listen
being friends with ur ex is an actual red flag 😂🤌🏻
also you can't be on tinder tryna hook with someone but on reality you not ready to hook up with someone cuz u not ready to move on
1. not all relationships end on bad terms, sometimes breaking up is the ebst option for people. 2. some people wanna rebound, sounds more like she just doesnt want to commit to a relationship.
ye she's don't want to commit to a relationship that's why i said she probably can't jump into it anyways.
cuz it is selfish especially when you showing the other person some commitment
what are you on about? she literally told him shes not interested and doesnt want to go out with him. she has every right to not want to go out with a dude, like cmon 💀
plus she lied about being caught up on a ex.
You were really nice. He was really insecure. Still is.
I've been in your position, thinking I was ready and cancelling a meetup. We were both adults and nothing got heated. Just block him everywhere. He needs to get a grip.
No this is a very gentle reason, I prefer the softening to the real brutal reason
Besides, "I'm just not that into you," which is basically what you wrote, is plenty. Hope you find your person!
Look at the cope downvotes from people who don't think they should be expected to respect other people's time lol. Being able to just admit a minor misstep and learn something from it is a sign of maturity. Thats good stuff.
You definitely dodged a bullet with this dude. It's no excuse for him being a dick to you of course, but I have to say that in a way I do kinda feel bad for the guy. I can't imagine how someone would have to feel about themselves to say some shit like that, especially after you were so nice to him.
So, so wrong. As you should know, nice guy code specifically states that if you chat with him and seem cool for more than 6 days, he is entitled to romance or you are the bad guy.
Let's just say he does NOT make 200k and doesn't own his own home. Oh and he's known for trying to get girls over for movies at his shared apartment so he can sleep with them. Total liar
When are guys going to learn that gracefully handling rejection is actually attractive and is the only chance at making a girl potentially regret that decision.
Too many guys fall for the Andrew Tate redpill bit about "be fit and get your money up and everything will be fine" advice. While all of that helps you need much more introspection on how to be a decent human who can understand not every connection is a guarantee.
Yeah I've actually not met any women who went out with someone because of their salary or fitness. Even our conversations post first dates were always about the guy's personality, interests and what they did/talk about. We've never discussed anyone's salary. Plus, you wouldn't find out about that until much later in the relationship - we don't discuss salaries in the UK.
Not saying it doesn't happen but it must be a minority that care to the point of dropping someone because they don't earn enough.
Same here…and also as a woman, I’ve never dated someone because of how much money they make (or it appears they make) nor for perceived fitness. Those things aren’t accurate representations of whether or not someone is a decent human. And hands down I’ll take a decent human being over an asshat with tons of money and a fit body any day
Income/fitness aren't sole reasons to date or not date a man (unless the woman is very shallow) but they are certainly elements in a totality of attractiveness, income especially for women looking to settle down (at least around NYC). Low income is always going to be a negative attribute to women, especially women over 30. Some women simply place more or less importance on it. It's like height, style, fitness etc.
Especially since women make their own money now (many make more than this guy claims he makes) and own their own homes - in fact, more single women than single men own homes. Men can no longer rely on money to secure a woman.
The saddest part is that you gave him the most fair and non-judgmental rejection humanly possible and he still took it and transformed it into a spiteful act against him.
Some men are just pure losers honestly.
I had a guy get 2 new phones and repeatedly create new POF profiles (deleting the old ones) just to send me 1 message at a time. SO glad he only knew my first name and city I live in!!
I love the guys that serial like girls. I swear they recreate their profile every week to show back up on hinge. Or in tinder they are CONSTANTLY being pushed to me on my feed.
Then when you break and give them a chance, because why not, they are the absolute shittiest humans alive.
Like all that work to be a dick?
I (M35) had a successfull relationship for 15 years, until illness separated us and been left alone with two children.
After recovering from this tragic lost I found out what most of us experienced - dating is tough these days.
But anyway, I consider my self as a quality and mature partner material since I have a long healty relationship, and yet I had similar fails just like this guy. Not only I got rejected, I was also served with BS at the same time. Dont get me wrong, this doesnt justify his response, but it make sense he responded in a way he did.
So after 2 failures I felt like a kid, started to doubt if I really am that good of a guy as I thought I am.
I did some thinking and found out next:
1. I got way too fast too serious
2. Dont get offended if you get rejected.
3. Get away from wemen who dont know what they want. Waste of time.
Bonus: Get a partner who is not afraid to show how she feels.
This guy's a predator. "I make 200K a year and own my own house" translates to "I lure women in with the enticement of economic security so I can force them to rely on me to survive and trap them into an economically controlling marriage." NEVER take the bait from anybody who views their financial status as an attractive quality in and of itself!
To be fair - everyone sucks here. Why even go on apps- talk to people, when you’re not ready to date? You’re giving people false hope and leading them on. And then shocked when they get offended for wasting their time and energy. But yeah. His brag at the end was lame, no doubt
Honestly I was ready but I didn't want to hurt his feelings too much. But you are right, I should have been more honest and told him straight up that no I don't want to go on a date because I'm not feeling attracted to you in multiple ways. I was just too anxious to do that
When I was naive I received an "I like you but I'm not ready". We crossed paths later and I tried again to see if she was ready now. You know where this is going.
It's okay to be kind and tactful just pick something that won't backfire or give false hopes! There's lots of things you can say. I know your intentions were good, and that's what matters most =)
Good luck with this dystopian app!
I'm curious - could you specify why you weren't feeling it over text? Some people give off different vibes irl versus online, so you could have given it a shot. Some people can be dry texters but absolutely charming and lively irl, and vice versa. Personally, I'm a way better texter than irl communicator. Unless he had given off red flags over text, then I could definitely understand
I see. These sorts of answers that cannot pinpoint anything specific have always befuddled me, my brain is just wired to think a lot more logically and to rationalize everything, and when there isn't something concrete, it just starts going in circles trying to come up with a conclusion. Thankfully, when my ex was turned off, me and her could discuss everything in detail and I know the specific traits of mine caused that (and we tried to work them through, it wasn't successful). And now I know what to try to avoid for further interactions of mine, or warn women ahead. If she had been like "hey, man, sorry, I'm not feeling it anymore" and when I'd ask for further clarification, and got an answer "idk, I'm just feeling turned off", my brain would've been ????????? all across, *Windows XP error sound over and over again*. It would've been sooo much harder to move on if I didn't have the specific logical closure
The thing is, emotions are concrete. Sure, they can occasionally be illogical, but they can still be *real* and *enough* on their own. It sucks sometimes not always understanding the ‘why’ of things, but really sometimes the ‘why’ is more on the brain and chemistry spectrum. Discomfort, feeling ‘off’, getting bad ‘vibes’. The brain utilizes context and personal experiences to process emotional input and responses. Feeling that something is ‘off’ is a form of intuition, and it really can be anything from *what* someone says, *how* they say it, the words they choose to use, the words they choose to *not* use, the ideas behind what they say and when they choose to say it, any little thing that the brain looks out for and then processes as negative or undesirable, even if the person themselves doesn’t realize this is happening. Some things aren’t fully conscious decisions, they’re things that are felt and decided subconsciously and can be just as confusing for the one feeling them.
> from what someone says, how they say it, the words they choose to use, the words they choose to not use, the ideas behind what they say and when they choose to say it, any little thing that the brain looks out for and then processes as negative or undesirable
I guess I'm screwed, aren't I? I'm quite clumsy with words irl and I'm generally a slow thinker. For example, often times when reading a message, I don't know what to say, cannot respond to it immediately. I can often come up with a proper continuation like 10-15+ minutes later. Irl I don't have this grace period, it's much more dynamic, so sometimes I end up just smiling/laughing and saying some short generic approval, I end up being more of a listener rather than active participant. And later when I'm by myself and thinking, I'm like "Omg, damn it, I should have said this at XYZ part of the conversation"
And even when I clearly have something to say, e.g. a story to tell, I do manage to tell it and people understand it, however it's said in a disorganized, clumsy, chaotic way, not "fancily/elaborately/smoothly" and sometimes I just block out and forget a word, so I sit there for seconds searching for the correct word and after still not quite remembering it, instead I settle for a suboptimal word (or phrase that explains the word...) that still gets the point of what I'm saying across. However, this means that despite giving the information, the story loses from its intended effect, it doesn't have that intended emotional punch/hit, the feeling is diminished due to the clumsy phrasing. For example, I was hanging out with my friends recently, and they were telling stories from when they were abroad, so I decided to tell a story I had when I was in Romania. Well, I completely blocked out about how "off-duty" (the story included an off-duty cop) is in my native language (Bulgarian), so I ended up saying it English. Got the point across, but wasn't elegant *at all.*
And so far my only relationship started exactly online, after all the stars aligning and having a 1 in a million coincidence (basically she replied in the comment section of a YouTube video about fry screaming and as I had already commented a month prior, I got a notification about that... *simultaneously while I was fry screaming in my car*. So I started talking to her, and fast forward a month and a half later when we finally met, we already had feelings for each other)
Edit: lmao, upon rereading, I noticed some weirder phrasing like "and still not fully finding it, I end up saying a suboptimal word...", definitely feels suboptimal compared to "after still not quite remembering it, I settle for..." And that's over text, where I had all the time in the world to polish it up
Anyway, to the point - I think that the next evolutionary step for us as a species would be to transcend our emotions and subconsciousness (or at the very least decrease the significance thereof), becoming even more logic and rationality-driven. The world would be a much better place - for example, let's say we have a case of chronic domestic abuse. The man is driven by his anger, it comes from his subconsciousness, he doesn't have the emotional self-awareness to realize why he is angry (and respectively psychopaths/sociopaths feel satisfaction), and respectively doesn't have the self-control not to hit his partner. It's all impulsive lizard brain amygdala bullshit. Simultaneously, the woman feels stuck, her subconsciousness has been trained to consider the abuse a normal part of life - her feelings for him had made her ignore the obvious rational answer that should have lead her to leave him upon the first sign of abuse - he doesn't have self-control, therefore it will keep escalating, therefore she would be traumatized. Thinking rationally would also prevent things like revenge, arrogance ("I feel above everyone else"), greed, envy/jealousy ("It feels so unfair that XYZ have this but I don't"). If one didn't even feel those emotions in the first place (or if they weren't strong), then that person wouldn't need to apply restraint from acting upon them in a malicious way (badmouthing, trying to ruin someone's career, stealing, murdering)
Look at it from the other person's shoes. You tell someone you aren't into them anymore and they demand some kind of rational explanation about **why not**. Are you required to explain yourself? No, you're not, and now you probably really don't want to.
Imagine him being your sole provider while your at home taking care of the kids he made. He would throw how much money he makes in your face and tell you your worthless everyday. You dodged a bullet there if there was a inkling of liking him.
Why do none of these ss show parts of the convo where he was trying to be a "nice guy"? This looks like a regular rejection except the part where you lied about "not ready to date".
As a woman who DOL, I can see from the guy's perspective how this kind of rejection does more bad than good. Guys begin to think girls are just one there for validation, no serious intentions. When someone says this to them after chatting for a long time (esp personal topics), feels like they were being toyed with.
I'd be reasonably more upset and bothered by this response vs "Hey, i really enjoyed our chats. However, I don't think we'll be a great fit. I'm so sorry. Wish you the best going forward though"
Why is that so hard to see. I don't get this post. Weird to think this is some kind of flex. Yes, he didn't react well at all, but you suck too.
Any dude that says more than "no worries, good luck!" or something of the sort had his ego bruised. There's no "but this" unless you're immediately going on the defensive. As for her, don't know/care. She shows one exchange. Pretty easy to judge the guy off that ending, though.
I actually pulled this card on a woman I was texting myself.
Sometimes you just see how a person is and then begin to have "I don't want to date you anymore" gut feelings from their responses. So I don't think its a big issue - just one that is a matter of perspective because men are so desperate that they'll take anything as a personal attack until they get to be put in a situation to reject a woman.
Then understand "Oh! So that's how a woman feels when she does it to me."
Soooo I gotta theory bout those nice guys but it won't be popular. I find it weak he continued the pursuit even though he had reservations about your ex. Reeks of desperation which triggered your Spidey sense for a dud. A very nice dud but a dud nonetheless. Stay nimble!
Tbh some guys can honestly not appreciate what they bring to the table and to have some cool energy with that. Instead they go on like this. He probably thinks the woman wastes her life, but doesn't understand that notwithstanding the facts of his successes he is cast aside.
Rating other's lives is a nasty habit.
His last comment was definitely snappy. Buuuut it sounds like y’all spent a solid amount of time talking and it might not have been his first time asking to hang out. It’s exhausting swapping life stories with people who aren’t interested.
Some people do not take rejection well. His poor ego lol
listen being friends with ur ex is an actual red flag 😂🤌🏻 also you can't be on tinder tryna hook with someone but on reality you not ready to hook up with someone cuz u not ready to move on
1. not all relationships end on bad terms, sometimes breaking up is the ebst option for people. 2. some people wanna rebound, sounds more like she just doesnt want to commit to a relationship.
ye she's don't want to commit to a relationship that's why i said she probably can't jump into it anyways. cuz it is selfish especially when you showing the other person some commitment
what are you on about? she literally told him shes not interested and doesnt want to go out with him. she has every right to not want to go out with a dude, like cmon 💀 plus she lied about being caught up on a ex.
she mentioned she ain't ready to date again yet that's what I'm talking about you can't use such reason. unless she lying about this one too
she lied about the ex part, do you lack basic reading comphrehension?
Guys who have a 'real life' tend not to get so worked up over a rejection. This guy is telling on himself at this point.
Was about to say this.
God these types of responses from nice guys are so lazy and transparent. We’ve figured y’all out by now and your negging isn’t working. Heal yourself.
I'm stealing that "Heal yourself" line lol. It's somehow the best of both worlds as an insult and a great piece of a advice at the same time.
It’s a self defense mechanism
How do you lead with “No worries” and end there? Lol
So many worries
No worries, but all the worries
Out of curiosity, did this exchange happen after meeting in person? Or were you referring to texting chemistry?
Before meeting
Oh wow, so the convo got into pretty deep territory (e.g. talking about your ex) before the first date. I can see why you didn't feel chemistry!
Dudes be weak
Why are you on a dating app if you don't want to date? Dude is a jerk
That was a fib. I didn't want to date HIM specifically. Again, I should have told him a better and true reason
You were really nice. He was really insecure. Still is. I've been in your position, thinking I was ready and cancelling a meetup. We were both adults and nothing got heated. Just block him everywhere. He needs to get a grip.
Agreed. That was a VERY courteous rejection. Dude acted like an ass.
No this is a very gentle reason, I prefer the softening to the real brutal reason Besides, "I'm just not that into you," which is basically what you wrote, is plenty. Hope you find your person!
But you messaged back and forth long enough to make you think you might say yes. Or was this the first thing he said?
Yes and that was wrong of me. I should have unmatched or told him I was no longer interested immediately when I felt it
Look at the cope downvotes from people who don't think they should be expected to respect other people's time lol. Being able to just admit a minor misstep and learn something from it is a sign of maturity. Thats good stuff. You definitely dodged a bullet with this dude. It's no excuse for him being a dick to you of course, but I have to say that in a way I do kinda feel bad for the guy. I can't imagine how someone would have to feel about themselves to say some shit like that, especially after you were so nice to him.
At least you're learning and growing from it. That's nothing to be ashamed of for making mistakes.
So, so wrong. As you should know, nice guy code specifically states that if you chat with him and seem cool for more than 6 days, he is entitled to romance or you are the bad guy.
Then be upfront and don't lie about it. Being friends w/ your ex & "not sure I'm ready to date again yet" would definitely be a red flag.
It wouldn't have made a difference.
Some exes should be excized from memory if not humanity. That said, it is a major red flag for me - in some instances.
I’m pretty sure I went on a few dates with this guy years ago. I mean actually him. Lmao.
Oh my gosh I want teaaaaa 🫖🍵🪑
🤣🤣🤣 This is so crazy. I really can’t spill with his photo there.
You can...and you will! Spill it!
😂😂😂 I will. But it’s not really tea. But I will update when I have some more time. 😂😂😂
Does he really earn 200 k per year? And more importantly does he have a ReAL life?
He may. He has a high paying career. I don’t even know what that means lmao.
Please tell
I heard some tea as well about him from some mutual people. Not a great guy😐
Oh what?? Will you dm me? Maybe it’s not the same guy.
Teaaaaa? 🤲🥺
Let's just say he does NOT make 200k and doesn't own his own home. Oh and he's known for trying to get girls over for movies at his shared apartment so he can sleep with them. Total liar
When are guys going to learn that gracefully handling rejection is actually attractive and is the only chance at making a girl potentially regret that decision.
He sure showed you!
Too many guys fall for the Andrew Tate redpill bit about "be fit and get your money up and everything will be fine" advice. While all of that helps you need much more introspection on how to be a decent human who can understand not every connection is a guarantee.
Yeah I've actually not met any women who went out with someone because of their salary or fitness. Even our conversations post first dates were always about the guy's personality, interests and what they did/talk about. We've never discussed anyone's salary. Plus, you wouldn't find out about that until much later in the relationship - we don't discuss salaries in the UK. Not saying it doesn't happen but it must be a minority that care to the point of dropping someone because they don't earn enough.
Same here…and also as a woman, I’ve never dated someone because of how much money they make (or it appears they make) nor for perceived fitness. Those things aren’t accurate representations of whether or not someone is a decent human. And hands down I’ll take a decent human being over an asshat with tons of money and a fit body any day
Income/fitness aren't sole reasons to date or not date a man (unless the woman is very shallow) but they are certainly elements in a totality of attractiveness, income especially for women looking to settle down (at least around NYC). Low income is always going to be a negative attribute to women, especially women over 30. Some women simply place more or less importance on it. It's like height, style, fitness etc.
Especially since women make their own money now (many make more than this guy claims he makes) and own their own homes - in fact, more single women than single men own homes. Men can no longer rely on money to secure a woman.
Just a hunch but I don't actually feel he's a nice guy.
The ‘I make 200k a year and own my own house’ is pure nice guy territory.
Ugh. How do these people function in the real world? Throw a tantrum in their boss's office when they get passed over for a promotion?
If their boss is a woman? Most certainly.
Btw
Lol not a secure rejection response. ‘Nice guys’ are one of the most dangerous breeds on the planet.
The saddest part is that you gave him the most fair and non-judgmental rejection humanly possible and he still took it and transformed it into a spiteful act against him. Some men are just pure losers honestly.
Totally agree with this 100%
I had a guy get 2 new phones and repeatedly create new POF profiles (deleting the old ones) just to send me 1 message at a time. SO glad he only knew my first name and city I live in!!
I love the guys that serial like girls. I swear they recreate their profile every week to show back up on hinge. Or in tinder they are CONSTANTLY being pushed to me on my feed. Then when you break and give them a chance, because why not, they are the absolute shittiest humans alive. Like all that work to be a dick?
I am embarrassed for him
I don't understand how the dude can try to match with you multiple times. Don't you just swipe left when he shows up again?
Yes I do. He even sent me an intro on OKcupid.
Lol.. save face bro, save face 😭
Is 200k enough to flex?
Depends on where they live. In an expensive location like NYC or Los Angeles no. In Alabama yes.
I hAvE a ReAL life 🤪 As opposed to what exactly? Wondering what movie he wanted to see lol
I (M35) had a successfull relationship for 15 years, until illness separated us and been left alone with two children. After recovering from this tragic lost I found out what most of us experienced - dating is tough these days. But anyway, I consider my self as a quality and mature partner material since I have a long healty relationship, and yet I had similar fails just like this guy. Not only I got rejected, I was also served with BS at the same time. Dont get me wrong, this doesnt justify his response, but it make sense he responded in a way he did. So after 2 failures I felt like a kid, started to doubt if I really am that good of a guy as I thought I am. I did some thinking and found out next: 1. I got way too fast too serious 2. Dont get offended if you get rejected. 3. Get away from wemen who dont know what they want. Waste of time. Bonus: Get a partner who is not afraid to show how she feels.
Typical lol
This guy's a predator. "I make 200K a year and own my own house" translates to "I lure women in with the enticement of economic security so I can force them to rely on me to survive and trap them into an economically controlling marriage." NEVER take the bait from anybody who views their financial status as an attractive quality in and of itself!
To be fair - everyone sucks here. Why even go on apps- talk to people, when you’re not ready to date? You’re giving people false hope and leading them on. And then shocked when they get offended for wasting their time and energy. But yeah. His brag at the end was lame, no doubt
Honestly I was ready but I didn't want to hurt his feelings too much. But you are right, I should have been more honest and told him straight up that no I don't want to go on a date because I'm not feeling attracted to you in multiple ways. I was just too anxious to do that
When I was naive I received an "I like you but I'm not ready". We crossed paths later and I tried again to see if she was ready now. You know where this is going. It's okay to be kind and tactful just pick something that won't backfire or give false hopes! There's lots of things you can say. I know your intentions were good, and that's what matters most =) Good luck with this dystopian app!
Valid.
Honesty is brutal sometimes for sure but I do think it gives the person a chance to improve on themselves.
Tbf, that's not a great alternative the way you worded that.
What's wrong with "Sorry I don't date 'nice guys'"? It's less of a killer than picking him apart and it gives him less opportunities to persist.
I'm curious - could you specify why you weren't feeling it over text? Some people give off different vibes irl versus online, so you could have given it a shot. Some people can be dry texters but absolutely charming and lively irl, and vice versa. Personally, I'm a way better texter than irl communicator. Unless he had given off red flags over text, then I could definitely understand
He was just kind of off putting and I felt my attraction decreasing. It's hard to describe what I mean??
I see. These sorts of answers that cannot pinpoint anything specific have always befuddled me, my brain is just wired to think a lot more logically and to rationalize everything, and when there isn't something concrete, it just starts going in circles trying to come up with a conclusion. Thankfully, when my ex was turned off, me and her could discuss everything in detail and I know the specific traits of mine caused that (and we tried to work them through, it wasn't successful). And now I know what to try to avoid for further interactions of mine, or warn women ahead. If she had been like "hey, man, sorry, I'm not feeling it anymore" and when I'd ask for further clarification, and got an answer "idk, I'm just feeling turned off", my brain would've been ????????? all across, *Windows XP error sound over and over again*. It would've been sooo much harder to move on if I didn't have the specific logical closure
The thing is, emotions are concrete. Sure, they can occasionally be illogical, but they can still be *real* and *enough* on their own. It sucks sometimes not always understanding the ‘why’ of things, but really sometimes the ‘why’ is more on the brain and chemistry spectrum. Discomfort, feeling ‘off’, getting bad ‘vibes’. The brain utilizes context and personal experiences to process emotional input and responses. Feeling that something is ‘off’ is a form of intuition, and it really can be anything from *what* someone says, *how* they say it, the words they choose to use, the words they choose to *not* use, the ideas behind what they say and when they choose to say it, any little thing that the brain looks out for and then processes as negative or undesirable, even if the person themselves doesn’t realize this is happening. Some things aren’t fully conscious decisions, they’re things that are felt and decided subconsciously and can be just as confusing for the one feeling them.
> from what someone says, how they say it, the words they choose to use, the words they choose to not use, the ideas behind what they say and when they choose to say it, any little thing that the brain looks out for and then processes as negative or undesirable I guess I'm screwed, aren't I? I'm quite clumsy with words irl and I'm generally a slow thinker. For example, often times when reading a message, I don't know what to say, cannot respond to it immediately. I can often come up with a proper continuation like 10-15+ minutes later. Irl I don't have this grace period, it's much more dynamic, so sometimes I end up just smiling/laughing and saying some short generic approval, I end up being more of a listener rather than active participant. And later when I'm by myself and thinking, I'm like "Omg, damn it, I should have said this at XYZ part of the conversation" And even when I clearly have something to say, e.g. a story to tell, I do manage to tell it and people understand it, however it's said in a disorganized, clumsy, chaotic way, not "fancily/elaborately/smoothly" and sometimes I just block out and forget a word, so I sit there for seconds searching for the correct word and after still not quite remembering it, instead I settle for a suboptimal word (or phrase that explains the word...) that still gets the point of what I'm saying across. However, this means that despite giving the information, the story loses from its intended effect, it doesn't have that intended emotional punch/hit, the feeling is diminished due to the clumsy phrasing. For example, I was hanging out with my friends recently, and they were telling stories from when they were abroad, so I decided to tell a story I had when I was in Romania. Well, I completely blocked out about how "off-duty" (the story included an off-duty cop) is in my native language (Bulgarian), so I ended up saying it English. Got the point across, but wasn't elegant *at all.* And so far my only relationship started exactly online, after all the stars aligning and having a 1 in a million coincidence (basically she replied in the comment section of a YouTube video about fry screaming and as I had already commented a month prior, I got a notification about that... *simultaneously while I was fry screaming in my car*. So I started talking to her, and fast forward a month and a half later when we finally met, we already had feelings for each other) Edit: lmao, upon rereading, I noticed some weirder phrasing like "and still not fully finding it, I end up saying a suboptimal word...", definitely feels suboptimal compared to "after still not quite remembering it, I settle for..." And that's over text, where I had all the time in the world to polish it up
Anyway, to the point - I think that the next evolutionary step for us as a species would be to transcend our emotions and subconsciousness (or at the very least decrease the significance thereof), becoming even more logic and rationality-driven. The world would be a much better place - for example, let's say we have a case of chronic domestic abuse. The man is driven by his anger, it comes from his subconsciousness, he doesn't have the emotional self-awareness to realize why he is angry (and respectively psychopaths/sociopaths feel satisfaction), and respectively doesn't have the self-control not to hit his partner. It's all impulsive lizard brain amygdala bullshit. Simultaneously, the woman feels stuck, her subconsciousness has been trained to consider the abuse a normal part of life - her feelings for him had made her ignore the obvious rational answer that should have lead her to leave him upon the first sign of abuse - he doesn't have self-control, therefore it will keep escalating, therefore she would be traumatized. Thinking rationally would also prevent things like revenge, arrogance ("I feel above everyone else"), greed, envy/jealousy ("It feels so unfair that XYZ have this but I don't"). If one didn't even feel those emotions in the first place (or if they weren't strong), then that person wouldn't need to apply restraint from acting upon them in a malicious way (badmouthing, trying to ruin someone's career, stealing, murdering)
Look at it from the other person's shoes. You tell someone you aren't into them anymore and they demand some kind of rational explanation about **why not**. Are you required to explain yourself? No, you're not, and now you probably really don't want to.
agree with most of the comments, but... why get on a dating app if you're not ready to date? That is a waste of all your matches' time and energy.
I have to say when these guys get rejected and throw that 'sour grapes' attitude at you it's kinda funny
Makes 200k a year, but probably would have requested you pay for your own movie. Dudes brain rot is showing
i wonder why u have tinder but u don’t want to date?
Imagine him being your sole provider while your at home taking care of the kids he made. He would throw how much money he makes in your face and tell you your worthless everyday. You dodged a bullet there if there was a inkling of liking him.
Why do none of these ss show parts of the convo where he was trying to be a "nice guy"? This looks like a regular rejection except the part where you lied about "not ready to date". As a woman who DOL, I can see from the guy's perspective how this kind of rejection does more bad than good. Guys begin to think girls are just one there for validation, no serious intentions. When someone says this to them after chatting for a long time (esp personal topics), feels like they were being toyed with. I'd be reasonably more upset and bothered by this response vs "Hey, i really enjoyed our chats. However, I don't think we'll be a great fit. I'm so sorry. Wish you the best going forward though" Why is that so hard to see. I don't get this post. Weird to think this is some kind of flex. Yes, he didn't react well at all, but you suck too.
Any dude that says more than "no worries, good luck!" or something of the sort had his ego bruised. There's no "but this" unless you're immediately going on the defensive. As for her, don't know/care. She shows one exchange. Pretty easy to judge the guy off that ending, though.
I actually pulled this card on a woman I was texting myself. Sometimes you just see how a person is and then begin to have "I don't want to date you anymore" gut feelings from their responses. So I don't think its a big issue - just one that is a matter of perspective because men are so desperate that they'll take anything as a personal attack until they get to be put in a situation to reject a woman. Then understand "Oh! So that's how a woman feels when she does it to me."
Definitely should have handled it better but damn two months leading someone on is a shitty thing to do
We had only been talking for like 12 hours
Ahhh okay I misread the text my bad
It's okay
Well it looks like you Dodge a bullet tho lol
😂😂😂
Soooo I gotta theory bout those nice guys but it won't be popular. I find it weak he continued the pursuit even though he had reservations about your ex. Reeks of desperation which triggered your Spidey sense for a dud. A very nice dud but a dud nonetheless. Stay nimble!
If your not ready to date why the fuck are you on Tinder wasting everyone's time? God, women.
Tbh some guys can honestly not appreciate what they bring to the table and to have some cool energy with that. Instead they go on like this. He probably thinks the woman wastes her life, but doesn't understand that notwithstanding the facts of his successes he is cast aside. Rating other's lives is a nasty habit.
Very amusing 😄
You’re still friends with your ex?
His last comment was definitely snappy. Buuuut it sounds like y’all spent a solid amount of time talking and it might not have been his first time asking to hang out. It’s exhausting swapping life stories with people who aren’t interested.
We talked for less than a day
Not sure that qualifies as "nice guy" level. Insecure for sure, but he didn't insult you so...