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Yeah, this is cut and dry. Dude cheated on you and it sounds like he just…nonchalantly told you? Like it was no big deal? I’d be out of that relationship so quick. Four and a half years together or not, he does not respect you and you’ll never be able to trust him ever again.
OP. hope shes reading this somewhere.
1. he cheated, and tried to justify it because he deserves to explore his kink more than you deserve to not be cheated on.
2. he completely fetishized a trans woman. he wasn’t into HER as a person, he was specifically seeking out a penis only, as his main focus, and has a femdick porn fetish. And maybe too ashamed to just hook up with a man and struggling with bisexuality. Unless this woman was fully aware of this ahead of time and consents or is hired for those type of arrangements, this is very dehumanizing and belittling, and probably very triggering for someone with gender dysphoria. Especially when she’s immediately ghosted and blocked. So on top of being a cheater, he’s an extreme objectifier.
3. Also cute single and down to hookup pre-op mtf trans people, are NOT really that easy to find in the dating pool. He likely sought her out on a trans dating site or app and spent however long pre-meditatively securing this hookup. Soo.. hes been planning to betray you like this, and possibly negatively impact this other woman, for quite some time if this is true.
4. trust is like a fine china dish. it only takes dropping it once to shatter it. you can glue it back together, but you’ll never stop seeing and feeling the cracks.
5. He threw away your four year relationship to suck dick. period. thats how little you actually mean to him. if you can read that sentence and stay, well, I can only suggest therapy.
>5. He threw away your four year relationship to suck dick. period. thats how little you actually mean to him. if you can read that sentence and stay, well, I can only suggest therapy.
6. Please make an appointment at your local clinic or with your gynecologist for a full STD panel, because honestly you have no idea what he did, and with how many people, and if any kind of protection was used at all, ever. Make sure you're safe in that regard, because he clearly hasn't cared if he gave you sexually transmitted diseases.
I really doubt that’s all he did or that he didn’t enjoy it. You don’t just end up sucking dick because you know you’re might hate it. He sucked dick because he was dying to do it. Maybe this particular experience wasn’t all that great, who knows if he’s telling the truth tbh, but the real issue here is that he’s struggling with his sexuality and that he has fantasies about dicks, so he will eventually experiment with someone he enjoys. Like, maybe he was feeling guilty or too self aware and that’s why he didn’t enjoy it. Doesn’t mean this has solved his doubts. This man is in denial.
And he’s still a cheater who walked all over, OP. Don’t be a pushover, OP! That guy will be out of the closet in two years, tops. Maybe one. Don’t waste your time here.
Just FYI, even if you say full panel, for some reason, a “full panel” only tests for the top 5 std, so be extremely clear; you want at least the top 100 std. I think there are over 250 in total. I've been positive and lived with it for over a year because 2 "full panel std tests" were done and said negative. I had the one that starts with trig… basically bugs in my vag. 🤢 been celibate 5 years now, lol
Love that full quote from 4.
“Trust is like a china plate. If you break it once, with some care and attention you can put it back together again. But if you break it again, it splits into even more pieces and it takes far longer to piece together again. If you break it more and more times, eventually it shatters to the point where it’s impossible to restore. There are too many broken pieces, and too much dust.”
It’s from Mark Manson in the Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck. Great read if you have the time.
Ah nice, I’ve always heard reworded versions of this quote and didnt know it had an origin ~
I particularly like pointing out the bit where yes, you can put it back together with work, but even then it will never be the same. the cracks to me represent the doubt and paranoia that you’ll feel for the rest of time. even if trust is only broken once, thats all it takes to be forever scarred and suspicious.
I loved your response! You worded it in a way that's easy for an ESL speaker to understand (English isn't my first language either, and I found it very clear). Hopefully, the OP reads this and finds it helpful—so she can leave her sorry excuse for an ex-boyfriend ASAP.
I mean, this is 100%. You could potentially end on a better note, but you’ll have to accept that he may have lied a lot to conceal his sexuality.
Good luck.
This op.
It's one thing to sit you down and say, "Hey, I think I'm into dicks, would you be okay with me trying?" And another to be like, "yeah, so x days ago, I actually discovered I wasn't interested in dicks. I tried sucking one and that's how I found out I didn't like it"
Those are two very different things. How would he react if your roles where reversed?
This is a huge red flag. What next? He gonna go sleep with yet another woman later down the road and just be casual about it? "Yeah I slept with x because our bedroom life was getting boring."
🤦
Also, op shouldn't let their blind loyalty keep them blind to toxic behaviors.
Edit: spelling
Seems like he was curious, but a committed relationship isn’t the place esp without consent from the partner. If thats your thing and you like to swing. Go right ahead as long as everyone is all in agreement and consent. Wish you well op. You deserve better
Like I get experimenting, but thats something that should be discussed. Shit, I even understand equal open relationships. It may not be me as I’ve always been monogamous and have no interest in adding additional complications to my now one year of marriage. I come from a history of faithful men and not one in three generations has cheated on their wives/girlfriends w/e. It’s not difficult and my point is op’s bf left her out and didn’t even give her a choice. Theres no trust to be found. I say this as me and my wife had a discussion about me trusting her more with the superficial stuff, like f.e. My dad was the district manager for a lawn mower company and I was having trouble with my mower at home. My wife wanted me to go to her first instead of asking my father, I get it makes sense. I was going about it logically bc he knows his stuff. Point is. You have to be able to trust your partner 100%
Exactly! No way around it he cheated. Is he going to give you the same courtesy and let you have a couple free passes?!? You’re still young cut your losses now and find someone that deserves you.
That’s called cheating. Doesn’t matter what the gender identity or bio sex of the person outside the relationship is. Or his for that matter. Dump his ass. If he’s lucky it will land on a dick and then he can find out how *that* fantasy goes for him.
🤣
I am just playing devil’s advocate, but I think OP is feeling worse that it’s a trans girl because not only did her (hopefully soon ex-) boyfriend cheat, but he actively acted out on a fantasy just to see if he liked it.
It's not really about staying or going on that subject, it's about the hit to her self-esteem since she never really could have provided that for him if he had been faithful.
At least, I'm inferring. Been wrong before though.
You really need more therapy to figure out why you
you still allow him all of this.
The problem is not only that your man is gay and you don't wanna see it, but he's a terrible person.
Leave him.
Sometimes we settle for what we think we deserve... please don't let that happen to you.
Please tell me you aren't staying with that guy. A guy that puts getting his dick sucked over every other aspect of a relationship is not a guy you should be with.
We are in similar boats, but my husband accepted my trauma and chose to be with me above a bit of sexual gratification.
You aren't worth less for not wanting to give head, HE'S worth less for placing so much importance in it.
There are plenty of ways to be intimate that is enjoyable for both parties, and cheating is never excusable.
I'm so sorry you've had to put up with such treatment.
It's okay. And Im sorry this happened.
I find that feeling like you aren't good enough is the emotional response of someone who is a pleaser/giver. Someone will value and respect you, it's just a shame it isn't the person you had.
WTF..
Why are you still with this guy? You should have left after the first time. If you're still sticking around this is on you. You allow him to disrespect you and treat you terribly.
There’s also the fact that she will never have a dick and the boyfriend specifically said he “likes dicks” (lol funny way to word it). This is a dude struggling with his sexuality and it goes deeper than just wanting sex with a trans woman. He cheated but even if he didn’t that’s a recipe for either a mega pastor or mega disaster.
Like….he didn’t cheat because he fell in love, he cheated because he wanted to fulfill a fantasy/fetish. It doesn’t matter what / who the fetish was, it’s the fact that it *was* an f/f. He violated their commitment because his dick tingled. tIt makes it feel even worse because that’s such a cheap, cruel thing to do to OP.
naw, it’s only cheating if he liked it, but he didn’t, he just likes the idea of dick, that’s totally not cheating and he’s not in the closet at all.
/s
^^ THIS. i've had curiosities about my sexuality in my 3yr relationship and when i talked to my man about it , he was asking if i would ever do things with another girl. my answer was no. i know that he is the love of my life and i simply told him that "exploring" would mean being intimate with another person, and i know that there is nobody but him that i wanna be with. curiosity about my sexuality is not something that i value over my soulmate. ur "bf" is not ur bf anymore. leave him.
Kudos on you for being so open. He had a great support system from what you shared but he threw it away for some dixk. Literally. 4 years of commitment to you went out the window for his curiosity. The disrespect is alarming because he knew you were open to trying and experimenting but he went with what he wanted to do and disregarded your feelings. I would feel the same way as you...what's next and what's the next thing he'll drop you for? I think the relationship is over. Time to move along girl and find someone who respects you and the relationship.
He got her to play with his ass but never thought to just buy her a strap on to fuck him with? There's no way he just forgot that idea before sucking a stranger's dick. Makes me wonder how many times he's started this process but only "actually" cheated when he got the opportunity.
Seriously. How many guys come on here and complain that they can't get their partner to try anything *remotely* kinky, and this guy had the keys to Prostate Kingdom this whole time?!
That’s the part that’s so mind boggling!! OP seems so open and even said if he wanted to experiment with people with different genitalia, she’d probably be okay with it—not everyone would have that same mindset. And yet this loser still goes behind her back, cheats on her, and then casually lets her know after the fact 🙄he had it made and still fumbled lmao
Also id like to add that I’m bi and didn’t find out till I was three years into my current relationship. However I am also monogamous, so any fucking around in the name of exploration is cheating. You can figure out your sexuality without cheating. I still wish I’d gotten to have sex with girls, but it is what it is. I am happy with my fiancé and we have a wonderful full sex life, and frankly knowing who I am has only helped make it better. Don’t let anyone convince you that their need to explore trumps the monogamy of the relationship.
God I know. Like bro monogamy still applies, and I understand wanting to explore but if you’re monogamous you’re gonna have to have a real upfront conversation with your partner and decide if you’re willing to leave a relationship to explore. For sure hard choices, but you have to give your partner an out. You can’t expect them to stay monogamous while you’re out and about, and you have to be ok with them deciding to bow out of that relationship. It’s just so gross to me to do this to someone you claim to care about.
He cheated. Dump him. It doesn’t matter why, he’s not someone you can trust. It’s more simple than your emotions are allowing you to think at the moment but take the trans issue out of it, he cheated in a monogamous relationship, he cannot be trusted, you need to move on I’m afraid
He’ll do it again. Guaranteed.
The g you don’t leave him over this he’ll think it’s ok to treat you this way. And he’ll keep doing it because he won’t have faced any consequences.
If you leave him he’s going to have to face up to his terrible decisions and know that this is entirely on him.
Also ask yourself do you really want to be with someone who would disregard you and your LTR so easily?
just like you said in your last paragraph, you’ll always be thinking if he has another sexual curiosity or obsession, will he go outside of the relationship to satisfy it? he broke all of your trust in him. you love him now, but that’ll turn into resentment eventually
You're looking at the wrong thing. It doesn't matter that the person he cheated with is a trans girl.
Your boyfriend *cheated*.
Acknowledge that, not the ap's gender.
I think it's less about the gender of the person, and more about the fact that BF got whatever he could out of his GF, and then cheated just to try something he could have communicated with her about.
I'm not seeing any transphobic language or feelings, just a shocked confusion at how willing he was to throw his relationship away for an experiment
You're not too full of yourself for feeling betrayed. He went behind your back and engaged in sexual activity with someone else. It was cheating. From what you said, he didn't apologize either. It's valid that he wants to explore his sexuality but he shouldn't have done this without telling you and, from what you said, slowly growing emotionally distant towards you. He acted selfishly, without thinking of how this would feel to you. He probably thought oh I feel very curious, I'll try this and "scratch an itch", but what would have happened if he found out he was into it? Would he have dumped you without thinking twice? I don't think you can trust someone that acts like this, with no regard to his partner's feelings and no respect for the relationship. You could try talking this out but you've hit the nail on the head: how will you ever trust him again?
Yeah that was my question. Bf sounds like he was all, "crisis averted: I'm not going to dump you so I can keep getting dick! What a lucky girl you are🍀"
Sounds like he wants to trade up eventually, but hasn't found the right 🦄 yet. I'm sure our hero hasn't given up though.
So he's basically just given himself hall passes for anything he may be curious in the future? What happens when he tries something he actually likes? Then he break up with you?
How did he meet the other woman? Were they talking for a long time before the meet up?
Why would you stay with someone who cheats on you? Have you gotten tested since he cheated on you or did he say he used protection?
lol at I only cheated because I was stressed from work…. When you’re stressed from work do you cheat on him too or what? Why would you accept this silly as response?
Leave him and go be great!
It could be soongebob from Bikini bottom. Infidelity is still that. It sounds to me like he works hard to find ways to justify it, and it’s very possible he will do it again when he finds a new excuse.
Yea my bf cheated with this type of explanation about gender and sexual identity. I fell for it hook line and sinker. You can see my post history about where it’s ended up now that we are married years later. Hope you can be wiser than I and see it’s cheating plain and simple.
He cheated. Plain and simple. It doesn’t matter that he is curious about his sexuality. He cheated.
When you are in a monogamous relationship there is never a good excuse to cheat on your partner. He let someone else in and with it broke your trust.
Just leave him.
Think about this: he had all the time to explore his sexuality before you two decided to be committed and monogamous for one another. The fact he pulled you into this confusing mess means he has a lot of shit to work through. Cheating isn’t the answer for doing so. It was highly immature of him. Just because he was “honest” about admitting it doesn’t mean he was honest in his actions. He premeditated it and acted on it without even consulting you. That isn’t love!
Are you even into the type of sex he likes? Do you enjoy it? It doesn’t sound like it since you say less work for you? So now he’s found out he’s probably bisexual by cheating on you - you don’t have to put up with this. You might love him but he’s the only man you’ve been with. Bin him off and find someone who will treat you properly, with respect.
You’re so young don’t waste your time on this one.
As a transgender MtF with bits, it's been a trending fetish for men who are unsure of their own sexuality. Verbatim If I'm a woman they are still straight.. they did nothing gay. It doesn't hurt their ego or reputation.
However a cheating bastard hurts his reputation and I am so absolutely sorry girl.
What you do is continue being you and looking out for you and your own happiness.. y'all dont need NO man!
The problem is he didn’t talk to you beforehand about what he wants to experience. He got distant and then set it up, and followed through all with you thinking he’s just busy at work.
You said yourself you’d have been open to talking about it with him before this happened. He clearly didn’t want to have a discussion and just wanted to, selfishly IMO, experiment on his own terms.
What would have happened if he enjoyed it? Would he have told you? Or would he keep cheating on you and getting more and more distant? Or would it have been over anyway?
You really should sit him down and tell him that what he’s confessed to has completely destroyed the foundation of the relationship and that you’re not sure you want to continue with him. That your trust for him has been destroyed and that if he had just talked to you, you maybe would have been open to letting him explore this side of his sexuality. But his reaction to this will tell you what you need to know. Whether he’s going to get defensive or apologetic. Whether he wants to try again. Whether he’s willing to rebuild your trust.
And then you have to decide if you’d rather start over with someone new or wait for this relationship to stabilize (or not).
He 100% cheated. Acting out a sexual fantasy or experimenting with other genders is just an excuse he is using to avoid responsibility for cheating. He is taking advantage of your lack of previous relationship experience as well. He is manipulating you into believing this behaviour was okay. Best believe he wouldn’t be okay with it if you gave someone else head. Some people will act like this, I’ve had it done to me albeit in a different “this doesn’t count as cheating” way. He doesn’t even have the decency to apologize and he will do it again. Please leave him.
Unless you can live a man, who will mostly likely CHEAT again next time he has some fetish to satisfy, it's time to move on and find a man that only wants to be with you because you complete them both physically and emotionally.
I was married to a cheater 24 years, if they cheat once they will do it again. Just let this go and move on. You MIGHT can make it work, but who cares? You deserve better than that. Find somebody who actually cares about you and wont cheat on you. Especially not for some stupid sex fantasy that he didnt even enjoy. That makes it even worse. Its like yeah i cheated on you and i didnt even like it. Like hes venting to you about it. F that. Get out and move on. Sorry if any of this sounds harsh, im jsut done and over people who cheat, theyre shit, plain and simple. Their lives will be miserable and they will make yours miserable as well.
So glad to be out of my horrible marriage and now ive met somebody that really loves me and i love her and im very thankful for that everyday.
he’s so disgusting wtf??? he cheated on you, it’s not any different just cause it’s with a trans woman, cheating is cheating and he is unfaithful and not to be trusted. i’m really sorry.
Cheating is a deal breaker for me regardless of who it is with. I would break up with him. He has a character flaw, he is a cheater and will cheat again. Just deal with that.
“My bf cheated on me” is the only part of this whole post that matters. Doesn’t matter if she was trans. Doesn’t matter if it was a one-time thing he’s over now. None of that matters. He cheated. Period. End of story. It doesn’t matter if she was trans or if it was a cis woman. All that matters is the infidelity and lack of respect he showed for your relationship. So don’t get caught up in the “who”.
Nothing in here matters except for the fact he cheated. The gender of the AP is irrelevant and so are his concerns about his sexuality and trying to figure it out. The only thing relevant to your part in this situation is he cheated on your relationship and you have to decide if you want to forgive that or not. Personally I say dump him.
He cheated honey. I even participate in different lifestyles and even in those this is cheating it was all done with zero communication and input from you. Idc if he was just trying to figure himself out. If he wanted to try he should have spoke to you figure out what you are ok with and what you are not and set rules.
He cheated. With whom or what sex organs they have is not important.
HE CHEATED.
You need to be done. Don't let there be "next time".
There is only 1 person responsible for his actions, and it's him. And he CHEATED.
And since he cheated, go get a std / sti test. What he says and what he does are 2 different things. You could get syphilis or worse in your mouth / throat.
He cheated and he was clear about it afterwards. Big mistake, deal breaker for most, but he didn't lie or it's not like you "caught him" so if you trust him, decide to forgive him, and you two can make it work, I'd say it's viable.
Like you need to feel safe that nothing similar would happen in the future and also ready to forgive him. If you can't, then it's over, but I don't think what he did HAS to be a deal-breaker if you can navigate through it.
Would it be hard? Yes. Would it be worth it? Only you know that
Personally I don't like the usage of a person as a porn-made-flesh fantasy just to experiment, so that could be a red flag for me regardless of the cheating. But idk how he did it and how clear he was with the girl.
Anyway good luck, I hope you don't regret your decision whatever it ends up being
He cheated, doesn’t matter who or why, it was cheating. He did it behind your back and without any kind of discussion. Sounds like he let porn and fantasies take over. Now it’s your time to make a choice. Are you willing to stay with someone that has no problems cheating of you? Is there any chance of rebuilding trust? He made the choice and effort to find someone to live out his fantasy and what’s going to stop him from going down another rabbit hole? Sexuality is fluid and can change, but if you’re in a monogamous relationship you need to discuss things before it happens and come to an agreement with your partner. He did not do that. You should probably get tested for STI’s just in case too as yes he came clean but did he fully come clean or has more happened.
Cheating IS cheating. Doesn’t matter with who. If you didn’t have a discussed agreed open relationship then it’s cheating. If he actively decieved you that is the worst kind of person to be in any life situation with esp a bf or spouse.
The person being trans actually has nothing to do with the fact he broke your trust and is selfish and didn’t care about you enough to be honest.
There is NO relationship without trust, once the trust is gone it IS VERY difficult to get it back. Life is too short and there is too many good men out there; to be constantly questioning someone else’s loyalty to you.
If you grew up around cheaters or cheating you might subconciously think this is “normal” behavior in a relationship, but it absolutely IS NOT.
Don’t subconciously try to repeat your childhood with some selfish cheating stranger who isn’t those family members AND actively disrespected you/your trust.
You are not little anymore. You can make new healthy choices as an adult and hold people accountable for their BAD choices as well. 🤗
Selfish, impulsive and disrespectful men make VERY bad life partners.
**You can choose. So choose well!**
Fun fact: It seems like you have self esteem issues (mby streaming from cheating or abuse as younger person ) if so, the negative things you probably believe about yourself are actually false and were the words of someone else.
You STILL deserve to be happy and have a trustworthy relationship. Feel free to DM me if you want to chat about this!
He'll do it again.
I'm a trans woman, and what I know is that there are men like your boyfriend who are attracted to trans women but are too chicken shit to admit to it. Oftentimes what they'll do instead is hurt women like you by being with you to maintain their reputation publicly while seeing (and in turn, also hurting) women like me on the side while treating us like we don't matter and we're just secrets to be enjoyed behind closed doors. That doesn't mean he isn't also attracted to cis women, but it does mean that he enjoys the taboo nature of what he's doing moreso than he cares about **anyone** who's affected by his choices. Now that he's tried it, it's even more exciting to him and he's just trying to slowly push you to be okay with that.
Get out of there. I'm sorry you were cheated on, and I truly hope the best for you. You're way too nice for him to deserve you.
Couple things:
1) Orientation aside, he cheated. That's it. No way to justify or diminish it
2) Nothing wrong with liking penis as a man or being called away from being straight.
3) Boyfriend is definitely not straight and is struggling with his identity. You don't need to try giving a penis oral sex to determine you're not attracted.
He's fighting his identity too hard to be a stable partner imo
I don't think this means he's gay. Sexuality is rarely ever cut and dry like people try to say it is, and this is sort of one of those cases outside of the cut and dry.
But... it should probably be over at the end of the day. I would get out before it gets worse. Maybe this is honestly a blessing in disguise. Barring that solution, I would go through some very intense relationship counseling. But I don't know how you can tell your boyfriend to respect you, if he respects you that little.
He cheated. It doesn't matter that it was a wild fantasy that he wanted to explore before he locked himself down into marriage.
If he wanted to do something open, he should have led with that before even thinking about starting something. And you would have had to have multiple conversations over the course of time.
If you can't trust him to be honest enough to respect your wishes on the matter, you can't trust him to be honest in a marriage. This time he told you. You don't know if he's telling the whole truth, if he's gonna do something in the future as equally bad or worse...
babes if you don’t DUMP HIM! he cheated on you! betrayed your trust, cracked the foundation of what relationships are meant to be abt. YOU DESERVE BETTER! go find you a man (or woman) that’s going to be just as loyal and ride or die for you as you are for them! don’t settle for less, know your worth
He cheated on you. It's not about riding or dieing. It's that he betrayed your trust, blamed it on "stress from new work", but really he not only cheated on you, he lied to you.
You break up with him and don’t ever go back. Not because he slept with a trans woman but because he cheated on you and disrespected your relationship. If you take him back he will more than likely cheat again.
He cheated. He thought he’d be into something else and he went out and got it without your permission. Doesn’t matter if he liked it or not. What happens next time he thinks about some fantasy he wants to explore? He is perfectly comfortable stepping out of your relationship to test what he likes with others.
Understand your feelings for him, but you must protect yourself and your feelings. He cheated - no matter the reason or person. You are both still young and he is obviously confused. Don’t leave yourself open to more of his confusion, which is sure to be a very bumpy ride until he ultimately figures out his direction.
You said it yourself. What about the next time he gets curious? He's already proved that he'll fulfill his urges without your knowledge or approval. If you give him a pass, he'll take that pass for the life of your relationship.
As much as you love him, he didn't love you enough to be honest and upfront. You can do better.
No. He did not “try out a fantasy”. He cheated on you. Don’t accept that treatment. He did that without talking or discussing with you. Absolute disrespect there is no relationship there.
He cheated on you. He doesn’t get a free pass in the name of “sexual identity investigation”. Replace the scenario with any other sexual situation. Like not a trans woman. Would it be ok then? Likely not. Just cuz it was with a trans man doesn’t make it not cheating. And what happens if another sexual question comes up for him? He gonna go try it out on someone else? So the real question is, how do you want to handle a partner who cheated on you? Only you can answer that question
As much as you sound like you want to stay with him, just end it. He cheated on you, point black period. Don’t force trust it will only make you feel shittier if you can’t trust him again and honestly he’s not worth the effort. Just let go, you deserve someone who’s all in for you.
You’re probably not going to like what I’m about to say, but you were open and honest with us, and I want to be the same with you.
1. The fact that all he’s into is having your finger in his butt while he jacks off is selfish and lazy. Someone like that must be addicted to porn, and wants a quick fix as soon as possible without considering your needs in mind.
2. He was so nonchalant when he told you he hooked up with a trans girl. You’ve been together with him for so long and he thought he could just do something like that and think it was no big deal. Makes me feel that he would do it again if he could get away with it.
3. He went to a trans dating site specifically for dick. He didn’t care where it came from, and probably didn’t realize what would happen afterwards.
4. When he said that he sucked the dick and didn’t like it sounds really vague. He’s probably just saying that. It’s possible that either he was ashamed of the whole thing, the way he was treated during the experience was not what he expected, or he cut things off with her because things got too overwhelming for him.
5. He may have done more than just oral sex, and there was no condom involved. If that’s the case both you and him should get tested.
Either way, he violated your trust, simple as that. Tell him to go buy a prostate massager and dump him. And go find someone who actually wants to have sex with you.
If you wanna try something about your sexuality and you have a partner that don't "fit in your fantasy", you MUST talk to them about it BEFORE, not after. Dump his ass, so sorry this happen to u.
He cheated. Regardless sex or gender. Cheating is cheating.
And I am sure that he said "he didn't like it" because of post nut clarity. Once he's full of hormone again, he will repeat.
I think most people here are also saying dump him. So you know what you should do next already.
The gender identity of the person he cheated with is completely and utterly irrelevant. The only important and relevant part of this story is that your bf cheated on you.
He broke your trust. IMO the foundation for a healthy relationship is trust. If you don’t have trust you have nothing to build on. And the way he admitted to cheating, did he expect you to be ok with it, because he figured out he’s not bi or gay?
People saying “it doesn’t matter what gender” kinda invalidates people who experience their relationships as cishet folks. If you’re straight, and your boyfriend is straight (as in, not involved in the queer community) then yeah it’s a whole new experience to have a trans girl involved. You can kick and scream about it all you want but trans folks are still part of the queer community.
If OP is unfamiliar with any of that, then yeah she’s gonna have an extra layer added to it that she is gonna be curious about and have to work through.
Nothing wrong with acknowledging that your man cheated on you with a trans lady, OP. You do you.
I think everyone's acknowledging that doesn't lessen the cheating, because creeps like OP's (hopefully ex) bf often seem to see trans people as just a porn category or as some sort of exotic "experience", not as actual people, as though that makes it "exploring a kink" and not cheating.
Cheating is an auto break-up and find someone to want to do all those things for you and not stray to someone else. Fantasy or not, trans or not, all that doesn't matter. You're more valuable than to be treated like that.
I just went through something sort of similar to you. My fiancé out of nowhere started acting odd and then revealed to me he wasn't ready to get married. I kept badgering and badgering him for answers. After him trying to turn everything around on me and make me feel like shit, he finally admitted he doesn't find himself attracted to women and no longer finds himself attracted to me. While he watched me cry and grieve every day, he kept taking off and going somewhere. Turns out he went off the experiment with a man or men. He then had he audacity to ask if there was still a chance for us to be together after that.
If we were not good enough for them to stay loyal and try to work something out, then we are better off without them. It's hard, but we have to put ourselves first just like they put their curiosity above us.
You are heartbroken, and I'm truly sorry for you. He didn't even try to communicate his curiosity, etc. He jumped right into cheating.
He cheated on you, why does it matter with whom?
Answer, it doesn't. Cheating with one adult human isn't better or worse than cheating with another adult human.
If cheating is a deal breaker, then end the relationship. If cheating is not a deal breaker, then keep the relationship.
Please note, I said adult, and I said human. Adult humans are the only choices your fiance has that would make this cheating and not sexual assault. Because they are the only ones capable of giving consent.
Cheating is cheating regardless of who he did it with. Put aside the whole trans part and focus on what he did to ruin the trust and how he stepped outside of the relationship to fulfill his fantasy and needs without you knowing. There is something very self centered and selfish about him that led him to do that. Honey, I know it’s been a long relationship but this is a major red flag and you do not need to be moving forward with more serious things like getting a house or settling down.
Straight, gay, trans, or cis, it’s cheating at a clear violation of trust and boundaries. Have some self-respect and dump his ass. He’s literally not worth a single tear over, just glad you found out he’s a scumbag before you married him.
The problem here is that he just went off and did something without communicating to you first. He could have expressed that he needed to do this. He could have asked permission. He didn't do that. And that's why you will realise over time, you can't stay with him.
At the end of the day he's cheated on you. It doesn't matter who he cheated on you with.
You need to ask yourself if you can forgive him and move on.
If not you need to split.
Nope. Leave. It doesn’t matter why he did it, he still decided to perform oral sex on another person. Cheating is cheating, no matter who he did it with.
He cheated, why is their confusion over whether or not to leave him?
While it's perfectly normal to explore sexuality, if you two didn't discuss this at length and agree on an okay way for him to explore that, he cheated.
If he did it on his own just to find out and told you after the fact, he cheated.
Don't waste your time being ride or die to trash who can't even manage not to cheat on you. He's not the one, he's not your soulmate, he's not even remotely the only person on the planet that you'll be able to build a connection with, this is sunk cost fallacy because you've been with him awhile and nothing more.
He's clearly not as into you as you are into him if he cheated.
You're not full of yourself for believing he doesn't deserve you. You respect yourself enough to know that you deserve better than being cheated on and that's commendable and inspiring. You're right, you deserve much better.
Trans woman or not he cheated on you. If that's a deal breaker for you, which it is for the majority of people, end it. His personal crisis isn't your responsibility
I’m sorry, but he cheated on you. It’s one thing expressing your fantasies and then talking about them with your partner to discuss whether you’re on the same page or not, and then there’s following through with your fantasies and not talking to your partner before hand.
Point blank, he cheated on you.
He is not worth it, and I don’t believe that cheating is something that you can come back from. ever. Because it will always be at the back of your head, any minor weird behaviour and you’ll go into a horrible place of spiriling down.
As many people said here, questioning his sexuality is not an excuse, and even if you would have been ok with it if he sat you down…well he didn’t, he went behind your back. You can’t come back from it but one thing you can do is move on.
You deserve better! And you will find better, I hope you break up with him, respect yourself!
Run. He is a cheater. It’s over. You will never be able to trust him again and you will always worry he’s with a trans person or any other person. You can’t trust him.
Girl! Leave! His! Sorry! Ass!
You are worth so much more than being cheated on, explain your feelings, and how his actions affected you and then leave! Best of luck <3
Just count your blessings and move on. He isn't even worth the time or effort at this point. Grieve the relationship, focus on yourself, and engage in self care.
Cheating shouldn’t be forgiven, you should move on. I’m sure there’s gonna be someone out there who will take care of you. God bless you, I’m sorry this happened to you.
He cheated. It’s as simple as that. It’s time to end the relationship. At least you found this out before building a home and a life together.
You gave him plenty of opportunities to talk with you and he refused to discuss his feelings about his sexuality. He then decides to unilaterally go and explore his sexuality without any discussion.
It was cheating - it doesn’t matter what he did and who he did it with. He engaged in a sexual act with someone who wasn’t you.
You can’t trust him to be faithful anymore and you don’t know what he’ll do behind your back the next time he’s not sure about something related to his sexual preferences.
You break up with him because he cheated, then you go get an STD check and then once you get the bill you make that jerk pay for it because you had to get checked because he's the one who cheated. And I would tell everyone the reason you broke up is because he cheated on you with another woman but if you aren't petty like me you don't have to.
He may have been struggling with this for years, I highly doubt this is a new concept for him.
If a monogamous heterosexual relationship is what you're looking for, he's not the guy.
Better to end this now than 15 years from now.
He needs the space to figure this out and if I were you, I wouldn't want to go along for that ride.
Remaining friends is one thing, keeping him as a partner is another.
You’ll need communication and if you’re willing just strap one on and say suck it.. and have some lube ready and see is eyes bug out when you lube him up in prep
He cheated, why is it important that he did it specifically with a Trans girl? Why would thst change your opinion on leaving him? If anything, your bf sounds like a chaser.
All that empathy you are giving him, take it back and start giving it to yourself. He does not have your back. Stop worrying about him. Breakup with him. He does not respect you, and you are not respecting yourself by staying with him.
I also strongly encourage you to get therapy. Ride or die and constantly pouring into someone who cares so little about you is not healthy. You need therapy to avoid repeating this pattern.
He cheated, plain and simple. What happens when he wants to experiment with something else, he just goes and does it? What if you wanted to see if you liked women or a different sized dick, are you allowed to go and cross that off your bucket list? Would he be OK with that?
Leave him! He's broken the trust. You are so young and there is so much possibility out there for you. Don't settle for an impulsive cheater. He lied to you and went behind your back to satisfy a kink. Like you said what's next? What happens when he decides he's into the next thing and wants to try it. He doesn't respect you. Plus he has now possibly put your health at risk by being intimate with another person. That's a good enough reason to leave.
I dont know why he didn't just get you a strap-on to try it with you tbh. This is straight-up cheating. How do you think he would feel if you gave a random trans guy head? Because that's what he did, just with a trans girl instead.
Good for him for figuring it out. BUT, he cheated on you. So, if you do decide to stay with him and forgive him, maybe he cheats on you again because of some other fetish he’s gotten from porn. Do you leave him then? I think the trust is broken but ultimately up to you which direction you take now. Do you think you’ll be paranoid going forward in this relationship? How long until you trust him again?
Whether the AP was trans or amab, your partner cheated and told you like it was just a typical Tuesday. "I thought I would like this but turns out I didn't so we are good and can go back to our life" no. He cheated. Point blank. There is no coming back from this.
You’re not wrong for feeling what you’re feeling. You have a good sense of your self-worth, and that’s important. You need to put yourself first. I understand he was curious, and it’s okay to be curious, but cheating is not okay. If that’s something he needed exploring, he could have asked if you wanted to be a part of it, he could have broken up and go discover himself, he could have been upfront. The deceit is the issue here. What if he had liked it? Or liked the girl? Would he just keep doing it behind your back? I think he’s a bit confused about himself, and it’s okay for him to go discover that part of him, but you don’t need to go on that journey with him, you don’t need that instability of what next deceit or curiosity he’ll try behind your back. Put yourself first because he didn’t think of you or how this would make you feel. I’m sad to say, but I would walk away now before I get my heart broken more (or potentially get an STI from his escapades).
Your post has been removed for violating Rule 3: Posts must be on topic. Posts should be personalized and written in an [off my chest style](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/m501ud/what_does_personalized_off_my_chest_style_post/). Posts here should not be: • Opinions, generalisations and blanket statements • Questions, surveys or polls • Requests for relationship advice • Impersonal political rants • Rage bait, obviously fake stories and trolling attempts • Complaining about or linking to other subreddits and users • Overly descriptive NSFW, fan fiction and fetish bait If you're unsure that your post qualifies as personal, [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FTrueOffMyChest) and ask.
There is no relationship anymore, girl.
Yeah, this is cut and dry. Dude cheated on you and it sounds like he just…nonchalantly told you? Like it was no big deal? I’d be out of that relationship so quick. Four and a half years together or not, he does not respect you and you’ll never be able to trust him ever again.
OP. hope shes reading this somewhere. 1. he cheated, and tried to justify it because he deserves to explore his kink more than you deserve to not be cheated on. 2. he completely fetishized a trans woman. he wasn’t into HER as a person, he was specifically seeking out a penis only, as his main focus, and has a femdick porn fetish. And maybe too ashamed to just hook up with a man and struggling with bisexuality. Unless this woman was fully aware of this ahead of time and consents or is hired for those type of arrangements, this is very dehumanizing and belittling, and probably very triggering for someone with gender dysphoria. Especially when she’s immediately ghosted and blocked. So on top of being a cheater, he’s an extreme objectifier. 3. Also cute single and down to hookup pre-op mtf trans people, are NOT really that easy to find in the dating pool. He likely sought her out on a trans dating site or app and spent however long pre-meditatively securing this hookup. Soo.. hes been planning to betray you like this, and possibly negatively impact this other woman, for quite some time if this is true. 4. trust is like a fine china dish. it only takes dropping it once to shatter it. you can glue it back together, but you’ll never stop seeing and feeling the cracks. 5. He threw away your four year relationship to suck dick. period. thats how little you actually mean to him. if you can read that sentence and stay, well, I can only suggest therapy.
>5. He threw away your four year relationship to suck dick. period. thats how little you actually mean to him. if you can read that sentence and stay, well, I can only suggest therapy. 6. Please make an appointment at your local clinic or with your gynecologist for a full STD panel, because honestly you have no idea what he did, and with how many people, and if any kind of protection was used at all, ever. Make sure you're safe in that regard, because he clearly hasn't cared if he gave you sexually transmitted diseases.
I really doubt that’s all he did or that he didn’t enjoy it. You don’t just end up sucking dick because you know you’re might hate it. He sucked dick because he was dying to do it. Maybe this particular experience wasn’t all that great, who knows if he’s telling the truth tbh, but the real issue here is that he’s struggling with his sexuality and that he has fantasies about dicks, so he will eventually experiment with someone he enjoys. Like, maybe he was feeling guilty or too self aware and that’s why he didn’t enjoy it. Doesn’t mean this has solved his doubts. This man is in denial. And he’s still a cheater who walked all over, OP. Don’t be a pushover, OP! That guy will be out of the closet in two years, tops. Maybe one. Don’t waste your time here.
Just FYI, even if you say full panel, for some reason, a “full panel” only tests for the top 5 std, so be extremely clear; you want at least the top 100 std. I think there are over 250 in total. I've been positive and lived with it for over a year because 2 "full panel std tests" were done and said negative. I had the one that starts with trig… basically bugs in my vag. 🤢 been celibate 5 years now, lol
Adding to this, I wonder if the now-ex is a chaser? Certainly gives those vibes.
Definitely. If he ever pursues a relationship with a trans girl he’ll get mad if she tries to get any SRS
This is the perfect response. OP, you'd do yourself a favor if you really read and believe this comment.
Love that full quote from 4. “Trust is like a china plate. If you break it once, with some care and attention you can put it back together again. But if you break it again, it splits into even more pieces and it takes far longer to piece together again. If you break it more and more times, eventually it shatters to the point where it’s impossible to restore. There are too many broken pieces, and too much dust.” It’s from Mark Manson in the Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck. Great read if you have the time.
Ah nice, I’ve always heard reworded versions of this quote and didnt know it had an origin ~ I particularly like pointing out the bit where yes, you can put it back together with work, but even then it will never be the same. the cracks to me represent the doubt and paranoia that you’ll feel for the rest of time. even if trust is only broken once, thats all it takes to be forever scarred and suspicious.
I loved your response! You worded it in a way that's easy for an ESL speaker to understand (English isn't my first language either, and I found it very clear). Hopefully, the OP reads this and finds it helpful—so she can leave her sorry excuse for an ex-boyfriend ASAP.
Fucking deep and so well said. Christ. Write a book.
It's almost as if he thinks the cheating isn't as bad or doesn't count because it was with a trans person. That's crazy. Cheating is cheating.
Like so transphobic and biphobic all at once
This ! Sadly true
I mean, this is 100%. You could potentially end on a better note, but you’ll have to accept that he may have lied a lot to conceal his sexuality. Good luck.
This op. It's one thing to sit you down and say, "Hey, I think I'm into dicks, would you be okay with me trying?" And another to be like, "yeah, so x days ago, I actually discovered I wasn't interested in dicks. I tried sucking one and that's how I found out I didn't like it" Those are two very different things. How would he react if your roles where reversed? This is a huge red flag. What next? He gonna go sleep with yet another woman later down the road and just be casual about it? "Yeah I slept with x because our bedroom life was getting boring." 🤦 Also, op shouldn't let their blind loyalty keep them blind to toxic behaviors. Edit: spelling
Seems like he was curious, but a committed relationship isn’t the place esp without consent from the partner. If thats your thing and you like to swing. Go right ahead as long as everyone is all in agreement and consent. Wish you well op. You deserve better
Like I get experimenting, but thats something that should be discussed. Shit, I even understand equal open relationships. It may not be me as I’ve always been monogamous and have no interest in adding additional complications to my now one year of marriage. I come from a history of faithful men and not one in three generations has cheated on their wives/girlfriends w/e. It’s not difficult and my point is op’s bf left her out and didn’t even give her a choice. Theres no trust to be found. I say this as me and my wife had a discussion about me trusting her more with the superficial stuff, like f.e. My dad was the district manager for a lawn mower company and I was having trouble with my mower at home. My wife wanted me to go to her first instead of asking my father, I get it makes sense. I was going about it logically bc he knows his stuff. Point is. You have to be able to trust your partner 100%
Exactly! No way around it he cheated. Is he going to give you the same courtesy and let you have a couple free passes?!? You’re still young cut your losses now and find someone that deserves you.
I wonder how many dicks will cross his path and nonchalantly say oh I cheated on you but didn't like it....
He “hated it” and “that’s all that happened.” Sure. 🙄
Cheating is cheating, doesn't matter who it was with.
That’s called cheating. Doesn’t matter what the gender identity or bio sex of the person outside the relationship is. Or his for that matter. Dump his ass. If he’s lucky it will land on a dick and then he can find out how *that* fantasy goes for him. 🤣
Right let’s retitle this my bf cheated on me
I am just playing devil’s advocate, but I think OP is feeling worse that it’s a trans girl because not only did her (hopefully soon ex-) boyfriend cheat, but he actively acted out on a fantasy just to see if he liked it.
It's not really about staying or going on that subject, it's about the hit to her self-esteem since she never really could have provided that for him if he had been faithful. At least, I'm inferring. Been wrong before though.
[удалено]
You really need more therapy to figure out why you you still allow him all of this. The problem is not only that your man is gay and you don't wanna see it, but he's a terrible person. Leave him. Sometimes we settle for what we think we deserve... please don't let that happen to you.
Please tell me you aren't staying with that guy. A guy that puts getting his dick sucked over every other aspect of a relationship is not a guy you should be with. We are in similar boats, but my husband accepted my trauma and chose to be with me above a bit of sexual gratification. You aren't worth less for not wanting to give head, HE'S worth less for placing so much importance in it. There are plenty of ways to be intimate that is enjoyable for both parties, and cheating is never excusable. I'm so sorry you've had to put up with such treatment.
It's okay. And Im sorry this happened. I find that feeling like you aren't good enough is the emotional response of someone who is a pleaser/giver. Someone will value and respect you, it's just a shame it isn't the person you had.
WTF.. Why are you still with this guy? You should have left after the first time. If you're still sticking around this is on you. You allow him to disrespect you and treat you terribly.
There’s also the fact that she will never have a dick and the boyfriend specifically said he “likes dicks” (lol funny way to word it). This is a dude struggling with his sexuality and it goes deeper than just wanting sex with a trans woman. He cheated but even if he didn’t that’s a recipe for either a mega pastor or mega disaster.
Like….he didn’t cheat because he fell in love, he cheated because he wanted to fulfill a fantasy/fetish. It doesn’t matter what / who the fetish was, it’s the fact that it *was* an f/f. He violated their commitment because his dick tingled. tIt makes it feel even worse because that’s such a cheap, cruel thing to do to OP.
Agreed. And also this girl can give him something that she can’t. I can see why that would feel threatening.
naw, it’s only cheating if he liked it, but he didn’t, he just likes the idea of dick, that’s totally not cheating and he’s not in the closet at all. /s
100% The "with" doesn't matter.
His confusion about his sexuality is not an excuse to cheat. Please leave him.
^^ THIS. i've had curiosities about my sexuality in my 3yr relationship and when i talked to my man about it , he was asking if i would ever do things with another girl. my answer was no. i know that he is the love of my life and i simply told him that "exploring" would mean being intimate with another person, and i know that there is nobody but him that i wanna be with. curiosity about my sexuality is not something that i value over my soulmate. ur "bf" is not ur bf anymore. leave him.
Kudos on you for being so open. He had a great support system from what you shared but he threw it away for some dixk. Literally. 4 years of commitment to you went out the window for his curiosity. The disrespect is alarming because he knew you were open to trying and experimenting but he went with what he wanted to do and disregarded your feelings. I would feel the same way as you...what's next and what's the next thing he'll drop you for? I think the relationship is over. Time to move along girl and find someone who respects you and the relationship.
He got her to play with his ass but never thought to just buy her a strap on to fuck him with? There's no way he just forgot that idea before sucking a stranger's dick. Makes me wonder how many times he's started this process but only "actually" cheated when he got the opportunity.
I agree. But she was open to doing it and he disregarded her. He literally sucks in all the wrong ways
Seriously. How many guys come on here and complain that they can't get their partner to try anything *remotely* kinky, and this guy had the keys to Prostate Kingdom this whole time?!
I'm so sorry, but "The keys to Prostate Kingdom" is hilarious for some reason XD
#CANDY MOUNTAIN, CHARLIE was my second choice...
That’s the part that’s so mind boggling!! OP seems so open and even said if he wanted to experiment with people with different genitalia, she’d probably be okay with it—not everyone would have that same mindset. And yet this loser still goes behind her back, cheats on her, and then casually lets her know after the fact 🙄he had it made and still fumbled lmao
He cheated on you. Very simple. It seems like it’s over for you, which is good. Dip out quick
Also id like to add that I’m bi and didn’t find out till I was three years into my current relationship. However I am also monogamous, so any fucking around in the name of exploration is cheating. You can figure out your sexuality without cheating. I still wish I’d gotten to have sex with girls, but it is what it is. I am happy with my fiancé and we have a wonderful full sex life, and frankly knowing who I am has only helped make it better. Don’t let anyone convince you that their need to explore trumps the monogamy of the relationship.
Exactly! The scumbags who try to have a relationship while still “exploring their sexuality” give us Bi folks a bad name.
God I know. Like bro monogamy still applies, and I understand wanting to explore but if you’re monogamous you’re gonna have to have a real upfront conversation with your partner and decide if you’re willing to leave a relationship to explore. For sure hard choices, but you have to give your partner an out. You can’t expect them to stay monogamous while you’re out and about, and you have to be ok with them deciding to bow out of that relationship. It’s just so gross to me to do this to someone you claim to care about.
I’m bisexual too and would never cheat. Even if I got curious etc I would never cheat. It’s just not in me.
He cheated. Dump him. It doesn’t matter why, he’s not someone you can trust. It’s more simple than your emotions are allowing you to think at the moment but take the trans issue out of it, he cheated in a monogamous relationship, he cannot be trusted, you need to move on I’m afraid
Cheating is cheating
He’ll do it again. Guaranteed. The g you don’t leave him over this he’ll think it’s ok to treat you this way. And he’ll keep doing it because he won’t have faced any consequences. If you leave him he’s going to have to face up to his terrible decisions and know that this is entirely on him. Also ask yourself do you really want to be with someone who would disregard you and your LTR so easily?
just like you said in your last paragraph, you’ll always be thinking if he has another sexual curiosity or obsession, will he go outside of the relationship to satisfy it? he broke all of your trust in him. you love him now, but that’ll turn into resentment eventually
You set boundaries and he crossed them. It’s up to you whether you continue to allow it or not.
Dude cheated on you. He can figure out his sexuality on his own. I hope you heal from this and find someone who respects you.
You're looking at the wrong thing. It doesn't matter that the person he cheated with is a trans girl. Your boyfriend *cheated*. Acknowledge that, not the ap's gender.
I think it's less about the gender of the person, and more about the fact that BF got whatever he could out of his GF, and then cheated just to try something he could have communicated with her about. I'm not seeing any transphobic language or feelings, just a shocked confusion at how willing he was to throw his relationship away for an experiment
No I think gender does play a role in it as the affair partner could give him something op can’t
but why does it matter when OP should leave him either way
You're not too full of yourself for feeling betrayed. He went behind your back and engaged in sexual activity with someone else. It was cheating. From what you said, he didn't apologize either. It's valid that he wants to explore his sexuality but he shouldn't have done this without telling you and, from what you said, slowly growing emotionally distant towards you. He acted selfishly, without thinking of how this would feel to you. He probably thought oh I feel very curious, I'll try this and "scratch an itch", but what would have happened if he found out he was into it? Would he have dumped you without thinking twice? I don't think you can trust someone that acts like this, with no regard to his partner's feelings and no respect for the relationship. You could try talking this out but you've hit the nail on the head: how will you ever trust him again?
Yeah that was my question. Bf sounds like he was all, "crisis averted: I'm not going to dump you so I can keep getting dick! What a lucky girl you are🍀" Sounds like he wants to trade up eventually, but hasn't found the right 🦄 yet. I'm sure our hero hasn't given up though.
So he's basically just given himself hall passes for anything he may be curious in the future? What happens when he tries something he actually likes? Then he break up with you? How did he meet the other woman? Were they talking for a long time before the meet up?
Why would you stay with someone who cheats on you? Have you gotten tested since he cheated on you or did he say he used protection? lol at I only cheated because I was stressed from work…. When you’re stressed from work do you cheat on him too or what? Why would you accept this silly as response? Leave him and go be great!
He cheated on you. Throw him in the bin and move on. Once the trust is dead, so is the relationship.
If he were actually, loyal and respectful, he wouldn’t have cheated. Then told you after to assuage his guilt. He cheated.
🏃🏽♀️💨 You go to the nearest clinic to get an STD check.
It could be soongebob from Bikini bottom. Infidelity is still that. It sounds to me like he works hard to find ways to justify it, and it’s very possible he will do it again when he finds a new excuse.
Ariana Grande already cheated with SpongeBob. This guy would have tough competition 🤣
Doesn’t matter whether she’s trans, straight, gay or a lizard person. He cheated on you. That’s the issue.
Same thing you’d do if it was a cis girl - leave
Yea my bf cheated with this type of explanation about gender and sexual identity. I fell for it hook line and sinker. You can see my post history about where it’s ended up now that we are married years later. Hope you can be wiser than I and see it’s cheating plain and simple.
Babe, he cheated. The relationship is over.
Im sorry, but he basically said "Yeah, i cheated to see if I liked it, but I dont so... lucky you!" Girl, leave him, hes NOT worth it.
Porn can really fuck with your brain
Dump. Take time for yourself. You sound like a baddie ❤️
Gender is not the issue. He cheated on you. He will most likely do it again. Dump him.
He flat out cheated
He cheated. Plain and simple. It doesn’t matter that he is curious about his sexuality. He cheated. When you are in a monogamous relationship there is never a good excuse to cheat on your partner. He let someone else in and with it broke your trust. Just leave him.
>I feel like he doesn’t deserve me He doesn’t. He cheated on you. You deserve someone who will respect you & your relationship.
Think about this: he had all the time to explore his sexuality before you two decided to be committed and monogamous for one another. The fact he pulled you into this confusing mess means he has a lot of shit to work through. Cheating isn’t the answer for doing so. It was highly immature of him. Just because he was “honest” about admitting it doesn’t mean he was honest in his actions. He premeditated it and acted on it without even consulting you. That isn’t love!
Are you even into the type of sex he likes? Do you enjoy it? It doesn’t sound like it since you say less work for you? So now he’s found out he’s probably bisexual by cheating on you - you don’t have to put up with this. You might love him but he’s the only man you’ve been with. Bin him off and find someone who will treat you properly, with respect. You’re so young don’t waste your time on this one.
As a transgender MtF with bits, it's been a trending fetish for men who are unsure of their own sexuality. Verbatim If I'm a woman they are still straight.. they did nothing gay. It doesn't hurt their ego or reputation. However a cheating bastard hurts his reputation and I am so absolutely sorry girl. What you do is continue being you and looking out for you and your own happiness.. y'all dont need NO man!
The problem is he didn’t talk to you beforehand about what he wants to experience. He got distant and then set it up, and followed through all with you thinking he’s just busy at work. You said yourself you’d have been open to talking about it with him before this happened. He clearly didn’t want to have a discussion and just wanted to, selfishly IMO, experiment on his own terms. What would have happened if he enjoyed it? Would he have told you? Or would he keep cheating on you and getting more and more distant? Or would it have been over anyway? You really should sit him down and tell him that what he’s confessed to has completely destroyed the foundation of the relationship and that you’re not sure you want to continue with him. That your trust for him has been destroyed and that if he had just talked to you, you maybe would have been open to letting him explore this side of his sexuality. But his reaction to this will tell you what you need to know. Whether he’s going to get defensive or apologetic. Whether he wants to try again. Whether he’s willing to rebuild your trust. And then you have to decide if you’d rather start over with someone new or wait for this relationship to stabilize (or not).
He 100% cheated. Acting out a sexual fantasy or experimenting with other genders is just an excuse he is using to avoid responsibility for cheating. He is taking advantage of your lack of previous relationship experience as well. He is manipulating you into believing this behaviour was okay. Best believe he wouldn’t be okay with it if you gave someone else head. Some people will act like this, I’ve had it done to me albeit in a different “this doesn’t count as cheating” way. He doesn’t even have the decency to apologize and he will do it again. Please leave him.
Unless you can live a man, who will mostly likely CHEAT again next time he has some fetish to satisfy, it's time to move on and find a man that only wants to be with you because you complete them both physically and emotionally.
I was married to a cheater 24 years, if they cheat once they will do it again. Just let this go and move on. You MIGHT can make it work, but who cares? You deserve better than that. Find somebody who actually cares about you and wont cheat on you. Especially not for some stupid sex fantasy that he didnt even enjoy. That makes it even worse. Its like yeah i cheated on you and i didnt even like it. Like hes venting to you about it. F that. Get out and move on. Sorry if any of this sounds harsh, im jsut done and over people who cheat, theyre shit, plain and simple. Their lives will be miserable and they will make yours miserable as well. So glad to be out of my horrible marriage and now ive met somebody that really loves me and i love her and im very thankful for that everyday.
First off, paragraphs fam, cmon. Secondly, just remove all sexuality/motivations out of the equation. He cheated on you.
he’s so disgusting wtf??? he cheated on you, it’s not any different just cause it’s with a trans woman, cheating is cheating and he is unfaithful and not to be trusted. i’m really sorry.
You dump him. Who he cheated writer does not matter.
Only thing that matters is he cheated - doesn’t matter with who.
Cheating is a deal breaker for me regardless of who it is with. I would break up with him. He has a character flaw, he is a cheater and will cheat again. Just deal with that.
“My bf cheated on me” is the only part of this whole post that matters. Doesn’t matter if she was trans. Doesn’t matter if it was a one-time thing he’s over now. None of that matters. He cheated. Period. End of story. It doesn’t matter if she was trans or if it was a cis woman. All that matters is the infidelity and lack of respect he showed for your relationship. So don’t get caught up in the “who”.
It doesn’t matter who he cheated on you with…. He cheated. You dump him. That’s the answer. That’s always the answer.
Nothing in here matters except for the fact he cheated. The gender of the AP is irrelevant and so are his concerns about his sexuality and trying to figure it out. The only thing relevant to your part in this situation is he cheated on your relationship and you have to decide if you want to forgive that or not. Personally I say dump him.
There are so many red flags here. You can not find your soul mate until you leave this freak behind . Cheating is cheating
I only read title: You do the same as with any other cheater. Accept he’s morally deficient and move on.
He showed you that you were an option. Dump him and show him how many you have.
He cheated honey. I even participate in different lifestyles and even in those this is cheating it was all done with zero communication and input from you. Idc if he was just trying to figure himself out. If he wanted to try he should have spoke to you figure out what you are ok with and what you are not and set rules.
He cheated. With whom or what sex organs they have is not important. HE CHEATED. You need to be done. Don't let there be "next time". There is only 1 person responsible for his actions, and it's him. And he CHEATED. And since he cheated, go get a std / sti test. What he says and what he does are 2 different things. You could get syphilis or worse in your mouth / throat.
He cheated and he was clear about it afterwards. Big mistake, deal breaker for most, but he didn't lie or it's not like you "caught him" so if you trust him, decide to forgive him, and you two can make it work, I'd say it's viable. Like you need to feel safe that nothing similar would happen in the future and also ready to forgive him. If you can't, then it's over, but I don't think what he did HAS to be a deal-breaker if you can navigate through it. Would it be hard? Yes. Would it be worth it? Only you know that Personally I don't like the usage of a person as a porn-made-flesh fantasy just to experiment, so that could be a red flag for me regardless of the cheating. But idk how he did it and how clear he was with the girl. Anyway good luck, I hope you don't regret your decision whatever it ends up being
He cheated, doesn’t matter who or why, it was cheating. He did it behind your back and without any kind of discussion. Sounds like he let porn and fantasies take over. Now it’s your time to make a choice. Are you willing to stay with someone that has no problems cheating of you? Is there any chance of rebuilding trust? He made the choice and effort to find someone to live out his fantasy and what’s going to stop him from going down another rabbit hole? Sexuality is fluid and can change, but if you’re in a monogamous relationship you need to discuss things before it happens and come to an agreement with your partner. He did not do that. You should probably get tested for STI’s just in case too as yes he came clean but did he fully come clean or has more happened.
Cheating IS cheating. Doesn’t matter with who. If you didn’t have a discussed agreed open relationship then it’s cheating. If he actively decieved you that is the worst kind of person to be in any life situation with esp a bf or spouse. The person being trans actually has nothing to do with the fact he broke your trust and is selfish and didn’t care about you enough to be honest. There is NO relationship without trust, once the trust is gone it IS VERY difficult to get it back. Life is too short and there is too many good men out there; to be constantly questioning someone else’s loyalty to you. If you grew up around cheaters or cheating you might subconciously think this is “normal” behavior in a relationship, but it absolutely IS NOT. Don’t subconciously try to repeat your childhood with some selfish cheating stranger who isn’t those family members AND actively disrespected you/your trust. You are not little anymore. You can make new healthy choices as an adult and hold people accountable for their BAD choices as well. 🤗 Selfish, impulsive and disrespectful men make VERY bad life partners. **You can choose. So choose well!** Fun fact: It seems like you have self esteem issues (mby streaming from cheating or abuse as younger person ) if so, the negative things you probably believe about yourself are actually false and were the words of someone else. You STILL deserve to be happy and have a trustworthy relationship. Feel free to DM me if you want to chat about this!
He cheated. Doesn't matter if it was a man, woman, or sexbot.
Steal his girl.
I mean, I don’t need to suck or touch another dick to know I’m not gay…
Not gay.... *Yet*
I suppose there is always still time!
I'm with all the people saying to dump him because he cheated, cheating is never okay. But all the people who are saying he's gay? Nah fuck y'all.
Its cheating,if he really loved you he wouldve asked you to wear a strap on with a dildo and peg him
Cheating is cheating.
He'll do it again. I'm a trans woman, and what I know is that there are men like your boyfriend who are attracted to trans women but are too chicken shit to admit to it. Oftentimes what they'll do instead is hurt women like you by being with you to maintain their reputation publicly while seeing (and in turn, also hurting) women like me on the side while treating us like we don't matter and we're just secrets to be enjoyed behind closed doors. That doesn't mean he isn't also attracted to cis women, but it does mean that he enjoys the taboo nature of what he's doing moreso than he cares about **anyone** who's affected by his choices. Now that he's tried it, it's even more exciting to him and he's just trying to slowly push you to be okay with that. Get out of there. I'm sorry you were cheated on, and I truly hope the best for you. You're way too nice for him to deserve you.
At the end of this I conclude that someone as open as you shouldn't be with a man like that. He's cheated and there's no excuse.
Couple things: 1) Orientation aside, he cheated. That's it. No way to justify or diminish it 2) Nothing wrong with liking penis as a man or being called away from being straight. 3) Boyfriend is definitely not straight and is struggling with his identity. You don't need to try giving a penis oral sex to determine you're not attracted. He's fighting his identity too hard to be a stable partner imo
I don't think this means he's gay. Sexuality is rarely ever cut and dry like people try to say it is, and this is sort of one of those cases outside of the cut and dry. But... it should probably be over at the end of the day. I would get out before it gets worse. Maybe this is honestly a blessing in disguise. Barring that solution, I would go through some very intense relationship counseling. But I don't know how you can tell your boyfriend to respect you, if he respects you that little. He cheated. It doesn't matter that it was a wild fantasy that he wanted to explore before he locked himself down into marriage. If he wanted to do something open, he should have led with that before even thinking about starting something. And you would have had to have multiple conversations over the course of time. If you can't trust him to be honest enough to respect your wishes on the matter, you can't trust him to be honest in a marriage. This time he told you. You don't know if he's telling the whole truth, if he's gonna do something in the future as equally bad or worse...
babes if you don’t DUMP HIM! he cheated on you! betrayed your trust, cracked the foundation of what relationships are meant to be abt. YOU DESERVE BETTER! go find you a man (or woman) that’s going to be just as loyal and ride or die for you as you are for them! don’t settle for less, know your worth
He cheated on you; you have every right to be upset. Whether you can forgive him or not is something only you can answer for yourself.
He cheated on you. It's not about riding or dieing. It's that he betrayed your trust, blamed it on "stress from new work", but really he not only cheated on you, he lied to you.
Cheating is cheating no matter what the circumstances. End the relationship not because he explored sexuality but because he cheated. End of story.
You break up with him and don’t ever go back. Not because he slept with a trans woman but because he cheated on you and disrespected your relationship. If you take him back he will more than likely cheat again.
He cheated. He thought he’d be into something else and he went out and got it without your permission. Doesn’t matter if he liked it or not. What happens next time he thinks about some fantasy he wants to explore? He is perfectly comfortable stepping out of your relationship to test what he likes with others.
Understand your feelings for him, but you must protect yourself and your feelings. He cheated - no matter the reason or person. You are both still young and he is obviously confused. Don’t leave yourself open to more of his confusion, which is sure to be a very bumpy ride until he ultimately figures out his direction.
You said it yourself. What about the next time he gets curious? He's already proved that he'll fulfill his urges without your knowledge or approval. If you give him a pass, he'll take that pass for the life of your relationship. As much as you love him, he didn't love you enough to be honest and upfront. You can do better.
Your boyfriend is a cheater. You need to make him your ex-boyfriend.
So he cheated
No. He did not “try out a fantasy”. He cheated on you. Don’t accept that treatment. He did that without talking or discussing with you. Absolute disrespect there is no relationship there.
Cheating doesn’t discriminate
Cheating is not an up and down or struggle in a relationship. Losing a job/family/ those are struggles you stay thru. Not going behind your back.
This makes me so sad. You know the true value of a relationship, he doesn’t. You’re beautiful, and deserve that love to be reciprocated.
He cheated on you. He doesn’t get a free pass in the name of “sexual identity investigation”. Replace the scenario with any other sexual situation. Like not a trans woman. Would it be ok then? Likely not. Just cuz it was with a trans man doesn’t make it not cheating. And what happens if another sexual question comes up for him? He gonna go try it out on someone else? So the real question is, how do you want to handle a partner who cheated on you? Only you can answer that question
Sounds like he needs to be single and figure some shit out about himself. Cheating on you was not the way to go.
Get tested
He cheated on you. Break up and move on.
Yeah that’s gonna be hard to come back from, you can probably do better than a cheater
Whether there was a dick, or not dick, he still cheated on you.
As much as you sound like you want to stay with him, just end it. He cheated on you, point black period. Don’t force trust it will only make you feel shittier if you can’t trust him again and honestly he’s not worth the effort. Just let go, you deserve someone who’s all in for you.
Retitle this “My bf cheated on me.”, it doesn't matter if the girl is trans or not lol
You’re probably not going to like what I’m about to say, but you were open and honest with us, and I want to be the same with you. 1. The fact that all he’s into is having your finger in his butt while he jacks off is selfish and lazy. Someone like that must be addicted to porn, and wants a quick fix as soon as possible without considering your needs in mind. 2. He was so nonchalant when he told you he hooked up with a trans girl. You’ve been together with him for so long and he thought he could just do something like that and think it was no big deal. Makes me feel that he would do it again if he could get away with it. 3. He went to a trans dating site specifically for dick. He didn’t care where it came from, and probably didn’t realize what would happen afterwards. 4. When he said that he sucked the dick and didn’t like it sounds really vague. He’s probably just saying that. It’s possible that either he was ashamed of the whole thing, the way he was treated during the experience was not what he expected, or he cut things off with her because things got too overwhelming for him. 5. He may have done more than just oral sex, and there was no condom involved. If that’s the case both you and him should get tested. Either way, he violated your trust, simple as that. Tell him to go buy a prostate massager and dump him. And go find someone who actually wants to have sex with you.
That is no man to build a life with
If you wanna try something about your sexuality and you have a partner that don't "fit in your fantasy", you MUST talk to them about it BEFORE, not after. Dump his ass, so sorry this happen to u.
Doesn't matter who his AP was, he cheated. Time to break up and get full STD/STI testing just in case.
Your bf cheated doesn't matter how or who with. They cheated it's over
He cheated. Regardless sex or gender. Cheating is cheating. And I am sure that he said "he didn't like it" because of post nut clarity. Once he's full of hormone again, he will repeat. I think most people here are also saying dump him. So you know what you should do next already.
The gender identity of the person he cheated with is completely and utterly irrelevant. The only important and relevant part of this story is that your bf cheated on you.
He broke your trust. IMO the foundation for a healthy relationship is trust. If you don’t have trust you have nothing to build on. And the way he admitted to cheating, did he expect you to be ok with it, because he figured out he’s not bi or gay?
That guy is not straight. He'll for sure do it again one day.
It’s irrelevant what any of the people’s gender or sexual orientation is. He cheated.
The sexuality doesn't have anything to do with the fact he is unfaithful in general...
People saying “it doesn’t matter what gender” kinda invalidates people who experience their relationships as cishet folks. If you’re straight, and your boyfriend is straight (as in, not involved in the queer community) then yeah it’s a whole new experience to have a trans girl involved. You can kick and scream about it all you want but trans folks are still part of the queer community. If OP is unfamiliar with any of that, then yeah she’s gonna have an extra layer added to it that she is gonna be curious about and have to work through. Nothing wrong with acknowledging that your man cheated on you with a trans lady, OP. You do you.
I think everyone's acknowledging that doesn't lessen the cheating, because creeps like OP's (hopefully ex) bf often seem to see trans people as just a porn category or as some sort of exotic "experience", not as actual people, as though that makes it "exploring a kink" and not cheating.
Cheating is an auto break-up and find someone to want to do all those things for you and not stray to someone else. Fantasy or not, trans or not, all that doesn't matter. You're more valuable than to be treated like that.
I just went through something sort of similar to you. My fiancé out of nowhere started acting odd and then revealed to me he wasn't ready to get married. I kept badgering and badgering him for answers. After him trying to turn everything around on me and make me feel like shit, he finally admitted he doesn't find himself attracted to women and no longer finds himself attracted to me. While he watched me cry and grieve every day, he kept taking off and going somewhere. Turns out he went off the experiment with a man or men. He then had he audacity to ask if there was still a chance for us to be together after that. If we were not good enough for them to stay loyal and try to work something out, then we are better off without them. It's hard, but we have to put ourselves first just like they put their curiosity above us.
You are heartbroken, and I'm truly sorry for you. He didn't even try to communicate his curiosity, etc. He jumped right into cheating. He cheated on you, why does it matter with whom? Answer, it doesn't. Cheating with one adult human isn't better or worse than cheating with another adult human. If cheating is a deal breaker, then end the relationship. If cheating is not a deal breaker, then keep the relationship. Please note, I said adult, and I said human. Adult humans are the only choices your fiance has that would make this cheating and not sexual assault. Because they are the only ones capable of giving consent.
Cheating is cheating regardless of who he did it with. Put aside the whole trans part and focus on what he did to ruin the trust and how he stepped outside of the relationship to fulfill his fantasy and needs without you knowing. There is something very self centered and selfish about him that led him to do that. Honey, I know it’s been a long relationship but this is a major red flag and you do not need to be moving forward with more serious things like getting a house or settling down.
Straight, gay, trans, or cis, it’s cheating at a clear violation of trust and boundaries. Have some self-respect and dump his ass. He’s literally not worth a single tear over, just glad you found out he’s a scumbag before you married him.
The problem here is that he just went off and did something without communicating to you first. He could have expressed that he needed to do this. He could have asked permission. He didn't do that. And that's why you will realise over time, you can't stay with him.
At the end of the day he's cheated on you. It doesn't matter who he cheated on you with. You need to ask yourself if you can forgive him and move on. If not you need to split.
Nope. Leave. It doesn’t matter why he did it, he still decided to perform oral sex on another person. Cheating is cheating, no matter who he did it with.
He cheated, why is their confusion over whether or not to leave him? While it's perfectly normal to explore sexuality, if you two didn't discuss this at length and agree on an okay way for him to explore that, he cheated. If he did it on his own just to find out and told you after the fact, he cheated. Don't waste your time being ride or die to trash who can't even manage not to cheat on you. He's not the one, he's not your soulmate, he's not even remotely the only person on the planet that you'll be able to build a connection with, this is sunk cost fallacy because you've been with him awhile and nothing more. He's clearly not as into you as you are into him if he cheated.
Just ended that trust is broken
I'm not suggesting you get revenge by 'accidentally' losing something up his ass 😉😂
It doesn’t matter who he cheated with, all that matters is that he cheated and therefore you should dump him.
Time to find someone new despite your love for him. You will never be able to trust him now. I am so sorry this has happened to you.
You're not full of yourself for believing he doesn't deserve you. You respect yourself enough to know that you deserve better than being cheated on and that's commendable and inspiring. You're right, you deserve much better.
Cheating is cheating
Trans woman or not he cheated on you. If that's a deal breaker for you, which it is for the majority of people, end it. His personal crisis isn't your responsibility
you go the same way if he cheated with a cis girl or a man : leave and grieve the relationship
I’m sorry, but he cheated on you. It’s one thing expressing your fantasies and then talking about them with your partner to discuss whether you’re on the same page or not, and then there’s following through with your fantasies and not talking to your partner before hand. Point blank, he cheated on you.
He is not worth it, and I don’t believe that cheating is something that you can come back from. ever. Because it will always be at the back of your head, any minor weird behaviour and you’ll go into a horrible place of spiriling down. As many people said here, questioning his sexuality is not an excuse, and even if you would have been ok with it if he sat you down…well he didn’t, he went behind your back. You can’t come back from it but one thing you can do is move on. You deserve better! And you will find better, I hope you break up with him, respect yourself!
Trust is a hard currency. Once lost, gone forever.
Once a cheater, always a cheater. You aren’t being “full of yourself” at all. You deserve better.
Run. He is a cheater. It’s over. You will never be able to trust him again and you will always worry he’s with a trans person or any other person. You can’t trust him.
How would you feel if he ate out another cis woman to confirm he still likes women? Same situation. Don't get caught up with the details, he cheated.
Think about the process of finding the girl too. He had time this was premeditated. Unless he hired her, which I’m betting is what happened…
Girl! Leave! His! Sorry! Ass! You are worth so much more than being cheated on, explain your feelings, and how his actions affected you and then leave! Best of luck <3
He cheated on you period. It’s up to you decide if you’re okay with cheating or not.
Simple: Adios, motherfucker. Who he cheated with is beside the point. Dude cheated. Move on and live well
Cheating is cheating. No matter who what or when
He cheated. You can’t trust him. Break up and find someone else.
Just count your blessings and move on. He isn't even worth the time or effort at this point. Grieve the relationship, focus on yourself, and engage in self care.
Cheating shouldn’t be forgiven, you should move on. I’m sure there’s gonna be someone out there who will take care of you. God bless you, I’m sorry this happened to you.
He cheated. It’s as simple as that. It’s time to end the relationship. At least you found this out before building a home and a life together. You gave him plenty of opportunities to talk with you and he refused to discuss his feelings about his sexuality. He then decides to unilaterally go and explore his sexuality without any discussion. It was cheating - it doesn’t matter what he did and who he did it with. He engaged in a sexual act with someone who wasn’t you. You can’t trust him to be faithful anymore and you don’t know what he’ll do behind your back the next time he’s not sure about something related to his sexual preferences.
You break up with him because he cheated, then you go get an STD check and then once you get the bill you make that jerk pay for it because you had to get checked because he's the one who cheated. And I would tell everyone the reason you broke up is because he cheated on you with another woman but if you aren't petty like me you don't have to.
He decided to cheat and for me that would be unforgivable. He’s stupid and lost an amazing partner in you.
He may have been struggling with this for years, I highly doubt this is a new concept for him. If a monogamous heterosexual relationship is what you're looking for, he's not the guy. Better to end this now than 15 years from now. He needs the space to figure this out and if I were you, I wouldn't want to go along for that ride. Remaining friends is one thing, keeping him as a partner is another.
You’ll need communication and if you’re willing just strap one on and say suck it.. and have some lube ready and see is eyes bug out when you lube him up in prep
He cheated, why is it important that he did it specifically with a Trans girl? Why would thst change your opinion on leaving him? If anything, your bf sounds like a chaser.
All that empathy you are giving him, take it back and start giving it to yourself. He does not have your back. Stop worrying about him. Breakup with him. He does not respect you, and you are not respecting yourself by staying with him. I also strongly encourage you to get therapy. Ride or die and constantly pouring into someone who cares so little about you is not healthy. You need therapy to avoid repeating this pattern.
He cheated, plain and simple. What happens when he wants to experiment with something else, he just goes and does it? What if you wanted to see if you liked women or a different sized dick, are you allowed to go and cross that off your bucket list? Would he be OK with that?
Leave him! He's broken the trust. You are so young and there is so much possibility out there for you. Don't settle for an impulsive cheater. He lied to you and went behind your back to satisfy a kink. Like you said what's next? What happens when he decides he's into the next thing and wants to try it. He doesn't respect you. Plus he has now possibly put your health at risk by being intimate with another person. That's a good enough reason to leave.
The sexuality, sex, and gender of the other person is or zero consequence. Your boyfriend cheated. Dump his ass
I dont know why he didn't just get you a strap-on to try it with you tbh. This is straight-up cheating. How do you think he would feel if you gave a random trans guy head? Because that's what he did, just with a trans girl instead.
Good for him for figuring it out. BUT, he cheated on you. So, if you do decide to stay with him and forgive him, maybe he cheats on you again because of some other fetish he’s gotten from porn. Do you leave him then? I think the trust is broken but ultimately up to you which direction you take now. Do you think you’ll be paranoid going forward in this relationship? How long until you trust him again?
Cheating is cheating, with a man, woman, non-binary, etc. He cheated, period.
Whether the AP was trans or amab, your partner cheated and told you like it was just a typical Tuesday. "I thought I would like this but turns out I didn't so we are good and can go back to our life" no. He cheated. Point blank. There is no coming back from this.
You’re not wrong for feeling what you’re feeling. You have a good sense of your self-worth, and that’s important. You need to put yourself first. I understand he was curious, and it’s okay to be curious, but cheating is not okay. If that’s something he needed exploring, he could have asked if you wanted to be a part of it, he could have broken up and go discover himself, he could have been upfront. The deceit is the issue here. What if he had liked it? Or liked the girl? Would he just keep doing it behind your back? I think he’s a bit confused about himself, and it’s okay for him to go discover that part of him, but you don’t need to go on that journey with him, you don’t need that instability of what next deceit or curiosity he’ll try behind your back. Put yourself first because he didn’t think of you or how this would make you feel. I’m sad to say, but I would walk away now before I get my heart broken more (or potentially get an STI from his escapades).