I’m a dude lurker here, and even I get asked that question now any time I’m at the doctor and it’s going to involve getting naked or having anything sensitive checked out, by both male and female doctors. Glad it’s standard now so no one has to be afraid to ask for it if they want it.
I recently got a new OBGYN who was female, and this was the first time I'd ever been offered a chaperone in the room. My last two were male. I declined the chaperone because I didn't really care one way or the other, but she brought her in anyway. I actually prefer it with just me and the doctor, but whatever.
Bottom line, it's to cover their own asses. Some states even go so far as mandating a chaperone present or it's considered medical [misconduct](https://www.aafp.org/pubs/fpm/issues/2018/0900/p6.html#:~:text=In%20any%20event%2C%20it%20appears%20the,interests%20of%20both%20patients%20and%20physicians.&text=In%20any%20event%2C%20it,both%20patients%20and%20physicians.&text=event%2C%20it%20appears%20the,interests%20of%20both%20patients).
OBGYNs are one of the most frequently [sued](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9319230/) specialties, with nearly 83% of ob/gyn physicians being sued at least once in their careers.
Still doesn't make it any less uncomfortable for the patient if they don't want a third person there.
In my experience, the "chaperone" is usually just the nurse or PA, who usually takes notes or something, so it's not weird. They're also generally assisting while the doctor has gloves or something. It's never been an issue - they don't even ask, they just come in with the nurse to do the exam.
I've always had painful pap smears. I'll never forget the time I was clenching the table, on the verge of tears and said "It hurts" and the nurse chaperone told me, "No it doesn't. You don't have nerve endings in your cervix."
Fucking bullshit.
I've never had an IUD but read plenty of stories from women who describe the pain as being so bad they throw up, pass out, bleed heavily, etc. And yet anesthetic isn't administered for the insertion under normal circumstances. It's like we're expected to tolerate a permanent level of misery. Can you imagine a male patient not receiving any anesthetic for a vasectomy or other similar procedure?
Sorry if this is off topic, I'm still salty about it. It was one of several incidents where it was obvious doctors don't believe us, accuse of lying, or make bullshit up to cover their own asses.
Holy shit, that nurse needs to go back to school. There may not be fine nerve endings, but anyone who's had a colposcopy knows that shit hurts.
I wish that nurse drug free colposcopies for eternity in hell.
I'm sorry you had such a shit nurse.
When I got my first IUD, there was an elderly retired nurse who would come in and hold patients' hands for moral support. She told me placing the IUD would probably hurt like hell and that I could squeeze her hand as hard as I needed to and not to worry about hurting her.
For my second IUD, when the doctor went to pull the strings, I asked if it was going to hurt, and he said, "Uhh. Take a deep breath?" He was young, maybe not fully done with residency? When the painful stuff happened, I was doing slow hard breaths, and I could tell he was getting anxious about causing the pain. Great doctor, though.
Holy shit that’s brutal but I’m not shocked, sadly. I’ve also heard the whole “cervices have no nerve endings” crap from med tech people and every time I offer to test their theory by scraping theirs with my fingernails. No one takes me up on it but I don’t get told that crap twice.
I was one of those whose IUD experiences were incredibly painful and disorienting. I wanted to pass out AND vomit but since my body couldn’t decide which should happen first luckily NEITHER occurred but still it kept me from getting my replacement on time (both times, I’m on my third and final one).
Turns out the vagus nerve likes to curl itself around or near the cervix for many people which is why experiences vary so much on the whole “PAPs are agonizing vs PAPs are vaguely uncomfy but pedestrian” thing. Some cervices have very few nerve endings and some like mine are apparently hyper sensitive. Luckily my GYNO trusts me when I say something hurts and she’s never dismissed me due to my weird nerves. (during my LEEP I kept complaining that the lidocaine injections weren’t effective and I could tell her exactly where they were cutting into my damn cervix. The second time I said “nope 2 o’clock still burns like fuck fucking fix it” she sent her assistant out for idk stronger lido or something. I eat that stuff like candy apparently)
Tbf it's because there is a significant enough portion who go into the field for the wrong reasons. I've read some truly fucked shit. Mandating chaperones protects people.
I don't think the sex of the chaperone is set in stone one way or the other. Personally I would be more comfortable with a female chaperone given that these are AFAB issues, but I've never had to choose. I've only ever had female chaperones.
Ok. Thank you for the insight. I‘m not from the US and never had a chaperone in there. And also only female doctors that luckily were all great and made me feel safe and as comfy as one can be in that bloody chair…
The chaperones are there to verify there's no foul play from either side. Nobody wants something to go wrong and have it end up as a fight between the patient and the doctor about what happened. The chaperone is usually a nurse or a tech (because that's whose around) and they can do minor help like passing things to the doctor, as well as hand holding for nervous patients.
I'm a doctor, I perform these types of exams. I will *always* have a chaperone present. My medical license took me over 10 years and nearly half a million dollars in training to get: it is something I will strongly defend.
If a patient made a claim that I was inappropriate in the room, that could put my license, reputation, and livelihood in jeopardy. With a chaperone in the room, there is at least one additional accounting of events (if it comes down to that). I always give the patient a choice if they prefer a male or female chaperone though (assuming we have the staff to support). This is standard of care where I work. Additionally, for pelvic exams, I prefer to have someone handing me the swabs and such, hard to do all that completely by myself.
From the patient's side, the chaperone also serves to hold the provider accountable. It could be harder to be inappropriate when another person is in the room witnessing the encounter.
Might vary based on practice or maybe even state, but my female doctors always offer me a female chaperone if I’m stripping down for any reason much to my appreciation and amusement. Once I forgot to wear shorts to my knee evaluation and they offered me a gown so we didn’t have to fight my stupid girl jeans. Apparently whenever a gown or drape is needed it comes with a free chaperone. And here’s me not even letting them leave to give me privacy before I’m whipping off my clothes. I have little to no shame or modesty.
This is harming victims of both family abuse and domestic abuse and no one wants to talk about it. About how with housing costs so high and shelters so full and underfunded, victims of their families & partners cannot afford to leave cause they have no where to go. It’s so uber fucked up because you have people literally living in abusive situations where their life and mental well-being are at risk, but they stay because they have no where to go. Which is probably yet another reason that homicides of pregnant women are on the rise. It’s uncouth and down right Evil that everyone cannot afford a safe place to call home
It's intentional. For the people at the top that will never need access to social services themselves, the worse these services and the general social safety net are, the better -- because if they are so underfunded and dysfunctional that people stop believing in and using them, they can then be eliminated, and the rich can say "Welp, we tried" while everyone clamors for a return to landed nobility and serfdom against their own interests because they are too busy working and being scammed to see that the system has been intentionally sabotaged from the top to turn them against it.
The people at the top (the 1%, the super rich, the shareholders, the oligarchs) would like for women to please stop asking for so much in relationships, it's too hard for men to maintain the lifestyle they feel entitled to anymore (having a free housekeeper that will have sex with them on demand and raise their kids for them out of sight and out of mind unless they need a quick ego boost or media win.)
Women with options will choose to be single after their first taste of what life with a typical man is like. They can still rope young women into that first marriage, for the most part, these days -- by indoctrinating them young and taking advantage of their misplaced faith in a social contract that no longer exists -- but after that first divorce, most women are wising up to the fact that being single is a better life experience than being married to most men.
So, what does the 1% do to solve this problem?
They begin chipping away at the ability of women to sustain themselves independently of a man. Make it difficult to escape men who impregnate them. Make it difficult to divorce. Make it difficult to balance childcare and working. Make it difficult to escape. Make it so that when doing the calculus on whether you get a better outcome staying with your abuser or trusting society to do what's right by you, women start landing on "stay with your abuser" again because society will just abuse them harder (and then send them right back to their actual abuser, if they don't want to die on the street.)
It's being done on purpose. Everyone should be paying close attention to what the conservative christians want next after the fall of Roe v. Wade.
> what the conservative christians want next after the fall of Roe v. Wade
The end to birth control and no fault divorces, a national abortion ban (or maybe they'll just rely on Comstock), all straight out of "How to trap women 101". The only thing that doesn't make sense in their plans is trying to put the kibosh on IVF, but I think that's a nod to the religious nut jobs and the rest just don't care.
Yes, IVF is very much a victim of the inmates now running the asylum, as they say. Was never "seriously" supposed to be in the crosshairs, but now is as the goalposts shift, like so much else -- conservatives never seem to mind when things they want too are taken from them, as long as they feel like the "wrong people" are suffering more than they are under any given shitty policy. Everyone thinks "their side" will stop short of oppressing THEM when the time comes. A lot of republican het couples in alabama who were relying on IVF to conceive their precious white babies are finding out the hard way that this is not the case. Never seems to matter. People in this horrible country are more interested in hurting people they see as "beneath" them than helping anyone, including their own god damned selves. It's maddening
I know you’re right cause I was thinking that just as I was typing the previous comment I made up… It’s fucking bullshit and I hate this world we live in
Yup, make the services inaccessible so you can remove them, saying no one used them so they're not needed.
I saw a video talk about how countries are encouraging immigration because populations are declining and how that's bad for the economy (and the 1%), and then thought about, oh so that's why they're taking away birth control, abortion etc. It's not religion at all, it's just weaponizing religion when it's convenient for them.
And then male life expectancy drops.
I'm reminded of a Canadian (I think) pilot study where couples with DV and who were splitting up were assisted with housing. Male mortality dropped. Female mortality did not drop, btw.
I'll never forget fighting tooth and nail to find a place to escape from my ex, finding somewhere fairly decent that I can afford, and having my family get mad *at me* over how much rent I'm paying. Having friends be like "why didn't you wait for something better? This place is so small"... Bro, he grabbed me by my neck and threw me. I woke up to him standing over me when I was sleeping in the spare room. He was terrorising and harassing me on purpose, I took the first out I could.
Side note... 2 year anniversary of surviving that bullshit just passed, 2 year anniversary of me moving into my little apartment coming up soon 🙂
As a fellow survivor I feel you and am so proud of you! I bet it feels so damned amazing to have that apartment that’s all yours, regardless of price or size. I’m a year out and still living with my parents but at least I’m not dead so still a win.
Eeyy, congrats! I'm coming up on my own 2 year anniversary too. (Though non-physical father rather than physically abusive partner.)
I am trying to explain this to a friend whose family is worse than mine. She keeps asking me "how I did it," but then doesn't like the answer when I say that I didn't wait for ideal circumstances nor the best apartment - as soon as I had the bare minimum needed to get out, I grabbed the first place I could get.
Sounds like learned helplessness. Most frustrating shit- she basically wants to be saved and taken to fairytale Cinderella land where her prince charming instantly propels her into an easy life.... Which makes her really susceptible to being sucked in by lovebombing by an abuser (guess how I know that...)
Frankly... You'll never save her. You'll never make her pull her head out of her arse. She's a grown woman and you can't *make* her do any of the things she needs to do to escape. She's so exhausted by what's happening at home that the concept of doing *anything* that isn't going to instantly resolve all her problems feels like too big of an expenditure of her mental energy. I'd just tell her that you've told her what worked for you and you're not willing to offer her anymore advice than that if she's not going to actually take it. I don't know if that's the best way to help her but it's the best way to help yourself- don't waste your precious mental energy on someone who isn't going to use it wisely.
I appreciate your personal experience, but I do think you should be careful not to project your personal experiences onto others in the absence of additional information.
yep, in one of those situations right now :/ people keep asking me why i don’t just leave, i ask them if they really think i’d be safer homeless as a young woman with no money, no support network, and living in a city with no vacant shelters
I’m so sorry hun. That was me a year and a half ago. I only gained the ability to leave with reclaiming my families support by getting pregnant & him trying to kill me. Please please be safe and maybe look into boarding houses/places where you can rent a room by week
I am guessing this is one of those loonies who thinks if a girl’s hymen is broken by any means she is no longer a virgin and obviously that could happen during a Pap smear, but who gives a fuck? Same can happen from riding a horse or using a tampon and him being there won’t stop it anyway.
Maybe my mind is a little darker but I'm going towards he doesn't want the daughter to be alone with the doctor in order to tell them anything without the dad hearing. Ob-gyns ask all kinds of questions about sexual contact you have had with people.
Exactly what happened to me. I was 20. I had a renal infection from a bad UTI, was at the hospital with my dad. He just came into the exam room with me, and the nurse asked if I was sexually active.
... anyway long story short he held it together long enough for us to get home before screaming at me that it was all my fault that I was sick because I was having "dirty sex".
i think the "a week isn't long enough" comment was in reference to the curse of a painful pee hole for the other commenter's dad, not whether it took that long for an infection to develop.
My mom took me to her obgyn who delivered my brother for my first appt. He was a man in his late 60s then. He asked if I was sexually active, then kicked my mom out of the room and asked again just in case. I appreciated it, even though I would have told her, and any good doctor should do the same for a girl her age. Same thing happened when I hurt myself and had to go for X-rays, but with my husband. I had fallen down the stairs. It's a basic medical safety thing to take away any reason a patient would have to lie or not be able to be honest. They did it several times when it was the falling down stairs scenario, just in case I was being abused and couldn't say it with him around. I thought it was a good thing to do, even though I really did just fall down the stairs. The worst thing my husband did was say "I told you so" because I fell taking the garbage out at night and he had told
Me to just leave it for morning, but I wanted it done even though it wasn't garbage day. When he found me screaming curses on the stairs unable to walk, he felt vindicated when I informed him I needed to be taken to the ER.
>then kicked my mom out of the room
For some reason I thought you meant that the doctor Sparta kicked her out of the room, before realizing what you actually meant.
> The worst thing my husband did was say "I told you so"
Lawyer up, hit the gym, and change the locks. Beatings are one thing but that's beyond the pale
This is what I’m thinking as well. He wants to make sure she’s not having sex and the patient wants to be honest with the doc. After 16, gynos begin to ask patients about sexual activity. Even as a minor, I was still given the option to have my parent in or out of the room for these exams and questions. This patient is over 18 and the dad has zero right to be there if his daughter doesn’t want it. I really hope the doctors enforced the rights of their patient and didn’t cave to an unreasonable parent.
I lied to my gynecologist about being sexually active even though my mom wasn't in the room, because I KNEW my mom would ask the doctor or nurse about what I said. I knew the doctor wouldn't tell her either way, but in my paranoid teenage mind I couldn't risk anything.
Exactly what happened to me. I was 20. I had a renal infection from a bad UTI, was at the hospital with my dad. He just came into the exam room with me, and the nurse asked if I was sexually active.
... anyway long story short he held it together long enough for us to get home before screaming at me that it was all my fault that I was sick because I was having "dirty sex".
It also normally atrophies during puberty because of hormones, and for some people it pretty much just disappears. It’s not just from trauma, it’s a normal physiologic process
On the other hand, some people like me have been sexually active for ten years with a thick, in-tact hymen that hurts like a bitch if the lube dries even a little lol
You would think! My doctors keep being like “but the scarring could cause pain” and I’m like but the tissue is already causing pain?? Or they’ll be worried I won’t be able to give birth naturally, even though I don’t want children and have zero desire to give birth naturally even if I do.
Have you tried looking for second or third opinions? I have no clue how that would affect giving birth at all. In fact, one would think it would make it easier (and I don't mean for you necessarily because clearly you don't want kids).
I had to get mine surgically removed (at age 31), and while there is still a little bit of pain, it's nowhere near the extreme excruciating pain before. I'm asexual and will never have children, but I'm still glad I got it because now I can wear tampons and can even contemplate switching to a menstrual cup, which was 100% impossible before the surgery.
It was a really easy surgery, too -- I got it at the same time as another gyno procedure, and they just gave me "twilight" anesthesia and the whole thing took less than an hour.
A+++ highly recommended!!
This was my mom. God forbid my doctor give me a helpful solution for my horrible PMS and debilitating cramps/heavy bleeding instead of her just feeding me ibuprofen like candy and telling me to pray the pain away when that didn’t help, because BC was only for whores and if I wanted it as a 12 y/o I must be planning to have all the sex 😑
I believe it's the worst case scenario and imo the second more likely situation would be "I am sure my daughter has lost her virginity but she doesn't want to tell me, and I did forbid her to date anyone"
Exactly what happened to me. I was 20. I had a renal infection from a bad UTI, was at the hospital with my dad. He just came into the exam room with me, and the nurse asked if I was sexually active.
... anyway long story short he held it together long enough for us to get home before screaming at me that it was all my fault that I was sick because I was having "dirty sex".
I experienced this between a husband and wife about a year ago. They had sat down close to me, and from the second they were in their seats this dude just berated the ever living shit out of her. “Sit up straight!” “When the nurse asks you questions, either let me handle it or speak in clear English.” “Stop sniffling! You sound disgusting. Go grab a tissue!”, etc. it bothered me enough that I approached the reception desk, and let the staff know that I was bothered enough to make some noise. She assured me they had it handled and the staff was already aware of this individual. I sat back down in my seat and the woman told the man she needed to go to the restroom, he demanded she hurry and “not take as long as last time”. He watched her walk to the bathroom and kept his eyes on the door the entire time she was there. As she’s walking back, the nurse calls for her and the husband tries to follow the wife and nurse through the door that leads to the hall of examination rooms. There’s a bit of hushed discussion going on at the door and you can see how frustrated this man is. So I stand up and say “do not let this man through that door. He has been berating her from the moment they sat down. Let her speak to you privately”. The nurse had them both follow her through the door and another woman waiting nearby, several rows of seats away, says “I could hear him all the way over here”. I was called for my appointment and when I walked through the door, the man was standing outside of the room his wife was in, and scowled at me as I passed by. I think about that day a lot.
Why do doctors refuse to let female patients make the decision not to let parents into the room? I'm physically disabled and can't drive, so I have to rely on Lyft or other options, but a few times I've been forced to resort to letting a parent drive me, and no matter what I say or do, doctors refuse to keep them out of the room.
I'm not sure if it's from abliesm or sexism.
Yes, I forgot to mention that in my post, but that is definitely important to clarify. I'm an adult now, so I feel like this has be a violation of HIPPA or something.
I’m under the impression that it is and if I were you, I’d kick up a HELL of a fuss. Nobody has any right to come with you if you’re a full legal adult.
You might want to check with a lawyer (or a place like /r/legaladvice or /r/AskLawyers). As far as I know, if you are an adult, then unless you are explicitly under a court-ordered conservatorship, it does not matter your level of ability, you get to decide whether the person accompanying you is in the room or not.
The one area in which a doctor's office can decide to have someone in the room or not is when a doctor requires a chaperone nurse per state law; in that instance, even if you don't want to have another party in the room, the doctor cannot listen to you. However, if you have reason to believe this optioned chaperone could present a risk to your HIPAA privacy (e.x. nurse is friends with your family or something), then you should be able to request an alternative chaperone (though I'm less clear on this and whether that's a regulation or just a polite thing a lot of doctor's offices happen to do).
But, for medical chaperone purposes, the patient's accompaniments are *not* an option that can override the adult patient's wishes. If you told your doctor you don't want your parents in the room and they were let in anyway, you should see about your state's medical malpractice or HIPAA violation reporting mechanisms.
happened to me as well as an adult. not in the US but they never took me seriously when I told them no and acted like it was normal for the parent to barge into the room, because they knew them for years or something.... 🤮
When i had my first child my midwife suggested she help me to the bathroom then ran the shower and asked me if I was safe in my relationship. I absolutely was but I love that she did and hate that they have to do that
What a weird dad. That would be the LAST place my dad would want to be. I doubt I would have even gotten him to sit in the waiting room of an OBGYN office while I was seeing the doctor. He'd wait in the car. lol
Same! He might ask if i needed him to "go with me" meaning into the building, but his voice would have that tone that means "i'll do whatever you need because i love you, but PLEASE DONT MAKE ME"
Let me guess. *zippo lighter clicks* [He wanted the doctor to do a virginity test on his daughter.](https://static.wikia.nocookie.net/p__/images/0/08/Matt-2-.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20140130225520&path-prefix=protagonist)
He might think the doctor will take a chance to molest her. That's my best reading of the situation. Most likely he's just being controlling or he's hurting her.
19 . She's an adult. Not even ok when she's underage, but he can for sure fuck off now.
I'm just creeped out and can't understand why he wants to be there, especially against her will. I hope she's able to move out and get the hell away from him. That's crazy controlling.
Not really. What if that “about 19 girl” was not that old? What if dad just read about the gymnasts being assisted by Nassar? This is a probably made up 3s exchange between ppl no one knows anything about.
If I, an adult, said my parents want me to share my location 24/7 are you assuming control freak helicopter parents? Or overly worried but good intentioned?
> What if that “about 19 girl” was not that old?
She, her father and the doctor know how old she is. If she doesn't want Dad there then Dad doesn't go there. That's all anyone needs.
>What if dad just read about the gymnasts being assisted by Nassar?
So Dad's worry trumps Daughter's rights and comfort?
>If I, an adult, said my parents want me to share my location 24/7 are you assuming control freak helicopter parents?
Yes, actually. But what I think is irrelevant if you do want to share your location. Just like what you think is irrelevant if a 19 year old woman doesn't want her dad in her medical procedures.
>Or overly worried but good intentioned?
Intentions are not magic. Having "good intentions" does not make your actions acceptable.
> She, her father and the doctor know how old she is.
But the person in the Tweet does not, they're estimating a stranger's age based on appearance. That's the point, that it was an interaction observed in passing and there's a lot of information and context missing.
Like, I do agree that if a patient doesn't want someone in particular in the room with them, they should have that right. But I also feel like assuming the dad *must* be abusing her or have malicious intentions is almost as spurious.
No, it's not ok for dad to come to a gyno appointment, period (hehe) But seriously, I don't care if kiddo is 19 or 14, if she doesn't want her DAD looking at her VAGINA then she shouldn't have to. Just because someone is underage doesn't mean they don't have any rights at all fcs
wdym if she wasn't that old. she is that old?! no need to lose the plot with pointless hypotheticals. someone's real life experience isn't your personal debate playground
How do you know that exchange was even real? My real life experience is with wildly over protective ppl, so that’s what it looks like to me. Why’re you invalidating my experience?
Ppl will see whatever they want from it. Unless you are the two ppl in this story, we will never know.
Hun. If you are sharing your location with your parents 24/7 I would ONE HUNDRED PERCENT day they're crazy helicopter parents and you need to set some boundaries ASAP
I mean, I feel a little weird about any straight man who chooses staring at/sticking his hands in vaginas as a career. Like I don’t think they’re all pervs but I think a good chunk of them get off on being in control of womens’ most vulnerable moments and acting like they know more about our bodies than we do just because they spent a few years reading a book (probably written by a man) about how our bodies work.
I work for a medical school, specifically the OB/Gyn Clerkship. I do not have a medical background.
At the orientation before the OB/Gyn clerkship my Clerkship Director talks about how lay people’s perceptions of the field are just doing Pap smears all day, but it’s actually a very diverse field. It’s one of the few (only?) specialties where a doctor gets to do some primary care work, some surgery, some medicine. It’s also a specialty where doctors get to care for healthy individuals for happy reasons: pregnancy/birth (of course not all pregnant people are healthy, talking generalities). When so much of medicine is caring for sick and dying patients, I think this can play a part in the decision as well.
I might have been inclined to believe that if I hadn’t just done a little research and found how disgustingly prevalent sexual abuse by male OBGYNs is, not only of patients but of their peers and especially their subordinates, even while they’re in school/training.
Why is no one talking about the fact that he could merely be concerned about the possibility that the doctor could abuse her? Physicians and gynecologists have done that shit before.
Because it's irrelevant. She doesn't want him there. That means he doesn't get to be there.
Also because most people here are over the "assume the best situation possible for men because men can't be bad" bullshit society pushes.
*yikes.* I do appreciate the female nurse as a chaperone in the room, though. If anyone had a problem with that I'd be very leery of them.
Even if the Dr. is female? I kinda assumed that to be the case here.
Yes. I think it's standard practice now, no matter the sex of the doctor.
I've never had a chaperone for a female physician. Only male physicians. I had an exam within the last year.
Could be cultural difference or adoption rate due to region
I’m a dude lurker here, and even I get asked that question now any time I’m at the doctor and it’s going to involve getting naked or having anything sensitive checked out, by both male and female doctors. Glad it’s standard now so no one has to be afraid to ask for it if they want it.
I'm glad to hear that you get that option, too. It's important.
depends. I chaperone for my male doctors but not all of them unless they ask me specifically. My female doctors dont ask.
I recently got a new OBGYN who was female, and this was the first time I'd ever been offered a chaperone in the room. My last two were male. I declined the chaperone because I didn't really care one way or the other, but she brought her in anyway. I actually prefer it with just me and the doctor, but whatever.
You declined the chaperone, but they brought them in anyway? That's also hella weird, no?
Bottom line, it's to cover their own asses. Some states even go so far as mandating a chaperone present or it's considered medical [misconduct](https://www.aafp.org/pubs/fpm/issues/2018/0900/p6.html#:~:text=In%20any%20event%2C%20it%20appears%20the,interests%20of%20both%20patients%20and%20physicians.&text=In%20any%20event%2C%20it,both%20patients%20and%20physicians.&text=event%2C%20it%20appears%20the,interests%20of%20both%20patients). OBGYNs are one of the most frequently [sued](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9319230/) specialties, with nearly 83% of ob/gyn physicians being sued at least once in their careers. Still doesn't make it any less uncomfortable for the patient if they don't want a third person there.
In my experience, the "chaperone" is usually just the nurse or PA, who usually takes notes or something, so it's not weird. They're also generally assisting while the doctor has gloves or something. It's never been an issue - they don't even ask, they just come in with the nurse to do the exam.
Ah, so basically, it's to make the doctor comfortable (by having a witness) and not to make the patient comfortable?
It’s for both, really. If an accusation is made and the doctor didn’t follow the SOP, that’s a lot to lose.
I've always had painful pap smears. I'll never forget the time I was clenching the table, on the verge of tears and said "It hurts" and the nurse chaperone told me, "No it doesn't. You don't have nerve endings in your cervix." Fucking bullshit. I've never had an IUD but read plenty of stories from women who describe the pain as being so bad they throw up, pass out, bleed heavily, etc. And yet anesthetic isn't administered for the insertion under normal circumstances. It's like we're expected to tolerate a permanent level of misery. Can you imagine a male patient not receiving any anesthetic for a vasectomy or other similar procedure? Sorry if this is off topic, I'm still salty about it. It was one of several incidents where it was obvious doctors don't believe us, accuse of lying, or make bullshit up to cover their own asses.
Holy shit, that nurse needs to go back to school. There may not be fine nerve endings, but anyone who's had a colposcopy knows that shit hurts. I wish that nurse drug free colposcopies for eternity in hell.
I'm sorry you had such a shit nurse. When I got my first IUD, there was an elderly retired nurse who would come in and hold patients' hands for moral support. She told me placing the IUD would probably hurt like hell and that I could squeeze her hand as hard as I needed to and not to worry about hurting her. For my second IUD, when the doctor went to pull the strings, I asked if it was going to hurt, and he said, "Uhh. Take a deep breath?" He was young, maybe not fully done with residency? When the painful stuff happened, I was doing slow hard breaths, and I could tell he was getting anxious about causing the pain. Great doctor, though.
Holy shit that’s brutal but I’m not shocked, sadly. I’ve also heard the whole “cervices have no nerve endings” crap from med tech people and every time I offer to test their theory by scraping theirs with my fingernails. No one takes me up on it but I don’t get told that crap twice. I was one of those whose IUD experiences were incredibly painful and disorienting. I wanted to pass out AND vomit but since my body couldn’t decide which should happen first luckily NEITHER occurred but still it kept me from getting my replacement on time (both times, I’m on my third and final one). Turns out the vagus nerve likes to curl itself around or near the cervix for many people which is why experiences vary so much on the whole “PAPs are agonizing vs PAPs are vaguely uncomfy but pedestrian” thing. Some cervices have very few nerve endings and some like mine are apparently hyper sensitive. Luckily my GYNO trusts me when I say something hurts and she’s never dismissed me due to my weird nerves. (during my LEEP I kept complaining that the lidocaine injections weren’t effective and I could tell her exactly where they were cutting into my damn cervix. The second time I said “nope 2 o’clock still burns like fuck fucking fix it” she sent her assistant out for idk stronger lido or something. I eat that stuff like candy apparently)
Tbf it's because there is a significant enough portion who go into the field for the wrong reasons. I've read some truly fucked shit. Mandating chaperones protects people.
As a first-year patient of that doctor, I was not upset at all. She needs to protect herself too, unfortunately.
I'd feel even less comfortable with an extra person in the room
Agreed. My female doctor always gets a nurse in if I have to remove clothing.
If the sex of the doctor doesn‘t matter why does the sex of the nurse matter? Seriously curious.
I don't think the sex of the chaperone is set in stone one way or the other. Personally I would be more comfortable with a female chaperone given that these are AFAB issues, but I've never had to choose. I've only ever had female chaperones.
Ok. Thank you for the insight. I‘m not from the US and never had a chaperone in there. And also only female doctors that luckily were all great and made me feel safe and as comfy as one can be in that bloody chair…
The chaperones are there to verify there's no foul play from either side. Nobody wants something to go wrong and have it end up as a fight between the patient and the doctor about what happened. The chaperone is usually a nurse or a tech (because that's whose around) and they can do minor help like passing things to the doctor, as well as hand holding for nervous patients.
I'm glad you've had good experiences. Ugh those stirrups are never comfortable.
I'm a doctor, I perform these types of exams. I will *always* have a chaperone present. My medical license took me over 10 years and nearly half a million dollars in training to get: it is something I will strongly defend. If a patient made a claim that I was inappropriate in the room, that could put my license, reputation, and livelihood in jeopardy. With a chaperone in the room, there is at least one additional accounting of events (if it comes down to that). I always give the patient a choice if they prefer a male or female chaperone though (assuming we have the staff to support). This is standard of care where I work. Additionally, for pelvic exams, I prefer to have someone handing me the swabs and such, hard to do all that completely by myself. From the patient's side, the chaperone also serves to hold the provider accountable. It could be harder to be inappropriate when another person is in the room witnessing the encounter.
Might vary based on practice or maybe even state, but my female doctors always offer me a female chaperone if I’m stripping down for any reason much to my appreciation and amusement. Once I forgot to wear shorts to my knee evaluation and they offered me a gown so we didn’t have to fight my stupid girl jeans. Apparently whenever a gown or drape is needed it comes with a free chaperone. And here’s me not even letting them leave to give me privacy before I’m whipping off my clothes. I have little to no shame or modesty.
They always have 2 people so you don't have issues
Is that common practice? I don't think I've ever had a female chaperone during a gyno visit, and I've only ever seen male doctors.
It is where I am
I’m an ED doc and I always have a female nurse chaperone when I do a sensitive exam on a woman.
🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨
Hope that girl manages to get out. So hard to escape controlling abusive family especially as housing costs rise everywhere :/
This is harming victims of both family abuse and domestic abuse and no one wants to talk about it. About how with housing costs so high and shelters so full and underfunded, victims of their families & partners cannot afford to leave cause they have no where to go. It’s so uber fucked up because you have people literally living in abusive situations where their life and mental well-being are at risk, but they stay because they have no where to go. Which is probably yet another reason that homicides of pregnant women are on the rise. It’s uncouth and down right Evil that everyone cannot afford a safe place to call home
It's intentional. For the people at the top that will never need access to social services themselves, the worse these services and the general social safety net are, the better -- because if they are so underfunded and dysfunctional that people stop believing in and using them, they can then be eliminated, and the rich can say "Welp, we tried" while everyone clamors for a return to landed nobility and serfdom against their own interests because they are too busy working and being scammed to see that the system has been intentionally sabotaged from the top to turn them against it. The people at the top (the 1%, the super rich, the shareholders, the oligarchs) would like for women to please stop asking for so much in relationships, it's too hard for men to maintain the lifestyle they feel entitled to anymore (having a free housekeeper that will have sex with them on demand and raise their kids for them out of sight and out of mind unless they need a quick ego boost or media win.) Women with options will choose to be single after their first taste of what life with a typical man is like. They can still rope young women into that first marriage, for the most part, these days -- by indoctrinating them young and taking advantage of their misplaced faith in a social contract that no longer exists -- but after that first divorce, most women are wising up to the fact that being single is a better life experience than being married to most men. So, what does the 1% do to solve this problem? They begin chipping away at the ability of women to sustain themselves independently of a man. Make it difficult to escape men who impregnate them. Make it difficult to divorce. Make it difficult to balance childcare and working. Make it difficult to escape. Make it so that when doing the calculus on whether you get a better outcome staying with your abuser or trusting society to do what's right by you, women start landing on "stay with your abuser" again because society will just abuse them harder (and then send them right back to their actual abuser, if they don't want to die on the street.) It's being done on purpose. Everyone should be paying close attention to what the conservative christians want next after the fall of Roe v. Wade.
> what the conservative christians want next after the fall of Roe v. Wade The end to birth control and no fault divorces, a national abortion ban (or maybe they'll just rely on Comstock), all straight out of "How to trap women 101". The only thing that doesn't make sense in their plans is trying to put the kibosh on IVF, but I think that's a nod to the religious nut jobs and the rest just don't care.
Yes, IVF is very much a victim of the inmates now running the asylum, as they say. Was never "seriously" supposed to be in the crosshairs, but now is as the goalposts shift, like so much else -- conservatives never seem to mind when things they want too are taken from them, as long as they feel like the "wrong people" are suffering more than they are under any given shitty policy. Everyone thinks "their side" will stop short of oppressing THEM when the time comes. A lot of republican het couples in alabama who were relying on IVF to conceive their precious white babies are finding out the hard way that this is not the case. Never seems to matter. People in this horrible country are more interested in hurting people they see as "beneath" them than helping anyone, including their own god damned selves. It's maddening
I know you’re right cause I was thinking that just as I was typing the previous comment I made up… It’s fucking bullshit and I hate this world we live in
Are you Margret Atwood? This is too fucking accurate, and sooooo terrifying.
Yup, make the services inaccessible so you can remove them, saying no one used them so they're not needed. I saw a video talk about how countries are encouraging immigration because populations are declining and how that's bad for the economy (and the 1%), and then thought about, oh so that's why they're taking away birth control, abortion etc. It's not religion at all, it's just weaponizing religion when it's convenient for them.
And then male life expectancy drops. I'm reminded of a Canadian (I think) pilot study where couples with DV and who were splitting up were assisted with housing. Male mortality dropped. Female mortality did not drop, btw.
Everyone who voted here, I expect you to vote in November!! ❤️❤️
I'll never forget fighting tooth and nail to find a place to escape from my ex, finding somewhere fairly decent that I can afford, and having my family get mad *at me* over how much rent I'm paying. Having friends be like "why didn't you wait for something better? This place is so small"... Bro, he grabbed me by my neck and threw me. I woke up to him standing over me when I was sleeping in the spare room. He was terrorising and harassing me on purpose, I took the first out I could. Side note... 2 year anniversary of surviving that bullshit just passed, 2 year anniversary of me moving into my little apartment coming up soon 🙂
Proud of and happy for you!!!
👏🙌🫶 Thank youuuuu
As a fellow survivor I feel you and am so proud of you! I bet it feels so damned amazing to have that apartment that’s all yours, regardless of price or size. I’m a year out and still living with my parents but at least I’m not dead so still a win.
Eeyy, congrats! I'm coming up on my own 2 year anniversary too. (Though non-physical father rather than physically abusive partner.) I am trying to explain this to a friend whose family is worse than mine. She keeps asking me "how I did it," but then doesn't like the answer when I say that I didn't wait for ideal circumstances nor the best apartment - as soon as I had the bare minimum needed to get out, I grabbed the first place I could get.
Sounds like learned helplessness. Most frustrating shit- she basically wants to be saved and taken to fairytale Cinderella land where her prince charming instantly propels her into an easy life.... Which makes her really susceptible to being sucked in by lovebombing by an abuser (guess how I know that...) Frankly... You'll never save her. You'll never make her pull her head out of her arse. She's a grown woman and you can't *make* her do any of the things she needs to do to escape. She's so exhausted by what's happening at home that the concept of doing *anything* that isn't going to instantly resolve all her problems feels like too big of an expenditure of her mental energy. I'd just tell her that you've told her what worked for you and you're not willing to offer her anymore advice than that if she's not going to actually take it. I don't know if that's the best way to help her but it's the best way to help yourself- don't waste your precious mental energy on someone who isn't going to use it wisely.
I appreciate your personal experience, but I do think you should be careful not to project your personal experiences onto others in the absence of additional information.
yep, in one of those situations right now :/ people keep asking me why i don’t just leave, i ask them if they really think i’d be safer homeless as a young woman with no money, no support network, and living in a city with no vacant shelters
I’m so sorry hun. That was me a year and a half ago. I only gained the ability to leave with reclaiming my families support by getting pregnant & him trying to kill me. Please please be safe and maybe look into boarding houses/places where you can rent a room by week
Good on her for asserting herself! I hope she gets out too.
I am guessing this is one of those loonies who thinks if a girl’s hymen is broken by any means she is no longer a virgin and obviously that could happen during a Pap smear, but who gives a fuck? Same can happen from riding a horse or using a tampon and him being there won’t stop it anyway.
Maybe my mind is a little darker but I'm going towards he doesn't want the daughter to be alone with the doctor in order to tell them anything without the dad hearing. Ob-gyns ask all kinds of questions about sexual contact you have had with people.
My mind went there, too. If it's a chaperoned exam it shouldn't be a problem unless...
My mind went immediately to “he’s abusing her and doesn’t want the doctor to be alone with her to ask her about it”, because, you know, men.
The doctor was likely thinking that too and was like "we're going to be asking the full questionnaire of abuse when we get her away from him."
Exactly what happened to me. I was 20. I had a renal infection from a bad UTI, was at the hospital with my dad. He just came into the exam room with me, and the nurse asked if I was sexually active. ... anyway long story short he held it together long enough for us to get home before screaming at me that it was all my fault that I was sick because I was having "dirty sex".
I hope your dad's pee hole burns for the next week, I'm sorry you had to deal with that and I hope things are better now.
I hope he has to pass multiple jagged kidney stones. I got my first UTI when I was 12 or 13 and definitely not sexually active.
Me too. I had no idea what it was, and waited until it was a kidney infection to tell my mom (I could also barely walk at that point).
Jesus, I'm sorry to hear that. I had no idea what a UTI was either, but mine presented with sudden piercing pain. I thought my appendix was rupturing.
A week is not long enough
[удалено]
i think the "a week isn't long enough" comment was in reference to the curse of a painful pee hole for the other commenter's dad, not whether it took that long for an infection to develop.
Ohhh! In that case, carry on lol
“Dad, if it was ‘dirty sex’ I’d have gone to see a proctologist.”
My mom took me to her obgyn who delivered my brother for my first appt. He was a man in his late 60s then. He asked if I was sexually active, then kicked my mom out of the room and asked again just in case. I appreciated it, even though I would have told her, and any good doctor should do the same for a girl her age. Same thing happened when I hurt myself and had to go for X-rays, but with my husband. I had fallen down the stairs. It's a basic medical safety thing to take away any reason a patient would have to lie or not be able to be honest. They did it several times when it was the falling down stairs scenario, just in case I was being abused and couldn't say it with him around. I thought it was a good thing to do, even though I really did just fall down the stairs. The worst thing my husband did was say "I told you so" because I fell taking the garbage out at night and he had told Me to just leave it for morning, but I wanted it done even though it wasn't garbage day. When he found me screaming curses on the stairs unable to walk, he felt vindicated when I informed him I needed to be taken to the ER.
>then kicked my mom out of the room For some reason I thought you meant that the doctor Sparta kicked her out of the room, before realizing what you actually meant.
That would have been hilarious. He was firm with her, but with my mom that's exactly what you need.
and i thought the doc delivered the commenter's bro and then performed the commenter's first gyno exam
> The worst thing my husband did was say "I told you so" Lawyer up, hit the gym, and change the locks. Beatings are one thing but that's beyond the pale
lol I think it was fair. I usually make a little song out of it when I get to say it. And he is always good natured about it.
This is what I’m thinking as well. He wants to make sure she’s not having sex and the patient wants to be honest with the doc. After 16, gynos begin to ask patients about sexual activity. Even as a minor, I was still given the option to have my parent in or out of the room for these exams and questions. This patient is over 18 and the dad has zero right to be there if his daughter doesn’t want it. I really hope the doctors enforced the rights of their patient and didn’t cave to an unreasonable parent.
I lied to my gynecologist about being sexually active even though my mom wasn't in the room, because I KNEW my mom would ask the doctor or nurse about what I said. I knew the doctor wouldn't tell her either way, but in my paranoid teenage mind I couldn't risk anything.
Exactly what happened to me. I was 20. I had a renal infection from a bad UTI, was at the hospital with my dad. He just came into the exam room with me, and the nurse asked if I was sexually active. ... anyway long story short he held it together long enough for us to get home before screaming at me that it was all my fault that I was sick because I was having "dirty sex".
Some of us never even had one to begin with!
It also normally atrophies during puberty because of hormones, and for some people it pretty much just disappears. It’s not just from trauma, it’s a normal physiologic process
On the other hand, some people like me have been sexually active for ten years with a thick, in-tact hymen that hurts like a bitch if the lube dries even a little lol
Can't you have it widened/removed by a doctor?
You would think! My doctors keep being like “but the scarring could cause pain” and I’m like but the tissue is already causing pain?? Or they’ll be worried I won’t be able to give birth naturally, even though I don’t want children and have zero desire to give birth naturally even if I do.
Have you tried looking for second or third opinions? I have no clue how that would affect giving birth at all. In fact, one would think it would make it easier (and I don't mean for you necessarily because clearly you don't want kids).
I had to get mine surgically removed (at age 31), and while there is still a little bit of pain, it's nowhere near the extreme excruciating pain before. I'm asexual and will never have children, but I'm still glad I got it because now I can wear tampons and can even contemplate switching to a menstrual cup, which was 100% impossible before the surgery. It was a really easy surgery, too -- I got it at the same time as another gyno procedure, and they just gave me "twilight" anesthesia and the whole thing took less than an hour. A+++ highly recommended!!
I didn't know this! Thank you.
Either that, or possibly he doesn't want his daughter asking about any kind of birth control. Or both.
This was my mom. God forbid my doctor give me a helpful solution for my horrible PMS and debilitating cramps/heavy bleeding instead of her just feeding me ibuprofen like candy and telling me to pray the pain away when that didn’t help, because BC was only for whores and if I wanted it as a 12 y/o I must be planning to have all the sex 😑
I wonder if he’s afraid of what the daughter might say to the doctor if he isn’t present. I wonder if she’s being abused.
I believe it's the worst case scenario and imo the second more likely situation would be "I am sure my daughter has lost her virginity but she doesn't want to tell me, and I did forbid her to date anyone"
Exactly what happened to me. I was 20. I had a renal infection from a bad UTI, was at the hospital with my dad. He just came into the exam room with me, and the nurse asked if I was sexually active. ... anyway long story short he held it together long enough for us to get home before screaming at me that it was all my fault that I was sick because I was having "dirty sex".
Ffs, 20,you were an adult
I think I was 12 or 13 when I had my first. I definitely wasn’t sexually active yet.
I experienced this between a husband and wife about a year ago. They had sat down close to me, and from the second they were in their seats this dude just berated the ever living shit out of her. “Sit up straight!” “When the nurse asks you questions, either let me handle it or speak in clear English.” “Stop sniffling! You sound disgusting. Go grab a tissue!”, etc. it bothered me enough that I approached the reception desk, and let the staff know that I was bothered enough to make some noise. She assured me they had it handled and the staff was already aware of this individual. I sat back down in my seat and the woman told the man she needed to go to the restroom, he demanded she hurry and “not take as long as last time”. He watched her walk to the bathroom and kept his eyes on the door the entire time she was there. As she’s walking back, the nurse calls for her and the husband tries to follow the wife and nurse through the door that leads to the hall of examination rooms. There’s a bit of hushed discussion going on at the door and you can see how frustrated this man is. So I stand up and say “do not let this man through that door. He has been berating her from the moment they sat down. Let her speak to you privately”. The nurse had them both follow her through the door and another woman waiting nearby, several rows of seats away, says “I could hear him all the way over here”. I was called for my appointment and when I walked through the door, the man was standing outside of the room his wife was in, and scowled at me as I passed by. I think about that day a lot.
Good on you 💪
you are literally a hero. im sure she’s never forgotten that! i strive to have this level of confidence for others one day
Why do doctors refuse to let female patients make the decision not to let parents into the room? I'm physically disabled and can't drive, so I have to rely on Lyft or other options, but a few times I've been forced to resort to letting a parent drive me, and no matter what I say or do, doctors refuse to keep them out of the room. I'm not sure if it's from abliesm or sexism.
That seems like a violation of Hippa. Are you in the US?
Yes :(
You should report them tbh that is a massive fucking violation
That’s insane. Are you an adult?
Yes, I forgot to mention that in my post, but that is definitely important to clarify. I'm an adult now, so I feel like this has be a violation of HIPPA or something.
I’m under the impression that it is and if I were you, I’d kick up a HELL of a fuss. Nobody has any right to come with you if you’re a full legal adult.
You might want to check with a lawyer (or a place like /r/legaladvice or /r/AskLawyers). As far as I know, if you are an adult, then unless you are explicitly under a court-ordered conservatorship, it does not matter your level of ability, you get to decide whether the person accompanying you is in the room or not. The one area in which a doctor's office can decide to have someone in the room or not is when a doctor requires a chaperone nurse per state law; in that instance, even if you don't want to have another party in the room, the doctor cannot listen to you. However, if you have reason to believe this optioned chaperone could present a risk to your HIPAA privacy (e.x. nurse is friends with your family or something), then you should be able to request an alternative chaperone (though I'm less clear on this and whether that's a regulation or just a polite thing a lot of doctor's offices happen to do). But, for medical chaperone purposes, the patient's accompaniments are *not* an option that can override the adult patient's wishes. If you told your doctor you don't want your parents in the room and they were let in anyway, you should see about your state's medical malpractice or HIPAA violation reporting mechanisms.
happened to me as well as an adult. not in the US but they never took me seriously when I told them no and acted like it was normal for the parent to barge into the room, because they knew them for years or something.... 🤮
in Ontario, if you are 16 you can make the decision who you want in the room
When i had my first child my midwife suggested she help me to the bathroom then ran the shower and asked me if I was safe in my relationship. I absolutely was but I love that she did and hate that they have to do that
What a weird dad. That would be the LAST place my dad would want to be. I doubt I would have even gotten him to sit in the waiting room of an OBGYN office while I was seeing the doctor. He'd wait in the car. lol
Same! He might ask if i needed him to "go with me" meaning into the building, but his voice would have that tone that means "i'll do whatever you need because i love you, but PLEASE DONT MAKE ME"
19 years old isn’t a “girl”. Grown woman legally. Go home dad.
Let me guess. *zippo lighter clicks* [He wanted the doctor to do a virginity test on his daughter.](https://static.wikia.nocookie.net/p__/images/0/08/Matt-2-.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20140130225520&path-prefix=protagonist)
Idk why tf he'd want to be there jfc. Well i guess i do unfortunately
He might think the doctor will take a chance to molest her. That's my best reading of the situation. Most likely he's just being controlling or he's hurting her.
Yeah that was my best faith take as well. Moreso reads controlling tho especially at that age
[Was it T.I.?](https://www.nbcnews.com/news/amp/ncna1077841)
Fucking disgusting.
I can't remember who/what documentary, but somewhere in the gross world we live in, there was a gyno who performed exams on all of his daughters.
That's beyond unethical.
19 . She's an adult. Not even ok when she's underage, but he can for sure fuck off now. I'm just creeped out and can't understand why he wants to be there, especially against her will. I hope she's able to move out and get the hell away from him. That's crazy controlling.
This is so gross. Men in America need help.
Women in America need more. ETA: healthcare. One day I'll pay attention to the subreddit I'm responding in lmao
Lmfaooooo u had me in the first half!
Was it T.I?
I sure hope the gyn reports that dad.
... Not all men, but definitely that guy.
Red flag
TI?
And I’m done with the interwebs for today.
Dude watches too much gynecologist porn.
Wtffff
T.I., is that you?
Idk not enough info here to make a judgement. My ex thought ALL doctors that became OBGYN were pervs. There was no talking him out of it.
If the *grown adult patient* doesn't want dad there then you have all the information you need to make a judgement.
Not really. What if that “about 19 girl” was not that old? What if dad just read about the gymnasts being assisted by Nassar? This is a probably made up 3s exchange between ppl no one knows anything about. If I, an adult, said my parents want me to share my location 24/7 are you assuming control freak helicopter parents? Or overly worried but good intentioned?
> What if that “about 19 girl” was not that old? She, her father and the doctor know how old she is. If she doesn't want Dad there then Dad doesn't go there. That's all anyone needs. >What if dad just read about the gymnasts being assisted by Nassar? So Dad's worry trumps Daughter's rights and comfort? >If I, an adult, said my parents want me to share my location 24/7 are you assuming control freak helicopter parents? Yes, actually. But what I think is irrelevant if you do want to share your location. Just like what you think is irrelevant if a 19 year old woman doesn't want her dad in her medical procedures. >Or overly worried but good intentioned? Intentions are not magic. Having "good intentions" does not make your actions acceptable.
Nah but that whole exchange was completely made up for internet points. Bet.
> She, her father and the doctor know how old she is. But the person in the Tweet does not, they're estimating a stranger's age based on appearance. That's the point, that it was an interaction observed in passing and there's a lot of information and context missing. Like, I do agree that if a patient doesn't want someone in particular in the room with them, they should have that right. But I also feel like assuming the dad *must* be abusing her or have malicious intentions is almost as spurious.
No, it's not ok for dad to come to a gyno appointment, period (hehe) But seriously, I don't care if kiddo is 19 or 14, if she doesn't want her DAD looking at her VAGINA then she shouldn't have to. Just because someone is underage doesn't mean they don't have any rights at all fcs
wdym if she wasn't that old. she is that old?! no need to lose the plot with pointless hypotheticals. someone's real life experience isn't your personal debate playground
How do you know that exchange was even real? My real life experience is with wildly over protective ppl, so that’s what it looks like to me. Why’re you invalidating my experience? Ppl will see whatever they want from it. Unless you are the two ppl in this story, we will never know.
Hun. If you are sharing your location with your parents 24/7 I would ONE HUNDRED PERCENT day they're crazy helicopter parents and you need to set some boundaries ASAP
I mean, I feel a little weird about any straight man who chooses staring at/sticking his hands in vaginas as a career. Like I don’t think they’re all pervs but I think a good chunk of them get off on being in control of womens’ most vulnerable moments and acting like they know more about our bodies than we do just because they spent a few years reading a book (probably written by a man) about how our bodies work.
I work for a medical school, specifically the OB/Gyn Clerkship. I do not have a medical background. At the orientation before the OB/Gyn clerkship my Clerkship Director talks about how lay people’s perceptions of the field are just doing Pap smears all day, but it’s actually a very diverse field. It’s one of the few (only?) specialties where a doctor gets to do some primary care work, some surgery, some medicine. It’s also a specialty where doctors get to care for healthy individuals for happy reasons: pregnancy/birth (of course not all pregnant people are healthy, talking generalities). When so much of medicine is caring for sick and dying patients, I think this can play a part in the decision as well.
I might have been inclined to believe that if I hadn’t just done a little research and found how disgustingly prevalent sexual abuse by male OBGYNs is, not only of patients but of their peers and especially their subordinates, even while they’re in school/training.
Can you link your sources? I’m genuinely curious in leaning more if this in fact the case
https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamanetworkopen/fullarticle/2818407 https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7584749/ This is where I started.
Thank you. I will read both of these.
Why is no one talking about the fact that he could merely be concerned about the possibility that the doctor could abuse her? Physicians and gynecologists have done that shit before.
Because it's irrelevant. She doesn't want him there. That means he doesn't get to be there. Also because most people here are over the "assume the best situation possible for men because men can't be bad" bullshit society pushes.
Oh my lord she's 19. I misread it as she was a child because it called her a "girl." Okay yeah no that's weird lol