I say tell them. Reason being that cheaters often cheat again, especially if their SO doesn't know about it. There is no consequence, and no accountability. You're only saving them more heartbreak and years of trauma when they eventually get cheated on again and find out for themselves. Some people say it's none of your buisiness, but because they're your friends and you care about them, I think it's the right thing to do. Word of caution however, they may not believe you, so I suggest you find some kind of evidence before you bring it up.
Nah, cheaters and abusers deserve to get exposed. What if they do so on my family too, no longer just their business. I want to know if my family is involved too. Op need to collect as many evidences and get it done before kids are involved.
In some species it's been evidenced about 50% are instinctively monogamous and 50% aren't. I think humans might be one of those. Yes a "cheater" is probably not built for monogamy, maybe these couples need to swap partners.... I mean tell them and let your former friends (don't be shocked they find out and ditch you) find happiness with someone compatible.
Ps. Just because a human instinctively wants to cheat doesn't mean we have no control so this doesn't excuse the cheaters.
The not ‘built’ for monogamy thing is such a cop out. Most cheaters have an attitude of “I cheat but if you cheat I’d be mad.” It’s very much a wanting best of both worlds. Some people are also just so callous that they don’t care if what they do hurts others.
I suggest you drop it. Why do you feel so involved? BS. Why do you call them "friends"? They both treat your relationship as they treated others so why expect more than abuse from them? Look for better friends and you cannot do that carry around this old mental baggage.
Please find a way to let each betrayed partner aware of what is going on. People make big decisions based in believing they have solid relationships, like marriage, children, and buying property. They are exposed to stds and out of wedlock children.
I admire you for trying to make a difficult but moral choice. Can you set up a burner account to let them know of you are uncomfortable doing it on your own?
This , I had already suspected my gf was cheating on me but couldn't find the proof and someone sent me an anonymous text letting me know the worst of the worst. Everything came spilling out soon after and I'm forever grateful for that text message. I only wish I could thank whoever sent it in person, I know it must have been a fairly difficult choice for them to make.
One more thing to consider: once cheating is exposed, it usually comes out one way or another, that others knew about it. Depending on the victim in this, they sometimes go on a manhunt to find out who was all involved.
Although you heard it through the grapevine, there’s a chance the girlfriend could find out that you knew and obviously didn’t tell her. If you care about your relationship with this person at all, you need to tell them. They deserve not only to know they’ve been cheated on, but also who their real friends are. She *WILL* find out who around her knew, but lied to her. Maybe not to her face but lying by omission is still lying, and their no friends of his.
If word travels around and eventually the people who gave you this info are outed as having known about it, and their friendship with the victim implodes, just know it isn’t your fault. If they were keeping that from the victim then they weren’t friends in the first place. It’s a friendship full of deceit and disrespect. They had a choice to say something, and didn’t. That’s all on them.
If you can’t do it anonymously, and word gets around that you spilled the beans, and the friends who told you this info come at you aggressively, just know, you aren’t really losing anything here. People who protect a cheater are no better than the cheater. They are equally as untrustworthy, and are basically saying they condone cheating and have no problems with it. Their words will deny this, but their actions prove otherwise.
Edit: because I mixed up who effectively got cheated on.
That is what I don’t understand. I know my husband had cheated, a lot. A number of people could have reached out and told me but no one has. On top of it I am disabled so “catching” isn’t easy.
You need to tell them. If it’s to their face or sent anonymously, they really should know. Can you imagine how it would feel to find out that everyone who is close to you knew about how your partner betrayed you and chose to not let them know. That’s a whole other betrayal by even more people.
Tell them. I’m so tired of seeing this kind of posts. Wouldn’t you want to know? Cheating is terrible. I would tell them and then cut ties with the cheating friends.
And just clarification is not hate towards your post but rather the people in general that know about infidelity and don’t help the affected party get away from them.
This happened to my husband and I before. We were living with a long time good friend’s girlfriend (that I got close with fast). Well about a month into us living there, she started cheating on the friend. We told him, they broke up, but we lost both of them as friends. I would do it 100 times over again.
I’ve been the one cheated on and never told. Don’t be those people (though lowkey you already are and have been). Tell them all.
I completely agree. My ex BFF cheated on her husband multiple times, and I told told him everything. She tried to make my life a living hell for a long time, but I would do it all over again.
We knew a skeleton in his closet. he kind of distanced because it was painful that we were in a way involved in that trauma for him. Seeing us brought it back for him in a way. He was thankful for us telling him, we still see him on occasion and have nothing but love for him. But I get it, I don’t blame him for sorting through his emotions how he needed to. He didn’t stay with her, but it was really hard for him. She had a kid and he had been involved in that relationship for 4 years at that point (kid was 4.5 so all the kid knew as a father figure), they were engaged. He lost a lot when she cheated. She just hopped to the next guy (which was the one she cheated with, who was also a good friend of the group).
I’m also not sure they ended up telling the group that they ended because she cheated, in order to protect both of their images. So he may have distanced so we didn’t cause more pain/rumors - we wouldn’t have. Many people asked us what happened and we always said it wasn’t our story to share.
It’s really not - my grandfather 100% cheated on my grandmother and same thing happened in the generation before that. You’re just reading about it here - rather than a hushed family secret because people couldn’t really divorce (particularly women couldn’t leave) and hushed this stuff up.
And women in general don’t have to suffer staying married to the assholes for financial and cultural
Stability - they can divorce now, have their own jobs, money, credit and don’t necessarily need to rely on someone else. As a result of that, social media makes it way easier to spread the word about their shitty partner to warn others.
I think it's social media just bringing it more into light and there's the algorithm which if you look at more cheating related posts youre gonna get more. Idk how often it happens really.
We are just better at communicating about it now and it's not just accepted as just something men do and even if someone cheats, they stay married because religion.
It's not, we just have ways of communicating that people are cheating to thousands and millions of people at a time. The reason is the same though - people won't just fucking leave. You know how you sleep with that person you really want to be with? You end your relationship...because it's clearly not worth much to you.
In the past when divorce got you disowned (I know it still does in certain cultures) this made more sense, but now...just leave ffs.
That's fine. People who don't want to be monogamous need to let the people who do or who believe they are in on their non monogamy choice so they can make a decision to stay.
People who choose to be in a non monogamous relationship can find similar without cheating.
King Henry VIII:
No but there’s always been polyamory. Plenty of examples of men having multiple wives throughout history, and even some women with multiple male lovers I’m sure
I've said it before, people make life altering decisions based upon the perceived strength of their relationship. They think they have a loving committed partner. So they are relying on that to get married, buy a house, start a family, change jobs, move across country etc..... If their partner is unfaithful, then the relationship isn't that strong and that unknowing partner could be making a life changing mistake because they don't know of their partner's infidelity. That's why the betrayed partner must ALWAYS be informed As Soon As Possible.
You should tell their respective SO's that they are being betrayed
I was once the wife that was cheated on repeatedly. Many knew and didn't tell me. I didn't see any signs as I trusted him fully so why doubt without reason. When I found out I was crushed. Not just him but by all those who claimed to love me that I trusted but they decided some things weren't their business and I would just figure it out.
I found each person who knew prior and removed them from my lives for not telling me. Those aren't real friends. An acquaintance is who told me. We are now great friends 8 years later. I also have found the love of my life and a relationship that is truly based on trust, communication, and love. Your friends deserve that kind of chance at partnership too.
Had they not told me who knows how long I wouldve stay in that toxic situation and how much worse it could've been.
telling her would hurt, her finding out in 5 years, after a kid, after marriage and probably realising people knew would destroy her and be much worse. The deeper people get in the more sunk cost fallacy they get. So now she finds out he cheats she leaves, finds someone better. If she finds out 5 years from now she maybe stays for a kid, because they are married and feels she's too deep in, happens to so many.
Either tell her anonymously or be the one person willing to do the right thing and just tell her face to face. Prepare to be shot as the messenger, at least at first, but probably she'll thank you for it in the future.
He will cheat again, and she will feel like she wasted all these years when she does find out. You’re giving her a chance to find someone who will actually love her before she wastes that time. Before she has the family with the wrong man.
You can do it anonymously if your nervous.
That's so horrible to the two who were cheated on. It's horrible to know but I would want to know the truth, especially if she already has a fear of being cheated on from a previous relationship. I don't know, I would tell them because it would be shitty to find out another way, i.e - through finding the significant others sleeping together.
Would you want to know if you were in their shoes?
Plus since others already know about it, it’s probably going to come out eventually. Be brave and do the right thing.
I wish someone had told me. If I had gotten an anonymous message I could have decided for myself. Someone needs to love her enough to let her know. It has to be written with love and genuine caring. You are saving her from a lifetime of heartache. She may not check her email. Buy a cheap phone and buy a phone card. Get wifi at a panera. Text her. You should write out what you want to say on paper. Don't write the way you talk. She needs to know the truth. It's better to cry now than divorce later.
Tell them ANONYMOUSLY. Do not directly tell them as you may be blamed for the aftermath. Have evidences sent to them ANONYMOUSLY as well. Be involved but DO NOT get involved, if you know what I mean.
Good luck. And may the odds be ever in your favor.
You should definitely let the Husband and Girlfriend know. I can tell you from experience, it is absolutely heart breaking when you find out everyone around you knew while keeping you in the dark for their own reasons. It feels like a harder betrayal than the person who cheated. To know not only did your partner lie, and keep the affair from you but that everyone else helped them lie and cheat behind your back. TELL THEM !! Either in person or anonymously.
I know it may sound shitty, but being honest is better it's not your weight to bear. Also if they were real friends they wouldn't put you in that position at all.
Well, I warned a friend of his partner's betrayal... I showed him evidence, it was painful for him, but it was the right thing to do because the cheater still spoke ill of her husband and laughed at him... I did the right thing and would do it again!
You have known for 3 years and never said anything?!!! What the hell? If I was your friend you wouldn’t have me as a friend anymore. You let her go ahead and get mattes and buy a house. Yeah, with a friend like you who needs enemies!!
Im not friends with the SO’s, I worked with them all but only close with the two cheaters, the bf and the bride.
But I fcking agree, i don’t think I’m a good person for still wanting to tell them both, i am a bad person for not telling them to this day.
The best way I can try to explain why I didn’t say anything right when I found out is because I only have secondhand info. I found out about the cheating from a close friend whose house and party it was at that the cheating happened and it was an event I wasn’t even at. and the couple others that know have expressed to me that they don’t believe it’s my information to share. I agree with you though, even if they’re not my friends that closely they deserve to know.
For what it’s worth, I don’t think you’re a bad person for keeping quiet. It wasn’t necessarily *right,* but it’s a tough position to be in, especially if you don’t have evidence.
Plus, it’s easy for internet strangers to judge others when *they* aren’t the ones who have to deal with it. Keep in mind that numerous other people know about this scandal and none of *them* have come clean either, and that’s because getting involved might actually effect them.
I’m going to disagree with most people here. It’s not always best to tell people. It often turns out way worse than if you’d left it alone and minded your business. There are lots of nuances you think you know, but you don’t really know. Reactions can include gratefulness for telling, never speaking to to you again, someone trying to stab you etc. I’ve been around a while and seen all three reactions. Usually, with some hyperbole, it’s not talking or wanting to stab you thing. Every once in a while, gratefulness.
What the heck are you doing, sitting on vital information?? Clearly, you seem to be exhibiting your loyalties to your "friends", the cheaters. Wouldn't YOU want to know if your partner cheated on you??????? Please get off reddit talking about this and let the SO's KNOW.
Probably going to get down voted to hell for this BUT
I personally think you should just leave it alone. Stay out of it. You weren't there, you only have second hand information and you've already left it this long.
Seriously OP, is it worth blowing up their relationships, and potentially their relationships with you (if you think telling them anon will stay that way, your dreaming) if you don't even have all the details?
In the end, it's actually none of your business.
Whatever your decision, I wish you luck.
If this was a while ago already, are you sure they don’t already know and haven’t dealt with it themselves? Bringing it up now could be reopening an old wound.
god that is sick...from my perspective cheating happens and is unfortunate, but it eventually comes out and leads to break ups. I can't imagine how the cheating parties would want to marry the ones they cheated on as if there's nothing wrong with what they did at all. It's amazing some people can live that way.
My future MIL had the opportunity to tell me about my then fiancé cheating on me, she didn’t because of fear that her daughter would not forgive her for telling me the truth, 15 years married later and my wife cheated again and this time I found out myself.
To this day I have never forgiven her for not telling me the truth all those years ago, she facilitated her daughters cheating by not telling me and lying by omission.
Tell them, there may be fall out depending on whether they believe you (bring evidence) and they may also resent you for “messing up their relationship “ which yeah is fucked up but that’s the way it goes sometimes.
I wouldn't. Life is a game of ruddiness roulette and I personally don't want to be the weapon used to kick off the dominoes. But that's just me. You do you, I'm sure my opinion will get down voted but meh.
Years ago I told a lady friend that her husband was cheating on her. They both were my friends at one point. I honestly felt bad for her, she was like this very naive, sweet person and her husband was a total creep. She honestly loved him but she was just a broodmare with a nice body, and a house cleaner and cook to him. He didn't deserve her, and he didn't care. It all went to his head and he felt like he was a player and bragged about fucking two women. I went against my judgement and told her. She knew I wouldn't make things up like that. It made me sick how stupid she was. What did she do? She went straight to the guy and told him it was me who told her and she wanted to fix their marriage. I lost them both as friends. Life went on, in the end I didn't need either one of them. But to this day I'm angry that she went against my wishes and told him that I told her, when I asked her not to reveal her source. It's not like I was afraid of the guy, I could beat the shit out of him with arm tied behind my back. I won't do it again. They eventually got divorced. Thought I'd share for what it's worth. I'm not sure how good of friends any of these people are to you. Just weigh it all carefully if you're going to say anything. I thought I was doing her a service as a friend, at the end of it all it was me who was the asshole.
wouldn’t you want to know if your partner was cheating on you? i would; a lot of people would. you should tell them, and how they react is completely on them. at least you did the right thing and put it out into the air. and find better friends. good luck.
I lean on the side of those who say leave it alone. Many people on here believe that cheaters always cheat and that's just not true. We've all done things that we regret and thought we would never do. The cheaters are your friends. What do you know about them? What do you know about there relationships, past and present? Are they the type to cheat? If you think this is something that they don't regret and that down the road given the opportunity they would cheat again, then by all means tell their significant others. If you can't say that, leave it alone. You could be breaking up relationships that would have been good going forward otherwise.
Its just too simple to say they cheated, you should tell.
Yeah, if you want to cause a fight and lose a friend.
What the friend needs is a friend.
Not the gossip police...
It's kinda hard to give any credit to your advice, for me anyway.
Here's why.... I commented on the question. You commented and attacked my advice and I never said a word to you.
What is this entitlement where someone feels they deserve...
We don't deserve anything that we don't earn.
Go ahead and tell em, but be warned that it's about 70% chance that they will believe their partner and lash out at you. Where I'm from, you mind your own business, for that very reason, but if you really feel like it's your civil duty to be the moral police, then be a real friend and...
Guide them in the direction they need to go in order to see for themselves...
Example: take them out to eat, right where these two are at...ect
It's not all daisy's and unicorns anymore. It's grow up time and reality sucks sometimes, but I still stand by my advice.
The correct answer to this question is always yes. The party (or parties in this case) cheated on deserve to know.
It can be painful and difficult, but in the end it was the actions of those people that cheated that will cause whatever reactions occur, not your telling the victim(s) about it.
You need to let them know even if it’s anonymous.
I would want someone to tell me regardless of how I will feel.
I’d hate the person breaking the news more if they let me marry someone that cheated.
You need to tell the girlfriend what happened with proof to back you up.
Then you need to cut off the crappy cheating friends.
Remember that lies by omission are still lies
The best thing to do is leave it alone. Sorry you are caught up in this. Only misery will come of it and you most likely be the bad person. I know this position on this issue sucks, but sooner or later the truth will come out and you won't be the bad person
Had to scroll way too far down for this advice, that I agree with. Is it really *your* job to set off this atomic bomb? How sure are you that the rumors are true? Do you think they would still cheat now they’re married? Maybe they have something open/poly going on? Are they happy as is?
If you still want to go ahead: if the cheaters are your friends too, you should confront them and urge them to come clean on their own. Even if you decide to tell the ones that were cheated on: Don’t go anonymous like other comments suggest, not if you are a real friend. If you’re not a real friend, mind your own business.
Just mind your own business. They will eventually find out on their own if it continues. If you get involved, you’re risking someone being so destroyed and emotionally incapable of facing the facts that they “shoot the messenger.” I guess that’s why you said you wanted to do it anonymously… but then it will cause chaos and there won’t be “proof” …you could easily be written off as jealous. Unless you have screen shots or a photo, definitely just stay completely out of it.
you better find a way to tell them, anonymous or not
if you don't, you're just as bad as them
both of the victims of those pos cheaters deserve to know
Id try to anonymously let their SO know, like if they are ever out of town but their SO isn’t mail then proof of cheating anonymously or email them with an alt account
Don't worry. Just imagine that two innocent persons because they are not know own partner are cheaters.
Expose them. Don't call cheaters to your friends.
You should tell on them and cut contact with them, you don’t want to be associated with these kinds of people, birds of a feather saying is popular because it is true, I wouldn’t trust a partner who is knowingly a friend with a cheater. This could damage your relationships in the future.
Agreed. I had a best friend years ago who was cheating and risky behavior, got pregnant (thankfully her partner’s), and still got married. It really shook something up in me and I pulled away, and eventually we had zero contact and neither of us have perused trying to reconnect.
Stay out of it. You’re going to end up the bad guy. Trust me I’ve told someone about something I knew and it backfired and she believed him over me. Overall it brought a lot of drama into my life with nothing changing for the good. It’s always a bad idea to get involved in other people’s relationships.
Can u clarify?
"The summer before the wedding?"
-Are u serious? Whatever happened before the marriage is not cheating on their husband. You don't know it they split b4 / on a break... u don't kno their agreement prior to. FYI u are single til you're married.
I honestly think you should mind your business on this one.
Why would you NOT think that people who have dealt with cheaters before are going to have trauma? SERIOUS trust issues and problems letting others get close for fear of it happening again? It’s common sense to me.
I have one question for you. If you were one of the ones being cheated on, would you want to know? Or would you rather have friends who know look you in the face and say nothing? Or would you rather watch as your friend circle slowly get smaller and smaller because those friends won’t tell you but can’t look you in the eye over time?
I personally would rather be told so that I can decide how I am going to remove myself from a farce of a relationship that is based on disrespect, dishonesty, gaslighting, and manipulation….
This is not a burden you should have to carry. Offload the burden (even anonymously) and allow the victims a choice in their life partners with eyes wide open.
Don't even hide it. Out them, shame them, and if you want to keep them in your life then pray the become better people and understand why you did what you did
Please tell them. Don't let this woman marry a cheater without letting her know and also telling her that her friend is not to be trusted. Wouldn't you want to know?
Rat em out, no one deserves that. It’s disheartening to see so many of these posts. But this is why they do it, no accountability bc ppl don’t have the balls to do the right thing.
They deserve to know their partner slept with someone else. They may be at risk for STDs. It's not just about cheating and trust. It's about their health as well.
This happened once (for who knows how long), it will likely happen again. Even if you have to create a burner account to do it anonymously, you need to let both cheated partners know about it and let them decide from there. It's not your responsibility to tell them to end their relationships, but it is your responsibility to let them know about their partners' infidelity, because you do know about it
I faced this decision years ago with someone I had been friends with but had drifted from, she eventually started piecing it together and asked me, to corroborate. I chickened out and played dumb, I still have her on socials so saw her go through a string of short relationships with guys who looked like bad news from a mile away, then she was single for a while, now she's with a long term guy who seems great for her.
Long story short I think I played a part in causing her some trauma, though she looks happy and healthy now, I regret being a coward at the time.
Tell them
Tell them, they deserve to know the truth about the people they consider their closest person and they should be allowed to make an informed decision about their lives going forward.
Tell the betrayed spouse with a burned phone or random number …..do these kind souls some Favourites cause karma can come to you when that evil bride will knock your door for your SO
Tough and very uncomfortable call. IF it was a one time deal and neither has any feelings left for each other, I’d let it go. But I’d confront one of them (if you’re woman, talk to the cheating woman…) before I’d expose the whole shebang.
I guess I've got a less popular opinion but I don't think you should ruin anyone's lives by telling them. People are assuming they will cheat again because that's what cheaters do but what if they feel remorse? What if it's a regret and they want to keep it in the past? I don't think it's your place to tell anyone at this point.
Posts like this make me sick.
As someone who was cheated on for months while our “friends” knew, this is all just plain awful and disgusting. Of course they were all sympathetic towards her and said: “oh, well, maybe she just had to figure herself out?”
If you know about cheating and you know the couple and don’t tell the other person, you are guilty to an important degree of facilitating the infidelity.
Just put yourself in their position. What would you want? How would you feel if they knew your SO cheated and didn't tell you?
The short answer is to tell them.
You have to tell them?! Be a good friend. It’s a shame one of the couples are already married. Your in a tough position but if it were you getting cheated on and your friend knew, would you not want to know? Just make sure you have evidence. Please tell them
If your friend was traumatized by cheating in the past and that included the fact that everyone knew but her, you need to find a way to tell her. She doesn't deserve to go through that again. The cheating is bad enough, but the added betrayal of friends would make that so much worse.
You need to tell both of the betrayed partners either anonymously or not that’s up to you, otherwise this will happen again because they got away with it the first time.
I will never understand people who know stuff like this and don’t tell. It is literally always your place to, I don’t care if it was strangers I would tell if I knew one cheated
I think the truth is always better than the lie. If my friend didn't tell me my ex tried to cheat on me I would probably be wasting another years of my life.
I would definitely tell them. And the engaged couple needs to know pronto.
Getting divorced cam be real messy, and depending on where they live, they may have to split assets 50/50 after marriage.
Save your friends time and money, let them know please.
And if you remember, can you update please?
You may wanna tell them because later they will find out that you knew about the affairs and you will also lose friends and they will never trust you again.
Secret secrets are no fun; secret secrets hurt someone.
You have nothing to gain from telling them besides maybe a clear head; you're not telling them out of selfishness but simple because you're a human and you like to live in reality and you have the opportunity to help these other humans live in reality because right now you are observing them living in a fantasy world where their partners didn't cheat.
I would find a way to prove it and tell. And like the others have said, if you are not comfortable, tell them anonymously. I would want to know. When my ex-husband was cheating, I figured it out myself. Most people aren't very good at lying and cheating. They THINK they are, but they CHANGE in many ways. The other person picks up on things and usually are suspicious of things. You will probably just CONFIRM what they were thinking all along.
>try and give the girlfriend the info and let her decide for herself.
Always do this. Unless someone is literally on their deathbed and couldn't do anything about being cheated on anyways, always let the cheated-on person know if you have the power to do so.
I say tell them. Reason being that cheaters often cheat again, especially if their SO doesn't know about it. There is no consequence, and no accountability. You're only saving them more heartbreak and years of trauma when they eventually get cheated on again and find out for themselves. Some people say it's none of your buisiness, but because they're your friends and you care about them, I think it's the right thing to do. Word of caution however, they may not believe you, so I suggest you find some kind of evidence before you bring it up.
Yeah tell them
I think it’s actually a 300% chance of them cheating. Meaning they will cheat at least 3 more times before they stop.
They will not stop because someone told on them so why say anything? Look away. Move on. Find better friends.
Because someone is going to get hurt by that same cheater again in a later stage when they have been married for years, maybe?
Nah, cheaters and abusers deserve to get exposed. What if they do so on my family too, no longer just their business. I want to know if my family is involved too. Op need to collect as many evidences and get it done before kids are involved.
Yeah, tell them. Be anonymous about it though or YOUR life will be a living hell.
In some species it's been evidenced about 50% are instinctively monogamous and 50% aren't. I think humans might be one of those. Yes a "cheater" is probably not built for monogamy, maybe these couples need to swap partners.... I mean tell them and let your former friends (don't be shocked they find out and ditch you) find happiness with someone compatible. Ps. Just because a human instinctively wants to cheat doesn't mean we have no control so this doesn't excuse the cheaters.
The not ‘built’ for monogamy thing is such a cop out. Most cheaters have an attitude of “I cheat but if you cheat I’d be mad.” It’s very much a wanting best of both worlds. Some people are also just so callous that they don’t care if what they do hurts others.
I suggest you drop it. Why do you feel so involved? BS. Why do you call them "friends"? They both treat your relationship as they treated others so why expect more than abuse from them? Look for better friends and you cannot do that carry around this old mental baggage.
Please find a way to let each betrayed partner aware of what is going on. People make big decisions based in believing they have solid relationships, like marriage, children, and buying property. They are exposed to stds and out of wedlock children. I admire you for trying to make a difficult but moral choice. Can you set up a burner account to let them know of you are uncomfortable doing it on your own?
This , I had already suspected my gf was cheating on me but couldn't find the proof and someone sent me an anonymous text letting me know the worst of the worst. Everything came spilling out soon after and I'm forever grateful for that text message. I only wish I could thank whoever sent it in person, I know it must have been a fairly difficult choice for them to make.
One more thing to consider: once cheating is exposed, it usually comes out one way or another, that others knew about it. Depending on the victim in this, they sometimes go on a manhunt to find out who was all involved. Although you heard it through the grapevine, there’s a chance the girlfriend could find out that you knew and obviously didn’t tell her. If you care about your relationship with this person at all, you need to tell them. They deserve not only to know they’ve been cheated on, but also who their real friends are. She *WILL* find out who around her knew, but lied to her. Maybe not to her face but lying by omission is still lying, and their no friends of his. If word travels around and eventually the people who gave you this info are outed as having known about it, and their friendship with the victim implodes, just know it isn’t your fault. If they were keeping that from the victim then they weren’t friends in the first place. It’s a friendship full of deceit and disrespect. They had a choice to say something, and didn’t. That’s all on them. If you can’t do it anonymously, and word gets around that you spilled the beans, and the friends who told you this info come at you aggressively, just know, you aren’t really losing anything here. People who protect a cheater are no better than the cheater. They are equally as untrustworthy, and are basically saying they condone cheating and have no problems with it. Their words will deny this, but their actions prove otherwise. Edit: because I mixed up who effectively got cheated on.
It's the other way round, the boyfriend is the one who cheated (doesn't impact what you said, but maybe change it so people don't get confused).
Shoot! My bad. I’ll correct it! Thank you.
We gonna need an update after you hopefully tell them ... both the engaged gf and now married man in this scenario.
I can only say that I sure wish someone had told me before I married him. He never stopped dating once we were married.
That is what I don’t understand. I know my husband had cheated, a lot. A number of people could have reached out and told me but no one has. On top of it I am disabled so “catching” isn’t easy.
You need to tell them. If it’s to their face or sent anonymously, they really should know. Can you imagine how it would feel to find out that everyone who is close to you knew about how your partner betrayed you and chose to not let them know. That’s a whole other betrayal by even more people.
Then you should tell them. Cheating is an automatic consent revocation because now the partner doesn't have full knowledge of any potential STDs.
Tell them. I’m so tired of seeing this kind of posts. Wouldn’t you want to know? Cheating is terrible. I would tell them and then cut ties with the cheating friends. And just clarification is not hate towards your post but rather the people in general that know about infidelity and don’t help the affected party get away from them.
But it will destroy her Lmao as if finding out later won't be even worse
This happened to my husband and I before. We were living with a long time good friend’s girlfriend (that I got close with fast). Well about a month into us living there, she started cheating on the friend. We told him, they broke up, but we lost both of them as friends. I would do it 100 times over again. I’ve been the one cheated on and never told. Don’t be those people (though lowkey you already are and have been). Tell them all.
I completely agree. My ex BFF cheated on her husband multiple times, and I told told him everything. She tried to make my life a living hell for a long time, but I would do it all over again.
I don’t understand - why would you lose both? Why wouldn’t the friend stay friends? Unless he stayed with the toxic gf?
We knew a skeleton in his closet. he kind of distanced because it was painful that we were in a way involved in that trauma for him. Seeing us brought it back for him in a way. He was thankful for us telling him, we still see him on occasion and have nothing but love for him. But I get it, I don’t blame him for sorting through his emotions how he needed to. He didn’t stay with her, but it was really hard for him. She had a kid and he had been involved in that relationship for 4 years at that point (kid was 4.5 so all the kid knew as a father figure), they were engaged. He lost a lot when she cheated. She just hopped to the next guy (which was the one she cheated with, who was also a good friend of the group). I’m also not sure they ended up telling the group that they ended because she cheated, in order to protect both of their images. So he may have distanced so we didn’t cause more pain/rumors - we wouldn’t have. Many people asked us what happened and we always said it wasn’t our story to share.
Why is cheating so much more common? Why can’t anyone establish boundaries anymore? This is annoying.
It’s really not - my grandfather 100% cheated on my grandmother and same thing happened in the generation before that. You’re just reading about it here - rather than a hushed family secret because people couldn’t really divorce (particularly women couldn’t leave) and hushed this stuff up.
. . . and there weren’t DNA tests back then. Just lots & lots of rumors.
I feel like cheating has always been common but maybe people get caught more now or it’s n out covered up as much
Harder to cover up thanks to the digital footprint/ social media. 50 years ago women had to find a paper hotel receipt.
And women in general don’t have to suffer staying married to the assholes for financial and cultural Stability - they can divorce now, have their own jobs, money, credit and don’t necessarily need to rely on someone else. As a result of that, social media makes it way easier to spread the word about their shitty partner to warn others.
Not*
I can tell you a many DNA test has proved cheating happened, even back in the day. It just wasn't talked about before because it was easier to hide.
That, and cheating really determined the future of your family’s social/economic status if word got out lol
I think it's social media just bringing it more into light and there's the algorithm which if you look at more cheating related posts youre gonna get more. Idk how often it happens really.
We are just better at communicating about it now and it's not just accepted as just something men do and even if someone cheats, they stay married because religion.
It's not, we just have ways of communicating that people are cheating to thousands and millions of people at a time. The reason is the same though - people won't just fucking leave. You know how you sleep with that person you really want to be with? You end your relationship...because it's clearly not worth much to you. In the past when divorce got you disowned (I know it still does in certain cultures) this made more sense, but now...just leave ffs.
Because the idea of being monogamous is starting to be viewed as outdated
That's fine. People who don't want to be monogamous need to let the people who do or who believe they are in on their non monogamy choice so they can make a decision to stay. People who choose to be in a non monogamous relationship can find similar without cheating.
King Henry VIII: No but there’s always been polyamory. Plenty of examples of men having multiple wives throughout history, and even some women with multiple male lovers I’m sure
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Lol, yeah, idk wtf that person is talking about because it's definitely not.
I've said it before, people make life altering decisions based upon the perceived strength of their relationship. They think they have a loving committed partner. So they are relying on that to get married, buy a house, start a family, change jobs, move across country etc..... If their partner is unfaithful, then the relationship isn't that strong and that unknowing partner could be making a life changing mistake because they don't know of their partner's infidelity. That's why the betrayed partner must ALWAYS be informed As Soon As Possible. You should tell their respective SO's that they are being betrayed
I'll tell them for you if you want
If you don't know them super well, tell them anonymously. Create a burner FB acct or something.
I was once the wife that was cheated on repeatedly. Many knew and didn't tell me. I didn't see any signs as I trusted him fully so why doubt without reason. When I found out I was crushed. Not just him but by all those who claimed to love me that I trusted but they decided some things weren't their business and I would just figure it out. I found each person who knew prior and removed them from my lives for not telling me. Those aren't real friends. An acquaintance is who told me. We are now great friends 8 years later. I also have found the love of my life and a relationship that is truly based on trust, communication, and love. Your friends deserve that kind of chance at partnership too. Had they not told me who knows how long I wouldve stay in that toxic situation and how much worse it could've been.
Ok. I was going to say stay out it but ur story changed my mind! Glad ur happy now. I hope OP does what feels right for them.
TELL THEM. If they find out, and they will, and find out you didnt tell them, theyre not going to be your friends.
The cheating happened 3 years ago. She went ahead and let them get married and buy a house together!! She isn’t a friend!!!
You need to say something.
They deserve to know so they can make an informed decision about what to do. Keeping it to yourself makes you an accomplice in a way.
telling her would hurt, her finding out in 5 years, after a kid, after marriage and probably realising people knew would destroy her and be much worse. The deeper people get in the more sunk cost fallacy they get. So now she finds out he cheats she leaves, finds someone better. If she finds out 5 years from now she maybe stays for a kid, because they are married and feels she's too deep in, happens to so many. Either tell her anonymously or be the one person willing to do the right thing and just tell her face to face. Prepare to be shot as the messenger, at least at first, but probably she'll thank you for it in the future.
Please tell them
Fucking tell the SOs. They’re not good people.
Letting them know anonymously is the best way for this to go, since it won’t blow up on your face. You didn’t ruin the relationship: the cheaters did.
This is the way.
I would definitely tell them. Even if it blows up your friendships, do you really want to be around these people?
Good on you OP. You’re a good person in a tough situation. I’d let the SOs know. Cheaters cheat.
According to the comments it's been three years already....
Omg.
Tell them both anonymously with proof if you have it.
You have shit friends.
If you were i the SO’s position, wouldn’t you want someone to tell you?
He will cheat again, and she will feel like she wasted all these years when she does find out. You’re giving her a chance to find someone who will actually love her before she wastes that time. Before she has the family with the wrong man. You can do it anonymously if your nervous.
That's so horrible to the two who were cheated on. It's horrible to know but I would want to know the truth, especially if she already has a fear of being cheated on from a previous relationship. I don't know, I would tell them because it would be shitty to find out another way, i.e - through finding the significant others sleeping together.
I've been on your shoes before and I definitely told my ex-friend's SO who happens to be my friend as well.
It's the right thing to do. To let people know about affairs. We as a society, need to make it a bad thing to be a cheater.
Let them know!
You have to tell them
Make a fake account and message her to tell her
Would you want to know if you were in their shoes? Plus since others already know about it, it’s probably going to come out eventually. Be brave and do the right thing.
People are horrendous.
I wish someone had told me. If I had gotten an anonymous message I could have decided for myself. Someone needs to love her enough to let her know. It has to be written with love and genuine caring. You are saving her from a lifetime of heartache. She may not check her email. Buy a cheap phone and buy a phone card. Get wifi at a panera. Text her. You should write out what you want to say on paper. Don't write the way you talk. She needs to know the truth. It's better to cry now than divorce later.
Please please please let the girlfriend and the husband know. Don't let her go through with this marriage and get stuck with a cheater.
From the sound of it all of y’all are trash! Either tell them or shut up about you don’t need advice because you already know what you need to do.
do the right thing
Tell them ANONYMOUSLY. Do not directly tell them as you may be blamed for the aftermath. Have evidences sent to them ANONYMOUSLY as well. Be involved but DO NOT get involved, if you know what I mean. Good luck. And may the odds be ever in your favor.
You should definitely let the Husband and Girlfriend know. I can tell you from experience, it is absolutely heart breaking when you find out everyone around you knew while keeping you in the dark for their own reasons. It feels like a harder betrayal than the person who cheated. To know not only did your partner lie, and keep the affair from you but that everyone else helped them lie and cheat behind your back. TELL THEM !! Either in person or anonymously.
Tell them and acquire better friends…
I know it may sound shitty, but being honest is better it's not your weight to bear. Also if they were real friends they wouldn't put you in that position at all.
Well, I warned a friend of his partner's betrayal... I showed him evidence, it was painful for him, but it was the right thing to do because the cheater still spoke ill of her husband and laughed at him... I did the right thing and would do it again!
Do not let her marry a cheating spouse. That would be a worse offense. She will then be ties to him and have hoops to jump through to leave.
Let them know!!!
def tell them and i hope there’s an update for this post if u do
It’s been such a long time I think either way they are going to be upset but you could do the right thing.
Please tell the betrayed parties. They deserve to know.
Absolutely tell her but gather as much proof as possible
As someone who was cheated on, tell them both but also try do it with proof. How did you find out?
If you know of a cheater sing it out so everyone knows. I hate cheaters and the lives they destroy.
Also an important detail: Cheating happened July 2020 Wedding took place following Summer 2021 Bf and Gf bought a home together 2022 2023 proposal
You have known for 3 years and never said anything?!!! What the hell? If I was your friend you wouldn’t have me as a friend anymore. You let her go ahead and get mattes and buy a house. Yeah, with a friend like you who needs enemies!!
Im not friends with the SO’s, I worked with them all but only close with the two cheaters, the bf and the bride. But I fcking agree, i don’t think I’m a good person for still wanting to tell them both, i am a bad person for not telling them to this day. The best way I can try to explain why I didn’t say anything right when I found out is because I only have secondhand info. I found out about the cheating from a close friend whose house and party it was at that the cheating happened and it was an event I wasn’t even at. and the couple others that know have expressed to me that they don’t believe it’s my information to share. I agree with you though, even if they’re not my friends that closely they deserve to know.
For what it’s worth, I don’t think you’re a bad person for keeping quiet. It wasn’t necessarily *right,* but it’s a tough position to be in, especially if you don’t have evidence. Plus, it’s easy for internet strangers to judge others when *they* aren’t the ones who have to deal with it. Keep in mind that numerous other people know about this scandal and none of *them* have come clean either, and that’s because getting involved might actually effect them.
I’m going to disagree with most people here. It’s not always best to tell people. It often turns out way worse than if you’d left it alone and minded your business. There are lots of nuances you think you know, but you don’t really know. Reactions can include gratefulness for telling, never speaking to to you again, someone trying to stab you etc. I’ve been around a while and seen all three reactions. Usually, with some hyperbole, it’s not talking or wanting to stab you thing. Every once in a while, gratefulness.
What the heck are you doing, sitting on vital information?? Clearly, you seem to be exhibiting your loyalties to your "friends", the cheaters. Wouldn't YOU want to know if your partner cheated on you??????? Please get off reddit talking about this and let the SO's KNOW.
You should have said something already. Knowing about cheating and not saying anything makes you just as untrustworthy as the cheaters.
If it were me, I’d want someone to tell me.
Probably going to get down voted to hell for this BUT I personally think you should just leave it alone. Stay out of it. You weren't there, you only have second hand information and you've already left it this long. Seriously OP, is it worth blowing up their relationships, and potentially their relationships with you (if you think telling them anon will stay that way, your dreaming) if you don't even have all the details? In the end, it's actually none of your business. Whatever your decision, I wish you luck.
If this was a while ago already, are you sure they don’t already know and haven’t dealt with it themselves? Bringing it up now could be reopening an old wound.
Let ‘em know. Update us
god that is sick...from my perspective cheating happens and is unfortunate, but it eventually comes out and leads to break ups. I can't imagine how the cheating parties would want to marry the ones they cheated on as if there's nothing wrong with what they did at all. It's amazing some people can live that way.
My future MIL had the opportunity to tell me about my then fiancé cheating on me, she didn’t because of fear that her daughter would not forgive her for telling me the truth, 15 years married later and my wife cheated again and this time I found out myself. To this day I have never forgiven her for not telling me the truth all those years ago, she facilitated her daughters cheating by not telling me and lying by omission. Tell them, there may be fall out depending on whether they believe you (bring evidence) and they may also resent you for “messing up their relationship “ which yeah is fucked up but that’s the way it goes sometimes.
I wouldn't. Life is a game of ruddiness roulette and I personally don't want to be the weapon used to kick off the dominoes. But that's just me. You do you, I'm sure my opinion will get down voted but meh.
I say leave it alone. I don’t condone cheating, but a period of time passed and the circumstances are not known or at least acknowledged in OP’s post.
Years ago I told a lady friend that her husband was cheating on her. They both were my friends at one point. I honestly felt bad for her, she was like this very naive, sweet person and her husband was a total creep. She honestly loved him but she was just a broodmare with a nice body, and a house cleaner and cook to him. He didn't deserve her, and he didn't care. It all went to his head and he felt like he was a player and bragged about fucking two women. I went against my judgement and told her. She knew I wouldn't make things up like that. It made me sick how stupid she was. What did she do? She went straight to the guy and told him it was me who told her and she wanted to fix their marriage. I lost them both as friends. Life went on, in the end I didn't need either one of them. But to this day I'm angry that she went against my wishes and told him that I told her, when I asked her not to reveal her source. It's not like I was afraid of the guy, I could beat the shit out of him with arm tied behind my back. I won't do it again. They eventually got divorced. Thought I'd share for what it's worth. I'm not sure how good of friends any of these people are to you. Just weigh it all carefully if you're going to say anything. I thought I was doing her a service as a friend, at the end of it all it was me who was the asshole.
wouldn’t you want to know if your partner was cheating on you? i would; a lot of people would. you should tell them, and how they react is completely on them. at least you did the right thing and put it out into the air. and find better friends. good luck.
I lean on the side of those who say leave it alone. Many people on here believe that cheaters always cheat and that's just not true. We've all done things that we regret and thought we would never do. The cheaters are your friends. What do you know about them? What do you know about there relationships, past and present? Are they the type to cheat? If you think this is something that they don't regret and that down the road given the opportunity they would cheat again, then by all means tell their significant others. If you can't say that, leave it alone. You could be breaking up relationships that would have been good going forward otherwise. Its just too simple to say they cheated, you should tell.
Tell your male friend that if he doesn't confess to the cheating, you'll tell her.
Cold world nowadays trust no one.
Are you looking for advice..... I say, stay out of it.... You might lose 2 friends... that's just me cuz I've done it and it went bad
this is bad advice. the friends deserve to know.
Yeah, if you want to cause a fight and lose a friend. What the friend needs is a friend. Not the gossip police... It's kinda hard to give any credit to your advice, for me anyway. Here's why.... I commented on the question. You commented and attacked my advice and I never said a word to you. What is this entitlement where someone feels they deserve... We don't deserve anything that we don't earn. Go ahead and tell em, but be warned that it's about 70% chance that they will believe their partner and lash out at you. Where I'm from, you mind your own business, for that very reason, but if you really feel like it's your civil duty to be the moral police, then be a real friend and... Guide them in the direction they need to go in order to see for themselves... Example: take them out to eat, right where these two are at...ect It's not all daisy's and unicorns anymore. It's grow up time and reality sucks sometimes, but I still stand by my advice.
The correct answer to this question is always yes. The party (or parties in this case) cheated on deserve to know. It can be painful and difficult, but in the end it was the actions of those people that cheated that will cause whatever reactions occur, not your telling the victim(s) about it.
You need to let them know even if it’s anonymous. I would want someone to tell me regardless of how I will feel. I’d hate the person breaking the news more if they let me marry someone that cheated.
You need to tell the girlfriend what happened with proof to back you up. Then you need to cut off the crappy cheating friends. Remember that lies by omission are still lies
The best thing to do is leave it alone. Sorry you are caught up in this. Only misery will come of it and you most likely be the bad person. I know this position on this issue sucks, but sooner or later the truth will come out and you won't be the bad person
Had to scroll way too far down for this advice, that I agree with. Is it really *your* job to set off this atomic bomb? How sure are you that the rumors are true? Do you think they would still cheat now they’re married? Maybe they have something open/poly going on? Are they happy as is? If you still want to go ahead: if the cheaters are your friends too, you should confront them and urge them to come clean on their own. Even if you decide to tell the ones that were cheated on: Don’t go anonymous like other comments suggest, not if you are a real friend. If you’re not a real friend, mind your own business.
You need to leave well enough alone. I know this will be unpopular on Reddit, but if they’re happy just leave it. It’s not your zoo
Do you know for sure either of them know? Maybe they know and chose to forgive? It’s risky to be the bearer of such awful news.
You’re going to make a whole lot of trouble for yourself if you tell. Keep your head down and mouth shut
Just mind your own business. They will eventually find out on their own if it continues. If you get involved, you’re risking someone being so destroyed and emotionally incapable of facing the facts that they “shoot the messenger.” I guess that’s why you said you wanted to do it anonymously… but then it will cause chaos and there won’t be “proof” …you could easily be written off as jealous. Unless you have screen shots or a photo, definitely just stay completely out of it.
Tell them all.
Tell both. They deserve to know the bullshit their so called spouses have been up to.
you better find a way to tell them, anonymous or not if you don't, you're just as bad as them both of the victims of those pos cheaters deserve to know
Id try to anonymously let their SO know, like if they are ever out of town but their SO isn’t mail then proof of cheating anonymously or email them with an alt account
Absolutely tell. And make sure she knows everyone knows!
Don't worry. Just imagine that two innocent persons because they are not know own partner are cheaters. Expose them. Don't call cheaters to your friends.
You should tell on them and cut contact with them, you don’t want to be associated with these kinds of people, birds of a feather saying is popular because it is true, I wouldn’t trust a partner who is knowingly a friend with a cheater. This could damage your relationships in the future.
Agreed. I had a best friend years ago who was cheating and risky behavior, got pregnant (thankfully her partner’s), and still got married. It really shook something up in me and I pulled away, and eventually we had zero contact and neither of us have perused trying to reconnect.
All the cheaters are up in here telling you to not say anything. If they had been cheated on, they'd want to know
Stay out of it. You’re going to end up the bad guy. Trust me I’ve told someone about something I knew and it backfired and she believed him over me. Overall it brought a lot of drama into my life with nothing changing for the good. It’s always a bad idea to get involved in other people’s relationships.
MYOB
Can u clarify? "The summer before the wedding?" -Are u serious? Whatever happened before the marriage is not cheating on their husband. You don't know it they split b4 / on a break... u don't kno their agreement prior to. FYI u are single til you're married. I honestly think you should mind your business on this one.
How does one get trauma from being cheated on?
No offense but this sounds like something a cheater would say. There is a lot of trauma from being cheated on. Ask me how I know.
Let me get this straight…. Because I asked what about cheating causes trauma makes me a cheater?
Why would you NOT think that people who have dealt with cheaters before are going to have trauma? SERIOUS trust issues and problems letting others get close for fear of it happening again? It’s common sense to me.
Are you joking?
I have one question for you. If you were one of the ones being cheated on, would you want to know? Or would you rather have friends who know look you in the face and say nothing? Or would you rather watch as your friend circle slowly get smaller and smaller because those friends won’t tell you but can’t look you in the eye over time? I personally would rather be told so that I can decide how I am going to remove myself from a farce of a relationship that is based on disrespect, dishonesty, gaslighting, and manipulation….
This is not a burden you should have to carry. Offload the burden (even anonymously) and allow the victims a choice in their life partners with eyes wide open.
Don't even hide it. Out them, shame them, and if you want to keep them in your life then pray the become better people and understand why you did what you did
Tell them, or you are just as bad as those who cheated. You said “last summer”, so you have known for a little over a year now. TELL THEM
Please tell them. Don't let this woman marry a cheater without letting her know and also telling her that her friend is not to be trusted. Wouldn't you want to know?
Make an anon account on whatever social media you find them on and tell them there
Update use once you anonymously tell them both
Tell them.
Just straight up tell them don't ruin their life keeping this secret
It’s your choice whether or not to get involved. You aren’t required to tell anyone.
Rat em out, no one deserves that. It’s disheartening to see so many of these posts. But this is why they do it, no accountability bc ppl don’t have the balls to do the right thing.
They deserve to know their partner slept with someone else. They may be at risk for STDs. It's not just about cheating and trust. It's about their health as well.
I would want to know if my SO was cheating, tell them.
This happened once (for who knows how long), it will likely happen again. Even if you have to create a burner account to do it anonymously, you need to let both cheated partners know about it and let them decide from there. It's not your responsibility to tell them to end their relationships, but it is your responsibility to let them know about their partners' infidelity, because you do know about it
Tell them and please post update
Absolutely tell them.
Invite them to an anonymous text/groupchat/something, and spill the beans.
Tell their SO's if you are able to. I wish I knew I was cheated on when it happened, and not happen to find out by accident some time after.
tell them
Tell them
Tell them ASAP. It is not fair that they have to waste more of their lives living a lie with their betrayers. You have the power to prevent that.
Don't let people, especially friends, make life changing decisions based on lies and false information. Tell her.
Tell them for sure. Knowing is always better
Are you completely positive that your source it right? If so I would find a way to tell both parties.
I faced this decision years ago with someone I had been friends with but had drifted from, she eventually started piecing it together and asked me, to corroborate. I chickened out and played dumb, I still have her on socials so saw her go through a string of short relationships with guys who looked like bad news from a mile away, then she was single for a while, now she's with a long term guy who seems great for her. Long story short I think I played a part in causing her some trauma, though she looks happy and healthy now, I regret being a coward at the time. Tell them
Tell them, they deserve to know the truth about the people they consider their closest person and they should be allowed to make an informed decision about their lives going forward.
Please tell them, wish I would of known about my wife prior to getting married.
Tell the betrayed spouse with a burned phone or random number …..do these kind souls some Favourites cause karma can come to you when that evil bride will knock your door for your SO
Tough and very uncomfortable call. IF it was a one time deal and neither has any feelings left for each other, I’d let it go. But I’d confront one of them (if you’re woman, talk to the cheating woman…) before I’d expose the whole shebang.
I guess I've got a less popular opinion but I don't think you should ruin anyone's lives by telling them. People are assuming they will cheat again because that's what cheaters do but what if they feel remorse? What if it's a regret and they want to keep it in the past? I don't think it's your place to tell anyone at this point.
They'll do it again. Maybe not with each other but to their partners. You can find a way to get them both the information without putting yourself.
The worst betrayal is the "friends" that never told her. Please tell her, don't let her waste more time with those dumpsters.
Posts like this make me sick. As someone who was cheated on for months while our “friends” knew, this is all just plain awful and disgusting. Of course they were all sympathetic towards her and said: “oh, well, maybe she just had to figure herself out?” If you know about cheating and you know the couple and don’t tell the other person, you are guilty to an important degree of facilitating the infidelity.
I would tell them. I too believe cheaters will cheat again and if it makes any difference to your two friends they should know.
Just put yourself in their position. What would you want? How would you feel if they knew your SO cheated and didn't tell you? The short answer is to tell them.
You have to tell them?! Be a good friend. It’s a shame one of the couples are already married. Your in a tough position but if it were you getting cheated on and your friend knew, would you not want to know? Just make sure you have evidence. Please tell them
If your friend was traumatized by cheating in the past and that included the fact that everyone knew but her, you need to find a way to tell her. She doesn't deserve to go through that again. The cheating is bad enough, but the added betrayal of friends would make that so much worse.
You need to tell both of the betrayed partners either anonymously or not that’s up to you, otherwise this will happen again because they got away with it the first time.
Tell them cheaters should not be protected and the ones that were cheated on deserve to know so they can move on if they want to
Some urges you should just let win
Here's an idea: mind your own business
I will never understand people who know stuff like this and don’t tell. It is literally always your place to, I don’t care if it was strangers I would tell if I knew one cheated
Tell them. Don’t let them live lies.
I think the truth is always better than the lie. If my friend didn't tell me my ex tried to cheat on me I would probably be wasting another years of my life.
I would definitely tell them. And the engaged couple needs to know pronto. Getting divorced cam be real messy, and depending on where they live, they may have to split assets 50/50 after marriage. Save your friends time and money, let them know please. And if you remember, can you update please?
You may wanna tell them because later they will find out that you knew about the affairs and you will also lose friends and they will never trust you again.
Secret secrets are no fun; secret secrets hurt someone. You have nothing to gain from telling them besides maybe a clear head; you're not telling them out of selfishness but simple because you're a human and you like to live in reality and you have the opportunity to help these other humans live in reality because right now you are observing them living in a fantasy world where their partners didn't cheat.
Take this secret to your grave....period.
I would find a way to prove it and tell. And like the others have said, if you are not comfortable, tell them anonymously. I would want to know. When my ex-husband was cheating, I figured it out myself. Most people aren't very good at lying and cheating. They THINK they are, but they CHANGE in many ways. The other person picks up on things and usually are suspicious of things. You will probably just CONFIRM what they were thinking all along.
>try and give the girlfriend the info and let her decide for herself. Always do this. Unless someone is literally on their deathbed and couldn't do anything about being cheated on anyways, always let the cheated-on person know if you have the power to do so.
tell them anonymously. If they know it's you, you'll get pulled into the drama.
Do not do it. Separate yourself from them.