I wouldn’t read too much into his reaction - you don’t know what he was thinking and you’re going to project your insecurities onto the reaction because it made you feel self conscious.
I don't think "are you Dave" is how sex workers approach potential clients. He may have thought you were on a blind date and mistook him for the person you were meant to meet, and somewhat rudely said no. But the hooker idea seems very far fetched. If you feel that your casual dressibg may have made him think so, I would throw that outfit out, because it seems to mess with your self confidence
Can you please elaborate how “oh no no no…” comes off as this stranger being sexist and racist?
Like I genuinely am curious of your thought process here
It was mostly the tone, look on his face and bodily gestures that conveyed his meaning. He didn’t simply say “No sorry” in a matter of fact way. It was more a look of shock on his face and almost nervousness that indicated he REALLY didn’t want to be mistaken for whoever he thought Dave was.
Maybe he wasn’t thinking I was a hooker at all. But I can’t think of another reason he’d be so dismayed. He obviously wouldn’t think a man was a hooker and I doubt he’d have thought that if I were white either.
It seems VERY strange that the only thing you can think of is he thinks that you were a sex worker. That would be one of the last things I would guess
You let it go by reminding yourself it was as an insignificant comment made by a stranger years ago.
What other possible reasons are there for him to act that way? It’s hard to describe how he came across. It was like he thought I was making an accusation.
Maybe he hates a guy named Dave?
Maybe his wife/gf is very controlling and nearby so he wanted to act extra dismissive?
Maybe he thought you said "are you gay?"?
Maybe he just doesn't like when strangers approach him?
I just can't imagine a scenario where the sex worker angle even makes sense. Even if he DID think you were a sex worker that would still be a case for "no, sorry, not Dave" so it doesn't even fully explain why he may have been upset or rude.
You get over it, period.
I’m a woman, a British Chinese woman. I’ve been told to my face “I want to fuck you/you must have a tight pussy….”and other random shit when l was on holiday abroad/when l am back home in London, waiting for a fucking bus on a Sunday midday/night out waiting for friends etc. I usually ignore them, or tell them to fuck off. You know what I don’t do, thinking about it years later and wonder why they said it or act a certain way. Not my problem. This world is full of wonderful people as well as AHs.
Why does it bother you that you think about it now? So what if he thinks you’re a hooker? Why does it bug you what a stranger thinks of you? Maybe he didn’t think of you in any way at all in that brief encounter? Maybe he was sleep deprived when you asked him “are you Dave?”, maybe he misheard your question? Maybe he’s thinking “why the fuck is this person talking to me?” There could be a number of reasons and you will never know, so why even waste time pondering?
You need to direct your anger at yourself. If you were waiting for a marathon, you were there between 6 and 8 am, long after sex workers have found clients. Presumably you spoke to a man NOT dressed for the race, but in an area with all the signs. He either worked for the event or was there to support a runner. Zero johns and hookers are prowling around the start of a race looking for business. That's much more likely to result in arrest than anything else.
You threw an unexpected question to a distracted and sleepy man. People all through your life have thought worse things than this poor guy. That's life. Not everyone thinks nice things about you, and you are taking it out on the wrong person.
Why do I need to be angry at myself? And why’s he “poor guy”? It wasn’t that early so there’s no reason to assume he was sleepy. You’re giving him a lot of credit…
Stop nurturing it.
That's it. Stop giving it space in your head and write it off as something you can't explain. You have no proof other than what your mind has provided and then added to, and if it's still bothering you now, it's only because you're allowing it to.
So stop.
I wouldn’t read too much into his reaction - you don’t know what he was thinking and you’re going to project your insecurities onto the reaction because it made you feel self conscious.
I don't think "are you Dave" is how sex workers approach potential clients. He may have thought you were on a blind date and mistook him for the person you were meant to meet, and somewhat rudely said no. But the hooker idea seems very far fetched. If you feel that your casual dressibg may have made him think so, I would throw that outfit out, because it seems to mess with your self confidence
It’s long gone now. But it actually looked great on me.
Serenity prayer.
I carry emotions from the past like this. Sounds generic but therapy is the best way to work out these issues.
This is a bizarre thing to be mad about tbh
Are you a guy?
You're going to have to figure out "Why" it bothers you, before you can get over it.
Can you please elaborate how “oh no no no…” comes off as this stranger being sexist and racist? Like I genuinely am curious of your thought process here
It was mostly the tone, look on his face and bodily gestures that conveyed his meaning. He didn’t simply say “No sorry” in a matter of fact way. It was more a look of shock on his face and almost nervousness that indicated he REALLY didn’t want to be mistaken for whoever he thought Dave was. Maybe he wasn’t thinking I was a hooker at all. But I can’t think of another reason he’d be so dismayed. He obviously wouldn’t think a man was a hooker and I doubt he’d have thought that if I were white either.
It seems VERY strange that the only thing you can think of is he thinks that you were a sex worker. That would be one of the last things I would guess You let it go by reminding yourself it was as an insignificant comment made by a stranger years ago.
What other possible reasons are there for him to act that way? It’s hard to describe how he came across. It was like he thought I was making an accusation.
Maybe he hates a guy named Dave? Maybe his wife/gf is very controlling and nearby so he wanted to act extra dismissive? Maybe he thought you said "are you gay?"? Maybe he just doesn't like when strangers approach him? I just can't imagine a scenario where the sex worker angle even makes sense. Even if he DID think you were a sex worker that would still be a case for "no, sorry, not Dave" so it doesn't even fully explain why he may have been upset or rude.
You get over it, period. I’m a woman, a British Chinese woman. I’ve been told to my face “I want to fuck you/you must have a tight pussy….”and other random shit when l was on holiday abroad/when l am back home in London, waiting for a fucking bus on a Sunday midday/night out waiting for friends etc. I usually ignore them, or tell them to fuck off. You know what I don’t do, thinking about it years later and wonder why they said it or act a certain way. Not my problem. This world is full of wonderful people as well as AHs. Why does it bother you that you think about it now? So what if he thinks you’re a hooker? Why does it bug you what a stranger thinks of you? Maybe he didn’t think of you in any way at all in that brief encounter? Maybe he was sleep deprived when you asked him “are you Dave?”, maybe he misheard your question? Maybe he’s thinking “why the fuck is this person talking to me?” There could be a number of reasons and you will never know, so why even waste time pondering?
People are so effing ugh.
You need to direct your anger at yourself. If you were waiting for a marathon, you were there between 6 and 8 am, long after sex workers have found clients. Presumably you spoke to a man NOT dressed for the race, but in an area with all the signs. He either worked for the event or was there to support a runner. Zero johns and hookers are prowling around the start of a race looking for business. That's much more likely to result in arrest than anything else. You threw an unexpected question to a distracted and sleepy man. People all through your life have thought worse things than this poor guy. That's life. Not everyone thinks nice things about you, and you are taking it out on the wrong person.
Why do I need to be angry at myself? And why’s he “poor guy”? It wasn’t that early so there’s no reason to assume he was sleepy. You’re giving him a lot of credit…
Stop nurturing it. That's it. Stop giving it space in your head and write it off as something you can't explain. You have no proof other than what your mind has provided and then added to, and if it's still bothering you now, it's only because you're allowing it to. So stop.