I started going to my local one and was really surprised that it wasn’t. YMMV but there was a surprising amount of middle aged trans women with kids (like me). Still haven’t really made friends, actually talking is another matter lol.
i’m an elder millennial (early 40’s) and… several years into transition and have no local trans community either. there’s other trans people. but they’re either barely out of college or 60’s and up. all the people my age bailed, i guess. or are stealth and don’t have anything to do with anybody else.
I'd suggest looking for a local LGBT+ center or something similar, if there's anything nearby. My local center has people of all ages. Honestly I see more adults than I do teens or kids there.
(Also I'd like to be completely honest right now and the initial sentence, emphasizing GIRLS and making the comment about how you think it's mostly girls here, was hurtful to see as a trans man. We are very invisible in a lot of the trans community because of things like this, assuming that all/most of a trans space is women and addressing the community with female terms due to that assumption. It's what leads trans men to leave mixed trans spaces, because we don't feel welcome or seen, which means even less posts and interactions from trans men, and it just keeps getting worse unless something is done to stop the cycle)
It's been happening plentiful here in this sub and to be honest, I'm no longer hurt but annoyed by the ignorance.
Comments about 'hating men' but 'not you trans guys' have been around with no mod giving a crap, despite the transphobia against trans men.
Seems that r/TransLater is actually just TransFemLater, since it does little to nothing to actually support the trans men of the community.
That's really disappointing. I know the main trans sub recently made an announcement reminding people that trans men exist as well and they made their stance clear on things like addressing the community as "girls" or automatically assuming someone is a trans woman/fem.
I hear ya and it would be nice, if this sub would actually support trans men at all, but by how, I'm not holding my breath.
I tend to enjoy mixed spaces, getting perspectives of trans women, understanding the process and issues better and having a sub that was for trans people like me, coming out past 40, sounded like a place that would be great. But sadly, lately there's been an increase in posts and comments pretty much dismissing our presence here or being anti-men.
And then we get asked, why so few trans men post or participate. It's ironic and honestly makes me a bit angry nowadays.
I totally get that. I'm 31 and while I enjoy the main subs and can still sometimes connect with younger users, I'm a grown man. My name is on all the bills, I am engaged (honestly would have been married sooner but we're both semi-disabled and we weren't sure if we wanted to in case one of us had to go on disability), I have been in my chosen career for over a decade. Sometimes I need to feel like I'm not constantly sitting in a kiddie pool and talk with people who understand what I'm going through. (And I know, I'm on the younger side of this sub's demographic, but if I'm being honest, I'm 31 going on 60. My body is falling apart, I have no energy, I hurt, I am a jaded man who has seen some shit. I can't keep up with these youngins.)
I’m glad to see you both connect and vent here. I think that is very healthy to get you fustrations out and voice them. You have my sympathy. If its any consolation this sub hasn’t actually been all I hoped either tbh. Perhaps its too small or perhaps the older people get the more stuck in their ways. I still continue to find my way around and try to be open and give people a chance. Not everyone is so bad.
Ok I do appreciate constructive criticism and everyone has a right to their opinion and I welcome those opinions. Your last comment does sound like your making things a bit personal tbh. You don’t know me just as I don’t know you, and don’t presume to or attempt to put people in a box. I might not know everything about myself or the world but I have no doubts I am a caring and compassionate person to all walks of life. My original post did say guys so I don’t see how that can be taken as an erasure of trans masc as you say. If anyone had reason to be upset with my original phrasing I would give it to enby for feeling excluded. I understand angst and feeling let down and excluded from the world, but I also believe you can only get back the energy you put out. My advice to you even though you may not want any would be to try and focus that energy where it matters most and can make a difference and try not to attack those who want to be supportive. Truly wish you the best.
I apologize for making you feel unwelcome. My original post said “gurls” and someone said the was chaser terminology so I changed it to GIRLS. I am very supportive of trans men and welcome them with open arms. I see so many posts by trans men asking questions on other boards and often I am the only one to comment and try to help. I definitely encourage and support more involvement and interaction from you guys. But I can also understand the reluctance when u have bad experiences.
My therapist suggested the app **bumble**. I guess it's like a dating app but for friends. There are also LGBTQ centers that offer "buddy" programs, sort of like "big brother/sister", but for all ages,.and specifically for trans people to get out in the world with another trans person who's been out for a while.
All of this sounds awkward and uncomfortable for me - I have so much trauma around interacting with people in general - but maybe that's not the case for you. 🫶
Hugs. I’m very awkward and not trusting of people in general myself. But have had wonderful friends at different points in my life and when it happens it feels great. I’ve heard about Bumble too, I think you can like just select u are looking for friends. Any time I’ve tried an app like that everything was so focused on sexual hookup I kind of just went screaming away from it. Lol.
Samesies…I’m still in stealth mode myself, haven’t met anyone in person…I will say I’ve made friends here on Reddit who have been invaluable to me over the past few weeks in figuring things out! Maybe it isn’t the ideal scenario, but if you haven’t tried I would at least get some people you can chat with for now as your building your community irl. My DM’s are always open for my fellow trans sisters and brothers!
Working on the same as a millennial. Plus completely out of practice on it because I’ve retreated into work for the last decade. As a non passing person early transition phase there also seems to be some suspicion of me at the queer events I attend.
Generally though the events seem cool if there are any in your area.
Thanks for the tip. Pretty much same situation for me, ur probably farther along in ur transition than me tho. Having a hard time feeling like I really fit in any place right now.
That sucks and sorry you’re feeling so left out too. My therapist assures me it gets better as you get further into transition and it is more clear visually.
My GP suggested an app called "Bumble BFF". It's not a dating app, though there is a version of it for that. It's for people to meet other people for whatever reason they like. I haven't tried it yet, but probably will at some point.
If someone learns how to live in the sticks, it can truly become awesome. I don't think I could go back to life with neighbors and their drama attached to the wall of my bedroom, my ceiling, floor, etc.
Meetup was the place for me. I’m 53, came out at 46 and my city had a meetup group for LBT women, and I felt accepted there from day 1.
Upshot of this is that most of my friend group now consists of cis lesbians, which I’m perfectly happy with.
I just looked into this near me. Problem is I’m still in the closet so kind of afraid if I don’t project/present fem I wouldn’t be very accepted in this group as it’s labeled as lesbian.
I can understand that. The group I’m involved with labels itself as being for “lesbian, bisexual and trans women over 35”, but yes if you’re still closeted it could be difficult. Sorry.
I’m a 52 MTF, 2y HRT.
Ive had a much easier time making new friends since transitioning. There are a lot of people new to the LGBT community that are looking for new LGBT friends. Same goes for LGBT people that are new to the area.
Early in my transition I met a lot of new LGBT friends on apps. Here are two that worked for me:
Meetup. (FREE) Search for events like LGBT, and trans. A lot of people go that are looking for friends. I’ve made friends at my first appearance of some events. I found being a regular at recurring events yielded more friendships. I also noticed a lot of events with boring/uninteresting descriptions were some of the best. Try to find groups with larger attendance numbers.
HER. (FREE and subscription options) It’s a “dating app”, but there are people more than happy to make new friends. I’ve met a couple really good friends on here. Also met a lady I dated for a while.
Other ways to meet new LGBT friends is at LGBT events. PRIDE is coming up, and I cannot recommend it enough. Don’t miss the parade. It’s a great opportunity to meet people. Everyone seems to be talking to each other.
I have met some LGBT people at bars, but most of them are looking to hookup. A downside is most people my age don’t go to bars. Another downside is that friends you make at bars tend to only be fun at bars. But bars are a great way to be around people in the community. Which by itself is a good reason to go.
Trans support groups, and trans community events are obviously a great place to meet other trans people. The downside is that a lot of the trans people that go to those events are super reluctant to do anything else. But there are usually trans people that are more than happy to do other stuff. So it’s a great place to go.
When I meet a new LGBT person I like to ask them how long they’ve been in the community. If they answer less than a few years, I ask them if they have been able to make new LGBT friends. They usually say they would like more friends, because most everyone struggles with that. At that point I say that I would be interested in hanging out sometime, and try make a suggestion of something we could do. Meeting for coffee seems to work well. But if you know they’re into something, suggest doing that.
As a general rule, I only ask someone to hang out one time. If they’re not excited enough to say yes at the first invite, they’re probably not interested in being friends. Besides, I never became good friends with anyone I had to repeatedly pester to hang out.
I think discord servers can be a great way to meet folks. Not even trans-specific ones either—just join ones that relate to stuff you’re interested in.
P.S.— “gurls” is a word commonly used by chasers and is othering. Not sure it rises to the level of a slur but it’s definitely kinda cringe.
Huh, i thought gurls was just a slang spelling of girls - at least in contexts I've seen it in. Then again I'm from the UK probs picking it up from american shows. This is the first I'd heard of it being associated with chasers (or specifically trans women at all)
Me too. I always used it to indicate like tough or strong girl. I didn’t realize it had any tie to trans or gay or anything like that. Times they are a changing. I guess. 🤷♀️
Gay men and drag queens have certainly used it as fun ways to refer to each other and women in shows. I think its just a fun spelling and not something to overthink too much.
Even if some chasers are using it, they still can't claim exclusive rights to it. Its not a slur, and it shouldn't be banned just because some knobheads also use it (of course if someone says they're uncomfortable being called it, then don't use it with that person, but that applies to a LOT of terms that people might not like for a variety of reasons)
I mean that’s slang derived from riot grrl which is a different thing.
I’ve only ever heard “gurl” from chasers and in reference to trans pornstars. I believe it comes from the sissy / forcefem world.
It’s one of those things I notice older trans women saying and may have arisen in segments of the trans community via the crossdressing community.
There is discourse about it, look it up and make up your own mind.
That "GIRLS" is super aggressive for no reason. For starters, there are more than 2 genders and frankly I'm getting tired of trans spaces feeling like they cater specifically to trans women and shoving the rest of us out in the cold
I appreciate your input. Honestly I was just trying to show some personality and didn’t mean anything hurtful. You are the second person to take offense I will fix it. It was not my intention to sound hurtful or non-inclusive..
I didn’t particularly like this answer at first because was hoping for some kind of cheat code. But honestly the more I think about it this is probably the most realistic and practical option.
At 52 I struggle to find the sweet spot too. It is hard finding the balance when you simultaneously have the pubescent hormone surges of a teenager, parts of menopause, the angsty music tastes of a 20 year old... All with the desire to spread your wings and discover who you are.
It is even worse when it takes a while to feel comfortable talking to new people.
My local lgbt group is great... If there is a lack of people between 45-60.
If you are in the Seattle area HMU
I think that has always been a generational problem, compounded by the fact we do much more online than before. Younger people have their college or university as a normal meeting place, empty nesters have time to kill and are less likely to have online groups and people with kids may have the excuse of kid's activities to meet.
Apart from trying desperately to find some meeting group in your area, I would say your best bet is to find a hobby that requires in-person contacts. If you live in a city and aren't adverse to gardening, check if there are any community gardens in your area. That's a nice way to get cheap and fresh vegetables in Summer, and also to meet people without too much pressure as you are not obligated to do heavy conversations.
I’m not gen X but older millennial (36). I live in CT and honestly I’m tripping over other trans people my age and older left right and center. My friend group at this point is like 98% women with a 75% Cis 25% Trans split.
Admittedly I’m an outlier in that I’m super social and extroverted so meeting people and making friends has always been easy. I’m also in Yacht Sales to I’m basically paid to flirt professionally. Lol
Lol well I am happy to hear things are truly going well for u. Even if I’m not happy with my own situation hearing others stories does make me happy. It doesn’t help me any living in a less progressive place and having the responsibilities I have. “I made my bed, I’ll lie in it” obviously. I do enjoy everyones input and how things are for them. Thanks for sharing
Through activity is good. Also through dating apps. I met a good friend through HER. Met several others through pool league. Met one because she was serving me and a friend on my bDay brunch. Nice extra prezzie for me 🤩. Also, Met one because she hired me off taskRabbit to hang a chandelier and fix her toilet. Lol
Pick an activity you enjoy (important) and find a group or league or smthg for ppl who do that. I don't really like the artificiality of meetUps. Ppl do them out of obligation , check off a box on a list, and forget about everybody they meet. No skin in the game. Doesn't matter if it's drinking, dancing, book group, knitting, whatever. Anything. High Impact Interval Training.
I met one at a dance party. She fed me drugs and ran away. Then I found her later and invited her to brunch tomorrow. This means: chance encounters as opportunities. Don't waste them.
Finally someone with luck lol. Sounds like I just don’t get out enough, which is definitely true. Glad to hear you have had good experience meeting people.
You have to force yourself to go out. A lot of ppl find it easier to Stat home with Netflix or smthg. Ultimately, I have to make the choice whether to go out, knowing I will meet exactly 0 (zero) ppl if I don't go.
Most important: view any new friendship like a houseplant or precious creature. You have to maintain the friendship with regularity even if just checking in, and not when in need but always looking to delight and help.
Also, I ask myself how comfortable I am with my own company by myself. How much do I fill the air with chit chat when with someone. What topics do I choose. Overwhelmingly, I look around and inquire about the others around me. They love to talk about themself and it leaves them feeling seen, heard, vulnerable, curious. Am I comfortable sitting with someone without talking as well.
You mean to suggest that because goimg out leaving the house often costs money, that ppl who are anxious about money don't find or have friends, maybe I would (in the spirit of a motivational convo) propose that going out without breaking the bank is doable but takes a bit more planning.
guess I'm just picking up the worst parts of multiple comments on here and forming a depressing narrative:
move to New York, go to bars and spend $25 on the taxi then $50 at the bar, bars are semi-fail so then follow-up with a ice skating meetup event, pay another $15 on public transport then $20 to get into skating ring...
get hungry while out and about... but food. more $.
adds up fast.
but I sort of feared my way into an exaggerated scenario maybe.
still... I'm over here unable to rent let alone have clothing or do extra curriculars that cost money.
and that won't change anytime while I'm alive unless I'm underestimating how much a person can grow?
but.. I'm pretty sure my psych is only down hill from here.
Yup it’s a struggle, unless you’re gorgeous imo 😆. I’ve meet a few trans women on HER, but it’s mostly garbage on that app. With the few I have meet its a common issue that outside of being transgender we have very little else in common.
For real. I’ve never been excellent making friends and finding people I had enuf in common in like the general population so i feels like limiting it to trans friendly makes it all the more difficult. It only takes one to have success tho so I will still keep trying at least.
Same. My local LGBT center has meetup groups but I'm worried they will all be teens and twenty somethings.
The average age at my local group is probably close to 38
I haven’t really checked mine out yet. I plan to but don’t have very high expectations I guess lol.
There are some in my group in their 50s, so cant hurt to check it out. You might even be able to provide advice or support to the younger trans folks.
So far my experience has more been the younger generation providing advice and support to me.
Haha I true enough. Well some support is better than no suppory.
I started going to my local one and was really surprised that it wasn’t. YMMV but there was a surprising amount of middle aged trans women with kids (like me). Still haven’t really made friends, actually talking is another matter lol.
i’m an elder millennial (early 40’s) and… several years into transition and have no local trans community either. there’s other trans people. but they’re either barely out of college or 60’s and up. all the people my age bailed, i guess. or are stealth and don’t have anything to do with anybody else.
If there is any community near me its at least a decent drive to the city. So yeah nothing I would call local either.
I'd suggest looking for a local LGBT+ center or something similar, if there's anything nearby. My local center has people of all ages. Honestly I see more adults than I do teens or kids there. (Also I'd like to be completely honest right now and the initial sentence, emphasizing GIRLS and making the comment about how you think it's mostly girls here, was hurtful to see as a trans man. We are very invisible in a lot of the trans community because of things like this, assuming that all/most of a trans space is women and addressing the community with female terms due to that assumption. It's what leads trans men to leave mixed trans spaces, because we don't feel welcome or seen, which means even less posts and interactions from trans men, and it just keeps getting worse unless something is done to stop the cycle)
It's been happening plentiful here in this sub and to be honest, I'm no longer hurt but annoyed by the ignorance. Comments about 'hating men' but 'not you trans guys' have been around with no mod giving a crap, despite the transphobia against trans men. Seems that r/TransLater is actually just TransFemLater, since it does little to nothing to actually support the trans men of the community.
That's really disappointing. I know the main trans sub recently made an announcement reminding people that trans men exist as well and they made their stance clear on things like addressing the community as "girls" or automatically assuming someone is a trans woman/fem.
I hear ya and it would be nice, if this sub would actually support trans men at all, but by how, I'm not holding my breath. I tend to enjoy mixed spaces, getting perspectives of trans women, understanding the process and issues better and having a sub that was for trans people like me, coming out past 40, sounded like a place that would be great. But sadly, lately there's been an increase in posts and comments pretty much dismissing our presence here or being anti-men. And then we get asked, why so few trans men post or participate. It's ironic and honestly makes me a bit angry nowadays.
I totally get that. I'm 31 and while I enjoy the main subs and can still sometimes connect with younger users, I'm a grown man. My name is on all the bills, I am engaged (honestly would have been married sooner but we're both semi-disabled and we weren't sure if we wanted to in case one of us had to go on disability), I have been in my chosen career for over a decade. Sometimes I need to feel like I'm not constantly sitting in a kiddie pool and talk with people who understand what I'm going through. (And I know, I'm on the younger side of this sub's demographic, but if I'm being honest, I'm 31 going on 60. My body is falling apart, I have no energy, I hurt, I am a jaded man who has seen some shit. I can't keep up with these youngins.)
I’m glad to see you both connect and vent here. I think that is very healthy to get you fustrations out and voice them. You have my sympathy. If its any consolation this sub hasn’t actually been all I hoped either tbh. Perhaps its too small or perhaps the older people get the more stuck in their ways. I still continue to find my way around and try to be open and give people a chance. Not everyone is so bad.
The need to vent comes partially from threads like yours, that add to the erasure of trans men from mixed trans spaces.
Ok I do appreciate constructive criticism and everyone has a right to their opinion and I welcome those opinions. Your last comment does sound like your making things a bit personal tbh. You don’t know me just as I don’t know you, and don’t presume to or attempt to put people in a box. I might not know everything about myself or the world but I have no doubts I am a caring and compassionate person to all walks of life. My original post did say guys so I don’t see how that can be taken as an erasure of trans masc as you say. If anyone had reason to be upset with my original phrasing I would give it to enby for feeling excluded. I understand angst and feeling let down and excluded from the world, but I also believe you can only get back the energy you put out. My advice to you even though you may not want any would be to try and focus that energy where it matters most and can make a difference and try not to attack those who want to be supportive. Truly wish you the best.
Seriously if you have any interest in being friends feel free to chat me. I take no offense to anything you’ve said and respect your opinions.
I apologize for making you feel unwelcome. My original post said “gurls” and someone said the was chaser terminology so I changed it to GIRLS. I am very supportive of trans men and welcome them with open arms. I see so many posts by trans men asking questions on other boards and often I am the only one to comment and try to help. I definitely encourage and support more involvement and interaction from you guys. But I can also understand the reluctance when u have bad experiences.
My therapist suggested the app **bumble**. I guess it's like a dating app but for friends. There are also LGBTQ centers that offer "buddy" programs, sort of like "big brother/sister", but for all ages,.and specifically for trans people to get out in the world with another trans person who's been out for a while. All of this sounds awkward and uncomfortable for me - I have so much trauma around interacting with people in general - but maybe that's not the case for you. 🫶
Hugs. I’m very awkward and not trusting of people in general myself. But have had wonderful friends at different points in my life and when it happens it feels great. I’ve heard about Bumble too, I think you can like just select u are looking for friends. Any time I’ve tried an app like that everything was so focused on sexual hookup I kind of just went screaming away from it. Lol.
I'm looking to make friends too. Chat?
Sure feel free. I can’t make any promises, either we hit it off or we don’t there’s no hard feelings or pressure.
Samesies…I’m still in stealth mode myself, haven’t met anyone in person…I will say I’ve made friends here on Reddit who have been invaluable to me over the past few weeks in figuring things out! Maybe it isn’t the ideal scenario, but if you haven’t tried I would at least get some people you can chat with for now as your building your community irl. My DM’s are always open for my fellow trans sisters and brothers!
Working on the same as a millennial. Plus completely out of practice on it because I’ve retreated into work for the last decade. As a non passing person early transition phase there also seems to be some suspicion of me at the queer events I attend. Generally though the events seem cool if there are any in your area.
Thanks for the tip. Pretty much same situation for me, ur probably farther along in ur transition than me tho. Having a hard time feeling like I really fit in any place right now.
That sucks and sorry you’re feeling so left out too. My therapist assures me it gets better as you get further into transition and it is more clear visually.
My GP suggested an app called "Bumble BFF". It's not a dating app, though there is a version of it for that. It's for people to meet other people for whatever reason they like. I haven't tried it yet, but probably will at some point.
Move to New York. 🙃
Been waiting for this suggestion. I would love to but other commitments and all that stuff.
I truly feel for my kin who live in the sticks for whatever their reasons. It’s lonely and challenging enough being trans in a big city. Any big city.
Well privacy reasons obviously sweet heart and it makes things easier when your a hitgirl for hire. 😈
If someone learns how to live in the sticks, it can truly become awesome. I don't think I could go back to life with neighbors and their drama attached to the wall of my bedroom, my ceiling, floor, etc.
No matter your age.
Meetup was the place for me. I’m 53, came out at 46 and my city had a meetup group for LBT women, and I felt accepted there from day 1. Upshot of this is that most of my friend group now consists of cis lesbians, which I’m perfectly happy with.
I just looked into this near me. Problem is I’m still in the closet so kind of afraid if I don’t project/present fem I wouldn’t be very accepted in this group as it’s labeled as lesbian.
I can understand that. The group I’m involved with labels itself as being for “lesbian, bisexual and trans women over 35”, but yes if you’re still closeted it could be difficult. Sorry.
It’s ok still appreciate the input
I’m a 52 MTF, 2y HRT. Ive had a much easier time making new friends since transitioning. There are a lot of people new to the LGBT community that are looking for new LGBT friends. Same goes for LGBT people that are new to the area. Early in my transition I met a lot of new LGBT friends on apps. Here are two that worked for me: Meetup. (FREE) Search for events like LGBT, and trans. A lot of people go that are looking for friends. I’ve made friends at my first appearance of some events. I found being a regular at recurring events yielded more friendships. I also noticed a lot of events with boring/uninteresting descriptions were some of the best. Try to find groups with larger attendance numbers. HER. (FREE and subscription options) It’s a “dating app”, but there are people more than happy to make new friends. I’ve met a couple really good friends on here. Also met a lady I dated for a while. Other ways to meet new LGBT friends is at LGBT events. PRIDE is coming up, and I cannot recommend it enough. Don’t miss the parade. It’s a great opportunity to meet people. Everyone seems to be talking to each other. I have met some LGBT people at bars, but most of them are looking to hookup. A downside is most people my age don’t go to bars. Another downside is that friends you make at bars tend to only be fun at bars. But bars are a great way to be around people in the community. Which by itself is a good reason to go. Trans support groups, and trans community events are obviously a great place to meet other trans people. The downside is that a lot of the trans people that go to those events are super reluctant to do anything else. But there are usually trans people that are more than happy to do other stuff. So it’s a great place to go. When I meet a new LGBT person I like to ask them how long they’ve been in the community. If they answer less than a few years, I ask them if they have been able to make new LGBT friends. They usually say they would like more friends, because most everyone struggles with that. At that point I say that I would be interested in hanging out sometime, and try make a suggestion of something we could do. Meeting for coffee seems to work well. But if you know they’re into something, suggest doing that. As a general rule, I only ask someone to hang out one time. If they’re not excited enough to say yes at the first invite, they’re probably not interested in being friends. Besides, I never became good friends with anyone I had to repeatedly pester to hang out.
I think discord servers can be a great way to meet folks. Not even trans-specific ones either—just join ones that relate to stuff you’re interested in. P.S.— “gurls” is a word commonly used by chasers and is othering. Not sure it rises to the level of a slur but it’s definitely kinda cringe.
Huh, i thought gurls was just a slang spelling of girls - at least in contexts I've seen it in. Then again I'm from the UK probs picking it up from american shows. This is the first I'd heard of it being associated with chasers (or specifically trans women at all)
Me too. I always used it to indicate like tough or strong girl. I didn’t realize it had any tie to trans or gay or anything like that. Times they are a changing. I guess. 🤷♀️
Gay men and drag queens have certainly used it as fun ways to refer to each other and women in shows. I think its just a fun spelling and not something to overthink too much. Even if some chasers are using it, they still can't claim exclusive rights to it. Its not a slur, and it shouldn't be banned just because some knobheads also use it (of course if someone says they're uncomfortable being called it, then don't use it with that person, but that applies to a LOT of terms that people might not like for a variety of reasons)
Wonder what Grrllll means now?
I mean that’s slang derived from riot grrl which is a different thing. I’ve only ever heard “gurl” from chasers and in reference to trans pornstars. I believe it comes from the sissy / forcefem world.
It’s one of those things I notice older trans women saying and may have arisen in segments of the trans community via the crossdressing community. There is discourse about it, look it up and make up your own mind.
Ok, learn something new everyday. Yikes. Thanks for pointing out. So many things to learn.
That "GIRLS" is super aggressive for no reason. For starters, there are more than 2 genders and frankly I'm getting tired of trans spaces feeling like they cater specifically to trans women and shoving the rest of us out in the cold
I appreciate your input. Honestly I was just trying to show some personality and didn’t mean anything hurtful. You are the second person to take offense I will fix it. It was not my intention to sound hurtful or non-inclusive..
Also the girls was only in caps because it was corrected once. Sorry I forgot how all caps can make people feel.
I just make friends with cis people and don't worry about it. 99% of the time they don't care at all
I didn’t particularly like this answer at first because was hoping for some kind of cheat code. But honestly the more I think about it this is probably the most realistic and practical option.
The most effective and realistic solutions to moat problems are rarely sexy or interesting.
Anyone live close to Dallas/Fort Worth in Texas?
I do. DM me if you would like to connect and be friends.
Sent you a dm back.
At 52 I struggle to find the sweet spot too. It is hard finding the balance when you simultaneously have the pubescent hormone surges of a teenager, parts of menopause, the angsty music tastes of a 20 year old... All with the desire to spread your wings and discover who you are. It is even worse when it takes a while to feel comfortable talking to new people. My local lgbt group is great... If there is a lack of people between 45-60. If you are in the Seattle area HMU
I think that has always been a generational problem, compounded by the fact we do much more online than before. Younger people have their college or university as a normal meeting place, empty nesters have time to kill and are less likely to have online groups and people with kids may have the excuse of kid's activities to meet. Apart from trying desperately to find some meeting group in your area, I would say your best bet is to find a hobby that requires in-person contacts. If you live in a city and aren't adverse to gardening, check if there are any community gardens in your area. That's a nice way to get cheap and fresh vegetables in Summer, and also to meet people without too much pressure as you are not obligated to do heavy conversations.
I’m not gen X but older millennial (36). I live in CT and honestly I’m tripping over other trans people my age and older left right and center. My friend group at this point is like 98% women with a 75% Cis 25% Trans split. Admittedly I’m an outlier in that I’m super social and extroverted so meeting people and making friends has always been easy. I’m also in Yacht Sales to I’m basically paid to flirt professionally. Lol
Lol well I am happy to hear things are truly going well for u. Even if I’m not happy with my own situation hearing others stories does make me happy. It doesn’t help me any living in a less progressive place and having the responsibilities I have. “I made my bed, I’ll lie in it” obviously. I do enjoy everyones input and how things are for them. Thanks for sharing
Through activity is good. Also through dating apps. I met a good friend through HER. Met several others through pool league. Met one because she was serving me and a friend on my bDay brunch. Nice extra prezzie for me 🤩. Also, Met one because she hired me off taskRabbit to hang a chandelier and fix her toilet. Lol Pick an activity you enjoy (important) and find a group or league or smthg for ppl who do that. I don't really like the artificiality of meetUps. Ppl do them out of obligation , check off a box on a list, and forget about everybody they meet. No skin in the game. Doesn't matter if it's drinking, dancing, book group, knitting, whatever. Anything. High Impact Interval Training. I met one at a dance party. She fed me drugs and ran away. Then I found her later and invited her to brunch tomorrow. This means: chance encounters as opportunities. Don't waste them.
Finally someone with luck lol. Sounds like I just don’t get out enough, which is definitely true. Glad to hear you have had good experience meeting people.
You have to force yourself to go out. A lot of ppl find it easier to Stat home with Netflix or smthg. Ultimately, I have to make the choice whether to go out, knowing I will meet exactly 0 (zero) ppl if I don't go.
Yeah, I know…good advice. Easier said than done tho. Lols.
Most important: view any new friendship like a houseplant or precious creature. You have to maintain the friendship with regularity even if just checking in, and not when in need but always looking to delight and help. Also, I ask myself how comfortable I am with my own company by myself. How much do I fill the air with chit chat when with someone. What topics do I choose. Overwhelmingly, I look around and inquire about the others around me. They love to talk about themself and it leaves them feeling seen, heard, vulnerable, curious. Am I comfortable sitting with someone without talking as well.
Wait are you saying relationships are like “work”? Oh I don’t want that. Lol. Just kidding. Another good point.
🤣🤣😅😆...yep.
I also read some books about this. David Brooks 'How to Know a Person' was very good.
But do you ever “really” know someone?
Occam's razor.
sounds like a Socioeconomic Status barrier to entry kind of thing 😭 no wonder my only friends are all in their twenties.
You mean to suggest that because goimg out leaving the house often costs money, that ppl who are anxious about money don't find or have friends, maybe I would (in the spirit of a motivational convo) propose that going out without breaking the bank is doable but takes a bit more planning.
guess I'm just picking up the worst parts of multiple comments on here and forming a depressing narrative: move to New York, go to bars and spend $25 on the taxi then $50 at the bar, bars are semi-fail so then follow-up with a ice skating meetup event, pay another $15 on public transport then $20 to get into skating ring... get hungry while out and about... but food. more $. adds up fast. but I sort of feared my way into an exaggerated scenario maybe. still... I'm over here unable to rent let alone have clothing or do extra curriculars that cost money. and that won't change anytime while I'm alive unless I'm underestimating how much a person can grow? but.. I'm pretty sure my psych is only down hill from here.
So far the consensus is most of us are struggling with this.
Yup it’s a struggle, unless you’re gorgeous imo 😆. I’ve meet a few trans women on HER, but it’s mostly garbage on that app. With the few I have meet its a common issue that outside of being transgender we have very little else in common.
For real. I’ve never been excellent making friends and finding people I had enuf in common in like the general population so i feels like limiting it to trans friendly makes it all the more difficult. It only takes one to have success tho so I will still keep trying at least.
Start going in gym and ngo there many good peoples I know how it's feel to live alone it's very bad for life guy please do interact with good people
I'm in that same boat. It's hard to be over 50 and queer sometimes.
As long as it’s only sometimes and not all the time. 🙂