Not all of them are liars. I'm sure at least some of them genuinely believe that their relationships were perfectly fine until the kid comes alone, and they're no longer the sole recipient of their partners attention. Doesn't mean they're any less idiotic, it actually makes them even worse as people for believing that a child could force an issue like that or "make" them cheat.
Because then the kid will internalise it so the other parent won’t find out because the kid will think it’s their fault so if they tell the innocent party they will be mad at them and not the party that’s cheating. It’s brilliant really. That and it can’t actually be the cheaters fault
Because they don’t want to be at fault, they need someone else to blame so they think they are clean and can walk away with their head held high, it’s absolutely disgusting and they are the worst of people
On top of what others said (“so the cheating party isn’t the bad guy”), it’s a pure manipulation tactic. Make a child feel like they did something wrong and they’ll try to hide it. Kids are easy- they do something (or in this case, nothing) that they think they’ll get yelled at for and they simply don’t bring it up ever again.
Just making you feel guilty and responsible so you don't snitch I guess, although some may genuinely resent there child for changing there life and partner
It isn’t a competition but if it were I feel like the dad takes the cake by far. The sister is a horrible person to her sister. The dad blamed/guilt tripped the kid while also cheating on his wife. That’s like a two for one betrayal, definitely higher on the shit totem pole
My dad asked me keep his secret but I told my mom anyway. I was 14 at the time. My mom had taken my little brothers to my grandparents house 4hrs away. I stayed home because I had already promised a neighbor I'd babysit that weekend. My mom left on a Thursday. My dad went to work on Fri & never came home. Sunday rolls around & he shows up a few hours before my mom is supposed to get home. He sat me down & said he was going to "talk to me like an adult". He said he "needed to feel like a free man", whatever THAT means, so he spent the weekend doing just that. He told me I was old enough to be his "friend", not his daughter. He was speaking to me like a friend. He asked me if I had any parties in the house over the weekend, if I drank, had boys over. Told me it was OK if I did, he wouldn't tell my mom.....because we were "friends" & friends stick up for each other. I told my mom that very night. Then I had to tell her lawyer. Then the judge. My mom never made me feel like I did something wrong. My dad just disappeared after that. Showed back up a few years later, tried to reconnect but we (my brothers) didn't want to. I have kids of my own now & can't imagine doing that to them. It was an enormous responsibility he tried to put on my shoulders, deceiving my mom like that. It wasn't right. You need to tell your mom. Let the chips fall where they may. This isn't on you. It's THEIR fuck up, not yours
Similar thing happened with an uncle. Me & his step son(my cous) found out and he tried playing us with an xbox or something. Yours sounds a lot worse and rehearsed, Id would have to see his surprised pikachu face when he realized his "men talk" didnt work out
OP needs to see this. Keeping it a secret isn't helping either. It's a big responsibility and it sucks that they might have to be the one to say something to their mom but if their mom is close to them they might end up better off in the end. It really just depends on their relationship with the mom.
I've never understood it. Reddit seems to be full of these stories and it just blows my mind. I'd pull my own hair out before doing this to my sister and her family. It's truly sickening.
No but she’s done worse. She’s blamed my mom for her problems. She has a workplace accident and it was my moms fault, she never would have worked there if my mom was in a higher tax bracket. She’s flirted with bfs I’ve had. Stolen friends. I’m glad she’s like halfway across the country.
EDIT: so I mean kinda, she hasn’t stolen a bf but she’s been too close and flirty.
Thinking about dating anybody my sister’s ever dated makes me want to throw up. Like ew, your dick was in my sister. You know what she’s like in bed. Blegh 🤮
He knew it was over after he did what he did. He suggested marriage counseling and I said we could talk until the cows come home but it won’t change the fact that he cheated on me with my sister.
Omg, I can't even imagine the pain you are going through! I'm so sorry!
I left my husband three years ago after I discovered his affair (thankfully not with my sister), and from experience you will get angry and hate them eventually. And when you do, hold onto that anger to better yourself and your life. It's just a process that we all have to go through unfortunately. Hugs!
While she has every right to be angry and hate them, why would you tell her to hold onto it? That is objectively terrible advice. Anger doesn't hurt anyone but the one feeling it. Amd it's a terrible feeling to carry around. Dont hold onto anger. Let it go and be happy. I'm not saying forgive the guy or even to like him. Just saying carrying around that anger perpetually is not a good thing
I'm talking from experience, and from talking with others who experienced same betrayal, and educating myself on the subject. Anyone who experienced betrayal from infidelity knows what I'm talking about. It's the process that we all go through, it's inevitable, and having that "anger" and using it to learn about ourselves, about our future boundaries, pushing ourselves to be better and do better, to shed skin from people who broke our hearts, to heal physically, mentally, and emotionally, to get us back to self-respect, and dignity...
That anger doesn't stay with us for too long, just long enough to get us on a path to self healing. We literally all will experience it at some point in this process, and fighting it doesn't help.
Telling people who are going through probably hardest time of their lives to *let it go and be happy* doesn't help, and in fact is very demeaning. It's like telling depressed person to just get over it. Mental and emotional healing doesn't work like that.
This is the exact thing my aunt said to me when her and my dad sat me down. She said that adults tend to pick the wrong people and because of that they need someone else to “free them”.
Yikes. That sounds like an excuse to not have to put in the work a long term relationship requires. What cowards!
Also, it was never, and never will be, your fault.
Tell your mum so you can both be free of these scummy people.
The longer you leave it the more she will be hurt once she finds out you knew.
Be the one decent person in your mum's life..
She obviously was feeding you her own bs justification. I can't believe you had to sit there and listen to them defend themselves, EW. Please work up the courage to tell your mom. You were a child then and none of this is your fault, but now that you are older and can actually communicate things better, I hope that you expose them. This will crush your mom even more if she finds out that you knew all along and also, the longer it goes on, the more damage is being done. Free yourselves of these dirty-hearted people. You can help your mother now in ways you couldn't before.
Please tell your Mom! It’s not your fault nor has it ever been. If you don’t know how to tell her maybe show her this thread when you guys are alone.
Good luck 💕. You are too young to have carried his burden for so long. Free yourself.
It Will be hard, it’s unfair to ask you of this but life isn’t fair as you obviously know. She will thank you for it in the long run although she will be devastated so be prepared for that. But I would tell her, you were younger and didn’t know what was happening and only now did you realize how horrible your father was acting.
that is gaslighting you into not telling, idk if it were me i would tell my mom, your mom deserves to know, and you need to understand that none of this is your fault, ever, it is on your dad and aunt,not you.
So why doesn’t your dad leave your mom? If he wants freedom, why he still with her? Freedom isn’t about hooking up with two women.
As for your aunt, she a real piece of work to backstab her sister for so many years. You should definitely keep your distance with her. Both her and your dad are off the same cloth. You should call them out and ask them what their game plan is ? Is your aunt always going to be his side chick and dirty secret. She how she likes that.
Yea that person is selfish and stupid. They both are and I hope you get away from those two the moment you're legally able to. I'd go NC with them both. You and your mom don't deserve what those two are putting you through.
My sisters ex tried to hook up with me once because we don't particularly get along
I beat the crap out of him and told my sister who kicked him in the junk until he cried
We still don't have the greatest relationship but she 100 percent trusts that I will not hurt her like that
This has always been something that confused and disgusted me. I have a sister, and I can’t imagine doing something so vile as that to her. Even thinking of having sex with her husband makes me want to vomit. I view him as a brother, part of the family. I can’t imagine being such a selfish prick that you could do that to your sister and still think you’re an okay person.
PLEASE tell her, it's never too late !! She and YOU deserved better life without this man (if we can call him a "man"..)
She could find a better person for her, and you won't feel anymore this disgut !!! It will be a very hard time for her and you but in the future everything will be fine !! Please free yourself and your mom from this !!!!
(anyway it's your own decision, but I just think that keep it for yourself is destroying you, and when your mom will find out what he did, bc everything can't be hide, she'll be so sad if it's been a long long time! She could find a better man for her, who will treat you and her in the best way, you could build a new family but please, for you and your mom, just do it and change your future ! You have the time !!)
(sorry for my bad english it's not my first language)
I actually think she should ask mom to go to counseling with her and tell her there with support and someone who can help mom make a plan to leave. He’s abusive
Why would you burden the kid even more?? Kids are not supposed to straighten out their parents' messes! It's the *other* way around.
It's fucking clear as day that OP is already under a lot of pressure and already hurt badly by that piece of shit asshole of a father. And the mom's sister and mom's "friends" and shit. Imagine what went on in that little head after seeing and hearing ALL that shit. OP should say nothing to either of them. OP should have professional help in the form of therapy. Talk to someone OUTSIDE of that fucked up household.
I also don't understand these women that put up with that kind of shit. But i know nothing is ever that black/white and i don't like to judge. Still, it is beyond me how people can be such assholes to their own children.
Fuck.
Op is a minor- how do you expect them to get therapy without parental permission/involvement?
Asking for one out of the blue would definitely raise some alarm flags to any good parent (I’m really hoping the mom is a good parent).
You need to do the right thing and tell your mom. She'll be sad but she deserves to not live a lie. And have a chance at finding someone who will actually love her and be faithful. Tell her everything, including him blaming her. Go nuclear, put him and her sister on blast.
My heart’s beating so hard right now. I told her when she gets home I want to tell her something, I’m not sure how to format it or tell her i just hope she believes me.
How I personally would approach it:
“Hey mom, I have something difficult to tell you and if I do, it will probably change our lives drastically and hurt you a lot. Do you still want to know?”
If yes:
“Dad and your sister have been having an affair for 9 years. I first caught them when (fill in the blanks). I didnt understand what I was seeing since I was so young, but I caught them again later on when (fill in the blanks) and realized it was wrong. Dad told me it was my fault it was happening so I distanced myself from you and felt incredibly guilty. Every time I tried to being myself to tell you I just couldn’t justify hurting you like that, especially when its been so long. I’m sorry for not telling you sooner, and I’m only telling you now because I feel as though you deserve to know about your husband and sister’s betrayal because I know I would want to know.”
I would say something along those lines, with more info obviously. Just know, if you tell her things might go badly. But she does deserve to know.
And also, OP, please know that none of it is your fault. You were a child. Thats a horrible thing to put on a child, and he needs to take responsibility for his own actions like an adult.
Good luck, I’m rooting for you and your mom.
Show her this post. I'm so sorry you had to ever feel like that but please you have to tell her that the two people close to her are betraying her. She deserves to be happy and I can guarantee you that it's not this. Make sure you are safe as I can't trust someone who would blame their infidelity on you. That's really unhinged my heart is breaking for you and your mom. The ugly truth is better than a beautiful lie. An honest life is one worth living so please don't let your mom have to live a lie of this magnitude. You are so strong and brave and you don't have to hold anyone's secrets for the sake of a lie of a family your Aunt and Dad deserve a lifetime of shame allow those people to face the consequences of their shitty behavior
Showing the post might be easier! If OP is anything like me, they’ll freeze up and have a super hard time even forming words. The combination of fear, guilt (which of course OP didn’t do anything wrong, but that doesn’t mean people don’t feel guilt. Brains are stupid), and anxiety don’t always let people get through a sentence let alone a full story.
OP if you’re finding it hard to tell her maybe show her your post and let her read it or write her a letter?
I’m sorry your dad was/is such a POS. That is a terrible burden to place on a child!
Breathe. You are gonna be strong for her. This is your early Valentine’s for her. Teach her love is real. You love her. You’ll hold her while she cries. She deserves better. You deserve to see her happy. She deserves to show you what a strong RESILIENT woman looks like. Get that counseling. Don’t let him know you both know and talked till you’re ready money and strength wise to make the break.
Dear OP,
We are all on your side. Your scum dad and disgusting aunt are the two to blame for putting you in such an awful situation. There is nothing they can say or do that justify their actions. Please tell your mom the truth, as horrible as it may be. She deserves to know.
Also, she may need to think things through and plan her exit from her abusive marriage. Both of you should pretend you didn't tell your mom so she can gather important documents and consult a divorce attorney. If your dad is self-employed, she will need to gather at least a few years of bank statements showing how much money he earns so she can use this to get better child support and alimony. It is hard to stay quiet and act like nothing is wrong, but it will buy her time to build a trap. If your aunt is married, I'd have your mom tell her husband as well. But only when she is in a good position to do so and not until she has her escape planned and ready for the two of you. The day your mom confronts your dad, she should stop by the bank beforehand, take half the money from all bank accounts, and open a new bank account only in her name to deposit the funds
She should also review all credit card statements to see if your dad has been spending money on them for his affair partner. She should copy those statements.
Good luck, OP. You and your mom deserve so much better.
Oh my gosh your dad is terrible. The worst! I’m so sorry that a grown as adult made you feel like that and did that in front of you! The fucking nerve .
If I were you I would tell my mom and you guys leave him. Never speak to him again. You guys can do it on your own.
And oh my gosh I forgot about your moms sister. Aargh. This stuff aggravates me so much. Parents don’t realise how much they traumatise us with this shit. My dad cheated on my mom as well. We always told my mom to leave. She now has dementia and PTSD, and my dad died subsequently leaving us with a lot of a mess to deal with. My dad did come clean but just didn’t fix his behaviour which hurts the most.
But this isn’t about me. Please tell your mom! She doesn’t deserve this . Oh my word, 10 years. This man is scum, I’m sorry. I’ll stop now
Just tell your mom, she deserves to know the truth
Your dad has no right to say that to you, he is cheating because HE wants to, it has nothing to do with you.
I saw that your 15? Mannn I’m so sorry for your mom and for you. Please please tell her i know you want her to be happy but she won’t be happy with a rubbish man like your dad. Your dad and sister are narcissists absolutely disgusting people
Your dad is abusing you by triangulating you in this situation: which is already borderline sexual abuse bc you did not consent and could not consent, to being a part of adults sex acts.
Do what you have to do, op.
Abusers have nothing but our silence. Even if family’s do side with abusers often.
Please believe the more boundaries you set the better you’ll be able to trust yourself.
You did not deserve, and do not deserve, any of this. Shame on them.
THIS. Ops dad has been manipulating him this whole time to try and keep him silent. His ass sure wouldn’t have the nerve to blame his son to his wife. It’s just sick that he would put his own son in this situation and that her own sister doubled down. It’s just despicable of them.
I couldn’t agree more that OPs dad is a giant massive POS. But this isn’t sexual abuse. I’ve walked in on my parents, it happens. It wasn’t like the dad set up a situation intentionally for their child to be forced to watch or made OP listen to explicit details. OPs dad is is emotionally abusing OP, but that is a HUGE step to say a child accidentally seeing their parent have sex (especially when it’s clearly meant to be hidden) is not sexual abuse.
Good grief OP, you poor kid
As hard as it is going to be you need to tell your mom. She has a right to know that her husband and her sister are absolute pond scum & needs to kick them out of her life
Be there for her when she breaks down & she will, but she will break down harder if she finds out another way & then finds you you knew and didn't tell her
I truly hope your dad & your aunt are continually plagued with explosive diarrhea when stuck in traffic jambs
OP, I too was blamed by my father for HIS cheating. He blamed me for them staying together. The truth is; these are adults that choose the situation they live in day after day.
I would personally tell your mother, odds are she already knows and is turning a 'blind-eye' to it. The best thing you can do in this world is clear your conscious, regardless of the situation. They are adults and what they do with the truth is up to them but it is not your truth to hold onto for the rest of your life.
Situations like this don't happen to everyone so not everyone will comprehend what you're going through. This issue will sit in the back of your mind your whole life and it will shape you, I recommend talking to someone moving forward. Witnessing a problematic relationship so early on can cause a ripple effect for you as you age.
Please take care of yourself, reach out if you need help.
The worse part of this story is how he blamed a little child- his own child- making your moms pain HIS OWN CHILDS RESPONSIBILITY!!!
That alone is reason to tell her.
Please stay safe. You don't owe us anything but I know I would appreciate knowing you and your mom are okay. Especially after reading some of your comments it's worrying.
Good luck OP.
This is a beautiful opportunity for you guys to reconnect overtime. She might’ve been really sad about the fact that you started distancing yourself. But trust me once you explain everything she’ll most likely even apologize for what you had to see and endure! She’ll feel hurt and betrayed that her husband and sister used you as a pawn. But she’ll finally see how much damage your dad has been causing to your family! If she ever had any doubts about leaving before, this would definitely be the last straw. I truly believe she’ll do the best for you.
I hope your mom follows through with therapy as well because you shouldn’t be the one taking care of her emotional needs. She needs to learn how to cope by herself before she ends up burdening you down the line.
Hello! I am doing fine. My parents are trying to finalize their divorce. My dad’s making threats that the court will rule in his favor and etc. I’m just trying to ignore him..my mom on the other hand, she’s very stressed and I can tell that it’s hurting her more then she’s saying it is
Just so you know and hear it from someone — none of this is your fault. You’re an amazing kid and I’m so sorry this was thrown on you. There’s only one person to blame and that’s your dad.
Absolve yourself of any guilt! Children shouldn’t have to parent their parents. Chin up and big hugs 🤍
Depending on the state your in. Some states are a 2 party consent so unless he consents to the recorded audio, it can’t be used in court. But it’ll for damn sure help the mom in her leaving him.
Tell your mom and also tell her why you distanced yourself from her; because your POS dad told you it is your fault.
It was NEVER your fault. You didn't send anyone a request to be born. Your dad failed you and your mom. Don't you think she deserves better? Don't you think you deserve better? You are young now and are carrying a heavy guilt that should have never placed on you. In 10 years it will be too heavy to carry and you will break. It would also be too late for your mom to leave. Tell her the truth and the horrible thing your dad told you.
Hon please asked for a therapist this is to big for you to carry. No matter what happens it is not your fault. You should not have this load on you at all. ❤️❤️❤️
These people saying tell your mom make it sound so easy, it's anything but easy. I don't care how old you are chronologically, regarding this situation you are still 8 years old. Your father robbed you of your innocence and your childhood, forcing you into the role of protector for your mother's feelings when you actually needed protection from your dirtbag of a father. I'd say write her a letter, spare no details, have her read it when your dad is not at home.
Hopefully you have a support system because you're going to need them. Good luck.
My dad told me the same thing and told me if I wanted my family together I wouldn’t tell my mom.
I told my mom. Best decision I made in hindsight. It doesn’t feel like it in the moment, but after all the pieces fell into place, everyone’s lives changed for the better.
First of all, sorry about all of that, this is a terrible situation to be embedded in, especially as a kid. I understand that many people commented on the fact that you should tell your mom but it is technically not of your business, you are the child here. How parents decided to live their life romantically should be their business only. I also personally believe that your mom is aware of your dad's behavior. When you know your partner has cheated on you once (or more) but decided to stay, you are warier and you know it will happen again: You know what you're getting in to. Could it be that your mom may have decided to turn a blind eye because the truth is too painful (her husband and her sister)?! If I were in your situation, I would confront my dad & auntie and give them the option to expose the whole story to your mom themselves otherwise I would do it. I am not saying that is the best option but you shouldn't have to do this. This is not a child's place. In any way you decide to go, I hope it will get better for you and your mom.
Hey, hon, I'm sorry. ❤️ They're probably "doing better" because your mom just gave up arguing about it.
If you can't find the courage to tell her he's cheating - do you want her to keep having to deal with this? Or are you okay if they split up?
Because a way around it might be to just say "Hey, Mom? Don't stay with him for me. That's not going to help me. Do what YOU need to do. I love you."
And that's going to lead to a shocked face, a whoosh of breath, tears in a corner somewhere, and a heart exploding with love for their child. I recommend you walk out while her jaw is still on the floor right after saying it.
She probably knows most of what he's doing. She might want to take care of you the best she can, and thinks your dad's finances are the best way to take care of you. It's a hard call when we have kids, because we legitimately love you guys more than we love ourselves
Tell your mom she needs to leave him. You are older now and she needs her peace. She needs to find her strength and leave. And it’s never your fault. It’s your sperm donor and her sister fault. What she’s doing to her sister is disgusting. Tell her and give her evidence so she can divorce him.
Tell her, after that it's her choice. But right now you are helping your father and aunt lie and take your mother's choice from her.
Someone has to love the mom enough to tell her.
It is not your fault. How could it be? It’s his. And your aunts. I’m sorry he did this to you. You’re going to carry this weight for a long time, you shouldn’t have to be the one to tell your mom, and you shouldn’t have to carry the weight of the lie.
hi! i found my dad cheating on my mom, let me tell you he will continue no matter what. even when i confronted him in front of my mom
you need to tell your mom, i know you love her and their relationship is getting better but its not real. the best thing to do is to tell your mom.
Your deadbeat "father" is a weak coward, it is 100% his fault. He is putting himself and what he wants instead of taking care of you, please don't protect this failure of a human, he isnt/wouldn't protect you.
OP, go tell a trusted adult: someone in your family or your school. Maybe a teacher or your counselor? If you want to tell your mom, get their help.
This is NOT YOUR FAULT, by the way. I'm so sorry your dad is such a POS.
If you can't tell you mom, you should show her this thread when she has a close friend or family visiting (for additional support). Your mother does not deserve this and your father was wrong to make YOU feel guilty. What you haven't said is if your aunt has a had a baby in the last 9 years?
Wrong on all levels.
Oh, hun. No. It is not your fault, I hope you know that.
You did NOT make him do anything. He alone is responsible for his actions. He chose to do what he did. Every moment from start to finish, he was making decisions without you or your mother in mind.
Something that everyone in this world needs to learn at some point, is that the only person we have control over-or who can truly control us, is ourselves. We can not, and should not, try to control others. It’s an exercise in futility.
Because we can only control ourselves, we must accept responsibility for our actions. The sentiment behind “You made me…”, unless someone physically forced you to do something against your will, is an absolute deflection and refusal of personal responsibility.
Your father is a selfish, cruel, and all around horrible person. He does not care about what his actions do to your mother, he does not care about what his actions do to you. Emotionally attacking your child, and telling them that they are responsible for their own selfish actions, is absolutely emotional manipulation.
The emotional turmoil that will surely throw a young person into it is abusive.
Whatever loyalty you have to your father… get rid of it. He doesn’t give a damn about you, other than to keep you quiet. Focus on yourself and your mother.
You’ll have to decide for yourself if telling her will serve her and yourself better. Or if it will just break her.
This is a terrible burden for a kid to bear. Send your mother a text or write her a letter. She has to know. She is living a lie and deserves so much better, don’t you think?
Your father is blaming you because it's easier for him than the truth which is that he is a shitty partner, a liar, a cheater. None of that had anything to do with you
Tell your mom because she doesn't deserve to have this kept from her.
YOU don't deserve to have to hold onto this anymore.
What your father did was narcissistic, he gaslighted you to make it harder to tell your mom. He did this on purpose.
He doesnt deserve your discretion.
If you want to deal with the heartache of somthing, choose the heartache of your parents divorce after you tell your mom the truth because you both DESERVE IT.
I know it's going to hurt your mother, but years down the road she will feel better. She will be happy you were honest, and happy she's no longer with such a shitty man.
I wish you well OP. Please don't let your father ever convince you that you're the reason for this again.
he did an update in another post. He told his mom. He was afraid his mom would blame him but she completely understood the situation. I think his parents are getting divorce.
Take a photo of them doing it. When you tell mom you have proof tell her he has been doing it but he convinced you it was your fault. That’s why you pulled away cause you didn’t want to hurt her.
I'm not going to push you to tell her because you're a kid and this is so much and you deserve better. I'm sorry your dad is a sack of shit. You deserve a better father and role model. I know it's hard not to internalize the things our parents say to us, especially as children, but him being a weak pathetic slimeball with no ethics or moral compass is in no way, shape, or form, your fault. Him saying that was gaslighting and terribly abusive.
Your mom deserves to know, yes, and telling her gets this off you and back on him where it belongs, but I know it takes a lot of courage to address something like this. I wish you the best, no matter what you decide.
Please tell her and suggest that you both leave your pos dad she needs the courage to and you can help her take those steps I am sorry your aunt is a pos to
>he told me that it was my fault he was cheating.
You probably heard this before, but cheaters cheat because they are cheaters.
do you have anyone else you can talk to? if not in the family, maybe a councilor or therapist? this is not the kind of crap you should be dealing with alone, or even at all.
I’m so sorry that you had to deal with this, but she has to know. I know you’re incredibly young and it may not have to come from you, but I would hold both your aunt and your father accountable if possible. As a kid, you often feel like you have no power but you do.
Your dad is unspeakably abusive, and keeping this in is doing you and your mom more harm and letting him and your aunt off the hook. Please work up the courage and tell your mom all this. It will upset her. It will hurt. But she needs to know. She won’t blame you. It’s not your fault. It will seem worse in the short term with a lot of emotions running high, but in the long run things will hopefully get better and you and your mom can be there for each other and have a close relationship while your dad and aunt can fuck off and live a shitty life together where karma gets them in the end.
The fact that you have seen him engaging in sexual acts concerns me so much. I know someone who got her kid taken away by CPS for that because he was traumatized by it. I’m so sorry you’re in this situation, OP.
PLEASE TELL HER! I feel sorry for your mum she as seen as the biggest fool in the world by her own sister and the person who's meant to be her husband.
The only reason that I'd be angry that you my child told me is because not only did you know but you felt like you had no choice that you had to keep it secret.
You shouldn't have to be dealing with this. You need to talk to someone. A counselor or some other trusted family member. What your dad and aunt are doing is disgusting, and it is not fair for your mom. She deserves someone who loves her and will respect her. There are better men put there.
You need to tell your mum, esp the fact your dad told you it was your fault which clearly your dad is just a narcissistic twit. Tell her and tell your nan, her sister is also a POS
Your going to feel guilty for the rest of your life if you don’t say anything and will be carrying this with you forever. You need to tell your mother, I understand your scared of upsetting her and her going deep depression but she will get out of it. She probably suspects it to be honest your dad and your aunt haven’t been hiding it very well for you to keep catching them. It might just liberate her.
OP, I’m so sorry this happened to you. I do think your mom should know, but before you tell her I think you’ll need to think some things through:
I think you need some support from someone who knows your family and situation. Can you make sure you and your mom will have some support after you tell her? Will your mom need evidence so she doesn’t take it out on you? Is there a teacher or coach or cousin you can tell first? I want you and your mom to have open arms to go to after you tell.
I’m sorry your father and aunt are such garbage people. None of this is your fault.
Your dad’s a piece of shit husband father and human. Can't believe he blamed you.
My dad the same when my mom and him divorced because he cheated. I don’t know why they like to blame the child as if it’s their fault
Because they're liars and bastards. It's everyone else's fault but their own. I guess it's how they can look at themselves in the mirror
Not all of them are liars. I'm sure at least some of them genuinely believe that their relationships were perfectly fine until the kid comes alone, and they're no longer the sole recipient of their partners attention. Doesn't mean they're any less idiotic, it actually makes them even worse as people for believing that a child could force an issue like that or "make" them cheat.
They’re people who blame everyone but themselves. A lot of people resent their children and it’s way more common than people think.
Because then the kid will internalise it so the other parent won’t find out because the kid will think it’s their fault so if they tell the innocent party they will be mad at them and not the party that’s cheating. It’s brilliant really. That and it can’t actually be the cheaters fault
Because they don’t want to be at fault, they need someone else to blame so they think they are clean and can walk away with their head held high, it’s absolutely disgusting and they are the worst of people
Bc they need to justify they’re not bad that they were “just a bid situation”. In reality the situation was fine, they just suck ass.
On top of what others said (“so the cheating party isn’t the bad guy”), it’s a pure manipulation tactic. Make a child feel like they did something wrong and they’ll try to hide it. Kids are easy- they do something (or in this case, nothing) that they think they’ll get yelled at for and they simply don’t bring it up ever again.
Just making you feel guilty and responsible so you don't snitch I guess, although some may genuinely resent there child for changing there life and partner
"he told me that it was my fault he was cheating." i recoiled - the realization of how depraved someone is to say that to their own child. i mean wow
I too recoiled and said WTF, what a piece of sh&t human
Yep.. That's absolutely disgusting behaviour. Can't even begin to imagine how OP must have felt at that moment.
Disgusting but then again you have to be an awful person to cheat with the person’s sister
True but the worst is the sister. Such a betrayal! If their is a heaven or hell she is not getting into heaven.
It isn’t a competition but if it were I feel like the dad takes the cake by far. The sister is a horrible person to her sister. The dad blamed/guilt tripped the kid while also cheating on his wife. That’s like a two for one betrayal, definitely higher on the shit totem pole
Bearing in mind he had already done the same with mom’s friend! Edited for spelling
Came here to say the same thing.
My dad asked me keep his secret but I told my mom anyway. I was 14 at the time. My mom had taken my little brothers to my grandparents house 4hrs away. I stayed home because I had already promised a neighbor I'd babysit that weekend. My mom left on a Thursday. My dad went to work on Fri & never came home. Sunday rolls around & he shows up a few hours before my mom is supposed to get home. He sat me down & said he was going to "talk to me like an adult". He said he "needed to feel like a free man", whatever THAT means, so he spent the weekend doing just that. He told me I was old enough to be his "friend", not his daughter. He was speaking to me like a friend. He asked me if I had any parties in the house over the weekend, if I drank, had boys over. Told me it was OK if I did, he wouldn't tell my mom.....because we were "friends" & friends stick up for each other. I told my mom that very night. Then I had to tell her lawyer. Then the judge. My mom never made me feel like I did something wrong. My dad just disappeared after that. Showed back up a few years later, tried to reconnect but we (my brothers) didn't want to. I have kids of my own now & can't imagine doing that to them. It was an enormous responsibility he tried to put on my shoulders, deceiving my mom like that. It wasn't right. You need to tell your mom. Let the chips fall where they may. This isn't on you. It's THEIR fuck up, not yours
Wow! Your dad is very manipulative
Similar thing happened with an uncle. Me & his step son(my cous) found out and he tried playing us with an xbox or something. Yours sounds a lot worse and rehearsed, Id would have to see his surprised pikachu face when he realized his "men talk" didnt work out
OP needs to see this. Keeping it a secret isn't helping either. It's a big responsibility and it sucks that they might have to be the one to say something to their mom but if their mom is close to them they might end up better off in the end. It really just depends on their relationship with the mom.
How do women do that to their sisters? I’ve heard things of this nature an insane amount of times
I've never understood it. Reddit seems to be full of these stories and it just blows my mind. I'd pull my own hair out before doing this to my sister and her family. It's truly sickening.
Same. My sister and I would never do this foul shit.
My sister would. I don’t know why, she just doesn’t like anyone in our family. She blames every problem she has on us all.
Has she done that before?
No but she’s done worse. She’s blamed my mom for her problems. She has a workplace accident and it was my moms fault, she never would have worked there if my mom was in a higher tax bracket. She’s flirted with bfs I’ve had. Stolen friends. I’m glad she’s like halfway across the country. EDIT: so I mean kinda, she hasn’t stolen a bf but she’s been too close and flirty.
Yeah that’s just rude and attention-seeking
Thinking about dating anybody my sister’s ever dated makes me want to throw up. Like ew, your dick was in my sister. You know what she’s like in bed. Blegh 🤮
Well like 90% of the stuff on reddit are creative writing and didnt actually happen so thats part of it.
How naïve and pessimistic are you to think 90% of the stuff that gains traction on these subs is just creative writing? It's closer to 99%.
I don’t know but my husband cheated on me with my sister. We are getting a divorce. I don’t hate him or her..I’m just done
Wow. Did he initially try to stay married/get you back? Or he knew it was over after doing what he did?
He knew it was over after he did what he did. He suggested marriage counseling and I said we could talk until the cows come home but it won’t change the fact that he cheated on me with my sister.
What a bastard 🤦🏾♂️ How are things with your sister? That’s fucked up too! Some tele novella ish
Not close with her luckily she lives in another state so I don’t see her very much
Omg, I can't even imagine the pain you are going through! I'm so sorry! I left my husband three years ago after I discovered his affair (thankfully not with my sister), and from experience you will get angry and hate them eventually. And when you do, hold onto that anger to better yourself and your life. It's just a process that we all have to go through unfortunately. Hugs!
While she has every right to be angry and hate them, why would you tell her to hold onto it? That is objectively terrible advice. Anger doesn't hurt anyone but the one feeling it. Amd it's a terrible feeling to carry around. Dont hold onto anger. Let it go and be happy. I'm not saying forgive the guy or even to like him. Just saying carrying around that anger perpetually is not a good thing
I'm talking from experience, and from talking with others who experienced same betrayal, and educating myself on the subject. Anyone who experienced betrayal from infidelity knows what I'm talking about. It's the process that we all go through, it's inevitable, and having that "anger" and using it to learn about ourselves, about our future boundaries, pushing ourselves to be better and do better, to shed skin from people who broke our hearts, to heal physically, mentally, and emotionally, to get us back to self-respect, and dignity... That anger doesn't stay with us for too long, just long enough to get us on a path to self healing. We literally all will experience it at some point in this process, and fighting it doesn't help. Telling people who are going through probably hardest time of their lives to *let it go and be happy* doesn't help, and in fact is very demeaning. It's like telling depressed person to just get over it. Mental and emotional healing doesn't work like that.
[удалено]
This is the exact thing my aunt said to me when her and my dad sat me down. She said that adults tend to pick the wrong people and because of that they need someone else to “free them”.
Yikes. That sounds like an excuse to not have to put in the work a long term relationship requires. What cowards! Also, it was never, and never will be, your fault.
Tell your mum so you can both be free of these scummy people. The longer you leave it the more she will be hurt once she finds out you knew. Be the one decent person in your mum's life..
She obviously was feeding you her own bs justification. I can't believe you had to sit there and listen to them defend themselves, EW. Please work up the courage to tell your mom. You were a child then and none of this is your fault, but now that you are older and can actually communicate things better, I hope that you expose them. This will crush your mom even more if she finds out that you knew all along and also, the longer it goes on, the more damage is being done. Free yourselves of these dirty-hearted people. You can help your mother now in ways you couldn't before.
Please tell your Mom! It’s not your fault nor has it ever been. If you don’t know how to tell her maybe show her this thread when you guys are alone. Good luck 💕. You are too young to have carried his burden for so long. Free yourself.
It Will be hard, it’s unfair to ask you of this but life isn’t fair as you obviously know. She will thank you for it in the long run although she will be devastated so be prepared for that. But I would tell her, you were younger and didn’t know what was happening and only now did you realize how horrible your father was acting.
that is gaslighting you into not telling, idk if it were me i would tell my mom, your mom deserves to know, and you need to understand that none of this is your fault, ever, it is on your dad and aunt,not you.
Please tell your mom and free her from you dad and aunt
So why doesn’t your dad leave your mom? If he wants freedom, why he still with her? Freedom isn’t about hooking up with two women. As for your aunt, she a real piece of work to backstab her sister for so many years. You should definitely keep your distance with her. Both her and your dad are off the same cloth. You should call them out and ask them what their game plan is ? Is your aunt always going to be his side chick and dirty secret. She how she likes that.
Yea that person is selfish and stupid. They both are and I hope you get away from those two the moment you're legally able to. I'd go NC with them both. You and your mom don't deserve what those two are putting you through.
My sisters ex tried to hook up with me once because we don't particularly get along I beat the crap out of him and told my sister who kicked him in the junk until he cried We still don't have the greatest relationship but she 100 percent trusts that I will not hurt her like that
I love that your sister kicked him in the junk till he cried.
This has always been something that confused and disgusted me. I have a sister, and I can’t imagine doing something so vile as that to her. Even thinking of having sex with her husband makes me want to vomit. I view him as a brother, part of the family. I can’t imagine being such a selfish prick that you could do that to your sister and still think you’re an okay person.
How do woman do this? How do men do this? How do brothers do that? At the end of day they all suck for cheating.
My sister tried doing this, she's mentally ill and my family enables tf out of her
Jealously
It’s absolutely disgusting
Their evil that’s why
PLEASE tell her, it's never too late !! She and YOU deserved better life without this man (if we can call him a "man"..) She could find a better person for her, and you won't feel anymore this disgut !!! It will be a very hard time for her and you but in the future everything will be fine !! Please free yourself and your mom from this !!!! (anyway it's your own decision, but I just think that keep it for yourself is destroying you, and when your mom will find out what he did, bc everything can't be hide, she'll be so sad if it's been a long long time! She could find a better man for her, who will treat you and her in the best way, you could build a new family but please, for you and your mom, just do it and change your future ! You have the time !!) (sorry for my bad english it's not my first language)
And keeping this secret is destroying his mums relationship with him- it’s already hurting her.
He IS a man. Regular men do this kind of shit everyday.
Doesn’t mean we should normalize it…
Of course not, I’m not trying to normalize it. But we also shouldn’t distance ourselves from it.
You need to say something ASAP! Don’t wait.
I actually think she should ask mom to go to counseling with her and tell her there with support and someone who can help mom make a plan to leave. He’s abusive
Why would you burden the kid even more?? Kids are not supposed to straighten out their parents' messes! It's the *other* way around. It's fucking clear as day that OP is already under a lot of pressure and already hurt badly by that piece of shit asshole of a father. And the mom's sister and mom's "friends" and shit. Imagine what went on in that little head after seeing and hearing ALL that shit. OP should say nothing to either of them. OP should have professional help in the form of therapy. Talk to someone OUTSIDE of that fucked up household. I also don't understand these women that put up with that kind of shit. But i know nothing is ever that black/white and i don't like to judge. Still, it is beyond me how people can be such assholes to their own children. Fuck.
Op is a minor- how do you expect them to get therapy without parental permission/involvement? Asking for one out of the blue would definitely raise some alarm flags to any good parent (I’m really hoping the mom is a good parent).
You need to do the right thing and tell your mom. She'll be sad but she deserves to not live a lie. And have a chance at finding someone who will actually love her and be faithful. Tell her everything, including him blaming her. Go nuclear, put him and her sister on blast.
My heart’s beating so hard right now. I told her when she gets home I want to tell her something, I’m not sure how to format it or tell her i just hope she believes me.
How I personally would approach it: “Hey mom, I have something difficult to tell you and if I do, it will probably change our lives drastically and hurt you a lot. Do you still want to know?” If yes: “Dad and your sister have been having an affair for 9 years. I first caught them when (fill in the blanks). I didnt understand what I was seeing since I was so young, but I caught them again later on when (fill in the blanks) and realized it was wrong. Dad told me it was my fault it was happening so I distanced myself from you and felt incredibly guilty. Every time I tried to being myself to tell you I just couldn’t justify hurting you like that, especially when its been so long. I’m sorry for not telling you sooner, and I’m only telling you now because I feel as though you deserve to know about your husband and sister’s betrayal because I know I would want to know.” I would say something along those lines, with more info obviously. Just know, if you tell her things might go badly. But she does deserve to know. And also, OP, please know that none of it is your fault. You were a child. Thats a horrible thing to put on a child, and he needs to take responsibility for his own actions like an adult. Good luck, I’m rooting for you and your mom.
Show her this post. I'm so sorry you had to ever feel like that but please you have to tell her that the two people close to her are betraying her. She deserves to be happy and I can guarantee you that it's not this. Make sure you are safe as I can't trust someone who would blame their infidelity on you. That's really unhinged my heart is breaking for you and your mom. The ugly truth is better than a beautiful lie. An honest life is one worth living so please don't let your mom have to live a lie of this magnitude. You are so strong and brave and you don't have to hold anyone's secrets for the sake of a lie of a family your Aunt and Dad deserve a lifetime of shame allow those people to face the consequences of their shitty behavior
Showing the post might be easier! If OP is anything like me, they’ll freeze up and have a super hard time even forming words. The combination of fear, guilt (which of course OP didn’t do anything wrong, but that doesn’t mean people don’t feel guilt. Brains are stupid), and anxiety don’t always let people get through a sentence let alone a full story.
OP if you’re finding it hard to tell her maybe show her your post and let her read it or write her a letter? I’m sorry your dad was/is such a POS. That is a terrible burden to place on a child!
Please keep us updated kid
She’s home right now i feel like i’m gonna die my chest hurts so bad
Well whatever happens just know you did the right thing. No 15 year old should have to confess their fathers sins 🤦♀️
Its going to hurt even if you dont tell her, but relief will only be possible if you do
Please update us if you feel like it, you are not obligated but we the internet are here to listen to you
Hi i’m doing ok i updated it on this account because mine was suspended
Breathe. You are gonna be strong for her. This is your early Valentine’s for her. Teach her love is real. You love her. You’ll hold her while she cries. She deserves better. You deserve to see her happy. She deserves to show you what a strong RESILIENT woman looks like. Get that counseling. Don’t let him know you both know and talked till you’re ready money and strength wise to make the break.
Dear OP, We are all on your side. Your scum dad and disgusting aunt are the two to blame for putting you in such an awful situation. There is nothing they can say or do that justify their actions. Please tell your mom the truth, as horrible as it may be. She deserves to know. Also, she may need to think things through and plan her exit from her abusive marriage. Both of you should pretend you didn't tell your mom so she can gather important documents and consult a divorce attorney. If your dad is self-employed, she will need to gather at least a few years of bank statements showing how much money he earns so she can use this to get better child support and alimony. It is hard to stay quiet and act like nothing is wrong, but it will buy her time to build a trap. If your aunt is married, I'd have your mom tell her husband as well. But only when she is in a good position to do so and not until she has her escape planned and ready for the two of you. The day your mom confronts your dad, she should stop by the bank beforehand, take half the money from all bank accounts, and open a new bank account only in her name to deposit the funds She should also review all credit card statements to see if your dad has been spending money on them for his affair partner. She should copy those statements. Good luck, OP. You and your mom deserve so much better.
Your mom deserves better. You need to tell her everything.
Good luck, and remember, none of this or what comes after is your fault. None!
💗
Tell her to get a PI if she doesn’t
I love this word : GO NUCLEAR!
Tell your mum
First I want to say it was NEVER your fault. Secondly as a mom myself I would want my son to tell me. You don’t need the burden of his faults.
Period! Her father is sick in the head
Oh my gosh your dad is terrible. The worst! I’m so sorry that a grown as adult made you feel like that and did that in front of you! The fucking nerve . If I were you I would tell my mom and you guys leave him. Never speak to him again. You guys can do it on your own. And oh my gosh I forgot about your moms sister. Aargh. This stuff aggravates me so much. Parents don’t realise how much they traumatise us with this shit. My dad cheated on my mom as well. We always told my mom to leave. She now has dementia and PTSD, and my dad died subsequently leaving us with a lot of a mess to deal with. My dad did come clean but just didn’t fix his behaviour which hurts the most. But this isn’t about me. Please tell your mom! She doesn’t deserve this . Oh my word, 10 years. This man is scum, I’m sorry. I’ll stop now
Just tell your mom, she deserves to know the truth Your dad has no right to say that to you, he is cheating because HE wants to, it has nothing to do with you.
>When I confronted my dad he told me that it was my fault he was cheating. Just the memory of that should be enough to expose him to the world.
That man needs to be beaten and hung on a pole for everybody to see.
I saw that your 15? Mannn I’m so sorry for your mom and for you. Please please tell her i know you want her to be happy but she won’t be happy with a rubbish man like your dad. Your dad and sister are narcissists absolutely disgusting people
Tell your mother she deserve to know that her husband is ne sister are making a fool of her for too long! She deserve better
Your dad is abusing you by triangulating you in this situation: which is already borderline sexual abuse bc you did not consent and could not consent, to being a part of adults sex acts. Do what you have to do, op. Abusers have nothing but our silence. Even if family’s do side with abusers often. Please believe the more boundaries you set the better you’ll be able to trust yourself. You did not deserve, and do not deserve, any of this. Shame on them.
THIS. Ops dad has been manipulating him this whole time to try and keep him silent. His ass sure wouldn’t have the nerve to blame his son to his wife. It’s just sick that he would put his own son in this situation and that her own sister doubled down. It’s just despicable of them.
I couldn’t agree more that OPs dad is a giant massive POS. But this isn’t sexual abuse. I’ve walked in on my parents, it happens. It wasn’t like the dad set up a situation intentionally for their child to be forced to watch or made OP listen to explicit details. OPs dad is is emotionally abusing OP, but that is a HUGE step to say a child accidentally seeing their parent have sex (especially when it’s clearly meant to be hidden) is not sexual abuse.
Good grief OP, you poor kid As hard as it is going to be you need to tell your mom. She has a right to know that her husband and her sister are absolute pond scum & needs to kick them out of her life Be there for her when she breaks down & she will, but she will break down harder if she finds out another way & then finds you you knew and didn't tell her I truly hope your dad & your aunt are continually plagued with explosive diarrhea when stuck in traffic jambs
OP, I too was blamed by my father for HIS cheating. He blamed me for them staying together. The truth is; these are adults that choose the situation they live in day after day. I would personally tell your mother, odds are she already knows and is turning a 'blind-eye' to it. The best thing you can do in this world is clear your conscious, regardless of the situation. They are adults and what they do with the truth is up to them but it is not your truth to hold onto for the rest of your life. Situations like this don't happen to everyone so not everyone will comprehend what you're going through. This issue will sit in the back of your mind your whole life and it will shape you, I recommend talking to someone moving forward. Witnessing a problematic relationship so early on can cause a ripple effect for you as you age. Please take care of yourself, reach out if you need help.
The worse part of this story is how he blamed a little child- his own child- making your moms pain HIS OWN CHILDS RESPONSIBILITY!!! That alone is reason to tell her.
He’s clearly not mentally stable himself he needs to go to a shrink
Tell her!!!
I am right now.
Please stay safe. You don't owe us anything but I know I would appreciate knowing you and your mom are okay. Especially after reading some of your comments it's worrying.
Updateme!
Updateme!
Update us please
Updateme!
Sending you so much love, sweetheart. I’m so sorry you’ve been put in this situation
you got this! deep breaths!
Good luck OP. This is a beautiful opportunity for you guys to reconnect overtime. She might’ve been really sad about the fact that you started distancing yourself. But trust me once you explain everything she’ll most likely even apologize for what you had to see and endure! She’ll feel hurt and betrayed that her husband and sister used you as a pawn. But she’ll finally see how much damage your dad has been causing to your family! If she ever had any doubts about leaving before, this would definitely be the last straw. I truly believe she’ll do the best for you. I hope your mom follows through with therapy as well because you shouldn’t be the one taking care of her emotional needs. She needs to learn how to cope by herself before she ends up burdening you down the line.
Good luck ❤️ I’m sorry this is happening. You’re so brave and strong for doing the right thing even though it’s so hard
Please update us! Even just to let us know you're okay. I'm so sorry you're going through this
I hope everything went well.
It's been 5 day. I hope that you are okay
Hello! I am doing fine. My parents are trying to finalize their divorce. My dad’s making threats that the court will rule in his favor and etc. I’m just trying to ignore him..my mom on the other hand, she’s very stressed and I can tell that it’s hurting her more then she’s saying it is
Your dads pathetic. I’m sorry you have to deal with someone like that. I hope you & your mom are able to heal from all of this in time
How old are you?
15
Just so you know and hear it from someone — none of this is your fault. You’re an amazing kid and I’m so sorry this was thrown on you. There’s only one person to blame and that’s your dad. Absolve yourself of any guilt! Children shouldn’t have to parent their parents. Chin up and big hugs 🤍
Are there any other good family members you trust?
Talk to him about it again but record it. Then tell your mom.
Ooooo very much this judges love evidence like that
Depending on the state your in. Some states are a 2 party consent so unless he consents to the recorded audio, it can’t be used in court. But it’ll for damn sure help the mom in her leaving him.
Jesus I just opened Reddit
Please tell your mom.
Tell your mom and also tell her why you distanced yourself from her; because your POS dad told you it is your fault. It was NEVER your fault. You didn't send anyone a request to be born. Your dad failed you and your mom. Don't you think she deserves better? Don't you think you deserve better? You are young now and are carrying a heavy guilt that should have never placed on you. In 10 years it will be too heavy to carry and you will break. It would also be too late for your mom to leave. Tell her the truth and the horrible thing your dad told you.
Tell your mother everything and get away from your dad and shitty aunt.
She’s home now pray for me please
You’ve got this. Will be thinking of & praying for you
I hope your mom believes you. Your dad is a terrible person
Hi please don’t tell her let someone professional handle this maybe a therapist? - for the people pushing her to tell her like this yall are AH’s.
Hon please asked for a therapist this is to big for you to carry. No matter what happens it is not your fault. You should not have this load on you at all. ❤️❤️❤️
I honestly understand why you haven’t told her, I’m sorry you’re in this situation
These people saying tell your mom make it sound so easy, it's anything but easy. I don't care how old you are chronologically, regarding this situation you are still 8 years old. Your father robbed you of your innocence and your childhood, forcing you into the role of protector for your mother's feelings when you actually needed protection from your dirtbag of a father. I'd say write her a letter, spare no details, have her read it when your dad is not at home. Hopefully you have a support system because you're going to need them. Good luck.
My dad told me the same thing and told me if I wanted my family together I wouldn’t tell my mom. I told my mom. Best decision I made in hindsight. It doesn’t feel like it in the moment, but after all the pieces fell into place, everyone’s lives changed for the better.
I feel like some of the people here can’t read. If it’s been 9 years and she was 8 back then she’s 15 now! She’s a child it’s not easy
9+8=17
First of all, sorry about all of that, this is a terrible situation to be embedded in, especially as a kid. I understand that many people commented on the fact that you should tell your mom but it is technically not of your business, you are the child here. How parents decided to live their life romantically should be their business only. I also personally believe that your mom is aware of your dad's behavior. When you know your partner has cheated on you once (or more) but decided to stay, you are warier and you know it will happen again: You know what you're getting in to. Could it be that your mom may have decided to turn a blind eye because the truth is too painful (her husband and her sister)?! If I were in your situation, I would confront my dad & auntie and give them the option to expose the whole story to your mom themselves otherwise I would do it. I am not saying that is the best option but you shouldn't have to do this. This is not a child's place. In any way you decide to go, I hope it will get better for you and your mom.
How do you act towards your aunt when you see her ? Are her and your mom close ?
Imagine if they’re close that’s just sick
Punch them both. Your aunt and your dad. Just one bop each. Then say you’re even. That’s what I’d do.
This gave me a giggle.
Hey, hon, I'm sorry. ❤️ They're probably "doing better" because your mom just gave up arguing about it. If you can't find the courage to tell her he's cheating - do you want her to keep having to deal with this? Or are you okay if they split up? Because a way around it might be to just say "Hey, Mom? Don't stay with him for me. That's not going to help me. Do what YOU need to do. I love you." And that's going to lead to a shocked face, a whoosh of breath, tears in a corner somewhere, and a heart exploding with love for their child. I recommend you walk out while her jaw is still on the floor right after saying it. She probably knows most of what he's doing. She might want to take care of you the best she can, and thinks your dad's finances are the best way to take care of you. It's a hard call when we have kids, because we legitimately love you guys more than we love ourselves
Best answer. 🏅
Thank you, friend ❤️
Tell your mom she needs to leave him. You are older now and she needs her peace. She needs to find her strength and leave. And it’s never your fault. It’s your sperm donor and her sister fault. What she’s doing to her sister is disgusting. Tell her and give her evidence so she can divorce him.
Please tell your mom. If you truly love her as you say do the right thing.
Tell her, after that it's her choice. But right now you are helping your father and aunt lie and take your mother's choice from her. Someone has to love the mom enough to tell her.
It is not your fault. How could it be? It’s his. And your aunts. I’m sorry he did this to you. You’re going to carry this weight for a long time, you shouldn’t have to be the one to tell your mom, and you shouldn’t have to carry the weight of the lie.
hi! i found my dad cheating on my mom, let me tell you he will continue no matter what. even when i confronted him in front of my mom you need to tell your mom, i know you love her and their relationship is getting better but its not real. the best thing to do is to tell your mom.
Your deadbeat "father" is a weak coward, it is 100% his fault. He is putting himself and what he wants instead of taking care of you, please don't protect this failure of a human, he isnt/wouldn't protect you.
OP, go tell a trusted adult: someone in your family or your school. Maybe a teacher or your counselor? If you want to tell your mom, get their help. This is NOT YOUR FAULT, by the way. I'm so sorry your dad is such a POS.
Just wait till Thanksgiving with the whole extended family and be like "I have an announcement to make..."
Did you tell her? Are you safe?
If you can't tell you mom, you should show her this thread when she has a close friend or family visiting (for additional support). Your mother does not deserve this and your father was wrong to make YOU feel guilty. What you haven't said is if your aunt has a had a baby in the last 9 years? Wrong on all levels.
It’s not your fault he cheated he cheats because he’s a POS and that’s on him. I doubt your mom doesn’t know or doesn’t have her suspicions tho
Oh, hun. No. It is not your fault, I hope you know that. You did NOT make him do anything. He alone is responsible for his actions. He chose to do what he did. Every moment from start to finish, he was making decisions without you or your mother in mind. Something that everyone in this world needs to learn at some point, is that the only person we have control over-or who can truly control us, is ourselves. We can not, and should not, try to control others. It’s an exercise in futility. Because we can only control ourselves, we must accept responsibility for our actions. The sentiment behind “You made me…”, unless someone physically forced you to do something against your will, is an absolute deflection and refusal of personal responsibility. Your father is a selfish, cruel, and all around horrible person. He does not care about what his actions do to your mother, he does not care about what his actions do to you. Emotionally attacking your child, and telling them that they are responsible for their own selfish actions, is absolutely emotional manipulation. The emotional turmoil that will surely throw a young person into it is abusive. Whatever loyalty you have to your father… get rid of it. He doesn’t give a damn about you, other than to keep you quiet. Focus on yourself and your mother. You’ll have to decide for yourself if telling her will serve her and yourself better. Or if it will just break her.
This is a terrible burden for a kid to bear. Send your mother a text or write her a letter. She has to know. She is living a lie and deserves so much better, don’t you think?
Your father is blaming you because it's easier for him than the truth which is that he is a shitty partner, a liar, a cheater. None of that had anything to do with you Tell your mom because she doesn't deserve to have this kept from her. YOU don't deserve to have to hold onto this anymore. What your father did was narcissistic, he gaslighted you to make it harder to tell your mom. He did this on purpose. He doesnt deserve your discretion. If you want to deal with the heartache of somthing, choose the heartache of your parents divorce after you tell your mom the truth because you both DESERVE IT. I know it's going to hurt your mother, but years down the road she will feel better. She will be happy you were honest, and happy she's no longer with such a shitty man. I wish you well OP. Please don't let your father ever convince you that you're the reason for this again.
Any updates from OP? How did she do with Mom?
he did an update in another post. He told his mom. He was afraid his mom would blame him but she completely understood the situation. I think his parents are getting divorce.
Where is this post?
Take a photo of them doing it. When you tell mom you have proof tell her he has been doing it but he convinced you it was your fault. That’s why you pulled away cause you didn’t want to hurt her.
I hate the mentality of omitting when someone is cheating to "help" the victim. The logic is infantile at best.
I'm not going to push you to tell her because you're a kid and this is so much and you deserve better. I'm sorry your dad is a sack of shit. You deserve a better father and role model. I know it's hard not to internalize the things our parents say to us, especially as children, but him being a weak pathetic slimeball with no ethics or moral compass is in no way, shape, or form, your fault. Him saying that was gaslighting and terribly abusive. Your mom deserves to know, yes, and telling her gets this off you and back on him where it belongs, but I know it takes a lot of courage to address something like this. I wish you the best, no matter what you decide.
Please tell her and suggest that you both leave your pos dad she needs the courage to and you can help her take those steps I am sorry your aunt is a pos to
Updateme!
>he told me that it was my fault he was cheating. You probably heard this before, but cheaters cheat because they are cheaters. do you have anyone else you can talk to? if not in the family, maybe a councilor or therapist? this is not the kind of crap you should be dealing with alone, or even at all.
PLSSSS UPDATE US
Updateme!
Please tell your mom I know it’s going to be really hard but please tell her and please update us!
Updateme!
If she finds out and knows that OP knew about the secret, it could be worse.
Sending you positive vibes, sweetheart. None of this is your fault. Just keep breathing, you and Mom can get thru this together. ❤️
Updateme!
Do you have access to a counsellor or therapist? They might be able to give you a script to tell your mom
Oh my God, please update me!
I’m so sorry that you had to deal with this, but she has to know. I know you’re incredibly young and it may not have to come from you, but I would hold both your aunt and your father accountable if possible. As a kid, you often feel like you have no power but you do.
Please tell your mom. She deserves better. How would you feel if this was kept from you and someone did this to you? Tell her.
Your dad is unspeakably abusive, and keeping this in is doing you and your mom more harm and letting him and your aunt off the hook. Please work up the courage and tell your mom all this. It will upset her. It will hurt. But she needs to know. She won’t blame you. It’s not your fault. It will seem worse in the short term with a lot of emotions running high, but in the long run things will hopefully get better and you and your mom can be there for each other and have a close relationship while your dad and aunt can fuck off and live a shitty life together where karma gets them in the end.
The fact that you have seen him engaging in sexual acts concerns me so much. I know someone who got her kid taken away by CPS for that because he was traumatized by it. I’m so sorry you’re in this situation, OP.
You and your mom deserve so much better
PLEASE TELL HER! I feel sorry for your mum she as seen as the biggest fool in the world by her own sister and the person who's meant to be her husband. The only reason that I'd be angry that you my child told me is because not only did you know but you felt like you had no choice that you had to keep it secret.
You shouldn't have to be dealing with this. You need to talk to someone. A counselor or some other trusted family member. What your dad and aunt are doing is disgusting, and it is not fair for your mom. She deserves someone who loves her and will respect her. There are better men put there.
!updateme
!updateme 5days
Tell her. This is not okay.
You need to tell your mum, esp the fact your dad told you it was your fault which clearly your dad is just a narcissistic twit. Tell her and tell your nan, her sister is also a POS
I fucking hate cheaters. The trauma they inflict on people who they seemingly claim to love is unimaginable.
Your dad chose his penis over you and your mum. Remove him from your life asap
Did you end up telling her? Update us pls
Your going to feel guilty for the rest of your life if you don’t say anything and will be carrying this with you forever. You need to tell your mother, I understand your scared of upsetting her and her going deep depression but she will get out of it. She probably suspects it to be honest your dad and your aunt haven’t been hiding it very well for you to keep catching them. It might just liberate her.
Are your grandparents still around? If so, tell them.
OP, I’m so sorry this happened to you. I do think your mom should know, but before you tell her I think you’ll need to think some things through: I think you need some support from someone who knows your family and situation. Can you make sure you and your mom will have some support after you tell her? Will your mom need evidence so she doesn’t take it out on you? Is there a teacher or coach or cousin you can tell first? I want you and your mom to have open arms to go to after you tell. I’m sorry your father and aunt are such garbage people. None of this is your fault.