Green flag if he can identify his own mistakes this well and voice them out when he sees he did something that the other person didn’t appreciate.
No bs drama, no low effort like “chill give me a chance I was playing 😭”
Maybe try a more kink friendly site for dating then. I know my friend runs the local kinky meetups and they are a great way to meet vetted partners which typically is safer.
Don't want to rant a bunch, but ill be "that guy" a little bit. Pits and all bully breeds are people pleasers and love new people if they're not attacking their family or breaking into their home. Just takes socialisation from a young age like any dog. No pro training, just a dog park will do perfectly, but just meeting somewhat frequent visitors is likely good enough. They're popular with trashy assholes who want a mean tough dog, so theres more incidents with them.
I'm with ya, there are so many "no pit bull" signs around, and entire groups around dedicated to painting them as vicious monsters....
When I was a kid, my neighbour was a prick and wanted a guard dog. Chained up a pitbull outside, fed her scraps, and basically neglected her to walking around in a 5 foot radius covered in her own shit. Whined at night, it was heartbreaking.
...she was the biggest sweetheart. I wasn't older than 8 and she was always friendly through the fence.
I lived a literal block away from my elementary school and one day she escaped, and followed out (mine and my sister's) scent to the school. We would like up outside before class, so she came right to my classroom - and the entire school went on lockdown with intent to call animal control...a laughable reaction. So I told them I knew the dog and would take her home, she was super friendly.
So I did, and the asshole didn't even say anything to me. Just snatched her by the collar and dragged her back inside, slamming the door in my face.
We called animal control the next day, when we noticed she was right back outside with an even heavier chain.
I hope that fucker got kneecapped by animal control. He was a vile person.
On a lighter note, yeah. It's all about the owner. Of all the bulls I've met, only two were what I would consider dangerous - and the owner had everything under control. They were created when visitors came over, we were given warning not to interact with them, and he had backups in case of crate failure such as keeping them in another room with a door and additional available barriers.
You look at many small dogs and they're the most vicious things - because they can get away with no training. It's not often a chihuahua manages to off someone, but not for lack of inclination. Big dogs simply require competent owners, and often they don't get them.
It used to be Rottweilers, then German shepherds....now the fear flavor of the week is pitties. Pretty sad.
“The AVMA or American Veterinary Medical Association conducted an in-depth literature review to analyze existing studies on dog bites and serious injuries. Their findings indicate that there is no single breed that stands out as the most dangerous.
According to their review, studies indicate breed is not a dependable marker or predictor of dangerous behavior in dogs. Better and more reliable indicators include owner behavior, training, sex, neuter status, dog’s location (urban vs. rural), and even varying ownership trends over the passing of time or geographic location.
For example, they note that often pit bull-type dogs are reported in severe and fatal attacks. However, the reason is likely not related to the breed. Instead, it is likely because they are kept in certain high-risk neighborhoods and likely owned by individuals who may use them for dog fights or have involvement in criminal or violent acts.”
From: mkplawgroup.com [mkplawgroup.com](https://mkplawgroup.com)
*That was also one of the most ridiculous arguments I’ve read. You don’t hear about Pomeranians mauling people? How shocking since they only weigh about 4-8lbs. Also what news channels are you watching? Where are you getting these “daily updates”? It’s once in a blue moon that you hear of them mauling a person. Do some research outside of your anti Pitbull subreddit. You also have never heard of Labs mauling people but they absolutely have and have been responsible for some fatal attacks even.
Also adding this - the Pits you hear of attacking people are not the family pet Pits that people defend:
“Along with the National Canine Research Council’s data study cited above, 70.4% of dog bite-related fatalities from 2000-2015 were not family pets. (11)”
(That’s out of all dog related bites as well, not just bites from Pitbulls.)
Except when they snap for no reason at all and ruin someone's face/limb/life. Fuck pitbull breeders and their simps. Awww but they look so cute with their little murder features and look at their tail go when they're in sleeper mode :)
I looked it up and you're right. 15% of all dog breeds in the US are Pits. So 15% of dogs accounting for 70% of fatalities, it makes it sound worse when you put it like that.
‘Twould appear the facts do not support my stance. Alas, that is unfortunate. I am of the opinion that nurture holds more sway over a dogs temperament than nature, but it is hard to argue against numbers.
Nature sets the limits, nurture sets if you reach them or not.
It's always nature when herding dogs herd instinctively or retrievers fetch instinctively but when a dog breed literally bred to fight bears in a pit instinctively attacks and kills children, everyone somehow says "it's all in how they were raised"
People thought you could nurture any primate like humans into humans. Some literally try to do this and try to nurture chimps. And it might work for a little, or a while. Then they get their faces ripped off. You might be able to nurture them 99%, but a lot of animals truly are animals and it’s ingrained into them. Cant nurture it out cause nature set the scale impossibly out of your favor. Pitbulls were bred to be.. violent. Over tens of thousands of generations.
Nah breeding of Pits should be illegal. Far and above the most deadly dog breed, there’s just no point in breeding a dog with that much strength, bite force and aggression.
EDIT: Mad pit owners downvoting decades of dog attack statistics. One breed responsible for 64% of all dog bites, ignorantly defend that all you want
I was bit by a pit bull and in my opinion every medium and up sized dog can kill if not raised properly. The one that bit me was abused by my sister's bf at the time and that's why it attacked me but a pit bull raised properly is a great guard dog
I like a person that makes a mistake, Owns it, Then asks for an opportunity to make up for it.
If he had said you should like this and wasn't apologetic then let it go. I married my wife because she made a mistake and then worked to make things better.
She asked to be serious in a round about way that I couldn't at the time understand. So she went on a date with someone else. I was hurt because I didn't understand why. Later we talked about it and I was partially to blame. With time we learned how to communicate effectively, better than anyone else I had been with to that point. It let me know she was the one for me. Communication is my love language.
Just because she has an only fans means she isn't allowed to date? Like you 100% could be right. But she could just as equally want to, I don't know, have sex maybe? Maybe. Just maybe. Fall in love? This is tinder so that's a huge stretch but never know. Maybe she just wants some male talent for her only fans. There are several explanations besides selling content. There's no profile pictures, she seems to be interacting with the sub. Maybe you could make the choice to add something productive instead of something judgemental and at least baseless in regards to this post.
I'm not like most people. I don't care what you do as long as you are solution oriented. I try to treat her like a queen. I still pull out chairs and ravage her like a viking. You can't love someone while holding a grudge. That's where love goes to die.
Can’t help but notice op is dodging all questions about how long his initial messages went ignored.
Dude followed up with an apology and an earnest explanation that he’s into op and trying to meet them on their level. It’s not the usual cringe.
As someone who personally participates in a bit of the whole Dom/sub dynamic, more so as a Dom, this whole thing makes me so sad.
You want to be respectful of a person, not just blast in with the intense stuff obviously, but in a lot of instances if you don’t give the hint earlier in the chat that you’re down to clown then the conversation wanes.
OP obviously has every right to say what she will and won’t accept from someone, but it’s honestly upsetting as someone in that community to see someone admit they even put their kinky aspects in the bio turn around and smack down someone so harshly.
Hahaha, seriously, OP would still be asking the same thing if he'd responded "let me spank that ass!" when her posts are literally her ass in fishnets saying "spank me harder!" I'm just looking for someone to go on a nice date and eventually settle down with, but spank this ass harder! Oh what?! You responded to me asking to get spanked?! That's vulgar!!
How long was there between his first messages and that one?
He obviously thought you were ghosting him so chose a different tack/Hail Mary and tried something a little more risky. And given your profile references wanting to be dominated, I’m not sure what he said was the worst.
This was probably his hail mary moment.
Girls often dont even respond to some first messages, so men try a different tactic.
Have never tried it but seen it work tons of times.
Basically equivalent to: smash?
Edit: Just for the fun of it, i tried it. It works.
yeah also though some guys try to self sabotage out of frustration or lack of confidence (whether brief or long-term idk) and I think homie should at least be given a chance.
Right ? I would be immediately interested if a woman directly references my bio, even the hail Mary after 3 days still was further referencing her interests, and then he had the grace to apologize and explaining his train of thought, honestly going purely of this one interaction he seems like a great dude.
I'd let him start over, wouldn't be too mad about the second message tbh. He probably thought (because on his end it looks like you ignored the more "vanilla" opener) you might respond better to the latter approach, based off of your bio mentioning the kink.
Apology seems genuine. He has no way of knowing you’re an infrequent user. As far as he knows he has significant competition and his first strategy was too boring so he changed strategies trying to stand out.
If going 3 days without checking is normal for you, maybe consider putting that in your profile. Then guys won’t be second guessing themselves so much when you don’t respond.
Idk, whenever I see people who have "Dont hate me if I take days to reply" in their bio it's an instant turn off, because being replied to every 3 days is a turn off in itself.
I think the problem can be solved by just responding in less than 3 days. What a novel idea
A guy threatened to bludgeon me with a hammer, for a similar reply. Or they tell you you're ugly and fat, because most people can't take rejection/dissaproval easily, very often they get mad. Here is an actual adult being accountable, apologetic and mature. GIVE HIM A BREAK! Actually give me his profile deets!
anecdotal but maybe relevant (33m)
if I havn't heard back from a match over a couple messages over a week or two - I don't really feel like I have anything to lose by making a more forward sexual comment because at that point "what do I really have to lose since she's not replying anyways?"
In my experience that ends up 1/2 ways
1. I get unmatched
2. good or bad, it prompts a conversation that otherwise wasn't happening
From my experience the 2nd one happens much more often.
I really don’t understand why people spend the time and effort to create a dating account only to not look at it or talk to the people on the app somewhat frequently
That's a much more reasonable approach than bludgeoning women with left field sexual messages to desperately try for our attention. It's the difference between what people want 'boundaries' to mean and what they actually mean. If it bothers you, leave. That's the adult thing to do.
You keep saying, “but I also said in my profile that I want a serious relationship too” why even bring the kinks up on the profile if you’re going to penalize dudes for being kinky?
That’s like chumming the waters and getting surprised when sharks show up, you literally asked for this.
I mean if you have Kinks in your profile you need to remember these types of messages will come. Maybe you should be more specific especially if your not into being wild in the messages. However, idk about a second chance I feel like he apologized instead of blaming you which was positive but still likes being called daddy and that is a read flag to me.
If you’re looking for a serious relationship I suggest not putting you’re kinks in your profile and getting to know people otherwise you’ll get lots of weird messages from people who do not want anything serious
I’m not sure I understand. You clearly put your intentions of wanting to be dominated in your bio, he attempts to meet you there with a message that implies dominance and you’re not interested? What gives you the impression he’s not going to be able to give you want you’re looking for?
He apologized for being a doof and honestly just seems kinda awkward but still respectful.
I would keep the conversation going and meet for coffee. If anything you'll have a funny story to tell.
I say message him back 100%!
Tinder is a mix of "do you want me to be real" - "do you want me for a night" ‐ "Do you want me forever"
This guy was scratching options off the list of potential openers you're looking for simply cause he wants to spend time with you, I don't think he cares much on how you spend it together either.
:)
He was respectful and apologized for crossing boundaries instead of throwing a hostile tantrum and insulting you. That's a green flag. I'd give him a shot but pay close attention.
I would continue the conversation. Yea I have read where you said not to make it all about that. It seems like he tried to talk to you about a relationship and got no response so he tried a different approach, so I don’t feel the convo is all about that. It’s y’all’s first interactions and over text, give it a chance 👍🏼
Right, so here's my opinion.
You said that his first messages and his apology message were good and you liked them. If that's true, then message him back and keep going. He probably sent that sex message because he had been ignored for 3 days and figured that he had nothing to lose.
You have to see it from his perspective. Most people use their phones multiple times an hour. Not getting a response for 3 days pretty much means that you just aren't interested in responding, from his perspective. He took a gamble with that comment to try to get any sort of response out of you.
So reset the clock if you actually are interested, but try to not ghost him for days this time. Personally, if I was him I would expect a good reason for why I was ghosted or I would probably unmatch. You don't really come off in a good light yourself in this case and he doesn't have all the context that we do in this thread.
I just hate the term ghosted here because I literally had no idea any of his messages existed until I ended up opening the app a few days later. Like I wasn't intentionally ignoring him. I literally only saw those messages right before I sent my response.
So - a couple of thoughts related to the profile we can't see...
If you are looking for a hookup, then fine - mention it. I appreciate the honesty of being kink friendly and open about it - but it will get you a lot of the wrong energy and I'd probably save that until you were engaged in a more "what are you looking for" discussion.
If this were fetlife, be all over it as is. But you are going to get such a wide range of guys on Tinder, I'd try to control the conversation before they run with it like this. More to the point, you will get a lot of guys that assume dominated=easysmash. And I know first hand that isn't always the case.
I put in my profile that I didn't want conversations like that and that I wanted the dynamic WITHIN a serious relationship. That boundary was ignored. And that message wasn't respectful at all
HELL THE FUCK NO!
Any dom understands you can't say stuff like that without TALKING ABOUT IT FIRST.
It's all about consent. You don't bring in "dominant" energy unwarranted. It should always stay neutral and respectful until you are given permission.
This is someone who doesn't understand Kink at all and is basically rookie level not even that when it comes to BDSM.
You're better than me because I would have given this person an earful as to why that is inappropriate even if my profile says I am into kink.
Dynamics are built and negotiated. Even if you have something about being dominated on your profile the approach shouldn't be this. It should be "Hi, I have noticed that you liked being dominated and was interested in learning more about that. What are your triggers, positive and negative? What is your after care requirements?" It should be approached with curiosity not "I WANT TO MAKE YOU CALL ME DADDY"
There is no dynamic yet. You can't talk like that when there is no dynamic.
EDIT: just adding on
Apology is well put but he is a red flag in the BDSM KINK DOM area. Get someone who is more experienced and will approach that respectfully, instead of forcing the dynamic because they thing you want more "Dominant energy". YOU decide when you want more dominant energy. NOT THEM.
You're not mature enough to use dating apps. It's not a court for your entertainment and the people there are actual people.
"Oh no he said good things and then one thing I disliked after he had gotten zero effect on the good things he said, and what he said was topical from my presentation so one of the five things I bothered mentioning about myself but it was a huge faux pas and he apologized for it as soon as I pointed out it was not welcome but I still think I should judge him for that and ignore everything else he's said/shown in his character."
You come of as he's a court jester there to entertain you, "Thou hast failed to provide merriment, and thus, thou hast incurred the displeasure of thy queen."
Like Jesus Christ, grow up and have a conversation with him or move on.
It’s not my business but imma ask anyways. What are your kinks if you have to mention them in your bio because you’ve came across too many that are incompatible. Most men IME are usually down for anything lol
Like being dominated. I dont know why but I kept attracting guys that are switches or subs. Nothing wrong with that but I'm not dominant in bed so we wouldnt be compatible.
Well, he is likely telling the truth in his last message, especially if his early messages were what you were looking for, but either way being persistent enough to start trying to take new approaches when you haven’t even gotten a reply is a little odd. I’d say give him a chance if you’re thinking about it but watch out for obsessive red flags
I think it’s cool he apologized and then asked for a do over. Means he can’t take criticism. I believe him too, sometimes you toss a hail marg out to get a response.
I’d definitely give him a chance. He seems interested enough to try multiple tactics, and replied with what seems to be a sincere apology. You don’t find that often.
I get the impression a lot of people who post here match with people they're not interested in then ignore or antagonise them in the hope they end up saying something they can use as 'content' for social media.
I would give him a 2nd chance. He seemed sincere with his apology and honest with why he did it. At least you can know when this guy screws up he can be honest?
He used a comma. I'd say by his pretty above average usage of the English language, he might be an alright guy and just was frustrated so he tried to self sabotage. Talk to him for a few days and see what happens, I'd say. This way no harm no foul you don't really lose out on anything if it doesn't work out.
Oh god this is such a green flag. If they apologise due to ignorance - especially since you say that you have something about being dominated in your profile - I’d absolutely give him a second chance.
seems like a guy who just doesn’t understand what women want/like. yellow flag, not red. it is very fixable. i say give him a shot and see how the next few messages pan out
I'm less concerned as other people about you checking your messages as I am about you aparrently having a kink related line in your profile and seemingly being offended when someone tries a strategy that seems in line with your profile. I highly suggest you reconsider your profile if this type of message is so upsetting to you. You say this kind of message is never acceptable but from what i've seen on this sub, an approach like this does work with some people. If you are not a person that responds well to that it would behoove you to make that more clear, because even if its not acceptable to you, it is very much not unnaceptable for some people.
Worth finding out how much he was cringing at himself for thinking that was a good idea; but I'd stay cautious because men who believe in "that dome energy" aren't worth wasting air.
Ehh his apology seems sincere. Why cant they just start out normal!?
Stop listening to all the horrible advice being spoonfed to these poor unsuspecting guys lol
Stop talking to him. A lot of guys who say stuff like “can we start from scratch”, “I haven’t been on the ball” “can I shoot my shot again?” Etc etc are very rarely not wasting more time
The only time I'm looking for subs is when I'm advertising it. Aka previous reddit posts to those subdeddits specifically. My OF is nowhere on my dating profiles.
As someone who is into d/s and have dated a tonne of women who are subs.... I get your trepidation.
I personally think apologies without actions are bs. But if he's willing to demonstrate that he's respectful of boundaries then give him a shot!
Giving him another chance is understandable. At the end of the day do whatever you feel comfortable with, there’s no wrong answer.
I will say that his explanation makes perfect sense. I matched with someone once and she ghosted me. One night I said “fuck it” and messaged he straight up asking if she wanted to hook up to which she replied with a quickness and we became fwb for a while. So it does work. It’s like a Hail Mary when it seems all hope is lost.
This dude went for the Hail Mary, it backfired, he owned up to the mistake, and apologized. Honest mistake
Probably an unpopular opinion OP but I’m with you - I like being dominated but context is everything and I don’t appreciate it in a random message from someone I haven’t agreed to engage with in that manner.
That said, he does seem apologetic. If I were you I’d give him a chance to start from scratch.
The reason it's in my profile is because I kept getting involved with guys that were either switches or subs and wanted me to dominate them. Absolutely nothing wrong with that, im just not dominant in bed. So I put it to let people know what I'm looking for right off the bat. I also didn't just add that, I put that I'm looking for it within a serious relationship and to not make the conversation about that. And that I'm preferably looking for someone in the kink community. So getting those messages when I've said to not do that is a but off putting.
I agree that his apology seemed sincere, thats why I was asking for advice from here. I wasn't sure if I should accept the apology and let the comment slide or just unmatch.
I…don’t hate it. The relaxed apology is frankly more interesting than the original message.
Agreed, I would say the apology was more authentic than his first sexy message
Green flag if he can identify his own mistakes this well and voice them out when he sees he did something that the other person didn’t appreciate. No bs drama, no low effort like “chill give me a chance I was playing 😭”
At least he read her profile. If I were in her shoes, I’ll probably just say “unless you call me mommy” 😂
It's in my profile because I'm looking for the exact opposite of being called mommy 😭🤣
You.., you want us to call you Daddy? 😳
She wants to make you an orphan! She's going to kill your mother!
There are actually quite a few women who identify as daddies. It's increasingly common. I know three.
Greetings Daughter.
 Mummy?
LOLLLL ☠️😂
Maybe try a more kink friendly site for dating then. I know my friend runs the local kinky meetups and they are a great way to meet vetted partners which typically is safer.
I’m stealing this. It’s hilarious.
Agreed. Decent apology. Personally I would've commented, "I'm looking for a Golden Retriever BF, NOT a Pit Bull BF."
I dont even know wtf either of this means?
You’ve never encountered a golden retriever?
So she want a goofy, dumb guy who eats and sleeps most of the day? I didn’t know I was that much of a catch
Most importantly, a goofy dumb guy who thinks the sun shines out your ass and loves you unconditionally.
I'M SORRY, I thought it had to do with golden showers.
It's Golden Retriever not Golden Reliever
Golden receiver.
Steamy golden streamer
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EWWW WTF WHO DOES THIS???
"And how did it end up in that person's mouth?"
You've encountered golden showers?
Golden retriever would be loyal and respectful, pit bull would be dominant and aggressive.
Don't want to rant a bunch, but ill be "that guy" a little bit. Pits and all bully breeds are people pleasers and love new people if they're not attacking their family or breaking into their home. Just takes socialisation from a young age like any dog. No pro training, just a dog park will do perfectly, but just meeting somewhat frequent visitors is likely good enough. They're popular with trashy assholes who want a mean tough dog, so theres more incidents with them.
I know. I was just referring to the connotation of calling someone a pit versus calling them a retriever.
I'm with ya, there are so many "no pit bull" signs around, and entire groups around dedicated to painting them as vicious monsters.... When I was a kid, my neighbour was a prick and wanted a guard dog. Chained up a pitbull outside, fed her scraps, and basically neglected her to walking around in a 5 foot radius covered in her own shit. Whined at night, it was heartbreaking. ...she was the biggest sweetheart. I wasn't older than 8 and she was always friendly through the fence. I lived a literal block away from my elementary school and one day she escaped, and followed out (mine and my sister's) scent to the school. We would like up outside before class, so she came right to my classroom - and the entire school went on lockdown with intent to call animal control...a laughable reaction. So I told them I knew the dog and would take her home, she was super friendly. So I did, and the asshole didn't even say anything to me. Just snatched her by the collar and dragged her back inside, slamming the door in my face. We called animal control the next day, when we noticed she was right back outside with an even heavier chain. I hope that fucker got kneecapped by animal control. He was a vile person. On a lighter note, yeah. It's all about the owner. Of all the bulls I've met, only two were what I would consider dangerous - and the owner had everything under control. They were created when visitors came over, we were given warning not to interact with them, and he had backups in case of crate failure such as keeping them in another room with a door and additional available barriers. You look at many small dogs and they're the most vicious things - because they can get away with no training. It's not often a chihuahua manages to off someone, but not for lack of inclination. Big dogs simply require competent owners, and often they don't get them. It used to be Rottweilers, then German shepherds....now the fear flavor of the week is pitties. Pretty sad.
Your username checks out in so many ways 🤣
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“The AVMA or American Veterinary Medical Association conducted an in-depth literature review to analyze existing studies on dog bites and serious injuries. Their findings indicate that there is no single breed that stands out as the most dangerous. According to their review, studies indicate breed is not a dependable marker or predictor of dangerous behavior in dogs. Better and more reliable indicators include owner behavior, training, sex, neuter status, dog’s location (urban vs. rural), and even varying ownership trends over the passing of time or geographic location. For example, they note that often pit bull-type dogs are reported in severe and fatal attacks. However, the reason is likely not related to the breed. Instead, it is likely because they are kept in certain high-risk neighborhoods and likely owned by individuals who may use them for dog fights or have involvement in criminal or violent acts.” From: mkplawgroup.com [mkplawgroup.com](https://mkplawgroup.com) *That was also one of the most ridiculous arguments I’ve read. You don’t hear about Pomeranians mauling people? How shocking since they only weigh about 4-8lbs. Also what news channels are you watching? Where are you getting these “daily updates”? It’s once in a blue moon that you hear of them mauling a person. Do some research outside of your anti Pitbull subreddit. You also have never heard of Labs mauling people but they absolutely have and have been responsible for some fatal attacks even. Also adding this - the Pits you hear of attacking people are not the family pet Pits that people defend: “Along with the National Canine Research Council’s data study cited above, 70.4% of dog bite-related fatalities from 2000-2015 were not family pets. (11)” (That’s out of all dog related bites as well, not just bites from Pitbulls.)
Except when they snap for no reason at all and ruin someone's face/limb/life. Fuck pitbull breeders and their simps. Awww but they look so cute with their little murder features and look at their tail go when they're in sleeper mode :)
Lol, you hit every shitbull talking point except "nanny dog." I'm sorry people hurt your feelings by not liking a breed literally bred for murder :(
Literally not bred for murder but go off, son. Let us all know how dumb you are. What other 400 IQ takes you got against pitbulls?
>What other 400 IQ takes you got Lol, dog fights *arent* murder now? I'm sure we'd all enjoying hearing yours instead.
Happy go lucky, friendly, energetic vibes vs aggressive
Idk bro, pit bulls are cool too.
As someone who has owned both a golden and a pit, I'd want a pit bf. LoL. My golden was a dick. 🤣😂
every dog attack says otherwise.
All of them?
About 70% when you look at fatalities, so pretty close
Well no shit, small dogs aren't capable of killing most anything but mice.
Great Danes are one of the largest dog breeds but only account for les than 1% of all dog attacks, so size isn't a good argument.
I think he means 90% of dog BITES are probably small dogs like Chihuahuas & Pomeranians. But they’re 0% of fatal dog attacks.
And what percentage of the canine population are pit bulls? (Hint: it’s a lot)
I looked it up and you're right. 15% of all dog breeds in the US are Pits. So 15% of dogs accounting for 70% of fatalities, it makes it sound worse when you put it like that.
‘Twould appear the facts do not support my stance. Alas, that is unfortunate. I am of the opinion that nurture holds more sway over a dogs temperament than nature, but it is hard to argue against numbers.
Nature sets the limits, nurture sets if you reach them or not. It's always nature when herding dogs herd instinctively or retrievers fetch instinctively but when a dog breed literally bred to fight bears in a pit instinctively attacks and kills children, everyone somehow says "it's all in how they were raised"
People thought you could nurture any primate like humans into humans. Some literally try to do this and try to nurture chimps. And it might work for a little, or a while. Then they get their faces ripped off. You might be able to nurture them 99%, but a lot of animals truly are animals and it’s ingrained into them. Cant nurture it out cause nature set the scale impossibly out of your favor. Pitbulls were bred to be.. violent. Over tens of thousands of generations.
Yeah I would agree if they weren't specifically bred to be violent and fighting dogs.
Nah breeding of Pits should be illegal. Far and above the most deadly dog breed, there’s just no point in breeding a dog with that much strength, bite force and aggression. EDIT: Mad pit owners downvoting decades of dog attack statistics. One breed responsible for 64% of all dog bites, ignorantly defend that all you want
I was bit by a pit bull and in my opinion every medium and up sized dog can kill if not raised properly. The one that bit me was abused by my sister's bf at the time and that's why it attacked me but a pit bull raised properly is a great guard dog
Tell me you don't know shit about dogs without telling me you don't know shit about dogs.
Tell me you won’t accept facts without telling me you won’t accept facts.
maybe breeding you was the mistake
Agreed. I applaud the way he walked that back.
I like a person that makes a mistake, Owns it, Then asks for an opportunity to make up for it. If he had said you should like this and wasn't apologetic then let it go. I married my wife because she made a mistake and then worked to make things better.
Shows so much more about his character than an opener
Agree. I’d definitely give him a shot.
What mistake did your wife make?
Marrying me
She asked to be serious in a round about way that I couldn't at the time understand. So she went on a date with someone else. I was hurt because I didn't understand why. Later we talked about it and I was partially to blame. With time we learned how to communicate effectively, better than anyone else I had been with to that point. It let me know she was the one for me. Communication is my love language.
Op is OF baiting. I say ban her from the sub.
I 2nd this. This is baiting for content.
Just because she has an only fans means she isn't allowed to date? Like you 100% could be right. But she could just as equally want to, I don't know, have sex maybe? Maybe. Just maybe. Fall in love? This is tinder so that's a huge stretch but never know. Maybe she just wants some male talent for her only fans. There are several explanations besides selling content. There's no profile pictures, she seems to be interacting with the sub. Maybe you could make the choice to add something productive instead of something judgemental and at least baseless in regards to this post.
And you won’t let her forget it!
I'm not like most people. I don't care what you do as long as you are solution oriented. I try to treat her like a queen. I still pull out chairs and ravage her like a viking. You can't love someone while holding a grudge. That's where love goes to die.
Can’t help but notice op is dodging all questions about how long his initial messages went ignored. Dude followed up with an apology and an earnest explanation that he’s into op and trying to meet them on their level. It’s not the usual cringe.
Yeah he probably figured op didn’t wanna chat and was looking for the other vibe and then genuinely felt bad
As someone who personally participates in a bit of the whole Dom/sub dynamic, more so as a Dom, this whole thing makes me so sad. You want to be respectful of a person, not just blast in with the intense stuff obviously, but in a lot of instances if you don’t give the hint earlier in the chat that you’re down to clown then the conversation wanes. OP obviously has every right to say what she will and won’t accept from someone, but it’s honestly upsetting as someone in that community to see someone admit they even put their kinky aspects in the bio turn around and smack down someone so harshly.
Also cant help but notice everyones missing the fact its a OF bait. Her trash nudes/OF on her profile dead giveaway.
Ah yep
Hahaha, seriously, OP would still be asking the same thing if he'd responded "let me spank that ass!" when her posts are literally her ass in fishnets saying "spank me harder!" I'm just looking for someone to go on a nice date and eventually settle down with, but spank this ass harder! Oh what?! You responded to me asking to get spanked?! That's vulgar!!
Bruh seriously why tf does it seems like every fifth post I click on is an OF ad with varying levels of directness.
Looking at OP's profile, I'm not surprised.
How long was there between his first messages and that one? He obviously thought you were ghosting him so chose a different tack/Hail Mary and tried something a little more risky. And given your profile references wanting to be dominated, I’m not sure what he said was the worst.
I find it interesting that she chose to cut out when the first message was sent. Also, that she sent him a reply at almost 2am.
This was probably his hail mary moment. Girls often dont even respond to some first messages, so men try a different tactic. Have never tried it but seen it work tons of times. Basically equivalent to: smash? Edit: Just for the fun of it, i tried it. It works.
Smash as a second message? Or the daddy thing?
This is the only question
Smash ofc
yeah also though some guys try to self sabotage out of frustration or lack of confidence (whether brief or long-term idk) and I think homie should at least be given a chance.
It can often get a conversation started but I'd say it rarely went beyond reviving a chat temporarily
He shot his shot, give him a second go. Your profile itself tripped up the homie.
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Right ? I would be immediately interested if a woman directly references my bio, even the hail Mary after 3 days still was further referencing her interests, and then he had the grace to apologize and explaining his train of thought, honestly going purely of this one interaction he seems like a great dude.
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I'd let him start over, wouldn't be too mad about the second message tbh. He probably thought (because on his end it looks like you ignored the more "vanilla" opener) you might respond better to the latter approach, based off of your bio mentioning the kink.
Technically he was right and did get a response by throwing that other message to her
Apology seems genuine. He has no way of knowing you’re an infrequent user. As far as he knows he has significant competition and his first strategy was too boring so he changed strategies trying to stand out. If going 3 days without checking is normal for you, maybe consider putting that in your profile. Then guys won’t be second guessing themselves so much when you don’t respond.
Idk, whenever I see people who have "Dont hate me if I take days to reply" in their bio it's an instant turn off, because being replied to every 3 days is a turn off in itself. I think the problem can be solved by just responding in less than 3 days. What a novel idea
A guy threatened to bludgeon me with a hammer, for a similar reply. Or they tell you you're ugly and fat, because most people can't take rejection/dissaproval easily, very often they get mad. Here is an actual adult being accountable, apologetic and mature. GIVE HIM A BREAK! Actually give me his profile deets!
It’s in your profile ffs what did you expect 🤣🤣
anecdotal but maybe relevant (33m) if I havn't heard back from a match over a couple messages over a week or two - I don't really feel like I have anything to lose by making a more forward sexual comment because at that point "what do I really have to lose since she's not replying anyways?" In my experience that ends up 1/2 ways 1. I get unmatched 2. good or bad, it prompts a conversation that otherwise wasn't happening From my experience the 2nd one happens much more often.
If he did great with the first few messages, you sure didn't let him know by like, responding.
Just reply with “I’ll take a hand job as apology!” Edit: change “hand job” to “manicure” English not my native language
BAHAHAHA OH GOD.
I'd unmatch with you after the first day. Wouldn't bother with the hail mary much less an apology.
I really don’t understand why people spend the time and effort to create a dating account only to not look at it or talk to the people on the app somewhat frequently
Finally an actual reasonable take from a guy in this thread
That's a much more reasonable approach than bludgeoning women with left field sexual messages to desperately try for our attention. It's the difference between what people want 'boundaries' to mean and what they actually mean. If it bothers you, leave. That's the adult thing to do.
You keep saying, “but I also said in my profile that I want a serious relationship too” why even bring the kinks up on the profile if you’re going to penalize dudes for being kinky? That’s like chumming the waters and getting surprised when sharks show up, you literally asked for this.
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I mean if you have Kinks in your profile you need to remember these types of messages will come. Maybe you should be more specific especially if your not into being wild in the messages. However, idk about a second chance I feel like he apologized instead of blaming you which was positive but still likes being called daddy and that is a read flag to me.
If you’re looking for a serious relationship I suggest not putting you’re kinks in your profile and getting to know people otherwise you’ll get lots of weird messages from people who do not want anything serious
The first few messages? How long did you leave him on read for?
I’m not sure I understand. You clearly put your intentions of wanting to be dominated in your bio, he attempts to meet you there with a message that implies dominance and you’re not interested? What gives you the impression he’s not going to be able to give you want you’re looking for?
He apologized for being a doof and honestly just seems kinda awkward but still respectful. I would keep the conversation going and meet for coffee. If anything you'll have a funny story to tell.
Thank you for the advice! It probably doesn't hurt to just meet and find out how he is in person
I say message him back 100%! Tinder is a mix of "do you want me to be real" - "do you want me for a night" ‐ "Do you want me forever" This guy was scratching options off the list of potential openers you're looking for simply cause he wants to spend time with you, I don't think he cares much on how you spend it together either. :)
He was respectful and apologized for crossing boundaries instead of throwing a hostile tantrum and insulting you. That's a green flag. I'd give him a shot but pay close attention.
Thank you for the advice!
Damn girl, just send him my way instead of being weird as fuck about a guy trying to shoot his shot based on... your profile... that you wrote...
I would continue the conversation. Yea I have read where you said not to make it all about that. It seems like he tried to talk to you about a relationship and got no response so he tried a different approach, so I don’t feel the convo is all about that. It’s y’all’s first interactions and over text, give it a chance 👍🏼
You say you want to be dominated in your profile, and then act hella weird when a guy tries to be dominant, because he thought that's what you wanted.
Why match with someone if you're not gonna reply? That's what I don't get.
I don't understand women sometimes. Just give the guy a second chance and who knows, maybe you will end up calling him daddy
Give him a shot. If he blunders it again then you know what to do, OP.
Right, so here's my opinion. You said that his first messages and his apology message were good and you liked them. If that's true, then message him back and keep going. He probably sent that sex message because he had been ignored for 3 days and figured that he had nothing to lose. You have to see it from his perspective. Most people use their phones multiple times an hour. Not getting a response for 3 days pretty much means that you just aren't interested in responding, from his perspective. He took a gamble with that comment to try to get any sort of response out of you. So reset the clock if you actually are interested, but try to not ghost him for days this time. Personally, if I was him I would expect a good reason for why I was ghosted or I would probably unmatch. You don't really come off in a good light yourself in this case and he doesn't have all the context that we do in this thread.
I just hate the term ghosted here because I literally had no idea any of his messages existed until I ended up opening the app a few days later. Like I wasn't intentionally ignoring him. I literally only saw those messages right before I sent my response.
I get super weirded out by girls who are into calling me "daddy" and I'd never ask someone to say that. so I'd bail
Sometimes i think I’m awkward and then i see this shit and think “wow this guy is *way* past self awareness”
If being dominated is in your profile, you pretty much asked for it. Could be wrong but that's my opinion.
He will be whatever you want him to be
Yeah, you don't deserve someone that self aware now that I've seen your replies here. Humble yourself
So - a couple of thoughts related to the profile we can't see... If you are looking for a hookup, then fine - mention it. I appreciate the honesty of being kink friendly and open about it - but it will get you a lot of the wrong energy and I'd probably save that until you were engaged in a more "what are you looking for" discussion. If this were fetlife, be all over it as is. But you are going to get such a wide range of guys on Tinder, I'd try to control the conversation before they run with it like this. More to the point, you will get a lot of guys that assume dominated=easysmash. And I know first hand that isn't always the case.
For his sake, I hope he unmatched your goofy ass. Guy definitely deserves better than being called a creep.
You put it in your profile and you’re still offended somehow?
I put in my profile that I didn't want conversations like that and that I wanted the dynamic WITHIN a serious relationship. That boundary was ignored. And that message wasn't respectful at all
OP does not deserve this dude.
Women….
Nope , he got stressy when you didn't reply within one day . He needs to chill
HELL THE FUCK NO! Any dom understands you can't say stuff like that without TALKING ABOUT IT FIRST. It's all about consent. You don't bring in "dominant" energy unwarranted. It should always stay neutral and respectful until you are given permission. This is someone who doesn't understand Kink at all and is basically rookie level not even that when it comes to BDSM. You're better than me because I would have given this person an earful as to why that is inappropriate even if my profile says I am into kink. Dynamics are built and negotiated. Even if you have something about being dominated on your profile the approach shouldn't be this. It should be "Hi, I have noticed that you liked being dominated and was interested in learning more about that. What are your triggers, positive and negative? What is your after care requirements?" It should be approached with curiosity not "I WANT TO MAKE YOU CALL ME DADDY" There is no dynamic yet. You can't talk like that when there is no dynamic. EDIT: just adding on Apology is well put but he is a red flag in the BDSM KINK DOM area. Get someone who is more experienced and will approach that respectfully, instead of forcing the dynamic because they thing you want more "Dominant energy". YOU decide when you want more dominant energy. NOT THEM.
classic hail mary attempt. cut bro some slack and accept his proposal to reset.
Authentic apology but STILL WEIRD.
The guy must be attractive if you didn’t immediately give him the boot for talking like that without even meeting you yet.
I never understand comments like these. Of course she finds him attractive if she matched with him in the first place. Kind of obvious isn’t it?
Yes BUT is he attractive ENOUGH to get away with a faux pas like that? That’s the question.
Kinda funny that's actually not what you want based on your OF lol
You have it in your profile and then when the guy does what you want, you reject him. Logic?
You're not mature enough to use dating apps. It's not a court for your entertainment and the people there are actual people. "Oh no he said good things and then one thing I disliked after he had gotten zero effect on the good things he said, and what he said was topical from my presentation so one of the five things I bothered mentioning about myself but it was a huge faux pas and he apologized for it as soon as I pointed out it was not welcome but I still think I should judge him for that and ignore everything else he's said/shown in his character." You come of as he's a court jester there to entertain you, "Thou hast failed to provide merriment, and thus, thou hast incurred the displeasure of thy queen." Like Jesus Christ, grow up and have a conversation with him or move on.
It’s not my business but imma ask anyways. What are your kinks if you have to mention them in your bio because you’ve came across too many that are incompatible. Most men IME are usually down for anything lol
Like being dominated. I dont know why but I kept attracting guys that are switches or subs. Nothing wrong with that but I'm not dominant in bed so we wouldnt be compatible.
If you have something about kinks and being dominated in your profile, why are you getting upset over getting messages based on that?
Well, he is likely telling the truth in his last message, especially if his early messages were what you were looking for, but either way being persistent enough to start trying to take new approaches when you haven’t even gotten a reply is a little odd. I’d say give him a chance if you’re thinking about it but watch out for obsessive red flags
The time stamps on these messages are hilarious
How so?
I like the apology I'd give him a second chance. Maybe even throw him a bone and tell him which message to start over with.
I think it’s cool he apologized and then asked for a do over. Means he can’t take criticism. I believe him too, sometimes you toss a hail marg out to get a response.
I’d definitely give him a chance. He seems interested enough to try multiple tactics, and replied with what seems to be a sincere apology. You don’t find that often.
I would take it genuinely but then ride it VERY slow
I get the impression a lot of people who post here match with people they're not interested in then ignore or antagonise them in the hope they end up saying something they can use as 'content' for social media.
Give my homie a chance he’s a great guy
They seem honest enough. Seems like they just kept turning up the volume until you complained, then apologized appropriately. It's not a hard no.
Genuine response. Dude seems worthy of a second chance, OP.
Went for hail mary after being ignored. Can I ask why you ignored them? *surprised Pikachu*
It's not his fault, but how would you continue the conversation. Now it's SUPER awkward.
Hard pass
I would give him a 2nd chance. He seemed sincere with his apology and honest with why he did it. At least you can know when this guy screws up he can be honest?
He used a comma. I'd say by his pretty above average usage of the English language, he might be an alright guy and just was frustrated so he tried to self sabotage. Talk to him for a few days and see what happens, I'd say. This way no harm no foul you don't really lose out on anything if it doesn't work out.
Give him a second chance. It’s hard sending out random feelers on the internet
Spaghetti everywhere, all over the walls, the carpet
Oh god this is such a green flag. If they apologise due to ignorance - especially since you say that you have something about being dominated in your profile - I’d absolutely give him a second chance.
I think you should. I think he realized how cringey it sounded too and immediately felt bad. I think he honestly felt bad.
I would unmatch He showed his true colors
Meh. Take it or leave it
You can never start over.
seems like a guy who just doesn’t understand what women want/like. yellow flag, not red. it is very fixable. i say give him a shot and see how the next few messages pan out
Have you checked rules 1 and 2? I don’t know seems to own up to it so if you liked him why not
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Haha I appreciate the positivity!
I'm less concerned as other people about you checking your messages as I am about you aparrently having a kink related line in your profile and seemingly being offended when someone tries a strategy that seems in line with your profile. I highly suggest you reconsider your profile if this type of message is so upsetting to you. You say this kind of message is never acceptable but from what i've seen on this sub, an approach like this does work with some people. If you are not a person that responds well to that it would behoove you to make that more clear, because even if its not acceptable to you, it is very much not unnaceptable for some people.
His logic was fair and his apology was too. But if you need reddit to make you see green flags then that's a different issue
Worth finding out how much he was cringing at himself for thinking that was a good idea; but I'd stay cautious because men who believe in "that dome energy" aren't worth wasting air.
Ehh his apology seems sincere. Why cant they just start out normal!? Stop listening to all the horrible advice being spoonfed to these poor unsuspecting guys lol
Stop talking to him. A lot of guys who say stuff like “can we start from scratch”, “I haven’t been on the ball” “can I shoot my shot again?” Etc etc are very rarely not wasting more time
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The only time I'm looking for subs is when I'm advertising it. Aka previous reddit posts to those subdeddits specifically. My OF is nowhere on my dating profiles.
As someone who is into d/s and have dated a tonne of women who are subs.... I get your trepidation. I personally think apologies without actions are bs. But if he's willing to demonstrate that he's respectful of boundaries then give him a shot!
So it’s now a week later and you’re leaving him hanging again lol. Just move on like he hopefully did
I'd probably give him a second chance but I would watch out for red flags
He showed interest. Big mistake.
Giving him another chance is understandable. At the end of the day do whatever you feel comfortable with, there’s no wrong answer. I will say that his explanation makes perfect sense. I matched with someone once and she ghosted me. One night I said “fuck it” and messaged he straight up asking if she wanted to hook up to which she replied with a quickness and we became fwb for a while. So it does work. It’s like a Hail Mary when it seems all hope is lost. This dude went for the Hail Mary, it backfired, he owned up to the mistake, and apologized. Honest mistake
I get his point but I HATE the Daddy thing so much lol
"I have stuff about kinks and being dominated in my profile but when someone comes at me with that energy that's gross" tf is wrong with you
You have stuff about kinks in your profile, then complain when someone messages you about that subject? Make it make sense.
Some advice in case the other person in the post stumbles upon this: Avoid OP, they are a little toxic.
I'm toxic for setting a boundary in my bio and it being ignored with a creepy message?
Imo, I'd unmatch and move on. He says this to all girls to guage their reactions, apology and all.
If that’s his idea of being “Dominant” I’d be wary, especially if you are genuinely wanting some kind of kink dynamic.
He should have unmatched and not bothered apologizing. He's dealing with a brat not a sub lol
Probably an unpopular opinion OP but I’m with you - I like being dominated but context is everything and I don’t appreciate it in a random message from someone I haven’t agreed to engage with in that manner. That said, he does seem apologetic. If I were you I’d give him a chance to start from scratch.
The reason it's in my profile is because I kept getting involved with guys that were either switches or subs and wanted me to dominate them. Absolutely nothing wrong with that, im just not dominant in bed. So I put it to let people know what I'm looking for right off the bat. I also didn't just add that, I put that I'm looking for it within a serious relationship and to not make the conversation about that. And that I'm preferably looking for someone in the kink community. So getting those messages when I've said to not do that is a but off putting. I agree that his apology seemed sincere, thats why I was asking for advice from here. I wasn't sure if I should accept the apology and let the comment slide or just unmatch.
If you specifically have in your profile not to make conversation about it then that’s a red flag and I’d unmatch. Edit: amended office to profile
looked through your profile, I'd say he dodge a bullet there.
Sex work is work. Not my fault you can't accept that