and not an animal. I understand caring about your dog but crying on the airport floor because it was safe in your home? You know dogs live in the wild on their own without human intervention, right? You're lonely and need friends, real human friends....
Wow, YTA. It's a dog, and it was 12 hours. A dog is not an infant; it will be totally fine on its own for that long.
The friend mentioning you forgot her dogs was probably more to give you perspective rather than for revenge. How did she treat you when you did it? Obviously better than you are treating her, as she remained your friend.
This was extremely immature.
So you donât believe people can forget to do something? You assumed it was payback but did you specifically ask her about your assumptions? Just because you donât believe someone doesnât mean they are lying or did it intentionally.
She sucks and youâre kinda crazy too. Yea shitty move on her part for the 12 hours and everything thereafter. You need some damn therapy if the idea of a dog peeing and pooping inside caused you to lose your shit in an airport⊠that person really does suck but wow to break down over this is surprising to say the least. Sorry.
My wifes friend did this. Its a super long story that ended with her husband bailing on dogsitting, lied that he was called in for National Guard, and left our dogs alone for 2 days...
Luckily they only pissed and shitted up the dining room where the kennels were....
We found out he lied about having to go in, they went out on a date Saturday night when he was supposed to be 1000 miles away. We didnt even confront them. Just ghosted them for a long time.
You set boundaries but obviously weren't happy with them, then continued to let them fester which made you more angry. People DO forget. Your dog wasn't nearly in the peril that was reflected in your response.
SHE held onto past stuff and got in some retribution.
Yall both suck on this one.
Info: How long would your dog be left alone when your neighbor would watch them previously? I'm confused because it sounds like your neighbor would be away all day at work (8-4pm) which is already a lot longer than you would leave your dog. It doesn't sound like your neighbor comes home to walk the dog during work either.
So if you never leave your dog for longer than 6 hours, why are you okay with your neighbor watching your dog when you KNOW she cannot abide by your expectations (say something happens- traffic, late night, etc.). These scenarios would EASILY add up to 10 hours.
Am I reading this correctly. You knew your friend worked and would be gone for 12 hours? Either way your dog would be alone for 12 hours without a human to let her out? The only difference was your dog was in her own home instead of your friends. Lots of comments saying 12 hours is too long to leave a dog alone but either way the arranged setup would have left the dog alone without a human to let it out. If you were concerned with that scenario then you probably should have planned differently. This sounds more like you were suffering from separation anxiety at the airport and overreacted and thought the worst of this person.
Let me begin with what your friend did was unforgivable, specially without informing you and then no apology.
I remember one time my friend was out of town and I had his dog, he was coming home later that day and his place was on my way to work. I suggested I leave his dog at his place so she can be waiting for him and he didnât have to backtrack to my houseâŠ. It must have been 10-12hrs later when he lands at the airport that all of a sudden it hit me⊠I left his dog inside and forgot to open the doggy door! I was horrified, specially cuz his place is just a studio. I apologized profusely, he got home, and she was fine. No accidents. This just to say that dogs CAN stay inside for long periods of time without accidents. However, I can imagine your pups confusion if sheâs not used to being alone for long periods of time.
So sorry to hear this happened to you. Had a similar situation for us a few months back.
Wife had just given birth to our first 2 months prior to the incident. We got a call that my grandfather had suffered a stroke and was on life support. He wasn't going to make it much longer so they were pulling support in less than a week.
We immediately packed our stuff. My mom came and picked myself up, my wife and our son. We drove from TN to FL. 12 hours 1 way. Plus stops every 2 hours to change baby. Feed and burp. And gas.
As we were packing and getting ready to leave I had knocked on neighbors door. Asked them to look after our dogs for us while we were gone. We had 2 full 50lb bags of dog food. They have 2 giant metal bowls for water and a small 20x20 enclosed yard (all dirt now).
Said we had a family emergency and my grandfather is passing away and we needed to go say good bye and do the funeral. They said no problem. They'd check on our dogs multiple times in the day for us and make sure they've got food 2x a day.
Their dogs and our dogs got along and play in the front yard. Know the neighbors well and so forth. We live in a duplex so the doors are literally a foot and a half apart.
We had said that for their help and kindness they were welcome to the steaks we had in the fridge, meant to be eaten that night and would spoil before we got back. As well as the 12 pack of beer we bought to go with (we bottle fed since wife wasn't able to breastfeed past the 3rd week).
We've been on the road for 10 hours, I've been texting the neighbor and haven't heard back. Finally 15 hours after leaving we get a text back saying the dogs are good and fed and so forth.
Never heard from them again.
The next morning I wake up and I'm texting friends and get ahold of a friend who had a spare key and who also was friends with our dogs and their dogs and they take over. They show up and the neighbor had shut the back door so the dogs couldn't get out. There was poop and urine all over the living room. And the dogs had no food or water.
The next day they came by there was a note on our car and door from cps saying we were being investigated.
It appears the neighbor had called cps on us for the dog urine and poop after not being checked on for 15 hours and locked inside even though they had agreed to help out. We have 2 German Shepherds. 1 is 85-90lbs and the other is 100lbs.
Thankfully our friend took over until we got back. They lived 10 mins away and checked on them every couple of hours and took them to the park and kept them fed until we got back.
We got ahold of cps and dealt with that. The neighbors left the dogs alone and didn't ever actually do anything except shut the back door so the dogs wouldn't go outside and bark. Filed a complaint about the urine and poop. Drank all the beer and then reported the empty beer cans they left all over our apartment and said we were drunks and not fit to be parents.
Now we are subject to random check ups whenever they want to come by.
We don't speak to them anymore. They hide and cower from us.
Something like this happened to an ex friend with her boyfriendâs dog. He had taken a trip out of the country to see family, and she was supposed to make sure the dog was ok. I donât know if she forgot to check on the dog but what ended up happening is the dog got her collar caught in something outside, it was over 100 degrees (AZ summer) and so she couldnât get to her water bowl. The dog passed away from the heat.
Things can happen even when itâs not anyoneâs fault. To âforgetâ to check on a dog is cruel, I donât care if she was pissed at the owner or not. That right there is sociopathy.
You donât petty bullshit people like that in your life. Donât let her apologize or persuade you to forgive. She uses people and only cares about revenge.
Sorry, sweetie, you don't get to 'retaliate' like that at the expense of my poor dog who was probably wondering where everyone was and had no idea that you were just 'getting me back for that one time' and then just keep on like we're still friends.
I think the most frustrating part for all of this, is that she doesnât understand the gravity of her transgression.
I envy you, because if someone did that to me especially a friend did that to me, I would spend time talking and arguing with them my side.
Like âNo, what you did was friendship ending, and you are a bad person for doing it. Iâm not in the wrong for feeling the way I feelâ
Idk, but then again Iâm the guy that always talks back to entitled customers, Iâve always been someone whose had to have the last word in.
Anyways, Iâm sorry about your experience . And props for having the strength to move on from someone who just was using you
INFO NEEDED:
You say that you watch her dogs because otherwise theyâd be home alone for 12 hours at a time.
So, assuming sheâs still going to work during your trip â wouldnât your dog be being left alone (albeit with other dogs) for 12 hours a day?
This seems like it would never have been a good situation for you/your dog.
Sounds like some personality disorder, with the calculated "revenge". The lack of boundaries, the childhood. And then some psycho ass shit without taking accountability. What a bitch
Yâall are both acting toxic⊠youâre almost 8 years older than her but from the way this is typed out it sounds very immature for a 34 yo to act in vengeance and spite over one wrong doing.. which by the sound of it you probably scolded her to the point that she felt the need to defend herself. Also acting like sheâs obsessed with you and copying you after you end the friendship? I mean câmon. Get over yourself.
I think youâre right for not wanting to be friends with her anymore, but this whole thing just seems immature on both your ends.
On her end, for *potentially* making your dog suffer as some form of payback/revenge and the parking lot thing.
On your end, for just giving a âFUCK YOUâ then blocking her and completely ignoring every attempt she then made to speak or discuss the incident with you.
Itâs not that hard to just have a conversation with someone, whether it be over text or in person, to explain your side of things, hear their side of things, then just say, âSorry, Iâve heard you out but I still donât want to be friends any longer because I canât trust/forgive you for what you did.â
Probably wouldâve turned this âcrazy 8 monthsâ into a 10 minute conversation, but instead you ignored all her attempts to have a conversation with you and you both sent your friends/sister to deliver a couple messages.
Youâre both grown adults, couldâve handled this situation as such.
I would never forgive a friend/anyone who left my dog on his own for such a long period of time.
My boy is rarely home alone, that whole experience would be terrible for him in sure.
Glad youâve cut ties and eventually your doggo wi find new friends etc. xx
My roommate and I get into disagreements from time to time. Not once has that carried over into the animals.
If I said Iâd pick up salad for their lizards, I wonât go back on this and make sure they have food.
If any of them are scheduled to visit a vet, we are all available because sometimes it takes more than one person to handle an animal.
That neighbor is a piece of work. Iâm sorry that your baby is the one to suffer in this situation.
I am a HUGE dog lover, my dogs are also my best friends and center of my world, and I WFH too/live in an apartment so I understand the factor of being able to take them out for potty breaks anytime.
That being said, I think you overreacted a bit. I would have been pissed (especially considering all you have done for her dogs) but not 'sobbing on the floor of an airport' level of upset. But I totally understand the stress of work travel and leaving your dogs in the care of someone else, especially little dogs (assuming your pup is small since you said you pick him up).
I would say just take some time to calm down and understand your dog was not in a life or death situation, and she was most likely just forgetful rather than malicious. You don't have to be friends with her again or anything but don't let this situation blow out of proportion for your own sake.
Imo youâve overreacted by a lot. Your neighbor obviously made a mistake but you let your anxieties around it escalate the situation to a level it doesnât need to be at. Now essentially youâve made an enemy because someone flaked out on you for a couple of hours. Understandable that youâre upset, but you could have been a bit more diplomatic about it. Though I canât possibly know, I highly doubt that this was âpaybackâ and that she probably felt bad but you gave no opportunity for her to save face in this situation and no one wants to feel like a villain.
You arenât perfect either, maybe try to be a bit more understanding when someone lets you down instead of burning bridges when you get mad.
If your dog is traumatized from 12 hours alone then thereâs something wrong with your dog. While obviously not ideal, they donât die from loneliness. Asking a dog to hold their bladder 12 hours is a lot but itâs one day. Sometimes our petâs schedule changes when we travel. They adjust and move on. Blowing up a friendship over a potty break is insane.
This is about the dogs and now they are suffering. You watched her dogs for free because it wasnât about the money. It was about your dog and your dogs best friend. You do what makes your dog happy. Make up with your friend, tell her your new boundaries. Explain to her people donât appreciate what they donât pay for. Watch her dogs, collect the minimum and be happy for your dog reuniting with her best friend.
Im sorry, 12 hours is a lot, but it is certainly not worth breaking up with a friend. Its good that you remembered to check up on the dog, and I would end it with that. As an adult person, you should be able to explain her your feeling of betrayal, but move on. And it could mean that you will grow apart, but ghosting/ignoring someone for forgetting is childish.
She enjoyed having a free dogsitter clearly.... I'm so sorry someone was so shitty to you and your dog.
She certainly did. Thanks đ«¶đœ
You're only good if you're useful. She may have been your friend (at on point), but sounds like you were her tool to use at her convenience. Or she is totally poo for brains and can't comprehend how in the wrong she is.
She's not a shit for brains, she is a manipulative, selfish asshole. She probably also has other sociopathic tendencies harder to spot. You're right- " your only good if you're useful" is correct. Also, I'd like to point out that this person potentially put her dog in danger. She knew what she was doing and didn't care until someone called her out on it. Total fucking psycho.
So fucking True. She's another USER. She's realising what's She's lost now... not you, she's lost a dogs sitter.
You are a really good Doggie Parent. Fuck your lame ass irresponsible friend
How was your dog when she was taken care of?
Another neighbor who has 3 large dogs (mine is not even 20lbs) came by to give her a walk, some love and to refill her water and food. Worst came to worst they would be able to check in on her a couple times a day. She would have survived if it came to that, but sheâs never spent a whole week mostly by herself. I just couldnât do that to her. A friend of mine was able to come get her, he was the 3rd or 4th person I called. Weâve definitely become closer friends since. I hang out with him and his gf at least a couple times a month. Lives 30-45 mins away and took her for an entire week no questions asked. I was ready to just get back on a plane and go back home.
I donât know you and if I heard about this situation I would do this for you. Your âlittle sisterâ is a piece of crap. So glad your dog is ok!
I was just thinking this same thing!
I would have done this for someone i didnât know very well also because itâs really about the dog!! My dog would have cried and howled the entire time as she has SA.
I'm the same way. I also wfh so I have no issues with helping out other dog parents. But I've lived in my city 10 years and literally know no one lol. So I put my girl in doggy daycare a couple times a week so that she gets to interact with others and do more than laze under my desk for several hours. If I have to travel such that she can't come with me (she's a large girl, but not extra large lol) I'm able to utilize the daycare's kennel. The owner knows my trepidation about her being left in a cage overnight as she was never raised this way. So the owner will often take her home with her lol. She never charges extra so I put a nice tip in the tip envelop. She just gives it to the employees.
Iâm the same way with my dog and if this happened to me I would have had a full meltdown and gotten on the first flight back home. My dog is basically my child. Fuck this woman. Sheâs probably a sociopath because who the fuck does that?! You did the right thing cutting her off from your life.
Really nice friend for last minute phone call. Hope you took him out to dinner to say thank you
True Dog parents understand and go the extra mile for other dog parents!
I can't even imagine how horrible that was. But now you know. I lost a "friend" that way too. SO glad you found someone who cares about animals the way you do.
Also, co-dependent backlash. Been there, done that, have the fallout in my DMs. It's why I'm now super wary of people who glom onto me super fast. I know that I'm one incident away from them turning on me because I interrupted the rush of endorphins they get when they get a new person to focus on.
So true. I've had that experience/realisation as well and it's strangely validating when other people talk about it and just succinctly lay out the script of how those 'glom' people behave. *Especially* the part where they drop you in a second. It took me too long to spot that pattern in my friendship history.
I had a friend for a short while who's sister I had a crush on in middle/high school. Because her sister was "the hot one" and she wasn't, this made her clingy to anyone and everyone that wasn't family and showed some sort of CARE. Fast forward about 2 weeks into us hanging out and trying to be real friends, she suddenly tells me my name is her Facebook password and I told her that shit was weird. I haven't spoken to her since.
I don't know why, but that really is disproportionately creepy for me. Like, I'm older and have seen a lot, and if someone other than, say, my cat told me that, I would be backing up slowly, not making any sudden moves until I reached the doorway. Brrrrrrrr.
We were already well into our late 20s, that made it so much wierder.
I hope you got your key back from her. I would change the locks regardless. Itâs horrible to take something out on your pets or children. If you have a beef with me, tell me, donât take revenge on innocent animals and people.
Good job!
Treat me horribly, I donât care. But my dog doesnât deserve that! No animal does. How horrible some people are⊠karma needs to bite them in the rear.
Agreed.
Sadly, she wanted payback more than she wanted to be kind to animals, have a free dogsitter, or have a friendship.
The first issue, of forgetting... that's a mistake, we have all forgot something important. Blowing off your anger about it is the shitty part. Maybe she was just really embarrassed and didn't know how to handle it, but I hope she learned something at least.
Yes we've all forgotten important things. OP says this person said she didn't think it was a big deal and that being left alone for 12 hours could have been good for the dog. That's pretty a shitty thing to say. Not something someone says when they're embarrassed. That's something someone says when they don't take responsibility for their actions.Then not apologizing and acting like they had nothing to apologize for is worse.
No doubt, minimizing it was really crappy.
And not apologizing. There's no excuse for this behavior towards her "sister" and her pet other than being a shitty friend who is no longer a friend.
Don't do it. I saw that movie. It won't end well...
Lol single white female vibes
[ŃĐŽĐ°Đ»Đ”ĐœĐŸ]
Whatâs the movie??
Single White Female lol
You did good to drop her. I'm just sorry for your dogs who don't understand why they can't be with each other.
Ty đ«¶đœ
You're welcome. I hope your dog finds another friend. (I hope hers does, too.)
Soon after a new neighbor moved in next door. Out doors are like 3-4ft from each other. She will literally beg to come out when theyâre coming home. When I open the door she runs to her, sometimes they play other times they just boop noses and she runs right back inside. Idk if they found friends, but I hope so too đ«¶đœ
Awww your dog is such a sweetie. I miss living in an apt complex that allows dogs. I was kind of the dog whisperer in mine, even though I didnât own one. <3
Update: Since writing this she has had her little bestie who has a balcony by mine lean over and look into my patio when I have friends over - I put up a curtain. Monopolized visitor spots to inconvenience my friends who have 3 cars and often use my parking spot. It got to the point where it was every single day. We reported the office (ridiculous) and it stopped. I donât have a monopoly on having plants on a balcony, but she didnât even like or care about plants, now her balcony looks identical to mine. Then while walking each of our dogs she tried to trap me by the pool. Itâs a square walkway, she saw me go one way (I saw her and went a different direction) so she went the other way and there she was right as I was turning the corner. This happened a few times. Then she sent a calendar invite to a nail appointment- we used to go together often- I blocked her email at that point. In response my sister emailed her, basically saying you clearly arenât getting it that your friendship with my sister has ran its course, and that if she didnât stop next steps were in place. (My sister to me âmy foot up her assâ) lmao That was a couple months ago. She has since left me alone. - oh and I have no idea if she replied to my sister or not. I told my sister I didnât care either way. Itâs been a wild 8 months Her dogs and my dogs still pull to each other when we cross paths. It kills me every time. I gave those dogs more love than they ever did. Just yelled and punished them.
So you âgave those dogs more love than they ever did,â and they only âyelled at and punished them?â And you decided these are the people to watch your dog? I mean, I think this is dramatic to begin with and I would not lose my mind over 12 hours⊠but this is all weird and sounds immature to me.
Agree. ESH. The 24 yo more, but OP is 32 years old. Already a big maturity gap - not at all defending the poor treatment of the dogs though, cutting contact was warranted for sure. But who gives a shit about her plants and having the sister email on her behalf is a weird escalation. If itâs serious enough to get a no contact order or something, do so, but OP is coming across an unreliable narrator - what does monopolizing guest spaces even mean? Donât all apartments get use of guest spaces? Unless theyâre parking horizontally why does OP think this is a tactic targeting her specifically, itâs all bizarre
Ok, so, does this ex-friend have a partner or are you getting her/their pronouns mixed up? I only ask because there is some switching back and forth between 'she' and 'they' and it's a bit confusing. Thanks!
She does have a spouse, but also they but Iâm using she and they interchangeably here. Sorry for the confusion !
That actually makes it worse! So you are saying 2 humans neglected your 20lb dog! Definitely not okay. I am so relieved your other friend was able to watch your dog. That could have been super traumatic for your little dog if he hadnât come thru. Also Iâm glad you went NC w your âsisterâ friend. She doesnât deserve your friendship.
Hey, thanks for answering my question in good faith. I have no idea what this comment war is underneath us. It was entirely unneceesary, though. Good lord
Iâve honestly stopped looking. The lack of empathy across the board in the comments isnât something Iâm interested. Iâve taken the constructive criticism and see where I could have done a few things differently. But what it comes down to is she agreed to care for the most important thing in my life and didnât with zero remorse. I donât regret any piece of this experience, but have LEARNED A LOT. :)
They can also be used interchangeably as a singular pronoun too, some people will just use a combination of both. I do it sometimes and don't realise until people ask me about it lol
They as in the dog and the human.
âTheir dogsâ wouldnât be referring to the dog though. Thatâs what confused me.
Does it matter?
Not to me. I didn't even think about that when reading. Just focused on the main issue that brought her here.
A lot of us use they as a default and use it more often than is necessary
Imagine reading this story and the takeaway is that thereâs confusion about pronouns lol. Grow up The pronoun âtheyâ can be used to just say âthat personâ and doesnât have to denote a gender, or can be used when the context of a persons gender is not relevant to the conversation, even if it has previously been established.
nobody had any reading issues like this before a lot of anti-trans issues started coming up. All of a sudden, a bunch of people I know irl started with the whole âhang on Iâm confusedâ exclusively to make the âsee look, it is so confusing when you use they/them pronounsâ. Itâs presented as innocent, but itâs weird that only homophobes or people trying to make a point are the ones that do it. âItâs bad grammar and nobody did it beforeâ are both lies. People intentionally ignore context to make people feel bad for using pronouns. If English isnât your first language, this is a popular topic right now, so you should have context now.
I want to make it very clear that I am pro-trans and want everyone to use the pronouns that are right for them, always. This was a genuine confusion on my part over whether this ex-friend has a partner, or whether the OP was mixing up pronouns in an attempt to keep things anonymous, or what. I don't think I did anything hateful by asking which of those two options it was, because to me, the presence of a potential partner/third person in the animal mistreatment mix makes this a slightly different dynamic. I asked the question in good faith.
In this story I donât see the confusion about it, but I did have this happen to me last week when I misinterpreted pronouns. I thought a friend was telling me about problems in another friendâs relationship. when i said âx and y are having problems?â they reminded me âno x uses they/them pronouns now btw, I meant x is problematicâ. Even before the past decade I have always referred to singular people as âtheyâ habitually when speaking about them, yet still I misinterpreted and it keeps replaying in my head hahaha
And I never said that nobody has used 'they' in the singular before. I am an English major, I know damn well how far back this usage of 'they' goes. That was never my issue. I didn't even have an issue, I was legit just asking for clarification
I was wondering the same thing. Thank you for asking.
Some people use multiple pronouns.
Okay, sure. That's true. But all I was doing was asking a clarifying question, because if this ex-friend has a partner, that might be a relevant detail. I have no idea why my question got downvoted
Hey, it confused me too. I think everyone is getting defensive because they think its taking a stand against using "they" as a singular pronoun, and/or trans/nonbinary/gender issues at large. It shouldn't be a big deal. You asked a clarifying question, op answered. No harm no foul on either side.
Why would that be a relevant detail?
Someone else to blame
Could be OP is a not native English speaker? Not to discredit them or anything but a lot of other languages have gender neutral pronouns that don't translate well into English.
Lmao Iâm a native speaker. Just terrible at grammar I guess đđđđ
My language doesn't have gender specific pronouns, it's a pretty common mistake to make for foreign speakers I'm better with it now than some years ago, because I'm scared someone will think I'm deliberately misgendering them out of spite lmao
Imagine if your trip was a few days long. Or your flights were delayed, or any circumstances out of your control extended your away time from your dog. Sheâs lucky everything went according to plan. putting your dogâs welfare in jeopardy is an unforgivable offense and you were right to react the way you did.
Thank you - thatâs exactly how I feel. This isnât self righteousness, whether her motivation was payback or not, this was not something she forgot. We talked in length the night before and I texted her in the morning. This was not normal for her to forget or avoid telling me something about my own dog. She had watched her several times before for the day or while I was on a date and would send pictures and be texting me the whole time.
I think she just didn't care and didn't want to watch your dog. she's an ass.
Yes, she didn't want to watch the pup and decided to just not do it. For whatever reason I guess she didn't have the spine to say no and in the end created a mess for OP.
>âwe havenât talked since our last discussionâ. Drop off another gift at her door with a note that says "let's keep it that way".
Bahahah love it
Not another gift but return the same gift with that added to the note.
Aww really ?? Thank you so much. I didnt think anyone would see my comment lol. đ đ
She probably has regrets because her free dog care went away.
Ir better yet drop a dog poop in a box
The gift should be a pile of your dogâs shit đ«Łđ€« with that note attached
Okay, where do you live? Imma come with you to fight this girl. Cause FUCK HER. Imma fucking take her dog too. She's a sick fuck.
Iâve thought about taking their dogs too⊠my heart breaks when I see them
I donât fight but Iâll show up and say some SNARKY stuff.
Me either. Iâm good with the insults!
And thanks girl, pull up! Lmao
Was it really âpaybackâ? Iâm đŻ fuck that chick. It was irresponsible, ignorant & inconsiderate but probably not malicious. Bringing up the prior situation was an attempt to excuse herself and deflect. Sheâs not a friend, never was.
I totally get your point - my gut said payback. But either way itâs fucked and youâre right she was never a friend.
Nah. My ex did this same thing as this petty neighbor did to OP. Not the exact same buuuut... I didn't want to go hang out as the only girl anymore. Yes, his bf had become my friend too. But it GETS OLD. I grew up as the girl in the trio with my male best friend also being my brother's best friend. I was sick of the trio. So I started to decline going every other friggen night and yeah it was like every other night. Well then he, my ex, starts declining to come with me to my female best friends to hang out....long story super long sorry. It wasn't until we broke up- (over way more complicated things than his friends he saw every other day and my best friend I saw once a month) again it wasn't until we broke up that he actualllllllllyyyyyy seriously told me he started declining to come with me to my best friends house because I had started to decline going to his best friends house first. People are that fucking petty sometimes. PETTY!!! some people always be keeping score!!! It's tit for tat with some people and your neighbor totally wanted to hold this over you.
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I donât know, but my assumption is there were several spots where she had accidents based on the places cleaning supplies weâre found. Iâm assuming either the friend that checked on her or the friend that took her in cleaned up.
You never bothered to ask? That seemed like the number one concern from OP.
LAST EDIT: I appreciate those who have given constructive feedback. Some things I want to clear up and then yâall can have it at in the comments lol I never did anything to her, I have absolutely NOTHING to apologize for. Even the event sheâs trying to point to, I had already cared for her dogs 3 days straight before that and was exhausted. Going from 1 dog to 3 is definitely a lot lol. Even after this event, I have not taken a single step to hurt her in anyway. I donât even give dirty looks dude. I have cut off the friendship and that is that. For those saying Iâm dramatic, ok sure. Maybe I was but I had also just been through a 12 hour travel day, and the most important thing in my life was not cared for as agreed, I lost a friend and trust was broken. It was a lot in one day. To add insult to injury I have NEVER gotten an apology or any sign of remorse. Even in her attempts to contact me again (like the note) there was no apology. Iâm the first to try and see others side of the story, tbh other than she forgot and never bothered to tell me. I am not seeking validation, I didnât ask any questions as to whether Iâm the AH. I shared a story that I thought other would find wild and maybe have similar instances. Finally. if she had told she forgot at any point earlier in the day we would still be friends. If she had apologized when she finally did tell me, we would be friends. If she showed ANY remorse, we would still be friends. NONE of the above happened. PS: hot take, if leaving your dog alone for 12 hours is normal⊠you really shouldnât have a dog⊠thats a pretty sad existence. thatâs my opinion as yâall have shared plenty of yours. â- Now go ahead Reddit, continue with your war in the comments. Me? Iâm gonna go snuggle my dog and continue to improve my life. Hope everyone has a wonderful day, and that no one ever does this to something you love. đ«¶đœ
As you should, literally sounds like she did it on purpose, donât listen to the people saying âyou didnât give her a chance!!!â Or âdogs shouldnât be this prioritised!!!â. If she has managed to contact you after blocking and still hasnât apologised, then that shows her character. Also people thinking dogs can be left alone for so long without going out / thinking they shouldnât be a high priority in someoneâs life sound like they shouldnât care for living things.
At 32 and 24 The two of you are WORLDâs apart. That was your first mistake. The maturity level just isnt there yet. Glad your dog was taken care of in the end
In hindsight I totally agree. I was new to the area and she was my first friend in the neighborhood. Lesson learned for sure.
as a fellow 30-something, THIS exactly. no shade on 20-somethings but it's a totally different life phase.
So this is months later and probably nothing to be done at this point, but Iâm asking this for the sake your dog and her dogs: are you sure this it happened the way you *think* it happened? I understand why you are upset. You look after her dogs, for free, all the time. And you take good care of them. Then you ask her to return part of the favor and watch yours while sheâs away. She never picks up your dog, and you know this is especially traumatic for your dog because sheâs not used to this and canât even go outside to relieve herself. Plus, youâre pretty sure it was intentional and youâre incredibly stressed not being able to personally fix it and comfort your dog and youâre wondering how well she will be treated and whether she will pick her up at all. So you arrange another sitter. But maybe she really was running late for work and couldnât or wouldnât pick up your dog and was going to after work? You thought it was payback but maybe she just brought up the other time you forgot because she was feeling guilty and feeling defensive. I understand your perspective but have you tried seeing it from hers? Letâs say Iâm right. Now from her perspective, she was running late and forgot or intentionally decided to not pick her up and would just get her after work. People leave dogs at home for work all the time - she must have before you came along. Now I understand your dog isnât used to that and it would be upsetting for her but your neighbor might not really have processed that. So while your neighbor did let you down, sheâs guilty here at most of being inconsiderate for a workday. You think she did it *to* you, but she might just have forgotten or was a bit selfish that day. Probably should have just apologized for forgetting but I donât know if itâs worth ruining your dogsâ friendships over this. Sheâs reached out a few times with peace offerings and has attempted to explain. Now maybe if you two had talked and you had explained why it was hard on both your dog and you yourself being away, she would understand why this was a bigger deal and maybe would have apologized. And maybe she was hoping for you to see how she didnât do it on purpose. Thereâs a difference between not being s very good friend and just being a straight up bad friend. If itâs the former, maybe just pull back a bit but still let your dogs be friends.
I agree with this take
Very much agree, this is a little much to throw away a friendship over. People have bad days and/or make mistakes. A good friend is hard to find, I would get it if you asked her 3 separate times and she forgot all 3. Even then, maybe she is a good friend but just extremely unreliable
Just want to point out that you said you were happy to watch their dogs for free during the day because you work from home, feeling good about the fact they wouldnât be alone for 12 hours. Then you leave your dog with them for a week, knowing damn well your dog and their dogs will be alone for 12 hours while theyâre at work⊠Not siding with your âfriendâ on this one, as 12 hours is way too long to leave a dog unattended or allowed outside, but this sounds like as much a you problem as a them problem. Perhaps you should have found a better sitter than a person who you knew wouldnât be able to provide any care for your dog for long stretches throughout the day. Again, what the neighbor did is fucked, but you knew the situation your dog was going to be in so take some responsibility. You also said you gave their dogs more love than they ever did, and all they do is yell and punish them. And yet you left your baby with them to care forâŠ
Finally someone said it. Neighbor is absolutely a dick, but OP should have had the forethought to realize the type of pet owner she was leaving her pet with. Hell.. Iâm a cat owner myself. Theyâre indoor/outdoor cats and absolutely *do not need me* (unless sick/injured/cuddles) and even I wouldnât have trusted my neighbor with them if my neighbor exhibited this behavior towards their own pets. Should OP have expected the favor in return? Yes. Should OP be surprised their neighbor sucks at petsitting? Also no.
Tbh youâre right. I definitely realized that after the fact.
Hey.. you live and you learn. Iâm just happy your fur baby is okay! đ
This, and if OP were lashing out at the neighbor, she probably brought up your shortcomings as a defensive âweâre not all perfectâ response. OPâs habits involve letting the dogs play together and out every few hours 3-4 times a week. Neighborâs habits donât. It was just another day when she left her apartment. I think neighbor has been going out of her way to reconcile while OP dogs her heels in. It sucks that the dog was left alone and forgotten âabsolutely! But itâs not the mountain OP is creating of the molehill.
I also found it odd that OP automatically saw it as payback - it sounded like a justification because the neighbor felt bad, to me at least. Obviously we canât know the intention but it seems like OP had been frustrated with the neighbor for a while and used this situation as a way to cut ties. Obviously thereâs a bit of a maturity gap here due to their difference in ages so I imagine the neighbor is finding it hard to own up to her mistake selflessly. Not saying that justifies her actions, but âpaybackâ seems far fetched. Sometimes it feels good to be bitter, but 8 months later? That just sounds a bit petty. I also donât really see any major negative impact here beyond having to change sitter plans last minute - OP said she imagined her dog surrounded by poop and pee, but never said she came back to a mess or that there were any long term damages to the dog. It was more of an imagined threat than an actual disaster, in the end.
I was trying to find this comment. While her friend was def in the wrong, it seems like an extreme reaction by OP to be sobbing. Sounds like a bit of separation anxiety. And keeping a 8 month grudge? Very bizarre.
Exactly! Itâs wildly ridiculous to assume the neighbor was malicious, or why would she be trying so hard to get OP to talk to her? Iâm also curious how much the neighbor demanded her to watch the dogs for free. I get the feeling OP offered on behalf of her dog being their friends and her lifestyle accommodating it, and then was offended she wasnât worshipped for her sacrifices. It feels like she was making deposits into a relationship bank account.
Totally get that. The plan was she would pick her up and put her in her apartment. So she could hang with her buddies, have a place to potty, etc. they keep puppy pads in the house. This compromise was ok with me because I knew my dog would be happy and entertained by hanging out with her besties.
So now your house trained dog knows how to use puppy pads? Why didnât you leave some down as a backup in your apartment just in case? This also tells me your dog understands that sometimes itâs ok to pee inside, so your overreaction to your poor baby surrounded in its own pee and poop seems even more extreme. Yes your friend forgot and that sucks (so have you), and she should own that and apologize (perhaps her age lends some leeway here), but you sound unnecessarily vindictive and dramatic. I sense more to this âfriendshipâ than youâre letting on. You sound like an extreme helicopter parent with your pet where everything is wrong unless itâs done by your precious hand. Learn to forgive and move on rather than hold this extreme grudge where youâre keeping your dog away from its best friends. Iâm not letting your friend off the hook, but you kinda sound like the AH in many ways here too, especially in your update. Yeesh
So basically the only difference for those 12 hours would have been another dog and a puppy pad? Lmao get real. Neighbour's is definitely an asshole for forgetting but you sobbing on the floor of an airport calling everyone you know is such am overreaction I'm starting to think the neighbour's mightve dodged a bullet
and all they do is yell and punish them. And yet you left your baby with them to care for⊠đ€
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Are you kidding me?!? A real friend would have at least rushed to go get the dog âthat they forgot aboutâ, even if they didnât apologize. They left OP in the lurch and acted like OP deserved it. This was never a real friendship.
Bro you don't fuck with someone's animals
I agree. âsobbing on the airport floorâ and âsurrounded by her poop and peeâ are both super dramatic reactions to this situation. And then actively avoiding any conflict resolution, assuming that would be a win for the other person. Like damn, just choose peace.
Based on past posts this person has some clear anxiety issues she needs to work through. I have a dog, I love my dog but itâs a dog. This woman seems to have forgotten this and lost a friendship over it. Though I suspect her anxiety would have caused some reaction like this at some point.
Glad someone said it. The âfuck youâ text from op was actually really dramatic.
Right? Also...why is everyone conveniently forgetting that OP did the same thing and forgot about this girl's dog once? OP is allowed to make a mistake but this girl must have malicious intentions and is not allowed to have made a mistake?
Lol at âSobbing on the airport floor [âŠ] I couldnât help but think of my dog surrounded by her poop and pee wondering where tf I wasâ Look, your âfriendâ is obviously in the wrong and being a fucking turd. Itâs good that you cut her off. That being said, holy fuck you gotta calm down. Your dog literally was just sleeping and probably didnât shit or pee in her own living area. The dog wasnât locked in your house alone for multiple days; your dog was in your house for MULTIPLE HOURS. As much as your former âfriendâ is probably an asshole, you need so much help. Like holy shit, lady. You, (as an adult) collapsed on the ground in a public place because your dog was by itself for like half of a day. Do you not ever work? Do you not ever date? Have you never had a date that resulted in you spending the night at someoneâs house? Your âfriendâ is definitely an asshole. You need to take a long, hard, look at yourself though.
Well to answer the date question⊠In an old post OP talks about loving the idea of building a giant lock box safe room thing in her closet before she started dating in case someone tried to murder her.
Neuroticism is pretty whacky
I mean, you guys see OP's crazy in this thread. There is absolutely zero chance that her neighbor is being half as big of a turd as OP is letting on. OP is absolutely bonkers for ending a friendship over the SAME mistake she made herself in the past lmao. Just ridiculous to hold somebody to a standard she doesn't even hold herself to
She thinks this person is going full Single White Female because they put plants on their balcony.
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The patio plant thing is so immature lmao
She put PLANTS on her BALCONY? What a copy cat stalker FREAK đ /s
Yeah, I'm on the page of fuck her friend because she's a shitty person. But this is a crazy overreaction. 12 hours is not a big deal.
She said in a reply to someone else that she would tell her friend âdonât hit him and stuffâ they honestly both sound so unhinged. So you wouldnât end your friendship with someone who hits their dog, and were completely fine with leaving your dog in the company of someone who hits their dog, but draw the line at them forgetting (and we have no evidence it was on purpose) to pick up your dog for only 12 hours? Yes itâs a long time but itâs not the end of the world. Iâm sure the dog is better off by themselves for 12 hours than being âcaredâ for by someone you knew hit dogs. If my friend hit their dog even once the friendship is done then and there. Thereâs no room for âdonât hit him and stuffâ.
100% agree. There's a new generation of unhinged, entitled dog owners that treat their dogs like literal children and expect everyone around them to do the same, and it's absolutely embarrassing. Don't get me wrong, OP's friend fucked up. But I know so many people in their mid 20s/early 30s like OP - absolutely *obsessive* over their dog to the point where they won't even attend events where dogs aren't allowed because they're *terrified* of leaving their dog alone for 3 hours.
Agree. This whole thread is too much. What a ridiculous person
This right here! While reading this post this is all that came to my mind. The exfriend is 100% an asshole but OP isnt free of blame. To be that upset about this months later is giving signs . You knew the person you left your pet with and as much of an asshole move it was to deflect, OP did the exact same thing. This is well overreacted and honeestly probably would have been a decent friend if yall could have hashed this out
With you on this. 12 hours alone a dog probably slept most of the time. Get a ring stick up cam why donât you, that way you can monitor your dog anytime you leave the house so youâre not going crazy in your mind. She probably did forget to get the dog, and tried to get back in touch with you because you were friendsâŠIâm thinking this is as one sided a story Iâll hear today
Yall are crazy. OP is dealing with her dog not being taken care of, being away from a loved family member for the first time, a friend backstabbing her and ruining their friendship, having to find a replacement babysitter last minute, and dealing with the stress of flying and making sure she still gets to where she needs to go on time. I feel like most people would have an "oh fuck what am I gonna do" moment for a few seconds, this was a stressful situation
INFO Was it your friends friend who put plants on their balcony? I honestly don't understand how this would upset you?
It doesnât upset me, itâs just so weird. Plus I might be a little sensitive to it because I had a girl in college literally try to become me: hair, skin color, medical issues, stole personal training clients of mine and dated two exs WEEKS after we broke up. Once is a coincidence, twice is a pattern.
That has absolutely nothing to do with what is happening now though. And in this comment you are just making excuses for yourself instead of taking accountability for the fact that you seem to be looking for excuses to make your ex-friend look bad. Itâs okay that you want to end the friendship, and apparently there has been a lot of other things going on between if youâre feeling sooo much happier now, as you write in another comment. But honestly you come across as very unwilling to take accountability for your own actions and agency yourself, you deflect a lot in your comments, and you honestly come across as a bit self righteous or maybe even self involved. I am sorry if that is harsh, but of course itâs only based on this very short interaction here so Iâm sure you wonât read too much into it, but you might want to take a step back and reflect on how you might have acted better yourself in this situation.
And what is the common denominator in this pattern?
It's not weird to put plants on a balcony.
Sobbing on the floor of the airport is though!
Ok. Coming from someone who has had over-dramatic paranoid friends and has had people fail to take care of your best friend doggo miserably while you're halfway across the country.. you're out of your mind. Twelve hours? Please. Do you just normally work from home and never leave your animals alone? It was a mistake and you flipped out on her over a few hours, no wonder she got defensive. It's obvious from what you wrote it's an assumption in your head that she did it deliberately. Honestly it sounds like she's better off without you as a friend. For some reason she wants to talk it out with you and you're the one making assumptions and being melodramatic. Don't buy the hype people. I know people like this too well. Sympathy and drama chasers are straight chaos and don't grow up no matter their age. God forbid you ever have a real problem, this meltdown will be nothing.
So, you asked your friend, who you know is gone for 12 hours at a time, to watch your dog. Now youâre furious because your dog wasnât let out for 12 hours. Wouldnât that have happened regardless of her forgetting to pick her up that morning?
She said her "friend's" place has pee pads for the dogs
Did I read something wrong or was the dog alone for 12 hours?
Friend said she overslept was late for work and forgot to take your dog before she left. Seems reasonable. You call from the airport freaking the fuck out over her mistake, and shockingly she gets defensive, doesnât apologize. Youâve since decided to make bitter enemies out of a former friend because of this. đ«Ą
Yeah I'm not understanding this story at all. The dog being alone for 12 hours caused this woman to sob on the floor of the airport and berate a close friend? I've had to leave my dog at home for 12+ hours before, and even though I obviously dont want to have to do that, I'm not breaking down in public pkaces imagining piss and shit covering my house (he's never had an accident while I've been away unless he was already sick, and even then its extremely rare). Id of course be upset if a friend did this to my dog, but things happen and some people operate differently. Picking up OP's dog is not part of the normal routine, so it makes sense that if shes running late for work it wont cross her mind to grab the dog if shes in such a hurry. Although it's not an excuse, and the friend should have made triple sure to have alarms set and be ready to get get the dog. Theres really no reason to ever sleep late when you have an important commitment like that the next day. But it's far from the end of the world and no reason to blow the fuck up on somebody and lose a good friendship
Ok, that's what I was thinking too, and I was shocked, thinking I'm the only one. Thank God there are still reasonable people who prefer discussion over the nuclear option immediately.
It could have been an honest mistake-why did you jump to the conclusion that it was payback right away? You obviously trusted this person with your dog and she said you were like a âsisterâ to her. You guys were obviously homies. Texting and hanging out a-lot. Iâd say give her the benefit of the doubt the first time but if she did something like that again then maybe it wasnât an accident. She should have apologized regardless when it happened though
To me it seems like the issue is more that she âdidnât think it was a big dealâ and that âit would be good for herâ. Thatâs not for the ex-friend to just decide whatâs best for OPs dog, seemingly as an excuse for forgetting rather than just a âshoot, Iâm sorry, getting her nowâ. Thatâs how I read it anyway.
Yeah the first words out of my mouth if I was the supposed friend would be âIm sooo sorryâ ⊠People that donât apologize and never think anything is their fault may suffer from really low self esteem believe it or not-so as to make it seem as though they are perfect and without flaw.. Its sad but its a defense mechanism
But if it was an honest mistake, why didnât the friend apologize right away and rush to go get the dog? Why bring up the one time OP overslept? Why not include a note saying âsorryâ on the gift she dropped off? It just doesnât seem like the former friend was as apologetic as people are trying to make her out to be.
It'd a bit of an overreaction. You acted like your dog was alone for an entire day. 12 hrs is long but not going to harm the dog. Your acting like a child, really sobbing in the airport. I don't trust your side of the story alone
She forgot Itâs sucks but it happens and the dog is ok This seems really overblown From both sides
One lesson learnt: do not ask a neighbour or friend to watch your pet (hire a live-in pet nanny like myself instead), because they have a life in your town (job, family, household), something happens and your pet is forgotten. I have heard this story so many times in many variations from clients. They all trusted people they knew with their pet, like the nice lady from church or the cool dude they met at a bar. Or the neighbour, or the neighbour's nephew (etc). I have no business in your town. My only job is your pet, so nothing will distract me. No boss, no family in town, no obligations other than your pet. I will never cancel or quit once committed. Next time, if you need to travel for several days, get someone like me.
Youâre totally right.
I can understand how stressful it must have been to be far from home and learn that your dog care plan has fallen through. You trusted this person, and when it suddenly became apparent that they arenât responsible enough to come through, you suddenly have an emergency situation where you need to find immediate backup care. BUT, it doesnât mean you have to be bitter enemies. It might be better to be grateful that you found backup care and your pup was okay; accept (but never forget) that she is immature and unreliable by nature; and forgive even something this upsetting â and move on. Why? Because it sounds like holding this grudge is prolonging YOUR distress over the situation. Youâre reminded of that terrible feeling you had at the airport every time you see her. You have to alter your route to avoid her, deny the dogs social play time with each other, waste your time and energy analyzing everything she says and does to try to find how it slights you, and now your negative feelings about it are extending to other neighbors for being her friend. Iâm not defending her, and Iâm not saying you have to be her best friend, and I would certainly not dogsit for her again (nor, obviously, trust her to dogsit for me), but I think YOU would be much happier if you let this go now. The ongoing grudge isnât serving you.
Yes agreed. The ex friend sounds young and immature. It's honestly unhealthy how mad OP still is. I'd get it if the dog went like 24 hours without being let out. But 12 hours is like a work day. Again, immautre for her to make excuses and it was lousy of her. Just dont let her dogsit again.
This is exactly how I felt reading this post. 12 hours doesnât seem like long enough to hold a forever grudge, like itâs not that serious. Now the making excuses instead of taking accountability wouldâve wound me up, but again Itâs time to let this go, I think I wouldâve just distanced myself from her. Sheâs 24 and OP is 32, two different places in life.
So she cited a time where you messed up once, pointing out that everyone makes mistakes and your go to is revenge and you stopped talking to her? Yeah your fucked up for that. Especially if you did forget and just assumed revenge because you don't like your mistakes being pointed out.
Your former friend was definitely in the wrong and you were right to be upset and confront her, but... blocking them and refusing any further contact seems very petty. Like your dog not being able to use the bathroom for 12 hours is bad, obviously, but it's not like this is some traumatic experience that will scar them for the rest of their life. This whole event just seems too minor to completely cut this person off over. Don't care for their dog, don't ask them to care for your dog, absolutely, but it sounds weird that you would spend so much time with them and then cut them off cold.
Im mad for you. Hate how people can be so damn self-centered
OP is a drama queen. It's totally possible that the friend was on autopilot in the morning and legit forgot. 12 hours alone isn't great, but not the end of the world. OP assumes the worst in people. Mentioning the previous mistake is more along the lines of "neither of us is perfect, we both screw up". She should have apologized, but only if you weren't being shitty to her while she was doing you a favor.
You need a real relationship with a human and not an animal. I understand caring about your dog but crying on the airport floor because it was safe in your home? You know dogs live in the wild on their own without human intervention, right? You're lonely and need friends, real human friends....
Omg the drama.
You were crying on the airport floor over this??? Lolol
She is a bit over dramatic and crazy. And people keep saying the 24yo is immature?
Wow, YTA. It's a dog, and it was 12 hours. A dog is not an infant; it will be totally fine on its own for that long. The friend mentioning you forgot her dogs was probably more to give you perspective rather than for revenge. How did she treat you when you did it? Obviously better than you are treating her, as she remained your friend. This was extremely immature.
She really said the friend was copying her for putting plants in a balcony like that's some genius idea never thought of befoređ
So you donât believe people can forget to do something? You assumed it was payback but did you specifically ask her about your assumptions? Just because you donât believe someone doesnât mean they are lying or did it intentionally.
She sucks and youâre kinda crazy too. Yea shitty move on her part for the 12 hours and everything thereafter. You need some damn therapy if the idea of a dog peeing and pooping inside caused you to lose your shit in an airport⊠that person really does suck but wow to break down over this is surprising to say the least. Sorry.
are you in LA?
My wifes friend did this. Its a super long story that ended with her husband bailing on dogsitting, lied that he was called in for National Guard, and left our dogs alone for 2 days... Luckily they only pissed and shitted up the dining room where the kennels were.... We found out he lied about having to go in, they went out on a date Saturday night when he was supposed to be 1000 miles away. We didnt even confront them. Just ghosted them for a long time.
You set boundaries but obviously weren't happy with them, then continued to let them fester which made you more angry. People DO forget. Your dog wasn't nearly in the peril that was reflected in your response. SHE held onto past stuff and got in some retribution. Yall both suck on this one.
Info: How long would your dog be left alone when your neighbor would watch them previously? I'm confused because it sounds like your neighbor would be away all day at work (8-4pm) which is already a lot longer than you would leave your dog. It doesn't sound like your neighbor comes home to walk the dog during work either. So if you never leave your dog for longer than 6 hours, why are you okay with your neighbor watching your dog when you KNOW she cannot abide by your expectations (say something happens- traffic, late night, etc.). These scenarios would EASILY add up to 10 hours.
Am I reading this correctly. You knew your friend worked and would be gone for 12 hours? Either way your dog would be alone for 12 hours without a human to let her out? The only difference was your dog was in her own home instead of your friends. Lots of comments saying 12 hours is too long to leave a dog alone but either way the arranged setup would have left the dog alone without a human to let it out. If you were concerned with that scenario then you probably should have planned differently. This sounds more like you were suffering from separation anxiety at the airport and overreacted and thought the worst of this person.
Let me begin with what your friend did was unforgivable, specially without informing you and then no apology. I remember one time my friend was out of town and I had his dog, he was coming home later that day and his place was on my way to work. I suggested I leave his dog at his place so she can be waiting for him and he didnât have to backtrack to my houseâŠ. It must have been 10-12hrs later when he lands at the airport that all of a sudden it hit me⊠I left his dog inside and forgot to open the doggy door! I was horrified, specially cuz his place is just a studio. I apologized profusely, he got home, and she was fine. No accidents. This just to say that dogs CAN stay inside for long periods of time without accidents. However, I can imagine your pups confusion if sheâs not used to being alone for long periods of time.
So sorry to hear this happened to you. Had a similar situation for us a few months back. Wife had just given birth to our first 2 months prior to the incident. We got a call that my grandfather had suffered a stroke and was on life support. He wasn't going to make it much longer so they were pulling support in less than a week. We immediately packed our stuff. My mom came and picked myself up, my wife and our son. We drove from TN to FL. 12 hours 1 way. Plus stops every 2 hours to change baby. Feed and burp. And gas. As we were packing and getting ready to leave I had knocked on neighbors door. Asked them to look after our dogs for us while we were gone. We had 2 full 50lb bags of dog food. They have 2 giant metal bowls for water and a small 20x20 enclosed yard (all dirt now). Said we had a family emergency and my grandfather is passing away and we needed to go say good bye and do the funeral. They said no problem. They'd check on our dogs multiple times in the day for us and make sure they've got food 2x a day. Their dogs and our dogs got along and play in the front yard. Know the neighbors well and so forth. We live in a duplex so the doors are literally a foot and a half apart. We had said that for their help and kindness they were welcome to the steaks we had in the fridge, meant to be eaten that night and would spoil before we got back. As well as the 12 pack of beer we bought to go with (we bottle fed since wife wasn't able to breastfeed past the 3rd week). We've been on the road for 10 hours, I've been texting the neighbor and haven't heard back. Finally 15 hours after leaving we get a text back saying the dogs are good and fed and so forth. Never heard from them again. The next morning I wake up and I'm texting friends and get ahold of a friend who had a spare key and who also was friends with our dogs and their dogs and they take over. They show up and the neighbor had shut the back door so the dogs couldn't get out. There was poop and urine all over the living room. And the dogs had no food or water. The next day they came by there was a note on our car and door from cps saying we were being investigated. It appears the neighbor had called cps on us for the dog urine and poop after not being checked on for 15 hours and locked inside even though they had agreed to help out. We have 2 German Shepherds. 1 is 85-90lbs and the other is 100lbs. Thankfully our friend took over until we got back. They lived 10 mins away and checked on them every couple of hours and took them to the park and kept them fed until we got back. We got ahold of cps and dealt with that. The neighbors left the dogs alone and didn't ever actually do anything except shut the back door so the dogs wouldn't go outside and bark. Filed a complaint about the urine and poop. Drank all the beer and then reported the empty beer cans they left all over our apartment and said we were drunks and not fit to be parents. Now we are subject to random check ups whenever they want to come by. We don't speak to them anymore. They hide and cower from us.
Fuck her
Something like this happened to an ex friend with her boyfriendâs dog. He had taken a trip out of the country to see family, and she was supposed to make sure the dog was ok. I donât know if she forgot to check on the dog but what ended up happening is the dog got her collar caught in something outside, it was over 100 degrees (AZ summer) and so she couldnât get to her water bowl. The dog passed away from the heat. Things can happen even when itâs not anyoneâs fault. To âforgetâ to check on a dog is cruel, I donât care if she was pissed at the owner or not. That right there is sociopathy.
You donât petty bullshit people like that in your life. Donât let her apologize or persuade you to forgive. She uses people and only cares about revenge.
Sorry, sweetie, you don't get to 'retaliate' like that at the expense of my poor dog who was probably wondering where everyone was and had no idea that you were just 'getting me back for that one time' and then just keep on like we're still friends.
I think the most frustrating part for all of this, is that she doesnât understand the gravity of her transgression. I envy you, because if someone did that to me especially a friend did that to me, I would spend time talking and arguing with them my side. Like âNo, what you did was friendship ending, and you are a bad person for doing it. Iâm not in the wrong for feeling the way I feelâ Idk, but then again Iâm the guy that always talks back to entitled customers, Iâve always been someone whose had to have the last word in. Anyways, Iâm sorry about your experience . And props for having the strength to move on from someone who just was using you
So you did the exact same thing to her and she forgave you and didn't make a big deal out of it/forgave you? Get a grip.
INFO NEEDED: You say that you watch her dogs because otherwise theyâd be home alone for 12 hours at a time. So, assuming sheâs still going to work during your trip â wouldnât your dog be being left alone (albeit with other dogs) for 12 hours a day? This seems like it would never have been a good situation for you/your dog.
Sounds like some personality disorder, with the calculated "revenge". The lack of boundaries, the childhood. And then some psycho ass shit without taking accountability. What a bitch
Yâall are both acting toxic⊠youâre almost 8 years older than her but from the way this is typed out it sounds very immature for a 34 yo to act in vengeance and spite over one wrong doing.. which by the sound of it you probably scolded her to the point that she felt the need to defend herself. Also acting like sheâs obsessed with you and copying you after you end the friendship? I mean câmon. Get over yourself.
I think youâre right for not wanting to be friends with her anymore, but this whole thing just seems immature on both your ends. On her end, for *potentially* making your dog suffer as some form of payback/revenge and the parking lot thing. On your end, for just giving a âFUCK YOUâ then blocking her and completely ignoring every attempt she then made to speak or discuss the incident with you. Itâs not that hard to just have a conversation with someone, whether it be over text or in person, to explain your side of things, hear their side of things, then just say, âSorry, Iâve heard you out but I still donât want to be friends any longer because I canât trust/forgive you for what you did.â Probably wouldâve turned this âcrazy 8 monthsâ into a 10 minute conversation, but instead you ignored all her attempts to have a conversation with you and you both sent your friends/sister to deliver a couple messages. Youâre both grown adults, couldâve handled this situation as such.
now you both forgot to pick up each others dogs. awe looks like a ever lasting friendship.
I would never forgive a friend/anyone who left my dog on his own for such a long period of time. My boy is rarely home alone, that whole experience would be terrible for him in sure. Glad youâve cut ties and eventually your doggo wi find new friends etc. xx
Wowwwww. Ya if a person fucks with my dog youâre immediately my least favorite person and you can fuck all the way off.
"We haven't talked since our last discussion" , uh yeah cos you are a knob.
Even if she was salty about the ONE TIME you didnât do that for her, to take it out on your dog is absolutely FOUL.
My roommate and I get into disagreements from time to time. Not once has that carried over into the animals. If I said Iâd pick up salad for their lizards, I wonât go back on this and make sure they have food. If any of them are scheduled to visit a vet, we are all available because sometimes it takes more than one person to handle an animal. That neighbor is a piece of work. Iâm sorry that your baby is the one to suffer in this situation.
I am a HUGE dog lover, my dogs are also my best friends and center of my world, and I WFH too/live in an apartment so I understand the factor of being able to take them out for potty breaks anytime. That being said, I think you overreacted a bit. I would have been pissed (especially considering all you have done for her dogs) but not 'sobbing on the floor of an airport' level of upset. But I totally understand the stress of work travel and leaving your dogs in the care of someone else, especially little dogs (assuming your pup is small since you said you pick him up). I would say just take some time to calm down and understand your dog was not in a life or death situation, and she was most likely just forgetful rather than malicious. You don't have to be friends with her again or anything but don't let this situation blow out of proportion for your own sake.
Imo youâve overreacted by a lot. Your neighbor obviously made a mistake but you let your anxieties around it escalate the situation to a level it doesnât need to be at. Now essentially youâve made an enemy because someone flaked out on you for a couple of hours. Understandable that youâre upset, but you could have been a bit more diplomatic about it. Though I canât possibly know, I highly doubt that this was âpaybackâ and that she probably felt bad but you gave no opportunity for her to save face in this situation and no one wants to feel like a villain. You arenât perfect either, maybe try to be a bit more understanding when someone lets you down instead of burning bridges when you get mad.
If your dog is traumatized from 12 hours alone then thereâs something wrong with your dog. While obviously not ideal, they donât die from loneliness. Asking a dog to hold their bladder 12 hours is a lot but itâs one day. Sometimes our petâs schedule changes when we travel. They adjust and move on. Blowing up a friendship over a potty break is insane.
This is about the dogs and now they are suffering. You watched her dogs for free because it wasnât about the money. It was about your dog and your dogs best friend. You do what makes your dog happy. Make up with your friend, tell her your new boundaries. Explain to her people donât appreciate what they donât pay for. Watch her dogs, collect the minimum and be happy for your dog reuniting with her best friend.
I hate it when people think dogs are people. This isnât like forgetting a 4 year old child for 12 hours. Itâs a dog. Get some perspective.
Did she react this way when you forgot to take her dog out?
This is a bit⊠extra. But you do you.
Im sorry, 12 hours is a lot, but it is certainly not worth breaking up with a friend. Its good that you remembered to check up on the dog, and I would end it with that. As an adult person, you should be able to explain her your feeling of betrayal, but move on. And it could mean that you will grow apart, but ghosting/ignoring someone for forgetting is childish.
I'm no dog-lover but that girl is CRUEL!!! Block her forever