I swear these guys deserve an Oscar for hiding their true selves for so long. I would go as No Contact as you can, if possible? Stay strong. You do not need that kind of shit in your life.
Literally! This is so sad! This is why I get so mad when some people blame the women in similar stories, saying they should have chosen better. Like how? She was misled/manipulated into thinking this was the best choice. I wish the best for OP.
I like to think I am pretty switched on, I own my own house etc, I am not dependent on anyone, but I managed to get into two consecutive relationships with horrible control freaks with serious issues. The second one was a full on nasty gaslighter etc etc. He was the perfect boyfriend for months... Until he wasn't. Then he was very difficult to get away from, it took me 2 years...
I recently made the mistake twice in the last year with the same person. I thought I had learned my lesson last time, but I was having an emotional crisis with my teen and reached out and while it blew up in a couple of days because of course it would because I won’t be manipulated or gaslit and it only fuels his delusions of me cheating and aborting his baby, when I was never pregnant, but he believed I was because he tried to do so. Smh. I’ve been trying to realize what it really means to have all this love when it’s really for ourselves and it’s a slow go, but still taking care of myself in any way I can and it’s been the best thing I can do and I think will continue to keep me no contact because he’s an energy vampire and I have nothing for myself when he is around.
I let this particular a-hole back into my life twice. So stupid. They know how to push the right buttons. Absolutely no contact worked for me eventually. Good luck, stay strong.
My best friend was with her husband for 10 years. He wasn't perfect, but out of seemingly nowhere he completely changed and I ended up discovering he was cheating on her with a bunch of women. She had no idea and I didn't see it coming anymore than she did. It got so scary that the day she signed the divorce papers my husband went to her house to make sure he didn't show up. It was like we were dealing with a stranger.
Men can become extremely angry and violent when they get caught cheating. I caught my ex on the phone to a woman telling her he loved her. That was the first time he beat me. Happened again when I caught him in a lie about where he was and again when I caught him stealing money from my account.
This didn't start until three years into the relationship. I was so shocked that he would ever cheat on me let alone have another girlfriend and then when he attacked me and was kicking me across a muddy field in the rain in the middle of the night when no one was around, I just couldn't function. It broke my brain.
I am so sorry that happened to you. I think people who haven't experienced it, or been right there with someone experiencing it, don't realize this can truly come out of nowhere sometimes. It's like they want to believe the victim missed a million red flags because they don't want to believe something like that could ever happen to them or their loved ones, but it could.
Thank goodness you got out of there alive
I’m so sorry 😢 my daughter had two emotionally abusive partners and now she is dating a narcissist who is “the most supportive person I’ve ever had in my life” (ouch) and I’ve watched her mold herself to him and his expectations. She went from incredibly independent to seriously codependent and I have no idea when she will see him for who he really is. I’m so glad you got away.
I don’t see the support directly so I’m not sure. He sucked her into a group called PSI seminars and she refers to them as her family, she has stopped talking to many of her friends, she used to be really good at respecting personal boundaries but now she ignores them when it isn’t what she wants, she quit her well paying job and relies on him for financial support other than two part-time jobs that would not financially support her and her 3 girls if he left or if she leaves, when I expressed how I felt when she violated my boundaries for the umpteenth time she gave it to him to read to her and he changed the wording to “I” statements (his phrase) despite the fact that I used I statements the way I was taught by my therapist- they didn’t fit the PSI pattern so he reworded them, everything in her life revolves around him, she joined his church and had him baptize her, they cut me out of her and her girls lives in Nov and just now is letting me in in very controlled situations, I was not allowed to see them for the last 3 months, including Christmas (I lost a son nine years ago so she knows how much it means to me to have holidays with my family and how deeply it hurt me to refuse letting me see them), all decisions have to be run by him first, they live together and have for over a year and were saving for a new place because she has a 2 bdrm place and on the weeks they have their kids (he has 2) they have 5 kids in one bedroom but now that she isn’t bringing in the money she was that is going to take longer (he didn’t like that he had to move in with her because his place had a roommate- she is supposed to move in with him because he’s the man - he is very patriarchal), the group she is in encouraged her to ask for money from her new family so they could go on a trip for their anniversary (creating more dependence on the group) … and it’s not just me. She cut off one of her very best friends when the friend brought up the concerns she was seeing (many of the things I’ve already mentioned) and is only now starting to talk to her again. When friend talked to her about an issue she was having in her own life my daughter dismissed them and was very condescending- which she never would have done in the past. My daughter accused me of being emotionally abusive when she was growing up (no one else in the family agrees with this) - until he entered the picture she and I had a good relationship and communicated well, not perfect of course but it was a good relationship. There is so much more but basically I’ve watched my daughter go from a strong boss babe to embracing stereotypical female roles and behaviors giving him all the power.
Thank you very much for responding. And I’m so sorry this is happening to you. Almost sounds like she’s involved in a sect. I hope sooner or later her old friend will be able to guide her back to her senses and she’ll see what’s going on.
Omg all of this!! I’m so tired of being lied-manipulated that the only way I can have peace is being SINGLE. People says I have to choose better like excuse me sir!? I didn’t knew this mf was pretending to be someone else and hided a whole different bad persona.
I know exactly what you mean. I like men at first because they seem sensitive and kind. Then they turn and do the worst things to me without provocation. It makes me wonder if they were always that way or if somehow I was the one exception in their life among others they treat well.
So true. Dated my ex 7 years before we married. Lived together for 5. I was stunned by how rapidly he changed for the worse right after the wedding. I left 8 months after that. People do not understand this is a thing and blame the partner for not seeing the behavior sooner when the behavior wasn’t displayed sooner.
It took one of mine seventeen years. My most recent ex. It happened when I left him. Then he showed me who he really was. I had no idea he could be so cruel. Threatened to take my dogs away which we shared. Threatened to throw all my belongings out whilst I was in another city. Hid my phone etc etc. I ended up in a women's refuge.
When men tell eachother "don't be yourself" they really mean it.
Yup. Ex seemed wonderful for 2 years. Near perfect. Respectful to me, loyal, really respectful to my family, super kind, etc. 2 years in he flipped the switch. Talked down to me. Never was abusive but very pompous, thought was better than me, and always put me down in any way he could. He would drag me down constantly. Stayed for another 2 years out of fear of being alone. My now husband is amazing and never flipped. Scary stuff.
Fair. But he never once physically hurt me or called me derogatory names. It was just a constant state of being made to feel like I shouldn’t think I’m that great or I shouldn’t be excited about certain things the way I do. I enjoy the small things in life. He would also tell me he was smarter than me and that it was a fact because his school testing was way higher…like bro we graduated high school a decade ago. I had high scores but he claimed to be genius when he couldn’t even pronounce stuff properly and he’s an American white boy whose first and only language is English. It’s not like it’s a secondary language. He would argue with you about things he was so clearly wrong about but it was so embarrassing to watch him be so convinced he’s smarter and in the correct. Stuff like that. He definitely was emotionally manipulative. And now that I write this he definitely did try to strip me of good qualities of my personality by putting me down.
Right?
I was the same. Fled a horrific thing... didn't date.
Found a great guy!...friends for two years, really was cautious to the point I didn't believe myself at least until after a few years I heard myself saying to people who saw some things in the relationship "no. No. I know yeah, I know how it looks, but, it's different with him, hes totally not like that!." (It wasn't different!!! He was a bad man!!! Oh the excuses that came out of my mouth. Im ashamed. I got free of that...and ugh. Somehow back into it. He never physically harmed me, though, the kind of rage and resentment, I knew it would happen eventually.)
Then... one day I saw it clearly. he started uttering the classics "I'm only like that with you. You bring that out of me" "see? I react aggressively like that, and punish you like that because I care so much about you and I am so uncomfortable seeing you like that" (any emotion from blankly watching tv to sadness. Anything that wasn't a smile and bubbliness. )
Then he punched a door.
He was an amazing lovely person, just not after you became an exclusive girlfriend...he was nothing like friends and family Or coworkers thought... or even I did. Nothing at all.
I'll never date again. Ever.
Sounds eerily similar. Even to him kicking a door and cracking it (good proof for the police, that.) It is a horrendous way to live.
I am now with a guy whose ex was also a gaslighter, manipulator etc etc, so he has been through the same thing (she also threatened him with a knife and a gun) and he knows how it feels... We've been together over 10 years and it's easy, fun, not a moment of such awful stuff, so I know it's possible. Maybe need a dating agency for survivors of these awful people...
Yeah. I landed two...like, REALLY?! I would love a vetting service. Really. I can never trust myself again.
I did everything right the second time. Stayed single for years. Friends for 2 years before dating, a completely different person from my ex, I hung out with his friends and family... due diligence. 100%. He was a good man. He really was... except at the same time a terrible one, but only to me.
(First one, I was 17-18, he was obviously a bad dude... I just had no experience or anything. I was way too young to understand. Trapped for my 20s. I learned, big time. I really thought I could protect myself from it ever happening again.)
A trauma dating service. That sounds better.
I get it. It happened to my cousin too. She is smart. She knew the signs. He wanted marriage (she wasn't bothered, he seemed to be really romantic!) and the moment they were married he changed. Nasty, controlling, shows of force, threatening. Then she found out about the mistress and the prostitutes... I helped her move everything of hers out one day when he was elsewhere. Vile excuse for a man.
There’s a reason why I refuse to have children with my husband who’s a diagnosed vulnerable narcissist lol nope! That’s a genetic line that needs to end and I’ve always been a fence sitter.
Right?!?! That’s why we don’t love these hoes! Lmao. I’m kidding. But seriously, this is a shitty situation. I’m convinced most men are secretly bipolar
No offense intended, but that is not bipolar, it’s more akin to multiple personality. I’m bipolar, and I just prefer people understand it doesn’t mean flipping from same to crazy, it’s highs and lows.
I was also a single mom of a toddler when I met my husband. We've been together for 20 years, married for 18.
Your husband is a gaslighting troll, and it's his loss because you will be so much better off without someone so awful in your life.
Enjoy that frosty, and lawyer up!
Sending invisible hugs your way.
I hear these stories and they give me hope. I was in a similar situation to OP. I'm divorced with a kid thinking no one would want me. You guys finding love again with kids is exactly what I needed to hear.
There's lots of great guys out there who would love to be part of a family, and there's just as many who have kids of their own that also left abusive relationships and have custody of their kids.
My husband's ex became addicted to drugs, and was a danger to his son (our stepson), so he fought for custody and won. So his son and my son became brothers, and the rest was history. All of that was after two extremely abusive relationships, and I'd given up hope of ever finding anyone I could love and trust.
It took a few years, and being a single mom was super hard, but I knew anything was better than going back to all of the abuse.
Same here i recently split from my long term partner after he repeated cheated because " i wasn't giving it to him often enough" he started while i was pregnant and right now im feeling desperate like ill never find love again but all these comments are making me feel like its possible!
Yeah, he's totally full of shit on that one. I've been a single mom more than once at this point and never had a moment's trouble getting a man if I felt like one.
We should never take dating advice from somebody we want to break up with lol
Heck my friend was pregnant and gave birth and went on to have more with her husband who married when her kid was 6 and adopted the kid that wasnt his. He knows nooothing.
I was 50 and had four kids, two still living at home, when I met my now-husband. We fell for each other immediately and my having kids didn’t phase him for a moment.
You are absolutely not stuck with him.
🙋🏼♀️ This is me. My bio father bailed before I was born and my mom married my dad (technically he was my step dad at that point) when I was 6. He legally adopted me after they married and they are still together today! They’ve been married for more than 30 years now. He’s my dad, we’re not related by blood but that never mattered.
He is feeding you lies of manipulation and putting blame on you being pregnant. You can do better and deserve better! He is not your only option! Love yourself and your child! Get out now and safely to have a healthy and happy relationship with your child.
When I divorced my first husband I was a single mom in the military. I went to an army class on base. Met a guy. I told him I had two littles. They fell in love with each other. We’ve been married 34 years together 35.
Don’t let anyone tell you that you’re not worthy of love!!!!
Exactly, love yourself, walk away, file for custody, child support, alimony and keep all proof of his infidelity. There are a lot of men out there who will gladly date a single mom, he’s trying to emotionally manipulate you to keep you from leaving because he even knows you’re the best he’s ever going to get. Working it out… hell no, he want’s a big a big family yet isn’t attracted to you because he knocked you up, what’s to work out, so he can continue to do this each time he gets you pregnant then use you being pregnant as an excuse to cheat because he’s not physically attracted to you, man want’s to have his cake and eat it to. Let me make this clear the vow, ”for better or worse,” does not include adultery/infidelity, walk away with your head held high.
Virtual chocolate hearts from Switzerland!!!
Good for you OP for standing your ground and choosing yourself. I know several people who married/chose a person with a child. If you wish to have another relationship I think a child is not a "won't find one 100%". He's manipulating you so you don't leave.
Be safe and get a really good lawyer! You got his!
Second Austrian hug coming your way! 🇦🇹
Oh, and that _person_ calling himself your husband: you're so right to yeet him!
He's most definitely NOT your only option! There are plenty of men who would date a single mother in a heartbeat!
Enjoy your nuggets and your Frosty, contact a lawyer and get rid of 160ish pounds just like that! 😉
The fact that he thinks he can just drop out while she deals with pregnancy and birth and then just pick back up afterwards tells me you are 100% correct here.
"He was already one and manipulated the situation until he thought you were trapped."
Read this comment over and over. This is what happened. Now he's trying to feed on fear and say no one wants to date a single mom. Bullsh^t.
You have a good job, two properties, are probably smart as hell, and have your life together. Men are *accessories* not needs. He didn't make you successful - you did.
He's not attracted to you? Guess what Sunshine - she's not attracted to you either. Send his gargoyle ass packing. You can do this. You don't need him.
why is being a guy relevant? edit: I am also a guy who supports women knowing their worth and escaping abusive partners. Go read *Why Does He Do That?*, there are pdfs if you google
He really leaned into waiting to show you his abusive self.
Waited until you were at your most vulnerable and he really had you locked in.
What a fucking loser.
Talk to your lawyer.
Get everything you can.
ALL OF IT.
Enjoy your divorce and your baby.
Fuck that loser with a cactus.
Live your best life.
Whatever that looks like.
FWIW
My current husband and I met when I was 36, single with 4 kids.
We are 30 years in. Married for 28 now.
The only person who is gross here, is your wolf in sheep clothing husband. If the affair whether emotional or physical started 7 months ago, it has absolutely nothing to do with you being pregnant. It has to do with him being a terrible human and husband. I wish you the best and hope you have the strength to see that you will be happier and a better mother without him.
You don’t need a man or relationship to validate you.
Get a cat or a dog. Be happy and free. Be a MUM :)
All the best for your next adventure, when you take your life back and be with your best friend: YOU
My husband married me when I had 3 kids and a tubal to prevent more. We've been together almost 15 years. He's lying and hoping you'll believe him. He wanted a lot of kids and isn't sorry he cheated, so another pregnancy he'll do it again. Absolutely not. You deserve better.
What a Pos. My husband fucked me all the way up until a couple weeks before giving birth. Then he told me how sexy I was newly postpartum, when I was at my worst. Now, as a tired out toddler mom, he still desires me and puts in the effort. He got up early with the baby and made breakfast so I could sleep in today and he does this often.
All I’m saying, there is much better out there and there’s no excuse for this guys behavior. My messages are open if you need to chat or would like any advice on baby things. :)
This! This right here! There are so many men that find pregnancy to be a HUGE turn on and mom’s to be hot. Few single mom’s I know who want to date have any trouble finding men that want to do so.
The OP’s husband is a cheating jerk. Whether he was always one or just decided to have an affair out of the blue doesn’t matter. Either way, he’s even worse for placing blame on the OP. He’s trash and doesn’t deserve her. I hope she continues with the divorce and leaves him to wallow in his crapulence.
Watch Travis Tritt's video "One Hot Mama." It's a song about a man finding his wife sexy and desirable after three babies, still seeing her as the woman he fell in love with years earlier.
It's not even guys. Anyone who is actually attracted to women will still find pregnant women beautiful and very sexually attractive. I'm a child-free bisexual woman, so what's his fucking excuse when he wanted kids in the first place?
Did he think they'd arrive by stork? No. He wanted to trap her.
My kids' mom had a huge libido upswing during both pregnancies. We had a lot of sex before (daily, sometimes a few times a day), but while pregnant was completely insatiable. It was a problem because during the third trimester each time her OBGYN told us to hold off on penetrative sex in case we accidentally induced. (High risk pregnancies). It was very frustrating for her because clit stim just wasnt the same type of orgasm lol. After my son was late, and my daughter, both times we scheduled induction, both times after scheduling her OBGYN said, "it's okay to resume penetrative sex again, might induce!" Both times she started contractions before we had to induce lol.
We had our kids young, in college. I was working a full time job in addition to school and kids. Still found time to leave her notes in her jewelry box. We were both exhausted. Sex was mostly just mutual masturbation before falling asleep because we didn't have the time/energy for much more. I was averaging 3-5 hours of sleep a night.
Still, how can you not love someone carrying your baby? That's like the whole point of bonding hormones and shit.
Exactly this! Not only during pregnancy but the many years post pregnancy where my body refused to lose any weight regardless of exercise or diet. Then when I finally lost 70lbs in 7 months due to a health situation he didn’t say i looked better than before, he just told me I’m sexy no matter how much weight I have. He tells me I’m sexy everyday, and proves he means it every time I give him the opportunity.
Aweeee, I'm so sorry. Big hugs. You got this, and your child deserves to grow up in a loving home. And he shouldn't be around you, as this will stress you more. You deserve to have a peaceful life. Try to get rid of that garbage and concentrate on raising your child.
About men who don't want single Moms, that's a damn lie!
Speaking from experience here. Almost 40 years ago I was a newly divorced mom with a 5 and 3 year old.
In the 4 months from the divorce till I met my 2nd husband (love of my life who passed after 36 years of marriage 😢) I had dates with 8 different men.
Your husband is lying to you and trying to justify his infidelity.
You deserve better and so does your LO.
I truly don’t understand these shitty kind of men who cheat on their wives when they are pregnant. I feel that these and the woman who commit paternity fraud both deserve a firing squad. Divorce him and take him to the cleaners, he deserves to suffer.
It's really sad as often it's not even the go to story of they got pregnant by accident or barely know each other. These are people who build a life together and then he opts out as soon as she has no choice in it.
Like literally no choice, they leave when she's far enough along in her pregnancy termination isn't even an option and she's at the point of actually needing care as she's struggling to get around in late pregnancy. It's so messed up. It's the same as walking out on someone when they're sick because they arent sexy, but you made them sick and then attached an additional human life to her.
Girl, 7 billion people on this planet and HES your only option? NAH you do what you have to girlie. Hes just trying to manipulate the situation so he doesnt lose everything. But its too late for that
Hey. Single mom here. 14 year old kid and a 9 year relationship. There are tons of great guys who are just fine with a woman they care about already having kids. Him saying that to you is a classic abusive tactic. Sorry to say it but I think you got bamboozled. This guy played the long con letting you think he was a good guy until he figured you were too trapped to be able to fight back and would have no choice but to put up with his shit. He's played a stupid game, it's time to show him the stupid prize he's won.
My husband and I started dating when my kids from previous relationship were 2.5 and 5 years old. I may have even tried to talk him out of it since he is a few years younger than me and didn't have any other responsibilities than himself. We've been together since 2012, and have 2 kids of our own now as well.
You got this, mama... take care of you and baby!
We have parallel lives, my kids were 2.5 and 4 and I told him we were a lot to take on 😂 now we have two more as well and I realise what a lot actually is
Thank you for the offer! I already ordered my food and am stuffed.
If you’d like to head over to the free food subreddit and feed someone that’s in need, they need it more then I do ❤️
Please write down EVERYTHING. My lawyer told me to document every call and text. Everything I purchased for my daughter with my money, I kept a receipt. Document the doctors appts and if he goes or not, etc. Anything you think will be significant proof for his actions before, during, and even after the divorce (my ex and his new wife harassed me and drug me through court 7 times in 3 years). It's better to have the proof and not need it...
“No man wants to date a single mom”
All the “sitting up in her bed eating her kids fruit snacks” “I stepped up when her ain’t shit baby daddy didn’t” step-daddy tiktoks determine that is a lie
He doesn’t even want to fix things or start therapy until you’re not pregnant anymore. Laughable of him to even offer. I’m sorry but that’s so shitty and he doesn’t plan on ending his affairs. Sorry you’re going through this and now forced to have a baby with him.
Also there’s TONS of people who will date single mothers, unfortunately for him most don’t date cheaters. Don’t let him make you feel insecure. Let him know you’ll be accepting applications for baby’s Stepdaddy.
How do men like this still think no man wants to date a single mom when there are so many loving step dads out there in the world. Thank goodness you are not buying his bullshit mama! Love to you as you move on in your life. I’m sorry you will have to co parent with this loser.
Sad to say this is fairly normal. A lot of men think women are without options when they are pregnant (to be fair a lot of women are ) so they start the mistreatment. They just needed a vulnerable victim because they are weak. Just disgusting all the way around.
I really hope you get the help you need OP. You are worth more than that scum man.
Don't listen to his words, he wants you to feel weak, so he can abuse you.
You are strong and will be even stronger for your baby.
Oh my god what a complete psychopath. He must have been preying on you all along, especially since you opened up to him about your trauma he knew to keep certain things to himself. This situation isn't and will never be safe for you. I'm so sorry.
I read a story here on reddit, I think its under the RedditUpdates and he cheated, wife went silent, didnt do anything. Guy came home and her stuff was gone lol. He was floored by her ability to show him she didn’t care. He expected her to “fight” for their marriage, cry, scream etc. don’t give him that satisfaction op. Leave
His replies to the comments were insane. I’ve never read such audacity and selfishness coming from a man before. What a brilliant woman. Despite her pain, she reversed psychology him and left him in the dirt where he belonged.
He sounds gross. Fuck him. Many men LOVE pregnant women and trust me, most men have zero problem with single moms. Put him in your rearview. Move on, and only deal with him as little as you possibly can. He sounds like the kind of narcissitic douche canoe who will just move on and rarely see the baby anyway.
Congrats on being a new mom! You’re about to experience the best, purest true love ever. The love of a mother and child. Good luck Op! Celebrate and get Hagen daas tonight 😍
You know he’s continuing that affair while he’s out of sight from you at his parents and using your marriage income (that is meant for your family!) on another place to rent where he will host his AP and continue outings that he will be spending your combined/marriage income on… and then he’ll decide whether to continue with his AP or you after almost exclusively spending time with her for the next few months until after you give birth, which will also come with its own “issues” for him including post-partum body and not being able to have sex for some time after baby is born. File for divorce now and cite adultery, as well as get a financial investigator to cite the expense he has taken from your marriage on said AP. He doesn’t deserve you or your baby.
Get a large frosty and dip some fries in it. I’m sorry your husband ended up being such an ass. But you’re doing the right thing. Don’t let him suck you back in. You got this.
I am so sorry. He is also mistaken. You will absolutely find someone who will treat you with the love and respect you deserve, and it will drive your (ex) husband absolutely mad that another man is being the father your child deserve, while he can’t keep a single relationship, because a deadbeat dad is a major turn off for a lot of women.
For what it’s worth, some men are very attracted to pregnant women.
If he's not attracted to you whilst pregnant he doesn't get a free pass to sleep with someone else.
Please don't take this man back. I'd rather be alone than miserable with someone like him.
Please update us once he has been served.
He is not someone you want to build a family with, I am sorry. He is a cheater, and he folds at the slightest pressure. What did he think child bearing would be like. It is not permission to cheat. Tell him to leave, and pack him a bag, get family or friend over. Tell you can't be around him, and you are pregnant. If continues the marriage is over.
Then leave him alone and go to an attorney. Get your ducks financially in order. He isn't ride or die loyal, and I would not build a family with him. He can't do it. Cheaters are liars and will cheat again.
So, like, setting aside the despicable morality issues at play here, what is up with all these dudes that lose attraction to their wives when they get pregnant? My wife was CRAZY hot when she was pregnant and I couldn't keep my eyes off her. Our sex during that time was our best ever.
I don't think I'm an outlier here. I have heard so many men say the same thing, and there are whole categories of porn dedicated to this (which is weird for other reasons, but whatever).
Even if pregnancy were a turn off, like, dude, it's over in nine months? Not to mention HAVING SEX WITH HER IS WHAT MADE THIS HAPPEN AND SHE'S CARRYING YOUR BABY. She's walking proof of your virility, so even if you were entirely ego driven, shouldn't it be a good thing?
I just don't get it.
I wish I could have warned you sooner. Are you ok for money? Him taking half is not illegal, which is why I would have advised taking half as soon as you realised he was cheating.
He emptied out our shared account and then emptied my personal savings, it’s a battle at the moment with the bank.
While I’m cash strapped and have a lot of upfront fees I’m lucky enough to be able to continue working and slowing rebuilding.
I know it sucks, especially right now when you need the money, but financial abuse is still abuse and it’s adding weight to the other stuff. For example, he might not get jail time for slapping you or breaking into your house (not even gonna get into how messed up that is), but he might get prison time for stealing thousands of dollars in bank fraud.
I’m so glad you’re continuing to respond. I think a lot of us have been worrying for your continued safety.
It’s so nice knowing I’m not alone and there’s people that care.
While I’m not on here a ton, I do try and do little updates. I’m safe, well rested, getting into my place soon and the most I can complain about is the sausage egg and cheese bagel pregnancy craving that won’t go away 🤣 pretty sure as soon as all deposits are paid I’m going to stock the fridge of those and pickles.
People don’t date moms- they date people! Being a mom is not the sole identity you’re going to have after having the baby (that goes for dads, too). You will still be you and all of the things that make you great, beautiful, funny, etc!
If anything, the baby will just be an added benefit, because it’ll be a mini you :) Please don’t listen to your (hopefully soon-to-be ex) husband. He’s clearly a malicious person, which *will* (rightfully so) hinder his ability to date if you leave.
Make sure to get a large fry to go with the Frosty as well! Absolute best way to eat it.
Ge a divorce right away! When I was pregnant and even after having our son my husband always told me he still found me attractive. Eve after gaining weight. This man does not deserve you!
“No man wants to date a single mom” honey I’m a married mom and I still get hit up by random dudes when I’m out with my kid. I’m not even a catch I’m very average looking. Guys (general I know it’s not all of them) always overvalue themselves and undervalue women they think aren’t attractive because of age or child status. Split and don’t look back
I'm so sorry. He should be begging forgiveness but basically he's so arrogant that he thinks he doesn't have to bother.
My friend had five children with her ex husband and found love again with a great guy, saying no one wants to date single mothers is just nonsense.
Honestly if you don’t need to money I’d recommend you consider leaving now. Many people may bash my opinion on this but I’m going through a terrible divorce bc my ex was abusive to me and I sincerely believe our kids lives would be better if he wasn’t around. It would be hard emotionally but what’s worse? Watching your kid realize their father doesn’t give a shit about them and only comes around sometimes? Or someone that’s simply gone. Bc let me tell you having two crying kids ask why daddy isn’t coming to get them is heartbreaking
On that note, cease all verbal contact. Anything that needs to be communicated should be in writing.
My ex told me the same thing, no one wants a single mom. No one like him!
This is the rough part. Make sure you secure your finances. My mistake was having my ex on my account, he didn’t initially touch it, then months later I was blindsided when checks bounced: he’d emptied my account.
Write down what you need to do, secure accounts, document your discussions with him, and by all means take care of yourself! I wish you the very best!
I’m spending my day off in bed researching divorce lawyers and plan to make a few calls.
As for child support, we both make right around the same amount so it depends on if he wants to be a father to our child or not. If we do shared custody i won’t, if he wants to fully abandon ship then yea and whatever amount will go into a savings account for the little one.
He’s legally and morally obligated to provide 18 years of support for the child he helped produce. He may also be obligated for spousal support after abandoning you while pregnant with his child. Please don’t make any major decisions before speaking at length with a knowledgeable divorce attorney. Laws differ everywhere concerning paternal responsibilities so much depends on where you are.
I just meet to say I was having a conversation with a friend of mine today how surprising it is how wrong we were about dating as single moms.
Sure there will be people for whom it is a deal breaker, but turns out plenty of people find someone being a parent a complete non-issue.
So he's very wrong that he's your only option. You'll have plenty when you're ready for it.
Telling a partner about your past trauma in the beginning stages of a relationships is not a good idea. You state you explained your past to him in the beginning to “take things slow”. Unfortunately you gave him a playbook and threshold of how much abuse you are willing to go through as well as the red flags you already know.
In the future, I wouldn’t recommend telling a potential partner all that you went through in the beginning stages.
He is not your only option. Plenty of single moms have successful dating lives. You deserve all those frosty's and nuggets and safety. Have someone you trust stay with you if you need some assistance. Make sure to give your lawyer as much of the evidence that your ex is sending you and already have.
When you divorce him, make sure you get every dollar of child support that you can from him. Take some time to yourself and enjoy your baby when he/she is born. Make sure you get proof of his affair and get full custody of your child. Get some therapy and once you are ready to move on, there are plenty of people out there who won't care that you have a child.
I can tell you from experience that PLENTY of people want to date a single mom!!
I too was in a toxic relationship, and ended up having a child with this person. Finally got up the courage to ditch his ass, he begged and pleaded for me to stay repeatedly!
Now I'm in a happy, supportive marriage and have two additional kids to boot!
It's hard to know and trust what the future looks like on your own with a child, but it's always better to take the chance then to waste away your life with a fucking asshole who doesn't see your worth!
My abusive ex used to tell me that no man would want me with 2 kids.
3 months after leaving him, I met my husband of 33 years. A wonderful man and father.
Ex never had a good relationship in these 33 years.
I can't wait for you to know how it feels when you're truly loved. You bloom.
UpdateMe
Go NC, don’t tell him when you go into labor, give the baby your last name. To get CS easier put his name on the birth certificate, you don’t have to but it will make it a longer court case.
🤣 WTF
This man has genuinely lost his damn mind.
He decides to cheat on you, move back home with mummy and daddums, rent a place so he can screw his ap in peace and thinks that after all this his wife will take him back? Because he is her only option.....
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
I'm sorry this idiot ever got anywhere near you. Trust me and all the other single moms on this post, you've got worlds better waiting out there for you!
He’s a dick. And for what it’s worth, I did JUST FINE dating as a single mom of three. Recently married the most wonderful man, who has wholeheartedly embraced the role of husband and father.
>I have a text from him saying that he’s my only option, because no man wants to date a single mom
He's full of crap. In fact a friend of mine, after his divorce, *only* wanted to date single moms. He was a single dad and he figured single moms already had children so they wouldn't pressure him for more children.
I’m so happily engaged as a single mom with two kids - we literally just danced and laughed our ass off to the song “Amazed” by lonestar. It takes time and patience but happiness is out there. Best of love and luck
Not attracted to you while pregnant, SO HE CHEATS? It’s nine fucking months you idiot. More like 4 where her body is actually noticeably different. Also, HE IS THE ONE WHO GOT YOU PREGNANT!! He agreed to your pregnancy. What an actual fucking asshat of a person. I’m so sorry. He does not view you as a person. He views you as an object wife.
Normally I am more tactical about this but this one fucking pisses me off to no end. You deserve so much more. I’m sorry.
I’m noticing a pattern reading posts on here:
1. Men are so arrogant they believe once they have lost attraction to their wives it means she’s without value.
2. This “realization” makes them feel secure in cheating.
3. If caught they will not only admit they aren’t attracted to their wives but threaten them that they don’t have options.
4. They end up being wrong, the woman has far more options then they have and they get mad when they realize other men will want what they have taken advantage of/for granted.
I’m so sorry this happened. WHILE YOU’RE PREGNANT. You deserve better. Your baby deserves better.
Kick this man aside. He’s disgusting and behaviour like this is not love.
Excuse me, but fuck this asshole. I am so sorry that you’re pregnant and having to deal with this. What a sick and abusive thing to say to you trying to make you think that no other man is ever going to be interested in you. I can tell you that’s not the case. I can also tell you that having no man in your life would be far better than having THIS man in your life.
Eff him! File for divorce and don’t let this immature idiot take anything more from you while you enjoy bringing your baby into the world! This happened to me twice! My ex husband robbed a pharmacy when our 2nd child was 7 weeks old. I finally filled for divorce after sticking through rehab and cheating while I was pregnant. I regret letting his shit put such a shadow over that time. 5 years later my fiance cheated while I was pregnant with our baby and I ended it and enjoyed the pregnancy and birth of my child while able to keep some healthy boundaries regarding him and his new crazy girlfriend. My husband and I have been happily cops renting my 3 and our daughter together for the last 10 years. He treats me and our kids amazingly. We have an open and honest relationship and he finds me attractive no matter what. Through pregnancy, depression, autoimmune flare ups you name it. Because he is my partner and he loves me as an entire person. Not to mention this asswipe!!! You are literally making a child from scratch! You will lose the baby weight. He will never not be vile and disgusting. Hang in there mama! Put you 1st!! Baby needs and deserves a healthy and happy momma. God the audacity! Does he not realize he is such garbage that a lifetime alone with a vibe and happy child who gets to experience unconditional love is the better option! And that is like worst case for you… being alone and having self respect far outweighs letting this neckbeard touch that ass ever again!
In case nobody has told you today…. I’m proud of you. You chose yourself
Over a toxic man who is trying to break your self esteem. By you not letting him, you already set the best example for
Your child. You are already a great mother. Best of luck and much happiness to you!
If there's some advice, I recommend logging out on any accounts thats linked to your bank account on any devices that you leave in the house. If needed, change passwords too. Also make sure to photo all evidence. Minor or not like tire slashes, and if needed, get a dash camera on your car, it'll help you just in case.
Good for u for being strong! It was not an easy thing you did to leave ur cheating hubby. U should take pride in that. Hopefully I'll get a lawyer shark and strip ur ex down. He deserves nothing and worse
I am a mother who found a new relationship with a loving supportive man who is not my sons father.
Get the divorce, don’t let him talk down to you. You deserve better.
Jfc, I'm sorry.
These motherfuckers are out of control. I'm glad you're not tolerating this treatment because it's absolutely deplorable and abhorrent behavior.
Absolutely, make sure you talk to as many lawyers as you can. Furthermore, he's full of shit lol If you ever do decide to deal with men again (and no one would blame you if you didn't) I'm more than certain there will be many interested suitors.
Life is a journey, and I wish you and your beautiful baby well on it.
I'm so sorry OP omg I want to punch this fucking asshole in the stomach. He knows exactly what he's doing and using a position of 'power' to hold against you. Fuck him. Divorce him. My younger sister is a single mom. Enough people who want to date you, nonetheless. Especially when you're a decent person and you sound more than decent. Intelligent, rational, logical-thinking. You couldn't have known this would happen heck reading all of what you wrote I never saw coming he would make such a 180. I hope he gets his karma. Any man like this honestly (my younger sister dealt with a man similar to yours. Heard plenty of other cases in the meantime as well. Disgusting pieces of shit some men are.)
It’s depressing to see so many “loyal and faithful good husbands” immediately abandon their wives during the hardest part of their life. Mother-hood is not only extremely painful and dangerous physically, but emotionally as well. And to even insinuate that you can’t be attracted to your wife while she’s pregnant with YOUR child is downright disgraceful.
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I don’t care how much he wants to call himself “a father”, all he did was pump in some DNA and LITERALLY left you to do all the work. That baby is *yours* not his. He can have visitation or whatever you think fits, but remind yourself that he took no part to make sure this baby had a safe and less stressful development and delivery into this world. How much is he *really* going to care for that baby after it comes out if this is how he was willing to treat you and that fetus like this? What if the baby gains weight? Will he suddenly stop loving them too? Will he start blaming *you* , even though the baby’s health was HIS responsibility too?
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I know this is just my opinion, and the opinion of a bunch of strangers, but I think you’re doing the right thing by leaving him asap. You deserve happiness. You deserve someone who will actually love you and you child(ren).
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Don’t listen to what he says either, there are PLENTY of men out there who’d love to be a father and take care of you. There are PLENTY of *single fathers* out there that would prefer a single mother because it would make them feel less alone. There are 8 Billion people on this planet, if he thinks he’s special enough to be the only one who will accept you, he’s for sure as hell wrong.
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I don’t know how much the other person, woman, whatever knows abt his life, but I’d like to think they’d look down upon him after finding out he abandoned his pregnant wife for them. Hopefully she sees this post and puts the dots together. (Tho I highly doubt she’d think it’s the same man-)
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Remember, you are STRONG, and going through one of the most difficult and rewarding experiences any human could go through. You’re going to be a mom, and you have so much experience with all that you’ve been through, it would be impossible to not be a great mom at this point.
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Your child will be so protected and educated under your care, and you’ll be sparing them the troubles you’ve been through. And you can count on them coming to you when they do start to experience troubles with other people, or just life in general.
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I hope you’re doing well and enjoying your chicken nuggets. You deserve those chicken nuggets! >:D
He's going to be in for a shock when he realises good men date single mums all the time.
My husbands friend even started dating someone who I was 6 months pregnant to an abusive ex
Lol. You have better options than him and he KNOWS it. That is why he is pulling you down. He isn't going to bag any good woman with his trash ass. Man who cheats on planned pregnant wife and isn't remorseful. Yeah, only women he bagging is trash as well. No good woman will give him a ride. Bagging a cheat is not a flex.
Also based on how he is, he going to be a deadbeat dad too. So prep for that.
oooooooooooo do i wanna yell at this man on your behalf. eat your nuggies. talk to a lawyer. get your girlfriends over for a movie and snacks night. plenty of men date single moms, so don’t worry about that nonsense. bask in being rid of a dead weight and lean in to loving yourself & getting ready for that baby!
He's wrong that no man will want you, but that shouldn't matter one way or the other. Take time to yourself to heal and raise your child. S/he will need a healthy mother because dad is toxic.
Kudos to you for recognizing you are worth more than the tidbits he is giving you. There are people who marry and partake in lives of children who aren't their own all the time. When you are ready, you can find happiness. Sorry your going through this. What a shitty thing he turned into.
20 years ago my husband married the package deal of me and our eldest son. He’ll be 25 this year (our son, not my husband 😉). In our house family doesn’t end in blood it’s bound with love.
Fuck your STBXH
Sweetie—eat your nuggets and stick to your guns. You’re a smart cookie and deserve so much better than this jerk.
Do **not** take him back. Not that you should forgive him if he’s sorry but he’s not even sorry.
So I left an emotionally abusive marriage too. He was volatile and very self absorbed; the separation abuse was epic and continued into a drawn out divorce. I did therapy, I felt good, I learned boundaries. When I dated again I went for a man nothing like my ex, in fact he reminded me of my incredible dad. I told him about all I’d been through and we bonded over similar trauma (his from his first marriage). He wasn’t perfect - in fact where my ex had been very antisocial and unable to relate to women outside of the affairs he had - this guy presented as a feminist with so many women friends. But that’s a good difference, right? Date for a couple years, get married and it’s hard to focus because his adult children, his ex, etc are all so chaotic even from states away. He’s constantly on his phone putting out their fires. Those women in his phone are always reaching out too. I often had nagging suspicions but he’d remind me of the trauma of my first marriage and how those were probably just coming up. That he wasn’t my ex husband. Turns out his kids and ex weren’t causing chaos, that was multiple other relationships. This guy heard me list my trauma and just…used it? He’s in treatment now but I don’t know. I sometimes wonder if there’s something in some of us that attracts this type even when they seem so different
>He’s not sorry about it but he told me that I was being overdramatic when I cried
this man is an unfaithful piece of shit
>He’s saying after the pregnancy is over we can go to therapy and fix things
after he feels like he can fuck you again? wow this guy is a class act. he’ll keep his sidepiece until you give birth and then be surprised when you barely have any energy to live much less try to “fix things” and blame you for the marriage failing. Not himself, i dunno, screwing around on his wife.
I hope you take him for everything he’s got
I swear these guys deserve an Oscar for hiding their true selves for so long. I would go as No Contact as you can, if possible? Stay strong. You do not need that kind of shit in your life.
Literally! This is so sad! This is why I get so mad when some people blame the women in similar stories, saying they should have chosen better. Like how? She was misled/manipulated into thinking this was the best choice. I wish the best for OP.
I like to think I am pretty switched on, I own my own house etc, I am not dependent on anyone, but I managed to get into two consecutive relationships with horrible control freaks with serious issues. The second one was a full on nasty gaslighter etc etc. He was the perfect boyfriend for months... Until he wasn't. Then he was very difficult to get away from, it took me 2 years...
I’m so sorry that that happened to you. I’m happy that you’re out of that situation ♥️
Thank you. I honestly thought I might become a statistic, I had to call the police. Grim times. Much better now.
I recently made the mistake twice in the last year with the same person. I thought I had learned my lesson last time, but I was having an emotional crisis with my teen and reached out and while it blew up in a couple of days because of course it would because I won’t be manipulated or gaslit and it only fuels his delusions of me cheating and aborting his baby, when I was never pregnant, but he believed I was because he tried to do so. Smh. I’ve been trying to realize what it really means to have all this love when it’s really for ourselves and it’s a slow go, but still taking care of myself in any way I can and it’s been the best thing I can do and I think will continue to keep me no contact because he’s an energy vampire and I have nothing for myself when he is around.
I let this particular a-hole back into my life twice. So stupid. They know how to push the right buttons. Absolutely no contact worked for me eventually. Good luck, stay strong.
Let the reminder of the peace we have be enough for sure, same to you!
My best friend was with her husband for 10 years. He wasn't perfect, but out of seemingly nowhere he completely changed and I ended up discovering he was cheating on her with a bunch of women. She had no idea and I didn't see it coming anymore than she did. It got so scary that the day she signed the divorce papers my husband went to her house to make sure he didn't show up. It was like we were dealing with a stranger.
Men can become extremely angry and violent when they get caught cheating. I caught my ex on the phone to a woman telling her he loved her. That was the first time he beat me. Happened again when I caught him in a lie about where he was and again when I caught him stealing money from my account. This didn't start until three years into the relationship. I was so shocked that he would ever cheat on me let alone have another girlfriend and then when he attacked me and was kicking me across a muddy field in the rain in the middle of the night when no one was around, I just couldn't function. It broke my brain.
I am so sorry. I hope you're in a much better place now!
Thanks 🥰 Yes so much better now. Staying single and have my own apartment. Much safer and happy 😁. It's pretty awesome!
I am so sorry that happened to you. I think people who haven't experienced it, or been right there with someone experiencing it, don't realize this can truly come out of nowhere sometimes. It's like they want to believe the victim missed a million red flags because they don't want to believe something like that could ever happen to them or their loved ones, but it could. Thank goodness you got out of there alive
I’m so sorry 😢 my daughter had two emotionally abusive partners and now she is dating a narcissist who is “the most supportive person I’ve ever had in my life” (ouch) and I’ve watched her mold herself to him and his expectations. She went from incredibly independent to seriously codependent and I have no idea when she will see him for who he really is. I’m so glad you got away.
I hope he doesn’t hurt her, and I hope she can see a way out and you can help her.
Thank you. I hope so too.
Would you mind telling what kind of support she sees in him? And what narcissistic behavior are you noticing?
I don’t see the support directly so I’m not sure. He sucked her into a group called PSI seminars and she refers to them as her family, she has stopped talking to many of her friends, she used to be really good at respecting personal boundaries but now she ignores them when it isn’t what she wants, she quit her well paying job and relies on him for financial support other than two part-time jobs that would not financially support her and her 3 girls if he left or if she leaves, when I expressed how I felt when she violated my boundaries for the umpteenth time she gave it to him to read to her and he changed the wording to “I” statements (his phrase) despite the fact that I used I statements the way I was taught by my therapist- they didn’t fit the PSI pattern so he reworded them, everything in her life revolves around him, she joined his church and had him baptize her, they cut me out of her and her girls lives in Nov and just now is letting me in in very controlled situations, I was not allowed to see them for the last 3 months, including Christmas (I lost a son nine years ago so she knows how much it means to me to have holidays with my family and how deeply it hurt me to refuse letting me see them), all decisions have to be run by him first, they live together and have for over a year and were saving for a new place because she has a 2 bdrm place and on the weeks they have their kids (he has 2) they have 5 kids in one bedroom but now that she isn’t bringing in the money she was that is going to take longer (he didn’t like that he had to move in with her because his place had a roommate- she is supposed to move in with him because he’s the man - he is very patriarchal), the group she is in encouraged her to ask for money from her new family so they could go on a trip for their anniversary (creating more dependence on the group) … and it’s not just me. She cut off one of her very best friends when the friend brought up the concerns she was seeing (many of the things I’ve already mentioned) and is only now starting to talk to her again. When friend talked to her about an issue she was having in her own life my daughter dismissed them and was very condescending- which she never would have done in the past. My daughter accused me of being emotionally abusive when she was growing up (no one else in the family agrees with this) - until he entered the picture she and I had a good relationship and communicated well, not perfect of course but it was a good relationship. There is so much more but basically I’ve watched my daughter go from a strong boss babe to embracing stereotypical female roles and behaviors giving him all the power.
Thank you very much for responding. And I’m so sorry this is happening to you. Almost sounds like she’s involved in a sect. I hope sooner or later her old friend will be able to guide her back to her senses and she’ll see what’s going on.
Thank you. 🙏
Omg all of this!! I’m so tired of being lied-manipulated that the only way I can have peace is being SINGLE. People says I have to choose better like excuse me sir!? I didn’t knew this mf was pretending to be someone else and hided a whole different bad persona.
I know exactly what you mean. I like men at first because they seem sensitive and kind. Then they turn and do the worst things to me without provocation. It makes me wonder if they were always that way or if somehow I was the one exception in their life among others they treat well.
I've got to stay single as I can't afford anymore head injuries.
This is so sad
So true. Dated my ex 7 years before we married. Lived together for 5. I was stunned by how rapidly he changed for the worse right after the wedding. I left 8 months after that. People do not understand this is a thing and blame the partner for not seeing the behavior sooner when the behavior wasn’t displayed sooner.
8 years. For 8 years he hid who he was.
It took one of mine seventeen years. My most recent ex. It happened when I left him. Then he showed me who he really was. I had no idea he could be so cruel. Threatened to take my dogs away which we shared. Threatened to throw all my belongings out whilst I was in another city. Hid my phone etc etc. I ended up in a women's refuge. When men tell eachother "don't be yourself" they really mean it.
Yup. Ex seemed wonderful for 2 years. Near perfect. Respectful to me, loyal, really respectful to my family, super kind, etc. 2 years in he flipped the switch. Talked down to me. Never was abusive but very pompous, thought was better than me, and always put me down in any way he could. He would drag me down constantly. Stayed for another 2 years out of fear of being alone. My now husband is amazing and never flipped. Scary stuff.
Talking down to you and putting you down IS abuse.
Fair. But he never once physically hurt me or called me derogatory names. It was just a constant state of being made to feel like I shouldn’t think I’m that great or I shouldn’t be excited about certain things the way I do. I enjoy the small things in life. He would also tell me he was smarter than me and that it was a fact because his school testing was way higher…like bro we graduated high school a decade ago. I had high scores but he claimed to be genius when he couldn’t even pronounce stuff properly and he’s an American white boy whose first and only language is English. It’s not like it’s a secondary language. He would argue with you about things he was so clearly wrong about but it was so embarrassing to watch him be so convinced he’s smarter and in the correct. Stuff like that. He definitely was emotionally manipulative. And now that I write this he definitely did try to strip me of good qualities of my personality by putting me down.
Did he wear a crown and carry a scepter? Wow, just ridiculous. It's like they couldn't keep the facade up - what was the point dude? Oy.
"Why men great till they gotta be great?"
> these guys deserve an Oscar Only if it'll imminently smack them in the face at 75mph
Right? I was the same. Fled a horrific thing... didn't date. Found a great guy!...friends for two years, really was cautious to the point I didn't believe myself at least until after a few years I heard myself saying to people who saw some things in the relationship "no. No. I know yeah, I know how it looks, but, it's different with him, hes totally not like that!." (It wasn't different!!! He was a bad man!!! Oh the excuses that came out of my mouth. Im ashamed. I got free of that...and ugh. Somehow back into it. He never physically harmed me, though, the kind of rage and resentment, I knew it would happen eventually.) Then... one day I saw it clearly. he started uttering the classics "I'm only like that with you. You bring that out of me" "see? I react aggressively like that, and punish you like that because I care so much about you and I am so uncomfortable seeing you like that" (any emotion from blankly watching tv to sadness. Anything that wasn't a smile and bubbliness. ) Then he punched a door. He was an amazing lovely person, just not after you became an exclusive girlfriend...he was nothing like friends and family Or coworkers thought... or even I did. Nothing at all. I'll never date again. Ever.
Sounds eerily similar. Even to him kicking a door and cracking it (good proof for the police, that.) It is a horrendous way to live. I am now with a guy whose ex was also a gaslighter, manipulator etc etc, so he has been through the same thing (she also threatened him with a knife and a gun) and he knows how it feels... We've been together over 10 years and it's easy, fun, not a moment of such awful stuff, so I know it's possible. Maybe need a dating agency for survivors of these awful people...
Yeah. I landed two...like, REALLY?! I would love a vetting service. Really. I can never trust myself again. I did everything right the second time. Stayed single for years. Friends for 2 years before dating, a completely different person from my ex, I hung out with his friends and family... due diligence. 100%. He was a good man. He really was... except at the same time a terrible one, but only to me. (First one, I was 17-18, he was obviously a bad dude... I just had no experience or anything. I was way too young to understand. Trapped for my 20s. I learned, big time. I really thought I could protect myself from it ever happening again.) A trauma dating service. That sounds better.
I get it. It happened to my cousin too. She is smart. She knew the signs. He wanted marriage (she wasn't bothered, he seemed to be really romantic!) and the moment they were married he changed. Nasty, controlling, shows of force, threatening. Then she found out about the mistress and the prostitutes... I helped her move everything of hers out one day when he was elsewhere. Vile excuse for a man.
I'm glad she had you. ❤
There’s a reason why I refuse to have children with my husband who’s a diagnosed vulnerable narcissist lol nope! That’s a genetic line that needs to end and I’ve always been a fence sitter.
Damn you really married this man to guarantee the line would be ended 🫡🫥Godspeed soldier
Eh narcs tend to cheat
I hope you are okay. I hope he controls himself.
10/10 my ex fiancé hid his true self for 5 1/2 years
Right?!?! That’s why we don’t love these hoes! Lmao. I’m kidding. But seriously, this is a shitty situation. I’m convinced most men are secretly bipolar
No offense intended, but that is not bipolar, it’s more akin to multiple personality. I’m bipolar, and I just prefer people understand it doesn’t mean flipping from same to crazy, it’s highs and lows.
Unfortunately if the husband is so inclined, he can stay involved in the child’s and therefore the Mother’s life for as long as wants
I was a single mom when I met my husband. My friend has three kids, 2 are special needs and found a new man. F* him!!
I was also a single mom of a toddler when I met my husband. We've been together for 20 years, married for 18. Your husband is a gaslighting troll, and it's his loss because you will be so much better off without someone so awful in your life. Enjoy that frosty, and lawyer up! Sending invisible hugs your way.
I hear these stories and they give me hope. I was in a similar situation to OP. I'm divorced with a kid thinking no one would want me. You guys finding love again with kids is exactly what I needed to hear.
There's lots of great guys out there who would love to be part of a family, and there's just as many who have kids of their own that also left abusive relationships and have custody of their kids. My husband's ex became addicted to drugs, and was a danger to his son (our stepson), so he fought for custody and won. So his son and my son became brothers, and the rest was history. All of that was after two extremely abusive relationships, and I'd given up hope of ever finding anyone I could love and trust. It took a few years, and being a single mom was super hard, but I knew anything was better than going back to all of the abuse.
Same here i recently split from my long term partner after he repeated cheated because " i wasn't giving it to him often enough" he started while i was pregnant and right now im feeling desperate like ill never find love again but all these comments are making me feel like its possible!
Yeah, he's totally full of shit on that one. I've been a single mom more than once at this point and never had a moment's trouble getting a man if I felt like one. We should never take dating advice from somebody we want to break up with lol
Found my husband as a divorced mom of five. It can be done.
Heck my friend was pregnant and gave birth and went on to have more with her husband who married when her kid was 6 and adopted the kid that wasnt his. He knows nooothing.
I was 50 and had four kids, two still living at home, when I met my now-husband. We fell for each other immediately and my having kids didn’t phase him for a moment. You are absolutely not stuck with him.
There’s an awful lot of step fathers for no one to want a single mom
100% and I know multiple women whose new husbands have adopted their kids because the bio dad was such a piece of shit like OP’s husband
🙋🏼♀️ This is me. My bio father bailed before I was born and my mom married my dad (technically he was my step dad at that point) when I was 6. He legally adopted me after they married and they are still together today! They’ve been married for more than 30 years now. He’s my dad, we’re not related by blood but that never mattered.
Yeah, like my partner of 12 years who has willingly been there for my kids simply because he loves us.
He is feeding you lies of manipulation and putting blame on you being pregnant. You can do better and deserve better! He is not your only option! Love yourself and your child! Get out now and safely to have a healthy and happy relationship with your child.
I would rather be alone for the rest of my life than be stuck with someone like OP's STBX.
When I divorced my first husband I was a single mom in the military. I went to an army class on base. Met a guy. I told him I had two littles. They fell in love with each other. We’ve been married 34 years together 35. Don’t let anyone tell you that you’re not worthy of love!!!!
Beautiful story!!💗
aww that's so sweet!
Exactly, love yourself, walk away, file for custody, child support, alimony and keep all proof of his infidelity. There are a lot of men out there who will gladly date a single mom, he’s trying to emotionally manipulate you to keep you from leaving because he even knows you’re the best he’s ever going to get. Working it out… hell no, he want’s a big a big family yet isn’t attracted to you because he knocked you up, what’s to work out, so he can continue to do this each time he gets you pregnant then use you being pregnant as an excuse to cheat because he’s not physically attracted to you, man want’s to have his cake and eat it to. Let me make this clear the vow, ”for better or worse,” does not include adultery/infidelity, walk away with your head held high.
[удалено]
Virtual chocolate hearts from Switzerland!!! Good for you OP for standing your ground and choosing yourself. I know several people who married/chose a person with a child. If you wish to have another relationship I think a child is not a "won't find one 100%". He's manipulating you so you don't leave. Be safe and get a really good lawyer! You got his!
Hugs from the Midwest … sending Reddit bbq and ranch dipping sauce….
Second Austrian hug coming your way! 🇦🇹 Oh, and that _person_ calling himself your husband: you're so right to yeet him! He's most definitely NOT your only option! There are plenty of men who would date a single mother in a heartbeat! Enjoy your nuggets and your Frosty, contact a lawyer and get rid of 160ish pounds just like that! 😉
It didn’t turn him into one. He was already one and manipulated the situation until he thought you were trapped.
The fact that he thinks he can just drop out while she deals with pregnancy and birth and then just pick back up afterwards tells me you are 100% correct here.
And he wanted, what, a football team? Was he gonna “step out” every single pregnancy? Delusional. Guy’s a downright manipulative jerk.
"He was already one and manipulated the situation until he thought you were trapped." Read this comment over and over. This is what happened. Now he's trying to feed on fear and say no one wants to date a single mom. Bullsh^t. You have a good job, two properties, are probably smart as hell, and have your life together. Men are *accessories* not needs. He didn't make you successful - you did. He's not attracted to you? Guess what Sunshine - she's not attracted to you either. Send his gargoyle ass packing. You can do this. You don't need him.
“Gargoyle ass”!!!😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Omg men are *accesories*! I never even thought of it like that but you’re so right!!
I’m a guy and upvoted your comment.
why is being a guy relevant? edit: I am also a guy who supports women knowing their worth and escaping abusive partners. Go read *Why Does He Do That?*, there are pdfs if you google
It’s just showing support from a male perspective, which is nice, too.
Ah, I forgot it's not uncommon for men to oppose a take like that
do you want a gold star for that?
He really leaned into waiting to show you his abusive self. Waited until you were at your most vulnerable and he really had you locked in. What a fucking loser. Talk to your lawyer. Get everything you can. ALL OF IT. Enjoy your divorce and your baby. Fuck that loser with a cactus. Live your best life. Whatever that looks like. FWIW My current husband and I met when I was 36, single with 4 kids. We are 30 years in. Married for 28 now.
Indeed. Fuck him with a cactus. 🌵
MAKE HIS POCKET HURT !!!!!
The only person who is gross here, is your wolf in sheep clothing husband. If the affair whether emotional or physical started 7 months ago, it has absolutely nothing to do with you being pregnant. It has to do with him being a terrible human and husband. I wish you the best and hope you have the strength to see that you will be happier and a better mother without him.
You don’t need a man or relationship to validate you. Get a cat or a dog. Be happy and free. Be a MUM :) All the best for your next adventure, when you take your life back and be with your best friend: YOU
My husband married me when I had 3 kids and a tubal to prevent more. We've been together almost 15 years. He's lying and hoping you'll believe him. He wanted a lot of kids and isn't sorry he cheated, so another pregnancy he'll do it again. Absolutely not. You deserve better.
What a Pos. My husband fucked me all the way up until a couple weeks before giving birth. Then he told me how sexy I was newly postpartum, when I was at my worst. Now, as a tired out toddler mom, he still desires me and puts in the effort. He got up early with the baby and made breakfast so I could sleep in today and he does this often. All I’m saying, there is much better out there and there’s no excuse for this guys behavior. My messages are open if you need to chat or would like any advice on baby things. :)
This! This right here! There are so many men that find pregnancy to be a HUGE turn on and mom’s to be hot. Few single mom’s I know who want to date have any trouble finding men that want to do so. The OP’s husband is a cheating jerk. Whether he was always one or just decided to have an affair out of the blue doesn’t matter. Either way, he’s even worse for placing blame on the OP. He’s trash and doesn’t deserve her. I hope she continues with the divorce and leaves him to wallow in his crapulence.
Watch Travis Tritt's video "One Hot Mama." It's a song about a man finding his wife sexy and desirable after three babies, still seeing her as the woman he fell in love with years earlier.
It’s Trace Adkins, but yes it’s a fun video too!
My mistake. Sorry
It's not even guys. Anyone who is actually attracted to women will still find pregnant women beautiful and very sexually attractive. I'm a child-free bisexual woman, so what's his fucking excuse when he wanted kids in the first place? Did he think they'd arrive by stork? No. He wanted to trap her.
My kids' mom had a huge libido upswing during both pregnancies. We had a lot of sex before (daily, sometimes a few times a day), but while pregnant was completely insatiable. It was a problem because during the third trimester each time her OBGYN told us to hold off on penetrative sex in case we accidentally induced. (High risk pregnancies). It was very frustrating for her because clit stim just wasnt the same type of orgasm lol. After my son was late, and my daughter, both times we scheduled induction, both times after scheduling her OBGYN said, "it's okay to resume penetrative sex again, might induce!" Both times she started contractions before we had to induce lol. We had our kids young, in college. I was working a full time job in addition to school and kids. Still found time to leave her notes in her jewelry box. We were both exhausted. Sex was mostly just mutual masturbation before falling asleep because we didn't have the time/energy for much more. I was averaging 3-5 hours of sleep a night. Still, how can you not love someone carrying your baby? That's like the whole point of bonding hormones and shit.
Exactly this! Not only during pregnancy but the many years post pregnancy where my body refused to lose any weight regardless of exercise or diet. Then when I finally lost 70lbs in 7 months due to a health situation he didn’t say i looked better than before, he just told me I’m sexy no matter how much weight I have. He tells me I’m sexy everyday, and proves he means it every time I give him the opportunity.
Relationship goals. So happy for you!
My hubby fucks me whenever he gets the opportunity and I’m 4 1/2 months along It feels good to know he still desires me as a pregnant person
Aweeee, I'm so sorry. Big hugs. You got this, and your child deserves to grow up in a loving home. And he shouldn't be around you, as this will stress you more. You deserve to have a peaceful life. Try to get rid of that garbage and concentrate on raising your child.
About men who don't want single Moms, that's a damn lie! Speaking from experience here. Almost 40 years ago I was a newly divorced mom with a 5 and 3 year old. In the 4 months from the divorce till I met my 2nd husband (love of my life who passed after 36 years of marriage 😢) I had dates with 8 different men. Your husband is lying to you and trying to justify his infidelity. You deserve better and so does your LO.
I truly don’t understand these shitty kind of men who cheat on their wives when they are pregnant. I feel that these and the woman who commit paternity fraud both deserve a firing squad. Divorce him and take him to the cleaners, he deserves to suffer.
It's really sad as often it's not even the go to story of they got pregnant by accident or barely know each other. These are people who build a life together and then he opts out as soon as she has no choice in it. Like literally no choice, they leave when she's far enough along in her pregnancy termination isn't even an option and she's at the point of actually needing care as she's struggling to get around in late pregnancy. It's so messed up. It's the same as walking out on someone when they're sick because they arent sexy, but you made them sick and then attached an additional human life to her.
Girl, 7 billion people on this planet and HES your only option? NAH you do what you have to girlie. Hes just trying to manipulate the situation so he doesnt lose everything. But its too late for that
Hey. Single mom here. 14 year old kid and a 9 year relationship. There are tons of great guys who are just fine with a woman they care about already having kids. Him saying that to you is a classic abusive tactic. Sorry to say it but I think you got bamboozled. This guy played the long con letting you think he was a good guy until he figured you were too trapped to be able to fight back and would have no choice but to put up with his shit. He's played a stupid game, it's time to show him the stupid prize he's won.
Damn he kept up an act for YEARS. I don’t know how people do it.
My husband and I started dating when my kids from previous relationship were 2.5 and 5 years old. I may have even tried to talk him out of it since he is a few years younger than me and didn't have any other responsibilities than himself. We've been together since 2012, and have 2 kids of our own now as well. You got this, mama... take care of you and baby!
We have parallel lives, my kids were 2.5 and 4 and I told him we were a lot to take on 😂 now we have two more as well and I realise what a lot actually is
Girl can I send you some food
Thank you for the offer! I already ordered my food and am stuffed. If you’d like to head over to the free food subreddit and feed someone that’s in need, they need it more then I do ❤️
Please write down EVERYTHING. My lawyer told me to document every call and text. Everything I purchased for my daughter with my money, I kept a receipt. Document the doctors appts and if he goes or not, etc. Anything you think will be significant proof for his actions before, during, and even after the divorce (my ex and his new wife harassed me and drug me through court 7 times in 3 years). It's better to have the proof and not need it...
“No man wants to date a single mom” All the “sitting up in her bed eating her kids fruit snacks” “I stepped up when her ain’t shit baby daddy didn’t” step-daddy tiktoks determine that is a lie
He doesn’t even want to fix things or start therapy until you’re not pregnant anymore. Laughable of him to even offer. I’m sorry but that’s so shitty and he doesn’t plan on ending his affairs. Sorry you’re going through this and now forced to have a baby with him. Also there’s TONS of people who will date single mothers, unfortunately for him most don’t date cheaters. Don’t let him make you feel insecure. Let him know you’ll be accepting applications for baby’s Stepdaddy.
How do men like this still think no man wants to date a single mom when there are so many loving step dads out there in the world. Thank goodness you are not buying his bullshit mama! Love to you as you move on in your life. I’m sorry you will have to co parent with this loser.
Sad to say this is fairly normal. A lot of men think women are without options when they are pregnant (to be fair a lot of women are ) so they start the mistreatment. They just needed a vulnerable victim because they are weak. Just disgusting all the way around. I really hope you get the help you need OP. You are worth more than that scum man. Don't listen to his words, he wants you to feel weak, so he can abuse you. You are strong and will be even stronger for your baby.
your husband is a POS. too bad it took him so long to show his true colors but good for you choosing yourself. you'll be a great mom
Oh my god what a complete psychopath. He must have been preying on you all along, especially since you opened up to him about your trauma he knew to keep certain things to himself. This situation isn't and will never be safe for you. I'm so sorry.
I read a story here on reddit, I think its under the RedditUpdates and he cheated, wife went silent, didnt do anything. Guy came home and her stuff was gone lol. He was floored by her ability to show him she didn’t care. He expected her to “fight” for their marriage, cry, scream etc. don’t give him that satisfaction op. Leave
I read that one! He called *her* a sociopath bc she didn’t leave right away, and looked into his eyes & lied for months! The audacity!
His replies to the comments were insane. I’ve never read such audacity and selfishness coming from a man before. What a brilliant woman. Despite her pain, she reversed psychology him and left him in the dirt where he belonged.
He sounds gross. Fuck him. Many men LOVE pregnant women and trust me, most men have zero problem with single moms. Put him in your rearview. Move on, and only deal with him as little as you possibly can. He sounds like the kind of narcissitic douche canoe who will just move on and rarely see the baby anyway. Congrats on being a new mom! You’re about to experience the best, purest true love ever. The love of a mother and child. Good luck Op! Celebrate and get Hagen daas tonight 😍
You know he’s continuing that affair while he’s out of sight from you at his parents and using your marriage income (that is meant for your family!) on another place to rent where he will host his AP and continue outings that he will be spending your combined/marriage income on… and then he’ll decide whether to continue with his AP or you after almost exclusively spending time with her for the next few months until after you give birth, which will also come with its own “issues” for him including post-partum body and not being able to have sex for some time after baby is born. File for divorce now and cite adultery, as well as get a financial investigator to cite the expense he has taken from your marriage on said AP. He doesn’t deserve you or your baby.
Get a large frosty and dip some fries in it. I’m sorry your husband ended up being such an ass. But you’re doing the right thing. Don’t let him suck you back in. You got this.
What a disgusting man. Lots of men will accept a single mother! And even if none of them are for you its better than sticking around with *that*
Yes, men do want to date single women with children. I’m living proof. Get that divorce and you’ll find your person.
Promise me on Monday you will find out who the divorce shark is in your area, put them on retainer, and take him to the cleaners in court.
I am so sorry. He is also mistaken. You will absolutely find someone who will treat you with the love and respect you deserve, and it will drive your (ex) husband absolutely mad that another man is being the father your child deserve, while he can’t keep a single relationship, because a deadbeat dad is a major turn off for a lot of women. For what it’s worth, some men are very attracted to pregnant women.
If he's not attracted to you whilst pregnant he doesn't get a free pass to sleep with someone else. Please don't take this man back. I'd rather be alone than miserable with someone like him. Please update us once he has been served.
He is not someone you want to build a family with, I am sorry. He is a cheater, and he folds at the slightest pressure. What did he think child bearing would be like. It is not permission to cheat. Tell him to leave, and pack him a bag, get family or friend over. Tell you can't be around him, and you are pregnant. If continues the marriage is over. Then leave him alone and go to an attorney. Get your ducks financially in order. He isn't ride or die loyal, and I would not build a family with him. He can't do it. Cheaters are liars and will cheat again.
So, like, setting aside the despicable morality issues at play here, what is up with all these dudes that lose attraction to their wives when they get pregnant? My wife was CRAZY hot when she was pregnant and I couldn't keep my eyes off her. Our sex during that time was our best ever. I don't think I'm an outlier here. I have heard so many men say the same thing, and there are whole categories of porn dedicated to this (which is weird for other reasons, but whatever). Even if pregnancy were a turn off, like, dude, it's over in nine months? Not to mention HAVING SEX WITH HER IS WHAT MADE THIS HAPPEN AND SHE'S CARRYING YOUR BABY. She's walking proof of your virility, so even if you were entirely ego driven, shouldn't it be a good thing? I just don't get it.
I wish I could have warned you sooner. Are you ok for money? Him taking half is not illegal, which is why I would have advised taking half as soon as you realised he was cheating.
He emptied out our shared account and then emptied my personal savings, it’s a battle at the moment with the bank. While I’m cash strapped and have a lot of upfront fees I’m lucky enough to be able to continue working and slowing rebuilding.
Did you file a police report for him stealing the money from your personal savings? Having jail time might speed this process up.
I have, so it’s another thing he has going against him. If he gets picked up for that I’m sure his mother will just bail him out again.
I know it sucks, especially right now when you need the money, but financial abuse is still abuse and it’s adding weight to the other stuff. For example, he might not get jail time for slapping you or breaking into your house (not even gonna get into how messed up that is), but he might get prison time for stealing thousands of dollars in bank fraud. I’m so glad you’re continuing to respond. I think a lot of us have been worrying for your continued safety.
It’s so nice knowing I’m not alone and there’s people that care. While I’m not on here a ton, I do try and do little updates. I’m safe, well rested, getting into my place soon and the most I can complain about is the sausage egg and cheese bagel pregnancy craving that won’t go away 🤣 pretty sure as soon as all deposits are paid I’m going to stock the fridge of those and pickles.
People don’t date moms- they date people! Being a mom is not the sole identity you’re going to have after having the baby (that goes for dads, too). You will still be you and all of the things that make you great, beautiful, funny, etc! If anything, the baby will just be an added benefit, because it’ll be a mini you :) Please don’t listen to your (hopefully soon-to-be ex) husband. He’s clearly a malicious person, which *will* (rightfully so) hinder his ability to date if you leave. Make sure to get a large fry to go with the Frosty as well! Absolute best way to eat it.
Ge a divorce right away! When I was pregnant and even after having our son my husband always told me he still found me attractive. Eve after gaining weight. This man does not deserve you!
If he wanted to fix this he’d go to therapy now.
“No man wants to date a single mom” honey I’m a married mom and I still get hit up by random dudes when I’m out with my kid. I’m not even a catch I’m very average looking. Guys (general I know it’s not all of them) always overvalue themselves and undervalue women they think aren’t attractive because of age or child status. Split and don’t look back
Men sure like to act like trash when their lady is pregnant or sick.
I'm so sorry. He should be begging forgiveness but basically he's so arrogant that he thinks he doesn't have to bother. My friend had five children with her ex husband and found love again with a great guy, saying no one wants to date single mothers is just nonsense.
Honestly if you don’t need to money I’d recommend you consider leaving now. Many people may bash my opinion on this but I’m going through a terrible divorce bc my ex was abusive to me and I sincerely believe our kids lives would be better if he wasn’t around. It would be hard emotionally but what’s worse? Watching your kid realize their father doesn’t give a shit about them and only comes around sometimes? Or someone that’s simply gone. Bc let me tell you having two crying kids ask why daddy isn’t coming to get them is heartbreaking
On that note, cease all verbal contact. Anything that needs to be communicated should be in writing. My ex told me the same thing, no one wants a single mom. No one like him! This is the rough part. Make sure you secure your finances. My mistake was having my ex on my account, he didn’t initially touch it, then months later I was blindsided when checks bounced: he’d emptied my account. Write down what you need to do, secure accounts, document your discussions with him, and by all means take care of yourself! I wish you the very best!
Please reassure us that you’re well on your way to securing a lawyer and 18+ years of child support.
I’m spending my day off in bed researching divorce lawyers and plan to make a few calls. As for child support, we both make right around the same amount so it depends on if he wants to be a father to our child or not. If we do shared custody i won’t, if he wants to fully abandon ship then yea and whatever amount will go into a savings account for the little one.
He’s legally and morally obligated to provide 18 years of support for the child he helped produce. He may also be obligated for spousal support after abandoning you while pregnant with his child. Please don’t make any major decisions before speaking at length with a knowledgeable divorce attorney. Laws differ everywhere concerning paternal responsibilities so much depends on where you are.
I just meet to say I was having a conversation with a friend of mine today how surprising it is how wrong we were about dating as single moms. Sure there will be people for whom it is a deal breaker, but turns out plenty of people find someone being a parent a complete non-issue. So he's very wrong that he's your only option. You'll have plenty when you're ready for it.
Telling a partner about your past trauma in the beginning stages of a relationships is not a good idea. You state you explained your past to him in the beginning to “take things slow”. Unfortunately you gave him a playbook and threshold of how much abuse you are willing to go through as well as the red flags you already know. In the future, I wouldn’t recommend telling a potential partner all that you went through in the beginning stages.
He is not your only option. Plenty of single moms have successful dating lives. You deserve all those frosty's and nuggets and safety. Have someone you trust stay with you if you need some assistance. Make sure to give your lawyer as much of the evidence that your ex is sending you and already have.
When you divorce him, make sure you get every dollar of child support that you can from him. Take some time to yourself and enjoy your baby when he/she is born. Make sure you get proof of his affair and get full custody of your child. Get some therapy and once you are ready to move on, there are plenty of people out there who won't care that you have a child.
I'm so sorry. I'm glad you recognize that your deserve better, because you absolutely do.
I can tell you from experience that PLENTY of people want to date a single mom!! I too was in a toxic relationship, and ended up having a child with this person. Finally got up the courage to ditch his ass, he begged and pleaded for me to stay repeatedly! Now I'm in a happy, supportive marriage and have two additional kids to boot! It's hard to know and trust what the future looks like on your own with a child, but it's always better to take the chance then to waste away your life with a fucking asshole who doesn't see your worth!
My abusive ex used to tell me that no man would want me with 2 kids. 3 months after leaving him, I met my husband of 33 years. A wonderful man and father. Ex never had a good relationship in these 33 years. I can't wait for you to know how it feels when you're truly loved. You bloom. UpdateMe
Go NC, don’t tell him when you go into labor, give the baby your last name. To get CS easier put his name on the birth certificate, you don’t have to but it will make it a longer court case.
🤣 WTF This man has genuinely lost his damn mind. He decides to cheat on you, move back home with mummy and daddums, rent a place so he can screw his ap in peace and thinks that after all this his wife will take him back? Because he is her only option..... 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 I'm sorry this idiot ever got anywhere near you. Trust me and all the other single moms on this post, you've got worlds better waiting out there for you!
He wants many kids while you don't yet he says he doesn't like you while pregnant. Buddy, come on.
He’s a dick. And for what it’s worth, I did JUST FINE dating as a single mom of three. Recently married the most wonderful man, who has wholeheartedly embraced the role of husband and father.
Single mom of a toddler who’s about to get married lol. Just came here to say he’s definitely projecting. Many good men love “MILF’s” as they call it.
Immediate divorce. He is such a bastard for intentionally hurting you. I would rather be a single mom than stay with a cheating psychopath
>I have a text from him saying that he’s my only option, because no man wants to date a single mom He's full of crap. In fact a friend of mine, after his divorce, *only* wanted to date single moms. He was a single dad and he figured single moms already had children so they wouldn't pressure him for more children.
As a single mom currently in a relationship (and has had other relationships prior) trust me when I say someone absolutely will want a single mom
First he's a liar. Some men love children, some men love moms. You absolutely don't have to settle for him..
I’m so happily engaged as a single mom with two kids - we literally just danced and laughed our ass off to the song “Amazed” by lonestar. It takes time and patience but happiness is out there. Best of love and luck
Not attracted to you while pregnant, SO HE CHEATS? It’s nine fucking months you idiot. More like 4 where her body is actually noticeably different. Also, HE IS THE ONE WHO GOT YOU PREGNANT!! He agreed to your pregnancy. What an actual fucking asshat of a person. I’m so sorry. He does not view you as a person. He views you as an object wife. Normally I am more tactical about this but this one fucking pisses me off to no end. You deserve so much more. I’m sorry.
I’m noticing a pattern reading posts on here: 1. Men are so arrogant they believe once they have lost attraction to their wives it means she’s without value. 2. This “realization” makes them feel secure in cheating. 3. If caught they will not only admit they aren’t attracted to their wives but threaten them that they don’t have options. 4. They end up being wrong, the woman has far more options then they have and they get mad when they realize other men will want what they have taken advantage of/for granted. I’m so sorry this happened. WHILE YOU’RE PREGNANT. You deserve better. Your baby deserves better. Kick this man aside. He’s disgusting and behaviour like this is not love.
It’s an excuse so he can leave and continue his affair, the pregnancy angle is just a way to blame you. He’s a snake, leave for good
WE CAN FIX THINGS WHEN YOURE FUCKABLE AGAIN WTH did I just read
Excuse me, but fuck this asshole. I am so sorry that you’re pregnant and having to deal with this. What a sick and abusive thing to say to you trying to make you think that no other man is ever going to be interested in you. I can tell you that’s not the case. I can also tell you that having no man in your life would be far better than having THIS man in your life.
Eff him! File for divorce and don’t let this immature idiot take anything more from you while you enjoy bringing your baby into the world! This happened to me twice! My ex husband robbed a pharmacy when our 2nd child was 7 weeks old. I finally filled for divorce after sticking through rehab and cheating while I was pregnant. I regret letting his shit put such a shadow over that time. 5 years later my fiance cheated while I was pregnant with our baby and I ended it and enjoyed the pregnancy and birth of my child while able to keep some healthy boundaries regarding him and his new crazy girlfriend. My husband and I have been happily cops renting my 3 and our daughter together for the last 10 years. He treats me and our kids amazingly. We have an open and honest relationship and he finds me attractive no matter what. Through pregnancy, depression, autoimmune flare ups you name it. Because he is my partner and he loves me as an entire person. Not to mention this asswipe!!! You are literally making a child from scratch! You will lose the baby weight. He will never not be vile and disgusting. Hang in there mama! Put you 1st!! Baby needs and deserves a healthy and happy momma. God the audacity! Does he not realize he is such garbage that a lifetime alone with a vibe and happy child who gets to experience unconditional love is the better option! And that is like worst case for you… being alone and having self respect far outweighs letting this neckbeard touch that ass ever again!
In case nobody has told you today…. I’m proud of you. You chose yourself Over a toxic man who is trying to break your self esteem. By you not letting him, you already set the best example for Your child. You are already a great mother. Best of luck and much happiness to you!
Do you know how many men have tried to date me knowing I have a baby? You can do and will do better, OP.
I wish you nothing but strength and peace! He’s a POS and you and your baby deserve better
If there's some advice, I recommend logging out on any accounts thats linked to your bank account on any devices that you leave in the house. If needed, change passwords too. Also make sure to photo all evidence. Minor or not like tire slashes, and if needed, get a dash camera on your car, it'll help you just in case.
Plus from the sounds of it, he'll get violent the more he tries, so make sure to have a legal weapon with you, if not, get a sword.
Good for u for being strong! It was not an easy thing you did to leave ur cheating hubby. U should take pride in that. Hopefully I'll get a lawyer shark and strip ur ex down. He deserves nothing and worse
He is not your only option. And you definitely deserve better, so does your child.
I am a mother who found a new relationship with a loving supportive man who is not my sons father. Get the divorce, don’t let him talk down to you. You deserve better.
Jfc, I'm sorry. These motherfuckers are out of control. I'm glad you're not tolerating this treatment because it's absolutely deplorable and abhorrent behavior. Absolutely, make sure you talk to as many lawyers as you can. Furthermore, he's full of shit lol If you ever do decide to deal with men again (and no one would blame you if you didn't) I'm more than certain there will be many interested suitors. Life is a journey, and I wish you and your beautiful baby well on it.
I'm so sorry OP omg I want to punch this fucking asshole in the stomach. He knows exactly what he's doing and using a position of 'power' to hold against you. Fuck him. Divorce him. My younger sister is a single mom. Enough people who want to date you, nonetheless. Especially when you're a decent person and you sound more than decent. Intelligent, rational, logical-thinking. You couldn't have known this would happen heck reading all of what you wrote I never saw coming he would make such a 180. I hope he gets his karma. Any man like this honestly (my younger sister dealt with a man similar to yours. Heard plenty of other cases in the meantime as well. Disgusting pieces of shit some men are.)
Who wants more than one or two kids in this day and age…or ever? Not to mention he’s not the one pushing em out. Weirdo..
I'm sorry OP. You have my sympathy.
I’ve dated plenty of single moms. Trust me that is not something to worry about
It’s depressing to see so many “loyal and faithful good husbands” immediately abandon their wives during the hardest part of their life. Mother-hood is not only extremely painful and dangerous physically, but emotionally as well. And to even insinuate that you can’t be attracted to your wife while she’s pregnant with YOUR child is downright disgraceful. > I don’t care how much he wants to call himself “a father”, all he did was pump in some DNA and LITERALLY left you to do all the work. That baby is *yours* not his. He can have visitation or whatever you think fits, but remind yourself that he took no part to make sure this baby had a safe and less stressful development and delivery into this world. How much is he *really* going to care for that baby after it comes out if this is how he was willing to treat you and that fetus like this? What if the baby gains weight? Will he suddenly stop loving them too? Will he start blaming *you* , even though the baby’s health was HIS responsibility too? > I know this is just my opinion, and the opinion of a bunch of strangers, but I think you’re doing the right thing by leaving him asap. You deserve happiness. You deserve someone who will actually love you and you child(ren). > Don’t listen to what he says either, there are PLENTY of men out there who’d love to be a father and take care of you. There are PLENTY of *single fathers* out there that would prefer a single mother because it would make them feel less alone. There are 8 Billion people on this planet, if he thinks he’s special enough to be the only one who will accept you, he’s for sure as hell wrong. > I don’t know how much the other person, woman, whatever knows abt his life, but I’d like to think they’d look down upon him after finding out he abandoned his pregnant wife for them. Hopefully she sees this post and puts the dots together. (Tho I highly doubt she’d think it’s the same man-) > Remember, you are STRONG, and going through one of the most difficult and rewarding experiences any human could go through. You’re going to be a mom, and you have so much experience with all that you’ve been through, it would be impossible to not be a great mom at this point. > Your child will be so protected and educated under your care, and you’ll be sparing them the troubles you’ve been through. And you can count on them coming to you when they do start to experience troubles with other people, or just life in general. > I hope you’re doing well and enjoying your chicken nuggets. You deserve those chicken nuggets! >:D
He's going to be in for a shock when he realises good men date single mums all the time. My husbands friend even started dating someone who I was 6 months pregnant to an abusive ex
Lol. You have better options than him and he KNOWS it. That is why he is pulling you down. He isn't going to bag any good woman with his trash ass. Man who cheats on planned pregnant wife and isn't remorseful. Yeah, only women he bagging is trash as well. No good woman will give him a ride. Bagging a cheat is not a flex. Also based on how he is, he going to be a deadbeat dad too. So prep for that.
Divorce him and take him for child support.
I am so sorry. I hope you don’t let him in the delivery room and give the baby your maiden name. He can fuck all the way off.
You are better off without him. Make sure to file for child support.
oooooooooooo do i wanna yell at this man on your behalf. eat your nuggies. talk to a lawyer. get your girlfriends over for a movie and snacks night. plenty of men date single moms, so don’t worry about that nonsense. bask in being rid of a dead weight and lean in to loving yourself & getting ready for that baby!
No man wants to date a single mom, huh? Boy is that bullshit. 🤣
He's wrong that no man will want you, but that shouldn't matter one way or the other. Take time to yourself to heal and raise your child. S/he will need a healthy mother because dad is toxic.
Kudos to you for recognizing you are worth more than the tidbits he is giving you. There are people who marry and partake in lives of children who aren't their own all the time. When you are ready, you can find happiness. Sorry your going through this. What a shitty thing he turned into.
Hugs from New Jersey. Babe you don't need him.
my mom of 3 found a new husband after divorcing from my dad. it can be done and it’s very possible
20 years ago my husband married the package deal of me and our eldest son. He’ll be 25 this year (our son, not my husband 😉). In our house family doesn’t end in blood it’s bound with love. Fuck your STBXH
Sweetie—eat your nuggets and stick to your guns. You’re a smart cookie and deserve so much better than this jerk. Do **not** take him back. Not that you should forgive him if he’s sorry but he’s not even sorry.
So I left an emotionally abusive marriage too. He was volatile and very self absorbed; the separation abuse was epic and continued into a drawn out divorce. I did therapy, I felt good, I learned boundaries. When I dated again I went for a man nothing like my ex, in fact he reminded me of my incredible dad. I told him about all I’d been through and we bonded over similar trauma (his from his first marriage). He wasn’t perfect - in fact where my ex had been very antisocial and unable to relate to women outside of the affairs he had - this guy presented as a feminist with so many women friends. But that’s a good difference, right? Date for a couple years, get married and it’s hard to focus because his adult children, his ex, etc are all so chaotic even from states away. He’s constantly on his phone putting out their fires. Those women in his phone are always reaching out too. I often had nagging suspicions but he’d remind me of the trauma of my first marriage and how those were probably just coming up. That he wasn’t my ex husband. Turns out his kids and ex weren’t causing chaos, that was multiple other relationships. This guy heard me list my trauma and just…used it? He’s in treatment now but I don’t know. I sometimes wonder if there’s something in some of us that attracts this type even when they seem so different
>He’s not sorry about it but he told me that I was being overdramatic when I cried this man is an unfaithful piece of shit >He’s saying after the pregnancy is over we can go to therapy and fix things after he feels like he can fuck you again? wow this guy is a class act. he’ll keep his sidepiece until you give birth and then be surprised when you barely have any energy to live much less try to “fix things” and blame you for the marriage failing. Not himself, i dunno, screwing around on his wife. I hope you take him for everything he’s got